GoogleWeb Fark
Sun July 08, 2007 Stupid Tobacco company being sued for voluntarily printing the phone number of a stop smoking organization on packets (29)
Drudge Stupid Katie Couric in hot water at CBS for slapping an editor -- OH SLAP (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this panoramic shot (90)
(Psychology Today) Obvious Ten politically incorrect truths about human nature. Truth #1 - men prefer big breasted blondes... and then the list gets even more interesting (311)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Strange Chewbacca assaults Marilyn Monroe in the midst of the Harry Potter premiere (86)
WTOP Stupid Leesburg, VA votes on whether to return to the eighteenth century by outlawing drive-throughs (111)
Reno Gazette-Journal Stupid Today's "teacher fired for multiple sex charges" story is brought to you by Yerington, Nevada. With photo of lecherously smiling Ron White (88)
The Register Strange Chinese women crave Bill Gates's sperm, combining about four common spam emails into one headline (56)
Canoe Weird Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war, with the paintballs of Jesus going on before (64)
(Linux Distro News) Spiffy Rev. Al Sharpton to start campaigning for Linux (93) Amusing Police break into an apartment after neighbors complain of a nasty smell. They don't find a dead body, just a tenant with really bad foot odor asleep next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry (39)
Boston Globe Dumbass 23-year old asshat cries "not fair" when his license is revoked for receiving 10 moving violations in five years (268)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fellow and his firehose (61)
(Florida Today) Scary The music industry is taking extortion to a whole new level by going after coffee shops who have live music. How is this even legal? (338)
BBC Sad World's smallest funeral procession begins as co-founder of Matchbox cars passes away at 87 (54)
Yahoo Unlikely The world will be just fine using fossil fuels for the next fifty years. At least according to Jeroen van der Veer, the CEO of oil conglomerate Royal Dutch Shell (102)
(mcall) Weird Vo-tech administrator suspended after punching student who gave him a titty-twister (59) Interesting Atheism is the result of people not having babies (726)
(Some Guy) Interesting A look inside the business of America's 3,600 strip clubs, where business is booming (66)
Miami Herald Hero Army reservist that signed up for two weekends a month gets sent to Iraq for so long that he's going to lose his job and his house (449)
CNN Weird Don't you hate it when you leave $64,000 laying in the bathroom and the police find it? (17)
Toronto Star Interesting "What's Opera, Doc?", the greatest cartoon ever made, celebrates its 50th birthday. Kill da wabbit (195)
(Nevada Appeal) Amusing 72-year-old Mayor gets cited for DUI and loses license. Does he, A) get someone to drive him to work, B) abuse his power and make the DUI go away, or C) suck it up and bike to work every day on a red Schwinn? (52)
(Some Guy) Scary Female drug counselor at youth center attempts to stop one teen from using drugs by, you guessed it, having sex with him (w/eyebleach pic) (115)
(WMAZ-13) Amusing The annual Redneck Games are underway: "A lot of fighting, carrying on, that we ain't got no sense but there's a lot of folks out here that's got some sense." (68) Unlikely "If the mother is eating Cheetos and white bread, the fetus will be born with those taste buds. If the mother is eating carrots and oatmeal, the child will be born with those taste buds." (124)
AP Interesting You're not alone. Thousands commemorate 1947 UFO crash in Roswell, NM (69)
(Some Norwegian Guy) Photoshop Fjotoshop this fjord (116)
Fox News Dumbass Texas couple spends their 07/07/07 taking a flying 4-story leap off a spillway on a Jetski... and live (with insane video). Oh yeah, "The Aristocrats" (101) Interesting Sydney building catches fire. One hundred people had to pull out, then leave (27)
Yahoo Obvious NYC tour helicopter plunges into river, wetting several, all of whom declared it, "The worst tour ever" (36)
SFGate Sad How do you improve test scores? Suspend low-scoring students before test time, fire complaining teachers, change hundreds of test answers (106)
Newsweek Sad Purple Heart-winning soldier in jail for allegedly helping illegal immigrants cross the border (129)
Telegraph Obvious Admiral Sir Alan West encourages Brits to be "a little bit un-British" and to start snitching on everyone and anyone suspicious (66) Obvious US National Academy Of Stating The Bleeding Obvious reports that aliens might not be like us (48)
Google Photoshop Theme: The Clintons re-enacting other famous scenes from the movies or TV (110)
Japan Times Amusing Sony apologizes for "virtual desecration" of Manchester Cathedral in PS3 game. Church of England wants compensation anyway. Where is your lawyer now? (70)
BBC Dumbass Man dies after 'tombstoning' jump. Now he gets one (41)
UPI Scary Gator vs. Truck: Draw (46)
(Some Guy) Cool If you only see one insane house imploding illusion today let it be this one (57)
USA Today Dumbass Two criminal masterminds rob a hotel at gunpoint and try to get away by driving into a police station parking lot. Jailarity ensues (11)
Google Survey What are your rules for a first date? VE (401)
AP Spiffy The cherry pit spitting champ repeats with with only a minimal loss of dignity (15)

Sat July 07, 2007 Amusing Nearly 4,800 fluorescent yellow golf balls were stolen from a Kansas City golf course after someone raided its driving range in the middle of the night. "Enough to fill the bed of a pickup" say police (54)
CBS News Obvious Foot patrols lower crime, increase donut shop and tavern sales. Everybody wins (47) Asinine News: Catholic Church removes restrictions on Latin Mass. Fark: they didn't remove the part about prayers calling for the Jews to 'be delivered from their darkness' and converted to Catholicism (330)
Denver Post Followup After spending a year out of the headlines, attention whore and would be JonBenet slayer John Mark Karr arrested after domestic disturbance (49)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious Apparently a survey was necessary to determine that most bartenders are young and have multiple jobs. Obvious tag reports for duty (23)
CBS Boston Strange Man disguised as a tree robs bank, quickly leaves. Police are stumped (88)
Reuters Dumbass Chinese tourist dies after falling into a volcano. Waponi Woo is saved (81)
(Some Guy) Sappy 70 year old woman to vie for beauty pageant title created when she was 42 (25)
CNN Misc New 7 wonders of the world named (198)
SeattlePI Interesting Most people can't tell one beer from another. Piss is piss (119)
(American Heritage) Interesting The 'Summer of Love' happened 40 years ago. What did it leave for us? (232)
CBS Minneapolis Amusing Woman to Police: My car has been stolen. Police to woman: No you can't have, not yours. With video goodness (73)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Subtle changes to "The Price Is Right" if Rosie O'Donnell becomes the host (95)
