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Sun December 09, 2007
Mercury News Ironic Anti-Gay Boy Scout Leader, who sued Berkeley, CA, arrested for... what else? Molesting boys (76)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Cool Wintertime in the Midwest can only mean one thing. It's waterpark season (35)
(Island Packet) Dumbass If you're going to rob a bank, don't ask for directions from the city councilman's law firm (8)
Daily Mail Amusing Supermarket tries to attract customers with new high-tech and lightweight carts; customers treat them as lovely parting gifts for them to take home (97)
NYPost Interesting An anonymous bidder paid $54,000 for a rare bottle of 81-year-old single malt scotch whisky. Now we know why Drew's been saving all those $5 bills for all these years (62)
Local6 Florida 63-year-old woman arrested for trying to bring loaded gun, knife and some sharp scissors into Disney's Magic Kingdom theme park (with today's scary mug pic) (97)
Hartford Courant Sad Thanks to standardized testing, safety concerns, and rising gas prices, grade-school field trips are becoming extinct (171)
AP Obvious Soldier recovering from leg amputation can't decide if he'll stay in the army. "Right now, I'm leaning against it" (114)
(Bah Humbug!) Asinine RIAA forces charity to pay copyright fee so kids can sing carols (148)
The Morning Call Scary Price of hops hops 400%. Drinkers of real beer to pay the price (166)
(Virginian-Pilot) PSA Pat Robertson hands over day-to-day operations of CBN to his son. May concentrate on getting a negative tractor disrupter for his spaceship (53)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Helga Zepp-LaRouche says that what is playing out these days on the international financial markets is unprecedented. We find ourselves in an advanced phase of the greatest collapse in the history of financial markets (89)
ABC News News Gunmen open fire at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Mike Jones unavailable for comment, for once (654)
Canada.com Obvious Pickton trial jury comes back with verdict of six counts of second degree murder, lucrative book and appearance contracts (69)
London Times Cool Sweet and sour emotions as group contesting their aunt's will are denied in their wonton greed. Also ordered to pay court costs, and Dim Sum (36)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these gangsters (69)
STLToday PSA Column writer finds article on how to squirrel-proof homes, replaces "squirrels" with "teens" and mails in his column. Surprisingly, it's still very accurate (53)
(Tribune-Review) Strange Redneck wedding couple marries in muddy demolition derby arena, exchange vows standing on top of derby cars. Bride: "I'm ready to smash into a whole bunch of stuff" (55)
(Traverse City Record Eagle) Strange Turkey falls through man's third-story bedroom window, leaves trail of destruction. "Turkeys -- you don't see them jetting across the sky," says maintenance worker called to scene (43)
(M&C) Scary 3 killed, 50 injured and up to 100 buried as building under demolition decides it doesn't need any help (28)
BBC Stupid Catastrophe narrowly averted after hundreds of dangerous explosives were defused before being sent to British soilders. The explosives? Crackers (50)
BBC Amusing What can you do? The parrot just won't pay his parking fine (62)
Guardian.com Scary Brawndo is becoming an actual beverage. It's got Electrolytes (191)
News.com.au Interesting Kids are turning away from marijuana and more of them are abstaining from sex as today's youth become more conservative. Suck it liberal geezers, they respect your lawn (172)
Daily Mail Stupid Headline: "Primary school bans Christmas cards claiming they cause 'hurt feelings.'" Article: "In no way have we banned Christmas cards from school." (69)
CBS News Followup "Dead" man's wife arrested after going to Panama with her very-much-alive husband. Authorities invite them both to a dead man's party (49)
(Some Guy) Ironic Blind woman hit by car wins $500K from jury. "I never saw the car coming," says woman (35)
Newsday Dumbass It's not truly winter until the first person overreacts and calls the hazmat team when a letter falls on the rock salt coated sidewalk (63)
WFTV Obvious If you lost a truck with $100,000 of tequila in it, the police would like you to know that they've successfully recovered your empty truck (31)
(CentralOhio.com) Dumbass Just as people in glass houses should not throw stones, people carrying marijuana shouldn't throw snowballs at cars (33)
Lancashire Evening Post Unlikely McDonald's workers dismayed to discover that their drive-thru can also be used as a climb-thru (33)
WFTV Florida Slideshow: why you should never piss off your painter (135)
Yahoo Scary Gunman wounds four in missionary center. Reverse cowgirl headquarters on lockdown (57)
Yahoo Followup Services to begin for Omaha mall victims. Tasteful memorial established between Orange Julius and Victoria's Secret (78)
Orlando Sentinel Strange A 20-foot tall Menorah next to a 7-foot tall Christmas Tree? That's not kosher (97)
(Some Broke Guy) Obvious Ric Romero gets the scoop again, "Credit card use leads to rise in consumer borrowing" (51)
The Tennessean Followup The pot cave is now the cheese cave (47)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Tyna Robertson, Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher's baby momma, ordered to pay "Lord of the Dance" star Michael Flatley an $11 million settlement for a false rape claim and extortion (123)
WFTV Florida Pedophile suspect has violent outburst in courtroom, forced to wear strange anti-spitting mask (with hiliarious pic). Guess where? (191)
BBC Asinine Funeral director refuses to allow WWII vet's coffin to be lifted during funeral, citing potential back problems for pallbearers (55)
Daily Mail Cool No joker: this king of the record books builds a 25-foot skyscraper out of cards. You might think he's doesn't know jack, but he's an ace of his trade. Queen (59)
The Sun Amusing Drunks spilling booze, overweight relatives breaking furniture and overused plumbing will cause £400million in damage to British homes this Christmas (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this subway car and looking man (65)
(Some Guy) Misc ♫ Taliban on the run/Talibaaaaaaaaaaan on the runnnnnnn ♫ (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Guys smuggling ten pounds of pot are arrested after they tailgate a police car. You're doing it wrong (45)
Telegraph Ironic Charles and Camilla have a new filly. No, really (26)
(Daily Yomiuri) Cool Japanese scientists invent superstrong, superelastic spider-silk socks by extracting genes from spider web thread and injecting them into silkworm eggs. If only there were a movie to dramatize results of this process (86)
(Some Creeped-out TFette) Scary "You know what your newborn needs, Janice? A pair of beanbag pillows shaped like disembodied hands." (oh, yes, there are pictures) (75)
London Times Dumbass A metric ass-load of crazy here. Crazy, but you'd still hit it (253)
Canoe Silly Slow news day, tortoise escapes yard when gate left open (27)
(KOMU) Hero Mayor orders police officer to stop arresting drunk drivers and giving minor traffic citations. In other news, submitter just found a new hometown (133)
(Some Guy) Sad Indian man makes run for world's biggest douche by tricking his grandson into shooting grandma with the old "it's a toy gun" trick (52)
(Rapid City Journal) Scary "The lion must have been equally surprised. It could have been way bad, if it would have slipped and fell in the tub with me" (76)
Daily Mail Obvious The latest western outsourcing to India is... shuffles tarot cards... fertile wombs (81)
(Some PaRumpa PaRum) Photoshop Photoshop these drummerboys (48)

Sat December 08, 2007
Reuters Sick Another unexpected consequence of rising fuel costs: crematorium only half-burns bodies, dumps the rest out back (75)
Guardian.com Obvious Today's women 'would rather look sexy than be clever' (649)
SMH Scary Oooo Aaahh ooohhh Aaarrghh (55)
(Captain Obvious) Obvious Stop the presses: unarmed mall security cops with no police training are inadequate for preventing attacks (111)
(Some Guy) Misc Vegan inmates finding more options for keeping meat out of their orifices (99)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass When trying to hire a hitman to off your husband, you might want to make sure he's not an undercover state trooper, or judging from the pic, Greedo (134)
Mercury News Dumbass Man arrested for 18 armed robberies applies to be cop for the department that arrested him (41)
Fox News Dumbass What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, whose life was hanging by a thread after stepping on a power line? (185)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Middle school raises $46,000 for a library renovation by letting students pay per swing to smash up the old one with sledgehammers (37)
MSNBC Followup Aruba prosecutor mulls closing Holloway case, although doing so would cause significant layoffs in the van der Sloot-arresting industry (38)
(EarthTimes) Scary Woman trying to retrieve something from under the bed finds something, feels curved...like a triggerBLAM (53)
(Zombo) Spiffy Zombo finally adds huge free game library. It's incredible. Links all available after the intro finishes (278)
JSOnline Amusing Step 1: Crash boat into rocky shore. Step 2: Leave boat there for over a month. Step 3: Boat becomes tourist attraction. Step 4: Profit? (39)
