GoogleWeb Fark
Sun August 19, 2007
UPI Obvious The nation's hip-hop community embraces Barack Obama, dubs him "B-Rock" -- which is sure to go over well with Iowa voters (30)
CBS Philadelphia Stupid Senator from NJ, apparently with no other worthwhile things to do, proposes a Bon Jovi song as the state's official song (25)
Guardian.com Obvious Carbon monoxide leak sends Virginia Tech students to hospital, sparks pro-CO nuts to call for all students to be armed with CO tanks so they can defend themselves (76)
SFGate Interesting European survey says Americans are the second best tourists overall .... also the shabbiest dressers and most likely to complain. Worst overall you ask? The French (107)
(Post Chronicle) Florida Florida woman unexpectedly leaves 60's singer Connie Francis $300,000 in her will. Then it gets weird (49)
SLTrib Dumbass Today's "Man shoots self in the yambag while fleeing police" story brought to you by the nation's most republican state (66)
Kansas City Dumbass Old Scam: Nigerian Banks. New Scam: Buried gold, repeating the Rosary, building an altar to a pagan god and laying $45k on it all (38)
Herald Tribune Florida Man buys a medical clinic and decides to start playing doctor. Jailarity ensues (30)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Chef Gordon Ramsay (45)
Miami Herald Florida Rare 10-foot long Florida crocodile considered somewhat of a neighborhood mascot ..... until he decided to turn a boxer from a resident's backyard into a quick lunch (80)
Chicago Tribune Obvious Elvira Arellano, the illegal immigrant who has been holed up in a Chicago church since last year and took her activism to the road this week, gets arrested (258)
Daily Mail Obvious It's nothing your wife doesn't tell you six times a week, but scientific poll finds women regret their choice of spouse more than men, with one in five wishing they could go back in time and marry someone else (206)
Miami Herald Florida Restaurant manager tries to bribe state inspector with cash and gold teeth. ''This woman, the inspector, she doesn't have good teeth. Some were missing,'' Jailarity ensues (11)
(El Passo Times) Weird Man stabbed at Hiney's restaurant makes his way 4½ miles to a Hooter's restaurant seeking medical help. Apparently all of the other female anatomy restaurants between Hiney's and Hooter's were already closed for the night (48)
(Some Guy) Obvious World's oldest blob of chewing gum found in Finland. This article would be just fine without pictures of a 5,000-year-old chunk of Juicy Fruit, but they're there (32)
(Some Guy) Obvious "A show called Circus Of Horrors lived up to its name when a dwarf accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner" (77)
(KSL.com) Obvious 911 Operator: "I know where you are." 7yr old: (giggles) "No you don't" (127)
This Is Local London Interesting BBC decides to stop calling Jesus a B.A.S.T.A.R.D. - Jesus' dad unavailable for comment as he's too busy smiting BBC officials (128)
(Some Guy) Interesting There has been a "disturbing rise" in pirate attacks. Global warming nay-sayers frantically searching for new statistical strawman (97)
Yahoo Sick Boiled octopus, goose barnacles, and $160 per pound ham make it clear that the Spanish don't want people eating there (76)
News.com.au Sad Grog, porn bans begin next week and the pirate community is all "aaargh" over it (93)
(Sunday Herald) Interesting In an effort to create a vehicle less safe than China's Chery, India's Tata Motors to produce a $2,400 plastic car (123)
First Coast News Cool Former monk on path to become Army's first Buddhist chaplain. Where is your karma now? (105)
NYPost Obvious The Department of Justice wants movie producers to give them an official list of every porn star in America, complete with photos. Perverts (189)
(Some Guy) Obvious Half of all cats and dogs in the UK are now overweight and need to spend more time exercising and less time in LOL threads (76)
SMH Dumbass Man complains when his heart stops after drinking eight Red Bulls. Dumbass tag thinks he should be happy it didn't explode (170)
UPI Interesting Psychiatrist: "Internet addiction should be grouped with extreme addictive disorders such as gambling, sex addiction and kleptomania" (165)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Karl Rove's future after leaving the White House (73)
Yahoo Scary That monster ad, for that monster job you've been searching for on that monster job search website? Really a monster trojan that stole a monster amount of identities for monster hackers (49)
(F'burg.com) Stupid Why is it news when a waitress calls in to a talk show to laud the minimum wage hike? (209)
BBC Unlikely You know who else likes champagne? (79)
Guardian.com Obvious More proof that kids today have it made (63)
(Chattanoogan) Amusing Violent protestor disrupts anti-tax "tea party" in a vicious attack with... a water balloon. Handcuffalarity still ensued (38)
ZDNet Spiffy Blogger gives props to Fark for number of hits and to Photoshoppers' skillz: "Think about the power that could be harnessed if this group was specifically organized and coordinated toward a common objective" (106)
(Some Dobbs) Followup Hottie SubGenius Mom gets her son back because the dad gets his third DUI (154)
(Some Guy) News Inland hurricane hits Oklahoma. I-40 closed. 8-9 inches in parts of OKC. Seriously God, WTF? (218)
(Some Guy) Followup The Utah miners are presumed dead. No signs of life are seen. Sadly, it seems will be left to die where they fell. Brave men, all. RIP (178)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this wedding shot (104)
(palmbeachpost.com) Unlikely iChurch thinks using iPods will help get the iHeathens into iHeaven (61)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this long-jump landing (39)
CBS News Sad Australian woman humped to death (151)
MSNBC Ironic Saudis plan fence around Iraqi border, a 560-mile barricade designed to keep out extremists. No word yet on any effect it will have on migrant workers (89)
CBS Chicago Scary If your diet drink tastes sharp and edgy it's probably because it has Chinese made aspartame mixed with metal shavings (145)
UPI Sad The last rhinoceros in the Houston Zoo has died of old age. Feel free to snark, he had a pretty thick skin (36)
Sun Sentinel Florida Wayward parasail drags two teenage girls through second story hotel roof and across building before rope breaks, dropping them into palm tree, then another palm tree. No "Ta-Da" yet (57)

Sat August 18, 2007
Canada.com Scary Baby carrots recalled due to faulty dirt (71)
(My Plainview) Dumbass Prosecutor sleeps with mother of victim in one case and with mother of the defendant in another. Can't be more fair than that (47)
CBC Scary Court in France Two orders school board to re-hire teacher, who was fired because he sorta, kinda forgot to tell the school board he is a convicted killer (79)
Stuff Obvious Why do people look younger and younger all the time? Formaldehyde-rich spiderman pajamas from China (98)
(Some Clog) Photoshop Photoshop this giant clog (63)
Guardian.com Interesting TV show will feature Muslims lecturing Christians they're all wrong about Jesus and he was never crucified (338)
(WebUrbanist) Followup Google Street View moves to new cities, catches new lurkers, gawkers, and unbelievably obese people ... oh and OJ Simpson sharpening knives (58)
Guardian.com Followup Medicare will no longer pay for hospital mistakes, invokes "you broke it, you bought it" policy (82)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman arrested after taking her boyfriend for unwilling ride on roof of her Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder (34)
MSNBC News Seven-alarm fire erupts at Deutsche Bank, NYC Ground Zero. Two firefighters critically injured (264)
1010WINS Dumbass If you see your neighbor being led away by the police, don't walk over and offer $50 for all the meth (33)
Denver Channel Amusing Colorado officials amazed to be flooded with complaints after removing a bullet-ridden road sign with a typo (71)
Denver Channel Dumbass When planning the perfect murder, using a rattlesnake, DON'T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT (36)
Herald Tribune Florida Girl: "Umm guys, I think a shark just bit me..." Guys: "Yeah, ri - SWEET BABY JESUS - where's the rest of your side?" (80)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Silly Today's sighting of Virgin Mary brought to you by a dripping vat of chocolate. No, really [w/video report] (84)
Daily Mail Interesting Shakespeare's plays being rewritten as comic strips for pretards who find his poetry boring (164)
