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Sun May 27, 2007
(langley Cool Missing plane and pilot found after 37 years. Authorities note he was wearing his seat belt at the time of the crash (32)
(Some Redneck) Amusing Actual headline: Stroke patients go Wii at Riley Hospital (28)
Yahoo Obvious Forest Service firefighters blast policies they feel require them to risk their lives to protect property that really shouldn't have been put there in the first place (64)
(Some Guy) Amusing From the 'ways to waste your time' division of Ric Romero comes the Professional Porch Sitters Union (31)
(NineMSN) Ironic Gay bar granted exemption from Equal Opportunity Act, wins right to ban heterosexuals (213)
(Some Guy) Sad "I want to go back to prison. I have spent 27 years inside. I can't handle it outside." If only he had a friend who was a financial wizard and left him a bunch of money under a rock before starting a thriving Mexican cantina (49)
Wired Cool New attraction simulates Shuttle launch at 17,500 mph (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hothead (51)
The Smoking Gun Spiffy The happiest mug shots you'll see all week (104)
Newsday Asinine Long Island mother-of-the-year candidate caught snorting heroin in Walmart; 3-year old was in shopping cart (75)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists discover link between the evolution of color vision and why Carrot Top is the sexiest man alive (60)
SFGate Spiffy Happy 70th birthday to the Golden Gate Bridge. Lots of cool little facts and quotes from bridge employees here - like a toll taker who says Corvette drivers are jerks (61)
Fox News PSA If you're trying to calm your shareholders' nerves about your satellite radio company, mentioning 'We suck less' is not a good start (40)
(Some Guy) Sick Scammers posing as Red Cross call military spouses, claim they need SSN to treat wounded service member. Identity theft ensues (81)
Yahoo Caption Caption these masked militants (132)
Yahoo Spiffy Not News: Med student graduates from UCLA. News: She has no legs, and only one arm. Fark: Her last name is Lim (79)
SMH Interesting Are you an ethical purveyor of porn? (200)
NYPost Silly Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started in the East River aboard this tiny ship (37)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fort Worth police seek burglar who was apparently having a really bad hair day. Police seeking Don King for routine questioning (23)
Mercury News Stupid Police called to scene of motel disturbance find agitated, naked biker, decide that tasering sounds better than tackling, except for the whole "suspect dying" part. Oops (114)
(Some Analysis) Stupid College students believe Land Rover is American and Motorola is Japanese (181)
(Some Guy) Amusing Today's "everyday object found to contain 330,000 times more bacteria than a toilet seat " is your car. Bonus: it lists the filthiest makes (65)
(KTVU) Strange Police arrest second poser for passing herself off as university student. College student impostor trifecta now in play (36)
NYPost Interesting Post office considering vanity zip codes. 40502-FARK rumored to be worth $8 and a candy bar (55)
Local6 Florida Highway patrol issues alert to drivers to beware of A) wildfire smoke, B) elderly searching for farmers' markets, or C) lovebug swarms? (57)
(Some Guy) Cool Japanese company manufactures apple juice-flavored pretend beer for children. Finally, a way for your kindergartener to pour out a 40 for his homies who have the swings (33) Obvious Crack team from the R. Romero Accident Investigation Bureau finds plane that abruptly plunged from the sky, killing three, "had engine problems" (39)
Time Photoshop Photoshop Al Gore in his office. Difficulty = subtle (119) Dumbass When you hold up a milk bar, be sure you can jump the counter (34)
(Some Guy) Strange Ohio lacrosse coaches use UFIAs to maintain team discipline... No, really (66)
(AM640 Toronto) Dumbass Idiot teenager discovers the hard way why you don't try to build homemade guns out of scrap metal. On the upside, his hand makes a cool whistling sound when he gives a high-five now (58)
Yahoo Strange Detective, publicist hired to find missing dachshund. Your dog wants Matlock on speed dial (17)
Herald-Leader Obvious Drew gets full page in his local newspaper. Writer of article says Fark is a nice website that has become somewhat popular. Reader says "oh, you think so?" (75)
Independent Scary I'm in ur soda, farking up ur DNA (135)
( Obvious Teens working summer jobs are finding life lessons at the pump (116)
St. Pete Times Florida Hard to get much lower than stealing a blind man's cane (46)
Houston Chronicle Sad Texas manufacturer of military Purple Hearts finding business booming (73)
London Times Unlikely Scientists breed cows that give skimmed milk. Big Whoop. Wake me up when they're giving chocolate milk (48)
SMH Weird Drunk man steals tour bus, takes it on drive around Sydney. Bonus: With tourists still on board (20)
CNN Interesting Iran says it's uncovered US spyrings. Decoder rings seek deep cover (47)
(Hampton Roads Online) Obvious Comics war erupts as small-town newspaper asks readers to choose between dropping "Doonesbury" or "Rex Morgan, M.D." (128)
Local6 Dumbass Woman arrested for biting off part of her son-in-law's ear. Mike Tyson unimpressed (22)
London Times Cool Maybe the 'stay awake' guy could try this next: three US medical teams in race to make a man sleep for months (57)
(Some Photographer) Photoshop Photoshop these floating ballerinas' legs (48)
Yahoo Sick The next 13 years in jail probably won't be fun when you tell your jailmates that you are in because of swans (39)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Mormon missionary returns home to find his house completely wrapped in newspaper. (with pic) (124)

Sat May 26, 2007
ABC News Misc Three drunk girls take driving tour of Philadelphia, get hung up on a porch. (with video) (64)
AFP Cool World's oldest camera auctioned off for $800,000, with lens cap still in place (61)
(TCPalm) Florida Rabid otters taking over Florida golf course (58)
(Journal & Courier) Interesting Still working on new ways to cash in, Roswell is thinking about opening up a UFO-themed amusement park. Note to self: don't go on The Probe (63)
Seattle Times Spiffy Check out the coolest tree houses you are gonna see today (68)
Yahoo Asinine Creation museum in Kentucky depicting dinosaurs on Noah's Ark (672)
(Some Moran) Photoshop Photoshop this streetsign (63)
First Coast News Strange The first rule of geek fight club is - you do not talk about geek fight club (79)
ABC News Interesting Jack Kevorkian, who assisted over 100 terminally ill patients end their lives peacefully, will be paroled next Friday. Says he will throw a killer party (215)
(Burlington FreePress) Hero 7th graders successfully lobby Vermont legislators to ban school bus idling to reduce greenhouse gases (121)
(Some Local) Cool Fifty thousand flies invade radio station, forces it off air. I for one welcome our new fly overlords (47)
(Some Guy) Sick Your dad yells at you for a friend staying too late: do you a) ask your friend to go home: b) tell your dad to suck it; or c) stab him in the neck (35)
(Some Guy) Florida Actual headline: Wall-climbing gator to be made into 'nuggets' (50)
Houston Chronicle Unlikely Oil companies are encouraging their employees to commute using a bicycle. Because as everyone knows, oil companies care about the environment and their employee's health (55)
ESPN Hero Ottawa Senators voiding Stanley Cup tickets sold by scalpers (157)
CNN Strange Going to the beach this weekend? Sunscreen, check. Beer, check. Fun... leave at home (58)
Sun Sentinel Florida Lawyer sues family for allowing their dog to bite his nipple, resulting in loss of sexual comfort and desire (47)
(boing^2) Weird Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thy crotchless pantaloons kinda get me going, too (62)
(Daily Herald) Asinine School bus driver saves woman, loses job (147) Interesting White House considers 50-percent troop reduction in Iraq (294)
(Saturday Gazette-Mail) PSA Why does the Army Corps of Engineers hate America and her summer traditions? (60)
