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Sun June 10, 2007
Live Science Amusing "Eighty-five percent of women reported being satisfied with their partner’s penis size, compared to only 55 percent for men." This, of course, begs the question about just how picky a man can be about his partner's penis (3)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists figure out how much money you need to buy happiness. Comes out to $5 a month (16)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely couple dancing (27)
WPXI Dumbass PA Dept. of Public Welfare houses sex offenders and mentally disabled together. What could possibly go wrong? (29)
(Some Guy) Obvious From the "your mother was right" file: Better hand washing could save lives, health-care group says (39)
(Some Guy) Strange Man destroys another man's motorbike because he wouldn't hand over his pet squirrel (23)
BBC Unlikely Is Prince Philip of England a god? (38)
( Weird Step 1: Befriend creepy guy with butt-poking fetish. Step 2: Let him do his thing. Step 3: Profit (27)
Daily Mail Obvious Deadly bacteria much more likely to be found in organically-raised chickens than factory raised birds (57)
Cleveland Sad Demand grows for elephant meat. Hey, didn't one of Seattle's elephants just kick it? (31)
The Scotsman Asinine Not news: Italian Senator risks being late for a TV interview due to traffic jams in Rome. he calls an ambulance asking to be brought to his cardiologist, giving the oblivious paramedics the TV studio's address (24)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Utah man wants 'In God we Trust" posted in ALL of the state's classrooms (276)
(KABC-TV) Amusing In honor of Ric Romero's birthday, I present you with this handy bit of information: "Sunscreen or sunblock can help protect your skin." (46)
(Some drunk German) Silly "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." And they can. If they're frozen. In Germany (37)
BBC Obvious Travel agency in Wales under fire after ordering staff to speak English only on the job and not Welsh. You submitted this with a headline that had 150-letter words and sounded like a cat choking on a tuna can full of pebbles (53)
(Zipland Interactive) Asinine Study shows that Ritalin use rises in children of divorce. Right.... because the CHILDREN are to blame (176)
Wall Street Journal Dumbass The ITC bans any cell phone carrier using phones with Qualcomm chips. In other words, almost every cell phone in the US is now illegal (88)
Yahoo Scary ¡әш dlәч (141)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this frowning clown (78)
Slate Interesting A history of four letter words and how they got dirty (112)
BBC Interesting Minister suggests encouraging immigrants to learn English by translating less government literature into foreign languages. In other news, government literature is written in English (76)
TBO Misc From the Dept. of Silly Controversies: Flying flag at half-staff: showing respect for dead, or surrender? (86)
(Romerovision) Interesting Not only is today Ric Romero's birthday, but it seems that he's actually had a birthday every year - on this SAME EXACT DAY (96)
(Earthtimes) Amusing Apparently not satisfied with pink hearts and green clovers, police seeking leprechaun who is responsible for a series of bank robberies (30)
590 KLBJ Asinine Beverly Hills boutique sues magazine for failing to cover it as a hot-spot of celebrity shopping. And wins (34)
CBS Minneapolis Ironic Strippers charged with "excessive nudity" (93)
Globe and Mail Obvious Yes, one way to get attention for your cause IS cycling nude through Montreal. As long as your cause is naked cycling through Montreal (27)
UPI Strange Norway to exhume three Viking bodies buried years ago because they're afraid the remains may be decomposing (33)
IOL Dumbass Belgian employer turns down Nigerian job-applicant, saying his dog is racist and would bite non-whites. "My dog is racist. Not me" (291)
Telegraph Interesting Kim Jong Ill ? (121)
Washington Post Sad 50,000-year-old tribe being evicted because Abu Dhabi royal finds sharing UAE private safari playground in Tanzania "inconvenient" (167)
CNN PSA Not only are today's kids dumb and lazy, they're also violent sex offenders (102)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this standpipe (55) Cool Hungarians reconquer the world kissing record with more than 6400 couples snogging (46)
MSNBC Scary If you're eating a hamburger right now, you might want to stop and read this (157)
SFGate Scary Pastor who worked with Martin Luther King Jr. charged with incest. Bonus: He organized the 1963 Children's Crusade. Article really needs Vic Mackey tag (53)
Newsday Strange What's more disturbing: finding a skeleton in the closet or the fact that the power was still on 7 years later? (96)
Yahoo Interesting Yoga may help treat depression, anxiety disorders, conservatism (96)
Free Press Strange School gets TP'ed and paintballed... by low flying aircraft (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these fencing fanatics (47) Scary Just like your ex, NASA doesn’t think four inches is that big of a deal (124)

Sat June 09, 2007
This Is Local London Asinine Bakery unveils dog biscuits that idiot owners can share with their pets. They're more expensive per ounce than caviar, so the makers certainly have the moran demographic locked up (56)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Drunk 52-year old jumps off bridge in Maine, survives. "The guy jumped in to get cooled off ... It was just a little bit higher than what he thought it was." (69)
Yahoo Interesting "Salary has become such a minuscule component of CEO compensation that it is now largely irrelevant" (163) Cool Ohio charter school defends serving gin to sixth graders at graduation ceremony. Submitter would like an admission application (100)
JSOnline Weird Mom threatens to blow up school unless daughter can wear jeans to graduation (60)
(KETV) Dumbass Woman caught stealing toilet paper from courthouse. Bonus: Her last name is Butts (59)
Daily Mail Interesting Hottie who is 11th in line to British throne thrown to the ground by Camilla (w/ frame-by-frame action) (142)
Japan Times Obvious "There is growing interest among Japanese men and women in becoming licensed beer tasters" (35)
Reuters Stupid Italian senators want ice cream in cafeteria to "improve their quality of life" (36) Photoshop Photoshop the World Dog competition Best-of-Show (112)
(WWL-TV) Asinine Remember those new drainage pumps the Corps Of Engineers installed to keep New Orleans from flooding? Seems they won't because they are junk. Oops (147)
Yahoo Followup Soldier charged with desertion while fighting for custody of her 7-year-old daughter has been granted an honorable discharge (68)
AP Dumbass Although he probably thought out his plan a-head of time, a man will Romaine in custody for stealing lettuce (49)
CBS Minneapolis Scary Undercover cop who pulls gun during a road rage incident learns about the second amendment (494)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Teacher sues school after being fired for refusing to listen to Harry Potter book being read aloud because it "was against her Christian faith" and amounted to "witchcraft" (322)
(Teh Wikipedia) Sad First tragedy, then farce. June 8, 1972: Nick Ut takes one of the most famous pictures of the Vietnam War. 35 years later - to the day - he photographs a crying Paris Hilton in a police car (159)
Yahoo Strange Scientists tests CT scanners on trees. Your dogwood wants a stake (44)
Toronto Star Asinine To make sure kids succeed at everything in life, schools don't fail kids anymore (255)
MSNBC Hero Soldier granted leave so he can donate kidney to his mom. Excuse me for a moment, I have something in my eye (92)
Yahoo Interesting Experts say many in Britain malnourished despite the great tasting food (63)
(NBC10) Dumbass 20 Internet acronyms parents should know. NALOPKT. WTF? Did we need a slideshow for this? (303)
MSNBC Interesting Marathon runner checks his gear. Hat? Check. Sandals? Check. Sword? Check (43)
(Rochester D & C) Strange Turning the "Explorer" program into an "Explore Her" progam: 1 year in prison. Using the internets to do it: 30 years in prison (61)
( Scary A 9 year-old girl shot in the neck by her brother. Tag, you're it (78)
BBC Dumbass Car-surfing stunt goes wrong. Or more likely, evolution goes right (92)
Yahoo Caption Caption this track worker at Texas Motor Speedway inspecting a jet dryer (111)
590 KLBJ Asinine Woman sues over recalled contact lens solution. No, she wasn't injured, she just wants a class-action lawsuit for the cost of replacing her bottle (52)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this slam dunkin' guy (61)
AP Asinine Your honor, in order to defend my client adequately, I have to watch all this porn. Every last filthy, degrading moment (51) Florida Deputy startled awake by noise in his home, mistakes his leg for an intruder (57)
