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Sun October 21, 2007
UPI Cool Teen wins trophy for 1,224-pound pumpkin. His secret? "You just come home and be with the pumpkin." (19)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Parrot mimics smoke alarm to awaken sleeping family and alert them to fire. Take that you stupid dalmation (61)
CBS New York Silly Tomato Juice 1, LaGuardia Airport 0 (62) Sappy Not News: Japanese soldier mails post card during World War II. News: American who intercepted the post card ensures its delivery. Fark: 64 years later. Should have called Kevin Costner (33)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Not news: Wife kills herself after shooting husband three times in domestic dispute. News: Husband walks away from hospital that night. Fark: The husband is submitter's uncle (134)
Yahoo Interesting New sudoku king crowned; scientists plan to use him to verify negative correlation between sudoku speed and ability to get laid (66)
TBO Florida Airline passenger in hurry to make connecting flight, asks flight attendant for band-aid to put on his gunshot wound (33)
(International Herald Tribune) Sad Wildfire burns church and castle. See, this is why you need a good moat (80)
Telegraph Hero This weekend's obituarial awesomeness: "The Great Omani could not hold a glass because he was flat on his back with his hands set in concrete, so the barmaid poured neat rum down his throat" (37)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Interesting National gas average is up 5 cents; EVERYONE PANIC (64)
News24 Strange Another a-hole with a drinking problem (70)
NYPost Obvious Ric Romeroish exclusive on how matchmaking customers misrepresent their looks and wallets to potential blind dates (94)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this talented young artist (58)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man buys truck on Craigslist. One year later, axle breaks and truck crashes into another car. Victim sues everyone who has ever owned the truck for negligence, and wins (151)
Chicago Tribune Stupid United's CEO is contemplating making economy passengers pay a fee if they don't want their luggage to come last off the plane (110)
(Some Guy) Spiffy To the delight of thirtysomethings everywhere, it's annual Franken Berry season (68)
( Interesting "She's Got Great Pumpkins, Charlie Brown." Young girls' costumes have gotten "skankier and skankier" say Halloween guru Kurt Perron (528)
BBC Asinine Nanny state firefighters banned from using ladders because "it is deemed a health and safety risk" (88)
AP Strange "Wild monkeys attack a New Delhi deputy mayor who falls to his death" What more can I say? (80)
IOL Interesting A 106-year-old man and an 81-year-old woman were married in a city in southeastern China. Bride's mother says they're excitedly planning their new family (34)
CBS News Strange Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, someone stole him from the anthropology department at the University of Illinois (40)
Sign On San Diego Stupid The police officer walked out of the doctor's office with signed authorizations that allowed him to buy marijuana for his dog, as well as for himself (78)
(Some Guy) Obvious South Carolina high school student expelled after accidentally bringing butter knife to school. "I know I made a really stupid decision but I don't think I should be expelled for it," she says (254)
BBC Scary Turkish soldiers attacked by Kurds. No whey (112)
Philly Asinine Man who forced a prostitute at gunpoint to have sex with him charged with armed robbery for "theft of services" (293)
(Pioneer Press) Dumbass Suicidal boy fires about 100 shots from inside his Hudson home. Umm, you're doing it wrong (59)
(the boston channel) Dumbass Teacher fired for showing a movie in which "the Bart character skateboards naked". HA HA (70)
Boston Globe Interesting Unemployed Colombian man wears iron mask as a part of his hunger strike. Dumas tag not an option here (67) Strange Emus 1, Bikers 0 (42)
NCBuy Dumbass Why you shouldn't have Chinese characters tattooed on your body unless you happen to be Chinese (371)
Google Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Combine a plane, a train and an automobile (68)
( Florida Two carjackers apprehended by police. From the mugshots, see if you can guess which one resisted arrest (131)
MSNBC Spiffy Orionids meteor shower to peak early Sunday morning (44)
Canoe Strange Apartment complex in NYC increases occupancy by 720,000 (54)
AFP Dumbass 21 year old takes first prize at the Darwin world surfing tour's latest stop, the New York subway (56)
Telegraph Sappy Twin sisters in England celebrate their 101st birthdays. When they were born, a pound of beef cost the equivalent of six cents, Edward VII was King, and Teddy Roosevelt was US President (60)
(The Missoulian) Hero Missoula county is not going to charge or enforce misdemeanor marijuana possession. Willie Nelson immediately contacts a real estate agent (135)
BBC Obvious Survey results reveal "staggering" amount of salt in fast food, "shocking" levels of blueness in sky (63)
Boston Herald Obvious Scientist say that energy drinks may be bad. They've obviously never gotten into the sack with a female hopped up on "jager-bombs" (194)
(Some Hungry Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these delicious-looking sandwiches (43)
Canoe Strange Colombian dogknappers demand $350,000 ransom (45)

Sat October 20, 2007
Yahoo Dumbass Note to self: If you're going to try and get away with a crime, don't write a book about it (66) Obvious Mainstream media picking up what Fark has been pointng out for years: "Sexual misconduct plagues U.S. schools" (57)
(Eagle Tribune) Interesting Trapper nabs two giant beavers. Hawkeye demands weekend leave to Tokyo (89)
(Greenfield Recorder) PSA "Some people love to have captive wolves because it gives them a sense of being close to nature." Don't be that guy (160)
(Some Sharkbait Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy swimmer (111)
Yahoo Scary Space shuttle, space station in grave danger of collision (195)
Fox News Interesting Baby thrown 40 feet during a tornado and is uninjured. Mr. and Mrs Kent are relieved their son is okay (59)
(CJOnline) Amusing When you are on the city dime, stopping to solicit a hooker is probably a bad idea (23)
(Press of Atlantic City) Dumbass 7 year old gets suspended for drawing a picture of "me" shooting "David" with a gun. Mom's spin: it was a water pistol. Dumbass tag for everyone involved (see drawing under "more photos") (222)
Boston Globe Scary Apparently the terrorists aren't enjoying as much success generating news these days so it's time for the press to help them out (78)
(Centre Daily Times) Dumbass Judge speechless when moran gives this reason for hitting a kid: "I'm not a morning person" (92)
(NewsNet5) Stupid University of Dayton to start offering a bachelors degree in Human Rights. So now Philosophy majors will have someone to talk to when flipping burgers (191) Asinine School overreacts to science project ingredients. To save face they charge student with causing false public alarm. Mayor of Boston unavailable for comment (269)
AFP Amusing First they attacked King Arthur and his knights. Then Jimmy Carter. Now they're back and have targeted Australian PM John Howard. Beware of the ... bunny (62)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this reader (73)
(Chattanoogan) Interesting Tennessee latest state to tell sex offenders, "No you can't have Halloween, not yours" regardless of whether their offense had anything to do with children or not (124)
(Sauk Valley Newspaper) Cool Testicles raise $25,000 for charity. Or when it gets cold (39)
([Japan]) Silly Fearing crime, Japanese now disguising themselves as vending machines (114)
CBS Green Bay Obvious Note to Human Resource Directors: When killing time at work, don't look at pix of nude women and girls on your computer. It could get you in trouble with HR (125)
Sun Sentinel Florida Car plows through fence, jumps pool and hot tub, and ends up inside house... ta-da (with video) (47)
SMH Scary Police officer questioning woman gets stabbed. With a dirty syringe. In the groin (79)
(Telegraph India) Dumbass This is the rule: if you are going to abandon your briefcase, don't leave a live grenade in it. If you must leave a grenade in it, don't also leave your identification there, because it makes it easy for police to find you (18)
BBC PSA ♫ Trick or treat with your spawn, But stay off of my lawn, That's in Moray ♫ (62)
