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Sun December 02, 2007
(Some K-Mart Shopper) Dumbass Blue light special: driver busted for using flashing blue lights and siren on Mustang to get through rush hour faster (61)
USA Today Ironic Wedding ring saves a man's life (108)
BBC Interesting "Canoeist resurfaces five years on." Submitter, who can only manage to hold his breath for 2 minutes, is duly impressed (50)
(Hojpodge) Interesting Activision and Blizzard to merge their creative juices, come up with the name Activision Blizzard. Creativity has its limits (176)
Washington Post Interesting Newspaper sends reporter to remote Alaskan village as a lark. Reporter finds heartbreak, substance abuse, and people selling walrus weiners to survive (175)
Daily Mail Amusing Critics raving about ketchup spattered paintings still don't know artist is a two-year-old (188)
(Some Nappy-Headed Ho Ho Ho) Amusing Where else do you see "South Park" and "The Flintstones" on the same list? Only on the 100 Greatest Christmas Shows of all time (151)
(Some Guy) Florida International student, fascinated with 4th of July fireworks stands, charged with "helping terrorists" after making his own bottle rockets (107)
(adn.com) Weird According to "Tank" Jones, Alaska's private eye specializing in infidelity, women cheat more than men but men come up with dumber excuses (147)
BBC Sappy Oldest cat in the UK is 26. Attributes long life to drinking and smoking every day (119)
(Some Guy) Silly 12 ways to de-commercialize Christmas. Surprisingly staying home and making toys for your kids like the Amish is absent (133)
Denver Channel Stupid Student suspended for compiling list of "fewer than five" other students he didn't like, even after school determined was not a threat (125)
(Boobsoflife) Obvious Ten minutes of staring at boobs daily prolongs man's life by five years. Foobies is the fountain of youth (171)
Google Spiffy And the award for best airplane marketing idea ever goes to Spirit Airlines with their “MILF Sales” and "Red Light Specials" (42)
Yahoo Ironic Massive oil discovery off their coast could make world ethanol leader Brazil into one of the world's largest oil exporters (179)
CBS News Followup Save the boobies (41)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Hello police? You have to help me. My friend has fallen into the sea and AAAAHHHHHH" [splash] (24)
Guardian.com Interesting Blizzards, ice storms rip through flyover states, causing tens of dollars in damage and disrupting the lives of individuals who have the misfortune of living in sod huts or doublewides or whatever the hell it is they have there (143)
SFGate Interesting Losses by the #1 and #2 college football teams leave BCS championship picture muddled, will be determined by pollsters (who are leaning toward Ohio State vs. Georgia) and the BCS computers (who favor Sarah Connor vs. Terminator) (490)
(Eyewitness News) Amusing If showing up to work naked is wrong, this firefighter doesn't want to be right (54)
YouTube Amusing An angry, shirtless Leslie Nielsen attacks a bear (76)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass The firefighter who found a noose and a nasty note in a Baltimore fire station, stirring up cries of racism? Yep, he did it himself (164)
BBC Obvious NZ thieves steal VC medals. Police say the POS that did it will be SOL when they get to PMITA prison (32)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you can take a month off work, have a few thousand dollars lying around and drink like a fish, you can go on the Around the World in 60 Pubs crawl (33)
Canoe Unlikely Fur industry points out that fake fur contains planet killing petrochemicals and therefore real fur is more eco-friendly, PETA says "let's not split hares" (103)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this happy family (45)
AFP Followup Miss China becomes Miss World in pageant coincidentally held in her home country. Yes, there are pics (159)
Washington Post Scary One word for how Walter Reed Hospital treats military psychiatric patients: insane (84)
Yahoo Interesting After announcing that condom machines would installed in high schools, government hosts a contest for students to design the dispenser. Who knew Brazil liked Photoshop contests? (27)
(Some BunnGuy) Spiffy An "explosion" in the rabbit population of the remote sub-Antarctic Macquarie Island threatens to destroy the entire island ecosystem. But who cares, it's time for Bunnday (163)
Yahoo Followup Body identified as secret porn star's. Easily verified by hundreds of Farkers (161)
(Sun Journal.com) Unlikely "I could give a rat's ass about chupacabra, Loch Ness, all that. ... I care about Maine Bigfoot..." Wait, what? (48)
Sun Sentinel Florida Aunt stabs autistic nephew in the eyes. His grandmother doesn't call the authorities because she doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble (96)
ABC News Obvious Moderate Muslims condemn sentence of British teacher. Wait, what? (347)
(Some Guy) Stupid Hoping to capitalize on their resounding victory in the "War on Drugs", the Feds are considering a ban on candy, soda, salty & fatty foods, and free will in school cafeterias and vending machines. Where's your Granola now? (93)
Canada.com Sick Hitman: 'I only shoot people to kill them'. Well at least he's a man of principles (70)
(Some Cricketeer) Photoshop Photoshop this street-cricket match (41)
WRAL Asinine You can now lose your driver's license in the state of NC for an offense totally unrelated to driving if you provide alcohol to anyone under 21 thanks to MADD's ridiculous fascist grip on the nuts of the political machine (224)
Local6 Strange Landscapers extracting tree stump find 30 Navy bombs (18)
ABC News Obvious Cat survives 19 days with a jar on its head. Slow news day (48)
TBO Florida Father arrested for having keg party to celebrate son's 21st birthday. Charges include providing beer to minors, "hosting an open house party." (40)
(Some Confused Guy) Amusing Atheists add holiday tree to courthouse lawn. "The Tree of Knowledge" is decorated with book covers, including the Holy Bible and the Quran. WTF? (159)
(University of Hawai'i at Manoa) Amusing The University of Hawai'i offers a course in Homebrewing. Drew seen writing an admissions essay (58)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Moral of the story: Don't accept rides from strangers. Especially if they're cops and you just robbed someone and ran out of gas trying to get away (15)

Sat December 01, 2007
CNN Followup Multiple confessions made in Sean Taylor murder investigation. 17 year old allegedly the shooter (141)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Senior citizens using the Wii to keep on living life, keep kids off their lawns (94)
Google Hero CEOs of Alltel, AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile, and Verizon Wireless collectively crap their pants as Google makes their wireless venture official (159)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colorful Eupackardia (88)
(McClains) Obvious 91% of Americans surveyed thought that they would have a better quality of life if they lived in Canada. Canadians happy to change places (450)
(Stars and Stripes) Obvious Twenty-eight generals, admirals ask Congress to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell" policy since 65,000 gays, lesbians on active duty, 1-million others are vets. “They have served our nation honorably.” (649)
(Some Guy) Stupid Parents of dead skydiver sue plane maker for "defective" plane. You know, instead of blaming their stupid son for trying to jump out of planes (92)
Gizmodo Cool Very, very lonely man owns every Super Soaker ever made (102)
(Some Sconnie Guy) Asinine Teacher arrested after posting online comment calling the Columbine shooters heroes (237)
SMH Obvious Documentary on penis length is a little too narrow (330)
(NY Times) Strange Guano-loving New Yorkers converge on City Hall to protest proposed ban on feeding pigeons (65)
Rolling Stone Obvious How America lost the War on Drugs. Yay drugs (535)
(Some Guy) Dumbass College student charged with assault after shoving a pie into the face of a mall Santa. Claims he only "lightly smooshed" the bearded guy dressed in red (53)
MDN Amusing "You can't imagine the relief we felt when we finally had the perfect recipe for fermented soybean-coffee jelly-fresh cream sandwiches" (50)
Telegraph Spiffy Backpack accidentally dropped by a WWII soldier uncovered by shifting sand in the Sahara desert. In related news, Matthew McConaughey still searching for a gold laden ship in the same area (63)
(Long Tail) Interesting The editor of Wired Magazine wonders when the magazine industry will stop shamelessly lying (46)
ABC News Interesting Porn sites using "free three day trial" offers to download malicious programs and take over people's computers unless they renew at an outrageous rate. If only there were some place to find safe, free...oh look, a new Foobies link (162)
Seattle Times Stupid Judge rules sperm donor liable for child support. Judge also denies a DNA test because it would create trauma for the 18-year-old "child" (199)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop a wildly inaccurate label or caption. LGT inspiration (115)
CBS News Interesting Columnist claims book tours are passé. Farkers who purchased a recent tome beg to differ (22)
(Chattanooga Times Free Press) Amusing In order to reduce panhandling, city installs parking meter style "homeless meters"... which are then almost immediately stolen (60)