Boston Globe Silly Massachusetts residents are angry and heartbroken at the news that their losing lottery tickets aren't worth anything (44)
(NY Daily News) Asinine Woman with "seasonal affective disorder" sues her ex-employer for $33 million for not giving her a desk next to a window (142)
(Popular Mechanics) Audio Meet the man behind the Frappuccino. And curse him, curse his every living breath for concocting such a delicious and addictive beverage (74)
(Post-Gazette) Obvious Pair of women toasted by police after they foil armed robbers in bagel shop with a swift kick to the raisins. Robbers escape, but police still looking to lox them up (32)
(The Ledger) Interesting Americans are finally buying small, fuel-efficient cars. They're just doing it wrong (304)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this nice view from the bottom of a well (87)
(NBC4) Strange Today's "armed clown robs pharmacy" story brought to you by Fredericksburg. Can we please just agree to lock up all the clowns, now? (39)
The Scotsman Silly Scientists put that whole "curing cancer" thing on hold while they breathlessly announce that they have invented invisible underpants (54)
(Some Guy) Obvious Scientific study shows young children fear for their lives in a car driven by a woman. Obvious tag says Scary tag is a doodyhead (74)
Yahoo Obvious From the R. Romero Weather Forecasting Center comes a report that "storms could affect gas prices." Staff meteorologist N.S. Sherlock will be back right after we take a look at sports (23) Strange Dutch TV to air a show in which a terminally ill woman will decide who out of three patients will get her kidney (52)
AFP Strange Remember your childhood sweetheart? That first true love of your life? Turns out it's not that good of an idea to hook up with them later in life (230) Asinine Boss fires woman for taking time off work. She needed the time off to file a police report after an attempted rape, but still, she had only been working there a week (109)
ABC News Interesting Study shows babies not totally stupid: can tell when people switch languages on them, mambo dogface to the banana patch (72)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Amusing A suspicious package OF CLOTHES outside the Star Wars convention ends in evacuation. EVERYBODY PANIC (48)
SFGate Stupid Golden Gate Bridge may soon have a net to prevent suicides--complete with windows. Silly tag already took a swan dive (92)
WFTV Florida Nope, nope, maybe, hell no, maybe, that one's a guy (77)
(Khaleej Times) Sad Father of the LCD dies; coffin will flash "GOBBLES BOOBIES" in Oðblgshezi (38)
11 Alive Asinine Bus driver puts on patriotic hat to show support for veterans who lost their lives fighting for our country. Is told to take it off because it wasn't part of his uniform (64)
Billings Gazette Asinine Man calls in bomb threats to avoid court date for calling in bomb threats (22)
Yahoo Scary Hugo Chavez, who's like, totally not a dictator, orders the military to seize opposition media's offices and equipment and replaces it with "broadcasts promoting the values of Chavez's socialist revolution" (358)
London Times Ironic When the guy who was trying for the 'stay awake' record wakes up, we've got a little bit of bad news for him (45)
MDN Silly Actual Headline:"11 school kids hospitalized after talking about ghost stories." (32)
YouTube Amusing The astounding LEJO everyone, let's give this amazing performer a round of applause (45)
(Some Guy) Misc Say you're tasked with coming up with the eleventh commandment. What would it be? LGT original batch (263)
Yahoo Strange Hefty death row inmate who beat his chess opponent to death takes twice as long as a normal person to die from lethal injection. Why wasn't someone there with a revolver in case things went this wrong? (71)
(Der Spiegel) Weird German contestant in World Hide and Seek Championship takes gold medal with 22 years dead in the loft of his garage (24)
MSNBC Spiffy Illinois zoo animals happily chowing down on mountains of delicious, crunchy cicadas (w/cute "I gots a bug" pic) (37)
Stuff Scary Man spends two years wondering what is causing the noise and itching in his ear. Turned out to be mites. Do not want (39) Ironic Bloodsucker bites Senator, thought he was was family (17)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Death Star-wearing geek (59)
Canoe Scary Miss Sweden withdraws from Miss Universe competition, with pic that's all the explanation you'll need as to why (144)
SeattlePI Strange The U.S. Mint declares war on the Silver Surfer (80)
(Some Guy) Obvious Study finds that millions of licensed drivers in the United States would fail the written test if they had to retake it (89)
AZCentral Dumbass Scottsdale residents feign mock indignation over Arizona Fetish Prom 2007. Article complete with quote from councilwoman that completely misses the point of "fetish" (53)

Fri May 25, 2007
(LA Weekly) Cool The Vader Project - 66 artists reinvent Darth Vader's Helmet such as Shag, Biskup, Melvins, Kozik and more (76)
UPI Spiffy Judge who watched one too many Joe Pesci movies forces slumlord to live in own building (22)
ABC News Amusing Jack In The Box sued by Hardee's after running ads suggesting cow anuses are used to make its Angus burgers (114)
Reuters Scary Remember all the bees that were missing? We found them (67)
ABC News Obvious Cops claim ice cream truck sold "pot-sicles" to elementary school students. Search is now on for the second most popular ice cream truck in Texas (42)
ABC News Stupid Now that Myspace gives sex offender information to authorities, they should make sure two people don't share the same name (50)
Seattle Times Stupid Today's false alarm bomb scare brought to you by a Bobble Head doll (29)
Independent Ironic President of Belarus opens traditional restaurant because of unhealthy foreign cuisine. Because nothing says "healthy" like potato pancakes stuffed with sausage and fried pork fat (42)
Boston Globe Hero A story that you will reluctantly reread dozens of times in the complimentary in-flight magazine: Doctors deliver baby on Delta flight (42) Cool President Bush nominates Kentucky cardiologist for Surgeon General. I, for one, welcome our new boobies and beer health initiatives (68)
ABC News PSA FBI on the lookout for phony war heroes this Memorial Day (139)
(Some Guy) Interesting Farmers in North Carolina want to legally be able to sell raw milk. "My husband and brother-in-law grew up on raw milk. They were raised here, and that's what was in their bottle." (117)
SeattlePI Strange It's Spring, when students clear their lockers and custodians take the bodies out of the air conditioning ducts. Wait, what? (46)
(Arkansas Times) Amusing Come visit the STFU museum. No talking, please (57)
(DUI Blog) Asinine MADD CEO explains the real reason that drunk driving fatality statistic have remained unchanged in spite of draconian DUI laws: those gosh-darned defense lawyers insisting on defending their client's Constitutional rights (280)
(Times Herald Record) Obvious Appeals court to anti-war West Point protestors: STFU and take your stilt-walking, drum-circling, hey-hey-ho-hoing trustafarian bullshiat someplace else (151)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tailwhip (65)
590 KLBJ Amusing Police catch & bring hot sorority chick with goofy smile back to Texas from Mexico after she tried to burn down the sorority house. (w/ mugshot) (98)
Yahoo Scary Oh no, they say he's got to go, go go Hogzilla (251)
Yahoo Amusing Stormtrooper gets pwned by Australian police. Jedi wannabes amused, stick with plastic lightsabers (89)
ABC News Obvious Ric Romero's sweeps-week scoop: "Vista Users Encountering Computer Problems" (134)
(Popular Mechanics) Spiffy Finally, Popular Mechanics offers some useful advice we can all use: five better ways to hammer a nail (51)
Yahoo Interesting Coca-Cola agrees to buy out maker of Vitaminwater, since everyone knows when you think of a healthy beverage the first thing that comes to mind is a Coke (57)
Canoe Amusing Beer goggles explained. Subby wishes he would have read this article last Friday afternoon (85)
Houston Chronicle Amusing In a perfect storm of redneck, stripper from Texas embezzles $1,000,000 to start NASCAR team (87)
