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Sun August 26, 2007
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these men in black (and white) (50)
ESPN Cool Georgia beats Japan with a walk-off homer to win the Little League World Series (21)
News.com.au Dumbass Man caught with his pants down after stealing porn magazine (20)
(Arkansas News) Hero Other states following Arkansas' lead and banning smoking in cars where children six and under are present (152)
Local6 Strange Behold, "Pete" the ugly-ass four-eared rabbit (with pic) (61)
(Some Guy) Interesting Self-described pedophile who says how he liked to stake out areas where little girls congregate is leaving California. "I have to leave the state, really, I can't live here under this Orwellian protocol" (167)
Reuters Sad Sad, loveless Japanese singles follow their pathetic North American counterparts in turning their dogs into surrogate children (29)
ABC News Obvious Forget the war in Iraq – the real battleground gripping the U.S. is the right to dry laundry on clotheslines, and homeowners associations be damned (65)
(Fred the Baker) Unlikely Dunkin Donuts goes 0% transfat. Doughnuts as health food? Yeah right (48)
Guardian.com Obvious Germaine Greer on plush toys: "Wherever they are, they are truly hideous, beyond kitsch. By making our children fall in love with such ugliness, we are preparing them for a life without taste" (58)
TBO Dumbass If you're driving around drunk, you should really try to avoid hitting a horse. Especially if there's a cop on it at the time (36)
(My Fox Philadelphia) Asinine Father says he chained 13-year-old son to bed to keep him out of trouble. Son released, father arrested. Son arrested very next day for vandalism, attempted car theft (97)
Toronto Star Sick Today’s story of poisonous toothpaste is brought to you by India. This time it contains antifreeze and bacteria. Take that, China (37)
USA Today Spiffy Goombahs still running Chicago, "You's got a problem with that?" (79)
Miami Herald Florida This is dummy text so I can check my color. This is dummy text so I can check my color. This is dummy text so I can check my color (181)
Yahoo Interesting Your favorite beaches could soon be laced with crushed glass; Looks like someone's got glass in their vagina (98)
(NBC5i) Scary Texas goes past "hot enough to cook on your dash" and makes it to "hot enough to make your lighter explode" (100)
Yahoo Interesting Elian 2: Electric Boogaloo (62)
(Some Racist) Strange And the award for the least appropriate name for an mp3 player goes to (207)
(E & P) Interesting Twelve lessons mainstream newspapers have learned after a decade of going online (52)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this chunk of old milk covered in delicious fungus and bacteria (59)
(Blog Critics) Weird Zippo lighters the latest target of the Homogenization Conspiracy (114)
(Consumer Affairs) Asinine Use too much of your cable internet service, that's a one-year suspension. How much is too much? Well, Comcast still won't say (237)
(WTVD) Hero 81-year old man fends off armed teenage robbers, tells them to get off his lawn (33)
(Some Guy) Interesting Better get better binoculars there, Chester (81)
Yahoo Interesting Government adds new tracking chips to $100 bills under the guise of micro-printing to thwart counterfeiters, like we're going to fall for that old trick (80)
(StAugustone.com) Florida "Being a nude dancer or hustler for tips in a gentleman's club will steal your soul, piece by piece, without you even being aware of it." So says the Tool Box Goddess (273)
Rocky Mountain News Cool Suck it flatlanders, it's snowing in Colorado (125)
The Tennessean Hero Man sues Tennessee government for overtaxing his marijuana/rice krispie treats (86)
Yahoo Scary Bird flu found at German poultry farm. JEDER VERSETZEN IN PANIK (57)
Contra Costa Times Asinine "She had sex with me and didn't tell me she has herpes, now I have it. Now she is up for a judicial position, do I reveal her dishonesty?" (209)
Rolling Stone Obvious How George Bush pulled off the biggest heist in history (565)
AP Followup The sixth, and last, hole to be drilled into the Huntington, Utah coal mine shows no void and extremely poor air quality (53)
(Manseild News Jurnal) Obvious Are there no proofreaders anymore? (189)
Yahoo Scary Over a hundred thousand people in the Midwest are without power this morning after high winds and heavy storms battered the region. Hey, didn't the global warming people mention something about "severe storms?" (140)
(Loves car debate) Misc What? Another farking slidesh... ohhh, 10 ugliest cars. This should be fun (351)
Fox News Obvious Passenger tries to open plane door at 30,000 feet. Duct-tapilarity ensues (73)
FARK Followup Fark NYC - Red Hook Ball Fields - Sunday, Aug. 26th. LGT original thread. DIT (12)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Have some fun altering a piece of classical art. Link goes to one example (245)
Newsweek Interesting Why can't the most powerful nation on Earth capture the most wanted man in the world? (279)
London Times Strange An in-depth look at England's "weekend Nazis" (119)
Telegraph Hero Campaigning against what they say is widespread and unacceptable discrimination in the workplace and society, the American Moustache Institute (AMI) is vowing to restore well-tended facial hair to the noble status it enjoyed in the Seventies (112)
BBC Strange A mysterious illness is causing camels to sweat, vomit, faint and die. Marlboro Man wanted for questioning (28)
St. Pete Times Florida Bored teen whiles away afternoons making phony maydays to Coast Guard on stolen marine radios. Sailin', takes him away (37)
News.com.au Asinine Animals from Sydney's Taronga Park Zoo will be moved across the harbour to a military-controlled island, so that the wives of APEC summit leaders can view them without all the riff-raff (36)
(Some Guy) Cool The TSA collected over 22,000 lighters a day. That all ended Saturday (200)
MSNBC Cool Strippers expose counterfeiting operation, breasts (53)
(Some Guy) Survey Can someone explain to me why sending information faster than light would violate causality? (448)
Sky.com Spiffy Internet campaign convinces the Cadbury Chocolate company to reintroduce that 1980's snack icon, the Wispa bar (pic) (129)

Sat August 25, 2007
Daily Mail Weird Artist sets sail in life-size paper boat, gets stuck in giant drain grate (76)
(Some Guy) Weird Not news: Dog bites man. News: Man bites dog. Fark: Man bites girlfriend's snake and tells her it tasted lovely (57)
(Some Guy) Cool That's no moon... it's a library (101)
Yahoo Sad Death toll from Greek fires continues to climb, Hephaestus still showing no mercy (131)
(Pryor Daily Times) Amusing Oklahoma kidnappers demand exhorbitant ransom of $350, almost don't get it because that's awful expensive (46)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Miss Teen South Carolina explains why Americans have difficulty finding the United States on a world map (406)
Kansas.com Amusing Modern day Ghostbusters confirm that the Kansas Aviation Museum is haunted. "Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of Sloar that day I can tell you" says the chief scien... um... gatekeeper (124)
JSOnline Dumbass If police wrongfully accuse you of setting off fireworks, you should probably not use "I was dealing drugs" as your alibi (17)
(Some Finn) Weird The most coveted prize of the sporting world stays in Finland after the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championships draw to a close (21)
Guardian.com Obvious Russia's recent military muscle flexing in the form of observation flights using 50-year-old bombers is about as capable as they are in terms of military might (159)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Mickey D's goes for upscale snob effect in European remodel of company and franchised restaurants. Changes include fine furniture, relaxing environments, mad cow-free burgers and surrender fries (89)
(Ars Technica) Obvious Windows Genuine Advantage suffers worldwide outage. We're all pirates today (236)
(Some Guy) Florida High school students suspended after violating dress code by wearing jacket and tie (255)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this busy Putin. Wink wink, nod nod (89)
AFP Spiffy How does a rising economic superpower celebrate its burgeoning ascendency? With beer... lots and lots and lots of beer (56)
(Some fed-up libertarian) Asinine Cops pull man over, search his car, find no drugs. They then take $23,000 from him and give it to the DEA. He now must prove the money didn't come from drug dealing. Thanks, War on Drugs (497)