Baltimore Sun Strange Not news: Man teaches photography classes. Direct-to-Fark: To the blind (43)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Amusing Ho-hum: Christian youth education club. Ho-ho: Activities include teen boys wearing diapers, sitting in girls' laps; girls eating pudding from diapers (100)
(Some Guy) Amusing Let's see how Sylvia Browne did in her predictions for 2007 (189)
(The Politico) Dumbass Mike Huckabee believes that homosexuality is "aberrant" and "sinful," and that all HIV positive citizens should be isolated from the general population. GOP primary win secured (685)
(WISN) Amusing Energy-efficient LED Christmas tree lights are a big hit with city squirrels (65)
WTMJ Sick Father meets teenage daughter he never knew he had. Does he: a) jump for joy; b) hug her and catch up on the times they've missed or c) sexually assault her while she's sleeping (199)
Newsday Obvious If someone wants you to bring $22,000 cash for a Porsche advertised on craigslist, it's probably a robbery (33)
Arizona Star Dumbass Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds or from stealing your cash filled Christmas cards (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop something emerging from the forest (109)
Daily Mail Strange Paddington Bear will mark his 50th birthday by being arrested and questioned about his immigration status. Wait, what? (22)
The Smoking Gun Scary The Smoking Gun: demolishing our faith in humanity one mug shot at a time (247)
Herald-Leader Sad Louisville post office will end tradition of sharing "Dear Santa" letters from needy kids with the public, because they can't tell if they really are from kids or if they're from scumbags running a scam (53)
STLToday Interesting 40% of pollsters say 30% cell phone usage is making taking polls difficult 84% of the time. 70% agree that poll participation is down 20%. Margin of error may be as high as 50%. The chance that they will call during dinner still 100% (59)
(Some Guy) Hero One-legged Vietnam vet captures escaped, naked prisoner and holds him for police. Proving there's at least one sane American left, he says, "I didn't know whether to take my gun or my cell phone. I took my cell phone" (62)
(News-Leader) Amusing Not news: Girl graduates highschool. News: Three years early. Fark: And is brainwashed into believeing she is a vampire (167)
(Some Guy) Cool Collection of 3,364 TV theme songs for your listening pleasure (205)
AJC Misc The Federal Government starts an investigation of a huge danger in the workplace: Panda costumes (26)
CNN Spiffy Phil Spector gets new lawyer, hairdo. (With ventriloquist/dummy pic) (46)
(Some Guy) Strange Brothel workers found to be surprisingly well educated...and it's not all liberal arts degrees, either (55)
Billings Gazette Dumbass When robbing a business, don't leave a receipt with your name and address behind (11)
The Sun Silly Family bird lives twice as long as average, credits love of whiskey. "After a couple of sips he gets all happy and starts singing, but if he goes over his limit he starts biting" (42)
AP Amusing Former mayor suggests bicyclists that venture out in a snowstorm be shot (107)
(Some Guy) PSA For Sale: 17-room house for $895,000. Includes 6 bedrooms, 3½ baths, game room, den, 3 fireplaces, and 3000 square foot basement purification center. May have residual thetans sticking to walls (62)
(Iceland Review) Interesting Most traffic accidents in Iceland found to happen on Friday afternoon. Nation's motorist vows to be more careful around that time in future (19)
Yahoo Ironic The first use of a law passed in the aftermath of Megan Meier's suicide might be to protect the very person accused of baiting her into suicide (250)
(Spiegel.de) Dumbass If the power goes out in Europe at 7:00 p.m. GMT, you'll have these asshats and their cunning plan to thank for it (58)
SMH Scary Three cops tasered in Australia...by God (42)
(If You Like Pina Coladas) Amusing LAST CALL: Dallas-Fort Worth Fark Party Saturday night at 8pm in Irving. LGN/DIT (57)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Today's teacher/student hookup brought to you by Fark's favorite state. No pic, but it is a good bet the teacher could never win a Super Bowl (61)
Yahoo Scary Good: Man successfully earns new Guinness World Record book. Bad: He wasn't trying. Fark: The record was for Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident (47)
Guardian.com Unlikely Club launches £35,000 cocktail. Style guru provides full endorsement of this decision - "It is so gauche, so crashingly crass, that everyone else will see the buyers as barely literate, as one step up from a potato" (76)
News.com.au Asinine Blankets now deemed a security risk at concerts. Linus inconsolable (45)
(Some Surfer Dude) Photoshop Photoshop this brave surfer (53)
Canoe Sappy Cat is revived after getting frozen solid outdoors, then thawed. With frosty pic of "Little Popsicle." I can has warm blankee? (497)
Charlotte Misc "Teen pleads guilty in pedestrian death." Vows to kill again with more panache (85)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you think Baby Jesus was born in the North Pole, a mall, or Phoenix, you're not alone (122)
(thisisplymouth) Amusing Barn owl in car chase ordeal. Ya, rly (31)
Seattle Times Sick ♬ Hold the condoms, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us ♫ (42)
The Scotsman Dumbass Scottish mail carriers efficiently delivering a mountain of Christmas cards and gifts this December. From Christmas 2006 (15)
Reuters Stupid PETA calling for boycott of M&Ms. Good news though, you can eat all the ones with "Ws" you want (191)
(Sun Herald) Ironic Police called twice to break up fights at Buddhist Temple. You're doing it wrong (28)
The Sun Obvious British resort bans sale of blow-up sex dolls to improve its image. Nanny State Farkers rush off to furiously cancel Christmas holiday bookings (39)
AP PSA Inhaling aerosolized pig brains may be hazardous to your health (85)
TBO Followup Scores of senior citizen patrons join "mission" to get Debbie Lafave her restaurant job back (63)
Valleywag Asinine "Don't tase me, bro" available as ringback tone from Verizon. Experts say this is a sure sign of the coming apocalypse (67)
ABC News Obvious Western states like Colorado get up to two feet of snow in December blizzard, disrupting residents' weekend rodeos and keenly-awaited plans to sit around in diners drinking coffee and saying 'Yup' a lot (73)
Independent Interesting If you're in the donkey business, it's a seller's market in Gaza right now (34)
CNN Stupid Dodge Challenger buyers lining up to pay $20,000 over sticker price (191)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this old Russian silo thingie (47)
(Some Guy) Asinine China, the words 2nd leading country in greenhouse gas emissions, says that global warming is everyone else's problem and of no concern of theirs (196)
Google Survey Create a name for a new breakfast cereal derived from your login. Bonus for slogan. LGN (758)

Fri December 07, 2007
Yahoo Dumbass Gas station employee accidentally changes the price of a gallon of gas to 33 cents then leaves for the night. Hillarity ensues (147)
(Bloomberg) Stupid Churches win this round of the War on Christmas: Walmart brings back Santa. Santa is what Christmas is about, right? (82)
(KMGB 9 News) Followup Wal-Mart pulls SuperBad DVDs packed with fake Hawaii driver's licenses (82)
Guardian.com Obvious Officials blame Pennsylvania bridge collapse on heavy truck. Or possibly gravity (60)
(Some Whopper) Interesting The reason Americans eat so much crap is because healthy food costs 10 times as much as junk food on a per calorie basis. We aren't lazy, we're frugal...yeah, that's it (355)
The Smoking Gun News Omaha mall killer's suicide notes released. "I'm so sorry," he wrote. The Smoking Gun is there (463)
(Big Head DC) Strange Teen won't say how he figured out President Bush's secret phone number (381)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass Columnist claims that there are fewer Pearl Harbor survivors alive today that at any time since the attack. Thanks for clearing that up for us (112)
AP Amusing Texas town outlaws suburban sex clubs, including one that features "Naked Twister" nights. Participant grumbles "It's crazy that they want to force their morality down our throats. We're all frustrated." (95)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Two young women researchers are calling for a new form of sexual ethics that would allow women to have casual sex without feeling that they're "sluts" (356)
CNN Followup Third suspect in Holloway case released. Everyone agrees to meet back at courthouse this time next year to go through the same circus all over again (41)
(Some Rich Swede) Spiffy Tiger Woods' wife wins $183,000 settlement in lawsuit over nude photos. Maybe now they can finally afford that new car they always wanted (91)
Fox News Interesting Oil down below $90 a barrel on news that we're just dumping it in the ocean (45)
Washington Post Followup Democrats unleash the farking fury over destroyed CIA tapes (297)
(NBC5i.com) Spiffy Top 10 reasons why people like top 10 lists. Bonus: It's from a credible source (43)
(Some Guy) Interesting The only thing going up faster than the price of gas is the price of Christmas trees (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Having no gang violence, or crime, Local television stations in Utah have had to resort to writing stories about flamewars between scrapbookers (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his new t-shirt (64)
(Some Guy) Sick Todays teacher having sex with a student isn't a teacher, she's the school nurse. With sorta would hit it picture (171)
