GoogleWeb Fark
Sun October 07, 2007
(Some Dollar Bill) Weird Ovulating strippers get better tips. Here comes the science (63)
Newsweek Interesting The real Charles Schultz: Crabbier than Lucy, more competitive than Peppermint Patty, and far more bitter than Charlie Brown (87)
BBC Strange Gang break into Paris art museum, nothing stolen but they left an impression on a Monet (82)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Dumbass What do you get when you cross a sickle, a brick, and a push lawnmower? One heck of a birthday party (37)
Telegraph Obvious E·piph·a·ny n. - 1. A an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. - 'The new owner of EMI had an epiphany and realized that recorded music industry needs to embrace digital or die.' (67)
(WAOI .com) Hero After years of Fark headlines telling her what dogs want, to stay off lawns, and complaining there's still no cure for cancer, teen does all three at once and invents cure for dog cancer (113)
Aftenposten.no Amusing Police launch frantic air and sea search for missing boater whose wrecked vessel washed ashore, locate him several hours later. At his mom's house. Drunk. Lying on the sofa (28)
CBS New York Scary Crazed shirtless man barges into BBQ restaurant kitchen, grabs several long knives, goes back out into street, knocks down elderly woman with running tackle and stabs her, gets shot by cop at point-blank range. Ta-daa (98)
(Pensacola News Journal) Amusing Barktoberfest. Doggy Halloween. I Shih Tzu not (97)
(Some Guy) Amusing Actual headline: "MILF cautions against 'witch-hunting.'" (104)
Chicago Tribune Sad Chicago marathon cancelled with one death and 302 hospitalized (177)
BBC Stupid 17-year-old student arrested for possessing a copy of the "Anarchists' Cookbook" (328)
STLToday Stupid Man faces 30 yrs to life for stealing a 52 cent doughnut (307)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Stinky feet led to Houston man's fatal stabbing (65)
Yahoo Unlikely From the maker of such hits as “The Air is Safe at Ground Zero” and “Pay No Attention to Those Dead Fish,” the EPA brings you “Methyl Iodide: It Won’t Cause Cancer, Really” (46)
AP Interesting 10-year-old boy leads police on a 44 mile long chase at about 25 mph in a stolen school bus. Sandra Bullock unavailable for comment (33)
(Wausau Daily Herald) Interesting Hmoob lubneej tseem tswj cov raug tsimtxom (233)
(WTMJ) News At least six people dead in Wisconsin, cop may be the killer (246)
Google Strange ♫ Greeeeen Acres is the place to be / Farm calendar for charity / Shows naked farmers and their wives / Keep the parents, just show me their daughters' hides ♫ (39)
(Some Burning Man) Photoshop Photoshop the Big Rig Jig (49)
Gizmodo Amusing Nigeria initially denies Bill Gates' application for a visa stating that he had to prove that he would not reside in Nigeria indefinitely, causing a strain on social services and a general nuisance for immigration (45)
AP Ironic Bush fondly remembers times as Texas Governor, attempts to halt execution. Wait, what? (195)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this baby lemur (70)
Yahoo Asinine All those walruses washed up on the Alaskan shore due to melting sea ice... nope, nothing to worry about, no global warming, just a liberal attack on science, move along (226)
St. Pete Times Florida Elderly Southern man fights to continue honor of Confederate flag, which draped his grandfather's coffin (w/ somewhat surprising pic) (356)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his puppet (64)
Baltimore Sun Sad Baltimore's near-record streak of days without a murder shot down at 7 (110)
(KPRC) Stupid Middle school students caught having sex in middle of occupied classroom. Film at 11 (143)
(Some Tfette) Caption Caption these excited freaks (76)
(Some Sad Submitter) Sad The most powerful image you will see today (478)
(Subby's fave) Survey Which TV family's home had the best layout? (307)
(God Calling) Followup Scandal at Oral Roberts University includes private jets, luxury cars, and the dean's wife texting "underage males" asking if they want to show her their cucumber (137)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When being arrested, giving the officer a "Wet Willie" isn't going to help matters (43)
Reno Gazette-Journal Sad Ohio couple marries in lawn & garden section at Wal-Mart. Their first date was in the furniture department. The couple have plans for a week long honeymoon at Sam's Club (94)
London Times Hero An enterprising young chap conned the British Royal Navy into subsidising his "football club" which then proceeded to go on a 2 week orgy involving booze and young girls. Nicely done, guvnah (28)

Sat October 06, 2007
Telegraph Asinine Zimbabwe is running out of food, so the government takes swift action by prosecuting 10 white farmers for growing crops on their land (238)
ABC News Obvious U.S. troops "being force-fed Christianity." Suck it, atheists (784)
News.com.au Stupid Tobacco industry accused of "stealth marketing" smooth, sweet cigarettes (that make you 40% cooler to the opposite sex) on social networking websites (106)
Rocky Mountain News Dumbass "Police arrest 83 people after protesters poured a bucket filled with fake blood and dismembered baby dolls onto the street." Just another Columbus Day parade in Denver (69)
(Montgomery Advertiser) Strange I'll take Embarrassing Autopsy Reports for $1000, Alex (153)
Daily Mail Cool Ugly-ass baby dolphin calved in Rimini, Italy. With great, cute-ass pics (55)
Sun Sentinel Florida Disco ball falls on woman's head. Victim: "I will survive", hopes lawsuit-larity will help to turn the beat around (73)
Yahoo Asinine Rhode Island's cunning plan to treat 17 year olds as adults in the court system is actually costing more, confusing the court system, and sending kids who would have been sent home before off to be fresh fish for the night in PMITA prison (117)
Time Asinine As there is apparently no news left in the world. TIME magazine features a story about the amazingly modern notion of men being able to change diapers, do laundry (83)
Fox News Unlikely US Judge orders Iran to pay $2.65B to families of 83 Beirut bombing. Ahmadinejad pauses from searching for homosexuals to comment, "Good luck collecting. Suck it world" (192)
BBC Interesting Scientists, with obviously nothing better to do, have come up with a new currency designed to be used by inter-planetary travellers (124)
Breitbart.com Cool Man ends 13 year journey around the world using only the power of the human body. FTA:"The 16-leg journey included hiking, kayaking, mountain biking and hiking." (97)
(NewsMessenger) Strange Family knows how to party for Halloween: "...they'd see as many as 50 children standing in a heavy fog drinking blood, eating bugs and wandering around a picnic table covered with pickle jars filled with real cow organs." (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these girls jumping on their bed (76)
Yahoo Interesting Judge blocks required background checks of scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. It's almost as if these rocket scientists had something to hide (80)
(Sentinel and Enterprise) Stupid School invites parents to wine tasting. Or as they say in Massachusetts, school attempts to turn innocent children into drug addicts (93)
MSNBC Obvious Youths of unspecified religious affiliation attack police and riot in France (139)
Denver Channel Asinine Museum's best-selling T-shirt, featuring native Americans, is removed from shelves after one namby-pamby complains (198)
(kfor.com) Spiffy Miss America Lauren Nelson, who advocates safe online surfing, introduces kid safe browser (83)
(What Car?) Strange Man bills £4000 to insurance after gay peacock "sexually attacks" his employee's Lexus, advises other employees not to bring their sexy blue cars into the estate (35)
(Bloomberg) News CIA certifies that Pervez Musharaf has won a majority of votes in Pakistani presidential election (225)
Yahoo Asinine What's the next car company the UAW is bound and determind to take down with them? If you picked Chrysler, you win the office pool (144)
Canoe Interesting If you see Alberto the møøse, Calgary Zoo would like him back before the impending start of møøse hunting season (49)
Abc.net.au Scary War? Old news. Lying cheating politicians? Snore. Strike at the bacon factory? STOP THE PRESSES (63)
