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Sun September 02, 2007
Daily Mail Followup Remember that hottie's lost camera and the Facebook campaign to find it? Yeah, it was a porn publicity stunt (86)
CNN Sad What is the black private hole, that makes the girls lose all control? MINE SHAFT, you damn right (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "But you promised that you wouldn't give any tickets for the first thirty days" whines man busted by a new speed camera while driving 110mph (38)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Spiffy LA turns 226 on Sunday... But can still pass for 115 thanks to all the work it's had done (52)
Boston Globe Dumbass If at first you don't succeed, crash crash again (28)
Arizona Star Sad Under the wheels of a tractor trailer is a very bad place to take a nap (41)
AP Interesting Wildlife agencies express concern that the number of hunters are falling, will stop issuing hunter-hunting licenses to deer and elk for a while (56)
MSNBC Spiffy Bargaining with Wiccan gods earns man $32M after taxes (93)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man arrested for not showing receipt in Circuit City (584)
BBC Dumbass Swedish punks riot in Copenhagen over closure of youth center, saying that just because the city owned the building doesn't mean they had any right to sell it (58)
SeattlePI Amusing For English, press 1. For Spanish, beat the hell out of this checkout terminal with the crowbar you are trying unsuccessfully to purchase (109)
(Some Proletariat Guy) Photoshop What if Stalin had Photoshop? Link goes to examples of what he managed to do without it (57)
Yahoo Silly A running toilet is tackled by a security guard at a Colorado college football game in an attempt to promote water conservation by fixing running toilets. No, seriously. With a picture (69)
MSNBC Asinine Show us your papers, or you won't be allowed to help these disaster victims, because we all know that only government-approved first response to a disaster is effective (153)
CNN Cool North Korea has agreed to declare and disable all its nuclear programs by the end of this year, so we can focus on attacking Iran (77)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles NewsFlash 4.7 Earthquake shakes up Orange County, CA (171)
SFGate Florida This is what happens when you give your little brat whatever she wants: little girl asks parents for sibling, now has to share her toys with six of 'em (114)
Rian.Ru Interesting Russia plans to put a man on the moon. Still no cure for totalitarian oppression (160)
St. Pete Times Florida Female ghostbusters from S.P.I.R.I.T.S. are ready to believe you (88)
Fox News Hero Fox News: The President might just be crazy enough to "annihilate the Iranians’ military capability in three days" (1078)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man finds out he's been upgraded from "Detroit resident" to "Dead" (66)
Google Photoshop Theme: If Canadians ruled the world... (101)
( Sad Police are on the lookout for two people who almost destroyed a sand castle being built to raise money for a camp for terminally ill children and their families (127)
(Lafollette Press) Weird There once was a man named Viener, accused of showing his wiener. Despite being a jerk, the cops botched their work, and dismissed it as a misdemeanor (32)
(Some Guy) Obvious When somebody who has emphysema and uses an oxygen tank just has to have a cigarette at 7:15 in the morning, something bad is bound to happen (70)
Daily Mail Strange Today's unusual crime article brought to you by a brick, a game of cricket, a heart attack, and five preteen gang members (42)
Seattle Times Interesting The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences is trying to stop a woman from selling an Oscar from 1929. They want her to sell it to them for $10 (102) Caption Caption this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin with a sturgeon (77)
CBS New York Stupid Yonkers police go bonkers on guy walking a pit bull, for no apparent reason. Brutality claim ensues (w/beatdown caught on video) (122)
Telegraph Strange South Korean farmers are playing classical songs to make their rice crops grow faster (25)
Daily Mail Cool "This fly came buzzing down past the lens and the gust from its wings blew the chap off his tightrope" (43)
Telegraph Strange "Angry Italians to go on national pasta strike" (52)
(Some Guy) Sad Max the goldfish and his myspace site both afloat, one bellyup (42)
Boston Globe Interesting College kids who can't figure out which bathroom to use now have a third choice. And no, it isn't the shrubs outside the dorm (247)
ABC News Unlikely Lottery winners really have it rough these days, because they probably can't get what they want with only a quarter-share of $330,000,000 (99)
(Some Guy) Spiffy British police have been given permission to use tasers on children. It's about time the little ankle-biting chavs learn some respect (44)
(New Britain Herald) Weird After bizarre traffic stop involving a 7-month-old puppy, a gun in his pocket, OxyContin and a samurai sword, motorist tells reporter that he's lonely (21)
SMH Dumbass When police come to see you about your reckless driving do you A) cooperate civilly, B) request a lawyer or C) Refuse a breathalyzer and then show 'em your wang (39)
(Geek Alerts) Amusing If you install a dimmer switch on your new Starship Enterprise Chandelier, Warp 9 is theoretically possible (110)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop these fetal butterflies (47)
Yahoo Spiffy Red Sox rookie throws a no-hitter in his second start. But it was against the Baltimore Orioles, so it doesn't really count (230)
(Some Lolcat) Caption Caption this printer repair kitty (114)

Sat September 01, 2007
London Times Unlikely Maggie Gyllenhaal is not your typical sex symbol, yet Agent Provocateur has picked her for its saucy new campaign. Why? Because she appeals to women, too (168) Scary You're a tribal chieftain in India and your teenage son is killed by a snakebite? No problem - just order a bunch of women to be beheaded for witchcraft. It's good to be the chieftain (54)
(KELO) Dumbass "Hey everybody, watch this" (89)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Silly Having solved cancer and the Middle East issues, the newest debate is over backpacks vs. messenger bags (60)
The Newspaper Stupid Sleeping under the influence now illegal in New Jersey (228)
Daily Mail Spiffy Quite possibly the biggest gathering of beards since the Republican Senators' wives congress invited Katie Holmes to speak as their guest of honor (101)
Daily Mail Scary Nobody likes to gawk at an airshow crash, but when the pictures are this amazingly good, you can't help it (172)
CBS New York Strange News: Six-foot shark swims to shore on crowded beach. Fark: In Queens (70)
CTV Ironic Pencils made in China recalled due to high lead levels (105)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not news: three men rob a store. News: dressed as women. Fark: two of the three drop everything they grabbed right outside the store while making a frilly getaway (12)
CNN PSA Felix the Cat 1. The wonderful, wonderful Cat 1. Whenever he gets on some land, he reaches down and kills a man (35)
(Napa Valley Register) Dumbass If your name is Ogle, maybe you shouldn't be hanging around and videotaping teens without their consent (32)
MSNBC Dumbass "If you just cut your lawn with a gas mower, congratulations, you just put out more pollution in one hour than these cars do in 2,000 miles of driving" What's the catch? They're illegal in most states (200)
(Murfreesboro Post) Dumbass Woman tries to buy beer with bad check, is denied by clerk. Woman tells clerk she'll get another form of payment, then runs out with the beer, forgetting that the clerk is still holding the check with her personal information on it. Oops (28)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Who says prostitutes are the only ones who get arrested at work? (119)
Free Press Spiffy Federal appeals court rules that Michigan Liquor Control Commission has no right to ban nude dancers, since the Supreme Court ruled that nude dancing is “expressive conduct.” Giggity (32)
