GoogleWeb Fark
Sun September 09, 2007
(Some Ruski) Caption Caption this lecturing Q-tip (48)
(NEIC) Scary Colombia shakes with a 6.8 quake. Pray for Juan Valdez (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Actual headline: "Women getting fatter, more clueless" (186)
NYPost Interesting Two men sue their alma mater after the school newsletter published an item saying they were "life partners" who had been married and the leaders of a nonexistent group called the Gay Rights Brigade (65)
This Is Local London Obvious Study finds most kids don't want to be astronauts, they just want a happy marriage - even though the odds of becoming an astronaut are way better (50)
SLTrib Dumbass Teen bow hunters discover it's too tough to bag any deer during the August, hunt so they end up hunting cows (60)
(PennLive) Spiffy Excessive wetness brings Christian sex show to premature end (141)
DFW Unlikely Bush official says bin Laden is "virtually impotent". Lucky for him, they have a pill for that now (121)
(Florida Today) Florida Not News: Our kids are fat. News: New law increases amount of physical education to 150 hours per week in elementary schools. Fark: Schools have to cut out recess to make room for "Brain Gym" (175)
(Some Guy) Amusing Tomato Haters vs Tomato Lovers (152)
Newsday Dumbass You can't catch autism from a play date (or why some people hate parents) (256)
(Some Guy) Followup Every time Osama bin Laden references current events in his latest video, the video feed appears to be frozen. Hmmmm (290)
(Richmond Times Dispatch) Sad Virginia prepares to commemorate War of Northern Aggression's 150th anniversary (413)
Boston Globe Obvious State to towns: Turn over your records of traffic stops so we can see how racist your local police are. Towns to state: No (95)
(Some Guy) Silly Religious groups forced to stop using British comic catchphrases to spread word of Jesus. Judean People's Front's crack suicide squad prepares counter-attack (225)
(Hindustan Times) Strange Men increasingly concerned about their asses, are getting "butt therapy" (73)
Yahoo Weird Kid falls out of back seat of Excursion while being towed away by repo men. Reached for comment, repo men said they get into five or six tense situations a day, and it don't mean shiat to them anymore (146)
(Some Guy) Sick Top 10 most evil women in history. Rosie O'Donnell suspiciously absent from list (262)
Wired Sad Do no evil? Yeah, right. Google is finally going over to the dark side (151)
(Lansing State Journal) Obvious Feminist: "Exotic dancers should never receive our scorn. They only deserve our respect and admiration. They make our world better through their captivating performances on stage" (94)
(Engadget) Interesting Japanese are the first to develop a solar-powered Laser Death Ray in Space (97)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Ultra-mega-epic crossover showdowns. Photoshop your favorite characters from different movies/TV shows/etc. locked in mortal combat (LGT example) (99)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Amusing 3.7 earthquake hits San Diego (82)
(some jihadi) Silly Iran opens women's skydiving center. Parachute optional (47)
London Times Interesting Searchers for Steve Fossett have discovered six unknown crash sites in an area that has had over 150 light plane crashes in the last five decades, an area known as "an aircraft graveyard" (105)
Dayton Daily News Amusing "Love often elusive on the farm - It's not uncommon for farmers who spend much of their time in the fields to have trouble meeting a mate." Well sure, if you limit yourself to just one species (55)
Yahoo Florida Holiday seats at local synagogue go for $1.8 million. Oy vey (138)
BBC Weird Israeli neo-Nazi gang arrested. Guys, you're doing it wrong (172)
Daily Mail Amusing The world gravy-wrestling championships are serious business (20) Dumbass "Balcony rails are there for a purpose, to keep people safe. He's climbed over the rails a couple of times. At the time he fell he was hanging on by one hand". Darwin wins (70)
Denver Post Amusing "I love that smell. Don't you just love it? Nothing smells better to me," says Sherri Tippie, inhaling deeply. "I was born for beavers" (68) Strange Man explains that normally, he wouldn't get naked in his front yard, but he really needed a bath (18) Weird Man beaten nearly to death by six occupants of a Hummer for telling them "I like your car." Looks like maybe it wasn't just the vehicle which was on steroids (127)
MSNBC Stupid Coastal Native Americans return to their ancestor's hunting styles and shoot a whale with a .50 cal machine gun (140)
This Is Local London Asinine UK Drivers risk two years in "£ me in the arse prison" for using their mobile phones while motoring (70)
Yahoo Asinine Not News: Man attempts to return ammunition to Walmart. Still Not News: Walmart refuses to accept the return. Fark: Man goes outside, loads his gun and decides to "return" it anyway (63)
AFP Strange Pope blasts Europeans for not having enough children. Apparently there is a shortage of altar boys (197)
AFP Weird Japanese create caramel-like soy sauce for ice cream, failing to realize that they haven't thought this cunning plan all the way through (66)
USA Today Interesting The FBI used national security letters to request thousands of telephone records from a wide "community of interest" of those even remotely linked to individuals under suspicion (88)
(salina journal) Amusing Small town in Kansas plans re-enactment of the night they shot Sheriff Whitney, including the public hanging. As you can imagine, the local newspaper editor has her panties in a giant half-hitch over this (56)
(New Yorker) Hero During his first term as President, Jefferson spent seventy-five hundred dollars—roughly a hundred and twenty thousand dollars in today’s currency—on wine (104)

Sat September 08, 2007
AFP Strange Old and busted: Picking your pocket. New hotness: Stealing the hair off your head (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting How could I, a 5-foot woman, have possibly raped a strapping, 6-foot businessman? (320)
(FW Journal) Strange Not news: Man uses a gun to rob someone. News: Victim was an employee at a radio station promotion. Fark: Robber only demanded McDonald's coupons (41)
Google Strange Ceiling Thief is watching you medicate (41)
BBC Asinine Potential terrorist plot stopped by anti-hoodie rules. With scary pic of the terrorist mastermind (128)
(Some Okie) Cool OKC Fark Party TONIGHT 7 p.m. Come get your drink on. LGT Venue, DIT (42)
Time Interesting Top 100 TV Shows of All Time as picked by Time Magazine. How many of your favorites are on the list? (464)
(Phoenixnewtimes) Asinine If you're the sheriff of Maricopa, AZ and want to see justice done for traffic citations do you 1) send a letter advising turning himself in 2) send an officer with a warrant 3) get the SWAT team to burn his house down and kill his dog (241)
Toronto Star Amusing Police say they're going to beef up security at Winnipeg Bombers games because they're having an increasingly difficult time keeping drunk, naked fans off the field (33)
(Hindustan Times) Strange When you have a friend in a financial dispute do you A) offer a loan, B) suggest they get a lawyer or C) fabricate a news story accusing a woman of prostituting school students which leads to riots outside the school? (12)
YouTube Amusing Two guys go around videotaping themselves licking random women. Actually, it works out better than you would expect (181)
