GoogleWeb Fark
Sun November 04, 2007
Yahoo Strange Cops learning how to extend beats online. Be wary of new Farkers with names like 'hotgurl16' (96)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this organ grinder (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting New book deals with incredibly stupid morons who commit crimes. Or as we like to call it around here, Tuesday (28)
(Some Secret Service Guy) Sad The list of rules for Jenna Bush's book signing include STFU and don't, repeat DON'T EVEN look at Her Royal Bush-ness. Winning the hearts and mind of the public is an art perfectly practiced by the Bush family (182)
Chicago Tribune Interesting Contrary to decades of feminists arguing that pornography promotes sexual violence against women a new study shows that as porn has become more prevalent and easily accessible instances of rape have been plummeting faster then ever before (479)
(Some Guy) Interesting In New Zealand, brain damage from alcohol threatens one in five. That's like, more than half (52)
Reuters Interesting Elderly woman sues her rapist when he wins the lottery 15 years after the crime (94)
Yahoo Stupid Are you keeping a secret from your SO? Here's how to tell them about it... and insure that it will end well (174)
NBC Action News Interesting Somebody stole three monkeys from a sanctuary. Police are having a hard time finding witnesses who have seen evil, heard evil, and spoken evil (34)
Yahoo Dumbass Man crashes car, gets shot, breaks into a resturant, and strips to his underwear. Just another night in Tennessee (33)
(Some Spamaholic) Sad Study links consumption of processed meat to cancer. Obvious tag unavailable due to previously scheduled angioplasty (109) Asinine Oz teen allowed to take smoke breaks during school on 'Medical grounds'. The poor little angel gets stressed, you see, so it's OK (143)
Yahoo Stupid If you are 77 and have been going to the same store for 40 years, they probably shouldn't ask for your id when you buy alcohol (135)
(Orange County Register) Interesting Judge declares city's red light cameras illegal because system is designed to raise revenue rather than promote safety (223)
(Some Colorful Kid) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop challenge: Recreate a classic work of art using only a 16-color palette. (LGT crayons) (98)
(WNEP) Strange Thieves steal 200 solar powered light up crosses from graves. In related news: Homeland Security raises national tackiness level to pink plastic flamingo (45)
Time Unlikely Facebook is more popular than porn. Wait, what? (110)
AFP Strange Lights, beings, beams: Just a typical night in Australia's UFO capital (26)
(Some Guy) Silly Completely useless web sites for the hopelessly stupid (86)
Yahoo Obvious 68 percent of parents say they have rules about their teen's Internet use. 100 percent of teens surf circles around those rules (297)
Boston Herald Misc Human rights activist arrested for... for... apparently for being too close to Boston when police needed to meet their panic quota (68)
(The Bristol Press) Asinine Connecticut city will start picking through people's trash to enforce recycling rules (89)
The Sun Asinine The wussification of the UK continues, as a man who tackled drunken teen for attempting to break into his house and then turned the teen over to police is arrested for assulting the teen (394)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine School pulls student magazine's sex issue due to “offensive” drawings of females. Hope they don’t discover what their female students are doing with those newfangled “cameras” everybody’s talking about (50)
(Some Guy) Weird Thief crawls through air-conditioning ducts, steals four puppies worth $9,000, mutters "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs” (56)
(New Britain Herald) Sad Connecticut company launches bottled water for dogs; America is going to hell (90) Strange d-_-b >> |-_-| (81)
Yahoo Stupid Not news: Six Arabic speaking passengers detained by airline after passenger complains. News: They are suing over the "public humiliation". Fark: They were in the U.S. training Marines in Camp Pendleton (390)
(The Cheers) Obvious Gangs in US: from crime syndications to freedom fighters? (77)
AP Strange In honor of the upcoming world sporting event almost 3,500 Chinese parents have named their children "Olympics" (60) Strange THIS is the way to get back at your ex-partner - implicate him in mass-murder. BONUS: She's a journo, so it must be true (31)
(Some Guy) Wheaton It's Wil versus The Baconator in the battle for Best Celebrity Blogger (69)
My Fox NY Scary Man who sets bouncer on fire at strip club called "disgruntled" (39)
( Interesting Woman wins a home in front of a stadium crowd, then has it taken away. Not yours (104)
MSNBC Florida Youth Minister of the First Baptist Church At The Mall caught paying minors for sex. I love the smell of moral hypocrisy in the morning (150)
(NWF Daily News) Followup Remember the $53k strip club trip? Looks like someone's getting a $39,000 refund. Oh, and for bonus points, the state is contemplating a whopping $250 fine. Ah, Florida, how I love thee (38)
Local6 Florida First the good news: Teen hit by car is fine, able to walk away and leap road barrier. The bad news: second car ends teen's road barrier leaping career (30) Amusing Actual headline - Sperm donor reforms 'long time coming'. Better that than coming prematurely (33)
Daily Mail Strange \______[0]______ It's cool (108)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this scarecrowboy (54)
The Scotsman Scary Instead of wielding swords and muskets, modern pirates rely on Kalashnikov assault rifles and RRRRRRRRRRRRPGs (52)
( Dumbass Today's story of a 4 y/o bringing mom's marijuana to school, brought to you by Milwaukee (30)
Local6 Strange Cricket player whips out gun, shoots opponent during match -- in Orlando, Florida (65)
Reuters Interesting October 2007 was the first month in 3 years that the United States hasn't had an execution (76)
CNN Interesting Hurricane-fahce wind knawcks out powah to eastern Mass (70)
Local6 Florida Man arrested for attacking body in open casket during funeral (38)
The Scotsman Scary Man stabs sportsman to death because he could not give him the time. "The guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I sometimes take my anger out on other people" (57)
AP PSA Don't forget to turn back the clocks, and try not to worry about your increased death rate with the time change. Sleep tight (60)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman walks into sheriff's office to report drug activity -- specifically, the crack she was smoking in her car before she walked in (with mugshot) (47)

Sat November 03, 2007
Yahoo Strange The latest thing thing to damage Beijing's image is... live donkey meat ads? (57)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: A political campaign that panders to geeks (65)
Orlando Sentinel Spiffy World's smallest horse--ever--embarks on national tour of children's hospitals after owners discover she loves sick kids (68)
Newsday Interesting Officials getting hard on teacher sex. So are the students (58)
Fresno Bee Scary Today's 100 car pile-up brought to you by Fresno, California (168)
(Some Skeptical Guy) Dumbass Actual headline: Suspect says pants caused fire (48) Spiffy Ethiopia introduces coffee-flavored condoms: you want cream with that? (94)
Seattle Times Cool Ever wanted your own 500 mph jet? These guys just made that dream a little closer (121)
(WBAL) Sad Today's truck spilling cargo onto interstate comes to us from St. Clairsville, Ohio. Double bonus: Trailer filled with live monkeys (88)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this chili pepper (102)
Yahoo Followup ♪So tape that golden wing♪ And learn to fly again♪ And learn to live so free♪: Astronaut repairs wing on space station (56)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Stupid Having solved all other crimes in the area, police decide to press charges on 72-year old woman for having an illegal yard sale (122)
Rocky Mountain News Scary MTV's Don Vito has a meltdown in a Colorado courtroom. After he's convicted of groping young teen girls, Bam's uncle collapses, screams "Just kill me now" and spews a barrage of f-bombs before deputies drag him to jail (320)
(M&C) Asinine Techie, wrongly jailed due to incorrect information provided by his ISP, only held three weeks after the correct suspects were arrested (107)
Fox News Interesting Two-mile long fixer-upper cave with cathedral ceilings being auctioned by authorities. Complete hydroponic history available upon request (49) Stupid Priest destroys art fresco after becoming offended at Saint Luke's depiction as an ox, complete with testicles (64)
