GoogleWeb Fark
Sun May 20, 2007
UPI Amusing .yaw gnorw nur dnalevelC ni srennur K01 emoS (63)
FARK Survey If fetuses the size of a peanut are precious human lives worth saving and not parasitic organisms leeching off their hosts, why don't we give them names and social security numbers and celebrate the date of conception instead of birth? (556)
("Burns when I" Pee-oria) Sick Headline: "STDs on rise in Peoria County." First sentence: "Grab a group of friends and a bag of Cheetos." Wait, what? (55)
(Some Guy) Florida "I am not loose. I am not a slut. And I will not go home with any guy who asks," but I will get it on in a bathroom and write about it in the school paper (189)
(Tao Of Making Money) Amusing Extreme frugality: growing tomatoes on a bra and other interesting frugal ideas (28)
(Some Angry Pet Lover) Sad Still more pet food recalls, including ferret food. Won't it ever stop? (94)
MSNBC Cool The top 10 hottest billionaire heiresses. Giggity (153)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Spanish performer (51)
CBS New York Cool Woman creates retractable high heeled shoes. Strippers can now blend in with regular women (64)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Blind man can't see why limo driver wouldn't let his guide dog in the car, hopes charges under an imperceptible state law will help him see the light (100)
Yahoo PSA How to save $1 million, keep off my lawn (42)
(The Greenville News) Interesting College study shows that double dipping a chip does dramatically increase bacteria levels. George Costanza unavailable for comment (34)
Toronto Star Interesting God, I hate hippies (288)
CBS New York Misc Thousands of campers flee California wildfire. Submitter wonders if they ever even heard of marshmallows? (16)
(Some Guy) PSA features both Spanish and English Words of the Day. Not that Farkers could use there spelling and grammer tips (63)
(Some Guy) Silly Klingons invade small northwestern town. With amusing explanations of Klingon culture, language and weaponry (36)
(mashable) Interesting Death by lawyer: 10 cool sites we miss (105)
(PowerlineBlog) Obvious New 1,621 page book by Charles Manson's prosecutor concludes that JFK conspiracy theorists are morons (67) Cool Laundromat with 6 types of beer on tap, Farkers can now throw up on themselves and be clean within the hour (48)
(ABC7 Chicago) Amusing "Ok, bring it back, a little to the left, back a little farther, PERFECT". Boom. "Ooops" (23)
(Sioux City Journal) Strange Nude photos of nursing home residents prompt investigation, detectives puzzled by numerous wrinkles in the case (28)
BBC Followup Mars cancels plans to include animal products in candy after vegetarians throw a hissy-fit (82)
(Some Guy) Amusing Cop pulls over porn actress, and offers her a way to pay off the fine early. Cue "boom-chick-a" music, as he "made little videos" of it, too (81)
SFGate Amusing Squirrel attacks three students and causes school lockdown. Status of the squirrel's balls set to huge (36)
(mcall) Hero Man fights 2-year court battle over his right to call someone an asshole (67)
( Weird Objectophile: A person who has feelings for, and sexual relationships with buildings, trains, machines, etc. SRSLY (78)
Denver Post Amusing Displaying incredible forensics skills, central Illinois authorities investigating a missing eagle egg believe "the culprit could be a raccoon or a human." (8)
(Some Seeker) Unlikely Ex-Wiccan- Satanist- Vampire- Wiccan- Voudon- Freemason says current Archbishop of Canterbury is a Druid. And then it gets weird (67)
Washington Post Dumbass Employers sending fake phishing emails to see how dumb their employees are. Number one clicked phishing email? Oh yeah, cat pictures (70)
(Bradenton Herald) Dumbass If your name is Darwin, maybe you shouldn't be standing on a roof during a violent thunderstorm (37)
(Sunday GazetteMail) Scary Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and he's still naked (20)
(Some Guy) Asinine Student who has been picked on all year tells school officials about the problem. They do nothing; so he fights back and gets suspended (300)
(KARE Minneapolis) Interesting Man successfully robs bank with a flower delivery, an unmarked package, a trash bag, and a limousine. Come back next week when he tries again with a swimming cap, a garden hose, a can of whipped cream and a skateboard (33)
(Chosun Ilbo) Dumbass "Women are more developed creatures than men since they have one more hole" (134)
USA Today Scary There will be no services at the First Presbyterian Church today as there is a sniper holed up in the building. Please remember to tithe double next week (33)
(Some Guy) Scary "There are a couple of paintings (Michael) Jackson made of children, of boys—naked. And there are some of his whitening creams, some sex aids...This is stuff we have kept from the auction out of respect to Mr. Jackson" (96)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these three modern knights in shining armor (51)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Hero 18-year-old California girl deferred enrollment to Stanford to be the youngest person to climb Mount Everest. But is she cute? (171)
( Silly No grunting rule has some weightlifters grunting foul (86)
Boston Globe Spiffy Old and busted: karaoke night at the bar. New hotness: Guitar Hero nights (66)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Dumbass Teen who used exploding pens to hurt students gets 9 years in a pen (43)
London Times Cool 29-year-old hippie chick from Essex could be the first U.S. First Lady with a tongue stud (161) Interesting Bid to rewrite list of Seven Wonders of World (with voting enabled for your suggestions) (85)
(Some Guy) Ironic California state senator rear ends someone while talking on a cell phone; had voted for a law imposing fines for using a cell phone while driving (53)
London Times Obvious MI5 'robbed bank to secure Royal sex photos' Obvious & Unlikely tags duke it out in absence of 'WTF' tag (21)
BBC Interesting Scottish haggis championship won by 22-year-old Northern Irishman. SNP attempt to takeover Stormont in revenge (16)
Reuters Asinine U.S. retirement and health-care programs may go bankrupt, since neither party wants to touch those issues before the next president arrives in 2009 (66) Interesting Gay rights activists in Warsaw would like everyone to see Poles in a different light (18)
(Korea Times) Obvious 35% of Korean working women binge-drink to point of blackout, study says. British women unavailable for comment due to blackout (46)
( Unlikely Can adultery save marriages? (122)
Canoe Sappy Paris eat your heart out, these kids truly earned the red carpet treatment (28)
Canoe Interesting 84% of women in survey say they've met new men by ass grinding in club (68) Obvious White House advised that soon-to-be British PM Gordon Brown will likely announce plans for troop withdrawal within first 100 days of office (139)
(Huntsville Times) Weird Sword swallower becomes the first person to swallow a sword underwater in a tank full of sharks and stingrays (29)
Sun Sentinel Florida Homeless man rescued from garbage truck arrested for punching 70 year old man at nursing home (31) Spiffy Supplies of sardines and icecream are running short as one thousand pregnant women gather under one roof (13)
(Daily Bulletin) Sad Before you cry over this devastating interstate beer truck crash, remember it was Coors (beershovel photo goodness) (105)
Google Photoshop Theme: How the world of today will appear in the museums of tomorrow (36)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these web surfers (83)

Sat May 19, 2007
(Waterstones) Asinine The top book of the past 25 years: "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"? (158)
(Des Moines Register) Cool New Iowa lottery tickets show image of John Wayne. The one Duke who doesn't suck (60)
(Quad Cities Online) Cool Iowans may soon be able to legally hunt species known for their flashy sideburns. Elvis impersonators currently cancelling Indian casino gigs (32)
The Newspaper Asinine It's often said that speeding tickets pay police officers' salaries, but rarely is that so true as in Marble Falls, Texas (81)
(Some Guy) Ironic Michael Moore gives his online nemesis at MooreWatch $12,000 to help pay his wife's medical bills, nemesis shows his gratitude with angry tirade (462)
NYPost Spiffy Fake Steve Jobs gets a book deal. In other news, Fake Bill Gates will also write a book. It won't be as good but will sell 10 times as many copies (42)
(Statesman) Asinine The National Association of State Boards of Education is about to elect a president who opposes teaching evolution (241)
Newsweek Scary Vitamins may put you at risk for cancer. Researchers expect to soon link puppies, ice cream and happiness to cancer as well (62)
CNN Obvious National average gas price hits $3.15 on news that we're having Memorial Day this year, too (148)
iWon Dumbass Today's "burglar leaves wallet, identification and his parole card at scene of crime" brought to you by McMinnville, TN (21)
Boston Herald Scary Customer does not appreciate Dunkin' Donuts' new chocolate metal chips muffin (39)
(Some Guy) Interesting Russian and NATO forces are waging virtual warfare on Estonia's cyber territory (90)