ABC News Caption Nightline seeks "witty and opinionated" people to caption picture of Bush, but Farkers' submissions would probably be accepted too. VE (211)
SLTrib Stupid You cannot have a license plate that reads "MERLOT" or "X" in Utah. Obviously, the ban is for the children (114)
(Chattanoogan) PSA For all you Memorial Day Weekend backyard grillers, some timely advice. And who better to trust than a guy named "The Deck Chef" (92)
(Some Prodigious Pups) Florida Dogs help shy kids learn to read, but only if the books are about steak (29)
CBS New York Obvious Rosie O'Done (388)
(Courier Post) PSA "I'm New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine, and I should be dead" (82)
CNN Asinine Gas prices are now so high that gas station owner can't afford to gas his own car, shuts down his station in protest (199)
(WXYZ Detroit) Dumbass Woman orders sandwich after grill is closed, freaks out when told she can't have it, throws a tub of spaghetti, and attacks clerk with a spatula (with really happy mugshot). Crazy assault lady trifecta now in play (117)
Yahoo Interesting Two-thirds of Americans believe that gay people should be allowed to teach school. No word on where the unhappy people should be teaching (148)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery looks at some of the most absurd pirate toys on the market. Pirate bling? (27)
Reuters Strange With mountains of festering garbage rotting in their streets because the country has run out landfills, Italian children hope Batman will save them (57)
(Some JFK) Interesting Why we should actually choose to go to the moon (153)
(economist) Interesting The best article on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict you'll read this week (511)
(Some Guy) Amusing Four pigs will spend the summer racing at family fun park, and then be treated to a barbeque at the end of the racing season. They'll be the guests of honor, actually (w/ pic of the cute little back ribs on the hoof) (112)
(North Country Gazette) Followup Penis pump judge loses his bid to get off early (46) Cool Rare majestik albino møøse spotted (73)
(Some Stabby Moron) Stupid You will never win a knife fight by stabbing yourself until the police use a taser on you (37)
CNN Followup Scientists to turn hoses on whales, in hopes that they move. Because if there's one thing whales hate, it's water (76)
ABC 4 Cool puts up 90 million records of War Veterans going back to the 1600s. Also, a complete catalog of WWII newsreels and footage (46)
Yahoo Obvious Study shows binge drinkers make bad decisions (95)
Google Spiffy NYC Fark party reminder: This Sunday, come drink with Drew! LGN, DIT (79)
(The Peterborough Examiner) Dumbass Robber: "I've got a gun in my pocket, give me $5,000". Bank teller: "I'm sorry, sir, I can only give you $200. Oh, and there's a $5 service fee" (74)
YouTube Amusing Welcome to the futuristic world of 1960. GM's 1939 film of what the future has in store for us (113)
CNN Amusing Dune dwellers lose bid for special status, will now attack Cape Cod riding sandworms under cover of coriolis storm (95)
(Woburn Online) Strange Police don't know why woman punched her male friend, kicked in his TV and smashed his car window, or why she was assaulting another woman using CPR-fu, but they do know one thing: she is a tall, cold glass of crazy (45)
BBC Interesting Man breaks world record by going 11 days without sleeping. Surprisingly, he was not playing WoW (94)
Pravda Unlikely Nazi Germany achieved its technological advantage with the help of aliens (102)
CTV Unlikely If you're the person who yoinked an under-cover cop's duty bag containing his loaded pistol, the Waterloo police would really like it back. Pretty please (37)
MDN Cool Mmm, nothing says summer like a big scoop of tasty Pit Viper Venom ice cream (31)
(The Local) Amusing Swedish female prisoners demand basic human rights. And of course by "basic human rights" they mean "bikinis" (111)
Yahoo Dumbass If you're on an Italian beach with your mistress, don't wave to the television helicopter overhead broadcasting a live feed (44)
(Some Slurpee) Followup Trooper fired after forcing porn star Barbie Cummings to perform community service on his long arm of the law (86)
SFGate Strange Ways to get into Stanford #37: Inhabit a dorm room and fake being a student for an entire year (64)
(soy bomb) Caption Caption contest - TFer tends to rock out and make funny faces at cameras. Help me seem more respectable with a witty comment (130)
Rocky Mountain News Amusing Patient complains about doctor's instructions not to "get drunk and fall, causing harm to your head or body" (68)
London Times Interesting How British teens see themselves: 25 self-portraits (63)
iWon Ironic Police chief becomes victim of pickpocket on eve of new anti-pickpocket campaign (33)
CNN Spiffy After months on the lam Reggie the Gator is captured in an LA park lake. Vets were called in to confirm that it was an alligator, and not Joan Rivers (21)
Yahoo Florida Florida tries to wipe out a colony of cat-sized rats; NYC's pony-sized variety unimpressed (44)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Dutch club (52)
BBC Cool After friend was killed by car and police won't do anything, schoolchildren build dummy speed camera and put it by side of the road to slow traffic (81)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Chicago institutes new tax of $25 per testicle (61)
(Some Guy) Interesting Chinese stock market described as "manic," full of more irrational exuberance than Rosie O'Donnell at a pastry shop (44)
BBC Amusing 1: Set up website for people to post tributes to dead relatives. 2: Place Google Ads on site. 3: Profit. And a metric assload of mourners offended by the inappropriate adverts (50)
Chicago Sun-Times Strange Chicago restaurant offers Muslims a place to eat and pray. Coming soon: drive-through absolution (116)
CNN Scary Gunmen on speedboat kidnap six from Nigerian oil tanker. Sonny Crockett racing to scene (53)
First Coast News Florida Surrogate mother won't give up baby, might seek child support from the couple that hired her (145)
Daily Mail Interesting Fed up with spam and inboxes containing 2,000 unread messages, growing number of Americans are saying the hell with email and going back to the telephone (152)
MSNBC Followup Geezer follows through on get off my lawn threats, will now make threats not to touch his cocktail, fruit cocktail (45)
St. Pete Times Florida Brother, sister block in school bus with car after younger sister gets off. Then things got weird (90)
Fox News Hero A climber and sherpa returning from Mt. Everest's summit stumble across a climber who'd been left for dead and save her (172) Weird Five thousand animals found adrift at sea. The boat is 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits. If you lost it, you can collect it in forty days (60)
Fox News Amusing Bar owner fined for selling Coors as Miller, didn't think his customers would be able to tell the difference between two types of cheap canoe conjugals (242)
TBO Florida Another sign of the coming Apocalypse: alligator squirrels (68) Scary North Korea has fired several missiles into the Sea of Japan. Again (126)
CNN Weird Harley hearse carries bikers to hog heaven (73)
Yahoo Strange Guys rob banks all the time. But how often do they feel bad about it and ask the teller to call 911 and tell them he will be waiting on the curb? (22)
Stuff Sappy Abandoned puppies told to suck it. with cutest. pic. ever (157) Strange Emu shot and killed after international wild goose chase lasting four hours; go cry, emu kids (51)
FARK Cool Iowa City Fark Party, Sat. June 2nd. Location DIT (67)
ABC 7 Silly In Vegas, even the young are riding disability scooters. "A little less ambulation, a little more traction please---All this biped-action ain't satifactioning me" (88) Stupid Man attempts to hang himself, fails, but falls out tree and becomes quadraplegic. Then tries suing hospital (55)
Fox News Obvious CNN will stop charging for their on-line video since everyone is watching it for free on youtube (33)
News24 Obvious Athens is still cleaning up after Liverpool fans left 98 tonnes of empty beer cans behind (21)