Sun Sentinel Spiffy Three-year-old survives eleven days in Amazon jungle. Rumored to have been aided by panther and goofy singing bear (57)
Washington Post Interesting "We got more information out of a German general with a game of chess or Ping-Pong than they do today, with their torture" (469)
AP Interesting There are a lot of dumb judges out there, but this one is so bad the upper court sent him back to judicial school (21)
(AutoExpress) Silly Having solved all other crimes, UK initiates crackdown on license plates that use the Comic Sans font (67)
(Some Cat Lover) Amusing To help with your lolcat creation, here's a handy tree chart. Oh, and for this Caturday, voting has been enabled (678)
CBC Dumbass 77-year-old psychic, wanted for fraud, uses her amazing powers to evade capture by police. Just kidding, they found her hiding under a blanket in a closet (45)
Independent Interesting Emus, sloths, and squirrel monkeys now classed as "household pets" in Britain, but you're still gonna need a license for your pack of dingos (35)
News.com.au Ironic Only survivor from Congo air crash that's killed 51 is the mechanic (46)
Google Photoshop Photoshop this robot and girl (62)
Yahoo Scary Replica of the Wright Brothers plane crashes during historical demonstration. You're not doing it Wright (60)
Independent Obvious This green light is "of enormous importance for the whole country," according to the prime minister of Britain, submitter (21)
IndyStar Weird Criminal charges mysteriously dismissed after man does 50 push-ups in court (25)
News.com.au Dumbass Not news: DUI. News: At 237 km/h blowing red lights in the city. Fark Father of the Year Nomination: With baby daughter on board (42)
Yahoo Weird A skunk with a jar stuck on its head wanders into a police parking lot. Then it gets weird (44)
BBC Strange Surely there's more to report about than the street lights going off everytime a woman boils a kettle? And yes, proper street lights (30)
(KING5) Obvious TV station is shocked, SHOCKED to learn that insurance companies really don't want to pay out claims (43)
Yahoo Spiffy Condoleezza Rice announces that dozens of federal agents will be sent to monitor the 20,000+ kill-happy Blackwater mercenaries in Iraq (109)
(WVLT) Hero School administrators defend teacher's right to post her half-nekkid pics on the web (109)
AP Sick Man arrethted for theft afther cutting hith own tongue out (24)
News.com.au Scary The average woman absorbs two kilograms of chemicals a year from cosmetics. How it gets from upper cheeks to lower remains a mystery (38)
(wvgazette.com) Amusing Vote on West Virginia's state slogan. "What happens in your cousin, stays in your cousin" still not eligible (63)
Yahoo Amusing Ten places where not to find a date. Clearly the author doesn't know about Fark on a Friday night (106)
Denver Post Hero After his best friend died at Columbine, Luke Milam vowed to go into the Navy, become a hospital corpsman and prepare himself so he would be ready to save lives under fire. And that's what he died doing (243)
WFTV Florida Man goes to police station to pay traffic tickets, is mistaken for another with same name, gets jailed for 37 days. How fast can you spell L-A-W-S-U-I-T? (80)
Reuters Amusing "Sibu the orang-utan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes." (73)
Telegraph Interesting Thousands of Italian men to be offered cash by the government to get them to move out of their mom's basements. Your mom is intrigued by this idea, would like you to get off the computer so she can subscribe to their newsletter (52)
(wwmt) Asinine Bad: being fired. Worse: for taking too much time off work. Farked up: becaue your 2 year old daughter is getting cancer treatments (137)

Fri October 05, 2007
Yahoo Stupid Sorry, New Yorkers, but charging $1000 for your pizza still doesn't make it better than Chicago's pizza (464)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bus station (69)
(Some Guy) Followup DEA actually returns $23K in cash wrongly seized. Fark needs a "shocking" tag (138)
(FP Passport) Sad Jakarta officials use a steamroller to crush 35,065 bottles of booze seized during Ramadan. And there was a great distrubance in the force (128)
Sign On San Diego Weird Today's police call involving 27 poisonous snakes, guns, a plumber and his alligator brought to you by El Cajon, California. A guy could have a fun weekend in Vegas with all that (61)
Yahoo Unlikely Weather forecasters predict a warm winter. Time to stock up on long johns and wool socks (77)
(WWL-TV) Amusing 11-year-old has "need for speed," tops 100mph in chase with Louisiana State Police. Someone is losing TV privileges for at least a week (55)
AP Obvious A scandal of biblical proportions is brewing at Oral Roberts University (274)
ABC Action News News If at first you don't succeed -- try, try again (192)
(NBC5i) Asinine Mother says Wal-Mart Halloween display has given her precious snowflakes bad dreams. Nightmare-inducing pic included (237)
CBS New York Obvious Wal-Mart getting sued by Down's syndrome man with irritable bowel syndrome. There's a joke there somewhere, but Subby is trying to avoid going to hell (94)
MSNBC Cool Bungie unassimilated. Master Chief unavailable for comment (122)
Houston Chronicle Followup Jury awards woman $6.1 million for choosing to engage in role-playing and sexual activities at work (505)
Yahoo Obvious Duke lacrosse players file lawsuit against everyone involved in rape case. Duke su... er... maybe not (153)
(WLTX) Amusing Parents complain to school board after their 17-year-old son was elected homecoming queen. Bonus: He ran for the position (144)
St. Pete Times Florida Investigative journalism at its finest: Inside Ladies' Night. Giggity (184)
(Florida Today) Asinine Southwest Airlines will not be happy until all its passengers are flying in burkhas (206)
Yahoo Weird Alaskan tourism industry hoping new movie about a clueless young man who died of starvation in the wilderness will boost tourism to the state (293)
YouTube Amusing "Proof" that NASA knows about the alien base on the Moon and airbrushed the pictures (327)
(Some Guy) Misc A man walked into a bank, needin' a fresh load of crank. So a note he did flash, and fled with the cash, the cops are drawing a blank (52)
Maxim Plug Hollywood's most annoying couples: "It's a classic boy-meets-girl story: Boy's movie career is flagging. Girl signs a contract to remain in relationship with boy. Boy and girl get married by aliens" (Sponsored link) (71)
(News4Jax) Florida Why Fark has a Florida tag: mom picks up son at school bus stop, then threatens other 6th graders with gun yelling, "You can all get some of this." (237)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge Extreme: Complete this Da Vinci sketch (191)
Fox News Interesting Media report on missing pregnant woman who is not white (102)
(Orange County Register) Interesting Prosposed bill would prevent newly recognized indian tribes from building casinos for 25 years. So what are they expected to do until then, drink? (114)
CBS Boston Spiffy U.S. marshals pose as supporters and then arrest convicted tax evaders holed up in home for nearly a year. Awkward (560)
Sky News Sad Dark-haired couple decide to end joshing from friends by taking a DNA test to prove their fair-haired angel is theirs. Turns out their friends were right (293)
Sky News Stupid Prince Harry celebrated for bravely NOT going to war in Iraq (116)
Yahoo Strange Researchers seek out the 8% of unmarried Americans who have kids to discover that 61% of them think it's okay for other unmarried folks to have kids. It's not news, it's Yahoo News (118)
(Post Gazette) Amusing Woman sues Kmart over $.28 tax she was charged on a pack of toilet paper. Fails to realize that even if she wins, Kmart has no money to pay her back (133)
AP Asinine Today's airport evacuation brought to you by cremains and the city of Indianapolis (45)
AP Stupid A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and lead poisoned (71)
Toronto Star Asinine Eight 12- and 13-year-old boys charged with sexual assault of girls: "It's kids playing basketball. People touch people – it's not that they were groping the vagina or breasts or nothing." (294)
(Some Gal) Obvious First grade teacher arrested for showing up to school drunk, as if there's any other way to handle being around dozens of screaming hairless monkeys day in and day out (141)