MSNBC Obvious Judge who decided the outcome of a case with a coin toss, and who ordered a woman to "drop her pants," suddenly finds himself looking for work (38)
(TG Daily) Cool Researchers announce that they are attempting to create accurate three-dimensional maps of major cities...using millions of vacation photos from Flickr (46)
(Setexas Record) Obvious When it comes to bizarre legal proceedings, shows like Boston Legal can't hold a candle to real-life weirdness (20)
The Morning Call Obvious Woman prays to douglas fir trees. God responds by growing a cross in the tree and saving her husband's genitals from Fournier's Gangrene (47)
AP Followup 25-year-old Nebraska teacher busted in Mexico while in the company of her 13-year-old "boyfriend" (86)
NBC San Diego Strange Man sues Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency over loss of penis, perhaps didn't read the small print (31)
Yahoo Sad Runner dies during marathon trials, found by a guy going to the store for a pack of smokes and a box of Ho Hos (77)
SMH Stupid Women with otherwise perfect breasts demanding implants so they too can look like hookers and porn stars (204)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest origami you're likely to see all day (55)
Click On Detroit Interesting City closes porn store by buying it. City employees applaud the effort and vow to put in long hard hours searching for their next target (41)
(KSAT) Interesting University of Texas student, who's MySpace page states she's a strip club dancer, is planning an on-campus porn club. In other news, requests for admission to the U of T have increased by 275% in the last day or two (106)
The Tennessean Weird Train A leaves Indianapolis for Nashville. Train B leaves Nasvhille for Indianapolis. If they collided in Goodlettsville at 11:15, why aren't the tracks further apart? (28)
(Some Limey) Obvious Police surprised to discover that one of their parking meter readers was a former terrorist (15)
(Daily Express) Strange Prison offers inmates pole vaulting lessons. Wait ... what? (45)
(MyFox NE Wisconsin) Weird Not news: Man robs a McDonalds. News: At the drive-thru window. On a bicycle (23)
Sky News NewsFlash President declares martial law, suspends constitution (366)
(Sheboygan Press) Asinine Mayor tells woman she's not allowed to put a link to a city web site on her web page (84)
The Sun PSA It may be time to reconsider your position as Z-List Celebrity when a survey reveals you to be more irritating than junk-mail, ringtones and hangovers. And James Blunt. And diarrhoea (121) Dumbass Pleasantville pimp picks up Pennsylvania prostitutes, presents pubescent prizes to paying people. Police pounce; pounding of pimp's prostate probable (40)
Boston Globe Interesting It was 50 years ago that physician-scientist Wilhelm Reich, best known for his discovery of a purported cosmic life force associated with sexual orgasm, died in federal prison, his books burned and his equipment destroyed by the government (108)
Local6 Florida Usually, when a patient is curious about a doctor's medical background and asks him about his degrees in medicine, the doctor doesn't respond, "I have them up the ying-yang" (23)
BBC Scary Indonesia's Mount Kelud volcano appears to have erupted. based on seismographic signals. Clouding prevents aerial photo. Over 300,000 people live within six miles of the volcano (66)
( Video History of LOLCATS revealed. I can haz history? (478)
SacBee Stupid If you give a man a pizza, he eats for one day. If you give a meth addict $1,500 to burn down your pizza parlor, you give him security-camera failarity and yourself 15 years of jailarity (30)
The Sun Obvious Jailarity ensues for one-legged mugger in a wheelchair, whose attempts keep getting thwarted because potential victims 'just walk away' (20) Obvious "Heaven can wait. Thanks to the booming business of privatized disaster services, we're getting the Rapture right here on earth" (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this water bird (49)
(WLWT Stupid My high school fantasy comes true. Cheerleading coach fired over nude pictures of herself and a freshman cheerleader. Pictures of the hittable coach (and cheerleader) included (247)
(Some Guy) Strange Mother's Day will always be strange the moment this kid is old enough to read this article (69)
Boston Globe Dumbass ♫ They see me rollin', they hatin', suspicious 'cause my back tire is on fire ♫ (22)
Reuters Obvious Irish priests afraid to drive if they celebrate more than one Mass a day in case they get arrested for impaired driving due to consumption of sacramental wine. Father Ted unavailable for comment (37)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange Freeway chase culminates with adult bookstore robber reaching into his waistband for his... dildo. Perplexed policeman; "I have found that type of thing on people many times-but related to an officer-involved shooting? No." (18) Amusing "Cliche trial goes to the jury." I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that he will get his just desserts. This trial is small potatoes compared to the game of hide the salami he'll be playing in prison (31)
Telegraph Interesting "We used to revel in the conceit that Australia was the biggest sergeants mess in the world, its inhabitants genial proles with a taste for mindless vulgarity; now it is hard to name a nation that has ever had it so good as Australia" (240)
Yahoo Spiffy 9-year-old boy creates a foot-activated toilet seat lifter*. He calls it the "Privy Prop." (*The lack of bad puns in this headline is a direct result of the overabundance of them in the article) (104)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Hot or not? 18 happy female arrestees brought to you by The Smoking Gun (273)

Fri November 02, 2007
AP Sick Couple discover a secret room in the house they bought. It contained a note that said "You found it'. What they actually found was enough mold to kill a moose. Lawsuitarity ensues (175)
Reuters Scary Bus bomb kills 8, injures 50 in Russia (43)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ordinary lever (59)
MSNBC Stupid MSNBC provides advice on how to set your clocks back one hour tomorrow night. Refer to your owner's manual, or take it in to the store for help (76)
Sign On San Diego Scary Firestorms, earthquakes, city blocks suddenly moving to the right, mud slides, sink holes, droughts, and now pipe bomb threats closing down a major highway. San Diego just can't catch a break this year (42)
Local6 Followup Judge tosses evidence found in car of Fark's favorite Astro-Nut and every statement she's ever made (80)
Canoe Dumbass Dentist likeys to boogie down while drilling, what could possibly go wrong? (54)
MSNBC Scary 70% of the Mexican state of Tabasco is underwater. Submitter panics and heads south to organize the world's biggest crawfish boil (115)
CBS San Francisco Interesting FBI records show OJ told police in advance about his memorabilia 'sting' and asked them to go with him to get his property back (67)
MSNBC Cool 8 year old twins invent wedgie-proof underwear. Suck it, bullies (97)
( Interesting Chemist determines that breathalyzers overstate your BAC by 23%, a fact overlooked by courts due to a misplaced 1985 decimal point (199)
AP Asinine Old & busted: fake news conference by FEMA. New hotness: fake security tests by TSA (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this subway station (130)
BBC Cool North Korea to open first foreign-run restaurant. Just wait until they find out it's all a ploy by an American Colonel (96)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Self-described “western Kentucky hillbilly” Baptist minister auctioning off contents of "Elvis is Alive" Museum on eBay. He'll have a blue Christmas without it (42)
Wall Street Journal PSA Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour Sunday morning for no good reason whatsoever (307)
(CORN HAT) Spiffy This is your FINAL WARNING: Atlanta FARK party, Sat. Nov. 3rd, The Local, 7 pm (71)
(Some Forker) Amusing So, the wife was all like "Fork you," and the husband was like "you did not fork me," but the prosecutor was all up in "No, FORK YOU," but the judge said "Oh no you didn't" (77)
(Some Guy) Scary Police officer takes up personal crusade to punish "drunk" drivers. Meaning, he arrests anyone who drives away from a bar, including those with a 0.00 BAC. It only took a few years before the police department did anything about it (616)