(Some Guy) Interesting President Musharraf says mosque radicals face doom, gloom and will be swept by broom into a small room with a PMITA groom (45)
590 KLBJ Followup No PMITA prison for AWOL soldier suffering from PTSD. Given discharge and told to GTFO (109)
SFGate Obvious After 33 years of knocking on doors, Jehovah's Witness concedes she hasn't convinced more than five people to take up bible study (504) Florida "Everybody's Gone Surfin, Surfin U.S... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" (71)
Globe and Mail Silly "My new girlfriend has issues with where I store my prophylactics. That is, tucked into the arms of an Optimus Prime action figure on my bedside table" (247)
(Some Guy) Cool Howard Families to celebrate the 100th birthday of Robert Heinlein. Kilts, cats and genius red-haired hotties required (177)
(Some Beer Snob) Scary Beer snob predicts the "Canned Beer Apocalypse"... EVERYBODY PAN *buuuurrrrrpp* IC (110)
(Manchester Evening News) Weird Indoor smoking ban prevents robbery at bingo hall by masked swordsmen (29)
(WBIR NBC 10) Spiffy Tennessee Supreme Court rules that off-duty drug use irrelevant for worker's comp claims. Bonus: TV station doesn't know what a pot leaf looks like (123)
SeattlePI Strange NAACP to bury successful and attractive African-American during annual convention in Detroit (142)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy resting against his big rubber ball (119)
This Is Local London Sick A therapist has been accused of taking advantage of a patient with a split personality - using one of her alter egos for sex, another to be his cleaner and a third to lend him cash for holidays (120)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Sixth-grader arrested for a Level 4 school infraction, sent to alternative school for four months... for writing "I Love Alex" on gym wall. To be fair, though, Alex is a total douchebag (126)
(Express and Star) Interesting Man hunting for his old army buddies that helped keep him out of the clink after he was blown “sky high" when he set fire to gunpowder because he was bored beyond belief (30)
(Some Druggie) Unlikely United Nations says world drug problem under control, sky is plaid (117)
(KARE 11) Followup Status of Minnesota kiddie pool victim downgraded from colon to semicolon (124)
(Niagara Gazette) Dumbass Fark's "Dumb Criminal of the Day" is the asshat who thought he'd steal the carton of cigarettes while the clerk was busy... busy checking his ID (17)
STLToday Dumbass Man arrested with notebook of plans to kidnap his ex-girlfriend -- flowchart included. Oh yeah, and six condoms, a camera, a turkey baster, KY oil, plastic gloves, Bic lighters and Clorox disinfectant wipes (104)
(Some Bad Kittah) Amusing Cutest kitten pictures (sans domo kun) you'll see today (303)
ABC News Interesting Conditions in "for profit" prisons are bad enough inmates tend to commit suicide. Thank goodness they at least have free medical care (102)
(Some Guy) Weird 110 children plucked from Irish Sea after being swept into the water during a junior regatta (24)
DallasNews Spiffy $5,000 of Styrofoam + Double-wide = big farkin' houseboat (74)
Globe and Mail Obvious If you want to build a high-speed railway, it's best not to use fake building materials when you're building it (40)
(Some Guy) Obvious Teenager's asthma cured by bagpipes - marking the first time in the history of the goddamn universe that an instrument that sounds like a cat being tortured with a blowtorch has resulted in a positive outcome (60)
USA Today Silly Your dog wants $31,660 Hello Kitty doghouse (24)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass If you have a belt-buckle that looks like a gun and wear it into a bank, you are an idiot. Just ask the San Diego Police (58)
Houston Chronicle Spiffy Bad Neighbor #4,367 - a nine story rollercoaster (45)
Telegraph Obvious More British residents buying their clothes in supermarkets than clothing stores. Which kind of explains a lot (39)
Yahoo Obvious When authorities find your 83-year-old mom covered in red ants and feces in her trailer with no electricity, you are probably the next candidate in the Bad Son Hall of Fame (71)
(Some Guy) Stupid Today's massive portable toilet arson fire brought to you by an anonymous idiot in San Diego (16)
(Some Guy) Obvious Taiwan cancels speed-eating contest for kindergarten and elementary school students over concerns about health and fears that expatriate American kids would dominate the competition (12)
Denver Channel Dumbass Man arrested for telling women they were "extremely beautiful." I'll take "Lines that only work for Brad Pitt" for $500, Alex (89)
(Some Guy) Photoshop His friends all seem kinda bored, so Photoshop something a bit more exciting for this guy to be collecting (50)
Yahoo Amusing Miss New Jersey says someone's on her internets, captioning her pictures, and she's not LOL (70)
CBS Sacramento Amusing Man gets frustrated by the way people park on his street and decides to get creative with a can of spray paint. Hilarity ensues (with video) (66)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Not News: Home goes up for sale. News: Car crashes into home two hours after going on the market. Fark: Bloody driver exits car asking for a light (34)
Reuters Amusing Irish bookie offers 14/1 odds that 'Al Gore' would be next high-profile American arrested. Damn shame for him that he didn't specify which one (20)
UPI Obvious Bank-robbing granny sentenced to 23 months in PMITA (probationary, monitored, in-house, threat-free, age-appropriate) prison (16)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this albino bandoneónist (45)
(Rutland Herald) Unlikely Man caught by police while dancing naked and pulling a piece of clothing back and forth between his legs rubbing his genitals says that there was nothing sexual about it, and he was just washing himself (30)
MDN Interesting ♪It's raining Yen ♪ Hallelujah, it's raining Yen, Amen♪ (37)
(Some hovburglar) Asinine Actual headline: Woman arrested for not watering lawn (88)

Fri July 06, 2007
London Times Dumbass When applying for a job, it's really important to remember to take the picture of your testicles off of your social networking site (57)
(WMAZ Macon) Scary Wife wins marital argument the old-fashioned way: she stabs her husband in the yambag with a samurai sword (67)
CNN Asinine TB Dickwad reaffirms his uber-Dickwad status (124)
This Is Local London Asinine Muslims with long history with al Qaeda, and who have attended terrorism training camps in Pakistan, allowed to keep their jobs with British police because it would be "politically incorrect" to fire them (204) Unlikely New Mexico state law against cockfighting violates treaty that ended Mexican-America war, at least to hear the lawyers for cockfighters tell it (26)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Painfully nerdy guy robs a bank with a hand drawn gun, no, a drawn hand gun, wait, whatever. There was no gun. [pics] (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kid and his contraption (71)