(Telegraph Journal) Interesting Some UFO enthusiasts are loons, true. But not many of them are nuclear physicists that are experts in nuclear aircraft fission, fusion rockets and power plants for space travel (133) Strange "We suspect she took both her weapon and her husband's penis because we cannot find the penis in their apartment. We even checked a toilet but she did not dump it there" (65)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this highlander (68)
ESPN Amusing Lloyd Carr breaks new ground, chokes at the BEGINNING of the season as unranked Appalachian State upsets #5 Michigan (374)
Sign On San Diego Followup Woman who cancelled flight because of Arabic speaking passengers explains her side of the story. Bubble wrap for her children included (300)
(Some High Guy) Obvious Teens who use drugs are five times as likely to get laid, according to How exactly is that a deterrent to drug use? (212)
(WHOI News) Sad Connecticut woman served with lawsuit for causing death of her neighbor by lying to her husband, who murdered the neighbor, about neighbor molesting their daughter. The Aristocrats (91)
St. Pete Times Florida "To sit in your car on a sweltering summer evening on the main street of Nub City...watching anywhere from eight to a dozen cripples walking along the street, gives the place a ghoulish, eerie atmosphere" (46)
JSOnline Dumbass Not News: Man wakes up in patio chair of neighbor he doesn't know. News: His pants are missing. Fark: The pants with a $41,000 cashier's check in them (35)
Washington Post Amusing Washington D.C. firemen, jealous over all of the illicit sex Washington politicians are getting, decide to open a prostitution ring run out of a D.C. fire station (33)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Strange Genital facelifts can be hazardous to your health (87)
( Scary Car wash's hot wax, tire cleaner, and spotless rinse work great. "Touch-free" feature, not so much (54)
(Some Impressed Guy) Hero Three homeless people pull 93-year-old woman from burning car. Some are calling them heroes, but they were really just cleaning out their bathroom (25)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Houston is so fat. How fat is it? Houston is so fat, the zoo fields several calls a week from the hospital to borrow the large animal medical scans for fatass patients (167)
(Some Guy) Scary Women have no choice but to go insane at some point in their lives (170)
(The Facts) Stupid It is now a felony in Texas if you don't stop and render aid at a car accident. Ironically, another new law made it legal to shoot anyone approaching your car (137)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Man refuses to support "Satan's banking system," prints own money (87)
BBC Scary Mothers and babies in British maternity ward showered in maggots from dead seagull on roof of hospital. How you liking that socialized medicine now? (105)
( Obvious I've got a fast boat, Gonna take it on the lake and have some fun, I've got a fast boat, Gonna take it on the lake and kill someone, kill someone, kill someone (53)
BBC Weird "Gang of girls" is roaming the streets forcing teenaged girls to strip naked (107)
Yahoo Stupid Connecticut man building 17,000 square foot home. With a 33,500 square foot basement complex (135)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Florida takes yet another step into the dark ages as Catholic Bishop forces cancellation of school play (62)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this superbad superkick (74)
Local6 Florida Teenager charged with smoking pot with the child she was babysitting. Bonus...she posted a picture of it on her MySpace page. (w/blurred out picture) (141)
TBO Hero Driver rescues two teenage girls being chased by strange "sweaty guy" (89)
CNN Followup Iowa remembers it's a Red State and halts gay marriages (348)
Daily Mail Amusing Firemen heroically rescue a stuck feline just in time for Caturday (352)
My Fox Kansas City Scary Man caught video taping himself masturbating on the grass, claims "that's kind of what happens when I drink" (69)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man shows up at court drunk at 8:20 in the morning, proceeds to stumble around and get himself arrested. Oh yeah, he didn't actually have trial, he just showed up. Bonus: His name is Busch (22)
BBC Silly Britain finally runs out of news. Does this baby seem hairy to you? (67)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this kid scooting past lockers (46)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass "Mom, can I give you a hug?" BZZZFFTTT (57)
The Sun Spiffy Coolest pic of a dragon built out of one million Lego blocks that you'll see today (108)
(Bad Science) Followup Remember that team of Cambridge mathematicians which proved Jessica Alba had the perfect wiggle? Well, it was a PR stunt, there was no team, and Jessica Alba doesn't really have the perfect wiggle (112)
The Sun Interesting Teenage male prostitutes and transvestites in Thailand battle with clubs, knives and Molotov cocktails in three-day "gay war." It was apparently a heated dispute. Flaming, even (pic) (76)
Rocky Mountain News Strange Come out to California, have a few drinks, get gored by a bison, we'll have a few laughs (39)
Yahoo Unlikely New study shows most Americans are satisfied with their jobs. Wait, what? (112)
Yahoo Unlikely Chupa, chup, chup-acabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya (120)
BBC Interesting Dubya's wife / to Ban Ki-moon / opens her mouth / and lowers the boom / Burma Save (94)

Fri August 31, 2007
London Times Obvious "Figures suggest that Britain is undergoing a pet obesity epidemic." Your dog wants steak, a baked potato topped with sour cream and bacon, onions fried in butter and a side of bacon (51)
MSNBC Sad Search for trapped Utah miners suspended: "We've done all we can do" (102) Florida Today's 37-year-old man busted for having sex with a 15-year-old girl he met online is brought to you by St. Petersburg. With "I'm about to crap my pants" mugshot goodness (203)
( Weird Criminal gives police the finger. Literally (27)
Fox News Cool Searchers think they have found a sunken WWII submarine in the Bering Sea, hope it doesn't turn out to be an optical Aleutian (74)
CBC Amusing Lexus dealer refuses to sell man a new car because he's Canadian (138)
CBS New York Asinine Not News: Daycare center closed. News: It was run by a 9th grader. Fark: Police also found nails protruding from the floors, electrical wires protruding from walls, piles of filth, garbage, mosquito larvae, and a toddler playing with a socket (68)
(WTVD11) Followup Nifong sentenced to ONE day for contempt. Duke still sucks (66)
BBC Interesting Finnish farmers frantically follow fuzzy fugitives freed from fur farm (foto) (46)
Denver Post Interesting And now from the random news file: The guy who was Keanu Reeves' stunt double in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" has built a custom motorcycle that looks like a prehistoric tiger (67)
(Lodi News-Sentinel) Stupid Neighbor of the year candidates call three government agencies and then file lawsuit to stop dust resulting from girl riding her horse (134)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this golden jogger (79)
AP NewsFlash Senator Larry Craig (R-eallynotgay) to resign tomorrow (398)
MSNBC Interesting Germany's biggest synagogue to reopen. Home Depot opens a 24-hour windowpane replacement service across the street (105)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass Houston school police officer distributed "Ghetto Handbook" that will enable the reader to speak Ebonics "as if you just came out of the hood." This is going to end well (326)
Rocky Mountain News Stupid Boy suspended for toy gun accidently left in backpack. He said it was unloaded, but if it was from China it was probably full of lead anyway (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting The top 10 influential albums that bombed (261)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Sad William Lee got out of his truck, he left it in gear, and soon he was struck. T'was hit by the door, and fell to the floor, and the last word that he said was Fark (54)
SMH Strange Not news: Someone at your party gets whacked out on coke and valium. News: badly enough to require medical treatment. Fark: It's your 8 month old kitten (84)
Fox News Interesting Unlike the three hundred and twenty designs proposed before, THIS electric car means the end of the internal combustion engine (162)
AJC Dumbass Robbers underestimate hi-tech home defense system of trailer park residents. Beatings, shotgun fire, jailarity ensues (35)
