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Sun September 30, 2007 Obvious 73 per cent of all people arrested for crimes in Australia test positive for marijuana. Wait a minute – isn't NORML telling us that pot is harmless and doesn't lead to crime? (109)
SeattlePI Sick Man eats 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes. Natalie Portman not impressed (26)
(One Eyed Monster) Amusing Scotland blaming a drop in tourism on fewer sightings of the Loch Ness Monster (38)
Fox News Cool Man sets world record by skipping stone 51 times. And this is the last time you'll hear the name 'Russell Byar' in the news ever again (45)
MSNBC Interesting Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Battle of the grills. Ali steamed that he didn't get in on the action (41)
AFP Amusing Spanish town tosses world's biggest salad (33) Obvious Hillary so far ahead of Barack in the polls it's like being up 7 games with 17 to play (466)
CNN News Police take a nip at Tuck; man who had child-sex tape turns self in (192)
Yahoo Cool Mets collapse complete, Phillies win NL East (193)
CNN Obvious Repeat (78)
Boston Globe Scary Baby Boomers, beware: There's a new "Me Generation" in town (354)
Yahoo Obvious New study shows that older brothers suck (108)
Yahoo Interesting There's apparently a reason why cats prefer the unfriendliest person in the room. Here comes the leftover Caturday science (229)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Regardless of whether the motivations are good or ill or the reasoning sound or not: slowly, incrementally, perversely, boyhood is being banned" (279)
(Some Guy) Interesting If a serious crime were committed and you were falsely accused, would you have an alibi for last night? (213)
(MetroWest Daily News) Silly College authorities keep a sharp eye out for students who dare to sit in comfy chairs (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this strange shower contraption (61)
Flickr Caption Caption this king on the phone. VE (80)
(Lazy Cops) Asinine After years of telling citizens to install burglar alarms, cops decide they aren't coming unless someone actually sees or hears an intruder (135)
Reuters Strange Most seven-year olds who forget their class assignment aren't forced to strip naked and stand on their desk while their classmates boo them. Most, but apparently not all (114)
Washington Post Amusing Health Department promises to retool free condom distribution program after community leaders reject "Coming Together in DC" freebies. A good craftsman never blames his tool. (w/pic) (27)
(Some Guy) Strange From the "sounds like a madlib" department: Aussie cop attempts milk bar robbery with fake gun, gets skull bashed in by milk maids (36)
(Daily Press) Interesting Scientists remain frustrated that although they understand nearly everything there is to know about the brain, they still have no idea where consciousness comes from or how it works. Braiiiiiiiins (362)
(Dothan Eagle) Obvious If you live in Alabama, best to keep a closed mind (176)
Des Moines Register Weird Today's finger-biting stripper is brought to you by Cedar Rapids, Iowa (44)
Telegraph Obvious Bush prepares to bomb Iran before end of term (691)
Discovery Obvious Actual headline: "Chimp not a person, Court rules" (95)
(Some Guy) Florida "A motorist who was driving directly behind the [SUV] said the driver must not have seen the steamroller and smashed into it 'full force ahead'.” (with aftermath video) (67)
Sky News Interesting World's first commercial nuclear power station is asploded (with video) (60)
(WINK News) Florida Splish Splash, I was takin' a bath. Long about a Friday night. Rub-a-dub, gasoline is in my tub. Anyone around got a light? (39)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass Pumpkin-tosser knocked unconscious by his own trebuchet (60)
USA Today Strange Know how to show those jackass airport police who arrest you for making a scene after you arrive late for your flight? You straight up die on their ass, that's how (90)
Cleveland Amusing Car wrecks, stolen police cruiser, 33-year-old guy with a 15-year-old girlfriend. This story has it all (54)
Denver Channel Amusing Woman arrested for going ninja on a bunch of kids. With priceless "Oh no you din't" mugshot that you can add to your collection (127)
(listaholic) Interesting The five highest-paid pornstars. "Houston" appears to have a problem. Pretty safe for work (cleavage) (Link is Farked, but content posted in first post) (178)
SeattlePI Hero Four teens who attacked man on bus get their asses handed to them...literally (186)
(Some Cornhusker) Sappy After farmer's untimely cancer death, a few neighbors come over to help the family harvest the crops -- about 40 neighbors, actually (55)

Sat September 29, 2007
Globe and Mail Strange When looking for a job, delivering your entire cover letter verbally as a rap song might not really work out the way you want (37)
WFTV Florida Topps recalling 22 million pounds of beef due to e.coli. Bubble gum technically okay, but still tastes like cardboard (44)
FARK Obvious Drew is drunk and doing a live podcast at Linuxfest, click to listen (link fixed, maybe) (186)
(The Phoenixville Phoenix) Dumbass Woman somehow manages to run over both of her own legs in McDonald's drive-thru (105)
Daily Mail Obvious Neighbours complain that the f*cking stench from Gordon f*cking Ramsay's New York restaurant is "f*cking unbearable" (87)
(Some Guy) Dumbass CT-scan technician forgets about patient, leaves her in scanner for hours after clinic closes (76)
Stuff Amusing Underwear keeps appearing overnight on gardening lines in front of a man's house. "Some of this is more ugly sister stuff, It's been designed for an elephant" (34)
IOL Stupid British couple charged almost $200,000 for a seven minute phone call. AT&T trying to persuade British Telecom to share their new technology (39)
Chicago Sun-Times Amusing It was only a matter of time before FARK Photoshops became a matter of public policy (66)
(Some Guy) Cool In NJ? Want to help the needy? Like porn? Have they got a deal for you (36)
(North Country Gazette) Amusing Penis pump judge's appeal "claiming that his sentence for masturbating on the bench was too stiff" is denied, shoots his whole wad on lawyers (56)
(NZ Herald) Amusing "The magnets were too powerful, so on occasion car keys metal biros or other small metal items in proximity might rapidly attach themselves to the wearer's testicles" (69)
(Some Guy) Amusing Good: Local theater makes their own production of a movie. Better: It's Point Break. Fark: The actor playing Keanu Reeves is selected at random from the audience each night (71)
(MidHudson News) Dumbass Man complains to police that his skin feels funny. Police observe that maybe he wouldn't feel that way if he wasn't coked to the gills and wandering around backyards naked at 3AM (19)
Fox News Strange Police proud to announce capture of girl-ninja-robber-fugitives (27)
Denver Channel Dumbass 12-year old girl exercises her Second Amendment rights at Texas middle school (126)
(Some Guy) Strange Not Fark: people sleeping in public parks, parking spaces and even Times Square. Fark: they're not homeless (66)
CBS New York Dumbass Drunk driver apprehended by police...after he crashes into a police car (12)
(Greeley Tribune) Spiffy Girls-only sex toy slumber party? Oral sex workshops? Sensual massage classes? No big deal, it's just Hot Sex Week at the University of Northern Colorado (85)
( Amusing Forget about your "carbon footprint", it's more important to reduce your "a--hole footprint" (126)
Yahoo Amusing Move over, Picasso (69)
Yahoo Interesting Senator Craig's downfall will benefit another group that likes hooking up for anonymous outdoor sex: salmon (64)
STLToday Obvious Having beaver around the house can sure get expensive (32)
(Light On Light Through) Stupid Kucinich proposes lowering the voting age to 16. Because you want your next election to be swayed by skinny tattooed idiots who can't wear their pants correctly and think that jamming a spike through their lip is the height of self-expression (277)
YouTube Video Young man cited for graffiti even though he had no spraypaint, just a cleaning rag and some solvents (101) Strange Saudi divorces his slut of a wife for being alone with another man. And of course by "another man", the husband was referring to the host of the television show his wife was watching (147)
BBC Followup Protestors getting crabby in Rangoon (58)
DallasNews Asinine Duke president apologizes to lacrosse players, families today for abandoning them in their time of need and demonstrating the sucktitude genome that comprises the entire Duke DNA strand (151)
