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Sun June 17, 2007
(Some Guy) Dumbass God tries to steal slippers from Payless. Your god wants to go to PMITA prison (5)
USA Today Obvious Amazing new study shows sitcom dads are more supportive and accepting than real life dads. In other news, they cured cancer (3)
The Scotsman Obvious Women in Scotland prefer jail to life with Scottish men, according to new report. Begbie unavailable for comment (6)
Daily Mail Misc In hindsight, maybe an urban activity, like jogging, isn’t the best thing to do in an African wildlife preserve (19)
Yahoo Obvious Big Oil: "You want ethanol and biodiesel? Fine, we're not going expand our gasoline refineries. Enjoy paying over $3 a gallon, suckers." (130)
Fox News Stupid Woman sues funeral home for wrongfully cremating her husband. Then it gets weird (47)
Fox News Amusing Kansas City mayor defends the acceptance of a new Honda Civic, saying that "The new mayor is not mentally challenged. Somebody offers you a brand new car you take it" (21)
(Some Guy) Hero The Heineken Experience: for only 10 euros, have a sip of the original Heineken recipe and tour the place where wings take dream (40) Scary Newton's fourth law - We'll die in 2060 - Everyone panic (76)
CNN Amusing Face of Jesus found in tree. Wait, no, nevermind... it is just the town's dead mayor (39)
BBC Scary Don't mess with French winemakers (58)
AP Amusing It's 4am and you find your liquor store is closed. Do you: A) Go home and wait till tomorrow B) Go find another liquor store or C) Go rob a backhoe and use it to tear off the front of the store so you can help yourself (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these deflated party balloons (43)
Yahoo Obvious In hindsight, putting a 22-year-old in charge of your state's 64,000 employees' Social Security numbers may not be a good idea (106)
(Some God Photographer) Strange Church members claim the face of God has appeared on their sanctuary's ceiling. Bonus: Photos of God included (202)
(Some Guy) Interesting Professional jump roping? Who woulda thunk (30)
(Naples News) Stupid It’s that time of year when summer fun begins and newspapers feel the need to remind us that fun will kill us (36)
(Newsbusters) Ironic Hamas looters steal Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize (91)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Wonder why there's so many people at Sunday services at that church? Maybe the pastor is selling drugs out of it (33)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Consider Dallas Byrnes, a Rutgers sociology major. "I just picked sociology because in those classes, I got A's," she said. "But it's finally hitting me that I have no clue what I am going to do now." (277)
(Some Guy) Interesting A sticky traffic situation is topping the news in Colorado, where icing has closed the interstate in June (30)
CBS Salt Lake City Dumbass What to do when it's 100 degrees and bone-dry? Launch model rockets. What could possibly go up in flames? (30)
MSNBC Amusing Not News: Car stolen. News: Car actually recovered. Fark: Car stolen again the same day (39)
CNN Scary Today's weather forecast for northern Israel: Hot, dry, and a 70% chance of falling rockets (128)
(Some Waco Wacko) Amusing Fired for eating a hamburger? Ted Nugent takes Paul McCartney to task. Your dog DOES NOT want veggies (218)
BBC Dumbass "Tombstoning" - it's not just a clever name (45)
UPI Scary Petting zoo guidelines often not followed, sheep run scared (14)
MSNBC Cool Starting today, employers and landlords in NJ can no longer discriminate against transgendered people. That's a better Father's Day gift than another set of lingerie (193)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Strange "Hey, um, can you come over and deflate this sea bass for me? Thanks." (44)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Houston police have issued 2,200 tickets since May 4th .... for having a license plate bracket. "It gives the impression that they're just trying to collect revenue." (201)
(Roanoke Times) Dumbass Drunken, texting driver plows into crowd (64)
Yahoo Amusing Excessive mating shuts down Italian airport (35)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this walk along the industrial shore (76)
Washington Post Interesting Thanks to the rise of the noveau-skanque, boxed wine is making a comeback (174)
AP Cool The absolute cutest, cuddliest baby giant manta ray ever (81)
(Some Guy) Silly Spider-man, Spider-man, if anyone can catch him the Mounties can (19)
MSNBC Interesting Remember all those cool enlightened people who made predictions about the future? Turns out the only one they got right was that Duke would suck (67)
(Gwinett Daily Post) Spiffy Man wins 2007 Father of the Year award for putting up with seven daughters and wife. “I basically just give in pretty quickly because you don’t win when you’re up against six or eight women” (118)
NYPost Dumbass Topless woman awarded $29,000 after arrest, assault and commitment to mental hospital by NYC police officer who didn't know it's been legal for women to shed their shirts in the city since 1992 (SFW pic) (164)
BBC Interesting "I love my new C cup breasts" (278)
BBC Followup Iran angry about Sir Salman Rushdie's knighthood. What a surprise (140)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop a Father's Day card (44)
London Times Strange One fish, two fish, red fish... live fish on my plate? (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this glass of wheat beer (62)
London Times Scary You shouldn't eat foie gras because...uhmm...what was I saying? (68)
FARK Sappy What's the most important thing your dad taught you? (488) Interesting United Nations warns of fighting in East Timor by text message. OMG WTF EVRBDY PNC (15)
ABC News Sad A drag racing vehicle in a parade lost control and veered off into crowd killing 4. Hey Vern, hold my beer and watch this (66)
London Times Unlikely Old & Busted: Wine Cellar. New Hotness: Davy Jones' Locker (16)
Yahoo Cool US astronaut sets spaceflight record: longest spaceflight by a woman not wearing Depends (19)
BBC Sappy Adorable ass baby hippo makes its public display (30)
Yahoo Strange Officials study orange streak on freeway just outside of St. Louis. The streak is of unknown origin but a coyote with rocket shoes on was seen soon after it appeared (43) Dumbass According to the UN Secretary-General what is the underlying cause of the Darfur genocide: (a) ancient ethnic tensions, (b) ancient religious tensions, or (c) global warming? (158) Hero Australia announces 80,000 unemployed people to be forced to work for their welfare checks (121)
The Sun Strange As God is my witness, I thought St. Bernards could fly (28)
(Green Options) PSA Drink locally, think globally: Beer ecology (18)
CBC Unlikely Paying taxes makes you happy and gives you satisfaction (146)
( Strange 84% of Brits get lost on the average road trip, prefer to get directions from Homer Simpson (46)

Sat June 16, 2007
CBS Miami Weird Oh, no, there goes Pompano, Go go iguanas (53)
Rocky Mountain News Amusing Elvis rock trumps Jesus toast any day of the week (45)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop Space Shuttle Program Manager Wayne Hale and his main engine low pressure oxidizer turbopump housing bolt insert whatchamacallit thingamajig (98)
The Sun Sappy Rottweiler plus dachsund equals... weener-rot? Cute puppies nonetheless (145)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Interesting Ronco unveils broke-o-matic (72)
(asiaone) Cool Angry Malaysian moviegoers go on rampage, wrecking cinemas, setting fires, and beating up managers. In a world of screening delays ... one crowd ... was pushed ... just ... too ... far (43)
WNBC Strange Not planning on getting your mojo working tonight? Consider a donation (40)
CNN Sad Near the Superdome, in an unmarked warehouse, lie 100 plastic-wrapped coffins filled with Katrina victims awaiting burial. How 'bout dem Saints? (250)