(Some Guy) Scary Cambridge professor claims 50/50 chance all life on Earth will end in next century, names top eight PANIC-inducing scenarios (253)
The Smoking Gun Amusing The “I (Heart) Midget Porn” guy isn’t the only perp to wear a cute slogan shirt for their mug shot. The Smoking Gun is there (124)
( Asinine Not News: MA man sues after failing the bar exam. News: he failed because he skipped a question. Fark: the question was about gay marriage and it offended him (176)
AFP Obvious "What do we want?" "Now." "When do we want it?" "More pay" (110) Asinine You'd think becoming a public laughing stock would stop him. You'd think losing the case would stop him. But Roy Pearson really really REALLY loves those pants (115)
BBC Obvious Oil prices rise following the kidnapping of a three-year-old British girl. Wait, what? (34)
(Baton Rouge Advocate) Hero Volunteers needed to drink beer. FREE BEER. Drew last seen headed to Louisiana (42)
Philly Spiffy Philadelphia to school kids: "Stop feeding the homeless." School kids to Philadelphia: "Suck it." (83)
(splc) Asinine Violent lesbian gangs are on a nationwide rampage, raping young girls and attacking straight men. O RLY? (212)
NYPost Sick Monica Lewinsky is to a cigar as a secretary at Morgan Stanley is to a pencil (134)
Reuters Florida Not news: DUI suspect flees police. News: Suspect sideswipped a car and flipped over. Fark: At 100 miles per hour. TotalFark: Suspect is an 11 year old girl (80)
NPR Sad The RIAA doesn't want you to learn how to play guitar (239)
Komo Amusing Gigantic phallus terrorizes Oregon town (189)
Examiner Stupid News: US announces it has killed Iraq Al Quaeda leader Kamal Jalil Uthman. Fark: He's been dead since 2006, at which time the US announced they had killed him (78)
AJC Followup Fireman charged with public indecency, plum-smuggling charge dropped due to lack of evidence; judge requests new keyboard after viewing mugshot (37)
Wall Street Journal Misc WSJ ranks the major airlines, from "sucks donkey balls" all the way up to "bring a parachute" (90)
(TheIndyChannel) Stupid Man avoids repo man, instead finds reaper man (58)
Yahoo Spiffy Navy probes Marines, probes them long and hard (98) Strange Scariest dog picture you'll see all day (195)
BBC Interesting Japan to boost missile defenses to guard against aggression by North Korea, Mothra (29)
(Idaho Statesman) Obvious "Alcohol is suspected to be a factor in the incident, police said" with a lovely mug shot (78)
(Greenville Online) Spiffy Leader of Christian Exodus postpones move to South Carolina after his potential SC employer sees what he's a part of, and terminates the job offer (115)
CNN Spiffy How the hell could you Farkers pass up the mother-of-all-flamewars: it's George W. Bush's 61st birthday (341)
Toronto Star Obvious The sharks have begun feeding: Quebec passengers suing TB Dickwad (81)
Baltimore Sun Interesting Baltimore church advocates acceptance, which has nothing to do with its transgendered pastor, who feels that two in the hand is better than one bush (34)
UPI Obvious Tourists flock to Pamplona for the annual Running of the Nude Hippies (54)
(Some Guy) Followup Fred Phelps' grandson stomped on an American flag during a funeral protest. Now his daughter is being charged with negligent child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, flag mutilation and disturbing the peace (357)
CNN Scary Gunmen holding girl demand money. Tomorrow's followup: Gunmen with money demand girl (44)
(PhysOrg) Obvious Booze, drugs, and smokes ranked top three addictions by researchers at the University of Well Duh (78)
(Some TFette) Photoshop Photoshop this baby undulate ray (73)
BBC Interesting Biafra wants to leave Nigeria, cites growing threat of Nazi Punks, killing of poor (125)
(Some Guy) Asinine Mother hospitalizes her child after rolling his head up in a car window. Don't worry, the car window is okay. It's still under warranty (97)
The Newspaper PSA Old and busted: red-light cameras. New hotness: stop sign cameras (202)
CNN Misc Second deluge causes double trouble for Texas flood victims (160)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Federal Appeals Court throws out ACLU lawsuit against Bush's domestic wiretapping program, says defendants do not have standing to sue, should have obtained the β Communicator in Area 16 first (260)
SuperDeluxe Plug Fark TV filmmaker risks his life for science and entertainment due to a misunderstanding as to what the term "trans-fats" means (79)
FunReports Interesting The most common gift in Italy for a graduating high school girls is now breast enlargement (191)
Denver Post Cool China opens 4 story, 1000 stall public restroom. What could possibly go Wong? (105)
11 Alive Weird "But when a little boy brought a 9-legged frog home to Kansas, some adults got worried" (84)
(The Local) Interesting UFO sightings up sharply in Sweden, proving one thing: aliens dig six-foot tall blondes with big racks (139)
CBC Silly Police proud to announce that they've recovered the stolen rodeo clown barrel and reunited it with its owner. Interpol breathes sigh of relief, spontaneous dancing breaks out in several countries (21)
CBS Sacramento Amusing Bad luck: getting Paris Hiliton's old phone number (111)
BBC Strange Problem: fiancee's family won't pay promised marriage dowry. Solution: bride takes off her clothes on a busy street to protest. Oh yeah, there's a pic all right (173)
CBS News PSA If you ever wanted to be a condom tester, Durex has 200 openings they’re trying to fill (64)
Houston Chronicle Scary I scream, you scream, we all scream from a blow to the back of the head with a baseball bat (46)
(Autoblog) Interesting The world's only $200,000 Hyundai (112)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida town needs spot to store two tons of marijuana. Any volunteers? (48)
(KXAN Austin News) Scary Federal plans for border crossing station found in TV station dumpster. Right next to Americans' hopes for competent government (93)
BBC Sad Hmmmm... I wonder what would happen if we threw this land mine against the wall? (132)
(KDSK) Spiffy Man wants peace and quiet, moves his home office into a treehouse (pic) (58)
(OC Register) Obvious 19-year old co-ed belies her 4.0 GPA when she rides off with a biker she "met on Craigslist". She later made a call after locking herself in a bathroom and, well, that was 11 days ago so this should all end well (246)
Fox News Scary Gentlemen, behold. A pool pump so powerful it can suck the intestines right out of a six-year old (230)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If a store clerk seizes your counterfeit credit cards, it would be best if you didn’t file a complaint with the police department (17)
(WTEN Albany) Amusing Police in Albany announce kidnapping. Victim is eight feet tall with bright red hair, goofy sack dress, striped socks and size 27 shoes (46)
Boston Herald Strange Bonbon Bandit besieges Boston, burglarizes Ben and Jerry's (36)
(Some Wise Guy) News New York, New York casino in Vegas ups the realism as man shoots up casino floor (178)