Seattle Times Stupid Prison inmates in jeopardy after mixing hand sanitizer and kool-aid to make potent potable (74)
BBC Misc A 24-year-old man marries 82-year-old woman. He's found a lover with a slow hand (121)
London Times Asinine Three-year investigation into police officer's £90 expenses discrepancy winds up costing taxpayers £500,000. That's some good work there, boys (27)
Yahoo Stupid Some asswipe is stealing toilet paper from Wisconsin public restrooms (66)
Lancashire Evening Post Weird Man drowns swimming to the pub (29)
Canoe Asinine After the most recent suicide bombing in Afghanistan, Afghan President has vowed justice...just kidding, he's offering the Taliban high-level government positions (96)
NYPost Strange Chinatown brothel caught offering student discounts (53)
Local6 Florida 40 year old man? Check. Dead 86 year old roommate? Check. Deceased's corpse kept in a closet while 40 year old used his ATM card? Check. Florida? You bet that's a check (22)
USA Today Interesting You young Farkers ever wonder why Tylenol bottles are harder to get into than a frigid girl's pants? It was 25 years ago today that Tylenol laced with Cyanide killed 3 people (126)
(Times-Leader) Dumbass State appeals court throws out ruling that said a couple of drug-addicted bums can't have any more kids until they get back their existing four (83)
(Post-Gazette) Interesting Laundry detergent is getting stronger... and Leon's getting laaaaaaaaarger (103)
Yahoo Obvious FDA officials: cold meds not for kids. Trix are for kids, silly Feds (30)
(Some Guy) Scary Top 100 ways global warming will change your life - including shortages of French wines, Christmas trees, Bulgarian hookers and the end of baseball (415)
(Chattanoogan) Unlikely Two Chattanooga men say they may have landed "Bigfoot" out near I-40 in New Mexico (105)
STLToday Amusing Most guys get their dates a corsage. This guy got his girlfriend the homecoming queen crown. FARK: by running for queen and winning it himself (83)
(Wikipedia) Interesting List of historical cats (424)
(timelines are cool) Amusing In 800 AD, Danes taught the Brits how to comb their hair (52)
The Sun Interesting England is on the verge of housing criminals in a giant prison ship. Aaaarrrrrh (72)
FARK Photoshop What would Fark look like if Drew was a woman? (88)
AZCentral Asinine Breaking up with your girlfriend? That's a hammerin'. With mugshot scariness (105)
London Times Obvious Parents shocked to discover precious snowflakes are really lard buckets (93)
(KSDK) Sad Security guard breaks student's wrist, mother beats up the principal. Makes you long for the days of shooting little pieces of paper with rubber bands (92)
Telegraph Spiffy Bottle of whisky corked when Queen Victoria was 30 years old sells for $60,000 (72)
(Some Trekker Guy) Wheaton Twenty years ago, "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was first broadcast (386)

Fri September 28, 2007
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these rock n' roll pirates (66)
ABC News Obvious Binge drinking can haunt you years later. 18 years later to be precise (78)
Daily Mail Stupid Boy arrested and charged with grievous bodily harm after shooting a little piece of paper at a classmate with a rubber band (94)
Yahoo News Federal Government shuts down Netbank, first bank closed in six years. Gov't takes all of subby's money with it. Ah well, it's only money, right? (176)
(Gothamist) Spiffy Ugly ass baby walrus born at New York Aquarium, demands bukket (w/pic) (80)
ABC News PSA Chester Arthur called "person of interest" in sex assault case. James Garfield, Grover Cleveland unavailable for comment (60)
CBS Chicago Asinine Suburban Chicago school bans hugging, principal says "hug lines" in hallways create bottlenecks (88)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Police find toddler depicted in sex tape, says she's "safe" (432)
(Some Guy) Followup Mutinies reported in the Burmese Army following the brutal crackdown on pro-democracy activists (184)
Toledo Blade Scary Michigan Closed: Clark Griswold seen taking hostages, forcing them to experience Michigan's lovely roads (172)
FARK Followup San Diego Area Fark Party tomorrow night (9/29) from 7 - ??? at Hensley's Pub in Carlsbad. LA, OC, IE Farkers welcome (103)
Wired Cool Balls of steel award: Man sets new speed record of 130.7 MPH. On a mountain bike (118)
(Some Guy) Hero Your mother dies of cancer. Do you: a) Get on with your life, b) Get angry at god, or c) Walk across the country to raise money for cancer research? (81)
(barstool sports) Video Injured Bills TE Kevin Everett is doing good. Really, really good. And someone is getting really really fired (132)
CBS Boston Dumbass Not news: high school kids have sex. News: father finds out, beats up daughter's boyfriend in front of everyone at school. Fark: kid now charged with sex assault (337)
Yahoo Asinine Woman trapped in SUV found alive in ravine after 8 days missing. She "didn't fit the criteria of a missing person" so the police wouldn't search for her (143)
(News & Observer) Interesting Navin R. Johnson is crushed: AT&T wants to scrap the white pages (111)
MSNBC Hero Not news: Nickelodeon trying to teach kids about healthy exercise. News: By going off the air for 3 hours on Saturday, hoping the little fatties will actually go outside (196)
UPI Scary Excessive multivitamins may be harmful. Fred Flintstone unavailable for comment (74)
(Shiny Sheet) Amusing What would you call a giant inflatable firefighter? Palm Beach Fire Rescue's newest member "desperately needs a name." VE (105)
Reuters Scary Handcuffed? Check. In police custody? Check. Driving back across the border in handcuffs? Chec...wait, what? (85)
CNN Obvious Psychologist suggests that teaching your children to drink responsibly at home will curtail binge drinking. MADD stampede (175)
(Some Guy) Obvious Schools that have animal mascots encourage people to torture and kill their pets (136)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine Minneapolis International Airport to spend $1 million to install bathroom stall dividers to halt airport "liaisons" (107)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: LUST (121)
Reason Magazine Unlikely Latest scare "trend" offered by the media: More iPods means more crime. Drew's gonna be able to write a sequel (46)
LA Times Interesting The LA Times used the phrase "knife fight" to trick you into reading this story, but subby is confident "competitive table setting" will also work (42)
Sun Sentinel Florida Man finds $100,000 hidden in his attic. Now the former owner of the home wants the cash. Guess which state? (216)
MSNBC PSA The 3,492nd "al-Qaida #2" in Iraq has been killed (268)
The Sun Amusing Buckingham Palace guard makes a rude gesture. The Sun is there (89)
SFGate Silly 11 things you can do with or without your pants on while sitting in traffic gridlock (84)
(charleston daily mail) Asinine Don't engage anyone in conversation in Huntington, WV., as police will charge you with soliciting prostitution (75)
MDN Strange Latest female teacher arrested for having sex with 16-year-old student brought to you by Saga prefecture (115)
Canoe Obvious Apparently you're not supposed to lock a 3-year-old in a daycare overnight (67)
(N-E-X-T-G-E-N) Asinine Northern Ireland Gay Rights Association angered by offensive word "lesbo" being included in Scrabble game for Nintendo system. If anyone is an authority about offensive content, it's those NIGRs (174)
UPI Obvious Many never have cholesterol levels tested. Subby got tested. They found bacon. BACON (115)
AP Obvious Department of Homeland Security’s latest instruction manual on “How to derail a train with hazardous materials” is now available on their website (82)
WFTV Followup "In the matter of non-lethal suppression, let it be known that the motion carries to continue tasing both bro and sis, subject to official discretion" (106)
The Sun Followup Bosendorfer donates second grand piano to music festival after idiot movers drop the first one off the truck (with pic) (73)
CBS Sacramento NewsFlash KOVR has live streaming video footage of the possible high school shooting (231)
(Some Totally Wasted Guy) Cool Columbus, Ohio Linuxfest FARK Party tonight 6pm til late at Barley's Brewing Company. Drew will be there. The bar is getting renamed "FARKIN" Friday tonight (64)
ESPN Dumbass If you want to practice your golf swing in your hotel room, make sure there are no free swinging objects above you (44)
(ChicoER) Scary Possible high school shooting in Southern California (110)
USA Today Cool "High value" suspects at Gitmo to be allowed lawyers. Low value people who aren't a threat and don't have any substantial evidence against them to remain languishing indefinitely (217)