Philly Hero And who said all lawyers are bad? Pennsylvania's archiac blue laws are being challenged in the state Supreme Court. Yes, Pennsylvanians have to go to three seperate stores to get a six pack, case of beer, and bottle of wine (100)
(Some Guy) Cool Man takes pictures of Tokyo for 35-years, puts them into 10-second clip (74)
CNN Followup Weapons of Mass Detergent confirmed at United Nations (23) Interesting Australian police trying to lure women to join the force by promoting guns as fashion accessories (35) Scary 11-year-old Canadian boy survives decapitation, doesn't care much for his new nickname at school (82)
(Murfreesboro Post) Unlikely "Officer Sean Garrison explained to the neighbor he couldn’t practice his Ninja skills in his front yard" (29)
SeattlePI Amusing 1. Cut a hole in the box, 2. Put your junk in that box, 3. Have her open the box, and that's the way you get an Emmy nomination (108)
(WC Tribune) Weird Home intruder dismayed to discover that the homeowner knows genitalia-fu (62)
( Cool Paul Bunyan may have been African-American. Still no word on why Babe the ox was blue (77)
(Some Genetically Enginneered Guy) Interesting MSNBC Jumps on the Transhumanist / New-Age Evolutionary Bandwagon. I shall call him mini-me (119)
USA Today Followup Tropical Storm Gabrielle heads for North Carolina on news that Nifong has been released from jail (54)
(SB Sun.Com) Strange A fireman who fought in front lines of two of Southern California's most destructive fires, helped at the World Trade Center on 9-11 and was at Hurricane Katrina has been arrested. Seems that he's never actually been a fireman (104)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Vogue's top 30 eco must-haves include bamboo bras (71)
(Fayetteville Observer) Sick No matter how great of a relationship you have with your boss, it's probably never going to be OK to have sex with his dog (109)
(Some Guy) Stupid Texas parents outraged - OUTRAGED - because middle school students get stupid homework assignment (130)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop a celebrity stuck in his or her personal hell. Difficulty: No Michael "PMITA" Jackson (129)
Boston Herald Weird Artificial-turf soccer field has to be elaborately disinfected after high school girls' soccer team urinates on it to show contempt for their opponents (125)
(Shropshire Star) Amusing Newspaper asks what it would take to make women order ales in a pub. Is surprised to discover the answer is pink bottles and "a free pair of shoes with every two pints" (39)
Stuff Interesting Man saves water by peeing on his vegetable garden. "And (I) have never suffered any ill health as a result, which is not to say that it will be the same for everyone." (63)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Scary 4.4 magnitude earthquake hits northern California (135)
( Interesting Rare African cat escapes owner, is now on the loose in Phoenix. Hopefully she'll make it home in time for Caturday (185)
Boston Globe Dumbass Not news: Woman can't find her keys. News: Believing her keys to be stolen, she torches her neighbors' trailer in retaliation. Fark: Her keys were hanging from her pants pocket all along. Oopsie (73) Obvious Writer rails against the misuse of charity to provide breast implants, apparently forgetting that if it wasn't for strippers, most people wouldn't support single moms (30)
(49ABC News) Dumbass Not news: Man sends pic of naked lady via email to a couple friends. News: He's the mayor. Fark: He included a local media outlet in the recipient list (72)
TBO Florida Corrections chief proposes such budget-slashing measures as making low-security inmates work on chain gangs, live in tents, and eat boiled eggs until they puke. This will end well (108)
AFP Dumbass Criminal-of-the-Year decides a school would be an easy target to rob. A karate school. The good news is that he'll have plenty of time to think through his cunning plan in the hospital recovery ward (65)
This Is Local London Cool The next time you and nine of your friends want to get drunk and get exercise, why not rent The Pub Crawler, a mobile bar propelled by the pedal power of its customers (42) Sad Not news: Truck in India crashes killing 85 passengers. Newsier: There were 200 in the truck (54)
(Times Argus) Weird Man sprays keyboard cleaner into his mouth while driving at high speed, causes an accident, then drives into a rock wall in the highway median, setting his car on fire. Then it gets weird (52)
Flickr Amusing Old timey hobo lolcat makes a Star Wars funny (321)
First Coast News Weird Man caught with hundreds of pot plants tells police it is a science project that got out of hand (38)
(Fox5Atlanta) Stupid Cop gets too much salt on his burger - rather than complain, he chooses to arrest fry cook for reckless conduct (220)
The Sun Spiffy Suspected but now confirmed, Dr Who's Rose Tyler likes being a dominatrix (with pics) (112)
Yahoo Amusing Old and busted: Female teachers sleeping with students. New and hot: Female prosecutors sleeping with judges (44)
USA Today Obvious First lady Laura Bush to have elective surgery to relieve the pain in her neck. I thought this was called a divorce (51)
11 Alive Ironic Man dies in fire after only exit blocked by his 5-foot tall stack of beer cans (74)
Sign On San Diego Obvious Problem: Man facing trial halfway saws off leg with electronic monitor on it. Solution: “My understanding is the probation department moved the monitor to his other leg.” (38)
ABC News Obvious U.S. drought wipes out annual marijuana crop. Suck it, hippies (200)

Fri September 07, 2007 Strange Man creates huge mosaic with nothing but toothpicks. Jaw dropping (70)
TBO Florida Students want day out of school so they send threatening emails, they got the day out of school plus a bonus trip to the police station (26)
BBC Obvious Hundreds of fans descend on Anthrax Castle for third Monty Python Day (107)
Yahoo PSA Even if you *were* robbed at gunpoint, don't expect the police to help you recover your weed stash (26)
USA Today Scary Document found in al-Zarqawi's safe house last year outlines al-Qaeda plans to draw U.S. into war with Iran (327)
BBC Obvious Doctors recommend a pint of Guinness a day to help lower your risk of a heart attack (125)
(KSAT) Florida Today's "Chihuahua adopts four baby squirrels" story brought to you by Lake City, Florida. With pic and video awwwwwwwwwwness (54)
CBS New York Obvious This week's controversial billboard sighting and subsequent uproar brought to you by the Lower East Side of Manhattan (90)
Reuters Weird Plant Porn? WTF (102)
CNN Unlikely Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling, unhappy with his new name "Shirley" and his new husband Bucephelus, would like a do over on his trial, please (71)
Reuters Obvious Research shows that too much TV can cause attention problems in adolescents. In other news (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man arrested after trying to sell the surveillance equipment cops hid in his car (73)
Time Stupid From the "We Can Do Better Than 10 Cars" Department: Time makes a 50 worst-cars list (212)
(Some Guy) Amusing Friday night 9:42 p.m.... WTF? (120)
Yahoo Stupid Nearly 30 percent of Americans see nothing wrong with unwed women having children. Giggity (301)
Yahoo Unlikely NOAA, the same agency that has been so accurate at predicting hurricanes, has affirmed dire predictions of sea ice loss. In other words, a new Ice Age is coming (147)
