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Sun November 25, 2007
News.com.au Strange Pageant demonstrates beauty is only skin deep because that is as far as the damage went when the eventual winner's evening gown and makeup were spiked with pepper spray (18)
Yahoo Dumbass Man under suspicion of shaving swastika on dog. You know what else your dog wanted? (33)
Daily Mail Scary Five foot tall woman gives birth to 14lb 8 oz monster ginger baby, with scary bump picture (68)
(Some Chick) Followup Bloggette proposes "netiquette" after complaining "FARK fanboy" posts "were rude, vulgar and just plain mean." (634)
Yahoo Obvious And for today's say it ain't so headline: "Thanksgiving travelers return home" (33)
Washington Post Amusing Dave Barry's Annual Holiday Gift Guide, "which we publish every year in lieu of something that might actually be useful" (51)
Daily Mail Cool Hottest fashion for women is retro 1940s-inspired clothing: "Modern clothing just doesn't suit my body shape. I'm a size six, but I've got boobs and a bottom. Forties clothing goes in and out in all the right places" (pics) (228)
Yahoo Scary Good thing Global Warming is a hoax, otherwise people might get scared (266)
(Game Revolution) Amusing The Flying Spaghetti Monster has appeared to us in a pumpkin pie. Bless his noodley appendages (41)
The Scotsman Interesting Whiskey to keep students warm this winter. Whiskey... you know. For kids (83)
Telegraph Obvious Shockingly, scheme to turn giant ants into aphrodisiac tonic was a scam. If only there'd been some warning signs (38)
IOL Amusing One in three New Zealand men has felt pressured to have sex. Who knew sheep were so demanding? (81)
Seattle Times Stupid After solving all problems in our education system, school bans Wikipedia (295)
JSOnline Dumbass Today's helpful advice: If you're going to be impersonating a police officer, don't pass by a real one in your car while your lights and siren are on (27)
(Failure Magazine) Weird Interview with a man who believes he's Gen. George Custer (77)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these pin setters (52)
Daily Mail Unlikely Prince Charles and his royal handlers attempt to exorcise the ugly out of Camilla by "rebranding" her (91)
(Some Guy) Interesting Eight ways to fight... um, something (40)
CBS New York Asinine The UN adds tasers to its list of torture devices, says tortuously boring letters to please be nice are more humane (209)
Yahoo Scary Tamiflu and Relenza might help your kid get over her flu quicker. Or they might make her jump off a balcony or run into traffic. Maybe both (50)
(Some Guy) Followup Where's your hero now? (279)
Daily Mail Asinine For everyone who thinks the term "Nanny State" is an overused cliche, tell it to this young university student who was forced to flee to Europe to keep her own child (183)
(Some Paranoid) Interesting Houston PD run secret surveillance drone test. (9/11) . Warn news chopper that FAA has restricted the airspace, (Al Quaeda) Later admit that was a lie (Bin Laden). News crew notice most police present are Traffic Division (Mushroom Cloud) (137)
(Some Guy) Sappy Tiny tiger has big responsibility... with baby pictures (57)
Boston Herald Dumbass It's the start of deer hunting season, so it's time for Howie Carr's annual rant about dumb things hunters do (143)
TampaBays10.com Florida Five-year old recovering after his police officer stepfather accidentally shot him. Man says it was an accident that he's deeply sorry about. Also notes that the little backtalking problem has completely disappeared (73)
(Mickey Mouse Can...) Amusing Now you can input what the Disneyland welcome sign really should say (voting enabled) (275)
AP Interesting How much duck could a Seoul man chuck if a Seoul man could chuck duck? (23)
The Scotsman Strange Police say that they will start publishing names of missing sex offenders to publicly humiliate them on the internet. THAT INCLUDES YOU, STEVE (103)
(Dr. Duh) Obvious "It seems that teenagers who have taken the virginity pledge have just as much anal and oral sex... as their peers who haven’t taken the oath" (270)
The Tennessean Sad First elk herd in 150 years spotted in Tennessee, 10 days later they are a herd of trophy heads hanging over redneck fireplaces (172)
Yahoo Dumbass Vegas bartender gets fired after accusing former NBA star of acting like a, well, former NBA star. Yep, lawsuitilarity has ensued. Bonus: It's Dennis Rodman, and no, this is not a repeat (26)
News Of The World PSA Don't orgasm and drive, say motoring group about new toy that plugs into cig lighter (86)
(Press-Enterprise) Dumbass Man at gun range inadvertently demonstrates the first rule of safety: don't load a gun with the safety off. Especially while the gun's pointed at your head (89)
Google Photoshop Theme: Recast a current presidential candidate as a breakfast cereal (40)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Obvious Institute For The Study of That Which Has Been Obvious To The Casual Observer For A Decade discovers parents can't farking stand those Bratz dolls (104)
Yahoo Scary If you bought ground beef chuck, sirloin or chop beef in Indiana, Kentucky, Maryland, Ohio, Tennessee, Wisconsin or Virginia you might want to check for extra E. coli goodness. Oh, and EVERYBODY PANIC (41)
Yahoo Scary Trapped man cuts off own arm to escape fire. No coyote ugly woman, Road Warrior or vending machine sweets involved (51)
SMH Hero Cleaner brings vacuum cleaner to a knife fight and wins (35)
(Orange County Register) Dumbass Santa Claus causes riot among soccer moms. Snowflakes' feelings reportedly hurt (55)
News Of The World Followup Blame game starts around English failure in Euro 2008 championships. For some reason they start with "£50k on booze, lapdancers, begging for threesome... and sex in basement" (43)
CNN Followup Saudis further clarify punishment of rape victim. She was a dirty little whore who created an "attractive nuisance" that led to her own rape. Nothing to see here, move along infidels (313)
(ProJo) Sad The deadly sport of ice hockey claims yet another young victim. After winning a Nintendo Wii a 14-year-old promptly died falling over himself trying to claim the prize (174)
Orlando Sentinel Hero News: dog saved from shelter awakens woman and saves her from burning trailer. Fark: woman goes back in trailer to save some items and the dog has to lead her out a second time. Hero tag for dog trumps owner's Dumbass tag (109)
(Some Derelict Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this derelict teddy bear (83)

Sat November 24, 2007
Bangor Daily News Interesting Man tries to stop his friend from driving drunk by punching him in the face. Friend successfully sues man for $138,000 (144)
(Some Guy) Scary The Department of Corrections says it is extremely sorry a convicted killer ended up living next door to the daughter of the woman he stabbed to death (80)
USA Today Asinine Several pedophiles are reported to be homeless with some even registering their homes as "near a bike rack" and the "woods behind Wal-Mart." So, how's that Sexual Offender List working out for you? (182)
Time Interesting Time Magazine poses a "Morality Quiz" for you with several "Kobayashi Maru Test" type questions (448)
(News & Observer) Asinine Cop who told the media that there was "really, really strong physical evidence" in Duke lacrosse case just got promoted. Addy, you're doing a heck of a job (34)
Baltimore Sun Sad The Orioles, The Ravens, and now CSX. Baltimore train wreck trifecta completed (59)
Toronto Star Amusing Not news: hittable teacher arrested for sleeping with student. News: student impregnates teacher. Fark: police drop charges because student is an immigrant and no one knows what his actual age is (yes, there's a photo) (98)
Forbes Amusing America's most obese cities, in pictures. Really wide pictures (280)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photo illustrate these modern teens (74)
STLToday Interesting The day after Thanksgiving is by far the busiest day of the year for Roto-Rooter (71)
MSNBC Sad Firefighters now spying on Americans. Your dog wants privacy (194)
CBS Sacramento Strange From an AP article: "Babe the Blue Ox has lost his head. Axe-wielding Paul Bunyan is not a suspect." (27)