CSMonitor Weird Dickens World, a theme park that "recreates the filth, squalor, and even the unpleasant whiffs of Victorian London" to open near London (58)
JSOnline Photoshop Photoshop this man and his goggles (84)
London Times Asinine There once was a dumbass called Jade / And a few racist comments she made / The worst ones were hid / Under Channel 4's lid / But they're now in a paper displayed (165)
CBS New York Stupid Prosthetic leg mistaken for gun; causes lockdown. Robert Rodriguez wanted for questioning (26)
BBC PSA If you want to hang out with the Queen, you probably shouldn't bring a big sharp axe with you when you meet her (27)
Yahoo Cool 18 year old alleged pick-pocket embarrassingly caught from behind by 61 year old congressman (22)
CBS New York Asinine 10022-SHOE (47)
( Cool Record setting Mentos Geyser event held in Cincinnati. (w/pics) (42) Florida Annual pre-Memorial Day strip club sweep comes to us from Fark's favorite state (with mugshots goodness) (104)
(WFAA-TV) Dumbass After your kid fails the minimum skills assessment, a sign reading "Let are kids walk" is probably not going to convince the school he/she should walk for graduation (302)
(Myth, Myth... Yeth?) Interesting Ten myths about divorce (329)
(news4jax) Florida Show-and-tell seems to have changed a bit over the years as students watch python eat bunny. Reason #13,782 why Fark has a Florida tag (80)

Thu May 24, 2007
(meow) Caption Caption my kitty (155) Cool 30 years ago today, the greatest sci-fi film ever was released. Suck it, Trekkies (542)
CTNow Asinine Taking a snapshot of French Fries is good enough to consider you to be a terrorist (150)
SeattlePI Strange International casino-cheating ring broken. Those indicted includes son of Seattle mayor (57)
Yahoo Interesting 70 percent of Americans favor affirmative action to help women and minorities get better jobs and education, a 12 percent increase since 1995 (317)
(きゅうり) Weird Doesn't that just sound delicious? (109)
Fox News Amusing Hillary announces current front runners for her campaign theme song competition. "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC conspicuously absent from the list (197)
C|Net Obvious I'm iN ur sATelLite raDiO MErgeR, BloCKIng ur dEaL (111)
The Newspaper Unlikely Indiana adopts $1000 speeding tickets (140)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lawnmowing superhero (80)
St. Pete Times Florida I can't think of anything more deserving of the Florida tag (54)
ABC News Spiffy 20/20 analyzes one of the most pressing issues of our time: Can drinkers distinguish cheap vodka from premium? (229) Amusing Drug running rule #1. Do not attract attention. Especially by binge drinking on a flight, running around the cabin in pajamas, exposing yourself and sexually harassing the crew (21)
(Some Hoopy Frood) Obvious Remember your towel tomorrow (126)
(Some Guy) Interesting Guide to diner slang (65)
Yahoo Stupid The Nanny State is poised to strike again: Report recommends FDA limit nicotine content in cigarettes, thereby practically guaranteeing an increase in consumption (70)
ABC News Asinine With crime stats soaring back to normal, National Guard getting ready to pull out of New Orleans (42)
Fox News Interesting Judge rules that witnesses can take oath on a Koran instead of the bible. Red States take off their Bible belt and get ready to give this judge a whuppin' (124)
(Some Asian Guy) Asinine Jesse Jackson argues for mandatory inclusion of black artists when Chinese sculptor is chosen to create MLK monument. Sad, Asinine, and Obvious tags march on Washington (191)
(Chattanoogan) Asinine Tennesseans will soon have to pay at least 20 cents more per pack of smokes. But it's okay, since it's "for the children" (99)
Baltimore Sun Hero What the damn hero tag was made for (342)
(Bloomberg) Cool New home sales jump 16 percent, the most since 1993. However, most were mini-mansions with stripper poles sold to rappers (45)
(RadarOnline) Interesting Gene Simmons opens wide on Iraq, racial profiling, and Hollywood idiots (230)
(KMOV) Asinine Not News: Family of deceased Cardinal pitcher to sue bar. News: Suing tow truck drunky hit. Fark: Suing the owner of car tow truck was there to collect (168)
Local6 Florida Today's story of 50 chickens crammed into a house brought to you by Orlando Florida. Bonus: They may have used them to cover the smell of drugs (33)
The Tennessean Interesting Brown-Forman (Jack Daniel's) to cut back on advertising to minors, so don't be expecting to see those "Tennessee Diaper Remover" ads anytime soon (31)
(Omnipotent Man) Dumbass Man applies for patent on 'Godly Powers', seeking the exclusive right to the ethical use and financial gain in the use of godly powers on planet Earth (129)
(The Daily Times) Amusing Man walks into 7-11 and tries to pay for chips and Gatorade with half a bag of weed (122)
(Some Nuke Geek) Followup Rebuilding mothballed nuclear plant: $1.8 Billion. Shutting down in less than one day due to leaky pipes: Priceless (134)
Yahoo Dumbass Cairo airport officials sick of all these motherfarking snakes on this motherfarking plane, and there's surely an Allah-damned thing they can do about it (38)
UPI Spiffy A Guinness a day keeps the government pancakes from molesting your dolphins (91)
( Amusing Woman finds her boyfriend in bed with another woman, writes all about it on the mattress and puts it on the road for everyone to see. Apparently she's never heard of the internet (108)
Fox News Unlikely Why did I have my hand down the pants of our 16-year old babysitter your honor? Because I was... sleepwalking. Yeah, that's the ticket (164) Obvious Drunken idiot rips the head off budgie, sets his apartment on fire, tells firefighters he'll kill them if they put it out and then threatens police with garden tools before being pepper sprayed. This guy brought his 'A' game (78)
Yahoo Strange Nude man awaits President Bush's arrival in Germany (65)
AZCentral Dumbass Thieves just aren't watching the news. Another one tries to cut a live wire to steal copper (77)
ABC News Followup Chandra Levy's mom claims "I know what happened". Suddenly there the room went dark and a shot rang out..., (133)
Daily Mail Sad City bus sideswipes Ferrari Enzo in one of most expensive fender-benders in human history (pics) (240)
UPI Stupid The new 2007 stereotypes are in. First off the lot: Homosexuals can't read maps (180)
(WSMV Nashville) Sad Trailer full of cheeses jacked without parmesan by some munster up to no gouda. Driver feeling bleu says ace reporter Ric Romanian (93)
(Honda) Plug Contest: "Donnie you're outta your Element" (sponsored link) (119)
(Some Busy Bee) Photoshop Photoshop Jerry Seinfeld in a bee costume. Yes, that Jerry Seinfeld. No, it's not photoshopped already (78)
(MaineToday) Asinine In this month's issue of Anally Spawned Statistics magazine: Fat people cost Maine $2.5 billion (119)
BBC Interesting London's Trafalgar Square covered in turfgrass to promote city's green image. Nelson: "HA HA" (50)
This Is Local London Unlikely Woman who wins record £48 million divorce settlement says "I'm worth it" (w/ pic so you can judge for yourself) (189)
iWon Strange "Excuse me ma'am, are these your underpants?" (73)
(NBC5 Chicago) Silly Restaurant to keep Wopburger (251)
CNN Interesting Five ways to outsmart toddlers. Oddly, saying 'hey, look at that' and then sucker-punching them didn't make the list (277)
Herald-Leader Interesting Former UK basketball player wins renomination for Agriculture Commissioner position, pledges to continue efforts to form a cow army to destroy Christian Laettner (37)
Boston Globe Amusing Woman's monkey detained as illegal immigrant. Why, oh why, is there no amnesty for those animals that have lived here and helped our economy? (49)
AP Asinine Man sentenced to five years for blowing up toilet. Oh, and he's also a pirate (50)
TBO Florida Bad: Woman gets DUI. Not so bad: Listens to victims panel lecture how DUIs impacted their lives. Arrested 10 minutes after lecture for DUI number 8 (118)
Yahoo Cool Ancient artifacts found in Greece. Scientist believe them to be Liverpool's shattered hopes and dreams of a sixth European championship (47)