CBC Amusing "Prime Minister names 17, some directly affected, to mental health board" (34)
(MLive) Amusing Female dispatcher at center of police sex scandal, was forced to quit while she was on top (63)
(WGAL) Interesting You may know more than a fifth grader, but can you outdrink a fourth grader? (60)
( Misc If an inmate just sits on his bed, but doesn't eat, lift weights or use the head, he's not on a diet, just relaxing or quiet, you might want to check if he's dead (35) Florida Funniest mug shot of a kid who tried to steal stuff from Wal-Mart that you'll see all day (150)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Mother of the year candidate charged with felony abuse after two-year old daughter takes ecstasy, dances incessantly for hours (84)
Newsday Scary Egyptian students with pipe bombs, doo-dah. Doo-dah. Caught right near a Naval base, oh de doo-dah day (104)
Yahoo Interesting Canada slowly transitioning from America's parking lot to America's backup generator (76)
MSNBC Amusing Top five worst game-based films picked: What video game would you turn into a movie? (voting enabled) (546)
Yahoo Dumbass Today's "look who got caught editing their own Wikipedia entry" story is brought to you by the Dutch royal family (53)
AFP Amusing "The only moon landing in history is NASA's Apollo expedition in 1968" (146)
Local6 Florida Hungry sinkhole eats family's refrigerator (with pics) (72)
CBS Chicago PSA Drivers take heed: Saying "I feel comfortable driving naked" will not get you off the hook when you're pulled over (45)
New Scientist Dumbass Foul language from the sky could repair pants (92)
Boston Globe Stupid Ever fantasized about ramming a police station with a bulldozer? This guy lived the dream. Repeatedly (77)
ABC News Amusing "To my son, I leave the pleasure of earning a living, which he had not done in 35 years" and other wills (143)
(Some Guy) Obvious Five mistakes married women make. Dooming the relationship by cutting the hubby off from sex is conspicuously absent from the list (434)
( Scary Seven words you probably don't want to hear when waking up on a lawn in a thunderstorm: "Greg, are you okay? Your hat's smoking" (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Hey, wanna see me and my cement truck take this corner on two wheels?" (34)
CBC Amusing In a gross misapplication of Stockholm Syndrome, South Korean hostage apologizes for being captured (45)
SMH Sick Pastor to his daughters: "Let's have sex so you can become good wives." Daughters: "No." Pastor: "Oh, I incest" (289) Misc Judge allows astronaut Lisa Nowak to remove monitoring bracelet. Will she go crazy and drive across the country again? Depends (47)
CBS Philadelphia Unlikely Elementary school teacher challenges firing, saying he downloaded child and transgender porn on school computers as a joke (50)
CBC Asinine Canadian police urge beer-keg registry system to curb underage drinking, ask why people would have a problem with police showing up at their parties if they have nothing to hide. Seriously (107)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Third-grade teacher in trouble for bringing drugs to school. Apparently, she didn't bring enough for everyone (33)
Reuters Obvious If your idea of a fun time is getting set on fire and hit by a car, does New York City have a school for you (18)
Wired Asinine "I can fly a spacecraft to any planet in the galaxy, and I'm being judged by people who don't have a clue as to my technical qualifications whether I'm suitable for government service" (242)
(Daily Herald) Weird Jar containing a piece of tissue from body of John Wilkes Booth will be on display in lobby when the musical "Assassins" opens in Philadelphia. Submitter wonders why it's not going to be in the balcony (37)
(McClatchy) Sad Those lead toys were imported, from C-H-I-N-A / The other guy responsible is D-U-B-Y-A / The CPSC stayed away, and if you ask me why I'll say / Cause corporate lobbies have their way with A-M-E-R-I-C-A (254)
( Weird Wife cuts off her husband's right hand because of his Internet addiction (69)
NPR Followup According to an interrogation room audiotape released by police, Senator Larry Craig (R-Estroom) claims cop solicited him. Craig also claims that he's not gay but all the men that he has had sex with are (166)
BBC Obvious Pakistan's President Musharraf is "keeping his options open." Translation: "I'm ready to haul ass out of the country the moment the coup happens" (19) Obvious Three U.S. senators and one congressman receive special going-away gift for delegation visiting Iraq: Ground fire, evasive maneuvers (128)
ABC News Obvious Hippies attending Burning Man complain that festival has lost touch with its roots, pointing to a number of attendees who regularly bathe and have jobs (124)
Yahoo Strange Old and busted: Selling an entire bridge in New York. New hotness: Stealing an entire bridge in Russia (26)
Newsweek Misc New study shows a home with mold in it can make you sad. In related news, a home with drunk, naked nymphomaniac cheerleaders will make you happy (54)
(myTELUS) Amusing Can I get an order of burnt lion's head with a side of the temple explodes the chicken, and throw in an order of steamed crap? (56)
(Some Guy) Sappy Victim of mauling proposes to girlfriend at the hospital. Despite the grizzly circumstances, they could bearly contain their joy (51) Strange One foot, two foot; dead foot, blue foot (55)
( Amusing Police uncover a whole new class of armed robbery (29)
Daily Mail Obvious Thousands of people join new Facebook group to help reunite woman with digital camera she apparently lost. When you see the pics of her, you'll join too (372)
BBC Followup Remember the English farktard who was last on Fark for feeding a live zoo rabbit to an alligator? He's now graduated to yanking headscarves off Muslim women on the street (with pic of dumbass) (231)
(Some Indiana Guy) Obvious Prosecutor states it may be true that drunk young men do stupid things, "but stupid is not a defense in this court." Note to self: "Work on a new defense" (49)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Today's "image of the Virign Mary" story comes to you from a garage door in Pennsylvania (with pics) (193)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Intoxicated mother insists to police that it's okay her five-year old son was driving her around, because he's a really good driver. Bonus: Three-year old brother was in the backseat (46)
(MaineToday) Hero "Not Everyone in the World is a Self-Centered Asshat" award goes to this guy, who bought a house to keep a family of 10 from becoming homeless (153)
Fox News Strange Mrs. Tennessee America bitten by rattlesnake, saved by Mrs. Iowa. Luckily, no map reading was required (110) Amusing "So let me get this straight: You want me to pay back the $14 million I stole from the bank?" (44)
(Some Tooth Yanker) Photoshop Photoshop this old dentist's office (58)
Yahoo Followup The U.S. was like, "Your exports are tainted," so then China was all like, "I know yours are but what are mine?" (110)
Time Sad 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 killed in train crash (176)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Who's the more foolish: The fool who gets arrested for passing off broccoli as marijuana? Or the fool who bought the broccoli for $500? (63)
Boston Globe Spiffy Eleven years after winning $2.5 million in the lottery, an elderly couple wins a $5 million jackpot (77)
CNN Interesting Forbes magazine names the world's most powerful women. Sadly, the gal who crushes beer cans with her boobs did not make the list (85)
Reuters Amusing China kung fu monks seek apology for ninja affront. Pirates got next (245)
BBC Strange Police trying to get to bottom of theft of 25,000 pairs of underpants, considering going undercover, mounting commando raid (50) Sad Experts concerned about the future of a rare species of turtle that breathes through its butt (51)
AZCentral Dumbass Who knew running a generator, 10 fans and two dehumidifiers inside an apartment was a bad idea? (46) Unlikely Researchers at the Pulledfromourass Institute find that pre-schoolers stress about kindergarten six months before their first day of school; must be all that coloring, napping, peer-pressure to eat paste (57)
USA Today Sad The problem with committing suicide at Burning Man is that it can take a couple hours and a good amount of stink before those stoners realize you're not doing a performance art piece (102)