(Some Guy) Hero Cinema manager repeatedly enters a burning theater to carry people out on his back. After the blaze is extinguished, his body is found with a mobile phone in one hand and fire extinguisher in the other (221)
Independent Amusing This is how to write a headline (189)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this stir crazy lady (74) Obvious Guests at dinner party find the bodies of his wife and son in the freezer. Awkward (98)
Yahoo Silly Four-year-old girl calls 911 begging for McDonald's 300 times. Can you say future fat chick? (128)
The Sun Obvious Teen caught having sex with a cow. The Sun is there and stole every smartass comment you wanted to post, including the one about police wanting to put him udder arrest (150)
The Sun Obvious Here's photographic proof of why the world no longer needs payphones (139)
Yahoo Spiffy Good News: Money fell from the sky today. Bad News: In Euros, which are like 20 cents in real money (356)
Google Photoshop Theme: Stephen Colbert as a religious figure (any religion, any gender) (223)
Telegraph Stupid Gordon Brown doesn't want you to know that the EU treaty will "transfer sovereignty" from the UK. Now we do, douchebag (194)
Yahoo Cool Ugly ass litter of white bengal tigers born in Mexico (w cute pic) (45)

Thu July 05, 2007
( Sick 34 year old woman caught having sex with 13 year old boy, because boy's friends filmed it with cell phone. (With OH MY GOD MY EYES pic) (247) Amusing Columnist starts to get what sites like Fark are about. Then he goes back to his sex offender defending, McKinney loving, communist flag waving, aristocratic, Florida living, beer hating roots and tries to actually analyze it (73)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Obvious As you read this from your laptop on the plane, you may want to know 2007 is the worst year on record for flight delays (76)
ABC News Obvious The weather out there today is hot and shiatty with continued hot and shiatty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north (169)
(9News) Dumbass Meh: Man gets busted for DUI after driving the wrong way. Fark: On a tractor. Total Fark: On a parade route (51)
Yahoo Strange Finally, the Rev. Al Shaprton marches for something we can all support: getting a hummer from a teen girl. Wait, what? (205)
(MyFoxPhilly) Asinine What kind of city would cancel their fireworks, then start shooting them off 30 minutes later after 90% of the crowd left. If you guessed Philly, you get to toss a snowball at Santa (102)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fork in the road (94)
The Sun Silly The Sun's guide to smirting (flirting while smoking). The Sun is *cough* *hack* *wheeze* there (139)
Yahoo Obvious Study finds that women don't talk more than men. They just whine, complain, and nag incessantly making it seem like they never shut up (616) Hero Granny smacks down ride-by purse snatcher with bag of books. You better believe that's a paddlin' (51)
(Techdirt) Dumbass Company sues Google for libel because "it's too much work to figure out who was actually responsible" (127)
Yahoo Strange EU consumer chief wants "fire-safe" cigarettes. Yeah, well submitter wants a new Eddie Murphy movie that's funny, too (100)
Yahoo Unlikely Proving that studies can link anything together, apparently feelings of racial persecution leads to higher breast cancer rates in black women (182)
AP Amusing Dear Diary: Sunday--hit by car. Monday--beaten by intruder. Tuesday--shot by cops. Wednesday--went to jail. Thursday--don't ask (97)
SeattlePI Interesting Law enforcement and legislators in Washington debate the eternal question: How much pot is a two month supply? (201)
(700 Club) Stupid "Jeff was only in the third grade when his parents bought an ouija board. It seemed like a lot of fun until he found out that it was no game" (625)
(Charleston Gazette) Hero Story of Frank Buckles, one of three living WWI vets. Show some respect and get off his lawn (148)
Wall Street Journal Unlikely Is Mr. Rogers to blame for a generation that thinks it's so "special"? (324)
Yahoo Hero Ah, the Sunday cookout in North Carolina. The family. The food. The five-year old fighting and pinning a rabid fox until his dad can kill it (113)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass Man tells boss--who regularly quoted the Bible and said gays were destined for damnation--that he is gay. As you can imagine, the boss found there was something wrong with that (794)
(Some Guy) Obvious Danish news site bans scores of "hyperactive users who spam the site with comments of little value." Good thing other social news sites don't have this problem (177)
(WGAL) Sad Beer prices rise in the largest jump in two years. EVERYBODY PANIC (111)
Yahoo Interesting Nearly 70 percent of Americans now believe the government has a responsibility "to take care of people who can’t take care of themselves". Suck it cons (714)
(Some Guy) Interesting Girl Scouts looking for an overhaul. Badges for cooking and embroidery apparently are no longer relevant to today's generation (184)
BBC Amusing You know you're a bad cook when you're the only entrant in a cake-baking contest - and you come second (66) Amusing Zoo staff laughing about surprise ugly-ass hyena birth (w/pic) (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sexy modem (155)
CNN Scary Today's post-4th "fireworks accidentally launched into crowd" article brought to you by CNN. Includes hair-raising video link (89)
(WZZM 13) Interesting Employee sues city because her co-worker's perfume is too strong, says it violates the Americans with Disabilities Act (183)
(Some Guy) Strange Ex-Fort Dix drill instructor says the CIA experimented on her with nanotechnology in retaliation for her sex change operation (156)
(Some Fat Guy) Obvious Feds try to get kids to eat healthy food. Failarity ensues (153)
Mercury News Dumbass Berkeley man hikes into forest to "find himself" and conduct a multi-day fast. What could possibly go wrong? (111)
(Some Guy) Strange Nursing student finds out she won’t receive her diploma because she was never “admitted” at her college despite paying tuition fees and going to classes for the past three years (91)
London Times Hero Tiger with three legs: "It's just a flesh wound, I've had worse" (67)
(OC Register) Sad Chinese club explosion kills 25. If only there were some sort of fire drill in place (88)
Lancashire Evening Post Dumbass Ex-mayor helps son with paper round. So far so good. Only problem is that he claimed disability allowance - and was caught on camera playing golf (40)
Pravda Unlikely People communicate with ghosts during sleep (85)
(Times of India) Cool New study finds daily glass of wine can prevent tooth decay. Research conducted by Italian scientists, natch (28)
Contra Costa Times Weird Power goes out in Livermore, Ca., later attributed to the dead guy inside the windmill. "It's a little strange," understates sheriff (36)
(The Age) Strange Men accused of enslaving Chinese acrobats (36)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this giant bowl 'o' rain (73)