(Some manners) Amusing Do people secretly think you’re a pig? (283)
Yahoo Stupid Over forty percent of GenNexters think it's okay for other people to smoke pot. And these are the kids that will be financing your Social Security (280)
(Some Guy) Sad The woman who inspired a generation of U-Haul driving, coffeehouse-lurking lesbians has died (69)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Weird I know this much is true, former member of Spandau Ballet fights off rabid fox with a loaf of bread (57)
BBC Sad Today's road closure is brought to you by 40 tonnes of canned beer. Volunteers rushing to assist (26)
AFP Spiffy Miss World pageant expects two billion people to tune in for competition. Apparently, only America and parts of Europe have reliable access to Internet porn, thus explaining the appeal of the show to the rest of the world (48)
(Some Guy) Followup Federal drug charges dropped against aging hippie after judge finds he's just, like really bad at mowing his yard, man (with "Dude...wait, what?" picture) (103)
Yahoo Amusing First line: "It's like an online dating service for long lost gloves. No, that's not a typo" (28)
(WLBZ2.com) Stupid 48 year-old man was kicked out of the homeless shelter he was staying in because he found a job. A job ringing a bell for the Salvation Army at $20 a day (78)
Guardian.com Sad YouTube suspends account of award winning Egyptian blogger who's been exposing police brutality & state torture. Suggested he use "activist friendly" site instead (55)
(Mr. Darcy) Unlikely "Jane Austen must die," announces feminist author. As with many Womyn's Lit majors, Pride turns to Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility are lost, and there is little Persuasion in her arguments (120)
Yahoo Interesting NASA clears Atlantis for a Thursday launch, one month after the last space shuttle flight, flurry of "set to asplode" Fark submissions (45)
(savannahnow.com) Dumbass When returning a printer, make sure you don't leave fake money inside it. Bonus: cops found original bill that matched copied bill in printer (41)
(World's Greatest Newspaper) Asinine Nanny state finds it "difficult to assess whether you are over the limit." Solves problem with proposal to lower DUI standard to 0.00 (115)
The Morning Call Obvious Parents to library: Censor this gay-themed book. Library to parents: It's your job to control what your kids read, not what everybody else's kids read (317)
(Hot Air) Followup Erin Burnett beholds the power of Fark (95)
ABC News Spiffy Bionic cat has used two of her nine lives falling off a three-story building. And in time for Caturday: a "C my bionik legz" pic (353)
(HeraldNet) Dumbass If you hide in a dumpster from the cops, be sure you know the trash pickup times (20)
(Some squirrel) Photoshop Photoshop this high five twosome (40)
This Is Local London Followup Christmas comes early for some in Britain as the postal elves deliver tatty envelopes containing graphic post-mortem reports on how their loved ones died in the 7/7 bombings (27)
ABC 13 Toledo Scary Ohio epidemic: kid drivers. 8-year-old who got caught: "I didn't know you all arrested kids" (32)
Komo Asinine Soldiers escorting the body of a fallen colleague forced by TSA screeners to publicly strip down to their t-shirts and socks. Mission accomplished (358)
Fox News Silly Spokane school prints its own calendar. December… anything happening? Hanukkah, Human Rights Day, Eid al-Adha, Kwanzaa. Nothing else? No, especially not on the 25th (125)
Independent Amusing The rudest road signs in Britain, including Twatt, Little Cocklick, Cum Cum Hill and Shiatterton (photo gallery) (68)
(wsbtv.com) Asinine Not news: Customer gets letter from bank asking to correct negative balance. News: balance owed is $211 trillion. Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet combined unable to assist (44)
London Times PSA At last, a guide to how many times to kiss your French male cousin: two, three or four: it depends on where he's from. But to start with the right or left cheek? Oh, and your German second cousin once removed--handshake only, dude (28)
ABC News Interesting Police complain that new Hershey's chocolates are packaged to look like street drugs (pic) (139)
The Sun Amusing Sheep figures out how to unlock her pen with her tongue, goes on the lamb every night (pic) (55)
(whdh news) Cool Dog leads couple to heart attack victim. Lucky for him, the couple was a state trooper who began CPR, and a defibrillator salesperson, who had a spare model in her car. Webster updates definition of "Lucky SOB" (82)
Telegraph Stupid English police given guide on how to spot a drunk. Step 1. Open your eyes (44)
(9 News Denver) Sad If you're the parent of a Denver Blizzard Baby, good luck getting somebody to watch your kid so you can attend the next Denver Fark party (41)
(Some Guy) Florida Not News: Mans SUV stolen. Still not news: SUV abandoned as part of insurance fraud. Fark: Abandoned with mapquest directions back home still in it (31)
(Some Guy) Strange City officials in Columbus, OH to use 1,080 gallons of beet juice to de-ice the roads. After saying the name three times, the ice disappears (94)

Fri November 30, 2007
(Some Shutterbug) Photoshop Photoshop this hystered photography session (36)
Stuff Scary A teenager's school science project has exposed multiple antibiotic-resistant bugs in fresh chicken sold in supermarkets. If only there was some sort of heat treatment you could use to kill the bugs (93)
Canoe Interesting Canadians to suffer one of the coldest winters in over a decade. Take that Global Warming (259)
Google PSA Lead found in Chinese-made "CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit." Just kidding. It was asbestos (85)
eBay Wheaton Seattle Farkers - Bid for a dinner with Wil. Proceeds benefit Child's Play Charity (77)
Yahoo Silly King of Thailand starts wearing pastel sport coats, now everyone in the country looks like Don Johnson (55)
(Journalism Jobs) Interesting CBS seeking an environmental reporter. Knowledge of the environment beyond "when it's cold my nipples lead to higher ratings" not necessary (59)
High Times Hero Willie Nelson risks jail to promote marijuana (154)
SFGate Spiffy Reporter gets himself circumcised to promote AIDS awareness. Top that, Romero (268)
(Some Bloke) Obvious ♫ I come from a land down under, where women go on big benders ♫ Cant you hear, can't you hear her chunder? You better run, you better take cover. ♫ (110)
(The Day) Scary Neurosurgeons at Rhode Island Hospital operate on wrong side of patients' head -- three times. C'mon, this ain't brain surg... oh, wait (88)
(WLWT) Strange Not news: Couple lose license to house foster kids. News: Lost state license because of their religious values. Fark.com: Religious values include rattlesnake handling (66)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Pat Robertson University law student suspended after posting online a pic of Pat flipping the bird. The student is now suing for "tens of thousands of dolars" that he had previously spent for tuition (91)
(Philly NBC) Interesting Pennsylvania woman wins lawsuit with Kmart over toilet paper tax. "Give me liberty, or give me..." (56)
(Appleton Post Crescent) Weird Cheddar off dead. Wisconsin man kills cousin over cheese sandwich (90)
The Newspaper Obvious "Sheriff, do you think roadblocks violate the Fourth Amendment?" "I do, unless the state offers to pay the overtime for my officers" (170)
(Statesman.com) Followup Texas high school that prevented student article on widespread drug use from being published will now allow it to run. Local newspaper shows students how real journalism is done (94)
CNN Hero Evel Knievel has died of natural causes... who would have seen that coming 40 years ago? (429)
590 KLBJ Obvious Reporter asks, "Is a violent reputation hurting New Orleans?" Does a gay bear have inappropriate sex in the woods? (152)
(Some Guy) Stupid Attention all 2007 Father of the Year candidates: Stay on your toes this holiday season, as there is fierce competition entering late in the game (62)
NBC 11 Stupid If you're going to write racist anti-religious graffiti on a church, you should at least know how to spell "Saitan" (123)
(Traffic Safety Man) Photoshop Improve this "Beep Beep Day" safety poster (53)
(Austin Chronicle) Spiffy Industrial hemp farmers tell DEA to butt out (158)
(Some Dirty Bomber) Amusing Why does Amazon hate America? (127)
Fox News Asinine Honors student attending college prep classes arrested for throwing a crayon during class (106)
CNN Interesting Insane people are finding it harder to buy guns. What's the point of keeping your urine in a jar if you can't protect it? (143)
(Greenpeace NZ) Amusing Hippies against globalization ask for internet votes to decide the name of a whale they're going to tag. Help name him "Mr Splashy Pants" to spare it from the all the other possibilities (183)
Yahoo Misc Your annual "Don't buy giftcards" article. Cash spends better, anyway (100)
CNN Sad "Roger & Me" is now down to "Me" (186)
(nbc5) Scary Amtrak train attempts to play leap frog with freight train (58)
Local6 Florida Today's "teacher has sex with underage boy" report brought to you from Lake Mary, Florida (with scary eyes mug pic) (139)
CBS Boston NewsFlash Man holding hostages at Hillary Clinton campaign offices in New Hampshire (798)
(Statesman.com) Strange Birdwatcher who killed cat flees Texas after being shot at. Let that serve as a warning, Farkers: Texans will shoot you for killing kittens (129)