USA Today Strange Weirdest things found in hotel room include "a dirty adult diaper" and "my girlfiend ... while I was with someone else." 9.2% of survey respondents had also "rented hotel room by the hour" (69)
News.com.au Stupid Telephone company puts woman on hold for a total of twenty hours. In other news, woman with apparently too much time on her hands stays on her phone while being put on hold for twenty hours (45)
Daily Mail Obvious "Beer goggles" stop teens from drunk-driving, cause them to wake up with that pudgy cashier from the Piggly-Wiggly and a strange genital itch (44)
MSNBC Sick Subjects of a 1930's experiment called "The Monster Study" that attempted to induce stuttering in children through harassment awarded $925,000 each in damages. Psychologists at Stanford seen looking nervous (113)
(Some Guy) Scary Man suffering from a stroke gets left on a bench at the Orlando airport for three days before anyone figures out something is wrong (54)
Reuters Sappy Spencer Tunick strikes again: Hundreds pose naked on Swiss glacier, against that global warming thingie(w/micro-nudity) (75)
(NY Times) Obvious It's simply stunning that parents of children who participated in a no-supervision child reality show are suggesting that their children were injured due to a lack of supervision (98)
Canoe Amusing Best. perp. name. ever (317)
The Register Unlikely American Airlines is the latest company to claim you can't search for them unless you're searching for them, and so no one else can either so there (78)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Weathervanes (44)
(Statesman.com) Sappy Couple celebrates 50th anniversary at burger place of their first date. Today, the date would've made him a sex offender (126)
(NBC13) Amusing Want to get on TV? In a newspaper? On a billboard? In Birmingham, AL you will soon be able to pay for this service and all you have to do is offer the nice lady standing on the corner a few bucks (59)
Yahoo Interesting Detroit may have finally figured out how to get people to come back - build more casinos. Private police force still being debated (49)
Yahoo Scary Owner calls SPCA to unload pet he can no longer care for - "This spider is so aggressive, it will bite you just to bite you. This is the kind of spider that nightmares are made of." Suck it, clock spider (217)
(Wvgazette.com) Asinine Satan purchases ad space to vent his frustration with local church (w/photo) (446)
Cleveland Ironic Public defender jailed for attempting to properly represent his client. Apparently forgot PDs aren't supposed to try (95)
(Lubbock Online) Scary Fight in a gun store? That's a stabbin' (w/ scariest mugshot you'll ever see) (104)
Examiner Followup Michael Vick in legal trouble again. When will the insanity end? (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shoe (67)
(NBC 5) Cool I can has parachute? Cat survives 18-story fall (397)
The Sun Cool When a crocodile eats a shark, The Sun is there (pics) (52)
The Smoking Gun Amusing I'd hit it, but somebody else already did. The Smoking Gun presents a black eye mugshot gallery (110)
MSNBC NewsFlash Plane hijacked in Turkey by self-proclaimed al Qaida members, passengers reportedly released. Pilot asks hijacker if he's ever been in a Turkish prison (182)
Toronto Star Unlikely Popular evangelist explains why his followers don't mind donating money to him: "They believe that God heals and they want to see something like this go on. They also understand it takes money to rent stadiums." (176)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Police offer free shoes for unwanted guns, get over 250 guns and a missile launcher. Forget it Jake, it's Florida (152)
CBS Miami Florida State provides a self-medicating morphine pump for inmate in a wheelchair with MS who was sentenced to 25 years for illegally possessing 100 percocets that he was using to self-medicate his chronic pain (159)
(WJLA-7) Spiffy Megamillions closing in on $150 million, Powerball jackpot hits $210 million -- never has Rev. Jack's misery been so within reach to so many (56)
Telegraph Obvious The Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa voted "most disappointing tourist attractions". Sacre bleu (213)
Reuters Sad Nearly 200 missing after flood overtakes mine in China. Trifecta complete (59)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these old guys walking (83)

Fri August 17, 2007
(News-Press) Florida Ugly-ass baby jaguar finally makes it's public debut at the Brevard Zoo (pics) (54)
NYPost Interesting If you're in Harlem and you see Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley walking your way, turn around and run (81)
(myfoxDC) Misc Two female prison guards charged with sleeping with inmate. Mugshots remind us just how fake those Skinemax movies are (95)
(Nat'l Hurricane Center) Followup Hurricane Dean upgraded to Category Four, continues with Jamaican vacation (205)
(Some Hairball) Interesting Artist creates art out of seven and a half miles of human hair. ''I know it probably has some other meaning, When I think of it, I don't think of that other meaning. I just think of, like, hair.'' (67)
London Times Interesting The world's 25 most ridiculous laws. Some of them were not passed by the Bush administration (182)
AP Sad 8-year-old girl afraid of hurricanes decides to leave her new home in Florida and ride her bike back to Ohio (88)
MSNBC Amusing Virginia is for gang bangers (72)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Two residents said they were scared to leave their home on the Fourth Of July because of their neighbor's fireworks. And since they don't like fireworks, the two argue that fireworks should be banned from the entire city (56)
SFGate Dumbass As if all the banking mistakes they make weren't enough, Bank Of America employees lock 73-year-old woman in branch office when they close up for the day (36)
Yahoo Unlikely "This job has been such a pleasant surprise in how much I like it. I love it." (227)
ABC News Followup Hurricane threat may force Endeavour to land in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and Florida earlier than planned (212)
(Some Spiegel) Cool German made organic soda ready to take on the world, with flavors like elderberry, raspberry, and snozzberry. And the snozzberries really taste like snozzberries (87)
SeattlePI Dumbass Arkansas bill would allow children of any age, even toddlers, to wed with parental consent. State legislature says it's just a mistake in the wording. Suuuuuuuuure (151)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these citrus fruits (89)
This Is Local London Scary Is that the deadly radioactive isotope Polonium-210 in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (63)
ABC News Interesting Police across U.S. facing ammunition shortage because troops in Iraq are using up so much of the nation's strategic bullet reserve (214)
(Some Moptop) Florida Man attempts robbery wearing a mop on his head. Stupid disguise trifecta in play (38)
ABC News Amusing College kids everywhere alarmed by Instant Noodle price-fixing scandal. Who can afford 15 whole cents for lunch???? (88)
STLToday Obvious One-stop shopping reaches logical extreme as police share space with doughnut shop (31)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Bonds sold steroids to nuns, and hid the rest in the hollow portion of Hank Aaron's bat. The Smoking Gun is there (102)
(The Olympian) Spiffy Paintballers allowed to redecorate auto yard before its scheduled demolition. (Bonus: Angry libs talking about promoting gun violence in comments section) (139)
(KSL.com) Followup Federal mine-safety official says the underground search for six miners has been suspended indefinitely after deaths of three rescuers (118)
(Some Glacier Surfer) Strange One good thing to come out of global warming: The glacial surfing is better than ever (63)
Yahoo Dumbass If you can't stop yourself from sending voicemails that say "the only good Arab is a dead Arab" and "fark the Arabs... they will burn in hellfire," then perhaps senior U.S. diplomat is not the right career choice for you (371)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Obvious FDA warns against feeding codeine to infants. Exhausted parents look longingly at the Sudafed bottle (97)
Yahoo Asinine Dutch priest fined for early morning church bell ringing. Points out that it's not uncommon for men to ring their bells first thing in the morning (42)
(Metro) Weird Boy hooks a real big one while fishing. Unfortunately, it was a scuba diver. With awesome artist's representation of the event (52)
(St. Clair Record) Stupid Photographer sues church after walking on water (85)
