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Sun July 29, 2007
My San Antonio Strange Mysterious sightings of a bird with a ten-foot wing span continue in San Antonio. "I think if you do see it, then you might wind up missing" (37)
AP Weird Dead relative tells man to cook the world's largest pierogi (26)
(Some Guy) Hero Bar worker drives drunken patrons home in their own cars, then gets motorcycle from trunk, returns to bar, and does it all over again (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this birdie (55)
SLTrib Interesting There's nothing quite like spending $536,000 on a civil rights trial only to be awarded $2 (78)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Sad Garlic capital of the world losing its garlic to accommodate urban sprawl. Will soon be known as just another town south of San Francisco you can't afford (120)
Local6 Florida Monster jumping fish striking people at record pace in stretch of water (with jumping fish pics) (55)
(Some Guy) Florida You know that $27.00 a month water bill you've been getting for the last few years? Sorry, we have been charging you the wrong rate. Please pay us $1,500.00 this month to make up for the difference. Thank you (156)
Stuff Strange Surgeons use the glow of cell phones so they could have enough light to finish an operation during a power failure at a hospital (62)
(Venice Gondolier) Florida Suppose for a moment that Ferris Bueller grew up, moved to Florida, and became a teacher. No need to get Hollywood scriptwriters, because the story would end up almost exactly like this (69)
Yahoo Obvious Cities now fight gang violence the American way: by suing them (83) Obvious Berlin residents go bugfark crazy trying to block opening of new McDonalds. Why do Germans hate freedom? (177)
Sign On San Diego Interesting Not News: Package falls of a truck. News: Blocks major thoroughfare in San Diego. Fark: It's a 200-ton US Navy ship engine (w/ pic of crushed car goodness) (109)
Fox News Strange Scientists create world's first schizophrenic mice using interbreeding patterns of Floridians (90)
BBC Hero Last known surviving British soldier from WWI, 109, revisits former battlefield. Submitter salutes, stays well clear of his lawn, trench (175)
(Some Guy) Weird Boy hatches duckling from supermarket eggs (101)
MSNBC Unlikely Meditators claim their vibrations will boost stock market above 17,000, create utopia (57)
NYPost Cool Steve Martin gets married, receives a Thermos as a wedding gift. And that's ALL he needs ... and this chair (167)
The Virginian Pilot Caption Caption Michael Vick's reaction when he heard that his posse was selling him out (240)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Genius crashes brand new super-yacht 30 seconds after it leaves dry dock, with pics (289)
BBC Interesting Surprised hardware store employees get a primer on childbirth as woman gives birth in paint aisle to a lovely shade of infant. Employees note that she already looks thinner (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wanderer (83)
IMDB Wheaton Happy birthday and welcome to the 35-44 age bracket, Wil (249)
St. Pete Times Florida Dear Editor: My mobile home is a gift from God (144)
(Boston Channel) Spiffy Massachusetts bans Internet hunting. You can take my cyberrifle from my cold dead hands (166)
Fox News Ironic Karma stops and catches its breath after 18 year pursuit; imprisoned stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer recovering from 11 stab wounds (112) Dumbass Cool, I found another geckoooOOoooooooooooohhhhhh (73)
(Hampton Roads) Asinine Employee who won the last truck produced at Ford's defunct Norfolk, VA plant puts it on E-Bay. Ford spokeswoman says they're "disappointed." "Disappointed" and "Ford," what a combo (166)
Daily Mail Asinine Bank issues their customer service representatives a manual that explains how to hardball customers into giving up on their effort to seek refunds for bank overcharges unless they are "very ill or dying" (173)
Houston Chronicle Weird Man with no sense of smell tells police he had no idea his wife's body was in the back room of their home for three days, he just thought she had left him (52)
AP Strange A moving pillowcase was found on beach with a note that said "Live Gator - Please find him a home" (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting Colleges are starting to adjust their fees according to the degree. Engineering majors are going to pay more, but liberal arts majors may finally only have to pay what their degree is worth (222)
CNN Sad Images of mah bukket. fading. fading. into blackness. so cold (248)
Globe and Mail Photoshop Photoshop this hat (40)
LA Times Cool DeLorean likely to return to production. Flux capacitor comes standard (155)
Newsday Dumbass You're not a very good robber if your plans are foiled by somebody holding a gas nozzle (21)
( Weird Is that a bicycle lodged in your crotch, or are you really happy to see me? (36)
AP Silly Illinois town that has the largest ketchup bottle in the world decides to build the worlds largest ketchup packet (54)

Sat July 28, 2007 Sad Government plan to build more affordable homes blocked by homebuilders who make more money slapping up million-dollar McMansions on 40-foot lots (143) Interesting MI6 did not give information about Osama bin Laden's location to the USA because the CIA would not promise he would not be tortured (581)
Yahoo Unlikely If you've ever cut the crust off of a peanut butter and jelly sammich or used a laser pointer to tease your cat, you might owe somebody a royalty (59)
CBS Minneapolis Weird Finding baseball cards to be somewhat passe, 12-year-old boy has taken to collecting vacuum cleaners ... so far 165 of them (75)
(WKYC) Silly Man makes life-sized cutouts of his kids to convince speeders to slow down, expects to be back in the news in a month or so (62)
Houston Chronicle Cool 88-year-old becomes Eagle Scout (68)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you died today, would your spouse know to turn the sprinklers off in the winter or even how to pay the cable bill online? (163)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Disney drops plan for Mickey Mouse wine. Surly, Remorseful and Sleazy unavailable for comment (47)
ABC News Hero Judge orders 73-year-old man convicted in scam to gather scrap metal for fake soldiers' memorial to clean real veterans memorial with a toothbrush (54)
(The Star) Scary Student who strangled teacher after being punished for being noisy in the bathroom, "may be suspended" (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Iron Photoshop theme: Humanize an inanimate object found at your work (67)
(Some Lawyer) Silly Michael Vick facing charges in second federal civil suit...this one written by hand by a prison inmate (133)
CNN PSA Sara Lee's new ad campaign slogan, "The Joy Of Metal Shards Ripping Your Gums Open" coming to a billboard near you (48)
BBC Scary On the first sunny day in months, builders in London manage to unearth unexploded WWII warhead from V1 rocket, driving everyone safely back indoors (81)
AJC Scary Whatchoo gonna do, Vince McMahon, when Congress requests all records relating to your drug-testing policy from you, brother? (116)
AP Florida "Jesus Christ is crucified and resurrected here six days a week" (98)
Gawker Amusing Can you tell that a woman is single and unlaid just from her apartment? (208)
Stuff Interesting "Polar Madness" research may be applied to future space missions. Shiny Red Button approves (44)
Google Survey What song would you like your favorite band to cover? (478)
Arizona Star Interesting Microbial scientist discovers new life form at Yellowstone National Park that converts light into energy. Researchers from around the world fascinated, unaware that scientists existed at the microbial level (101)
(WTMJ-TV Milwaukee) Dumbass Three thieves attempt smash-and-grab of ATM from convenience store, forgetting that ATMs are bolted to the floor. Hilarity ensues (with video) (55)