(WXII Winston-Salem) Stupid Let's keep the X in Xmas (363)
Newsday Interesting New Jersey governor made state workers work on Friday after Thanksgiving. The workers dilligently showed up, thankful that they had jobs with good benefits and worked hard all day... Just kidding They didn't show up or whined (131)
The Scotsman Asinine Nanny State bans grandmother from seeing her own grandchildren - because she gave them too much candy. No, really (81)
(Some Guy) Stupid It's not News, it's filler (108)
BBC Followup You know those CDs with the data of 25m Brits that went messing? Yeah, the same department has just admitted that it lost 6 other CDs about a month ago. This isn't a department, it's a colander (41)
CNN Scary Southern California Wildfires II: Electric Boogaloo (110)
AP Interesting Chess champ Garry Kasparov captured last knight by police. Was one of many pawns arrested protesting Putin's attempt to be king. Kasparov now in cell protecting his bishop from some queen (165)
The Newspaper Interesting News: 80 mile per hour speed limit costs money and lives. Fark: It was safer when there was no speed limit at all (106)
JSOnline Interesting Police department issues half as many tickets as it focuses on law enforcement (52)
(SLO Tribune) Obvious Residents complain about fast traffic. City installs rumble strips. Residents complain about fast, loud traffic (89)
(Some Tech Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this computer component thingamajiggy (57)
My Fox Kansas City Stupid Political correctness at it's worst. Boy Scout gets two week suspension after saying he knew how to tie a noose (463)
Yahoo Sappy Germans prepare for cute overload as news breaks that Knut the Polar Bear may soon have as many as three siblings (with pic of Knut, of course) (46)
Yahoo Interesting Good news: Heathrow is thinking of adding a new terminal. Better news: ...and another runway. Worst news: Considering the pace of English construction crews, it might be finished sometime just before the End Of Days (39)
Yahoo Sappy Melissa Gilbert kicks off a national campaign to improve care for seriously ill and dying children. With still very hittable pic of the former child star (113)
AP Followup Dardenne Prarie, MO. outlaws internet harassment. Meagan Meier is still dead. Asshats who pushed her to suicide are still scott free (427)
(Edmonton Sun) Strange Man sentenced to 90 days in jail after being busted for masturbating while sitting on BMW at home and garden show (84)
(Express Computer) Amusing Comparing engineers to cats and cows: "...cats are pretty good at being cats—they have little need for anyone to tell them what to do. Applying any bovine methods to cats merely annoys them..." (399)
Daily Mail Interesting Court rules father has no rights over child because "he was only a one-night stand" (168)
(Some Guy) Florida Actual headline: "Sidewalk bloodied after biker's head strikes hydrant" (81)
(WLBZ2.com) Obvious With the rising gas prices comes the increase of gas station drive-offs (72)
Denver Post Stupid "Zoo Keeper for the Day" program goes great as everyone has good time. Just kidding, a bear attacked some people (28)
The Sun Stupid Pretty soon, you won't be able to drink in the Nanny State without an ID card proving you're a regular. "It keeps the riffraff out," explains one pub owner (62)
Sky News News Howard loses, Rudd savours the sweet taste of...ear wax (285)
Yahoo Amusing You're doing it wrong (29)
(Sheboygan Press) Scary Nomination for worst name for a convicted sex offender. Cannot be pronounced in court without citation for contempt (78)
Telegraph Interesting Five-year-olds to be taught dangers of alcohol, such as to never mix beer and liquor and that single-malt whiskey is pretty much undrinkable unless you freeze it for a couple hours and then mix it with Yoo-Hoo (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Mongol guy (58)
CNN Obvious Dick quits Oral before finishing the job (49)
Local6 Cool "Mole Man" digs secret underground mansion (with pic goodness) (118)
Fox News Sick Girl and her boyfriend decide to keep a low profile after murdering her roommate by going on a wild sex romp exhibitionist-style in public in Rome (179)

Fri November 23, 2007
The Smoking Gun Amusing Once I got arrested and I was wearing a shirt and it had words on it, kinda like these people (143)
AP Hero Illegal alien crossing the border in AZ rescues nine year old boy lost in the desert following a car crash that killed his mother (279)
Seattle Times Sad San Francisco wackos want to ban fireplaces (190)
(Some Guy) Scary Here they are: the 20 unhealthiest restaurant offerings in America. Give me your tired, your slow, your chunky asses (219)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Man assaulted on Thanksgiving with a can of gravy or as the media has dubbed it "Gravy Brawl 2007" (28)
UPI Scary Itsy-bitsy amounts of lead can affectificate IQ (167)
Guardian.com Photoshop Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh celebrated 60 years of marriage this past Tuesday. Photoshop them a card (47)
Sign On San Diego Amusing Don't argue with Australian sailors about how American football is better than Australian football (237)
BBC Obvious Allowing anyone to access someone's contact details by text from just their car registration number. What can possibly go right? (35)
NYPost Asinine Looking for something for your lady friend this X-mas? How about a $62K lipstick? (60)
(Dumb Guy) Dumbass Sperm donor fights for parental rights. Dude, you're doing it wrong (66)
(Some Guy) Silly Chicago may turn to naming rights to raise funds. UFIA Cubs looking hopeful in '08 (48)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass Mother of the year candidate leaves 2-year-old child alone in the car while she looks for Black Friday bargains (98)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Asinine Turkey: check. Stuffing: check. Ex-boyfriend grabbing the gun and shooting your mom: check (44)
Google Silly Two weeks into easy listening stations switching to all Christmas songs, which songs put you in the Christmas Mood and which ones make you feel stabby? (383)
(CIA.gov) Weird CIA's website has a kids page. Includes tips on how to covertly overthrow another class' president (58)
Wall Street Journal Cool Bashed by many, the suburbs started as one man's dream and have come to define America (311)
(Some Guy) Obvious Ten reasons why people think you're a bimbo if you have implants (406)
DallasNews Stupid Bad: you were charged with a crime. Worse: the jury found you guilty. Texas: now we require you to confess to be released (103)
News.com.au Amusing "Nincompoop" is Britain's favourite word. "Toothbrush" comes in last (72)
(Some Caveguy) Amusing Today's "Flintstone" car pulled over is brought to you by Toronto's finest, who took 30 minutes to figure out which law had been broken (94)
Globe and Mail Asinine Newsie: Blind man sues transit system to make them announce subway stops. Newsier: Same blind man sues transit system to make them announce bus stops. Newsiest: transit system spends $450,000 fighting against blind man (101)
Slate Amusing Moo Shu Turkey and other abuses of Thanksgiving leftovers (53)
(Some Old Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this underdog (91)
(Daily-Herald.com) Cool Man expecting a $15 refund check from the Utah Department of Commerce instead receives a check for more than $2,000,000. Honesty and fear of PMITA prison prompts man to return check (86)
(All Africa) Strange Ugandan officials now using ass measurements to establish the citizenship of immigrants. In related news, Jennifer Lopez determined to be Ugandan (72)
News.com.au Amusing Taiwanese company declares official "Camisole day" and 90% of its female workers turn up for the day in their underwear (135)
The Sun Sick Father who locked up his family in replica Auschwitz admits he was "a little strict." The Son is there, as were his four sisters (410)
(Doncaster Free Press) Amusing Dr Who fan lives with 225 Daleks. Will likely be stuck in his basement until Daleks learn to climb stairs (151)
(NY Daily News) Spiffy Unless they're standing in the middle of the sidewalk in Times Squares during rush hour, visitors to NYC have the best chance of surviving their visit since reliable homicide numbers were first tallied (59)