AFP Stupid Apparently, there's a section of the Koran that deals with hairstyling. Who knew? (154)
AP Scary Pakistan test fires missle capable of carrying nuclear warhead. That'll help stabilize the region (71)
Bangor Daily News Obvious Maine man may have to give up his 'bee farm.' And his little tractors, little silo, little bee barn, and his teensy- tiny bee milking stool (68)
Yahoo Obvious Nearly two-thirds of Internet news viewers dislike and distrust the mainstream media. Wait a minute... a third of us still trust Big Media? Inconceivable (80)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this confused gentleman (103)
(Some Guy) Interesting The top 10 must reads in literature. For once, they get #1 correct (544)
The Sun Amusing The latest menace to western society: KILLER SLUGS. Take this news with a pinch of salt (79)
News.com.au Scary Penny Lane, the road is closed down due to violence, two injured in a shooting at a bar, the gunman traveled via hatchback car, down to the bar (65)
JSOnline Strange Milwaukee running out of places to store its tainted sludge, wants to begin shipping it to Michigan. Michigan declines, says it already has enough Miller products (36)
Yahoo Sad Boy'z On Da Hood (96)
(Some hep cat) Stupid Another story seemingly written just for Fark: Cat "Acatemy" open in NYC (256)
(Press Enterprise.com) Strange Little shoes to protect your pet's little footsies from hot pavement (78)
Reuters Stupid Plastic 'Diet Forks' available in packs of ten for $8.95. "The uncomfortable grip compelling user to put fork down between bites, slowing the user's eating speed" (77)
The Sun Asinine Introducing 'Wiggles' - human hair designer wigs ... for dogs (with ugly-ass 3-pic slideshow) (47)
Canoe Strange Two Chinese farmers volunteer to rid Beijing of flies before the Olympics. The two have videotaped flies to better understand their prey and have arranged for a consultation by famed US varmint hunter Carl Spackler (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kid playing on the couch (57)
London Times Obvious Ten years after Great Britain banned handguns, the use of handguns to commit crimes has doubled (473)
News.com.au Amusing Meet Chumbee, the world's first gigolo koala bear. "It has been almost non-stop sex in the koala enclosure ever since, and now even our own male is joining in" (50)
Yahoo Interesting Moscow, Russia, residents celebrate the potato. Moscow, Idaho, residents say, "amateurs" (50)
Reuters Spiffy Alcohol may lower risk of kidney cancer, let's drink to that (39)
Yahoo Spiffy I give you your 2007 Miss Teen USA (With kitten-threatening pic goodness) (144)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Two KMart employees stealing electronics, fail to see security cameras. (with female mullet pic) (60)
(Irish Examiner) Dumbass Couple sentenced to three months each for having sex on DART train, by the end of the story you'll find it just doesn't matter (27)
AFP Spiffy Nine year-old boy genius aces university entrance exams, about to get a ten-year head start on rejection (91)
Des Moines Register Weird Actual headline: "Mystic evacuated; cows die" (23)
(The E-T) Stupid This October a Massachusetts high school will begin charging students a dollar to ride the bus (139)
(awful plastic surgery.com) Amusing Did Fark's favorite gal get a boob job? They suspect, you decide (364)

Fri August 24, 2007
YouTube Video The Rocky Horror Star Trek Show (73)
(News and Observer) Amusing 93-year-old charged with cocaine trafficking, with pic goodness (68)
Contact Music Sick Jerry Lewis: "Merv Griffin deserved to die" (189)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these ladies rollerblading (64)
Miami Herald Unlikely It's official: we can unequivocally declare that it wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that there isn't reason to not believe that Fidel Castro may or may not be dead (maybe) (147)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Spiffy Man crashes motorcycle, lands in ditch. Survives 39 hours crawling on belly for water. Where is your Harley now? (126)
(insidebayarea.com) Sad San Francisco area pot clubs shut down for being "dangerous enterprises". If bolstering the stock prices of Taco Bell and Nabisco is dangerous, submitter is Evel Knievel (65)
IndyStar Dumbass What kind of idiot would detonate homemade bombs inside a garbage can? The same kind of idiot that would do so while on probation and while also carrying marijuana (33)
The Newspaper Followup AAA was in favor of $3,000 speeding tickets before it was against them (66)
(KPHO) Weird Sex with homeless vampires is probably not a good idea (109)
(Some Plaid Guy) Asinine Today's 5-hour police standoff with an empty house brought to you by Hutchinson, KS (47)
News.com.au Followup Australia's $84 million porn filter cracked by student in 30 minutes (120)
(News Groper) Dumbass MSNBC gets duped by parody website, quotes fake Al Sharpton as real (67)
TampaBays10.com NewsFlash NFL suspends Vick indefinitely: It's a dog-eat-dog world, and he's wearing MilkBone underwear (334)
(Some tree hugger) Ironic Environmental group throwing concert wants city to uproot 15 trees because they block the view of the stage (75)
AZCentral Sappy Oh give me a curb, in a Colorado 'burb, where the dogs and the antelope play (55)
(Metro) Amusing Bikini mermaid fun disturbed by anarchist protestor sharks. No, really (61)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Remains of last Russian tsar's children believed found, although some believe these findings are Bolshevik (37)
Yahoo Interesting "Excuse me, I'd like to buy your B-52" (149)
(WAAY-TV) Dumbass Pissed off 19-year-old urges MySpace users to kill cops after his car is impounded. Hilarity ensues (112)
Telegraph Hero Man gets a 172 MPH speeding ticket in a rental car. In other news, there are rental cars that are capable of speeds faster than 37 mph (93)
Rocky Mountain News Strange Denver Catholic archdiocese decides that pilgrims can't have sects inside church (30)
First Coast News Florida "Police say the suspect hid inside a sweltering port-a-john on a hospital construction site until a police K-9 unit caught his scent and flushed him out." That's some fine metaphor work there, Lou (30)
(insidebayarea.com) Weird Man charged with 14 counts of stalking and 3 counts of felony threats--to a list of people including "Star Trek" actress Jeri Ryan and a half-dozen wrestlers--declared mentally unfit to stand trial. Live long and stalk her (81)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass Let's play a game called "Not It". Todays contestants are the Federal Government and the State of Maryland. Timer starts when the highway bridge begins crumbling (41)
Fox News Cool 17-year-old Bergen County Academies student in New Jersey achieves the dream, hacks the iPhone (158)
(Dalton Daily Citizen) Dumbass Madness? "THIS IS MIDDLE SCHOOL" (602)
(Maryland Coast Dispatch) Amusing Two arrested in naked, drunken rodeo with wild horses and attempted nude deer tackling. Did we mention the deer are only three feet tall? (46)
Abc.net.au Stupid People involved in coastal Australian developments need to be more aware of disturbing underwater artifacts that have not been found and may not exist (27)
Yahoo Unlikely Guys who look like cavemen are total chick magnets... and can save you a bundle of money on car insurance (108)
(CentreDaily) Scary FedEx plane makes emergency landing due to pilot sniffing glue (92)
National Review Interesting The oceans that were becoming less salty because of global warming are now becoming more salty because of global warming (420)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Le Farque. Photoshop what Fark.com might look like if it were hosted in France (104)
Reuters Asinine Finnish youth fined for putting singing teacher on YouTube. Maybe "Karaoke of the mental hospital" was an unfitting title (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious Problem: City denies liquor license for topless bar. Solution: Topless bar becomes full-nude strip club (94)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Asinine Teacher records colleague ranting and raving at students in classroom. Teacher is then charged with felony wiretapping. Thank you, Patriot Act, for protecting our great nation against these evil-doers (91)
(North West Evening Mail) Amusing Man recieves postcard from his missing wheelie bin telling him that it's alive and well and has eloped to Germany with a bin from down the road (28)