(Fox 5 Atlanta) Hero Man defends family from armed robbers. Turns out he was insured by Smith & Wesson (570)
Yahoo Stupid Five ways to keep your man from straying. Oddly enough steak and BJ's not on the list (615)
(Some Raptured Respirator) Florida Doctor discovers man's chest pains the result of having Jesus trapped in his ribcage (186)
Orlando Sentinel Florida One man shot, one plastic snowman decapitated after neighborly argument in... wait for it... all together now... Florida (47)
(International Herald Tribune) Interesting Young Danes leaving their homeland, leading to labor shortage in Denmark. Hmmmm, is it the cold, the all-herring diet, or the 63% income tax rate? (300)
(Some Guy) Stupid In an effort to reduce crime, police are placing yellow tags on cars in shopping centers that have visible packages inside. Now potential thieves no longer have to look in every car - just the ones tagged by police (126)
Boston Globe Interesting Development biologist files suit, claiming he was fired for his religious beliefs. Claims his creationism is in no ways a justifiable reason for firing a developmental biology researcher (810)
Sun Sentinel Florida Mother shocked, SHOCKED, to find out her precious snowflake does the same things she does. With the same guy (99)
Fox News Interesting Top environmental hypocrisy of 2007, including jet-setting Al Gore, Kennedys against wind power, and the famously idiotic Football Night in America studio darkness (467)
Aftenposten.no Scary European airport security is improving: only eight out of nine persons carrying knives and bombs managed to sneak past checkpoint (32)
(TMJ4) Amusing Milwaukee mayor is shocked, SHOCKED to hear that free porn is available in the City Hall magazine racks (118)
DallasNews Scary Cougar prowling Dallas area neighborhood. Local teachers don't like the competition (85)
TBO Florida Missing McDonald's manager found tied up in car. Hamburglar wanted for questioning (44)
ABC News Interesting Early copy of Magna Carta on sale in NYC. "King John was forced to sign it on this very spot." "When?" "1215." "Shoot, just missed it by a half hour" (78)
Guardian.com Amusing Man receives gas bill addressed to Antonio Dickhead Arseface (93)
MSNBC Stupid Old and busted: White college kids partying in blackface. New hotness: Penn State kids wearing Virginia Tech shirts with bullet holes in them (243)
(Some Hungry Guy) Dumbass After a busy morning of three armed robberies, a kidnapping and a carjacking, armed robber needs the kind of delicious and creative breakfast that can only be found at IHOP (23)
Marketwatch Followup "I want the media to stop the practice of identifying crazed fame-seekers, such as the gunman who killed eight people Wednesday in an Omaha mall before taking his own life. Don't release their names or photos" (214)
(Some Guy) Interesting Nothing puts you in the mood for Christmas quite like getting into a snowblower duel with your 72-year-old neighbor (72)
CBS Chicago Strange Suspected in his wife's disappearance for more than a month, Drew Peterson's biggest concern is that his face is on a pinata (77)
(Some Guy) Asinine Kid secretly records cops trying to pressure him into confession. Cops deny talking to the kid without parents or lawyer, until lawyer busts out the recording. Give the gift of iPerjure (395)
(Siren was my favorite) Followup The silver lining to the writers strike: "American Gladiators" returns in January (249)
CBS News Interesting The Amazing Kreskin says he knows who will be the next U.S. president. In a related news story, the Amazing Kreskin is still alive (136)
BBC Unlikely Indian judge summons two Hindu gods to appear personally in court. Oh, Flying Tandoori Monster, touch us with your spicy appendage (80)
(Albany Times Union) Hero Five days before he died, a seven-year-old boy was made an honorary firefighter. Here's his story, from last weekend. Subby recommends the full box of Kleenex (349)
NYPost Ironic Mayor Bloomberg: Crime in NYC is down to record lows.... Hey. Where's my Lexus? I parked it right here (69)
Houston Chronicle Sappy You simply take my breath away. When we come together, my heart stops, and I feel like time itself has come to a standstill. Being with you brings me one step closer to heaven. Here's to 25 years together (176)
(Asbury Park Press) Hero Pearl Harbor vets honored 66 years after the Germans bombed them ... or something like that (200)
SuperDeluxe Amusing "Where millions of Jewish boys and girls, light candles, eat potato pancakes, get a gift and wish they were Christians." (223)
Daily Mail Asinine The Nanny State has now deemed libraries to be a health and safety risk for children. At least someone is thinking of the children (104)
Sun Sentinel Amusing Seasonal article #217: Funniest gallery of terrified kids meeting Santa you'll see this festive season (333)
(Some Sofa Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fortress-dweller (69)
Yahoo Cool Finally, a headline that will interest nearly every one of you farkers "NY to hold first booze auction since Prohibition" (41)
Herald Tribune Florida You've just robbed a bank. Do you A) try to run far, far away, B) hide until things have settled down, or C) stop for hair extensions and a manicure? (47)
BBC Obvious Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez informs the planet that he will step down in 2013. Because Venezuela is a democracy and you'll like it or else for the next six years (165)
Boston Globe Dumbass Call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Pl- HEY, STOP THAT PLOWJACKER (52)
KJRH Dumbass Substitute teacher brings cell phone porn to Show & Tell (81)
Yahoo Dumbass Man posing as priest trying to charge groceries to church account nearly succeeds... until he starts buying loads of cigarettes and energy drinks (36)
(Times.co.za) Ironic Exotic dancers complain that men that came to their house and took their money away made them feel bad and unfulfilled (79)
News.com.au Strange Boy, expelled for "grabbing his crotch, rubbing his nipples and rolling his eyes" while listening to class-sanctioned rap music in school, uses the old "I was imitating an opera singer" defense during appeal (54)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bottled water no better than tap water, say experts at the No Farking Kidding Institute (179)
(Some Guy) Asinine Let the media fear-mongering begin: How to protect yourself from a mall shooting. With duhhrrrrr-tastic advice (466)
Guardian.com Interesting Michelangelo's sketch for St Peter's dome found, apparently Adam was supposed to be pulling God's finger (37)
News.com.au Amusing Woman jailed for practicing sorcery using a pair of underpants and raw eggs to break a "lethal curse" (27)
BBC Dumbass Firefighters? Check. Metal Grinder? Check. Wang stuck in Metal Ring? Fark (70)
Telegraph Obvious University graduates 'lack manners' the way liberal arts majors lack jobs (326)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop theme: Life before and after Fark (76)

Thu December 06, 2007
CNN Obvious CIA destroys video tape of terror suspects tort..err...interrogation, because if they leaked, it may compromise agents' identities. If only there were some technology that blurred faces on video tape (216)
CBS New York Dumbass What substitute teacher hasn't contemplated a drink or two or enough to fall down drunk in class while teaching 4th graders? (70)
(Consumer Reports) Asinine Fisher-Price pulls lead-tainted toy only in Illinois. Don't suck it AL AK AZ AR CA CO CT DE DC FL GA HI ID IN IA KS KY LA ME MD MA MI MN MS MO MT NE NV NH NJ NM NY NC ND OH OK OR PA RI SC SD TN TX UT VT VA WA WV WI WY (76)
ABC News Followup NASA postpones Friday shuttle launch, now set for Saturday after this week's Caturday thread goes live (38)
(Some Guy) Weird If you thought that sweaters and jackets for dogs looked stupid, wait til you see articulated backplate armor for dogs (135)
The Newspaper Obvious Virginia politicians: $1000 ticket fees will only apply to serious felonies and DUI. Study: Half the fees will be paid by speeders going as little as 10 MPH over the limit (125)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Baby delivered using turkey baster and shoelace; MacGyver crosses arms and nods in approval (28)
TampaBays10.com Interesting HIV-positive navy chaplain gets two years in prison for sodomy. Rear admiral surrenders (97)
(WINK News) Weird Inmate clogs toilet, then says he needs towels from the jail's van to sop up the mess. Inmate instead walks to auto dealership, drives away in a red convertible. Taa daa (38)
(Rutland Herald) Spiffy Steven Wright found after being lost in the woods for days. Says he just wants a humidifier and a de-humidifier (210)
(Some Guy) Obvious "From Thanksgiving Day to Christmas Day, the mainstream media vilifies one particular group. The MSM has blamed these individuals for crimes stretching from Ontario to Florida. I’m talking about Grinches" (30)
(Some Guy) Followup Wisconsin prosecutor won't file criminal charges against person arrested for blog comment, saying that he believes that speech is protected by the First Amendment. Who'd a thunk? (76)
Boston Globe PSA It ain't easy being an anonymous subway groper these days, what with the girls and their camera phones and all (with pervelicious pic) (155)
MSNBC Interesting Senate excludes gays from hate-crime bill. Subby unsure why the Republicans would cut their ranks before such a crucial vote (347)
(Some Guy) Obvious Associated Press CEO vows to file C&Ds against websites using its stories: "If you want our content, we expect to be paid for it. This nonsense that you can just take the first paragraph doesn’t really fly with us." Uh-oh (101)