Stuff Interesting Solomon Islander who rescued JFK 64 years ago finally recognized for his history-changing efforts with a thank you from the U.S. Navy secretary... and a new roof for his house (52)
Independent Weird The people behind Britain's most iconic voices talk about being disembodied voices familiar to everyone. Weird. Maybe I need some more weed (30)
SFGate Followup SF cop who fatally shot himself in the neck while demonstrating gun safety to a chick he was trying to impress was legally drunk (95)
Omaha World Herald Asinine "Shocking" hand gesture gets HS football players blurred (107)
Yahoo Asinine China states that their one-child policy helps fight off global warming. As a result, China still cool (81)
Rocky Mountain News Stupid Valedictorian sues school district for restricting her speech because they forced her to apologize for saying "Jesus Christ loves you" at commencement (539)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Why your students and porn don't mix: Don't put all your jugs in one school-issued basket (47)
The Sun Asinine British airport police forced to buy doughnuts for other cops if they commit minor infractions of security -- like forgetting loaded submachine guns in cafeterias (40)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop theme: If mimes ruled the world... (70)
Daily Mail Scary New report outlines how British authorities plan to recycle coffins in case of a country-wide flu outbreak. EVERYBODY PANDEMIC (37)
Washington Post Spiffy "May Allah the Almighty bless Ricky Bobby Baby Jesus" (53)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Man accused of cyberstalking Chicago Bear's Playmate girlfriend via MySpace. The threats were "in all capital letters and with little punctuation" which is pretty much par for the course when using said website (48)
(Sioux City Journal) Spiffy All 12 gay people in Iowa can now legally get married (457)
Denver Channel Weird "I'm gonna choke the life out of you biatch.... sorry my bad... want a ride home?" (31)

Thu August 30, 2007
Yahoo Dumbass Not news: Infertile woman tries to keep boyfriend by saying she's pregnant. News: Infertile woman produces miracle baby. Fark: Infertile woman stole baby from maternity ward two days after admitting herself to a local hospital (56)
(Some Guy) Strange Man breaks into a house twice. Once to steal stuff, the second time to apologize (23)
Denver Channel Dumbass Your swords, made rich, with the most noble blood of all this world, I shall now stab myself in front of this audience (70)
(Some Butt Crack) Asinine Actual headline: "Police announce crack in case of naked Millville man" (30)
(NBC5i) Followup Texas governor commutes death sentence of offender who didn't kill anyone (285)
(Some Guy) Hero Man tapes his scalp back onto his head after an airplane crash, then he hikes two hours in the mountains to get help for an injured passenger (89)
(Some Guy) Sick A school where students undergo routine electroshock torture, are shackled to boards and electrocuted, humiliated and forced to earn meals. Is this A) China B) Afghanistan or C) Massachusetts? (219)
MTV Unlikely Society is to blame for Lindsay, Britney and Paris... say Corey Feldman and Corey Haim (83)
SeattlePI Sad Michael Jackson, the most important and classiest beer and whiskey critic, has passed away. Raise your glass in toast tonight (234)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man who beat his girlfriend with a flashlight charged with assault. Flashlight charged with battery (178)
Yahoo Scary Man considers converting his house into a parking garage after it gets smashed into by a car. For the tenth time (59)
CNN Hero Shrimp-boat captain uses first-aid book to deliver baby. And that's all I have to say about that (67)
CBS Minneapolis Followup "I just want to keep this quiet." Complete, raw, uncut Sen. Craig pottylove audio now available for your iPod (340)
(WBIR-TV) Ironic Woman seriously injured by crashing into healthcare sign (32)
TBO Florida Flatulent child-porn suspect seeks medical relief (80) Cool I am a 107-year-old grandmother and world's oldest blogger, and I am really getting a kick out of these replies (82)
Sun Sentinel Florida No matter how much you hate jets testing new flight equipment near your home, it's probably not a good idea to protest by flying your plane into the jets' paths (63)
AJC Sappy Ugly-ass baby waterbuck born at Atlanta Zoo. Needs a name (with voting) (199)
(The Trentonian) Dumbass If you've secured your house so well that you literally have to kill yourself to break in, don't forget your house keys (123)
Yahoo Scary Excuse me, we seem to have misplaced a few bomb components for our nuclear weapons. Don't worry, nothing to see here. Please keep moving (82)
Reuters Dumbass Idiot teen driver thought he'd gotten away with driving over 140 mph... until he posted the video on YouTube to impress his friends. Police were not as impressed (192) Cool A Malaysian man has beat his own world record by dragging a train that weighed 300 tons nine feet by his teeth. When talking to the media afterwards, he said, "I told you I was hardcore" (68)
(WLKY) Asinine "I was drunk. I mean, like, totally shiatfaced" is now a legitmate defence against murder charges in Lexington, KY. In related news, Drew now completely immune to legal prosecution (87)
London Times Amusing Jay Leno tests a Dodge Charger police car: "When I am driving the car, everyone suddenly slows down. Then they spot me in it and they wave, or they give me the finger" (99)
Yahoo Strange Somehow, Michigan State loses dorm to foreclosure. Farkers interested in collecting rent from scantily clad coeds each month only need to come up with $130,000 (113)
Denver Channel Stupid School that requires students to wear logo-free polo shirts is discriminating against Christianity, according to this angry mother whose crotchfruit was suspended for wearing a Jesus themed t-shirt for the fourth time this school year (767)
(Pal-Item) Amusing High school student suspended for tricking an entire rival crowd to hold up pieces of construction paper that spelled out "WE SUCK" (183)
(NY Daily News) Obvious The days are getting shorter and the leaves are starting to turn. Must be time for ConEd to start preparing for winter by shocking NYC dogs with stray voltage under the sidewalks (42)
Detroit News Ironic Lightning strikes National Weather Service building (107)
(The Ledger) Florida Dentist with crazy Runaway Bride eyes, representing herself in federal court on tax evasion charges, says she doesn't have to pay taxes because no one is a U.S. citizen. Guess the state, win a cookie (453)
Yahoo Scary Is it even news any more? Toys R Us recalls yet another lead-filled Chinese toy (74)
Yahoo Followup Poetic justice headline of the day: "Duke lacrosse prosecutor pleads innocent" (77)
(Some Lonely Guy) Dumbass Police arrest a man after he was found driving completely nude and masturbating on the Indiana Toll Road (117) Obvious Let me show you my whale-killing poo parasite. My whale-killing poo parasite, let me show you it (71)
(Some Guy) Asinine Renault attempts to sell its new car to women by impersonating a creepy stalker, sending them anonymous handwritten letters that call them "Darling" and suggest they get together for drinks soon (55)
Maxim Interesting Top 12 sexiest assassins of all time. Bonus: No dudes (Sponsored Link) (179)
ABC News News Six to eight vials of phosgene, a dangerous nerve gas, have been found by workers cleaning out offices at the United Nations. EVERYBODY PANIC (202)
Houston Chronicle Followup Texas Parole Board votes to spare man set for execution tonight -- all eyes on Gov. Perry (175)
(NY Daily News) Followup Trouble, the $12M dog, didn't appreciate Leona Helmsley's hired help either (42)
MSNBC Florida High school journalism students graded on ad revenue, because we all know nothing drives journalistic integrity like money and marketing (78)
(Some Doll Parts) Stupid Steve Coogan may sue Courtney Love for saying he had a hand in Owen Wilson's suicide attempt. Courtney should know: She caused a suicide herself (265)
Houston Chronicle Spiffy One in three female online daters report first-date sex (1895)
Yahoo Stupid Man who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars building a baseball field in his backyard has to take it down because he didn't get permits first. If You Build It Without Permits, They Will Come (147)