Stuff Stupid A man who decided to clean out his car was fined $100 for littering .... in a garbage can (88)
Stuff Asinine Sheik delays flight for three hours after finding out three of his female relatives were seated next to men they didn't know. The flight was eventually cleared for takeoff after airline personnel kicked the Sheik off the plane (336)
(The beetles.) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop a graphical representation of your favorite artist or band. LGT inspiration (222)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Offender is advised by judge to give up crime because "you are clearly not very good at it" (16)
Washington Post Interesting Researchers study the viability of the five-second rule. Here comes the science (55)
SacBee Strange Lake Tahoe employs bear whisperer to curb rampant taco theft (18)
Newsweek Sappy Can today be Caturday? (505)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Not surprising: 36% of web traffic to the UK is from the United States. Surprising: the second-highest referrer is (75)
ABC News Sad Sacred Bull in Great Britain had to be slaughtered because it had TB; now if only the US would adopt those rules for asshats trying to fly with the disease (23)
BBC Interesting The GOP could lose the support of Christians because of their stance on poverty, human rights, and climate change (285) Dumbass USPS driver in Syracuse damages parcel containing ancient Indian artifacts, tries to cover up his clumsiness by setting fire to them. Didn't work (58)
The Sun Obvious Great White Shark spotted off coast of England, causing panic among Great White Pasty Brits (w/ incongruous pics) (64)
Fox News Spiffy 27-year-old man told police "I can't feel my legs. I got what I deserved" after being shot in the throat by a 93-year-old man he had struck at least 50 times in the head with a soda can (62)
(Some Guy) Silly State Supreme Court upholds double secret probation to prevent Delta House toga parties (29)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Farmers Market, old people, vehicle, know the drill (24)
The Sun Amusing Bird that hangs out at pub and drinks beer from a glass is cute, until someone points out "he's a carrion crow which feeds off dead animals" (with pic) (57)
WFTV Strange Man sues McDonald's for 13 cents (86)
MDN Silly Japanese teacher horrified after discovering summer homework assignment for students contained obscene English expressions for having sex; also ensures "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essays to be best ever (44) Sad Six out of ten U.S. CrackBerry users admit checking their messages in bed (55)
(Some Guy) Asinine "British teens admit they commit crimes, carry knives, use drugs and alcohol and realize they scare adults, but they complain they are getting a bad rap in the media" (32)
(Some Guy) Cool Fred Phelps' attempt to erect anti-gay statue in Matthew Shepard's hometown goes flaccid. This is the second time he couldn’t get it up (303)
CNN PSA Cheney to briefly hand over the presidency to George W. Bush later today (81)
AP Amusing Zsa Zsa's husband found naked in his Rolls Royce, babbling about three female robbers (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this athlete (44)

Fri July 27, 2007
AP Stupid Man in a kilt, along with a naked woman, arrested after ignoring a cease and desist order while having sex in someone's backyard (80)
AP Spiffy Reverend who "always keeps a gun and handcuffs in his fanny pack" nabs thief trying to steal a car from his church parking lot (100)
( Strange Cop who lost sense of smell may lose job. Bad: Can't smell booze on suspects. Good: Can't smell suspects (38)
Sun Sentinel Florida Here's a great idea. Take a cougar to a four-year old's birthday and take it off the leash (114)
(Some KOCK) Amusing We now go live to our KUNT-watch Doppler 5 weather center (153)
Local6 Florida Seven-year old accidentally swallows metal mouth "grill" -- waits for the only way it can exit (with X-ray pic goodness) (103)
(The Whig) Dumbass Idiot sent to jail for destroying surveillance camera, even after he explains to police that he "didn't like the way it was looking at him" (26)
(NBC 4) Spiffy Step 1: Implant fake boar tusks on your dental assistant and then have to pay $250,000 in the lawsuit. Step 2: Sue your insurance company for $750,000, plus the $250,000, plus lawyer fees. Step 3: Over $1 million profit (100)
FARK Photoshop The Weekly World News is ending publication. Photoshop their last edition's cover (98)
UPI Obvious If you're considering having surgery done in a shopping mall, you're also probably not the reading type. But for the rest of the us, the risks are... well, the tag says it all (35)
Yahoo Asinine Pharmacists sue for the right to impose their religious beliefs on their customers. Suck it, sluts (863)
Daily Mail Asinine Britain to build Muslim-only jails because terrorists don't want to have to serve time with infidels (241)
(Orange County Register) Caption Caption what this surfer is thinking (103)
Reuters Asinine "What does God need with a 'Second Life'"? (137)
AP Scary Man gets carjacked by the driver of a wrecked 2007 Corvette after he stops to help the stranded motorist (76)
(KPHO) Scary Two helicopters crash while covering police pursuit in Phoenix. Three dead (544)
CNN Asinine Headline: "Marijuana may increase psychosis risk". Article: "Researchers said they couldn't prove that marijuana use itself increases the risk of psychosis" (310)
My Fox Dallas Hero Bank employees put the smackdown on a would-be robber. No bank money for you, not yours (57)
(Some Guy) Asinine Sheriff's Deputy assaults, arrests NC couple for displaying American flag upside down (399)
CNBC Obvious Those evil Democrats are responsible for the declining stock market, crashing housing market, and for killing your childhood pet (177)
( Florida Man sentenced to 25 years in prison for drug trafficking because he was in possession of 58 pills... that were legally prescribed to him (210)
(That Guy) PSA State College, PA Fark party tonight: 9 p.m. Cafe 210 (76)
Toronto Star Hero 64 year old man beats the snot out of would-be drug store robber with a cane. DO NOT GO ON HIS LAWN (55)
SFGate Interesting Man didn't eat or sleep while quietly transporting a dime worth $1.9 million from San Jose to New York (156)
CBS New York Dumbass Today's "man sues Starbucks because he forgot hot tea is hot" brought to you by Wayne, New Jersey (144)
(spontn80) Cool Bay Area FARKERS impromptu Fark Party at the Uptown Nightclub tonight. Fark N00b (my son) SisterGrizzly is playing there (23)
Starpulse Interesting Michael Moore subpoenaed by the Bush Administration. This should end well. Or not (505)
Yahoo Obvious Economy growth is best in a year. Suck it, libs (322)
FARK Spiffy Final Reminder: DC Fark Party tomorrow, 7pm. First round of shots is on me (379)
CBS New York Stupid Cops at the scene of a crash ask some woman to help translate for the victim. They then arrest the woman. And it's all caught on tape (with video) (705)
Daily Mail Interesting Feminist says Princess Diana was basically a nutbar and about as smart as a golden retriever (198)
Yahoo Cool (Drum Solo) (massive horn section) Don't say that you love me (104)
(Weird Asia News) Weird Waitress sues co-worker after she is given the nickname "Looking For Death" (61)
CBS News Dumbass Teen busted pretending to be a cop while trying to get his girlfriend out of summer school. He should have stuck with the tried and tested dead grandma bit. Save Ferris (51)
( Cool The coolest 18-foot-long Lego aircraft carrier that you'll ever see floating on the water (pics) (134)
(Free-Lance Star) Weird Clown robs CVS for drugs, possibly to ease pain of getting hit with ugly stick (see pics) (55)
Flickr Photoshop Ph-ph-ph-ph-photoshop this man-man-mannequin head head head (87)
BBC Cool JK Rowling says she won't stop writing just because Harry Potter is over. After all, she still needs one more Pacific island to complete her set (245)