(The Irish Times) Scary If anyone has seen or knows the whereabouts of the "Iranian National Cycling Team", the Irish police would love to find out (55)
( Dumbass Self proclaimed Vietnam vet who'd fought in the bloody battle of Hamburger Hill helps raise $1100 for memorial. The only problem is he was only eight years old at the time (79)
Reno Gazette-Journal Scary 33-year old woman arrested for exposing herself to a 13-year old boy. Well that doesn't sound so badOH GOD MY EYES (355)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this awake-at-the-switch guy (53)
Denver Channel Strange Doctors tell woman that they'll be happy to tell her the source of her migraine headaches if she'll just let them know how she got the bullet inside her brain in the first place (32)
( Spiffy Nothing quite says "ready for nuclear armageddon" like radiation-proof underpants (31)
ESPN Spiffy Saturday's NHL playoff thread. Sens at Sabres, 2pm (432)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Taiwan casts Magic missile, China crosses fingers hopes for saving throw (72)
Slashdot Ironic Alleged spyware maker Zango is suing anti-spyware maker PC Tools (86)
Yahoo Stupid Actual headline: Ladder-related accidents climb in U.S (31)
The Scotsman Sappy Ugly-ass born on British farm. Awwwww. (w/pic) (40)
Yahoo Spiffy If you have $15 million burning a hole in your pocket and you always wanted your very own castle, have we got a deal for you in Massachusetts (67)
Boston Globe Amusing Eight six seven five three ooh niiiine, you can't have that number because its miiine (54)
SeattlePI Cool 45th million visitor to Seattle space needle to receive free trip to Paris. No, the other one (50)
NYPost PSA If your real name is "Love Sky Dancer", customs is going to look through your stuff for dope (52)
Yahoo Interesting Not content to let the National Weather Service get all the publicity, Accuweather is now also predicting a hotter-than-normal summer. With the exception of Texas, which for some reason will get a free pass this year (65)
(MaineToday) Weird High school students protest presence of goth gang in school. Principal sides with goths, suspends students who protested. Wait... what? (259)
CTV Obvious Study finds sexual advances at singles bars are common. Still no cure for cancer (67)
ICNetwork Amusing In a story deserving a Yakety Sax soundtrack, police capture burglar who was dragging a blowtorch and gas cans down a residential street while being chased by a naked homeowner (28)
Philly Cool You can't bring him inside, but there are bars in Philly where you can have a beer with your dog (66)
(EarthTimes) Interesting If you're driving through the California desert and happen see a UFO, just know in advance that it's not aliens, it's art (32)
Kansas City Interesting KC Anti-Porn crusader going after adult entertainment venues. In other news, all the major adult entertainment venues are listed in the article. Should you be in KC and looking for adult entertainment (92)
(The Local) Sick One free gift you don't want in your breakfast cereal: a dead, shrivelled-up, English bat (55)
(Some Guy) Sick Three teachers and a minister arrested for having sex in a public park. Unfortunately they are all old butt-ugly men. (with horrid mug shot goodness) (83)
(N&O) Sad "Bill Clinton's flight was the latest and most spectacular of a string of Triangle-area emu escapes that ended in death." (56)
(Fox5Vegas) Cool Medical professionals ask, "Is alcohol actually healthy?". Subby asks, "where was the signup sheet for this test?" (26)
ABC News Sad Two "experienced climbers" fall 1,900 feet to their deaths on Alaska's Mt. McKinley. Thankfully, they saved thousands of dollars by not getting lost and wasting everyone's time (129)
(Some Guy) Photoshop It's that time of year again. Photoshop this graduate and her big balloons (59)
(klastv) Dumbass Governor appointee drops a word they won't mention, recorded at a city council meeting. "One used by men to hurt a woman verbally" (97)
( Sappy Eighth-graders in Maine give up their class trip money for the poor. Kids today, thinking of nothing but themselves (28)
Yahoo Dumbass Tony Blair makes final visit to Iraq, congratulates self on a job well-done (23)
Reuters Interesting Everything you ever wanted to know about kimonos, but you were too afraid to ask because someone might cut off your arm with a samurai sword (24)
(koco) PSA Here is how to properly remove a tick. Surprisingly pouring gasoline on your leg and dropping a match is not suggested (69)
Kotaku Cool Starcraft 2 Official. Let the nerdgasm commence (261)
(Some Guy) Spiffy High number of moms, teachers admit pot use. "Dude, clean your roo... pass the cheetos" (71)
(Some neo-Keynesian Guy) Stupid Canadians may be forced to take the medicine of higher interest rates by the end of the year to cure a stubborn case of inflation, economists say. But because most of the inflation is caused by energy prices, it's a monetarist suppository (19)
London Times Silly Guy pays $2500 to sniff Lady Diana's bike seat (22)
(Review Journal) Strange Hummer dealership ordered to take down its American flag by the City Council, in Las Vegas, NV, USA... wait, what? (83)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Evangelizing Christians mistaken for child molesters (110) Amusing Feel the Earth Shake? A record 24,461 gathered in Ljubljana and 40 other cities to dance the quadrille. Where the hell's that, and whats the 'quadrille' ? (28)
Yahoo Asinine People angry. About rocks in the woods (38)
Charlotte Amusing Columnist tries to explain cat threads to the masses. Welcome to Caturday morning (156)
Cleveland Sappy Cool: Finding $10 on the floor. Spiffy: Buying a $10 lottery ticket and winning $1,000,000. Sappy: Winner is a mother who is working in a gas station to pay for college (50)
(Some Guy) Strange Chinese woman grows five inch horn out of her head. With disturbing photo goodness (162)
Yahoo Interesting Man steals over 400k in pure silver one piece at a time, and it didn't cost him a dime, you'll know it's him when he comes through your town (39)

Fri May 18, 2007
Google Photoshop Theme: If political advertisements had to comply with "Truth in Advertising" regulations... (119)
Telegraph Dumbass If you're getting welfare because you're claiming to be disabled, don't compete for title of your town's Strongest Man in your copious amounts of free time. Or be like like this jackhole - your call (pic) (32)
CTV NewsFlash One of Canada's aerial acrobatic team, the Snowbirds, has crashed in Montana. Story developing (100)
Yahoo Amusing Five things you shouldn't tell your significant other. Surprisingly, "I slept with your brother" and "yes, you do kind of look a little fat in those" didn't make the list (93)
1010WINS Dumbass Yoink, bling, bam (40)
(Consumer Affairs) Asinine Gas prices set six records in six days. Who's hand is in your wallet? (385)
(CJR) Asinine In their latest effort to reverse a decades-long slide in readership, newspapers are killing off editorial cartoons (89)
Yahoo Cool Moderate drinking helps prevent cancer. Beer: Is there anything it can't do? (67)
(Some Guy) Obvious Canadian dollar reaches highest level in 30 years, worth 92 cents against U.S. dollar. Canadian Farkers look forward to the day when they can look at U.S. prices in stories and sneer, "That's what, 53 cents in real money?" (164)
Reuters Obvious British news media criticized for obsessing on missing cute blonde girl. U.S. welcomes them to 1996 (53)
BBC Interesting Chinese writing dates back to 8,000 years, not 4,500 as previously believed. In related news, Adam's fig leaf was only about half the size previously believed (157)
Denver Channel Dumbass Today's teacher/student sex case comes from Glenwood Springs, Colorado. With picture that would make you debate yourself on hitting it (198)
(Las Cruces News) News The warp core breach has been averted: Scotty's ashes finally found (75)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: If women controlled the world.... LGT inspiration (100)
590 KLBJ Amusing Wal-Mart supporter shows up at anti-Wal-Mart rally. This should end well (386)
(Galveston County Daily News) Asinine When did giving your son an acre of land become a fineable offense? (115)
( Followup Asking a cop for his ID will net you $8,500 (285) Florida Actual headline: "Will we have gas during hurricanes?" (83)
(Chief School Man) Stupid South Carolina schools to improve national education rank by testing students lesser often (109)
BBC Interesting UK's new anti-crime agency claims it removed 20 percent of Europe's cocaine supply in first year of operation. In related news, UK's new anti-crime agency increases Europe's cocaine price 40 percent in first year of operation (103)
FARK Cool Reminder: Philly Fark party this Saturday, May 19 8pm. Nodding Head Brewery. Drew will be there. DIT. Link goes to previous thread (121)
Boston Globe Asinine What do you do when you've got a government project that's killed people and is $13 billion over budget? Why, turn it into a driving range for state troopers, of course (121)
(Some Guy) Sad 128 cats euthanized. Let's paws for a moment of silence (317)
( Interesting Women drivers increasingly engaging in risky behavior. Giggity (176)