Sun Sentinel Florida Neighbors in a Jewish condo complex are in a dispute over a $11,000 elevator for use during the Sabbath (590) Cool TV news programme vows to ban "staged shots" in reports. Submitter nods vigorously with approval at empty chair (66)
Local6 Obvious $4.50 gas sparks outrage in Orlando (257)
Yahoo Ironic Today's" victim of identity fraud" story is a police detective who often counsels people on how to avoid identity fraud (46)
(Some Flygirl) Photoshop Photoshop this unmanned vertical take-off and landing vehicle (64)
Local6 Florida Boy arrested for testing "cats have nine lives" theory (152)
BBC Followup Astronauts "did not fly drunk," according to NASA, noting that "hitting the three-wheel motion" is due to space shuttle's only having three wheels (52) Sappy Heroin-addicted elephant kicks habit, survives rehab, withdrawals and being sexually assaulted in toilet by Lindsay Lohan (59)
USA Today Unlikely Media watchdogs criticize radio for giving Dems too much early morning airtime. Democrats respond that it doesn't matter, since 90 percent of their constituency doesn't wake up until around 11:00 (260)
Yahoo Strange Japanese fan club for wasps has added the insects to rice crackers. In other news, there is a wasp fan club (71) Scary Build your own story with Today's key words: Prisoner, paraplegic, buttocks, toilet, steam, ointment (61) Stupid If you stole a briefcase but threw it away because it had only a couple of envelopes in it, you should have looked in them, Einstein (54)
SLTrib Strange "I don't want to chew out the public, but it makes me scratch my head how people can get gas next to him, see someone slumped over and not call the police and say anything. It's a two-second phone call" (174) Unlikely Climate change now responsible for... *borrows Magic Eight Ball*... cougar attacks (318)
(WINK) Florida County schools employ new method of dealing with kids who act up that's better than time-outs or sitting in corner: Solitary confinement (51)
(The Moscow Times) Dumbass Television crew plants fake bomb on train tracks, gets a real dose of jailarity (20)
(Some Guy) Florida Frozen alligator head stolen from auto shop. "We hope he jumps when he opens the garbage bag" (10)
Reuters Obvious "The Lindsay Lohan Train Wreck: Rehab Part 3" -- Lindsay caught taking drugs and banging a guy in the community bathroom (396)
BBC Obvious Gaelic digital TV channel proposed for Britain. You submitted this with a headline that sounded like a cow choking on a coffee can full of gravel (88)
(Some Guy) Florida Seven-year-old argues with mom, declares "I'm out of here" and drives off (28)
MDN Sick Apparently, when a fisherman loses his virginity to a ray, it's sodomy. When he loses it to an eel, that's a moray (182)
(Ft. Worth Star Telegram) Interesting Everything is bigger in Texas. Especially the spider webs (w/pic) (122) Interesting Drug dealer tarred and feathered, then tied to a lamp-post (with pic goodness) (147)
Telegraph Amusing "It is bad enough that we have a DNA database stuffed with innocents not charged with any offence. Now it turns out we don't know the accuracy of the data" (35)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this CD destroyer (60)
CBS News Scary Boy Scouts oust one child molester every two days (221)
BBC Misc Millions of condoms recalled. Fondly, for the most part (79)
(Media Matters) Strange Tucker Carlson claimed that after incident in a public bathroom, he assaulted the man who "bothered" him. PS: His safe-word was cinnamon (195)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 121: "Gardens." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (194)

Wed August 29, 2007
Houston Chronicle Unlikely Houstonians on Friday will have multiple angle red light cameras go online. City response should calm fears: "This is not about revenue, This is about changing the behavior and public safety" (104)
Reuters Asinine 1950 report: segregation in schools is increasing. 2007 report: segregation in schools is increasing (182)
LA Times Sad As time marches on, AT&T will now discontinue its "Time of Day" phone information service... no more 853-1212 for you (132)
MSNBC Amusing MSNBC lists San Francisco as the best city for singles (131)
Reuters Asinine The only officer to be court-martialed in the Abu Ghraib scandal has been found guilty and will be reprimanded. Of what, you ask? For not keeping his mouth shut about what they were doing there (287)
( Misc SkyNet was supposed to become self-aware at 2:14am on August 29, 1997. Yet to this day, still no sign of Sarah Connor (95)
(Some Chick) Amusing Just when you think it can't get any worse for Paris Hilton, she gets photographed screwing by a swimming pool (w/pic) (165)
Yahoo Interesting Old and busted: robbing stores with a pistol and ski-mask. New hotness: phoning in bomb threat, having store wire you $10,000 and watching the patrons get nekkid on CCTV (49)
(Popular Science) Cool Scientists invent all-in-one beer making machine. Screw the cancer (105)
(Some Guy) Amusing Top 10 weirdest things you can buy at Amazon. Wooden throne toilet anyone? (86)
The Sun Amusing Three-year-old gets face stuck in toilet seat. Boy-stuck-in-bathroom-fixture trifecta now in play (68)
Denver Channel Dumbass School bans tag and similar running games in a further effort to fatten our kids even more (123)
(Houston Press) Amusing Frozen yogurt with real chunks of meat? That sounds like a $100,000 idea (39)
( Interesting West Virginia passes casino gambling bill. What happens in your cousin, stays in your cousin (67)
Fox News Amusing You can't tell me you've never thought about doing this: man hulas naked as his buddies steal beer at the store (30)
Yahoo Strange Al-Sadr calls time out. His Mom is calling him home for dinner and the streetlights are on (57)
Yahoo PSA The way mothers hold their babies may show signs of stress or depression. Holding them on the left: good. Holding them underwater in the bathtub: not so much (59)
Washington Post Obvious "When a U-Haul opens its doors in Manhattan and people start unloading boxes marked 'Gangbang' and 'Obese' and 'Ginger Lynn,' you draw a crowd" (63)
JSOnline Asinine Local mental health facility announces patient attacks on staff up 50%, wonders why in the heck they can't get anyone to work there. Yes, in the same article (43)
(Variety) Obvious CBS sending Katie Couric to Iraq. Plans to bring her back are pending (56)
Telegraph Interesting Worst case of lost keys. Ever (118)
( Ironic Spinach growers celebrate anniversary of E. coli outbreak by announcing salmonella outbreak (28)
(Some Guy) Obvious Thieves break into house, are repelled by 79-year-old woman in nightgown. But who wouldn't be? (20)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette) Dumbass Elderly woman attempts drive-thru dentist appointment (33)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass One person caused everyone to miss their plane because some Iraqi men were *gasp* speaking Arabic (405)
Reuters Unlikely Man loses lawsuit against hospital for removing top of his skull because plastic replacement better than original (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this red-billed toucan (78)
(Some Guy) Asinine Remember, it's up to us. If Bigfoot exists, then we must preserve his habitat so that future generations may enjoy him. Unless he doesn't exist, in which case they won't (141)
MSNBC PSA Walter Sobchak with the Minnesota State Police would like to remind you that freeways are not bowling alleys and this is not 'Nam, there are rules (66)
Philly Dumbass Someone finally wins the Dumbass Triple Crown by selling drugs, with a baby in the car, while in a school zone (57)
UPI Spiffy It's sad when your grandmother can bench press more than you (65)
Yahoo Spiffy NASA images to be archived online. Photos to be broken down into categories such as "celestial bodies," "launches," "Mir keggers," "spacewalks," etc (27)
ABC Action News Florida Man has suspended license, has his son drive him around town. Which wouldn't be a big deal if his son wasn't 11 years old (17)
( Spiffy "As God is my witness, I thought trout could fly" (66)