Wired Spiffy WIRED: Fark book gets reviewed on TIRED: Lame-o reviewer fails to thoroughly read book. WIRED: Drew fires back in comments. W00t (482)
Yahoo Asinine Fully 70% of Americans believe Internet porn is "harmful." (460)
BBC Cool Ancient fake toe found near Cairo could be world's oldest prosthesis. Foreman still pissed about having to reset "Days since last workplace accident" sign (41)
(Some Guy) Obvious Microsoft technician travels aboard the Microsoft Across America traveling showroom, it is a 42-foot-long tractor-trailer he calls Windows on Wheels. Apple fans sit back, knowing it won't be long before he crashes (141)
BBC Interesting Traffic warden issues her 500th parking ticket - after just seventeen days on the job. Obviously, there's no parking in her zone (105)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Daycare owner finds out the hard way that it is a bad idea to construct a makeshift baby cage out of a crib, a piece of plastic, and a thirty-two pound dog cage (60)
(Deseret News) Scary Man in critical condition after head-butting Werewolf (82)
(Some Guy) Obvious Chicago high school district tells home-schooler "Suck it" for third time when he begs to try out for local high school football team (639)
(AP) Interesting Port Authority approves barriers for New York Area Airports to prevent cars from speeding into terminals, presuming - incorrectly - that anyone can get their car above six miles an hour at a New York area airport (40)
(Free-Lance Star) Dumbass Women fight, take break to call cops and wash off mace, resume fight (41)
(Some Hominid) Spiffy Orangutan holds first solo exhibition in Germany. Right turn, Clyde (30)
The Newspaper Spiffy California Supreme Court rules that cities can't take and sell your property until you've actually been convicted of a crime (97)
(Some Guy) Cool Little boy gets beaten up and his lemonade stand robbed. Community reaches out, replaces money and offers the kid safe spots to set up (115)
AP Weird Man suspected of robbing banks in three states casually pulls up to a patrol car in an intersection and decides to confess. "I've got a bit of a gambling problem" (11)
BBC Followup Remaining member of the vicious Heifer Gang still on the loose. Considered hoofed and extremely delicious (25)
(Nepress) Stupid Man arrested for rugby tackling a giant sausage in a savage display of meat-related violence (38)
Daily Mail Amusing Size doesn't matter, says world's tallest horse to world's smallest horse. With cute-ass pics (90)
London Times Strange #219 in the list of Uses for Vicks VapoRub: It stops meerkats from fighting. Wait, what? (63)
(The Local) Dumbass Seven docs miss three inch lollipop stick up boy's nose. Medical negligence board to decide whether they were dopey, sleepy, or just bashful (59)
Independent Interesting Uganda's "sex tree" at risk of being wiped out by guys who don't have wood (38)
CBS New York Followup Army doctors had suspicions that Pat Tillman was killed by three bullets to the head from 10 yards away (314)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lotus seed pod (65)
(chippewa) Followup Remember the guys who dug up a corpse for sex based on the deceased chick's obit pic? Charges dropped; yep, it's still OK to have sex with stiffs in Wisconsin (232)
BBC Sappy Hamster abandoned in rubbish pile rescued, becomes council office mascot (23)
Denver Channel Interesting Ugly ass born(pics) (34)
CBC Interesting Environmentally conscious Edmontonian criminals have invented the cycle-by shooting (27) Dumbass Thief battered when he attempts to rob a fish-n-chips restaurant (24)
Fox News Interesting Have you heard how simply driving a new car off the lot reduces the price by 25 percent? It's a myth (205) Stupid Hidden figures revealed in The Last Supper painting. Gallery of 5 pictures in link (275)
PCWorld Interesting Sixteen of the most amazing and strangest sites from Google Earth (126)

Thu July 26, 2007
CNN Sad Two killed, four injured in explosion in Mos Eisley (88)
CBS Salt Lake City Dumbass Dude gets jail time for photoshopping porn pics with his family member's faces (90)
USA Today Scary Nerd turns internet flame war into the real deal. Farkers don asbestos (77)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this German fountain statue (66) Asinine UR fired 4 sendg 38000 txtz yl u wr ment 2B drivN. U suck (39)
Reuters Obvious Aquafina to label what they actually put in those bottles. Don't tell anyone, but it's tap water (178)
Stuff Stupid Dumbass wannabe crook writes his name, address, and phone number on the back of every stolen check he cashed when sales clerks asked him for identification. Jailarity ensued (8)
AP Silly Judge orders three men who pleaded guilty to soliciting sex to take turns dressing in a bright yellow chicken costume (48)
(Indiana Gazette) Sick Don't walk around in your underwear around your adopted daughter, or she just might set you on fire (with pics of teenage suspect) (312)
ABC News Followup Grandmother who was carrying ice packs wrapped in duct tape and Muslim literature when boarding her flight is apparently the event that triggered the TSA 'wrapped velveeta cheese' warnings (105)
YouTube Cool The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime (54)
( Scary That botulism hates these cans (65)
(Rochester D&C) Amusing Today's "Man busted for DWI on a lawnmower" story brought to you by Lyons, NY (18)
Yahoo Scary Nanny State goes 50 for 0 against common sense as utilities propose taking over control of homeowners' thermostats to reduce power consumption (178)
Reuters Followup Tuberculosis-infected asshat released from the hospital, is now just a regular asshat (39)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Video Kids: If you must stage a fake kidnapping in public, please do not try to convince cops later it was all just a "scavenger hunt" (14)
London Times Misc Ugly ass baby orangu....Oh who am I kidding. Cutest little invisible keg drinking orangutan born (47)
(DailyKOS) Amusing DailyKOS begs Bill O'Reilly to stop his relentless persecution of their website. The traffic increase is hard on their servers (415)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Lindsey Lohan's lawyer gives her advice: "Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way." You know, that sure explains a lot (107)
(NBC 4) Silly ABC News Washington bureau evacuated due to an aspirin (33)
Yahoo Dumbass Editorial: "Harry Potter had no moral crisis in the seventh book, which is poorly written." Translation: "I wish I had sold 325 million books, too. And Snape kills Dumbledore" (299)
ESPN Followup Vick pleads not-guilty to dog fighting, guilty to sucking (143)
CBS New York Video Asshat filmed three times robbing the poor box of a church. Thou shall not assume the church lacks security cameras (41)
Yahoo Obvious If you thought you might secure a Chemical Engineering job with an Art History major, we have some bad news for you (132)
ABC News Followup Suspicious luggage in Long Beach Airport contained a video game. Nothing to see here, people, move along (46)
USA Today Stupid "Wanted: Volunteers to Be Stung by Jellyfish." Hey, good luck with that (57)
CBC Obvious Today's lesson on the practical limits of Religious Freedom: No, you may not endanger everyone else's livestock and keep your TB-infected bull around just because you worship him (57)
Houston Chronicle NewsFlash NASA worker sabotages computer parts destined for International Space Station less than two weeks before regularly-scheduled explosion aboard shuttle Endeavor (147)
(Ad Age) Unlikely Mark Cuban declares the internet is dead (with scary douchebag pic) (176)
Independent Scary Iran admits it has enough centrifuges to make a nuclear bomb, but insists it would never use one, because that would be suicide. Let's see here: Muslims, bomb, suicide... what could possibly go wrong? (607)
