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Sun August 05, 2007
(Some Guy) Interesting Father of young daughter ennumerates his Seven Deadly Sins of Kiddie Culture (w/ examples) (111)
(Bellingham Herald) Asinine Would all of the indicators of a robust economy please step forward? Hold on a second there, livable wage (112)
Houston Chronicle Followup Texas requires a note from your godless hippie parents if you don't wanna say "God" in the new mandatory state pledge (160)
(NMB 6) Florida The Florida Tag hops a fence and spends a warm Sunday in Washington, D.C (27)
Abc.net.au Amusing While men have sex on the brain, women it seems, have it more in the nose (85)
(CFR) Amusing Atheist Diversionary Tactics. Bonus: author has quite the vocabulary (374)
(Some Barber) Dumbass Police summoned to arrest a hair dresser who refused to tell a decidedly non-fabulous meter maid how old he was (91)
Telegram Photoshop Photoshop this person and her golf cart (49)
(KOTV-OKC) Stupid Watermelon is now the official vegetable of Oklahoma. Wait... what? (160)
Time Cool Which city has the best graffiti? You might be surprised (150)
(Nashville Scene) Strange Welcome to the Christian Nudist Convocation, "A semi-annual gathering of salt-of-the-earth folks whose dedication to being nude whenever possible is rivaled only by their love for Christ" (120)
Abc.net.au Dumbass Maybe getting drunk and then practicing martial arts with an armed opponent isn’t such a hot idea (realizes idiot on his way to the hospital for thumb-reattachment surgery) (25)
NYPost Stupid Even though a major hurricane has not hit Manhattan in 70 years, the city has spent $15 million on hurricane supplies for the upcoming season (134)
(WWTDD) Followup Man killed at Ving Rhames house likely suffered a heart attack, not mauled to death as was previously speculated. Charges against Rhames unlikely (92)
(Some Guy) Weird Presenting the Cowch. The strangest piece of furniture you'll see today (87)
Aint-It-Cool-News Misc Casting breakdowns for "Star Trek XI" characters. If you're a 25ish, tomboyish, FUN African American girl, you could be our new Uhura (183)
(Giant Mag) Spiffy "Hey man, is that Freedom Rock?” “Yeah, man.” “Well, turn it up, man!” The 50 greatest commercials of the ’80s (121)
CTV Cool Just one more reason why Canada is better than the US. Land of the Free lies north of the 49th Parallel (377)
Rian.Ru Weird Russian police fear "chessboard killer" has murdered 62 people as part of his own personal game. Another 2 were merely captured en passant (98)
(My San Antonio) Dumbass White male police officer charged with beating a young black lesbian over her request that he not smoke. My god, it's like a smorgasbord of issues and hot buttons just waiting to be explored (197)
(Fredricksburg.com) Obvious Police connect pharmacy robbery to local clown, proving that police are finally catching on to submitter's General Clown Relativity Theory: All clowns are inherently evil (24)
(Some Guy) Florida Man evicted from place of business because he doesn't speak Spanish (326)
(Some Guy) PSA Today is National Mustard Day. Let's all honor the "King of the Condiments" (168)
Yahoo Hero Artist mows giant Purple Heart into grass to honor the medal's 75th anniversary. Folks who wore Purple Heart band-aids at 2004 RNC unavailable for comment (138)
Yahoo Sad Montana's governor thinks god is a firefighter (105)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this closeup encounter (53)
Stuff Strange You've HAD it with your neighbor's cat. Do you a) ask them to keep it inside b) set a humane trap or c) capture the cat, take him "overseas," and leave a map in your neighbor's mailbox showing where kitty was left (395)
(WordPress) Obvious "Drew says being informed is 95% stupid" (72)
Philly Obvious Good news: new Philly police surveillance cameras driving up arrests. Bad News: ...and driving crime into new areas of the city. Solution is obvious: they just need more cameras (73)
Yahoo Asinine House approves $460B Pentagon budget. That's "billion", with one big ass B. Even Dr. Evil looks a bit embarrassed (171)
Washington Post Followup WFAN to replace Don Imus with Jersey guy known for lampooning Hispanic immigrants, Chinese people, and the mental illness of a former governor’s wife. What could possibly go wrong? (59)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this old lady making a phone call (75)
(MaineToday.com) Unlikely Dentist who treated patients while wearing a belly-dancing costume, and had after-hours office parties with liquor, body shots and sex, seeks to regain license (45)
(Naples News) Florida Not news: Man teaches stepdaughter to drive. News: He nearly loses his leg when she runs him over. Fark: She's 30 and drunk. With mugshot goodness (52)
CBS News Followup Before the game had even ended, Bud Selig issued "the least appropriate statement possible" on Barry Bonds' 755th homerun (163)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this future ER patient (55)
(Stars and Stripes) Dumbass Soldier convicted of rape, murder of Iraqi girl sentenced to 110 years in PMITA prison. At least he didn't get life (361)
Stuff Silly Billboard picturing two tomatoes at the base of a cucumber next to the words "thank God for serious steak" ordered removed (125)
Yahoo Interesting Two Nevada dairy farms begin dumping milk after the discovery of a naturally occurring radioactive isotope polonium-210. Vladimir Putin asks the farmers not to be hasty, volunteers to take a few thousand gallons off their hands (63)

Sat August 04, 2007
CBS New York Silly Appearance of firefighter in "Guys Gone Wild" embarrasses FDNY enough to stop publication of their calendar full of scantily clad firefighters (72)
(Everyone) NewsFlash Some douchebag just hit an important home run...not that one, the other one (553)
(Some Beach) Photoshop Photoshop what these boogie boarding beauties are looking at (68)
News.com.au Stupid The fear mongering goes international: Australian bridges are next (36)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these monks on a bridge (43)
News.com.au Silly Donkey-sized dogs selling in China for more than half a million bucks (67)
CBS Salt Lake City Scary Gunman opens fire inside Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas (130)
AJC Ironic Homeless sex offender faces life in prison for not registering at an address because he can’t find a home. Nobody will rent to him which makes him homeless, and if you are a sex offender you have to live in a home to register (373)
Yahoo Sad For all those who wanted Iraq bombed back to the Stone Age - congratulations (273)
(Daily Bulletin) Unlikely Lawsuit alleges producers of MSNBC's "To Catch A Predator" bribed sheriff's deputies to set up pillars of the community, who would never utilize wine coolers to bang 14-year olds (356)
(Some Defendant) Asinine RIAA elevates TotalDouchebag status to UltraDouchebag status (98)
Yahoo Obvious Another record poppy crop in Afghanistan. They must really like bagels over there (67)
The Virginian Pilot Obvious Dear Virginia General Assembly, you really farked up that bad driver law. Sincerely, another judge ruling it unconstitutional (62)
News.com.au Interesting Actual headline: "Crispy duck banned from Beijing toilets." First they came for the crispy duck and I said nothing (57)
(Some Guy) Sad ♫ Up and over the railroad tracks, the trucker drove his diesel; down the tracks an engine came, pop goes the diesel. ♫ (61)
Yahoo Unlikely The creators of the "Bratz" dolls want you to know they're really about valuing friendship over social acceptance, and not just teaching your 8 year old to be a slut (234)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Cool Metro-North commuters help deliver baby on the 7:18 express from Grand Central to Poughkeepsie; riders relieved to finally have a kid on the train who's not kicking the back of their seat (21)