Marketwatch Interesting Coca-Cola may buy Snapple. May now be called Crapola (90)
CBC Stupid A single cigarette can addict you, according to this study by the Department of Unmitigated Bullshiat (252)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 113: "Bugs" Difficulty: No code/software. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (322)

Wed July 04, 2007
The Sun Asinine With no greater problems to solve, British police and social workers now seizing trampolines from children as they present a "safety hazard." How are you liking that nanny state, Brits? (pic) (136)
Sun Sentinel Strange Fort Lauderdale mayor says $250K robotic toilet may put stop to 'illegal sex' (190)
Sun Sentinel Florida Most Florida boaters say they care about the plight of the manatees as they speed through manatee-protection zones (71)
(Some Guy) Florida Latest Florida weapon of choice? Garden gnomes (61)
(NBC5i Fort Worth) Dumbass It's the law of the urban jungle. If you're going to rob a grocery store with your teenage buddies, don't be surprised if somebody shoots you in the ass (66)
Rocky Mountain News Cool Man opens tiny brewery in back of a strip mall, six months later he wins the holy grail of beer making, the gold medal at the 2006 World Beer Cup. "My first reaction was: "Who stole our name?" (166)
CBC Scary Let the Canadian riots begin in 3...2...1 (133)
CBC Obvious 13-year-old goth girl, accused of helping her adult boyfriend murder her family, opts for the zombie defence (193)
STLToday Scary In Missouri, it's now OK to shoot first and ask questions later. Drunken Farkers better make sure they're going in the right house (232)
CNN Misc Use of cocoa butter and socks suspected in prisoner escape. Or as submitter likes to refer to it, "Wednesday night at my place." (38)
(Some Ohio tag anticipator) Cool Ohio law states that no person shall be arrested on the Fourth of July (71)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Al Gore's son arrested for marijuana possession. Now THAT'S an inconvenient truth (536)
(EducatedEarth) Video How many basketball passes do you count? (188)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these "eyes." Difficulty: SFW (113)
11 Alive Dumbass Driver, showing off for his girl by drifting his car, sails off the sixth floor of a parking deck and into a dumpster (158)
(Daily News Tribune) Weird If you think you can just write a bad check for some women to come shower at your house and use carrots as sex toys, without paying for their crack, don’t be surprised when they steal your laptop as collateral (55)
MSNBC Strange When bringing another man to your bed please remember to take the following precautions: 1) Use condoms. 2) Make sure your boyfriend isn't coming home. 3) Hide your boyfriend's axe (73)
Yahoo Weird After 14 failed attempts at joining the United Nations, Taiwan turns to the big guns by enlisting the assistance of noted poltical leader... Ozzy Osbourne? (89)
I-Mockery Cool I-Mockery examines the underappreciated art of firecracker labels (some Not safe for work) (60)
(The Union) Scary Today's tall, cold glass of crazy: 43-year old woman threatens her husband with a sword and loaded shotgun, then kicks the first arriving police officer square in the yambag. With strangely happy mugshot pic (141)
(Metrowest Daily News) Sick Not news: Man forced to break off his month-long relationship when he's caught having sex on camera in a barn. Fark: It was with a sheep (148)
(630CHED Edmonton) Strange Police baffled by death of man that they were taking into custody, think it might be related to him jumping from rooftop to rooftop while naked (16)
Detroit News Dumbass It's one thing to play a prank on your ex-buddy by hacking into university computers and deleting his Myspace and AOL accounts. But you're not supposed to do that when you're the mayor (34)
Stuff Interesting Teen sells virginity for $25,000 to cover tuition, TotalFark (275)
(Winnipeg Sun) Obvious Man convicted of a home invasion claims he was doing the victim a favor by trying to steal his wedding ring (13)
CNN PSA When lighting commercial-grade fireworks, don't look down the mortar tube (105)
Yahoo Interesting Chinese villagers eat dinosaur bones believing they were from flying dragons and have healing powers (112)
Reuters Amusing Bank Robber 1: "What if we wore masks of US presidents?" Bank Robber 2: "Been done. What about Rabbis?" Bank Robber 1: "Also been done. Maybe muslim women?" Bank Robber 2: "Hang on a sec. . ." (38)
Snopes Misc The fates of the signers of the Declaration of Independence (122)
(Some Guy) Strange Man Bites Dog (34)
Cleveland Cool "Nothing says summer like a frosty milkshake or a cold beer. Just don't assume the two are mutually exclusive" (34)
Daily Mail Cool Some cool pics of traditional whalers hunting 75-foot whales with spears and bare hands (79)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly-ass orphaned wallaby uses man-made pouch to replace mother. It's not a kangaroo, it's (with pic of ugly-ass wallaby) (25)
Google Photoshop Today's holiday Iron Photoshop ingredient: Rockets (red glare optional) (46)
Click On Detroit Scary Teenager goes fishing with friend, neglects to remove the hook from the fish's mouth before weighing it. On the upside, he has a spiffy new eyebrow piercing (37) Amusing News: Police finally apprehend mastermind behind 60 burglaries after a 50-minute, 90mph car chase. Fark: Mastermind is 12-year old girl (42) Dumbass Reason #1,287 why you don't bring a pistol-shaped lighter to a gunfight (27)
(Daily Record) Hero "I kicked burning terrorist so hard in the balls that I tore a tendon in my foot" (262)
(Some Cheap Guy) Scary Cabbie runs over non-tipping customer; Mr. Pink treated, released from scene (53)
Sign On San Diego Amusing Legoland employee breaks mutiple bones in accident; doctors spend hours snapping them back into place (15)
Telegraph Amusing UK police unveil their new tool in the fight against crime: the tricycle (with pic) (43)
SMH Dumbass Workers building an IKEA store in China destroy 10 ancient tombs. Can't figure out instructions on how to reassemble them (23)
CTV Weird Girl may be able to give birth to own half-sibling, thus assuring her status as a lifetime guest on Jerry Springer (43)
Reuters Scary Blinded by love, Hong Kong man stabbed in eye by girlfriend ... again (30)
Mercury News Dumbass Today's "naked drunk guy getting tasered on railroad tracks and charged with 'annoying children'" story brought to you by Petaluma (28)
ABC News Dumbass We've all had 143 dead pigs kicking around the house, but most of us had a better idea than "Hey, why don't I just dump them all in the river?" Even when we were drunk (18) Interesting Blackstone to take Hiltons private for $26 billion. Unfortunately, Paris is not part of the deal (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this flower seller (54)
Yahoo Interesting Steamy hot novel "Girls of Riyadh" follows the life of bold, brassy women who do things like uncover their faces around unfamiliar men (49)