11 Alive Dumbass Man discovers alligator in creek while vacationing in Pennsylvania, does the only logical thing one can do in that situation: he dives in and wrestles that sucker (64)
Yahoo Obvious Could Abramoff's taint affect the '08 elections? Analysts say voters could go nuts over it, or it could slip through the cracks, but it'll likely be somewhere in between (86)
Valleywag News Fark founder accuses FoxTV Memphis television reporter of hacking (728)
CNN Followup Hurricane Dean prepares for Jamacia by upgrading to Category 3, mon (102)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police replace normal air in their police car tires with nitrogen to save money, apparently not realizing that regular air is already mostly nitrogen (215)
CBS Sacramento Hero Five-year-old boy helps his mom deliver his baby sister. Luckily, he'll have lots of time to get that image out of his mind (70)
FARK Followup Day Crew reminder: Indianapolis/GenCon Fark party, 8:00 p.m. tonight at Vito's on Penn. Drew will be there. LGT previous threads (15)
Yahoo Interesting "The Internet is the new Afghanistan" (109)
iWon Dumbass If you think your friend is playing a prank by appearing to a rob store with a gun, you might want to make sure it's him before going up and grabbing him in playful manner (30)
(Some Guy) Sick Man sues McDonald's over bloody Band-Aid in food, even though it probably had more nutritional value than the burger (71)
Bangor Daily News Interesting Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Reward offered for stolen blueberries (50)
Fox News Cool Chocolate is better than fluoride for your teeth. Suck it, Alcoa (63)
(The Local) Amusing Scotsman runs up $20,000 restaurant bill before finding there are no deep-fried Mars bars on the dessert menu. Refuses to pay. Jailarity ensues (48)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Police: 1, crazy naked guy: 0 (61)
(NY Sun) Cool Want to meet that hottie at the dog park but don't have a dog? No problem, simply rent a pet (76)
(Some Guy) Survey In honor of the 25th birthday of the compact disc: Can you remember the first CD you ever purchased? (974)
BBC Obvious WHO warns against Beijing pollution, urges people to carpool, ride magic bus (63)
Canada.com Spiffy Man fights off bear with hunting knife, making your day at work seem even lamer than usual (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to stage a shooting to frame your son for your attempted murder, don't leave a to-do list where the police can find it (28)
(Some Guy) Plug How these 11 nerds managed to score with the opposite sex is a mystery. (Sponsored Link) (45)
(SeacoastOnline) Unlikely Childhood obesity can lead to missed school, drug use, and... teen pregnancy? (148)
iWon Scary Man eating sandwich behind wheel chokes, blacks out, and hits another car. Seat belt administers "Heimlich" maneuver, causing him to wake up. Taa-daa (77)
Newsweek Obvious Apparently, society is getting tired of whiny, cross-dressing emo boys as manly men are making a comeback (with pic that doesn't help the cause) (424)
Canada.com Asinine City plans to fine victims of graffiti, because it's a lot easier than catching the perpetrators (78)
News.com.au Strange Add one more item to your list of how to silence your political opponents: Poisoned underpants (45)
(Some Guy) Amusing Eleven of the 2,324 possible Texas felonies can only be committed with an oyster. None of those require sex-offender registration (81)
Arizona Star Amusing Not news: Knot noose. News: Noose. Fark: Not noose (119)
Newsday Scary No matter how important your meeting might seem, it's definitely over when an 18-wheeler drives into your conference room (30)
Houston Chronicle Stupid Actual headline: "At some stores, Christmas season is already under way" (117)
AFP Amusing Cop was having sex while on duty, but court acquits him of charges because he was in constant radio contact and could have responded to any emergency (78)
(Enfield Independent) Asinine Whiner complains about big model of a crashed WW2 German fighter because it has swastika and might frighten children. Model builder, 81, who actually spent WW2 fighting the Germans, tells him to man up (205)
(Some Holy Roller) Interesting Chinese police raid Vacation Bible School. Millions of bored American kids hope vainly for same (80)
Click On Detroit Interesting How do you know when your deputies are underpaid? When their wives turn to prostitution. With pic of said wife (wear your goggles) (89)
(myTelus) Amusing Goat farmer wins millions. If he moves his family to Beverly Hills, he's practically guaranteed a TV show (17)
(Albany Times Union) Obvious Food prices taking a big chunk of people's money, but the truly shocking part of the story is that half of families earn below the median family income. HALF (334)
Rocky Mountain News Scary If you're ever in this guy's meeting, don't tell him what time it is, because his watch says that it's beatin' time (70)
News.com.au Amusing Because your "first time" should be special and memorable, be sure to use lots of candles so the fire brigade can be there to congratulate you and the media can put your naked, sooty photos in the paper (253)
Yahoo Spiffy Federal Reserve cuts discount rate by 0.5 percent to stem melting markets (425)
(UpstateToday) Amusing "...who at the time was staying with their mother -- a self-confessed drug attic." Wait, what? (62)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this cat staring down a garden gnome (147)
(Some Guy) Ironic Wal-Mart comes up with brilliant idea: Open some small stores, sort of like a neighborhood grocery. Why didn't anyone think of this before? (177)
(The Trentonian) Cool Concealing merchandise under your shirt is difficult when you're shoplifting topless (51)
Discover Interesting Rip Van Winkle Disease causes adolescents to sleep for weeks, binge or become hypersexual. In other words, they act exactly like teenagers (91)
(The Age) Spiffy News: Local business offers discount with gas receipt. Not news: The business is a brothel. Fark: The scheme is called "Pump and Save" (48)
(NZ Herald) Dumbass You're a newly arrived Canadian tourist. You encounter heavily tattooed skinheads. Do you: A) Walk away? B) Run away? Or C) Invite them out for drinks while boasting about being an ex-gangsta? (103)
Guardian.com Dumbass Hotel mistakes Nobel Peace Prize winner for bag lady; does the humane thing and throws her out of the building (152)
CNN Sad Coalition death toll in Iraq reaches the 4000 mark (487)
News.com.au Dumbass Bus drivers accused of drag racing, running red lights and endangering the lives of passengers. Otto unavailable for comment (32)
My Fox Dallas Interesting Garage-sale coloring book for kids: $2. Original ink sketches for Avengers comics found inside: $48,000. Handcuffs at the art appraisers because sketches are stolen: Priceless (94)
The Sun Asinine Coroner's assistant sues government because he suffered "mental trauma" after having to deal with dead bodies as part of his job (63)
Yahoo Followup Three rescue workers confirmed dead in Utah mine (166)
(Tom Brady) Photoshop With football season approaching, photoshop this picture of Tom Brady looking very special (91)
(Some Guy) Interesting The same soft powder used to prevent painful chafing between the thighs of marathoners, on babies' bottoms, and in new hiking boots may also prevent California from sinking into the ocean (54)
TBO Florida Todays "Bank robber captured after leaving his resume and photo at scene" story brought to you by the great sunshine state (14)
(1330 WHBL) Followup FOLLOW UP tag going for record with 3 years under its belt (34)
Telegraph Interesting Top six surnames that reveal a pirate ancestry. No word on Ninjas (105)
(Some Monsters and Critics) Obvious The most shocking story of the century: Siegfriend and Roy have announced that they're gay (158)
SFGate Amusing Life on the iList: Kathy Griffin dating Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak (115)
ABC News Scary One of Alaska's largest and most active volcanoes getting ready to massively improve the state (83)
Yahoo Obvious Fewer than four out of ten Americans now believe that premarital sex is wrong. Giggity (123)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement dares to drop D.A.R.E. anti-drug education program, after realizing it doesn't do anything (126)
Guardian.com Followup This week's "world's oldest person" found in Shelbyville, IN. She likes a man who wears an onion on his belt (38)
Yahoo Cool Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl (103)

Thu August 16, 2007
(Some 1st Amendment Lover) Followup $80,000 (118)
Yahoo Spiffy Biden: His time (72)
CBS New York Hero "I had to kill him." NYPD agrees, lets 14-year-old slide (119)