London Times Ironic Hooking the biggest shark ever: Priceless. Watching the shark thrash around and total your boat: Kind of annoying (78)
First Coast News Florida When a man is arrested for driving drunk, without a license, into oncoming traffic, on his lawnmower...well, it could really only happen in one state (32)
(Some Guy) Amusing Five drinks bartenders don't want to make for you. Now you know what to order tonight (409)
Yorkshire Evening Post Amusing A woman claiming sex discrimination bought her male colleague sex toys for his birthday and showered him with condoms a tribunal is told. She claims the present was in fact a toy for her dog. The animal's not suing as far as we know (61)
The Register Amusing Opera singer mispronounces line in Croatian national anthem and accidentally sings "My dear, my penis is a mountain" (78)
BBC Obvious Despite the intensity of the tragedy, man rejects offer of counseling after his wheelie bin is stolen. His courage is an inspiration to us all (57)
Yahoo Followup After a titanic effort, all 150 passengers have been rescued from the sinking cruise ship that struck an iceberg near Antarctica. Celine Dion inconsolable (41)
The Scotsman Stupid J.K. Rowling set to win Time's Person Of The Year award. Because absolutely no one in the world did anything more significant this year than someone who wrote a kid's book (209)
BBC Stupid Old and busted: Huffing paint fumes. New hotness (literally): Huffing burning wheelie bins (82)
SFGate Dumbass 115-year old violin worth $100,000 stolen from the unlocked car of professional violinist and total moron (87)
Google Sad World's oldest trapeze artist dies at 98, something was going around and he caught it (26)
Yahoo Interesting If you had $40,000 laying around, would you use it to name a butterfly? (35)
Reuters Amusing Proposed new law to boost patriotism in Thailand would require motorists to stop when the national anthem is played twice a day (49)
Daily Mail Sappy 1. 0. 3? 3 (57)
Telegraph Asinine Disabled vets who lost limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan driven out of public pool by women who complain vets hadn't paid to use pool and might scare the children (197)
(MaineToday.com) Amusing 53 year-old woman is suing Starbucks for not giving her a job because she's too old. Starbucks says age isn't a factor, she's just a biatch (122)
The Sun Obvious Average person will walk five miles and spend 90 minutes standing in line to buy Christmas presents. The smug and obnoxious "I shopped online and did it all in eight minutes" comments may be posted to the right (117)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this massive machine (52)
Canoe Obvious Man says he shot cow after mistaking it for coyote; authorities say bull (25)
MSNBC News Titanic reported to have struck iceberg (100)
CNN Asinine Mayor of small town pleads guilty to indecency, becomes registered sex offender, is now barred from going to city hall because it is too close to a youth center (31)
BBC Sad Guess this means I still won't get a towel (112)
The Virginian Pilot Dumbass Today's "transporting inmates in the front passenger seat is not a good idea" lesson is brought to you by the Norfolk, VA sheriff's department (18)
The Sun Obvious British husband delivers baby after he and his wife found hospital deserted. How's that socialized health care working out? (326)
The Sun Obvious British police force naked rag doll in shop window to wear fig leaf out of fear it would cause “alarm or distress” to women shoppers and trigger the sort of lifeless rigor in them that British men associate with "sex" (pic) (35)
News.com.au Sick A 15-year-old female robbery suspect was kept in a jail cell with more than 20 men for a month. What could possibly go wrong? (230)
Daily Mail Spiffy An Italian eccentric, working for over 40 years, has carved something out of solid rock that some folks are calling the 8th wonder of the world (196)

Thu November 22, 2007
Guardian.com Florida Skydivers set world record with combined 100-person jump. Don't let the fact they started with 101 detract from their accomplishment (65)
(Some Guy) Interesting The wild turkey population in New Hampshire is nearly six times what it was in Colonial days and various strategies have been tried to manage the population explosion. If there was only some holiday in the year when we could all eat turkey (89)
SFGate Cool Female columnist shows her support for the troops--by helping them smuggle porn into a war zone (116)
(Kerala Online) Obvious NASA lied to us about the Columbia tragedy. It was actually shot down by UFOs (119)
(Bridgwater Mercury) Amusing Police fine naked man who was beating up parked cars at 3:20 a.m. They suspect that alcohol might have been a factor (26)
YouTube Silly "I'm Mr T and I'm a night elf mohawk" (190)
(Some befuddled guy) Photoshop Photoshop this nonplussed fellow (102)
The Sun Interesting Construction site bans French fries - to improve worker safety (15)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Criminal gets stuck in wet cement while running away from police (39)
CNN Interesting On this day, be thankful you're not a teenage British girl imprisoned in Ghana for smuggling drugs (104)
(don't try this at home) Video How to cook a Thanksgiving turkey in under 30 seconds...with thermite (70)
(Camden New Journal) Strange Police capture assault suspect after recognizing his buttocks on closed-circuit television (14)
CBS Minneapolis PSA "They said 'What is this? And I said 'It's wax.' And then I passed out and didn't wake up for five weeks." PSA: Melted wax acts like napalm. Do not wear (78)
Canoe Followup Oh noes, It looks like there was a GIF Quake at PNG but scientists say that a pacific wide BMP Tsunami is not expected (41)
(Hemmy.net) Cool The coolest mis-named "hive in a jar" you'll see today. It's actually an extension of the hive, but why quibble? (50)
(Some Guy) Interesting The Thanksgiving record: comtemporary accounts of the 1621 Thanksgiving at Plimmoth and other related historical information (35)
(Some Guy) Sappy Deceased man thanks friendly grocery store employee for her years of kindness with a $15,000 check and an invitation to stay on his lawn (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting The top 10 games that didn't live up to the hype (326)
Canoe Sad Not content to let Vancouver have the spotlight, man in Nova Scotia dies after a tasering, bro (81)
YouTube Spiffy Toddlers these days are really good with Force Lightning (51)
Lifehacker Amusing In retrospect, maybe the picture in the center wasn't very well thought out (138)
Yahoo Dumbass They never learn... Taking a nap while robbing a house will increase your chances of getting caught (23)
Yahoo Amusing Sometimes, a house listed for sale might be a prank. This is especially true when it belongs to the Prime Minister of Australia and he's still living in it (19)
(Go Erie) Dumbass Child abuse or college prank gone wrong? Preschool teacher ducktapes children to classroom wall (64)
Canada.com Interesting Yes, video game for teenage girls encourages smoking and doing drugs, but also highlights the dangerous downsides: being sent to virtual rehab or having bad breath. OMG ew (31)
Denver Channel Strange Company performing background check finds woman used drugs with cartoon characters. Speedy and Slowpoke Rodriguez unavailable for comment (57)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's perp drives himself to prison in polite medium speed chase story is brought to you by Vermont (13)
Slashdot Asinine Bank robbery in progress? Check. Brave citizen with cell phone dialing 911? Check. Ear splitting alarm announcing to armed robbers what customer is doing? Oh yeah, that's a BIG check (80)
(NYDaily News) Weird Powdered mail sent to Rev. Al Sharpton, Keith Olbermann, & others with return address to "mature, grounded, open-minded, self-motivated, focused, loving, caring, aggressive when need be, concerned, fair and supportive" inmate (33)
Yahoo Amusing Skype encryption 1, German police 0 (63)
(Some netherlands treat) Survey What great foods have you enjoyed once upon a time in one region or country, but it cannot be found where you are now? (871)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this potter and his pot (49)