Derby Evening Telegraph Stupid A burglar who stole more than £150,000 worth of nickel and copper was caught when his getaway truck's suspension collapsed under the weight of his haul (47)
MSNBC Interesting Woman told that she has to remove her bra before she can go to court (191)
(The Local) Hero Swedish tech guy demands equal rights after nightclub tells him that go-go cages are for women only. How can we ever achieve full gender equality if men are kept out of the cages? (72)
USA Today Scary Here's why you won't be able to save your child from a Chinese toy death this Christmas (126)
Yahoo Interesting Amazon group bans logging and mining, continues to allow Super Saver shipping (19)
(Some Guy) PSA Drew will be on Opie and Anthony XM 202 at 9am (190)
CBS Minneapolis Weird Try our new energy bar before your next workout. You can really taste the buffalo meat and cranberries (45)
Yahoo Misc Hillary Clinton promises a science-friendly White House. And we know Bill enjoys the field of DNA forensics (460)
Yahoo Followup Police shoot and kill a gunman who shot five people in a Louisiana law office, remind the public that lawyer season doesn't open for another three weeks (66)
AP Weird Art teacher gets caught painting with his butt while wearing a Groucho Marx mask. What he was doing with a Groucho mask on his ass, we'll never know (46)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this piggy-back ride (45)
(Some Guy) PSA Drew will be on Q104.3 New York City starting around 7:40am. Podcast available all day (51)
(Irish Independent) Spiffy The Vatican has pledged to clean up Italian football after buying its own club. Wait, what? (53)
LA Times Strange Residents of gay retirement home fear there are too many straight people moving into their area, and that is NOT fabulous (pic) (147)
(WMUR) Amusing Not news: Man grows marijuana plants. News: Gets busted by undercover state troopers. Fark: Alongside of I-89 in New Hampshire while watering said plants (80)
(Some Big Toe) Sick News: Assistant principal has inappropriate contact with student. Fark: By sucking his big toe in exchange for good grades, money and hall passes (49)
Independent Obvious Britain's first extinction of the new millennia likely to be a beetle that was only discovered two years ago. Been nice knowing you, mate (36)
Sky.com Interesting British people are stressed out and whiny and feel that living in the UK is tougher than an overcooked banger (72)
(Some Hobo) Photoshop Give some physical graffiti to this box car. Special details in first post (157)
Guardian.com Scary The Church of England does not want you to dress like a whore or a monster this Halloween (17)
MDN Amusing Japanese policeman shot in butt with own gun while battling porn vending machine bandits (61)
The Sun Scary Man shoots himself seven times with a nail gun in attempt to defraud worker's compensation. The Sun is there with the X-rays (51)
Telegraph Obvious Vatican set to reveal 700-year-old secret Knights Templar papers. Gentlemen, pull your tinfoil hats down to the takeoff position (189)
Yahoo Interesting A confused moose thinks he's a cow. Will Rocky find him before he's shipped to the stockyard? Don't miss our next episode: "Milk of Amnesia" or "It's not just an udder day" (164)
(Some Guy) Amusing Brits in the US compare ban on clotted cream to the London Blitz. How did we win WWII again? (74)
CNN Sad Floyd the barber gives Mayberry city council meeting a piece of his mind... literally (140)
The Sun Unlikely British railroads getting desperate to explain delays to passengers. They're now testing out "OMFG, there's a llama on the tracks" (29)
Globe and Mail Stupid Nature-lovers with more money than brain cells go to Chernobyl to swim, fish, and forage for berries (53)
(ScienceDaily) Amusing Study finds working during adolescence increases risk of smoking, working with adolescents increases risk of drinking (32)
11 Alive Interesting Politician putting together program that would pay kids hourly wage to stay in school and get good grades (125)
MSNBC Scary Remember bird flu? Remember how it's supposed to mutate to infect humans? It has. EVERYBODY PANIC (145)
(Doh!) Amusing Woman arrested for having a stolen doughnut in the back of her pants (57)
(Some Guy) Amusing Some beer thieves are content with running away with a 12-pack from 7-11. This guy had bigger dreams (30)
DallasNews Ironic "Americans Against Hate" plans to protest Muslim Family Day at Six Flags (161)
Independent Asinine Doctors call on smokers "to be treated the same as heroin addicts" (181)

Thu October 04, 2007
(Some Guy) Florida Woman finds two years of her salary in the middle of the street. What does she do? Tag says it all (226)
Chicago Tribune Followup It's official - slain pregnant woman in Deerfield, IL was girlfriend of '85 Bears Super Bowl team member Shaun Gayle (84)
News.com.au Silly The IgNobel Prizes are out, and if you got vanilla scent out of cow pies, congratulations are in order. The "gay bomb" creators, well, you guys have issues... just saying (42)
Local6 Strange Solar telescope lands on Texas farm. Yeah, that's it. A solar telescope. Move along, citizen (w/pic) (94)
(Student Press Law Center) Asinine Georgia high school publishes gay-bashing article with zingers like: "homosexuality is a medical disorder as much as Down's syndrome" (551)
(Earth Times) Asinine Two teens get suspended from school for wearing anti drunk driving t-shirts (104)
Slate Cool Drew's book "does more to advance the journalistic art" than a bunch of think tanks you've never heard of, writes amazed journalist (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this smiling puffer fish (85)
(KNBC-4) Dumbass L.A. County Sheriff lifts policing tactics from "Reno 911" by holding contest to see which deputy could make the most arrests in a single shift (107)
Boston Herald Asinine Being a parent is now sufficient grounds for being suspected of drunken, drug-abusing child-farking criminal behavior (200)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mountain climber (63)
(Some Ra Worshipper) Amusing "How come nobody worries about the sun going out?" Bonus: Fark mention (140)
Wired Followup Jury finds for the recording industry in the first RIAA case to go to trial. Awards plantiffs $222,000. Suck it downloaders (624)
AJC Asinine Judge tells Atlanta school districts that they may add duct tape to their existing methods of controlling unruly students (70)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Asinine After lockdown and K-9 search fails to turn up gun, boy still charged with bringing one to school because... uh... he must have done it if some other student said he did (148)
SLTrib Amusing "Woman declines $100 offer over can of beans containing rodent head" (57)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass ♪ Hold tight, what's that supreme court justice doing? ♪ Hold tight, with that gas and matches? ♪ There's got to be a way to avoid foreclosure ♪ Burning down the house ♪ (63)
(Some Guy) Florida There's a church, a man with a sword, and it's in Florida. What else do you need? (74)
Philly Dumbass When you've been struck by lightning at a performance, needed surgery after a unicycle accident, temporarily blinded yourself with clown makeup, and suffered a hernia from a trick, maybe you're not cut out to be a magician (73)
(rense.com) Asinine Tinfoil hat blogger predicts that "soon you'll have to ask permission before you fly"... and he may just be right (142)
Click On Detroit Weird "Radioactive Boy Scout" arrested for stealing smoke detectors whilst trying to construct a homemade nuclear reactor in his toolshed (156)
(WBBM 780) NewsFlash Pregnant woman shot to death in affluent Chicago suburb, neighboring middle school evacuated. Suspect - described as "a athletic looking, very handsome male" - still at large (updated link) (385)
(Some Guy) Obvious The top ten rudest workplace behaviors. Here's looking at you, smokers, cell phone users, and litterers (956)
Sign On San Diego Interesting Border patrol agents to get new air guns that shoot pepper balls at illegal Mexican immigrants. Not sure whether that's to deter them or spice the burrito they brought for lunch (93)
(WTNH) Sad News: Loose moose back on noose. Fark: Vehicle abuse the excuse for lethal force use (71)