Newsday Dumbass "Unbeknownst to the pair, two patrol officers happened to be cruising by and grew suspicious when they saw the boy fixing his pants and the father pouring the urine out of the coffee cup" (86)
SeattlePI Obvious 66-year-old woman stabs neighbor after she changed TV channel to a religious program. "I don't know what they were originally watching," police say. "But it must have been something really good." (113)
(Times-Leader) Obvious Four-year old finds loaded handgun during family move, promptly shoots his younger brother in the thigh. Tag, you're it (187)
Boston Herald Stupid Santa Claus is fat and thus a bad role model according to the US Surgeon General, who now happens to be on the naughty list (118)
Boston Globe Interesting Mass. town to sell advertising on police cars. This speedtrap brought to you by McDonalds, the Rand Corporation, and the letter "F" (69)
This Is Local London Followup Members of the Religion of Peace™ say 15-day sentence given to teacher who let her students name teddy bear 'Mohammed' is tough, but fair. Ah, just kidding - they're marching through Khartoum demanding she be executed (974)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Corn-based ethanol falling out of favor as Americans realize how idiotic it is to burn food for fuel and subsidize farmers to grow it as well (237)
(Some Guy) PSA If you're going to steal Christmas trees and decorations from a local store then proudly display them on your house two blocks away, at least take off the store tags first, dumbass (19)
News24 Weird There are good weddings, there are bad weddings, and then there are weddings that end up in troops leading an armed siege into the hotel lobby with armored personnel carriers (28)
(Some Envious Guy) Dumbass Today's hot teacher-on-student action brought to you by Pittsville, MD. With awesome "zoom in on the scary chick" excitement (262)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this inflatable can of whoop-ass (58)
(WBOC) Stupid If you're a teacher claiming that you found a bomb threat at your school, be sure the surveillance cameras don't pick you up planting it yourself (77)
(Jerusalem Post) Dumbass Doctor dismayed to discover that having sex with his mentally fragile patients and prescribing marijuana to kids is not considered acceptable medical practice. Who knew? (64)
Arizona Star Asinine Newspaper reporter enters sleeping man's room, commits lewd act, punches guy in face, cited for trespassing, says entire episode is a learning experience (59)
BBC Followup Guy sentenced to two months after punching 8-year old in face for disobeying his "no trick-or-treat" sign on Halloween (173)
Tulsa World Dumbass As a general rule, it's a bad idea to open email that shows boobies on your screen. This is especially true when you are a high-profile public employee (49)
(WTOL Toledo) Interesting Toledo investigative news team springs into action to look into the latest internet phenomena: Free Breast Implants (47)
Yahoo Interesting FARC shows video of hostages, seeks $5 per month ransom payments (58)
IndyStar Stupid Community watchdogs protest Victoria's Secret window displays. Suprisingly, there are no Christmas trees involved (138)
Yahoo Strange Italian police burst into the room of a suspected Mafia mobster in Sicily and arrested him as he watched a television show about the arrest of a Mafia boss. Infinite Improbability Drive disengaged. Returning to normality in 3... 2... 1 (93)
UPI Cool Crude oil prices fall $5 in 24 hours... ♪ Gray skies are gonna clear up ♫ Put on a happy face ♪ (132)
CBS New York Cool New York town police chief just says No to DARE (164)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this high-flying bicyclist (68)
St. Pete Times Florida In one of the more unique defenses of police techniques, officer explains that demons in plumbing instructed him to keep flushing toilet in front of restrained DUI suspect until he peed himself (90)
ABC News Weird Indianapolis teen pulls off string of armed robberies, That's bad. But he times them so he didn't miss his curfew or church on Sundays with his mom. That deserves the tag (42)
Newsday Strange Ambulance driver crashes when log thrown through driver's side window hits him in the face. Fortunately, an ambulance was nearby which is better than bad, it's good (72)
(Some Guy) Asinine Alaska Airlines to make heterosexuals pay 10 percent more for their tickets this holiday season, unless they use a gay website to book their flights (287)
(Some Guy) Florida Cutter teenage girl finds another use for her razor blade after classmate calls her "emo" on school bus (175)
Des Moines Register Dumbass Man tries to commit suicide with sword, fails. Bonus: Police find battle ax, more swords, and a spear (70)
Seattle Times Asinine Lawmaker has her BAC test thrown out because she was not properly warned of the implications of consenting to the test during her DUI bust (79)
(Press-Republican) Dumbass If you're a middle-aged fat guy looking to pick up college chicks, this local paper has a step-by-step guide... if you don't mind the ensuing jailarity. (with mugshot goodness) (99)
ABC News Sad Losing your virginity later in life could lead to sexual dysfunction, Fark.com (623)
(Inside Bay Area) Amusing Former San Francisco mayoral candidate arrested for playing guitar naked on van. "This is our fist contact with him and what contact it is" Deputy Chief District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said (30)
Local6 Florida Most popular hotel owner threatens to sue weatherman... for being wrong (46)
Daily Mail Strange White Irish guy charged with racial harassment after calling white Welsh lady "English" (159)
(WJLA) Interesting Newspaper editor offering free coffin to first drunk to kill him or herself via DUI this holiday season (43)
(Some Guy) Florida County Nativity scene adds snowman to avoid legislation that it is a religious symbol (182)
News.com.au Interesting One in three handshakes might smell a little funny, one in ten hands you kiss might taste a little funny (108)
Telegraph Interesting More women choosing to have babies when they're in their 40s, apparently realizing the advantages of owning their own home and savings involved in buying diapers for two (86)
(Some Guy) Sappy This year's anonymous gold coin dropped into a Salvation Army kettle brought to you from Prescott, AZ (53)
ABC News Asinine Police in United States of Freedom™ use battering ram to break down an apartment door and arrest a woman they say grabbed food from a pizza delivery man without paying him (189)
(Florida Today) Florida Today's "Scary Looking Prostitutes Arrested" Story comes from Melbourne, FL. Surprisingly, this is not a repeat(w/mugshots) (126)
Yahoo Sappy If you're Swedish, odds are you'll be up for some friendly man-to-man spooning, too (74)
BBC Obvious For first time, St. Andrews Day is a national holiday in Scotland. Scots plan to celebrate the occasion today by getting drunk, deep-frying some Mars bars and slurring "C'mon o'er here an' lemme gie ye a wee Glasgie kiss" (55)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Christmas tree honoring fallen U.S. soldiers banned from festival (125)
(WSBTV.com) Amusing "Hello, meine new dispatcher says there eez somezing wrong mit deine cable?" "Yeah, come on in. I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong with the cable." "That's why they sent me, I am an expert." (122)
Denver Post Dumbass Having a MySpace page celebrating pot and gangs doesn't seem as cool after your 10-year-old daughter is killed in a pot and gang related shooting (113)
SeattlePI Silly Seattle police hunt serial groper. No firm leads but hands are full with several fresh tips (51)
News.com.au Interesting 'Spirit' lures toddler to swim with crocodiles - "They breed them tough out bush" (50)
Yahoo News Plane with 56 goes down in Turkey (108)

Thu November 29, 2007
JSOnline Scary Man charged with felony murder for punching to death another man who entered his "bubble" after an argument. Apparently he did not feel that "the moops" was the correct answer (106)
Yahoo Spiffy Man gets his gold ID bracelet back 25 years after losing it in grandad's barn; turned up inside a chicken gizzard. It's always in the last place you look (46)
(Science Daily) Spiffy Ugly-ass Brazilian ocelot born at Louisville Zoo (with hypnotic pic) (122)
(Some Guy) Sad Not news: Pastor involved in sex scandal. News: Story involves sodomy of 15 year old girl. Fark: Alabama press required to offer disclaimer that they are not kin (90)
ABC 2 PSA Bin Laden releases new video, but it's called "Message to the European Peoples," so look for it in the "foreign" section of your local video store (161)
(Some Guy) Scary In hindsight, maybe naming the bank Rabobank wasn't such a good idea (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious Ric Romero: Consumers turn to Web to purchase electronics (85)
Breitbart.com Asinine Good news, everyone. Taser guns can be used on pregnant women now (183)
(Some Trekkie) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: create a new poster for the Star Trek XI movie (LGT original poster) (59)
590 KLBJ Interesting Working the late shift now listed as a possible carcinogen (62)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Police videos of Tony LaRussa’s DUI arrest. Complete with all sorts of wobbly drunken goodness (42)
(Comcast) Followup Missing white porn star's body possibly found (302)