SuperDeluxe Video So, Mr. Armstrong are you dating Ashley Olsen? No. But we saw you... I'll pee in a cup right now (84)
CBC Misc Since today is bound to be a slow news day in the U.S., here is some fast-breaking Canadian news about snow (111)
Toronto Star Obvious Today's "alleged" teacher-student sexy time brought to you by Toronto, because American schools have the day off (41)
CNN Unlikely Mike Tyson read "American Gangster" while behind bars. In other news, Mike Tyson can read. It's not news, it's CNN (51)
Yahoo Stupid Nearly 70 percent of "GenNext" see their generation as "unique and distinct from other generations"... the same thing their parents thought about their own generation, and so on and so forth (117)
(Some Guy) Interesting Connecticut police familiar with the case have filed the story in the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up category (36)
(KCAU) Misc 44 years ago today, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas by, a) a lone gunman, b) the KGB, c) the Masons, d) the flying spaghetti monster or e) none of the above because it doesn't fit your theory? (307)
Yahoo Obvious Are you an 18-25 year old girl? Are you tall? Are you thin? If you answered yes to all three, you may have a job waiting for you (113)
Wall Street Journal Obvious Newspaper editors urged to look at comics pages like a stock portfolio, mixing in risky new comics like "Drabble" with established laugh-getters like "For Better Or For Worse" and "Cathy" (125)
BBC Cool Like a Phoenix, the Cutty Sark is rising from the ashes of the fire which nearly destroyed it six months ago (28)
Google Survey Today I'm thankful for ___________ (535)
(NY Times) Followup NY Court of Appeals says it is legal to be a total, selfish schmuck and force pedestrians into the street so you can stand in the middle of Times Square. Still no cure for a herd of commuters leaving the bus terminal from mowing you down (139)
News24 Dumbass Hardbody Harrison's attempt to impart wrestling skill and wisdom to eight aspiring females ends in the chokehold of the law (33)
The Register Interesting There may actually be an upside to the UK government's losing the personal data of 25 million people; also, article's author may answer one of your "where are they now?" questions (59)
I-Mockery Amusing Spend Thanksgiving with your favorite Supervillains and see what they're thankful for (51)
WTOP Weird Jellyfish kill entire farmed salmon population of Ireland. EVERYBODY PANIC (75)
(Some Turkey) Photoshop Photoshop this Thanksgiving feast (53)
(ABS-CBN) Interesting 2.6 billion people worldwide currently live without toilets, according to the World Toilet Association. In other news, there's such a thing as the World Toilet Association (58)
Detroit News Followup Book about dying professor's last lecture sets record publishing advance. Suck it, Morrie (40)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man wins the admiration of his peers after chugging a quart of vodka. Police aren't sure, but they believe his death shortly thereafter may be alcohol related (100)
Guardian.com Asinine Lawyer convicted of tax evasion and fraud charges asks judge to set aside his nine-year prison term and allow him to teach course on ethics and morality to law school students instead (28)
The Sun Interesting Lightning strikes 17-year-old while she's in the shower. "“The whole thing was freaky," explains Little Miss Articulate (pic) (165)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man in bar grabs other patron's car keys, takes off in his car only to return later to pick up the credit card he'd left behind. "I honestly couldn't tell you if he was drunk or just stupid" (19)
(The Ledger) Florida Guy goes to work on giant broken industrial shredder, comes out a FARK headline (84)
CNN Sick Doctors take 10 pound hairball out of 18-year-old girls stomach. It's safe to say she WAS DOING IT WRONG (with pic) (181)
SMH Scary Reject your psycho boyfriend's marriage proposal on a TV chat show - that's a stabbing (58)
Sky.com Strange Arkansas man has arm chopped off by train but his biggest complaint when paramedics arrived was that he was thirsty and wanted a drink of water (99)
Yahoo Interesting Broadway strike leads to theater fans discovering that plays are held in other locations (77)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 133: "Curves" Difficulty: Must be safe for work. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (262)

Wed November 21, 2007
(Some Guy, Name Unknown) Weird Mayor of Arkansas town resigns, was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly 30 years ago, has been living under assumed name and didn't realize it, oopsie (79)
YouTube Asinine Officer tasers man for not signing a speeding ticket. You do as you're told, citizen (video dash cam goodness) (873)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this horn (53)
Independent Interesting School teacher moonlights as an internet porn star. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with that (103)
Yahoo Obvious "Government study: Americans reading less". Boring. Hey, Foobies has a topless Cubs fan today. Click (76)
USA Today Unlikely Lies, damned lies, and . . . history books: First "real" Thanksgiving took place in Florida (56)
News.com.au Scary Astronomers may have unwittingly hastened the end of the Universe by simply looking at it (241)
Reuters Obvious CDC reports more adults exercising. Just not enough. And probably not you (40)
Village Voice Weird Advice columnist tells men that if they no longer find their wives attractive, they should come right out and tell them so. I forsee this situation ending quite badly. What do you think? (148)
Stuff Asinine Man convicted of assault under NZ's new nanny-state law for spanking his son three times on the hind quarters for misbehaviour at school (124)
ABC News Stupid Man eats 10-pound turkey, four pounds of mashed potatoes, three pounds of cranberry sauce, two-and-a-half pounds of beans and a pumpkin pie in 15 minutes to show support for the hungry. You're doing it wrong (pic) (110)
(nbc4i.com) Scary Without the Tin Man and Scarecrow, this Lion was left with nothing to do except chase cars traveling on an Ohio highway (w/ pic and video) (71)
Daily Mail Strange School changes Santa's suit to green, because red one was pretty much just advertising for Coca-Cola. Jesus wept (129)
(nbc4) Stupid Noose trifecta in play as Baltimore firefighters find both noose and an offensive message (40)
The Sun Interesting A naked Christina Applegate asks you not to buy her a fur coat for Christmas (with disappointingly SFW pic) (147)
Fox News NewsFlash Dutch police arrest suspects in Natalee Holloway case. Your favorite missing white girl is back in the news (169)
590 KLBJ Dumbass Texas high school newspaper publishes insightful article on widespread drug use by students. Since this is on Fark, you can guess how the principal reacted (71)
(Some Gal) Amusing Alabama libertarian encourages residents to send sex toys to attorney general to protest ban (66)
(Creative Loafing) Obvious "...alcohol is a much more fun addiction -- you get to have indiscriminate sex as a side effect and everything..." (44)
(America Supports You) Hero Send a word of thanks to American troops who won't be home tomorrow because they're defending us in Iraq (575)
(Scenic City Online) Stupid Today's "noose found hanging at construction site" story comes from that bastion of racial harmony, Chattanooga, Tennessee. Bonus: local police get the FBI involved (81)
Yahoo Followup Town that saw a 13 year-old girl commit suicide may now criminalize "online harassment". This should all go over well and be 100% proveable and trackable, says representative Wrongy McDumbass (219)
Google Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Failed game-show concepts (92)
Fox News Followup Atheist group to appeal judge's ruling to allow cross memorials for fallen troopers (214)
(Some Frood) Obvious Last-second Hampton Roads FARK Party Friday @ The Taphouse in Ghent (46)
(Santa Rosa Press Democrat) Strange Court rules that GPS lies (154)
Yahoo Followup One man's trash is another woman's modern art piece sold for more than $1 million (62)
BBC Sad At least 150 dead in PNG floods. At least it wasn't a JPEG avalanche, or a BMP tsunami, or heaven forbid a GIF quake (121)