UPI Sad Having a drink in a New York nightclub now averages more than $10 (136)
Yahoo Strange Dracula's castle given back to his family. Blah (46) Cool Almost everything we think we know about the Bible and sex is wrong (617)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Interesting The model for the Cream of Wheat box finally gets his grave marked--69 years later (56)
Newsweek Obvious Some parents would rather have their kids drink at home rather than out at a party. With pic of sexy teen party (162)
(Some Guy) Obvious Americans less happy today than 30 years ago (158)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Judge says $100 million 'typo' can't be fixed (62)
ABC News Amusing Nifong gets raped by the NC State Bar, loses his law license. Duke sucks (233)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Cool Happy 50th birthday Frisbee. Sincerely, 50,000 slobbery dog mouths (48)
(Some Guy) Cool Here comes the science: people who play video games are better at driving, surgery, killing hordes of lurching demons (82)
(Some Guy) Weird "Multi-penised, six-legged, two-anused piglet given silly name" (99)
Yahoo Cool Tijuana aims to be the salad-tossing capital of the world (37)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop a busy bee (91)
Daily Mail Amusing Man puts on fake crocodile head and smears himself with hippo dung so he can observe Nile crocs closely. Darwin watches gleefully (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting The worst jobs in science. Number 3: What's grey and comes in quarts? (82)
Washington Post Strange If you want to see the Jefferson Memorial, you'd better hurry up before it sinks (54)
London Times Cool "Arise Sir Salman Rushdie" (114)
SMH Interesting Family loses $1.5 million in the most astonishing and complex variation of the Nigerian 419 scam ever (114)
London Times Amusing Old & Busted: Stratocaster. New Hotness: Ukelele? (129)
590 KLBJ Amusing Restaurants sue NYC over law mandating that calories be listed on menus (73)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Gimme head with hair/ Long beautiful hair/ Shining, gleaming/ Streaming/ The Smoking Gun is there (102)
SeattlePI Interesting The best and worst candies rated. The best: Skittles. The worst: coffee-flavored candy. Get your sweet tooth on and argue about it to the right (278)
(Whig) Obvious Increased use of texting and email means younger generation lacks the literacy skills to make it through a standard sentence. Go ahead and make fun of the pretards here – it's not like they can read it (165)
(Some fed-up TSO) Followup Remember that incident at Washington National with the lady and the sippy cup? Things didn't exactly happen like she said (with video proof goodness) (182)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Latest female teacher sentenced for having sex with an underage student, obviously hired the wrong lawyer (86)
St. Pete Times Amusing Newspaper reporter rejected twice from, apparently because he's not much of a churchgoer (103)
( Obvious Prisoners upset that their Cajun Shrimp Ramen Noodle soup now cost 90 cents. But hey, the sex is still free (65)
Discover Amusing Yeah, everybody made fun of him, but that guy selling moon land for $19.99 an acre has made $9 million so far. That's one giant leap for a man (90)
(Some Guy) Obvious "In recent weeks, lolcats have started popping up on more and more mainstream blogs and Web sites like Slate, Fark, Wonkette and BoingBoing" (285)
Reuters Weird Chinese "Internet addict" loses CTRL because his parents wouldn't give him money for an internet cafe, figures his only ALT is to DEL his parents with a kitchen knife (65)
(Some Leper) Photoshop Photoshop this monkey mascot (68)
Forbes Hero Two North Dakota farmers sue FDA for right to grow industrial hemp (88)
Yahoo Asinine Step 1: Goldman family gets upset over O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It", Step 2: Sue him to get the rights to the book. Step 3: Publish the book under a different title. Step 4: Profit (128)
The Sun Obvious Prince Charles' salary hits £15 million per year, but when you look at what it costs to feed and stable a horse, he's buying store-brand sodas and eating at Golden Corral (51)
DFW Scary Actual headline: Three barred from trailer homes. How bad do you have to be to be barred from a trailer?? (64) Obvious Smokers are more likely to get dementia. Which begs the quesion, aren't you already pretty demented to take up smoking in the first place? (304)
Houston Chronicle Sad Dolphins found shot, washed ashore in California. Police say it was done on porpoise (102)
Local6 Florida Possesed with evil demons? That's a stabbing (52)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Interesting Dolly Parton has been named an honorary Girl Scout. In a related story, the Girl Scouts of America announce plans to include a free gallon of milk with each purchase of a box of cookies (80)
Yahoo Cool Schools begin to recover from the dark ages of zero tolerance, struggle to accept that "a machete is not the same as a butter knife." Sir Bedevere unavailable for comment (70)

Fri June 15, 2007
(Newseum Trivia Game) Cool You're a Farker. You're up on the news. Prove it by playing the news trivia game as fresh as today's headlines (59)
(Some Guy) Followup That 13 year old hero? Not so much. 13 year old attention whore more like it (128)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hallway in an underground hospital (104)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Guy busted for embezzling money from a paraplegic boy whose parents were killed in a car accident right after he tied a woman to the train tracks and kicked a dog (42)
MSNBC Interesting Serial killer, who confessed to killing 23 men over nine years, listed among potential members of a Louisiana state grand jury. Hey, it's cool; he can spot a victim like THAT (29)
Charlotte Stupid Pentagon proposal would no longer require troops to list previous mental health treatment when applying for security clearance (86)
Sun Sentinel Florida Help choose The Seven Wonders of Florida (164)
(Some Guy) Interesting Applebee's accidentally serves toddler a margarita. "I wasn't going to make a big deal about it," the mother said, "but then he got sick." Cue lawsuit in 3, 2, 1 (170)
(Some Beer Snob) Hero "I’m on a mission. I’m convincing people that beer can be just as contemplative and fascinating as wine, and just as perfectly meshed with food" (205)
AP Followup That drop in gasoline prices you were expecting? Yeah... not so much (99)
(Pat Cashin's Clownalley) Asinine Professional clown makeup kit cannot fly as carry-on luggage. No, you cannot put it in your pants (48)
MSNBC Sappy The Solstice is Coming! The Solstice is coming! Quick, everyone raid the Cirque d' Soleil wardrobe and parade around in your Birkenstocks (62)
CNN Dumbass Private equity firm buys Maxim magazine for $250,000,000, which makes worth, what, a gazillion trillion bazillion dollars? (78)
Yahoo Obvious DA Mike Nifong will resign. Duke sucks (117)
(KTVB) Dumbass Man says coffee shop owes him $2,000 for tear in pants. Asshat pants trifecta now in play (60)
Arizona Star Sad Coming soon to a hospital near you: Terry Schiavo part II (194)
Forbes Interesting Study finds 8% of dreams involve sexual situations. Subby smiles as he realises he is well above average (92)
( Amusing Baby names between 2000 and 2006. 1026 parents named their daughters "Unique." FAIL (683)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this American Psycho (141)
UPI Interesting Oh crap, why did I think I could submit this headline? I'm in way over my head; I should have planned this ahead of (93)
Lancashire Evening Post Hero Drunk escapes handcuffs, pepper spray, electronic shock baton and flees naked leading 20 cops on a countryside chase. Or as we like to call it in Lancashire, Thursday night (69)
