GoogleWeb Fark
Sun September 16, 2007
Google Stupid Paris chic evidently involves wearing the same t-shirt as Wham-era George Michael (3)
( Scary 12-foot long, 600-pound gator bites off man's arm. This being South Carolina, doctors decide to cut that gator open and try to reattach the arm (7)
CBS Pittsburgh Sick If you were at the county fair scouting ten-year-olds to work at your strip club, the West Manchester police would like a word with you (19)
(Stars and Stripes) Cool Scary: Soldier survives Afghan bomb blast with severe shrapnel wounds. Good: Evacuated to Germany for medical treatment. Just in time to see wife deliver baby daughter at same hospital (15)
(Some Guy) Weird Man claims to have seen hundreds of space ships entering and exiting hyperspace via a "stargate" between the stars Arcturus and Muphrid in Bootes, doesn't want to labeled "kook, nut or idiot." (27)
The Smoking Gun News O.J. Simpson mug shot released (60)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ninja mantis (62) Obvious Southwest Airlines stays fiscally trim by double charging the obese... with video (OMG he's 430lbs) goodness (376)
Yahoo Interesting A new mother is using digital cameras record her baby's every move. Who wants to bet this kid will be injecting heroin directly into her eyeballs by the time she's 14 (53)
(Superdream) Cool Happy Birthday Google (1997-2007) - Ten years in screenshoots (88)
ABC News Followup Denny's ordered to tip "ignored" black family $600k (617)
(Some Guy) Weird Man with high-pitched voice files sex-discrimination case against his bank after they refuse to give him his account activity over the phone because they thought he was a woman (pic) (80)
Sign On San Diego Stupid If you ignore foreclosure letters from your bank. Don't be surprised when the new homeowners show up on your doorstep (236)
LA Times Obvious Sad: Man killed by U-Haul truck. News: His estate sues U-Haul. Fark: U-Haul says the man caused his own death (155)
IndyStar Scary Teen found murdered after assisting police investigate her sister's homicide which occured 6 days earlier (113)
( Followup Man possibly responsible for nukes in B-52 mysteriously dies while on leave. Nothing to see here, citizen. Continue about your business (124)
(RUN!) Stupid Controlled demolition. Hundreds of specators. Cunning plans? Well, you are reading it here... and yes, there is video (91)
(Some Guy) Cool Today is National Play-Doh Day (37)
CNN NewsFlash Vegas police squeeze OJ (245)
(PR Newswire) Amusing Beaners in Detroit upset over new coffeehouse named Beaners (231)
Canoe Asinine Man causes 3 car pile-up on highway. The fact that he was eating a bowl of cereal while driving might be relevant (82)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop theme: Create a Fark flag (70)
Boston Herald Obvious Advocates for legalization of marijuana arrested for failing to make marijuana legal (243)
ICNetwork PSA Old and Busted: Speed Cameras. New Hotness: Cameras that ticket you for smoking outside a pub (110)
Yahoo Followup Guy who accused OJ of robbing him now says, "Whoops, my bad, nothing happened, sorry about that." (89)
Boston Herald Misc Bison hunt called "senseless" by people who have never eaten a bison burger (244)
Chicago Sun-Times Amusing A sure sign Fall is here? The first story about parents and teachers freaking out about high-school kids having sex at school dances has appeared. And by “having sex” I mean “dancing.” (167)
Yahoo Amusing Kentucky man learns how to break into homes by watching "It Takes a Thief", plans to start catching up "Prison Break" immediately (37)
I-Mockery Amusing Death's Head Terror can seesaw the booy. No, that does not make sense and this is why cheap Halloween novelty items from Taiwan can be so amazingly awesome (62)
CNN Followup OJ Simpson says coverage of recent robbery incident being overblown, media just taking a stab in the dark (33)
ABC News News Jet crashes at airport, in Thailand. Phuket, they say. (Link updated) (93)
Flickr Photoshop Theme: Osama's next fashion makeover. Difficulty: No clown glasses (115)
CBS 4 Denver Amusing Judge forces noise ordinance violators to sit in a room and listen to Barry Manilow (with video) (76)
Herald-Leader Amusing All points bulletin out for Tom Thumb (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting Israeli astrophysicists help find oldest-known planet outside solar system, estimate its age as close to 5,999 years. "The dinosaurs would have gazed at it," they marvel (260)
(Some Guy) Obvious "It is a much more comfortable social experience to be fat in the UK or the US than it is in Europe. Call it body fascism if you like, but in Europe excessive weight gain, much like excessive drinking, is socially disapproved of" (220)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 85-year-old former track star (pic) chases down punk who stole her purse. This guy's gonna do real well in prison (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious “We do not believe that a pair of shoes over a telephone cable is a sign a drug dealer lives nearby - it’s more likely to be a sign that some idiot has thrown their shoes away" (96)
Fox News Weird Police stop car, find live chicken in trunk. Driver chased on foot, tackled, punched in head, tasered twice, and taken to hospital. Chicken re-coop-erating at Sheboygan County Humane Society (39)
Canoe Interesting Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, fighting off increasing boredom now that Sean Penn has left the country, claims a world record for the world's largest pot of soup (29)
( Interesting Amazingly hot Australian professional golfer sues men's magazine for allegedly calling her a ho (w/ barely safe for work pic) (151)
(LF Press) Obvious British soldier dies in skydiving exercise: "Obviously this is a result of coming down from the jump and being unable to impact the ground softly" (71)
IndyStar Dumbass Woman fakes death to avoid being sent to prison, is caught by a bail bondsman at her home. No word on how many "Fail Bonds" she got for the stunt (37) Spiffy The Royal Australian Navy is paying for women sailors to have breast enlargements. They say the surgery is justified because some servicewomen need bigger breasts to address "psychological issues" (117)
MSNBC Stupid Sale price of Barry Bonds' record-breaking 756th home run ball, expected to draw $500,000 at auction, unnaturally inflates to $752,467* (65)
AJC Sad Central Park horse shows off his impression of Sonny Bono (46)

Sat September 15, 2007
(WRTV Channel 6) Scary News: Bodies found sealed in 55-galllon drums on someone's property. Fark: The mugshot goodness (134)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these ice drillers (41)
(Muskogee Phoenix) Dumbass Coach hits kid with car, refuses to call police. "I ought to be dealing with tomorrow night's game, not this crap" (169) Dumbass Girl bombs at show and tell after bringing grenade to school (43)
Yahoo Amusing Fail Bowl complete, Notre Dame proving there can only be one complete college football embarrassment (171)