AJC Amusing The annual list of worst book titles. The winner: "Cooking with Pooh." Runners up include: "Everything You’ll Need to Remember About Alzheimer’s" (78)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If planning to scam people over the phone, make sure the person's Caller ID will not read "This is a scam" when you call them (63)
Yahoo Dumbass Pervez Musharraf set to transition from military dictator to civilian dictator on Saturday (70)
Yahoo Asinine Sex offenders in Georgia can now live less than 1000 feet from a school, church, or area where children congregate, which is being trumpeted as a victory for absolutely no one, anywhere (194)
(Some Guy) Asinine Algerian basketball player racks up $47,000 phone bill for a tiny North Dakota College. Bonus: The college was barred from post season play by the NCAA because of the bill (59)
(Some Tom) Photoshop It's the Annual Draw A Hand Turkey For Mom Contest. VE. LGT prior example (63)
Guardian.com Followup Following the loss of 25m people's personal details, Prime Minister Brown orders data security check at all Government departments. Criminals make note to try 'password' in upper AND lower case from now on (48)
Yahoo Dumbass Chinese "investors" who put money into scheme to raise ants for an aphrodesiac tonic shocked to be told they're not getting paid; they should have been smarter and invested in exporting dangerous toys like everyone else (27)
Yahoo Obvious Tired after Thanksgiving meal? It's not because of tryptophan in the turkey, it's because you're an overeating, sleep-deprived drunk (76)
(HBO) Silly "I will say one thing about Islamic Terrorists, it has made white people and black people a lot happier to see each other in the airports" (Sponsored Links) (50)
Wall Street Journal Dumbass Teenage girls shocked to find boys like p0rn and WoW (259)
Yahoo Interesting Zagat rates Midwest, Virgin airlines best, still has to defeat Chun-Li and Guile in order to take them on (77)
CNN Ironic Crosses sold at St. Patrick's Cathedral were made by starving young women in a Chinese sweatshop. Jesus Saves (on production costs) (95)
Yahoo Amusing Need a last minute holiday recipe? Here's how to cook a turkey in a garbage can (81)
NCBuy Followup Nick Bollea to buy new pair of "pussy magnet" shoes, since his license was just suspended (66)
AP Hero Leave it to Texas to demand that kids carry more guns on college campuses (476)
Chicago Sun-Times Spiffy Obama gets endorsement from Oprah, which is good news, considering she's at least three times more influential than Ric Flair (185)
WFTV Obvious Astronauts practice launch, who can slam down most shots during countdown (22)
(Some Guy) Asinine Letter to the editor: Hooters will destroy society. WARNING: Hot wings and girls in tank tops will ruin your family (276)
(WCAX) Amusing Mall finds creative way to attract holiday shoppers, namely a spot on the 11 o'clock news about how creative they are (19)
CNN Scary Two pilots over Tacoma offer up one more challenge to the Big Sky Theory (54)
ESPN Spiffy MLB auctioning off the can of bugspray used on Joba Chamberlain in the ALDS. Surely the perfect gift for any Indians fan (24)
(News 5) Dumbass Ah, the smells of the season: Fireplaces, turkey, tear gas in the wrong apartment (39)
(NC Times) Spiffy Not news: Attorney passes California bar exam. News: She is too young to go to a real bar to celebrate (94)
Daily Mail Dumbass Boss of Croatian football team arrested for shoplifting minutes after arriving in England for team's crucial Euro 2008 qualifier today (38)
(KCCI.com) Amusing The only thing worse than having your SUV hit by a train is having it hit by another train a few minutes later (45)
Yahoo Obvious Turkey Day travel to be the busiest EVAR. Just like last year and every year before. Someone should write a book about this (22)
Local6 Florida Old: 7-Eleven bandits rob in ninja outfits -- New: 7-Eleven bandits rob in matching Superman pajamas (22)
Toronto Star Stupid Apparently, giving one of your students relationship advice in an e-mail now counts as a sex crime (135)
(Some ZAKA guy) Unlikely Israel town, first responders suing Hamas in international courts for the barrage of rockets they are firing daily on their town. Good luck getting that money, guys (589)
(boingboingTV) Amusing I'm a turkey, running from the man. Gonna make your ass tired with all of my triptophan (38)
UPI Followup This is what happens when you get greedy with your Jesus flapjack (64)
London Times Interesting Britain pays out more than $8 million in benefits to people who are too fat to work. Also, 50 acne sufferers get disability payments because they're too pizza-faced to work (197)
Reuters Obvious Sabotage - a French word meaning "don't piss off the striking rail workers" (54)
(Some Guy) Sad Barack Obama's lifelong feud with the moon will insure no American will walk on it while he is president, suck it grey aliens (537)
Reuters Strange Can't think of a headline for this, it's just so confusing. Here are the keywords: Ethnic Indians, Malaysia, suing Britain for 4 trillion pounds, stuff happened years ago in colonial times (50)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Facebook drops the word "is", tech sites go bonkers, no one else cares (120)
ABC News Obvious Oil rises to over $99 a barrel due to refinery problems. Apparently the oil doesn't flow so easily when the pipes are stuffed with cash (162)
News.com.au Weird Girl to have 3rd arm removed from her back. Will no longer be able to give extra Dutch rudders. (w/ pic) (79)
ABC Action News Florida There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When the local anchorman never got a DUI. But that day is gone. (w/mugshot) (75)
(Lincoln Tap Room) Cool Chicago Fark Party Reminder Thread - Saturday, December 1st. You have less than 2 weeks to make plans. LGT location, DIT (72)
(Some Guy) Obvious The U.N. denies that it is competent enough to deliberately inflate the number of AIDS cases worldwide (119)
Yahoo Cool Good news: Prison rape may soon be safe prison rape (132)
Daily Mail Dumbass Mom jailed for allowing her daughter to miss 90 days of school in 20 weeks. Her excuses? Cat hair on trousers, bad hair days and, of course, "It's Monday." (185)
BBC Amusing In order to derive better census data, the EU would like to know, "How YOU doin'?" (16)
Yahoo Hero Middle school principal gives organ to eighth-grader. No, not that organ...a different one (39)
Guardian.com Obvious Mississippi college student goes missing for a week, and even the cops agree that the reason media doesn't care is that she's not white (104)
(News4Jax) Florida Another suspect dies after being Tasered, state death toll now at 8 (115)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cute hose operator (42)
CBS San Francisco Scary Ever wonder what happens to your car when you use valet parking? Your worst fears are true (103)
Seattle Times Amusing Bottle collectors in Oregon forced into shady underground of glass collection after state labels their actvities illegal (57)
Yahoo Dumbass Bill O'Reilly: Toby Keith and I are the only celebrities who've been in Afghanistan this year. USO: No, we've sent 7 tours over there this year, including Al Franken, you douchebag (313)
(Some Guy) Amusing 81-year-old woman charged with punching police officer. Photo is not someone you'd want to meet in a back alley (45)
CTV Hero While American border guards are holding up ambulances and fire trucks, the Canadian border guys are heroically pulling people from burninations (37)
The Sun Obvious Soldier told to "act like a drunken psycho" during training exercise. He did. The fact you're reading about it here suggests hilarity did not ensue (27)
Yahoo Amusing California Drivers to get free turkey for passing DUI checkpoints sober. Nick Nolte, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears need not apply (43)
(WJLA) Strange Cornslide traps family, amaizingly no one seriously hurt (43)
Bangor Daily News Interesting My mumps, my mumps, my infectious case of mumps (91)
Yahoo Dumbass Silly: Drive to police station with suspended license to acquire door-to-door sales permit. Stupid: With beer in the car. Dumbass: After getting smoked up and reeking of pot (36)