AFP Interesting South African mayor wants his city's name changed because it translates to "bull's testicles". French Lick, Indiana, Intercourse, Pennsylvania and Crappo, Maryland unimpressed (95)
(NBC13) Dumbass If you're going to shoot at an SUV at a red light, try to wait until a police officer is NOT right behind the car you're shooting (75)
Yahoo Weird Two words that never should go together: luxury lederhosen (42)
(New York Sun) Interesting NYC cabbies threaten to strike over a proposed law that would require GPS devices in their cabs. Subby's sure it's got nothing to do with the occasional cab driver taking tourists on a 10 mile trip to go from Times Square to 49th Street (85)
(earthtimes.org) Silly Choy Ah Moy found dead in bed. The maid dismayed, cops said she fled. Found her, bound her, put her in a cell. 'Tis the last time she'll eat Taco Bell. *snap* (42)
11 Alive Strange Old and Busted: Swimsuit calendars. New Hotness: Men of the morgue (w/video) (35)
Yahoo Obvious Marine drill instructor charged with 225 counts of abusing worthless maggots (234)
CNN PSA China declares war on tainted products. Democrats respond angrily, demand that China give sanctions more time to work (66)
MSNBC News Vick officially enters guilty plea, here is the full PDF of the plea agreement (277)
Yahoo Sick Man leaves dead mother in her armchair for two years. ABC finally learns where the one "According to Jim" viewer lives (83)
(War) Video Jet Li will kick your ass with style. (Sponsored Link) (130)
CBS New York Dumbass If you test positive for marijuana and work for the NYPD, be more creative than saying that your wife must have spiked your meatballs (91)
Yahoo Amusing Activist displays his wrath, throws grapes at school board members (66)
Fox News Asinine Major League Baseball is selling NYY caps with gang symbol emblems in Harlem. NBA can't believe they didn't think of this first (196)
BBC Interesting Do you know who else liked WW2 propaganda board games? Churchill, that's who (38)
Chicago Tribune Obvious Iraqi Intelligence Report states the obvious: the next six months should see the Iraqi government growing more stable and less sectarian. Nah, just kidding. It's going down faster than Lindsay Lohan at an after party (186)
(NBC 30) Dumbass How to end up charged with a Class D terrorism felony while out for a jog (218)
(Post-Gazette) Obvious Apparrently, it's illegal for adult women to take a 12 year old boy to a whorehouse -- even if it's her treat. Who knew? (107)
Contra Costa Times Dumbass When you're a member of the military and trying to "blog anonymously" about your wacko politics, it's best not to post your picture and description on your 'howtokillpeople.com' website (71)
(Some Guy) Cool M5 V10 powered GT at Frankfurt. It's....it's beautiful (117)
(Halifax Herald) Asinine Woman claims discrimination after being forcefully introduced to local bar's "No Fat Chicks" policy (567)
News.com.au Followup That story about the Australian Prime Minister's office modifying Wikipedia entries? Yeah, the reporters got the IP address wrong and the office never modified anything (21)
SFGate Amusing The real reason Burning Man attendees are called "Burners?" The feeling they experience when they urinate (191)
ABC News Followup Michael Vick's father says he asked Vick to stop the dogfighting, and that people should stop sugarcoating what Vick did. Suck it, NAACP (104)
Yahoo Interesting Astronomers find "hole in universe." Voice of Ed Harris urges against exploring further (337)
(Twins-Falls Times News) Interesting Insurance company sends a private fire department to a wildfire zone in an effort to protect only the homes owned by their more wealthy clients (137)
Daily Mail Interesting British woman goes for weeks without showering, skincare products as an experiment. When asked how she felt, she replied "Je me sens très bien. Un peu graisseux, mais rien trop mauvais" (98)
(WBZ-TV) Scary Patient dies after neurosurgeon operates on the wrong side of the man's brain. Family has half a mind to sue for malpractice (96)
CBC Followup Police profess participation as protestor poseurs (143)
Reuters Interesting Viagra makes men feel like cuddling. Yea, that's the ticket (95)
(AM 900 CHML) Dumbass Man gets angry at bees buzzing his home, flicks lit cigarette at them which lands in the eaves trough, igniting leaves and twigs which leads to the entire home burning down. That'll larn those durn bees (61)
CNN Followup Fark's favourite astronaut wants tracker removed. Because it's not like she's going to drive cross-country wearing a diaper again (64)
ABC News Dumbass Man decides that putting on pants is simply too much trouble just for a simple high-speed police chase (29)
Stuff Stupid Hell Pizza removes its billboard adverts that showed Adolf Hitler returning the Nazi salute with a piece of pizza in his hand. (with pic of the allegedly offensive billboard salute) (354)
Local6 Florida Judge orders yet another shoplifter to walk around town wearing a large sign that says, "I stole from a local store." (pic) (70)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this confounded queen (119)
MSNBC Interesting New documents show that the US has given troops permission to enter Pakistan without permission or notification of Pakistani government. This should end well (236)
AP Hero The Big Mac turns 40, outliving many of its fans (147)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this space-station model thingy (66)
NJ.com Stupid When calling the cops about the burglars on the roof, make sure you let them know you're not the burglar when they arrive (47)
St. Pete Times Florida Congregation cries and gasps in shock as husband-and-wife founders of 22,000-member megachurch announce they're getting divorced in middle of service (147)
(Some Penguin) Interesting Newspapers across the country refuse to print Opus comic to avoid offending Muslims (292)
(WWdN:iX) Wheaton In desperate effort to complete Wheaton trifecta, Wil submits: Klingons Crossing the Delaware (77)
Reuters Scary Jamba Juice employee may have served delicious smoothies with an added boost of Hepatitis A (51)
(Some Guy) Cool Not News: Man has 21st child, News: He is 90. Fark: His current wife is his son's widow (71)
Telegraph Asinine Prison guards ordered to knock on cell doors before entering "to show respect to inmates" (93)
(Suomi Guy) Spiffy Wheelchair-bound nature lovers in Finland enjoy visit to bear country. Bears look forward to enjoying meals-on-wheels (29)
UPI Interesting Wallace shooter set for release. Gromit left speechless (34)
CBS New York Scary When at swanky NYC health club, it's best that you request a private stationary bike. Need proof? Check out this unfortunate soul (100)
The Sun Dumbass Guy worried about his weener size has his brother take his place after the lights are out. Oh yeah, that's a rape charge and an accessory to rape charge as well (139)
UPI Spiffy Border collie from Michigan that can open the fridge and flush the toilet has been named the most talented pet in the US. In other news, those two talents also place him ahead of most of the men in Michigan (50)
(WATE-TV) Scary "You're getting sleepy. Verrry sleeeepy. You smell smoke...wait, I smell smoke" (23)
The Sun Sappy Ugly-assed baby gorilla born in war-torn Congo (w/ pic of it being kissed by its uggo mother) (17)
Reuters Obvious China searches for 17lbs of "missing" uranium. This will not end well (58)
The Newspaper Sad Old and busted: Freeways. New hotness: Charging $25 to drive on a 40-year-old interstate (120)
Daily Mail Scary Amy Winehouse in bloody hotel brawl with junkie husband (with pics) (281)
AJC Scary 34-year-old Teacher who had sex with a 17-year-old student gives birth. OH DEAR GOD MY EYES (109)
Miami Herald Florida Now that tattooing is legal in Key West again for the first time in 40 years drag queens with "meaty biceps" are lining up to get some ink. Oh yeah, there's a pic (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these guys in their flying boat (65)

Thu August 23, 2007
AFP Amusing A South African mayor is pushing for a fresh title for one of the country's main municipalities which translates as "a pair of bull's testicles" (36)
(QC Times) Dumbass Man burgles liquor store, bleeds to death from cut after breaking plate glass window. He did it wrong (60)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Asinine Man thinks he won lottery. Asks clerk to check. Clerk says no. Clerk takes ticket and claims the winnings. Jailarity ensures (121)