AJC Dumbass Peeping Tom caught looking through the ceiling tile at a sporting good store. Ceiling cat is unamused (66)
USA Today Dumbass If you're willing to do the crime, don't call the suuuuuebulance when you have to wear pink (62)
Yahoo Spiffy Mike Hargrove goes on to coach the team with the greatest name ever (95)
(9WSYR) Amusing News: Femme fatale charged with poisoning her husband with antifreeze. Fark: They think her first husband died the same way (53)
(Some Guy) Amusing Baby marmoset kidnapped from zoo recovered, kidnappers arrested. With cute pic. The monkey's not bad looking either (83)
(WWMT) Cool Michigan farm honors Gerald Ford with corn maze portrait (with senseless, superfluous, delicious pic) (28)
MSNBC Cool Ugly ass panda born at San Diego Zoo. No really, it's truly ugly. Like a black and white tennis ball with eyes. (ugly pic goodness) (60)
(The Love ImageShack.) Caption What is President Bush praying for? (195)
SLTrib Interesting Photographer accused of shooting a projectile with a slingshot through a competitor's window, and then looking like Kenny Rogers in his mugshot (26)
(Some Guy) Obvious 16-year-old boy attacked by rabid fox, chokes the animal to death with his bare hands. Authorities don't know how a 16-year-old boy could develop such wrist strength (68)
Yahoo Strange Not news: Albanian soccer team loses home game to Dutch. News: distraught local fan fulfills vow to set fire to his fish-delivery van. Fark: the fire department couldn't douse the blaze because someone stole their water (29)
My Fox Dallas Strange Woman fired for being a stinky smoker (273)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Duct tape + too much free time = Photoshop fodder (75)
The Raw Story Obvious Bill Maher: 9/11 Truthers need professional help, not publicity (988)
FARK Followup Drew has spoken: Littleton/Denver Farkers meeting at the No Name Grill. DIT, LGT previous thread (29)
(Some Guy) Scary Live stage production of Angelina Ballerina terrifies children, titillates furries. With scary-ass pic (84)
(Science Daily) Obvious Panel of scienticians reviews data on Aspartame and declares the artificial sweetener safe. This study brought to you by Ajinomoto, manufacturer of Aspartame (156)
Yahoo Amusing Bullfighter loses fight with mosquito (49)
(Some Guy) Strange Judge rules fiancee of dying man who has suffered a series of strokes can have his sperm. Submitter predicts a few more strokes in his future (89)
The Smoking Gun Amusing I wanna rock n' roll all night, and party everyday. But I have to get out of jail first (120)
(Chattanoogan) Amusing Fine arts program at Tennessee college includes a musical based on Bat Boy. Yes, the one from the now-defunct Weekly World News. That there's some serious culture, y'all (76)
Yahoo Amusing First it was a monkey befriending a pigeon. Now Lithuania has to play one-up with a story about a baboon adopting a chicken. Where will the interspecies madness end? (53)
Reuters Interesting Sick Canadian man fined $1,000 for going to work (86)
(Some Guy) Followup Pink shirt guys get interviewed by CBS, international media. "We're not allowed to go on Oprah unless we take our moms" (178)
BBC Interesting I Sikh what you did there (118)
YouTube Amusing You're the best, on Caturday (505)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these assorted orbs (60)
Boston Globe Walken Boston's low bridges have a fever -- and there's only one prescription (94) Ironic Mythical global warming makes mythical Northwest Passage a reality (535)
ESPN Spiffy 59-year old set to start a college football game at linebacker. Get off my turf (40)
( Obvious Three charged with trying to steal a giant squirrel. What huge balls (29)
This Is Local London Asinine Woman who had her purse snatched told by police it wasn't a crime because she chased the asshat down herself and successfully fought for it (w/ pic of one eminently hittable hitter) (106)
London Times Interesting Thousands of panicking savers queued to withdraw millions of pounds from the UK's 8th largest bank (83)
BBC Obvious Picked from today's "How the hell could you tell?" file: "Standards drop in British dentistry" (53)
Local6 Florida Hundreds of athletes can skip water portion of annual triathlon because of killer amoebas (44)
The Sun Scary Meet the world’s first sheep-hog hybrid. And it's fugly (pic) (136)
(Moscow News) Strange China's own Loch Ness Monster caught on film, to be stir-fried and served with rice and bok choy (48)
( Dumbass Wisconsin optometrist commits suicide awaiting extradition for Michigan murder. I guess hindsight IS 20/20 (30)
The Sun Obvious One-armed 71-year-old man laments that his 32-year-old mail order-bride from Vietnam didn't work out as well as he hoped, what with her karate kicking him in his new artificial hip, gambling away his money and then disappearing (pics) (109)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: If popular American movies had been made in foreign countries... (88)
AJC Weird Prunes force evacuation of post office (34)
( Stupid My ass is stuck. I'm so very scared. Help (130)
( Scary Indiana town councilman gets beatdown from police force at budget meeting (with video) (284)

Fri September 14, 2007
This Is Local London Scary Don't you hate slamming back some wine, going to bed and waking up to realize the bed you're sleeping on is a big-ass wasp's nest? This elderly couple feels your pain – be glad you don't feel theirs (pics) (72)
(KTAR) Sick Today's "Group home counselor arrested for having sex with resident" story brought to you by Phoenix (with mugshot goodness) (62)
Click On Detroit Scary Today's story of a 10 year old boy caught at school with grandma's semi-automatic handgun and 26 rounds of ammunition hidden inside of a black pencil carrier is brought to you by North Branch, Michigan (90)
Reuters Scary Dead guy wakes up during his autopsy. Kinda puts your bad day in perspective, huh? (171)
Globe and Mail Dumbass National magazine sends an e-mail to subscribers: Actual subject line - "Why don't you go f*@ yourself" (55)
Something Awful Amusing Your one-stop guide to communicating on Fark (151)
(Crain's Detroit) Weird "Star Trek" caskets coming soon. DeForest Kelley, James Doohan unavailable for comment (94)
Sun Sentinel Florida Actual headline perfection: Teen emerges from ocean with shark locked onto abdomen (52)
(ZeeMaps) Cool Every fall, Fark lists an article about some giant pumpkin grown somewhere. Here's a map of major sanctioned giant pumpkin contests if you're nearby so you can see them in person. You might just see a world record broken (41)
ABC News Scary With sea levels rising, some cities may be underwater soon. Suck it, costal cities! Love, the flyovers states (245)
(WRAL) Amusing You are on a commercial flight and you need a cigarette. Do you: A) Light up in the restroom? B) Wait until you land? Or C) Threaten to blow up the plane? (With mugshot) (190)
Daily Mail Sick Old and busted: Zimbabweans walking their dogs. New hotness: Zimbabweans wokking their dogs (124)