(The Oshkosh Northwestern) Strange Actual headline: Man shoots goat after wife wouldn't bring him beer (61)

Tue November 20, 2007
Stuff Amusing Welsh villagers want to change the name of the town because it translates to "Masturbation Meadow". Won't someone please think of the kittens (101)
CNN Sick Saudi Justice Ministry explains why rape victim was sentenced to 200 lashes. Oh, now we understand. Thanks for explaining. We're good (461)
Daily Mail Followup Personal and banking details for every UK family has disappeared. In related news, Gringotts offers dragon security for all new accounts (69)
Wall Street Journal Asinine Not news: Wal-Mart stock clerk gets hit by 18 wheeler. Still not news: Family sue trucking company and get $800k Fark: Wal-Mart says the money belongs to them (259)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop a better teaser poster for the new "Indiana Jones" movie (62)
Daily Mail Dumbass Man burns down £350,000 house to keep his wife from getting it in their divorce. That decision was not reached soberly (57)
(oregonlive.com) PSA When planning your next home invasion, consider choosing a home where no one knows you (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you are going to drive around with 39 pounds of cocaine in your minivan you should probably get some license plates (50)
Local10 Scary Add another item to your travel worry list: crooks use luggage tags to identify empty houses, ripe for a ripoff. EVERYBODY PANIC (61)
Canoe Obvious Think your boss is an idiot? There might be a reason why you were hired (75)
News.com.au Spiffy Australian airline offering 5¢ airfares starting at 7pm tonight (42)
CBS News PSA Feds urge vigilance when toy shopping this year. Because that Malibu Dream House might be a TERRORIST BOMB ZOMGWTFBBQ (33)
CNN Followup 1. Marry multiple underage women 2. ??? 3. Prophet (81)
Gizmodo Sad Soldier uses Wii to catch wife doing Up, Down, Left, Right, A-B-A-B with another man (203)
CBC Hero Canadian gas station owner who won the lottery is putting his competitors out of business by charging less for gas than what it costs him (132)
(Some Guy) Followup To answer the question, "How The Hell Much Do The 12 Days of Christmas Cost This Year?" In Britain, £800 million, if you have kids (23)
(The Telegraph) Sad Thoughtful suicide victim leaves note on his door: "I am dead, door is open" (134)
Fox News Obvious Actual headline: "Student Slain to Death Near U of Chicago." It sounds twice as bad as being slain half to death (72)
Daily Mail Interesting Army chaplains want to carry guns to protect themselves against Taliban in Afghanistan. No word on whether they will also be packing holy hand grenades (112)
CNN Interesting Archaeologists are convinced that they have found the place of worship where Romans believed a she-wolf suckled Romulus and Remus. Hot (63)
(VanityFair) Asinine Biggest, most expensive, most secure embassy in the world may already be obsolete (70)
1010WINS Stupid If it's Thanksgiving you know there is going to be an article about police working all weekend protecting Darwin's unbuckled friends from themselves. Yup, here it is (47)
YouTube Cool OMFG.... How has this gone unnoticed for 15 months? (289)
Gawker Followup John Fitzgerald Page: the douche that keeps on douching. Listen closely to his whine about Fark mocking him (1709)
The Smoking Gun Followup Police report on the Megan Meier MySpace hoax suicide (371)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Mugshot roundup of arrestees with college shirts and OH MY GOD MY EYES (189)
News.com.au Scary Israel implements Phase 2 of its 2006 cluster bomb attack on Lebanon (427)
London Times Scary "Quit worrying about ID cards. Your details are safe with us. In fact, they're as secure as this stack of confidential files on seven million benefits recipients I've got right here in my -- whoops. Right, nobody move..." (49)
(Some Guy) Sad The U.S. leads world in jailing children for life. USA! USA! USA! (231)
(Some Guy) Interesting “It’s just under investigation, and we’ll have to wait and see,” said James Dye, in a fire (27)
Sign On San Diego Misc Truck carrying 30,000 pounds of eggs goes over easy (63)
(The Comet) Weird Apparently, the Brits fancy having sex with metalwork. First a bike, now a fence (with pic of the sexy, sexy fence) (75)
(East Valley Tribune) Dumbass Preteen takes a stab at changing his older brother's TV-viewing habits (47)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Gonzales speaks at University of Florida, gets lambasted by students, leaves $40K richer (186)
(Cracked) Amusing The most insane medical practices in history. "If you lived more than 100 years ago, you simply weren't considered healthy if you weren't leaking silver from at least one orifice" (134)
Yahoo Interesting Humpback whale freed off the coast of Rhode Island. Klingon Bird of Prey seen hovering in the distance (71)
USA Today Amusing O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, your yellow jackets are stinging (37)
DallasNews Sappy Texas Rustlers Guinea Pig Rescue Group, which apparently exists, would like to be added to the jury pay donation form (45)
Houston Chronicle Strange Birdwatcher shoots and kills cat that was about to attack the birds he was watching. So much for love and respect of nature (157)
(edmontonsun.com) Amusing Man uses classic photoshop as "evidence" that cat charity founder is abusing kittens (92)
STLToday Followup St. Louis may only be America's second most dangerous city nowadays, but at least they still lead the nation in STD infection rates (87)
(Radar Online) Interesting Denver is named the most dangerously drunk city in America. Finally, Boston loses at something (89)
Boston Herald Interesting Whole bunch of Benjamins nets a John Hancock (37)
Washington Post Interesting You see them once a year, you have no clue how they're made, and they top the worst Thanksgiving side dish of all time: They are french fried onions. [Editor: The BEST, dumdum!] (228)
Newsweek Interesting No embryos needed in latest stem cell breakthrough. So all you folks having abortions for the sake of science can stop now (237)
Canada.com Obvious "If my bra is a threat to national security, we're in big trouble" (207)
Guardian.com Stupid Christians seek right to sue BBC for blasphemy? Jesus tapdancing Christ on a pogo stick (156)
Des Moines Register Dumbass If you're committing road rage and give the other driver the finger, make sure it's not with the hand that has the identifiable tattoo on the back (38)
(Springfield News-Leader) Dumbass You've just burglarized a few houses and the police are in the area. Pick a good hiding spot. How about up a tree? Normally a good idea, but not in November when the leaves are gone (21)
(Drew) FarkBlog Black Friday: More full of crap than you previously thought (141)
Guardian.com Interesting Dalai Lama says he may appoint a successor. Submitter thinks that would look pretty cool on his business card, wonders if there's a form he needs to fill out or something (51)
(Some Guy) Hero Michigan paramedic, who happens to be a former military sniper, shoots armed robber who won't drop his weapon and then proceeds to save the guy's life. He gets the tag (217)
(WHBF) Dumbass Son, you got a panty on your head (54)
(NY Daily News) Strange New perfume "Eau De Brooklyn", for those of you who want to smell like soot, stale urine, and garbage (26)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Study: women over 55 are enjoying sex more than they were a decade ago. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson (219)
CBS Philadelphia Amusing Man arrested for running down the highway naked, assaulting two people and causing three accidents. Surprisingly, he was drunk at the time (22)
Detroit News Followup Detroit denounces crime study, threatens to pop a cap in the ass of whoever wrote it (146)
(Some Bar Passer) Interesting If you fail the South Carolina Bar, do you: A) Study harder for the next exam; B) Apply for a job at Wal-Mart; C) Ask your judge or legislator father to intervene; or D) Say "fark it" and go to medical school? (63)
(Buffalo News) Amusing Drunk man has no idea how he ended up in a burned-out vacant building, but it might have something to do with the naked woman that stole his SUV (26)