(Some Guy) Obvious Texas police try to identify naked, one-legged man who was found in downtown Fort Worth. Authorities suspect his name might be Skip (61)
Telegraph PSA London seeks to stop 10,000 gallons or urine running through streets. In other news: London has 10,000 gallons of urine running down its streets (61)
WFTV Florida Woman injured after trying to clean her car windshield in the middle of traffic (26)
(Some Guy) Florida Obvious actual headline of the day: "300 Pound Hooker Robs Reluctant Customer." Of course, you know which tag is going to go best with this one (55)
(PE.com) Scary Cougar found in a tree near California high school. Police suspect the teacher of violating terms of her probation (120)
Yahoo Misc FEMA to its trailer denizens: You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here (234)
BBC News Powerful earthquake rocks Caribbean; threat warning raised from "Irie, mon" to "Hey mon, what's all dis, den?" (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's female teacher on male student arrest brought to you by Cincinnati. (With may not want pic) (177)
(Some Guy) Interesting Guess we can't all get along: Rodney King shot and wounded in San Bernardino (355)
Yahoo Followup British schoolteacher convicted and deported, forced to rename teddy bear "Cassius" (327)
Yahoo Amusing Paris Hilton and Britney Spears beat out the Grinch and Darth Vader in online survey of who kids think should top Santa's naughty list (64)
Yahoo Scary Cyber-attacks on critical infrastructure assets becoming more sophisticated and complex. Subby not worried, already installed a pop-up blocker (77)
CBS New York Scary Plane makes belly-flop landing at New Jersey airport after landing gear malfunctions (with video of landing) (91)
CNN Followup In a shocking report, an exploding cellphone did not break the spine and ribs of the now dead Korean dynamite worker. Authorities wonder what at the scene could have provided such an explosive force (38)
ICNetwork Strange Man banned from rolling around town after surveillance camera catches him speeding in electric wheelchair (24)
TampaBays10.com Florida Two serious dumbasses arrested for not paying $12 bar tab. With dumb & dumber mug shot goodness (55)
(Some Guy) Amusing Parents outraged that their kid's school has a padded room for special needs children. Your son needs a helmet (131)
MSNBC Obvious Captain Obvious busts some exercise myths (93)
(EFF) Obvious NJ town says bloggers don't have First Amendment rights, especially when they point out possible corruption by the town's elected officials (66)
(Some Bishop) Interesting Woman steals $30,000 from chess club. In other news, a chess club had $30,000 (42)
(dealnews) Strange Proof Bill Clinton's never getting some ever again (Sponsored Link) (59)
(islandpacket.com) Amusing Fisherman rescued for second time in three years. Give him a tide chart, friend and a cell phone, says wife (17)
Yahoo Sad Thief makes off with 180 Guinness kegs. Brilliant! (101)
Daily Mail Stupid ♫ Dashing through the snow / Five mile-per-hour sleigh / Though it's rather slow / Rules must be obeyed / Belt on Santa's lap / Keeping Old Nick safe / What fun it is to live and work / In Britain's Nanny State ♫ (65)
Houston Chronicle Interesting US economy grew at a blistering pace of 4.9 percent this summer, lifted by sales of steroids to Barry Bonds (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this welder (60)
Denver Post Spiffy 72-year-old man puts beat down on robber who trashed his Nativity scene. Don't screw with baby Jebus (36)
The Sun Hero Barrels of beer on the drinks cart is one of the ideas being considered by UK airlines. The Sun is there (21)
Newsday Cool If you find a parrot that says: "Hey, I'm squalkin' heah," you may have already won $10,000 (21)
(LF Press) Dumbass "Hey, buddy, I'm in jail for DUI. Can you bail me out?" "You don't own a car." "I stole your truck, and they think I'm you. Your trial begins on monday." (41)
Google Hero CHICAGO FARK PARTY REMINDER Three days away, this Saturday, Dec. 1st. Lincoln Tap Room. Tons of details in the thread, link goes to the bar, be there and be awesome (123)
SLTrib Obvious Despite leading the nation in consumption of Jello, marshmallows and ice cream, Utah is the most depressed state in the nation (71)
(Some Guy) Followup The show must go on. Students plan on performing "Ten Little Indians" despite NAACP protest (93)
(msn.com) Strange It must be the end of the year when stories like "The 15 Weirdest Work Stories of 2007" come out. If only there was some website where people could read about strange and unusual news stories on a daily basis (28)
News.com.au Dumbass Parents sick of kids sitting in front of X-Box after school take them to park to play outside in fresh air. Local council responds by charging parents $250 per kid for "wear and tear" on grass (78)
News.com.au Interesting If you've seen 6 sets of handcuffs, 11 cans of mace, 43 police radios, bulletproof vests, uniforms and a squad car, the NSW police would really like you to stop by the station some time (22)
(American Thinker) Interesting Everything can be blamed on global warming. Here are more than 600 things global warming is responsible for, not including Paris Hilton, "Norbit," and Vista (141)
(Some Guy) Stupid Those PDF files that crash your web browser will now have sweet, sweet advertising in them as well (60)
Yahoo Interesting Google develops program that can pinpoint the location of a cellphone and show nearby businesses. Because they is absolutely NO WAY such software could be misused (88)
USA Today Asinine In an effort to further streamline their already-efficient airport security procedures, the TSA now wants to collect gender and birthdate information from all passengers (59)
(NY Daily) Interesting Yellow taxi cabs turn 100 years old. So are the crushed potato chips on the floor. (LGT slideshow with useless audio) (19)
Wall Street Journal Interesting "Holy grail of beers" has no label, and can only be bought by appointment at front door of Belgian monestary (141)
(Some Guy) Stupid Having solved all other problems, The SCLC and the NAACP are calling for a boycott of Kroger for closing a store that's losing money (104)
AP Asinine "The state of Wisconsin cannot have a Christmas anything." Killjoys and state reps. argue over what to call a Balsam Fir tree (116)
(Learning To Share) Followup The brothers see your ofay JC Penney 1977 catalog and raise you a whole stack of fashion ads from Ebony, 1970-76. Fark would have a "Solid" tag, but the Man is keeping them down (118)
BBC Strange Police appeal for help in identifying man who was run over by bus last night. Initial reports suggest he's probably someone's flat-mate (15)
Fox News Obvious A Fox News reporter has an interview with Hamas leader Dr. Mahmoud Zahar. Article headline gives him the fair and balanced nickname of "Dr. Terror." (324)
Daily Mail Obvious Future Pulitzer Prize winning journalist who had bigger, fake boobies placed over her smaller, real boobies reports that people react differently to women with bigger boobies (w/pics - SFW but careful when you "scroll down for more") (130)
Network World Interesting Today’s the day that cell providers can finally claim they’ve screwed half the world’s population (16)
(Argus Leader) Obvious South Dakota rated "Happiest State" in the Union. You'd be happy too if the last time Kevin Costner was in your state was almost 20 years ago (29)
BBC Followup Muslim Clerics in Sudan have labelled the Muhammad teddy bear naming incident as a) an innocent mistake b) miscommunication c) part of a Western plot against Islam (127)
(Some Guy) PSA Take your partner, head to the barn, and do the "Dosey Do". Today is Square Dance Day (25)
ESPN Obvious O.J. Simpson firmly pleads "not guilty" to latest charges and... say, isn't that Chewbacca over there? (41)
Yahoo Scary Explosion shuts down key Canada-U.S. oil pipeline, should send oil prices climbing again without the need of a Magic 8 Ball (99)
(NY Daily News) PSA If you're planning a Columbine-style attack 2½ years from now, you might want to avoid posting details on MySpace (51)
FARK Survey My coworker is coughing like she's got the TB. What's the worst illness that you've gone to work with? (496)
TBO Florida You know you might have a drug problem when you stab your brother for not scoring 20 dollars worth of cocaine for your birthday. Florida and Dumbass tag both apply (36)
(Some Guy) Ironic Plack to honer edumacators filled with mispeelling. FALE! (50)
(Some Guy) Strange Guy punches a cop in the face because Tila Tequila did not respond to his emails. That, and because the cop took his nunchaku (43)
YouTube Scary "Cherry Chocolate Rain". Tay Zonday moves away from the mic to go mainstream for Dr Pepper (151)
(Some Climbing Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this silhouetted rope climber (44)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen? New Reality TV show not short of contestants (74)
(3TV) Amusing If you posted 30 videos of yourself masturbating in the Dillard's sock department at the Glendale, Arizona mall, police would like to have a word with you (64)
Telegraph Amusing Forget the pogo stick. Now you can buy a "Christ on a Bike" figurine (33)
BBC Silly You can now read phone books from 1880 online for just £25 per month. This truly is a magnificent time to be alive (55)
The Sun Unlikely Widow leaves £10 million fortune to owners of local Chinese restaurant, has will challenged by family who insts "It's not about the money" (59)