The Morning Call Cool Four PA siblings collect 115 pounds of candy on 6 night trick or treat binge. "I couldn't wait to tell everyone at school, my friends were all jealous." Plan to donate some to Scouting for Food Program (58)
CNSNews Misc Gov. Spitzer says we should give driver's licenses to illegal aliens because unlicensed drivers are five times more likely to get into fatal accidents. Does this mean we can cure tooth decay by giving everyone a dentist licenses? (448)
Wall Street Journal Scary Old and busted: Sculpting your abs. New Hotness: Sculpting your abdominal fat to look like abs (211) Strange Study reports "suicide tourism" in New York City. Empire State Building, Times Square and George Washington Bridge are popular sites; some jerks apparently ruined the World Trade Center for everybody else (109)
AZCentral NewsFlash AZ Nuclear power plant on lock-down due to "suspicious package". Evacuations underway (257)
WFTV Florida Sears is a great place to get deals on housewares, but let's not forget the convenience of a bathroom where it's always a happy ending, until you get arrested (with mug shot goodness) (193)
(Some Guy) Interesting Happy "Day of the Dead" to all Mexican Farkers. If you have a gun, shoot 'em in the head. That's a sure way to kill 'em. If you don't, get yourself a club or a torch. Beat 'em or burn 'em. They go up pretty easy (103) Followup US Navy to launch offensive against pirates, join the National League Central (70)
ABC News Obvious War supporters are quick to point out that violence is decreasing in Baghdad, slightly less eager to point out that the city has become a series of walled off sectarian enclaves (230)
Maxim Interesting Ridley Scott (who never makes a bad movie) teams up with Denzel Washington (who never acts in a bad movie) and Russell Crowe (who never loses a fight). (Sponsored Link) (191)
CBC Ironic Breastfeeding woman at Universal Studios park asked to "cover up or leave the premises." Because if there's one thing the producers of Fast Times at Ridgemont High won't stand for, it's bare breasts (380)
Yahoo Ironic Condoleezza Rice assures Turkey that Kurdish rebels in northern Iraq are common threat, says they may need to be gassed to get them under control (89)
NYPost Obvious Study suggests 70 percent of kids 12 to 16 believe they're virgins even if they've had oral sex - and 16 percent believe anal sex doesn't count. In other words, parents, your snowflake isn't as pure as you think (464)
Detroit News Strange 8 lb 6 oz Baby Jesus tops eclectic Oakland ballot (48)
Fox News Sad Watergate reporter Carl Bernstein warns that modern journalism has lost its grip on reality and that the "idiot culture" in the U.S. is at fault. "The blame simply can't all be put at the feet of those who present news" (273)
The Tennessean Obvious Tennessee Governor's mansion will soon include a $4.8 million, 13,000-square-foot, underground entertainment center. It's good to be the king (47)
AFP Dumbass Not a Big Deal: getting angry at your son-in-law. Kind of a Big Deal: getting back at him by falsely telling the FBI he's a terrorist (61)
(crooksandliars) Amusing Fox and Friends: Today's moral decline can be traced back to the source--Barbara Eden (266)
SeattlePI Amusing Prank leaves Oregon police station infested with gnomes. With actual quote: "Every time I leave my office they're sitting in my chair, working on my computer" (77)
(International Herald Tribune) Followup Judge Mathis has ruled: man who sold amputated leg in smoker can have it back, but he must pay $5,000 (46)
WNBC Dumbass Waking voters up at 2 a.m. with a recorded campaign phone call is probably not the best way to win an election (70)
CNN Amusing 'Goat sucker' actually a hairless coyote, not a lonely guy in New Hampshire (87)
Kansas City Amusing Only a few weeks left to name your turkey, and send it fanmail, before killing it and eating it. Oh, and other "interesting" Thanksgiving turkey traditions (44)
(Post-Gazette) Strange Thanks for the gift card Mom and Dad; now I can finally get that colonoscopy I've always wanted (48)
NYPost Strange To all males who feel like coming to Time Square to walk around nude: Stop. Honestly. We don't want to see it (82)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Amusing What better way for the northern English city of Leeds to demonstrate what sums its spirit up best than by unveiling two massive balls of steel (56)
(NY Daily News) Stupid Sort of okay: Cops put a scare into a 14-year-old boy they caught tossing eggs on Halloween. Not okay: They do it by stripping off his clothes and dumping him in a desolate area (205)
(wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this delicious rhubarb pie (79)
BBC Asinine When selecting staff for redundancy, you can no longer take into account their attendance record because it might discriminate against the disabled, lazy (80)
BBC Interesting In an attempt to reduce its carbon footprint, the BBC begins recycling headlines (45)
Denver Channel Scary Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be soon landing in Denv...zzzzzzzzzzz (80)
News 10 ABC Sacramento Sappy Lighter lost in WWII returned 62 yrs later. "I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the lighter to you" (65)
(Courier-Gazette) Strange Solving an argument by jumping out of a moving vehicle doesn't make you the winner of the argument (37)
London Times Interesting If we have bad sex then the Feminists have won (705) Weird News: offender jailed for assaulting fisherman. Fark: offender is an 8 ft. crocodile (10)
Daily Mail Strange When your wife is in a coma, you pray that she'll wake up. You promise that you'll stick by her no matter how bad it is, if she'll just come back to you. Be careful what you wish for (231)
Reuters Spiffy Target to hold fashion show using hologram models on holodeck sets (43)
SMH Strange The Random Words You Never Thought You'd See Together in a Headline Department brings you: Possum, rampage, art museum (23)
Yahoo Dumbass Not news: Man arrested in sex sting after showing up to meet what he thought was a 15-year old girl he met online. News: At the Ohio Statehouse (52)
Telegraph Obvious A list of the greatest British inventions. Yeah, it's a pretty short list, but being able to eat an apple through a picket fence has to count for something (99)
Yahoo Followup Dog the Bounty Hunter's son was the one who taped his phone conversation and sold it to tabloids for "a lot of money." That son of a biatch (391)
Cleveland Sappy Ugly-ass baby Indian Rhinoceros born at Ohio zoo (31)
(FIRE) Followup White Male Patriarchy scores another victory over enlightened forces of political correctness as U of Delaware abandons its ideological reeducation program (231)
Flickr Wheaton Quite possibly the most disturbing photo ever taken of Wil (156)

Thu November 01, 2007
(Some Guy) Obvious Student newspaper asks the veritable question for the ages: Are we living in a Porn Nation? Subby would like to reply, but it's hard to type with one hand, submit this (155)
(IHT) Obvious Drunken mourner at funeral steals hearse, gets in high-speed chase with funeral directors in pursuit, loses them, grabs case of beer, is eventually pulled over by police, admits he stole the hearse to "go fishing" (37)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Album cover potpourri -- combine two or more of your favorite album covers (163)
Sky News Silly Naturalist naturist charity fundraiser draws excessive police scrutiny (with slightly not safe for work photo of a male rear end) (80)
Examiner Weird If you dropped of a 3 foot live alligator at the Westchester County water department in a box labeled, "Do not open. Live Gator.," officials would like to have a word with you (62)
WOIO Scary Nearly 5 million Totino's and Jeno's pepperoni pizzas recalled due to possible E. coli contamination. Recall to affect millions of single, lonely men (246)
(Central Florida News 13) Florida If you dropped a bag of leftover Halloween gear in downtown Orlando, the police have blown it up and would like a word with you (66)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Fark cliché lives up to his name (168)
(Idaho Statesman) Amusing Bystanders detain DUI suspect after accident. Mug shot looks like they did a little more than just hold him down (103)
Telegraph Cool Drinking beer after exercise found to be better for you than drinking water (121)
KNBC Amusing Cute-ass panda one more appletini away from getting to second base (53)
(hot for teacher) Dumbass Sixth grade teacher and her 13 year old lover on the run in Nebraska. Boy says "It's not about the sex, but that's pretty good" Vili Fualaau nods in approval (203)