( Amusing Police searching larceny suspect are surprised to discover that he has €500 worth of heroin hidden in his penis, and his cellphone (with charger) hidden in his rectum. The phone was on, but police did not confirm the ringtone (105)
LA Times Interesting The unlikely but true story about the marriage of the upstanding Mormon police chief and his exotic dancer wife (62)
(Bendigo Advertiser) Dumbass Massive, hours long search-and-rescue operation called off after parents discover their toddler was asleep in the house the whole time (38)
(Glasgow Daily Record) Interesting Perverts, gang fights and drug swap operations. Prison? Nope, just another day at the local library (37)
Fresno Bee Scary Woman shows up with a cardboard box filled with syringes, offers flu shots for $20 a person. "We thought it was strange" says Sassy Threads owner (35)
(Phucket Gazette) Strange Apparently, you can't just pour rice wine over a woman's breasts and call that a medical treatment, even if you are a Buddhist monk (39)
( Amusing Neighbor sees a young man trying to pull a pick-up out of a ditch with a four-wheeler, goes to lend a hand and dicovers the ATV the kid is using is his -- and so is the stuff in the truck (19)
Sun Sentinel Florida Cat show this weekend in Fark's favorite state. Look out for cats sleeping with kittens, catnip scandals (430)
Telegraph Asinine British school launches racism investigation against four-year-old boy (54)
(Quiet and courteous felon) Weird 7-11 store manager hands over store money, manhood to polite woman armed with a pocketknife (32)
(Some Scot) Scary One-eyed, deaf 82-year old decides to tow a trailer full of goodies to the farmer's market. At 88 miles per hour. Strangely, this didn't happen in Florida (20)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Overflowing cleavage and mug shots? Oh yes, The Smoking Gun is there (147)
YouTube Hero 9/11 Truthers heckle Real Time with Bill Maher. Bill Maher jumps up and kicks truther out: "ass kicking is what's called for" (link now goes to video - not safe for work language) (723)
(wymt news) Dumbass Kentucky man decides to download child porn at public library. Bonus: in front of a cop (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this funky beach (45)
BBC Interesting A gambler known as the Fat Man has won his appeal against a High Court ruling to pay back a £2m debt amassed in just one night at a London casino. Notorious B.I.G. unavailable in Las Vegas for comment (35)
Miami Herald Florida Just in time for Halloween, woman finds the unexpected when visiting aunt's grave. "Someone had taken her skull and her rib cage. It had flooded and there were chicken feathers in there" (45)
Newsday Stupid Not news: Woman steals from church thrift shop. News: It was $700K and the criminal mastermind wanted to blow it all on lotto tickets. Fark: That's a woman? (59)
(Some Guy) Interesting Dumbledore was gay all along. Late-night visits to Gandalf's finally explained (464)
BBC Obvious Scientists come up with composite of "funniest face in Britain." Composite has teeth, so submitter calls shenanigans (96) Obvious "Why does rabbit remain so marginal in our meat-hungry diet? No doubt 'fluffy bunny syndrome' is a factor. Greetings cards, toys and children's wallpaper repackage the rabbit as the cutest and cuddliest of all our fauna" (164)
Fox News Cool It's 2,795 miles to Santa Monica, we've got a BMW M5, police scanners, a CB radio, a radar detector, laser jammers, it's dark, and our stabilized binoculars have night vision. HIT IT (139)
Yahoo Obvious Those cheap, unbranded, crappy toy animals you bought for your little angels at Wal-Mart... Guess where they came from and guess what element they have too much of (77)
Newsday Strange "The Brazilian" may be responsible for the rapid decline of crabs (pubic lice) in the wild and a Dutch museum wants samples before it's too late (161)
AP Interesting Your city's primary water source is in jeopardy of running out and there is no backup plan. Have a nice weekend Atlanta (90)
WJRT Amusing Houston woman finds Jesus in a towel she used to clean air conditioner (83)
Yahoo Strange Vermont woman wants black and white miniature horse for a service animal. No word on exactly what service he will be performing (23)
(Idaho Statesman) Dumbass Grocery chain SuperValu taken for over 10 million dollars in Nigerian e-mail scam (87)

Fri October 19, 2007
SFGate Followup Illusionist David Copperfield is at the center of an FBI investigation after a Seattle woman accused him of raping her in the Bahamas. OW (176)
Bangor Daily News Interesting To comply with Maine’s American Indian community, Squaw Point Road will now be know as Ugly White Slut Lane (53)
KNBC Strange Good news: San Francisco eliminates its homeless problem. Bad news: Now it has a goat problem (63) Obvious Viagra reportedly being used recreationally. Captain obvious asks not to be bothered for, oh, 3 or 4 hours (109)
CBC News Plane crashes into building in Vancouver (138)
BBC Interesting Report: Warm wind a culprit in arctic melt. Future plans include asking all cows to graze facing in a northerly direction (40)
Computerworld Obvious "Why is it that so many organizations have still not implemented encryption, at least on their laptops and other mobile devices? Laptop losses aren't exactly rare" (124)
(Some Guy) Florida Locals relieved to discover that the reported explosion was merely 1957 Chevrolet pickup with two jet engines mounted in truck bed (26)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Unidentified man turns water in Trevi fountain red. Witnesses decribe him as "having a white beard, staff, and sounding like Charlton Heston" (43) Interesting Marine Corps updates what personnel can wear on- and off-duty: No shiny metal or gems on their teeth, no designs carved in their hair, no bling, no belly shirts, no cleavage. Now give me 20 (186) Amusing Police raid vacant house; you guess why they ended up naked and showering together (43)
STLToday Obvious Female prison guard accused of having sex with inmate and allowing him to use her cell phone to brag to his homies that he just banged the prison guard (52)
Stuff Unlikely "Parents urged not to sex up children" (79)
KNBC Cool Just in time for Halloween: 15 most famous ghost photos (211)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Redesign this safety poster (76)
(Hello) Amusing When you absolutely, positively have to kill every Cabbage Patch Kid and Smurf in the place, you must use the Hello Kitty AK-47 (109)
KNBC Dumbass Teacher busted for molesting 14-year-old boy (with home school hittable pic) (117)
Philly Amusing Actual headline: "Hey We're not just fat -- we're ugly, too" (72)
MSNBC Followup Indonesian volcano calms down, attempts to lure 116,000 evacuees back into range (27)
Orlando Sentinel Followup The Orlando Sentinal proudly announces that their tiny competitor, Orlando Weekly, had almost their entire ad staff arrested on prostitution charges (73)
Yahoo Followup If you have a cough/cold/fever and you are under the age of 12, the FDA would like to invite you to suck it (78)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass Elderly man commits suicide in painfully unique way: Shotgun loaded with a flare (146)
Yahoo Stupid Thousands of Indonesians forced to evacuate slopes of active volcano. Why are there thousands of people living on the slopes of a volcano? (64)
SeattlePI Stupid Seattle airport cancels Christmas, removes offensively religious trees with red ribbons (189)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Man released from federal custody after massive "pot farm" found to be wild hemp (with "yeah, sure it's not pot" picture goodness) (55)
(Cracked) Interesting The five weirdest urban legends ... that really happened (92)
(Random House) Dumbass Random House's "Top 100 novels" poll puts "Battlefield Earth" at No. 3. Subby's tag poll choices are Dumbass, Sad, Sick, Stupid or Scary... subby picks Dumbass (366)
(Ya Another List) Interesting Top 15 manipulated photos. FARK gets mentioned in number 9 (135)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Nun murdered by ninja." Stories like this are the entire reason this place exists (63)
(KPHO) Stupid Arizona prosecutor seeking information on people who viewed a webpage, arrests newspaper staff for story about it (133)
CBS Philadelphia Stupid Constable arrests car salesman because he once sold a car to a woman who later got a $10 parking ticket (63)