MSNBC Hero On the eve of our national celebration of declaring independence from a monarchy, Olbermann calls for Bush's resignation (788) Florida Plant city woman asks, "Have you seen my ass? No, seriously, have you?" (23)
(Some Guy) Cool Hydroponics + strawberries = apricot-sized deliciousness (66)
Yahoo Scary Men kidnapped at gunpoint recovered hours later unharmed. Victim: "I am still in shock a little bit." Victim's brother: "It was unbelievable." Confidence-inspiring police detective: "Most of my kidnappings end in death" (28)
(Some Guy) Cool Vector Tower Defense--multiple maps and difficulty levels, and best of all you can turn the freaking music off (84)
MSNBC Followup Doctors reattach right foot of teen involved in Six Flags accident. Parents consider changing her name to Eileen (147)

Tue July 03, 2007
SFGate Amusing Finally, violent gangs in Napa are once again allowed to wear that classic gang attire: Tigger socks (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Yuppies who pay big bucks for McMansions near farmlands are shocked to learn that farmers use manure to grow crops. "It impacts our ability to enjoy our back patios, that we put a lot of money into." (252)
TBO Florida "I don't just do sexual positions. I also do cuddles and kisses and fun things. But the sex is what people want. I give them what they want. I'm an entrepreneur." (61)
Rocky Mountain News Interesting Smokin hot soccer mom missing from her million dollar home in Denver may have been moonlighting as an escort (with pic) (147) Cool The cost of driving a fire truck filled with naked people in Australia without permission is $1,350. Submitter considers it a bargain at twice the price (21)
(Some Guy) Weird Philly’s homeless have a running club. Carton of Newports for first place (20)
(ABC Action News) Asinine Not News: Woman evacuates after Hurricane Katrina, has to leave dog because it isn't allowed in boat. Still Not News: Dog gets adopted by another family. Lady can't get her dog back (54)
AP Dumbass State forensics scientist busted after using government equipment to check her husband's underwear for foreign DNA. When asked what she found, she replied, "Another female" (47)
(Some Sax player) Sad Saxophonist Boots Randolph has died at the age of 80. Funeral procession will take place at a comically rapid pace with scantily clad women and an English bobby (51)
Yahoo Hero Judge baffles slow-witted cop by ruling that singing is still legal in America (175)
CNN NewsFlash Abducted BBC reporter Alan Johnston is released in Gaza after more than 100 days in captivity (112)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lady and her bees (56)
Yahoo Followup Scientists solve puzzle of Chile's missing lake. It was on the night table by the bed the whole time (42)
Fox News Sad Shoppers step over, take picture of dying stab victim in effort to keep from missing the next sale (176)
AP Dumbass Man busted after modeling girlie things for the employees of Victoria's Secret (32)
AP Interesting Arby's owner may purchase Wendy's chain, merge restaurants to create Warby's (84) Sad Fosters to cut strength of its VB beer by 0.1% to save $20 million in excise each year. Scary, Asinine and Sick tags are seen arguing over the next round (86)
IOL Spiffy Hotel chain allows eight stressed out people to smash the shiat out of a hotel room (25)
Yahoo Scary Fisherman stunned with catch of the day--a piranha caught in a North Carolina river (44)
(Journal News) Misc Guy slaps girlfriend in store. Other patrons punch him, kick him, fart in his general direction and stab him (296)
(Engadget) Obvious Study shows gamers don't read good, and don't learn other stuff good too (98)
(Some Dog) Stupid Town's pooper-scooper hall of shame akin to sex offender registry. From the same town that allows dogs in every place (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting American Gypsy: Philly man selling his worldly possessions to travel country in shiny red truck, complete with dog named "Boner" (85)
CNBC Amusing Everybody who's currently the world's richest man, take one step forward. Whoa, not so fast there, Bill Gates (205)
Kotaku Florida Florida Bar wants Jack Thompson to undergo psychological testing and accept a 91-day suspension of his law license. Making this the best thing Florida has done since ... um (94)
Sky News Followup ♫ Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire. And though the holes were rather small. They had to count them all ♫ (106)
Yahoo Followup Andrew Speaker's condition upgraded from dickwad to douchenozzle (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these apprentice hippies (72)
UPI Interesting Jews for Jesus member sues "Oy"ster Bay (208)
SLTrib Obvious "Folks, you don't get damages just because your constitutional rights were violated. This isn't 'The Price Is Right'" (200)
(Some Net Authority) Unlikely Please tell me this site is 100% satire and that no Internet filtering company is this evil (330)
Yahoo Stupid Philip Morris introduces a clove-flavored Marlboro cigarette in Indonesia. Let's all pray that it stays there, or soon all the "hip" college kids in black berets reading Nietzsche will be smoking them (158)
(Some Guy) Sad North Pole man arrested on numerous felony drug and weapons charges after officials are called out for a domestic dispute. Sorry kids, no Christmas this year (42)
(Snake Eyes) Asinine Homeland Security deploys VIPER teams to drum up July 4th security hysteria. Cobraaaa (198)
Yahoo Sad Good news: We're paying off our credit cards. Bad news: We're not paying our mortgages (167)
(Some Guy) Obvious Iran's new English language news network premiered yesterday with a scoop: Glasgow was staged (214)
Chicago Sun-Times Sick Convicted sex offender arrested while driving ice cream truck. He was caught with good lemonade, dixie cups, all flavors and push-ups, too (93)
(WOOD TV) Scary Pink Floyd hot air balloon catches fire and crashes. Mother won't let you fly, but she might let you sing (170)
BBC Caption Caption Condi and Pootie (135)
Yahoo Weird Think you're a living goddess? This little girl did... until she made the apparently un-divine mistake of visiting the United States (174)
(NY Sun) Interesting The French absolutely love McDonalds. Of course, you do know what they call a Big Mac in France, don't you? (163)
Boston Globe Amusing Fox News sued by school superintendent for running a fake story about a ham bone. It's not news, it's Faux News (182)
Toronto Star Scary Ecologically important Arctic ponds drying up for the first time in 6000 years due to unprecedented summer temperatures. Don't worry guys, it's just cyclical (389)
(John Scalzi) Sad SF writer Fred Saberhagen has died, and Wikipedia is home to officious pricks (226)
Yahoo Dumbass Drunk and don't want to ride your bike home? Why not hop on a stranger's car roof instead? (34)
CBC Followup Remember the castle that Vlad the Impaler may have crashed at one night in the 1400's? Yeah, it's up for sale again as "Dracula's Castle" (69)
Local6 Florida Man broiling mad after friend stabs him with a catfish (46)