Mercury News Interesting Man pleads guilty to stabbing sea lion, apparently in dispute over bucket (45)
(infowars.net) Followup Old: Ron Paul endorsed by brothel Actual: Tucker Carlson publicity stunt (99)
(Arpatubes) Interesting A simple math puzzle. See if you can get your name on the list (534)
BBC Asinine With no other crimes to solve, police in Wales now responding to calls about schoolchildren singing carols too loudly (25)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 134: "Let's Vent" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (167)

Wed November 28, 2007
Yahoo Stupid Christmas trees and wreath-making supplies stolen from a man named Clouse. This should really piss you off if you believe in Santa Clouse (29)
Yahoo Followup Miami Police now think that Redskins safety Sean Taylor was murdered in a random burglary and did not know his assailant (107)
(Seacoast Online) Asinine Not news: People still don't know how to use traffic circles. (With pics and video) (265)
MSNBC Cool Red meat, ice cream, eggs, pizza and Canadian bacon are good for you. Here comes the delicious science (110)
Yahoo Hero Chilean prostitute pledges 27 hours of sex to charity, telethon ratings skyrocket (94)
SFGate Amusing Officials in Berkeley are one step closer in making it a crime to be homeless. Bonus: sex on sidewalks was part of the issue (125)
(Some Clockwatcher) Photoshop Photoshop this clock (66)
WNBC Misc The Rockefeller Christmas tree will be lit tonight. It features LED lights that will cut energy consumption by more than 60% and will be recycled after Christmas to make lumber for Habitat for Humanities homes. CHRISTMAS tree? I’m offended (126)
SFGate Followup Missing white girl may have been internet porn star (268)
(El Paso Inc) Interesting P.T. Barnum provides marketing advice to company selling it's tequila for $2,500 a bottle (66)
Fox News Interesting The five most common mistakes new moms and dads make. Getting parental advice from Fark is surprisingly absent (173)
ABC News Misc Should bars take the heat for what irresponsible drunks do after leaving the premises? New Jersey thinks so (198)
(Statesman.com) Weird Austin police officers suspended for not investigating complaint filed by woman upset over destroyed crack pipe (27)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Assist. Band Director accused of having student audition for 1st chair skin flute. With smoking hot pic goodness... of the reporter covering the story of the vicious sick man who allegedly committed this unthinkable crime (94)
MSNBC Obvious Ted Turner has quietly amassed over two million acres over the past couple of decades. Conspiracy theorists suggests he's planning on taking over the midwest (99)
(Some Guy) Asinine Government bans "REVRND JO" license plate for minister to avoid leaving the impression that government favors Christianity. Still okay if people think the government favors stupidity though (72)
(NYT) Asinine NYPD roll out new improved plan to arrest people who attempt to return lost wallets (96)
AZCentral Dumbass Man discovers naked 25 year old female sleeping in his apartment - and calls the cops. What is wrong with people these days? (136)
Local6 Followup Feud between neighbors re-ignited with giant Buttocks sign (with pic goodness, video too) (34)
CNN Asinine Mobile phone explodes, killing owner. Rumor-mongering and email-warnings beginning with "Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: OMG CELL PHONE DANGER" in 4...3...2 (67)
Boston Globe Misc Is it just me or have peoples' spelling skills descended in the last few years? (96)
(Some Guy) Misc Is it wrong for a Christian to consume beer? Or, why Baptists won't speak to each other in the package store (212)
(Durant Democrat) Strange Man grabs 30-pack of beer, charges it to his middle finger (62)
The Morning Call Dumbass When the police arrive to take your complaint, "I pay taxes. I am your boss. Get in here and do your jobs or I'll have to kick your...." is probably not the best choice of words. Nor is hitting them (62)
BBC Dumbass Man accused of exposing himself in public tries to argue his weener is so small that he would be ashamed to show it in public. Didn't work (52)
(Visordown.com) Florida Dumb: repeal helmet law. Asinine: introduce bill targeting wreckless motorcycle drivers that would cause you to lose your bike, serve a mandatory prison sentence, and ban your license for ten years. Fark: Florida (192)
ABC News Unlikely Drew Peterson says he's Under Siege, that he's really Out for Justice and doesn't think he's Above the Law (66)
(Some Guy) Strange Theives steal consecrated host from church. Police expect to follow trail of lightning strikes to perpetrators (101)
(WHO TV) Sappy Ugly ass Baby Flamingos born in a Des Moines zoo. With ugly-ass pics, video (27)
(Some Guy) Strange City's job market is so bad that store owners are running ads looking for anybody who "doesn't steal" and "doesn't show up drunk" (100)
(Some Guy) Asinine Gun shop owner in New Orleans pleads guilty to supplying hundreds of guns that made the streets of New Orleans safer and allowed law-abiding citizens to defend themselves and their property (225)
CBS Sacramento Asinine San Francisco's newest public enemy uncovered: pizza (164)
Yahoo Interesting Literacy rates of US children falling. R kidz R dum? O RLY? i wndr Y? (151)
(City Pages) Interesting Churches now refusing to legally marry straight couples (450)
CBS Chicago Followup CBS "news writers" set strike date of December 10. Go fark yourself, San Diego (52)
(NJ Daily Record) Dumbass Mother sues school district for failing to stop kids posting videos of her disabled son on YouTube, even though they were submitted off school grounds (286)
ABC News Asinine In yet another attempt to milk the Natalee Holloway case dry, ABC runs a feature on the club where she was last seen alive (117)
(Some Coffee Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: improve the Starbucks logo (107)
(MaineToday.com) Asinine The Bangor, Maine chapter of the NAACP has canceled this year's Kwanzaa celebration after a 75-year-old man allegedly threatened to shoot chapter members. In other news, there are black people in Maine (216)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass Race between man and pickup truck conclusively won by truck (29)
UPI Obvious Scotland spends six months and $250,000 before unveiling their brilliant new slogan: "Welcome to Scotland" (124)
(Phillyburbs.com) Interesting Man has fun waving his weapon around, is arrested by undercover police officer (Non-sponsored Link) (51)
The Raw Story Dumbass You have a problem with the city's use of red light cameras. Do you A) Complain about it, B) Obey the laws and get on with your life, or C) Shoot one with a high powered rifle? Bonus: only $50 fine (149)
Daily Mail Obvious It's official: Bulgarians, Czechs, the Dutch and pretty much everyone else on the planet are more literate than the English. Go on and make fun of them - it's not like the yobs can read it or anything (96)
St. Pete Times Florida Daughter of man lost at sea aghast as couple who discovered his abandoned sailboat claim "finders keepers, losers weepers" on her family (224)
(Talk Radio 102.3) Amusing While North Georgia residents can't even wash their cars because of the drought, just across the line in Tennessee, a small town is building a new water park. Take that, Gov. Sonny "Pray For Rain" Perdue (101)
CBC Interesting Powerful Canadian cartel accused of controlling the supply of an addictive, euphoric drug produced by slave labour in the third world (69)
CNN Obvious Bush's economic advisor to resign (212)
UPI Stupid Working in a call center and fired for not sounding English enough? That's discrimination (70)
(Anchorage Daily News) Amusing What do you call a moose stumbling drunk on fermented crabapples in front of a dive bar with christmas lights tangled in its antlers? Buzzwinkle, of course (with pic goodness) (52)
Washington Post Obvious "Many grown-ups now sound like babbling toddlers when speaking about the digital world -- because many corporate names now have the ring of a collection of Dr. Seuss characters" (62)
(SoulCalibur) Cool Finally, a way to have fun waving your weapon around that doesn't involve being arrested by undercover police officers (Sponsored Link) (15)
Daily Mail Asinine "I think most people will be gobsmacked that the police think it is a priority for them to spend the evening in the pub playing 'spot the drunkard' in the runup to Christmas" (51)
Daily Mail Asinine Nanny State threatens to take 62-year-old grandmother to court because she sweeps sidewalk in front of her home. "It's political correctness gone mad" (82)
AFP Interesting Robotic dummy patient for dentistry students can feel and respond to pain, also can be felt up while under general anaesthetic (59)
Yahoo Cool The Carnegie-Mellon online digital library passes 1.5 million books. Which means anyone with an Internet connection can access the greatest collection of human thought ever assembled in one place, when not looking at porn, of course (94)
(Some Guy) Obvious 911 operator loses an eye after horseplay at work. Turns out your mom was right (73)
Yahoo Strange Proof that "rich" and "smart" are not synonyms: man donates $70 million to Oral Roberts University, after sex and embezzlement scandal revealed the institution was $50 million in debt (216)
Houston Chronicle Followup Former Red Cross chairman apologizes for poking his subordinate. Claims his stint as IRS comissioner led him to believe he could screw anyone, anytime, anywhere (48)