BBC Obvious Baby hedgehog named "Lucky" survives full cycle in washing machine. It's not news, it's the BBC (pic) (67)
(Some Thirsty Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely beer maiden (112)
Yahoo Amusing Blood and gore, rock and roll, naked men wrestling, killer sheep and just general freakdom. Yup, it's Canada (62)
BBC Scary Scientists warn computers will soon be able to mimic specific human voices perfectly, causing "vocal terrorism." Proposed terror alert scale includes: 1) Rich Little, 5) Nigerian bank scam, 11) Celine Dion (96)
(NY1 News) Interesting German pride parade in NYC set for tomorrow. You know who else liked Germans marching in parades? (149)
(King 5) Interesting The FBI would like to make it illegal to wear sunglasses in banks. Corey Hart unimpressed (171)
Des Moines Register Misc Continental Airlines plans direct flights from Des Moines to Cleveland, proving that travel between black holes is possible (45)
Denver Post Obvious If you take the bus to a video game convention and you're sporting a Fu Manchu mustache and armor and holding what appeared to be a blood-splattered sword, it may unnerve your fellow passengers (108)
Boston Globe Scary Just another sign that college kids are getting dummer (182)
FARK PSA Drew is signing his book at Borders in Littleton at 2:00 p.m. this Saturday. Anyone want to grab a beer afterwards? Or during? (240)
Reno Gazette-Journal Sad Three fatal plane crashes in three days at Reno airshow. Three... ah ah ah (94)
(Some Guy) Spiffy After asshats threaten new student and call him gay for wearing a pink shirt to school, over 400 students show up to class wearing pink shirts. "One of the bullies was so mad he was throwing chairs around" (656)
(Florida Today) Florida Goth students repeatedly get ejected from school for their dress; the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies and dickheads don't have this problem (591)
(Some Guy) Followup NYC Fark Party - Last Call - Tonight - DIT (69)
Maxim Plug The top 10 car chases in movie history. Difficulty: They put "Bad Boys II" ahead of "The French Connection" (Sponsored Link) (328)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Having solved all other problems Florida proposes 6 foot distance between Strippers and their customers. Oh, and no more beer (196)
NYPost Asinine Federal court rules that NY fraternity may have to allow "fraternity sisters" (512)
CNN Obvious Pentagon censors tape of alleged 9/11 mastermind. Must have been the "collaboration with top U.S. officials" part (499)
Reason Magazine Interesting Organic food is not more nutritious, and organic farming is bad for the topsoil and yields less food per acre. Suck it, hippies (462)
Houston Chronicle Stupid Lance Armstrong Foundation refuses to play ball with a jewel of a pet collar business that had the huevo to call the enterprise Barkstrong. Nutty business owner remains defiant, and vows to tackle the legal issues, stone by stone (111)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop an even cooler power source into this bike taxi. Difficulty: No hamsters (74)
Slashdot Cool Judge's ruling states what the rest of us knew all along: the RIAA is full of shiat (192)
Fox News Misc Giant inflatable rat at the center of free speech debate in New Jersey. The Florida tag is very jealous (66)
(Shelby Star) Dumbass If someone steals your half-pound of pot and white liquor, resist the temptation to dial 911 five times to yell and cuss at the dispatcher (50)
The Scotsman Obvious After 200 years of irrelevance, Scotland attempts to strut back onto world stage by being the home of the world's largest bowl of porridge (69)
FARK Followup CT Fark Party TOMORROW (Saturday), 9/15, 7pm, Eli Cannon's in Middletown (56)
Sun Sentinel Florida High school drama teacher finds himself ultimate attention whore after getting student pregnant and running from police (with photo that would do Tom DeLay proud) (164)
BBC Asinine Indian government withdraws report which claimed that a sand-and-stone bridge was not built by Hindu god Ram's army of monkeys. In other news, Occam has mislaid his razor (143)
Fox News Dumbass OJ Simpson reportedly breaks into Vegas hotel room, being questioned by police (221)
BBC Dumbass Q: When breaking into a property, what's more stupid than leaving fingerprints? (61)
Sky News Amusing Size zeroes to be banned from smoking (perhaps in a bid for them to eat more/eat) (214)
(Some Guy) Interesting 6,000-year-old nettle pudding named "Britain's oldest recipe." Many pubs still serve some of the original batch (53) Followup Court overturns 25-year-old murder conviction of man who was plotting paramilitary takeover of Marin County so he could turn it into King Arthur's court (30)
Sign On San Diego Cool Slackers float down Missouri and Mississippi rivers on raft of trash. Attractive and successful African-American Jim unavailable for comment (73)
Excite Spiffy Leave it to the French to come up with a site that sells alibis to adulterers. Viva la giggity (87)
(Some embarassed Tennessean) Sick In an effort to finally convince Drew that a Tennessee tag is necessary, man punishes his children like he punishes his dogs...with electric shock collars (124)
Gizmodo Spiffy Revolutionary machine dispenses ice cream for the depressed after monitoring their voice's stress level. What could possibly go wrong? (58)
The Sun Interesting Today is Take Your Dog To Work Day. Your dog wants to be taken (273)
Newsday Dumbass Man arrested for stealing car, but he only did it so he could turn himself in for another crime (15)
(WXYZ - TV) Strange Actual Headline - "Update: Head may be connected to torso" (68)
Yahoo Strange Of the potential causes of a PMITA prison riot, "lack of sausage" probably wouldn't be near the top of anybody's list, but nonetheless (20)
Yahoo Dumbass McFail (197)
Telegraph Asinine Man refused surgery on ankle – because he smokes (304)
Yahoo Cool "I predict in the next few years, the FCC will be put in its proper place and nudity will be the norm" (114)
(The economist) Interesting Luxembourgerians drink the most per person. Suck it, Ireland (which comes in second) (113)
BBC Strange In a karma-tastic twist, a train full of Indians runs over Pilgrims... Miles Standish unaccounted for (39)
Daily Mail Asinine With no more pressing crimes to solve, British police visit restaurant to warn owner to stop selling "unhealthy" sandwiches and wraps to schoolchildren (pic) (57)
St. Pete Times Florida Alleged Ponzi scheme mastermind arrested, with sexy lounge pants pic goodness (44)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely puppet (49)
ICNetwork Silly Jesus as Time Lord: English church offers "Doctor Who"-themed services. "We will try and get some Dr Who props in to try and make it as lively as possible" (111)
(DesNews) Weird Not news: Man dies of self-inflicted gunshot wound. Fark: While paragliding (30)