(Some Guy) Unlikely This year's first "tainted candy" case. Bonus: incident occurred near Bevis elementary school. I am Cornholio I need chlorinated candy for my bunghole (77)
(Disaster News Network) Obvious Uncertain future for trailerpark residents. Headline applicable before and after destruction by wildfires (33)
(The Hell?) Caption Caption these soldiers and their furry prisoner (111)
Canoe Dumbass Man put bid in for World's Biggest Douchebag after stealing from cancer vicims while on parole for the same crime (43)
Denver Channel Stupid Reason #15,312 not to attend a mobile-home Halloween party (72)
Baltimore Sun Interesting Editorial: Just because you can't sense god doesn't mean he doesn't exist. Argument is based on Kant and Cartman vs Broflovski (629)
(Tribune-Review) Stupid Thief holds up three Subways, can only come away with one wallet - by promising to mail it back to the owner (48)
Washington Post Obvious Obligatory day after Halloween story about orthodontists and your rotten teeth (29)
(Politico) Followup South Carolina Democrats prove to have even less of a sense of humor than an empty bag of Doritos. Mmmm, Doritos (157)
(Some Gamer Guy) Amusing Who says video games aren't manly? Come feel the testosterone coursing through your controller cables with these manliest of video games (223)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you plan on killing someone, don't throw their stuff away in a towel that has your name written on it (40)
Reuters PSA Breast milk protects from asthma. Submitter tried using the "I forgot my inhaler" excuse, but couldn't convince the judge the motorboat sound was made by inhaling (134)
(The Orange County Register) Dumbass Man ultimately pays $82,000 for "revolutionary" hair treatment. "The so-called revolutionary treatment, however, turned out to be a toupee glued to his head. The 'laser' was a hair dryer." (93)
( Amusing Today's car driven into gaping hole brought to you by Fort Wayne, IN (84)
WTMJ Asinine Law meant to prevent rednecks from parking cars on their lawn makes a couple's holiday display illegal (94)
AFP Spiffy Ever wanted to surf the Internet and grill up a steak while cruising down the freeway at 80 mph? These and other accidents-waiting-to-happen await you at the annual auto accessories exhibition (54)
Boston Herald Obvious Having sex with prostitutes is a proper style of conducting business and commemorating business dealings (162)
CBS New York Interesting Remember how gay The Village People were? Especially the biker dude? Turns out, not so much (137)
(Jacksonville) Strange Antelope attacks zoo worker. Ever seen an antelope? Me neither, but I've seen my uncle run off with a stripper (55)
(Autoblog) Amusing Old people panic as Ford announces plans to ditch the Crown Vic post-2008 (214)
(Some Cold Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these chilly exercisers (60)
Yahoo Obvious Plastic surgeon pleads guilty to replacing the fingerprints of fugitive with skin from the bottom of his feet, claims it was his sole lapse of judgment (48)
Yahoo Obvious Spider bites are not a legal defense to a rape charge (65)
( Obvious book != book (71)
Canoe Strange Facebook groups are a great place to meet people with similar interests, like cooking, travel, and throwing donuts at prostitutes (79) Interesting NYC councilman wants to put pigeons on birth control pills, ignoring the best birth control of all, a 12 gauge with #8 shot (69)
Yahoo Hero Captain of Enola Gay dead at 92. If it had not been for his efforts, we might all be driving Japanese cars and watching Japanese TVs today (631)
Local6 Cool New 'Spider-Man' bracelet shoots pepper spray from wrist (with pic goodness) (70)
(Some Guy) Plug Finally, now we can find Sarah Connor (sponsored link) (44)
Reason Magazine Video Actor and game show host Drew Carey defends medical marijuana, medical nachos (267)
Chicago Tribune Misc Wal-Mart offers $199 computer, boasts how it can "add" and "subtract" (199)
BBC Obvious US light crude rises to $96 a barrel on heels of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" suspension (62)
Yahoo Cool Scientists decode majority of cat genome (with "O hai i can haz vollinteer?" pic) (167)
Comedy Central Video "I just saw Strawberry Shortcake tied up and dead with pee in her eyes." (213)
Google Plug Atlanta FARK Party reminder: The Local, Saturday 11/3/07 (48)
(Some Guy) Hero Ron Paul captures support of all important spambot vote (558)
Telegraph Interesting Domino's Pizza to raise UK prices owing to higher commodity prices for toppings beloved by Brits such as jellied eel, Marmite and phlegm (136)
The Virginian Pilot PSA If anyone found a practice bomb dropped next to their building, the Navy would like it back, no questions asked (46)
Yahoo Followup Japan recalls its navy from Afghan mission; apparently realized the country is landlocked (48)
London Times Strange Good news for Harry Potter fans: JK Rowling has just published a spin-off book, "The Tales of Beedle the Bard". Bad news: Only seven copies will ever be printed and only one is for sale (124)
CNN Followup Oh, sure, dress up as your boss naked and everyone has to be a critic (58)
SuperDeluxe Video Bank giving away free condoms. A big deposit generates a lot of interest (40)
NCBuy Interesting White House considers Kurd options. Vladimir Poutine unavailable for comment (70)
(Times Herald Record) Weird "At the height of the fire, a tremendous amount of what appeared to be duck feces erupted from one side of the building" (61)
( Strange This year's hot Christmas gift? Syphilis (50)
(Florida Times-Union) Weird Top 10 weirdest items pawned (138)
The Register Interesting Louisiana, California, Nebraska and Colorado fighting amongst themselves to be the official base for the 101st Fighting Keyboardists (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting Today's "College students offended by Brother Jed" story brought to you by Purdue University. But they're just a bunch of sodomite rock'n'rollers anyways. They'll get over it (242)
The Tennessean Dumbass Nashville denied federal grant money for sidewalks because: A) The streets are too narrow, B) The population density is too low, or C) The mayor forgot to sign the application (47)
Yahoo Interesting Women-only subway cars to make debut in South Korea in 2008. No more free groping for men in South Korea. Surprisingly this is not a joke (88)
NYPost Obvious NYC to install cameras at intersections with pedestrian countdown clocks to see if motorists speed up as the clock ticks down to zero. Still no cure for cancer (85)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Man pulls shark out of Gulf of Mexico to remove plastic band trapped around its head, then lets it go (w/ video) (140)
(Some Guy) Amusing Don't you hate it when your sat nav system leads you so badly off course that you wind up wedged in a narrow lane and sleeping in your truck for three days? This guy feels your pain (75)
Des Moines Register Followup Behold the power of Fark: Des Moines officials blame the Internet, in part, for rescinding their pumpkin tax (52)
(WCBS Newsradio 880) Dumbass Using a police car as a paintball target is generally not a good idea (35)
(Some Purse Lover) Photoshop Photoshop your favorite celebrity carrying this fabulous handbag (74)
The Sun Scary “I felt a bump but didn’t know I had a knife in my head as the brain has no pain-sensory nerves" (You want X-rays? You got 'em) (105)
AP Survey Washoe, the first chimp to learn sign language, has died. What do you think was the last thing she signed? (with voting) (293)
BBC Spiffy The wine standards branch of the Food Standards Agency in the UK is looking to ban reduced-alcohol wine because it doesn't have enough alcohol... finally, a government agency truly working for the people (23)
Telegraph Weird Criminals are out of ideas (25)
SLTrib Amusing Actual headline: Neither Taser, baton nor cops can quickly subdue Naked Man (41)
CNN Followup Jury goes back for sloppy seconds. Westboro Church now owes $10.9 million (410)
The Sun Asinine With no other crimes to solve, Nanny State police swoop down on pumpkin stall operated by three brothers aged 7, 4 and 3 because they lacked the proper licences (pic) (75)
(Some Guy) Cool Grandmother celebrates 100th birthday by becoming world's oldest paraglider. Get off her landing strip (46) Hero Dog in a coma after saving elderly owner from a snake. Dog saving owner from a snake trifecta now in play (38)
Starpulse Obvious Britney Spears' latest party-- er, controversy, involves a hot tub, eleven random guys she'd just met, vodka, cocaine, and her cleavage. SHHHHOCKING (203)