CBS Sacramento Followup Latest strategy to get the whales to open ocean: scare them with sounds of orcas attacking humpbacks (68)
First Coast News Florida Escorts arrested in Florida (With a Wouldn't hit it; Would hit it after a case of beer; would hit it after a 12 pack pic lineup) (135) Interesting STAR WARS fans will sense a disturbance in the force amid rampant rumours that a new movie set before the prequels is to be announced in LA tomorrow (329)
(palladium item) Cool Software glitch gives white Meijer customers that secret 50% white guy discount (108)
(Daily Herald) Cool I'd like to hide my burrito in your park. Wait, what? (35)
(You can has contest) Silly LOLPRESIDENT!!!1 Add your own in thread (with voting - link goes to samples) (596)
My San Antonio Ironic Natural history museum may uproot historic trees for more parking (30)
(Gazette Xtra) Stupid Rookie cops lets a drunk driver go with a .12 BAC, a bad idea considering the guy was killed in a flaming wreck 3 hours later (58)
My San Antonio Obvious Straight from Ric Romero's desk: Kids these days are confessing online instead of going to church (27)
IOL Weird Cat grows 4ins long wings (106) Interesting Coke spy busted by Pepsi - tried to sell the bucket, spoon and recipe (39)
Yahoo Interesting Another thing that can be predicted by finger length (89) Dumbass Man gets DWI at McDonald's as he waits in Hamburglar's getaway car (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Small town thief stores stolen items on his front porch (14)
London Times Sad Not news: Conman fleeces needy woman & jilts her at the altar. News He does it again, to the same woman. Fark: And again. (w/pic of woman) (68)
(Charleston Gazette) PSA If you live in Charleston, WV, don't answer that knock on the door in June (66)
Reuters Obvious Singapore aquarium puts chips in fish. No, it's not what you think it is (25)
( Sappy Hobo who moved into a 12 by 8 shack in London in 1986 now given the deed to the land: worth about $6.9 million (173)
(DesMoinesRegister) Sappy Ugly ass fawn survives grisly birth after mother and twin die during fence impalement (with pics) (33)
590 KLBJ Obvious Charles Manson denied parole again (97)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these clydesdales (56)
Internet News Misc Learning to live with spam. Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam (56)
Yahoo Interesting Castro says he's getting better, doesn't want to go on the cart (40)
Yahoo Scary Orangutan breaks out of zoo and goes on rampage. Authorities immediately blame 80's-era video game (71)
(cute overload) Caption Caption this interaction between this surprised dog and the parrot (80)
(WSB-TV) Interesting An Atlanta package store is selling liquor and cups of ice through its drive-thru. "it is an American right for people to buy liquor and a cup of ice to drink on their way home." (120)
Yahoo Dumbass Cop tasers man in groin, making his superiors a little teste (46)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 107: "Up & Down" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (155)

Wed May 23, 2007
(WSB-TV) Dumbass 86-year-old man goes to jail for shooting another man during a fishing tournament for entering his fishing grounds. What a basstard (70)
Slashdot Dumbass Jack Thompson, legally barred from picking on Rockstar, now decides to pick on someone 100 times their size: Microsoft (164)
(Galveston Daily News) Strange Galveston, Oh Galvestuuun. You are so weird (64)
Canoe Obvious Midget conference in Toronto. "Being a little person, the sky's the limit." Actually, the limit is the middle shelf of the fridge (111)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pen holder (78)
Yahoo Strange Dead Hawaiians are ruining everything for Wal-Mart (108)
Canoe Unlikely New study claims kids are not lazy, don't hang out on lawns as much as you think (36)
ABC News Cool Psst, hey, over here. You wanna airplane ticket? Only 10 bucks, fell off the back of a truck. Supercheap tickets, super real (67)
LA Times Hero High gas prices are now a federal offense. Dogs and cats living together (194)
Yahoo Obvious Target profit up 18 percent, proving that if people hate Wal-Mart enough, they'll go somewhere with higher prices and less selection (293) Dumbass New Jersey Turnpike Authority guarantees extra publicity for crash video they want removed (105)
(Some Freak on the Dance Floor) Asinine Students say that "freak dancing," which involves simulated sex acts on the dance floor, is part of "their culture"... their stupid, lame, attention-whoring culture, which submitter wants to punch, hard (297)
ABC News Dumbass Are you tougher than a fifth-grader's bus driver? (58)
MSNBC Amusing I'm in ur investimigationz, capturin ur criminalz (94)
(Some Jedi) Amusing Mary Cheney gives birth to Anakin Skywalker (154)
(Some Lincoln) Asinine Texas Senate approves $5 strip-club admission fee to pay for victims of sexual abuse. Because, you know, there's a direct connection (84)
(Some Guy) PSA Fark is up for a Webware award. LGT voting page. Let the Fark be with you (84)
(Free-Lance Star) Weird Statues disappear from National Slavery Museum. Police believe the sculptures to be moving towards Canada by rail, perhaps of a subterranean variety (37)
(News Watch 50) Amusing Not news: Kids get into fight after school. News: Police suspect gang involvement. Fark: The gang names are the "Pink Flamingos" and "Squirrels" (81)
(Daily Herald) Asinine Sixteen-year-old girl arrested and held without bond after distributing anti-homosexual fliers at school. Enlightenment 1, Free Speech 0 (701)
CBS San Francisco Followup Their health continues to ail, the Coast Guard is still banging pails, all of this effort for whales, it still continues to fail (42)
CTV NewsFlash School shooting in Toronto. Currently in lockdown (301)
CBS Chicago Obvious Judge decides kid who wrote about mass murder and having sex with dead people isn't all bad (89)
AFP Spiffy Homeless Australian hermit with million-dollar beach view gets a reprieve after local council drops plans to evict him (55)
The Register Cool Pirates of the Caribbean: Antigua might strike back against U.S. in online gambling dispute by voiding American copyrights (69)
BBC Obvious How to find true love with a guy: Agree with everything he says and let him date other women (215)
(Some Guy) Asinine When making architectural renderings of buildings, make sure you put enough black people in the picture (416)
This Is Local London Cool Elderly lawn bowlers claim squatters' right to their playing field, demand developers get the hell off their lawn (58)
Globe and Mail Spiffy Fine restaurants are learning what Farkers knew all along: There is no food on the planet that can't be improved by adding bacon (239)
My San Antonio Obvious Police zero-in on identifying suspects in pellet-gun shootings described as "four to five teen boys wearing white T-shirts and baggy pants" (85)
(Rocky Mountain News) Cool Global warming set to blanket Colorado tonight in in an eight-inch glacier that will melt in a week (313)
FARK Spiffy Drew's brother-in-law Mike goes to the USA Rock Paper Scissors Championship in Drew's place, files a report (kind of a sponsored link kind of not, see article for more info) (78)
CNBC Unlikely China threatens America with their 12-boat navy and one-million-man water-walking army. Well, if Iraq had no navy or air force, these guys must really be wicked scary. BOO (178)
JSOnline Stupid Parents spending up to $40,000 for children's playsets, including one which is 58-feet long, 46-feet wide, and 16-feet tall (203)
(Decatur Daily) Cool Athens, AL all aglow over reopening of accident prone nuke plant (68)
Wired Asinine Plastic shield protects expensive TVs from flying Wii remotes, sneezing viewers (63)
Telegraph Weird Shark's virgin birth stuns scientists, Maury Povich (120)
Forbes Spiffy While it takes submitter two years to save up for that 1968 Hemi Charger, it takes Warren Buffet about eh, an hour... a little less, actually (56)
CBS News Cool Drew gets interviewed by CBS, talks about the book and something else and blah blah blah (109)
(KWGN) Dumbass Elementary school cancels zoo trip over fear that children will eat plague-infected squirrels (67)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles PSA Guess who is up for parole again? It's that ol' lady killer, Charlie Manson (238)