BBC Interesting UK driving test could include a psychometric assessment to spot bad drivers. Submitter surprised that the question on the existing test asking 'Gender' isn't enough (91)
Globe and Mail Scary "Nothing is scarier than staring into 20 pairs of beady little black eyes when there's no one around to save you" (76)
(Some Guy) Ironic ....and the number one excuse for missing your job interview with the police department: "I was in jail" (18)
CBS New York Hero Rocky Dennis has nothing on this unfortunate soul: 17-year old who was born without lower face has hope of reconstruction (alert: includes pic and video) (133)
NYPost Spiffy Jesus Christ solves murder case (61)
(WFIE-14) Spiffy Indiana man completes his documentary on the Bourbon Industry. Suck it, "Sicko" (55)
London Times Weird Irishman returns from the dead. For his next impossible feat he'll give up the drink (32)
(Newsnet5) Sad Dog jumps in lake. Owner jumps in to save dog. Dog swims to safety. Man drowns. Your dog wants you to learn how to swim (51)
(The Register-Herald) Misc Douchebags clean out Beaver Bath (22)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Dumbass Mall security guards gone wild. With booty pic goodness. (SFW) (49)
London Times Interesting 200 places that you can find an endangered species. Remember to bring mayonnaise (25)
Boston Herald Obvious Boston Herald hosts a website listing the salaries of every Massachusetts public servant. Site quickly crashes as everyone logs on to find how much coworkers earn (35)
MSNBC Sad California considering bill to require all pets to be fixed. Suck it, labs (151)
Yahoo Dumbass When your daughter doesn't make the Little League all-star team do you A) Be grateful she had a good season B) Teach her that life isn't always fair C) Attack the coach (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Canadian football fan (90)
Reuters Asinine In latest proof lawyers are not out of control in just America, court orders Malaysia's national airline to pay a Brahmin Hindu £2,900 for "mental anguish" suffered as a result of being served a chicken meal during a flight (48)
Boston Globe Scary ...and the number one reason why David Letterman is packing heat: The man who plotted to kidnap his son has escaped from prison (42)
UPI Strange Five-inch Chihuahua may be the world's smallest , most useless dog (97)
(NewsNet5) Interesting 15-year-old will graduate Ohio State with a degree in molecular genetics. For his graduate work, he plans to discover something called "girls" (76)
Telegraph Obvious Most modern mothers' advice to their daughters: "Fark babies, have a career" (151)
Telegraph Asinine Pencil sharpeners in Britain to get safety blades as the nanny state comes close to achieving self-awareness (79)
UPI Stupid Dogs in Missouri may be allowed to dine out with their owners. Your dog? Yeah, he wants steak (70)
The Sun Obvious Latest bogus scientific finding: people having sex cause the earth to move 89 million miles. “And it has given a new meaning to the term ‘The Big Bang’" (80)

Fri June 08, 2007
CBS New York Cool New York is considering paying kids who get high scores on tests. Subby wants to go back to 4th grade now (110)
(Some Guy) Amusing "A naked Liberty Lake accountant plowed his Honda Odyssey minivan through lawns, into garages and into a parked car before being arrested in his neighbor’s yard today, police say" (38)
St. Pete Times Strange Boy meets girl. They fall in love, marry. Girl decides that boy is wrong, all wrong, and that the forces of darkness have possibly replaced him with a copy of the original husband. THEN it gets weird (133)
Yahoo Sad Amsterdam's tourist industry is about to take a big hit (112)
(ACS) Ironic Man who led crusade to limit frivilous lawsuits with large payouts sues the Yale Club for $1,000,000 plus punitive damages for forgetting to install a handrail (42)
(Bay News 9) Florida Would-be thief breaks into restaurant through grill vent, gets stuck for ten hours until cops arrive (w/video with reporter asking him "How do you feel now? Stupid?") (24)
CNN Dumbass U.S. arming guerillas in Iraq to fight Al Qaeda. Because that worked out so well against the Soviets in Afghanistan (344)
Yahoo Weird ♫ Big bottoms, big bottoms ♫ Beijing hostesses, they don't got 'em ♫ (107)
ABC 7 Scary FAA computers melt down. Air travel in the northeast US is hosed. Submitter currently sitting in RDU watching a near riot at the ticket desk (163)
(Chattanoogan) Asinine Hot tubs? Check. Private booths? Check. Access to Internet porn? Check. Adult business license? Whoops... and about those four guys in the corner... ewwww (55)
WFTV Florida "Old People Suck" sign upsets Orlando seniors (with photos) (135)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these wall crawling statues (67)
(Some Guy) Ironic China rejects US food imports for not meeting quality standards. No, you didn't misread that (131)
Weekly World News Strange Batboy™ seen in Philadelphia. Cops want to question him on why he showed his ween to a teen. Bonus: Best police sketch ever (80)
(Some Milwaukee Guy) Interesting Senator Gary George denies allegations and "has as much interest in seeing the government of Laos overthrown as he does in the Klingons taking over the Enterprise" (45)
(The Local) Amusing Archaeologists discover iron age Mickey Mouse Pez dispenser (41)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Obvious It's official. EVERY teacher is having sex with their students. (Bonus: Read the article summary) (146)
Reuters Interesting Cable companies try to shed bad-service reputation, will be cutting subscription fees in half. Just kidding (85)
(Flame Trench) Cool Shuttle Atlantis launch tonight at 7:38pm - follow the countdown here (295)
UPI Interesting Male alligators respond to B flat played on a tuba. Researchers C natural responses at work, but caution avoiding D sharp teeth of adult gators (85)
(Some Guy) Obvious Teachers try to block army visits to schools, arguing the only people who should be carrying guns there are the students (62)
CNN Interesting High tech systems can tell you if the wine you bought is genuine or not. With not-at-all-suggestive pic (51)
( Asinine Gay activists sue for discrimination, in effect demanding that they drop at least one of the "29 Dimensions of Compatibility" they use to match up prospective spouses (260)
( Dumbass Asshat parents upset when asshat school officials censor their anti-liberal message in child's yearbook (219)
Detroit News Misc Bomb threat temporarily closes three Detroit-area libraries. Both patrons upset by interruption (41)
(Some Guy) Sad Mother of the year candidate found passed out drunk inside the house while her kids were running around outside naked, throwing rocks at passing cars (87)
(Harlem Streets) Scary Since 1977, Camilo Jose Vergara photographed the same structures repeatedly over decades to capture the process of urban decay. This is one building in Harlem, taken over a 20-year period (88) Asinine Poland's 1,200 troops assigned to NATO forces in Afghanistan will not achieve full combat readiness for up to several weeks because someone lost the car keys (74)
(Some Pleasantly Plump Guy) Obvious Overweight, large kids at risk from being crammed into school bus seats. EVERYBODY PANIC (87)
AP Followup Kansas teen murder suspect had a MySpace page. Interests included "eating small children and harming small animals" (138)
SMH Weird Before she died, Princess Diana apparently turned nuttier than a Mr. Goodbar (98)
(Some Guy) Scary Thieves stealing kegs to sell for scrap aluminum could drive up the price of beer. Our mission is clear gentlemen; we must hunt these bastards down like dogs (73)
Fox News Dumbass Bride-to-be fakes abduction to get out of date with another man, claims she'll still be married by next April (55)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Followup Judge to Paris Hilton: suck it (2555)
(Some reporter) Obvious For fear shark scares are getting old, media looks to flesh-eating bacteria for the new swim season. EVERYBODY PANIC (37)
Yahoo Spiffy Country with industrialized world's best longevity and overall health demands the return of Burger King. Have it your way (93)
FARK Plug Drew is signing books in Chicago tonight 7pm at Borders 2817 North Clark Street. Apparently coincides with "bean friday" (see link). Fark Party right after (44)
(Smart Reporter) Amusing 'No Child Left Behind' continues to struggle with the fact that some kids are just stupid. Not yours though (237)
(Think Progess) News General Peter Pace replaced as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Admiral Mike Mullen selected as new scapegoat (98)
(Daily Herald) Strange Legislation targets kindergarten dropouts. After all, nobody wants delinquent 5-year-olds who loiter around and are unproductive members of society (29)