Kansas City Obvious Horseback riders recreating man's 159-year old race from Santa Fe, NM to Independence, MO. The tally: two horses killed by cars, one rider thrown by a spooked mustang, and animal rights activists none too pleased (29) Strange Czech crash victim wakes up speaking perfect English (94)
WTOP Dumbass Machine gun jams. Do you 1) disassemble it carefully 2) call a professional to fix it or 3) stare down the barrel, to get a good look at that pesky jammed bullet? If you're reading it here, you can guess what choice was made (117)
The Sun Sad British soldiers enjoy better living quarters in Afghanistan than they do back home in England (41)
Yahoo NewsFlash Suspect in Miami cop killing case found. Given medicine. Some of his own (252)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida Today's "Murder-suicide that also took the lives of 30 goats, seven dogs, a donkey and a miniature horse" brought to you by Chiefland, Florida (47)

Thu September 13, 2007
CNN Hero Bush announces 5,700 troops home by Christmas (513)
Wired Interesting The Google Lunar X Prize - $20 million to the first private company to put a robotic rover on the Moon (152)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this circus girl (85)
Boston Globe News NFL fines Bill Belichick $500K, Patriots $250K and their first-round draft pick in '08 (if they make the playoffs this year) (601)
London Times Spiffy British develop revolutionary non-stick chewing gum; kid who tried to steal prototype loses; gets nothing, GOOD DAY SIR (98)
(WRGB Albany) Dumbass Today's "Teacher accused of having sex with student" story brought to you by Broadalbin-Perth School District, New York (120)
Examiner Spiffy Two-thirds of Maryland voters support doubling tobacco tax to support health insurance. Suck it, black lungers (278)
Free Press Obvious Headless, armless body found in Detroit garbage can. Police searching for a killer they suspect is armed and dangerous (122)
(KTEN) Scary ♪ Grandson got run over by a mower ♪ walking around our house Tuesday late ♪ You might say that kid should have ten toes ♪ but doctors now say less than eight ♪ (71)
Fresno Bee Strange Woman arrested for "punishing" 14-year-old neighbor boy for making noise playing basketball by stripping naked and sunning herself in front of him. This is like punishing a neighbor's dog for barking by throwing it a steak (183)
SLTrib Obvious Imigrations and Customs agent raid meat packing plants and detain citizens and non citizens alike. For some odd reason, people think that's a violation of unlawful search and seizure (224)
(Montgomery Advertiser) Asinine You're 15 and "accidentally" discover sexual content in a school library book. Do you: A) Select another book? B) Complain? Or C) Protect everyone else by checking the book out and refusing to return it? (377)
(Some Guy) Asinine Minutes after a jury finds a previously convicted sex offender guilty of trying to lure a girl into a park bathroom, the judge overrules the verdict because the bathroom isn't a secluded place (215)
AP Amusing Federal deficit down about 10 percent compared to same time last year. Since it's an increase that's less than it normally is, we can call it a "cut" (135)
(Some Guy) Unlikely From a study done by folks that apparently don't drive, talking on a mobile while driving is no more dangerous than having a passenger in the car (184)
WFTV Florida Eight-year-old girl donates birthday money to family of murdered deputy. Sappy tag gets biatchslapped by you know who when you see the amount (149)
Telegraph Unlikely British newspaper educates readers about American barbeque. Apparently mutton is popular in Kentucky (171)
(Some Mail) Weird New US Postal Service stamp celebrates jury duty, will cause letters to sit around all day before being sent back home (70)
(East Valley Tribune) Interesting Transportation chief: Charge for HOV lanes (130)
(Some Apartment Renter) Sad Home owners sue their association board for MORE restrictions. Dare I suggest a HOA quadrifecta? (102)
(Lansing State Journal) Dumbass Man fed up with burglars decides to booby trap his house with pipe bombs. Since you're reading this here, you can guess that this doesn't end well (54)
(Some Guy) Amusing If(Now()== "2007-09-13")"Happy Programmer's Day"); (287)
The Raw Story Stupid Teacher fired for telling students "I honk for peace." Keeps on honking right to Supreme Court (275)
Houston Chronicle Followup Hurricane Humberto’s heavy hydrodynamic hellwash hardly hits Houston. Louisiana lashed liquidly, left looking languidly limp (95)
Daily Mail Sappy Abandoned by his mother, baby monkey befriended by pigeon. You better believe there's a cute-ass photo (225)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Silly Having solved all other city problems, Minneapolis City Council holds public hearing to ban circus animals (100)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Miss" Ventura County hasn't yet returned crown after getting busted for actually being a Mrs. Claims she was too drunk and high to remember getting married, so it shouldn't count. Oh, if only (78)
Arizona Star Spiffy HOA to homeowners: Give us $8.5 million for a new rec center. Judge to HOA: Swallow it. HOA trifecta complete (388)
(pennlive) Dumbass Bad: You're busted with LSD, ecstacy, mushrooms, pot, meth and $1000 in $20s. Lucky: Cops fail to show for your hearing, so you walk (171)
(MyFox Saint Louis) Dumbass "Put out a APB for a white male riding a bike, carrying a giant white teddy bear... oh wait, there he is" (30)
(Champs) Plug Never pay for a concert again, for the rest of your life. Or at least as long as you still have hearing. (Sponsored Link) (48)
(Albany Times Union) Asinine Apparently, you're no longer allowed to give kids water guns. "They must have been out of rubber knives and candy cigarettes that day," says one lawmaker (518)
(Some Pistil Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this strange flower (75)
(Raleigh N&O) Asinine Homeowners association tells members their lawns must be green and healthy, despite extreme drought and citywide water restrictions. Dumbass HOA trifecta now in play (334)
CNN Followup Indonesia gets hit with 6.2 magnitude earthquake day after three major earthquakes and total of sixty in 24-hour period. They're definitely doing something wrong (123)
Marketwatch Obvious "Back in 1987, newspapers were going to die because readers would be able to get news quicker by fax. They would even be able to tailor the type of news they wanted to receive. Imagine that" (69)
iWon Interesting Man builds artificial boy. No word on if his name was Geppetto (with slightly creepy pics) (215)
Philly Followup In a gesture of forgiveness and compassion, the Amish made a donation to the widow of the gunman who killed five Amish children and injured five others (412)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Police say a 17-year-old Manchester girl in a Toyota Prius hybrid hit 107 mph. Wonder how that's going to hold up in court (214)
First Coast News Hero Fifty-year-old woman stabs a robber in the back with a pitchfork after he tried to steal her scooter. Now get off her lawn (89)