Reuters Interesting Having solved all its other problems, Afghanistan to ban smoking in public places. Getting stoned just might get you stoned (33)
Boston Herald Scary Officials are worried that, in the wake of terrorists, bird flu, TB, shark attacks, fires, hurricanes, deadly Chinese imports, constitutional conflicts, illegal immigrants, and Paris Hilton, we may lose sight of the real threat: mosquitos (49)
Reuters NewsFlash Terminal 4 at Heathrow Airport evacuated due to discovery of a suspicious bag (259)
Telegram Scary My Honor Student Put a Hatchet in the Neck of Your Convenience Store Clerk (72)
TBO Asinine Wal-Mart sued for collecting millions after opening life insurance policies against employees without telling them (231)
CBC Obvious Media fearmongering alert: small dirty bomb would devastate downtown Toronto (141) Amusing Man gets tasered for writing "Killroy was here" with a permanent marker on the buttocks of his sleeping girlfriend (89)
(Gazette) Amusing Horrible atrocities being committed against little plastic children in Maryland suburb (116)
(KTAR) Scary Transformer fire destroys two businesses. Megatron wanted for questioning (64) Obvious Man refrigerates hand after severing it with chainsaw, last seen heading to second hand store (74)
New Scientist Amusing Sex makes your brain grow. Hey, want to boost your GPA? (105)
(Sun Obvious Fireworks can turn your dog into a freakazoid (103)
London Times Interesting "I'm cowering under the bed. But I’m here." What it's like to live and work in Baghdad (46)
SFGate Cool San Francisco becomes first major US city to offer socialized medi-, errr, I mean universal healthcare. Damn hippies (507)
(Some Guy) Ironic Man gets revenge on golddigger: he showers her with gifts, bought with money he stole from her account (82)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this well-dressed lady out for a drive in her fake Buick (89)
CBS New York PSA Smokin' hot reporter gets drunk and blows for a bunch of cops to prove an important point (with video) (88)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Enron is still screwing people over with bad accounting (18)
SFGate Hero "This country was founded on blowing stuff up, and 231 years later it continues to be the thing that we do best" (64) Strange Japanese PM goes nuclear when his Defense Secretary drops a bomb on him (128)
ABC News Sad The good news is that vast amounts of untapped oil can soon be drilled from Alaskan marsh without disturbing any wildlife (81)
ABC News Strange Stalagmite worshipped by Hindus as an incarnation of Shiva melts away from body heat from hundreds of thousands of pilgrims visiting it (62)
( Dumbass Alabama Governor discovers cure for global warming. Pray for rain (80)
MSNBC Cool You got wine in my bourbon. No you got bourbon in my wine barrel (41)
Yahoo Strange Burglars steal bank's one-ton safe with a forklift (20)
( Cool It's now a felony in NC to kill a K9 Officer - Your dog says "You will respect my Authoritah" (123)
SLTrib Sappy Congrats Sgt. Jill Stevens, after serving in Afghanistan for 18 months, she has been crowned Miss Utah (82)
( Amusing Church of England curate quits to become full-time magician. Where is your ace of spades now? (33)
The Sun Obvious Albatross native to Brazil and Australia found in England. No word how heavy the cocnuts it was carrying were (pic) (53) Amusing Lesbian kicked out of restaurant for being too masculine (116)
Yahoo Strange Did you know you could get up to 15 years in jail if you cut off someone's hair? (45)
Fox News Florida 42 year-old men should never answer the door naked. Especially when it's the cops, and you're a sex offender with a 15 year-old in your bed (68)
(News-Star) Dumbass Woman arrested for hitting her live-in boyfriend with a telephone because she believed he had been dreaming about another woman (70)
(Some Guy) Interesting "According to the 17-year-old, the woman was on top of him when he saw something he didn't expect under her bikini bottom." (577)

Mon July 02, 2007
(Times Herald Record) Sad Man fatally impales himself removing old TV antenna from roof; punchline to this story only comes in if you're standing in a certain place with your left arm held just so (63)
The Register Amusing 'Unusually frisky' deer blow lid on marijuana plantation. "Charges may yet be dropped since the deer had eaten most of the evidence." (51)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy couple at their new home (93)
( Scary Today's female teacher sleeping with one of her students brought to you today by Lawrence Kansas. Fugly pictures included (193)
CNN Interesting Mother of executed killer sues state, saying they should have killed him much, much sooner. Um, quicker (116)
The Newspaper Spiffy NC Supreme Court bans cities from profiting off of red-light cameras. Cities, citing increased safety, keep them anyway. Ha, just kidding -- they're scrapping them in droves (77)
(Capt. Obvious) Obvious Worst breaking news alert ever (85)
(Some Misty Guy) Cool A 22-year-old with a mullet gets paid to mist the insufficiently moistened breasts of women sunbathing at a Vegas pool. "It's not why I took the position or anything." (105)
Yahoo Obvious Oil hits $71 a barrel on trading speculation, supply concerns and complex financial instruments. Wait, what? (59)
AZCentral Spiffy Awesome July holidays you shouldn't miss. Somebody pass me my wet horseradish bikini (38)
AP Hero Woman finds $20,000 in a bank deposit tube, then calmy walks into the bank and hands it over. Honest money-finders trifecta now in play (76)
SFGate Weird Woman offers her secretary $10,000 for a rent-a-womb, makes her life hell when she declines. Lawsuitilarity ensuing (44)
(The Australian) Interesting Polish court sends eviction notice to group of nuns. Two men in hats, black suits and sunglasses seen in the area, claim to be on a "mission from God" (44)
Kotaku Dumbass 31-year old flies from Australia to US to take her 17-year old World of Warcraft boyfriend home with her. Jailarity ensues (w/scary pic) (197)
Yahoo NewsFlash Bush commutes Libby prison sentence. (2073)
eBay Weird Hmm, that's a good deal for a gold bracelet let see a pic... OH SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN MY EYES (174)
The Tennessean Unlikely Nashville poised to be global culture center. No really. Stop laughing y'all (69)
CNN Ironic In a continuous spiral downward, CNN now has a section on their website that covers everything we've already talked about. It's not news, it's CNN (46)
MSNBC Sick How to marry a millionaire? That's so cheap and insulting to these women. They are more focused on how to marry a billionaire (197)
The Newspaper Spiffy Man uses his in-car GPS info to defeat a traffic camera speeding ticket that was wrongly issued (69)
(Some Braveheart) Hero "This is Glasgow....we'll set aboot ye" - Buy a pint for the Glasgow Airport baggage handler who fought back (126)
YouTube Cool Coolest Nebula zoom you'll see all day (43)
(Some Cookie Monster) Amusing Your homemade cookies might be good, but this monk's batch might just give you Total Consciousness (32)