Yahoo Followup NASA decides no shuttle repairs needed. This should end well (113)
MSNBC NewsFlash Ambulances race to Utah mine after report of another collapse (281)
(The EP Rollers) Cool Police in El Paso, TX stun Star Wars nerds and Cryptozoologists by arresting an actual Ewok (85)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this midflight hummingbird (89)
Wonkette Followup Horrific photographic evidence suggests that Jenna's got a bun in the oven (372)
Newsweek Asinine Taking water through the airport checkpoint? That's a cavity search. Not taking your shoes of at the airport? That's a cavity search. Not smiling or looking happy enough at the airport? You better believe that's a cavity search (234)
(U. of Washington) Followup Disney to University of Washington: Retract news release on research on effects of "Baby Einstein" videos. UW President: Suck it (114)
SLTrib Hero Paperboy alerts family to housefire, demands $2 (81)
CNN Dumbass U.S. spy director says, "[Using satellites to watch us] will also help with security during natural disasters. Spy satellites were used for Hurricane Katrina efforts." And look how well that worked (163)
Yahoo Interesting 800 year-old gold cross seized by the Nazis and missing since WWII is found by a dumpster diver in Austria. Police still mystified how it got all the way to the Land Down Under (148)
Fox News Interesting Good news: Testosterone patch improves sexual desire in women. Bad news: Testosterone patch causes women to grow man sized testicles (176)
ABC Action News Florida Today's "prostitution sting mugshot" thread brought to you by New Port Richey. It's a man, baby (267)
Yahoo NewsFlash Padilla iced, iced baby. Yes, that is how it is pronounced (463)
Forbes Spiffy Jenna Bush gets engaged; open bar at the wedding reception intuitively obvious to the casual observer (230)
Yahoo Obvious Pentagon paid South Carolina company nearly $1 million to ship two 19-cent washers to Texas. This is unusual, as most of the 19-cent washers in Texas come from Mexico (162)
(Channel4) Amusing On the less sinister side of Wikipedia editing, someone in the Tory party central office thinks baby warthogs smell of poo (38)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Newspapers gives handsome Farker his own blog. Suits say, "Get some web hits or else," making throat-slash jesture. Stand back and behold Fark's major awesomeness (1198)
Denver Channel Amusing Couple sees Jesus in kitchen cabinet. Apparently the J-man had a wicked forehead tattoo (168)
ZDNet Cool German scientists claim to have broken the light-speed barrier and gone straight to plaid (197)
(Some Guy) Sad ♪♫ Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature rising ♪♫ (75)
ABC News Followup New Images in Mine Cause for Optimism. According to the pic in this article they are fine, have hot chicks with them, and are making out with them. (With really inappropriate pic) (107)
Marketwatch Obvious "This market is going down like free beer. ... I would say if there had been a day when we're trying to price in a worst-case scenario, this might be it." (169)
My Fox Milwaukee Amusing Reporter crashes racing toilet, doesn't realize she's live (73)
(Lansing State Journal) Strange The two-toed sloth is still on the loose in Lansing, MI. Everybody walk for your lives (second article) (54)
(Some Guy) Sad The passengers are revolting, and it's about time (204)
(Break.com) Video How not to impress the opposite sex: perform a faceplant right in front of them while showing off. (Sponsored Link) (28)
CNN Unlikely Boomers in the media claim that their sagging, wrinkled, counterparts in Hollywood are still sexy (156)
(Some Dwarf) Cool Gamers take second jobs to begin saving for new sourcebooks as Wizards of the Coast announce D&D 4th Edition coming soon (352)
Gawker Amusing We're in ur magazeen, puttin werds on ur mo-duhls (103)
(Law.com) PSA In case there was any confusion, Judge rules that using the Wayback Machine is NOT computer hacking. Nostalgic farkers rejoice (45)
St. Pete Times Florida Another rising GOP star goes down in flames following arrest for larceny (139)
Yahoo Amusing Chinese couple tries to name their baby "@" because it roughly translates to "love him" in Mandarin. Does you know where I can get one of those little gold 'T's? That's a cross. Across from where? (99)
(Wilmington Star) Followup That 40-year-old coach who married the 16-year-old student? You just knew it wouldn't be long before the lawsuits began, didn't you? (184)
CNN Strange Man tosses wife over balcony, but not before giving her a kiss good-bye. So it's okay then (115)
(NewsChannel 5) Interesting Horse found with axe protruding from head. Skull-splitting hilarity ensues. (Includes pics and video) (123)
(Hollywood Reporter) Interesting ABC's "20/20" is investigating Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Pervert." No word on if it will air on CBS or Fox (306)
Boston Globe Asinine Undercover police officer's plan to check bar for underage drinkers fails when he forgets to bring his ID, decides instead to arrest bar owner for "impeding a public officer" (127)
Washington Post Followup NASA opts not to repair gouged shuttle tiles. Mission control seen crossing fingers (131)
Canoe Amusing Man, 350 pounds and wearing a pink tu-tu, wins the national cannonball title (49)
(WebbAlert) Plug Uber-hottie Morgan Webb mentions Fark again today on her vlog (267)
iWon Sad Thirty years ago, Elvis Presley became the butt of jokes forever (106)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this high-flying poser (97)
(All Africa) Strange I'll see your "cheerleading coach sleeps with student" and raise you a "teacher involved in a nude dancing orgy with students" (47)
(The Age) Amusing Outrage: Owner on alert after man enters Australian bookshop and defaces bestsellers. Embarrassment: It was the author signing his name. Kill me quickly: Author was Stephen King (65)
(tPC) Silly Pornstar Mia Rose no longer welcome at "World Of Warcraft." It appears the geeks at Blizzard Entertainment didn't appreciate "World of Whorecraft" as much as others did (179)
St. Pete Times Florida It has been 86 years since a major hurricane hit Tampa Bay. Hoo boy, those trailer parks need cleaning (33)
(LVRJ) Strange Jabba the Hutt falls asleep in court, sexually harrasses a bailiff, wants to kill the convict it is married to and tries to scare a witness by using an old Jedi mind trick (142)
Telegraph Strange The network that brought you "Designer Vaginas" and "World's Biggest Penis" will entertain you this fall with their new television program, "Drug Binge TV" (52)
(Some Guy) Florida Naked man explains to police that he thought he was at a nude beach (42)
(Some Hamptoner) Dumbass Didn't pay your 15-year-old stripper for the show? That's a shootin' (63)
Yahoo Ironic Giuliani's repeated assertions that he was exposed to health risks like the firefighters at Ground Zero now raise questions about whether he can sustain his health as president (156)
Washington Post Strange DC police somehow manage to place woman in male detention unit. After strip searching her (73)
(WLBZ2.com) Obvious A lawyer from Maine has been suspended for five years for taking a client's $14,000 and doing nothing in return. If this case sets any precedent, we all should be lawyer-free soon (52)
IOL Scary Man frustrated because hospitals refuse to help him. Which is bad, because he's limping around with a bullet in his groin (68)
Fox News Interesting Fetus gets its own profile on Facebook. Suck it, Planned Parenthood (162)
(Star Gazette) Amusing Man stopped in robbery attempt by french-fry grease (31)
Local6 Florida When asked why he burnt down a 7000-foot house, man replies, "I don't know. Jesus asked me all kinds of questions" (69)
MSNBC Dumbass Man pleads guilty for glass-eating scheme targeting restaurants and grocery stores in order to bilk insurers. May we suggest the chardonnay? (62)
(SunJournal.com) Dumbass Massachusetts man charged with assault with a deadly water balloon (73)
CBC Amusing Bigfoot found in Canada. Oscar Goldman and The Office of Strategic Investigations dispatched (85)
London Times Unlikely In an effort to give them a "cooler" image with kids, police to be taught how to skateboard. Submitter looking forward to pursuit footage (58)
Fox News Asinine Terribly distraught over the deaths of Chris Benoit and family, his mother-in-law wants to know the order in which the family died... to determine how much money her family will get (76)
Telegraph Silly Playing loud music late at night is bad, but when it's Wham's "Last Christmas" non-stop, it's just plain insanity. Especially in May (41)