(Montana's News Sation) Spiffy Popular Montana park to get a $1 million makeover. EVERYBODY PICNIC (73)
NBC San Diego Scary Two-year-old shoots, kills man. When a dude's in his crib, you just leave him alone (164)
MSNBC Interesting Scientists figure out how to destroy planets. Surprisingly, answer is not "put humans on them" (83)
Guardian.com Amusing Gennifer Flowers says she'd vote for Hillary Clinton, saying in her experience, Clintons generally poll really well (59)
ABC News Asinine Omaha mayor on mall shooting: "We will not accept this evil action to occur in our community." Which doesn't make much sense, since it already did (248)
(Ocala Star-Banner) Florida Kindergartner suspended from school for telling playmate he'd put bomb in his backpack before recess. Good thing he didn't ask anyone to play doctor, or he'd be on sex-offender registry for life (62)
(New York Times) Amusing "These are all actual Web sites that have hit the Web in the last year or so: Doostang. Wufoo. Bliin. Thoof. Bebo. Meebo. Fark." Does that mean I can have the last 10 years of my life back? (194)
MSNBC Scary Collapses in both Charlotte and Jacksonville. No, this is not a football discussion (79)
(Toyfare) Cool 50 greatest fictional weapons of all time. Lighsaber at #4? NOOOOOOOOOOOO (812)
KNBC Amusing Finally, a robber with a little class (63)
SuperDeluxe Video Creationism vs evolution? An argument starting back with naked people (probably safe for work) (99)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida The winner of the ugliest house in America is in Florida... was there a doubt? (with pic) (90)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the front cover for a cookbook that just shouldn't exist. LGT example (103)
MSNBC Interesting New Jersey set to abolish the death penalty. Texas mourns, vows to double its efforts (94)
Chicago Tribune Followup Part two of the Chicago Tribune's "Shielded from the Truth" report: Off-duty cops (225)
The Register Followup Microsoft accuses kids of bullying Santa into oral sex chat, the dirty little ho ho hos (174)
DallasNews Silly Middle school inadvertently names their school after beer, and they used the beer’s logo as their mascot. Hooray beer (133)
UPI Spiffy Texas couple celebrates 80th anniversary. When asked how they managed to stay together so long, they replied, "Booze. Lots of booze" (59)
(Some Guy) Followup Man arrested in theft of 450 kegs of Guinness beer. Explains he was merely looking for long-promised bar towel (49)
CNN Interesting Coast Guard captures record 355,000 pounds of cocaine worth $4.7 billion, plans to buy its own nuclear aircraft carrier with booty. Aarrr (272)
CBS News Strange Police are investigating whether a subway beating caught on tape and posted on YouTube is any less staged than "The Warriors" (75)
(Buffalo News) Asinine High school kids sleep outside to raise awareness for homeless. Play Twister, watch DVDs, go inside for free pizza when they get cold, just like real homeless people (118)
Billings Gazette Sad Wyoming lawmakers may raise the beer tax. Like there's anything else to do but drink in that state (47)
BBC Dumbass New Somerset resident complains about church bells that have rung for 200 years. Here comes the silence (83)
(Statesman.com) Hero Texas strip club coalition seeks to block new state law charging an extra $5 for every visitor. Subby might be able to join TotalFark after all (48)
(Some Keebler Elf) Caption Caption these cute little...uh...whatever they are (106)
Daily Mail Dumbass Actors in children's play banned from throwing sweets into the audience because children might get hit on the head. And they wonder why we call it a "Nanny State"… (47)
(AdFreak) Spiffy Whopper turns 50, could easily pass for 45 (59)
(Nikon) Cool Camera? Check. Close up of your friend in the mosh pit? Check. Wirelessly uploading the picture before you get trampled? Priceless. (Sponsored Link) (97)
(Wikihow) Cool How to build a kegerator. Step 19: Invite Drew over (73)
BBC Sappy ... 26 million... 26 million and one... 26 million and two... (77)
The Newspaper Asinine Cops who come up with the sneakiest way to ticket motorists win a new police cruiser, fark headline. Bonus: This nationwide program funded by your gas tax money (314)
(News Busters) Obvious Reporters who are skeptical about global warming refused credentials to UN global warming conference (497)
11 Alive Stupid Louisiana family sets up cutouts of Santa shooting Rudolph the Reindeer in their yard. For some reason, their neighbors have a problem with this (40)
BBC Obvious Note to Drew and/or admins: Hope the beer I sent has arrived safely. Signed, submitter (62)
Daily Mail Cool Man spends 10 years building replica of London Bridge out of 1.6 million matchsticks. And you thought your hobby was lame (pics) (55)
(Future Girl) Cool Coolest Cthulhumas tree you will see all day. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn (99)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Happy 90th birthday Finland, now get off her lawn (61)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Ten unexpected uses for beer (104)
TampaBays10.com Florida From the "what could possibly go wrong?" department: Florida church adds $1.3 million in pyrotechnics to its Christmas pageant (92)
IOL Amusing To get to Paradise, take a left at Intercourse but only if you're coming from Loving. Otherwise it's Looneyville via Hoop and Holler, or a dead-end at Boring (74)
(Knight Elf Mohawk) Unlikely Twelve-year-old boy survives moose attack using skills learned in "level 30 of World of Warcraft" (331)
(force in the flesh) Amusing Top 10 craziest Star Wars tattoos. If you thought Christmas Yoda wouldn't make the list, you were incorrect (NSFWish tattoo image) (184)
Yahoo Amusing We, the Bundesbank, have apparently misplaced some schematics for our top-secret vault. Possibly while getting our hair done. If you happen to find... wait, nevermind (11)
Local6 Followup NASA scrubs today's shuttle launch over problems with fuel sensors (108)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Crazy blogger insists public access television cut his pickup truck out of local parade coverage at the behest of the mayor. Just another day on the Eastern Shore of Maryland (53)
(Some Dumb Kid) Dumbass Boy, 14, can't find teacher to take his DNA sample, must settle for manly looking substitute teacher's aide. Fail (with pic) (72)
BBC Amusing Furries and clowns disrupt mining operation (52)
Yahoo Asinine Laughing Santa gets the old heave ho ho ho (68)
Guardian.com Asinine Terrorist poetry? That's worth nine months in the Nanny State. "There once was a man called Osama..." (367)
(Winston -Salem Journal) Dumbass Teen birth rate rises for the first time since the early 90s. Nice to know the $176 million you spent on abstinence programs was a good idea (381)
(KPHO Pheonix) Spiffy Arizona State student's expensive bike is stolen. Using Craigslist, he sets up a sting and busts the thief (192)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Forget McDonald's and all the articles you read about the obesity epidemic: This is the *real* reason Americans are fat and going to get much fatter. Article gets bonus for the use of "moose and squirrel" (194)
Denver Post Obvious You can learn all you need to know about a man by the way he handles Christmas lights (84)
(Raleigh N&O) Dumbass Woman knowingly buys eight acres at bottom of lake, then sues city to drain lake (219)
Washington Post Dumbass Neighborhood association that whined to police to enforce parking rules upset when they got bogus tickets instead of "outsiders" (89)
AFP Interesting If you're one of the fast growing number of people who like cognac, expect to have to look harder to find it and pay more when you do (101)
Yahoo Cool Last week, four sets of twins were delivered in one shift. This week, it's a set of triplets and a set of quadruplets within twelve hours (25)
St. Pete Times Florida Mom not lovin' it when daughter comes home with free Happy Meal coupon attached to her report card for good McGrades (385)
(Damn Funny Pictures) Amusing For those of you looking for a new way to die in your sleep: Cat Wigs (55)
Yahoo Weird Man faces a year in jail after using money from Zimbabwe as business cards (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this grass (59)
AP Followup TV preacher tells congressman he won't turn over financial details of his ministry without a court order. Who would Jesus subpoena? (114)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Near perfect weather in Florida today bodes well for another on-time launch for Shuttle Atlantis (49)
BBC Followup Missing man's wife admits she was with him last year. Canoe believe it? (42)
Daily Mail Obvious "The stress men experience while Christmas shopping ranks level with that felt by a police officer dealing with an angry mob" (65)
(King Cobra) Dumbass Man wrecks motorcycle because he was playing with rattlesnake he tied to the bike. Surprisingly, not from Florida (31)
(Some Spud) Strange Potato 1, Name-Calling Husband 0 (38)
(Some Guy) Hero Robber invades 83-year-old WWII veteran's home, stabs him in the chest. That just made the vet angry (74)
SMH Amusing Fwd: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fw: CHOCOLATE SALE (58)
SFGate Dumbass You might ask yourself what's going through the mind of a man who walks around a flashing railroad signal while on the phone. If you answer "A locomotive," you'd be right (83)