ESPN Sad Wake Forest men's basketball coach Skip Prosser, 56, has died of a heart attack (93)
Herald-Leader Dumbass Man arrested for writing forged checks in the name of Fark's favorite powerball winner Jack "don't like this money no more" Whittaker (20)
(Some 'Shopper) Photoshop Photoshop Mr T's... album? (116)
USA Today Dumbass Report: NASA panel's report says astronauts flew while intoxicated, drank before missions (168)
The Raw Story Followup Karl Rove subpoenaowned. Good times, yes good times indeed (567)
Marketwatch Scary Official "stock market continues to freefall" thread. What's in your wallet? (318)
(Some Guy) Spiffy NYC Farkers - Booze Tonight, say goodbye to one of NYC's own, DIT (88)
CNN Spiffy Remember how in 2002 we were laughing at those guys who bought for $7 million? Yeah, they just sold it for $345 million (74)
Yahoo Misc Cows wander onto highway. Local sheriff holsteins his weapon, says he'll steak his reputation on resolving motorists' beefs (83)
MSNBC Followup Army Secretary recommends demotion of three star general that gave misleading information in the Pat Tillman case (116)
(WBJB) Sad Looks like the DVD wars are over: Target set to sell Blu-Ray DVDs (329)
MSNBC Florida Driving in Florida will get a whole lot more exciting when the requirement to carry auto insurance expires on Oct. 1 (197)
(IFC) Plug Censored sex, taboo sex, and extreme sex. Sounds like a Farker's private video collection. (Sponsored Link) (possibly safe for work) (44)
Yahoo Interesting Much to the dismay of gay activists, and in spite of the success of "Chuck & Larry", the majority of Americans still oppose gay marriage (869)
(Some Gal) Asinine Volunteer gardeners planting flowers to protest a gas station? That's a Taserin'. (Bonus bad video of hippy getting Tasered.) (263)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Long Beach Airport being evacuated over possible bogus terror threat (story developing) (206)
USA Today Obvious Exxon reports fourth largest earnings ever. Why can't they have all-time record profits every quarter? (140)
Yahoo Cool Ugly-ass rare Siberian tiger cubs born at a Romanian zoo (w/pic) (51)
(NY Daily News) Unlikely Poll shows two out of three people have been sexually harassed on NYC's subway. Respondents to the survey were 67.2% female and 32.3% male. You do the math (243)
BBC Amusing Town in northern UK terrorized by dangerous beast. Police warn residents to be vigilant, this animal will attack anyone it sees. By the way, the animal is a baby cow (93)
The Tennessean Obvious Prisons ban sexy lingerie for visitors. Its almost like they don't want you to have any fun there at all (80)
(The Chronicle-Herald) Stupid Man loses job and faces $4000 fine in a fight over parking a truck and public nudity. Nova Scotia: Canada's Florida (82)
Herald Tribune Followup In an attempt to save their collective asses, cops hook up hooker with polygraph to show that she is lying about her cops, sex, and crack story. Hilarity ensues when it's discovered she isn't lying at all. Oops (131)
BBC Spiffy Ford's accounting office calls office printer technician, is shocked to discover that all that black ink was not an error (85)
(The Local) Amusing Crow flies into electricity cable, bursts into flames and hurtles into haystack which catches fire, spreading blaze to entire field. "Never seen that happen before," says fireman (77)
(Albany Times Union) Hero Men playing mailbox baseball find out it's not as much fun when the homeowner comes up to bat in the bottom half of the inning (359)
AFP Obvious Outraged NYC taxi drivers threaten to strike if officials go ahead with plan to require GPS systems in cabs. Disgruntled cabbies cite privacy concerns, difficulty in cheating out of towners (116)
(Some Guy) Strange Thieves swipe family's swimming pool – and the 1,000 gallons of water that was in it at the time. "I just want to know what the heck they did with the water," baffled homeowner says (144)
Yahoo Interesting Chinese police seize 18,000 fake Viagra pills, proving they're no longer soft on crime (55) Interesting Eleven public servants fired for viewing pr0n at work. Submitter would have listed this story earlier but accidentally formatted his hard drive (46)
Yahoo Scary Ok let's clean out the cabinet. Some old pop tarts... paper plates... python... napkins... Wait, what? (37)
London Times Amusing James Bond really is an idiot (175)
St. Pete Times Florida Spraying pepper spray in an small enclosed area is a bad idea. Especially if it's at your boyfriend who's currently driving yourself and your little kids somewhere. Yes, there's a mugshot (140) Amusing You win a $10 million lotto. Do you buy a) a mansion, b) a Lamborghini, or c) thermal underwear? (102)
MSNBC Misc Digg fires Google, hires some young upstart firm for its advertising (99)
Canoe Photoshop Photoshop these two Dodgers taking their team name too literally (58)
Yahoo Hero Final salute for a true Hero dog ... steak well earned (331)
(Some Guy) Amusing News: elderly man on scooter leads police on an 8mph chase. Fark: elderly man loses the cops (pic) (67)
NYPost Dumbass "What I say in this class better stay in this class," said a substitute teacher before telling a student about his fondness for oral sex (132)
(WLW) Ironic Genius bank robber eludes police and SWAT team by.... robbing another bank (30)
(Associated Press) Scary Oh by the way, you've been drinking treated waste water for the last 5 months, our bad (50)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sheriff investigator accidentally shoots himself putting his gun back in a drawer (50)
(Some Guy) Sad Man's love of reading costs him his home after officials deem his book collection a fire hazard. Ray Bradbury predicted this (115)
BBC News Magnitude 6.6 quake triggers tsunami warning in Indonesia (56)
CBS New York Sick Rule #120 When Just Getting Out Of Jail: Don't celebrate by overdosing on PCP. Rule #74 When Your Buddy Overdoses On PCP After Just Getting Out Of Jail: Don't chop his body up, stuff the pieces into a drum, and throw it in the river (73)
St. Pete Times Florida High school boys basketball coach arrested after demonstrating proper ball-handling technique to undercover officer (54)
(Suicide Girls) Wheaton Wil presents CONSUME sci-fi guilty pleasures OBEY of the 80s CHEW BUBBLEGUM (145)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 117: "Red" Difficulty: No blood. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (307)

Wed July 25, 2007
(Some Guy) Followup Bill O'Reilly's website investigated by the Secret Service after fair and balanced threats on Hillary Clinton's life (248)
(Some Guy) Scary A pet named Fluffy is loose on a golf course in Memphis. Not to worry though, Fluffy is simply a hungry 5-foot long boa constrictor (81)
Reuters Scary The international edition of non-terrorist related incidents blasts off to a booming start near St Petersburg, Russia (39)
(The Italian Stallion) Caption Caption what these people are saying (99)
(Daily Star) Dumbass The man who created the "Loose Change" 9/11 conspiracy documentaries has been arrested on a military warrant charging him with desertion (390)
(Columbia Tribune) Obvious After two years of study, researchers discover that college students with fake IDs drink more heavily than other college students. Still no cure for cancer (54)
Aint-It-Cool-News Stupid George Lucas agrees that Han shot first. Returns to buffet for seconds (171)
(KIRO) PSA If you miss your fight, telling the gate attendant there is a bomb on the plane WILL get the plane to turn around and come back, but still won't get you on it (40)
MSNBC Followup Creationism museum has drawn more than 100,000 visitors since it opened 2 months ago. P.T. Barnum would have been proud (507)
Yahoo Dumbass This criminal mastermind completed his own arrest trifecta... in the same day (13)
Sign On San Diego Followup You know those warnings that terrorists are testing TSA with "dry runs?" Well, maybe not so much (123)