UPI Dumbass Female burglar discovers hidden office key, spends hours burglarizing office and putting items in her car, then accidentally locks herself out of the building...with her purse left in the office she just burglarized (77)
BBC Amusing Russian man pays £8.9 million for an egg. A single egg. Didn't even get bacon, toast or coffee to go with it (54)
(Some Philistine) Dumbass The War on Christmas has evolved into the War on Literature. The Dickens Christmas Festival will now be known as the Dickens Holiday Festival (389)
UPI Hero ♫ Granny's got a gun ♫ Granny's got a gun ♫ You bastards better run ♫ Granny's got a gun ♫ (153)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Company sends employee home after he dyed his hair colors normally associated with circus clowns. "I feel hurt inside. I am disappointed they can't accept me as I am" (141)
CBS Boston Sad News: Former bank robber wins $1 million in lottery. Fark: Buying lottery tickets was a probation violation (61)
(Some Belligerent Drunk Juror) Spiffy In an attempt to make jury duty more tolerable, Tennessee looks to allow potential jurors to be suitably sauced (38)
Yahoo Sad "This generation faces a completely different set of reality versus their parents," explained Professor Obvious. "They are very much self-oriented, not others-oriented or social-oriented." (114)
Independent PSA The world's worst airports. Because sometimes it's easier and more pleasant to crawl though fields of broken glass (151)
Daily Mail Obvious Ogling MILFS, GILFS, topless calendars, eating doughnuts, watching X-rated TV and sleeping on the job was all in a day's work for London Gatwick airport policemen, says one disgruntled ex-policewoman (65)
(Some Guy) Misc Headline: "Victim of Vile Scumbags". Can't do better than that (41)
AP Misc So who is the little snot nose twerp who contributed to the cyberbullying study? (93)
Detroit News Followup Judge who brought handgun to airport will not face any charges. Pesky laws ruled "just for the little people." (158)
WFTV Florida Man suing after allegedly being injured by beer. Expected to lose because beer would never hurt anyone. Beer is our friend (96)
(MaineToday.com) Obvious Having done away with candy and soda in Maine schools, officials are finding that students are finding other ways to get their sugary highs (103)
AZCentral Interesting More and more tattoo parlors are in black ink. "We had a dental surgeon come in and get a little tattoo of a tooth on his butt. Now, that's mainstream" (265)
The Sun Weird The latest proof that the English no longer speak it: "Fans pelt telly perv at footie" (276)
Denver Channel Amusing "It was a nice brawl. It came from inside to outside. If you go up there, you'll see hair, earrings, all pulled out on the ground" (53)
(Some Guy) Florida “I figured it’d be a lot easier to identify the truck with some bullet holes in it." The tag comes through for us again. Bonus: Use of the word "dadgum" (67)
Miami Herald Florida Your mother stops breathing, Do you: a) call 911, b) start making funeral arrangements, or c) dump her in garbage bags on the side of the road so you can keep cashing her retirement checks? (75)
Yahoo Sick Man who took his family to a remote Alaskan island to raise them according to the Bible sentenced to 14 years. Dude, you were supposed to ignore the story about Lot and his daughters (291)
(The Age) Dumbass Man decides to drives car without brakes, simply put his car into reverse whenever he wanted to stop. This new technique could catch on, but it costs about 1 gearbox per 10 miles (55)
Telegraph Sad There'll be fewer office Christmas parties this year because your boss is a tightwad and because of what that guy from sales did with the mistletoe last year (139)
SFGate Hero Driver uses his pickup to prevent unconscious driver from heading into oncoming traffic (52)
(metro.co.uk) Stupid Straight A student who loses both parents and her state benefits told to "Get Pregnant" so she could stay in school (112)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this model on her magic leg machine (57)
AP Spiffy IndyCar driver Helio Castroneves wins Dancing with the Stars, does victory lap around Tom Bergeron's ego (53)
Washington Post News Musharraf resigns as army chief to spend more time oppressing his family (98)
WTOP Dumbass A 48-year-old posing as an 18-year-old in an online love triangle with a middle aged WV mom posing as another 18-year-old. Sadly, the only one who was actually his age is the now dead 22-year-old (90)
The Sun Obvious JRR Tolkien's great grandson convicted of marijuana possession, impersonating a hobbit (pic) (150)

Tue November 27, 2007
Yahoo Interesting Final five state quarter designs released. Oddly enough, Hawaii's isn't a fat tourist in a Speedo drunk off his ass on drinks served in coconuts (163)
UPI Stupid Boy they sure know how to have fun in Waco, TX: "We were laughing about it because we got their broccoli and cheese casserole and they got our yams." (94)
SMH Interesting US judge who jailed 46 people because nobody would admit their mobile rang in court has been removed from the bench (114)
Daily Mail Obvious Welsh politician demands English flag include Welsh dragon to reflect its importance in the U.K. Britain vows to do that, but not expected to follow through. If only there was a word for that (103)
(Some Guy) Cool Scientists announce mouse that is resistant to all cancers, even aggressive cancers. Scientists want to study the mouse, but it keeps beating the crap out of them and smashing their lab equipment (93)
Yahoo Scary The rats are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until they are fed (134)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Habitual drunk driver drives into school bus, tries to back out to get away and ends up wedging himself between the bus and a truck. Some days it ain't easy earning the Dumbass tag, but this guy pulled out all the stops (35)
(Metro) Amusing Hottest stuffed toy for Christmas this year? Plush roadkill (pic) (72)
Homestar Runner Amusing It's still real to me: Strongbad, wrestling and Tuesday Night (71)
Telegraph Photoshop Photoshop this furry little critter (109)
USA Today Obvious US Army retrofitting one million uniforms due to "crotch durability problems" (121)
WTOP Sad Waiting for seven years to declare a missing person dead is, like, so last millennia. Fossett's wife asks for it after seven weeks and the "eight figure" estate has nothing to do with that, either (116)
MSNBC Interesting Holiday hemp story attempts once again to explain to politicians that they are blocking a valuable cash crop. And there's an industrial variety, too (62)
CNN Amusing Dead author wins bad sex award. It's not what you think (58)
Network World Obvious Judge rules for Amazon and against lazy, book-snooping cops in First Amendment case (38)
(NBC10) Obvious Today's headline that says it all: "35-year-old grandmother accused of leaving baby on doorstep" (134)
(Some Guy) Amusing Top 25 great drinking quotes. Bonus, Homer gets two on list (314)
AP Dumbass American Red Cross president Mark Everson resigns for making the wrong kind of donation to a subordinate employee (53)
(Some Guy) Strange Female martial arts teacher arrested for kicking an 11-year-old student in the abdomen more than 200 times, or as Catholic school nuns call it, "second period" (98)
TBO Florida Bad: Having to perform highway roadside cleanup for public service. Good: Finding two trash bags full of marijuana. With pic of Highway Patrol's new "party in a bag" concept (80)
(New West) Obvious Nobel-winning scientist says he gets hate mail from people going through the five stages of global warming grief, which include Anger, Denial, Hummer Ownership, F*ck Iraq, and "Dune: North America" (473)
AFP Obvious Iran hosting Palestinian militants for "alternative" Middle East meeting, and by "alternative" they mean "how to blow shiat up" (441)
News.com.au Dumbass Ticketless Russian commuter with novel approach to train inspectors takes the Darwin challenge, loses. Because you can't put the pin back in the grenade once it's out (45)
WTOP Sick Driver leaves 20-mile long stretch of Virginia road covered in poultry fat. Officials say if you see Kirstie Alley, it's best to approach her from the front (41)
(Some TV Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this vintage ad showing how television benefits children (53)
(Wink News) Florida Lawmakers in Sarasota decide to make strip clubs more fun by imposing a no alcohol rule and increasing the dancing distance to 6 feet. They're doing it wrong (42)
BBC Asinine Nanny State forces homebuilder to construct £140,000 home for two newts found on property he wanted to build on -- a more expensive house than the one he planned on building for humans (72)
Philly Obvious "Wang arrested for panty theft" (52)
(Gainesville Sun) Asinine U.S. government demands money back from hospices across the country for allowing their patients to outlive their Medicare time limit (99)
(macon.com) Dumbass Man tries to open bank account with fake $1,000,000 bill, is introduced to real jail (60)
(GatorSports.com) Sad Gatorade inventor Dr. Robert Cade, 80, has died. Remains will be cremated, and then the ashes will be dumped over some coach's head (121)
NCBuy Interesting Kevin Costner to ride on Mardi Gras parade float, which will inevitably cost $200 million to build and take 170 minutes to pass by (112)