MSNBC Obvious Minnesota judge tells Senator Larry Craig (R-eally Really Not Gay) that he cannot change his stance (246)
Yahoo Unlikely Which country has the most contented citizens? That would be the one whose citizens contentedly keep sneaking over the border to the not-so-contented country to their north (106)
Boston Globe Dumbass Apparently, the Italian police seem to think every grey-haired male American tourist is "Superkiller Americano" (104)
Boston Globe Hero Newspaper photographer captures pics of fugitive jumping from 3rd story window, then captures the fugitive. J. Jonah Jameson is unimpressed (80)
SuperDeluxe Video How NOT to handle your first date with a porn star (possibly NSFW) (127)
Fox News Obvious The Dog of Peace™ strikes again (551)
(NY Times) Interesting Old & busted: Student's grade suffers for not doing his or her assigned homework. New hotness: Student's grade suffers because parents didn't do "their" assigned homework. Wait? What? (382)
(NYTimes) Amusing Today in History: Beep Beep Beep Beep Beeeeep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beeeeep. EVERYBODY PANICKED (171)
(Some Congress) Interesting US national debt ceiling quietly raised to $9.8 trillion (9.7 trillion Canadian) (272)
CBS Philadelphia Weird Random dude appoints himself Mayor of Atlantic City after current Mayor goes missing (91)
Comedy Central Video Who hasn't wished they had tourettes when they were 10? (199)
(Duluth News Trib) Asinine In the first file-sharing case to go to trial, the RIAA is seeking up to $3.6 million from a woman who says she never shared any of the 24 songs in question (407)
Telegraph Interesting Sixteen million dollars seized in Nigerian fraud investigation. Wait, the money was real? (50)
(Florida Today) Asinine Florida city considering a ban on anything made in China. Yeah, that'll wok (172)
News.com.au Strange Gift Rage - its like car rage only stranger (111)
Boston Globe Dumbass You get a C in class. Do you A) work harder B) complain to friends C) file a 15-count federal lawsuit, claiming the university violated your civil rights, contractual rights, and intentionally inflicted emotional distress? (322)
Boston Globe Scary Union gets court order barring TV station from reporting that two dead firefighters praised as heroes were actually drunk and on drugs when they died. The Boston Globe, which is not a TV station, is there (228)
11 Alive Followup Stone Mountain, Georgia stops making snow after public outrage (201)
Seattle Times Asinine When a rape suspect shows up at jail to turn himself in, should the jail: A) Take him into custody B) Ask him to stay while they wait for police or C) Tell him to go away because he doesn't have his ID with him (57)
Newsday Asinine If you've been arrested in the US don't expect to be welcome in Canada regardless of the offense (305)
Rocky Mountain News Asinine Begun the Holiday Wars have. First, the liberal haters attacked Christmas. In retaliation, Halloween has been renamed Fall Festival (260)
(Some Guy) Florida Drunk, cranked up, driving 115 mph, throwing beer cans, driving without a license, flipping off cops and getting tazed is no way to go through life, son (64)
Yahoo Followup The good news: more than 1700 miners have been rescued from the collapsed mine in South Africa. The bad news: there are about 1,500 still trapped (48)
BBC Scary For the second year running, world travellers vote London's public transport the best in the world. Speaking as a Londoner, subby asks "what the hell are you people smoking?" (199)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this state-of-the-art dental chair (56)
(K 2) Dumbass Craigslist Reverend performs marriage ceremony then takes gift cards meant for newlyweds, 'mistaking' them for a tip. With an "Oh Lord my eyes" mugshot and an "I'd hit it" pic of the bride (221)
ABC News Scary Kraft recalls white chocolate, and not fondly, after buyers report that it gave them a case of the Hershey Squirts (45)
AFP Amusing Actual headline: Mr. Potato Head in Australia ecstasy bust (with pic) (34)
Houston Chronicle Strange There was trouble, however, when the sherry hit the anus (100)
CBS Sacramento Hero Armed homeowner to burglar: "you're a dead man" (398)
BBC Weird Leapfrogging mayor injures woman dressed as tomato... uh, really (17)
Sun Sentinel Florida Drunk man tried to recreate the boat-jumping bridge stunt from the movie "Live and Let Die", and well, he got the last part right (32)
The Sun Asinine Man gets criminal record for yelling "abusive and racist comments" - at his TV (59)
AZCentral Strange Delta Airlines requiring mother traveling with conjoined twins to buy two seats for them. But ask them for a second packet of peanuts and see how far that gets you (76)
Reuters News North and South Korea have signed a pact pledging to seek a permanent peace agreement (97)
(Some Guy) Followup Phil Spector to be retried for murder, seeks new lawyers. Must. Not. Use. Newsflash. (36)
Seattle Times Dumbass Olympic National Park to raise entrance fees from $15 per car to $25. Critics suggest "it would lead to where only the wealthier members of our society could come." Because the difference between being rich or not is only $10 (103)
(700 Club) Asinine "Did you ever wonder why Halloween seems to primarily feed off of a market of 3-13 year olds? This is a Satanic ploy for our children." (398)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 126: "Tourist in Your Own Town" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (253)

Wed October 03, 2007
(Some Guy) Interesting Vegetable popular in World War II is making a comeback, more super and more superior than ever before. No, this is not about Captain America (149)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "I asked Jesus what in the world I had done to deserve this." Might have something to do with shooting fish with a bow (87)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Community church disappointed it will be only local congregation to celebrate upcoming National Porn Sunday (67)
(Santa Rosa Press Democrat) Interesting Police officer assumes teen in sports car must be speeding, writes ticket for 17 over the limit. GPS in car proves otherwise (236)
TBO Florida Child porn suspect has been in the PMITA jail for too long gets released because of severe flatulence and "groin numbness." Florida tags trumps them all (111)
AJC Spiffy Operation "Dutch Oven" is a success. The postal service prevents the elderly, senile, lonely, disabled and stupid from handing over their lifesavings to the Nigerians (94)
Yahoo Weird Weird: Chico the cat describes the life of his "best friend," Pope Benedict. Fark: biography is authorized by the Vatican (32)
Yahoo Strange Amsterdam's famed coffee shops are turning to free-range eggs for their hashish "spacecakes" to reduce the suffering of chickens. Dude... what? (53)
(AnimalRights.net) Scary Quotes from animal rights activists: "The life of an ant and that of my child should be granted equal consideration." (457)
News.com.au Asinine Court refuses to stay open till 5:20 to allow for computer malfunction, so inmate dies at 8:23 by lethal injection. Where the hell is the Texas tag on this thing for those "relish for death" articles? (284)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this handsome mushroom (81)
BBC Misc Police investigating burglary report theft of computers and £10,000 worth of Star Wars action figures. Thought it was quiet around here (23)
(WBNS 10tv) Hero 73-year-old man attacked while trying to enjoy a cup of coffee, opens a can of whoop ass in the form of Karate and Judo. "Nobody comes into my house without my permission" (w/lawn off NOW photo) (100)
Yahoo Interesting Number of Americans who see themselves among the "have-nots" of society has doubled over the past two decades. Losers (500)
YouTube Survey Drew needs a theme song. What should it be? (link goes to subby's choice) VE (252)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Interesting Taking a bold step into the previous century, Pennsylvania may allow beer stores to actually sell you a six-pack (74)
Daily Mail Amusing Tiny dog unearths two-million-year old mammoth bone that's bigger than it is, but still wants steak (with pic of pooch that's worth the click alone) (186)