(Some Disney Guy) Weird Contest "winners" get chance to perform minimum wage jobs at Disneyland (102)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Quick tip: If you are going to steal a hot tub, remember to attach it to the car when you make your escape down the motorway (24)
AFP Cool Northern Mariana Islands: California-based activists advocating that marijuana should be legalised have suggested the territory should be renamed the Northern Marijuana Islands (82)
CNN Misc TB dickwad: "Surgery is the best chance to save my life." If he means plastic surgery so nobody will recognize him and pound the snot out of him, then yes (232)
USA Today Obvious The Federal Emergency Management Agency overpaid victims of the Gulf Coast hurricanes by at least $485 million and is struggling to reclaim the money from tens of thousands of people it says shouldn't have been given aid. Good luck with that (131)
Yahoo Weird Nintendo next DS game... first-person shooter bloodbath? No. Awesome NFL football game? No. Game that gives women beauty advice? Yup (77)
SFGate Hero Woman chases down thief who stole her identity. "She had bad teeth and looked like she hadn't bathed," she explains later. "I thought, 'You're buying Prada on my dime. Go get your teeth fixed'" (116)
Chicago Sun-Times Spiffy Teen finishes college in 18 months. His fraternity would like to thank him for his aerodynamics work in the javelin throw competition (122)
( Strange "Resume padding" pervades all job classes, from CEOs to rappers. In related news, you need a resume to be a rapper (76)
CBS News Sad Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it (80)
(Some Guy) Followup Think the other airplane engine was bad? This is definitely not going to end well (69)
The Newspaper Obvious United Kingdom takes the number one spot in speed camera revenue, loses the number one spot in road safety (45)
(Some Guy) Interesting Absinthe: Legal again in the United States? (242)
Yahoo Cool To reign Miss Spain falls mainly on the vain, but birthing pain would drain your chance at fame (52)
Slate Strange "When did getting married become an exercise in acquired situational narcissism?" (300)
Yahoo Interesting No fix yet for space station computers. Astronauts starting to regret downloading that BRITNYSPRSNAKED.jpg (105)
( Dumbass When giving the cops a fake name, you might want to cover up the tattoo which tells them exactly where you live (78)
(WGAL) Amusing If you are the man who ran naked through the halls of a school yesterday and set off the fire extinguisher, Erie police would like to talk to you. Police say they cannot express the seriousness of this enough: there is No Running in the Halls (36)
CTV Dumbass Canadian senator gets in trouble for misusing funds. When questioned, takes medical leave to have "hemorrhoid surgery". Fark: opponents demand to see proof (31)
(Some Guy) Sad Sony talks about a PS3 price cut... again. At what point will they just give them away out of the back of a truck with a free mini-disc player? (330)
Yahoo Dumbass Prison escapee found sleeping on roof of jail. Dude, you're doing it wrong (41)
Washington Post Amusing Two teenage gangs of gays and lesbians get into fight. One gang member beaten with a stiletto... which belonged to a dude (114)
(Some Guy) Sick Teenager charged with sexually assaulting a horse. Dude, neigh means neigh (150)
BBC PSA When engaged in a tense stand-off with the police, choose your location wisely. Next to a hostage: Good. In the sea: Not so much (10)
WNBC Dumbass Lawyer spends $10,000 to fight $65 parking ticket, which goes to show why he didn't go into accounting (62)
AFP Unlikely Every single restaurant in Australia serves fabulous food at perfect prices with superb service. That's right, every single one of them (32)
BBC Caption Caption the most laid back member of Hamas (217)
St. Pete Times Florida Hero To Zero: Overzealous MADD honoree deputy fired, wrongly jailed 58+ non-drunk drivers (138)
Time Asinine According to TIME, fathers don't do a good enough job to deserve a holiday (315)
(WCAX Burlington) Dumbass After search for assailant grows to include state police, game wardens, sheriffs deputies and Border Patrol agents, man finally admits he accidentally shot himself while having target practice (23)
Pravda Weird Blue-skinned people inhabited Kentucky in 1950s (145)
(Indiana Gazette) Hero Passer-by pries open door, cuts harness to save 2-month-old from mangled, burning car. With incredible pic (251)
(PR-GB) Unlikely UFO researchers dismayed that Paris Hilton coverage overshadowed Buzz Aldrin admitting the existence of UFOs (105)
Yahoo Amusing Q: Bark bark bark bark ruff ruff A: Arf arf arf arf arf bark (152)
Yahoo Interesting Just in time for Father's Day comes a poll that says one-in-five Americans think their Dad is doing a better job compared with fathers a generation ago. Thanks for the car keys, Dad (42)
CNN Strange Common backyard birds becoming less common. Now get off my lawn. Oh, right (101)
(Some Guy) Florida It's not every day a 13-year old gets to chase a burglar with a Katana (87)
London Times Sad I'll take the f_____ porcini mushrooms with parmesan shavings and drizzled with while f_____ truffle oil. My brother will have the smack (79)
(Some Sci-Fi Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this 1957 WorldCon attendee (79)
CBS News Dumbass Bad: Get pulled over by the fuzz. Worse: get caught trying to eat your weed so the cop doesn't see it. Fark: nearly choke to death trying to swallow your stash (61)
Detroit News Spiffy 21 Michigan police agencies make 67 arrests in the first eight hours of "Operation 8 Mile". Sheriff spokesman; "This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo" (130)
Click On Detroit Sick Ignored woman dies on floor of ER. "The janitors came over to help clean the vomit of the victim. They did a diligent job cleaning up the vomit, but they didn't take one look at her" (260) Interesting How to X-ray an elephant (34)
ABC News Unlikely From the same people who gave us Intelligent Design: Global warming is all part of God's plan (304)
SMH Amusing This is your captain speaking, we'll shortly be touching down at Gatwick Airport, London. If you look to your left you'll spot a naked woman advertising a strip joint(w/pic) (51)
CNN Dumbass News anchor fired for laughing about assassination of member of Lebanese parliament, and urging the killing of another when she thought her microphone was off. I for one welcome our new dumbass overlords (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious 'Healthy' meals sold in supermarkets have five times more salt and fat than the unhealthy meals your coworkers eat while you sneer at their poor dietary choices (69)
Yahoo Weird Police are looking for the first bank robber named for his smell, the "Landscape bandit" (18)
The Sun Obvious Woman who had not cut her hair in 43 years had it destroyed in "a freak gardening accident." David St. Hubbins unavailable for comment (60) Scary Parasitic worm holds its 27th birthday in woman's colon (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting Woman gets revenge on her partner after she finds him having sex with another woman by putting itching powder in his underwear. Who knew it was a crime? (50) Cool "The only surviving pair of endangered pygmy rabbits released as part of a program to increase their numbers in the wild have dodged coyotes, badgers, hawks and owls and found time for love" (38)
CBS Salt Lake City Unlikely Scots get drug that could save sight, but Brits don't. You kin take ma freedom, but you kin'tt take MAH SIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHT (42)
The Sun Obvious Ceiling Crook won't be watching you lock up the store for five years (pic) (32)
This Is Local London Scary Cops who think pulling over speeding motorists is too dangerous find solution: have sixth graders do it for them (41)
(Some Guy) Stupid Eighth grader takes microphone at school concert attended by 700 people, thanks choir teacher for teaching class "what to say in any situation," and unleashes a slew of profanity. Hilarity ensues (150)