(Some Spacy Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this out-of-this-world machine (42)
Rocky Mountain News Followup A&E yanks "Dog the Bounty Hunter". Goodbye racist man (343)
(TMZ) Dumbass Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman does his best Michael Richards impersonation (w Not safe for work audio) (208)
(Some Guy) Florida Your mom takes away your Halo 3 air card? That's a punching (Dumbass tag trumped by state) (97)
WFTV Florida Woman fired by her hospital employer for spending six months on jury duty. If only there was some law that protected citizens who performed their civic duties (166)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 130: "Farktography Classic: Hallowe'en 3" Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme (107)

Wed October 31, 2007
Yahoo Dumbass Man bribes policeman to get out of a breathalyser test. Turns out he passed the test but was fined for bribery (24)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this TFer's daughter in her first Halloween costume (124)
Herald-Leader Weird A new book alleges that not only did the 1962 UK football team throw a game to Xavier, the players gave "gay oral sex" for money, proving they once sucked like Duke (48)
CBC Interesting Last time the Canadian Dollar was this high it was because the Confederates were approaching D.C. (102)
Wave3 Sick High school principal all ready for trick or treat, complete with leather outfit, fishnet stocks and fake boobs. Oh, and by trick, I mean he was turning them (92)
UPI Asinine A court summons was ordered for a woman who refused to return a sex education book to the library, claiming the book was pornographic (123)
Bangor Daily News Stupid Convicted murderer so trusted at the jail they have him work on the prison’s security and fire alarm systems (66)
(Ebenezer Scrooge) Stupid Congrats to Star 102 in Kansas City for being the first radio station in the country to go "All Christmas"... on Halloween (163)
Yahoo Stupid Landmark study concludes if you starve yourself, and avoid meat, sugar and alcohol, you have a good chance of avoiding cancer during your flavorless, miserable life (156)
Winding Road Stupid Hundreds of Las Vegas showgoers line up to get branded in exchange for a free set of tires (52)
MSNBC Interesting Global warming threatens to turn Denmark into a world power. But in the gross and scope of my opinion, this bodes some strange eruption to our state (60)
AP Silly Irish judge reduces a speeder's charge after observing that it didn't look as bad in MPH as it did in KPH. After court he promptly stopped into a local pub for a pint, er, growler, er, glass of beer to contemplate his ruling (23)
(Florida Today) Florida Man steals $2000 worth of office supplies from Staples by telling store clerk he'd already paid for them. That was easy (50)
Charlotte Scary 911 dispatcher from the North Carolina house fire that killed 7 college students receives death threats. With creepy 911 calls (102)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this iguana (34)
Yahoo Dumbass Bill Maher writes an article: "New Rule: If bowling passes for high school athletics, then maybe it is time for a draft." And that's the whole article. In related news, Bill Maher is not only an asshat; he's a lazy asshat (172)
CBS New York Asinine How to bypass airport security: 1) go out to smoke; 2) "lose" your boarding pass; 3) walk right by security (60)
AFP Amusing Even Bush now acknowledges the obvious - Dick Cheney really IS Darth Vader (117)
(Some Guy) Obvious Experts call for bacon to be banned to prevent cancer. Bacon. Cold dead fingers. Bring it, Poindexters (165)
FARK Survey Going back to your childhood, what was the worst thing somebody placed in your trick-or-treat bag? A rock? Mashed potatoes? Toothbrush? Raisins? (504)
AP NewsFlash Westboro Baptist Church bent over and banged by $2.9 million dollar judgement (661)
(Some Guy) Interesting College offers $500 reward for return of stolen rug featuring nude self-portrait of art teacher. Police note that it really tied the room together (114)
(Some Guy with a claw hammer) Obvious The Dog of Peace™ tries to eat a mail carrier. Actually, its a fairly even-pawed article (91)
Yahoo Unlikely Only one out of ten Americans publicly admit to not believing in religion. Nice to see atheists lie to pollsters as well (509)
Telegraph Followup Australian campaign to shame speeding drivers by waggling little fingers at them backfires when driver attacks woman who tried it with a bottle. "It offended me because of, you know, she implied I had a small penis," driver explains (65)
(Some Guy) PSA What would Halloween be without jack o' lanterns, colorful costumes and reports of tainted candy? (61)
Boston Globe Cool According to the Internal Revenue Service, Antarctica is in the United States (73)
Reuters Obvious Chinese made ________ recalled due to lead content. Just fill in the blank and use this headline next week (104)
KNBC Scary 15 famous ghost pictures. Skeptics, prepare to be astounded. Or faintly amused, your call (199)
(Some Guy) Asinine 12-year-old girl banned from school because officials say her micro-braided hair is "too disruptive." (218)
(The HIll) News Senate buildings evacuated, no reason given at the moment (120)
(The Journal) Obvious WV is the state where you are most likely to hit a deer while driving. WV is also the state where the driver is most likely to take it home and eat it (107)
CBS 4 Denver Stupid Man faces charges of unlawful sexual contact for taking a picture of a girl's exposed buttocks while she was playing on a playground. Subby trying to figure out how a photo is "contact" (207)
(Some Guy) Asinine Dear white people. You are all racists. Every one of you. Sincerely, the University of Delaware (684)
(Some Guy) Sad The price of anti-terrorism laws: Home chemistry sets are becoming more boring and harder to find (150)
Telegraph Followup Madrid bombers get 40,000 years in prison - but with good behavior, they could be out in 35,000 (125)
FARK Scary Fark Pumpkin Carving Contest. LGT Subby's own ("Darwin"), DIT (233)
WJRT Sad New York City bus wins special honors for maintaining an average speed of 4 mph on its Manhattan route, just about walking speed (87)
CNN Strange Yet another reason to keep a bong and a jar of Gila Monster spit handy (55)
Jack Chick Amusing The origins of Halloween, courtesy of Jack Chick (249)
(NY Times) Obvious Who was behind the extra hour of daylight for Halloween: 1) People concerned over kids getting killed or 2) the candy lobby? (73)
AJC Followup Georgia would not be in a drought today if the Governor of 1802 never gave up the Mississippi Territory which had the Tennessee River (84)
FARK Scary Scared boys and girls? It's Fark's "Annual Tell Your Real Ghost Story" thread. Mwah ah ah (530)
WFTV Florida Customer tries to open a bank account to get a $50 incentive. Doesn't have the proper ID. Comes back later with a note saying, "I want the money, I want all the money in the bank." Leaves without any money. Is arrested (26)
Marketwatch Obvious "It's brilliant for Stephen Colbert to use this presidential gimmick to generate interest in his book and TV show. It's depressing to watch respected journalists lower themselves just to tickle Colbert's funny bone" (196)
Examiner Scary Some dogs bring sticks or mud into the house. This one brought home a human foot (56)
CTV Ironic 63% would register with do-not-call-registry, according to phone survey (72)
( Obvious Can some foods make you horny, baby? Bonus: First food mentioned is bacon (116)
(AM News) Amusing "11:12 p.m., complaint of loud party in Balasa Drive apartment; officer advised it was just wild infants" (36)
ABC News Asinine Iowa gets into the Halloween spirit by taxing pumpkins because they're decorations, not food. "Iowans planning to eat pumpkins can still get a tax exemption if they fill out a form" (78)
(CSICOP) Cool Skeptics ruin a perfectly good time for everyone by showing why ghosts, vampires and zombies don't exist (138)
Mercury News Interesting Creepily named "Operation Boo" will force sex offenders to ignore trick-or-treaters' knocks, spend the night peering out at them with all the lights off (277)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop product placement into historic events (170)
National Review Hero "Secular extremism and multicultural madness has infected American public education." Michelle Malkin takes to task the America-hating ivory-tower elite Boston high school that has dared to offer a yoga class (641)
Pravda Interesting U.S. scientists unveil NASA’s secrets about cities on the Moon and microbes on Mars (79)