Free Press Spiffy I saw a two-headed turtle (81)
Time Sad Anheuser-Busch attempting to purchase and shut down brewery in its namesake Czech town. "The truth is that I would have to quit drinking beer altogether. Better that than to drink some slop" (204)
CNN Asinine Death row inmate concerned about possible pain from the lethal injection, not so concerned about pain he caused by shooting his parents multiple times (290)
(hedonistic heathen) Amusing If you have a nun fetish, hop in your TARDIS and go back to 1400 Venice. Sister Giggity had some low cut habits (130)
AFP Obvious Irish pleased with results of smoking ban. Now they can have one drink in each hand (217)
Gawker Dumbass Gawker writer thinks it's totally awesome to write scathing attack on 4 year-old child. You stay classy, Gawker (229)
Boston Globe Scary Massachusetts government employees are now required to join unions, unless they don't need their kneecaps any more (164)
(Some Sadist) Sick Jones Soda goes from having fun with its fans to outright hating them: Say hello to sweat and dirt flavored soda (155)
(Times Herald Record) Strange When the school policy says, "No bags in the halls," the one that you wear on your head is no exception, even if you're otherwise naked (83) Scary When your house collapses and sends you falling into a pool of cyanide, you know it's just not your day (87)
Boston Globe Stupid Massachusetts plans to ban people from smoking at home (469)
BBC Amusing Arrest order for Interpol head could lead to serious flight delays for Morgan Freeman (pic) (75)
(Some Guy) Asinine Student mails his mother $266.67 to improve her looks before she meets his rich girlfriend (86)
Local6 Florida Orlando cops to start carrying machine guns. What could possibly go wrong? (185)
Daily Mail Dumbass Liz Taylor going for husband #9. In other news, Liz Taylor is still alive (82)
(Some Bloke) Interesting Medicine has come so far since then. "According to the stories, he amputated a man's testicles by mistake, cut the fingers off his assistant and the coat tails off the man behind him--all three men died" (40)
The Sun Scary Man carps about nearly losing finger in fishious pike attack. The Sun catches the story (69)
Yahoo Dumbass Chim chiminy, chim chiminy, chim chim cheroo, Oktoberfest reveller gets stuck in a flue (44)
Derby Evening Telegraph Silly Why scaffolding firms should really check the address BEFORE they erect loads of poles and planks around an old lady's house (20)
Houston Chronicle Sad Willy Wonka: Dealing, my dear friends, is 93% evasion, 6% off-grid electricity, 4% pure cocoa, and 2% Vancouver hydro. Special Agent Teevee: That's 105 percent, and 5 to 9 years (90)
BBC Scary News: Woman wrongly accused of theft of £0.12 released. Fark: 70 years later (113)
( Dumbass Four firefighters from Vermont use the 'Jaws of Life' to go on a vandalism spree (51)
Boston Globe PSA In order to defend religious freedom, morality police will arrest anybody seen eating in public (160)
London Times Interesting Old and busted: Banning nuts from schools because they are a health and safety hazard to kids with severe allergies. The new hotness: Banning severely allergic kids (258)
London Times Cool Your chance to buy a supersonic paper plane (15)
The Sun Obvious British hookers complain that soccer games are bad for their business as British men would rather watch other men play with sweaty balls than ... well, you get where we're going with this (108)
Independent Interesting 190,000 people who couldn't get into a First World country now immigrating to Britain each year (60)
(Some Guy) Obvious Morans who fill their cars with premium gas "are being conned" (286) Hero Scotsman wanders into hospital close to death after a 60 pint bender. Amateur (88) Spiffy Twenty racing loos are flush with excitement in the Queensland town of Winton today as they prepare to participate in the Australian Dunny Derby (16)
CNN Interesting The five most commonly misdiagnosed diseases. At least we know it's never lupus (78)
This Is Local London Sad It is now illegal to smoke while driving in the Nanny State (124)
(Huffington Post) Ironic Sen. Larry Craig is back in the Senate. His first official act? To vote against a bill protecting homosexuals (332)
Daily Mail Stupid New guidelines for doctors mean they won't have to tell parents if under-age children are sexually active or have an abortion. In fact, children will be in charge of all their healthcare decisions (169)
(Some Disco Inferno) Photoshop Photoshop these "Fashion" models from a 1975 JC Penney catalog (98)
Yahoo PSA ¡Ay, caramba! Another hurricane forms off Mexico (38)
MSNBC Obvious It’s that time of year again, leaves are changing colors, nights are getting longer and cooler and the news want to remind you that bird flu is still out there waiting to cause a pandemic (49)
Stuff Amusing Man wins lottery, makes the obvious choice of becoming a Storm Trooper (79)
Yahoo Interesting Afghan farmers find alternative to opium: marijuana. With all the shiat these people grow, you'd think they'd be more mellow (121)

Thu September 27, 2007
Yahoo Sad George Rieveschl, inventor of the drug Benadryl, dies. Details of his passing will be slowly released to the media over the next 12 hours (99)
Denver Post Cool In addition to being the skinniest state, Colorado now holds the top spot for beer consumption (91)
(Free-Lance Star) Asinine Penn State tells elementary school "No, you can't have a lion mascot. Not yours." (118)
Newsweek Scary The secret lobbying campaign your phone company doesn't want you to know about (122)
Local6 Florida 'S-C-O-H-O-L' Zone warning proudly painted on road -- guess what state? (with pic goodness) (159)
CNN Asinine Immigrant tries to bring $59,000 in cash he earned as a dishwasher home to his family. Customs seizes the money. US starts deportation proceedings against him and refuses to give back the money it took, two years ago. USA USA (513)
IOL Sad Mother says she's aware of her son's drinking after a crime prevention officer found him drunk and passed out on a sidewalk. Damn unruly five-year-olds. You just can't trust them to stay sober (37)
(Some Creepy Guy) Scary New Carrot Top pics WTF? (505)
Daily Mail Obvious New Mini Cooper will not be built in Britain, depriving a generation of car owners the chance to tell "So I was just going down the street when the driveshaft fell into the road and all the electrics quit" stories (89)
Fox News Obvious US to Myanmar: "After reviewing/all the facets/we've decided/to kick your assets." Burma caves? (108)
Reuters Interesting Marie Antoinette's pearls up for auction, may need some repair. Apparently, at some point they didn't fit her quite right (68)
CNN Scary Tropical Storm Lorenzo forms in Gulf of Mexico, wants his oil back (42)
CBS News Strange Huntsville, Alabama is reopening its nuclear fallout shelters because you know how much al-Qaida despises Huntsville, Alabama (144)
Local6 Scary Top hookers in Central Florida busted (with pic goodness) (227)
CNN Silly CNN discovers there are Mexicans living in the US (125)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this vintage cosmotron magnet (70)
BBSpot Cool Commander Ryker pulls an OJ at the Las Vegas Hilton Star Trek exhibit (166)
(Some Guy) Interesting Iranian websites aren't mentioning that whole "There are no homosexuals in Iran" thing (256) Obvious Hottie radio host says "f*ck" seven times in a row after pre-aired clip fails to play. As this happened in Britain, there's a picture of her laughing rather than being loaded in handcuffs onto a rendition flight to Gitmo (245)
UPI Followup Lawyer: DMX has history of animal cruelty up in here, up in here (142)
CBS New York Stupid N.J. police crack down on 11-year-old jaywalkers, smack them upside the head with $54 tickets (102)
(KPHO Phoenix) Scary From the producer of the blockbuster "The Creature From The Third World That Swims Up Urethras" comes an all new, more terrifying sequel: "The Creature From Under The London Bridge That Swims Up Your Nose And Eats Your Brain" (152)
(Computerworld) Asinine Now that London is a crime-free paradise, Chicago is next to blanket city with cameras scanning for "suspicious" behavior (152)
Globe and Mail Weird Quebec considering giving hospitals portable amputation kits, so firefighters don't have to rent hacksaws at nearby hardware stores (49)
(Businesswire) Cool Application submitted for first new nuclear plant in U.S. in 30 years. Jack Lemmon unavailable for comment (357)