Gizmodo Cool How do you get voted King and Queen of the prom? Roll up in a tank limo (some site ads Not Safe For Work) (44)
Yahoo Followup Proof that the Gonzales lied surfaces. Whoops (295)
ABC News Florida Today's "toll-free number for sexual assault counselling connecting to a sex line instead" story brought to you by ... ah, where else? (15) Obvious Pope Benedict XVI declares any clash between creation and evolution "absurdity." Religious right sputters (290)
NPR Followup Congress issues contempt citations for Bolten and Miers (105)
(NBC 15) Stupid If you're the SBA and you have a backlog of 12,000 loan approvals waiting to be processed do you? 1. Work harder on getting them processed 2. Hire more workers to get through the backlog 3. Cancel all 12,000 loans and say you are caught up (42)
(Bloomberg) Scary Oil to hit $100 a barrel in a few months. EVERYBODY PANIC (122)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass Man billed $1,573.68 for flood rescue after ignoring evacuation orders. Also managed to shoot himself in the leg during the ordeal (33)
Yahoo Asinine The Governator wants an amendment to the Constitution so he can be Fuhrer (271)
Yahoo Obvious Weekend at Fidel's continues as Castro bows out of another major event (38)
(Some Guy) Obvious Chinese pirates busted with $500 million of software. L Matey (97)
Washington Post Interesting Ever wonder what $207 million in cash looks like? Wonder no more (pic) (76)
(KTLA) NewsFlash Explosion reported at UCLA with no injuries. Non-terrorist related incident scare trifecta complete (40)
CBS Sacramento Scary Ever heard of Hello Kitty? Meet her evil twin, Goodbye Kitty (167)
YouTube Interesting Looking for a new career? Here's your big chance (51)
(Some Pothead) Unlikely California pot dealers offer to balance state budget with a marijuana tax (189)
CNBC Obvious The average employee wastes 1.7 hours in an 8.5 hour work day, reports the Deptartment of Pulling Statistics Out of Our Ass (120)
ABC News Spiffy Wouldn't you like a summer job working on the Space Shuttle? How about drinking beer, eating ice cream, or watching pr0n? ABC news is there with the scoop (32)
MSNBC News Two Senate office buildings evacuated due to smoke. Non-terrorist related incident scare trifecta in play (51)
ESPN Followup How much did Donaghy affect the NBA games he refereed? "There's a 99.9 percent chance that these results would not have happened." Literally (168)
IndyStar Dumbass If you download kiddy pr0n from teh internets, don't got to CVS to have them printed out. That is unless you want police to find out about your meth lab, too (95)
STLToday Dumbass Telling a gun dealer that you plan on going on a "murderous rampage" if your guns are not delivered soon is probably not a good idea (49)
(The Orange County Register) Weird U.S. company helps lactating moms donate breast milk to babies in Africa; The Lactivist Blog says "not so fast." In other news: There's a blog for lactating mommas (134)
STLToday Strange Adult business no longer allowed to disturb the dead (47)
Newsweek Dumbass Four out of five cosmetic surgery patients report they’ve been influenced by extreme makeover reality TV (78)
Yahoo Obvious Priests at a loss to theologically justify human suffering (895)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy pretending to be looking in the bushes (75)
(Post-Gazette) Amusing Man jailed for pretending to play for the Steelers. Which is funny, because last year Ben Roethlisberger wasn't arrested for doing the same thing (137) Silly PhD student turns her educated gaze onto one of life's great mysteries: "Why the hell do dogs eat grass?" (253)
(Some Guy) Hero Beer saves a band's burning tour bus. Is there anything beer can't do? (116)
The Sun Cool Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Bacala to visit Sesame Street, appear in "Elmo's Christmas Countdown." The episode depicts Elmo waiting for Santa, and as Santa visits Elmo, suddenly he (73)
(Courier-Post) Silly Having solved all other problems NJ legislator moves to eliminate front license plates. Officers warn they may have to turn around to check the tag, resulting in near-apocalyptic levels of crime (120)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Fugitive stops at the AM-PM for cigarettes in the middle of a police chase (with video) (79)
(Somebody's Mummy) Strange "You always hope to find something in walls; coins, antiques, but never a baby" (180)
NYPost Unlikely Nancy Grace breaks foot. Reports say it was not into someone's ass (165)
(Some Guy) Obvious After firing the old ladies who work there, Minneapolis Star-Tribune management is now firing its mentally retarded staffers. Apparently finding the newsroom telephone list was a huge time-saver (134)
The Raw Story Dumbass Senator Ted Stevens (R- Internet Tubes) and Representative Don Young (R- Bridge to Nowhere) may face charges for bribery (205) Obvious Basque separatist group ETA sets off two roadside bombs during Spanish stage of Tour de France. But at this point, surprise IEDs are maybe the only way to get people to care about the World Two-Wheeled Doping Championship (134)
(Some Guy) Obvious Eleven-year-old concludes that the media give too much exposure to "people who are in jail for dumb reasons" (75)
Wonkette Strange Fred Thompson thanks Bill Clinton for the cigar and "putting the wood." (142)
Local6 Video Beyonce falls head-first down stairs during concert, gets up and asks that no fans post the video online. Video quickly appears all over the Internet (with video, pics) (290)
(The Age) Interesting Hanging out with fatties may make you look skinny now, but new study indicates you'll end up just like them (140)
Local6 Florida Homeowner's controversial toilet seat sign posted to "stick it" to neighbor considered free speech (with pic goodness) (85)
SFGate Followup SF taxi commission votes to keep No. 666 in service despite request from driver, who says it's cursed. Typical low-key SF public debate included head of union in devil horns and a fired-up former No. 666 driver on the commission (50)
BBC Interesting Global Opinion Trends survey shows that people view the U.S. as the most friendly country in the world and the most feared. We beat you because we love you (197)
(When life hands you lemons) Weird From the Department of Actual Headlines: "Lemon douche is a cervical cancer risk" (117)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Gas plant explodes in downtown Dallas. "We don't know what caused it but we know it's not terrorists" (536)
(Buffalo News) Obvious 1) Have sex with man 2) Steal man's pants 3) Profit (63) Spiffy "Temple 420" preacher declares marijuana a sacrament. Up next -- Kosher Doritos and Holy Mountain Dew (94) Scary MySpace, do you have a sex offender on your site? "No." MySpace, do you have 29,000 sex offenders on your site? "Um... yes" (201)
(Rutland Herald) Amusing Not news: Pirating music is illegal. Still not news: Man sued for downloading music. Fark: It was "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell (133)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Two-thirds of New Orleans residents STILL don't know where to go in case of a hurricane. Is Denver good? (202)
(Fark party, Florida) Florida The Tampa Fark party is just 1.5 weeks away. Still time to make plans to attend. DIT (201)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Teenager makes pins that alert people to the fact that she hasn't yet finished the new Harry Potter book. Submitter is currently working on making "no snark" pins (223)
(Community @ ABC Action News) Florida Florida spends $80k on playing cards for inmates (99)
(Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Discovery Channel looks into allegations surfacing of "Man versus Wild versus the Hotel Mini Bar" (344)
WFTV Dumbass Man arrested after making false 911 calls. He told deputies he made the calls because he didn't have any minutes on his phone and that 911 is a free call (30)