(Some Tagger) Asinine Graffitti artist shortlisted for Darwin Award after spraypainting an electrical substation. Edison nods in approval (161)
Detroit News Scary NRC "concerned" after former nuke-plant security chief airs claim that he was an assassin. No word on if he worked for Monty Burns (47)
(Some blueswoman) Cool Bay Area Blues & Billiards Fark party this Sunday. Next-to-last party, I'm leaving CA. Come by and say hi (38)
Network World Cool SoCal baby boomers introducing a new generation to the simple joy of steaming the windows at a drive-in theater (75)
Bangor Daily News Obvious Maine to ban cellphone use for minor motorists. Still okay for major a-holes (77)
BBC Strange London police are hunting a stolen blue-throated Amazon parrot called Chelsea who screeches when anyone mentions Manchester United. Fowl play suspected (43)
(WKYT News) Stupid Danville, Kentucky proposes banning karaoke, dancing, pool. Residents expected to cut loose, footloose, kick off their Sunday shoes (77)
(Some Guy) Asinine Piercings, worn the entire school year, keep a girl from walking at graduation (615)
(Twin Cities) Dumbass If you're going to propose to your ex-wife, make sure there's no restraining order against you. And you definitely don't want to do it on Jerry Springer with your probation officer watching (61)
(KSAT) Obvious When your bride-to-be packs all your stuff into your van and sinks it in the harbor, the wedding is probably off (55)
Daily Mail Strange Dear Lottery Commission: I know that you put lottery money to good uses, so I'd like to request that you build a replica of the Starship Enterprise where Trekkies could meet (50)
USA Today Obvious The FCC has officially approved the iPhone, probably because they knew that angry mobs would burn them at the stake if they didn't (230)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pillowfight aftermath (57)
(Florida Today) Obvious America doesn't care that a $1 coin featuring John Adams is coming out, mainly because they can't figure out a way to put a $1 coin in a stripper's g-string (224)
(Edmonton Sun) Interesting Principal gives four elementary students assignment that blows: Write an essay about fellatio (138)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption Oprah as a graduate (94)
( Followup Fox News's John Gibson forced to apologize for "donkey punch" and "angry pirate" description aired on his show (305) Amusing Prison guards team up with inmates to dress as Village People for prison fundraiser. Who could possibly be upset about that? (21)
(WOAI) Dumbass Principal loses job after failing required test. For the 36th time (64) Cool High court rules that engagement rings given in failed marriage proposals do not belong to the would-be bride, no matter how many blows it took to get it (185)
(Some Guy?) Amusing Ann Coulter's column on the death of Jerry Falwell is a veritable treasure trove of insanity (835)
CBS News Florida Lottery claims $500,000 ticket is a misprint (87)
Yahoo Stupid Le Coq Sportif is coming back to try again. Maybe they didn't realize the problem in the first place (40)
SMH Weird Actual headline: Man crushed by flying cow (64)
(some nonpartisan) Cool D.C. Fark Party. Friday, June 8. We're taking our case all the way to Capitol Hill this time (106)
Yahoo Interesting Cuba to spend $185 million to reverse dip in tourism. In other news, Cuba has $185 million (47)
MSNBC Sad Birds choose sewage- and waste-filled lake as a home. Well, it was either that or Jersey (19) Sad Prince Harry being forced not to deploy to Iraq or various local strip clubs. Let's just say that his majesty is not amused (53) Scary Woman beats off attacking shark with camera, footage available soon on YouChewed (50)
( Spiffy British sailor adrift for two days in Caribbean is rescued -- by a man who lives around the corner from him in England (23)
CBS Austin Amusing TV reporter tries to feed herself on $3 a day worth of food stamps. Luckily makeup wasn't part of the deal (163)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tired ice-crawler (45) Spiffy If your dream job involves fast cars, laser watches and having sex with beautiful foreign spies, you may be interested to know MI6 is having a recruitment drive (58)
The Sun Obvious Dolphins off coast of Britain found to be speaking Welsh. On the positive side, fish are more understandable than when humans speak it (51)
FARK Misc Edmonton/Morinville AB Fark Party, 16 June, DIT soon (67)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing "She stood atop a giant wedding cake in London's Leicester Square, wearing a white belt in place of a bra and clutching a bridal bouquet." Wait, what? (104)

Thu May 17, 2007
(Some Guy) Interesting Really cool 1972 Rolling Stone article about the worlds first vid game, "Space War". And the birth of the computer age (90)
(Some Guy) Scary Forget hamsters and guinea pigs. This school has a rabid bat for a classroom pet (36)
AZCentral Stupid America looks more and more like ancient Rome as scores of people camp overnight for some free Chick-fil-A meals (85)
(Codependent Collegian) Asinine Psychologist offers advice on surviving a vicious Internet ass-kicking (99)
The Newspaper Scary The rise of the machines begins as ticket cameras stop ticketing, start hungering for the taste of human flesh (45)
(ReporterNews) Interesting Texans with violent dogs could face 20 years in the pen. No, the other pen. Your dog wants visiting rights (122)
Dayton Daily News Dumbass Restaurant manager pelted with gummy bears after confronting buffet bandit (45)
(Post-Gazette) Silly Not news: Pittsburgh to receive its first shipment of mangoes tomorrow. News: They're $3 each. There's a waiting list (106)
(Some Caped Crusader) Photoshop Photoshop this skateboarding superhero (60)
Komo Scary Man arrested for possession of grenades, grenade launcher and land mines. Subby wouldn't even think about getting within 50 yards of his lawn (74)
Reuters Obvious Most vasectomy patients don't provide the recommended two post-op samples to verify their swimmers are out of a job. Come again? (192)
Marketwatch NewsFlash Wolfoquitz (346)
(Michelle Malkin) Amusing AP reporter takes look at "diversity" of presidential candidate staff. So Michelle Malkin takes a look at the "diversity" of the AP board of directors, which is whiter and maler than a South Carolina golf club (356)
(The Age) Followup Website of "Virginia Tech Massacre" game author taken offline. now available for purchase (186)
London Times Obvious So Israel's all like "air strike" and Hamas is all like "suicide bombers" -- yada yada yada, we've heard it all before. Those two should get a room and hug it out (337)
(Some Guy) Misc Today's Most Appropriate Name award goes to the richest man in Asia, Li Ka-shing. And something about the Chinese stock market (35)
(KNBC) NewsFlash Terminal at LAX evacuated after screeners find "prohibited item." Michael Vick's whereabouts unknown, Boston calls in airstrike (137)
(The Local) Stupid Far-right political party that contends 10 percent of Sweden's immigrants live off of the state is exposed as having 20 percent of its representatives doing likewise (79)
BBC Scary Zimbabwe's inflation jumped from a modest 2,200 percent pace in March to 3,732 percent in April. Better eat a really big breakfast each day (105)
(Some Photographer) Cool The coolest photo of lightning hitting the Empire State Building that you'll see today (97)
(The News Tribune) Followup "Everybody steal my stuff" Craigslist ad was brought to you by victim's niece (83)
(KHOU) NewsFlash Transformers open fire in downtown Houston, killing power to thousands. Megatron wanted for questioning (139)
Kansas City Amusing News: Shooter is seen fleeing from crime scene. Fark: Hair seen fleeing from face after apprehension (52)
Baltimore Sun Interesting Newspaper negotiates contract with union employees. These words make as much sense to younger Farkers as "buggy whip factory pays whale oil bill" do to their elders (155)
CBC Obvious Toronto police grudgingly admit that they spied on the city's gay community throughout the 1980s, but still won't admit that they liked it (68)
Gawker Amusing "Donkey punch" explained on Fox News (301)
Globe and Mail Spiffy Britain to allow animal-human hybrid embryos, paving the way for a Red Bull product that actually gives you wings (100)
SFGate Followup Those studies that implied oral sex could lead to cancer? Yeah, not so much. Now to disprove the "steaks are bad for you" bit and we'll be all set (78)
Sun Sentinel Strange Passengers suing cruise line after ship hit by 70-foot wave. Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine unavailable for comment (156)
This Is Local London Obvious Grandmother evicts daughter-in-law and three grandchildren after her son has affair with nanny. Yeah, you'd hit it (the nanny. Well, maybe the granny too. Pix of all concerned in any case) (232)
(CBS46) Scary Authorities say the man used pliers, box cutters and etching blades he bought at a hardware store to pull teeth, fill cavities and create dentures (80)
UPI Obvious The UN sends its most harshly worded letter yet to kickstart Bosnian reforms (53)
(Some Ex Lion Tamer) Photoshop Photoshop this little girl and a slightly rude horse (122)