(Bloomberg) Scary ♫ Working in a gold mine / Mile underground now / Working in a gold mine / Oops, we’re gonna drown now ♪ Working in a gold mine / Hundred sixty score now / Working in a gold mine / Oops, we’re gonna drown now ♫ (120)
AP Dumbass Protester arrested for mooning the police; routine DNA sample ties him to unsolved rape case. "Dumbass" tag was never more applicable (194)
(Some Guy) Sad Newspapers urged to write at a level readers can understand, point to Lexington, Ky. as a model, where stories on state's poor education system have to be written at a Grade 3 level so residents can understand them (185)
Fox News Dumbass The kid might be right. Maybe it is about free speech. But he's still a dumbass (384)
Chicago Tribune Followup And there in Oak Lawn, some people say, the school boards' heart grew three sizes that day (137)
Guardian.com Spiffy ' (511)
SFGate Sad 50 years after Allen Ginsburg's landmark poem "Howl" was declared not legally obscene, radio stations refuse to air it, fearing FCC sanctions. Freedom costs a buck oh five (187)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: ENVY (64)
ICNetwork Obvious Driver in 100-mph "suicide bid" told by judge: "The next time you want to commit suicide, find somewhere quiet to do it" (52)
Guardian.com Interesting Jesuslanders and Libtardians holding second secessionist convention. The loser gets Florida (340)
Reuters Scary If you have a phobia about spiders -- especially 30-foot-high ones -- stay the hell out of London. And don't click on the link either, because there's a pic (155)
NBC San Diego Scary ♪ Slip sliding away | Slip sliding away | You know the dearer your lovely house is | The more it's slip sliding away ♪ (77)
MSNBC Spiffy Property owner halted from cutting down Anne Frank's favorite tree. You know who else didn't like Anne Frank's tree? (344)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bush might consider making the trip if Iran was a free and democratic society. And allowed its people freedom of expression. And if it was not pursuing nuclear weapons. And if it thinks of a number between one and 100 (137)
Yahoo Interesting Wal-Mart workers win $62 million. Smiley face guy observed adding ten cents to the price of t-shirts made in China (104)
Local6 Strange Police warn of "gorillas" attacking at ATMs (60)
(CBN) Stupid Poll of tattooed Americans reveal that 33% think their tattoos make them more sexy, 25% feel rebellious and 20% feel more spiritual (636)
CBS New York Scary Woman told she has breast cancer, has a double mastectomy, later told she never had cancer. Someone's getting sued (106)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man confesses to high school prank he pulled in 1957, gives school a check for $500 to make amends for "dastardly deed" of dumping two years' worth of pop cans into school swimming pool in 1957 (pic) (113)
Comedy Central Amusing "I had peach fuzz and her vagina looked like Cat Stevens' face" (Sponsored Link) (133)
Fox News Ironic Former President Carter gets in a fight with Sudanese security officials on his way to a peace conference (186)
(Some Healthy Hos) Florida Strip club offes free flu shots. Penicillin for lap dances may require a fee (84)
Aftenposten.no PSA Do not bring your baby carriages to Grünerløkka unless you want to be assaulted by a naked woman (45)
(Eyewitness News) Weird ACROSS 7. People who annoy you (209)
(CentreDaily) Dumbass Motivational speaker apparently wasn't motivated enough to remove his kiddie porn collection from his laptop before dropping it off for repairs (72)
Chicago Tribune Scary Woman shoots and kills her boyfriend after discovering his porn stash. With “Hell, I’d be stockpiling porn too if I was tagging her, she looks like Denny Green in a wig” mugshot goodness (134)
Boston Globe PSA Boston mayor asks bars to be careful who they serve during Red Sox playoff games because it's embarrassing and expensive when police spray bullets into unruly crowds (69)
Pravda Obvious Aliens forced Americans out from the Moon (76)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you left a folder full of nude pictures on a state representative's thumb drive prior to his lecture at a high school, the state highway patrol would like to have a word with you (97)
Reason Magazine Followup More young black men are in prison than in college, presidential candidates say. Sounds too juicy to check, but someone did. Turns out five times as many are in college as are in prison (371)
(WHNT19) Dumbass Today's "eight bags of cocaine burst in prisoner's stomach" story brought to you by Huntsville, Alabama. Take that, Florida (33)
The Scotsman Stupid Actual headline: "Can a nun cure Alzheimers?" Article's answer: "No" (27)
(TMZ) Cool Danny Bonaduce beats up Johnny Fairplay on stage. With slideshow and audio (113)
(Charleston Gazette) Obvious After decades of ranking 50th in everything, West Virginia finally gets a No. 1 (69)
Philly Ironic Philadelphia School District wastes $700K on a study designed to improve accounting practices and efficiency. Bonus: Study went unread because officials lost the report (27)
Yahoo Hero New AG nominee unlikely to order the draping of naked statues, as client list includes New York tabloids and a dial-up-porn service (20)
Reuters Dumbass Bush vetoes No Sick Child Left Behind (812)
AJC Stupid Even though the state is experiencing an extreme drought, Coca-Cola is going to waste 1.2 millions gallons of water making snow in Georgia in October (56)
SeattlePI Dumbass You are driving drunk when a cop attempts to pull you over. Do you: A) Pull over and admit your stupidity? B) Try to pull off the sober act? Or C) Gun it and try to outrun the S.O.B.... on your riding lawn mower? (33)
Seattle Times Obvious Federal employees wasted at least $146 million over a one-year period on first-class air travel because they "felt entitled to the perk" (97)
Chicago Sun-Times PSA New baby-murdering facility opens in Chicago, hopes to nudge 1.37 million annual child murders to an even 1.4 (910)
The Register Cool The study we've all been waiting for: booze makes you clever (64)
St. Pete Times Followup The owner of the impound lot where University of Florida team captain was busted for stealing his gf's car says he should not be charged with any crime, because he was just growing "impatient" waiting for someone to check him out (81)
(WYFF4.com) Dumbass You're a teenage girl driving a car. Is this a good time to: A) Pay attention to the road? B) Talk on your cell phone? Or C) Huff keyboard cleaner? (With pic) (124)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine The definition of "forgiveness" stretched just a tad after priest plays parishiner's private voicemail message in church, then asking, "Should we send him to hell or to another parish?" (75)
Washington Post Unlikely Stop me if you've heard this one before: N. Korea vows to shut down its nuclear program (23)
Philly Ironic Police officer who accidentally shot himself rushed to Albert Einstein Medical Center, presumably because Barney Fife Hospital was too far away (30)
NPR Dumbass According to Senator Lindsey Graham, the war will magically pay for itself when we win it (124)
MSNBC Asinine Nothing says "suck it" more than a presidential veto on kid's health care programs (645)
(Common Ground) Amusing Theoretical physicist frustrated that every time there's a breakthough in string theory, his Hare Krishna brother brags that it was already documented in his religious books centuries ago (115)
Yahoo Stupid Class-action lawsuit brought by blind people against Target's website. Blind-people-biatching trifecta now in play (127)
Comedy Central Video Jon Stewart savages Chris Matthews during the book interview from hell (183)
AP Asinine Bad: Toy recall due to lead paint. Good: Toy company sends bonus toys as apology. Fark: Bonus toys now being recalled due to lead paint (60)
Network World Amusing The best of Harvard's Ig Nobel Prize winners for real but weird science (30)
(The Keynoter) Florida Department of Agriculture declares victory over rats on rat island. Not that rat island, the other one. Not that other one, but the one down in Florida. Which is the opposite of Alaska. And the Iraq (16)
Denver Channel Followup Driver who called police while driving and taunted them with "I'm hammered... come get me" before being captured and tasered now says he was suffering from a mental breakdown (20)