(Cinemax) Video Who says you can't peep into someone's diary... except this one. Sponsored Link. Possibly not safe for work depending on your workplace (52)
( Sad Ocracoke Island, NC, named nation's top beach. Next comes a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot (141)
Yahoo Sad Man charged with fatally shooting Wee Wee (77)
SFGate Amusing The official guide to the man crush, or, if God didn't want us to have crushes on other men, why did he make Derek Jeter so freaking cool? (297)
(Some Guy) Ironic Police raid house and find drugs after being tipped off by a call at 4:20 a.m (64)
(It's a Palmetto) Silly Come vote for South Carolina's new license plate. You can choose the one with the tree, another one with the tree, or the other one with the tree (163)
Toronto Star Interesting Add vitamin D to the list of Stuff That Might Help Prevent Cancer. Submitter is thinking about creating a red wine infused green tea with milk and a light sprinkling of talcum powder (41)
BBC Amusing For all of you who have ever thought that Canadians are just a little bit different - it's because they're Vulcans. And doctors have witnessed the green blood to prove it (79)
(Free-Lance Star) Amusing When cheating on your wife, be careful where you park (134)
(Some Local Guy) Sick Student-teacher sex scandal trifecta complete (at least for the day). Brought to you by Tyler, Texas with mugshot goodness (182)
BBC Dumbass Many Britons unaware that bacon, bread, beer come from farm products. OK, so most Americans deny evolution. What's the tie-breaker? (279)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Scientists confirm that aliens are "doing well", listening to our old radio broadcasts (with the most WTF pic on an article evar) (128)
BBC Stupid Headline: “Cannabis hospital admissions rise.” Dude, there is a cannabis hospital, we should totally go there (227)
( is good enough) Photoshop It's a hillbilly hat Photoshop hootenanny (84)
Yahoo Dumbass George Michael to be sentenced today for driving while unfit. John Daly hesitant to tee off (27)
Yahoo Amusing I saw an extremely phallic turtle (59)
CBC Silly Finalists in "Seven Wonders of Canada" poll show that most Canadians wouldn't know a real wonder if it bit them in their pale, goose-bumped arse (132)
Independent Asinine No more War for Chocolate. No more War for Chocolate. No more War for Chocolate (75)
This Is Local London PSA British driver receives speeding ticket because he failed to stop and measure the distance between lampposts (84)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these Duke lady fans (126)
(KETV) Amusing Des Moines police: pantyhose worn by a robber saved his life (21)
Yahoo Sappy Will Gill lost his watch during WWI. 90 years later it is reunited with his grandson, Bill Gill (58)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange L.A. Gangbangers: Garfield dolls are the new guitarcases (with pic) (62)
AP Interesting Teen drives car through mall, proclaims dislike for Illinois Nazis (87)
Washington Post Interesting Japan draws up guidelines to cut suicide rate. No word on whether the rates will be cut across the street, or down the tracks (75)
( Scary Not News: Guy from Alabama calls another guy from Alabama a son of a biatch. News: The son of a biatch slugs him. It happens on the floor of the Alabama Senate (with video goodness) (143)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Sad Press scared that old people retiring will mean ruin for economy due to "lack of skilled workers". Still can't figure out how to iPod (94)
MSNBC Sad Inventor of Cheez Whiz and McDonald's french fries has died. Not surprisingly of a heart attack (65)
Yahoo News Bush falls ill at G8 summit. Please, George, tell us you didn't have tea with Vladimir (364) Amusing Habitual spitters forced to wear anti-spitting headgear (36)
London Times Unlikely Playing with dolls is good for young boys, says company that makes and sells dolls (55)
Time Interesting Photo essay: What families across the globe eat in a week (226)
CNN Obvious You know that Fendi bag you bought at the Walmart? Yeah it was a fake. As a general rule don't buy designer handbags at the same place you buy toothpaste and wheelbarrows (65)
Yahoo Dumbass Police find coke stash in Last Supper carving (31)
Yahoo Amusing Wrong man kicked in nuts by cops; don't you just hate when that happens to you? (137)
SFGate Amusing Sex scandal? In my Creation museum? It's more common than you think (63)
Yahoo Stupid Major 9/11 security measure to be suspended because Americans don't know that Toronto and Tijuana aren't in the United States (115)
( Stupid Today's student-teacher sex scandal brought to you by Lakeland High School. With Gross mugshot (91)
AP Interesting For some unknown reason wild animals are migrating to the Chernobyl meltdown area. Your dog wants genetic mutation (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these beach runners (69)
(Some guy way too close to Riverdale) Asinine Rural California "Christian" school hosts senior prom. Yeah, insignificant. Unless it's a Civil War themed prom complete with blackface "slaves." (192)
Chicago Tribune Scary Todays teacher having sex with student brought to you by Illinois. With mugshot goodness (119)

Thu June 07, 2007
( Followup Sailor discharged for being gay, then recalled back into Navy for Iraq War deployment, then discharged again for being gay, now being recalled to Navy once again (152)
(Monkey Types The Bible) Followup Paris Hilton may be going back to jail after all. That's hot (292)
(El Paso Times) Obvious Texas wants to issue its own passport (128)
Yahoo PSA UN agency reports over 600 million people worldwide work excessively long hours (more than 48 hours a week). Which nation tops the list? No, you guessed wrong. Now GBTW (105)
Yahoo Interesting Scientists discover origin of déjà vu ... woah, wait a sec (133)
CBS News Sad US death toll in Iraq reaches 3,500... because we only pay attention when we see nice, round numbers (368)
(TMZ) Followup Los Angeles city attorney reportedly pissed that Paris Hilton was released early for no reason. Says the LA County Sheriff circumvented the judicial process by violating a judge's order (281)
Yahoo Interesting Scientists discover origin of déjà vu ... woah, wait a sec (226)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kiddie chopper pilot (51)
Network World Asinine Casino bans inventor of Microsoft Word for being too lucky (182)
ABC News Scary This isn't what they meant when they named it the Windy City: weather advisory for Chicago warns of 60+ m.p.h. winds plus hail. Ouch (128)
AFP Obvious It's raining, it's pouring, the price of crude is soaring (58)
Yahoo Cool Control group of tee-totaller nuns proves once again that beer is good for you. Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA to replace wine in doctrine of transubstantiation, effective immediately (94)
Examiner Asinine San Francisco plans to ban The Blue Angels from performing during Fleet Week this year. Maverick and Goose are not amused (321)
BBC Asinine Gallery owner forced to cover up naughty bits of angel painting after one woman complains. Oh, and it was in England this time and not Ohio, Florida, or Kansas (70)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sheriff says Colorado State University should allow students and faculty to carry concealed firearms on campus. Responding police to an active shooting situation get to guess who the good guys are or just shoot everyone holding a gun (390)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Psychology professor arrested for threatening to go postal. Or maybe he just wants us to THINK he was arrested, so that we'll put down our guard. Unless he KNEW that we would suspect a trap, and is pulling a double-reverse bluff on us (33)
(People) Dumbass Al Sharpton: "Paris was only released cause she's white" (357) Obvious Fertility among women hits 26-year high, proving that women are having sex with everyone except you (54)
Yahoo Interesting Indian officials hand out condoms at porno theaters, because people who get laid go to porno theaters (42)
(CFRB) Cool Toronto-area Farkers, set your radios to AM 1010: Drew to appear on the John Moore Show at 5pm EST. All other Farkers click "Listen Now" (31)
Globe and Mail Obvious "Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day." (233)
Pravda Scary You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the 56-year-old man out of the tiger (37)
ABC News Amusing Robbery suspect in Georgia has to be rescued by police after his intended victims disarmed him, beat him with a metal broomstick and were about to whack him with a shovel (44)
CNN Strange It's the Mayor, it's Jesus, no it's just a damn tree you silly folks (64)
(Some Terrier-ist) Asinine Steal a car: go to jail. Steal a dog: go to Guantanamo (74)
Daily Mail Amusing Irish embassy staff in England break into bar in search of booze, claim dipsomanaic immunity (54)