Yahoo Obvious National Weather Service predicts that exactly half of the next month will have above average temps, while the other half will have below average temps (76)
Yahoo Obvious Bernanke: Mortgage crackdown coming, smackdown impending, he'll beat the taste out ya mouth and won't back down on lending (166)
This Is Local London Obvious Shocking new report finds that car dealers charge three times more for routine repairs than independent shops. You would have submitted this with a better headline but were working overtime to pay for your $600 oil and filter change (313)
Yahoo Obvious Democrats widen probe of Gonzales, Justice Department after new revelations. This headline will automatically repeat every two weeks until Janaury 20, 2009 (371)
Chicago Sun-Times Strange Every year, the members of the National Mortar Shell Enthusiasts Club get the big screwjob by airport security. It just isn't fair (33)
BBC Cool Thirty-foot inflatable monkeys appearing across Scotland to promote festival. Locals confused, convinced they've been there for years along with the pink elephants (44)
CNN Obvious $3.10 + 38.3 million people > 50 miles = Memorial Day travel. In other news, two skin + two skin = four skin (118)
NCBuy Weird Spas across the country now offering "butt facials," which, surprisingly, has absolutely nothing to do with German websites (79)
(Some Guy) Amusing Engadget knocks $4 billion off Apple market cap by blogging a bogus iPhone email as news (153)
(Metrowest Daily News) Asinine Woman busted for repeatedly mooning people from the back of her van. With mugshot goodness (152)
(Some Guy) Scary Dislike Celtic music? Maybe a machete to the head will change your mind (104)
(Some Guy) Weird Im in ur coffe macheen, makin ur poo broo (142)
The Register Florida County hasn't patched its server in five years, and it's connected to a bunch of electronic-voting machines. What could possibly go wrong? (74) Ironic Man treated for smoke inhalation after his house goes up in flames with his marijuana crop inside. ER doctor overheard ordering nurse to bring him 100g of Cheetos, stat (47)
(Some Guy) Strange Now your steak can have that slow-cooked, grilled-over-an-open-fire, moose-dung flavor (24) Interesting Prozac celebrates its 20th birthday. Yay, I guess. I dunno. Whatever (126)
Lancashire Evening Post Unlikely Window cleaner drowned in bucket of water (37)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Scary In yet another example of May sweeps keeping our kids safe: School bus drivers caught on tape texting, chatting on cellies while driving kids (43)
(Some Skydiver) Photoshop Photoshop this high-flying delivery guy (51)
(Some Guy) Strange Couple killed by jealous neighbors for winning $260k dollars in lottery. Except they didn't actually win -- it was a false rumour (27)
YouTube Sick Christopher Hitchens pisses on Jerry Falwell's still-warm body (651)
( Amusing Cow on Death Row granted a temporary reprieve. Whole situation described as "highly sacrilegious" by the Hindu camp, "highly delicious" by the Fark camp (17)
CBS New York Scary OUCH. Cut that out. Wait, what? (93)
Pravda Unlikely Russian doctor miraculously cures HIV for $60 in one minute (27)
CNN Asinine Paris Hilton will spend 23 days instead of 45 in a "special needs housing unit" at the Detention Center due to "good behavior." Mentally challenged demand new title since "special needs" is now tainted (201)
CBS New York Sad Three puppies born without front legs. But it's okay, they can make it on their own (72)
(you put your weed in it) Dumbass Child at McDonald's accidentally receives the best Happy Meal ever (79)
This Is Local London Obvious Britain "one of the worst places in the western world to bring up children." Obvious tag strolls up to Sad tag, yells "Oi" and gives him a Glasgow kiss before putting the boots to him and stealing his watch and coat (61)
(Some Guy) Sad A year after getting new Tasers, Scottish police says not one has been fired. Well, somebody is just not goddamn well trying. We're looking at YOU, Tayside Constabulary (45)
The Sun Cool Man wins all-or-nothing bet at 17,841 to 1 odds (68)
Cleveland Dumbass Prosecutor: "The defendant did not take the stand in his own defense." Judge: "Prosecutor, read the 5th amendment. I'm declaring a mistrial and fining your office $26,204" (107)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 106: "Hope." Please read first post. LGT next week's theme (149)

Wed May 16, 2007
Fox News Ironic What happens when your government names an "anti-kidnapping chief"? Yep, he gets kidnapped (49)
( Interesting $130k insurance claim after mosquito accidently collides with Canadian (49)
(Rocky Mountain News) Obvious Atlanta Braves sold for some blankets and beads (34)
(Some Guy) Cool I.T. manager beats rush hour traffic by kite-surfing to work every day at 20 mph (pics) (66)
( Obvious GE recalls 2.5 million dishwashers. With the wife gone, submitter plans on going to a strip club tonight (55)
(newsnet5) Weird Cleveland has most UFO investigators in world. "Hello, Cleveland! Anal probes!" (23)
Daily Mail Obvious Here's a cool story about a woman who got back her size zero figure after having 13 kids. Go tell your wife –- she'll be really appreciative. There's a pic and everything (268)
( Florida When committing suicide, it's only polite to drive yourself to the funeral home (22)
Yahoo Interesting Court tells Google that a little sex is okay (51)
(Halowned) Amusing Did you buy a game you didn't want in hopes of being the first to play the "Halo 3" beta? Sucks for you (90)
National Review Dumbass Democratic leadership to change House rules not touched since 1822, the same year Pelosi was born (302)
(Dig Dug) Photoshop Photoshop this interesting dig (69)
Yahoo Cool Dubai's ruler has awarded a 63-year-old Pakistani gardener 50,000 dirhmas for always showing up to work on time during the 28 years he spent working in the emirate (53)
CNN Asinine Cop that beat up bartender in Chicago employs the Bart Simpson defense (120)
(Some Guy) Silly Giant Scientology spaceship landing pad discovered in New Mexico after some guy carves it out of mashed potatoes (77)
(Madison Record) Followup Pizza Hut plaintiff awarded $311,000 for holding a door open (112)
(KPHO-TV) Dumbass A missing girl is found after she wandered off drunk wearing only a tank top and underwear. No, not Christina Ricci (93) Amusing Hamas elite fighting force of TA-DAA gunmen "mistakenly ambushed a jeep carrying their own fighters, killing five" (91)
ABC News Followup I saw a werewolf break open an apartment door with his kicks. His hair was perfect (67)
CBS San Francisco Interesting Wayward humpback whales stuck up a river in Sacramento delta. Plans to blow them up currently on hold (32)
(Some Liter) Amusing In a move that may come back to bite them in the ass, letter carriers rate bad dogs nationwide (25)
Yahoo Dumbass British judge, presiding over trial of men accused of inciting terrorism over the Internet, says he's having trouble understanding technical jargon like "website" and "forum" (41)
(Some Nutjob Guy) Unlikely Apparently, there is a mile-long alien spacecraft parked on the moon (with purported NASA video of dubious quality) (156)
(Brattleboro Reformer) Sick In Brattleboro in springtime the trees are in bloom, leaves are on the branches, and you can even see old wood walking down Main Street (51)
(Rocky Mountain News) Dumbass High school math teacher finds Whizzinator operation tougher than the Riemann Hypothesis (30)
(Some Guy) Followup MySpace deletes sex offender accounts. Frends in your extended network: Three (63)
(Some Greek) Strange Movie sparks short-sword shortage in Sparta. Restaurant named "Hell" also complaining about volume of dinner customers (70)
UPI Interesting Stem cells now harvested from fat of liposuction patients. McDonald's launching new ad campaign highlighting their role in diabetes research (22)
(Some Guy) Dumbass News: Strip-club patron admits to "accidental discharge" after receiving lap dance. Fark: Discharge kills another patron (61)
Yahoo Dumbass German mother drove her son to a jewelry store he wanted to rob because she was afraid he may come to some harm (16)
UPI Amusing Halifax airport deemed not French enough. White flags installed, toilet paper removed (73)
(Some Guy) Sick Under "things I expect to find in a punching bag," used underwear isn't usually an option. Until now (30)
1010WINS Obvious Fires and tornadoes hitting New Jersey. Frogs are on deck, then locusts (36)
(Courier-Journal) Amusing If the "my dog ate my homework" excuse fails, maybe the "my dog pissed on my homework" excuse will have more success. If nothing else, it'll get the school evacuated (22)
CNN Obvious "Twentysomething" workers are needy, spoiled little brats with an overinflated sense of entitlement, says this article from the future (372)
CBS New York Interesting NYPD to deploy the latest, high-tech tools in crime-fighting technology: Segways (48)
( Obvious Dude, you're getting a lawsuit (71)
CNN Spiffy High school student disciplined for using expression "That's so gay." Mercilessly teased by drama club (207)
Miami Herald Florida Homicide detectives thanking hard-working firefighters: Good. Doing it by taking a bottle of champagne from a murder victim's car: Not so good (15)