Telegraph Interesting Like most people, Mother Teresa was an atheist but was too afraid to admit it (455)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass To FAIL is to shoot yourself in the groin with your own gun. To truly FAIL is to get arrested for unlawful use of a weapon in doing so (93)
(Some DUI) Asinine Nicole Richie pays her debt to society in an hour and a half (161)
Yahoo Dumbass Giuliani hires the same GOP media people who made last year's Harold Ford "Where the white women at?" advertisement (95)
BBC Strange Oil prices down; gasoline prices up. Who says the system's not upside down? (119)
NCBuy Amusing Does the South Korean democracy have room for a 107th candidate, or are 106 enough? (32)
The Tennessean Stupid Man robs another man at gunpoint, then shoots him in the leg. His big haul? $3.00 (54)
AP Strange Unsatisfied with $208 million jackpot, Wisconsin cheese-factory employees win lottery again (54)
MSNBC Misc U.S. officials seize a submarine off the Guatemalan coast carrying supplies to Lindsey Lohan (85)
(LA Weekly) Amusing Goth Day at Disneyland: When the happiest place on Earth hosts the saddest people on Earth, and the line for the Haunted Mansion is longer than ever (236)
(Washington Times) Dumbass Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez tries to smuggle $800,000 in cash to political friends in Argentina, gets caught. Guess whom he blames. Here's a hint: It rhymes with Benighted Plates (227)
Yahoo Ironic Televangelist who speaks about female empowerment beaten in parking lot by husband. Who Would Jesus Duel? (136)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these shoppers (60)
(Some Agent) Plug Improv Everywhere freaks out downtown NYC tourists with its latest MP3 experiment (94)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass Purchasing ecstasy ingredients on eBay using your PayPal account and email address "freebasing@hotmail.com" may make the case against you stronger (175)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass This guy picked the wrong night to take up streaking (108)
Rolling Stone Asinine And I bet you thought Bono already had an inflated sense of self worth. (with creepy pic goodness) (299)
(webbalert) Video Morgan Webb says "penetration" three times in today's WebbAlert video blog (263)
(WGAL) Scary The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture has no idea how mercury and glass shards got into a bag of chicken fingers and then into the mouths of children, but they say that's no reason to stop sales of the product (88)
Yahoo Weird United States: Call 911; wait too long for police and an ambulance. Venezuela: Call emergency; no one shows up at all. Put corpse in taxi and send it to the morgue (90)
FARK Cool Los Angeles Farkin' Pirate Party this Saturday, me mateys (107)
SLTrib Dumbass Job-site feud erupts into nail-gun shooting (82)
MSNBC Amusing Newspaper catches hell for portraying Jesus as the Marlboro man (257)
BBC Amusing Scotland lifts livestock movement ban. Scots rejoice, make immediate plans to visit their girlfriends (34)
(wsb-am) Hero Neal Boortz, Clark Howard and others are raising money again for the Aflac Cancer Center for kids (108)
LA Times Interesting Despite conventional wisdom, many bloggers do real journalism. Examples include stories such as "Scientists Determine My Cat is World's Cutest" and "Asshat Boyfriend Fails to Remember Local Woman's Birthday" (65)
Detroit News Interesting Oprah, Paris Hilton subpoenaed in Detroit record producer's lawsuit alleging racial discrimination at Canadian border crossing (92)
AP Dumbass Basic drug-dealing rule No. 1: Don't be so easy to describe that the cops will find you 10 minutes later at the corner 7-Eleven. With mugshot (105)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Dumbass We've all wanted to stab ourselves while standing in line at the airport, but most of us don't go through with it (46)
Sign On San Diego Interesting Officials spent the day yesterday trying to determine how a Chula Vista business park had treated sewage flowing from its water taps for two years (87)
Seattle Times Wheaton Wheaton to deliver keynote speech tomorrow at PAX. When was the last time a Wheaton trifecta was in play? When "Star Trek" was still good (188)
SFGate Amusing From the This-Should-End-Well Department: News channel adds on-air chat room with female anchor (71)
(The Local) Amusing Top Swedish politician accidentally comes out of the closet on Facebook. Daughter pushes him back in (40)
(Daily Herald) Interesting New law regarding police training will allow police to know how to handle a suspect who counts toothpicks really fast (57)
(KPTV) Dumbass Campers capture creepy peeper lurking about women's crapper, tie him to tree for that special picture (130)
MDN Weird Latest Japanese geek fetish? One-eyed virginal maid mummies (141)
Local6 Florida If an armed society is a polite society and everyone in Orlando is rude, what could possibly go wrong when half of Orlando is armed? (606)
NYPost Followup Like her soul, Leona Helmsley gets roasted at her funeral (65)
(Some dude, man) Spiffy Dreadlocked hippie on trial for bringing pot plant to courthouse as "evidence" (70)
SuperDeluxe Plug The penis-pump judge and speeders all have something in common (28)
(Caledonian Record.com) Dumbass Good news: Someone found your cell phone and turned it in to the police for you. Bad news: You left the pictures of your marijuana-growing operation on it (126)
Boston Globe Amusing Copyright infringement lawsuit over sanitary pads finally coming to an end after a long period (98)
(Rocky Mountain Collegian) Weird As college students begin fall semester, it's important to remember the essentials: Pencils, notebooks, calculator, mongoose (42)
(Some Guy) Florida Naked dancing man on downtown street evades police (44)
Daily Mail Amusing Two women charged with "outraging public decency" after flashing their boobies at a CCTV camera that swivelled in their direction at beach. Pics? Why, yes, there are (251)
(Some Guy) Followup Hayden Panettiere now owns countless hours of cheerleader porn courtesy of fans after quip on Letterman (150)
(TV Scoop) Interesting Director who brought you "My Penis and I" is ready to direct his next penis-related project for the BBC (31)
AFP Scary Japanese man gives the prime minister the finger. Literally (46)
(Elmira Star-Gazette) Strange Police say that they still don't know why the naked guy was climbing the cliff before he fell, but they'd like to announce that he's getting better (15)
(NY Daily News) Followup WABC welcomes back Bob Grant, fired under pressure from Al Sharpton, et al. 12 years ago for a comment made after then-Commerce Secretary Ron Brown was killed in a plane crash. In other news, Imus to return to WFAN in 2019 (65)
(Metro) Amusing Carnival parade entry features burkha-clad "Muslim Page 3 pin-ups" such as Miss Sleptwithajudgistan and Miss Hairyassisbadistan (146)
(Some gal) Spiffy ...and finally, the latest in technology for your child: The Toddler Taser (72)
EITB24 Scary Colombian reality show rewards dirtiest sex (101)
(Ft. Worth Star Telegram) Dumbass You can't just go around slapping the firm asses of 18-year-old women, even if you are a police officer performing a traffic stop (115)
(Nashville Scene) Weird Why lap dances are illegal in Nashville, but group sex is just fine (74)
Reuters Scary Georgia: "Stop sending warplanes across our border." Russia: "What warplanes?" Georgia: "Those. The ones dropping the missiles." Russia: "Grow up. You're hallucinating" (121)
(Huzzah!) Photoshop Photoshop this Grand Wizard (78)
Reuters Followup The country of Vietnam would like to say a few words about Bush comparing it to Iraq (204)
AFP Interesting A moose warmed my climate once. No really, it was standing there belching and ... (163)
(Some Cracker) Interesting White man wins $150,000 in reverse discrimination suit against black former boss who called him "stupid white boy, cracker and polack" (597)
BBSpot Wheaton Wil Wheaton indicted for running robot fighting ring (137)
(Mail Tribune) Stupid Police arrest three ninjas after months-long crime spree. Naturally, police suspect the boys were trying to be just like that icon of the ninja community, Jackie Chan (49)
Sun Sentinel Florida State reverses itself, says drivers will still be required to have auto insurance after October 1st. Or maybe not. They're not really sure. Just stay out of any wrecks for awhile to be safe (48)
The Tennessean Ironic Nashville schools may have to use snow days because of the heat (46)
UPI Ironic Britain suffering shortage of midwives because so many are knocked up and are being counted on the demand side rather than the supply side (46)