(Indiana Gazette) PSA Sam Adams Boston Lager is now brewed in Old Latrobe, PA, home of Rolling Rock, which is now brewed in Newark. Vince Carter traded to Celtics to keep the balance of suck in place (179)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this speedy racer (89)
(Editor & Publisher) Stupid One of the few major news outlets skeptical of intelligence reports during the run-up to the war in Iraq is barred from Defense Secretary's plane (141)
NYPost Amusing Wolfowitz's "brunette" girlfriend dumps him when he loses his job. Seems that he's not all that sexy when money isn't involved. No word on his "blonde" girlfriend (134)
(Some Guy) Followup Teacher from yesterday's least attractive teacher/student sex pairing claimed to be 15 on his MySpace page (53)
Yahoo Unlikely Today's "statistic pulled from UN Secretary General Ki-Moon's ass": Three species of plant or animal are going extinct everyday (82)
(Some Scientists) Scary Global warming will spread malaria, make flu season run all year, and put Richard Simmons in more shorts in more infomercials. Your dog wants a gin and tonic (93)
Yahoo Interesting Alaska is so farking huge, they have exchange student programs within their own state, complete with Anchorage big-city culture-shock goodness (49)
NPR Spiffy Carrier strike groups are currently in the Persian Gulf carrying 17,000 sailors and marines for an unannounced show of force off the coast of Iran. Shhh... don't tell anyone (252)
CBS 4 Denver Scary Trainload of beer derails in Denver. Flags at Fark offices lowered to half staff as Drew prepares to sit shivah... oh wait, it's just Coors. Locals break out canoes, start conjugal relations in them (110)
DFW Dumbass Helmetless man shows off motorcycle for his friends. If you're reading this on Fark, you've seen this movie before (210) PSA When drawn into litigious confrontation, baseball bats should not be involved (27)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery looks at "The Gong Show," Menudo, "Kojak" and other things that should've never been made into trading-card sets (46)
Yahoo Strange Sixty-year-old NJ woman gives birth to twins exactly one year after a 59-year-old NJ woman gave birth to twins (58)
ABC 4 Stupid Emos... EXPOSED (over a decade too late) (482)
SFGate Asinine Oakland proposes using at-risk teens to escort people on subways to protect them from other at-risk teens. What could possibly go wrong? (42)
Yahoo Florida Robber breaks into car and dumps victim's father's ashes in his front lawn, thinking they were drugs (24) Amusing From the Poor Headline Department: "Four walk unscathed from plane wreck." Well, they actually crashed in the ocean, swam around a bit before being rescued by a copter and had scratches -- but apart from that... (24)
Washington Post Cool Guide to the perfect burger. Mmmmmm, the perfect burger (177)
EITB24 Amusing Do you want to improve your cows' milk quality? Play them Mozart (25)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ways people waste gas when they think they're actually saving it (163)
SFGate Sick Sicko or sickos shoot and kill 15 of Oakland's bravest firefighting goats. In other news, Oakland has firefighting goats (34)
CNN Obvious Hardees/Carls Jr. CEO: "My opinion is that the media is the main supporter of healthy eating. We're certainly not hearing it from our customers" (90) Asinine Under new industrial relations laws in Australia, workers can be fired for yawning or running their fingers through their hair. Wolfowitz seen snickering and licking his comb (36) Weird Don't get lippy, husband tells wife while chewing off her bottom lip (26)
(Lubbock, TX) Asinine Texas lingerie-shop owner faces jail, sex-offender status for selling "illegal toys" (188)
(Some Guy) Amusing Firefighters "tied up for some time but disciplined and controlled firefighting contained the blaze to one room"... of a bondage parlour (11)
UPI Asinine Using cockney slang to call something "queer" on British TV will get you in trouble. Coming right out and calling it "gay"? Well that's just calvin, mate (108)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Scary No one go to Newport Beach, its bat country now (53)
MSNBC Sad Darwin goes golfing; sinks a 75-foot putt (66)
(Some Bud Drinker) Strange Who will defend our pissy American lager? Who? (137)
(Some gymnast watcher) Photoshop Photoshop this distressed gymnast (84)
CNN Scary What. The. Fark (633) Obvious Passengers on British Airways jet fall ill. British food suspected (47)
Yahoo Interesting Are you addicted to the Internet? Or can you quit anytime you want? (96)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ten simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life. Joining TotalFark strangely absent from list (80)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's "teacher-of-the-year student-sex scandal" story proudly presented by South Carolina. No seriously, she was named "teacher of the year" (72)
Fox News Scary Documents show bin Laden wanted to use Iraq as staging ground for attacks against USA (231)
ABC News Scary Bush authorizes covert action in Iran to destabilize the government. What could possibly go wrong? (247)
(Some Guy) Interesting The 10 bestselling books of all time. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone" closing on "The Book of Mormon" for eighth place (115)

Tue May 22, 2007
New Scientist Silly A drug which reduces the desire for marijuana and blocks its effect on the brain has been successfully tested in rats. Still no cure for cancer (273)
(Rocky Mtn News) Asinine Denver airport starts selling ads on security bins. "Not going anywhere for a while...?" (61)
Reuters Obvious McDonald's to push Egg McMuffins in China. This is bit of a gambit, as hastily prepared, super greasy food is not the way the Chinese do things (119)
(PassTheGiblets) Interesting Wild turkey injures school-bus driver. Jack Daniels will do the same thing (62)
(The Herald) Obvious Parasite in Scottish water could devastate salmon stocks (yawn) and cripple whisky industry. PANIC (85)
(NBC) Scary Soccer moms beware: Stymied by lack of farmers markets, the elderly are now targeting Starbucks (65)
(AOL Sports) Photoshop AOL Sports Blog suggests a Fark photoshop contest: Carson Palmer's hot dog ad (72)
AZCentral Dumbass Death row convict's final words as he dies: "Go Raiders." Raiders will go, and continue to suck (120)
Scientific American Interesting First the bees started to disappear. Now, potatoes and peanuts may also go (98)
(AJR) Obvious American Journalism Review says reporters could learn a lot from "The Daily Show," primarily being honest (161)
Yahoo Asinine Gas prices rise to $3.22 per gallon on news that oil falls to $65 per barrel (341) Followup Teenager who won a court case to treat his leukemia with holistic medicine "doctor" instead of chemotherapy has died (270)
Local6 Obvious Seven-foot-tall great dane is world's biggest non-red dog (116)
ABC News NewsFlash Liberty University student arrested for trying to use napalm bombs to stop protestors from disrupting Jerry Falwell's funeral (435)
CNN Followup The Hoff gets visitation rights back after drunken cheeseburger-eating incident. Bonus: Pic of the Hoff with his hot daughters (157)
Stuff Dumbass Pedestrians step in front of buses and get run over. City reduces speed limit. Even more pedestrians step in front of slow-moving buses and get run over (122)
(Some Guy) Amusing Officials at an all-women's college removed billboard advertising the school after vandals made it more accurate (232)
The Scotsman Dumbass Burglar apprehended after leaving resume at crime site (38)
CBC Dumbass Teen sues drug-sniffing dog for violating his civil rights, presumably the civil right that lets him sell drugs at school (218)
Yahoo Spiffy New York yellow cabs are to go green. Millions of blue markers on their way to NY (98)
(Some Guy) Obvious Michigan mulls charging motorcyclists an annual fee to allow them to ride without a helmet. Special license would raise $25 million a year for the state and eliminate waits for donor organs almost overnight (240)