WTMJ Asinine County Administrator: "Church bakesale at our courthouse violates separation of church and state, please enjoy these flowers instead." (245) Amusing Canadian study reveals Ottawa as rudest city, Moncton the most polite (164)
Reason Magazine PSA Standing still on a public sidewalk, in a noticable manner, is now illegal. Move along citizen, or we'll bust your ass (170)
WFTV Florida Orange County vice investigators want the Orlando Weekly to cancel ads they say are really fronts for prostitution. Orlando Weekly tells vice to suck it (95)
USA Today Cool IRS orders casinos to report wins of more than $5,000, beginning in March. Submitter is going to double down on 2-8 offsuit, order the dealer to "go fish", and splash the pot (98)
Slate Interesting A debate on why moonshine is illegal, but you can still brew up to 200 gallons of beer or produce 200 gallons of wine per year (148)
(Some Guy) Followup William Shatner will not do a cameo in the upcoming Star Trek movie after all. Also, Shatner is not God (108)
(Some Guy) Amusing Mothers Against Drunk Driving against Mothers Against Illegal Aliens using "Mothers Against" again (95)
(Some Guy) Asinine High School students vote to remove gender from Homecoming King and Queen ballots. School responds by cancelling election. Nothing to see here, move along (108)
SFGate Obvious "We pamper our kids, overemphasize fairness in competition and keep them indoors. Kids aren't learning how to get hurt, lose, fend for themselves, find their balance and discover dangers - all important parts of growing up." (315)
(New York Times) Amusing News: Iraq on the mend, awarding $1.1b in contracts to build power plants. Fark: With Iranian and Chinese companies (128)
Gizmodo Amusing Man builds $30,000 jumbo-jet simulator in his bedroom. Now looking for "flight attendants" (94)
CBS Minneapolis Hero City council gives firemen permission to drink beer at the station after fighting fires (101)
(Some Carbon-Based Lifeform) Scary Robotic anti-aircraft gun goes rogue, spraying hundreds of high-explosive shells everywhere during live-fire exercise. Next step: Find Sarah Connor (137)
Baltimore Sun Scary Full fuel truck stolen in Baltimore. Submitter is not taking any tunnels or bridges tonight (104)
(KPTV) Strange Phony kidnapper forces woman to have aural sex (74)
CSMonitor Interesting China has a boy surplus, which will exacerbate crime and violence but provide surplus of WoW gold miners (233)
( Dumbass Lady calls 911 to report she thinks she ran into a giraffe with her car, in South Carolina. With audio goodness (84)
(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review) Dumbass "Excuse me, officer. This DUI notice must be a mistake. I've already been deported" (59)
SuperDeluxe Amusing Man who charges $350 for abduction of little boy plans to start daycare service. Price point leads to hundreds of unattended children (67)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Brussels sprouts (83)
The Virginian Pilot Followup Ordinance prohibiting ice-cream-truck drivers from using music -- or anything but a bell -- to beckon customers is ruled unconstitutional. A victory for free speech and Bomb Pops (92)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Ironic Casino-rich tribe impresses primitive white people with token gift (121)
(SCUBA Bob) Spiffy If you must crash your car into the bay and sink, you might as well do it when the members of a lifeguard scuba team are nearby performing a training drill (33) Interesting Researchers claim that women with sexsomnia -- having sex while fast asleep -- is a growing problem. Married men everywhere recommending Nyquil as a possible treatment (436) Scary "A kamikaze squirrel fell from the sky and detonated a woman's car" (142)
Des Moines Register Dumbass Reporter tries to reference "The Big Lebowski" in story, fails miserably. Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man (144)
(Some Guy) PSA Tornado strikes Amish community. Hundreds without power (132)
CBS Salt Lake City Followup State trooper who was let go for having sex with a porn star at a traffic stop will not receive a happy ending (125)
BBC Followup Dr. Watson suspended by research lab for acting like deoxyribonucleic asshat (576)
(CourierPost) Dumbass State trooper shoots himself in hand, limiting his ability to pistol whip the next guy who says shenanigans (82)
Reuters Ironic Chinese entrepreneurs opening Mao-themed restaurants. There's one downtown, right next to the Helen Keller Books N' Music Emporium (87)
USA Today PSA FDA says ED drugs may cause hearing loss. Could this be a blessing in disguise? (77)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Ben Stein helps out Al Franken in his quest for a Senate seat, rules out a "Franken-Stein 08" presidental run (179)
Yahoo Obvious Brits are less popular after Europeans get to know them (82)
(Woo! DC!) Cool Final Reminder: DC Fark party on Saturday at 6:30pm. LGT directions (113)
( Strange Today's "naked burglar" story brought to you by Palm Springs and a backyard lounge chair (25)
(Some Guy) Sad The six best Bruce Campbell movies you'll never see (207)
SFGate Obvious Growers complaining about new regulations on how they must handle their nuts. "I think it's being shoved down all of our throats" (43)
London Times Amusing Using a military helicopter to spy on a sexy sunbather? Priceless. No. Not really: £250,000 (90)
Yahoo Hero Couple catches burglar in the act in their home, forces him to clean up his mess at gunpoint until police arrive to taunt him when he complains (638)
CBS Minneapolis Asinine Italian authorities take away children of U.S. soldier for "abandoning" them with her fiancée when she was deployed (105) Dumbass Drunk tourist dives onto crocodile (50)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop "Node 2," the next addition to the International Space Station, scheduled to launch Oct. 23rd on Shuttle Discovery (64)
CNN Followup "Dawn of the Dead" zombie James Watson apologizes for calling blacks stupid, tasty (335)
BBC Asinine Not content with mounting CCTV cameras every three feet, police in London now putting concealed listening devices randomly on the streets just so no one can have a private conversation (157)
AFP Amusing Britain to recruit spies by placing ads in video games. Must have lvl 70 rogue with at least 31 points in subtlety (93)
( Interesting Two Kansas high school girls banned from wearing breast cancer awareness t-shirts saying "Save 2nd Base" (141)
Reuters Strange Italy does its part to slow global warming by ordering prisoners to make ice cream (22)
The Sun Scary Ugly-ass, three-inch long newborn baby monkey unveiled by London zoo (pic gallery) (31)
Reuters NewsFlash "Mr Swirly Face," the child molestor also known as Christopher Paul Neil, has been arrested in Thailand (250)
Yahoo Weird Woman returns home after an extended absence and found a strange man in her bed and a woman wearing her clothes (58)
X-Entertainment Cool Evil tool of Satan, or coolest children's toy of all time? (81)

Thu October 18, 2007
NBC 11 Interesting "When The Lights Go Down In The City" isn't just lyrics in a Journey song. It's what will happen in San Francisco Saturday night to promote energy conservation (175)
(Some Beach Bum) Photoshop Photoshop this rusted-out beach (73)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ho-hum. Another day, another teacher sex scandal. With "would-you-hit-it?" picture goodness (180)
Yahoo Spiffy Autistic hiker found. Definitely (89)
(Some cancer guy) Asinine "I'm sorry you have cancer. You're fired." (219)
( Strange It's no illusion -- FBI raids David Copperfield's warehouse (133)
Telegraph Scary Good news: Schools will no longer be isuing recorders to students to teach music, sparing their families much shrill whistling and squeaking. Bad news: They're being replaced with ukuleles (100)
ABC News Stupid New York couple head to court after bride refuses to return guy's $48,800 engagement ring after they split up. In related news, there are idiots who spend $48,800 on engagement rings (483)
Yahoo Asinine Quadriplegic man wins lawsuit over police officers who searched him by hanging him on concrete wall. At least they didn't call him Art (103)
Yahoo Interesting Attractive employees earn more for the same work. Men also earn more for the same work. Ergo your boss is gay (162)
Fox News Asinine Dear Boy Scouts Cradle of Liberty Council: As a consequence of your not accepting gays, the annual rent for your headquarters will increase from $1 to $200,000. Signed, The City of Brotherly Love (766)