(metro.co.uk) Asinine Thinking about having a drink, citizen? You must leave the area for 48 hours, or face prosecution for thoughtcrime. Welcome to Airstrip One (147)
Daily Mail Strange Chicken owner pays £2,000 to remove his pet's leg, because you can't eat a chicken that great all at once (37)
Sky News Strange Ugly-ass two-headed cow born in California. With pic (62)
(Metro) Strange Boy charged for tossing his sausage (41)
News.com.au Interesting Not news: Man swims 18 kilometers across the Strait of Gibraltar. News: Completes swim in six hours, 20 minutes. Fark: The man has no arms (33)
(lohudmoms.com) Interesting Ten "must have" college dorm necessities (268)
Guardian.com Sad If you recently bought "salmon" from Thailand, yeah, you're dead. Hope you have Larry King reading the Bible on cassette to get you through to morning (53)
(Some Guy) Stupid Two stupid South Carolina students stupidly suspended for having stupid haircuts (128)
Toronto Star Obvious New study determined Toronto is the most boring place in Canada – and that's saying something (84)
Sign On San Diego Misc Feds to try deporting 60 gang members. They were here to bust caps in your ass that American gangsters wouldn't (54)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this covered boater (84)
Reuters Ironic Israel's only crematorium burns to the ground (85)
(KPHO-TV) Sick A 23-year-old woman is accused of trying to kill her estranged husband by stabbing him in the chest with a kitchen knife while they were having sex, officers said (101)
AJC Interesting Exposed boxer shorts and thongs may soon be illegal in Atlanta. Some are already complaining that the proposed law is racist and will promote racial profiling (196)
CNN Spiffy Happy 400th, Texas (305)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 120: Photograph boats: Barges, ocean liners, tugboats and other watercraft capable of carrying people. Difficulty: No bath or pool toys. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (368)

Wed August 22, 2007
(Some Guy) Scary Fox News' drumbeat for war with Iran is eerily similar to its drumbeat for war with Iraq. With side-by-side comparison goodness (529)
Forbes Obvious Unmarried and single people continually discriminated against, own lots of cats (226)
MDN Obvious China Airlines officials deal with exploded jet wreckage in professional manner: They paint over the "China Airlines" name and logo on the plane to limit PR damage (with before/after photos) (91)
News.com.au Sad Rare pregnant rhinoceros at Australian Zoo dies after eating 19 gallons of sand (91)
Chicago Tribune Amusing Most popular dog name: Max. Most popular cat name: Max (215)
ESPN Asinine This may go down as one of the greatest shellackings in baseball history (301)
(WBZTV) Spiffy Firefighters rescue 6 cats from house fire (with free-falling feline photo) (48)
Fox News Scary National Intelligence Director Mike McConnell comfirms it: "AT&T: Your World. Delivered. To The Government." (113)
Slate Sad RIP Weekly World News -- The critical buzz on the tabloid's demise (74)
UPI Obvious Actual Headline: Smoking bans reduce smoking (95)
(some number countin' guy) Spiffy Wii officially outsells Xbox 360 and PS3. Suck it, HD loving FPS playing basement dwelling pimple sporting dweebs. The senior citizens have spoken, and they want their bowling (312)
(Some Guy) Cool John Elway is now a high school football coach (74)
(wfmz.com) Sappy Rottweiler has soft spot for kitten. Surprisingly it's not her stomach. Your dog wants a ball of yarn (w/pic goodness) (87)
ABC News Sick The. Worst. Article. Topic. EVAR (215)
Yahoo Sad "OMFG Vick killed dogs let's lock him up" "What do we do with the leftover dogs?" "Oh those? Just kill them." (282)
AJC Dumbass "Barbie Bandit" pleads guilty to theft, being totally hittable (w/crying pic goodness) (98)
Google Photoshop Theme: Uncover the super secret photographic evidence that "they" don't want us to see (86)
Yahoo Followup That bridge collapse in Minneapolis? Yup, it was caused by pigeon poop (92)
Canada.com Stupid City folks moving to farming town threaten to sue for their "right" to rural peace because of animal noises (81)
Telegraph Amusing That story about drug testing an entire city by using sewer water? Yeah well, the Brits did it two years ago. Bonus: Findings suggested cocaine use in London were 15 times higher than official estimates (46)
MSNBC Stupid The 10 best foods you aren't eating. Silly me, how have I passed up the goji berries at Kroger all these years? (143)
Yahoo Stupid 41% of Americans still think invading Iraq was a good idea (360)
Yahoo Stupid The bad boys of rock-n-roll in trouble again. Drugs? Nope. Underage groupies? Nope. Tax evasion? Nope. Smoking on stage... yep, the Fun Police are in action once again (65)
Yahoo Dumbass Two kids find out the only frisbees that weigh 13 pounds are made by BLAM-O (82)
Stuff Stupid Today's bullshiat made-up medical problem: "E-stress: A chronic condition caused by checking one's email too often." (76)
News.com.au Sad Redheads expected to be extinct somewhere between 2060 and 2100. Farkers everywhere inconsolable (690)
Fox News Florida Lawyer argues that client who took photo up woman's skirt did nothing wrong because ... wait for it ... there's no expectation of privacy in a public place (111)
Yahoo Cool Future Fark party in Brattleboro, Vermont? (38)
(Some Blogger) Unlikely Blogs should get the same protections as high quality journalistic endeavors such as TV Guide, Redbook, and Maxim (29)
(YNet News) Interesting Israeli porn websites report up to 10 percent of their clicks are from Muslim countries. Favorite galleries: "Miss Rachel disciplines the very naughty Arab serving girl" (279)
ESPN Spiffy 59-year old makes Division III college football team. Better not step on his lawn (70)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Unlikely Sergeant suspects witches vandalized Palm Springs home, turning chairs upside down and hanging pictures backwards. Really? Witches? (104)
WFTV Followup State legislator apologizes to local NAACP chapter for feeling so intimidated by "stocky black man" that he had to offer him $20 for sex (103)
(The Olympian) Stupid Headline: "What cleavage tells the world about a woman's brain." This has potential (520)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Dumbass Parent of the Year candidates arrested for forcing daughter to fight schoolmate. When mom pulled the pair apart because precious was losing and started using her as a weapon, things got weird (105)
Yahoo Interesting So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish (136)
(WJAR) Asinine Man convicted of embezzling $12 million currently making restitution payments of $75 a month, will have debt paid off in 13,000 years (42)
ABC News Asinine Tired of falling behind in the race to see who can abuse their patients the most, VA hospital in Los Angeles dumps patients on Skid Row just like private hospitals do (171)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "Nope, I was just delivering this overpass and ran outta gas" (49)
(Shreveport Times) Dumbass Introducing the new Huggies 3000. Absorbs 10 times its own weight in methamphetamine (27)
MSNBC Obvious If you're gonna cheat on your wife, be sure she doesn't have access to DNA testing materials at work (89)
CBC Amusing War Child Canada makes hoax ads for children's summer camp featuring activities such as grenade toss, firing AK-47s on the range, and getting shot full of drugs to make you obedient. Best. Camp. Ever (94)
(Some Dumb Journalist) Obvious Young, ugly reporter writes a column comparing his impending marriage to getting hit by a bus. His soon-to-be ex-fiancée unavailable for comment (224)
eBay Amusing Sick of your little bastards dumping stuff into your cart at the grocery store? Take back the power with eBay (226)
Boston Globe Cool Jonathan Papelbon invents a new pitch, names it after Bea Arthur (455)
NYPost Dumbass "You know, from what I understand, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors." -- Stephon Marbury. So just for the record, illegal + closed doors = legal (517)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Powerball winner Jack Whittaker is back in court. Could settle issue for $500, but is looking to protect his good name on principle (50)
AZCentral Asinine Sketching a picture of a laser gun in your middle school class? That's a suspendin' (314)
AJC Stupid Progressive Insurance keeps your rates low by infiltrating your church meetings and support groups (98)
Sun Sentinel Followup Asshat (who robbed Subway then apologized) comes back a week later, robs them again and apologizes again (25)