Wall Street Journal Amusing iPod technician tired of being pestered at parties. In other news: There are iPod "technicians". In other other news: they get invited to parties? (220)
Reuters Interesting Half of all adults in the United States say they have registered as an organ donor, although only some have purchased a motorcycle to show that they're really serious about it (202)
Yahoo Spiffy Richard Branson unveils train that runs on vegetable oil. Olive oil may be subsituted, but only if it's extra-virgin (77)
(The News Tribune) Cool 78 year old graduates from college: "It will be an experience I will remember as long as I live...Granted, I don’t have much longer to live” (35)
(Some Guy) Hero Gisele Bundchen attacks Catholic church on no sex before marriage rules. "Today no one is a virgin when they get married ... show me someone who's a virgin." (749) Interesting Sicily, which fought for centuries to rid itself of the scourge of La Cosa Nostra, now faces an even greater criminal enterprise: Texas oil men (55)
Boston Globe Sad Conjoined twins' surgery halted. Doctors put heads together to figure out what went wrong, but can't see eye to eye (40)
(Derby Telegraph) Scary Man dismayed that airport security staff confiscated his daughter's soft drink, yet failed to spot the seven-inch knife in his pocket (127)
Yahoo Interesting Swedish researchers developing "talking paper." Charmin reportedly working on profanity filters (26)
(NYT) Obvious British grocery giant Tesco to set up stores in United States, hopes shoppers will flock to its outlets that feature no fruits or vegetables but do boast convenient frozen 'cigar butts floating in phlegm' entrees (99)
BBC Amusing Dog described as "bouncy" survives plunge off cliff (34)
CBS News Interesting Putin suggests acceptable site for US missile defense system. Surprisingly, suggested location not up Bush's ass (144)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man loses memory stick filled with child porn, then calls police to reclaim it. What a cunning plan (60)
Local6 Florida Hey, c'mon, who hasn't used construction machinery to try to kill someone after gay sex? (73)
(WCVB) Silly Apparently out of things to legislate, Massachusetts lawmakers want to regulate which direction bathroom doors swing (59)
(Some Guy) Cool Tomorrow, June 8th. 7pm, Chicago Fark Party. Witts on Lincoln. DIT Link goes to Chicago Fark Party page (47)
Chicago Sun-Times Cool Normally, it wouldn't make sense for a fitness club to request a liquor license. Unless of course the fitness club caters to women and specializes in the fine art of pole dancing (57)
FARK Plug Drew will be signing books in Buffalo, NY tonight Borders Cheektowaga 7pm. Party at Pearl Street Brewery afterwards. Tomorrow: Chicago. Click link for details (109)
(NBC 4) Strange News: Man attacks woman. Fark: With a plastic bag. Total Fark: He might be a serial plastic bag attacker (58)
Local6 Florida If dressing in a woman's shirt, garter belt and stockings, stalking a female neighbor, and urinating on her house is wrong, this guy doesn't want to be right (55)
(Post-Gazette) Obvious Mother hypnotizes son into testifying against brother at murder trial, forces him to sign an affadavit saying he was hypnotized, then drugs him and forces him to send an email to the press about the whole thing. Well duh, that's obvious (45)
LA Times Amusing How do you deal with road rage in California? You close the whole darn road (79)
BBC Spiffy Scientists create robot that can rescue soldiers, pilot your flying car (123)
(Mush!) Stupid Just the thing for suburbanites who want to combine all the benefits of laziness and self-humiliation with the thrill of animal cruelty (148)
CBS Green Bay Dumbass Not News: Man drops cell phone down storm sewer. News: Gets stuck in sewer trying to retrieve it. Fark: Drowns while wedged in sewer (88) Strange Beer can holder removed from market after SPCA says it's being used as a toadwhacker (84)
(WoodTV) Strange Man breaks wheelchair land speed record at 50 mph. Unfortunately, he was attached to the front of a semi truck at the time (113)
(Some Jumper) Photoshop Photoshop this leaping adventurer (88)
Houston Chronicle Obvious A gold digger's guide: Using the right bait to land a rich fish - er, husband (273)
Wired Scary Tin foil hat doesn't seem so dumb now, does it? (171)
(Some Guy) Cool D.C. Fark Party, tomorrow June 8. Beer (411)
CBC Obvious Raid on Canadian couple's arms cache proves that, when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will stock up on obscure and esoteric weaponry (128)
Chicago Tribune Obvious US worker productivity slowdown may lead to a recession, all because you're reading this headline at your desk instead of finishing those TPS reports (70)
Bangor Daily News Obvious Crackerjack police investigators believe that a man standing on a street corner threatening passing cars with a chainsaw could conceivably have been under the influence of alcohol (23)
WFTV Asinine 51 year old lady went to the police station to get fingerprinted for a new job. Mistakenly jailed for nine days (115)
MSNBC Followup Apparently, the iron fist of the law was the one thing Paris Hilton couldn't ride out (850)
MSNBC Interesting Toyota worldwide hybrid sales top 1 million, worldwide category 5 smug alert issued (288)
Boston Globe Asinine Boston City Councilor proposes that motorists sign pledge not to break speed limit, but only if they really, really mean it. In related news, Farkers sign pledge not to be snarky (83)
Yahoo Spiffy "Beer usually conjures images of fraternity keggers, tailgate parties and Homer Simpson loafing at Moe's Tavern." Mr. Reporter guy, you had me at "beer" (99)
Yahoo Obvious 3 of 4 Americans agree that the rich get richer while the poor get poorer. The rest work for the Federal Reserve and see nothing wrong with the economy, move along (625)
Yahoo Strange Reuters headline: "Cliff Richard records rout funfair yobs". Okay, when did the English stop speaking English? (98) Interesting Qualified, but unemployed? There is huge need for employable people in Norway right now (90)
(Evening Gazette) Asinine PETA members travel around UK to recruit people for Pamplona protest called "The Running of the Nudes". Couldn't we have thrown in a few bulls anyway? (71)
Seattle Times Asinine Not news: school district cuts 35 teaching positions. Fark: district uses savings to buy $15,000 automated espresso machine for remaining staff (91)
(Some Guy) Weird Pirate radio station causing delays at airport. Christian Slater wanted for questioning (63) Scary Remember those hi-tech tsunami warning systems they installed in Indonesia last year after that big one? Yeah, well they keep going off and freaking people out with false alarms, so they went and smashed one up (29)
CNN Interesting Scientists preparing experiment to create new universe -- or maybe new supervillain, really it could go either way (138)
The Sun Obvious When a newspaper has to sincerely apologize for suggesting Yoko Ono eats dog meat, The Sun is there (27)
(Some Guy Gardner) Unlikely Green Lantern tavern burns to the ground; Sinestro wanted for questioning (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ball hitter (50)
CNN Scary Greenland's name becoming increasingly appropriate (326) Scary Nature: 1 - Darwin: 0. This could get really, really bad (39)
The Smoking Gun Asinine Man who was chased by Borat in film makes great glorious American lawsuit. The gun that is to smoke, she is there (192)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Interesting Standard issue body armour "Interceptor" might be replaced by the newer "Dragon Skin" armour (146)
(Internet Library of Law) Cool Ninth Circuit Court rules that hotlinks of pages and images (framing) and Google's GIS thumbnails constitutes Fair Use; in other news, Pancake Bunny clearly understands what this is all about (54)
BBC Asinine One in four parents wants webcams in their kids' classes so they can watch the lessons, make sure their precious little snowflake is actually there and not mainlining junk in the bathroom as rebellion against their smothering parenting (78) Unlikely Australian government plans to shame oil companies into lowering fuel prices. Yeah. That'll teach em (51)
(Some Guy) Strange Fortune tellers have no idea who is leaving dead raccoons on their doorsteps (31)
ABC News Obvious Bush's Surgeon General Nominee: Boys and girls have different pipe fittings (220)
Daily Mail Scary By 2010, all cars will have aircraft-style black boxes to send SOS after a crash, upload your speed, driving habits and use of seatbelts to your insurance company (148)
(Some Guy) Strange Man goes to the hospital after he was stabbed with deer antlers and hit in the head with a bicycle tire (28)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 109: "Nothing to see here" Please read first post. LGT next week's theme (249)

Wed June 06, 2007