Yahoo Spiffy Apple planning to bring the iPhone to Europe. JOIN THE REVOLUTION (189)
Yahoo Silly Nigerian banks told they must stop using attractive women to persuade customers to open accounts. Now they can be just like American banks (58)
Boston Globe Strange Artist who created such works as "Work No. 88: A sheet of A4 paper crumpled into a ball" and "Work No. 200: Half the Air in a Given Space" now brings us "Work No. 227: The Lights Going On and Off" (290)
Canoe Spiffy Toronto radio station offers $2,000 to anyone who can bring Colin Farrell in for an interview. Upon hearing the news, Farrell grabs the first homeless person he sees and takes him to the station... and then some (285)
(Some Guy) Followup Homeowners association to Korean War vet: "Take down your flagpole or we'll foreclose on your house." Court to HOA: "Suck it" (477)
Yahoo Unlikely Not all the world hates the United States, right? I'm sure we can count on our staunch European allies, right? Right? (388)
AFP Strange ♫ Some blow in a flip flop / Was found by a Swiss cop / Stuffed in a heel, tried to smuggle it home / But soon the offender / Will be a defender / On trial for possessing Colombian snow / Wasting away in PMITA-ville...♫ (90)
Yahoo Asinine Steak lovers, you knew it was only a matter of time... eating meat now blamed for global warming (277)
Yahoo Strange Palestinian suicide bomber is the unlikely star of a new Israeli film. And before you think no sequel is possible, remember "Highlander 2"... if you can (105)
(WCPO) Cool Not news: 83-year-old man driving tractor down road. News: Flips over and pins him down. Fark: Digs his way out with pocket knife (73)
CSMonitor Dumbass Yo' mama so fat, the city had to stop all them burger joints from opening around her house (164)
(RNews) Weird Today's "naked drunk mayor" story brought to you by Albion, NY. Too bad there's no punchline to be made out of his last name (71)
Fox News Scary Inmates escape Tennessee jail. Authorities plan to stretch their capture out over as many seasons as profitable (21)
Local6 Florida Teen explains he killed his parents because he didn't want to disappoint them anymore for smoking pot, not having job (114)
AP Weird "The health department does not consider a person's shoe or boot a proper instrument to use in food preparation" (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Demi Moore spent more than $400,000 on surgery to make herself look younger and doesn't understand why she can't a decent role (192)
(New York Magazine) Unlikely Progressive modern female breadwinners respect and admire their stay-at-home house husbands. Just kidding -- they think they're impotent, sponging parasites (372)
Telegraph Obvious Aston Martin named the "coolest brand" in Britain, narrowly edging out ... err ... well, what the hell do you have in your home that was made in Britain? (249)
Daily Mail Interesting Etch-A-Sketch reproductions of some of the world's greatest masterpieces (52)
Yahoo Asinine EU plans to censor words like "bomb" and "terrorism" from search engines. Should prevent users from finding bombmaking instructions, Bush speeches (104)
CNN Obvious The federal government estimates it will cost $100 billion to deport all illegal immigrants. A bunch of Mexicans at the 7-11 around the corner say they'll do it for $500 cash (156)
My Fox Dallas News Hey Texas. SURPRISE -- I'm a hurricane. Love, Humberto (148)
(Dallas Observer) Amusing Even if you're a lawyer, punching a cop in the balls is a bad idea (38)
Stuff Scary Macgyver beats out Indiana Jones, James Bond and Jack Bauer as the fictional hero most Americans would want by their side in the event of a disaster (242)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 123: "Hands" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (182)

Wed September 12, 2007
Yahoo Unlikely Man says his breath test was flawed because he was burping at the time (89)
(Daily News Tribune) Strange "She also saw a white man with no clothes on wearing a gas mask" (52)
AP Scary Los Alamos hasn't fully accounted for all its weapons grade plutonium for at least the last 13 years. What could possibly go boom? (60)
Yahoo Dumbass The girl you love doesn't love you back, do you A.) Buy her flowers, B.) Move on or C.) Inject her with your own blood (117)
SFGate Hero City of San Francisco to Starbucks: Suck it (344) Sick Teenage girls may face up to 5 years for prank phone calls. Let he who has not pretended to be hospital staff calling to tell parents their children were fighting for their lives after an accident cast the first stone (132)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this seated rowing machine (60)
(Some Hothead) Ironic Man uses his anger management class materials to assault another man. With Seething Rage Mugshot goodness (115)
Detroit News Strange Anybody can shoot themselves or slash their wrists, but it takes a real man to build a guillotine to kill yourself with (203)
(Wisconsin Radio Network) Amusing Man sues Wal-Mart three years after Brut cologne he was wearing burst into flames. In other news, some people still use Brut cologne (106)
Local6 Stupid 70 students suspended over shirt-tucking rule (116)
AP Weird "Rep. Briley called the officer a Nazi and a brownshirt, then sang the first line of 'Springtime For Hitler' from the Mel Brooks movie and musical 'The Producers'." What could possibly be added to this? (87)
(Chattanoogan) Amusing Shoplifter picks a really bad time for theft, with mugshot photo that looks suspiciously like Metallica's Lars Ulrich (48)
(USGS) NewsFlash Another earthquake hits Indonesia - magnitude 7.9 (107)
(Some Guy) Unlikely MADD hopes tougher sentences deter drunk drivers -- or to paraphrase, they hope we are one step closer to prohibition (239)
(Bradenton Herald) Dumbass Precious little snowflake kicked out of school for "distracting" green hair (with bad hair dye pic) (317)
(Popular Mechanics) Interesting Twenty-five things a man should be able to do. Submitter is pretty darn manly and can do 23 (502)
C|Net Followup Bin Laden's beard is real, the video is not. In other news, teeth are real, the tooth fairy is not (121)
AZCentral Amusing Wal-Mart changes their motto from "Always Low Prices. Always" to "Save Money. Live Better" in an attempt to appeal to more customers, avoid lawsuits for false advertising (92)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass Animal activist arrested for giving public speech about sinking whaling ships, burning down animal-research labs and making explosive devices. You're doing it wrong (82)
(Crooks and Liars) Asinine Reverend tackled by capitol police at Petraeus' hearing for wearing a button that said "I LOVE THE PEOPLE OF IRAQ’" (247)
(Harris Interactive) Obvious Poll results say California, Florida, Hawaii are the most desirable American states to live in. Suck it, flyovers (305)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine Chicago police arrest man for saying no to prostitute, impound car because it was used in the solicitation of prostitution. Prostitute (186)