( Interesting Entomologists release 900 beetles in hopes to save Maine's hemlock trees, become more popular than Jesus (58)
(South Bend Tribune) Interesting House passes bill to require weather alert radios in mobile homes. The radios are destined to be torn out the first time they interrupt "Wheel of Fortune" (68)
Yahoo Dumbass A pet owner wants abuse charges filed against a friend who was pet-sitting her pot-bellied pig because, wait for it .......................... it got fat (75)
(PinkNews) Unlikely A third of US high school footballers have gay sex, claims sociologist (521)
IndyStar Interesting "It's almost a no-brainer" comments police chief on the use of tracking devices to locate Alzheimers sufferers. Good choice of words there, chief (41) Dumbass Cops make easiest bust ever after thieves decide to plug in stolen GPS device to see if it works (22)
Philly Stupid Victoria's Secret selling children's play dolls scantily clad in underwear. Sure, you SAY you're buying them for your kid. The problem is, some people actually are (84)
Time Strange One believes he saw a UFO, another knows that there is definitely life on earth. Welcome to the democratic presidential debate (134)
(Clitheroe Advertiser & Times) Amusing Bungling, bleeding burglar has to call police to rescue him after drunken accident in home he was raiding (20)
Local6 Misc Why people began wearing costumes on Halloween and other unknown facts (quiz) (133)
London Times Asinine Ways in which men and women argue differently: they yell, we drink (325)
Yahoo Followup The crew that re-took the North Korean ship seized by pirates? Well, they had just a slight assist from a US Navy destroyer (115) Followup If you had "Viscount Linley" in the British Royals blackmail pool you are the winner (55) Strange Man who ran halfway across city chasing leprechauns is not a happy leprechaun chaser (51)
(News4Jax) Scary Cancer center treats wrong side of patient's brain with gamma knife, significantly decreasing its nutritional value for zombie staff (46)
(WINK) Florida Most parents feel pride, sense of accomplishment when their kids start driving themselves to school, except when they're just seven years old (18)
BBC Interesting News: Jailed Mafia boss conceives his first child. Fark: like submitter, he had no conjugal visit. Chuck Norris would have conceived and carried the baby to term on his own (28)
CNN Obvious Juvenile admits starting California wildfire while playing with matches. Still no word on his ties to Al-Qaeda (105) Interesting Danish police appealed for public help Tuesday to track down a kangaroo that escaped from its owner's home in Copenhagen. Police said it was last seen heading south towards its native country of Austria (28)
Denver Channel Hero My niece saved my sister's and nephew's life. Bonus: She's four years old (110)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy holding his ass (52)
WFTV Florida Father, son arrested for allegedly cockfighting. You're welcome for that mental image (30)
Retrocrush Scary The worst Halloween costumes of all time, plus a giant classic costume gallery (142) Amusing Australian ex-prisoner liked his old cell so much he's buying it back (22)
(Some Guy) Dumbass I exploded in the lab late one night ♪ My eyes beheld an eerie sight ♪ My skin fell off in front of the cops ♫ I did the meth ♪ I did the monster meth ♪ The monster meth ♪ It was a trailerpark smash (48)
(daily kos) Interesting Man invents way to double car's MPG and triple the horsepower using only off-the-shelf parts. Oil companies to buy patent and completely bury his idea in 3... 2... 1 (284)
CNN News 5.6 magnitude quake hits northern California. Includes graphic photo of damage (257)
This Is Local London Obvious Cost of helping one junkie quit drugs in Britain revealed: £1.9 million. It would be cheaper to take the American approach and jail them for the rest of their life (80)
CSMonitor Sad Cultural shifts after 9/11 result in classic prankster colleges, like Caltech, asking students to submit pranks in writing before being performed, and students being questioned if they want to be voluntarily involved in a prank. Jesus wept (89)

Tue October 30, 2007
ABC News Obvious One in 10 men has multiple sex partners. Yet again, you are on the numerically superior but losing team (316)
CBS New York Interesting Big Brother is busting a cap in you and watching you at the same time, with the "PistolCam" (79)
(Some Guy) Ironic Sleeping pill helps a girl wake up from a six-year coma (129) Sappy A week after a family adopted a neglected Doberman, it saves their toddler from a deadly snake (204)
Fox News Sad If ever he would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer. Robert Goulet dead at 73 (200)
UPI Cool 40 U.S. colleges are vying for a vegetarian cooking prize. Personally I like my vegetarians cooked with fava beans (117)
Reason Magazine Asinine In Washington, "if you get behind the wheel of a car with any measurable amount of alcohol, you will be dealt with in D.C. We have zero tolerance... anything above 0.01, we arrest." (263)
(WDSU dot com) Followup New Orleans D.A. resigns after getting caught firing all the crackers in his office (134)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this high-rise building (68) Spiffy Hunter takes non-grainy, in focus photo of "Big Foot." Just kidding it's blurry, night time and looks a lot like a bear in one photo (163)
Newsday Followup The Georgia Aquarium, home of the world's largest fish tank, is bragging about conserving water (74)
AFP Misc Sleeping pills for kids top list of bad products behind Bag O' Glass, Mr. Skin-Grafter, and General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit (71)
(North Western University) Obvious How shyness became a mental illness: Scientific breakthrough reveals the importance of drug maker profits in the discovery of new diseases (264)
AP Asinine Bush Administration argues that fictional child porn should be illegal because it looks like the real thing. Mass arrest of TV actors of murder and rape ensues (560)
CBS New York Misc Among the 20 men arrested in a highway rest stop sex sting were a Catholic priest, a registered sex offender and a local Rotary Club president. Yay, no Senators (132)
The Raw Story Amusing You're wiccan and you win the lottery. Do you: A) Fund a series of Jack Chick-like tracts to get even with fundies? B) Mind your own business quietly? Or C) Decide to build a real-life Hogwarts? (181)
WFTV Florida Orlando airport Police Commander pulls gun on family at shooting range, claims he was investigating something (77)
(B&C) Obvious Parents Television Council releases this season's list of shows for you to get your granny panties in a wad over (183)
(Some Racist) Weird Only in Alabama: KKK organizes a rally to protest the KKK (115)
AP Followup Houston, we have a problem... unless you included a needle and thread for the solar panels (62)
Yahoo PSA REMINDER: San Jose Halloween Fark party and costume bar crawl tomorrow. Start in Tied House at 7:30 (LGT directions) (32)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man charged with driving drunk with five juvenile passengers, then headbutting a police patrol car for good measure (31)
The Smoking Gun Scary List of videos prohibited in Canada. Nanny state trifecta in play (335)
Google Obvious Convicts start prison garden to supply food banks, schools and senior centers with fresh produce and to make amends for their crimes. See? No justice, no peas (51)
Daily Mail Obvious Woman kills three people while trying to kill herself -- and escapes unhurt. Yes, she was a blonde (pic of hottie) (301)
Daily Mail Weird British army tests "invisible" tank. Invisible WMD technology already perfected (124)
Toronto Star Strange Man has friends wait in car while he walks into McDonald's, threatens to kill people for no reason and bites a guy's fingertip off. Welcome to Ontario... the Florida of Canada (79)
( Cool Just in time for Halloween: The Christopher Walken Cut-Out Mask (122)
Des Moines Register Dumbass You'll never get your ex back if you pass out on top of her car while she's at work (with tilty-mugshot goodness) (105)
Marketwatch Obvious "Content is a horrible word. Its primary definition is something that is contained, such as the contents of a bag of dog food. News is the last thing that can be contained -- especially online news" (56)
WTMJ Asinine Coach accused of beating up and threatening to kill one of his players. One of his 12-year-old players (105)
BBC Weird If you've always wondered what a 116-year-old orange looks like, today is your lucky day (74)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this telescope (62)