(Some Floor Humping Guy) Amusing If Burning Man accomplished nothing else this year, at least it pissed off a right wing talk show host and her caravan of followers (207)
(Chattanoogan) Scary Today's "woman charged with having sex with 15-year-old boy" story comes from OMG MY EYES MY EYES (253)
The Tennessean Misc Crack tax ruled unconstitutional by Tennesee Court of Appeals. Michael Moore, Pete Doherty's cat utter sighs of relief (56)
(Some Guy) Stupid .22 rifle? Check. Geo Metro? Check. On college campus? Check. Let's hunt deer (179)
Yahoo Dumbass The entire world hates you, your economy is in shambles and nature has washed out huge chunks of the heart of your country. What do you do? Why, visit a duck farm and listen to singing soldiers, of course (143)
Google Followup ♫ Texas Commisioners of History / Bought them a letter for 500 Gs / Now someone doubts its au-then-ti-ci-ty / Some experts say that it's a forgery / Davey, Davey Crockett -- damn it's still real to me ♫ (42)
(Some Guy) Amusing NPR reporter in Iraq doesn't know what horrifies her most -- that people were ready to kidnap her for ransom, or that they were only going to demand $100,000. "You want to think, 'Just $100,000? Come on'" (107)
Houston Chronicle Unlikely Minister busted with a box full of child porn says he had the photos for research purposes so he could help shut down child-porn websites (98)
Yahoo Dumbass Nine-year-old remembers vomiting, hitting her head and blacking out after her grandma gave her two glasses of gin. Grandma did it so the girl would pass out and grams could go party (149)
Reuters Followup Rare dolphin: "The reports of my extinction have been greatly exaggerated" (59)
(Some Ump) Photoshop Photoshop these baseball rookies and their fans (51)
AFP Obvious Recent news: Depression feels worse than other diseases. In other news, women have boobs and tall people are good at basketball (285)
(Philadelphia Weekly) Followup Philadelphia Weekly story about Hillary Clinton caption contest (54)
BBC Ironic Doctors in China to remove 26 needles embedded in woman's body (94)
Yahoo Sad Tessa-wrecked: Madeline L'Engle dies at 88 (194)
The Sun Amusing Graffiti artist sends double-decker bus around London with personalised message to Ken on the top (68)
SLTrib Obvious White? Check. Female? Check. Attractive? Check. Missing? Check. Fark? Check (178)
MSNBC Followup US intelligence has an advance bootleg copy of bin-Laden’s new video. Still no word on if it is Blue-Ray or HD-DVD (180)
Reuters Followup Test-drive a Nissan and win a lead-laced mug. Don't ask where those mugs are produced. You already know (55)
(YNet) Followup Israeli Air Force: We don't know why you guys overreacted, we constantly violate Syrian airspace (619)
Boston Globe Followup Boston rehearses distribution of bioterror vaccines in case Mooninites lauch another attack (51)
AP Stupid Having created world peace for now and into the future, Bush and S. Korean president get in a tizzy about war truce from 54 years ago (60)
Blender Interesting Top 10 stadium anthems that need to go (220)
(Some Compromised Server) Scary Storm worm now more powerful than world's top supercomputers. Skynet runs off, crying for its mother (224)
SuperDeluxe Video Miss Teen South Carolina's brother starts a map company (75)
Maxim Video Apparently, two quarts of oil can help an armed man slide for 30 feet (Sponsored Link) (43)
(KTRK) Followup All those missing honeybees? Here's about 500,000 of them (74)
The Sun Asinine Pete Doherty has been captured on camera forcing his pet cat to smoke crack (174)
SLTrib Silly Four supporters attend Fred Thompson presidential rally. Considering it was Utah, that's four more than were expected (165)
ABC News Interesting John Stossel and "20/20" go to Cuba to see if average citizens get the same medical care as fat, bloviating, leftist American filmmakers do (click on video at right) (649)
Wall Street Journal Sad Men walking away from lost children in tears at mall rather than helping and risking being branded a child molester. "Being male, I am guilty until proven innocent." Tag is for this society (1162)
MSNBC Followup Attention whore is too sexy to fly on Southwest? You be the judge. Bonus: The aired broadcast had to blur out her crotch when she sits down (518)
(Berkshire Eagle) Dumbass Wanted criminal evades police by canoe. That's a paddlin' (33)
NYPost Dumbass Like Sting and Elton John before him, Osama Bin Laden to put out yet another video while sporting a new look (137) Followup Apparently enraged by snide remarks on Fark about their hostage stunt, non-violent Buddhist monks go on rampage in electronics shop (68)
Yahoo Followup Remember the paralyzed guy arrested for DUI while another drunk guy operated the pedals? Their defense in court: Neither had control, so neither was driving (43)
Stuff Interesting Leading New Zealand bishop steps down, sideways (27)
CBC Scary Two bridges in Quebec to be torn down after inspection finds microscopic evidence of the presence of Celine Dion (34)
(Some Guy) Hero Robber:"I'll have Mint Chocolate Chip on a sugar cone and all your money." Baskin Robbins owner: "Here you go sir, enjoy your ice cream and this chocolate-covered bullet in your ass" (439)
Canoe Interesting Intruder tries to break into Warren Buffett’s home but is foiled by Buffett's own private army of bloodthirsty mercenaries who all look like Brigitte Nielsen (52) Dumbass Supermarket executives still not willing to give the public a drive-through supermarket, despite yet another customer showing their support for the concept by adding their own drive-through lane (15)
ESPN Asinine Duke lacrosse players trying to suck $30 million from the city of Durham (287)
Reuters Cool U.S. free of canine rabies virus. Your dog wants to celebrate (74)
Daily Mail Asinine Boy calls emergency number, is made to wait on hold for an hour. While clinging to the side of a cliff (50)
ABC News Strange British parents of missing daughter, Madeleine McCann are now suspects in the little girl's disappearance (203)
London Times Interesting Chelsea to be questioned over Ballack conundrum. Said to be "so very scared" (31) Followup TV satirists responsible for yesterday's motorcade security breach in Sydney try same trick again today. With black cardboard boxes and paper plate wheels (23)
Denver Channel Followup Fugitive fundraiser Norman Hsu nabbed in Colorado (65)
CNN Asinine What's worse than five-year-olds and people's pets on the terror watch list? Actual terrorist suspects were left off the list. Mission accomplished (34)
(Post Chronicle) Followup Vanessa Hudgens bushy beaver gets her fired from Disney (300)
SeattlePI Stupid SHCOOL (129)
AFP Interesting Attention women of Australia. You may now wear pants. That is all (35)
(WLTX) Stupid Female teacher apologizes for having sex with five male students at a motel, at a park, behind a restaurant, on her desk, in the back seat of her car, across the hood of her car, etc (182)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this king and queen (64)
(NY Daily News) Weird Don't bring your ninja nunchucks to a knife fight (75)
BBC Hero Judge rules part of Patriot Act unconstitutional, orders FBI to stop secretly demanding info from ISPs (175)
SFGate Cool Woman, 76, found safe after two weeks lost in the woods in near-freezing temperatures. She told you she was hardcore (41) Amusing The hills are alive with the sound of George W. (157)