BBC Scary Russian men "risking death" and going blind by drinking aftershave and household cleaners and when that isn't available, even Yankee Jim (51)
Toronto Star Amusing Police on high alert for extremist activity on the rise in Montreal. The extremists' weapon of choice? Ham sandwiches (43)
(KGO-TV) Cool Drew interviewed on local news in San Francisco (video in link). Bonus: anchorwoman trying to pronounce "" without getting fined (83)
(Some Guy) Unlikely 70 percent of teens admit to "accidentally" stumbling across pornography while surfing the internet. Submitter can't begin to count number of times he's accidentally typed "asian tranny goat panties" into GIS (98)

Thu June 14, 2007
Telegraph Spiffy Australians stranded by floods are 'rescued' when volunteers deliver an emergency shipment of beer. "There's nothing so lonesome, so morbid or drear, than to stand in a bar of a pub with no beer" (40)
(Some Guy) Scary When you look out the window of the plane you're on and see an engine that looks like this, you know it's gonna be a bad day (with pic) (78)
BBC Scary Zimbabwe could collapse within 6 months, adding one more log to the pyre of happy happy news that has been the 21st century (191)
(Bloomberg) Obvious "You know there's a bubble when an overgrown U.S. chain store can sell antique vinegar to Britons at 32 times the price of Nicolas Feuillatte champagne." (41)
IndyStar Obvious Drought conditions + city's plea to restrain water use = record water consumption (61)
Yahoo Dumbass Rod Stewart's son arrested for beating a couple with a brick. After seeing his pic, you'll all want to line up to return the favor (61)
590 KLBJ Interesting Stephen Hawking writes children's novel, publicist says it has legs (56)
Yahoo Caption Britney Spears asks fans to name her new album. But we can help, too (367)
(Some Guy) Interesting According to the "Allstate America's Best Drivers Report," motorists in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are the best drivers in the United States. All 17 of them (99)
Yahoo Scary The Cavity Creeps have stepped up their evil plans for the US (43)
My San Antonio Scary She pulls a hammer, you pull a screwdriver. That's how you get your cousin. That's the San Antonio way (41)
Yahoo Interesting You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Mr. Jelly Belly (48)
(Some Guy) Strange Man charged with stealing 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes from high school lockers. Al Bundy unavailable for comment (24)
Yahoo Sad Billy Graham's wife Ruth has left him to be with Jesus. Evangelist always suspected their gardener was up to no good (159)
AP Amusing Judge orders man to have no girlfriend for next three years. In other news, let's all welcome the newest Farker, Steven Cranley (78)
CBC PSA Teenage Farkers: Whatever you do, don't let your parents read this article (81)
(Some Teacher) Unlikely Male teacher + 17 year old female student = 6 months & probation? That can't be right... shouldn't this predator be UNDER the jail? (182)
(National Interesting Pluto downgraded to "rock" (130)
UPI Photoshop Photoshop theme: Children's books are reflecting a more conservative viewpoint. Photoshop some possible covers (127)
MSNBC Cool The first refinery since 1976 is being planned for the midwest. Expected cost to be around $8 billion, or approximately one week of profit for Exxon (150)
Daily Mail Stupid If at first you don't succeed, try (for try = 1; try < 38; try++) again (208)
AP Followup Girl's mom in teen sex case defends the boy, until the prosecutor comes to her house and threatens her, that is (394)
(Some banned guy) Obvious J.K. Rowling to go on U.S. book tour for final Harry Potter release. What an attention whore, next she'll be appearing on morning drive radio shows across the country ... oh, wait (110)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Taxing illegal drugs: Check. Taxing cars entering Chicago: Check. Wait, what? (287)
Yahoo Interesting Music fans to compete in the World Air Guitar Championships, after which entrants will snort baking soda and make out with pretend groupies (106)
FARK Plug Drew will be signing books at Books Inc in Mountain View, CA at 7:30 p.m. tonight; beer afterwards at St Stephen's Green. Austin, TX is on for Saturday, see (now fixed) link for details (55)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this loop (95)
AFP Amusing Gays get green light for Jerusalem rally. Wait, Drew is in charge of deciding who gets to rally in Jerusalem? (468)
BBC Obvious Annual Edinburgh festival hopes to entice visitors with a giant mountain made entirely out of potatoes. Roy Neary nods approvingly (76)
BBC Cool Danish movement forms against "tyranny of early rising", already has thousands of members who want to sleep late. "I'm useless early in the morning," says one. "All I can do is drink coffee and stare into space" (321)
Wired Silly The circle of paranoia is now complete: UFO groups suspect U.S. intelligence of covering up alien contacts; intelligence officials suspect UFO groups a cover for foreign spies (142)
Local6 Florida In a tribute to Macgyver, NASA repairs the shuttle using staples found in the shuttle's medical kit and pins that come from the shuttle's tile repair kit (156)
Fox News PSA They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight; shunting trucks and hauling freight; green and brown and blue and red; with the paint that's full of lead. Thoooomas and his friends (145)
Yahoo Interesting Only 18 percent of Americans say they talk to their dads more than their moms. "What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys. See you later, can I have them please?" (215)
Yahoo Stupid Hey kids -- go cuckoo for tofu puffs (120)
(WFSB) Hero Over 2000 students may have to repeat current grade because they have 19 or more unexcused absences. Board of Education president: "These kids shouldn't be advancing -- end of discussion" (773)
MSNBC Silly India's cheapest car soon to be unveiled by Tata Motors at roughly $2500. In other news, India has a car company named Tata Motors. Giggity (134)
The Tennessean Asinine Tennessee sends tax agents to Bonnaroo to collect taxes on illegal drugs (186)
Daily Mail Photoshop Photoshop this cute little kitty (84)
ABC News Cool Former UN Secretary-General and Austrian president Kurt Waldheim is NOT SEEing this article, because he's dead (220)
Daily Mail Stupid British Army spends more money feeding its dogs than its soldiers (74)
CBS News Weird Lamb roams New York, lies down on Broadway (162)
NPR Amusing "All it takes is one geek to try something stupid..." (174)
( Silly Someone has stolen this man's Jolly Green Giant and Sprout garden mascots. Again (19)
Google Obvious Name a piece of advice your parents gave you that you should've listen to, and another that they gave you that you listened to but should've ignored (334)
(Free-Lance Star) Weird Naked woman drives van into house. Wait, what? (74)
(Seattle Stranger) Weird Seattle man hires prostitute, leaves her in apartment while he goes on beer run, returns to find her dead. Then things get really weird (110)
CBS Chicago Weird Mom's baby monitor picks up Shuttle Atlantis video (83)
Reuters Interesting Bush's poll numbers enter the 7th Annual Limbo Competition and bests the old record set in 2006 (321)
(Some Guy) Scary While shuttle crew is outside trying to tape up ship's underside, space station crew crashes critical computers and loses all propulsive capability. HAL 9000 refuses comment (128) PSA "I would say that in every major company there would be at least one psychopath." This is not an exit (86)
(Some Guy) Florida One of the advantages of driving a Jeep Cherokee is you can get around those annoying railroad crossing gaaa -- (89)
London Times Amusing Not news: Police in car chase. News: On three-wheeled bike. Fark: With someone else pedalling (31)
(Some Guy) Asinine Mrs. Scarlett bangs student, has baby, gets big letter "A" and three days in jail. Hester Prinn and Paris Hilton not amused. With hittable photo goodness (215)