Gawker Strange Dating columnist thinks it's okay to bone your co-workers. Then Stevie Nicks gets mentioned... oops (72)
Google Photoshop Theme: Photoshop something five seconds before it becomes a Fark headline (99)
TBO Spiffy Homeless man inherits $50,000 and can't wait to put spinners on his shopping cart and get wi-fi installed in his cardboard box (167)
(Chattanoogan) Asinine Arrest warrant and $1,000 bond issued for teenager who failed to show up in court to answer a seat-belt violation. Yeah, that'll teach those dangerous seatbelt scofflaws (100)
Google PSA LAST CALL: Minnesota Farkers, your party is happening this SATURDAY, AUGUST 4th. LGT Googlemaps, DIT (91)
Daily Mail Amusing Woman surprised to discover that the Beast of Dartmoor striking fear into the hearts of her countrymen is actually just her pet dog (39)
London Times Interesting Scientists find sunshine fights breast cancer. In other news, men gain legitimate way to get women to expose their breasts in public (67)
FARK Followup Per request from emails, last Nashville Fark Party reminder. And this time we mean it. LGT last final reminder (13)
CBS New York Sick NY City Councilman arrested for screwing his constituents without their consent. Literally (42)
(tPC) Ironic Dateline NBC reporter goes undercover at Defcon 2007, gets uncovered, and flees to dead end corner of parking lot, followed by numerous onlookers (123)
(Some redneck) Dumbass Man thinks it's a "bunch of *$%&" that he gets a second DUI. On his lawnmower (38)
Canoe Dumbass Man learns the hard way what a reserve is on eBay after court orders him to hand over a vintage plane worth $215,000 (61)
Sun Sentinel Florida Woman moves to edge of Everglades and then complains about gators in her yard (72)
Canoe Scary Airline goes above and beyond their normal duty of losing luggage, loses man's son instead (77)
MSNBC Dumbass Hey, remember that guy in the Bible who parted the waters and took out the entire Egyptian army? Well he's back, but he's no match for the Clean Water Act (39)
News.com.au Amusing Thief thought he had them foiled when he swallowed the stolen loot. Then the cops brought out the bananas (48)
News.com.au Dumbass Beginners' tip: when holding a garage sale, be sure to conceal your cache of illegal weapons (62)
SFGate Cool Starting in 2008, Marvin the Martian will be able to visit a library thanks to NASA. I suspect that quarter library fines will make him very angry (55)
(Some Cat) Sappy Firefighters perform good deed just in time for Caturday (282)
Fox News Followup To those who said that was a Van Gogh painting found underneath that other painting: FAIL (55)
(The Age) Dumbass Thief tries to steal from 7-Eleven, but gets attacked with a mop and the staff end up stealing his clothes (43)
(Some Guy taking the long way) Misc Not to be outdone by Tampa, St Louis Closes "dangerous" bridge. Fearmongering Bridge Closing trifecta in play (56)
Kansas.com Amusing 22-year old woman from Kansas hires a 15-year old boy for a babysitter. Well, I think you know where this is going (138)
CBS Austin Silly Plane crashes in Florida. Two squirrels in intensive care (w/ video) (36)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this strange construction (71)
I-Mockery Amusing Now that "The Monster Squad" is finally on DVD, relive the glory of Wolfman's nards in I-Mockery's review of the movie (52)
Yahoo Hero Man says that he is the sailor in the famous "Kissing Sailor" photo. Also says "No Kissing on his lawn" and earns "Hero" tag for serving his country (107)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Misc House full of marijuana plants catches fire. Firefighters arrive on scene, forget what they were going to do when they got there, and then wander away in search of burritos (40)
Washington Post Weird Fudge-packing woman foiled by clogged toilet (49)
Telegraph Obvious Brits love their Crocs shoes. Presumably because like their teeth they're ugly, come in garish shades of green, and are full of holes (110)
CBC Amusing Thou shalt not roast squirrels in front of your campers (61)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Cool Ugly ass baby panda born at San Diego Zoo. Someone call Ron Burgandy (67)
Yahoo Obvious The guy in the next cubicle who works too much? He's not getting any (92)

Fri August 03, 2007
Guardian.com Scary Today's proof that the Apocalypse is upon us, spelled out in just two words: male leggings (pic) (124)
(WFTS) Florida The fear mongering continues: Tampa bridge closes due to structural issues (100)
BBC Interesting Step 1: Build social-networking site. Step 2: Sell advertising. Step 3: Profit (until the advertisers see their products appearing on the pages of politically-questionable parties) (36)
(Salina journal) Amusing Not news: Police Chief arrested for theft. News: Chief was stealing beer. Fark.com: From the Fire Department (25)
Local6 Florida Stripper revives customer with CPR after he has too much Oxycontin. All those years of slipping $5 bills into G-strings finally pays off (53)
CBS Sacramento PSA If someone wants to buy your Mercedes, and they ask about GPS or engine disabling devices you may want to think twice about that test drive. Bonus: They left the keys to "their" Mercedes as collateral (25)
Newsday Amusing Man evades police on foot after robbery. Fark: his leg was in a cast and he needed a cane to walk (20)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lady at the gate (88)
Local6 Florida Mysterious laser beam is tormenting pilots over Daytona Beach (with video) (97)
Canada.com Obvious 96-year-old man and a 92-year-old woman look forward to some hot action once they get married. "You don't lose it just because you get old" (141)
Local6 Florida Disney increasing ticket price to $71 for one-day visit (174)
Sports by Brooks Scary L.A. Clippers star Elton Brand ruptures achilles tendon during workout on Friday (84)
CNN Dumbass NASA spokesman explains delay in shuttle's launch, "They were literally trying to put 25 pounds of work in a 10-pound bag." Thanks for clearing that up, George (48)
(Orilla Packet) Amusing UFOs seen flying over Canada. With a picture. Of a lamp post (115)
Yahoo Hero First teacher to be launched in a shuttle since 1985 hopes students will learn lesson from her example, and that it won't be the lesson Christa McAuliffe's students learned (122)
(Some Guy) Silly Do red shirts really die more often in Star Trek? Open up your spreadsheet and follow along with this rich Web 2.0 analysis (97)
(DEFRA) NewsFlash Foot and mouth hits the UK again, woo yay bbq season is here again (77)
Local6 Florida Tree with huge bee hive falls on Fla. homes -- wild swarming ensues (with helicopter video) (99)
(Some Complete Tools) Asinine Tivo a show in your media room and want to watch it on the bedroom TV? Broadcasters think it should be a surchargin' (126)
IOL Obvious While only three percent of British vacationers know how to say "sorry" in the language of the country they're visiting, forty percent know how to say "beer" (121)
Yahoo Followup NASA delays shuttle launch one day, giving Fark Admins one more day of sorting through "assplode soon" submissions (61)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Black Muslim group outraged after raids on their bakery uncovered an arms cache (433)
Discovery Photoshop Photoshop theme: Place Mike Rowe at the scene of a "dirty job" (107)
AJC Obvious Southern Christian Leadership Conference making plans to honor Michael Vick, 'cause there ain't nothing more Southern Christian than a good downhome dogfight (172)
Network World Asinine How do you get a secret username and password out of an IRS employee? ... Just ask (108)
ABC News Cool Lost Van Gogh found under another painting. Thomas Crown lights another cigar (75)
(Some Fark Party Person) Spiffy FINAL REMINDER for Nashville Fark Party, now with DIT goodness (28)