The Sun Obvious Ugly-ass baby rhino born in Britain. It'll be in your dreams (pic) (47)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass You know the feel-good* story that is Rick Ankiel? We may have HGH to thank for that (139)
MSNBC Dumbass Man celebrates beginning of NFL season by jumping over railing at NFL pregame party and falling nine stories. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FREEFALL? (46)
(WLTX) Dumbass Spare the rod, spoil the child. Use the cattle prod and that's a jailin' [w/happy hillbilly mugshot goodness] (66)
Yahoo Dumbass Here's a tip for all you bank robbers out there: If you walk past a uniformed police officer three times, maybe you should hold off on the robbery (16)
(Inside Bay Area) Hero Mom sacrifices her own body to save baby from yet another Canine of Peace™ (708)
AZCentral Obvious Rare rainstorm in Phoenix leads to 15 crashes on one five-mile stretch of freeway, including a 23-car pileup, thus proving there are drivers even worse than Southerners in a snowstorm (134)
(The Forum) Stupid Fargo South High spends an hour in lockdown after a thermometer breaks (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these unique and precious snowflakes (34)
Boston Herald Weird Boston authorities discover self-igniting taffy-like goo in river, tax it (49)
(That's Dumass) Dumbass Not news: Man attempts suicide. News: By driving his car into a lake. Fark: There's a drought and the water only came up to his shoulders (106)

Thu September 06, 2007
(Some Guy) Amusing Here's a good idea... let's steal video equipment from that video surveillance manufacturer. Surely they won't be recording us (23)
CBS New York Asinine New report says the 221 horses that take people in carriages around NYC are treated like shiat, denied vital things like water, shade and beefareeno (65)
UPI Interesting Documentary looks long and hard at Nazi porn in Israel (218)
(Some Guy) Interesting Blind vet beats off gunman. He never saw him coming (54)
Telegraph Scary I'll see your Israeli jet in Syrian air space and raise you British jets scambled to fend off Russian bomber wing (309)
Time Cool Nosey teens write lurid book about high school sex scandal (w/ pics of nosey teens) (162)
Reuters Obvious Teen suicides go up after doctors prescribe fewer antidepressants because of pseudo-scientific evidence linking antidepressant use to increased risk of teen suicides (229)
(The Oshkosh Northwestern) Asinine "Officers inspected the pizza and determined that it indeed was burned." (60)
(NBC 10) Obvious Not News: Eleven New Jersey officials arrested for bribery; News: ONLY eleven New Jersey officials arrested for bribery (36)
ABC News Obvious From the "Raise your Kid in Bubble" deptartment: Playgrounds are full of germs. EVERYBODY PANIC (108)
(Some Coulrophobe) Sad Clowns Without Borders visit Palestinean refugee camp. Haven't they suffered enough already? (51)
Philly Caption challenges you to caption this picture of Hillary Clinton (165)
STLToday Stupid In the dictionary, this would be under the definition for Fark (77)
Wonkette Asinine Baptist pastor, while drunk, in a skirt, and peeing in front of children, offers responding officers the "Larry Craig" special (70)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man avoids 14 months behind bars for driving a motor vehicle with a suspended license because he was driving a moped, which doesn't qualify as a motor vehicle under state statutes (95)
Des Moines Register Amusing Despite getting busted for doing donuts in the grass, having three times the legal amount of alcohol in her system, and trying to grab an officer's crotch, this woman still managed to smile for her mugshot (132)
Yahoo Interesting Not News: Dollar Tree store left unlocked, unattended. News: 15 people enter the store to shop. Fark: Authorities credit lack of theft to shoppers' honesty, not the fact that Dollar Tree merchandise isn't worth stealing (80)
MSNBC Dumbass Osama Bin Laden to release video on 9/11 anniversary. Said to include hilarious deleted scenes and appearances from Fidel Castro, Desmond Tutu and General Francisco Franco (195)
(Some Leader) Spiffy Steve Jobs to refund whiny iPhone early adopters with $100 Apple Store voucher, or, $23.78 after margins are factored in (165)
(Chattanoogan) Weird Man with "no enemies" has house shot up in drive-by. It's the cans, they definitely hate the cans. Stay away from the cans (56)
Yahoo Stupid How does a kindergarten student get suspended from the bus for 2 weeks? A. Getting in a fight. B. Hiding on the bus. C. Talking back to the bus driver. (it's not C this time) (96)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dandelion (53)
MSNBC Interesting Oh my God, there was this study where kids ate lots of food colors and preservatives and they were all like "WEEEEEEEEEE." Gonads and strife, gonads and strife, gonads and strife (166)
Network World Dumbass Verizon smokes out another family, which you might say is bad PR, especially when the homeowner is a reporter for Associated Press (109)
Yahoo Stupid 65-year-old hooligan gets carded and denied in supermarket. No drinking on her lawn (113)
The Sun Strange "Tootsie the Hermaphrodite Pony's nightmare is finally over -- after undergoing a sex change, finding a new home and settling down with a donkey called Derek." The Sun is there (140)
Chicago Sun-Times Sick After a surprise inspection for illegal foie gras at Cyrano's Bistro in Chicago, the good news is they didn't find foie gras... bad news is they found roaches (101)
YouTube Survey As a child, what was the creepiest character from your favorite TV show? Bonus points for finding it on YouTube (1335)
WFTV Florida Edgewater councilwoman won't be charged for covering her daughter with olive oil in a attempt to exorcise her. Still bat shiat crazy though (124)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not news: Thieves steal garden gnome. Fark: Gnome weighs 120 pounds and was cemented in place (44) Followup Senator Larry Craig (R - I dunno), who was NEVER GAY, but was resigning, still WASN'T GAY, and was not resigning, is resigning again. But he is still DEFINITELY NOT GAY. Penis (237)
The Smoking Gun Interesting Jerry Lewis, this tour rider explains, is "a professional performer... separate and aside from the work he does for the Muscular Dystrophy Association" (84)
(Lancaster Online) Dumbass Man charged with "agricultural vandalism," with the greasiest mug shot you'll see today (104)
SuperDeluxe Video Drunken astronauts describe sex in space. Gin and Tang, anyone? (93)
CNN Interesting Headline: "Mind-controlled prosthetic arm plays the piano." Article: "...could conceivably play the piano" (50)
MSNBC Obvious GAO report finds Motherland Security to be an ineffectual waste of resources (426)
BBSpot Obvious Fox takes "Kid Nation" one step further with new show, "Kid Army." Kids with weapons, what could go wrong? (119)
(Some Guy) Obvious Critic forces himself to read every newspaper comic strip for two weeks: "All but a relative handful were creatively slack, unoriginal and as amusing as an attack of intestinal distress miles from the nearest restroom" (287)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Senator Larry Craig’s (R-notgay) daughter appears on TV to tell everyone he’s definitely not gay -- ignoring the fact that oops, she has a warrant out for her arrest (203)
WFTV Florida Bump. Bump. Bump. Crash. Jail (22)
(The News) Dumbass Before stealing a car, make sure you know what goes in the tank (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this master of bathroom karate (69)