(Kingsport Times-News) Stupid Two geniuses discover that older Honda Accords don't have enough get-up-and-go to yank an ATM chained to a car out of a store (with dumbass mugshot goodness) (57)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: ANGER (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting Playboy wants Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards. Nude. Together. Playboy airbrush artists hold rally for increased overtime pay (158)
ABC News Scary Six years after 9/11, GAO officials cross the border successfully 75 percent of the time carrying radioactive materials (144)
Yahoo Dumbass President of WTC Survivors Network removed because she apparently wasn't even there on 9/11 and did not actually surf down the side of the building as it fell (299)
BBC Spiffy For sale: Roman bath house in south of England, unseen by public in 2000 years, fixer-upper special, $750K. This ad brought to you by the guild of millers: Real bread for real Romans (67)
CBS Miami Interesting In an effort to show the proper use of a vehicle when stealing an ATM, thieves use a John Deere backhoe to steal an ATM loaded with approximately $100,000 from a bank drive-thru (with play-by-play video) (52)
AP Dumbass Hugo Chavez: "Iran isn't making an atomic bomb, not at all. They just want to develop nuclear energy. Venezuela will do it also someday." Dick Cheney's finger twitches as he gazes at the big, shiny, red, candy-colored button (260)
Yahoo Interesting Six Catholic nuns excommunicated for heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action. Four counts (165)
Dayton Daily News Stupid Woman shows her Xbox to 17-year-old Game Boy, who flashes his Wii. Game over when PS'd-off husband calls the cops (220)
Denver Post Stupid Boulder students learning first hand that that protestors are viewed as douchebags regardless of the issue (244)
Des Moines Register Dumbass Teens cutting a hole in the roof of a tobacco and liquor store miscalculated, were actually drilling through the overhang in front of the store. "I told the cop, 'You don't spend your days chasing geniuses, do you?'" (69)
SeattlePI Asinine Rapes, drugs, knife-wielding students and other crimes that aren't reported by Seattle schools because "police don't have jurisdiction inside schools"... wait, what? (68)
My Fox NY Dumbass Parent uses toddler to steal a purse (with video) (69)
Washington Post Sad As Congress debates spending an extra $50 billion on our war to liberate Iraq, a transcript surfaces showing Bush rejected an offer from Saddam to leave voluntarily if he was allowed to keep $1 billion (479)
(YNet News) Obvious Hillary Clinton will not comment on a hypothetical Israeli attack on Iran, but is fully supportive of their "alleged" attack on Syria (99)
(Southern Comfort) Video This is either the worst idea for a song ever, or the most genius. (Sponsored Link) (32) Dumbass Naval officer pays for 15 and 16 year old cadets to visit prostitutes in Amsterdam, but some people have a problem with this (52)
CBS News Asinine Men are now happier than women. Women work tirelessly to correct this oversight (290)
(MLive) Stupid Ring of illegal can depositors about to get some deposits in their cans (65)
(Some Guy) Interesting Long Beach police search apartment after noticing "there was a lot of coming and going" and find 800 pounds of weed worth $2.5 million. In other news, coming and going now constitutes probable cause for a search warrant (221)
AFP Weird If you've ever thought to yourself, "I love my picture window made entirely out of frogs, but it sure inhibits my view of the back yard", the Japanese have good news for you (33)
(Some Guy) Asinine School: Cut your hair or you will be punished. Teen: It's against my religion. School: Your religion is fake (328)
BBC Asinine Inquest into Diana's accidental death by car crash due to start as soon as enough jurors that can spell "forgone conclusion" are found (42)
UPI Spiffy American music icon Willie Nelson's sister has released her first album -- at the age of 76 (26)
The Scotsman Cool British girl's balloon turns up in China. Covered in lead paint? Trapped in a medival prison? Joining the Falun Gong? Making cheap tinfoil cars? Uh, no. Just a normal balloon. Traveling across the planet (48)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this ordinary day in a mudhut village (73)
SuperDeluxe Video Isn't Tonya Harding supposed to weigh about 300 pounds? Looks like she's back to her old porn weight (79)
Yahoo Dumbass Ten things you didn't know about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, such as his family name originally having been Saborjhian before changing it to the easier-to-pronounce Ahmadinejad (231)
(Some Guy) Interesting It seems that Mr. Bollinger, Columbia's president (the college, not the country) has enraged the terrorist sympathisers that pay his salary (301)
Denver Channel Strange Giggles the Clown doesn't look too happy over those child-sex charges. With mugshot goodness (82)
YouTube Stupid Guy dressed like Steve Irwin attacks ducks with a fire extinguisher. Crikey (43)
The Sun Interesting Some of the strangest records from the "2008 Guinness Book Of Records," including "Most panes of safety glass run through," "Largest dog wedding" and "Biggest non-mailout of free bar towels in history" (60)
(WISH-TV) Cool For decades, Indianapolis emergency crews have been struggling along without their own hovercraft (69)
Fox News PSA Paying $25,000 for a Ferrari cell phone will not make your penis any bigger (216) Dumbass 45-year-old woman arrested with a cooch full of smack (111)
(Some Guy) Followup If being caught in fishnet stockings wasn't embarassing enough for Oscar de la Hoya, he now has an offer to become a cross-dressing model (44)
Scientific American Amusing Study shows moderate alcohol use improves recall of both visual and emotional stimuli. Excessive use causes no physical stimuli, which they refer to in scientific terms as "whiskey dick" (45)
The Sun Amusing Elaborate practical joke lures tourists to British shiathole of Cornwall with Internet campaign promoting topless beach that doesn't exist (pic) (97)
(Some Guy) Scary If you live in Philadelphia and enjoy buffalo wings from your favorite pizzeria, turns out they may have come from an illegal, disease-infested garage. Mmmmmm (80)
(Some Guy) Obvious Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fad blamed for appearance of 20-pound turtle named "Snappy" in pond. Naturally, media has to crack wise about people being "shell-shocked" (44)
BBC Dumbass Step 1: Win lottery. Step 2: Continue to claim state benefits. Step 3: Profit. Bonus: Excuse is “the lottery win frightened me” (27)
(Mapquest) Florida Okay all you Jacksonville people, time for a Fark Party at Fast Boys Wings on the Intracoastal Beach Blvd on October 13th. DIT (97)
Boston Herald Followup Traumatized by victory in multimillion dollar libel suit, judge is forced to take time off with pay to go to the track and bet on horse races (34)
(NYT) Amusing Towns that pass laws against illegal immigrants discover they hadn't thought their brilliant plan all the way through (564)
(Some Guy) Obvious Things you never thought you'd be pondering on a Thursday morning in September: "Is Michael Jackson married? And to what?" (87)
Yahoo Scary In today's lead toy recall news, Thomas's friend "Pb the Boxcar" has been recalled, along with more lead-based toys from China (86)
(Rochester D&C) Ironic Owner of hydroponic store busted for growing pot. Outside (31)
(Some Guy) Cool If only they could paint like this without taking acid (65)
TBO Florida If you are going to advertise "nuclear-sized pit bulls," it's best not to have the steroids and pot plants at the same location. I will give you three guesses as to where this happened, the first two don't count (65)
CNN NewsFlash AP: Witnesses say soldiers are firing automatic weapons into crowds in downtown Yangon, Myanmar (301)
Sun Sentinel Florida Employee of reptile store learns how not to clean a rattlesnake's cage (51)
(Burger chef and jeff) Survey What was your favorite chain restaurant that is no longer around? (941)
The Scotsman Spiffy Man, presumed sterile after lightning strike, thanks God for his wife's pregnancy. Wife prays to God the baby doesn't look like the milkman (65)
St. Pete Times Florida School buses fitted with computers to ensure they cannot top 57 miles an hour. Pretty narrow window for Sandra Bullock to manuever (52)
(Some Chi-City) Cool Chicago Fark Party at the Lincoln Tap Room this Saturday, Sept 29th. Details about the OPEN BAR in thread (115)
Rocky Mountain News Sick Man volunteers at daycare and molests child. By "daycare" we mean "animal shelter," and by "child" we mean "dog" (93)
(Some Scout) Photoshop Photoshop this boy and his award (76)