(Some Granite Stater) PSA Two things every mother should avoid if called in to the principal's office to pick up their child: 1) Attacking the police and 2) bringing your weed with you (22) Amusing Master thief steals $1.4M painting by walking into gallery in middle of day, taking painting off wall, walking out. Genius (48) Cool Fat, balding carphone salesman in a cheap suit stuns judges (including Simon Cowell) in UK competition by singing "Nessun Dorma." Perfectly. With amazing video (274)
USA Today Sad Tennessee drought may curtail Jack Daniels production -- or settle once and for all that God hates 80 proof (58)
(Montgomery Advertiser) Asinine “City hall is closed so everybody can have the opportunity to shop,” the mayor said. “I just told everybody they had to bring a paid Wal-Mart receipt back to work" (55)
(Some Guy) Obvious "It is patently stupid to say that a college student is too young to drink a beer" (176)
MDN Amusing Nursing home for pets to open in Japan. Your old dog wants previously chewed steak (16)
Houston Chronicle Followup Bail denied for alleged "spam king." Will await trial in prison getting his inbox filled with offers of male enhancement (76) Spiffy Women more attracted to rugged, well-built tradesmen than prissy, soft-fingered office workers. The fall of the metrosexual has begun (240)
(Mangalorean) Amusing Intoxicated Columbian motorist makes left turn at Rome's famed Trinita dei Monti church, finds himself driving down a majestic 18th-century staircase. Ryan O'Neal, Barbra Streisand not impressed (47)
Yahoo Amusing Seventy-year-old vandal caught spraypainting the slang term for "whorehouse" on random houses in Germany (28)
(Some Guy) Obvious McDonald's in Norway to test salmon wrap. They're gonna call it a Royale With Cheese to avoid spooking the locals (48)
CNN Asinine Confirming what everyone over 30 already knew: Some 24-year-olds are still "children" (101)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 110: "Geometry." Difficulty: Must be an inanimate object. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (236)

Wed June 13, 2007
ABC News Obvious Alaska's only elephant to retire to a warm, sunny climate, just like everyone else who lives in that frozen hellhole (49)
(Sun Herald) Amusing Couple busted for having sex on a crane. Which begs the question- just how farking big was that bird? (57)
11 Alive Dumbass Step 1. Steal reporter's underwear, Step 2. ????, Step 3. Get PWNED on TV in front of your Dad (97)
1010WINS Stupid The obvious response to a bank robber that wears hats is to ban all hats in banks (69)
Yahoo Stupid In addition to having no fun toys, playgrounds in Florida must also have signs saying "No Running." We now return to editorials whining that kids never play outside anymore (122)
(Some Guy) Interesting IHOP bids to buy Applebee's. EVERYBODY PANCAKE (153)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Dumbass Today’s teenager standing at an intersection holding a “I’m stupid because I smoked marijuana” sign brought to you by, Sacramento, CA (With PIC Goodness) (156)
SFGate Unlikely Berkeley, CA council passes anti-homeless plan that bans lying on the sidewalk, drinking in public, and shopping cart posession among other things. I guess the Summer of Love really IS over (133)
Tulsa World Amusing "The vault in which Tulsa buried a Plymouth Belvedere 50 years ago was built to withstand a nuclear attack. Water, apparently, not so much" (155) Spiffy Rural town offers $500,000 to any doctor willing to stay five years. Potential applicants must have high tolerance for quirky townsfolk, be willing to develop love/hate relationship with local beautiful bush pilot (62)
Yahoo Sad Angry squirrel with big testicles killed by a crutch (65)
CBS New York Dumbass Yet another guy who didn't think his plan through: tries to escape police by dangling outside a 23rd story window (22)
AJC Asinine Anybody can leave their child in a hot car while they go off to eat, but it takes real Parents of the Year candidates to tie up their child inside a hot car (78)
ABC News Dumbass Montana idiot cited for DUI twice on the same day by the same cop then completes his personal trifecta by showing up drunk for his arraignment (46)
SLTrib Scary First a UFO is sighted above Salt Lake, now the Salt Lake Mayor gets in a hallway brawl. Is it the invasion of the body snatchers? (34)
(Some Guy) Followup Remember that Del Monte Foods raid in Portland yesterday? Turns out the mayor is pissed off at the feds for all those arrests they made (210)
FARK Plug Drew is signing his book in Oakland tonight. Who's strapping on the bullet-proof vests to see him? See link for details. Thursday: Mountain View CA. Saturday: Austin TX (100)
Daily Mail Sappy Ugly-ass cheetah cubs born at... who am I kidding; they're beyond cute (110)
( Silly Seattle may ban microwave popcorn. Beer, cheetos, still ok (144)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his ball (88)
(KING5) Amusing "Embracing while driving" is illegal in the State of Washington. So is being nude while driving drunk, as 19 year old finds out (78) Asinine High school suspends student and threatens him with police action for saying that marijuana no more harmful than tobacco or alcohol. Wait, what? (201)
(Suicide Girls) Wheaton Wil tells us about all the times he played with himself . . . with classic electronic games, you sickos (some images NSFW) (101)
AZCentral Amusing Wal-Mart expects to lose $3 billion to theft this year. World's smallest violin playing in the distance for the company that posted $348.6 billion in sales last year (219)
The Newspaper Stupid Texas cities program cameras to ticket drivers who almost run a red light. Not clear if they will let you almost pay the fine (146)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Why trouble yourself with facts and evidence when you can do what this jury did and pray in hopes of getting the right verdict (346)
(Some Guy) Florida Broward County doesn't want WIOD to be the offical home for hurricane and emergency information because the station carries Rush Limbauh and Sean Hannity (169)
CBS Salt Lake City Strange Huge UFO spotted over Salt Lake City (with pics) (448)
(NewsWatch50) Scary Rottweilers go on rampage, stopped by trusty Mr. Smith and his buddy Mr. Wesson. Cue the "b-b-b-but mine is a big puppy" crowd (468)
C|Net Asinine Not satisfied with farking up the real world with pointless lawsuits, some asshats have decided to start filing virtual ones (71)
Daily Mail Hero Louisiana town bans baggy pants on young men. "They're better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress," explains mayor (363)
CNSNews Ironic "Green" pollution: 61 percent of ethanol refineries cited for environmental violations, the vast majority for air pollution (143)
Fox News Obvious School board objects when after-school program takes middle schoolers on a field trip to Planned Parenthood (171)
Yahoo Interesting High-tech NASA looking at low-tech shuttle fix. Really, is there anything duct tape can't fix? (110)
(Some Romero) Obvious Apparently, parents are concerned about this "game with no ending" that their precious little rays of sunshine are playing, called "World of Warcraft." Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? (415)
Daily Mail Weird Thirteen-year-old boy breaks 10-year vow of silence he made when he was three and his mother made him get his tonsils out. Quitter (154)
(Some Guy) Cool Man finds a quarter million dollars worth of jewelry in the middle of the road. Turns it over to authorities... man's soon to be ex-wife unavailable for comment (49)
The Tennessean Interesting High school seniors with perfect attendance win Chevy Cobalts. Still not sure what they did wrong to deserve this (105)
Local6 Florida ╔═≈≈ • >###-- (114)
Washington Post Silly Editor delves into the heteroclitic and lachrymose bailiwick of the hoi polloi of public relations wordsmiths vis-à-vis, marshaling his available resources and journalistic strategies to present a verbose yet viable assay of verbiage (103)