Philly Obvious Philadelphia police commissioner: "I need 10,000 black men." (293)
(Greenville Herald-Banner) Scary Texas D.A. orders taping of defendant's conversations with his attorney and then providing recordings to prosecutors. Client/attorney privilege: Not yours (122)
Herald-Leader Hero Fark sues Fox reporter over attempted hacking, with "that's what she said" quote goodness from Drew (247)
Toronto Star Sad There are times when one learns the hard way to not end a sentence with a preposition. This is one of them (126)
Globe and Mail Amusing Ontario premier suggests banning guns in wake of recent stabbing. Yes, you read that right. Ontario, not Florida (156)
Houston Chronicle Stupid Having solved all other problems, Congress is looking into mandatory motorcycle helmet laws (480)
CBC Interesting For the first time ever, according to census, married people are outnumbered. In other news, men are evolving and getting smarter (535)
Yahoo Scary Oil hits $80 a barrel on expected fallout resulting from the Patriots spying on Britney Spears at the VMAs (68)
(Oy Vey) Spiffy Happy New Year to all the Jews on Fark. Tonight you're gonna party like it's 5768 (222)
Valleywag Video Ever wanted to see Drew hard at work? Okay, at work. Okay, okay... kicking back in his backyard, talking to a reporter (113)
Newsweek Interesting You kid doesn't act normal and just can't fit in. Do you: A) Go to doctors for diagnosis, drug therapy? B) Accept child's behavior as unique? Or C) Return kid to hospital, demand refund? (315)
Sun Sentinel Florida Waiter rushes from restaurant to subdue knife-wielding carjacker trying to steal woman's car, returns to his job, gets fired (242)
Yahoo PSA Tropical Storm Humberto forms off Texas, while another tropical depression forms in the Atlantic with possible vacation plans next week in Florida. Good times, people, good times (186)
Philly Silly Internet-ordained ministers can no longer legally marry anyone. The judge opined: "It makes a mockery out of the whole marriage system," forgetting that everything makes a mockery of the marriage system (219)
Chicago Tribune Obvious Census data shows high birth rates fuel Latino growth. So in other words, when a group of people has more babies, there are more of them (361)
(The Keynoter) Florida Moral of the story: Don't make Wade Boggs angry, or he'll steal your fishing trophy and make your kids with cystic fibrosis cry (110)
Network World Interesting Cell phones at school: To ban or not to ban? (596)
(koco) Unlikely "An additional $1 in real gasoline prices would reduce obesity in the U.S. by 15 percent after three years," says some economics researcher (206)
AP Followup Rutgers basketball player drops her lawsuit against Imus, goes back to obscurity (109)
(Some Guy) Sappy Awesomely cute Asiatic lion cub being being hand-reared at Chester zoo (with pic). Hand-reared cute baby feline trifecta now in play (65)
CNN Cool Led Zeppelin may tour again. Tour expected to make enough money to buy an actual stairway to heaven (372)
Boston Globe Amusing Police arrest woman for making annoying phone calls. This could be the greatest precedent ever (60)
(News Busters) Sad Cash strapped employer of world renowned economist Paul Krugman gives MoveOn a deep discount for their slanderous ad against General Petraeus (568)
Yahoo Obvious Seventy-year-old convict released from prison, gets arrested in the next day. Brooks was here (71)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Study finds eating one chocolate cookie a day can add 20 pounds on an energetically-balanced child in four years (109)
USA Today Dumbass Deputy uses taser to subdue a wheelchair-bound man during court. Then things get weird (75)
Fox News Interesting New research finds chocolate isn't addictive and the researchers can quit any time they want. They just don't want to quit right now (56)
Yahoo Amusing Yesterday: General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker. Today: Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer (63)
(WESH) Florida Two police officers ordered to undergo counseling after wrestling an alligator that was harassing citizens. Crikey (36)
(Domo Arigato) Photoshop Photoshop this robot into an exciting life (81)
(Some shrinkage) Silly Summers in Bismarck, ND and Houghton, MI are spent talking trash over which city will own the coveted snow-angel record on Dec. 26 (79)
(The Local) Amusing Handbags and makeup all the rage among Swedish men. Hunting all the rage among Swedish women. Oh Thor, what twisted games you play (187)
Fox News NewsFlash Putin dissolves Russian government (402)
(Some Guy) Scary 7.9-magnitude quake rocks Jakarta, tsunami warning issued (69)
Rocky Mountain News Sappy If you cried the first time you saw "Old Yeller," you won't stand a chance with this story about canine companionship (255)
The Sun Interesting If you invite a co-worker over to your home for a threesome with your girlfriend and then you can't get it up, you have no right to take your frustrations out by stabbing your co-worker (316) Dumbass Chinese man set to be deported from Australia because of criminal charges hospitalized after swallowing razor blades. Said to be all cut up inside (31)
Stuff Obvious Jail can change a girl: Paris and 50 Cent may be a couple (306)
UPI Dumbass Student's cell-phone screensaver leads to a pot bust because it shows him standing in a patch of marijuana plants. What a dope (56)
(NBC5i) Asinine Second woman almost kicked off Southwest flight because she looked hotter than the waitresses working the flight (with pic) (287)
BBC Sick Let me see if I got this right: Hot teacher/young boy is okay. Hot teacher/young girl is rare, but okay. Male teacher/young girl not okay. But where do we stand on male teacher/young boy again? (107)
The Sun Amusing I can has 10 Downing Street? (With pic) (84)
MDN News Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announces his resignation (111)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass School fails to call emergency responders when student suffers stroke because principal banned 911 calls for "any reason" (171)
Dayton Daily News Asinine Catholic high schools hold game as part of Volley for the Cure, but won't donate the proceeds to Komen for the Cure due to Planned Parenthood ties. (reg site, article in thread) (284)
STLToday Followup Cop who was caught on video threatening to make up charges is suspended (353)
The Sun Obvious $1,500 shoe looks like Lego. Your girlfriend wants it anyway (158)
TBO Cool Zoo displays abandoned two-month-old Florida panther cub as new exhibit (with awesomely cute photo gallery) (53)

Tue September 11, 2007
SFGate Dumbass If you're going to renovate the entire second floor of your home to grow pot, make sure your electrical wiring is up to code (86)
MSNBC Amusing Actual headline: "Vaginal rejuvenation" unnecessary, not safe (122)
(americablog) Followup Pentagon calls BS on the Petraeus Report (246)