(Beertown) Interesting Check if your favorite craft brew won a medal at the Great American Beerfest. Note on quality of competition: Hamms and Old Milwaukee Light won gold medals (one-page PDF) (176)
(TPM) Interesting Sen. Chris Dodd, whose campaign support languishes in single digits, to place hold on telecom bill if it includes retroactive immunity (81)
MSNBC Stupid MSNBC asks how a family earning $80k can afford four houses and an HDTV, while another family earning $100k lives paycheck to paycheck. Subby wonders whether hookers and blow are involved (332)
(Some Guy) Cool Guess...who...IS...going to be...IN..the new...Star (312)
AP Scary Newly returned Pakistan former prime minister survives bomb attack which kills at least 30, wounds over 100 (177)
CNN Spiffy Farmers sue DEA for the right to grow industrial hemp (191)
WNBC Interesting Yankees: Hey Torre, come back for 1 more year. Torre: suck it (236)
CBS 4 Denver Amusing Firefighters rush to rescue man who got his finger stuck in picnic table. Victim embarrassed by all the attention, including posting on Fark (58)
Telegraph Obvious Babies destroy social life, according to study sponsored by institute to determine color of sky, wetness of water, gravitational field of Rosie O'Donnell (323)
CNN Florida 95 out of 200 residents in Florida trailer park are sex offenders, slightly besting Congress (157)
CNSNews Ironic Cigarette tax proposed to fund kids' health care program. So, more smokers equals healthier kids? (165)
Yahoo Unlikely New study shows feminists have healthier, more romantic relationships. Wait, what? (490)
CBS Salt Lake City Scary Fake bombs getting through LAX 75% of the time. But flying REALLY is the safest form of travel (176)
Yahoo Sad Rat Pack now completely reunited in the afterlife, scheduled to perform two shows nightly (157)
Yahoo Asinine Bush veto of child health bill sustained. Suck it poor kids (784)
(Endgame the Movie) Unlikely New film by conspiracy nutbar Alex Jones tells you why the "elites" want to exterminate 80 percent of the world's population and live forever with the help of machines. Damn... he's on to us (211)
WTOP Asinine Feds: "Uh, we don't know what you're teaching in that school, but you're funded by the Saudis and teaching Islam, so we're just going to close you while we investigate." School: "You could just ask." (267)
(Some Lama) Caption Caption the Dalai Lama's words of wisdom to President Bush (162)
YouTube Video Today's 70s Children's show, now creepy as hell: The Electric Company ~ "Billy Lick a Lolly" (265)
AJC Dumbass Olympic bomber and anti-abortionist extremist who bombed clinics has his mommy complaining about his prison conditions. Somebody call the waaahmbulance (181)
(HBO) Video What would Jesus drive? "I just assumed my god would have a driver." (Sponsored Link) (95)
(North Obvious Teenager sues police department for rough treatment, even though they apologized to him for accidentally running him over (55)
Daily Mail Hero Homeowner sick of having people's cats trespassing on his lawn "relocates" them at least 25 miles away and sends letters to owners telling them to be more responsible with their next pet (pics) (1353)
(Some Cyclist) Photoshop Photoshop this strange hybrid bicycle wheelbarrow thingie (56)
(Some Guy) Obvious "As Todd Hanson, story editor for The Onion, puts it, 'Fake news is kind of becoming a thing now.'" It's not news here (62)
CNN Scary Storms destroy beer tents in Oklahoma. Why does God hate humanity? (79)
Yahoo Obvious This may come as a shock but studies have shown that technology has made it easier to *gasp* access porn at work. Ric Romero on the scene (149)
Yahoo Followup Madison Square Garden and New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas ask judge to reduce $11.6 million award in harassment case because they feel it exceeds constitutional limits. Thomas also feels she was "asking for it" (69)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When your house is on fire it's usually best not to interfere with the firefighters (83)
(Gulf Daily News) Dumbass When the police ask to see your identification, it's very important to make sure that there isn't a piece of hashish stuck to it before giving it to them (50)
Yahoo Dumbass A thief caught shoplifting a packet of cheese from a supermarket in Germany tried to make his getaway, like anyone would, in a cement mixer (35)
Yahoo PSA Seriously, water polo is not played with horses people (32)
BBC Interesting UK gets first "Minister for Students". Meh. What would a politician know about ridiculously long holidays, recreational drugs and avoiding getting a proper job for as long as possib- Oh, wait (24)
(TPM) Asinine Putting their money where their mouth is, Republicans are now offering amendments to Democrat-sponsored bills saying they support Osama Bin Laden (299)
11 Alive Dumbass Armed KFC robber flees to local cemetery and eludes police. In related news, Zombies rising in time for Halloween (61)
CNN Obvious Another day, another French president who can't make his marriage work (68)
The Virginian Pilot PSA A guy selling prescription drugs out of a house "deemed unsuitable for habitation" is probably not a licensed pharmacist (21)
The Sun Amusing Parrot copies rugby team's chants, abuses the referee (w/vid) (29)
Comedy Central Video "Ah Kyle, I believe a certain someone is supposed to put a certain set of balls in their mouth." (215)
MSNBC Followup And then there were .... uh.... one less as Sen. Brownback (R-Who's he) quits the 2008 presidential campaign (184)
Yahoo Followup Hookers provided to Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham on a Hawaian vacation testify in trial of man accused of bribing him. Shockingly, they were all female and of age (199)
BBC Sappy 10-week-old kitten survives 20-minute cycle in washing machine, becomes town's cleanest pussy (with photo) (123)
BBC Dumbass Man stages robbery of his own shop, only to get caught by his own CCTV system (29)
(Science Daily) Unlikely Using a water pipe is as addictive as other forms of tobacco smoking. In other news, some people actually use tobacco in water pipes (155)
News24 Strange County prosecutor: "I have a category of crimes that I like to refer to as 'aggravated stupid'." Fark already has that category of crimes, and it's called Option C (51)
(NZ City News) Interesting Catch a thief - get beer for life (35)
TBO Florida Man rigs trap door in the bottom of his trailer and parks over the underground fuel tanks at gas stations to suck up free gas. Since you're hearing about it on Fark, it's obvious he didn't think his cunning plan through (111) Sad There was an old writer named Mailer / whose ex seems concerned he can't nail her / he soon might be dead / in a hospital bed / and she'll have to go find her a sailor (60)
BBC Strange Woman protests plan to close care homes by posing as Lady Godiva and riding a mobility scooter through town (with SFW "Do Not Want" pic) (47)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Scientist subs supercomputer with an array of eight Ps3s to study black holes. Scientist considered using Xbox 360s but was afraid the gargantuan black hole of failure that would result from eight RROD boxes would consume the universe (163)
Yahoo Misc A poll shows that 25% of Germans believe there were some positive aspects to Nazi rule. Do you know who else thought there were positive aspects to Nazi rule? (406) Asinine Cocaine and heroin addicts being given extra drugs as a reward for good behaviour in rehab (33)
(Some Model Citizen) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely sweatshirt model (72)
The Sun Sappy Cutest pic of a naked guinea pig you'll see today (60)
Sun Sentinel Florida 22-year-old lab tech MILF sentenced to 1 year in county jail for having sex with 14-year-old boy in a park, her car, her apartment and a motel room. Tag says it all (with news video) (125)
ABC News Scary Woman finds 7 foot python in her toilet (59)
NCBuy Amusing Doctors find toothbrush in woman's nose. Umm, you're doing it wrong (26) Obvious The Irish distrust and dislike all foreigners (155)
The Sun Interesting British funeral homes forced to clarify to public that pets must ALSO be dead before they will be allowed to be buried with their owners (14)
(Petoskey News) Obvious Newspaper publisher complains that Americans can no longer express themselves without swearing. Can you believe that sh*t? (75)
CBS 4 Denver Scary The biggest threat to America strikes again (115)