(Some Guy) Interesting Suicides overtake executions as leading cause of death on California's Death Row, but still trail old age (38)
Fox News Amusing Doctors urged to stop being so damned nice to fat kids (120)
CTV Cool College students' research project extends the 5-second rule by 25 more salmonella-free seconds. After that, certain death (52)
Live Science Obvious Baby Boomers can't afford to retire (166)
(Peoria Journal-Star) Scary Knife fight breaks out over purchase of Miller High Life. Good thing it wasn't Bud Lite, or things might have really gotten out of hand (69)
BBC Asinine BBC reports on bizarre American law where parents can go to jail for serving teenagers beer. Even in their own homes (241)
CBS New York Obvious Paranoid N.Y. takes it to next level. Bike lockers now considered Homeland Security threat (94)
Fox News Interesting "I'm fat, and it's OK." (944)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this country road. Difficulty: No John Denver (126)
Yahoo Spiffy Patch up your favorite tinfoil hat, grab your "Best of Coast to Coast" cassettes, and gas up your alien-proof VW Microbus - it's time for the 60th Anniversary UFO Fest in Roswell, New Mexico (71)
AFP Scary Fun Fact to remember the next time you're late for work: Lack of sleep can kill you (98)
Yahoo Stupid ♫ Drop your bombs between the minarets ♫ Down the casbah way ♫ (113)
( Asinine NBA superstar Scottie Pippen got $289,000 in farming subsidies while Leo Tammi, a farmer, gets $500 a year (191)
Detroit News Strange Greyhound bus driver accused of deploying exit strategy on Iraqi passenger (69)
FARK Plug Drew will be on WVSR Charleston WV, WNOR Norfolk, KNDE College Station, WPUP Atlanta, WOAI San Antonio, WOOD Grand Rapids, KBZI Pittsburgh KS, KKOB Albequerque, KWHL Anchorage, KXDD Yakima, WNCI Columbus-Dayton etc, and KLAC Los Angeles this morning (66)
Billings Gazette Sad Darwin takes a Mulligan (77)
Derby Evening Telegraph Stupid Police call for six-year-old to confess to crimes (54) Interesting "Victims of Communism" memorial opens in DC. "Victims of Capitalism" memorial project scrapped due to cost and size constraints (416)
Forbes Scary "Bones and other tissues were stolen from funeral home corpses, including that of 'Masterpiece Theatre' host Alistair Cooke" (32)
London Times Amusing That was the smooth sound of Frank Sinatra. You're tuned to Cosa Nostra FM. Next up, the smooth sound of Frank Sinatra (33)
(Frankfort State-Journal) Hero 91-year old man has personally rolled out distillery's every millionth barrel since Prohibition; ""Any job I tell other men to do, I'll do myself." (37)
Telegraph Obvious Nothing you hadn't already suspected, but women tend to fall in love with men who remind them of their dads. And their is no way in hell you are leaving this house dressed like a whore, missy (155)
CBS New York Strange Wild turkey to blame for crazy upstate N.Y. crash. Grey Goose, Bud frogs and Hamm's Beer bear seen fleeing scene (33)
(Some Guys) Amusing Correctional officers get bored and steal a cow; Correctional Institute gets mad and has a cow (20)
(Some Drinker) Cool Austin Fark Book Signing Party: Saturday, June 16th @ 8:30PM at The Ginger Man. DIT LGT Bar (54) Strange French Canadians angry at Hollywood because movies are being dubbed in French in France - and they cannot understand it. Weird tag surrenders (202)
(Economist) Interesting Countries ranked by booze consumption (105)
(myrtlebeachonline) Scary Hammer Time (45)
Yahoo Cool Congress to pass bill that would keep guns out of the hands of the mentally ill. In other news, gun sales plummet (444)
(Suomi Guy) Scary Flatulent Finns farking up the fresh air in Helsinki's dance clubs (53)
(News14) Cool New "GPS for prostate cancer" can detect where it is and where it taint (43)
STLToday Sick Remember to help the environment by separating your recycled items into seperate bins. Newspapers, cans and bottles, people and.......wait, what? (45)
(PhotoSig) Photoshop Photoshop this magical well (72)
ABC News Strange "Decatur police are trying to determine how a one-ton municipal dump truck wound up at the bottom of the Point Mallard Park's wave pool" (49)
The Sun Amusing Six garbagemen rushed to hospital and hazmat teams mobilized after workers overcome by smell of crappy baby diapers (57)
Mercury News Dumbass "Dude, I've got a great idea. I'll act like I'm falling, and you take a picture for MySpace." 75 feet later (88)
LA Times Interesting D00d sum guy just got kild LOL snd a cop ;) (38)
Boston Globe Strange Sign that your relationship has lost its spark: your girlfriend hires a hitman to kill you for $50 and a used stereo (35) Interesting Actual headline: China grabs U.S. nuts (49)

Tue June 12, 2007 Strange Man stabbed with swordfish, taken to hospital (62)
Yahoo Weird Old and busted: Rubber bullets and water cannon. New hotness: Dung (40)
(AOL News) Followup Judge suing dry cleaners for $54 million breaks down in court, leaves in tears after recalling the traumatic experience of losing his trousers (145)
(EFF) Scary Released documents show the NSA had a secret room inside AT&T offices which allowed them direct access to the email and internet usage of AT&T customers (156)
Yahoo Cool Cool: Explosive lance used by 19th century whalers found. Not cool: It was found inside a whale killed by an explosive lance used by 21st century whalers (216)
Yahoo Followup Apparently, TB dickwad's family are dickwads (89)
(TMZ) Stupid Cost of keeping an inmate locked up at L.A. County jail, per day: $99.64. Cost of keeping Paris Hilton locked up at L.A. County jail, per day: $1,109.78. Cost of Paris Hilton doing house arrest, per day: $0.00 (273)
AP Asinine Weather satellite crucial to hurricane forcasting is about to fail. Don't worry though, another is scheduled to go up in 2016 (66)
(Neville Flynn) Scary Not News: Man robbed. News: With a water mocassin. Fark: Robber bit by the snake and then charged with lynching (42) Sad The problem with offering to donate a kidney to a total stranger is that then everyone wants a piece of you (32)
(A sad nerd) Sad Don Herbert, aka Mr. Wizard, dead at age 90. Möbius strips were never so interesting (276)
(Courier-Journal) Dumbass Today's "teacher suspended for removing student's clothing" story really has teeth (76)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this little floater (69)
CNBC Cool Sick of living in your parent's basement? I have some good news for you. U.S. home foreclosures in May jumped 90% (148)
CBS Sacramento Sad Biggest overseas Fourth of July party cancelled because of lack of interest (98)
MSNBC Scary Congratulations, you're a father... Congratulations, you're a father... Congratulations, you're a father... Congratulations, you're a father... Congratulations, you're a father... Congratulations, you're a father (176)
TBO Florida Twenty dogs and thirty-two cats seized from eldery woman's home. The Crazy Cat Lady Trifecta is now in play (37)
FARK Spiffy SF Bay Area farkers: Final Bay Area Blues & Billiards Fark party, June 17 (38)
CNN Cool Gas prices set to ri- wait, seriously? They're going to fall by half a buck? Swank (263)
FARK Plug Drew is doing a book signing in Durham, NC tonight, see link for details. Weds: Oakland, CA. Thurs: Mountain View, CA. Sat: Austin, TX (124)
Fox News Florida Old and Busted: Shark Attacks. New Hotness: Leaping Sturgeon (86)
Yahoo Obvious There once was a Fatah from Gaza, whose Hamas could stand them no longa. They said with a grin as they launch mortars in, "We'll destroy you like Custer did the Lakota." (150)
(Some Suddenly Glaucoma Stricken Guy) Cool New York expected to pass legislation that will make medical marijuana legal. Going green, indeed (152)
(Int'l Herald-Tribune) Asinine The top priority in still-ravaged New Orleans is building a $3.5 million monument on a "Homeric" scale. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair (166)