WTOP Sad You have 30 minutes to move your Tomcat. You have 10 minutes. Your Tomcat has been impounded. Your Tomcat has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube (129)
Yahoo Silly Git R Drunk (207)
(NBC 15) Hero Man stops to save two people from burning car, then leaves scene without giving name (178)
MSNBC Followup Benoit’s doctor charged with wanting to pump (clap) you up (149)
Reuters Obvious Smoking deaths equal one jumbo jet going down every hour, but without all the annoying screaming (213) Interesting Cottage built from a cave to be auctioned. Submitter recommends sales pitch to be "Quiet fixer-upper with hurricane and tornado safety features" (61)
CBS Miami Florida (Math teacher + cell phone picture of penis) + student < school administrators + police (105)
Yahoo Strange Chinese army gets fashionable uniforms. Now with crazy dance maneuver pic goodness (112)
(The Local) Sad The tragic death of a Swedish camel that smelled nice and was "somewhat philosphical" (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man crashes his car and survives; only to step over the barrier and plummet thirty feet. Lucks out again when the ground breaks his fall (72)
AP Dumbass Dog care protesters chain themselves to dog houses to protest chaining of pets (119)
Google Photoshop Photoshop Animation Contest: Theme - "Showing off your best moves". DIT (130)
(OC Register) Interesting Dear advice columnist: A friend of my wife is buying her breast enhancement, liposuction, and paying her bills, and I'm very angry about it. Signed, her husband (228)
Yahoo Strange Physcists believe it is possible to "see" the universe back before the Big Bang-which created the universe. Note to physicists: You might want to cut back on the sticky green during late night "research" sessions (268)
(Chattanoogan) Dumbass Alcohol: Check. Riding jet ski after dark: Check. Boat dock: Check. Dumb things in the dark trifecta now in play (53)
Daily Mail Strange European Union creates a video showing 18 couples having sex in their bid to promote European films (63)
MSNBC Scary Eight killed in possible car bombing attack at tourist site in Yemen (134)
Yahoo Spiffy Taxi driver returns $17,000 left behind by a passenger, even though he could have used the money for his sick wife and overdue rent (96)
(SABCnews) Interesting South Africa passes Children's Act. Contraception, abortion, and HIV drugs for 12 year olds. Circumcision only for 16+. Age of majority lowered to 18 to match drinking age (106)
Independent Obvious The government unveils a revolutionary idea to solve the problem of homes getting flooded: stop building houses on floodplains. See, that's why they get paid the big bucks and we don't (68)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Woman who uses her feet as hands sues McDonalds after claiming drive-thru staff treated her like a heel (pics) (308) Amusing College students start "Wingman" service to get you and your car home safely from the bar. Premium service includes telling your wife you really were at church, taking home ugly friend of the chick you were hitting on (69)
Telegram PSA If your girlfriend claims to be the illegitimate daughter of John Lennon and Janis Joplin, you might want to run a background check before saying "I do" (104)
Telegraph Amusing Colonel Gaddafi has called for the creation of a "United States of Africa" (113)
My San Antonio Interesting Another town to be up for sale on eBay, this time in Texas. "It is for a guy who has it all, but can't brag to his friends that he owns a town" (30)
(NZ Herald) Interesting Man wants to be shot, so robs a gun shop. Unfortunately, he's in New Zealand - and the staff refuse to use violence (53)
IOL Silly What will you be doing on Saturday, 07/07/07? Idea to steal: get married. Better idea: go gambling. Both options bound to leave you broke and in tears (174)
BBC Silly People too busy to write blogs and network on social sites are paying big bucks for others to do it for them. Headline would’ve been funnier, but “subby’s” check bounced (39)
(Traverse City Record-Eagle) Strange Mackinac Bridge tollbooth operators reject pop cans & CD's for fare, have dealt with covered wagons & a driver's goat in the cab while their kids rode in the truckbed; "Most of this happened on midnight” (80)
Yahoo PSA If someone offers you eggplant, they are most likely a terrorist (138)
IndyStar Dumbass Darwin welcomes man to a 35-foot deep pond after man thought it would be cool to paraglide after dark (31)
(WXYZ) Dumbass Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants, and trees, and some of that shiat I smoked last week... " (119)
Corporate Mofo Photoshop Photoshop these battling knights (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing There's nothing more romantic than being proposed to in a Bass Pro Shop via a banner in the fish tank (51)
Yahoo Weird Malaysia offended that bat virus is named after it, fearful this may make their bacterial infections jealous (9)
CNN Scary The Kansas town of Osa...Osawat...Oosawat... well anyway, it's underwater (75)
Pravda Weird Russian fishermen catch squeaking alien and eat it. Tastes like chicken (77)
CBS New York Hero Real life Lassie helps save two people from drowning (15)
MDN Spiffy Nude news channel has their female anchor using sign language so the station can collect government funding (link is SFW) (66)
ABC News Strange California town twice auctioned on eBay up for sale again after current owner decides he needs it like a hole in the chest (17)
Newsweek Interesting What's your global IQ? (196) Hero Kiwi soldier becomes the first person since WWII to earn the Victoria Cross for bravery (62)
(ABC 7 Chicago) Scary Don't underestimate the capability of the common butter knife to do bodily harm. Just ask the guy with 32 stitches in his nose, whose wife caught him cheating on her (46) Interesting Researchers say Type 2 diabetes could be avoided if people would simply eat a 'stone age diet'. Geico and bad teeth optional (except in Great Britain) (88)
Boston Globe Sad Big Dig tunnels show more leakage every year, threatening to drown commuters, Romney's career (80)
News24 Interesting Each and every British citizen paid approximately $1.25 each to make sure the Royal family can continue to live in their accustomed lifestyle (201)
Yahoo Interesting Dos and don'ts of the company picnic. "Don't go" surprisingly absent from list (86)
Canoe Strange Canadian company plans to deliver porn pre-covered in hot gooey substance (28)
Fox News Weird 2 people robbed in cemetary by a shovel wielding maniac (39)
(KTVB) Strange Man survives being Duked halfway out of airplane window (53)
Globe and Mail Cool Next time you're grocery shopping in Uganda, your choice of bags will be paper or banana leaves (24)
(WINK-TV) Florida Man jackknifes car, car jackknifes Man (27)
Yahoo Stupid Step 1: Ask your wife to have sex with another man. Step 2: Sue man for stealing your wife. Step 3: Profit (53)
SFGate Sad Bigfoot researcher dies on 37th anniversary of meeting him. Sasquatch never misses the 2nd time (43)

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