(WRAL) Weird It sucks to be robbed, but when they take your clothes too, well that's just mean (33)
(WEWS) Weird Suspected wallet thief throws punches, prosthetic leg, bicycle at woman. Gets pwned, arrested (18)
(News-Press) Florida When submitter looks for his lost dog, he usually doesn't beat up a grandma with a metal gutter, break into houses and get into fights with the cops. But then again, he doesn't live in Florida (26)
( Cool A lot of Vegas casinos comp the high rollers with free flights to Nevada, but only the Las Vegas Hilton will pick you up in a MiG fighter jet (69)
(Some Guy) Obvious Israeli jets cross into Lebanese... err Syrian airspace, drawing anti-aircraft fire. It's all the same news there, anyway (829)
Reuters Amusing TV comedians dress like Osama Bin Laden and manage to drive three fake car bombs right next to the hotel where many powerful world leaders, including fearless leader, will be staying for the Asia-Pacific summit (125)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fred Thompson (R - USA Network) officially enters the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Plans to solve America's problems in one hour once a week every Friday (444)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Criminal genius unsuccessfully tries to cash a stolen cheque... in his own name. At a post office where he was already well known (17)
CBC Dumbass In a story about a school ban on personal electronics, a student, who gave her name to the reporter, says, "I'm going to bring it, I'll hide it. They won't be able to find it. I'll leave it in my purse" (109)
AP Dumbass Not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your meatgrinding work there, Lou (52)
Daily Mail Asinine Hospital bans flowers because they pose health risk to patients; still no cure for orange jello with chunks (74)
BBC Ironic Armed security forces taken hostage by Buddhist monks. Wait, what? (166)
Fox News Dumbass If you're going to sell pot from your dorm room, it's probably not a good idea to scream that fact out the window at the top of your lungs (87)
(Tameside Advertiser) Followup Britain's hairiest baby gets some competition -- from a ginger. Still no other news in the UK (129)
BBC Strange Man beaten with stiletto shoe... by another man (37)
( Dumbass When grabbing a pot plant from the back of a pick-up truck, make sure it doesn't belong to the Maine Drug Enforcement Agency (48)
London Times Weird Hands up if you have a frosty relationship with your mom. Keep your hands up if you kept her in a refrigerator for 10 years (43)
(Moscow Times) Strange Mayor of Russian town bans phrase "I don't know." Green slime unavailable for comment (103)
Miami Herald Weird Twenty-five smuggled Cuban migrants dropped off at Waffle House to experience sweet scent of capitalism (46) Scary Drunken schoolgirl repeatedly kicks man where it really, really hurts for pronouncing her name wrong. This story has everything (213)
(The Sun Herald) Dumbass Man wanting his FEMA trailer calls 911 instead of 411, hangs up. Cops break in when he doesn't answer door, discover his meth lab (33)
Telegraph Unlikely Anorexic violinist hangs herself. Parents blame skunky cannabis. "Different people have different limits with drugs. For some, even the tiniest amount can be too much" (273)
WTOP Scary Some days you eat the bear, and some days the rabid black bear tries to rip out your air conditioner and come after you in the house (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this auction (58)
(KSAT) Dumbass You suspect burglars are in your parent's house. Do you: A) Confront them? B) Exit the house and call 911? Or C) Set the house on fire? (26)
The Sun Amusing British version of the Comcast guy: Municipal worker caught on camera sleeping next to his truck when he should have been fixing a broken water main. The Sun is there with the pic (48) Interesting Kansas struck by "a very slow, creeping catastrophe" in which parts of the state are literally falling into the bowels of the earth. They make it sound like this is a bad thing (115) Unlikely Bachelor and bachelorette parties ordered not to engage in any activities that are not good, clean family fun. "Some of these groups are getting a bit too close to the bone," explains one double entendre-prone proponent of rules (32) Sad Fat lady sings for the fat man: Luciano Pavarotti dead at 71 (327)
Denver Channel Amusing Large bull elk picks fight with swing set and loses (with pics) (67)
(Indiana Daily Student) Dumbass Today's "man files police report when stiffed by hooker" story brought to you by... *throws dart*... Bloomington, IN (50)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 122: "Invitation to the Dance.” Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (142)

Wed September 05, 2007
(Some Guy) Amusing "Paris is keen to stretch herself as an actress so she's happy to kiss another girl for the audience and actually thinks it'll be fun to play a lesbian" (122)
Denver Post PSA A good way to relieve stress and tension on an airplane is to walk around the cabin or responsibly enjoy an adult beverage. However, taking out your junk and playing with yourself while you listen to your iPod is bad form (83)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Five strippers arrested in raid at upscale Houston gentlemen's club. Two are actually hot. Well, maybe one (334)
SMH Hero Sydney hotelier wheels in kegs of beer by hand to get around the APEC security roadblocks (50)
Yahoo Interesting Who said, "the shared love of open air cooking is a unifying force between blacks and whites?" A: Martha Stewart B: Rachel Ray C: Nobel laureate Desmond Tutu (85)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this ruminant (60)
CBC Cool Not News: Schools told to keep Creationism out of the science room. News: Or risk losing funding. Fark: By Conservatives (448)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Two men try to steal yacht...FAIL Two different men try to steal same yacht...DOUBLE FAIL With mugshot goodness (72)
The Smoking Gun Followup "Seattle Hairy Girls #5" among X-rated videos that California peeping Tom wants cops to return. The Smoking Gun is there (127)
SFGate Strange A look at a job that requires people to take calls such as "There's pig balls on the street," and "There's cocaine all over my clothes There's cocaine everywhere" (103)
AJC Misc Atlanta drivers ponder whether roundabouts are the traffic solution they're looking for. Most Americans ponder what the hell to do when they drive up to one (315)
Denver Post Amusing A study led by University of Colorado researchers says an effort to restore the endangered greenback cutthroat trout has been using the wrong fish for two decades. Somewhere, Ward Churchill is laughing his ass off (80)
AP Dumbass Winning legal strategies include the temporary insanity plea and the Chewbacca defense. Losing legal strategies include punching out your own lawyer (109)
Yahoo Florida Former MLB pitcher Bill Henry would like it to be known that his recent obituary was not actually for himself, but some guy who lived in Florida with the same name who pretended to be him (29)
CNN Cool For the next two days, everyone in NYC gets the chance to be Danny Glover (149)
ABC News Dumbass Today's master criminal commits a murder that baffles police. Until he writes about it in his novel (62)