(Some Guy) Weird Man pulls over car on freeway, punches motorist in the face, gets back into his car, is rear-ended by dump truck, dies. Just another day in the life of a fake FBI agent (42)
SFGate Sad Veteran surfer dies surfing massive wave. Agent Johnny Utah seen tossing his badge into the surf (74)
USA Today Interesting GodTube rated fastest-growing online site, puts religion just a click away (165)
The Sun Cool Coolest slideshow of vegetables cut off by a chef to resemble animals and fish you'll see today (39)
C|Net Asinine House overwhelmingly approves bill requiring WiFi AP owners to report "obscene, indecent, or offensive" images and to retain all network traffic "indefinitely". The punishment? $300,000 per offense (375)
The Sun Obvious Art lovers claim to have uncovered real-life DaVinci Code by taking mirrors to his paintings. All submitter sees is Chewbacca wearing a Darth Vader helmet (pics) (62)
(Via Independent.ie) Strange Women drivers: Check, All Mothers: Check, Get pulled over by cops and have over $280,000 of cannabis resin in the car: Check (49)
(Journal News) Asinine You're 28, a woman, and in good health. You try your best, but your best just isn't good enough to get you 1st place in the BAC Sweeps. But blowing a .42 will certainly get you noticed. Oh yeah. there's a pic (142)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this snowy scene (96)
The Scotsman Obvious Driving in Scotland to cease entirely as police perform breath tests on motorists stopped for any offense (40)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 135: “Four Seasons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (263)

Wed December 05, 2007
(Some Guy) Florida First look at Scientology's upcoming "Super Power" training. The Lawnmower Man approves (157)
News.com.au Followup Kiefer Sutherland gets 48-day jail term for drunk-driving, which is NOT ENOUGH TIME (137)
(My Fox DC) Misc Bail set at $100,000 for woman accus-DEAR GOD MY EYES (259)
(Some Guy) Amusing Can't decide whether to play badminton or kill small flying pests? "Zap-A-Bug" now lets you do both. At the same time. Advantage: Humans (58)
Flickr Cool Remember your childhood holiday checklist? The 1982 Sears Christmas Catalog. Toys start on page 9 (367)
Kansas City Obvious Fark cliche comes true: Dog burns down house because his owner was cooking fish (36)
SeattlePI Dumbass Philadelphia police uncover a young couple's extensive identity theft and forgery operation. Frank Abagnale unavailable for comment (65)
Local6 Florida Every Floridan down in Florida liked driving a lot / But the Grinch who pulled over Floridans did NOT (80)
Daily Mail Silly Tis the season of excess -- a designer to the stars has created the ultimate Christmas party dress made from 1,000 luxury chocolate balls. No word if they were Schweddy balls (47)
Yahoo Weird MacGyver-like thief uses flower pot to steal Porsche, Richard Dean Anderson wanted for questioning (30)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Why are more and more Americans putting down roots in Canada? Cheap bacon tops list, followed closely by superior beer, bud (252)
(Some Guy) Stupid Cops use department helichopter for a doughnut run. Thats some fine police work there Lou (65)
(kirotv.com) Dumbass Intoxicated crossdresser arrested for theft of decorated Christmas tree. What a drag (23)
Yahoo Asinine Headline: "Does diet soda make you fat?" Article: "41 percent of people who drink diet soda may be overweight." Maybe that's why they're drinking diet soda, jackasses (246)
(Registerbee.com) Stupid Letter to the editor writer complains that homophobes won't accept him because he's "bisectional." Submitter has half a mind to write back and set his grammar straight (80)
Reason Magazine Obvious "People who decry the Wal-Mart-ification of America need to realize that regulation often does more harm to local businesses than predatory pricing, loss-leader business models, or some other imagined corporate evil." (278)
My San Antonio Hero Contractors stay late to catch thieves who have been stealing building supplies. Do they: C) shoot one of the thieves in the ass and not get charged by police? (137)
Boston Globe Dumbass Man puts his son on the state's payroll as a heavy equipment operator, not really considering that somebody might notice that his son is only four years old (39)
(Washington Times) Amusing A great headline is written here (189)
Flickr Silly Athletes warm up with stretches. Musicians warm up with scales. This is how a cartoonist warms up (24)
Reuters Hero Bush is expected to outline on Thursday a plan to freeze mortgage rates for five years (588)
News.com.au Obvious Amazonian dolphins say it with weeds (27)
(Journal Gazette) Stupid Man bilks family and friends out of almost $1 million by convincing them that his wife is a government agent who could diagnose their medical problems by satellite (76)
AFP Amusing A South African municipality is not amused after a 2008 calendar came out under its name, featuring a scantily clad buxom blonde instead of community development photos (42)
(Some Guy) Scary Rectal bleeding? check. Spiked drinks? check. Pitbull attacking a Chihuahua? check. Would you hit it pic? check (191)
(Some Guy) Strange Stop me if you've heard this one... two naked men walk into store, buy candy and drinks...but only one doughnut (53)
AFP Weird Chinese military adds shower vehicles to arsenal, allowing citizens to feel the soothing, caressing envelopment of rubber bullets (70)
Daily Mail Obvious Eight-month-old baby in China weighs more than 40lbs. Meet Fark's new fat kid meme (pics) (174)
(Chattanoogan) Spiffy Death row inmate who served sixteen years in prison found not guilty after being granted new trial based on DNA evidence (112)
(Action3 News) NewsFlash At least 9 people have been shot at a shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska (901)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this walker (62)
(Some Nerd) Hero Marvel Comics unveils new Captain America design. See how he stands tall and proud with the flag on his chest. The Puerto Rican flag (196)
(Some Guy) Strange "He was pulled over at the side of the road with his pants down around his ankles and smoking crack" (58)
TampaBays10.com Florida Government officials learn the hard way that the "reply all" button works on the same cascading principle as a nuclear reaction (64)
(Some Guy) Amusing The 20 "ugliest" college campuses in America. Drew takes exception to No. 11 (380)
Miami Herald Florida Woman arrested after reporting fake rape in attempt to help her marriage (w/ "I'm so busted" mugshot) (138)
The Register Amusing Microsoft kills Santa after he says "It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else" (111)
Fox News Silly That dumbass atheist guy with nothing better to do with his life is suing again over references to g-d in the pledge & on money (683)
(WOOD-TV) Stupid School evacuated when it received package addressed to Iraq. Fark: They were letters to soldiers. Michigan: The package was sent by the school and returned (58)
WFTV Dumbass Man storms school bus and berates kids for throwing crayons at his SUV. Who's acting childish now? (79)
TampaBays10.com Sad Homeowner's association asks couple to take American flag hanging in their backyard down. Here we go again (215)
(islandpacket.com) Dumbass Not news: Woman tries to robs bank. Still not news: Tries to rob bank through drive-thru. Fark: Some drive-through bank robberies actually successful (44)
(1337) Interesting Hackers may have accessed Duke information. dUk3 teh suxx0r$ (20)
(Some Guy) Scary Take the Mystery Meat Macrophotography tour and see all your favorite processed meats up close and personal (197)
Chicago Tribune Interesting Chicago Tribune's first part of two-part investigative report regarding police shootings. Subby in awe after reading this proper journalism, still has hope for the media (103)
(Some Guy) Followup Greenpeace extends whale-naming voting to push Mr. Splashy Pants out of the lead. Summon the power of Fark (293)
BBC Spiffy Scixelsyd rof erom od ot segdelp tnemnrevoG (72)
(Some Guy) Interesting The true story of the origin of Murphy's Law is a fascinating one, involving crash-testing scientists, Chuck Yeager, a rocket sled, and the fastest man on Earth: John Paul Stapp (32)
WFTV Florida Semi-truck full of more than $100,000 worth of tequila in bottles shaped like Tommy guns stolen (42)
(HBO) Amusing "I'll tell you this about Jesus, he's not a Republican." (Sponsored Link) (153)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Ancient examples of modern Internet cliches (342)
WNBC Asinine Good Samaritan picks up lost wallet in subway. Cops arrest him. I ♥ New York (129)
(Some Guy w/ a Nikon D50) Cool The coolest pictures of San Francisco Fleet Week Airshow you'll see all er... week (100)
Detroit News Hero Daughter of the Year (really): Seven-year-old takes six bullets by jumping between gunman and her mother (353)
Yahoo Spiffy Frank Sinatra to be featured on a postage stamp. Doo bee doo bee doo (58)
IGN Obvious It's that time of year again... U.S. prosecutor releases list of games your kids really want for Christmas (97)
USA Today Followup The kid that was beaten up by the Jena 6 is suing them, their parents, the school board, plus a mysterious "7th Jena" (353)
The Virginian Pilot Dumbass Dear doctor: The good news is that you got out of jury duty. The bad news is you've been fined for contempt and now have a criminal record. Sincerely, the judge (187)
(Some Guy) Amusing Holiday e-Cards from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (42)
Slate Interesting What the police learn when they run a background check on your name (100)