(Some Guy) Obvious Dog jumps through window and attacks girl. Guess what kind of dog it was. Clue: Not a poodle (307)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass College pays $200,000 to investigate the theft of $350 worth of palm trees (59)
(Some Queer) Obvious Fred Phelps to picket Falwell funeral. Vortex of douchebags likely to trigger collapse of the universe, rapture imminent (361)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man buys $8,000 worth of "forever stamps" that can always be used to mail a letter, no matter what the current postage rater is. In related news, people still mail letters (109)
Salon Satire Tinky Winky makes official comment on Jerry Falwell's recent passing (81)
IOL Strange Greenpeace building replica of Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat to draw attention to global warming. "Global climate change is the biggest threat to our planet since the times of Noah. We are about to face a new flood" (163)
Denver Post PSA Denying racism by saying you've had a "colored boy" in your home may come off as being disingenuous (245) Asinine Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Get over it? B) Go out with friends? C) Stab yourself in the chest and crash your car into a transformer? (94)
BBC Stupid Prince Harry, who was kinda going to Iraq, then not going to Iraq, then really was going to Iraq, is definitely not being deployed to Iraq (98)
Yahoo Interesting Rising cost of gasoline has led to a decrease in driving, right? Right? Um... well, not so much (162)
CBS Boston Dumbass Hi, limo service? Yes, I need a ride to the airport, and I need to rob a bank on the way. What time can you pick me up? (17)
Discovery Interesting What's more pathetic looking than a turtle without a shell? Not much. With pics (130)
ABC News Spiffy Eye surgery will help blind orangutan to see once again, signal right turns, beat up bikers (48)
(Geelong Advertiser) Obvious Government installs speed display signs showing low speeds to trick drivers into speeding up and getting caught by nearby speed cameras (84)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Much like that cool-looking massage device from Sharper Image, new state-of-the-art anti-terror technology sits unused on the shelf (18)
Newsday Scary Dunkin' Donuts employee calls police when he discovers his customer is an escaped sex slave. "It made my day more sentimental" (88)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tax court denies deduction for cost of medical marijuana. In related news, Woody Harrelson declares bakruptcy (26)
CNN Obvious Five big mistakes new grads make when job hunting. If any of these aren't obvious, they're not ready for the real world yet, anyway (222)
CNN Interesting Brazilian guilty in nun's murder. When there are that many people involved, somebody's going to talk (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting 2600-year-old wooden anchor found in ancient Greek settlement in Turkey. Search still on for lead life preserver, cast-iron sails (37)
(Buffalo News) Followup Two hundred pound woman known as "hugging bandit" finally busted (with pic) (54)
CBC Amusing Man stops by Ontario yard sale, buys quaint painting for $200, will flip it for $100,000 (25)
(Buffalo News) Amusing Native American tribe wants to collect tolls on interstate that runs through their land, but can’t find anyone to sell them some tollbooths (91)
ABC News Obvious If you're so smart, why you aren't rich? (204)
Washington Post Obvious Lawmakers pledge to live on only $21-a-week food-stamp diet and the stunningly obvious observations fed to them by their own beautiful minds. "It's almost impossible to make healthy choices on a food-stamp diet," notes one (195)
Detroit News Followup Beatdown victim, 91, has appropriate words for his 22-year-old attacker and the spineless worms who watched it happen and did nothing (79)
Local6 Florida C) A pocketknife (96)
Yahoo Interesting British Government anti-smoking posters featuring men and women with fish hooks through their mouths attracted one of the highest numbers of complaints the advertising standards watchdog has ever received (121)
(Some Guy) Ironic Substance-abuse counselor arrested for running meth lab (with "I'm going to eat your soul" pic) (63)
St. Pete Times Scary Ordering the nightly special might be hazardous to your wallet, when the waiter fails to mention that delicious steak is $107.00 (111)
( Video Children in danger, Part 3. Threat: Lightning (49)
Boston Globe Dumbass Social-climby expectant parents are googling prospective baby names to be sure they pick one that'll have a high search rank. John and Jane Doe surrender (152)
Yahoo Strange Killers wrap body of their victim in Christmas paper. Well, that's festive (30)
Seattle Times Scary Your students in Seattle talk in class. Do you: A) Tell them to shut up? B) Give them detention? C) Threaten them with a firing squad? (78) Scary Man given 130 lashes for drinking two beers at family barbeque in Baneh, Iran. Plans for Iranian Fark party put on hold. (With graphic pic) (218)
IndyStar Amusing Dork gets "pantsed" at school dance, calls police. Wyatt and Gary unavailable for comment (112)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these trampoliners (56)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man who brutally attacked woman with a hammer complains about the menu he's being offered in jail. Apparently, he has no appreciation for tossed salads (41)
Chicago Sun-Times Strange Hospital employee slips on banana peel. Is awarded over $4000, after the laughter subsided (20)
iWon Obvious Consumer group claiming average U.S. household spending $1,000 more per year on gasoline than five years ago (73)
WFTV Cool This article gives a new meaning to "helicopter parent" (55)
Fox News Silly Guantanamo Bay Detainee claims that he was tortured by being forced to use unscented deoderant, play sports with a ball that did not bounce. Oh, the humanity (318)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Coolest picture of a rainbow over a motorway you're going to see in the next three minutes (50)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman publicly celebrates her winning $10,000 lottery ticket, promptly gets robbed (41)
BBC Interesting "Like many others, I suspect, I had no idea there was a crisis in donor numbers and, I guess, if I thought about sperm donation at all, it was as something a little bit seedy and embarrassing." (With amusing pic) (74)
(Rocky Mountan News) Amusing Just another banner day for Colorado state government technology (42)
CBC Obvious Researchers find that exercise improves fitness. No really... that was their conclusion (47)
(WTVF) Cool Not another ho-hum teacher-student sexual relationship. This time its girl on girl goodness. Photo included (150)
Yahoo Interesting Hong Kong wants to reclassify the Bible as indecent because of the sex and violence in it (122)
CNN Strange Dad drops pre-schooler in box for unwanted newborns. In other news, Japanese hospitals have drop boxes for unwanted newborns (103)
(Some Flynt) Interesting Does Larry Flynt have anything to say about Falwell's death? You bet your God-fearin' ass (355)
(Rochester D&C) Sad Town residents accidentally vote to ban beer sales. NOOOOOOOOOOO (76)
(Some Guy) Scary Mistress Jesse, D.C.’s hottest dominatrix arrested. Apparently guys seeking punishment paid to look at her (w/pic) (151)
( Strange Ninja runs into church, sets fires, stabs a man, disappears (77) Dumbass Man busted for drinking beer in his car. A marked cop car (53)
(The Macomb Daily) Weird Michigan resident allows homeless man to stay at his apartment. Homeless man thanks him by stabbing his pet lizard. The monitor had a very poor resolution (80)
Boston Herald Stupid "Thank you for calling the Department of Social Services. If you are calling to confess to child molestation, please send a completed copy of form 51-A with details and we will get back to you in 18 months or so" (30)
Seattle Times Stupid Your Tennessee daycare has too many kids and the state comes to inspect. Do you: A) Tell the extra kids to stay home? B) Admit to your problem? C) Hide the extra kids in a storage closet during the inspection? (70)
Reuters Amusing When travelling by train, the last thing you expect is to be asked to get out and push (36) Scary Watcha gonna do with all them mumps, all them mumps and you throat bumps. "My mumps" out break for my Canucks? (54)
(Some Guy) Cool Here's to you, Madison, Wisconsin, for being No. 1 in the "Most Google Searches for Beer" category (60)
St. Pete Times Florida Old and busted: Roadside DUIs. New hotness: Drive-in DUIs (16)
( Dumbass Not news: Man owns gun. Fark: He's blind. Dumbass: Doesn't see a problem with it (152)
London Times Stupid Cops: "This crime isn't all that interesting. How about we split it into 542 separate cases, would that be cool?" (20)
Yahoo Obvious If you want to get a really big bonus at the end of the year, you should make sure you are on the board in charge of giving out big bonuses. Your tax dollars at work (27)
Fox News Cool Italians save Renaissance-era art by pouring newfangled salad dressing on it (19)