AP Weird Not news: Man has a gambling addiction. News: He steals $66K in hospital equipment to support his habit. Fark: The stolen items were colonoscopes (57)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass Southwest Airlines' No Miniskirt policy fails to take off (536)
AJC Followup How could a U.S. Senator who was arrested for soliciting bathroom sex and then faked his own resignation make things even stranger? Hiring Ron Mexico's attorney (165)
(Rome News-Tribune) Unlikely Man clocked at 154 mph on his motorcycle said he was speeding because he was late for appointment to get his motorcycle license (126)
Maxim Amusing In honor of Larry Craig not being gay: Top political sex scandals (196)
JSOnline Obvious Journalist discovers news services would rather report on "the latest stumbles of Britney/Lindsay/Paris" then real news. Someone should write a book about this (84)
CNN Followup The other Hsu drops in Democrat fundraiser scandal (188)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dejected guy (83)
MSNBC Obvious Another sign that kids are back at school: The yearly "College Kids at risk for Meningitis" story (89)
AP Interesting Cigarette smokers more likely to flip burgers on the Hindenburg with Cary Grant and Skeletor (142)
CNN Followup Helmsley's cemetery won't let the biatch be buried there (100)
Reuters Dumbass Chinese official plagiarizes his apology speech while on trial for corruption & copyright infringement (60)
(the hill) NewsFlash Rep. Paul Gillmor (R-Ohio) found dead in his apartment (557)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Doctors claim kids are growing up faster because of nutritious food and access to pornography (99)
YouTube Amusing Hilarious eyewitness account of Senator Craig bathroom fun. "That's the one thing I really want to say to all the travellers in America: Get it in the bowl" (91)
Daily Mail Amusing Private dick poses as stiff, pricks ballsy funeral home vandals. Penis (70)
(The Trentonian) Stupid Congressman's computers all farked up after band hippy protesters invade office. Oh, and they videotaped themselves possible evidence of the sabotage and posted it on YouTube (215)
(Metrowest Daily News) Scary Man calls wife evil. Wife responds by hitting him over the head with a mug of ice cream, ripping the phone of the wall, and stabbing him in the arm. ta-da (95)
Gawker Amusing New York Times puts down mouse traps in its employee cafeteria to combat the rodent problem; furious arguments break out over whether to use manchego or parmigiano-reggiano, or just go with whatever nauseates Frank Rich (47)
BBC Dumbass Medical salesman gets out of speeding ticket by saying he was a doctor on an emergency call - - it worked right up until he tried to claim expenses for a fake standby doctor to cover for him while he was in court (18)
CNN Strange If you're having trouble selling your home in this down market, just bury a statue of St. Joseph upside down in your front yard. It's Not News, It's CNN (180)
Denver Channel Scary Golden, Colorado police search for an attempted breaking and entry suspect, who just happens to be a mountain lion (36)
AP Scary Orville Redenbacher's revenge: Popcorn Lung (127)
USA Today Scary Nuclear warheads mistakenly flown on B-52. Minot Air Force Base denies the mistake, claiming it came from Planet Claire (189)
AJC Asinine High School student gets suspended for 10 days and charged with a felony for carrying a swiss army knife onto campus (486)
Free Press Sad Detroit man attempts to steal electricity by hooking up jumper cables to a power line. Darwinity ensues (142)
( Dumbass Police dodge man as he tries to ram their cruisers. Chrysler almighty (32)
Boston Globe Obvious "Though outrage over 'racism' is ever fashionable, African-Americans have long had far less to fear from the violence of racist whites than from the mayhem of the black underclass" (1060)
Yahoo News German Authorities capture three jihaddis, thwarting a plan to bomb Frankfurt International Airport and the air force base at Ramstein (276) Interesting New study confirms that it's good to have a penis (201)
Daily Mail Dumbass If you're going to burglarize and vandalize a campsite, you probably shouldn't scrawl "Peter Addison was here" at the scene of the crime - especially if your name's Peter Addison (42)
Derby Evening Telegraph Ironic Hapless robbers run into police dog training exercise (42) Asinine Senior UK judge calls for the entire country, and everyone who visits, to have their DNA stored on the national database. How many Harry Tuttles will there be? (133)
MSNBC Stupid Wife: cheating husband walked into knife. Husband: other woman walked into penis (77)
( Ironic It's like ants on your wedding night (103)
SMH Scary Apparently "the mere fact that the judge was asleep for periods of the trial does not demonstrate that the trial had been unfair." The more you know (55)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cozy apple (73)
Stuff Asinine If you've been following the story about the missing breadknife, it has been returned. In other New Zealand news... never mind, there isn't any (39) Dumbass Alleged serial killer says he's too dumb to kill people (57)
(Some Fapping Canuck) Unlikely "I wasn't masturbating in public. I was just sitting at a computer downloading a few things and I got a little horny" (68) Asinine Nanny State completely loses its mind by fining parents whose kids have been suspended from school £1,000 if their misbehaving crotchfruit are found outside the house (119)
(The Beaufort Gazette) Ironic South Carolina state insurance director is dropped by his own insurance provider (39)
UPI Interesting Many Liberians may be ousted from U.S. That's rather strong punishment for just wanting books returned on time (56)
ABC News Interesting New York City opens the nation's first all-Arabic speaking public school. This should go over well (206)
(Some Guy) Amusing Jakarta police stage hijack training exercise, don't tell aircraft passengers. Cue the Benny Hill music (15)
The Sun Strange Everybody who has bought a house has found weird stuff in the basement left by the previous owner, but 100 prosthetic legs is weirder than most (pic) (69)
ABC News Dumbass Leader steals Girl Scouts' social security numbers, nets $87,000 - making nearly a mint... well, perhaps a thin one (62)

Tue September 04, 2007
( Interesting Sure sign of a severe drought: Baptist church stops baptizing people for lack of water (84) Followup Sen. Larry Craig: I'm not gay, and I'm not sure I'm going to retire like I said. So I want to take that back. And my guilty plea, too. Also, I'm not gay (374)
Newsday Asinine Replacing one giant pile of suck with another, Whoopi defends Vick during her first day on The View (355)
(Some AT&T-Bird) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Apple and VW are talking about creating an "iCar." Photoshop another potential car/product crossbreed (83)
(Some Guy) Florida If you the hooker you hired for $60 suddenly runs off, maybe you should just go home instead of pretending you're an undercover cop (59)
Canoe Amusing Not news: Man charged with careless driving. It was a horse and buggy (25)
MSNBC Obvious 10 Things your gym won't tell you. The 11th should be: vacuous hot gym bunnies only find big muscles and wallets attractive (350)
AP Obvious Mattel is recalling a third series of lead-laden toys from you know where (94) Interesting You know you might be addicted to your cell phone if you refuse to hang up while going to the bathroom or having sex (131)