(Some Kosher Goulash eater) Hero Hungarian art students saved Jews during WWII by forging documents and painting nudes. Wait, what? (34)
Reuters Amusing Bush comments on the improvements in U.S. student test scores: "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." Yeah, he really said that (320)
Boston Globe Scary Boston manholes bursting into flames. Early attempts to fix the problem went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, they finally have a working solution (72)
WFTV Scary Lab tech bites child she's supposed to draw blood from. You're doing it wrong (90)
Yahoo Stupid Navy to spend $600K to modify barracks complex that looks like swastika on satellite images (167)
Click On Detroit Hero Federal judge rules that breath tests for pedestrians unconstitutional without a warrant (141)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 125: "Everything's a dollar/pound/euro/etc." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (95)

Wed September 26, 2007
(WMUR) Strange Men hypnotize store owner to rob him. Also make him act like a chicken and help him quit smoking (40)
The Tennessean Asinine State closes daycare after finding baby with pacifier taped to his mouth. Honestly, if you've had kids you've thought about it (157)
Newsweek Ironic Immigrants to the US will be required to have a better understanding of our government than people born here (143)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy drawing something else (125)
CBS San Francisco Interesting Judge rules parts of Patriot Act unconstitutional (253)
Rocky Mountain News Obvious There was a big snow storm in Denver nine months ago (42)
Free Press Asinine Here's a new one for you. Toyota recalls 55,000.... floor mats. FLOOR MATS? Yes, floor mats (192) Dumbass Darwin can hardly contain his excitement over the latest trend sweeping Canada (166)
(the alligator) Followup Andrew "Don't tase me, bro" Meyer has an uphill battle to fight in his 1st amendment lawsuit against UF (319)
The Newspaper Followup Cops in Missouri take bad publicity from videotaping incident in stride. Just kidding, they are staking out the home of the kid who installed a camera in his car (with video) (415)
CNN Amusing Names which have taken on a negative connotation when they entered the lexicon. Minus: No mention of Rick Santorum. Bonus: Includes the words "batcrap-insane" (107)
The Tennessean Stupid Guy saves newspaper the trouble of an R rated headline by choosing a dog instead of a cat (38)
The Register Weird How many penis-related puns can one fit into an article (60) Obvious At some point, someone in Oregon thought it would be a good idea to install a fire hydrant painted with American flags in a dog park. They no longer think that (77)
BBC Followup Hundreds gather to see Marcel Marceau try and escape from opaque box (62)
(Some Hardcore Gay Lawyer) Asinine Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please examine The People's Exhibit A: Some hardcore gay porn (103)
WVEC PSA When you don't know which obscene text message to your ex-girlfriend got you arrested then you have probably sent too many (28)
(KABC) NewsFlash Mistrial in Spector case, and they said there was no justice in Hollywood. Wait... what? (178)
( Weird Parents dismayed to discover that the party clown they hired for their youngster's birthday party is also a hooker that charges £200 per hour, although it does explain why she has so many strange balloons (109)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: 7 deadly sins - Today's sin 'GREED (76)
Slate Amusing Golden Shower, Cum Rocket, She's Easy, Strip Teaser, Bodacious Tatas, and other racehorses with dirty names (69)
BBC Dumbass Those wacky Catholics are at it again. The head of the church in Mozambique is claiming that condoms and anti-retroviral drugs are deliberately laced with HIV to "finish quickly the African People." Hilarity sure to ensue (266)
(Some Guy) Amusing Wouldn't it be great if an inmate's lawsuit claimed Steve Jobs employed O.J. Simpson as a hitman, aimed nuclear weapons at the inmates head and Lance Armstrong's bicycle, price gouged iPhone customers? Pretty cool, huh? (40)
Live Science Dumbass 'Smart' bra does breast cancer screenings for you. Until the battery dies. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen (44)
Fox News Dumbass Disbarred lawyer who helped her client communicate with terrorists will teach ethics at New York law conference (94)
AJC Strange Not News-Motorcyclist clocked at 135 on GA highway. News- He had a passenger. Fark-He told cops he was "preparing for jump to hyperspace." (113)
AZCentral Amusing Tom Cruise asks for a moment of silence on the set of his new movie. Crew member breaks the silence by breaking wind. Tom Cruise is not amused (462)
IndyStar Cool Dunkin' Donuts returns to Indy on Monday. Indiana excited about its chances to do better than "9th fattest state" (70)
Yahoo Interesting Scientists find new species in Vietnam. "It's great news for Vietnam," said some guy with a tenuous grasp on reality (42)
Time Obvious Reporters are a cheap date: Mahmoud Ahmacrazyguy takes 50 US journalists out for dinner and gets some good PR, such as this fawning article, in return (402)
SeattlePI Obvious Nicaraguan president reverts to his communist past, bashes capitalism and the evil, imperialist United States (109)
Starpulse Spiffy Quentin Tarantino planning erotic film. Working titles include "Fill Bill" and "Jackie Browneye" (175)
Denver Post Dumbass Councilwoman sues city, accidentally reveals illegal loan in deposition, reveals her credentials for politics are valid (30)
AP Followup Supreme Court: "We want to review whether lethal injection is mean." Texas: "Okay. We're gonna review whether all these inmates are still guilty. Oddly enough, they are" (363)
Chicago Tribune Sick United Airlines 2006: Dump pensions, we're broke. 2007: We have $21 Billion in excess assets. Suck it, taxpayers (64)
Houston Chronicle Florida Attention whore goes to bank wearing light bright display and carrying putty (23) Amusing Rover Christ. You Jewish dog wants a crucifixion for this blasphemer (103)
Sky News Scary A quarter of women too fat to do up their bras (341)
(People) Interesting Paris Hilton to visit Rwanda, no doubt to drop off some herpes and bring back an orphan (47)
( Asinine Did you bring enough drug-laced candy to fark up the entire class? (46)
(charleston daily mail) Amusing 8 kids climb into an SUV, 9 come out. With no wonder dad hit it 9 times picture goodness (325)
Denver Post Spiffy Fugitive who murdered man over homosexual advances caught after 32 years. Where he is going, 'advances' will be a euphemism (70)
Yahoo Spiffy Andre the Giant has been reborn in Russia and has 11 siblings (w/ pic of the 17lb lad) (95)
(Some cavewoman) Photoshop Photoshop theme: What life would be like if dinosaurs lived amongst us (114)
MSNBC Followup Remember that giant spider web found in a Texas park a month ago? Well, apparently lots of different spiders working together, sort of like a United Nations minus Russia, is how it was created. Here comes the science (159)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Vick exonorat, eckonera, exoneratte...fails drug test (202)
ABC News Interesting Nepal debates a nudity ban for climbers of Mt. Everest. Huh? (36)
Yahoo Silly China bans "sexual sounds" on the radio; Howard Stern's show reduced to 6 minutes (73)
Sun Sentinel Florida Don't believe people who say they can multiply your money using a 'special potion' (46)
Yahoo Obvious Gates seeks $190 billion for wars. The other Gates chuckles, knowing he makes more than that by releasing a new OS every few years (80)
CBS New York Unlikely Not News: NYC eatery owner hangs up photo of Chelsea Clinton. News: Bill Clinton threatens legal action if photo not taken down. Free publicity: Owner is the same whacknut who charged $1,000 for pizza back in March (95)
(Sun-Herald) Interesting Library board reinstates a previously banned book, "Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch", after library patrons wouldn't stop requesting it (76)
CBS New York Strange Police arrest women in their 50s for prostitution. Oh yeah (115)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Even with Robin Williams pretty much finished with stand-up, U.S. remains world's largest cocaine market (107) Interesting Old 'n' busted: Canada and Iceland squabbling over an island in the Arctic. New hotness: Ireland, Denmark, Iceland and Britain argue over a 90 ft wide lump of granite in the Atlantic (73)
The Raw Story Followup Israeli sortie into Syria that was revised from intelligence gathering mission to attack on Hezbollah training camps to an attack on Syrian-N. Korean nuclear facilities has been downgraded slightly to attack on chemically armed missles (514)