(Some Guy) Amusing Some stories are custom made for Fark: Officer Wang arrests university student for exposing genitals (48)
MSNBC Followup Chinese moon photo was a fake. Bad photoshop and trace amounts of lead gave them away (89)
CNN Sappy Knut turns one year old today. Still ugly ass... aww... who am I kidding, he's still adorable (50)
(Sigma Nu) Spiffy Fraternity sues university. For constitutional rights. To be drunk. No, not Duke (120)
(Some Guy) Interesting Osama Bin Laden found... by Morgan Spurlock? (216)
(Some Iron City Beer Lover) Cool This day in history: Prohibition ends. Raise a glass in celebration (122)
ABC Action News Followup Police officer who sued a family after she slipped and fell while on a 911 call gets the reward she deserves: A pink slip (165)
(Some Guy) Sad Man killed when roll of paper falls on him. Police looking for suspect wearing red checkered shirt (50)
(Some Guy) Weird In February, 1955, a UFO landed in front of former President Eisenhower and other officials at Holloman AFB. No really (146)
CBS New York Sappy Ugly ass baby tiger gets check up, has inner ear infection. (With pictures and video) (35)
Yahoo Asinine Now the Myspace Suicide-Inspiring Mom says she never sent any messages, and tries to throw an 18-year-old under the bus. Tomorrow she'll apply to be a Guidance Counselor (376)
NYPost Interesting Fit fatties healthier than thin couch potatoes, so suck it skinny minnie. Suck it like I'll be sucking down the donuts while I'm on my treadmill (218)
NYPost Followup Man who sent an anthrax-scare letter to ABC weatherman has been declared goofy with increasing nuttiness (9)
BBC Obvious Britain urged to fight "Christianophobia" stirred up by the "politically correct brigade" that hates Jesus and Christmas and everything else that is good (222)
(Some Guy) PSA Today is the Day of the Ninja (74)
BBC Amusing UK Police chief argues in favour of "less conspicuous" speed cameras as a way of slowing down traffic. A few years later a speed camera catches him doing 90mph and he ends up with a driving ban (24)
(K9) Asinine Police force is training its dogs to headbutt criminals rather than bite them, because bosses are afraid that allowing the dogs to bite criminals will infringe their human rights (159)
(Some Guy) Interesting A third of teens say they've been contacted online by someone they don't know, but only seven percent said the stranger made them feel "scared or uncomfortable." What could possibly go wrong? (60)
Boston Globe Scary Boston woke up to a river of burning gasoline flowing down the street, with 40 cars exploding. Cartoon Network denies all responsibility (90)
News.com.au Amusing Anti-whaling vessel renamed Steve Irwin. Will now patrol the seas poking and harassing Japanese whaling vessels until one of them gets pissed off and sticks a harpoon through it (66)
(Some Local Newsman) Amusing School promises to give money to kids who get good grades. Since this in on Fark, you can figure out what happened next (86)
ABC Action News Florida Clearwater named the worst place in the United States to retire due to bland culture, extreme weather and high insurance rates. Report fails to mention that it is also in Florida (137)
UPI Stupid Town uses police detectives to cull deer. Some residents are not pleased saying, "They're supposed to be fighting criminals, not pansy-eaters." (50)
Denver Post Obvious Newspapers attack ad-stealing Craigslist bastards: "The dirty little secret about the wildly popular site is that one click away from its home page are raunchy and offensive forums inviting blatant racism, rants and sexual kinks" (74)
YouTube Video Video of a cat in zero-gravity: where research, animal cruelty, and comedy gold merge as one (261)
The Scotsman Followup Lost CDs containing personal data on millions of Brits also included new names and addresses of hundreds of people in that county's witness protection program (27)
Yahoo Obvious What is happening in Germany that is attracting people from France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Denmark, Poland, Austria and Switzerland? If you guessed a record breaking lottery, you win (30)
(Some Guy) Amusing Having trouble finding a good Christmas gift? Reserve someone a spot in Heaven (70)
Breitbart.com Weird Someone has been stealing the tops of all the largest Christmas trees at a Tennessee tree farm. What kind of dastardly fiend would steal the top three feet of Christmas trees? (53)
(hot wheels) Spiffy Not News: Man stopped for speeding. News: He's disabled. Fark: He was going twice the speed limit in his wheelchair (28)
IndyStar Sad One of the last silver trailer diners will close this Saturday (70)
Boston Globe Misc In this corner, bureaucrats playing CYA. In that corner, people who feel patriotism must be gaudy. When the bell sounds, start fighting (54)
CNN Interesting The health pros and cons of drinking alcohol (76)
(CFNews13) Florida Cocoa storage facility catches fire. Ground crews request immediate graham cracker, marshmallow back up (23)
(Some Guy) Stupid "For the Facebook generation, love now comes with a drop-down menu." (75)
SFGate Misc California distiller helps make absinthe legitimate again without the wormwood (95)
Boston Globe PSA The best time of the year for criminals to go on the run is the end of the fiscal year when prosecutors' budgets don't have enough money left to pay for extradition (11)
(Some Police Log) Dumbass A motorist was advised that it is imprudent to pass a police cruiser in a no passing zone in a driving snow storm (34)
(Some SCUBA Guy) Cool The coolest pics of underwater wreckage you'll see today (some ads may be Not safe for work) (49)
News.com.au Scary Dishwashers are being recalled over fears they could overheat and burst into flames. Buying them flowers every once in a while apparently no use (62)
Yahoo Amusing Offering to help out some nuns in their garden seems nice at first, until you realize they were just using the garden to grow 30 large cannabis plants (31)
(Berts Lawyer) Stupid This legal dispute is sponsored by the letter W (42)
IndyStar Spiffy Strangers help relocate 33 trailer park residents, could not wait for tornado to do it naturally (9)
(Some Johnson) Photoshop You know you want her, so here she is. Now give her a good home (104)
ABC News Strange Cop loses his job over failed drug test, blames... meatballs? Mamma mia, that's a spicy meatball (37)
News.com.au Obvious Americans believe in pretty much everything (226)
The Sun Dumbass Woman caught after breaking in to a jail for sex with her husband — in his cell. Apparently she wasn't interested in just rubbing her boobies on the glass (51)
(Some Guy) Followup To the surprise of no one, police arrest the canoeist who had been missing for five years (93)
CBS Boston Obvious Store offers free lead testing for any toy. Which probably just means looking for a "Made in China" sticker (52)

Tue December 04, 2007
Yahoo Interesting "Toad Smoking" on the increase among teens. But how do they get the toad into that little rolling paper? (139)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Colorize this girl and tripod scene (88)
(Some Jonny Reb) Silly Civil War demonstration triggers police response. Dude, it ended 142 years ago (145)
(KIROTV) Scary If you made a medical helicopter disappear in Alaska, the police would like to talk with you. Actually, so would David Copperfield (31)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Interesting Man buys home with indoor plumbing, spends months building an outhouse for old-times sake. Bonus: It's become a tourist attraction (20)
Fox News Interesting "Contrary to popular belief, having a friend with benefits may not be all it’s cracked up to be" (227)
(Some Guy) Amusing Bad: Woman arrested for cocaine. Worse: She was turned in by her 14-year-old son. Fark: He turned her in by calling HIS probation officer (42)
(Esquire) Amusing In defense of the fistfight (127)
(woodtv) Sad Lifesavers plant is on fire. That sucks. A hole lot (59)
(Merriam-Webster) Survey Nominations announced for "Word of the Year" by Merriam Webster; nominate your own over here----> (386)
(ProJo) Spiffy Valerie Plame will be speaking at Brown University tonight. You didn't hear it from us (111)
UPI Obvious Heavy drinking linked to high-risk sex, good times. Some Farkers doubt findings, say more research needs to be done (63)
AFP Spiffy Thief reimburses victims for car stereos he stole 15 years ago. Victims still awaiting return of Spin Doctors, Boyz II Men tapes (61)
News.com.au Dumbass Columnist suggests women keeping maiden name isn't a statement of strength -- rather, it shows you prefer daddy over your husband (316)
(Some Guy) Dumbass And today's Unclear on the Concept award goes to the deli running a sale on boneless hams labeled "Perfect for Chanukah." With picture goodness (192)
(Caboodle.hu) Sick Ten tons of rotting black-market food found in Budapest. You'd have to be Hungary to eat that (117)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Forty-two-foot-tall snowman described as "male" stolen from Texas tree farm. Hint: If you can easily tell the gender of your snowman, you're putting the carrot in the wrong place (41)
AFP Interesting New York's Roman Catholic Church issues coloring books warning children of pedophile priests. Guess that's better than a pop-up book (88)
Daily Mail Dumbass Man attempts to negotiate a roundabout and, boy, does he do it wrong (with pic and infographic that rivals USA Today) (231)
London Times Silly UK set to go in crisis mode as their strategic supply of goose fat is threatened by bird flu just as holidays approach. Article has useful substitution information and wise words from the Goose Fat Information Service (21)