(Get your a-- off the couch) Spiffy Dallas-Forth Worth Fark Party: August 11th at the Dubliner. LGT bar website BE THERE (86)
Yahoo Interesting Nearly half of Americans believe that military strength ensures peace, we've always been at war with Oceania, and some animals are more equal than others (557)
London Times Spiffy Cat adopts seven chicks with her kittens. Sheer poultry emotion (61)
London Times Interesting UK equivalent of Girl Scouts want new merit badges for practicing safe sex and assembling flat pack furniture. Surely they can just have a combined "Erection" badge for that? (82)
Stuff Obvious "It is not up to a pizza company to set morals for children, it's up to the parents" (65)
(KVOA) Asinine Amtrak dumps 4 kids off train 600 miles from home after one allegedly steals iPod (133)
(Some Guy) Weird Senior citizen evicted from apartment for using "salty language" and gossiping. Now get the f*ck off her lawn, you sexually promiscuous alcoholic (20)
(Some Guy) Hero British government orders local governments to only give out parking tickets to improve road safety and cut congestion rather than to make money from fines. Fark needs a "Hero" tag with a Union Jack background (49)
London Times Interesting Dyslexic plocie isneptocr wnis rlunig he is dsibaeld. Scuk it, Tmmiy (50)
Telegraph Strange Elderly couple win lottery, buy themselves ... new knees? (40)
CTV Weird Cats and rats working together... MASS HYSTERIA (34)
Rocky Mountain News Strange "It is the opinion of this court that..." (thud) (44)
AJC Weird Woman hits bear on GA Interstate, 1/4 mile past "lane ends, bear left" sign (68)
Yahoo Asinine In the wake of the recent Democratic debates, the TSA wants to remind you that the terrists are going to blow up your plane with cheese (175)
590 KLBJ Hero Magic Johnson wins civil rights award, then has sex with it (109)
(Some Wicked Pissah) Cool Someone post a screenshot of what level 40 looks like (289)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this ringed sculpture (80)

Tue July 24, 2007
CNN Followup Remember the guy that died after he got shot 50 times outside a strip club in New York the night before his wedding? Yeah, his fiance is suing the NYPD (294)
(ADN) Amusing The 7-10 split is even harder when the pins are bikers and the ball is a bear (28)
( Interesting Couple arrested attempting to sell American cars overseas as "novelty items." Submitter would have used the term "practical jokes" instead (50)
Newsday Followup Ward Churchill gets ColoradOWNED by the Board of Regents. Tenure? Not Yours (262)
(Beaver County Times) Dumbass Two teenagers + new cell phone + boredom + gasoline = flaming backyard hilarity - minor hospitalization (43)
(Waco Tribune Herald) Dumbass Someone calls you a nerd, do you a) Ignore them b) Insult their mom or c) Drive 1300 miles across the country and burn down their trailer? (79)
(AutoBlog) Followup Pics of the woman in a Ferrari who stopped at a gas station for smokes while completely nude (Not safe for work) (129)
The Sun Scary Doctors tell 74-year-old man that he has been living with a broken neck for 59 years. Man pokes head through armpit and says 'Whuuuuuhh?" (23)
(The Orange County Register) Sick U.S. government: "You boys just kneel down there in that trench and cover your eyes. This nuclear bomb may sting a little" (161)
(Some Loonie) Cool Canadians don baggy pants and platform shoes as dollar hits 0.964134 USD, a value not seen since early 1977. Play that funky music, white north boy (106)
(KRIS TV Corpus Christi) Dumbass Man who stole a police car and then fired at officers is shot in the buttocks and arrested on charges of attempted capital murder. Probably not the last time he'll be taking a hit to his backside (25)
Sign On San Diego Scary Foreclosures up 551 percent over last year in San Diego. That's not a bubble, that's foam (207)
(Dunn Daily Record) Obvious When you hear a story about a woman jogging in the nude, you can't be too surprised by the quote, "She told officers she'd been smoking crack, but didn't know where she was or where she'd been" (46)
SMH Dumbass When stopped for a sobriety test, forgetting to set the handbrake on your car--which then rolls off and crashes into a police cruiser--pretty much ensures a fail (33)
(Some Guy) Weird Father of the year nominee leaves two small children in car... at 1:00 a.m... Because he was half-naked and greased up in some random person's SUV (32)
590 KLBJ Amusing Some Harry Potter fans miffed at "missing pages." Apparently the book suddenly goes black at the end when some guy in a Members Only jacket walks in (119)
(Some Guy) Strange What's worse, accidentally inhaling a condom during fellatio, or not doing anything about it for six months? (86)
(Some Guy) Interesting Craigslist is down. Where is your submissive transgendered midget erotic massage now? (95)
590 KLBJ Followup Witnesses say doomed NASCAR plane wobbled, smoked, and was then bumped out of the sky by Tony Stewart (39)
(Keloland) Amusing Man follows the correct formula to end up on Fark: Take drugs, act belligerent, and when the cops arrive, strip naked and make them chase you for five blocks (16)
Reuters Obvious Dow Jones Industrial Average loses over 200 points on news that you can't have a $300,000 mortgage, pay $875 a month, and get away with it for very long (160)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass You are a convicted felon caught stealing a pickup truck. What do you do next? A) Steal a bicycle. B) Steal a motorcycle. C) Steal a Jeep Grand Cherokee. D) Steal a Toyota pickup. E) All of the above (44)
(International Herald Tribune) Dumbass When asked to sing a few bars of your national anthem -- on your national holiday, on national TV -- don't accidentally sing the wrong country's anthem. Especially if you're a top politician (81)
(Some Guy) Interesting Top secret UFO documents alleged to have been written by high ranking government and military officials have allegedly been proven fraudulent by recent "forensic linguistic testing" (113)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Dumbass While practicing javelin for the Junior Olympics, boy inadvertently makes himself eligible for the Special Olympics (56) Amusing "Scotland, a land where Tourette's is seen as a gift, where one learns to conjugate the verb f**k by the age of 5, where the national symbol is a weed, and where the diet was deemed as worst in the world, even worse than places without food" (88)
BBC Weird Magician discovers that when you name a trick "The Spike Illusion in the Face of Death," well, you're just asking for trouble (46)
(Some Guy) Obvious Kansas editor discovers that writing headlines is more difficult than it loks (44)
WTOP Dumbass Captain and crew member jump into the water to save drowning man. Tourists on the boat, well they just do what tourists are supposed to do (190)
AP Ironic Anger management counselor charged with domestic battery (108)
(Some Guy) Florida 21-year-old arrested for mooning a family driving on the highway that included a 14-year-old in the car. Now he may have to register as a sex offender (260)
Daily Mail Cool Octopus unearths 900-year-old hidden treasure, bukket (153)
USA Today Amusing Newspaper reports that airfares kept low because of... the Wrath of Kahn? (130)
(Some Guy) Sad Bank comes up with novel way to stop robberies. Ban customers (55)
CBS Sacramento Amusing The five Cs of picking out an engagement ring diamond: Color, Cut, Clarity, Carat and Colt .45 (60) Hero With no greater problems to address, Australian government springs into action to ensure anglers can still legally drink while fishing (30)
CBC Sick F-R-I, T-O Lay, M-O-U-S-E (191)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sorry about the typo on your winning $1000 lotto ticket. Here's a $5 Wal-Mart gift card instead (68)
FARK PSA BEER Pittsburgh BEER Fark BEER Picnic BEER is BEER a BEER go...BEER Saturday BEER August BEER 11, BEER North BEER Park BEER... there might be beverages. LGT previous threads (128)