Fox News Sad Someone has apparently left the drain plug out on the Great Lakes. The cement overshoes and three-eyed fish may soon be visible (100)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Bottles (54)
London Times Sappy Otter doesn't like swimming. Perhaps, like most Farkers, he fears shrinkage (45)
St. Pete Times Florida Guy arrested for DUI tells police he thought he was in Rochester, New York. Tag to left of this headline should let you know he was off a bit (55)
Fox News Interesting Legend of mystery visitor to Edgar Allan Poe's grave revealed (85)
Yahoo Interesting We want those baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs back (40)
Local6 Florida Today's "woman hoards 30 diseased cats, two dogs, and a potbelly pig with testicles the size of a basketball" story brought to you by Palm Bay (63)
News.com.au Cool In a shocking coincidence, man who suffered a heart attack at a hardware store revived by salesman who just happened to be demonstrating a defibrillator to store staff. Clear (49)
MSNBC Sad Army suicides at highest levels in 26 years (258)
Yahoo Asinine First wave of iPhone bills a staggering 300+ pages (204)
(Palestine Herald) Strange Prosecutors surprised to discover naked man walking around local courthouse. "When we asked him what his name was, he said he was a friend of Jesus" (38)
Google Cool NYC Farkers: Anyone down for drinks Thursday? (63)
MSNBC Scary Raising a baby in 2006- $290,000, sending said baby to college in 2020-$105,000 (335)
News.com.au Weird Sorry we ate your forefathers (60)
Stuff Strange Police arrest a man who practiced dentistry for 29 years with no medical training while treating patients at his home in a cast-off examining chair. His life long goal of opening a London practice now on hold while jailarity ensues (30)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 120: "Streetlights" Difficulty: No UFOs. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (223)

Wed August 15, 2007
SLTrib Followup Sounds heard from collapsed mine in Utah (165)
Houston Chronicle Followup Hurricane Dean announces that its gonna gain strength, then it's going to the Gulf of Mexico, and then Texas, and then Georgia, and then Florida, and then all the way to the White House Yeeeeaaaaaaarrrgh (230)
(Some Guy) Florida Fire chief evacuates city hall due to a bag of overcooked microwave popcorn (46)
C|Net Cool This is probably the coolest one-of-a-kind wooden bicycle built for two that you'll see this week (49)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass Dumas arrested with $435,000 worth of marijuana. Bonus: Elvis was riding shotgun (84)
CNN Followup Death toll from yesterday's coordinated suicide attacks in Iraq reaches a staggering 500 people (319)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the Tangaroa Raft (55)
IOL Sad Couple in their eighties say McDonald's has left them slim and healthy after eating at their local franchise every day for 17 years. Yummy yummy good (121)
(KOLD-AZ) Obvious Today's "Teenage girl kills herself and another motorist while text messaging" brought to you by Peoria, AZ. Double-Darwin Bonus: Driver ejected from vehicle due to lack of seat belt (275)
MSNBC Obvious Colleges love the free publicity of the annual U.S. News & World Report's college rankings. Unless, of course, it is a negative assessment. Then they should DIAF (58)
CNN Obvious Ford 'fesses further factory farkups following fires fueled from faulty fabrications (80)
JSOnline Strange Police investigate a sham marriage proposal to an online escort, an envelope stuffed with cash, and a body in a Minneapolis hotel room. Then it gets weird (28)
(BillOReilly.com) Stupid Having failed to defeat Daily Kos and "The Bourne Ultimatum," Bill O'Reilly sets his sights on Nas and the Virgina Tech memorial concert (217)
CNN Interesting Smokers are less productive than non-smokers. Obvious tag is on a smoke break (173)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Dozens of women's organizations want to see the Camel No. 9 cigarettes go the way of the chastity belt (102)
(Some Guy) Cool Moderate blood alcohol levels may protect the brain after head trauma. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy (64)
(KNBC) News Peru struck by magnitude 7.7 & two magnitude 7.5 earthquakes. Trifecta already complete (113)
News.com.au Spiffy Got a song stuck in your head? Can't figure out what it is? Now science can help (95)
NYPress Spiffy New poll shows 94 percent of Americans are happy with their lives. I blame Bush (94)
FARK Silly Reminder, Indianapolis/GenCon Fark Party, 8 pm, Friday Aug 17th at Vito's on Penn. Drew will be there. LGT previous thread (34)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine Having gone through the foie gras ban with such little controversy, Chicago plans to implement 10-25 cent tax on bottled water. Who could have a problem with this? (150)
The Newspaper PSA Hey Virginia, move over, eh? Canada's got a $10,000 speeding ticket (146)
AZCentral Asinine Due to increases in the cost of zinc, the penny's main metal, it now costs $0.02 to make something worth $0.01. That's some nice economic analysis, Lou (155)
Yahoo Obvious Everyone who's polling over 40 percent, take one step forward. Not so fast Bush, Congress, Iraq, direction of the country (181)
(NOAA) Scary Natl' hurricane center blurb about Dean approaching the Gulf: "In combination with very deep warm waters, this pattern would favor the development of a powerful hurricane." Might might want to go ahead and stock up on ice and beer (152)
Yahoo Dumbass Iraqi woman shows two bullets she says hit her home. Now what's wrong with this picture? (580)
(McGruff) Strange Police arrest man in his home for dealing meth. Get bonus arrest when client arrives and asks the cops to sell him meth. Another citation written when third guy shows up with a weapon to make the dealer stop selling drugs to girlfriend (142)
(TheLocal.se) Amusing Swedish PE teacher arrested for cocaine in fridge, behind the chicken (68)
TBO Florida Police say prostitution suspect has HIV. Based on her mugshot, if you pay this woman for sex, you deserve to catch something (293)
SuperDeluxe Video Game-fixing NBA ref Tim Donaghy stars in new movie (39)
(enquirer.com) Dumbass Sometimes you should steal the pizza instead of the cash (79)
(WOOD-TV) Dumbass Eight-year-old steals car; hits house and his own bike before crashing in an embankment. Dumbass tag points, nods approvingly (63)
CBC Stupid If you're going to drive your supercar at 300 kph on public roads, don't videotape yourself doing it. But if you must videotape it, don't post it on the Internet as an advertisement (123)
SMH Scary NSW police issue PSA that PMA is not MDMA (184)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this earplug (91)
SMH Asinine Following the success of such hits as "mancation" and "metrosexual," we bring you "he-tox" and "she-tox," also known as "getting over an ex" (203)
(Some Wiccan) Amusing Woman arrested for yelling witch chants. Complete with I'll-get-you-my-pretty mugshot goodness (273)
(Kingston Sub-Standard) Followup Trial of mentally-ill comedian in Canada called "a profoundly sad situation and a disgrace and an embarrassment for our society." Worse than the Toronto Maple Leafs, even (89)
(WOODtv.com) Ironic High winds prevent debut of wind turbine (116)
Yahoo Obvious Only two things in Antarctic life are certain: Penguin sex and taxes (55)
Yahoo Interesting Researchers discover that one species of squirrel scares off snakes by getting its appendage hot and then waggling it aggressively at the snakes (71)
Examiner Followup Man who stuck a hot poker into his drug dealer sentenced to 20 years of finding out how it feels (55)
Boston Herald Dumbass Prosecutor wins 20 year sentence in rape case, forgets minor detail of sending rapist to prison for 20 years (85)
iWon Obvious Man drives through window of auto repair shop. Bonus: Was coming in to get new brakes (52)
Houston Chronicle Stupid If you're stupid enough to swim in the ocean during a tropical storm, God is willing to give you a pass on stingrays (63)
(Traverse City Record Eagle) Stupid Not News: Woman driver hits hotel. News: Then hits a different hotel. Fark: Runs over her own leg doing so. Shouldn't this be in Florida? (87)
(WPVI) Stupid News: Man accidentally sparks a fire in his garage when starting his lawn mower. Fark: His wife accidentally burns the house down when she misses the window throwing a can of gasoline out of the garage (82)
Reuters Amusing Problem: Burglars break into woman's house. Solution: Leave them food so that they'll take that and go away. Problem: Burglars break into house again to get second helpings (39)