(SI Live) Strange Principal under fire after calling student "Spleen Boy" - referring to boy whose spleen burst after he was pelted with dozens of hardcover textbooks during a math class "Quiet Game" supervised by first-time sub teacher. Yeah (103)
CBS New York Stupid Old and foolish Halloween prank: Eggs. Hot and ghoulish Halloween prank: Frozen paintballs (147)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 128: "Wallpaper This" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (415)

Wed October 17, 2007
11 Alive Asinine School board OKs birth control for middle schoolers, beer and wine to be considered next meeting (156)
AP Amusing The dollar's falling, oil prices are rising, things are heating up in Iran and Iraq, how the fark are we going to pay for retired Baby Boomers - ooohh look it's Snowball the dancing cockatoo (85)
(Some Copier) Dumbass Stupid: Students try to create counterfeit bills in class. Stupider: Teacher charged with obstruction of justice related to case. Stupidest: Because she helped (70) Stupid Smuggling Speedos into Gitmo. "(It) sounds funny until a guy is hanging at the end of a Speedo drawstring." Nope, it still sounds pretty funny (60)
SMH Spiffy Kid uses knowledge from TV medical shows to help injured friend. Good thing it wasn't lupus (78)
(Some Guy) Cool NYC Fark Party Thursday the 18th (Tomorrow) LGT Venue, DIT (78)
CNN Misc Actual headline: "Man finds problems in raising the dead." It's not news, it's CNN (45)
Kotaku Cool Behold the awesome Space Invaders pumpkin, with bonus Atari logo on the back. Pew pew Pewpewpew (74)
Yahoo Unlikely Healthy Halloween treats? Blasphemy, subby says (108)
(Daily News Tribune) Amusing City hires actors to go to bars and pretend to be drunk. Bartenders mistake actors for sober people with "special needs" (82)
(Lithgow Mercury) Silly National Novel Writing Month set to attract people with no life and too much time on their hands, but no one here would know what that's like, right? (133)
ABC News Interesting Spanish warship seizes U.S. treasure boat. In other news, the Spanish Armada is still active (105)
KnoxNews Sad Study links pregnant smokers with mental illness. Is there anything left that isn't caused by depression? (63)
(Freakonomics) Scary Owner of online poker website Absolute Poker caught cheating versus his own player base (190)
USA Today Followup The president of Oral Roberts University, who definitely did not steal from the endowment to pay for vacations, just coincidentally decided to quit his job (72)
(Some Guy) Dumbass In a rare display of hard-nosed crimefighting, Portland, Oregon will now offer a) tougher penalties for crimes, b) bigger prisons, c) more cops or d) a morning wake-up call? (66)
(Hot Air) Followup Liberal radio host Randi Rhodes, who was first mugged by a conservative, then fell walking her dog, then took a spill while drunk, was actually attacked, but it was "not a hate crime." Is that clear? (178)
(ocregister) Dumbass Teens hacks into O.C. 911 system, prompting armed response to home of unsuspecting couple. Teen faces charges of falsely reporting a crime, assault with an assault weapon by proxy and a felony count of impersonating Lyle Lovett without a permit (116)
Boston Globe Stupid More and more parents claiming "religious exemption" to avoid having their children vaccinated for school (392)
Hartford Courant Obvious Holding up the line to ask how much coffee a large cup holds? That's a slashin' (75)
Google Stupid "Congress has little to show for all the time that has gone by," says Bush, strumming his veto-ink-stained fingers on his desk made from the corpses of impoverished children (367)
Newsweek Unlikely Latest no-doubt-bogus media-created "growing trend" is twenty-somethings who follow their dream and rely on Mom and Dad for help (266) Asinine The Spanish word for devil (Diablo) is too offensive for a vanity plate but '666' is acceptable? No doubt due in large part to the huge Spanish speaking population in Saskatchewan (80)
LA Times Amusing The Los Angeles Times wants you to know that while it's tough to take cow flatulence seriously, it's no joke. Adds that it's a "silent but deadly source of greenhouse gases." But remember: It's no joke (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting English fire departments ponder adding surcharge for when they need to rescue a grotesquely obese person from their home (112)
Reuters Interesting Canada's Transportation Safety Board tells ferry crews to stop smoking so much pot on the job (44)
( Silly Ohio strippers can't be naked after midnight? That's farked up (91)
(Union Leader) Amusing New Hampshire would like your help in renaming their community colleges. "Thirteenth Grade" reportedly the most common suggestion so far (150)
AP Dumbass Today's theft of a laptop full of personal data brought to you by Home Depot and the number 10,000 (67)
(WTMJ) Amusing Two men rob a business. One is 6'3" and 300 pounds, one is 5'0" and 150 pounds. Which one do you think tried to disguise himself as a woman? (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this curious shore looker (93)
(Some Guy) Obvious Stock Analysts change the rating on NY Times stock from 'sell' to 'oh the humanity' (65)
( Hero Is our children learning? Of course: "The self-proclaimed World's Strongest Man bent a frying pan into the shape of a taco with his bare hands Tuesday at Berkeley High School" (104)
(NOAA) Scary NOAA calling for tornado outbreak across eastern OK and AR. Time to grab the cams and fire up the chase mobiles (187)
Comedy Central Followup Video of Stephen Colbert announcing his run for President. What next, Drew as his running mate? (211) Dumbass What does a lame duck do for attention? Mention World War III (657)
STLToday Obvious Reader reponds to story about child whipping arrest by suggesting: A) "Can't we all just get along?" B) Children need love and attention. C) 10 swats with a belt is not unreasonable to keep black men out of prison. (Near end) (270)
SFGate Amusing Archbishop apologizes for giving communion to gays dressed as nuns (94)
Chicago Sun-Times Strange For those of you keeping track of such things, it turns out a screwdriver in the rectum is worth $4 million (112)
SFGate Interesting Family of four needs to earn minimum of $77,000 annually just to be able to scrape by in San Francisco. Good news, however: Rice-A-Roni still free for residents (352)
SuperDeluxe Video Britney flashes her crotch to social workers. This just might get her kids back (268)
Independent Dumbass Nobel Prize-winning geneticist claims black people aren't as smart as white people. Naturally, a calm assessment of his data and conclusions will ensue (958)
CNN NewsFlash Turkey to invade Iraq. Bush: Gobble gobble (393)
BBC Misc Pope to elevate 23 new cardinals. Must be great that they can do this to each other publicly now (34)
Reuters Silly According to Google's statistics, Chile leads the world in searching for the word "gay." According to Nelson from The Simpsons, "Ha... ha..." (72)
Washington Post Stupid "We have some schools calling it 'Harvest Day.' What are we even harvesting these days? Let's call it what it is, and let the kids be kids" (175)
Yahoo Followup Step 1: Fall down a well. Step 2: Capture the hearts of the American people. Step 3: Wait 20 years. Step 4: Profit to the tune of $1 million (205)
Newsday Strange Chocolate Jesus to return. Never has redemption been so delicious (99)
BBC Unlikely Study concludes that "obesogenic" society to blame for epidemic of fatties, not individuals. Personal responsibility not actually dead, just in a Twinkie-induced sugar coma (175)
Pravda Obvious Plastic surgery can make a beautiful human being look like Michael Jackson (52)
WFTV Florida Customers of exotic dancer file 9mm complaint with Better Boobies Bureau (34)
Chicago Sun-Times Silly Islamic-themed comic book debuts today. Issue No. 1 features new superhero The Burkanator, who fights Great Satan Corrupt Western Culture Man (132) Cool Bush excited to meet Dalai Lama, says it's been years since he's been to the zoo (119)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Find the five differences in each trippy level (86)
Washington Post Sad It takes $2.8 billion a year to feed U.S. troops in Iraq, but that's in post-bribery dollars (121)
(Some Guy) PSA Let us never forget October 17th, 1840, the day a river of beer killed nine and demolished two houses. If only we could all be so lucky to die this way (62)