(Chattanoogan) Sappy Today's "woman with 70 cats gets evicted from her house" story brought to you by East Ridge, Tennessee (74)
(Metro NY) Strange “He came to my bedroom window completely naked, just wearing a paper bag over his head with eyeholes poked out” (93)
AFP Sad Poachers kill one of the last two white rhinos. Oh well, so much for that species (349)
Yahoo PSA The first drug for canine obesity hits the market today. Your dog wants three steaks, a baked potato, and a big bowl of ice cream for dessert (57)
(Some Guy) Followup White House: The President's watch was not stolen. Why, he simply put it in his pocket for no apparent reason (410) Ironic Organic food is as environmentally unfriendly as non-organic food. Suck it, hippies (292)
USA Today Obvious FDA's consideration to approve drug that decreases people's drive to eat sure to be popular with fatties, stoners (73)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Students sue ITT Tech after credits rejected. Obvious tag explodes (209)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this hungry dinosaur (67)
(fox 19) Asinine Fifty-one-year-old to get probation for having sex with 15-year-old. Q: What clue tells you the gender of the adult? (239)
Yahoo Weird German butchers developing sausages that taste like kiwi, cherry, lemon and aloe vera. This story sponsored by the letters "WTF" (74)
CBS New York Spiffy No, pharmacists. You may not impose your religious beliefs on NJ residents who have the audacity to have different views. Not yours (563)
Yahoo Strange Artist to create live exhibit in Germany by having 1,001 Chinese walk around the city of Kassel, also setting the record for largest fire drill (52)
Fox News Cool Remember Mike Nifong, asshat lawyer of the year contender? Looks like he's gonna get disbarred (269)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida UF Homeless Coalition raises $400 for the residents in Gainesville's 100-acre tent city. That's like 50 cases of Milwaukee's Best, which should keep them happy for a while (59)
CNN Stupid British police want to put up "posters" of missing four-year-old in "Second Life." Because that's where she is. Wait, what? (122)
Yahoo Amusing Usually, a cash graduation present from your grandmother is a good thing. Unless it's counterfeit and you get caught spending it (26)
Yahoo Strange Yukio Tojo, grand daughter of the infamous WWII Japanese prime minister, is trying to follow in Alexandra Mussolini's footsteps by re-creating her grandfather's party. No word on Ralph Hitler's plans at this time (198)
Yahoo Amusing Aged California hippies say modern hippies just don't get it, spend too much time on other people's lawns (83)
CBS San Francisco Amusing Okay men, we need to take that hill. And good God, Jenkins, your ass is fabulous (168)
Chicago Sun-Times Scary If a Chicago paramedic offers you treatment, you'd best accept it if you know what's good for you (59)
(WOAI) Strange Mother wakes up, finds burglar in closet. "...the man then calmly walked out the front door, grabbed his beer and then continued on his way" (31)
(Huff Post) Obvious From the O RLY? Department: Media starts acknowledging the Missing White Girl Syndrome (130)
Yahoo Interesting Polygamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: Same thing (269)
Seattle Times Interesting Mount Kilamanjaro, Al Gore's symbol of global warming, is not a victim of global warming (290)
YouTube Video Not news: Bush is greeted by supportive crowds in Albania. Fark: His watch disappears around the one-minute mark. Look closely (318)
(Some Guy) Interesting Map of U.S. with each state renamed for a country that has a similar GDP. Alabama still a theocracy (250)
ABC News Followup David Chase gives lone interview about the Sopranos finale to local Jersey paper from secret location in -- of course -- France (266)
AFP Weird Problem: One billion people, only 100 last names. Chinese officials consider "landmark move" to solve problem, says official spokesman Chen Zhou McLeod (132)
( Plug Drew's talking Fark and the new book this morning at 9:40ish AM Eastern on Ocean 98. Listen live via the link. Call in at 1-877-723-WOCM (70)
Yahoo Cool How a capitalist saves the world: Buying up as much of it as he can (86) Florida Fourteen-year-old drug dealer looks to increase business through some random telemarketing. Fails (70)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this golfing trio (56)
Denver Channel Dumbass The fine folks who handled Hurricane Katrina now says New York City is due for a hurricane (103) Scary Ultimate remedy for rowdy soccer mums: Drop an aircraft emergency door on them (38)
TBO Florida You get into a argument with your girlfriend. Do you: A) Apologize? B) Walk away and come back later when cooler heads prevail? C) Hit her in the head with a brick and steal her car? (70)
Reuters Stupid India opens the world's first "condom bar," giving free condoms away to patrons. It's sort of like a regular bar, but it just doesn't feel the same (45)
CBS New York Sad Jordanian teen in New York named Osama wants nothing more than to punch his parents in the face right now (125)
Fox News Strange The Diaper Flasher strikes again (32)
Yahoo Obvious Headline: Two jailed after bridge built by blind man collapses (26) Cool Australian entrepreneurs selling sand to Saudi Arabia. Ice to Eskimos deal being investigated by drug squad (25) Amusing Man thinks it might be funny to point laser at police helicopter. Police disagree (37) Amusing "Step 2" is finally revealed (34) PSA Before you start calling a guy a "gaylord," first make sure he doesn't have a knife in his purse (44)
Reuters Scary If China was eligible for EPA "Superfund" cleanup status, two-thirds of China's cities would qualify (80)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Twenty-seven confessions of a former Circuit City employee (258)
London Times Unlikely The majority of British teens have never tried drugs, and probably never will (66)
BBC Interesting Hippies trying to halt bear farming. Wait, what? (37)
SMH Amusing "Since 2001, every TV set sold in Australia has been fitted with a miniature camera/microphone that records everything happening in front of the screen when the set is on" (61)
UPI Dumbass English kids think carrots grow on trees (72)
(ENN) Interesting Irish texting on cellphones more than talking. Even they can’t understand what they are saying (43)
CBS Austin Scary Calendar Girls, Pittsburgh-style. Broads in 70s, 80s pose nude (no video/picture goodness thank God) (63)
Yahoo Scary Government employees in a Malaysian state are being monitored by security cameras to keep them from Farking at work (28)
BBC Interesting Scotland is "the worst performing small country in Western Europe" according to a new survey. Expect an angry reaction, once they sober up (88)

Mon June 11, 2007
(The Spectator UK) Stupid Sack races, egg-and-spoon races, a vintage steamroller and garden gnomes amongst kiddie things banned in the UK because, of course, they lead to juvenile crime, drug abuse, underage sex, STDs and drunkenness (41)
Homestar Runner Amusing "Why do all my 30-year-old electronics keep breaking?" (89)
(Geekologie) Scary PSA on the importance of seat belts. Either they've got some really good special effects guys or they just murdered two people (87)
(Some TFette) Photoshop Photoshop your own set of Russian matrioshka nesting dolls. LGT example (45)
CNN Cool American universities have grown tired of dealing with Cheeze Doodle-eating, XBox-playing, pot-smoking Americans; shift focus to importing students from overseas (194)
AZCentral PSA Punching a chihuahua in the head and dislodging its eyeball is wrong. Especially for a veterinarian (117)
LA Times Amusing Los Angeles mayor separates from wife, takes responsibility for not being able to handle matters at home. Wife expected to keep the house and half the city (58)
(Burlington Free Press) Stupid Vermont high school drops valedictorian; replaces it with group hug, gold star (134)