Boston Herald Sick It happens sometimes. Sewage pipes just explode. Natural causes (63)
CBS San Francisco Dumbass The good news is, there's a guy selling widescreen TVs out of his car really cheap. Unfortunately, the only channel you get is a roasting turkey (87)
Forbes Cool When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one person to appear upon a coin, and to assume that he works for the US Mint, thusly is getting a kick out of the replies to the righthand side (161)
Denver Post Spiffy Russian region announces a National Day of Screwing. Here in the US we already have that, and it's on April 15 (75)
Yahoo Followup Chinese officials say bridge collapsed "like a blade slicing bean curd". Technicians from the International Metaphor Standardization Agency have been dispatched to introduce them to hot knives and butter (66)
CNN Scary Quote from mom with porn star name: "When she started puking green, that's when I knew something wasn't right," Captain Howdy and the makers of the Ouija Board unavailable for comment (137)
CBS Philadelphia Cool Considered the 'Panda of the Sea,' the Shark-Ray debuts at a New Jersey aquarium. (w/ swimmingly awesome video) (64)
(Some Guy) Cool Today's "hot teacher having affair with student" story brought to you by Powhatan Virginia. Bonus: this one is a cheerleading coach (632)
Reuters Spiffy Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh marked the 60th anniversary of independence from British rule by asking everyone to please not offer his god a peanut (70)
BBC Scary NASA confident that the space shuttle Endeavour will not need repairs for when it re-enters the atmosphere at 18 times the speed of light (151)
(Some Jihadist) Dumbass I guess if your name is "Jihad", we can't really be surprised when you resist arrest (63)
NYPost Strange Before calling your husband's boss an a-hole, make sure she can't lock you up in jail for the weekend on contempt charges (44)
Local6 Florida Drunk guy crashes $400,000 Lamborghini hours after buying it -- then leaves injured wife in car to flee police (134)
CBC Strange 45 parrots missing: If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM Feeweeweewee (55)
(We're Gonna DIE!!!) Scary U.S. Government approves funding for new Manhattan Project (106)
CBC Interesting Man seeks asylum in Canada because he's gay, is denied because he's not gay enough. What test do you have to do in Canada to be gay enough to stay there? (206)
(WRAL) Ironic Former DA Mike Nifong complains about "the fundamental unfairness" of bar association's handling of his ethics case (264)
(JournalGazette) Unlikely "Only employee" robbed by unarmed woman at Subway drivethru. Consoles self with newly purchased "Gears of War" disk (58)
Local6 Followup Behold, pictures of the duct-tape bandit (81)
St. Pete Times Interesting Three reasons the cassette tape refuses to die: blind people, audiobooks, and religion (143)
Local6 Florida Even if the cops have you cornered for DUI, saving the beer's important. (with hilarious pic) (56)
Google Photoshop Photoshop Theme: FARK, THE MOVIE (because Hollywood is out of ideas that don't suck) (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting It might get your goat to hear about a guy who got rammed by a bull in a cow pen while he doggedly gathered his pigs. Should have ducked (33)
BBC Interesting As a mayor concerned about the weight of his citizens, do you: A) Introduce a healthy living civic program, B) Pay residents to lose weight, or C) Enact a controversial "no fat chicks" policy? (60)
(WINK News) Dumbass Guy faced child sex charges, so he jumped off his cruise ship to escape. Then the 16-year-old victim admitted he lied just to get out of school (171)
AFP Ironic Clown complains of becoming a "laughing stock" (42)
Philly Cool Adorable-ass Persian leopard cubs born in Budapest - with "Mama said knock you out" pic/slideshow goodness (44)
Local6 Florida Man "angry with God" drives truck into church. Guess where (58)
AP Dumbass Man finds keys left in a small plane and does the logical thing ... figure eights in the grass until he manages to tip the thing on its nose. Jailarity ensues (24)
Houston Chronicle Interesting You know it's hot when your local playground spontaneously bursts into flames (56)
(WZZM 13) Amusing "It really shows what the Class of '08 is all about - It's a thing of beauty." (with helicopter video of said beauty) (117)
Yahoo Dumbass Man protests his high property taxes by paying $12,000 in coins and $1 bills. That'll show those city employees who had to count it and had nothing to do with setting tax laws (255)

Tue August 14, 2007
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this trippy corridor (70)
Newsday Obvious With college apparently failing to prepare her for a real job, Rutgers basketball player files suit against Imus (328)
(NY Times) Interesting The New York Times is more than 20% sure we live in an artificial universe (279)
(Some Wise Ash) Strange When depositing a plastic bag of cremated human remains into a mail collection box, don't forget to include the return address and proper postage, otherwise the mail carrier probably won't know what the fark to do with it (24)
(Damaris Sarria) Interesting Space Shuttle engineer describes the tile situation and possible fixes on her "How I Am Becoming An Astronaut" blog. Bonus: she's hot (166)
(little green footballs) Asinine Professional and unbiased New York Times caught editing W's Wikipedia entry and adding the word jerk. Wikipedia editing trifecta now complete (234)
Yahoo Obvious Ladies & Gentlemen, Pavarotti is leaving the hospital. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP (48)
Yahoo Followup Judge NoPants officially filed his appeal today in the $54 million drycleaning lawsuit. He really really really REALLY liked those pants (223)
Slashdot Obvious Much like how they remove votes, Diebold removes information critical of Diebold from Wikipedia. Wikipedia editing trifecta now in play (89)
(Some Guy) Stupid The International Tribunal on Hurricanes will convene in the Chocolate City to discuss ethnic cleansing. Cynthia “Hurricane Hair” McKinney will co-chair the event (98)
(Chattanoogan) Asinine Trying to break up a dog fight set up by neighborhood teens? That's a stoning (70)
UPI Dumbass Asshat at fault for getting ass hit after his hat hits the asphalt (69)
AFP Obvious "Before there was Elvis, there was nothing" (90)
(Some Guy) Obvious Fox News caught editing Wikipedia articles. As if we didn't expect them to be this weaselly already (255)
MSNBC Spiffy 18 (283)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Lawmaker who sponsored a bill that allows a Bible-study course says it's not a means of teaching religion in secular schools but as a way of boosting students' knowledge of the "best-selling publication of all time." (174)
Herald-Leader Interesting Jurors in Butler County forbidden to watch "CSI," in order to prevent creating unrealistic expectations about what forensic science can do (82)
The Smoking Gun Followup I'd-breathalyze-it-worthy pic of woman cop booked for DUI by her husband. The Smoking Gun is there (102)
WNBC Sick If you're into child porn, it's probably not a good idea to bring your computer in for repairs. If you're a "Law and Order: SVU" actor, that makes it even weirder (210)
Yahoo News Four separate suicide bombers strike in possibly coordinated attack in Iraq. At least 175 dead, 200 wounded (860)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man with gun: 0, snapping turtle: 1 (94)
Washington Post Obvious Yet another study asserts that busing doesn't work. Hippies look for yet another excuse to avoid blaming the parents of underperforming kids (414)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these collegiate cavemen (47)
AZCentral Obvious As it turns out, men who have large breasts don't stay home and play with them all day long. In fact, they kind of don't like 'em at all (154)
Yahoo Followup Imus settles and may be preparing a comeback. Possible new radio-show titles include: "Ain't No Thang but a Chicken Wang" and "NappyHeadedHoSayWhat?" (113)
(Aero-News) Obvious UFO investigators dismayed to discover that the Class VII Declaxian Starship that fell out of the sky was actually just the landing gear door from a commercial jetliner (100)
Yahoo Obvious "Temps hit century mark in South," according to reporter living under a rock for past two weeks (158)
C|Net Interesting Google wants to depose Stewart and Colbert in Viacom lawsuit. Why does YouTube hate America? (64)
(Some Little Newspaper) Amusing The city of Dawson, TX attempts to dissolve its entire police department, and she's not too happy about it (60)