Washington Post Interesting Study shows the costs of global warming will outweigh its benefits -- wait, benefits? (245)
Boston Globe Scary "Spock raised a manicured eyebrow at Kirk, causing a shudder of glee to course through the virile captain at the prospect of an off-duty night of ecstasy." Taking at look at fan fiction (214) Followup Defying the 1959 territorial treaty, Britain claims rights to a vast Antarctic seabed, joining Canada, Russia, and some other damn country in claiming ice (48)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Life is too short to drink bad beer. Here are a few ways to maximize your beer value (172)
CBS New York Obvious Almost half of all people living in New Jersey want to live somewhere else (169)
(Greenville Online) Dumbass Woman talking on cell phone while driving makes wrong turn onto railroad tracks in front of speeding Amtrak train. The Smoking Car is there (with video) (136)
(Washington Times) Obvious Blackwater chairman Erik Prince: I am above the (Iraqi) law (247)
AP Followup Syria unconfirms Syrian ambassador to U.N.'s confirmation that Israel attached a nuclear facility in Syria (130)
(U.N.) Followup Syrian ambassador to U.N. confirms that Israel attacked a nuclear facility in Syria. (Three-quarters of the way down.) (25)
BBC Obvious Euro 2008 qualifier update: Russia 4, England 0 -- and that's before the match has even started (37)
(Customers Suck) Hero Teen buys a bottle of malt vinegar, drinks half of it, gets sick. Mother tries to get employee who sold it to him fired. Store worker gets sweet revenge of the highest order (333)
Flickr Photoshop Fotoshop this farking freaky façade (68)
BBC Asinine You accidentally shot dead an innocent man. Do you: C) Photoshop his picture to make him look like a terrorist? (64)
(WLWT) Dumbass In effort to throw off Lucky Charm hunters, leprechaun opens car door for drunk, pantless man. Bonus: A new mugshot for your collection (43)
(NY Daily News) Obvious Forget the lawn, stay out of the 81-year-old pistol-packing granny's laundry room (26)
JSOnline Scary Step 1: Hide in tree with bow for deer hunting. Step 2: Bear cub climbs same tree. Step 3: Bear cub calls mama (134)
(TheArgus) Amusing Woman attacked for having big breasts (30JJ in case you were wondering) (354)
AP Dumbass Drinking + driving + speeding + texting + freight train... this should end well (38)
(Station Square) Cool Reminder: This Saturday, October 20th, Pittsburgh Fark Party: Hooters at Station Square, 8 p.m. The line to complain, rip on the city, hate on the Steelers, post the fatty Steelers fan pic, etc. starts over here --> (59)
TBO Florida Drinking buddies decide to resolve age-old "shovel vs. stabbing" debate. Apparently ended in draw (21)
(Moscow Times) Spiffy In democratic Russia, shepherd saves EWE (35)
Washington Post Asinine The TSA has successfully implemented new security measures to protect its critical data. Just kidding, they lost two more laptops containing the personal information of over 3,000 people (35)
BBC Amusing Australia discovers the best way to tackle speeding male drivers isn't to add more cameras or limits, but to suggest they've got tiny wangs (80)
Yahoo Dumbass You're at the hospital because of a drinking binge. Do you: A) Vow never to drink again? B) Vow to reform your life? C) Slam two vials of blood you mistakenly confuse for alcohol? (32)
Free Press Amusing Sen. Larry Craig claims to be a victim of what he calls “gladiator politics.” Nope, not gay at all (178)
SMH Interesting "You don't often come across the word 'suckatorium' in official documents" (27)
The Sun Asinine Nanny State about to charge drivers who smoke behind the wheel and strip them of car insurance (72)
The Sun Dumbass British government report praises education standards on the Isle of Wight. FAIL: government spells it "Isle of White" through the whole damn report (54)
(Syrophenikan) Photoshop Photoshop this cat who is preparing to devour your soul (89)
(The Argus) Weird Not news: Door falls on customer at DIY hardware store. News: And the customer who tries to rescue him. Fark: And the customer who tries to rescue them. WTF: And the paramedic who tries to extract them (70)
Newsday Dumbass You're just released on bail for a DUI. Do you: A) Go home? B) Go to church? Or C) Buy a 12-pack and drink it on the courthouse lawn? (34)
AP Spiffy Stephen Colbert running for president of the United States of America (361)
(BayNews9) Sappy Nine-year-old boy to walk 250 miles to state capitol to raise money for homeless children, skip school for 23 days (29)
Toronto Star Asinine Having solved all other problems, the Quebec legislature bans the word "weathervane" (74)
ABC News Sappy Today's "64-year-old convicted killer who escaped prison 35 years ago and lived quietly ever since" story brought to you by Pulaski, Tennessee. Oh yeah... it's a woman, and the murder weapon may well have been her appearance. (With pic) (76)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Mother of missing toddler Madeleine McCann says the reason why people don't feel sympathy for her is because she is "too hot" (140)
Daily Mail Unlikely Woman cursed by King Tut. And more than once a month apparently (34)
ABC 4 Strange "The hypnotist followed the same script that he has for years, without experiencing prior incidents. On this particular evening, two students had a negative reaction" (170)

Tue October 16, 2007
Yahoo Sad Cemetery workers in Iraq may go hungry if the U.S. doesn't step up the killing (67)
(Northwest Florida Daily News) Florida Stripper calls cops after patron gropes her, then he tells investigators she breached an oral-sex contract. It goes without saying this happened in Florida (48)
(WCAX) Dumbass Police: Man breaks, enters, steals egg-and-bacon breakfast sandwich. Mmm.... bacon (32)
(Some Guy) Unlikely From the Deparment of Making Stuff Up: New study shows that majority of U.S. adults are morning people (80)
1010WINS Cool Dog survives fire by jumping in tub, breathing through drain, your dog wants a breathing apparatus (43)
Reuters Obvious Vodak makes inroads in world's biggest Scotch market, probably because drinkers find that no matter how much Dr. Pepper they mix it with, single-malt still has that unpleasant "whisky" taste (147)
The Sun Spiffy National Orgasm Week starts today. This should end well (110)
Time Ironic People in India realizing that working in a call center sucks (188)
Reuters Interesting ACLU helps US Army officer win lawsuit to obtain conscientious objector status and honorable discharge, on the basis that his Christian beliefs are incompatible with military service (247)
Rocky Mountain News Stupid Woman arrested for shouting profanities at her overflowing toilet. Talk about a potty mouth (89)
( Obvious Don't let anything like being innocent until proven guilty get in the way (130)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this brick structure (75)
MSNBC Obvious "I'm exercising but I'm still fat. What should I do?" (413)
Local6 Florida Why Fark has a "Florida" tag, reason No. 12,794: Central Florida strip club offers free flu shots with the purchase of two lap dances (50)
(Big Head DC) Hero There's something about the Rockettes performing for the legless troops at Walter Reid that just seems awkward (54)
(Some Guy) Cool The worst part about shooting home invaders is having to get out of bed to grab the shotgun. Well, not anymore with these bed-mounted shotguns (232)
BBC Stupid Canadians wearily prepare to leave their igloos and trudge through snowdrifts to polls as snap election about to be called over some stupid crap (257)
Gawker Followup Liberal radio talk-show host Randi Rhodes mugged by 14 Ketel Ones by 6:00 p.m. on a Sunday, shall remain a Democrat (278)
AJC Scary Corps of Engineers to Atlanta: "Mussels downstream need water more than you, so stop bathing so much." Neal Boortz: "Gov. Sonny Purdue should take control of the lake by force using the National Guard." This should not end well (160)
Miami Herald Unlikely U.S. officials convinced all it takes is $8 billion more to win the drug war once and for all (254) Sad Bank of America teller who helped catch bank robber fired for accepting $10,000 reward (156)
Yahoo Followup Remember this day, farkers and farkettes. A day where our Republicans and our Democrats came together and united as one (91)
(Some Guy) Followup OPEC heads, "concerned" about oil prices, quoted as saying "BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH" (107)