(WRAL) Dumbass Tip: if you can't swim and drop your cell phone in a lake...don't go after it (66)
(Some Guy) Obvious Grade 13 students in Ontario launch class action lawsuit over illegal fees charged for computers and libraries (60)
TBO Florida Todays school shooting brought to you by the only state farked up enough to have a school shooting during summer break (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A motorcycle is speeding up and down your street. Do you: A) Call the police, B) Get the license plate number, or C) Step in front of it to slow it down? (164)
My San Antonio Hero Today's man amputating leg with pocket knives brought to you by 66-year-old lumberjack (86) Dumbass Museum thief gets the finger (41)
ESPN Cool Stanley Cup finals game 5 discussion. Will the Ducks perform the flying V for victory, or will the Senators get Saturday Night Fever? (1040)
(Some Guy) Sappy Dog tags of soldier killed in D-Day found in sand on Normandy beach, returned to family on 63rd anniversary of invasion (85)
Newsday Cool Arkansas teen stumbles across 2.93 carat diamond, doubles state per capita income (99)
(Some Guy) Followup School district caves in, awards diplomas to students denied for creating disturbance at graduation. That'll teach 'em (69)
(Some Guy in Tampa) Scary Man bitten by shark in Florida. EVERYBODY PANIC. Wait... he is an old German tourist and not an attractive surfer girl? Never mind (38)
Yahoo Interesting Spain may send navy to stop Americans from recovering treasure from sunken ships. No word on if South American Indians will send troops to recover treasure from Spanish Navy (116)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hungry polar bear (79)
CNBC Obvious White House lowers economic outlook for the year from "rosy" to "crappy" (81) Strange "The process puts offenders and victims together in a room to tell their stories, to question events, and to eventually develop a sentence of reparation to be taken to a judge for final decision" (48)
NYPress Spiffy Review of Drew's book by the New York Press. Bonus quote: "If you think about it, the Edward R. Murrow-era was really a historical anomaly" (98)
Yahoo Interesting Over 80 percent of Republicans are satisfied with their personal finances, while only about half of Democrats feel the same. Bunch of liberal whiners (188)
AJC Asinine Judge to rule on case where a 17 year old kid was imprisoned for having consensual oral sex with a kid two years younger (153)
( Obvious Substitute teacher victimized by pop-up porn on classroom computer gets new trial instead of sentence. IT security persons and common sense applaud (49)
St. Pete Times Dumbass Bunch of Wiccan hippies rally to support one of their own. City councilman asks her if her Wiccan-based business "will involve witchcraft". Submitter wants to punch everyone in face, hard (177)
MSNBC Interesting Ford beats Toyota in influential JD Power quality rankings... seriously (198)
Daily Mail Amusing Bishop found drunk. So drunk he couldn't walk diagonally (96)
Yahoo Asinine Shd u txt, chat n drive? Over half of young drivers say they see nothing wrong with text messaging while driving (362)
CBS New York Sad The other missing girl is found dead. Story is too sad for a snarky headline (403)
WNBC News Miracle: kidnapped girl found alive under stairs (162)
(Some new dad) Caption Caption this suspicious baby (241)
CBS News Asinine One of your National Guard members takes leave to gain custody of her daughter. Do you A) wish her luck B) attempt to find arrangements for the daughter C) refuse to extend her leave, then charge her with desertion on her return (277)
NCBuy Spiffy Muhammed Ali receives honorary doctorate from Princeton, shakes own hand (215)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious Suck it people who say there is nothing to do in Iowa; you can always use your airplane to harass deer (82)
CNN Followup Police say the suspect in the abduction a Kansas teen had a goatee. So not only is he a suspect in the crime, he's also obviously a douchebag (318)
Houston Chronicle Weird Overgrown lawn? That's four days in jail and no kids on it (189)
(Rapid City Journal) Strange Your mayoral campaign may have problems when your 18 year old transvestite driver gets arrested for drunk driving (66)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these shadows (80)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Cable repairman accused of fondling a woman for about seven minutes and then stopping without finishing. So, in other words, typical Comcast service (130)
First Coast News Strange I'm in ur cemeteriz, stealin' ur flagz (89)
(WGAL) Spiffy City cop shoots injured deer only to have it spring to life, run away, climb three levels of a parking garage before jumping out and committing suicide. Descending deer barely misses worker, who now has it in a cooler and plans to eat it. Ta daa (100)
CNN NewsFlash Thousands of Turkish troops enter northern Iraq. United States responds that Iraq must remain whole, that the world will not support a nation called Turdistan (537)
(Men's Health) Interesting Best cities for dogs. Your dog wants to move (64)
(Infoplease) Hero June 6, 1944. Thousands of Allied soldiers climbed out of landing craft to face German machine guns and artillery. Many never saw another day. You may now return to your regularly scheduled Iraq flamewar already in progress (494)
(Paris News) Dumbass Man surrenders to police after holding several hostages at fake-gunpoint at a KFC-Taco Bell restaurant in Bonham, Texas. Fast food hostage taking trifecta now complete (26)
(WMCS-TV) Dumbass Man calls police to complain about poor service at Ramada Inn. This being Fark, you can guess what police found in his room (74)
Yahoo Sad Bob Barker signs off after 35 years (158)
CNN NewsFlash Man holding toddler hostage at KFC in Shanghai, China. Fast food hostage taking trifecta now in play (40)
Yahoo Interesting Dutch students have developed powdered alcohol which they say can be sold legally to minors (69)
Yahoo Cool Today's "81 year old woman living with 120 rats, 25 rabbits, six parakeets, a dog, a quail and a cockatiel" story brought to you by Wilmington, California (40)
C|Net Interesting Jerk banned from internet for life. In other news: Fark has room for one more subscriber (83)
Chicago Tribune Sad Girl missing. No not the white one, so picture not included. That'll keep'em interested (61)
Rolling Stone Cool Rolling Stone gives Fark a nod as King of Weird News (131)
CBS Boston Dumbass Trashy mall-fight mom sent to prison for beating up girls for her daughters - for a second time (110) Ironic After crossing the world in a private jet the Dalai Lama lectures Australians on conserving resources and protecting the environment (181)
(Some Guy) PSA Today is National Yo-Yo Day (56)
Slashdot Obvious RIAA accused of extortion and conspiracy. YA THINK?? (205)
CNN Obvious Police block road to prevent boy from setting out on 60-mile walkathon, declaring it "torture." Submitter sneers, remembers walking that far to school back in the day, and uphill both ways (102)
(Huffington Post) Stupid School principal sends flyer home saying please, no limousines at sixth grade graduation (139)
London Times Scary Not news: Man tries to leap into the Popemobile. News: It isn't the Pope (79)
Yahoo Stupid Olympics, Chinese style: 1.5 million forced from homes in order to prepare for Games (97)
London Times Weird First they came for the peacocks, and I said nothing (41)
WFTV Florida 11-year old boy arrested for playing with rubber band gun (116)
USA Today Unlikely American skool kids are being writing an reading gooder because of NCLB Act. They can be doing numbers good too (122)
USA Today Interesting Safeco invents "Teensurance", which will tell parents if a kid speeds, goes too far in the car or drives up on my lawn (94) Spiffy The coolest fluorescent purple frog you'll see all day (67)
(Some Guy) Florida Don't mess with a cabbie... especially if he has cancer (15)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Dumbass Armored truck driver fakes SECOND heist in two months. Foiled by random passerby. Jailarity? Oh, yes (23)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Lesser of two evils (68)
Reuters Strange Stay in hotel to die (39)
( Ironic Live operation results in dead patient. "[T]he chief surgeon might have been distracted because viewers were allowed to ask questions and argue during the surgery" (43)
Local6 Florida If you need to get your car towed, you should probably remove the photos of naked wrestling 12 year olds from the inside first (41) Interesting Drought-ravaged Queensland has new plan to save water: only let prisoners flush the toilet six times a day, no lingering in the shower. That means you, Bubba, now pick up that soap and get on with it (23)