SFGate Scary Iraqi Deputy Oil Minister kidnapped during Baghdad Oil Ministry raid, 10 killed (306)
(Some Guy) PSA Trooical Depression #4 shows that therapy can really help. Upgraded to Tropical Storm Dean. EVERYBODY PANIC (152)
CNN Followup O.J. Simpson's book "If I Did It" is back on the printing press. Take that, common decency (141)
CBS Chicago Unlikely Man who ran out onto Wrigley Field pleads not guilty to running out onto Wrigley Field (95)
(via MSNBC) Cool The Internet makes it easier to discover just how much of a cheating whore your wife is (623)
(Florida Times-Union) Florida Cops cart man away after fight with wife. Wife tells cops to look for stolen $180,000 sports car in garage. Bonus: Argument was over wife's Hooters job. You know the state by now (68)
Comedy Central Video In case you missed it, Bush calling Rove a turd blossom (75)
CNSNews Amusing First-ever "RINO" (Republican In Name Only) award nominees announced for Web poll to "separate the elephant from the rhino" (255)
(Times-Georgian) Dumbass Group of Atlanta teenagers fleeing police in a stolen car confuse new home's French doors with secret level entrance from "Grand Theft Auto" (53)
SeattlePI Dumbass News: Theater employee busted after setting up a camara in the women's bathroom. Bonus: He was busted because he accidentally filmed himself while installing the camera (37)
Yahoo Cool Fred Risinger has spent the last decade serving alcohol to mice, some of whom drink the equivalent of several fifths of liquor each day (64)
(WHPTV) Stupid Man arrested after being found naked and smoking crack in someone's hot tub. Brought to you with grin of stupidity mugshot goodness (71)
(Some Guy) Sad HOLY COW: Phil Rizzuto dead at 89. R.I.P. Scooter (192)
(WRKO.com) Obvious Police in Boston discover misuse of handicap parking permits. It seems that not all of the 283,266 people with handicap placards are handicapped (148)
Slate Followup NY Times forgot to multiply by three and carry the one to show that male and female heterosexuals have the same average number of partners (156)
BBC Scary Edging out "ebola virus test subject" for title of World's Deadliest Job: Guatemalan politican (36)
Salon Strange Brother-sister couple challenges German incest law, but it's okay because the brother was given up for adoption as a child, and never met his sister until he was 23 and she was 15. They've also had four babies in six years (213)
(Some Spiegel) Amusing Biofuel boom threatens gummy bears. Gummy Stephen Colbert seen smiling smugly (52)
CNN Scary Flossie ready for her Close Up, takes Aim at Hawaii. Gleeming waves expected to Crest at 20 feet (78)
(Some Guy) Strange Buddhists who bought animals from a pet shop and then released them into wild get fined by the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection, who don't really want the animals to "realize their karmic potential" (65)
Philly Strange Transsexual Cambodian immigrant to learn today whether Philadelphia will destroy her mural, whose title rhymes with "Breath of Penis" (98)
Yahoo Stupid Alabamastan city to vote on banning alcohol sales today, Christians to fast and pray in support. Ain't democracy great? It can even impose tyranny if you want it to (380)
Google Hero I can has three million Fark threads? (2219)
Detroit News Weird National Highway Traffic Safety Administration debuts new TV ads featuring exploding frogs (21)
(Clarion Ledger) Followup The Tupelo monkey is loose again. Everybody panic (46)
(WFAA.com) Obvious Mattel to announce yet another toy recall involving Chinese lead paint. At this rate, kids will be reduced to playing with sticks in the mud in three weeks (163)
SMH Dumbass Criminal who ordered reprisals against rival gang surprised to discover that the police who were monitoring his cellphone calls could crack his code, because he spoke in Pig Latin. Umbassday (55)
(Some Guy) Sad Brooke Astor, matriarch of New York high society and almost certainly a closeted cat lady, dead at 105 (68)
(wbztv.com) Obvious Most of the time, after a kid gets freed from a locked safe, he stays away from safes for a while. Then there's this idiot (61)
(WHDH) Strange Man charged with attempted murder. The weapon? A 25-foot pontoon boat (24)
The Register Amusing Woman -- fired for threesome in a hotel bath after an office Christmas party -- to be reinstated with compensation. Let me be the first to say: TTIWWP (199)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Put something inside the box (110)
London Times Asinine Britain's worst-performing train company takes drastic measures to soothe customer tempers -- they hire a poet. Looks like things will be going from bad to verse (55)
AP Followup Norway media says their princess should give up her title after claiming she can talk with angels and horses (89)
News.com.au Sad If you and four of your relatives are going to get killed by lightning, a funeral is as good a place as any (26)
Reno Gazette-Journal Interesting Deputy pulls over his wife, a felow deputy, and cites her for DUI. Either this is roleplay gone too far, or the easiest way to tell your wife you want a divorce (86)
Canada.com Dumbass Man gets nailed twice in one day: Once in the forehead with nail gun, then with ticket for not wearing seatbelt on the way to hospital (104)
My Fox Memphis Strange Our 16th president, one of the most revered men in America's history, was a mutant. Professor X unavailable for comment (239)
IndyStar Weird The world's newest oldest living person just happens to live with the world's tallest woman (40)
(Some Cheeky Guy) Dumbass After catching chicken pox and losing part of your pinky toe to amputation, mooning the governor of Senegal was probably not the best way to end holiday (11)
MSNBC Ironic No-kill animal shelters may be harmful to animals (181)
London Times Unlikely BBC on-air personality slurs words, suggests sending panties to soldiers in Afghanistan. What you might think: Sauced. Actual explanation: A very sore throat (39)
Forbes Sad Feeling left out of the news lately, China joins in with a bridge collapse of its own: 22 dead, 46 missing (56)
This Is Local London Strange "He was asked if it was a white rose, to which he replied, 'I'll show you a white rose' and at which point he unzipped his trousers" (49)
Local6 Strange Giant manta ray found off Mass. coast with 11-foot wingspan (with pic) (76)
News.com.au Scary Man spends seven days stuck in a tree in a crocodile-infested swamp. "All I could see was two sets of red eyes below me and all night I had to listen to a big bull croc bellowing a bit further out" (57)
CBS New York Strange Today's "4 People Driving In A Car, 1 Bleeds To Death From The Head, The 3 Others Don't Notice" story brought to you by sunny New City, N.Y (45)
Homestar Runner Amusing Par ∞ (71)
Stuff Sick "Mayolers" flocking to new restaurant to try their mayo margarita. With pic goodness of the offensive creamy cocktail (91)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this quiet alleyway (78)
Yahoo Sad Irene Morgan Kirkaldy died this weekend. She did the same thing Rosa Parks did. Ten years before Rosa Parks did it (182)

Mon August 13, 2007
News.com.au Strange Motorcyclist misses curve, hits barrier, keeps that bad motor scooter running for two kilometers when he suddenly notices his right leg was severed below the knee (106)
(Cordele Dispatch) Dumbass Woman calls police after being sold fake crack cocaine. Jailarity ensues (44)
Miami Herald Florida Jogging group makes a point to stop often to hydrate themselves... with beer. "They're not runners with a drinking problem, but drinkers with a running problem" (89)
CNN Spiffy Another recall on Made in China toothpaste. Company won't name which "luxury" hotels use the cheap stuff (92)
(Some Drunk Guy) Florida Take some alcohol, a bike and a man telling two deputies that he's glad about the cop who was killed last week and you've got a real nice Florida tag there (137)
(WTVR) Sick Heading for trifecta: Today's second "teacher/student sex" story brought to you by Richmond, VA (91)
Reuters Followup The latest country to lay claim to the Arctic is... The United States. It's about time (135)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "Sesame Street" started 38th season Monday, with guest stars Tina Fey, Brian Williams and CGI giant squid. Mr. Hooper still dead (155)
Komo Sick Today's "female teacher arrested for raping a young student" story brought to you by Tacoma, WA (With pic goodness) (230)
MSNBC Obvious Have a nice cup of shut the fark up (96)
CBS Salt Lake City Scary [Photos] First images from inside the collapsed Utah mine (192)