The Tennessean Asinine Home Depot fires employee of the year for stopping robbery (334)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Car dealer offers 0% APR and half off pants (40)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Rove's Jaguar is now neatly shrink-wrapped and decorated with "I Love Obama" bumper stickers (175)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Three teen girls forced to strip, squat, and lift boobies during tour of detention center. There's more to the story, but submitter stopped reading right there (115)
(Some Guy) Interesting Traffic slowed to hault after six golf carts fall off back of truck. There was a hole in one, another was under par and fore were destroyed (67)
Baltimore Sun Scary Today's teacher-student scandal arrives on the short bus. With HypnoToad pic goodness (135)
(Some Guy) News Media says Richard Jewell has died... but you know how right they were about him the first time around, so you may want to check on this (265)
IndyStar Dumbass Not News: Man crashes after driving aggressively. News: It was a cop without his sirens on. Fark: He was showing off for three coeds he just picked up (92)
The Register (USA) Amusing Republicans predictably unamused over British Bush Porn picture. Article includes sfw pic (299)
Yahoo Interesting Only four-in-ten Americans now say kids are key to a successful marriage, down 20% since 1990. Suck it, breeders (483)
(Hartford Courant) Amusing What has 148 teeth and can hold back the Incredible Hulk? My fly. Scottish researchers apply the science of Evolution to how men hit on women (322)
(Some Study) Unlikely Media plus a dash of science does it again by somehow linking two unrelated things - the price of your home and your waist size (104)
Fox News Followup A&P sues grocery clerks over their YouTube "ProduceParadise" rap video (109)
National Review Dumbass Your tax dollars at work: Map of people who receive US farm subsidies. Fark: In Manhattan (179)
( Amusing Local weather douchebag loses his cotton-picking mind (111)
(Metrowest Daily News) Amusing The best mugshot you'll see today of a man busted for disorderly conduct (90)
NYPost Dumbass Homebuyer sues sellers after making $2.6 million blind bid and discovering the inside was destroyed by feces from over 100 neglected dogs and cats (96)
CBS Sacramento Asinine Man dies saving the lives of two kids. Now his wife of 3-weeks is being deported because he's dead. Lesson: Don't be a hero (213)
AFP Asinine Competition for world's best butt shut down after complaints that it is "pornographic" (with potentially Not safe for work pic of one of the contenders) (183)
(Columbia Tribune) Amusing Blown transformer cuts power to wiener plant. Sometimes, the headlines just write themselves (33)
Reuters Obvious Another Scandinavian Mohammed cartoon inflames Muslims. Cue Islamic Rage Boy (482)
(North West Evening Mail) Silly Soccer goalie claims his goalkeeping skills were hindered by his jinxed pink jersey (25)
USA Today Cool Bush to tour New Orleans and see first hand what a fine job he has done in helping rebuild the city and the rest of the Gulf coast (187)
Seattle Times Obvious President Bush wants to assure all Americans that we are in fact stuck in a quagmire in Iraq (392)
(VOANews) NewsFlash Former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto says Pakistani President Musharraf has agreed to step down as army chief. Uh huh huh uh huh "Bhutto" (85)
YouTube Followup Sen. Larry "No way, no chance, not possibly gay" Craig is so not gay he's been denying it since as early as 1982. Not gay then, not gay now (331)
(Fox Atlanta) Obvious Grandchildren of Leona Helmsley snubbed out of her will. Her dog to receive $12 million (108)
Fox News Interesting Good news fellas. Annual prostate checks may not be necessary. Look for backpedaling followup article tomorrow (81)
Yahoo Stupid DHS spending $50 million on huge intrusive data-mining program, but forgot to check whether it was legal first. So now they are going to have to scrap the program -- at least as far as you know (76)
IOL Weird Missing man's body found after eight years of laying on his apartment floor because police never noticed his body when they searched it in February 1999 (48)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Upset with your ex? Do you A. walk away B. get therapy or C. post naked pics of her on MySpace when she was 15? Hint: Jailarity definitely ensues (112)
Herald-Leader Hero The story of one woman's crusade for the right to whip out her boobies at Applebee's (662)
BBC Amusing Forty-three-year-old woman in Northern Ireland serves her 31st prison sentence – and she's still only fourth in the country's power rankings (20)
Reuters Amusing "Cyberslacking" employees waste 20% of their time surfing. Amateurs (98)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting "You got your gang problem in my illegal alien problem" "You got your illegal alien problem in my gang problem" "Wait a minute, I think we're onto something" (242)
CBS Philadelphia Ironic Man unable to escape after breaking into Harry Houdini Museum (35)
(The Keynoter) Florida Key West mayoral candidate suggests fixing homeless problem by dressing them up as pirates. Next: How to fix the pirate problem (68)
BBC Interesting Bravely eschewing work on any of the major problems currently facing mankind, scientists announce that they might one day be able to make a real Spiderman suit (32)
Yahoo Silly News: Vatican charters Boeing 737 to fly 150,000 pilgrims a year to holy sites around the world. Fark: Airport security refuses to allow pilgrims to bring holy water, citing security risk of religious fanatics carrying liquids onto a plane (72)
(New York Times (via Der Spiegel)) Amusing Crack NYT journalist Sheryl Gay Stolberg takes an in-depth look at all those non-gay Republicans. Looks like everybody's gay after all (232)
The Virginian Pilot Followup Man wrongfully arrested for carrying an unconcealed weapon and one hundred of his friends with holstered pistols attend Norfolk, VA city council meeting to give Mayor a refresher course on the Second Amendment (779)
(Some Geeky Guy) Cool REMINDER: Dragon*Con Fark party this Saturday, Marriott High Velocity Bar, 3:00 p.m. Drew will be there, FarkTV will be there. If we're lucky, Princess Leia or Supergirl will be there, too. LGT party page, DIT (63)
TBO Florida News: Grand theft parrot. Fark: It barks like a dog (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mullet man (49)
ABC News Obvious ABC News lets us know what NOT to do when making use of the public facilities. What did they leave out? Voting enabled (148)
BBC Spiffy Mandela statue unveiled in London. (w/pic of statue in "I will choke you" pose) (35)
(Some Guy) News Taliban releases 8 South Korean hostages. Hey, remember the Taliban? (58)
Flickr Caption Caption Wil Wheaton from last week's Penny Arcade Expo (131)
(Some Guy) Cool Survey finds one in four women would be open to having sex with another woman (413)
CNN Amusing Kucinich - "My wife's 29, you draw your own conclusions." You're a pedophile? (305)
ABC News Followup Mystery surrounds discovery of kryptonite. Lex Luther seen fleeing the scene (78)
(Seacoast Amusing The police chief's secetary submits her resignation letter for all to read. Looks like you're going to be in a little trouble there, Ed (167) Dumbass Terrorism 101: Googling terms like "how to blow up ATM machines" and "how much money is kept in bank ATMs" is sure to draw unwanted federal attention. Fail (106)
(Stars and Stripes) Scary Older kids, college students are as easily lured by strangers as young children. "Funny, this doesn't look like a movie studio" (88)
AP Amusing Prison officials can't seem to eradicate the marijuana plants that inmates keep reporting are sprouting up around the exercise yard. Authorities aghast because "Apparently, somebody knew how to tell marijuana from other plants" (61)
NCBuy PSA In case you were curious, downloading mosquito repellent software to your cell phone doesn't work (33)
CNN Interesting "Keep your Bluebeards and your Blackbeards. The most successful pirate of all time controlled a fleet of more than 1,500 ships and upwards of 80,000 sailors -- and she did it all without the help of facial hair" (115)
Reuters Stupid China dispatches two anime police officers to interwebs to patrol tubes for porn, illicit political talk (69)
SLTrib Amusing First-graders give school survival tips to incoming kindergartners. "Outline the picture first, then color it inside" (63) Asinine Canadian spends three weeks in a U.S. immigration jail after refusing to boat back to Canada because he had been drinking. Adding insult to injury, the jail lost his ID, credit cards, $400 in cash and his clothes (156)