SMH PSA If you are going to make a false claim to police that you were robbed of $3500 you just withdrew from the local bank, make sure you actually have an account at that bank. Bonus: Ed Grimley perp-sketch goodness (39)
Reuters Ironic A Hitchhiker's Guide to Instant Karma (78)
London Times Interesting The 160 books boys must read: No Dickens, no Rowling, but yes to Pratchett and Pullman (262) Cool Veteran sherpa "Appa" scales Mt Everest for 17th time (49) Florida Old and busted: Drive-in movies. New hotness: Drive-in church (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this television technician (53)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly-ass red wolf pups on display at Florida zoo. Complete with ugly-ass slideshow in link (25)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Convicted of first-degree murder, man attempts to headbutt his attorney. FAIL (15)
(Biloxi Sun Herald) Sad Russ Chapman, brother to Duane "Dog" Chapman's sidekick Tim "Youngblood" Chapman, dies without a nickname (74)
Examiner Asinine Kaiser Permanente promises to create new protocols for dumping homeless patients on skid row (35)
SMH Dumbass Your Honor, we did not offer a city council member sex for favors. We offered him money (6)
Homestar Runner Interesting The DNA evidence may prove he is an evil hippo or elephant of some kind (31)
(WOAI) Amusing Mom beats off intruder with high heel (55)
Telegraph Unlikely Horse meat: It’s splendidly healthy, with half the fat of beef and ten times the chloresterol busting Omega 3s. And apparently Gordon Ramsey wants us to eat it (265)
C|Net Silly Couple has TiVo-themed wedding cakes. If only guests could skip the cememony and start getting drunk at the reception (with pics) (57)

Tue May 15, 2007
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this vegetable-loving guy (67)
BBC Amusing Bush picks Lieutenant General Douglas Lute to be his new Scapegoat in Chief (184)
Kansas City Stupid Not News: Two boys hold up store. News: They are 11 and 14 years old. Fark: They used squirt guns in the hold up (31)
Herald Tribune Florida Talk about an odd coincidence -- Steve Stanton was fired as city manager of Largo for wanting a sex change, Susan Stanton is now up for hire as city manager of Sarasota. Will be hired back at 75% of previous salary (117)
Chicago Sun-Times Weird Ok...follow me here...Chicago cop (now deceased) gives Tiffany jewelery to wife as gift. Jewlery confiscated as evidence as it was stolen. Now widow wants jewlery (worth 100k) back because it was a gift (62)
Network World Sad NASA: Antarctic ice melting at an alarming rate (359)
(13WHAM) Interesting The car of the future is on the road... and it's a Chevy (218)
(Some Guy) Strange Teen gets carjacked while attempting to TP a school (30)
(PNAS) Obvious Enzymatic analysis of a rhomboid intramembrane protease implicates transmembrane helix 5 as the lateral substrate gate (259)
MSNBC Cool NASA planning to explore world's deepest sinkhole. Time is limited since she reports for a 45-day prison sentence on June 5th (84) Video Fred Thompson responds to Michael Moore's debate challenge; invites him to check into a Cuban mental hospital. With cigar-chomping video goodness (431)
NPR Ironic Iraqi Parliament bogged down in partisan and sectarian battles, making no progress, proving that the Iraqis have American Democracy at last (38)
Billings Gazette Amusing Montana governor speaks to graduating class of one (84)
JSOnline Weird Wisconsin Supreme Court rules that pornography found on teachers work computer is a matter of public record. Teacher afraid that people will question his sanity when they find out what he was into (47)
Telegraph Spiffy Bear Grylls, hard as nails, sets new paragliding record at 29,500ft over Mount Everest. With video and picture goodness (94)
(Edmonton Sun) Amusing Cop breaks into home of a Hell's Angel, installs "I ♥ Gay Porn" background on computer desktop (71)
( Dumbass News: Bank robbed. More news: Bank robber turns self in. Fark: Bank robber tries to collect reward money from Crimestoppers (12)
Newsweek Followup Newsweek asks: What's next for DC madam? Submitter is going to take a stab in the dark here and say "sex and money" (19)
Bangor Daily News Sad When is a "safety checkpoint" not a "police roadblock"? Whenever the state police get a "Homeland Security" grant, that's when. Now, comrade, your papers please (247)
CBC Cool Of the 50 nominees, what would YOU consider the top Canadian wonder? (168)
Yahoo Obvious Now that his chief deputy has resigned, Alberto Gonzales can adequately explain his role in the firing of eight US District Attorneys by blaming his deputy completely (111)
Boston Globe Dumbass Member of Mothers Against Drunk Driving arrested for DUI. Witnesses describe her as being pretty madd (86)
Reuters Obvious Apparently confused on the definition of "veto," Condi Rice says that the US will not allow Russia to veto the missile shield (91)
590 KLBJ Asinine Principal deems student's skinhead haircut violates school dress code. Mother sees his "dress code" and raises a "race card" (126)
Newsday Dumbass Old and Busted: Hiring day laborers to clean your house. New Hotness: Keeping two Indonesian women as slaves to clean your house (40)
(Cincy Enquirer) Cool Ugly Ass baby Sumatran Rhino, brother of the orginal "Ugly Ass Baby" Debuts at Cincinnati Zoo (16)
(KOAT-TV) Stupid You have to pass senior English to graduate from school in New Mexico...unless your dad is on the school board and your mom is county commissioner (97)
(Some Guy) Cool Back in 60 seconds (42)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption what Nanci Pelosi is thinking (154)
Yahoo Asinine Iraq will become a "terrorist Disneyland" if the US leaves, whereas now it's more of a terrorist Knott's Berry Farm (138)
(Vidmax) Amusing You've seen what happens when you mix Mentos and Diet Coke. But what about other candy/beverage combinations? (70)
(Some Paisano) Scary Armed attackers commandeer bus in northern Italy, drive their Minis right into bus, heavily laden with gold. Michael Caine sought for questioning (28)
(The Asinine News: Professor recommended for termination for sending offending email. Fark: The offending email was George Washington’s “Thanksgiving Day Proclamation of 1789” (158)
(Some Alpha Trion) Photoshop Michael Bay releases high-res pics of various transformers. For the Matrix, photoshop them into some unlikely locations (105)
(Visalia Times Delta) Misc Today's "police beat drunk driver who turns out to be sober and suffering a medical condition" story brought to you by Visalia, California (80)
(delawareonline) Stupid Today's burglars found passed out in house they were robbing brought to you by Bear, Delaware (24)
Pravda Cool The coolest picture you'll see of an underwater tiger today (134)
(WUSA 9) Amusing Man sells dog at yard sale for $15. Bonus: wasn't his dog (60) Strange News: Steve Irwin's daughter tops poll for "Australia's Unofficial Ambassador". Fark: Second place went to a guy who cleans toilets (52)
(The Chronicle Herald) Scary Canadian woman mauled to death by tiger. With completely inappropriate picture (175)
DFW Scary Tale of the tape -- Less desirable position: al Qaeda No. 2 or head of Mexican drug intelligence unit. Advantage: Push (23)
Sun Sentinel Sad For nearly a century they florished in Florida. Now due to technology and growth, they face extinction. Of course we're talking about alligator wrestlers (26)
(rocky mountain news) Asinine Lawyer who stole $5 million was "drowning in a sea of nothingness". Will spend the next couple of years getting filled up (33)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Bud Bundy busted for bud. With deer-in-the headlight mug shot goodness (154)
(Some Guy) Obvious Alexandria Republicans holding first annual Dick Cheney paintball tournament. Cost is $45/person, lawyers half off (45)
iWon Dumbass Paris Hilton so "emotionally distraught and traumatized" over jail sentence she isn't capable of testifying in civil lawsuit, wearing panties (118)
(Flickrvision) Interesting Flickrvision: watch a real-time display of the pictures being uploaded to Flickr, with geographical locations. Two parts cool, one part addictive, one part kinda scary (124)
MSNBC NewsFlash MSNBC reporting Jerry Falwell condition downgraded to dead (2072)
( News Jerry Falwell found unresponsive on office floor, taken to Lynchburg Hospital (569)
WFTV Obvious Owners of Coffee Nation say sales have doubled to $1,000 a day since their employees started wearing revealing clothing (122)
CBS New York Cool Nineteen-year-old man attacks 11-year old girl; gets pwnd by girl, then neighbors, then cops (105)
BBC Obvious Exaggerating the "terror" aspect of global warming only creates sense of apathy and helplessness among most people (142)
(Some Guy) Strange Honey, do you remember where we parked our 737? (46)
Yahoo Amusing Bank forceloses on home and sells it... with the mummified corpse of the mortgagee still inside (71)
Yahoo Followup Taliban replaces slain commander, Abdullah Rullah Dadullah, with his brother, Anna Banna Fofanna Me My Momanna (133)
UPI Cool British man invents new milk container. Sadly, it's not the soft, warm, aesthetically pleasing form that nature already perfected (88)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Amusing Major airlines to discounters: "We're raising prices in hopes you do the same; wink, wink, nudge, nudge." Discounters: "Have fun with that, asshats" (92)