IOL Scary Judge agrees with man that wife's threats to amputate his penis are satisfactory grounds for divorce, chainmail underpants (30)
Denver Channel Unlikely New "Denver boot" introduced that can be unlocked by drivers after they pay their fine. Denver sure that these will be promptly returned, instead of say, re-attached to other cars as a practical joke (101)
London Times Amusing You know it's a good chili when hazmat teams seal off your street (82)
TBO Strange "My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand" (149)
Komo Dumbass When driving a stolen car, you might want to hold off on driving to the county jail to visit your boyfriend (with it's-a-man-baby pic goodness) (78)
Yahoo Misc Blind people speak out against the danger of quieter (hybrid) automobiles. Also concerned about rearranged furniture, plungers left in toilets (145)
BBC Dumbass Head of the Office of National Drug Control Policy claims success in war on drugs. No, he was not stoned at the time (73)
Time Obvious Christianity's biggest problem? It's not sexy enough (461)
News.com.au Dumbass If you're sitting in the gallery of a courtroom during a trial, please turn off your cell phone's loud, orgasmic "Oh, yeah ... yeah ... oh, yeah ... do it to me" ringtone beforehand (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this log cabin on the move (69)
Yahoo Amusing Naked guy breaks into Nic Cage's home, puts on leather jacket. Says it was a symbol of his individuality and his belief in personal freedom (50)
ABC News Hero Forest fires in the West becoming so much hotter and so much faster that fire chiefs increasingly saying "fark it" and letting the houses of people stupid enough to build there burn rather than risking lives fighting for it (87)
AP Interesting An electronic tag from a three-inch-long steelhead trout that was released from a Washington State hatchery in 2005 was found two years later... in the belly of a bird, 7,700 miles away, off the coast of New Zealand (37)
ABC News Followup Steve Fossett, whose condition was initially ''maybe alive," then upgraded to "maybe not dead" now downgraded to "probably working his way through the lower intestine of a coyote" (68)
(Brampton Guardian) Weird Police issue public safety warning about ex-convict, citing "a significant safety risk." But they can't say why. Odd, he seems normal in the mugshot (86)
News.com.au Spiffy Cops fire a dozen times at aggressive rottweiler and miss every shot. Your dog immediately starts an argument about divine intervention. And hamburgers (58)
BBC Obvious Rural homeless rate found to be twice urban rate. Presumably they're all out enjoying nature's blessings, just like hippies on Earth Day (34)
(10News.com) Obvious Man who bought box of GooGoo Clusters candy from 99-cent store learns "GooGoo" is apparently slang for maggot (56)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man sets his house on fire trying to kill yellow jackets (54)
SFGate Spiffy Alabama couple celebrates 80th wedding anniversary. He's 97, she's 94. You do the math. Ah, sweet home Alabama (134)
News.com.au Strange Homeless man stays warm by setting another homeless man on fire (42)
News.com.au Unlikely In case you've stopped panicking about bird flu, Swedish scientist says Tamiflu vaccine may help spawn an uber-resistant strain. EVERYONE PANIC - AGAIN (59)

Tue October 02, 2007
(Some Guy) Ironic From the county that brought you the high school student who married her former coach, comes the school board that considered hiring a teacher, who had sex with a student, to teach schools' sexual harassment training. With pic (70)
Miami Herald Florida 22-year-old woman accused of having sex with 15-year-old Boy Scout on sailing trip. Her job title: first mate (179)
TBO Florida Man makes a 6-year-old guzzle a can of beer. Before you ask where the 'cool' and 'hero' tags are, you should know the beer was a Coors Light (116)
CNN Dumbass Blackwater pilot to his co-pilot while taking a low-level run through a mountain canyon in Afghanistan, moments before their fatal crash: "I swear to God, they wouldn't pay me if they knew how much fun this was." (156)
SMH Amusing Fans pissed off at scalpers snagging all the tickets and driving up prices respond by sabotaging their online auctions (172)
Guardian.com Dumbass Big-time gambler who owes casino £2 million decides he can pay his debt one night by winning big at the tables. Hilarity? It was not in the odds (43)
Sun Sentinel Florida Not news: man loses his home to creditors. News: they seize everything he owns while he's in the hospital. Fark: including his wife's ashes (52)
Guardian.com Obvious U.S. to admit 12,000 Iraqi refugees next year, presumably if it can find that many civilians it and Blackwater haven't killed by then (229)
(KPHO) Asinine "We stopped the show because we feel that this was inappropriate and not a kind of performance that we want them to see." (160)
CBS New York Stupid Middle school teachers tell students to create a catchy ad for plantations and slave labor. What could possibly go wrong? (136)
Yahoo Obvious "The establishment of a new constitution -- generally considered one of the most liberal in the world -- unleashed a torrent of hard-core porn" (86)
CBS Sacramento Interesting From the appendix to the tailbone, here's a list of body parts that we could all do without (273)
(WBZTV) Amusing Tom Brady, adverse to bad karma, removed the in-flight movie while the Patriots were en route to Cincinnati after discovering that it co-starred his ex-girlfriend (106)
ABC News Scary When placing a story on their website about female athletes bearing the brunt of concussions, ABC News goes for the gold in photo perfection (139)
SFGate Sad "The head of the Nazis was a killer named Hitler whose evil partner, Mussolini, was president of the USSR. The war ended with the bombing of Iwo Jima and Hitler's suicide. Then a treaty was signed." Ken Burns sighs (519)
Daily Mail Scary Steal grandmas pork chop - that's a stabbing. Bonus farktacular quote - "Eat my pork, feel my fork" (67)
(WFAA.com) Obvious 100-year anniversary Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog issue includes $1.4 million personal submarine, and a robot that can carry on a conversation for $75,000. Submitter was surprised that Larry King's booking fee was that low (51)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this career fair conversation (120)
(KCTV) Stupid Running around a church half naked and smoking crack? Yep, that's a tasering (117)
Canada.com Amusing Man returns home from night of heavy drinking, discovers his key no longer works. Doing what any Farker would do, he breaks in and mixes himself another drink. Rightful owner of house returns, jailarity ensues (57)
Guardian.com Obvious O.J. Simpson ordered by court to give his Rolex to Ron Goldman, vows to keep that uncomfortable hunk of metal up his ass for years rather than comply (114)
Des Moines Register Obvious For some reason, the Iowa State Fair board is looking into banning the "erotic corndog eating" competition (134)
(Crimson White) Interesting University of Alabama offers class on "The Gospel of Star Wars." Students required to write dissertation on why Han shot first (146)
Fox News Interesting Research lab fined $15,000 for spanking the monkey (47)
Free Press PSA Target recalls toy rattles, a time when toys were made in the U.S. (52)
First Coast News Florida Good news for LSU fans: The defensive captain for the Florida Gators is in jail for trying to break into an impound lot to get his girlfriend's car (133)
(KJRH) Stupid Wal-Mart will gladly match any competitor's price, unless it's another local Wal-Mart (100)
Reuters Obvious The new TV season is only a week old and no one is watching (326)
Sci Fi Asinine "Lost" producers ask fans to "trust them" in the fourth season. Because they have been so forthcoming up until this point with answers (201)
Canoe Amusing Man tries to rob a bank, flees after the teller offers him suckers as an alternative (22)
(Some Guy) Unlikely First it was a grim reaper cat. Now it's a dog that knows when you're gonna die. Next up, a parrot that tells people, "Polly want a corpse" (53)