CTV Stupid Tonight on Fox, someone makes the life-changing leap from obscurity to irrelevance (151)
(Some Guy) Hero Eagle Scout raises thousands of dollars to put up sign for town. Council president rejects it as being too ugly: "No one ever said life was fair" (191)
CNN Followup Official: "At this point, we believe the whales are just f*cking with us" (136)
CNN Interesting UK asks Russia to extradite a businessman and former KGB agent to face charges of poisoning Alexander Litvinenko. Russia says that they won't do this, but will send over some sushi to show there's no hard feelings (62)
CBS Boston Stupid Could food coloring be linked To ADD? One family cut artifical dyes from their child's diet, and it seemed to help. So yes, food coloring causes ADD (176)
( NewsFlash Explosions in India shake northern town, heya ma-ma-ma (73)
Yahoo Interesting EU to allow Universal Music to purchase BMG for $0.01* (* plus $2.09 billion shipping and handling) (64)
(Shreveport Times) Amusing Not news: Two men riding to work. News: One arrested for stabbing the other. It was because he wouldn't stop quickly enough to get a honey bun (54)
(Some Guy) Scary German zoo hires clown to prevent monkeys there from going ape (with pics of all primates involved) (57)
Sun Sentinel Florida "Wow, its like almost 3:00 a.m. and I'm bored." "Me too." "Wanna go clog up the toilets in that middle school?" "Yeah, that'd be cool" (54)
Wired Cool Dubai to build convention center that looks oddly familiar. Serious design flaw detected around exhaust vent (with pic) (199)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Pricipal . Caught sayof keeping dementia at bay. Is He dead or not. NMN Says drink. St. Pete Times Looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wearing leather pants" (110) Sappy Littlest fan's final joy sees Sens off to Cup (152)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious Reagan's newly released diary says, "Getting shot hurts." Coming soon, from Bill Clinton's memoirs: "Getting blown kicks ass" (132)
(KSAT) Obvious Headline: "Most drivers in police chases have committed crimes." Sgt. Romero reportedly in hot pursuit of Obvious tag (50)
Boston Herald Dumbass Defense attorney faces tough challenge after his client, on trial for assault, punches out a juror (58)
(Some Californians) Photoshop Photoshop this daredevil dog (79)
Yahoo Followup Followup to the followup to the followup to the followup: Confused whales in California don't like bridges, turn around again (76)
Miami Herald Florida With hurricane season looming, Florida legislature gets ready by creating a run on generators (76)
(Sailor) Cool Farker's warship rescues civilian sailors on the way home. Baby, I will still be home on time... no really (130)
USA Today Scary New poll shows a quarter of younger U.S. Muslims support suicide bombings in some circumstances. Across age groups, five percent have a favorable view of al-Qaeda (491)
Yahoo Unlikely Paula Abdul passes out on her face, breaks nose. I mean, uh, she tripped over her chihuahua. Yeah, that's the ticket (127)
BBC Interesting The UN is going to probe CAR crimes, which may or may not include putting a spoiler and racing stripes on a 1987 Aries K (56)
AZCentral PSA If you are a state official, putting "I am a wild debaucher" on your MySpace page is likely to invite scrutiny. Bonus: "If I had known that the public would see it, I never would have done it" (58)
(EON) Unlikely Mick Jagger is all about satisfaction. So when girls started complaining about his little wee-man, The Mickster decided to try an Amazonian ritual of letting bees sting it a bunch of times so it puffs up. Ouch (74)
(Some Guy) Stupid Cadbury now seeking to trademark the color purple. Alice Walker unavailable for comment (80)
(Some BFF) Sick Man poses as 15-year-old with leukemia to scam teenage girls into webcam porn and sending nude shots of themselves. He's SOOO off their top eight list (125)
(WLWT) Amusing Two for Tuesday: Cops arrest domestic-violence suspect at motel... and the shooting suspect who ran from the room next door thinking cops were there to get him (11)
(SixPackPlease) Interesting Man crashes car through liquor store when prosthetic leg jams. Yeah, right... we've heard that one a million times (25)
MSNBC Asinine It's now possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair. In other words, crippled people aren't allowed to get drunk anymore (202)
Local6 Florida Homeless teen graduates highschool with a 3.7 average; still lives in a van down by the river (112)
(News4Jax) Silly New England town fires four women for gossiping. At least, that's what I heard (85)
(Cape Cod Times) Scary Man speeding on two-lane highway throws notebooks and trash out the window, clips another car's mirror, rolls twice, snaps three utility poles and lands his car upside down. TA-DAAAA (81)
(Demented Tidbits) Caption Caption this handy man (67)
BBC Weird Man offers own head to Oxford for shrinking -- and not by a psychiatrist, either (24)
Reuters Weird Hundreds gather in Nepal to watch a "sweating idol." Ruben Studdard not impressed (31)
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass Three men arrested for drug possession. Police might not have noticed them, except that the suspects first rammed their car into a parked police cruiser, then threw all of their drugs out the windows during the ensuing high-speed chase (18)
Free Press Unlikely Hooters finally granted liquor license in spite of city council's view that Hooters does not fit the image of "Big Beaver Corridor" (67)
Local6 Florida Goofy-looking teen tasered at Disney World for spitting and cursing (111)
Fox News Stupid If you think your college tuition is high now, just let John Edwards come give a speech about poverty for $55,000 (233) Scary Monkey at Denver Zoo eats squirrel infected with bubonic plague; this monkey's gone to heaven (113) Interesting China to fire rockets at clouds to ensure no rain at Olympics Opening Ceremony. In other news, China to fire rockets at Taiwan to ensure no Taiwanese at Olympics Opening Ceremony (46)
The Sun Obvious It's official: Paris Hilton will be tagged in prison. The Sun is there (113)
(The Local) Amusing Priest fined for speeding. Drugs, not velocity (16) Ironic Man who tried to kill his girlfriend by leaving her in a car parked across railway lines was himself killed when an oncoming train hurled the car into him as he fled. She survived (118)
Stuff Stupid Nine-year-old girl puts sign in window reading "Help! Please call the police!" after being told to clean her room (117)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Aliens kill ATV rider (44)
ABC News Strange DNA testing is usually a pretty good way to identify your babydaddy, except when the babymamma fornicated with identical twins hours apart (78)
(Some Guy) Strange Deadly quilt paralyses man (36)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Asinine Hot tubs -- the latest victim of May sweeps turning otherwise benign/therapeutic items... DEADLY (28)
Fox News Dumbass Pakistan's female tourism minister tenders her resignation after hugging her jump instructor in an obscene fashion (includes pic) (166)
(Makezine) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his wood (56)
(9NEWS) Obvious School yearbook devotes three pages to alcohol and drug use. Surprisingly, some parents weren't amused (38) Unlikely Oxymoronically-named Model Health Inquiry tells fashion industry to grow up, eat a sammich (18)
Newsday Dumbass Every Darwin has his day (33)
London Times Scary I for one welcome our new flying robot police overlords (72)
Stuff Strange Actual headline: "Irate herd manager assaults heifers with quad bike" (22)
London Times Unlikely You're a British civil servant. You need to learn leadership skillz. How are you going to do that? Of course -- iPods all round (14)
(Capital News 9) Dumbass The rarest inappropriate student/teacher relationship: Guy on guy. And this one's a beaut (90)
(Some Guy) Asinine School superintendent bans parents from cheering when their child's name is being called during graduation ceremonies (140)
Wired Obvious "We cannot expect astronauts to spend three years in a spacecraft and not have sex -- of some kind. Probably with each other, and likely in more than one combination" (207)