(WGAL) Scary PA deer-hunting season off to shaky start as one man dies in fall from tree stand and another shoots himself in foot. In other news, Bambi's mom still unaccounted for (167)
(WCAX News 3) Dumbass When attempting to rob restaurant employees of their nightly money drop, it's really critical to rob them on their way TO the bank's drop-off slot. As opposed to afterwards (26)
Yahoo Interesting Annual list of the poorest-performing cars is out today. The worst performers consist of three Dodges, one Chrysler, and one Jeep. Good thing they are from separate companies or that automaker would be in some serious financial trouble (247)
News.com.au Interesting Reproductive donors could get right to say which other ethnic, religious and sexually oriented cups in the fridge their sperm and eggs are allowed to date (94)
(giggity) Dumbass Today's "40-year-old teacher having sex with a 14-year-old student" story brought to you by Van Nuys, CA. Bonus: He is home schooled (462)
(9News.com) Weird Court rules that couple should get their marijuana back after improper police search and confiscation. Police say they can't remember where they put it (69)
(First Amendment Center) Asinine Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals takes another step in sheltering us from creativity and free speech (184)
The Smoking Gun Florida Leave Ann Coulter alone (410)
TBO Florida Tampa considers selling naming rights for its convention center. "Fark.com Florida Tag Headquarters" up for grabs (46)
(E&P) Obvious "If you're operating an online service that relies on user-submitted content, I encourage you to think about how to utilize that content beyond just a destination website. The quality just isn't there" (76)
Stuff Interesting MI6 tries to dismiss the notion that spying was a never-ending life of fast cars, fast women and shaken-not-stirred martini cocktails (52)
Fox News Interesting Michigan woman loses 530 pounds on the "Internet diet." Is there anything the Internet can not do? (121)
AP Obvious Too little milk, sunshine and exercise are creating weak bones in kids. If only there was a small amount of time during the school day to go outside to run around and have fun (234)
Wall Street Journal Scary Ah, Paris. Outdoor cafes, classy berets, coffee and wine. Oh, and immigrant youth rioting in the streets. Again (569)
The Morning Call Hero ''I could live a very rich life on very little money. My life is richer than most rich people's lives" (227)
CBS 4 Denver Amusing No stereotypes allowed... ever: City training video on diversity called discriminatory. DOH (167)
(R News) Dumbass Man crashes car into ditch, attempts to extract car with tractor but stalls it, sets second tractor on fire and electrocutes himself after hitting low-hanging power lines. Ta-da (71)
(Some Boob) Hero Happy 100th birthday, bra. After a century of effort, men still can't figure out how to get you off fast enough (326)
(KTTC) Sad Pretty soon, the only place we'll be able to smoke will be in our beds, under the sheets, with a flashlight (343)
Wall Street Journal Cool Want your city to succeed? Screw the hipsters and bring on the minivans (118)
(Some Guy) Unlikely A bill has been introduced to the U.S. Congress that could make Puerto Rico the 51st state. Canada envious (211)
CBC Interesting Canada finally gets TiVo, making that cable TV thing they got last year even better. Bonus: Quebec is apparently not part of Canada (99)
(Some Guy) Asinine High school production of "Ten Little Indians" canceled over racist word in its title. Its original title (239)
CNN Followup Cheney repaired: New neck terminals installed (148)
Sun Sentinel Unlikely U.S. company and Mexican coffee producer want to help Mexican school kids by giving them coffee as a nutritional supplement. Beer-for-Lunch program also planned (44)
(The Local) Spiffy It is 148 feet high. It houses a restaurant and concert hall for 350 people. It costs $6.5m. And yes, it is a giant moose (81)
(Alertnet) Unlikely The UN declares Iceland the best place to live and Africa the worst. Iceland? (216)
ESPN Amusing No national anthem, no player introductions, no lines on the field, no scoring until a late field goal, no win yet again for Miami. It was the ugliest Monday Night Football game ever (306)
AP Sad 2008 set to become the Year of the Foreclosure (267)
(Some Jealous Teen) Stupid Hot female teacher, 54, arrested for sitting next to boy, 14, at high school football game. She may have "taken DNA samples" from him earlier. Still do not want (101)
(Dorset Echo) Dumbass Hotel owner invents device that prevents customers from getting wet when they go outside for a smoke. It is called a "hat" (61)
Miami Herald NewsFlash Redskins safety Sean Taylor died overnight, succumbing to injuries suffered from a gunshot wound (540)
MSNBC Florida Man tries to steal an ATM Florida style, with a stolen backhoe (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop something more interesting for this vending machine to dispense (65)
(KAIT8) Strange Bad: Getting beat up while working at McDonald's. Worse: With a Wet Floor sign. Fark: By three stiletto-wearing cross-dressers (72)
(Some Guy) Florida Police enter chunk of hair as evidence in pool table "cat fight." Rawr (20)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine Having solved all other problems, a Minneapolis suburb decides to ban shooting arrows in backyards (79)
Yahoo Amusing "South Dakota town may rename Hooker Street." Alternates do not include Courtesan Cul-de-Sac, No Ho Way, nor Pink Pants Place (65)
(American Statesman) Weird The mayor of Austin, upset at a truck blocking a busy street, shouts enough profanity to offend the construction workers (79)
News.com.au Followup Boy who had antler on his mind will recover. Mary Kate Olson unavailable for comment (30)
(Metro.co.uk) Dumbass Police officer giving school demonstration shows how it is done by handcuffing the teacher. What could possibly go wrong? (40)
Daily Mail Obvious Britain's youth are "drinking themselves into oblivion." A 70 percent increase in the number of 24-hour pubs will do that, old chap (81)
Yahoo Cool Delivering nine babies in one shift isn't hard when there are four sets of twins (20)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass Disaster averted as 13-year-old terrorist is taken into custody after nearly executing his diabolical plan in Phoenix (80)
(Some Guy) Interesting Believe it or not, not everyone wants to see pole dancers in action first thing in the morning (47)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass When you're carrying $30,000 of crack in your car, it's probably best to not start fights with anyone. Or threaten to ram your car into a restaurant (19)
BBC Interesting Ancient Roman road map found. Caesarbucks on every corner (37)
Newsweek Silly Today's deep philosophical question: What would Jesus buy? (122)
Yahoo Obvious MRI scans prove that second-hand smoke damages lungs of non-smokers (360)
(Some Guy) Asinine I bet you didn't know that "Ice Age" isn't really just an animated kids' movie. According to these folks, it's an anti-feminist travesty (336)
(WOAI) Silly Not news: Police force is hiring new recruits. Fark: They're advertising by parking patrol cars along the road with "Now Hiring" signs in the windshield (75)
KNBC Cool San Diego's cute-ass baby panda gets a name (with pics) (38)

Mon November 26, 2007
(Some Guy) Obvious Six-year-old refuses to go to bed without his 20-foot long pet Burmese python named 'Lucky.' The parents are a couple of dumbasps (pic) (108)
CNN Scary The Weather Channel releases its first CD "Smooth Jazz", consisting of the instrumental music you hear when "Local On The 8's" airs. In other news, someone please shoot me in the face (134)
(Some Violent Gamer) Florida News: The Florida Bar has cleared its calendar for this week to hear a single case. About Farking Time: The case is for the disbarment of Jack Thompson (108)
NBC 11 Dumbass Well-intentioned elderly couple brings in toys for a highway patrol toy drive. They also bring World War II-era blast caps for disposal. Very shortly afterward, evacuation begins (21)
Daily Mail Cool In proof that not all North Korean ideas are bad, plant manager executed by firing squad in front of 150,000 people after getting caught making personal calls on company time (157)
CBS News Strange Dog that inherited $12 million from Leona Helmsley is receiving death threats (50)
Boston Globe Obvious Airlines have made ends meet by making economy class a hellish experience. Ric Romero would have reported, but he's still stuck on a 727 with an overflowing toilet on the tarmac in STL (173)
BBC Obvious London Tube announcer fired for calling it "dreadful"; not for making spoof annoucements, such as "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly" (with audio goodness) (77)
CBS New York Amusing Staten Island invaded by ninjas, Steven Seagal mysteriously unavailable for comment (48)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The 3 most expensive beers in the world (136)
(Some "Amish" guy) Ironic Thieves break in to "Simply Amish" store. Missing? One 42-inch plasma TV. Wait, what? (52)
CNN Interesting Dick's Sporting Goods buys Chick's Sporting Goods, to be renamed Chick's with Dick's (88)
(Some Guy) Spiffy 1. While teaching yourself HTML, put up a fake Web site that sells tumbleweeds for $25 each. 2. When idiots start submitting orders on your fake site, shrug and fulfill them. 3. Profit: $40,000 a year and counting (122)
News.com.au Spiffy Aussie takes first place at World Santa Claus championships in Sweden, says racing reindeers easy after wrangling kangaroos (12)