Billings Gazette Dumbass Morans buy condos next to railroad tracks, now they expect the city to cough up a cool million to make the area quiet (189)
(Axcess News) Followup Latest poll widens Hillary's gap (484)
Sign On San Diego Spiffy Nation's largest cock fighting ring busted. YouTube waiting for any newscaster who leaves the 'fighting' part out of that headline (90)
( Dumbass You snatch a purse with a cell phone in it. Do you: A) Demand $185,000 ransom for the cell phone? B) Demand $200 ransom for the cell phone? C) Act all surprised when the phone's owner shows up with the police? D) All of the above? (70)
AP Followup 2 of OJ's buddies agree to testify against him. Kato Kaelin nods approval (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Baylor University football coach gets mad, urinates on bar (74)
(KSAT) Interesting Teen loses battle against school board to keep his long hair. Apparently, "Dude, I'm like a stoner man" isn't a valid reason. (With pic) (419)
AP Interesting A Constitutional issue worthy of the Supreme Court - Ice cream vendor fights for his first amendment right to play music (65)
Denver Channel Strange Student mistypes email address of teacher she's having affair with, recipient calls police, teacher gets arrested, student's parents post teacher's bond (102)
Expatica Hero Saying that Muslims shouldn't beat women? That's a fatwah and a death sentence. (Hero tag is for the hittable Ms. Ali) (618)
Washington Post Asinine Have you ever talked on the phone with a person who talked to a person who at one time talked to a suspected "terrorist"? If so, you are on the government's list, with a hat-tip to Verizon (147)
(Some Girl) Amusing Steve-O is the new front man in PETA's "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" ad campaign. Steve-O would rather go naked than do just about anything. Check out his ad (83) Dumbass Patriot missile shoots down a Qatar farm. Does Hallmark make a card saying "Sorry for the accidental discharge?" (61)
(Talking Radio) Interesting Liberal radio talk-show host Randi Rhodes mugged in NY, will change registration to Republican (198)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sleep with Derek Jeter, park for free (65)
Des Moines Register Interesting "Anthony Davenport also claimed to be missing a tooth. But police noted that several were missing." (15)
Boston Globe Stupid Haunted spaces in Boston. Includes many shots of poorly photographed streetlamps (53)
(Some Guy) Amusing Either the Devil can finally start that figure-skating career or someone has hacked into Ann Coulter's website (375)
The Sun Interesting Swearing at work can fight stress, build team spirit. Who f*cking knew? (102)
(Some Guy) Obvious Northwestern University students "heartbroken" after campus garden gnome stolen: "We were hoping the gnome would stay at the Transportation Center forever." Drew sheds silent tear in empathy (59)
JSOnline Amusing In bold move to protect public saftey, former prostitute is denied escort license, whatever that is. (With please-don't-touch-me picture "goodness") (73)
Excite Strange Scientists explain chocolate cravings, still have no idea why people are addicted to Fark or celebrity meltdown news (26)
NYPost Asinine New York woman files $400,000 lawsuit against florist for "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment," alleging store ruined her wedding by providing centerpieces that were colored "pink" rather than "rust" (254)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Michelle Malkin Quits O'Reilly After Nasty Three-Way." You can thank submitter for making you think of hot O'Reilly action in the thread to the right (190)
Yahoo Obvious Putin warns U.S. not to attack Iran. Hey, it's not like we go blindly invading countries in the Middle East, is it? (204)
Yahoo Cool Priest has no problem worshipping God and Elvis. Yes yes, but which one is the true king? (30) Interesting Man arrested for brokering human transplants on the Internet. Expected to slow the illegal arms trade (51)
Toronto Star NewsFlash Mount Kelud in Indonesia wants everyone off its lawn - 30,000 evacuated (69)
(Radar Online) Interesting National Enquirer says it has enough evidence on John Edwards' affair to sink his already half-sunk campaign (208)
Philly Unlikely Turkey assures Iraq that after next month's invasion, it will still respect Iraq's territorial integrity (103)
BBC Obvious Pig trifecta now in play: Wild pig population in Australia out of control. Now more pigs than people. Pass me a Fosters, Napoleon (72)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Remember last year's story about U.S. soldiers using silly string to detect IEDs? It wasn't fake, and the silly string is finally on the way (236)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Woman has sex with a man she says she thought was her husband, but then accuses him of rape when her husband catches them together (325)
Google Photoshop Theme: The undead have cast aside their age-old quest to kill the living and now seek to rejoin society. Photoshop their efforts (99)
TBO Florida Apparently producing DVDs about attempted murders in da hood is tantamount to attempted murders in da hood. With mugshot goodness (155)
Yahoo Unlikely YouTube unveils anti-piracy filters that will supposedly remove copyrighted clips. If this works, the only thing left on YouTube will be the "Chocolate Rain" and the "Leave Britney Alone" guys (160)
MSNBC Scary Pirate attacks up 14 percent worldwide. Ninjas last seen planning massive push to take the lead back (94)
( Asinine A Maine middle school has decided that 11-year-olds should probably go on the pill. That would at least make it safer for the teachers (305)
(WTHR) Silly Morton hears a sue (69)
(AllAfrica) Weird Officials in Uganda have proposed a solution to the gay problem: Round them all up and maroon them on an island (158)
(Some Guy) Followup Interpol tracks paedophile to Thailand. Now with recent "Have You Seen This Pervert?" picture goodness (125)
(Kingston Freeman) Strange God Almighty found guilty of assaulting police at Dunkin' Donuts (39)
News24 Asinine Wheelchair-bound man wakes drunk wife with breakfast. At 10:00 p.m. Eggs are scrambled, not poached, so she stabs him in the heart. Then it gets weird (46)
(Beer!) Cool One week reminder: D.C. Fark party, October 20th at 6:30 p.m., Dr. Dremo's Taphouse in Arlington. $7 pitchers, 6:30 - 7:30 (132)
(Some Guy) Asinine Police attack man videotaping their illegal search. "He had refused to drop the camera, which could be used as a weapon" (556)
(Some Guy) Cool __\o/__: 1, ___/\___: 0 (136)
Local6 Florida "Naked Tickler" believed captured after eluding police for years. Unsure victim says, "I would recognize him more if there was a shot of his skinny, white butt" (17)
(HeraldNet) Dumbass Of all the reasons one may use to justify shooting someone in the face, "looking at some deer" is apparently pretty high on that list in Snohomish County (47)
Telegraph Asinine Nanny State proposes dropping national speed limit to 20 mph to keep Brits from hurting themselves on the road (90) Florida Florida: If the alligators or sharks don't get you, the electric avocado trees will (35)
WPXI Misc If you are spying on your husband by hiding under his SUV, by all means, stay awake. Someone could let the air out of the tires and trap you until the paramedics come (45)
Yahoo Amusing Australian man survives nine-story fall in his underpants (38)
BBC Sappy British farm finds success breeding miniature pigs. Submitter is only bringing this to your attention because of the pic of the adorable little hams on the hoof in the pic (63)
Yahoo Cool Rockies sweep Diamondbacks, advance to their first World Series (168)
ESPN Asinine "Too many men on the field, that's a $50,000 penalty, first down" (83)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Design the ultimate heavy-metal album cover (98)
TBO Florida Army reservist sues county-court clerk for demoting her to lower-paid position after returning from active-duty call-up (106)
(Some Guy) Stupid You think getting Hannah Montana tickets are bad? Try getting into a Joel Osteen gig. Yes, *that* Joel Osteen (103) Sad Man sues Fred Phelps for defamation and loses. Humanity feels a great disturbance in the force (92)
Yahoo Interesting WWII veteran puts a globe he got in the war up for auction. You know who else owned that globe? (91)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles NewsFlash Chester A. Stiles, the man wanted for sexually abusing a two-year-old on tape, arrested in Nevada (298)