MSNBC Asinine Ticket from London to Paris? $50. Want to take your luggage? That'll be $1000. Don't forget to read the fine print when buying that airline ticket (67)
NYPost Stupid Mother sues coach after child injures himself sliding into second base. Child says he felt beckoned (85)

Mon May 21, 2007
(Some Guy) Obvious Family who lives in cemetery says it's a great place to raise a family. "We have got a big back yard," explains mother. "It's very peaceful" (53)
The Sun Strange Meet the women "who find rippling muscles and chiselled good looks a complete turn-off" and who only date ugly men. No, this is not a Satire submission (313)
Yahoo Strange Man sleeps through gunshot to the head (37)
(Some Guy) Interesting 15 eyesight myths (99)
590 KLBJ Interesting Federal judge blocks Texas town's attempt to force landlords not to rent to illegal immigrants (227)
AFP Dumbass Belgian anarchist artist's latest coup d'etat attempt fails. He probably waffled (25)
LA Times Asinine In an effort to grab more cash, the RIAA takes an idea from The Onion and runs with it (291)
(The Moscow Times) Interesting Man takes dog for walk, finds $700,000 stolen from bank. What's your dog done lately? (46)
(Some Dutch boy) Photoshop Photoshop this sky-minded tourist in Amsterdam (74)
Yahoo Interesting What your car says about you (490)
Miami Herald Obvious Ric Romero headline of the week award goes to the Miami Herald (42)
(AXcess News KY) PSA National "Click It or Ticket" crackdown starts today. Remember, citizen, we will find you, wherever you are, and you will get a ticket. This is for your own protection (327) Florida Your worst high school nightmare realized: Police issue picture, all points bulletin for two teen guys who stole a box of condoms. Surveillance hilarity ensues (167)
(Daily Tribune) Asinine Mother: "Let my daughter walk at graduation even though she didn't pass the state graduation test." School board: "Suck it" (246)
London Times Spiffy The first rule of Chess Club: You don't talk about Chess Club. Not even for £65,000 (34)
(McDonalds) Weird Interview tips for that job at McDonald's (240)
Yahoo Followup Followup to the followup to the followup: Whales who thought about heading back up river to Sacramento remembered that it was Sacramento. Back to the ocean they go (72)
( Ironic Irony: Religious shrine struck by lightning. Fark Irony: Insurance may not cover this "act of God" (132)
CNN Florida South Florida facing toughest water restrictions ever: You can only water your lawn once a week. Oh, the humanity! (129)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Women hitting stride at 50? Get off my lawn, get into my car (170)
Slate PSA Attention: Lolcats is officially played out. Go back about your normal business and wait for the next meme (367)
(Blatantly Drunk Reporter) Cool "These ain’t no chuggin’ beers" explains reporter after South Carolina starts selling beer with 14-percent alcohol (112)
(Rochester Democrat) Obvious Poll shows high level of pessimism in U.S. Yeah, right. Freaking polls (73)
(NY Daily News) Obvious You know it's Fleet Week in NYC when you start hearing "Hello sailor" in neighborhoods other than Greenwich Village (52)
(Chattanoogan) Strange "Watch out, kudzu. More goats may be coming to get you" (53)
(Some Guy) Obvious Only two states, New Hampshire and New Jersey, have an average gas price below $3 per gallon. Unfortunately, neither state is inhabitable for long periods of time (118) Interesting Australia's most trusted people: Medics, scientists and… uh… The Wiggles? (38)
(Some Guy) Silly Five reasons to not have sex on drugs (194)
MDN Sick Which is worse: Submitting an article that's five years old, or reading a five-year-old article about elderly hookers? You be the judge (30)
(Reason) Obvious Gen-Y is narcissistic and arrogant. But that's okay because so were their parents and grandparents (147)
Bangor Daily News Strange Woman -- who's been shot at, mugged, struck by lightning twice; has fallen into a manhole and off a cruise ship; was strangled; helped Fred Rogers get naked -- explains she won't walk under ladders because it's bad luck (pic) (89)
Yahoo Asinine Retail gasoline prices set new record on news that retail gasoline prices set new record (166)
Scientific American Sad Ten animals that may go extinct in the next 10 years. Your dog wants a dodo to play with (184)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Pigs switch to trail mix and candy bars as corn prices soar (60)
Metafilter Obvious "I think 13 years of surfing the Internet has ruined my brain" (64)
NYPost Asinine Bank of America sues identity-theft victim for $23,000. Your dog is broke (218)
The Onion Satire When will it ever be enough for the RIAA? (90) Obvious Kids who live closer to schools can now get free bus rides. In my day, we didn't have buses! We walked 10 miles uphill both ways barefoot in the snow on streets made of glass and rusty nails, with onions on our belts. And we liked it! (109)
CBS San Francisco Followup Whales that swam to Sacramento, then finally back toward sea, head back to Sacramento (with updated link) (56)
(China Daily) Hero Hundred-year-old man says the secret to longevity is smoking every day and drinking liquor after every meal (76)
MSNBC Cool Plastination, the alternative to burial that allows you to scare those damned kids for years after your death (86)
Pravda Obvious Most Russians think that Americans still have biased "Cold War" attitude towards Russia (180)
(CBS46) Amusing Actual headline: "Minister accused of having 8 wives in jail" (50)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida What happens when a city tries to be nice to the homeless? You get a 100-acre tent city and all the problems that go with it (160)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Oleander Hawkmoth (54) Amusing Darth Darwin: A fridge, underwear and a Darth Vader voice distorter were some of the items bought by Darwin's lord mayor using stolen council funds (32) Obvious Britain will issue Harry Potter stamps, allowing legions of creepy guys to finally lick Hermione Granger's rear end (133)
Yahoo Cool Another coelacanth has been caught. This makes three in the past 80,000,000 years? (327)
Yahoo Amusing Hershey sues other candy maker for making candy with similar names. Did I mention it was pot candy? (34)
AP Interesting Hugh Hefner may outlive the colony of rabbits named after him (26)
St. Pete Times Florida Troopers, investigating death of dopey motorcyclist, get plowed over by drunken driver (49)
(Durango Herald) Strange 11:08 a.m.: A man on Westwood Place said his girlfriend was beating a miniature Chihuahua with a spatula (45)
Newsday Florida Former Creed "singer" Scott Stapp arrested on domestic violence charges, held without bond. Thank you, Florida (150)
Yahoo Stupid If you're wondering when your fridge full of tasty black tar heroin is going to arrive from Tajikistan, you may want to give DHL a call (29)
( Sad TSA steals congressman's PB&J (90)
SeattlePI Spiffy Science gatherings become popular after organizers just add beer (28)
ABC News Stupid Today's made-up Internet affliction: Cyberchondria (39)
SLTrib Dumbass Dr. Laura's son the soldier: Not a chicken hawk, but perhaps a chickenhawk (152)
(Shnaghai Daily) Weird Umbrella saves girl in fall from sixth floor (54)
The Sun Sick If that sliced ham you bought today tastes like it is chock full of heady goodness, here's why (53)
The Sun Obvious Robots could soon replace nurses in hospitals, performing routine tasks such as dispensing drugs, taking temperatures and offering frail elderly patients a surprise helpful shove down the stairs (66)
London Times Silly Over half of parents "spy on kids" using Facebook. Hint: If it's a secret, maybe teh intarwebs ain't the place for it (49)
BBC NewsFlash Last of the sailing clippers, the Cutty Sark, is "100 percent ablaze" according to South London bobbies (136)
(Some Pipers) Photoshop Photoshop these bagpipers with their Olympic mascot (41)
Yahoo Obvious Non-breeding people whine about parents getting undeserved perks (1069)

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