(Some Guy) Asinine Third-grader old to Apple: "I really like your iPod." Apple to third-grader: "Write us again and we will sue" (404)
Click On Detroit Strange Man gets probation for assault -- with pickles (78)
Globe and Mail PSA Ontario introduces $10,000 speeding ticket. After seeing how much revenue the tickets bring in, government contemplates making law even harsher (313) Strange "Haunted" swing keeps swinging for up to 10 days at a time despite the fact that nobody touches it (with video goodness) (252)
Washington Post Sad The hot Halloween constumes for American pre-teens this year? Dressing like whores, apparently: "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it" (546)
(Some Guy) Florida "Cobraman" found passed out in hospital parking lot after being bitten by one of his poisonous snakes. Again (62)
BBC Interesting Somalian pirates attack Japanese ship. Epic battle between ninjas and pirates ensues (104)
(WLWT) Scary Driver meets bowling ball in highway lane which strikes windshield, spares driver, winds up in gutter (70)
Charlotte Dumbass Crosseyed, neckless optometrist charged with sexual battery says he didn't see it coming. Oh yeah, there's a mugshot (380)
Yahoo Amusing Two thieves armed only with ketchup bottles rob supermarket employee, demand that he raise his Heinz above his head (32)
( Amusing Hitler, among his many faults, also had a farting problem (273)
WFTV Florida Man explains to police he wasn't running from them cause he robbed someone, he was just busy smoking a joint (with video, photos) (29)
MSNBC Scary Collapse of Iraqi dam that could kill 500,000 people imminent. But don't worry, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is on the case. Wait (192)
WJRT Dumbass Some burglars leave their fingerprints at the scene of the crime; this idiot left behind his pants. You're doing it wrong (21)
BBC Scary Man walking dog hospitalized after vicious attack by pack of bloodthirsty... cows? (98)
Yahoo Followup Tasered UF student faces no charges. Well, no additional charges (431)
The Tennessean Weird Man, 78, injured in bizzare Rube Goldberg grass-cutting accident (53)
SFGate Interesting Animal Liberation Front (ALF) floods home of scientist who tests monkeys. No word on if they flooded home of alien who eats cats (281)
Yahoo Weird Fisherman catches insurgent shark in Iraq... 200 km from the sea (134)
BBC Obvious Madeleine McCann's parents used her fund to pay their mortgage. In other news, all money is marked and cannot be intermingled with other money as a substitute (103)
Houston Chronicle Scary Teacher-student sex has become a common occurence in our society. It's not so common, however, when the teacher is Dave Mustaine. With picture goodness (234)
BBC Stupid UK begins plans to charge people based on trash they throw out. In other news, rubbish collectors find bin laden at your neighbours' house (87)
FARK Followup Atlanta Fark party reminder. This Saturday, Nov. 3, 7 pm until ?, at the Local. LGT last thread (106)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bad news: Burglar steals only family video footage of newborn baby. Good news: Police catch the idiot after he dropped his card with all his details on it (15)
(Some Guy) Unlikely "Nose hairs, bad breath ... porn queen fingers filthy turn-offs" (502)
(Some Guy) Strange New Jersey informs residents that it's once again safe to resume eating squirrels (98)
(KIRO) Dumbass Bad: Cop airplane catches Ferrari speeding. Worse: Driver's escape attempt fails. Worser: Driver gets DUI. Fark: Instead of celebrating narrow escape, Ferrari owning passenger drives off and gets DUI (with chase video) (74)
The Sun Asinine You can't even tie a dog up outside a British store without coming back to find it's been hit by graffiti taggers. Your dog wants revenge (pics) (135)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this TV carrier (84)
( Amusing Three Irish priests -- accused of misappropriating millions from a Florida church to keep girlfriends, take holidays, gamble and speculate on property -- hid it in a company they named "Shag" (78)
London Times Interesting British taxman takes 50 percent of new graduates' salaries, study finds. If only there were some catchy pop song with a strong bass riff to summarize this inequity (137)
TBO Florida Car strikes center median, slides sideways, hits a water meter, hits a tree, ejects the driver who strikes a building, is followed by the car striking the building and ricocheting into the driver. TA DA (83)
Arizona Star Interesting AIDS came to U.S. from Haiti in '69. The year, not the position (243)
The Register Dumbass Not news: Man flashes his weener on Internet. News: Flasher is a politician for "Family First" party. Fark: Claims one of the three pics is a fake (81)
London Times Strange Singapore Airlines bans female passengers granting access to men into their cock pits (43)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's "man-humping 'I'm not gay' Republican lawmaker" story brought to you by Spokane, Washington (156) Amusing Eastern Europeans hopping mad after British MP jokes that "one-legged Lithuanian lesbians" are getting too many arts grants (43)
TBO Florida Woman charged with hitting a pregnant 15-year-old and two other children. That's a Florida tag with mugshot goodness (58)
NPR Sad Reverend who kept diary and extensive collection of nose hair clippings dead at 89 (25)
Fox News Sad Canadian toddler sole survivor of plane crash, no word on where she will be buried (82)
1010WINS Sick Lab technician arrested after having sex. With a 92-year-old woman. A dead 92-year-old woman. In the hospital morgue (with mugshot) (310)

Mon October 29, 2007
(Some Crybaby) Obvious Man up, Nancy (192)
CBS News Obvious Chinese-manufactured fake Halloween teeth recalled for containing excessive amounts of cadmium. Just kidding, it's lead (87)
( Sappy Ugly ass baby giraffe born at Boston's Franklin Park Zoo. Bonus: Zookeepers name her "Sox" (w/ugly ass photos) (24)
(Commerical Appeal) Interesting New DNA evidence in "Paradise Lost" murders in West Memphis, Arkansas may point to new suspect (82)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pile of dead grass (79)
Reuters Stupid Having solved all other problems, NYC poised to "crack down on plastic bags." Wonder what they'll do when they realize you have to kill trees to make paper bags (174)
CBC Dumbass This year's top 10 overprotective Halloween tips. Bonus: Reporter doesn't know the days of the week (165)
AP Unlikely Robert Culp plans to stop the LA Zoo from building a new elephant enclosure. He ensures authorities that he has plenty of spies to keep them from attempting the dastardly deed (66)
Denver Post Amusing If you're missing a 300-pound African lion, the State of West Virginia would like a word with you (62)
Daily Mail Dumbass Headline: More than half of workers think they're over-qualified for their job. Article: Three out of ten graduates believe they are over-qualified for their job. Subby thinks this journalist is under-qualified (80)
SeattlePI Cool The new home of The National UFO Reporting Center is now based underground at a former nuclear missile site (34)
Philly Amusing Newest media panic alert: Daylight Savings Time. "Area psychologists say it will also make us stressed, leave some depressed and possibly weaken our immune systems. And we might never recover." EVERYBODY PANIC (87)
(KCBS) Dumbass Man who burned the Burning Man busted for trying to step up to church burning, With mugsho--HOLY HELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FACE? (141)
(Asahi English News) Asinine Not news: Landlord is considering suing for unpaid rent. News: Tenant in question is a US embassy, and the landlord is the Japanese government. Fark: They haven't paid in ten years (112)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Californians wonder what the next step will be after the fires. HINT: Dodge mud slides and run from mountain lions (95)
SLTrib Stupid BYU students want to turn Halloween treats into charitable donations for children in Ethiopia, Nigeria and the Philippines. "Why not turn a holiday that's traditionally all about getting to one that is all about giving as well?" (83)
Yahoo Scary Every Blackwater employee involved in the massacre of 17 Iraqi civilians was secretly granted immunity by the Bureau of Diplomatic Security. Bonus: the Bureau chief resigned last week (547)
LA Times Followup 2,007 homes destroyed in California firestorms. Suck it, Anti-Numerologists (126)