STLToday Dumbass Keebler Elf who was wanted for murder has finally been captured (44)
Local6 Florida After robbing bank, man's elaborate escape plan mostly involves just getting a beer (25)
CBS Chicago Hero “It's pizza and beer in a bottle. This is a reflection of my entire life history” (122)
(The Age) Interesting China vows to revamp "leprosy villages," despite the fact that they'll just keep falling apart (49)
(Some Guy) Scary Construction workers knocked from bucket lift by tractor-trailer. Eyewitnesses described the driver of the semi as "a very angry walrus" (54)
(Some Sexy Drunk) Ironic Church calls Alcoholics Anonymous a "cult" and bans it from its premises for sexual misconduct (331)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Eight-year-old boy leads police on chase. Instead of being grateful for his safe return, the boy's mom starts spitting at and assaulting police. (With news video) (77)
(City of Bellevue) PSA May is Volcano Awareness Month (70)
(NY Daily News) Photoshop Photoshop the most evil-looking photograph of the pope, ever (112)
(Spiegel International) Obvious German study proves no sex leads to less sex. Obvious tag claims it has a headache, goes to bed early (73)
(rocky mountain news) Obvious Denver plans to have all the homeless people in shelters by the time the Democratic National Convention comes to town. After that, say officials, they go back on the streets (92)
(Some Guy) Asinine *Boing* *Boing* *Boing* *SNAP* *Cha-ching* (111)
(Daily Barometer) Asinine Oregon community college student spotted on campus trying to conceal long, cylindrical object underneath trenchcoat. Hilar... er, panic ensues (53)
BBC Followup Comatose Gaddafi awakens briefly to sue the pants off the people who reported his ill health (20)
Yahoo Amusing Man steals $250,000 worth of skittles. He woulda gotten away with it, if the rainbow didn't lead authorities right to him (31)
CNN Obvious Congress may make it illegal to steal and sell animals for dissection. Your dog wants a PETA t-shirt (41)
(Twin Cities) Hero Last week, my platoon's lead vehicle was hit by an IED. It killed the gunner, SPC Robert Dixon, who was married with two children. He was my friend (589)
AZCentral Amusing You can find Nike shoes, Coca-Cola soft drinks and Colgate toothpaste in Cuba. Embargo? What embargo? (64)
(Some Sicko) Scary A day at the beach... sunburn, seagulls, getting stabbed with a blood-filled syringe. Wait, what? (21)
MSNBC Florida Miami motorists win the coveted "GTA Driving Award" for the second year in a row (41)
(Some NeoCon) Dumbass Rush Limbaugh saw a turtle (197)
The Sun Amusing Frustrated meter maid smashes crap out of car with ticketing machine after getting in argument with car owners. You mess with the bull, you get the horns (pics) (57)
London Times Sick Not nice: Middle-aged couple have sex in front of webcam. Really not nice: Knowing that nine-year-old and her grandpa are watching online (39)
Yahoo Interesting Bush moves to counter gas emissions. Just like your dad at the dinner table (27)
Miami Herald Florida Usually, a blind, diabetic wheelchair-bound man upset about slamming doors would be a harmless threat. This is Florida. He had a 10-inch knife (13)
The Sun Amusing Man mugged of his cell phone by angry flock of geese. Go ahead, click the link and take a gander (40)
DallasNews Strange Preacher allegedly uses "spare the rod, spoil the child" line to justify spanking and sodomizing female parishoners. Wonder what he told them about the second coming (82)
The Sun Amusing Man tunes up his sofa, gets it up to 92 MPH and sets the fastest furniture land-speed record (pics and video). The Sun is chair (32)
( Spiffy Rocky Mountain high: Absinthe weed grows out of control in Vail (75)
Yahoo Spiffy Bald eagle to go from endangered list to delicious menu item next month (43)
(Knoxville News Sentinel) Weird Man steals fire chief's truck and uniform, goes home, plays dress up, patrols neighborhood. Then things get weird (21)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dancer and back-up performers (51)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Eric Rudolph is still being a douchebag from deep within Colorado's Supermax prison (189)
AFP Weird South African environmental inspectors reportedly found 10 venomous snakes mailed into the country in video casette containers. No word on if they were air-mailed (14)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Residents of English village hang out around open-air toilet because it's the only place their cell phones work. Or at least that's their story (pic) (45)

Mon May 14, 2007
(PennLive) Asinine Rescue worker revives you and saves your life, do you: A) Say 'thanks' B) Send flowers C) Punch them in the face and charge them with assault? (82)
(King of Bad Luck) Scary Sign you should move #112: Man shot twice in the same week... at his home (23)
(Some Guy) Obvious Mayor of London says British residents are too damn lazy to get out of bed and go to work in the morning, which is why hard-working immigrants are taking their jobs (46) Sick Not news: Boy goes to police station News: carrying severed head it was his mother's (93)
(Some Crack News Team) Dumbass Cops use MySpace to find vandals who were dumb enough to 1) get caught on tape committing the crime, 2) have a Myspace page and 3) not set it to private (34)
(Rockford Register Star) Strange Man awakes to cellphone ringing, asked to check himself for a toe tag and to return to the morgue (31)
Yahoo Amusing J. K. Rowling begging readers not to reveal plot of final Harry Potter book. This way, nobody will find out Harry dies at the end (325)
Yahoo Interesting Chinese pandas working longer hours for less pay than their western counterparts (27)
Boston Herald Amusing Advice of the day: If you see a knife in an electric cable, just leave it (33)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Will robbers ever just leave their wallets at home so they won't drop them at crime scenes? We hope not (16)
SFGate Scary California schools having problems with cheating. No, not the students, the teachers (92)
(Some Guy) Misc Hershey hitting the skids, sends 580 Canadian workers packing (76)
(Some Guy) Amusing The U.S. Post Office announces that if you have a large envelope that is square, they will deliver it only if it is also rectangular. If it isn't, it will be impossible to deliver. Everybody got that? (115)
MSNBC Dumbass Mr. Lawyer, don't present this evidence that can clear my name. That way when I appeal I can say you sucked (29)
CBS San Francisco Scary If you left a grenade in a public bathroom toilet, police in Richmond, CA would like a minute of your time. Especially if you have something to do with the ten others they found (31)
(Some Guy) Amusing Note to self: Do not wear shirt with funny saying when having your mugshot taken (73)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Idiot gets face of unemployed local news anchor tattooed on his arm after losing Facebook bet (pic) (43)
(new Amusing NASA will start flying a 747 with a 98-inch infrared telescope to collect astronomical data. If only there were some way to get a little closer to the stars than using an airplane... (48)
AZCentral PSA Young female student athletes, take heed: If your coach has you put on a bathing suit, massages you, then ejaculates on you and says it is "massage oil," don't believe him (168)
MSNBC PSA If you are a college golf coach, showing your female players excerpts from a Paris Hilton porn tape is probably going to get you canned (17)
STLToday Obvious Missouri man finds out how seriously bass fishing is taken when he's caught cheating at a tournament. Now no one will talk to him and he's moved out of his house. "Nobody wants to claim to even know him," explains fellow angler (48)
(WSB Radio) Stupid Over one billion people around the world have high blood pressure. EVERYBODY STAY VERY CALM (48)
ABC News NewsFlash Is it Friday already? Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty resigns (251)
(Crooks & Liars) Dumbass Unfamiliar with the fact the British Empire no longer controls the world, British judge tries to impose gag order on news story already published online and reported by al-Jazeera (18)
(Post Star) Dumbass Man attempts to discharge old bullets with a hammer and screwdriver. Hilarity ensues (29)
The Smoking Gun Obvious Joe Francis may be looking to do the world a favor by taking himself out. The Smoking Gun is there (81)
(charleston daily mail) Dumbass Crook-of-the-year candidate laughed out of store after he attempts robbery with a pair of panties on his head and a gun-shaped cigarette lighter (18)
(That Guy) Amusing This is why you never pee on your Playstation (105)
Reuters Silly Need a map of sex shops near the Shrine of the Virgin Mary at Fatima? Of course you do (18)
(Some Guy) Florida Before you start a fire to "keep the bugs away," make sure you have a way to put the fire out (13)
Denver Post Stupid Cult leader Yahweh Ben Yahweh dies the lamest cult leader death ever (100)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mouse driving away from danger (110)