CBS Minneapolis Hero Risking his life? Check. To save the lives of others? Roger that. Who are not related to him in any way? You betcha. Sounds like a hero to me, folks (94)
STLToday Dumbass Father sets a good example for his seven-year-old after getting kicked out of a Little League game, having the police called, getting hit with a stun gun and then blaming the whole thing on "racism" after being booked for resisting arrest (66)
ABC News Unlikely Virtual cheating: It only counts if you're running for president (56)
WSAZ Stupid Robbery suspect wraps self in duct tape to hide identity, store clerk fights back with duct tape wrapped bat. Cops release pictures of suspect still wrapped up, but he denies his involvement during jailhouse interview (w/video) (81)
Washington Post Asinine Your group is banned from submitting anti-gay fliers to high school students. Do you: A) Pack up and go home? B) Move to another county? C) Target middle school and elementary students instead? (113)
MDN Sad The understated news piece of the week award goes to: (93)
LA Times Amusing Nevermind: The: Date: Check: Out: The: Punctuation: (118)
TBO Florida Fark: Man sentenced to 25 years for possession of 58 pills that were legally prescribed to him. Followup: Appeals court overturns, calling the case "absurd" and "ridiculous." Florida: The prosecutor is refiling the charges (145)
Boston Globe Obvious The RIAA forbids you to read this (278)
Washington Post Dumbass Virginia judge rules that it's okay for the General Assembly to ignore the 14th Amendment (154)
(Some Lego Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the giant Zandfoord Lego man (71)
Daily Mail Obvious Teenagegirlrushedtohospitalafteroverdosingoncoffee (160)
Slate Spiffy Finally, some good news: The new draft will be more fair and equitable then the Vietnam-era draft (710)
(Some bruised landlord) Strange Landlord evicts tenant for being crazy, violent. Tenant comes back, babbles incoherently, clubs people, thereby disproving accusations. (Bonus: With best deranged killer mugshot you'll see today) (139)
C|Net Obvious Newspaper columnist fired for writing about how nobody reads newspapers anymore. Watch your butt, Romero (47)
MDN Dumbass One neighbor refused to join a gymnastic exercise event organized by the neighborhood association. That’s a beatin’ (with bonus action of a concrete chunk thrown at his five-year-old daughter) (119)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Texas police angry that prosecutor will not prosecute cases unless -- wait for it -- there's evidence (208)
MSNBC PSA Storm forms over eastern Atlantic. Panic ensues along eastern seaboard as residents buy up overpriced water, plywood, batteries (190)
(WPVI Philadelphia) Asinine Eggplant seeds spell "GOD," whichs answers the long-standing question "Where is your God now?" (299)
(SAWF News) Spiffy Australian magazine offering breast enhancement as a contest prize. "It's impossible to think of a more romantic gift than new breasts" (137)
Reuters Weird For the fundamentalist hunter in your family who has everything: A camouflage Bible. "This enables the devout who also hunt to take their Bible into the woods with them while concealing it from their prey" (144)
1010WINS Ironic Feds seize 600,000 packs of fake smokes, pointing out that counterfeit cigarettes pose a health risk to smokers (56)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Al-Qaeda threatens to nuke NY, Miami, L.A.... also wants a zillion dollars or they'll pew pew shoot us with their space death ray and subject us with their robot overlords (272)
Yahoo Obvious Ninety percent of Americans say they feel an obligation to vote and feel guilty when they don't, meaning over half of them should feel guilty (165)
AFP Obvious Two months on, Hamas tightens grip on Gaza, causing even more star systems to slip through their fingers (77)
(Showtime) Cool Puff, puff, pass: Season 3 of "Weeds" starts today. (Sponsored link) (138)
Washington Post Obvious Officials baffled as to why former state insane asylum has not sold in 15 years, despite being located in central WV, costing $300k per year to heat, filled with asbestos, possibly haunted and used as paintball park by off-duty cops (99)
Yahoo Stupid California man wants foster care to keep paying him until he's 20, says "I'm an adult, but I don't want to move out. I don't want to start paying rent." (668)
SuperDeluxe Plug Drew Curtis: Illegal immigrant (58)
(Star Banner News) Florida How to ensure your robbery is chock-full of failure: 1) Select a discount appliance retailer as a target. 2) Attempt to rob the armed security guard. 3) Shoot your accomplice in the eye (29)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious The City of Chicago is shocked, shocked I say, that people are still using handheld cellphones while driving despite the law (150)
(Some clay pigeon) Asinine Latest in back-to-school supplies: Bulletproof backpacks (89)
BBC Interesting Researchers gie ays ah online database wi four million Scottish words in the mither tongue (52)
(Blackpool Gazette) Amusing AC/DC fan protests over noisy bus passengers. "I ask them really nicely to turn them off but they get mouthy" (80)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Today is Left Handers Day (299)
NPR Followup Two astronauts preparing for spacewalk today. No word on whether this will be when HAL-9000 plans to kill them (101)
(The Local) Stupid Man forced to take urine test after a police officer made the observation that he had big muscles (79)
Newsday Dumbass You are at your girlfriend's little sister's graduation party. Do you: A) Politely attend and wear a smile all day? B) Buy her a gift? C) Get in your 97 Lumina and run over her mom? (49)
Yahoo Obvious In a testament to the influence of the state's conservative evangelical Christians, Texas will execute 400 people this month (398)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Michael Lohan, clearly feeling left out of his daughter’s meltdown, plans to sue Lindsay’s bodyguard to get back in her good graces and return the attention to himself (29)
Forbes Strange Southern Baptist Convention raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow at seminary’s plan to offer homemaking degrees in an effort to establish what its president calls "biblical family and gender roles" (168)
ABC Action News Florida Man attempts to gain stardom by jumping off 65-foot-high bridge. This should end (44)
(Some Guy) Obvious A recent survey has found that men claim to have an average of 12.7 sex partners in their lifetime. Then some math nerds come along and disprove the results (399)
BBC Amusing Wearing a t-shirt saying "Don't p**s me off -- I'm running out of places to hide the bodies" will get you into trouble with the police (113)
(Some Totalparker) Photoshop Photopshop these parking meters (74)
NPR Hero Meet Marcus Luttrell, the sole survivor after his SEAL team was ambush in Afghanistan, who was shot multiple times while crawling to safety and fighting the whole way: He'd like to say a thing or two about the "rules of war" (452)
Lancashire Evening Post Spiffy Man attempting to set world record for the number of live Elvis Presley tribute performances in one day (26)
Wall Street Journal News Karl Rove to resign at the end of the month (1131)
The Sun Weird Dog put on diet decides to eat the lawn instead and has to have a pound of grass surgically removed. With pic of said fat-ass dog. No really, he has a huge ass (59)
LA Times Cool UC Irvine built a 200 million pixel television. No, you can't have it (84)
Daily Mail Interesting Former paratrooper plans to free fall from an altitude of 25 miles in hopes of reaching a speed well in excess of 1,000 mph. Seriously (141)
(Some Guy) Asinine Schools' redistricting sends one family's daughter to one high school and the other daughter to different high school. Difficulty, they live at the same address (92)
Local6 Unlikely Man, arrested for having sex with goat, says he was "milking" it naked (72)
(Some Guy) Interesting Old and busted: New hotness. New hotness: Old and busted (39)
Forbes Followup Head of Chinese toy company involved in toy recall commits suicide, no word if his family will be charged for the bullet (61)
Yahoo Amusing Shrinkage may have played a role in naked swimmer's decline of rescue (17)
UPI Amusing News: California town under attack by renegade bikers. Fark: It's San Francisco, and it's bicycles (179)
Detroit News Interesting Woman, 91, calls the police to warn them that the birthday party her senior home is planning for her might get "out of control" (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kid on this beach (70)
Daily Mail Scary "You will respect mah AUTHORITAYYYY" (77)



Fark's Sponsors