Des Moines Register Strange Man accused of assaulting his dad with a bag of Cheetos. Police caught him orange-handed (71)
Fox News Dumbass After being taken to the cleaners by your ex-wife's divorce attorney, it's usually a bad idea to torch his office (108) Sad A year ago today, Steve Irwin went swiming with the stingrays but didn't come back (225)
Boston Globe Scary From the "Why Not Just Put Them in Jail Literally" Department: Direct-mail credit card offers to subprime mortgage customers in the United States jumped 41 percent in first half of the year (234)
NYPost Interesting Porn star accused of exposing himself and masturbating on a NYC subway gets off. On a technicality (92)
Wired Interesting British not sure they want their police to have tasers, prefer they use traditional incapacitation technique of hitting suspect with a huge fish (93)
Fox News Interesting Russia announces plan to build sound stage and fake its own moon landing (109)
Boston Herald Dumbass "Hey mom, it's me, your son. Listen, I need about $20,000. Oh yeah, and if you don't give me it, I'm kidnapping your cat" (95)
BBC Cool Ninja surgeons cut woman's heart out and show it to her (105)
(WSMV Nashville) Sad 1950: "... had to walk eight miles to school in the snow." 1980: "...had to listen to hours of D.A.R.E. speeches." 2007: "...had to eat outside because the AC broke" (269)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Republican presidential candidate Bill Richardson explains that the Good Lord wants Iowa to have early primaries. Thus was it written, so shall it be (150)
CBS New York Amusing NYC beachgoers go berserk over harmless 2-foot shark, suspect it had rocket launcher (99)
(Some Guy) Cool 2001: "We are now convinced that the age of skyscrapers is at an end." 2007: Hold on a second (122)
(Some Desert Flower) Photoshop Photoshop this weed a-tumbling (75)
(WRAL) Weird Controversy erupts in the cut-throat arena of world-record sand-castle building (52)
Starpulse Obvious Turns out notorious womanizer Clark Gable was also a, uhh, "man-izer" (290)
Yahoo Strange Nepal airline sacrifices goats to appease a sky god after a passenger was quoted as saying, "Only a man whose heart is pure can wield the knife, and only a man whose ass is narrow can fit in these seats" (62)
CBS Salt Lake City NewsFlash Plane carrying aviation adventurer Steve Fossett is missing (330)
SFGate Interesting "What would Jesus do? He'd probably tell them all to shut the hell up" (240) Scary New ad campaign for Virgin Home Loans features senior citizens having sex. With SFW pic (105)
Examiner Dumbass Man convicted of secretly videotaping woman and teenage girl sues the police to get his "massive porn collection" back (76)
Houston Chronicle Cool MDA telethon raises record $63.8 million, which is odd since nobody actually watches it (93)
Reuters Obvious Study finds rock stars more likely to die early. Ric Romero too busy snorting blow off hooker's ass in dressing room to comment (107)
Reuters Followup China rejects charge that they hacked Pentagon, even though they were traces of lead all over the firewall (56)
(Southern Comfort) Plug The most important aspect of drinking with friends: Regret Prevention (Sponsored Link) (40)
(Belfast Telegraph) Interesting Driving examiners who normally pass half of new drivers only pass one third when a supervisor is watching (81)
(Some Guy) Amusing Scofflaws slip suds in city's sprinkler. Surly seniors soil selves (74)
(Big Head DC) Asinine Kids moon Karl Rove. Kids are arrested by Secret Service and go to jail. And now we're all safe from terrorists (175)
SuperDeluxe Video Miss Teen South Carolina's first PSA about maps (132)
The Scotsman Weird For never was a story of more woe / Than this of three people and a buffalo (67) Sappy Woman, 94, becomes the world's oldest recipient of a masters degree, named South Australia's "learner of the year." Professors urging her to go for her PhD. Talk about your professional student (57)
(Dorset Echo) Interesting In 1928, the British Navy launched a submarine with a built-in aircraft hangar. Of course, nothing could go wrong as long as you kept the doors shu... oh (84)
The Raw Story Interesting Old and busted: Shock and Awe, leading to a drawn-out occupation. New hotness: Three days of absolute destruction, then get the hell out (1348)
Globe and Mail Interesting Maybe nobody exactly planned it, but it turns out one of the benefits of decoding the human genome is being able to identify what type of ear wax you produce (63)
(Some Guy) Interesting Women commandos have been trained in India to help prevent crime on trains. PMS Avenger seen looking for work (44)
(Poynter) Dumbass Detroit Free Press reports on Bob "Golden Parachute" Nardelli's speech to his new minions at Chrysler -- which would have been interesting had Nardelli actually been there. Mitch Albom stares at ceiling, whistling (55)
Fox News Florida Seven-year old finds $8,900 worth of "cookie sized" chunks of crack cocaine in his pocket. Gets scared and tells his teacher. It's damn near impossible to find reliable elementary school drug mules anymore (73)
CBS New York Strange Pipe bomb blows up outside theater owned by former star of the (109)
(Some Svede) Interesting Your uvular fricatives and pharyngeal diphtongs makes me puke a little (86)
BBC PSA Tube worker strike affects thousands of games of Mornington Crescent (228)
Denver Post Dumbass What to do when a large portion of incoming freshman fail to meet minimum requirements? Why, drop the minimum requirements of course (297)
UPI Obvious Winnebago mental hospital under fire for poor supervision, trying to fit all the patients in an RV (26)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Guy makes cool machinima, accidentally uploads it to YouTube too soon. HBO buys it anyway (62)
CBC Interesting Patients pissed off at shortage of urologists and they can't hold it anymore (34)
( Strange On their official website, NASA says comet dust is a hazard to "man working on the Moon" (65)
(Some Lobotomized Guy) Followup I personally believe that U.S. Americans will make a ton of cash, such as, off Miss Teen USA products, even if, such as, they don't have maps in the Iraq (142)
(Some Zombie) Photoshop Theme: Transform your favourite celebrity into a zombie. LGT example (141)
(Springfield News-Leader) Hero Teen playing football in yard, catches two-year-old dropped from second-story window. Scouts from the NFL now lining up to sign prospect (60)
Yahoo Amusing Two men arrested and charged for stealing mannequin and the Budweiser shorts it was wearing (18)
(The Local) Cool Mother of bullied boy turns up in schoolyard wielding axe (122)
The Sun Obvious Hey you there, yes you, the pervy CCTV voyeur with your paper0crown party hat: The Sun is here (33)
(Some Guy) Obvious Thief steals $20,000 from Minnesota State Fair turkey sandwich stand. In related news, running a turkey sandwich stand at the Minnesota State Fair is a surprisingly lucrative line of work (52)
The Sun Amusing Two Elvis Presley fans who made neighbours’ lives a living hell by singing karaoke to The King's hits told to STFU by a court (pic) (63)
Houston Chronicle Obvious When choosing a partner, men go for looks, women are choosier. In other news, beer makes you drunk, Duke sucks, the pope is Catholic, the sky is blue, etc. (216) Interesting British spy agency spied on George Orwell for decades after fearing what he thought and said was a danger to the state. If only there was a word to describe such a concept (227)