(Plymouth Herald) Silly Chinchilla dies. Man claims it was most famous chinchilla in world. Newspaper carries full-page tribute (49) Interesting Columbus was beaten to South America by a chicken. Or something (39)
MSNBC Interesting UK to re-use graves, in some cases after seventy five years. Submitter prefers a blazing longboat down the Thames (55)
SMH Obvious Paris Hilton gets first emergency visit from shrink after only 35 hours in prison (229) Amusing David Bowie's 5-word Webbys acceptance speech: "I only get five words?" (55)
( Stupid Fred Phelps' daughter arrested during protest outside of soldier's funeral for giving a 10-year-old an American flag to defile (254)
Examiner Followup Asshat Judge drops lawsuit from $67M to $54M - this is now a charity case (43)
(ABC 7 News) Dumbass Teacher sex trifecta in play, courtesy of Marlboro, MD (with mugshot and video) (not that kind) Bonus: He's now on the school board (30) Asinine Canadian government asks for information on citizen's past romantic relationships... on gun licensing form (71)
SeattlePI Dumbass If you are a doctor at the United States Naval Academy, it might not be a good idea to secretly film Midshipmen having sex at your house parties (42)
(Some Guy) Weird Woman in critical condition after contracting plague. The bubonic type. In California. EVERYBODY PANIC (69)
Slate Interesting Why do mafia hitmen drop their guns at the scene of the crime? (147)
NPR Amusing MSNBC's Scarborough stirs pot by asking if Senator Fred Thompson's wife "works the pole" (110)

Tue June 05, 2007
( Dumbass When making videos for nationwide distribution to elementary schools, remember to remove the hard-core porn at the end of the tape (45)
Denver Channel Dumbass Man breaks into house... for a beer. Ron Howard has really let himself go (with mugshot goodness) (62)
NPR Interesting A Year's Montage of SoundClips from NPR's All Things Considered (33) Interesting Man sues over permanent erection. His lawyer confident it will stand up in court (66)
Yahoo Obvious Kevorkian's new mission post prison is to get suicide legalized. Hey Jack, if the person does it right, it really doesn't matter if it is legal (77)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this stripey horsey (53)
First Coast News Florida New system that shows actual travel time tells DOT what everyone else already knew: No one follows the posted speed limit (101)
Google Amusing Man caught by Google maps pissing on the side of the road (131)
Yahoo Ironic Top county detective arrested under Peeping Tom law, despite having "peeping" in job description (22)
Komo Dumbass Reason 849 why sleeping next to a highway is a bad idea (56)
ABC News Asinine Minister tearfully admits internet porn addiction, claims he looks at porn for a whole hour per week (189)
(Some Really Generous Guy) PSA Submitter bought everyone a root beer float. You can pick yours up at any SONIC's drive-in on Thursday, June 7th from 8 PM to Midnight (190)
Yahoo Florida School district wants to ban book about growing up in Cuba as "offensive"....merely because it doesn't criticize Castro or the government. Guess which state this is in (210)
(There Can Be Only One) Weird Today's "three men involved in a medieval-style battle involving axes, swords, and crossbows" story brought to you by Huntsville, Alabama (102)
(Medical News Today) Misc New website launched for those persons who hear voices. Yes, I know. I am typing the link now. Keep it down over there, I can't concentrate. Sheesh (96)
Yahoo Spiffy NASA looks forward to Shuttle launch on Friday. Fark Admins do not look forward to coming onslaught of "shuttle set to blow up" style headline submissions (49)
(Some Guy) Cool Pit Bull alerts family of house fire, saving their lives. Their delicious, unsuspecting lives (128)
Slate Interesting Pirate myths busted. Somewhere, ninjas are smiling (167)
(Gothamist) Unlikely Despite the best efforts of cabbies, Con-Ed, and Yankee relief pitchers, NYC is once again the nation's safest big city (49)
Yahoo Asinine Home Depot employees fired for preventing theft: "The loss-prevention guy told me all we need to do is tell the shoplifter to have a good day as they leave the store" (208)
CNN Interesting Home builders now accepting trade-ins to help sell houses (59)
Yahoo Obvious Internet culture, often portrayed as the vanguard of progress, is actually a jungle peopled by intellectual yahoos and digital thieves. YA RLY (132)
(Nacogdoches?) Stupid Today's woman arrested on 23 counts of hot student-teacher action with her male student brought to you by Texas. Student heard saying "Nobody puts Baby in a jail cell" (101)
Daily Mail Asinine Boy who wants to have a pirate party on his sixth birthday is banned from flying the Jolly Roger (134)
( Dumbass The ACLU is a strong proponent of personal privacy. Unless you're a prison executioner. Then they want to tell everyone who you are (138)
(MGN) Obvious Pirates capture Dutch ship. Guess which country had a warship nearby that refused to help. Hint: it rhymes with Prance (134)
(Parade) Spiffy Happy Birthday Apple II ... and thanks for all the laughs (277)
Arizona Star Misc Home developer buys the famous Biosphere 2. Pauly Shore not included (40)
( Sick First grade teacher arrested for viewing online porn. During class (91)
(Feministing) Followup Allison Stokke's father is upset when his hot daughter is objectified, but not so bothered when it's someone else: "She got what she wanted. She’s an overtly sexual person" (331)
CBS Sacramento Amusing Restaurant scrambles to assist a drive-through customer. Mainly because the restaurant doesn't have a drive-through window (43)
ABC News Obvious Meet the private with the worst platoon sergeant in the military: his mother-in-law (55)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these young women looking at a digital photo (108)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this snowy owl. Difficulty: no O Rly (132)
(Al Jazeera) PSA Gulf Coast braces for major hurricane. Local gasoline prices expected to skyrocket to $0.37 per gallon (86)
IOL Obvious Amusement park in China builds world's largest weener, invites visitors to come over and have a ball (40)
(Some Guy) Dumbass I hugged the sheriff (but I did not stab no deputy) (21)
WFTV Florida Watch out Daytona Beach Shores residents: the color police are out in force (61)
(Advertiser Tribune) Silly Finally an answer to the question, "just how boring is Ohio?" (115)
AFP Obvious This little PS3 went to market. This little consumer stayed home. This little console was overpriced, so this little consumer had none. But these little consumers took Wii, Wii, Wii all the way home (500)
SLTrib Hero 4-year-old boy saves mom's life, will hold it over her every time she asks him to clean his room (28)
(Patriot-News) Asinine Pennsylvania realizes that another huge drawback of state-owned liquor stores is managers who are reluctant to sell booze and who want more pay and benefits for reluctantly selling booze (129)
The Newspaper Stupid If turning traffic has a green arrow for 14 seconds after the main light turns red and cars are spaced two seconds apart, how many $100 fines can a red light camera collect from law-abiding drivers? (157)
FARK Plug Drew's NYC Book Signing is Tonight 7pm at Barnes and Noble Astor. Fark party afterwards at Solas, DIT (107)
CNN Scary Iran says nothing will stop it from acquiring peaceful nukes. Bush responds by firing up the ol' hurricane machine and pointing it in their general direction (143)
AFP Followup Experts say that the JFK terror plot had one slight flaw: it was physically impossible (139)
Denver Channel News Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff "Scooter" Libby gets 30 months in PMITA prison and $250,000 fine; takes one for the team (425)
Billings Gazette Spiffy Bimbo gets DUI, tries to bribe cop with her boobs. With pouty courtroom photo goodness (216)
Boston Globe Hero Former US Marine subdues man on flight, while Marine's wife calmly keeps on reading. "I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end" (260)
Baltimore Sun Spiffy Activist judge rules that police do not have the right to search your buttocks in public (47)
Houston Chronicle Amusing I’M IN UR NEWSPAPER WRITIN MAH COLUM (176)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Asinine School officials consider paying teachers extra just for showing up. Wait, what? (57) Obvious "Porn, sex, drugs: Newspapers and their websites are dumbing down to attract readers who are turned off by the serious, dull and worthy." Somebody should write a book about this trend (45)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Oh, snap: Amp'd Mobile runs out of juice as almost half of customers fail to pay their bills (211)
St. Pete Times Florida Man who reeled in a 600 pound, 8 foot long shark from his dock is in trouble. Not with the State, but with his wife, who's a card-carrying member of PETA (70)
(WLWT) Scary Not news: Boy catches Fish. News: It's a piranha. Fark: He caught it in the Ohio River (48)