MSNBC Obvious Training a cat is something like covering a cactus with jello -- it can be done, but no one is sure why you'd even try (162)
(Huffington Post) Asinine How does one billionaire thank another billionaire for making her even richer? By sending her $20,000 worth of shoes (31)
SMH Scary Australia discovers a way of making learning fun for kids: Ecstasy (64)
Telegraph Obvious Middle class "are biggest abusers of alcohol." Submitter will drink to that (67)
ABC News Dumbass If you're the clown who stuck thousands of toothpicks into the Tawas, MI high school football field to spoil Senior Night, the entire community would like to say you're a giant prick (159)
Reuters Interesting If it's any consolation, fish get insomnia too (36)

Mon October 15, 2007
SLTrib Weird New Utah quarter design is a giant phallus being smashed by two trains. Which is apparently some sort of metaphor for polygamy (64)
AZCentral Interesting Ticketmaster sues scalpers who used automated software to flood their website with orders. Submitter only wishes there was some way both sides could lose this case (113)
Stuff Scary If you're planning a holiday to New Zealand, you should go soon because it's currently sinking into the sea (50)
CBS Philadelphia Strange What's 17-inches long, made of scorching hot metal and can cut through the roof of a car like hot butter? UFMO (with photo proof) (117)
Reuters Strange The Chinese are very sensitive about their license plates (68)
Daily Mail Strange Image of Pope John Paul II appears in a... wait for it... BONFIRE (148)
Houston Chronicle Interesting First Baby Boomer applies for Social Security (185)
Homestar Runner Amusing Oh, airport security. You know how it is these days (111)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this thirsty chap (73)
(KSAT) Asinine Man forced to take down noose that has been hanging in his cubicle for 10 years without incident (130)
Yahoo Sick Hardee's unveils "two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy" breakfast burrito. For an extra quarter, they will deep fry the bag for you (277)
(Some Guy) Strange Who would advertise during "Tila Tequila," MTV's dating show starring a bisexual MySpace queen? The United States Army, of course (but don't tell anyone) (292)
1010WINS Obvious After giving us horrible haircuts, rampant corruption, a mafia stronghold, extremely repugnant odor statewide, guidos and Springsteen, New Jersey is now a hot-bed of Al Qaeda activity (334)
UPI Strange If four men were arrested for stealing a six-foot-long fiberglass key, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle? (162)
Globe and Mail Obvious Your parents and grandparents started having sex at the same age as you. On second thought, I don't want to know about my parents and grandparents having sex (100)
CNN Followup Turkey to separatist Kurds: Go A-whey (163)
Drudge PSA A warning to all nappy-headed hos: Imus is back (145)
AP Interesting Two out of 11 people support Giuliani in NH. That's right: 9/11 people don't like Rudy Giuliani (192)
Fox News Dumbass "Erotic show" featuring live sex acts busted after promoter posts info about it on Craigslist (130)
Reuters Scary Tropical storm forming in the Gulf of Mexico is expected to pack winds of $100 a barrel (74)
Mercury News Dumbass Wired editor discovers it's a really bad idea to fly remote-controlled planes equipped with cameras over secure federal labs such as Lawrence Berkeley (pic) (105)
CNN Obvious Craig:"Romney threw me under the bus." Romney: "Homo says what?" Craig: "What?" (240) Followup The London father who tried to have the courts block "An Inconvenient Truth" from being shown in schools was financed by a controversial lobbying group established to attack global warming claims. Obvious tag files for early retirement (255)
Yahoo Spiffy Governor you can't understand signs into law a ban on a chemical you can't pronounce. Extra credit for spelling the governor's and the chemical's names (95)
(Some Guy) Obvious Study shows that Houstonians spend 21 percent of their income on gasoline. Judging by the obesity surveys, the other 79 percent is spent on fried Twinkies (171)
(Rutland Herald) Followup A third of the people offered Radiohead what their new album is worth. $0 (467)
(The Metro) Weird Obesity is bad. Unless you fall off of a balcony, then it might actually save your life (105)
Fox News Interesting State Bar of California refuses to provide data to law professor who claims affirmative action causes underqualified minority students to drop out of law school, or fail the bar exam. Predictable Jackie Chiles-ish outrage ensues (395)
(Some Guy) Interesting Remember that article about human sex with robots by 2050? Apparently, Norelco wants to start now (safe for work) (sponsored link) (130)
YouTube Cool You're a rapper with only 30 seconds to go -- how do you ensure a victory? Start scratching "The Imperial March" from Star Wars (287)
SuperDeluxe Video News: A blind man wants into the Paralympics. Not news: He is not accepted. Fark: Friend fakes Paralympics for him and makes him biggest winner of all (59)
The Newspaper Spiffy Appeals court wants stopping someone for driving a few miles per hour over the speed limit declared unconstitutional (296)
Washington Post Followup Three Americans win the Nobel economics prize for their work on game theory, which is not nearly as interesting as it sounds (97)
(Some Guy) Amusing Old couple mistaken as fugitives worth one million dollars (26)
MSNBC Asinine Big Pharma seen walking around all day with a giant erecti -- oh wait, that's just the FDA in its pocket. Never mind (136)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this impromptu opera singer (85)
IOL Interesting Every couple who has ever taken a year away from work to travel has hated for it to end. Then there's this couple, who never came back (89)
( Strange Woman left with "wind phobia" after hurricane, can no longer eat beans (47)
CNN Scary Bomb kills at least six in movie theater. Ben Affleck being sought for questioning (116)
Discovery Interesting Defense department contemplating use of real flying saucer. Now, if we only had aliens in this country to fly the damn thing. (With pic) (105)
(Post-Gazette) Weird "One cow hit the Rollins' windshield, then flew up over the roof, crashing onto the back of the van. The front end of the van ended up atop another cow" (84)
(All Africa) Weird Woman accused of stealing man's genitals. Then the story gets weird, and we're talking world-class weird (264)
Sky News Obvious Many Brits extract their own teeth with pliers instead of facing dentist bills. With very creepy pic goodness (152)
Yahoo Obvious Contrary to popular belief, study determines that teasing kids about their weight actually doesn't help them to slim down. Motivational value of "Yo Mama" jokes to be examined in near future (154) Sad Sucks to be US (611)
JSOnline Cool This is how Orthodox Jews tailgate at Lambeau Field. "If a group of Jews want to go to a Packer game, we do it like Jews" (226)
( Dumbass Darwin might have been a little late for this guy, but the train wasn't (82)
Miami Herald Florida If your wife suddenly agrees to a quickie divorce, check your local lottery commission (90)
Globe and Mail Stupid Shouldn't have tased him, bro (91) Asinine British man lights up a smoke in protest after the bartender changes the channel when the cricket game only had another 10 minutes. Pub owner responds rationally by calling in the riot squad (35)
(Some TFette) Photoshop Theme: Invent a new fetish. Difficulty: Representation must be SFW (75)
Houston Chronicle Spiffy Three University of Texas students found alive in cave. Injun Joe still unaccounted for (47)
(ScienceDaily) Sad Tuna nets: Not just for dolphins anymore (40)
The Sun Asinine British health and safety Nazis cancel Christmas because putting up lights is "too dangerous" (77)
Tulsa World Asinine Woman discovers toddler makes an effective shield against Taser (179)
The Sun Amusing Senior citizen specifies female home-care nurse to look after her, only to get a six-foot-tall, pre-op tranny. "Talk about an overdose of make-up. He had badly-bleached blond hair -- and he insisted I call him Sue" (pics) (301)
( PSA Largest terrorism drill in the nation tomorrow in Portland, Oregon. EVERYBODY pretend to PANIC (87)
CBS 46 Sick Teaching your small boy not to take candy from a stranger is fairly straightforward. Teaching him not to provide urine samples to fake Park Rangers is a bit more complicated (74)
Denver Post Obvious Coloradowned (159)