Sky.com Scary RAF jets scrambled to counter Russian threat. No, this is not a repeat, and no, you haven't gone back in time (161)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Purdue University pays $500,000 settlement to parents of genius who got drunk and thought a high-voltage electrical utility room was a door into the dorm (97)
Yahoo Amusing So Bill Murray's got driving a golf cart drunk going for him. Which is nice (209)
Daily Mail Ironic Friends organizing a "fake wake" for an 80-year-old friend dismayed that they have to cancel it because he died (32)
(Some Guy) Interesting Virginia's drunk driving deaths increased by 16.1 percent -- which is nothing compared to the Mormon state of Utah's 63.6 percent increase. Where is your Jehovah now? (83)
(bangkokpost.com) Dumbass Sucky: Having a heart attack. Suckier: Dying from it. Duke-level suckage: Being found dead wearing 15 bras and a mini-skirt (61)
(Some Guy) Obvious A Catholic priest facing federal charges for: A) Bank fraud, wire fraud and money-laundering? B) Diddling little boys? C) Eating meat on Fridays? Or C) Having hookers and blow in his confessional? (66)
Valleywag Followup How a (now former?) Fox employee failed to hack Fark. Subpoenas on deck, BTW (480)
BBC Interesting The Fight Card for WWIII is begining to take shape. It looks like it'll be a tag team match with China and Russia on one side, and Japan, Australia, India and the U.S. on the other (614)
Yahoo Followup Self-proclaimed pedophile blogger released from L.A. jail, now available for boots to the head (129)
ABC News Interesting Woman, 102, could be world's oldest recording artist. When asked about her secret to longevity, she replied, "Snorting my dad's ashes" (15)
BBC Strange Headline of the day: "Monk dies in freak mower accident" (46)
ABC News Obvious Porn star takes the name "China Barbie," proceeds to get the lead out in movies, such as "Me Luv You Long Time" and "Ethnic Cheerleaders 8." For some reason, Mattel has a huge honkin' problem with this (102)
(Fair dinkum) Silly Welcome to Australia, where indoor plumbing is a fairly new phenomenon even for members of parliament (26)
St. Pete Times Florida Retirement city to hold first annual erotic-art show. Highlights include shuffleboard sex toys (22)
Canoe Asinine Young boy who has eight months to live will be evicted because he has dogs that were given to him as a gift (154)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this early morning subway scene (73)
(Post-Gazette) Weird McDonald's opens museum to honor Big Mac, perpetuate charade that "special sauce" isn't just Thousand Island dressing (94)
Yahoo Stupid Uganda trifecta in play as Ugandans demonstrate against gays. Because Uganda dosn't have any more pressing issues than gays. Uganda (161)
WMCTV Hero Maybe starting a bikini lawn service in the Bible Belt was not such a good idea (214)
LA Times Followup L.A. Times solves the mystery of those UFO videos on YouTube. OR HAVE THEY? (77)
The Sun Strange Woman who hasn't heard from her mother in five years sees her on a TV program called "Filthy Rich and Homeless" (26)
JSOnline Asinine Veteran: I got the Medal of Honor in combat in Vietnam, here's my proof. Federal investigators: O RLY? (189)
Jalopnik Dumbass British tycoon "too busy" to bother getting his $160k car out of impound over $10k in fines. In related news, the Brits seem to have some kickass towing methods (pic) (62)
BBC Interesting Record numbers of Britons leaving the UK permanently, seeking cheaper housing, sunnier skies, dentists (238)
(Inside Higher Ed) Dumbass Illinois State University business school threatens to kick out business students who don't come to class in "business casual." Hey, if the liberal-arts students have to wear their future business attire to class, so do you (255)
(Some Guy) Interesting Unlike his namesake, Hurricane Dean appears capable of reorganizing and making a pretty effective second run (70)
CNN Stupid Bush to invoke Vietnam in defending Iraq. Because that one worked out so well (468)
BBC News Iraq crash kills 14 U.S. soldiers (123)
The Sun Sad Taliban fanatics taunting British soldiers' wives over the soldiers' cell phones. Taunts include the popular "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." The Sun is there vicariously (76)
Kotaku Dumbass Your Xbox 360 gets too hot -- what do you do? A) Turn it off? B) Point a fan at it? Or C) Set in it a pan of water? (108)
(The Moscow Times) Scary When a woman sets your loins afire it's usually a good thing. Not for this poor sap (39)
Telegraph Obvious Banning public smoking will be the end of English literature (92)
The Sun Obvious British nurses banned from wearing their uniforms outside hospitals for some damn reason or another. Whatever. Anyway, article comes complete with pic of NILF (82)
(Daily Mail) Sad BBC anchorwoman causes a stir by showing "shapely calves" on Newscast. Don't they have The Naked News in Britain? (89)
(wvrecord.com) Obvious Pissed off inmate sues jail after crappy toilet collapses while he was sitting on it; is probably shiat out of luck (21)
(Some Guy) Scary Once again, the Canine of Peace strikes on innocents. Your dog has had about enough of this (256)
MSNBC Scary Kinda News: Forest fire in California. News: Becomes second-largest state wildfire in modern history. Fark: It's been burning since July 4th (63)
ABC News Scary New DNA mapping test allows you to identify what diseases you'll get 30 years from now. You might as well know about it - your insurance company sure as hell does (65)
(Some Guy) Obvious I shot an arrow in the air / Where it fell I know not where / But the fact that it's now stuck in my brother / Suggests I've got one problem or another (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Sabotage this automobile race, you dastardly photoshoppers (89)
Yahoo Interesting Chemists take time out of their busy schedules to figure out why dark-roasted coffee tastes like ass. Still no cure for... oh, nevermind (65)
Guardian.com Obvious South Carolina prison system defends plan to dress inmates who commit sex crimes in pink, saying they look 'purtier' that way (71)
(KCAU) Spiffy Woman saved from home explosion while stooping to pick up a dropped spoon at the moment of the blast (49)

Tue August 21, 2007
CBS Philadelphia Sad Former NBA star killed after his SUV collides with a freight train in a fiery crash (119)
Google News Word of mouth from the scene says cops just found a body in the student center parking lot at Georgia Tech. Lot is roped off with spotlights, white vans, and guys in white plastic suits (231)
IOL Strange This week's "98 crocodiles found hanging out around a suburban home" story brought to you from Veracruz, Mexico. Cat ladies worldwide hearts aflutter (24)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "The hotel manager called a meeting, gave us tuna sandwiches and water and said we had to stay in our bathroom. On your honeymoon you expect to sleep in a kingsize bed" (99)
Sci Fi Unlikely Army intel officer confirms UFO crashed at Roswell, says he handled "memory metal" debris from the wreckage. Also debunks the "weather balloon" cover story (223)
Local6 Florida Just sit right back and you'll read a tale, a tale of a school bus trip, that started down in you-know-where, with a driver dumb as shiat (62)
Fox News Strange "Researchers have figured out how to give an entire community a drug test using just a teaspoon of wastewater from a city's sewer plant" (73)
ABC News Sad One in four Americans did not read a book last year. Which kind of explains a lot (271)
(Some Guy) Stupid Officials are planting fake coyotes and alligators at a pond to scare away flocks of wildfowl, because who wants wild birds in their parks? (47)
(Some Guy) Interesting Barnes & Noble won't stock the new Simpson book, "If I Did It." D'oh (93)
News.com.au Strange Want your kids gets beat up after school every day? Name him after Captain Picard. Or Neo. Or Amidala. Geeks shouldn't reproduce (220)
AFP Dumbass Hugo Time: Venezuela's dictator for life to move country's clocks ahead by 30 minutes at the start of 2008. Because he can. So there (219)
CBS News Asinine State attorney sues after she's fired for answering newspaper's questions about Karl Rove's voting eligibility in TX (73)
SeattlePI Asinine Fifteen-year-old without parents buys one-way ticket with cash and no ID, gets on plane and flies from Alaska to Seattle. But you still can't take your coffee on the plane (131)