Yahoo Interesting Intellectual property group wants the Supreme Court ruling from the Sony Betamax case to become law to limit copyright-infringement suits. The Supreme Court demands royalties for citing their case (49)
AFP Weird Woman escapes from German prison in suitcase. Steve McQueen still inside dirty tunnel (44)
Stuff Interesting Crips and Bloods still keeping it real ... in New Zealand. Wait, what? (86)
BBC Amusing Police searching for teeny tiny gang of horse thieves after 28-inch pony stolen from field (pic) (81)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these ancient columns (87)
Houston Chronicle Asinine From the Department of Redundancy Department: Texas issues a report declaring that Texas has too many reports. Bonus: Report is 668 pages long and took 18 months to compile (74)
(KPTV) Hero Woman on crutches rescued from rapist by five bystanders (With scary mugshot goodness) (489)
Denver Channel Strange Car dealership under investigation for selling car to mentally handicapped man who lit his old car on fire. Dealership claims it did nothing wrong since the man told them he was an excellent driver (64)
(Some Ann Arborite) Amusing Father of the Year gets arrested for drunk driving with his 12-year-old son in the car. Mother of the Year arrives with his 9-year-old sister... and is arrested for drunk driving (62)
CBC Cool Owner of local gas station wins lottery and cuts the price of gas by over 50% at his gas pumps so local residents can share in the happiness (82)
11 Alive Strange 12-year-old cruises around for a week in his mom’s car before police notice. Driver reportedly earned two stars, but failed to find a spray shop (44)
AP News Brigadier General Dorko injured by bomb blast in Iraq. Colonel Gaywad, Lieutenant Dweebazoid unharmed (252)
Yahoo Weird Minnesota Timberwolves employ new strategy to confuse opponents: midgets (57)
CourtTV Scary Principal holds a meeting for the families of two fighting fifth-graders. Unfortunately, the families ended up getting into a fatal fight in front of the school before the meeting can even begin (202)
(Some Guy) Followup The few. The proud. The monkey squad (53)
LA Times Interesting California to crack down on the estimated 5.7 million drivers who save a lot of money on their car insurance by not bothering to get any (229)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Note to police officers: before you handcuff a suspect, make sure he doesn't have a gun behind his back. Note to handcuffed suspects with guns behind their back: don't trip and fall and shoot yourself (62)
Washington Post Stupid "Keep your perverted four year old away from my buxom chest" (296)
(Post-Gazette) Obvious Home sellers are so desperate, they're willing to write you into their will (68)
(News 5) Dumbass You get pulled over by police. Do you A) grouse about getting a ticket, B) accept that you screwed up and take the ticket peacefully, or C) call police HQ and threaten to shoot the cop for not writing the ticket fast enough (49)
UPI Interesting Oungyay atholicscay urntay otay atinlay assmay (152) Dumbass Scientists discover oldest living animal... and promptly kill it (142)
Pravda Amusing Women hardly know their own genitals: they do not talk to them, they do not give funny nicknames to them, nor do they ever get angry with them (156)
Yahoo Amusing Guy dressed as zombie mistaken for actual corpse (26)
SFGate Dumbass Soccer coach moons the opposing team... of 14-year-old girls (122)
(Treehugger) Asinine 25 most endangered primate species could "fit into a football stadium," outplay Dolphins (83)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you are not allowed to carry a weapon because of a felony conviction, shooting your friend while hunting is not a good way to keep a low profile (27)
AZCentral Stupid Girl suspended for having two unopened boxes of shotgun shells in her car at school, even though she had no firearm with her and is a Junior Olympic skeet-shooting champ (344)
Detroit News Stupid Bad: Woman has heart attack. Worse: EMT's break a rib resuscitating her. Fark: She falls out of hospital bed and breaks her nose. FAIL: flash fire burns her face as doctor cauterizes her nose (141)
(Some Guy) Stupid Guy saves woman stuck in train doors from being crushed, ends up being fined 60 euros for delaying the train (42)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ever wanted to smell like Joe Simpson's finger? Now you'll have your chance (95)
Yahoo Strange Serial jail breaker escapes again when his accomplices fly helicopter into his prison, get mobbed, crash helicopter, take hostages, steal nearby car and then get away (44) Scary According to wedding etiquette experts, you have up to a year to thank your brother for the poison he thoughtfully provided to you at your wedding (39)
(Some Guy) Strange Jesus goes "old testament" on neighbors, drags a woman with a car, attacks a man with a machete and punches the man and the child he's holding in the face. He's back and this time it's no more Mr. Nice Guy (62)
Sun Sentinel Florida Most common nickname in city's police files is "Peanut," followed by favs "Big Man," "Champ," "Pee Wee," "Chicken Man," "Stinky," "Donkey Weed" and "Drunk Moe" (139)
Sky News Ironic Not news: Muslim stopped and searched at US airport. News: He's the British International Development Minister. Fark: Who was in the US to talk to the American goverment about terrorism (557)
Des Moines Register Amusing Production error at factory leads to Iowa school children getting rubber bracelets saying "BETTER DO DRUGS" for Red Ribbon Week (75)
(27 News KSNT) Dumbass Not News: Teenager hospitalized with extreme burns. News: Because he shot himself. FARK: With his homemade cannon (36)
Google Photoshop Theme: Create a page from your very own children's book (84)
(Some Guy) Florida Guy drives off during traffic stop, striking deputy, then gets hit by bullet in hand, wrecks car, and takes off on nine-hour manhunt. Leaves his girlfriend in the car (74)
NYPost Obvious If you had Amy Fisher in the celebrity sex tape pool, come claim your winnings (203)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass Not news: Firefighters start fire. News: They torch a firehouse. Fark: In plain view of a surveillance camera (46)
BBC Misc UK Foreign Secretary, tired of seeing images of children suffering in poverty, adopts a second child from war-torn America (96)
Google Photoshop Ultimate Photoshop Challenge: How many Fark cliches can you combine into one reasonably coherent pic (147) Sad Japan's latest weird trend: the suicide pact amongst strangers (133)
SuperDeluxe Video Wi-Fi in campgrounds is making life easier for axe murderers (50)
(Buntz's Zoo) Caption Caption this sea lion (70)
SFGate Strange Woman dressed as piece of sushi wins Cardboard Tube Fighting Championship, defeating the likes of ninjas, robots and Count Sexula (52)
DallasNews Interesting Teens in Argyle, Texas just want to have a party while school authorities prohibit dressing too skimpy, touching while dancing. Kevin Bacon dispatched to handle negotiations and choreography (77)
Yahoo Amusing California man eats 103 hamburgers in 8 minutes to win $10,000 dollars. God bless America (96)
The Sun Cool Fox terrier pilots replica Spitfire. With pic that's worth the click (85)
Stuff Dumbass Construction workers accidentally fill pub with eight tons of concrete. Pub immediately switches from beer to offering stiff drinks (20)
(Some Guy) Interesting A Halloween-themed bar may not get its liquor license because the owner didn't tell the city the real name of the bar-- Drunkenstein’s (45)
(Some Poor Guy) Followup Jordan's Monster Deal: Free Furniture if the Red Sox win the Series. Seemed like a good idea last March. Tonight, not so much (79) Interesting Indians found making clothes for Gap in slave-like conditions, getting whooped in the ALCS (124)
SLTrib Florida Woman sells her home and all her belongings and moves to Florida to be with her lover. Little does she know her lover has cleaned out her account, bought a boat in Mexico, and is currently sailing to Ireland (47)
Daily Mail Dumbass UK's culture secretary, who scolded TV companies for faking footage, is caught photoshopping himself into publicity photos (with fail-worthy pic) (105)
(Some Guy) Cool Website has 8-gigapixel resolution pictures of famous works of art- including "The Last Supper". At that resolution, you can see where Da Vinci painted Jesus banging Mary Magdalene in the background (96)
Denver Post News Bostowned (496)
(Some Guy) Cool Need the perfect Christmas gift? How about a 40-foot-tall fire-breathing robotic dinosaur strong enough to tear apart an airplane? Yeah, submitter would like one. Big time (pic) (67)