CNN Obvious Bridge in Vietnam collapses, once again proving that communism is inherently unstable (67) Florida Owner finds his art gallery vandalized with anti-gay slurs the day after he put four paintings of naked men in his front window. "The images... are all basically a rear view, you see more than that on the beach" (60)
iWon Dumbass Man tries to pass counterfeit $100 at strip club. Might have gotten away with it if it wasn't for all those pesky methamphetamines (25)
Yahoo Asinine Technology that is unable to find non-fictonal Steve Fossett allegedly ideal to locate Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster (42)
(Some Guy) Amusing Virginia poultry farmer files $7.5 million lawsuit after photo of him shows up on greeting card asking recipient if they'd like to get goosed (pic) (43)
( Spiffy Some headlines don't need rewriting: "Scientist Takes A Look At Some Of Hollywood's Best Looking Breasts" (185)
NPR PSA New nationnwide test results show that the US is getting stronger in math -- but it's a moot point because we still can't read the math books (62)
Philly Cool Philadelphia restaurants to fight the food nannies and bunny huggers next week by serving foie gras for $5 (167)
JSOnline Cool Aaaaaaaaaaaaay, Milwaukee's building a statue of me. Now, all your jukeboxes will work (79)
Sky News Followup Little girl strapped to the North African's back is not missing toddler Madeleine (64)
(Some Guy) Asinine Give me an "A," give me a "C," give me an "L," give me a "U," What's that spell? Woman refused entry into bar because of hairstyle (429)
(arstechnica) PSA On November 1, the ban on taxing Internet service is set to expire. No word on if this applies to pr0n or not (80)
AP Obvious As expected, it's Whack-A-Monk Day in Myanmar (116)
CBS New York Obvious Library fines dead woman for returning book late (82)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid 36 percent: The number of people who still support Bush or the number of Illinois kids who have basic proficiency in math? (80)
(Some Guy) Amusing So the Iranian president was all like, "You're the world Satan," and the US delegation was all like, "Oh no he didn't," and then he was all like, "Yeah I did," and the US just walked out, biatches (503)
CNN Followup 756 will be donated to the Hall of Fame with a * (348)
(Neatorama) Cool MIT pranksters nail Harvard again. Duke sucks (126)
(Some Guy) News GM and UAW have reached a tentative agreement: GM will continue a slow death, and its workers will continue contributing to it (383)
ABC News Followup Authorities report new leads that might lead them to Steve Fossett's bleached, flensed skeleton (73)
(Some Guy) Interesting Pennsylvania bars fine puking patrons. Which is stupid. Who ever heard of having to pay when returning a product? (88)
CBS Salt Lake City Strange Goat Justice League convinces the Seattle City Council to allow pygmy goats as pets. In other news, there's a Goat Justice League (54)
(Some Drone) Photoshop Photoshop this enthusiastic soldier (87)
UPI Sad U.S. adults spend less time having sex, more time playing Halo 3 (271)
(Some Guy) Interesting One in four Scottish adults classed as "dangerously obese." Fat Bastard unavailable for comment (39)
Yahoo Strange Chuck E. Cheese: Where a kid can be a kid and get in chick fight (83)
AP Hero The coach of Oklahoma City's minor-league hockey team helped prevent a possible stampede of Belgian horses by biting one of the animals on its ear. No, really (50)
NBC 11 Asinine Stanford tuition: $35,000. Room and Board: $10,000. Wasting your parent's money on a Facebook course: PRICELESS (73) Obvious Australian mayor asks citizens what they want. Overwhelming response: naked hotties. Obvious tag wonders if Ric Romero can handle this one (65)
(Some Guy) Interesting Forbes lists America's Top Ten most influential pundits. If you thought #1 would be someone like Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh, you receive a big thumbs down (85)
Boston Herald Dumbass Man convicted of rape after victim recognized his bad breath (28)
BBC Amusing The UK needs a motto. Farkers to the rescue. VE (293)
( Obvious Well, it was inevitable. Mel Gibson has finally gone completely batshiat and moved his whole family to "bandit territory" in Costa Rica (140) Sad Canadian border guards have been demanding guns for years, but now that they finally have them, they can't hit the broad side of a goddamn moose at 10 paces with them. What's that aboot, eh? (166)
Yahoo Weird Man buys smoker at auction, finds human leg jerky inside. That's what you get for buying an item in hock (88)

Tue September 25, 2007
SFGate Cool US to celebrate 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth by redesigning the penny (215) Obvious Police search university campus in Illinois' largest state park in search of man who desperately wants to be killed, just like everyone else who spends more than an hour in Wisconsin (111)
(Some Bathtub Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these hard-working men (41)
WFTV Florida Man catches 12-foot, 550-pound hammerhead while fishing from shore (with photos, video) (121)
(Some Guy) Interesting 25% of high school students see an upside to meth. Obviously, the other 75% has seen that episode of "Family Ties" and knows what it did to Alex P. Keaton (292)
SLTrib Asinine Getting caught as a streaker could now get you jail time as a sex offender (141) Amusing Actual headline: Jorj Boosh has fo-NE-tik TELLI-promt (243)
NBC 11 Interesting Longshoremen decide they aren't opening the Port Of Oakland today. Hope you weren't expecting any packages trifecta now in play (48)
Daily Mail Followup Missing toddler Madeleine McCann photographed in Morocco. Or it could be Elvis. Submitter could go either way on this (142) Strange Most panty raiders would wait until dark before attempting to steal a woman's underwear. Or at least wait until she's no longer wearing them. Not this guy (45)
Yahoo Obvious College computer club offers technical assistance in exchange for dates. This has as much chance of succeeding as trying to install the MicroChannel Architecture computer bus on a non-IBM PC. Losers (96)
Seattle Times Stupid Fine for going 11mph over speed limit in Washington state? $276,640 (235)
MSNBC Scary French tourist surrenders pants in orangutan encounter (36)
CBS New York Interesting Leave it up to the health-minded media to break down and ruin the Twinkie by saying it shares ingredients with shampoo and rocket fuel. Subby's day is ruined (132)
UPI Scary Mexican cheese belts recalled because of salmonella contamination. Mexican cheese sombreros still available (56)
Yahoo Hero 50 years ago today, nine attractive and successful children decided they really, really wanted to go to school in Arkansas (183)
UPI Interesting Only 7% of us do not form racial prejudices (322)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Amusing Spanish newscaster who was suspended after having an affair with LA mayor Antonio Villaraigosa reassigned to Riverside mayor Ronald O. Loveridge (55)
(News & Observer) Amusing "It was just another morning at the senior center: Women were sewing, men were playing pool -- and seven demonstrators, average age 76, were picketing outside, demanding doughnuts" (35)
(Some Potato) Cool Another teacher/student scandal this time brought to you by Boise, ID. With very hittable pic goodness. Teacher/student trifecta now in play (201)
BBC Amusing The ONLY story in the world with Erect, Topless and Nun in the same sentence (61)
(Deseret) NewsFlash Jury to polygamist Warren Jeffs: "Dude, she's 14" (301)
(Some Guy) Cool Irish Fisherman pulls up $2 million worth of marijuana 50 miles off the coast. Wait, did I say $2 million? I meant $1 million.Yeah (55)
( Asinine Tattooed? Pierced? Some apartment complexes will refuse to rent to you (467)
Yahoo Interesting Study finds that modern humans retained the survival instincts of cavemen, such as identifying predators, spotting prey, and saving money on car insurance (146)
Denver Post NewsFlash If your FedEx package is late tomorrow or the next day it's because the FAA won't allow any planes within 250 miles of Memphis (174)
ABC Action News Florida Not news: Boy tells his mother he is being bullied. Mom and big sister board the school bus and assault bully. (with video) (158)
CBS New York Strange Hitler is alive and well, living with aliens, and cutting crop swastikas in New Jersey. (with video goodness) (123)
(NewsObserver) Asinine "Shuler bill" would shield kids from violent movies on planes - article failed to mention protection from crabby attendants, noisy brats, or that old woman sitting next to me who won't stop talking (112)