(PennLive) Dumbass School district backs down on plans to allow only red, white, or blue clothing, but holds on to T-shirt ban. 9/11 (110)
Yahoo Obvious Watchdog group finds "brutal conditions" at eight Chinese plants that make toys. Walt Disney Company said that it will investigate any such allegations and move production to other facilities where they're less likely to get caught (96)
CBS New York Strange NYC has record-breaking cold for an August day. So, how about that global warming? (316)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lady waiting for the elevator (72)
(Der Spiegel) Hero 150-year-old brewery in Pakistan is preparing to bring their first 20-year-old single-malt whisky to the market, despite the fact that sales are restricted to three percent of the population (77)
(Post-Gazette) Dumbass Pennsyltucky sportsmen go into full meltdown mode after hearing that there will be four days in September when they cannot buy guns (191)
(Radar Magazine) Ironic "To Catch A Predator" founder could face solicitation charges (448)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Game tickets: $50. Engagement ring: $3000. Being humiliated on the Jumbotron by your girlfriend: Priceless (333)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass Who hasn't gotten drunk and tried to ride wild ponies and tackle deer? Bill Brasky once ate a whole live chicken. Now that's impressive (71)
Wonkette Obvious Popular neo-con "think tank" proposes nuking *Iraq,* making Bush Jr. dictator of the world and killing all Arabs. (Oh yeah: Cheney was on the board of directors of said think tank) (509)
Yahoo Strange God damn, it's good to be young and white (341)
MSNBC Obvious Pentagon says it is shutting down controversial TALON threat database that also tracked peaceful protesters. In other news, the Pentagon announced a new, totally unrelated threat database called ALONTAY (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing From the International Association of the No Duh Institute, study shows recalled items often resold on online auctions (15)
CBC Scary Men pay $5 for topless carwash, only to find out the topless washers were male, not female (77)
(Some Tanzanian) Spiffy If you pocketed a $30K pair of teeth in Denver recently, the Republic of Tanzania would like to have a word with you (18)
(nbc11.com) Interesting Which is more newsworthy? The fact that Steve Wozniak got busted for driving 104 mph, or that he reached that speed in a Prius? (133)
(Some Guy) News The Illinois politician named Ryan that wasn't involved in proposed orgies with a "Star Trek" actress had his prison sentence upheld by Appeals Court (171)
CNN Amusing Missing body parts of famous people (126)
(NWF Daily News) Dumbass Man rescued after missing at sea for hours. Last seen jumping off a boat to rescue his beer bong (34)
(KSL.com) Dumbass You know what they say: If you want the best dope, ask the police chief's stripper wife (85)
USA Today Obvious Head of the Islamic Society of North America really tired of making "We condemn [insert terrorism incident] speeches" (382)
Des Moines Register Interesting Just another placid evening in Des Moines -- the birds singing, children playing, a crazy naked chick attacking people with a hammer (124)
Canoe Amusing Japanese arm-wrestling game recalled after people break their arms trying to beat it (104)
Reuters Spiffy Texas is coming up on its 400th execution. Not as memorable as Fark's three millionth thread, but sure to get similar reaction (301)
Herald Tribune Followup The "missile launcher" that was traded for new shoes during a Florida gun buyback program was actually a carrying case for an anti-tank wire-guided missile, available on eBay for $20... which, by the way, is a great price for new Nikes (58)
Reuters Amusing Study proves that breaking up is easier than you thought. Suck it up, princess (345)
(Some Guy) Strange Man spends 15 years typing out the numbers from one to one million -- in letters, not numbers -- because he “wanted something to do” (pic) (251)
(Autoblog.com) Amusing Why sampling the product is a bad idea: Man renovating old, rusty VW bus pulls up floorboards and discovers 14 pounds of pot hippies had apparently forgotten about (with pics) (143)
Boston Globe Obvious The ghost of Affirmative Action returns. More than half of minority teacher applicants in Massachusetts failed the certification test. Race card hilarity ensues (965)
CNN Followup Unlike that first car you ever owned, space shuttle makes it home intact, again (129)
AFP Unlikely Organizers of a duathlon in Scotland have taken out a $1.97 million insurance policy against attack by the Loch Ness monster (51)
Yahoo Followup White House lawyers ask Congress for additional time to respond to subpoenas on the NSA wiretap program. It seems the documents are in Cheney's office and no one has figured out how to withstand his Force lightning (173)
(Some Guy) Cool Shuttle Endeavor landing thread, anyone? Deorbit burn is underway (423)
Houston Chronicle Followup Vet told to buy own Purple Heart gets it for free (72)
(Information Week) Dumbass From the Smart People Doing Dumbass Things Department: Former MIT professor and Internet entrepeneur found guilty of faking his own attempted murder (34)
Daily Mail Amusing Barclays Bank removes giant metal eagle from roof of its headquarters. Because you know who else had a giant metal eagle on the roof of his headquarters… (145)
(Some Guy) Florida Man paints mural for his wife. He considers it a work of art but one great state considers it an advertisment sign for his business (with pretty pic) (104)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this field (92)
The Smoking Gun Amusing The Smoking Gun brings you: U.S. soldier's review of new MREs, and why the acronym stands for Meals Refused by Ethiopians (308)
Yahoo Weird Apparently getting stoned and banging your girlfriend in the Taco Bell parking lot is now newsworthy on a national level (109)
News.com.au Followup That Aussie politician who visited the strip club? His campaign MySpace is now accepting strip clubs as friends (39)
(Now Magazine) Weird Internet terrorist video threatens David Beckham and Justin Timberlake, leaving many conflicted about now supporting Al-Qaeda (86)
IndyStar Obvious Indy Star discovers that providing a forum for their readers to comment on news stories is like giving any moron with an Internet connection a bathroom wall to scrawl their ignorance upon (230)
SeattlePI Obvious Reporter discovers that panhandlers spend all that change on drugs and alcohol. But hey, at least he's not shiatting you (316)
Yahoo Weird Man rides mule from Minnesota to Wyoming. Boy, was his ass tired (40)
ABC 4 Obvious From the Same Shiat, Different Day Department: Mine and Health Safety administrator oversaw the most unsafe mines in the U.S. before being appointed by Dubya (235)
(Hollywood Tuna) Cool The day has finally come. Hayden Panettiere is 18 (324)
Click On Detroit Scary Not news: Man catches fish in Michigan lake. News: It's a piranha. Fark: It's farking HUGE (107)
SMH Unlikely Teasing great whites with plump, tasty humans in cages doesn't make the sharks more likely to want to eat people, say tour operators (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man, sending text message, avoids getting hit by train, continues on his way across tracks, texting. Ta- (110)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old photo of a metal worker, then get off my damn lawn (93)
Yahoo Asinine White House enacts strict rules to keep health insurance from middle and low income children. Suck it, kids (782)
(Some Guy) Stupid If you robbed a bank wearing hard hat and construction gear, the police and The Village People are looking for you (32)
(The Age) Scary Man pretends to be senior engineer with airline, spends 12 months repairing aircraft before anyone notices. Officials claim his ball-bearing use tipped them off (101)

Mon August 20, 2007
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Cool Hikers find WWII Airman frozen in Sierra Nevada glacier (130)
(Edmonton Sun) Silly Edmonton has record number of homeless ferrets. Wait...what? (66)
CBS New York Spiffy News: 53-year-old woman hits hole-in-one. Fark: Oh yeah, she's blind (59)
ABC News Florida Miami is the only city in the country with a municipal team of "chicken busters" (54)
UPI Cool Norwegian students undergo weapons training to fend off polar bears (78)
Denver Post Interesting Planned Parenthood will build a $4.2 million headquarters on property it bought in secret last year. Right-to-lifers are not amused (514)