USA Today Amusing The several week lead time needed to get magazines to the newsstand can lead to some unintentional hilarity. For example check out Elle's interview with Lindsay Lohan in between her rehab stay and DUI (77)
(Some Guy) Followup Our favorite triple-amputee driving enthusiast sentenced to five years (30)
(Dose) Spiffy Dose credits Fark for banishing the Spice Girls to Baghdad (149)
(Some Guy) Silly Is the Internet making us stupid? Bonus: Fark mentioned (112)
CBS Baltimore Florida FL State Rep Bob Allen (R-Idiot) was "just playing around" when he offered a cop 20 bucks for oral sex in a bathroom. Because who among us hasn't done this before? (297)
Rocky Mountain News Followup Rejoice, Denver Judge tosses asshat's lawsuit over ladies' night (170)
CNN PSA New report from the Institute For Pulling Numbers Out Of Our Ass suggests "Friday Slackers" cost firms $100 million (119)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass Man arrested for having smoking hot girlfriend (199)
(myfoxhouston.com) Dumbass Final Score: Houston Police 1 - Man in red mini-van who "enjoys" a good police chase and thought he could out-run the cops: 0 (41)
(Tech Dirt) Unlikely AT&T CEO says they don't promote $10 DSL because nobody wants it (216)
ABC News NewsFlash Men arrested after found in a makeshift submarine in NYC harbor. Authorities: "We don't know what they were doing. But it wasn't terrorism." One of those statements is probably false (410)
(Some Guy) Amusing Actual Headline: Cops say thief had 21 deodorant sticks (38)
Abc.net.au Dumbass Five-person panel formed to protect the independence and integrity of Dow Jones during its takeover includes an MIT professor who received $2.9 million... from News Corp (77)
CNN Ironic Indian call center outsourcing to Ohio (133)
The Sun Cool Meet the world's fastest hybrid, high-performance milk truck with a spoiler, lowered suspension and a biatchin' paint job. It'll blow the doors off your Prius, hippie (pic) (78)
NYPost Ironic John Edwards is outraged that Hillary would accept $20k from Rupert Murdoch which is $780,000 less than he received from his dealings with Rupert Murdoch (226)
ABC News Followup Now that we know all our bridges are going to collapse, it's time to brush up on our "escaping-a-sinking-car" skills (199)
FARK Spiffy Reminder: Nashville Fark Party Saturday at Mulligan's Irish Pub, Somebody bring nametags (29)
(Some MLB Team site) Stupid Minnesota Twins postpone groundbreaking for new $1.1 billion stadium due to I35 bridge collapse. Apparently up until this week they didn't have any more pressing construction projects on which to spend that money (186)
The Sun Obvious British financial authorities would like to remind people that real £20 notes don't have a picture of Homer Simpson on them (37)
(Out Campaign) Stupid Atheists urge atheists to come out of the closet by wearing an "A" to make it even easier for fundies to round them up and stone them as required by the Old Testament (1080)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shoe (86)
Guardian.com Weird Hollywood takes a third shot at trying to make a marketable movie about clowns and gas chambers (89)
Local10 Amusing 10 drinks men should never order (862)
(Some Frequently Ultra High Guy) Unlikely Russian secret weapon caused Minneapolis bridge collapse (174)
WNBC Obvious NYC health group shocked, ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED, that fast-food fries still have trans fat (89)
ICNetwork Strange Man can't get into the army because a curry once made him sick (115)
LA Times Amusing Telemundo reporter suspended after fitting LA mayor with a flesh tuxedo. Yo quiero (w/ pix) (145)
(MaineToday.com) Dumbass Today's misuse of 911 is from a Maine woman who lost her house key (52)
(Some Guy) Interesting Odd skull discovery shows evidence of interbreeding between humans and Neandertals. Geico Caveman whistles, walks away (233)
News.com.au Sad Your parents tell you your cat is dead. Do you a) Bury your pet and get on with life. b) Get a new cat or c) Hack your folks to death with an axe? (223)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these athletic competitors (68)
Time Obvious In less than 24 hours, 70,000+ bridges have beed rated deficient. Heckuvajob DOT (221)
(Sky News) Cool The flying cars are here! The flying cars are here! (206)
USA Today Obvious Headline: "Are People More Polite In Virtual Worlds?" Clearly not a Fark user (89)
Wired Interesting Slashdot begins to allow users to submit, tag, discuss and vote on news stories. Sounds familiar (141)

Thu August 02, 2007
Yahoo Asinine Democrats prove they don't support troops by passing legislation to increase home time. President dutifully threatens veto on their behalf (431)
(Some Guy) Interesting Young women outearn young men in NYC and other large U.S. cities. Where's your goddess now, NOW? (162)
(Some Alleged Reporter) Followup Terrorist who "allegedly" drove explosive vehicle into Glasgow airport during "alleged" attack dies... allegedly (90)
(Take 2) Sad Grand Theft Auto IV delayed until Q2 2008 (187)
(Zogby) Interesting Only 24% of Americans approve of Bush's handling of the war in Iraq. So the Democrats are doing better, right? Nope. Only 3% approve of congress' handling of the war. Yes, that's not a typo: 3% (400)
(Some Guy Norris) Hero Chuck Norris rescues 26 sailors. No, really (383)
(Some Guy) Sad Man drowns swimming in a Great Lake. Erie (91)
Daily Mail Weird Ugly-ass baby tigers born at the Tianjin Zoo in China, one white, one yellow. Tony seen waiting for answer from his wife about this turn of events (with ugly-ass pics) (81)
(Jason) Scary Police find body in lake at summer camp... BUT THEY NEVER FOUND HIS HEAD (80)
UPI Spiffy August is National Sandwich Month (116)
Washington Post Amusing Million-dollar-pants judge out of a job (115)
(Asheville Citizen Times) Followup Charges against couple inverting flag inverted (93)
(Don't Panic) Strange Bar gets three day suspension after patron suffers brain seizure and spends two weeks in the ICU. Who knew they were serving Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters in Tennessee? (61)
The Newspaper Followup Virginia judge strikes down the $3550 speeding ticket as unconstitutional (97)
Sports by Brooks Unlikely Steinbrenner son poised to push out ailing dad and take over Yankees: "Get rid of my father" (43)
UPI Obvious A new climate change study employed an unorthodox method of numerical analysis known simply as "math" (148)
Reuters Obvious Front runner in Argentina's presidential race states that she's "No Hillary Clinton." With hot photographic proof (153)
Yahoo Sad First it was gas stations. Then it was banks. Now it's supermarkets. Pretty soon, we'll live in an entirely self-serve world (230)
Yahoo Obvious A third of Americans say that the Web has "greatly improved their lives." Drew sits back in his comfy chair, cracks open another cold one, nods his head in agreement (31)
(Some Guy) Obvious Since the Segway was so successful, media hype is starting to build around Dean Kamen's next big invention (113)
(Record Courier) Asinine Ohio considers banning abortions unless the father gives consent. Nothing to see here, move along (859)
(WRAL) Followup If your water has stopped running today in Cary, NC, congratulations -- you have been drinking treated waste water (56)
Yahoo Asinine Federal court rules against insured Katrina homeowners. Suck it, citizen (188)
BBC Obvious C, the answer is always C (75)
CBS Philadelphia Obvious Another study from the No Sh*t Institute: Fender benders found to cost more in luxury cars (38)
(Some disappointed guy) Obvious Welcome to West Virginia: "I'd have been very disappointed if I had come home and my house had been blown up" (32)
(KTVU) Interesting Reporter gunned down in a possible hit. No, it's not Geraldo. It's okay to cry (47)
(Not a clown car, seriously) Scary Arkansas woman gives birth to her 17th child, can't wait to have another. Vagina. It's not a clown car (305)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this river scene (215)