(Some Bunsen Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this svelte glass beaker (52)
CNN Cool Global nerdgasm commences. Official Halo 3 discussion forum to the right (491)
CNN Interesting Bush to tighten sanctions on Myanmar. No word on how a small marshmallow cookie has anything to do with anything, but good job anyway (112)
Google Survey What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in front of someone you had a crush on? (743)
(Some Chick) Followup Leasing agent fired for arming himself while helping shooting victim is now waiting tables... and suing for wrongful termination. Subby is a big tipper and likes lobster (90)
CNN Asinine Your daily "teacher sleeping with student" story brought to you by South Carolina (with "do not want" pic) (180)
( Florida Pretentious Ponte Vedra Parents Pissed at Peanut Prohibiton in Public Primary School (345)
CNN Interesting Supreme Court to review the constitutionality of lethal injections (449)
CBS New York Scary Exclusive video of nuclear power plant guards sleeping on the job like Homer Simpson (102)
Maxim Video This guy discovers the key to popularity and fame: Lie your ass off. (Sponsored Link) (64)
(CNET) Interesting Google building virtual world. Like Second Life, with more ads (61)
Yahoo Interesting Why are U.S. kids obese? Just look around them... if you can (325)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop Theme - the Seven Deadly Sins. Today's sin: SLOTH (40)
The Tennessean Dumbass Two pieces of advice for you if you're carrying 70 pounds of weed: 1. Don't tailgate. 2. When the cop asks if you have any drugs in the car, say "No." Do not give him a dime bag in the hopes he'll go away (59)
(Some Guy) Sad In recent years meth has come to rival alcoholism as one of the largest problems facing American Indians. Fear not - once they get that Tomahawk Chop thing out of baseball, they'll be all over this (121)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You're in a title dispute with your neighbors. Do you a) talk to them reasonably, b) take them to court, or, c) cut your house in half lengthwise? Go on, guess (62)
The Tennessean Interesting Tennessee court rules engagement rings must be returned to the giver if the wedding gets canceled, even if you get engaged on Christmas. So no tossing it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came (246)
CNN Followup The prosecutor in the Senator Craig case is taking a different stance on the issue than Senator Craig (156)
(WPVI) Interesting The 624 page "Devil's Bible," weighing in at a whopping 165 pounds, is drawing huge crowds on its first visit to Prague in over 350 years. Your God unavailable for comment (153)
Philly Amusing Mayor of Philadelphia calls for crackdown on property tax scofflaws. Like himself (46)
Miami Herald Scary Dr. Ruth talks about reigniting sexual passions at an advanced age. In related news, Dr. Ruth is still alive and apparently sexually active (107)
Yahoo Stupid What's the best way to protest the circus' treatment of animals? Why stealing a pet bunny from a pre-school, of course (67)
( Scary If a child is doused with gasoline at school, the principal should: a) Call parents to bring a change of clothes, b) Discipline the offenders, or c) Tell the kid to STFU and GBT class (90)
My Fox NY Dumbass Kiefer Sutherland promotes new season of '24' by driving drunk (138)
Miami Herald Florida Some stories have it all: Mysterious abandoned fishing yacht, Wal-Mart manager on run from the law, missing crew, and pirates (46)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida "If posing for Playboy doesn't get her into a top med school, what good will studying do?" (124)
WPXI Strange Female ninjas rob gas station (77)
(Some Guy) Scary Alabama sixth-graders suspended for threatening "The Rape Game" on other boys in school bathroom. But their uncles swore everyone liked to play (208)
Denver Post Interesting Women learn to talk football so they can develop relationships with the dreamboats that populate sports bars (326)
NewsMax Obvious Episcopalians try to prevent widening gay crack (190)
Yahoo Interesting Picture of Bush addressing the UN; is this unfortunate timing by the photographer or editorial comment by AP? (250)
(Some Guy) Followup Publisher gets called on the carpet and chewed out, denies report of lesbian Bradys (95)
(Some British Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this letter box. Difficulty: No peeing dogs (83)
(Some Biergarten) Cool Oktoberfest Fark parties in Dallas and Fort Worth: Saturday October 13th (54)
(Some Guy) Strange Jesus Christ it's a baboon, get in the car (85)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing No you can't have a pony, not yours (90)
Globe and Mail Amusing All you need to know about George H.W. Bush's pool boy: "If every American had to pool-boy for these people for a day, you'd have a revolution on your hands." (331)
AP Dumbass Man proposes to his girlfriend in NYC's beautiful and scenic Central Park .... and promptly gets mugged (67)
Yahoo PSA Polygamy rule #1: while naked in bed never brag about the new, hot second wife's sexual skills to the older, armed-with-a-knife first wife. Injured penis trifecta in play (98)
CNN Interesting Hungary to tax that ass (58)
Stuff Dumbass Teen who wanted his Mitsubishi Lancer to be a little more asthetically pleasing decided to lower it ... by filling the trunk with rocks (pic) (88)
MSNBC Spiffy Threatened duck gives birth in captivity. (With ugly ass duck pic) (37)
Homestar Runner Amusing The email ultimately fizzles due to a heavy reliance on what can only be called "internet pizza jokes" (54) Obvious FCC proposes "Fake News fine." Uh-oh (92) Misc A Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break (62)
(Portland Press Herald) Weird "And of course, there are pet owners who love their dogs and cats. And when you love an animal, mouth-to-snout resuscitation doesn't seem so strange." (75)
(Some Guy) Cool High school kids re-open and operate and old flour mill for extra credit, your kid cleaned the blackboard and took out the trash (40)
(Some Guy) Amusing Drunk and disorderly woman who wanted to see Loverboy in concert needed to be escorted from the state fairgrounds. Twice (70)
(Some Guy) Strange Old and Busted: World's ugliest dog competition. New Hotness: World's ugliest couch. (w/pic) (65)
(Some Wiki) Photoshop Photoshop this awesome mask of Dionysos (112)

Mon September 24, 2007
Yahoo Scary Taking microbes into space renders them completely safe. Just kidding, they come back deadlier than ever (127)
Boston Globe Sappy Man hides marriage proposal inside a crossword puzzle, fusing the two most futile exercises in frustration (58)
SeattlePI Scary Tongue pierthin nearly kilths woman (135)
London Times Asinine Muslim dentist in Britain refuses to fill woman's cavity unless she puts on a headscarf. Bonus: his name is Mr. Butt (181)
(Some Guy) Scary Naked woman arrested for throwing stones at family members (with "I'd hit it with a rock" pic) (94)
London Times Interesting Get a piece of the Pope--or at least his vestment: Pope John Paul II's Holy Robe cut into 100,000 pieces and sold online; major credit cards accepted (96)
(Some Bald Puddy-tat) Stupid Today's "woman calls police to report her cat's been shaved" story is brought to you by Ashippun, Wisconsin (70)
CBS Sacramento Obvious San Franciscan's take issue with the possibility of the 'Viagra Golden Gate Bridge' (55)
Free Press Asinine 42 year old French teacher gives extra lessons to 17 year old student aid, with "I'd hit it" pic (262)
Click On Detroit Dumbass Clerical error on marriage license voids marriage, prompting "husband" to sue "wife." Makes sense (70)
(BoingBoing) Dumbass Not news: man steals several computers; Still Not News: man uses said computers to take self-portraits; Fark: which are then automatically uploaded to the rightful owners' Flickr page (63)
NYPost Interesting A former cop booted from the department for allegedly stealing money from a drug dealer wins $1 million in the lottery. Karma has the right to remain silent (84)
(Some Guy) Scary ♫ And the ballpoint that was planted in my brain ♫ still remains ♫ within the sound of stabbing ♫ (59)
MSNBC Cool Woman loses 162 pounds in 16 months the old fashioned way. No, she didn't off her husband, the other way (192)
Rocky Mountain News Followup That guy who was glued to toilet seat at Home Depot falls into diabetic coma. It must suck being known as "that guy who was glued to toilet seat at Home Depot" (84)
CBS News Asinine CBS interviews Ahmadinejad. Draw your own conclusions (424)
(Some Stick Man) Photoshop Photoshop this happy little family... to be a bit more dysfunctional (82)