New Scientist Scary Bulgarian nuclear plant to be built on active fault line. What could possibly go wrong? (54)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman pours hot grease all over sleeping husband that she suspected of cheating. No word if bacon was involved (83)
TampaBays10.com Florida Fark's favorite former teacher Debra Lafave arrested today for having contact with a 17-year old girl, which violates condition No. 69 of her probation (249)
AP Strange 1507 map, obviously drawn by a time-traveller, to go on display at Library of Congress (282)
Yahoo Asinine Lawyers suing R.J. Reynolds over cartoon ads for Camel are asking $100 per issue of Rolling Stone sold and $100 for each hit on their website. What website? Why, this one right here (96)
Canada.com Obvious Just about everything the government tells you about speed limits is a lie (219)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious An example directly from the book "It's Not News, It's Fark": Toilet water tests cleaner than ice from some Chicago eateries (89)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Six Gulf Arab states, including Saudi Arabia and the UAE, will form a common market from the beginning of next year. Currency is expected by 2010 (88)
Daily Mail Sappy Ugly-ass lame baby hedgehogs (with lame pics) (82)
St. Pete Times Florida Florida Board of Education member vows to retain Florida tag supremacy (251)
The Virginian Pilot Caption Caption what this trucker is thinking, good buddy (127)
News.com.au Amusing Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck ordered to appear before court considering copyright case (43)
(WALB) Amusing "Mike Hunt has been in the tractor business for nearly thirty years. In that time, he's never once had any problems with vandalism. That is until recently" (204)
(Mellencamp) Cool John Mellencamp is back on tour (Sponsored Link) (269)
ABC News Obvious A groundbreaking study from the Ric Romero School of Journalism shows video-game ratings don't prevent kids from buying them. Adventure duck-dragon sings in victory (81)
The Register Obvious Almost half of employees think that their boss is dishonest during appraisal processes, while a third think the whole process is a waste of time (129)
BBC Misc Belgium has been without a government since June. The rest of the world shrugs, yawns, goes back to ignoring Belgium (104)
Yahoo Amusing If you saw police chasing a kangaroo, you weren't drunk. Oh wait, this was in Texas? You probably were drunk, but at least you weren't seeing things (35)
(Some Guy) Asinine Alabama sex-toy ban continues. "Laws are made to protect the public." In related news, vibrator violence down 69 percent (430)
(AutoBlog) Cool Say hello to the Lamborghini Reventon, the car designed after a stealth bomber. If you're looking for your balls, they rolled under that desk over there (299)
(Some Guy) Stupid "I sure hope enough people complain and maybe they will stop selling beer in the concession stand. Had we seen the beer before the show, we would have asked for our money back and left" (173)
Live Science Cool Controlled drinking has emerged as an accepted treatment option for those who find abstinence too daunting (133)
KNBC Spiffy Hanukkah begins at sundown, giving relatives eight chances to screw up gifts (122)
Guardian.com Stupid Not news: Arab-American facing deportation upon his return home for immigration irregularities. Fark: He's a highly decorated paratroop sergeant who has been serving in Afghanistan for the last two years (151)
Sign On San Diego Cool Military plans beach-attack wargames on the coast of San Diego as the biggest waves of the year are expected. Charlie don't surf (56)
My San Antonio Spiffy Wal-Mart recycles defunct greeter vests into lap blankets for the troops (132)
(Some Delegate) Ironic Not news: UN Conference on Climate Change in Bali December 3-15, 2007. Fark: The local international airport has warned there is insufficient parking space for the number of private jets expected (290)
MSNBC Ironic Congress prepares to take on credit card company practices because if there's anyone who's an expert on sound fiscal practices, it's Congress (119)
BBC Scary An unusual and acute virus is widespread on the world's most remote settlement, urgent medical supplies being sought. What on earth have these people opened? (140)
Boston Globe Obvious Black man tries to board airplane in Boston. He should know better, seeing as how he is the ACLU's expert on racial profiling (218)
Straits Times Scary 150 million in coastal cities will face flooding by 2070. Architecture on the Jetsons now clearly understood (100)
Orlando Sentinel Spiffy Woman wins suit against Equifax. Jury gives her all the credit for her case (116)
(Some Guy) Sappy What it's like to raise a coyote. With aww-worthy pictures (284)
CNN Interesting Inspired by cooking shows, more little boys asking for toy kitchens. Random shouts of "BAM" and streams of profanity at younger, less experienced kiddie chefs also perfectly normal (214)
(Some Old High Buildings) Interesting And now, for no particular reason, a pic of the world's highest buildings in 1884 (73)
London Times Followup The more you read about the disappearing canoeist, the more weird and mysterious the story becomes (62)
Free Press Obvious To boost sales, Ford and GM announce plan to increase the efficiency and reliability of their cars. Haha, just kidding. They decided to contrive a tight supply by making fewer crappy cars (119)
TampaBays10.com Florida U.S. drug czar in Tampa today "randomly" drug testing high school kids. Long-haired kid and kid who always wears an army jacket and sits in back of class surrender (114)
(WLBZ2.com) Amusing New Hampshire police raid flea market, arrest 32. Where do they find those tiny handcuffs? (44)
apan Today Strange World's largest-known Asian elephant goes missing, will be featured on world's largest milk-carton (28)
USA Today Stupid Because there's just too much open space on airplanes and in airports, U.S. airlines announce plans to cut almost five percent of seats from their schedules (35)
Globe and Mail Scary Ontario woman, stay away from me-heee. Ontario woman, momma let me be-hee. Don't come hanging around my door, don't attack my gas station with a samurai sword (101)
Google Photoshop Teddy Kennedy is going to write his memoirs. Give him a hand by designing the cover. LGT inspiration (41)
(Dose.ca) Dumbass Today's "female teacher/male student hookup" story comes to us from the Great White North (with do-not-want pic) (99)
IOL Weird Japanese man who enjoyed scattering his panty collection all across his neighborhood arrested for littering (32)
USA Today Followup Teen at center of "Jena Six" case pleads guilty. Sharpton and Jackson clear calendars indefinitely (617)
(Wisconsin State Journal) Stupid You're lonely on a Friday night. Do you: A) Rent a movie? B) Call your ex? Or C) Break into a sex shop to steal blow-up sex dolls and leave the money? (56)
(WLBZ2.com) Sad Woman shot to death in La Grange. Police still don't know a -- how how how how (93)
AP Silly Iran expels Canadian ambassador, apparently found out Canadians don't tip (176)
News.com.au Amusing Priest sees red after seeing an ad featuring a fourth wise man giving Baby Jesus a Red Bull (112)
Yahoo Dumbass Police said a Somerset County man fled a traffic stop, went home, shaved his mustache and changed his clothes, and reported the truck he was driving as stolen (29)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Amusing Miss California forced to give up crown because of an accounting error. Wait, they said there wouldn't be any math at this pageant (46)
Denver Channel Cool Colorado thinks about joining the 21st Century (92)
Guardian.com Followup Leona Helmsley's dog has bcome the Number One kidnap target in the world - and not to mention death threats from people the biatch has bit (31)
Yahoo Cool Aborigines with spears riot in Australia. Reporter gets stabbed at end of article (76)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ragamuffin (58)
TBO Amusing Church to homeless - "Get off my lawn" (54)
Yahoo Obvious What's that under the Christmas tree? A heart attack? For me? Really, you shouldn't have (25)
Omaha World Herald Obvious Artist can't understand why residents wouldn't want giant pieces of concrete that resemble sewer drains placed in their park (97)
(kwch.com) Asinine Wichita cops raise the bar on taser use when they kick down the door of the wrong house and zap a naked deaf guy in his bathtub (421)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass Man dissatisfied with blocked view of Las Vegas strip rectifies problem by cutting down 500+ trees. Fark: man now faces 35+ years in jail for malicious destruction of said trees (92)
NBC 11 Stupid Having completed all other research projects, University of California researchers conclude that teen passengers distract teen drivers. Still no cure for cancer (40)
SFGate Unlikely Not news: Mayor's race enters recount; News: After five-vote margin; Fark: If the recount ends in a tie, they draw straws. "That's the law," shrugs the City Attorney (59)

Mon December 03, 2007
Philly Weird There's nothing like turning an old U-Haul truck into a one-room house on wheels to get yourself out of your parents basement (242)
(KXLY.com Spokane) Obvious "Mall parking lots prime locations for car prowlers." Oh, stop (44)
JSOnline Cool There's two inches of snow on the ground so you, A) Throw snowballs, B) Make a snowman, or C) Race dirt bikes? (62)