TampaBays10.com Florida Not news: Woman busted for DUI. News: Second one in three months. Fark: She's a blackjack dealer who had a revoked license to begin with and was out drinking and driving anyway. Florida: Check out her t-shirt (99)
NJ.com Obvious No-alcohol teen night at Jersey Shore club may be cancelled because teens are showing up drunk (85)
(Some Guy) Obvious Minneapolis issues collective sigh of relief on news that Bush will not send FEMA in to help in wake of bridge collapse (1)
AFP Misc A bunch of Africans died in a transportation disaster today, too. Whoop-de-do (233)
(WND) Obvious NetNanny has WorldNetDaily blocked, listed as a "hate/violence" site (179)
Yahoo Obvious "...and that's what I'd do as president. In conclusion, I'd like to ask you this important question: Is anybody going towards the airport? Because I need a ride." Life in the McCain campaign not as glamorous as it once was (155)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: Man promises free iPod via Craigslist. News: You have to come to a park after dark to claim it. FARK: Man was found with a stocking over his face, a knife and no iPod (156)
Des Moines Register Interesting Although you may not approve of his need to steal, you've got to admire how much this guy wanted beer (100)
(WGAL) Stupid Media fear-mongering machine revving up. Are the bridges you travel on safe? EVERYBODY PANIC (287)
CBC Dumbass Problem: Homeless people have set up tents in your city. Solution: Make them wear pretty bracelets (169)
(HBO) Silly One boy's horror of the first time he saw underneath his father's robe: "There was a wizard on a hilltop shooting lightning...I saw a llama run down to his taint" (sponsored link) (155)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Church and state no longer separate, literally, as Texas students will have to add four words to their state pledge this year: "One state, under God" (754)
WNBC Interesting Want to see how some of your favorite beautiful actresses have aged over the years? Well here they are anyway... (with too many pics) (398)
WNBC Dumbass Cop: "See what happens if you ring that bike bell again..." Guy: "Ring-ring" (183)
(Reason) Scary Mississippi "bite mark analyst" may have wrongly sent man to death row, weirdly compares himself to Jesus and Itzhak Perlman (158)
(Daily Herald) Interesting Columbia leads all nations with 18 public holidays annually. Among them are "Seriously, We ARE Trying To Stop Drugs Day" and "Juan Valdez Memorial Day" (70)
AJC Scary Welcome back to America, you're under arrest. The computer says so (124)
Yahoo Cool Aztec pyramid ruins found in Mexico City, rumored to be built entirely out of Canel's Chiclets (85)
(WFSB) Dumbass After printing out the nude photos you took of your hot 20-year-old stepdaughter while she was sleeping, you might want to remember to take them out of you pocket before your wife sees them (466)
NYPost Amusing Professor whose wife left him for Ted Turner writes in email to colleagues: "It is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers" (124)
Daily Mail Cool Tired of traffic wardens, shopkeeper plays WWII air raid siren noise through a 1000 watt PA system whenever one is spotted (105)
Detroit News Unlikely Judge found with loaded handgun in her carry-on luggage allowed to continue her flight. Airline spokesman says, “She was not handled any differently than any other person would be at the airport.” O RLY? (338)
BBC Obvious Excellent news, my lord -- because of the attempted terrorist attacks, we can now ban climate change protests at airports (100)
(The Capital Times) Amusing Man repeadedly rams car after hooker leaves him without finishing job (65)
(Ditto Head) Cool Happy birthday to the Rush Limbaugh Show. Nineteen years of balance to the liberal media conspiracy, and counting (722)
FARK Cool Reminder for NYC farkers: Come help a TFette celebrate her 30th birthday on Friday August 3rd. LGT original thread (129)
The Raw Story Hero Rove refuses to testify at congressional witchhunt (812)
(Clitheroe Advertiser and Times) Scary Local newspaper letter writer urges "return to sanity"... before firing off £1m bomb threat that closed 14 branches of national supermarket (17)
Reuters Dumbass Fat guy sentenced to 18 months for cheating 64 restaurants. Do the math (100)
IOL Strange Man fined for making obscene noises and claiming he was orgasmic while under treatment by a woman dentist (62)
(Hmmmm... bacon) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop something that could be improved with bacon (128)
Yahoo Followup At least five victims from Minnesota bridge collapse have had their condition upgraded to "alive" (208)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Unlikely Man buys what he thinks is a new phone only to find a video on it of a previous owner jerking off (95)
Jalopnik Strange "While searching his home, police uncovered a 'large amount' of video showing Dills masturbating to and having sex with various traffic signs" (140)
(Some White House) Amusing Tony Snow catches Giuliani Disease. Q: "Tony, how can the president say he's a fiscal conservative by vetoing a $22 billion program when the CBO now estimates the Iraq war will cost $1 trillion?” A: “9/11" (134)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Uber-hawt geek goddess Morgan Webb starts a new tech vlog and links to Fark (430)
(KARE) Followup Security camera video of Minneapolis bridge collapse (174)
Yahoo Cool Taxi company keeps human heart on ice before delivery. Didn't they do that in Rat Race with Mr. Bean too? (38)
(Some woodchuck) PSA Remember, when you shoot a guy in self defense for breaking in to your house to steal your weed, burying the body in a shallow grave isn't really going to help (54)
London Times Strange Old and busted: U.S. sports stars and dog fights. New hotness: Crazy Japanese kids and beetle wars (29)
(SuicideGirls.com) Wheaton Wil Wheaton reviews Comic-Con. Geeks rejoice (70)
The Sun Amusing Batman, Robin, Superman and Spiderman had to be rescued when their car broke down on a highway. No, this is not the start to a joke (30)
St. Pete Times Florida Media swarms to hearing for world's most famous armless, one-legged scofflaw driver (pics) (24)
Guardian.com Obvious Germany's museums issue catalog of cultural treasures it claims were stolen from country during World War II, including world's smallest violin -- which you can hear playing as you peruse said catalog (144)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You might be a redneck if you burn down a house to get rid of mosquitos (68)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 117: "Tools of the trade." Description: Every job has a set of tools that go with it. Photograph them. Doesn't have to be your job (190)

Wed August 01, 2007
ABC News Obvious Al Qaeda releases new video threatening "wait for the big surprise" (375)
First Coast News Florida Perhaps the only time you'll ever read a headline with the words "parakeet" "frog" "chameleon" and "sex tape" (100)
My Fox Memphis Strange United States of America versus one man's watch. No joke. They convicted the dude. Now, they're suing his watch (94)
Canada.com Obvious More Americans would rather kiss a dog on the lips than kiss a stranger on the cheek (96)
ABC News Scary Newest Fisher Price toy? Poison Me Elmo (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Worst tattoo ever (555)
CNN Interesting Russians to drop flag on ocean floor at North Pole, since planting a flag somewhere means you own it forever and no nation would ever take it over for their own purposes (74)
The Smoking Gun Dumbass Hot Indianapolis couple arrested for having midday sex in a car parked in front of a day care center. With sexy mug shot goodness (173)