Independent Scary Ten greatest restaurant swindles: "Are you having the chicken or the unspecified hydrolysed protein" (113)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this bygone bonny babe in her bonnet (60)
BBC Stupid Cigarette packs in Britian must soon have pictures of things like diseased lungs printed on them. Aaaah, Laramie (91)
(WSB TV) Interesting Woman: "I’m not dead." Department of Veteran's Affairs: "Yes, you are" (110) Sad Today's "woman goes to the bathroom, gives birth and then tries to flush the baby down the toilet several times" story brought to you by Kansas City, Missouri (264)
(Some Guy) Followup New website seeks to provide greater access to maps that many US Americans do not have. Still no cure for mapless South Africa, the Iraq, and like such as (136)
Reuters Silly New Yorkers paying $15 per session for doggie swimming lessons (70)
ABC News Obvious U.S. most armed country with 90 guns per 100 people (640)

Tue August 28, 2007
Reuters Followup Remember the Pizza for pesos hubbub? Eight months later and they have now opened six new stores, with plans for 15 more throughout Nevada, Arizona, Colorado, California and Florida by the end of the year (134)
(Some God) Followup Woman covers house in 'messages from God'. Again. (with photo goodness) (136)
ABC News Scary Man drives away from crash with dead motorcyclist in rear window. Alcohol suspected, Jimmy Stewart on the case (78)
(Don't you just love HOAs?) Asinine Homeowner's association threatens man with $200 a day fine until he removes his solar-powered lights (227)
WNBC Dumbass Robber wants $4 from victim. Victim only has $10. Robber waits for victim to get change in pizza parlor and then flees with money. Robber gets captured two blocks away (34)
CNN Dumbass People stoop to a new low as they pay to be able to pose on Katrina victim's destroyed homes (94)
Click On Detroit Dumbass Guy in a parking lot gets off with a warning after cops find him with some sort of “battery-powered sexual device hooked to his person” (96)
St. Pete Times Asinine Not news: athlete caught with steroids. News: he's 13. Fark: his father gave them to him to help train for an international rollerskating team (38)
CNN Interesting U.S. troops arrest Iranian delegation in Baghdad, with video showing U.S. soldiers escorting 10 blindfolded people away. The gears of war with Iran grind one tooth further forward (487)
(Some Rock) Photoshop Easy photoshop -- this one is for the beginners. Added bonus: It's formatted to fit as an iPhone background (131)
(NYTimes) Followup Federal judge shows mercy, sends Manuel Noriega to France instead of Detroit (67)
Wonkette Followup Senator Larry Craig bravely blames a newspaper for his gay bathroom antics (401)
SFGate Dumbass Not news: Rape victim pleads with attacker. News: By offering to set up a job interview for him. Fark: The douchebag actually shows up (305)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Followup Texas has nothing on Minnesota State Fair: Spam Curds and Pronto Pups (109)
Reno Gazette-Journal Strange Burning Man's Burning Man burns four days early. One arrested for arson, thousands of others heard collectively saying, "Dude... that's hot" (192)
Sports by Brooks Stupid Online auction for Barry Bonds' record-breaking balls underway. Bidders encouraged to wait until shrinkage subsides (43)
(Some Spiegel) Strange Sleepwalker climbs out of fourth-floor window, falls 33 feet the ground, breaks an arm and a leg, continues sleeping. Ta-da (71)
(Florida Today) Florida It's now illegal for politicians in Florida to conduct surveys in an effort to find out how their constituents want them to vote. Wild-ass guesses or rolling dice now seem to be the best options available (109)
MSNBC Cool The sexiest women over 35 years old. Bea Arthur wants a recount (872) Interesting Northwest Passage through the Arctic is ice-free in August for the first time in recorded history (415)
AZCentral Asinine Woman throws rocks at boyfriend because he didn't defend her when she got into a fight with a neighbor. The fact that she had 10 beers and a few shots earlier in the day had nothing to do with her outburst (137)
BBC Amusing Either that's the biggest green diamond ever or it's brown trousers time for Superman (with pic) (221)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Amusing "I looked up and saw the face of Christ in the fence and I said, 'Whoa'" (168)
(koco-tv) PSA Today's "lead in products designed for human consumption" story is brought to you by Barrilito and Miguelito candies, made in Mexico (57)
LA Times Dumbass Wife annoyed with man's endless obsession of entering contests. "It's the only time we go on vacation, when he wins a trip" (98)
Yahoo Obvious Diaper-wearing space lady who drove across country to kidnap her boyfriend's mistress plans on telling the jury that the Chinese government's spy alligators made her do it (128)
Seattle Times Obvious SAT scores nationwide are down this year on news that Britney may be carrying Obama's love child (141)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fruity guy (117)
(Florida Today) Cool Shuttle Discovery to carry Luke Skywalker's lightsaber aboard in October. Expect a follow-up story about the hole in the payload bay in November (144)
Yahoo Followup Miss Teen South Carolina gets a chance to re-answer her pageant question on the Today show. Regarding education: "I believe there should be more emphasis on geography" (469)
Yahoo Obvious Setting a record for earliest appeance of this seasonal story, reporters uncover the "amazing fact" that Iowans are seeing more presidential ads than anyone else (57)
CBS Sacramento Video Anchor and weather guy re-enact Senator Craig's bathroom sex solicitation live on-air (328)
Denver Channel Obvious Nine months after Colorado was hit week after week with blizzards, here come the babies (100)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Postal stamp to honor Gerald Ford in works. Stamp will still be valid wherever it happens to land on the envelope (163)
Fox News Followup U.S. military apologizes for handing out sacrilegious soccer balls in Afghanistan, promptly blames China (191)
ABC News Hero As freshmen enter first year in college, age-old question arises again: Why shouldn't drinking ages be lowered? (386)
CBS Sacramento Weird Man with no legs gets popped for drunk driving. And so did the guy he was sitting on who was working the pedals (37)
(This headline is weighing me down) Obvious School must be starting soon as obligatory "our kid's backpack is too heavy" stories start to pop-up, starting with this one (203)
CBS Chicago Dumbass Bus driver doesn't want man inside his bus, but doesn't seem to care if he rides on the side-view mirror (14)
(Connecticut Post) Followup Town realizes the only thing sillier than drooping pants is an ordinance prohibiting drooping pants (75)
(Some undead guy) Amusing Hundreds of zombies converge on London, try to set world record (currently held by the Democratic National Convention) (101)
BBC Interesting After being absent as a local species for 500 years, beavers imported to England have begun to breed. Just what England needed - more dumb, rare, shagging creatures with prominent ugly teeth (62)
NCBuy Interesting Bill Clinton to appear on Oprah to discuss new book, "Giving." No word on whether "Receiving" is forthcoming or if it is a foregone conclusion (73)
( Plug Drew will be on Ocean 98 WOCM this morning at 9:40ish. Listen live via the link, or call in at 1-877-723-9626 (41)
Yahoo Followup Chinese brothers escape from mine collapse, start new coal-and-urine diet fad (58)
Yahoo Interesting Evidently, civil unions between male couples existed around 600 years ago in medieval Europe. You'll never guess which country... okay, you guessed it (619)
AFP Amusing "'A traditional medicine man in Tanzania drowned after jumping in a river and promising to resurface three days later with relevations from ancestral spirits,' police said Tuesday" (66)
(Some Prisoner) Strange Prison inmates order hit on drug-sniffing K-9. Your dog wants a bulletproof vest (69)
The Sun Amusing Pro-family values politician says she has no plans to quit working as a stripper and sex-line operator. Bring the eye bleach -- there are pics (178)