Yahoo Asinine Researchers discover that girls really do prefer pink. Submitter seeking funds to study blueness of sky, wetness of water (144)
Tulsa World Amusing Not News: Someone steals from a co-ed's parked car. Fark: The police dispatcher was playing Super Mario when article pic was taken. Bonus: Submitter is the dispatcher (271)
Sign On San Diego Obvious ACLU says too many public surveillance cameras are being deployed unchallenged. If you have a problem with the camera policy talk to your urinal cake and we'll get back to you (121)
(WJLA.com) Stupid Rep. Bob Filner (D-CA) indicted after applying the Cynthia McKinney method for passing through Federal security (85)
(TechRepublic) Cool '74 Dodge Monaco with cop motor, cop tires, and cop shocks spotted jumping open drawbridge in Google Earth (121)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shrine (71)
CBS Baltimore Scary 50-lb. rabid beaver attacks 2 in Townsen, MD. Then it gets weird (150)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Followup Recently discovered Edmund Fitzgerald life ring most likely a fake (108)
USA Today Stupid Walking is too much for the fatties in the TV show "Fat March," with emergency room visits for dehydration, stress fractures, and cankle pain (451)
Sun Sentinel Florida Lawsuit happy citizen arrested getting into a vehicle AFTER an accident in order to cash in (103)
Yahoo Cool A one-legged U.A.E. father of 78 is lining up his next two wives in a bid to reach his target of 100 children by 2015 (186)
(The Consumerist) Scary Beware of video cameras at the movie theater. They're not recording the movie, they're recording the audience (235)
AFP Silly Because reaching into your pocket/bag to turn on your iPod is too troublesome, Japan has come up with a way to start it by clenching your teeth. Bring on the dentist bills (60)
(Daily Herald) Misc State to hold eBay auction today. Iowa expected to fetch $50 (50)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Dumbass Foolish felony fugitive from Florida found floating finally fingered; flight foiled, fool forfeits freedom (60)
IOL Strange School proposes virginity test for female students, cancels it on concerns about how it might lower GPAs (112)
Denver Post Unlikely Don't worry parents, your kids value their relationship with you more than they like sex or booze (41)
Homestar Runner Spiffy Fashionably late (57)
(Spank Daddy D) Asinine Thailand has nothing on McMinnville Oregon, where it apparently costs $250 to spank a 13-year old girl (187)
(NBC) Dumbass Your Tax Dollars At Work: Chicken houses may get homeland security funds because they are a potential terror target (76)
News.com.au Followup That Aussie politician who visited the strip club? Did we mention his sister-in-law was a stripper, too? (44)
Washington Post Interesting Envision an America without pants (185)
MSNBC NewsFlash Ronaldo Mexico strikes plea dealeo (902)
Daily Mail Amusing Terrorist threat adverted at Orlando Airport after a 7-year old is detained (65)
Independent Scary ♫ Sharif don't like the / Brits in Basra, Brits in Basra ♫ (49)
WNBC Strange A janitor is suing coworkers for allegedly topping his pizza with LSD. The dude obviously never saw how cool it was to mop on acid (125)
Guardian.com Weird SWAT team takes down Batman and Captain America at the Lincoln Memorial. These Marvel/DC cross-over comics are getting pretty stupid (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious Top US experts say Russia, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and Israel are 'allies' that do not serve America's national security interests (166)
Guardian.com Strange Guy robs store at vibrator-point, might have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those sticky nibs (37)
Kansas.com PSA Few parents in Kansas test their kids for lead exposure - which would explain a whole hell of a lot about Kansas (41)
Abc.net.au Asinine A diabetic man needed emergency care after airline security confiscated his needles and insulin on a flight from Norway to Australia. Who does this guy think he is, Madonna? (86)
(Louisville Courier-Urinal) Sick Our casino has the loosest slots, bladders (74)
(Media Bistro) Interesting Keith Olbermann, the world's most courageous hero this side of Brady Quinn, who bestrides the Earth as a risen god, will get a chance in prime time (497)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this sand hand worshipping wooden man (63)
(Some Well Armed Guy) Obvious Interpol statistics show crime rates markedly higher in Europe than in the U.S. Remember, an armed society is a polite society (337)
(Spiegel online) Weird The distance was 100 meters. The field was 100 women. The prize was €10,000. The setting was Berlin. And the shoes? The shoes were stilettos (42)
Stuff Strange Man appeals a court decision where he was found not guilty by reasons of insanity of attempted murder. His appeal is based on the fact that the court didn't depose the "sun god" who told him to attack a man on a subway (33)
(25 weight loss mistakes) Obvious 1.eat 2.munch 3.gorge 4.pig 5.chow 6.slurp 7.ingest 8.consume 9.dine 10.feed 11.chew 12.swallow 13.wolf 14.suck 15.feast 16.graze 17.scarf 18.nosh 19. partake 20.gobble 21.snack 22.nibble 23.gnaw 24.taste 25.drink (161)
(The Weather Channel) Followup Hurricane Dean set to hit Yucatan, put it on double secret probation (77)
Yahoo Sick Cat poop coffee is back in the news for no apparent reason (84)
(metro.co.uk) Interesting Collection of Nazi board games up for sale. Includes "Bombers Over England" and a V-1 game. Just the thing to keep the kids busy on those rainy days when you can't cross the English Channel. They're Hitler-riffic (130)
Aftenposten.no Obvious Norwegian jails shocked, SHOCKED that convicted criminals asked to show up to serve jail time don't. Despite the fact failing to show to serve jail time is not a crime (85)
AP Asinine Nonfederally recognized native-American tribes offering memberships to illegal aliens at $50 a pop. Nigerians impressed (123)
Canada.com Spiffy Malaysia awards medals to pirate-DVD nabbing dogs, bomb sniffing dogs could only find Rob Lowe DVDs (27)
(News 13) Florida Having successfully grabbed political power, The Knights Who Say Ni are threatening to use the courts in Florida to enforce their shrubbery demands (45)
Yahoo Amusing Scientists trying to inventory universe find majority is missing, blame wives for moving molecules from counter where they had left them (280)
SuperDeluxe Plug Fark TV - The sequel to last year's Homeless Soccer episode: Homeless Runners (47)
(NorthJersey) Dumbass Robbery School 101, Lesson A: Don't lock your keys in the getaway car (18)
CBS New York Sad Leona Helmsley dies of heart failure at 87. New Yorkers confused, were unaware she had a heart in the first place (146)
BBC Weird Clown who happens to also be a Church of England priest baptizes two children at the circus, promptly shoots them out of a canon (53)
News.com.au Dumbass Father goes into hiding after tricking his family into thinking he won €85.88 million in the lottery. And you thought your dad's jokes were lame (57)
BBC Amusing If you agree to climb a mountain for charity, you may want to check first that you don't have to do it with your head up a friend's bottom (37)
Independent Amusing Sultan of Brunei agrees to buy ancient copy of the Koran, then backs out of deal. Sellers find that they can't sue him for breach of contract for one important reason: he has declared himself infallible (113)
Yahoo Obvious China Airlines plane catches fire on Japanese runway. Witnesses observed the passengers get out and run around the airplane before getting back in (121)
MDN Weird Hand-jobs and boob-groping for charity? Must be Japan (72)
News.com.au Dumbass "Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage" (98)
(Macon Daily Online) Hero Ladies and gentlemen ... introducing the next governor of the Great State of Michigan: TEDDDD NUUUUUGENTTTTTT (422)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old-time drugstore and its clients (84)
Telegraph Obvious One in five British teens admits drinking a bottle of wine each week. Rookies (78)
LA Times Stupid Glamping. The wussification of America continues (799)
This Is Local London Amusing Drug smugglers stash £23,000 worth of heroin in woods and would have gotten away with it if not for those pesky kids (32)
St. Pete Times Florida Eighty-two-year-old "tough old bird" meets home invader with ice pick at the ready (65)
News.com.au Sad Three men steal an elderly woman's wheelchair so they wouldn't have to walk to the pub (59)



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