(KSTP.com) NewsFlash Freeway bridge collapses in Minneapolis during rush hour. Few details as of yet (1648)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Disney to remake "Snow White." Bonus: It will be 19th century Hong Kong epic. "Once she finds out she is destined to defeat something sinister, she is trained by seven Shaolin monks to do battle against the forces of evil" (94)
Breitbart.com Scary Angry monkey on the loose in Tupelo after unlocking his cage. They're getting smarter. EVERYONE PANIC (57)
Marketwatch Followup Will all the Australian expatriates that think they are allowed to purchase Dow Jones please step forward. Whoa, not so fast Rupert (44)
(Some Sad Guy) Sad Wonder where all the LSD went? Thank these guys (441)
Yahoo Asinine New bill would put the FDA in charge of cigarettes and ban clove cigarettes completely (238)
ABC News Asinine First paragraph: Last year a record 10,942 Americans moved to Canada, mostly to get away from Bush. Fourth paragraph: Last year 23,913 Canadians also moved to the US, presumably to get away from Canada's superior health care or something (269)
The Newspaper Scary One in ten Austin drivers have a warrant out for their arrest because the legislature thought taxing tickets would do a heckuva job raising revenue (117)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this spool pusher (38)
(Florida Today) Sad Beer truck flips over on I-95. Fire rescue crews respond with beer mugs only to find it's just Budweiser (66)
Reuters Obvious Florida man stockpiles 20,000 cubic yards of horse manure in his yard in illegal composting operation. He's in even deeper shiat now (45)
CNN PSA Attention young sportscasters: Don't say that Michael Vick would have been better off if he had raped a woman instead of organizing a dogfighting ring (173)
ABC News Amusing Hint to would be bank robbers: if you wear a miniskirt and a low cut top, you may attract unwanted attention (with pic) (60)
Yahoo Amusing Twice a day, this squirrel walks into the store, gets a "Kinder Surprise" chocolate-shelled egg, unwraps it, eats it, and leaves with the toy inside (116)
Car Talk Interesting Regular gas vs Premium gas. Car Talk sets us straight (252)
(Joystiq) Amusing For some reason, a video game featuring a white man shooting black zombies has some people getting all uppity (445)
CBS Boston Sad "The vertically-challenged stop fields the ball, throwing it to the first baseperson..." (128)
(Some Drunk) Interesting Amtrak offers $100 in free booze to overnight passengers. One catch: Get drunk and they'll leave you in the middle of a National Forest (119)
Yahoo Interesting British Columbia mulls legal challenge to anti-polygamy law. State of Utah mulls moving to British Columbia (201)
(Belfast Telegraph) Obvious Britain excitedly points at something behind America, shouts "what the fark is that?", waits for the head to turn and runs like hell (178)
(Boy Gossip) Dumbass Sir Elton John would like the internet shut down for five years (269)
(The Daily Mash) Obvious "Cannabis Now Worse Than the Nazis" (194)
(Editor and Publisher) Cool Job of journalist in the bottom ten of most prestigious. "Firefighter"comes in first, followed by "owner of snarky not-news aggregator site" (72)
TampaBays10.com Sappy Brain-damaged man finally regains ability to speak after 6 years. Ozzy Osbourne unavailable for comment (53)
CBS Philadelphia Cool While cleaning out her shed of clutter, woman comes across an anti-tank round. Oh come on, like this hasn't happened to you too (66)
UPI Obvious Wall Street Journal reporters not happy with Murdoch takeover. "We held a wake. We stood around a pile of Journals and drank whiskey." (167)
(4) Followup U (335)
CBS Sacramento Amusing 'Beaver-Wetter', 'Aikin-Johnson' 'Wacker-Dailey' and more in this cutting-edge expose on when NOT to hyphenate your name (pics) (293)
(Popular Mechanics) Interesting Ten worst disasters of the 20th century. Number 8: Birth of Andy Dick (176)
(USGS) Scary 7.2 magnitude earthquake strikes near Vanuatu. Everybody panic, mate (46)
Canoe Stupid In today's championship battle between Charles Darwin and Rube Goldberg, man hikes into remote wilderness and chains self to tree for six days in failed suicide attempt (89)
Yahoo Interesting Keith Richards writing his memoirs. Will be translated from his native mumble language, detail his Revolutionary War service, and contain general weirdness (61)
Des Moines Register Dumbass When fleeing the scene of an auto accident, be sure you haven't left your license plates behind (42)
TampaBays10.com Florida If you're going to spread oil all over the floor of a grocery store and fake a fall, make sure the surveillance cameras aren't rolling. With video (234)
Yahoo Followup Remember that "alcohol causes colon cancer" article? Just drink some coffee and you're good to go. Submitter off to find a case of Buzz Beer (41)
CNN Obvious Rupert Murdoch usually gets what he wants. Seriously, that's what the story is about. No, honest to god, it really is (61)
TampaBays10.com Florida Not news: Guy has a terrible driving record, lotta drug charges. News: He leads police on a high speed chase. Fark: He doesn't have any arms or legs. Florida: He drives legally using his stumps, toes and teeth. With mug shot goodness (128)
WTOP Weird Actual headline: "Call police if offered women's undies" (59)
ABC News Interesting 78 years ago, the parents of this Ohio man decided to name him "Harry Potter." It's not such a magical decision now (175)
MSNBC Obvious Father and son dressed in blackface as Barry Bonds and his trainer have their giant syringe and three-foot asterisk confiscated at Dodgers stadium, but still get to enjoy booing Bonds (162)
First Coast News Florida Debate over America's oldest city heats up as St. Augustine wants Jamestown to help them tell Plymouth to get off the lawn (86)
CNN Obvious Last month: France helps arrange payment of $400 million to Libya to release hostage nurses. This month: Libya buys $130 million in French missiles. Hmmm (79)
Yahoo Dumbass Rumsfeld says Pat Tillman's family deserved to know the truth about how he died. Just not the real truth, and certainly not right away (357)
(Indiana Gazette) Photoshop Local paper speculates that Fark is Rupert Murdoch's next takeover target since reporters use it frequently to locate story ideas. Photoshop the potential result (24)
TampaBays10.com Florida If you're going to go into an office to ask for donations to cover the costs of your daughter's death, make sure your daughter isn't waiting in the car. With mug shot hilarity (98)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass Current mayors should avoid certain part-time jobs, like being a bouncer at a strip club (55)
(Some Guy) Obvious Catholic priests to preach that tax evasion is a sin. Unless you're a multi-national corporation headquartered in the Vatican whose extensive properties are largely exempt from taxation. Then it's OK (229)
(WMC-TV) Strange News: Dog bites man. Strange: Man bites dog. Fark: Dog shoots man (119)
Yahoo Cool Steel beam falls 50 feet from bridge under construction, hits FedEx truck. Driver escapes with sprained ankle. Ta-da! (78)
FARK Spiffy Nashville Fark Party Saturday at Mulligan's Irish Pub, DIT (51)
(Some DCist'er) Interesting Madame Tussaud's opening a new wax museum in Washington D.C., features Marion Barry in a special "Scandal Room." No word on how they will get the wax to hold up next to the burning crack pipe (30)
Yahoo Ironic The last eight Jews in Baghdad don't want to go to Israel because they've heard such bad things about it on government TV for so many years (246)
Yahoo Followup Remember that police chase the other day when the guy said he was taking his sick cat to the vet? Turns out he has a bunch of dead cats at his house (84)
News.com.au Amusing Another British TV network busted making stuff up in documentary. BBC edges cautiously towards moral high ground (57)
Slate Obvious Why we mock Scientology: "We're made most uncomfortable by that which is most like us" (677)