(Some Blurry Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these blurry hikers (72)
ABC News Strange Feds seize cocaine worth $400,000 hidden in tow bars. "And remember, tow bar is robot spelled backward" (88)
(NYT) Hero Greek man saves his village by using his homemade wine to fight fire (51)
Yahoo Misc UPS celebrates 100 years of smashing packages, losing them and running over your pets (126)
The Sun Weird Man killed by pet spider, eaten by pet lizards, then hollowed out by pet termites. The Sun is there (240)
Reuters Interesting Colombian authorities seize island from the drug lord known as "Lollipop." Gloppy the Molasses Monster's Molasses Swamp said to be their next target (32)
MDN Weird "Japan is getting tickled pink by a little fairy that goes around biting people's bottoms and making them happy" (72)
Fox News Interesting I see your kangaroo in the Alps, and raise you an emu at Wal-Mart (21)
(Fried Latte, Y'all!) Spiffy If it can be deep fried, you'll damn well see it at this year's Texas State Fair (93)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Ironic Actual headline: Anarchists to hold planning meeting (232)
This Is Local London Strange How drunk do people get in England? So drunk that a man can lay in the street for 13 hours before anyone realizes he is dead (40)
MDN Obvious Passengers on whale-watching boat not amused when they close in on one, then watch in horror as Japanese whaling vessel harpoons the animal and hauls it in (106)
The Sun Obvious Man drowns in river while having a whiz. It may not surprise you to discover alcohol was involved (17)
MSNBC Interesting New Laws of Fashion No. 45: Nothing says "JACKASS" quite as well as a cellphone on a belt clip (780)
Yahoo Dumbass Today's self-centered TB asshat comes yet again from Atlanta. Contagious teen refuses treatment at hospital, jailarity ensues (64) Unlikely Testicles accidently stuck in metal pipe. This is not a misleading headline, which makes it all the more frightening (102)

Mon August 27, 2007
(Kane Instrumentation) Photoshop Photoshop this gauge into a real-world situation (70)
USA Today Cool Here's this year's NFL pick 'um game. Please don't cry when you lose. Pool: FARK| Number: 1170| PW: fark (84) Scary Visitors to fifth-century rock fortress in Sri Lanka asked to keep quiet so they don’t upset resident wasp colony. Which usually works. Except for yesterday (51)
Fox News Interesting You heard the one about how Bush granted the pope immunity from molestation charges, right? Oh, that's a classic (131)
Toledo Blade Stupid Brides are starting to buy two wedding dresses -- because she can't wear just one (243)
(MPR) Unlikely Residents of northern Minneapolis are fat because there aren't enough grocery stores (61)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Amusing Actual headline: Kangaroo injured in low-speed chase through Alps (38)
WNBC Dumbass Security guard found asleep on the job at nuclear power plant. D'oh (80)
(Some Guy) Sappy Orphaned hedgehogs adopt cleaning brush as their mother(w/pic) (88)
(Some Guy) Followup Miss South Carolina Teen USA explains her answer to all US Americans (581)
Time Dumbass Senator Larry Craig (R-eacharound) enjoys re-enacting his favorite line from Blazing Saddles in public bathrooms (470)
( Sick Severed horse head found buried in Fort Worth. Don Corleone unavailable for comment (26)
( Amusing "Cuba Foreign Minister Says Castro Health Rumors Untrue." So if you hear any rumors about Castro being healthy, don't listen (45)
Yahoo Obvious This just in: You're probably fat (301) Dumbass If there's one thing busted celebrities teach us over and over, it's that it is never too late to use the "I found Jesus" card, even if you've pleaded guilty to dogfighting (418)
UPI Followup Witnesses for an Army murder trial implicating a superior officer were killed in last week's helicopter crash in Iraq. This is all just a coincidence (269)
Daily Mail Amusing English woman celebrates her 100th birthday by smoking her 170,000th cigarette. Suck it, libs (410)
Yahoo Followup Greece fire continues to burn. Aid from other countries include suggestions of throwing flour or corn starch on it or putting a pan lid on it to smother the flames (146)
(Cool School) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: What can you create with these five simple machines? (90) Interesting Liquor store starts using scents to sell alcohol. Rejected smells include Frat-Boy Vomit, Essence of Skanky Ho (98)
(HBO) Plug Just like Lance Armstrong after 120 miles on a bicycle, you can get to experience a ball-dropping while surrounded by thousands of people. (Sponsored Link) (46)
(NASA) Followup NASA shows when to watch tonight's lunar eclipse from any time zone with spiffy full-color diagrams, time and phase charts, and eclipse visibilty maps (160)
(East Volusia) Amusing Uber-geek physics professor creates a course dissecting bad physics in movie special effects. Also offers extra credit if students submit their dissertation on the "Han shot first" debate (657)
(Buffalo News) Obvious Man falls from bridge at 2:30 a.m., possibly while doing handstands. "Alcohol may have been a factor" (48)
Slate Obvious What back-to-school clothing do we have for girls this year? Well, there's trampy, slutty and trampy, trampy and slutty, insanely expensive, and lots of Wal-Mart rejects -- plus a lot of crap with glitter on it (with pics) (532)
SuperDeluxe Video We're just 15 sales away from that pink cop car (56)
Homestar Runner Amusing Say "hi" to hygiene (57)
St. Pete Times Florida State cracks down on famous Weeki Wachee mermaid attraction because it threatens, you know, the natural unspoiled beauty that is Florida (62)
(News and Observer) Interesting Southern Baptists doing their part to ease crowding in public schools (1022)
Mercury News Cool Tonight's forecast calls for a 100-percent chance of the moon becoming as blood, with an 80-percent chance of scattered Apocalypse tomorrow (119)
Mercury News NewsFlash White House officials say Attorney General Gonzales has submitted his letter of resignation. However, Gonzales says he can't recall writing any such letter, or his reasons for taking such an action (1290)
(Like, Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: If teenagers ruled the world... (88) Weird Woman named Torre helps capture and rescue chicken from beating. Chicken catcher Torre? (155)
( Hero Man jumps from moving car on interstate to avoid argument with wife. Hero tag beats Dumbass because haven't we all pretty much wanted to do that at some point? (154) Spiffy Two Chinese miners, pretty much given up for dead, tunneled out of a collapsed mine six days after being trapped underground without food or water (90)
CBS New York Hero Nine-year-old girl saves 34 New Jerseyans from dying in a fire (with video news story) (65)
(Variety) Cool Keanu barada nikto (192) Stupid Four-wheeling European diplomatic asshats destroy a priceless fossilized whale lying for millions of years in the Egyptian desert, ignoring officials pleas to stop their vehicles (97)
SeattlePI Obvious Camilla tires of being bridled with scandal, bolts Diana memorial. In other news, Subby beats dead horse (42)
ABC News Interesting Teacher upset when student posts YouTube video of her set to "Hot For Teacher" (with pic of said hot teacher) (245) Weird Some guy stabs his friend, drops a large rock on his head twice, stabs him again, asks "Are you dead yet?" Then it gets weird (55)
1010WINS Cool Mud wrestling for Jesus (15)
(Some Guy) Asinine One after another, the men and women who have stepped forward to report corruption in the massive effort to rebuild Iraq have been vilified, fired and demoted. Or worse (335)
SeattlePI Weird Impolite horn honking is $124 ticket in Washington state (89) Stupid Soiled diapers users to smuggle cannabis. Good shiat indeed (25)
(Japan News Review) Dumbass When diving with no equipment and carrying a harpoon, it's pretty important that you do not stick the harpoon into your arm when faced with a shark (33)
Telegraph Strange A hundred Afghans protest against footballs given by Americans, because they display the flag of Saudi Arabia, which contains the name of the Prophet, which you should never kick with your foot. Work with me here (199)
The Sun Amusing Meet your new "Fail" meme. Yeah, there are pics. They're worth the click (151)

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