CBS New York Unlikely "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like you do in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who told you that we have this." (554)
UPI Cool I shall call him 'Mini-moo' (70) Strange One moment you're drinking at a Friday the 13th party and the next thing you know you're sacrificing a goat in mock Satanic ritual inside a church (56)
(Flathead Beacon) Amusing "Inconsiderate inmate in the detention center went over to the other side of the cell near another inmate and passed gas. After some name calling the flatulent one was punched in the chest." Farting trifecta in play (last item down) (37)
MSNBC Interesting 10 biggest sex mistakes men and women make. Forgetting to take the condom off before returning home to your wife surprisingly absent from list (382)
CBS Boston Dumbass Jose Offerman plead not guilty in bat attack incident that was documented with both video and photos in front of thousands of witnesses (85)
UPI Followup Michael Vick's house has been dogged by tourists (37)
Arizona Star Interesting Cell-phone lobby's solution to ban on texting while driving: Ban eating, too (170)
(Florida Today) Florida I'll see your SLUT and raise you a ride on SCAT (79)
Reuters Stupid The cost of living uber-rich soars, despite the fact that it still costs the same to rent the world's smallest violin player (185)
CNN Hero Columbia University President introduces Iranian president's speech by verbally nuking him from orbit, calls him "dangerously uneducated" and "a petty and cruel dictator" (878) Sad With the loonie being on par with the dollar, you'd think Canada would be satisfied -- but no, they want to be as fat as America, too (45)
(Some Guy) Followup Student paper that published "Fark Bush" editorial loses $30,000 in advertising, providing a teachable moment to “a bunch of petulant children playing at being real ‘journalists’” (169)
Pravda Interesting Sex treats hangovers, painful menstruation, and common colds. Hopefully not all at once (121)
Rocky Mountain News Followup Colorado State Republicans to rally because "F*ck Bush" is profane, not because it's wrong (123)
Des Moines Register Obvious College lecturer loses job after refusing to teach creationism. "I'm a little shocked that a college would insist people who have a master's degree have to teach that there were such things as talking snakes or lose their job" (567)
Yahoo Stupid Two years ago, Sundae the Rooster won an award as the most unusual pet. This year, the town wants Sundae and his eight chicken friends to get outta town for being farm animals (46)
CNN Amusing According to Al Gore, you use 14.45 plastic bags every hour of the day all year long. Shana... what? (261)
(J-14) Followup The facts have to go and ruin everything -- Hannah Montana ain't really preggers (97)
CBS New York Video Live video stream of Ahmadouchebag's speech at Columbia University (798)
Local6 Asinine Pot-smoking teens make up home-invasion story after accidentally shooting each other (with video) (58)
Yahoo Amusing When reconciling with your wife after cheating on her, don't send her "Hey beautiful, the back door's open" in a text meant for your girlfriend (300)
Sports by Brooks Unlikely Woman behind De la Hoya cross-dressing photos revealed; claims she never had sex with boxer (at least while he was dressed in a tutu) (68)
( Video The new Britney Spears hit, "Oops I Hit a Parked Car" (92)
SLTrib Dumbass "When I asked Bill for his driver license, he picked blearily through his wallet, then handed me a Polaroid of his genitals" (102)
Wired Silly NASA calls Dawn spacecraft the "Prius of space" -- the only difference being Gore's kid presumably won't get arrested for driving it while drunk (37)
UPI Interesting Jewish group drops its bid to trademark JewTube, but still plans to pursue Jewgle, Yahjew, and Ask Jewves (83)
London Times Weird The seven weirdest foods on Earth. Bonus: They all taste like chicken (154)
SuperDeluxe Video U.S. Army buys rights to "Halo 3." The catch? You must enlist to play. (Not safe for work language) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Officers spoke to the victim who stated that an individual, after being dared, jumped into the seat of a steamroller, started it up and, then, drove it into his car" (39)
Yahoo Interesting Six common misconceptions concerning the Jena 6 case corrected. Strangely, Rev. Jesse Jackson actually being a church reverend is not one of them (363) Dumbass Cop develops treatment for crashed diabeetus coma driver by punching him in the head. Cop's superiors develop treatment for overzealous asshattery by fining him two days' pay (65)
AFP Strange Pentagon admits that U.S. snipers have been "baiting" insurgents by setting up caches of ammo and explosives and shooting those that try to retrieve them. Iraqi game wardens considering issuing fines (357)
iWon Obvious Scientists: "Rising sea levels could flood historic settlement of Jamestown, Virginia." Politicians: "Yawn." Scientists: "And your fancy beach homes." Politicians: "We must do something" (67)
CBS New York NewsFlash GM auto workers go on national strike. EVERYBODY PANIC (703)
(Some Guy) Dumbass ESPN's Mike Patrick decides that overtime during Georgia/Alabama game would be good time to ask about Britney Spears' career. Hilarity ensues. (With video goodness) (127)
ABC News Ironic Head of Kentucky Alcoholic Beverage Control arrested for DUI; blames running into a guy in a bar who said he ran or something (30)
Reuters Amusing Malaysian diplomat apologises for a case of Bostonitis after mistaking a box of sweet pickles sent to him as a Ramadan gift for anthrax powder (15)
BBC Silly Tornados lash England. Very small caravan overturned. The BBC is there (73)
(Hecklerspray) Weird From the Obvious Department: Former Britney bodyguard claims Britney is mentally ill, a chain smoker and has almost overdosed. From the Too Much Information Department: He also claims she spooks her kids by farting too much (134)
Yahoo Asinine On second thought, fall fashions will not include a swastika handbag (54)
CBC Sad Seventy-four cats seized from Canadian trailer. In April, 123 cats were seized from the same trailer. With the rapidly changing exchange rate, that means it was about 74 American cats each time (34)
(Some Guy) Amusing Hannah Montana may be knocked up. Oops (208)
Baltimore Sun Amusing Baltimore public transit map has directions from Homer Simpson's house to the Duff Brewery. Bus only -- monorail still under construction. (Second item) (99)
(My Fox) Dumbass Speeding motorist sets record, clocked at 172 mph. Dumbass tag is for the fact that he actually stopped for police after being spotted (130)
(wigantoday) Dumbass Drunk driver tries to outrun police ... in a tractor (36)
Yahoo Misc Founder of Planters Peanuts to be honored, given second monocle (25)
London Times Interesting Where is the fine line between chivalry and sexism? (494)
(Some Sign Guy) Photoshop Photoshop some more appropriate safety signs for Fark (54)
The Sun Asinine Police banned from riding bicycles in Britain as Nanny State decides it makes their jobs "too dangerous" (65)
BBC Obvious Seventy-five percent of smokers in the UK think the ban on smoking in enclosed public places has been good for their health. The other 25 percent are lying (146)
(ABA Journal) Weird Sacked judge uses three evil elves to exact revenge on the Supreme Court judges that fired him. Courthouse cafeteria no longer serves Rice Krispies, either (36)
The Sun Obvious British breakfast under threat due to soaring cost of sausages and bacon. Pretty much all they'll have on their plates are deep-fried boiled eggs rolled in sugar and cigar-butt omelettes with phlegm Hollandaise (145)
Stuff Strange Burglars exchange a goat for cash, compact discs and alcohol (9)
BBC Obvious Today's gripping story from the BBC: Teens use fake IDs to buy alcohol (51)
Telegraph Sad France declares bankruptcy (219)
The Sun Amusing Man handcuffs girlfriend for some kinky sex, then loses the key and has to be freed by 20 firemen and three cops. The Sun? There (pic) (140)
Yahoo Cool Cub fans name son "Wrigley Fields." Baby's drooling and babbling only slightly worse than Harry Caray in the 7th-inning stretch (183)
STLToday Interesting High school randomly drug testing students by taking hair samples. Like we didn't see this one coming (193)
(Some Guy) Florida High school student suspended after continually crawling into school rafters during lunch hour to watch drama class (65)
(Some Thirsty Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what this man is really holding (67)

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