(NewsBusters) Dumbass Rather says Couric dumber than he was (149)
CBS Austin Hero 81-year-old cyclist to ride 2000 miles to benefit homeless. Stay off my bikepath (42)
(News 8 Austin) Cool Finally, solar power is doing something meaningful -- making beer (41) Sad Whale tails to go extinct (220)
Slate Misc A thinking man's guide to bachelor parties. Step 1: Don't invite Jeremy Piven (111)
USA Today Obvious Flight attendants say passengers are getting ruder, not stowing smaller items under seats in front of them (165)
(Wine Spectator) Obvious New study find a glass of wine or two delays dementia. Yes, only Italian researchers could publish this with a straight face (50)
Live Science Spiffy Yes, I can feel your anger. It gives you focus. It makes you strong. And according to this study, it's good for you, too. Gooooood (91)
Fox News Florida I *hic* HATE *hic* YOU *hic* I'M *hic* RUNNING *hic* AWAY (115)
(Isle of Lakes) Amusing "Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island" (169)
(Greenville Online) Dumbass Greenville, SC kills reading program, keeps pizza party. Why is our children fat? (133)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Animals doing human jobs. LGT inspiration (125)
CBS New York Scary Five near misses last month for NYC airports. Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes (122)
CNN Followup Teen: I can has freedom now? Judge: Yes you.... Attorney general: You cannot has freedom. Not yours (434)
(SCOTUSblog) Interesting Supreme Court to hear case of Crack v. Powder (91)
ABC News Asinine You have the right to an attorney -- unless you're a wrongly convicted man in Alabama (149)
MSNBC Asinine Court to decide whether autism is caused by vaccines, which is good because a random group of people off the street understand correlation = causation (291)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Warm weather, angry words and large containers of cheap beer are being blamed for escalating a neighborhood feud, which grew from punches and broken windows to gunshots" (46)
The Newspaper Asinine Texas plans road surveillance cameras to ticket people doing 73 in a 70 zone. System measures average speed so you can't slow down just for the cameras (292)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Bad news: Someone stole 12,000 cases of beer. Good news: It was just Corona and Corona Light (253)
NYPost Dumbass Al Roker -- one of the mouthpieces that pushed for the Don Imus firing -- jokes about epilepsy, denies it, and then uses the crappy "if you were offended" apology for something he supposedly didn't really say (321)
(Penn Live) Asinine Man videotapes his friend's speeding ticket, so cops charge him with felony wiretapping (304)
Philly Asinine Asshat parents get Beauxbatons teacher fired over their precious zaftig snowflake's hurt feelings (205)
ABC News Obvious So much illegal marijuana is being grown and seized in Mendocino County that supervisors there are now calling for its legalization (229)
(DM Register) Interesting Iowa to outlaw dismembering a corpse starting July 1st. In other news, it's still legal for awhile, so hurry up while you still can (54)
MSNBC Hero Judge voids 10-year sentence of man convicted for having sex with teen when he was 17 (176)
(Washington Times) Asinine The word "marriage" may soon be considered hate speech at government workplaces. Welcome to the 21st century (470)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting In a move surely designed to avoid press coverage and protests, a federal prison in New York removes all religious books from library under a law designed to keep Islamic texts out of the hands of inmates (90)
(NST) Dumbass If your landlord gives you advice on what angle to face when taking a shower, you might want to investigate that black oval with a red light in your bathroom (73)
(No Spandex) Amusing I hate "Star Trek." Here's someone else who hates "Star Trek." Go to hell, you filthy space communists (349)
FARK Plug Drew will be doing book signings this week -- Tues: Durham, NC. Weds: Oakland, CA. Thurs: Mountain View, CA. Sat: Austin, TX. Click on link for details (65)
Snopes Dumbass Somehow, I don’t think you thought your cunning plan all the way through (109)
MSNBC Amusing Stay-at-home dads make moms jealous (278)
CTV Scary "Canada Post still receiving hand grenades, munitions months after they were banned." Meaning that up until a few months ago, it was okay to mail your hand grenades (35)
The Register Amusing Drug-sniffing dog suspended for "harrassing female passengers." Dog claims he heard someone say it was hump day (56)
St. Pete Times Florida Residents fleeing state in steady exodus, tired of crowded roads, high insurance rates, Fark cliches (234)
STLToday Cool Illinois town exists solely on revenue from four strip clubs, a massage parlor and one adult bookstore (141)
JSOnline Strange If you have been telling people the weather is bad when it's not, the FBI would like to speak with you (81)
Reuters Dumbass Step one: Deeply discount price of final Harry Potter novel. Step two: Sell millions of books. Step three: Lose millions of dollars (159)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this big mouth (84)
FARK Plug Drew will be on WFLF Orlando, WSAU Wausau WI, WPTF Raleigh, KRMG Tulsa, WTIC Hartford, WZTK Burlington NC, WJBO Baton Rouge, KMED Medford OR, WIOD Miami, The Marc Bernier Show, WKSQ Bangor, WTN Nashville, and KFAB Omaha this morning (43)
London Times Stupid Israel's devastating new weapon: No Abba songs (253)
Sun Sentinel Florida Mother of the Year candidate arrested after her 10-year old son, who weighed only 35 pounds, was found knocking on neighbors' doors asking for food (100)
London Times Sad Not news: Teenage boys plan kegger. News: Teenage boys' mom plans kegger for them. Fark: Teenage boys' mom goes to jail for planning kegger (108)
(Big Head DC) Followup Larry Flynt has already received 200 sex tips on Washington power players in exchange for his promise of a $1 million bounty (75)
Yahoo Interesting Burger King and McDonald's engage in spam war to determine once and for all who can kill the most customers (77)
SFGate Silly Hundreds run through San Francisco in gorilla suits to protect endangered species, scare bejesus out of Charlton Heston (41)
(Some Guy) Scary Fatah stud gives Hamas honey a foot massage (72)
Reuters Weird Not news: British artist sets up international hotline. News: So you can have a "one-to-one beautiful and intimate moment." Fark: With a melting glacier (19)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Undertakers fight kung-fu style over corpse. Competition in the funeral business is tough these days (31) Amusing Aussie prime minister and the opposition leader to be sold on Ebay. Now if only other politicians would take the hint (14)
Komo Scary Oregon middle schooler discovers he would have been better off drinking from the toilet than from school water fountains (100) Dumbass Tips for when you fly: Don't size the flight crew up for a fight, or threaten to open the doors at 20,000 feet (22)
(Some Guy) Strange Poor farmers in Vietnam resort to stealing the Internets to make ends meet (25)
MSNBC Obvious Why some people are walking disaster areas (91)
Yahoo Spiffy U.S. soldiers, trapped when a bridge they were guarding was blown up, are rescued by private military contractors from Armor Group International. Col. Alois Hammer unvailable for comment (117)
(miami herald) Hero American Airlines 767 collides with catering truck in Miami. If you've ever ate on American, you'll understand the Hero tag is for the pilot (56)
(Some Big Lizard) Florida Wow, I couldn't get past the headline. The first paragraph is even stranger (57)
(Sun Herald) Amusing Female inmates are not allowed to use makeup, improvise by using Skittles. Taste the rainbow (92)
The Newspaper Hero Nevada prohibits homeowners associations from writing speeding tickets (143)

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