FARK PSA Pittsburgh Fark Party Planning -- yadda yadda beer yadda yadda North Park yadda yadda August 11th yadda yadda DIT (48)
Yahoo Dumbass If you fake a back injury to get out of your sumo wrestling, don't go on TV playing soccer (33)
News.com.au Dumbass When you clean out the tiger pen, be sure to lock the tiger up first (53)
Sky.com Obvious More pretards preloading on cheap booze before pretending they're not idiots (85)
Guardian.com Asinine "Children's Fight Club" leads Tory MP to demand Justice Minister Straw censor "violence and criminality" from the Innerwebs. At least 'til the droogs get the rubberband around their bits (48)
(CBS) Scary CBS comes up with a totally original, groundbreaking TV show concept: 40 children, ages 8-15, running a town with no adults for 40 days. What could possibly go wrong? (224)
(Redding.com) Cool 102-year-old man credits his longevity to half-and-half, cream-of-wheat, mayonnaise, bacon, butter and general orneriness (57)
Guardian.com Obvious "Britain has lost the art of socialising the young." You were about to submit this with a better headline before one of the little chavs on your street broke your nose with a Glasgow kiss (63)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this very lonely astronaut (124)
Lancashire Evening Post Scary Supermarkets and major sporting stadiums could become holding cells for shoplifters and football hooligans (26)
Guardian.com Obvious Texas group plans to deliver Bibles with morning newspapers. Even those in the Bible Belt think this is a pretty stupid idea (147)
(Some Guy) Ironic Dick Cheney accuses Hillary Clinton of treason (236)
ESPN Interesting Seven Yankees hit eight home runs, but none of them belong to A-Rod (65)
Reuters Followup OJ Simpson, regarding "If I Did It": "That's not how I did it." I might be paraphrasing the quote (104)
(NewsChannel 9) Video Man goes nuts when ex-wife posts vacation pictures on MySpace, including 14-year-old daughter in a bikini. With bonus footage of the teen all over the local TV newscast (398)

Tue July 31, 2007
(Some Guy) Obvious Society is splitting into intellectual, tech-savvy Eloi versus anti-Science Morlocks (174)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Misc Welcome to Mt. Holly, Mn. Population: 4. Here the mayor is also the "chamber of commerce, justice of the peace and town drunk." (40)
DallasNews Stupid Study finds that lust is biggest motivator for sex. In other news, hunger is the biggest motivator to eat (59)
(Some Guy) Scary Dow Jones industrials lost nearly 150 points because of **shakes overused Magic 8-Ball that gives subby a dirty look** renewed concerns about soured home loans (109)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Kevin Zuccato, head of Australian Crime Centre, says terrorists can gain training in games such as World of Warcraft - a simulated environment, using weapons that are identical to real-world armaments (188)
Daily Mail Obvious Update: That moderate drinking that was good for your health several months ago has been found not to be good for your health until the next study that says otherwise (62)
Yahoo Interesting Rupert Murdoch has gained control of the Wall Street Journal. EVERYBODY PANIC (105)
CNN Followup Letter censuring general in Tillman case released (74)
This Is Local London Interesting Man wins lottery. Twice. By mistake (59)
UPI NewsFlash Cheney admits to being wrong (334)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Hot teenage girl's self-portrait ends up on cover of hardcore DVD (so she's suing) (not safe for work) (204)
Reuters Video "Plants make actual voice calls to owners to inform them of its needs." Just when you thought it was safe to be a vegetarian. Damn you, damn you all to heck (61)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bottled brew (87)
Yahoo Followup Not to be outdone by San Francisco, New Jersey picks up the needle exchange program. Tourism expected to soar (94)
ABC News Dumbass High demand / low supply causes prices to rise, Ric Romero reporting... no really (83)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Another uneventful day in Vermont, another man caught sexually molesting cows (158)
Yahoo PSA Oil settles above $78 a barrel because of **shakes Magic 8 Ball** reports of new violence in Nigeria. Bonus: sets new price record (191)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Documents prove that Yahoo knew it was helping Chinese police locate and arrest pro-democracy dissidents by tracking their e-mails. But we have always done business with Eastasia (81)
(Some Guy) Followup Chief Justice John Roberts now classified as epileptic. Your honors, for my final argument -- lightswitch strobe light (208)
Wonkette Interesting Pat Tillman was murdered for threatening to go public with his anti-war stance. Get your tinfoil hats ready (568)
SLTrib Amusing Gary Coleman cited for disorderly conduct in Utah. In other news, Gary Coleman lives in Utah? (82)
Fox News Followup Turns out Paris will get her grampa's billion$$ after all. Followup tag turns to yesterday's Hero tag, smirks, says "That's hot." (144)
CBS Baltimore Scary Asking for a raise? That's a shootin' (63)
(4) Weird C (522)
(Some busybody small-town blog) Amusing Stoners win criminals of the year award after inviting cops in while they're toking up. Hey, that talking dog warned them about the eeeviillls of marijuana (105)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Man falls out of car while trying to spit. Guess which state (57)
(Some Guy) Hero Locals: "Stop using your siren so much." Fire Company: "We need it for emergencies." Locals: "Someone hitting a deer is not an emergency, nor is a tree down on a road." Fire Company: "9/11" (258)
Yahoo Obvious People are rude and mean to one another over the Internet. Congrats on yet another Pulitzer, Ric (184)
Kansas City Sad Good: Teenage boys have never had more opportunities to fondle teenage breasts. Bad: the breasts in question belong to the boys themselves (246)
BBC PSA Corruption is casting a dark cloud on the rebuilding of Iraq, reports correspondent Geewhiz Yathinkso (72)
Local6 Florida Good Samaritans get rewarded for helping wrong-way driver -- with shower of human spit (48)
Slate Amusing It's official: Shark Week has... well... you know. I'm Arthur Fonzarelli, and I approved this headline (122)
New Scientist Interesting Beer in space: A short but frothy history (31)
CBC Asinine Name control to Major Singh, your application's read there's something wrong, can you fix it Major Singh (108)
CBC Spiffy Five-year old boy wins Ontario Regional Hide-and-Seek Championship (113)
1010WINS Dumbass NY corrections officer finds out that today is not "bring a grenade to work day" (33)
(Some Guy) Strange Minister arrested. Maybe it was the open vodka bottle, or the pills. Maybe it was the sex act he offered the cops. Or maybe it was the way he peed in front of those kids at the car wash while wearing a skirt (214)
Yahoo Photoshop Panel approves new cigarette warnings but doesn't tell us what they are yet. Photoshop what you think the new labels will look like (93)
Telegraph PSA McDonald's salads are saltier than a Big Mac (190)
CNN Amusing Second graders take on lunch lady and win in epic fight over green beans (69)
Yahoo Spiffy Consumer confidence hits six year high. Quick, someone blame Bush (325)
Daily Mail Obvious Britney Spears is officially single again. Line starts ... Hey, where did everybody go? (175)
(New Line Cinema) Amusing Surrender to the opportunity to win a trip to Paris. (Sponsored Link) (50)
BBC Strange Environmentalists stunning fish with electricity in effort to monitor falling numbers are discovering that fish frequently stunned by electricity are too freaked out to mate (30)
Reuters Stupid Headline: "Smoking one joint as bad as five cigarettes." Actual article: "five cigarettes" is the high end of the range, and only tobacco smokers develop emphysema. Oh, and nobody smokes two packs of joints per day (411)