Washington Post Dumbass Iranian university invites Bush to speak following Iranian president's visit to Columbia University. "After all, it is only fair that we show the same diplomacy to your fascist leader as you did to ours" (216)
(Some Guy) Spiffy High carb dieters slimmer, more healthy. Pass the beer (185)
AP Interesting Sheriff says that if a bank-robbing couple surrender, he'll marry them while they're in jail (27)
Washington Post Obvious Bush 33, Congress 29. It's not golf, people -- you want a higher score (335)
Yahoo Ironic Man paints marriage proposal on his demolition derby car. Pinky Tuscadero's Ironic tag escapes Malachi Crunch of Obvious and Dumbass (40)
Des Moines Register Sad Asshat steals 82-year-old's tree carving from his yard. Police stumped (39)
(Dlisted) Unlikely You would think that after $500,000 of nip/tuck, Demi Moore would look better than this. (PIC) (220)
SeattlePI Interesting Old-fashioned blocks beat Mozart, baby DVDs, even flash cards in helping make toddlers smarter. They're also good in helping a toddler's younger sibling develop good reflexes to get away from said block-throwing toddler (67)
(QuickDFW) Amusing "Ass chewing leads to fight." Editors rejoice, censors cringe (21)
LA Times Followup Blackwater chief faces House panel concerning the murder of Iraqi civillians. Uses the "Your guys killed over 800 civilians last month. Why aren't they here being questioned?" defense (318)
USA Today Scary Ford sales down a mere 39 percent from last year. Top sales analyst considers this good news (143)
Network World Followup AT&T swears it's not angling to pull the plug on its 'Net critics. Of course, who can believe those evil bas (51)
(Metro.co.uk) Strange Buddha's comically shaped penis now directed inward on the path to enlightenment. (Possibly not safe for work due to pic of banana-penised statue) (56)
ABC News Followup Hurricane "expert" William Gray desperately backs and fills, now calling for two hurricanes instead of five in next two months, adding plaintive "...please?" (85)
Aint-It-Cool-News Stupid The day has finally arrived: ABC's "Cavemen" premieres tonight (485)
Houston Chronicle Amusing The U.S. Air Force is going to get 10 new C-17s at a cool $2.4 billion. The funny thing is, they told Congress they didn't want them (165)
ABC Action News Florida News: Baby found in the back seat of a car. Fark: Her parents were in the front seat, passed out (with mugshots) (79)
(The IDF) Followup Israel: "Yeah, okay, we bombed you Syria. What the fark are you going to do about it? STFU and GBTW" (546)
(LA Daily News) Unlikely Woman says she won a $60 million lottery because of the lucky blue dot she purchased from an ad in the National Enquirer (37)
The Smoking Gun Stupid College students recreate "Jena 6" assault in blackface and, yes, they put it on Facebook (220)
Boston Globe Dumbass Police find 140 parking meters, 50 hard-boiled eggs in man's home (75)
MSNBC Interesting Everything you wanted to know about gynecology, but were afraid to probe (187)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: GLUTTONY (64)
(Raleigh N&O) Stupid Apparently the N.C. Division of Motor Vehicles is part of a global conspiracy to create a North American Union (95)
AP Followup Prosecutor drops charges against Good Samaritan who had the nerve to want to call her babysitter and say she'd be late so she could help translate for police (162)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Mayor Bloomberg says only "ridiculous people" object to having their movements constantly tracked and taxed (247)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Study shows crazy young people become crazy old people (48)
ABC News Cool Ever wish you could live at the mall? This guy did, and set up a secret apartment in a parking garage there. Of course, the mall wasn't too happy when they discovered it. Four years later (167)
CNN Spiffy Isiah Thomas found guilty in sexual harassment trial, MSG also required to pay punitive damages. Knicks fans hope this means he'll be fired, then remember who owns this team (98)
Derby Evening Telegraph Asinine Smoker's fury as she is fined £40 for dropping cigarette end down drain (236)
Gizmodo Hero James Randi Foundation offers $1 million for proof that audiophile quality $7000 speaker cables better than ordinary cables (484)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Jury to decide how Princess Diana died. We don't want to spoil it for anyone, but airbag ingestion generally isn't good for you (84)
NJ.com Dumbass Today's "parent punches youth coach because his kid wasn't getting enough playing time" article is brought you by the letters N and J (42)
(Auto Blog) Spiffy F/s 1995 Honda Civic 930,000 miles $2,300 obo (309)
Yahoo Strange Swedish chef shucks shellfish by Irish seashore (49)
(Some Guy) PSA Mop mop mop, all day long, mop all day while I sing this song. Today is National Custodial Workers Recognition Day (84)
NYPost Amusing Get the fark out you stanky biatch (350)
(theeagle.com) Dumbass Forget your teacher - maybe your young, hot, female juvenile probation officer will sleep with you (w/ pic) (250)
(NBC 10) Obvious Federal judge suddenly realizes that drug laws are designed to punish black men (348)
Telegraph Hero A fond farewell to Ian Campbell, who singlehandedly saved Scotland's whisky industry during the Great Bottle Shortage of 1974 (22)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these balls (78)
Philly Spiffy Activist judge biatch slaps a crew of slimeball insurance lawyers. Harder, judge (58)
(Some Guy) Obvious "I think the most corrosive thing of today's Internet is anonymity. It's a pre-social contract place. We're not behaving ourselves properly on it, very often because we don't reveal who we are" (261)
Daily Mail Stupid British police now required to run for help when threatened (170)
News Of The World Cool Research shows benefits of onion on belt: older men better in the sack (99)
(CBS6News) Asinine Mother of the Year candidate snorts coke off her 8-week old son’s stomach while breastfeeding him (209)
News.com.au Ironic Curry powder spill clogs major onramp instead of clearing major offramp (37)
CBS News Cool Colorado Rockies win NL Wild Card, score three runs in 13th off Trevor Hoffman to beat San Diego 9-8 (236)
Telegraph Strange Dear mysterious man who's been dumping giant carved stone heads on village doorsteps in the dead of night: stop it. Sincerely, the police (73)
Guardian.com Asinine U.N. Security Council fails to agree whether its letter to insurgents should say it "strongly disgrees" with their decision to kill 10 U.N. peacekeepers or should just have frowny stickers on the card to express how strongly it feels (125)
(Some Guy) Sappy Vote to name these 2 ugly-assed Siberian tiger cubs from the Toronto Zoo. With pics of ugly-assed goodness (119)

Mon October 01, 2007
CBC Strange Duck season...rabbit season...duck season...rabbit season...alligator season..."This is Wisconsin. There's not supposed to be gators in Wisconsin." (74)
(Click2Houston) Dumbass Whoever said oatmeal is good for you obviously never tried eating it while driving an SUV (46)
YouTube Weird Furries and Klingons descend upon league night. This is worse than nihilists. The Dude abides (179)
Omaha World Herald Asinine Obligatory annual news story about how Halloween candy is bad for your teeth. In other news, water is wet and the French are cheese eating surrender monkeys (44)
CBS Chicago Asinine Today's "Cancel Christmas so we don't offend the Muslims" story brought to you by Oak Lawn, IL (591)
AP Cool The Army of Anubis makes its way up the Thames. Subby is waiting for smoking hot Anakh-su-namun pics to follow (120)
Yahoo Scary That's a negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full (112)
News.com.au Obvious One in five Germans wants the Berlin Wall back. Guess which side of it they weren't on (132)
Yahoo Stupid As if Bush needed any help starting wars, Bhutto says she may allow US to strike on bin Laden in Pakistan. The country that actually *has* WMDs (97)
Kansas City Sad Looks like Linus will have his hopes dashed yet again this year (61)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Minnesota is looking for a new poet laureate. Submit your best try here (limericks=double points)... VE (204)
(insidebayarea.com) Amusing Treating vegetables like children? Check. Giving gourds names like Zsa Zsa and Mr. Rogers? Check. Protecting them with an electrified fence? Check. Welcome to the cutthroat world of competitive pumpkin growing (33)