The Smoking Gun Followup The Minnesota toe-sucking bandit mugshot has been released. Folks, please keep liquids out of your mouths before clicking (mugshot photo hilarity) (380)
AP Dumbass Today's "witless thief who tried to rob a bank using his own checkbook" story brought to you from Englewood, Colorado (24)
Reno Gazette-Journal Followup Survival experts doubt Steve Fossett will be found alive as the search enters its ninth day (140)
(Some wedding) Caption Caption subbies bridal party line while they are waiting around for the cue to do something (158)
MSNBC Followup Bills TE Everett able to move arms and legs, might be able to walk out of hospital (181)
Daily Mail Dumbass Animal rights idiots continue to free wild animals from farms, which then have to be hunted down and killed. Good jorb, asshats (171)
AFP Misc Amsterdam mayor proposes three-day waiting period for 'shrooms. Alice will just have to wait 72 hours to get tall (126)
(Some Guy) Florida Instead of a life sentence, a confessed rapist will get 25 years behind bars if he gets castrated in the next week (179)
Fox News Scary ♫ There's a killer on the road / His brain is squirmin' like a toad / The clinic where he stayed / Let him walk away / Now New Jersey cops report / He could be headed north / Killer on the road / Yeeaahh ♫ (77)
(NewsChannel 5) Interesting Judge steps in and says New Mexico can't have Nashville's vagina art (70)
Yahoo Amusing In old Soviet Union, babies conceived *for* a car, not *in* one (62)
(The Times Picayune) Amusing One of these two is lying: A New Orleans hooker or a Republican senator. Guess who passed the polygraph test (234)
CNN Asinine New study claims people are fat because their neighborhoods are not "walkable." And CNN trots this out as news (279)
CBS New York News Bush to reduce troop levels by 30,000 as first sign of walking away with his tail between his legs (838)
ABC News Unlikely Super-scientific Old Farmer's Almanac claims that summer of 2008 will be warmest in 100 years (102)
Denver Post Strange Family who found condom in soup can tasted extra noodle, will play game of chicken with Campbell's (131)
(Broadcasting & Cable) Followup Not only did ABC World News Now’s Ryan Owens and Taina Hernandez think the Owen Wilson suicide attempt was giggily good fun, but terrorism, wildfires, breast cancer and the Iraq war crack them up, too (159)
(WTVQ) Asinine High school principal tells a newspaper sports editor he was no longer allowed to cover the homecoming football game from the press box because of a story he wrote about high school racial tension (104)
Reuters Cool Fed up with corrupt politicians, thousands of Italians attend "F*ck-Off Day" rally for political reform (122)
( Scary In an effort to revive the housing market, South Carolina decides to start including hand grenades with new homes (34)
Fox News Interesting Kiddie-porn movie rocks Toronto Film Festival. It certainly has FoxNews all hot and bothered (331)
(Jim Hill) Strange We've all heard what it was like to be in Manhattan or D.C. on 9/11/01. What was it like at Disney World? (151)
AFP Amusing Bin Laden's beard baffles chief U.S. spy. Tom Cruise's beard waiting for another round with the turkey baster (92) Dumbass As we pause today to remember those lost during 9/11 attacks, countless nut jobs call in bomb threats to hospitals, schools and businesses across country to express their psychoses (71)
Comedy Central Video Colbert went to rehab. But pulled a Lohan and kept the drugs (71)
( Florida Endeavour astronauts who survived landing with gash in shuttle to visit Disney and die on their rides (33)
London Times Interesting Rights to name 10 new species (including a walking shark) up for auction. Fark shark, anyone? Monkey (Callicebus aureipalatii) already taken (76)
(Some Vandal) Photoshop Theme: Vandalize a famous piece of architecture or building. LGT (lame) example (164)
(WPVI) Spiffy Ginseng hunter finds a 100-year-old wild root in Maryland that's worth thousands of dollars (119)
LA Times Amusing Study finds conservatives process information faster than liberals (1025)
Wall Street Journal Obvious Indonesian court to Time Magazine: "You defamed Dictator Suharto. Pony up $106 million." Time Magazine: "Um, yeah. I don't think so" (95)
Yahoo Dumbass Not news: Woman has purse snatched. News: Crowd of onlookers chase down and catch thief. Fark: Thief turns out to be a policeman. Awkward (68)
Yahoo Followup FCC tries to ensure that customers won't get screwed by the 2009 digital-only TV signal (323)
Yahoo Amusing As a mugger, the last phrase you want to hear about the helpless-looking guy you've decided to rob is "world class blind Judo expert." Stupid mugger trifecta now in play (104)
(NOAA) AudioEdit NOAA has a fight song. AudioEdit a fight song for another federal agency (20)
AFP Hero A majority of Americans view the events of 9/11 as the "most significant historical event" of their lives. Hero tag for all those whose brave sacrifices showed the very best of our country on our very worst day (1257)
(WEWS) Dumbass If you left your gas receipt in one of the trucks you stole, you were on TV last night (with pics) (18)
Fox News Hero "What, are you kidding me?" asks 74-year-old intended victim of 31-year-old armed mugger. Since this is Fark, you know what happens next (102)
Yahoo Asinine Al-Qaida says second bin Laden video coming. DVD boxed set still in the works (146)
Chicago Tribune Strange Vegan teacher quits his job and files a child-endangerment lawsuit against school... because they serve milk (579)
Yahoo Weird Not news: Man follows woman from work. News: Man robs woman of keys and cell phone. Fark: Man takes off her shoes and licks her toes (61)
(Some Guy) Strange Couple checked into a Travelodge in 1985 and liked it so much, they never checked out. "There is always something going on outside our window" (118)
USA Today Sick Woman kidnapped, tortured for a week by West Virginia family (with "The Hills Have Eyes" mugshot goodness) (664)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police bust ring of oxygen-machine thieves. Public breathing a little bit easier (30)
(Some Gal) Asinine Teen's yearbook photo banned for flower (217) Dumbass A mother has left four kids sitting unattended in a car. Do you: A) Point out to her that this is dangerous? B) Ask a police officer to point out that this is actually an offense? Or C) Try to strangle her? (97) Florida Elementary school's automated message system calls hundreds of parents, asking them why their kids are absent from school. Hilarity ensues (72)
Local6 Florida Ben & Jerry's offers reward of five years' free ice cream for arrest of man who stole employee tip jar. That's Americone justice at work (113)

Mon September 10, 2007
Sun Sentinel Florida Boys set fire to coackroaches, burn down home (85)
ABC News Sad TSA wants to inform you that you can now carry lighters on board but the dead body of your internet bride in your luggage is STILL not allowed (76)
(Some Guy) Sad The world's smartest bird has died (202)