(Some Guy) Florida Guy jumps off bridge to prove himself "King of Clearwater." Coronation ceremony postponed until they locate the body (42)
USA Today Ironic Kentucky's Creationist Museum is Evolving (735)
Houston Chronicle Scary Man gets his hand caught in a corn harvester, has to cut off his arm to escape the brush fire the machine sparked (77)
CNN Dumbass Iraqi bride (still in wedding dress) and groom turn out to be two male terrorists. With stubble-faced "bride" pic goodness (112)
Yahoo Obvious New study shows that kids will in fact eat healthy school food, provided it wasn't created by some lispy British wanker (26)
CNN Stupid Nanny State now currently targeting black market skin bleaching products. Everything's not going to be all white (31)
Local6 Florida This week's hooker round up brought to you by Melbourne, FL (pics) (107)
MSNBC Interesting Fake photos can alter real memories, make you think paint huffer guy is everywhere (37)
(SB Sun) Interesting The Supreme Court rules that authorities can search welfare applicants' homes without warrants and allows them to rule out assistance for those who refuse to let them in (378)
(Bubonis) Photoshop Photoshop this Farker's little girl in headphones (75)
Yahoo Strange Iraqis appear to have Stockholm syndrome (115)
Guardian.com Interesting After studies find that people recognize others better with caricatures than police sketches, British police may soon be on the lookout for a string of bank robbers with heads twice the size of their body and gigantic noses (27)
Guardian.com Interesting In 1960, the mayor of Chicago gave the emperor of Japan a bluegill. Forty-seven years later, all hell is breaking loose (130)
AP Obvious Young Dutch woman joins brutal Columbian rebel army after imagining Che Guevara and playing U2 songs around a campfire. Turns out it's not working for her (192)
Miami Herald Obvious So what's going to be the excuse by National Hurricane Center for missing this year's hurricane forecast? "Dust storms in Sahara" already used last year (50)
CBS New York NewsFlash Vice President Dick Cheney hospitalized for irregular heartbeat (684)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Sex and the College Girl," Atlantic Monthly article from 1957 (221)
Miami Herald Florida After having solved all the states other problems, legislature take action on Hannah Montana scalpers (267)
CBS San Francisco Interesting Cable car crash turn you into a nymphomaniac? That's a lawsuit (106)
New Scientist Interesting Biological weapons used in the Middle East... 3,300 years ago (62)
SuperDeluxe Video After car accident with her No. 1 fan, JK Rowling announces new Harry Potter book. No word if sledgehammer to ankles played a role (89)
CNBC Obvious Real numbers on actual spending and not "foot traffic" shows consumer spending off 3.5 percent on Black Friday. Suck it, optimists (89)
Yahoo Strange Seventeen-year-old calls police to report someone is chasing him down a road with an axe. Upon further investigation, police believe the rope tied between the teen's truck bumper and the axe-wielder explains the situation (106)
How Stuff Works Spiffy Top 11 items sold by Ron Popeil... but wait, there's more (102)
(Hojpodge) Dumbass Verizon has added a loud alarm to all of their new phones when dialing 911. Hey, it's not like you might be in danger when pressing those three numbers (85)
NBC 11 Dumbass Psychic fortune teller gets $450,000 from woman after convincing her that her family is cursed and she needs to have the evil "cleansed" (43)
(BoingBoing) Amusing BoingBoingTV gives a shout out to Fark with its True History of LOLCats (59)
(Daily Star) Followup In order to make room for more rape victims in prison, Saudis release 1,500 Islamist militants after they promise not to attack Saudi Arabia (58)
Yahoo Scary Rioting soccer fans gave new meaning to "a rocket in your pocket" by hiding explosives in their underwear (20)
The Newspaper Obvious Armor-plated ticket camera is no match for a Southerner with a .30-06 (123)
(KPRC) NewsFlash Fire at Houston high-rise retirement home. Evacuation expected to be complete in July (47)
Time Hero Stephen King complains that the mainstream media isn't covering proper news and is trotting out the same old trash. If only there was a well-written, in-depth book published about this phenomenon that would make a great Xmas gift (158)
(Some Wild Haired Guy) Amusing Cousin of Frogtown toe sucker nabbed for family violence (with mugshot) (19)
MSNBC Strange Old white women flock to Kenya, a place "just full of big young boys who like us older girls" (131)
Local10 Scary Washington Redskins player Sean Taylor allegedly shot while in his home. Police say that they're surprised he caught the bullet without fumbling it (441)
AFP Amusing Danish couple just cannot wait, have sex in train station waiting room. (With absolutely irrelevant pic) (82)
ABC News Obvious Your annual Cyber Monday article brought to you by ABC News, who wants to remind you that Cyber Monday does not exist (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop some excitement into this serene scene (68)
Washington Post Obvious "The BCS was designed to divert attention from the nation's domestic and foreign policy problems. And it's working" (108)
Canada.com Interesting New dinosaur found in Alberta, with a skull the size of a car. From the article: "Basically, it's a roadkill." Warrant issued for Fred Flintstone (51)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Email and e-greeting cards do not replace traditional paper greeting cards -- or at least that's how it seems until one realizes the source for this story is the Greeting Card Association (27)
Pravda Obvious Hillary's people again deny she's strapped it on for huma-huma-huma (188)
BBC Followup Saudi officials say imprisoned rape victim has now "confessed" to having an affair. Because you know, gang-rape is kinda like adultery in the same way that drenching a forest in napalm is like having a backyard barbecue (229)
(Some Guy) Hero "First you give a guy oral sex and then you decide if you like him." Bonus: Duke sucks (259)
Yahoo Stupid Giant Israeli flag breaks world record for stupid huge large flags (98)
Yahoo Interesting Sarkozy goes to China, secures $30 billion in nuclear and aerospace contracts, pushes deregulation of the yuan, urges less death penalty and release of political prisoners. In related news, Bush got a whole turkey leg, but couldn't finish it (60)
Daily Mail Amusing Life imitates Fark: "There are some moments in life when you just know that things are not going to end well." To be fair, they were all doing it wrong (41)
Google Strange India to provide 60 combat-trained battle camels to UN peacekeeping effort in Darfur. Really (35)
Local6 Florida Actual headline: "Flaming lingerie prompts K-Mart evacuation." This could only happen in one state (27)
BBC Scary Junior class in Sudan votes to name their teddy bear Muhammad. Visiting British teacher delighted that the children have used the principle of democratic voting to name something they dearly love. What could possibly go wrong? (179)
News.com.au Strange Actual headline: Banjo-playing gunman on run. Bonus: A pic that convinces you that banjos and dentistry don't mix (42)
Daily Mail Amusing Sarkozy's new girlfriend is the "hottest woman on French TV"... no, not THAT hottest woman on French TV (92)
CNN PSA The cost for all that stuff in "The 12 Days of Christmas" is $78,100 this year. The milking maids saw the biggest increase. A partridge in a pear tree is still the same price (65)
(Some Guy) Interesting The mystery of the Romanov family executions finally solved. Those of you who think you're Anastasia, your mother lied to you all these years, sorry (69)
News.com.au Interesting Perth man wins World Santa Claus championship. In other news, there's a World Santa Claus championship (19)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this unhappy photographer (57)
(Some Guy) Florida Passengers of 42-foot yacht get impromptu physics lesson on why such vessels are not designed to jump other boats' wakes, especially the guy at the bow (34)
Lancashire Evening Post Obvious Pets provide more comfort to the bereaved than priests (69)
MSNBC Spiffy Plans for FDR memorial in NY being rolled out. Wheels have been spinning on this for over 30 years (63)
The Sun Asinine Nanny State prison guards forced to call prisoners by their first name and ask permission to search their cells after government determines prison is an unpleasant place for convicted criminals and decides to do something about it (78)
The Sun Interesting It takes nearly 10,000 cups of tea to build the average house in Britain (40)
(Some Guy) Followup $100k violin stolen from a Wal-Mart parking lot recovered. Apparently, the pawn shop the thief took it to only moves Stradivarius (43)
CBS New York Cool After three weeks of moving around pieces of cardboard with stuff painted on it, Broadway stagehands may go back to moving around pieces of cardboard with stuff painted on it (70)
Canoe Obvious Toys "R" Us would greatly appreciate if you ignored the ad for Aqua Dots included in this weekend's paper (99)
USA Today Interesting If you think bridges in America are in good repair, then I've got a bridge to sell you (32)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Strange Nov. 26, 1969: "I refuse to sell large quantities of catnip to young people. I know they want to smoke it and I don’t think it’s right" (106)