(NY Sun) Silly Slow news day as the New York Sun defends against a Washington Post editorial which criticized... Oreo cookies. "It was a vicious and unwarranted attack on a perfectly respectable sandwich cookie" (79)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass What's that loud snorting sound? (76)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Man puts up naked mannequin display to offend his neighbors and the city of Sarasota, which is a city in a popular peninsula-shaped state (58)
Reuters Scary Hottest trend in Turkey is male belly dancing. There, now that submitter has put that image in your head, you can spend the rest of the day trying to get it out. You're welcome (91)
News.com.au Obvious Their research complete, Iran unveils its ultimate weapon. Said to be the largest of its kind ever developed in the world, as the peoples of all nations look on with fear and awe. That's right: Carpets of Mass Construction (49)
(WGAL) Silly Feds consider forcing alcohol producers to provide more ingredient information on label. Unclear whether Natural Light will finally admit to using all-natural mule urine (107)
News.com.au Weird Worshipper chops off own hand, offers it to Hindu goddess at temple. You know, most people just put a few bills in the collection plate (79)
(KSDK) Dumbass Yoiks and awaaaaaaaaay... BLAM. Yoiks, aaand..awaaaayyyyy... BLAM (102)
The Sun Dumbass School head ruins the new Harry Potter book for pupils by reading out the final page on the last day of term (223)
(Some Guy) PSA Spice Girls allow people to vote on cities for their upcoming reunion tour. Let's vote for them to appear in Baghdad, Iraq (253)
(MaineToday.com) Sick Maine man quite unhappy when a truckload of chicken manure spills all over his yard. And his cars, and his snowmobile, and his garage. "It was like a tsunami wave of hot chicken (manure)" (58)
(Cincy Enquirer) Amusing Judge invents choose-your-own-adventure style sentencing for library thief. If you want to pay restitution, turn to page 46. If you want to spend an extra 18 months in jail, turn to page 99 (54)
MSNBC Florida The problem with pretending to be pregnant with quadruplets to get lots of free stuff? People will eventually notice the lack of babies (59)
Canada.com Obvious "Deadly" petrol-driven rollerblades seized by British Customs, concerned that skates can reach 20 mph, with the falling and the gravel and the hurting and the FLAAAVIN (67)
CNBC Scary Rupert Murdoch acquires Dow Jones, completing the final piece of his empire. Ehhhxcellent (129)
(Macon.com) Dumbass Man who filed a false police report to say he had been shot by strangers is now facing Felony Dumbass charges, after his friend confessed that the man accidentally shot himself trying to put his loaded gun into his pocket (13)
BBC Obvious Damn, it feels good to give you asthma (116)
AP Strange Major Bollywood Movie star convicted of weapons charges and sentenced to six years in jail, broke down and wept in the courtroom, but then immediately transitioned into a peppy song and dance number (66)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bizarre death of the day goes to this sweaty man in Shanghai, who was electrocuted by his computer when he tore the external casing off the CPU to cool it down (167)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass If you've committed a murder but haven't been caught, you might not want to brag about it at a baby shower (69)
(Some Guy) Obvious "We cannot have intact testicles on government property... Sacramento is a testicle-free zone" (82)
London Times Interesting Guantanamo inmate suing the government... because he doesn't want to leave (145)
ABC 4 Asinine Utah school district to require random mandatory drug testing - for kids in high school band (355)
BBC Scary "After her boyfriend proposed to her on top of a mountain, Sharon Parry felt as if she was walking on air. Unfortunately, it wasn't her imagination" (69)
My San Antonio Amusing By applying the basic principles of the scientific method to the matter, we learn very quickly that the myth of the chupacabra is just that: utter crap. Unless, of course, it's a sweeps month (w/ video goodness) (89)
(Some Guy) Strange Peeping Tom falls through ceiling while spying on naked girl in tanning salon. And you thought this only happened in the movies (w/pic of perp and victim) (123)
Chicago Tribune Obvious New report from the Center for the Study of the Obvious: Tattoos may hinder employment opportunities. Ric Romero on the scene (249)
Google Photoshop Theme: Harry Potter characters, now that the series is finished (82)
Daily Mail Asinine An RAF typist who was valiantly injured in the line of duty receives nearly half a million pounds in compensation. Solider who lost his leg? Fifty quid and a bus pass (64)
Boston Herald Weird Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler and Franklin D. Roosevelt got stripped naked. Then it gets weird (29)
Guardian.com Stupid A 51 mile long stretch of Britain's M6 roadway is being improved at a cost of approximately $1,800 per inch (59)
Stuff Interesting Artist creates memorials by drawing pictures of the recently deceased with a pencil created from their ashes. Subby's deceased father would probably prefer the pencil be used on the latest racing form (35)
(OnPoint) Strange Step 1: Get in a car crash with your child in the car. Step 2: Have your child sue you. Step 3: Profit (71)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman gets awarded $20,000 in damages after her name was plastered all over the mens room. What a slut (84)

Mon July 30, 2007
CBC Amusing Judge says a bad writing contest winner committed "syntactic atrocity". "It's like he took two thoughts that are not anything like each other and crammed them together by any means necessary" (112)
ABC News Weird Apparently, in some far-off corner of the Universe Farkers know of not, redheads are not favored and-- in fact-- even LOATHED? (713)
(nbs5i.com) Unlikely Man stopped by police after a 45 minute dangerous high-speed chase through Dallas and surrounding counties calims he was only trying to get his sick cat to the vet (66)
IOL Strange When selling your apartment it's probably a good idea to take the chopped up body in your refrigerator with you (44)
ABC News Dumbass Senator Ted Stevens soon to realize just what "a series of tubes" really means (142)
(Some Reminiscent Guy) Photoshop Now that yet another classic cartoon has been made into a live-action movie, photoshop a scene or movie poster for another classic cartoon. Difficulty: No cartoons past 1990 (108)
(WCSH) Dumbass They used to provide security at Rolling Stones concerts, but now they just fight over doilies. Hells Angels arrested after antique mall brawl (44)
Arizona Star Interesting Mother is shocked and dismayed that somebody would remove the roadside memorial dedicated to her dead son -- two years after he was killed (311)
CNN Unlikely Study finds that the internet can be addictive. As if people would obsess over things like getting a submitted link approved (59)
Boston Herald Sad Rising cheese prices cut profits. No, you can't have affordable cheese. Nachos (115)
Rolling Stone Interesting "Ethanol hurts the environment and is more expensive than gasoline" (323)
Des Moines Register Sappy Ugly ass baby flamingo born at Des Moines Zoo (44)
CNN Asinine Apparently there's a marketplace for gadgets that remind you that you left your kid in the car, you irresponsible dumbass of a parent (92)
(The Randolph Herald) Amusing Do you wake up in the morning getting high? Do you think you can make a career out of getting high? Do you work well while high? If so, is there a job for you in Vermont (second paragraph) (72)
(Some Guy) Interesting 33 high school cheerleaders get into a fight in a dorm hallway at the end of a four-day cheerleading camp. There were no arrests, but dozens of male fans who witnessed the melee were treated at the scene for priapism (140)