(mental floss) Amusing Take the Scooby Doo challenge: Real headline or Scooby Doo plot? (148) Florida This week's seven year old terrorist on the no-fly list brought to you by Ft. Lauderdale (152)
My San Antonio Scary Mexican farmers switching from blue agave to corn could cause The Great Tequila Shortage. TODOS se ASUSTAN (148)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man shoots his girlfriend/accomplice during armed robbery. Bonus: They ended up with $5 worth of bread rolls (44)
Reuters Obvious Man racks up $200,000 bar bill in five hours. Drew? (182)
Yahoo Interesting For only the second time in history, McDonald's posts a loss for the quarter. Maybe now they'll put the transfat back in the fries and make 'em taste good again (262)
(Some Guy) Followup Grand jury fails to indict doctor who euthanized elderly patients during Hurricane Katrina aftermath (270)
Yahoo Strange Walter "Chekov" Koenig urges Star Trek fans to help overthrow the military junta ruling in Myanmar. The much-feared "Basement Brigade" is called to formation (99)
(Daily Herald) Ironic Chicago suburban library to host "Halo 2" tournament (105)
(Times-Tribune) Scary It's a good rule never to perform surgery on yourself. This is especially true when you're performing your first penisectomy (111)
CNN PSA Follow the fat flow chart of the U.S. from 1985 through 2004. No heavy lifting required (389)
Yahoo Amusing English shopping mall developer learns not to mess with the local witches and wizards. Believe it or not, this story has nothing to do with Harry Potter (41)
AFP Dumbass There are stupid criminals, and then there are two guys who steal over $6 million and blow it all on lottery tickets in an attempt to pay it back (50)
Fox News Interesting Anorexia. It's not just for fat teenagers anymore (111)
Daily Mail Interesting UFOs hover over British town for more than an hour. I want to believe (with pic) (234)
(The I-Team) Dumbass One: Cut a hole in a box. Two: Put your snake in that box. Three: Have an investigative reporter open the box (74)
Fond du Lac Reporter Strange Man changing flat tire on his RV surprised when airplane bounces over his vehicle during emergency landing, missing his head by eight feet. Bonus: Driver and pilot are good friends (29)
Chicago Sun-Times Unlikely Even though we've traded "courting" for "hooking up," etiquette is not dead (124)
Free Press Strange Stapler-throwing, shotgun-threatening, foulmouthed choir teacher may lose job. However, the real story is whether this is the best "That's a man" photo ever taken (113)
Reuters Misc Starbucks to raise prices from expensive to "You paid WHAT for a coffee drink with whipped cream?" (212)
Yahoo Interesting Cincinnati Zoo inseminates rhino, leaves $20 on dresser (24)
(CBS46) Cool I'll see your four teenage robbers, and raise you one 70-year-old crazy chef armed with a spatula (18)
(Some Guy) Cool British postman hailed as hero for defying rising flood waters in order to deliver new "Harry Potter" book to fans (35)
Aint-It-Cool-News Photoshop Photoshop Ain't It Cool News' Harry Knowles and his new bride (112)
(Bostonist) Amusing Motorists alarmed to discover that instead of anticipated roadwork, there would instead be Penis for Lunch (with pic of bold declaration) (88)
(Rutland Herald) Dumbass There's nothing wrong with going into a restroom inside a restaurant. But by all means, get out of your van first (22)
CNN Ironic Floods leave thousands without water (85)
(The Age) Spiffy I pt on my rb & wzrd ht (95)
Reuters Obvious Apple stock tumbles on news that the iPhone sales sucks. Much like the iPhone itself (396) Amusing Her Royal Highness the Norwegian Princess claims clairvoyant powers and speaks to angels and horses. In other news, inbreeding is bad for your mental abilities (90)
Washington Post Interesting Think Americans are getting ripped off for healthcare? Europe just paid $400 million for five Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor (75)
BBC Weird Not news: Three men plan drive. News: To Mongolia. Fark: In an ice cream van (35)
(Some Guy) Obvious Police to a big group of twelve-year-old kids: "Now, who wants to play with explosives?" (20)
NYPost Sad Good: Brilliant MIT student does breakthrough gravity calculation. Bad: By falling off the roof of a five-story apartment building (with explanatory pic) (140)
(Blackpool Gazette) Dumbass Hello, is this the police? Can you pick up my lunchbox please? (27)
(Some Peenor) Amusing Fredricks' chicks nix dicks (52)
ICNetwork Amusing Poodle dismayed to find itself the victim of identity theft (21)
(Greenville Online) Strange Grocery store increases reward for missing four-foot-tall muffin (21)
Fox News Obvious Lindsay Lohan books the Paris Hilton Suite at the L.A. county jail after getting busted for DUI. Again (511)
(Truro Daily News) Silly Letter writer slams "local yokel newspaper" for Fark-like journalism, has "personal experience," really gets kick out of replies (52)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Man calls in anonymous meth lab tip in attempt to lure county sheriff into homemade bomb, fails. Bonus: Tries to buy marijuana with jailhouse phone (33)
MDN Weird Japanese government using pedophile manga to promote defense policies. Wait, WHAT? (77)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Headline: "Heavy rain in Britain due to global warming." Article: "The study does not prove that any one event, including the rain of the past few days in Britain, is climate-change related" (291)
ABC News Dumbass Look at me, I'm Cindy Shee. Arrest me, I need publicity (451)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this new superhero (85)
Yahoo Asinine Based on the success of their program paying farmers not to farm, new report shows the USDA has branched out into paying farmers not to breathe (37)
Yahoo Cool Lady Godiva wears stillettos and drives a Ferrari nowadays. HAWT (148)
Pravda Unlikely Another human civilization may live inside Earth's hollows (103)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Criminal mastermind leaves appointment card at robbery. An appointment with his parole officer, of course (8)
CBC PSA Fat chicks less likely to go to college. In other news, things are looking up for that dorm party next weekend (141)
SFGate Asinine Cabbies want badge No. 666 retired because it's evil. Nobody complaining about badge No. 69 (52)
NYPost Amusing Don't take unsolicited photos of your co-workers' penises, mmmkay? Also, don't compare it to an Italian sausage. Apparently that's bad (48) Amusing Australian prime minister falls over. Article includes classic Bob Dole, Fidel Castro and Gerald Ford falling over footage (39)
(Some Guy) Strange Hindu transsexuals congregate at the temple of the deity for transsexuals (with pic) (138)
London Times Ironic Swimming pools ban armbands and rubber rings because people catch germs when they blow them up (48)
First Coast News Florida Latest "most improbable way to die" story: Diver killed when oxygen tank is struck by lightning (68)
St. Pete Times Florida Dear editor: Let's start humanely putting down our violent teenagers like rabid dogs (293)
ABC News Dumbass Just another night for the Culpeper, VA police force: A high-speed chase on horseback after a couple of idiots pissed on a convenience store. Chase ends with idiots falling off their damn ponies (27)
CBS Minneapolis Obvious Stay in the car, sir or ma'am, as the case may be. I need your license, registration and credit card. You were doing three mph over the limit, and the city budget is $6 million over its limit (139)

Mon July 23, 2007
CNN Unlikely Mercedes-Benz stock triples on news that, effective Tuesday, minimum wage workers will bring home an additional $0.70 an hour (241)
(Some Guy) Interesting Sister of the man who committed suicide when the cops and camera crew for "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" surrounded his house after he didn't show up to meet Chris Hansen sues NBC for $105 million (618)