(Gulf News) Spiffy Flying first class: it used to be about a better meal, now its about indecent exposure, drug taking, binge drinking and sexcapades with cabin crew (85)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass I shot an arrow into Manhattan's east side air, It fell to earth in someone's apartment, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew into my neighbor's terrace door, The cops were soon knocking at my apartment door (46) Obvious Dairy prices mooving up rapidly, cheesing off customers. "My blood is curdled with anger. They're milking us for every penny." (53) Sad Today's "Female teacher faces 229 sex charges on female student" story (85)
(LostRemote) Asinine Good: CompUSA sells man a camera. Bad: Man instead gets empty box. Asinine: CompUSA blames man for buying empty box and refuses to give him a refund (190)
(WUSA) Followup Remember those McDonald's employees held hostage by a gunman? Yeah, they weren't hostages and there's no proof there was even a gunman (31)
Telegram Interesting Showing again how useless college is in preparing for the real world, study shows over 25% of commuters leave home before 6:30 AM (227)
IOL Strange Rent-A-Clap now available to government agencies needing larger audiences for public works projects (40)
BBC Stupid Princes William and Harry to TV channel: Please don't show photos of our mom inside crashed Mercedes. TV channel to princes: Ratings rule - suck it, aristocrats (94) News 11 killed in truck-train collision in northern Victoria. Yesterday it was planes, now it's trains (55)
Omaha World Herald Strange It's a really, really slow news day in Nebraska: Omaha man learning to swim. For tomorrow's edition he'll be learning how to parallel park (57)
AP Scary Michigan triples deposit on beer kegs. EVERYBODY PANIC (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cradled pooch (39)
BBC Sick Macedonian Mormon woman jailed for force-feeding children with raw chilli, stinging them with nettles, beating them with rolling pin. Wait a minute - Macedonian Mormons? (72)
STLToday Amusing This 102-year-old paperboy dares anybody to tell him to stay off their lawn (26)
Google Amusing Tell us one weird and random fact about yourself. Difficulty.. Don't explain (2378) Asinine If your friend is dying of heat exhaustion do you: (a) offer first aid, (b) call an ambulance or (c) dance, chant, play drums and "engage in astral travelling" (57)
Mercury News Scary You should use your machete if you're hiking through the wild jungles of Borneo. You should not use your machete if you're angry that your pizza is late (25)
London Times Strange Ku Klux Klansman Kaptured, Konfined, for Kold-Kase Killing (71)
Yahoo Florida Drought uncovers evidence of ancient race of skeleton people at the bottom of a lake (47) Scary Australian serial killer may be leaving clues as comments on crime blog (43)
Daily Mail Unlikely London's tube trains may be put on ice (39)
(Some Guy) Scary Think you pay a lot for gas? Think again (169)
(Some Guy) Sappy One year old Chihuahua has adopted a two week old kitten as her own. "Yes they spoon", explains the article. (With sappy pic goodness) (71)
Yahoo Scary Lion, tiger kill man at Mexican meat plant (80) PSA Two important lessons: 1) Even a rugby player will be called a poof if seen wearing a purple cashmere sweater 2) It is never wise to call a rugby player a poof, even if he is wearing a purple cashmere sweater (81) Obvious Most women would rather eat chocolate than have sex because chocolate "never disappoints." Unlike, well, you (114)
BBC Obvious Some guys in scary masks tell Spain that their cease fire is over (43)
Reuters PSA Eating live frogs and rats will take your mind off your mild indigestion. For Taco Bell, you might want to upgrade to Gilas and groundhogs (18)

Mon June 04, 2007
Examiner News Wyoming Senator Craig Thomas dead at 74 (196)
(Express India) Stupid If you're going to pull a prank on your wife involving a pistol pointed at your own head, make damn sure the gun is completely unloaded (83)
USA Today Interesting 25 things that have disappeared in the past 25 years (391)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these levitating lads (65)
(Some Rebel) Cool Man wearing Boba Fett costume interrupts couple's wedding to object. Bonus: man is actually Jeremy Bulloch, who played the original Boba Fett (136)
11 Alive Dumbass Thief breaks into a convenience store, steals scratch-off lottery tickets, tries to cover his tracks by setting a fire, and in the process, sets himself on fire. Oops (29)
(CanadaEast) Interesting Seen anything interesting today? How about an iceburg with a skeleton sticking out of it... with picture goodness (96)
PCWorld Stupid When picking up the Uber Helmet of Ultimate Dorkdom (+10 agi, +10 int, -20 sex life), make sure you pick up a W-2 on your way out of the dungeon (91)
CNN Scary Chinese stocks take 8.3% fall, erasing $340 billion in market value. EVERYBODY MOO GOO GAI PANIC (78)
The Sun Hero In your effin' face, Jack Thompson (128)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass You have a leaky faucet and your husband won't fix it. Do you (a) fix it yourself; (b) hire someone to fix it; or (c) write to Dear Abby and hope that she publishes a response months later (63)
Canoe Scary 12 year old girl pleads not guilty to slaughtering her entire family. Adds that if you don't stop singing that "Lizzie Borden" song at her she'll rip out your kidneys and feed them to a rabid wolverine (79)
(Gaming Today) Obvious Video games blamed yet again, this time for a decline in US park attendance. Hey, wait... That one actually makes sense (37) Obvious Stanley Cup Finals, Game 4: Anaheim Ducks vs. Toronto Maple Leafs. Hahahahahahaha, just kidding, Toronto. It's still the Ottawa Senators (671)
(WWdN:iX) Wheaton I'm in UR holodeck, living out UR fantasies (104)
(International Herald Tribune) Florida Supreme Court rules nudist can't pocket attorneys' fees. Wait, what? (28)
JSOnline NewsFlash Cessna Citation crashes in Lake Michigan. Plane found, people not. Small plane crash trifecta now in play (133)
CNN Followup Three teenagers charged for their role in food fight, one with a felony for resisting arrest. Charges for toga party not filed yet (38)
Philly Interesting ACME shipments to New Jersey increase as state sees increase in wily coyote population (37)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Oil rises to $66 on news that Paris Hilton has reported to prison (43)
(Some Guy) Strange Teen spared in impotent ostrich case (13)
Click On Detroit Plug Man charges ahead with plan to steal copper wire; situation transformed into a positively re-volting scene. Witnesses amped up, currently heard saying, "ohm, my..." (102)
(My Hero) Hero 97 year old woman honored for saving 2500 children during Holocaust. Hero tag graciously bows (155)
Fox News Caption Caption this photo with Obama and Clinton (138)
CBC Asinine Regina police plan to fight crime by ... removing the city's pay phones? (50)
Chicago Sun-Times Amusing Kinda news: Judge awards ex-wife $176 million in divorce. Not news: husband requests that the court reconsider. Fark: Judge says ok...and ups award to $184 million (93)
(WTKR) NewsFlash Would you like fries with those McHostages? (95)
Winding Road Stupid Whistling past the graveyard: Despite ballooning gas prices and rising environmental concerns, Ford's biggest-ever trucks are flying off of dealer lots (278)
Globe and Mail Photoshop Photoshop this alligator climbing the wall (79)
(WTOL) Scary Your dog runs away from your dog-sitter. Do you a) yell at the dog-sitter, b) put up missing dog signs, or c) kidnap the dog-sitter and torture him for two days? (81)
590 KLBJ Dumbass Man who posed as a New York police officer charged with rape, molestation, financial fraud, and rape (126)
London Times Stupid People are angry at a TV show that will give reconstructive surgery to deformed patients, say it is exploitive, and such shows should focus on already good-looking people (50)
FARK Survey Farker just got a new phone. Can make my own 30-sec ringtones out of any mp3 or youtube video. What should I choose? (431)
BBC Stupid British MP calling for Stonehenge to be removed from the list of World Heritage sites. Nigel still insists it's the best production value they've ever had on stage (52)
(Some Chesafreak) Interesting Todays teacher-having-sex-with-student story is brought to you by Chesapeake, VA (with mugshot goodness) (114)
Yahoo Obvious Resume background checks show increases in criminal records and lying about previous employment and education. Obvious tag went to Harvard and was a Senior VP at IBM (100)
(Reason Online) Interesting New Hampshire remains the only state to preserve the essential constitutional right of every American to fly head first through the windshield (131)
ABC News News Twin engine plane crashes into neighborhood east of Los Angeles; injuries reported (98)