(Bath Chronicle) Scary New fleet of ambulances can carry patients of up to 55 stone (770 lbs). Vehicles recognisable by their special hoists, firmer suspension and the words 'Moscow State Circus' crossed out on the side (51)
AP Obvious Experts from overblown U.N. AIDS estimates: "'There are some encouraging elements in the data,' said De Cock." "'They've finally got caught with their pants down,' said Dr. Jim Chin" (56)
BBC Misc Israeli PM Ehud Olmert hopes a peace deal can be reached with the Palestinians by 2008, because scientists estimate they will have thrown all their rocks out of the country by then (318)
BBC Strange New Guinea police hijack plane full of cash they were supposed to be escorting, forcing it to land on deserted island and leaving the pilots handcuffed to a tree. But it's the 'WTF?' pic that really makes the article (85)
CBS Boston Stupid If you and your idiot thieving friends are stealing from malls and then hiding it in your car, don't ask the police for help finding your car in the parking lot (34)
Newsweek Silly Life imitates The Onion: Striking Hollywood writers stress over whether or not their picket sign is funny (118)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these golden windows (46)
Reuters Amusing Piglet found in the back of a lorry full of TP at a supermarket. That'll do, pig, that'll do. (with pic, naturally) (48)
(Some Guy) Hero Court overturns Swedish smacking ban (139)
(KTSP) Scary Possible pickled pilot pulled, putting plane on pause (44)
CBS 46 Hero Kidnapper pwned by 14 yr old with a pencil (360)
(Some Guy) Cool People are now moving freely around Baghdad, driving between Shia and Sunni areas, going to work, school or shopping. Liquor stores are even re-opening. Wait...liquor stores? (238)
CBS Pittsburgh Asinine Just like Michael Vick and Ricky Williams, if you fail to perform your contract due to bullet holes, missing limbs, etc, the U.S. military wants its signing bonus back (248)
BBC Asinine Prison guards at high security jail wear slippers during night patrols so they don't disturb delicate little convicts as they get their beauty sleep (206)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Clowns (80)
Yahoo Strange Fark Squirrel and his legions will continue to attack two America cities per day until he receives compensation in nuts and beer for continued use of his image. Quote: "Respect my authoritay Drew" (62)
SLTrib Asinine Damn Utah public high school refuses to invite damn elementary school students to its annual damn musical (92)
SFGate Dumbass Man provides DNA to tie his brother to a 1983 killing, then is arrested when sample links him to rape of 81-year old woman. "We have to assume he didn't expect this to happen" (174)
KNBC Sad California man dies after going on hunger strike to protest Shell Oil manipulating gas prices (272)
Guardian.com Scary Bladder asplosions on the rise. Doctors blame alcohol. Dipsomaniacs blame toilet queues (56)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman gets her nostril sliced off. Off her face. Her nostril. This is Florida fightin, ya'll (81)
(wkyt.com) Weird Man bursts into woman's home, steals nothing but a watch and a hammer. Police say suspect is out there somewhere just killing time (86)
Guardian.com Asinine Shooting victim jailed for refusing to help police. Don't be a victim of a crime if you can't do the time (90)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hard-working chick (80)
St. Pete Times Florida Forty-nine-year-old Webcam stripper dreams of living normal life when she's fifty (w/pic: she's nude but covering herself, and you may not want) (176)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this kid, Farking around (70)
(Some Guy) Amusing Cement company creates billboard advising men to give their wives a new pair of shoes for the holiday. Link goes to the whole nine yards of the controversy (94)
CNN Dumbass We shall toke on the beaches, we shall toke on the landing grounds, we shall toke in the fields and in the streets, we shall toke in the hills; we shall never surrender (74)
The Sun Interesting Pope takes delivery of a new papal tractor built in Britain, plans to add some spinning rims and whistle tips and complain the Vatican Guard is always tryin' to catch him drivin' dirty (46)
CBS Pittsburgh Asinine Kids making an anti-drug video pretend to snort fake cocaine. School suspends them for their efforts (95)
The Sun Obvious Army major suspended after placing ads on swingers' sex sites. And you don't want to know what happened to the Navy Rear Admiral who did something similar (pic) (35)
The Sun Interesting Ancient language faces extiction because the only two people who still speak it are angry brothers who refuse to talk to each other (119)
Denver Post Scary Investigative report reveals the people de-icing your plane are probably not trained and aren't even qualified to water your lawn (47)
Wave3 Hero Woman befuddled when restaurant managed kicks her out because her precious snowflake fails to shut the hell up (493)
Yahoo Dumbass Two men face drunken driving charges after losing control of their cars and simultaneously driving into the same business (35)
Orlando Sentinel Unlikely It's that time of year when Vegans try to convince themselves that tofu-based faux meat is as tasty as a real turkey (545)

Mon November 19, 2007
Yahoo Amusing 80-year-old leader of Atlanta megachurch embroiled in sex scandal with his brother's wife. If only there were some religious book to let him know that this kind of thing is frowned upon (149)
Yahoo Strange Buyer surrenders $220,000 to purchase a rusty 15-foot section of staircase that had been removed from Eiffel Tower (42)
(der spiegel) Sappy A black swan who fell in love with a swan-shaped pedal boat, will once again be allowed to spend the winter with her heartthrob (w/ pic of the happy couple) (77)
AZCentral Interesting Six weeks after the law was enacted, Phoenix police give the first ticket to a person who was texting-while-driving (177)
(WGAL) Asinine If you sold your best friend's bobble-head on eBay and you live in Pa., you may owe $1,000 in fines -- unless you have your state-issued auctioneer's license that is (56)
BBC Spiffy I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a bunny with one of its six adopted three-week-old kittens on its head (102)
CTV Spiffy Small Canadian town about to become first place in North America to ban smoking in cars where children are present (156)
News.com.au Stupid World's first Barbie Store has beauty parlor, small catwalk for girls to parade under disco lights and workshops for coping with metrosexual Kens (67)
USA Today Asinine The FAA wants travelers to stop bringing carryon baggage entirely. Also recommends all airports post prominent "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here" signs (258)
News.com.au Scary Guy wins $10m - then loses wife, home, job, the money, and then the real trouble starts (81)
(The Kingston Sub-Standard) Dumbass Kingston Ontario police arrest drug dealer after lamest pursuit ever. Think "pocket bike" (51)
Reuters Stupid Urban Legend Cyber Monday becoming less of a big deal for retailers as people waste their time online shopping from home and less at the office (31)
Yahoo Obvious Scientists to new moms: Want to lose that baby weight? Get some sleep. Farkette, mom of infant twins, to scientists: Go fark yourselves (312)
AP Interesting Hate crimes rose 8% in 2006. No word yet on love crimes, do-not-want crimes, and "it's not you it's me but let's stay friends" crimes (275)
CBS New York Followup Feds to pay NYC for new subway that goes by the UN. At last, all those diplomats have a way to get to work (56)
Herald Tribune Amusing According to the US Census Bureau, four million names are held by one person. Bet it takes him forever to endorse his paychecks (137)
Yahoo Strange Neutered dog returns to vet to get revenge, balls (42)
(pursegirl) Ironic Leisure guilt strikes: Americans too anxious to enjoy cocktails with frilly parasols and trashy novels; need therapy and reality check (68)
(WGAL) Stupid Finally, a sensible, no-nonsense, yet senseless discussion of which artery-choking, fat-piling fast-food burger is worth eating. BURRRRP (266)
Daily Mail Amusing Neighbors go to war over resident's annual 22,000-light Christmas display (87)