CBS Sacramento Asinine Politicians reject a plan to put up a barrier preventing people from jumping off of a 700-foot bridge because it would obstruct the view (150)
Fox News Plug Drew will be on Fox News' "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" tonight at 2:00 a.m. EDT (81) Interesting Thieves steak out a butcher shop, steal $7,000 worth of meat. Police are currently on the lookout for the purloined sirloin (54)
(Editor & Publisher) Silly Reader outcry causes L.A. Daily News to reinstate "For Better or For Worse," "Funky Winkerbean" and "Mallard Fillmore" to comics page. Still no hope for "Garfield" fanatics (135)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Sad God takes a fifth sextuplet in an apparent bid to tell the Morrisons he didn't want them having kids (436)
(Some Guy) Amusing Powerful new evidence proves George Bush, Sr., assassinated President John Kennedy on Nov. 22, 1963... at least according to a Green Party presidential candidate (137)
(Some Guy) Obvious RIAA knows its tactics don't work, but refuses to back down regardless (150)
Yahoo Followup NFL Commish orders Michael Vick to stay away from preseason camp for violating the league Personal Conduct Policy, being an asshat (243)
SMH Asinine Citizenship test to include questions about country's Christian heritage. Curse you George W. B... wait a sec, this is in Australia? (124)
Yahoo Scary ♪ Runaway train never going back ♪ Wrong way on a one way track ♪ Seems like I should be getting somewhere ♪ Somehow I'm hitting a 1500 gallon propane tank ♪ (51)
(Live Smoke Free) Cool Another state joins the 21st century. This is the future, get used to it (584)
Denver Post Dumbass Barney Fife-like officer busts up a high school field trip for operating as a commercial river outfitter without a license. "It was just absurd. It's bureaucracy run amok" (59) Florida Guy, arrested for hitting girlfriend in the head with 3-iron, did it because he was pretty teed off (90)
MSNBC Hero Someone's mom did what we all wish we could do to that crying brat in coach (330)
(Some Guy) Sad Founder of Bed, Bath & Beyond completes the trifecta (66)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tax protestor offers $1 million for proof he is required to pay federal income tax (262)
CNN Interesting Official discussion thread for tonight's much overhyped Democratic CNN-Youtube debate (746)
CBS News Spiffy Drew Carey, come on down... you're the new host of "The Price Is Right" (226)
The Virginian Pilot Interesting Man with a holstered pistol gives the city of Norfolk, Virginia a lesson on the Second Amendment (443)
USA Today Asinine Headline: "Study: Diet soda linked to heart risks." Fourth sentence: "...findings don't show diet sodas are a cause of increased heart disease risks" (78)
( Dumbass Fark's favorite anti-Potter crusader has now found her true calling (186)
(Lansing State Journal) Sick Some guy: "Can I have sex with your 14-year-old daughter?" Mom: "Of course" (189)
(Some UFO) Photoshop Photoshop this alien invasion (119)
CBC Interesting Montreal homeless people to get parking meters. No word on whether they'll get The Boot (46)
(East Valley Tribune) Sappy Nine-year-old with inoperable brain tumor gets wish to become police officer; puts in full day of work, including target practice, working with the K9 unit, eating a donut. Subby feels safer already (94)
( Followup That Fox News web server hole? Yeah, it exposed the personal information of 1.5 million people (99)
SLTrib Scary Don't you hate it when you drink all day and end up having somebody bite your nose off in a fight? (64)
Newsday Asinine Sister of 9/11 victim suing ConEd because steam pipe explosion "scared her" (210)
WFTV Florida Youth hockey coach, TSA agent among 21 arrested in child-sex sting (with mugshot goodness) (204)
Washington Post Cool XM and Sirius announce plans for a la carte pricing that would be available if the FCC would get off their fat asses and approve the damn merger already (141)
Local6 Florida Universal Studios to pay people to be creepy (with audition info) (46)
Yahoo Interesting More than six out of 10 Americans believe that you control your own success in life, the Paris Hilton's of the world notwithstanding (936)
CBS 4 Denver Followup Hero chihuahua takes victory lap on local television news in Colorado after saving toddler from rattlesnake. (Video included) (102)
The Raw Story Followup Harriet Miers and White House chief of staff to be held in contempt on Wednesday (489)
MDN Silly Canned ramen noodles now available since it is obviously a serious hardship to rip the little orange packages open and toss the noodle brick into hot water (213) Florida Bones from a Camarasaurus found near Clearwater. Still no word on Corvettasuarus and Firebirdasaurus (84)
(WTOV) Unlikely Is Microsoft the new champion of privacy? (99) Scary Britons traveling to the United States will be required to divulge political views, religion, dental records (279)
(Beer!) Cool D.C. Fark party, Saturday 7:00 p.m., RFD Chinatown (360) Obvious UPCIA (246)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Scandinavian bull rider (56)
iWon Obvious To the surprise of absolutely no one, "Harry Potter and the Truckload of Money" sells 8.3 million books in first 24 hours, averaging more than 300,000 copies per hour (549)
LA Times Asinine The alimony you pay to your ex wife should end when she and her new wife register their domestic partnership, which is just like marriage, right? FAIL (358)
Yahoo Interesting As they swat flies, on a hot and damp Chicago mornin', a tour idea from a man is born in the ghetto. And the locals cry, cuz if there's one thing they don't need, it's exploitation based on greed in the ghetto (in the ghetto) (100)
(Some Blogger) Followup The news story saying that the fake cardboard buns were faked is a fake. Maybe (43)
Fox News Amusing Fox News leaves their root images directory open for perusal. TotalFarkers get in before they close it (pics in thread) (274)
CNN Spiffy Harry Potter star turns 18. Sorry guys, the other one (171)
(Ayn Rand Institute) Interesting Spikes in gas prices aren't caused by oil companies -- they're the result of too much government interference (238)
Reuters Obvious Turns out the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service might have been taking some animals off the endangered list for political reasons. Shocking, just shocking (47)
Sun Sentinel Obvious Advocates claim American workers are vacation-deprived. "Productivity comes from a refreshed and energized mind." Happy Monday (329)
(Some Guy) Florida Neighborhood impressed with your yellow Lamborghini. Overgrown yard, green swimming pool, garbage on the lawn? Not so much (105)
Yahoo Sad Anna Nicole Smith, Tammy Faye Bakker Messner and now Fifi the Chimp. It's been a tough year for old primates (39)
Stuff Obvious Lindsay Lohan: "I drove them all mad wandering around completely naked. They kept telling me to quit, but it was so much fun to tease all those boys. I just couldn't stop it" (255)
NYPost Interesting Cops find "anti-masturbation" gum, stacks of skin magazines and something called a "Grow a Girlfriend" toy in the home of a lawyer accused of secretly filming his female colleagues changing. Bonus: He still lives with his mom (68)
The Tennessean Dumbass This mugshot brought to you by Mindy McCready, who continues to live country songs instead of singing them (60)
(Some Rocker) Photoshop Photoshop this air-guitar maniac (69)
(NBC 26) Spiffy Today's "WWII-era plane landing on crowded highway" story brought to you by Fond du Lac, WI (88)
UPI Asinine Two 13-year-old Oregon boys face permanent record as sex offenders and 10 years in juvenile detention for the heinous crime of butt-slapping female classmates. Yay, justice (350)
(KOAT) Dumbass Woman plays with lighter while pumping gas, receives honorary Darwin (118)

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