My San Antonio Obvious New magazine for Latina readers won't have airbrushed celebrities on the cover and will focus on things like higher education. Check back in eight weeks for a story about the magazine folding (126)
(Some Guy) Strange Remorseful thief returns a laptop, camera and wallet he stole from a home, as well as a basketball, $150 in cash, and an IOU for the broken window (25)
CBS Salt Lake City Interesting Utah schools will not observe 9/11 anniversary this year so they won't disturb the kids who don't remember it (237)
(Some Guy) Amusing In the year 2000 as told by the French in 1910 (151)
AFP Scary Old and busted: Security guards. New hotness: Security snakes (74)
London Times Ironic Overprotective parents never allow their children to cross the street on their own. Children never learn to look out for cars, and drivers become less accustomed to seeing them on the road. Darwin works in mysterious ways (149)
Yahoo Asinine To avoid traffic jams, German town to remove all traffic lights and stop signs from downtown, moves to honor system (122)
(The Hill) Dumbass Never one to miss a chance to get attention, Cindy Sheehan gets arrested outside Petraeus hearing (354)
(Texas Tag) Followup Zheng and the fluke of Automobile Accidents (59)
(Some Guy) Florida Keith Sawyer (D-ouchebag) unable to win a single election ever, stoops down to trading crack/cocaine to have sex with fifteen year old girl. Floridalarity ensues (181)
(Some Lawyer) Followup University of Colorado's "rape a coed with every football scholarship" promotion ruled illegal -- but only because the school receives federal funding (212)
Baltimore Sun Sad Newspaper readers complain about increasing amout of online content: "We do not own a computer, thus we are being 'locked out' of these articles. To us, this is very unfair" (147)
Wall Street Journal Interesting The good news is that Hillary and Obama are giving all of Hsu's direct donations to charity. The obvious news is that Hsu's direct donations are only a tiny fraction of the bundled donations he sent them (177)
(Cato Institute) Scary Those anti-smoking lawmakers finally did it: Introducing health zoning, the limit of fast food restaurants because of the health risks they pose (236)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Obvious List of reasons why American newspapers are no longer relevant includes "boring stories," "failure to reach out to young readers," and "left-leaning reporters who went to college" (166)
MSNBC Interesting Titanic forces set to collide - Obese, doughnut gobbling US workers vs their employers health insurance carriers getting ready to surcharge them for being high risk fat-asses (379)
CNN Scary Pilots want a second set of cockpit doors, for fear that someone may try and rush them carrying a spork and two ounces of carried-on fruit juice while they use the restroom (121)
Miami Herald Florida Man shot by cops wanted for slaying, carjacking and high speed chase was found to already have an ankle bracelet on that monitors his whereabouts at all times (88)
Newsweek Scary An eight-page horror story. Or, as MSNBC puts it: "Hillary: How She Would Govern" (496)
YouTube Stupid Britney Spears lip synchs, er, performs her new single live on the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards (688)
(Some Guy) Sad Out of 173 countries, only four have no paid leave for new mothers -- Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, Liberia and the United States (1036)
UPI Interesting U.S. attitudes on Sept. 11 events are shifting. Only 6 percent of traitors and defeatists plan to observe it formally (357)
Seattle Times Followup Larry Craig files to withdraw his guilty plea (190)
Homestar Runner Amusing I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics (45)
BBSpot Amusing Apple refunds Apple Lisa early adopters $7000 in store credit (141)
SuperDeluxe Video Watch Jesus crucified six days a week (54)
Boston Globe Interesting Mitt Romney's presidential campaign headquarters burglarized. Items stolen include computers, TV, mulitple flip-flops (100)
Fox News Amusing Teachers complain about Hardee's TV ad that has a very hawt teacher "gyrating on top of her desk while boys in the class rap about her body in order to sell hamburgers" (168)
(Some Guy) Interesting Lawyer charges client $5,700 for brief he cut and pasted from internet (85)
(Tag) Plug See if you can score big with your sack (sponsored link) (31)
Philly Dumbass Man decides to go the way of the Samurai while fighting over a Honda, stabs his opponent with a three-foot sword (40)
BBC News Diego Montoya captured by Colombian police. Man in Black, Fezzik still at large (212)
Seattle Times Obvious Seattle Times publishes hard-hitting look at teacher sex. "In fact, accounts of women sexual offenders are often more titillating than harsh" (162)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this little wader (95) Weird Buzz Aldrin feels that the diaper astronaut should be "admired" for for traveling cross-country while "not getting out of her car to put in gas or go to the restroom" (69)
The Sun Spiffy London's 2012 Olympic facilities to have wider, deeper seats to accommodate enormous British arses. The Sun is there (70)
(Some Guy) Asinine Newspaper suspended after printing a picture of Jesus holding a cigarette. Oh the huge blasphemy (243)
CNN Scary Busy bees being blitzed by bug; beekeepers being blamed. Bewildered buyers believably bear billion buck baggage. Buzzkill (150)
CBS New York Amusing If nobody wants to buy your house do you a) wait for the market to improve, b) lower the price, or c) turn it into a brothel? (83)
The Sun Stupid Men who pay for sex may soon be prosecuted in the UK. Lobster and champagne still safe alternative bartering option (131)
Yahoo Silly Kid Rock and Tommy Lee slug it out at MTV awards, while Pamela Anderson awaits in the audience. The Axis of Hepatitis is now complete (301) Scary "The authorities are so concerned that a special regional 'cheese task force' has been set up to tackle the problem" (52)
London Times Followup You're a wanted pedophile: Do you (a) yada yada yada (b) blah blah blah, or (c) kayak to France and claim sanctuary in a church? (75)
The Sun Amusing Man saves dog with the kiss of life, stresses that he didn't enjoy it. Sure (25)
BBC Hero Greatest living Welshman dies (146)
Mercury News Asinine You won't hear much about the latest group of hate crime victims (182)
First Coast News Florida Mental note to self, never fall asleep around this woman. (w/mugshot goodness) (115)
(Some Guy) Silly Scientology schism widens as Freezoners nail OT III to church door (268)
Yahoo Followup The Makah tribe did not authorize the shooting of that whale. Whoops (90)
Canoe Followup Guy busted for carpentry while nude gets off (52)
MSNBC Dumbass Lazy-ass teen sits at bottom of ravine in his upside-down car for a week before finally getting around to climbing out on his own (193)

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