The Smoking Gun Weird Bill Nye the Restraining Order Guy (166)
Reuters Ironic Chinese firm warns against downloading Ang Lee's steamy spy thriller "Lust, Caution" because hundreds of hosting sites are embedded with viruses, while doctors also warn not to try the sexual positions featured in the film (54)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these Tibetan monks (58)
Reuters Interesting CBS News writers authorize strike in move that could affect dozens of viewers (48)
AP Followup Mike Tyson sentenced to 24 hours in jail for DUI and drug possession, but with his "normal" good behavior, should see his time extended to sometime in 2009 (38)
WTMJ Stupid Dumb: covering up your blaze orange while hunting. FATAL: doing it with a blanket that just happens to be the same color as a deer (175)
(Some Guy) Amusing Finally got around to watching this week's "Infected." So far Martin has called Drew "Drew Carey" twice. Mmm beer. Special appearance by Drew (31)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida: Man ticketed for hunting deer. With his car. Florida Panhandle: Passersby ticketed for taking the roadkill home, saying they "didn't want it to go to waste." (78)
(Metro) Cool Swedish women launch "Just Breasts" campaign to fight for their right to go topless in public. Finally a cause we can all get behind. Or in front of. (With SFW pics with one of best captions you'll read today) (317)
(Some Wounded Guy) Strange Wounded soldiers forced to return Christmas cards after volume overwhelms Walter Reed Army Medical Center (65)
The Virginian Pilot Interesting Much like Vanessa Hudgens, this beach's canal must be trimmed (276)
CNN Sad It's safe to squeeze the Charmin now (119)
(Some sponge) Photoshop Photoshop this beautiful sea sponge (48)
Houston Chronicle Scary Chavez reminds the U.S. why Saudi Arabia is a key ally by telling OPEC they should blackmail the world with oil to end imperialism by people other than himself. Bonus: Saudi king's quotes sound eerily sane (250)
(KEYT Santa Barbara) Dumbass Problem: Drunk man is really hungry and wants Carl's Jr., but it's closed. Solution: Man decides to break in and cook it himself, so that he can make it the way he likes it (53)
Boston Globe Ironic Young people read less. At least, that's what the first paragraph of this 99-page compendium says (155)
SuperDeluxe Video By popular demand, Fark TV cast member DIAFs (167)
The Register Cool Frenchman barbeques a large camel, calls out every Texan on the planet (64)
(Norvig) Cool The Gettysburg Address... if Powerpoint were around in 1863 (71)
Telegraph Interesting Woman posing nude for calendar: Good. Woman, 102, posing nude for calendar: OMFG, the goggles do nothing (97)
(Some Guy) Sad "Now children are being told that even the simple pleasure of exchanging Christmas cards with their friends is sinful, and told to direct their desires away from warm human interactions to winning an Eco School Gold Award-Green Flag" (153)
(Inventorspot) Strange The nation that brought you tentacle porn and soiled-panties vending machines would like to now introduce their latest hot seller: Kewpie dolls in rope bondage (95)
(WGAL) Hero Man pulls teen from utility-pole crashing, transformer-snapping, burning car. Risks life and limb to save moron who was seen launching beer cans from car shortly before crash. Hero tag beats out Dumbass with heartfelt plea for optimism (52)
Boston Globe Obvious New highway ramp allows drivers leaving Boston to make U-turn and go back. Strangely, nobody seems to want to (51)
Chicago Tribune Scary Air controller "miscommunication" nearly causes mid-air collision AGAIN. "Two errors in a week at a center does not define a problem, " says man who clearly needs to fly at 25k feet in a 747 with another approaching (92)
News24 Scary Zimbabwe's inflation data causes supercomputers to asplode, rifts in the space-time continuum, cats and dogs to sleep together (98)
Sun Sentinel Florida Human remains found under floorboards. "Villains" I shrieked, "dissemble no more I admit the deed -- tear up the planks -- here, here -- it is the beating of his hideous heart" (108)
NJ.com Scary Something your average train commuter doesn't want to hear: "We'll be moving again as soon as we get the train untangled from all these wires" (18)
Local6 Florida Confused by a peaceful crowd, officer sprays mace "like an air freshener" over church group (with video) (138)
Sky News Dumbass Rat-poison salesman shows just how effective his product is as he poisoned himself and six others when he mistook the deadly powder for flour (28)
BBC Cool Top Khmer Rouge leader detained; pleads "voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?" (23)
ABC News Amusing Hi, I'm Kirk Cameron, and although I'm no rocket scientist, I'm here to prove the existence of God (747)
USA Today Obvious So it turns out that making it impossible for sex crime offenders to obtain housing actually makes them more difficult to track and more likely to commit more crimes. Whoda thunk it? (83)
CBS New York Amusing Santa, apparently sick of getting stuck in chimneys, practices rapelling down the side of a building. Unfortunately, he still gets stuck. (With ho-larious video) (15)
USA Today Interesting Chances are your grandma's getting more action than you are. Bow chicka wow wow (51)
Miami Herald Florida Airline mechanic wins $600,000 in lottery, then suddenly thinks he's rich enough to leave his wife. Hilarity ensues. (With pics of ex-model wifey) (138)
(Some Guy) Asinine Church cancels interfaith gathering when it realizes Muslims will be included, asks for tolerance and understanding of their intolerance (336)
Fond du Lac Reporter Dumbass If the cops suspect you of stealing 71 pounds of change from a car wash, don't make their jobs ridiculously easy by starting to pay only quarters for everything you buy (65)
London Times Interesting Dear Santa, for Christmas I want a toy bike, some chocolate and a government. Signed, Belgium (48)
(Indy Channel 6) Stupid Would my daughter prefer $13,000 for a year of college or $13,000 Hannah Montana tickets? Year of college? Hannah Montana tickets? Hmmm... that's a tough one (284)
Slate Stupid Old and busted: War on Christmas. New hotness: War on Thanksgiving (271)
Yahoo Stupid People in China, India and Nigeria are polluting the planet by improperly recycling old electronics. Of course someone has found a way to blame America (69)
Fox News Cool Turkey farmer feeds his birds beer to fatten them up for Turkey Day (40)
Slashdot Interesting The coming face of I.T. justice: Lose an unencrypted laptop with others' personal info on it, face charges. Because you're the criminal, not the thief (86)
Homestar Runner Amusing The 2007 Falling Asleep on the Couch Watching Football Bowl (34)
(Some Guy) Sick Boy bites into a sausage and finds a human tooth. "It was a pretty gross moment. David ran upstairs and cleaned his teeth because he was so upset. Nobody else finished their meal" (121)
Canoe Dumbass When the police report reads "lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog," you can pretty much assume alcohol was involved (33)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Mother sued by her daughter's prep school because she criticized it on her blog (62)
Boston Globe Obvious Washington D.C.'s "31-year experiment with gun prohibition" has been a "complete failure" (569)
(Some Guy) Strange Winston Churchill watched late-night screenings of the cartoon tear-jerker "Bambi" -- to inspire him as he led Britain to win the war (52)
CBS Minneapolis Scary Bar owner goes, ummm, "nuts" when customer tries to cancel order and not pay. (With mugshot) (122)
(Some Guy) Interesting ♫ Chocolate fuel / building a car that runs on this goo / Chocolate fuel / riding from England to Timbuktu ♫ (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this brick wall (73)
The Sun Interesting Huge numbers of British troops in Afghanistan being permanently deafened by gunfire. THE SUN IS THERE (93)
Reuters Scary Today's "school massacre plot" story brought to you by Germany. Foiled by police in the nick of time (58)
Daily Mail Ironic Thirteen is unluckiest number in lottery that has created 13 new millionaires every month in the 13 years since the first drawing (70)