Examiner Interesting Attempted murder parolee charged with murder when victim dies of infection 41 years after original crime (152)
The Sun Obvious Top British cop sneaks off to holding cell for a little late-night wank while on duty, unaware that they have CCTV in such places. BUSTED (75)

Mon September 03, 2007
Yahoo Dumbass Company gives out free cell phones to homeless - What could possibly go wrong? (63)
ABC News Dumbass Drunken idiot charged with stealing funeral flowers. Fark: while the funeral was still in progress (37)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop theme: Design a label for your own brand of microbrews (67)
NYPost Followup That medical waste on the NJ beaches is UFO debris. No, really (61)
( Misc Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, BANANA TRUCK (115)
Reno Gazette-Journal Sick Father of the year candidate leaves 2-year old girl in hot car for two hours. Bonus: They were at the Mustang Ranch (115)
ABC News Interesting Neighbors going to war – and to court – across America over battleground of "yard art." Drew's garden gnome still unavailable for comment (96)
Yahoo Caption What's Ben Franklin thinking? (136)
Expatica Dumbass Man cuts off his penis because God told him to (290)
Daily Mail Asinine Pedestrian walking down the sidewalk is hit by police car, suffers broken foot, then given $160 fine for 'denting' the vehicle (82)
This Is Local London Obvious Jamie Oliver's has driven 400,000 children into the welcoming arms of McDonalds. Anyone who has ever tasted his food will wonder why the number is so small (119)
Globe and Mail Cool Canadians are twice as happy as Americans (308)
590 KLBJ Sick New Jersey beaches shut down by medical waste, including syringes, tampon applicators and gauze. Or as they call it in New Jersey, "Monday" (61)
(Post Chronicle) Stupid Woman invents little coffins for wedding rings after divorce. Former husband has no comment (129)
CBC Obvious Lock of Che Guevara's hair to go on auction. Vive Smooth-Intense Shampoo (89)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this hungry hungry giraffe (68)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Chicago cop captures shooter by chasing him down on his Segway (100)
Fox News Interesting Sometimes you wish the headlines were literal (106)
UPI Interesting Taliban says South Korea broke their promises and that's not fair and they're gonna tell Mullah Omar on them (80)
The Sun Asinine British Muslims are pissed off again, but this time they have a good reason (pics) (528)
Reuters Cool Scottish woman becomes first female Beefeater, disappointed upon learning the Tower of London is not in Prince William's trousers (45)
Yahoo Interesting A German hotel, which allowed guests to see a swastika-covered bunker from WWII in its cellar, could lose its restaurant and alcohol license and face criminal charges (111)
Local6 Florida Man injured in fireworks accident won't point fingers (21)
ABC News Dumbass This is how to NOT win an argument with your girlfriend over whether you are too drunk to drive (55)
Daily Mail Dumbass News: Teenager accused of sexual assault. Fark: At Rupert "Ron Weasley" Grint's birthday party. Not Fark: No Emma Watson involvement (102)
(Some Guy) Amusing Traffic warden finds his own moped clamped after parking for more than a half-hour at lunchtime, allegedly to look for illegally parked cars (35)
(My Fox Houston) Stupid Idiots get really drunk, decide to shoot their illegal assault rifle at a cop. Jailarity ensues (96)
BBC Interesting Not news: Prison officers strike for a pay rise. Still not news: A pay rise is given. Fark: To the prisoners (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting World's fattest pig sacrificed at religious ceremony in Taiwan. Naturally, animal rights groups are losing their minds (w/ pic of one fat pig) (140)
Stuff Amusing If you're going to make your boyfriend walk the plank after an argument, try not to run aground on the way home, ya land lubber (34)
BBC Amusing Let he among you who has never stolen a hearse with a body in the back and used it for a pub crawl cast the first stone (25)
Daily Mail Amusing Old and busted: Facebook. New hotness: Faceball (61)
BBC Obvious Shocking new research reveals that men are less discriminating than women when it comes to deciding who to kiss or have sex with (118)
Daily Mail Ironic Editor who ran, "You'd have to be an idiot to fall off, wouldn't you, Mr. President" headline, takes the Segway for a spin. Hilarity ensues (w/ video) (125)
STLToday Hero "Some people collect women," said Kuper, 66. "Some people collect beer cans. I collect female statues and Rolls-Royces. They don't talk back" (38)
Homestar Runner Cool Come On Paper Disappoint Me (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting How much do you like the zoom feature on your camera? Enough to appreciate this 13,400 megapixel photo? (134)
(Mansfield News Journal) Strange 50-year old man calls police because 29-year old woman wants to have sex with him (71)
SFGate Dumbass Boy makes a tunnel into a sand dune. Digs all the way to Darwin (93)
MSNBC NewsFlash In a PR move rivaling submitter's late-night drunken phone call to the pissed-off ex, Bush makes a surprise visit to Iraq (246) Obvious President Bush looking forward to being bored during his retirement, also hopes to make huge amounts money through public speaking appearances (114)
UPI Sad Southern California facing blood shortage. Crips represent (62)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass South African Health Minister advocates garlic and beets as an AIDS cure. South African President: "You're doin' a helluva a job, Manto" (74)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Chinese computer-controlled lathe (40)
The Sun Amusing Princess Diana told her hairdresser that Charles "must be wearing beer goggles to have an affair with Camilla." The Sun is there with an exclusive report (64) Dumbass If you're going to rent a car to deliver a metric buttload of heroin, make sure you don't leave a kilo behind when you return the car (20)
(KRJH) Silly 2,000 years later: Jesus gets his day in court (132)
Local6 Florida Where else would some parent first buy their kid a grenade-shaped belt buckle, then pack it in luggage for trip aboard world's largest cruise ship? (37)
MSNBC Dumbass Farmer feels that the scarecrow concept is simply not working for him, resorts instead to firing a cannon at 120 decibels (59)
The Sun Asinine Hospital in worlds's busiest Nanny State refuses to help critically-injured patient 10 yards from its emergency room "for insurance reasons" and calls for ambulance to move him the rest of the way (pic) (154)
Toronto Star Amusing FAIL (149)
(Some Guy) Interesting Col. Sanders introduces new "Eau de poultry parfum." It will drive her wild with hunger (40)
CNN Photoshop Photoshop Greg Brady singing the national anthem (62)
BBC Cool "Australians have come up with a novel solution to the millions of feral cats roaming the outback - eat them. The meat is said to taste like a cross between rabbit and, perhaps inevitably, chicken" (132)
(Some Guy) Strange Today's Philanthropist of the Year Nominee was "only trying to help people" when he allowed drug use in his residence. It's not a crack house, it's a crack home (17)
Yahoo News Hurricane Felix grows from Category 1 to Category 5 in just 24 hours, moves through Caribbean cleaning up after Tropical Storm Oscar Madison (97)

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