(WMAR) Asinine Baltimore now requires all convicted gun offenders to register with police. Problem Solved (link fixed) (327)
SFGate Scary "Evidently, he always goes hiking with a sword," said the detective. Since this is on Fark you can probably guess what happened (126)
AP Dumbass Today's mangled metaphor award goes to Al Sharpton for this gem: "We still have mountains to climb, but at least this is an even playing field." (113)
Des Moines Register Interesting Officials in Iowa are pushing for a law that will help them catch Smurfs (54)
(New York Mag) Weird The good: "Women are allowed to go topless." The bad: "over-21 visitors." The ugly: Men wearing "at least a two-inch strip of leather up their backsides" (61)
Free Press Asinine Coming soon to a gas station near you--it's Gas TV (92)
(The Sports Hernia) Amusing Yankees 'Wild Card' hat sweeping New York (208)
Yahoo Unlikely TSA to take a closer look at remote control toys just in case your toddler feels like blowing up the airplane (71)
NPR Spiffy Next time you need to defend yourself in court (or anywhere else for that matter) for copping a feel, thank the Canadian Cancer Society (18)
Yahoo Interesting Biologists planning to wipe out "Rat Island" before Fox can turn it into a reality show (90)
(Strategy Page) Amusing The Israeli raid on Syria: Good for: Israel, America, and anyone against nuclear proliferation. Bad for: Syria, Iran, North Korea... and Russia, whose crappy antiaircraft systems didn't even notice (317)
NPR Interesting "Men of the world who are serious about climate change. "Come on," cheers Takada, a Japanese superhero martial-arts expert and now part of "Team Minus 6%" (22)
Cleveland Sick Fancy new car? Check. Expensive house? Check. Undercover cop posing as 12-year old girl? Check mate (119)
CBS Sacramento Stupid Disabled guy sues kids hangout for damages and forces its closure because he can't get to a party on the second floor (103)
(WWdN:iX) Wheaton Dow closes at record high on news that Wil's latest book is released (49)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Truck driver attempts to clear a bridge that is 18 inches too short. Actually almost makes it. (w/ awesome pic) (135)
Yahoo Unlikely Deaths among Iraqi civilians fell dramatically last month to their lowest levels in more than a year, because with so may killed already, they're that much harder to hit (150)
Daily Herald Scary Ugly-ass baby cubs attacked by parents at Brookfield Zoo. Ugly-ass baby Lou Piniella unavailable for comment (29)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Britney Spears loses custody of her children; now forced to use regular airbags when driving (748)
(woodtv.com) Dumbass For some reason cops think alcohol played a role in a man's decision to steal then subsequently crash five cars then go hide in a children's playhouse. "Can't walk on lava" defense didn't work on the cops... this time (25)
Independent Ironic British Culture Secretary who criticized newspapers for photoshopping news events allows himself to be photoshopped in news photo. Irony tag for "British Culture Secretary." (37)
Telegraph Amusing Facebook embarrasses France when PM’s son revealed to be member of “I am too proud of my poo” group (78)
Fond du Lac Reporter Sick Fond du Lac man arrested for being fond du little girls (110)
Yahoo Interesting Study shows that having women in the boardroom increases a company's bottom line. Especially when they are wearing tight skirts and have to get something out of the lowest drawer of the file cabinet (217)
Telegraph Scary In a surprisingly diplomatic overture, U.S. begins training Gulf nations' air forces for war with Iran (425)
Breitbart.com Dumbass Actual headline: "Schwarzenegger's blueprint for terminating British PM." No way is anyone going to misunderstand the joke here (89)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Couple owes the Illinois Tollway $80,571 in fines and missed tolls for blowing through tollways for the past two years (195)
CBS Miami Florida Nursing home evacuated in what was undoubtedly the slowest evacuation ever (47)
(NY Daily News) Interesting Secret security cameras in lower Manhattan that have been monitoring license plates for the past six months are no longer a secret (116)
AP Scary Ohio issues 1,416 speeding tickets last year for speeds over 100 mph (fine: $150). Drivers said they were just trying to get the hell out of Ohio (134)
Telegraph Interesting Today's "tennis coach has sex with pupil" story brought to you by the London Telegraph. Bonus: It's girl on girl. Fark: Mom knew (208)
(Harrisburg Patriot-News) Unlikely According to Wikipedia, the 2012 G8 summit of the world's top industrialized nations will take place in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania (120)
Telegraph Asinine ''We are not intruding into people's private lives" says a spokesman for the British government as they require phone companies to hand private data over to 650 public organizations (64)
(Some Gal) Photoshop Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: PRIDE (50)
Time Spiffy Princess Leia wins Ukrainian elections (281)
SuperDeluxe Video As wrestlers keep dying off, witness a world with "steroid free" wrestling (63)
St. Pete Times Cool Schools upgrade driver's ed with high-speed skids, spinouts, BMWs, Starbucks coffee (171)
Chicago Sun-Times Weird And now, for Mom's viewing pleasure, the birthday knife fight (79)
Sky News Dumbass World's dumbest terrorist attempts to take a bag full of grenades through U.S. embassy's metal detectors (94)
Chicago Sun-Times Amusing College professor sues college, claims he shouldn't have been fired over putting a note on a colleague's door that said "Jack sucks donkey c---" (109)
Wired Spiffy Reimagining environmentalism: "If this book doesn't piss off a whole lot of conservatives and a whole lot of liberals, we've failed" (348)
Space Interesting Turns out the Sputnik launch of 50 years ago was half unplanned and half scam (104)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this very relaxed lizard (75)
Miami Herald Florida Gentlemen, start your lawyers (83)
Homestar Runner Amusing Brought to you by a carbin-based lifeform (59)
590 KLBJ Interesting Turns out the whole "Genovese Syndrome" thing might be a bunch of hooey (260)
(Times Herald Record) Obvious Today's city where people have nothing better to do than bean seven-year-old kids with apples is Middletown, New York. Police seek suspect for questioning. Mets hope to find him first so they can replace Tom Glavine (66)
NYPost Interesting Man tells his girlfriend he's giving up strippers, drugs and late nights; gives her a $100,000 check she can cash if he breaks the promise. Guess why they're in court today (269)
Miami Herald Unlikely Parents shocked... *SHOCKED*... to find that their little angels are having sex in college (358)
(Bangkok Post) Amusing Actual headline: Trouser snake kills Cambodian man (56)
USA Today Ironic Study: People order higher-calorie meals at Subway than at McDonald's. Super-size me, Jared (279)
NYPost Stupid New York City is paying 757 employees to sit around and do nothing all day (104)
News.com.au Interesting Step 1: Clone the official Olympics Website. Step 2: Profit. Step 3: Don't drop the soap (27)
(Some Guy) Obvious First-ever right-hand-drive Hummer goes on sale in Britain. Apparently there are men wildly overcompensating for really small weens across the pond also (pic) (110)
STLToday Asinine Thousands of soldiers are discharged for what the military calls "pre-existing mental illness" so they don't have to provide long-term care. That some fine pre-screening your'e doing there, Uncle Sam (197)
Daily Mail Stupid Top headmaster says it's good for children to have a daily dose of fear. And if they don't eat their meat, they can't have any pudding (72)
News.com.au Sick You're a reporter in need of a story. Do you: A) Chase an ambulance and try to beat the lawyer? B) Listen to the police band on your radio? Or C) Convince a depressed man to kill himself with rat poison for the cameras? (41)
News.com.au Strange What's black, white and red all over? (122)
Fox News Stupid "It really does not matter to me who feels bad about it," says dealer of "The Nazi Collection" of bedspreads (233)