Yahoo Obvious Shockingly, California's rich and famous are basically ignoring laws requiring them to provide public access to their "private" beaches (124)
BBC Stupid Climbers recreate doomed Everest ascent in 1920s gear. What could possibly go wrong? (39)
Yahoo Spiffy Twenty years ago, less than half of Americans approved of interracial dating. Today, more than eight out of ten Americans say it's okay (419)
CNN Unlikely MIT professor says he's resigning because his black colleague was denied tenure due to his race (52)
(Bathroom Reader) Interesting The origins of all 50 state names. Guess which one means "puts you to sleep?" (142)
Daily Mail Spiffy There are few things cooler than a story about vets popping a hedgehog after it swelled up to the size of a soccer ball, particularly when it comes with comparison pics (56)
CNN PSA CNN gives their website a flashy Web 2.0 redesign. It's not news, it's CNN (155)
Telegram Silly Columnist laments obscene prank phone calls made by today's youth. Bonus: Gives examples of prank calls he used to make as a kid (wow, people really did fall for the "refrigerator running" gag) (86)
Fox News Strange Natalee Holloway's mom is dating JonBenet Ramsay's dad, in a perfect storm of dead white girl parent victimhood (110)
(Some Fly Guy) Amusing Ever wondered if you have what it takes to work for the TSA? LGT Employment Quiz with answer key (52) Interesting A US military judge dismisses murder charges against a Canadian al-Qaeda foot-soldier captured in Afghanistan, arguing he did not have the jurisdiction to try him. Why do US military judges hate America? (238)
(Some Stoned Guy) Cool Connecticut becomes the 13th state to legalize marijuana for medical use. Smoke it, libs (124)
Newsday Asinine Homeless crackhead sues for his right to beg and wins. Homeless guy’s lawyer says it’s a great victory for freedom of speech. Aren’t you glad that’s been settled (134)
(FMQB) Interesting FCC to beef up the Emergency Alert System. Had this been an actual headline, you would have been informed of where to go for important information from local officials (71)
Free Press Amusing The secret rules of journalism, including #9: "Don't threaten to kill readers" (48)
(Some Guy) Obvious 75% of American workers don't have decent wages or benefits (404)
BBC Followup Angered Brits send in alternate Olympic logos in response to unpopular official logo. The original number five appeared to be a real candidate. Amusing tag gives the BBC's website kid a high five (140)
Sky News Dumbass Pretending your grandmother died to get the day off work is one thing. Stabbing yourself in the stomach and claiming someone tried to kill you in order to get the day off is something else entirely (37)
MSNBC Interesting Helicopter parents urged to kick their lazy gen-Y offspring off their lawn, make them get a job (83)
(abc low calorie) Weird Man imprisoned for DUI on lawnmower. When released, an additional ticket was issued... for failing to mow his lawn (31)
Yahoo Dumbass After another day of rock/bottle/brick throwing, hippies, anarchists and other fauxcialists wonder why they aren't allowed near G-8 meeting (137)
(Some Guy) Sick Air Force loses $24 million lawsuit after courts decide rank does not outweigh medical training (76)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Doctors say "Heelys" are dangerous, the Heely company says they're safe, Orthopedic surgeons recommend protective equipment, and another lazy AP writer has filled her quota (152)
IOL Stupid Police investigate drilling noises in the middle of the night, kick down door to surprise safecrackers in the act, instead discover late-night dentist (14)
Globe and Mail Followup Trial begins today for 12-year-old vampire freak who killed her family and the 300-year-old werewolf who helped her (129)
Canoe Amusing Woman gets run over by a bulldozer, pops right back up. TAA DAA (39)
Daily Mail Amusing Judge cites 42 Beatles songs in sentencing beer thief (55)
(Rochester D&C) Scary Fall into brewery vat leaves man injured. Paramedics say that the rescue shouldn't have taken so long, but he kept crawling back in (36)
Local6 Florida Girlfriend of the week candidate arrested for pulling 11 different hotel fire alarms, hosing down rooms with fire extinguishers (with mugshot) (52)
( Cool 59 year-old professor/Army reservist is heading to Afghanistan for his first deployment. Plans on enforcing lawn sovereignty with his M-16 (98)
(Some Guy) Dumbass New study finds 885,000 people accidentally flush their cell phones down the toilet. Every year (87)
(Some Guy) Interesting 100 words every high school graduate should know (262)
St. Pete Times Amusing Putin in favor of gigantic humanoid war robots, and can't remember the first time he had sex (71)
Reuters Weird A Croatian man who boarded a night tram and died in his seat rode through the city for more than six hours before the driver discovered he was dead (31)
CBS News Dumbass 84-year old man threatens to blow up train because it's 25 minutes late. What could go wrong? (23)
(Florida Today) Florida First he caused an unpopular war. Then he destroyed New Orleans with his hurricane machine. Now he's causing kids to stop reading. Is there anything Bush won't do? (5th letter down) (162)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Sexiness is power in a porn-driven, "look-at-me" culture (111)
Miami Herald Amusing More people died last year from eating spinach than from smoking pot (327)
Washington Post Interesting Scientists discover dogs have deductive reasoning. Bonus: Live chat on the topic with Sparky at 11a EST (65) Amusing Woman reports a child abduction after a dwarf mechanic takes a ride in the trunk of a car (28) Interesting Say goodbye to cock (96)
The Register Amusing Raytheon thinks that showing you a picture of an inventory item is a patentable invention (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this juggler (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Defense attorney says his convicted client should be given a new trial because the attorney was "too sleepy to be effective." Somewhere, Lionel Hutz smiles (32)
BBC Sad Family evicted from public toilet, left homeless and starving. To their credit they've never resorted to stealing bread, although they've pinched plenty of loaves (52)
ICNetwork Obvious 9 out of 10 coppers caught breaking traffic laws have their offences thrown out (179)
(Some Guy) Silly Mancations becoming increasingly popular. I wish I knew how to quit you (76)
(NineMSN) Dumbass Butthead Australian councillor says that people who are victims of graffiti should be fined if they leave the graffiti on their places for more than 24 hours (54)
Stuff Interesting Here's a barbecue stopper…. hoodie and disemvowel make the Collins English Dictionary, now with dykon goodness (28)
BBC Interesting Most British motorist don't know what road signs mean - so they've come up with some new ideas. Drive-Thru approaching sign anyone? (53) Weird Please donate money to the Lahore Zoo or the hungry, grumpy elephant will hit the zookeeper with a stick (15)
Daily Mail Interesting Smokers in the UK will be denied surgery if they don't quit smoking for at least four weeks (103)
AFP Interesting Mali to host a forum of the world's poorest countries to counter G8. Senegal to bring waffles and hot water for the event (19)
SFGate Interesting The G Spot: If you collagen it, they will come (140)
WTOP Amusing If you're the person who stole a fiberglass cow and ran its pajamas up a flagpole, the Chesapeake police would like a word with you (20)
CBS Salt Lake City Scary Global warming is happening three times faster than the "worst case scenario." EVERYBODY PANIC (459)
YouTube Cool Meet the biggest and craziest badass ever (91)
(Minot Daily News) PSA If you hold a flame to your faucet and the water catches fire, the North Dakota Geological Survey wants to know about it (20)
LA Times Hero The little Post Office that could (27)
( Followup Paris checks into the Twin Towers jail (121)
Daily Mail Interesting Heavy snoring may lead to Alzheimer's, sleeping alone (31)
The Sun Silly If it's too loud, you're too old. The Sun is there (53)
Boston Globe Obvious "It is difficult to plug a hole that has the ocean running through it" (23)
Daily Mail Silly Animals get their heads stuck in funny places and here are the pictures to prove it (43)
SMH Obvious Lonely Planet author very lonely right now, would like someone to come get him (15) Scary Boy killed by dragon. J.K. Rowling to sue media for publishing spoiler (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this grammar geek (52) Scary Yes, my client attempted to lure women into a home-made torture chamber and stockpiled enough explosives to level a large hotel, but he never actually DID anything, so what's all the fuss about? (41)

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