Yahoo News Chief Justice John Roberts leans too far to the right, falls, gets taken to hospital (335)
Yahoo Interesting A combination of caffeine and exercise may prevent skin cancer. We're halfway there, Farkers (82)
WFTV Florida Mother to face felony charges after thief steals car with her baby inside (264)
ESPN Sad Former 49ers coach, football genius Bill Walsh has left the playing field (215)
AJC Stupid Georgia legislator thinks another Atlanta airport should be kept in the state. By state he means Tennessee (79)
(Some Creationist) Obvious Teaching evolutionism is a violation of the Establishment Clause and is unconstitutional (652)
ABC News Interesting The ACLU wants Jesus removed from the courtroom (745)
(Some Guy) Obvious Half of all U.S. employees work with a "workplace princess." "We defined this as a co-worker who had a special sense of entitlement or privilege" (182)
(Chattanoogan) Asinine No, you can't buy porn if you work for Department of Childrens' Services, even though it's perfectly legal. At least not in Tennessee (102)
Yahoo Dumbass And this is why we'll never have a woman president (270)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass 2 Fast, 2 Furious, and unable 2 avoid a parked semi (93)
(Jerusalem Post) Scary Israeli soldier, not afraid of terrorists, decides to lie down and take a nap in the middle of Hamas' hometown (62)
The Newspaper Scary Oakland, California decides all those cameras watching intersections would make really handy general purpose surveillance cameras (151)
SLTrib Obvious Woman talks so much her would-be rapist gives up and leaves (124)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Baseball fan gets hit by foul ball and generates the perennial "do we need more safety features at ballparks?" story (167)
CNN Interesting New trade magazine for prostitutes is unveiled, but the magazine title is a bit boring. Perhaps Fark can come up with a better one? (185)
WSAZ Obvious Man dies after driving off of an unfinished bridge. This could've been avoided if it had a cop motor, cop tires, cop shocks, and ran good on regular gas (86)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this French Mirage fighter taking off from the USS Enterprise (73)
(Some Guy) Ironic Monster.com to slash 800 jobs. If only there was a website where they could post their resumes (82)
Fox News Interesting NYC auctions off 500 pounds of foreign coins from parking meters because it's too time-consuming to exchange them (27)
(WKBW) Hero That's not a knife. THIS is a knife (120)
TampaBays10.com Florida Woman decides that Chuck E. Cheese would make a better parent than she would (66)
AP Obvious Kayaker: "And now here's my impression of PT 109" (47)
TampaBays10.com Florida If your new bride doesn't want to move in with you, but takes the big diamond ring, the cosmetic surgery, the motorcycle, and the sportscar you gave her - something might be up. With mugshot goodness (100)
(Some Guy) Florida There Can Be Only One (toothless redneck in this trailer) (32)
iWon Amusing William McGonagall fans campaigning to put him in pantheon of literary greats as "World's Worst Poet." No comment from the Vogons (49)
(Global Air) Interesting As American youth wise-up and realize the Army free college tuition plan may include a no-charge body bag, parents are being asked to talk to their children about joining-up (548)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Ozzy Osbourne fine after undergoing surgery. Vows to return to hospital and have 170-lb nagging red-headed growth removed from his wallet next (49)
(The Age) Obvious American low-wage earners brought to Australia as examples of how bad it could get (93)
How Stuff Works Interesting How s#?@ works (144)
BBSpot Obvious After going to an all-ad format, CNN.com looking for ways to put news in ads (55)
Fox News Cool Iraq has one peaceful day, due to all the insurgents staying home to watch soccer (55)
The Sun Dumbass Survival expert Bear Grylls faked a bear attack by getting a colleague to dress up as one (179)
CBS Salt Lake City Asinine Iran is upset about US arms deal with Saudis and claims it will destabilize region. In other news, Iran continues working on nuclear weapons that surely will not destabilize the region at all (124)
My Fox Dallas Scary Today's "news helicopter crashes" story brought to you by FOX 4 Dallas. Everyone survived this one, thankfully (46)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida ranks second in abstinence funding, hopefully preventing future Florida residents from being born (65)
Guardian.com Interesting Iranian officials: "The rush to process uranium is to generate electricity". Western journalists: "Ummmmm... where are the power stations?" (275)
CNN Scary Thor disapproves of your mountain climbing (55)
Yahoo Amusing Nothing quite says "I love you" like a photo frame made from panda feces (23)
(Some Guy) Interesting Top 100 items to disappear first during a national emergency (187)
AP Amusing LMAO, Txtr 4got 2 use xclim8n point & l0st grnd prize1one11 (67)
The Sun Followup “The problem with shark-hunting in Britain is no one’s really got a big enough boat." says fisherman vowing to catch British Great White (56)
Fox News Obvious Cute and smart is better than cute and dumb which is better than ugly and smart (147)
Yahoo Stupid Pro-Taliban militants seize the Red Mosque in Pakistan to protest last week's storming of the mosque by the Pakistani army-which was done to root out the pro-Taliban militants who had siezed control of the mosque. Lather. Rinse. Repeat (131)
(KSDK) Strange Where does your MySpace profile go to when you die? To MyDeathSpace, of course (98)
UPI Interesting Guilt can reinforce positive social behaviors. You'd know that if you would just click the link, but nooooo, you're too busy and important. I go to all this trouble to write this headline, and you can't even click on the link (75)
BBC Amusing Male stripper who dresses as a cop facing charges of impersonating a police office and "having batons in public" (pic) (41)
(Some Guy) Cool Croatians get to witness a kickass bolide meteor tear overhead this morning. With video (106)
Fox News Sad Legendary late-night broadcast pioneer Tom Snyder dead at 71. Fire up a colortini in remembrance (136)
Reuters Spiffy 84-year-old Polish woman still skydives, quoted as saying: "I survived World War II and wasn't afraid, so what's there to be afraid of now?" (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these leaves (42)
News.com.au Hero Grandpa Hilton to Paris: No, you can't have your $60M inheritance. Not yours (528)
Canoe Strange Man survives lightning strike for the second time. 27 years to the day after the first one (61)
News.com.au Strange Man breaks cycling record of 111 hours on an exercise bike. Expected to be recognized by the Guiness book as soon as he passes his blood doping test (27)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Interesting Hollywood is putting pigeons on the pill to reduce their population. San Juan Capistrano says that won't be needed for their swallows (42)
Washington Post Obvious Scientific study says men make more money than women because they are more aggressive. Do you have a problem with that? (121)
Daily Mail Stupid British health system tells 108-year-old woman she'll have to wait the standard 18 months before she can get a hearing aid (337)
Daily Mail Obvious The 100 greatest moments in British food. And the 100 greatest moment in British food hell. Guess which one the deep-fried Mars bar is in? (110)
SFGate Obvious Although it sounded great on paper, San Francisco's plan to hand out 2 million syringes to drug users isn't working out so well (266)
AP Weird Ok, I mean, we all know that 3 year olds act possessed most of the time - but this is taking it a little far (128)



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