( Interesting In an effort to bolster hurricane protection, New Orleans area SWAT officers are employing snipers against giant water rats (44)
My San Antonio Obvious "Ever since I changed my major to art, I've made the dean's list every semester," says recent graduate on his way to the unemployment office (137)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Interesting Ever wanted to sleep with a co-worker? Your chances are getting better (96)
Philly Interesting So many local soldiers are serving in Iraq that the Philadelphia Inquirer has added Baghdad to its daily weather forecast (29)
(Drivl) Amusing The five musical instruments that just plain suck the most (includes one slightly NSFW pic) (243)
(Chattanoogan) Dumbass Father and son barely fail Darwin Award certification after working on car engine during an electrical storm while standing in a large pool of water (80)
Local6 Florida Smoke blamed for birds falling from sky. Hey, birds work their asses off all day and deserve a little smoke (33)
Sun Sentinel Florida Today's "Tracy Morgan in trouble with law" story brought to you by Miami DJ (132)
IndyStar Ironic Firefighters unable to save burning fire truck. Irony tag finally able to get proper usage (140) Amusing $27,000 in damages for "the bar mitzvah from hell" (87)
CBS New York Spiffy CBS to air two primetime specials this month to honor Bob Barker, who is apparently still alive (82)
(Some Guy) Silly Howard Stern sends drunken guest to hospital after his pink bikini outfit reveals horrific ass-boil (168)
Daily Mail Amusing Latest "dumbass achieves fame as Internet laughingstock" comes to you by way of Britain, and this idiot who emailed pics of himself dressed as a bare-chested cowboy to an incredibly unimpressed woman (pics) (290)
CBC Asinine Quebec government planning another "language police" crackdown. Sucez-le, anglophones (364)
CNN Obvious Hamas-Fatah cease fire collapses like Lindsay Lohan at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday (101)
AFP Obvious New study shows that French workers are the biggest whiners, while the Irish are the happiest. Because Guinness and whiskey beat out wine any day (61) Unlikely Mahmoud Ahmadi-Nejad says that if all foreign troops leave the Persian Gulf region, it will return to being the bastion of peace and freedom that it always used to be (147)
(Post-Gazette) Hero Millionaire, 84, marries very hot 22-year-old former employee (pic) (351) Florida Guy named "Stoner" busted growing weed. Irony bows to Florida. With mug shot hilarity (109)
590 KLBJ Amusing Wal-Mart gives in to local protesters, offers to "downsize" new 219,000-square-foot store to only 186,000 square feet (87)
(mcall) Dumbass "Good thing we brought you to the hospital an hour ago for being a drunk ass, because now your house is on fire. Oh, your husband is fine. He's in the next room" (13)
BBC Obvious What do you call a disabled sailor attempting to sail around England who is thrown out of his boat and has to be rescued minutes after leaving shore? Bob (52)
Sun Sentinel Florida "I'm 29, just starting out, only three years out of school, and I'm paying close to $4,500 in property taxes." Welcome to life, buddy -- the support group meets at the bar (336)
CBC Strange Massive pillow fight breaks out at Toronto City Hall (39)
FARK Plug Drew's book goes on sale at the end of the month. Trying to get pre-orders up so we can pass George Tenet's book on the list (No. 26). In other news, what the hell is a "DIAF edition" (see link)? (234)
(RMN) Unlikely Louisville restaurant to take its 88-year-old "Wopburger" off the menu, despite owner's protests that it "just meant they were Italian, PROUD to be Italian" (114) PSA Starting today, you'll have to dish out another two cents to buy stamps. Farkers seen buying stamps everywhere, as they are known for their ability to dish out their two cents (45)
Yahoo Strange Now available in Wisconsin: Deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars, Twinkies and testicles. Wait, what? (58)
(Daily Times) Interesting North Korea displays latest ballistic missile, which has a range of 3,100 miles, or 3,200 miles if compressed kimchee fumes are used as a propellent (53)
The Sun Interesting Host of Britain's "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" arrested after what is termed a "cutlery assault" in an Indian restaurant. Police say he's forked (25)
Yahoo Interesting JPMorgan Chase: You know that whole apology for slavery thing? Yeah, uh, we may have to take that back (215)
(WMUR) Hero Good Samaritan comes to aid of wounded police officer, uses officer's gun to take out suspect (181)
The Sun Misc Calcium in dairy products in bad for you. For this week, anyway. Next week, more research is bound to appear out of some scientist's orifice to prove otherwise (65)
(WCVB Boston) Scary Having a sleepover at your friend's house is a good thing. Getting drunk, wandering into a random house, and passing out on some five-year-old's floor? Not so much (41)
Kansas City Amusing Kansas City gunmen fire 100 rounds at each other without hitting anyone. Authorities have compiled a list of suspects which includes the entire Royals roster (81)
NPR Asinine The latest job class being outsourced to India: The hometown newspaper's local beat reporter (67)
Yahoo Obvious Pope raps Marxism, capitalism. If only there were another ideological system, a good German one, in which people respect authority and dissent is crushed like a troublesome insect (199)
Stuff Obvious Obesity plagues pets, with pic of cat waiting to be fed (189)
Telegraph Interesting Vegetarians faced with a dilemma after makers of chocolate bars admit they contain a product derived from the stomach of slaughtered newborn calves. Mmm, slaughtered newborn calves with caramel (270)
(The Age) PSA If you are going to tie your boyfriend to a chair, sodomise him with a sex toy and threaten to stab him to death, you should come up with a better alibi for the police than "It wasn't me" (74)
St. Pete Times Florida Sex offender ex-husband kills sex offender ex-wife's sex offender boyfriend with samurai sword (97)
London Times Weird Anyone for fresh toad salad? (36)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop something unexpected washing up on this beach (141)
Yahoo Scary Cruise ship runs aground on Alaska's Hanus Rock, 200 passengers evacuate in lifeboats. They're likely to have trouble, however, when the oil tanker hits the Hanus (43)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When you have a camera set up to film your family using the bathroom, make sure you don't have the live feed transmit wirelessly to anyone driving by with a wireless video receiver in their car (64)
CBS New York Dumbass Man leaves two-year-old son in car. Man forgets where he parked. Jailarity ensues nine hours later. Bonus: It was the boy's birthday (65)
(Centre Daily Times) Unlikely Former trucker becomes a nun after listening to Holy Spirit along open roads (36) Interesting Bad news: One billion people homeless by 2050 from global warming. Good news: If you are reading this online, then it probably isn't going to be you (283)
CTV Amusing Don't bogart that spliff, old timer (64) Cool Ugly-ass twin koalas born in China. Bonus: Odds of twin koalas one in 10,000 (with pic) (21)
(Jerusalem Post) News Unconfirmed report: Gaddafi in coma after blood clot in brain (109)
Fox News Scary "Bedbugs fear her." Dogs being trained to detect mattress pests (18) Hero Five-year-old boy crawls bleeding from car wreck, flags down driver and saves the lives of his mother and sister (51)
Daily Mail Spiffy MI6 seeks to recruit Jane Bonds with childcare vouchers and generous maternity leave (13)
(Some Guy) Cool Retail chain offers dildo as Mothers Day gift (47)
(Some Canucklehead) Obvious New book brilliantly skewers Canadian anti-Americanism. Your dog scoffs at America while he watches American movies and television, wears American jeans, listens to American music, reads American books and magazines (215) Stupid Britain's senior road-safety campaigners are calling for a ban on smoking while driving (82)
SMH Asinine Court awards "income for life" to bullied teen (268)
Newsday Scary New Jersey officials hope to prevent shelling on beaches this summer (30)
The Sun Obvious British supermarket chain accused of encouraging binge drinking by selling beer for 70p a pint. In its defence, Sainsbury's points out it was Budweiser, so the binge will shortly be followed by the purge (53)
ABC 7 Followup The Brits bring out their secret weapon in search for missing toddler: Becks (43)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this squatting statue (57) Amusing West Australian motorbikers show how they feel about speed cameras (pic) (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious Thousands of women turn down firefighting jobs because they would have to share toilets with male colleagues. Can't blame them (50)
(AOL News) Scary Frequent flier miles are the airlines' own Social Security time bomb waiting to go off in their faces (61)
Toledo Blade Strange It's Mother's Day. Nothing like a beatdown at Golden Corral to celebrate (49)
(Some Guy) Sad Acclaimed urologist John K. Lattimer pisses away. PASSES away. Passes (44)

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