NBC 11 Interesting Some of the nation's most powerful attorneys say they will represent undocumented workers for free if their "constitutional rights" are violated by federal agents (373)
(Some Guy) Amusing Typewriter causes street closure as "no one knows what they look like any longer" (123)
(Chattanoogan) Amusing "Goodwin captured after chase of stolen car." You know who else liked stealing cars? (48)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Man or woman? Look at #12 in this collection of travel-themed mugshots and make the call (172)
(WTRF-7 News) Weird Stabbing victim refuses medical treatment, walks from hospital. Victim: “I messed with someone I shouldn’t have, and got what I deserved” (65)
SFGate Scary Tigers 4, Indians 1 (82)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this plastic man (76)
Yahoo Obvious Man who was attacked by Evel Knievel 30 years ago plans on collecting the damages awarded to him. With interest, he estimates the total to be $100 million (102)
Denver Post Followup Colorado couple to sue police department for killing three dozen of their marijuana plants (82)
SLTrib Interesting Move over Red Hat Society and get ready for the Blue Thongs gang (132)
(Some Guy) Followup Utah State Police - Trooper Gardner's action in tasing an unarmed, non-agressive man for speeding was "lawful and reasonable." Submitter adds Utah to his list of places he never intends to visit (446)
CNN Amusing Why bad kissers don't get to second base: "Her tongue was massive, and she insisted on trying to put the entire thing in my mouth. She was very forceful with it, and I started choking." This...is CNN (237)
SLTrib Hero Bank robbery foiled after someone throws chair from a second-story balcony, striking would-be robber in the back. One witness sobbed, "It's still real to me damn it!" (79)
(www.mg.co.za) Interesting Swedish consultancy theorizes that Santa spends only 34 microseconds at each stop and because of its size, weight and speed, his sleigh would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second (120)
Daily Mail Spiffy Rum sales soar thanks to "Pirates of the Caribbean" films. Captain Morgan approves, ninjas inconsolable (128)
Gizmodo Obvious Pay phones going the way of the dinosaur (174)
Fox News Amusing Evidently, holding a female inmate bikini "fashion show" is a bad thing, who knew? (116)
(News and Record) Sad In a stunning turn of events, it appears God was shot and killed Sunday morning (304)
CBS News Stupid Judge to decide if honking your car horn is considered free speech (105)
(NOLA.com) Cool Brad Pitt unveils next phase of his $12 million "Make It Right" New Orleans housing construction project. Some people will do anything for BCS Championship tickets (275)
STLToday Followup No charges in MySpace suicide case. Farkers can continue to belittle teens via the Internet in an effort to feel better while living in mom's basement (365)
(Some Local News Guy) Sappy Photojournalist saves puppy trapped in a hole when animal control couldn't. Local TV news finally proves itself useful (51)
USA Today Hero Not news: College student spends a semester at another school. Still not news: At Wellesley. Fark: He's the only man on campus (265)
Philly Interesting New mayor of Philadelphia will declare "crime emergency," allowing police to detain and search anybody suspected of carrying a gun. What could possibly go wrong? (277)
Telegraph Interesting Don't name a teddy bear "Muhammed," don't kiss an Indian girl in public and don't root for the Texas Longhorns in Italy. Every society has its cultural taboos (224)
Yahoo Weird San Antonio mayor has bright idea (started kind of dim, but got bright about 45 seconds later) to make fluorescent the "state bulb" (62)
Live Science Strange ♫ I'd like to be under the sea ♫ In an underwater coffin in the shade ♫ (47)
BBC Dumbass There once was a young man from Derry, who beat his mum in February. He didn't make bail and was sent off to jail, where someone will soon pop his cherry (29)
(Red Ryder) Amusing Sonsabiatches Bumpuses (187)
(The Local) Amusing A team of crack researchers has worked out that Santa Claus must come from Kyrgyzstan. Or was that a team of researchers on crack? (33)
(Zap) Video Today's "motorist tasered for failing to produce driver's license and insurance card fast enough" video is proudly brought to you by Austin, Texas (382)
(Mothra) Sad RIP, Godzilla (51)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ever wonder how many calories are in that sushi roll? May as well eat a Big Mac (290)
Boston Globe Spiffy 2SMRT4U (162)
(WGAL) Obvious Actual sleep helps sleepy people more than coffee, researchers find. Scientist also find food helps people who are hungry, water quenches thirst and research into the obvious yields obvious results (56)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Galveston hospitals closing their doors to illegal immigrants (406)
(Bloomburg) PSA Oil prices fall on news that people might actually start to curb their oil consumption (110)
ABC News Obvious Nothing you didn't already suspect, but chimpanzees discovered to be smarter than average American college students (138)
Google Photoshop Annual Fark Christmas Card photoshop contest. Topic: "Reindeer Gone Wild" (42)
SMH Interesting Australia ratifies Kyoto Protocol, leaving the U.S. as the only country with more than a population of 40 to not do so (299)
Daily Mail Strange Woman spends $20,000 in just over a year on veterinarian bills for her spoilt cat, cat now said to be out of it's bad mewd, eating luxury mice cream cones and drinking expensive coffee from a purrcolator (175)
Local6 Florida Traditionally clothing-optional beach comes under eye of county sheriffs after complaints increase over poor quality nudists (68)
(Some Guy) Silly Regular sleds too slow and too common? Get your kid a real sled -- made by Porsche (88)
(My Fox Atlanta) Dumbass In an attempt to impress his girlfriend, man steals twin-engine plane, sets it on fire and drives it through a soybean field. Surprisingly, alcohol was involved (59)
ABC News Obvious Listen to Ric, people, and learn something new today: Strategic shopping nets best deals (54)
Reuters Followup Fark: Submitter writes snarky headline about China's moon mission. News: China denies the allegation (94)
(The ET) Interesting New Hampshire woman wants restraining order placed on town's planning director for photographing her home and family (24)
Yahoo Silly Thieves steal Christmas ham. Seventeen tons of Christmas ham. No word on the missing roast beast, or whether a furry green man was spotted nearby (51)
Lancashire Evening Post Unlikely Ghost busters claim to have solved a 250-year murder (with scepticism-packed video) (81)
(Capital Times) Amusing A perp named Whitelightning, cops chasing a doughnut truck, smashed police car -- even the DA predicted the video will be a hit on You Tube (74)
MDN Amusing Electric eel-powered Christmas tree. That is all (52)
C|Net Ironic China, the world's most prolific counterfeiter, has a problem with knock-off Olympic merchandise (51)
Yahoo Silly Dateline Ann Arbor: "Chickens lay eggs," Kunselman said. "I want fresh eggs. It's just a simple ordinance change" (149)
News.com.au Sad Australian government to ban "breakfast boozing" by restricting alcohol sales before 10:00 a.m. (67)
(snarfd) Interesting Gary Trudeau blows up another "Doonesbury" character (250)
Yahoo Unlikely A "miracle chair" in Italy is said to get childless women pregnant. In related news, the hole in the popcorn trick has been upgraded (52)
BBC Interesting This week's news: London CCTV cameras can now automatically track suspects by clothing brand. Next week's news: New laws to be introduced banning bad fashion taste in built-up areas (38)
(WOODtv.com) Stupid Michigan city considering separate high schools for each clique. Jock High vs Emo High football game should be a million laughs... and a million tears (158)
Yahoo Obvious Experts say that, shockingly, municipal ordinances banning certain styles of clothes just might violate the Constitution (52)
(Some Guy) Florida What happens when the police arrest your money? The dishwasher saga continues (79)
(Some Guy Safely Behind the Sandbags) Amusing The first results of the deer-hunting season are in: Deer 3, hunters 0 (164)
CNN Followup Plush stuffed animals of the world rejoice: Sudan teacher goes free (174)
Kansas City Florida Two cities settle dispute over slogan "The City Beautiful." Apparently, the lack of verbs was not an issue (49)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these party girls (58)
AP Asinine Amtrak train that rammed the freight train from behind in Chicago was speeding. Engineer admits that he saw the signals but went for it anyway. Buttsecks? (54)
(Quad-City Times) Sad Woman, 29, is already a grandmother (591)
NYPost Hero Noise pollution vigilante protects NYC with arsenal of cardboard, glue and markers (105)
Seattle Times Dumbass Today's "abscessed tooth requiring panty removal" brought to you by Shoreline, WA (45)
Telegraph Obvious One in four children does not consider their father "a close family member" and most consider soccer players better role models (84)
Daily Mail Interesting Chocolate, cold cuts and sex help improve brain function. Submitter shrugs and says, "Well, two out of three ain't bad" (64)
CNN Interesting Someone finally gets it. If you educate people and make their neighborhood livable, people want to stay. Amazing (59)
(WTVT) Florida Middle-aged man arrested for having sex with 14-year-old girl. OH MY GOD, MY EYES (290)
News.com.au Scary New study finds that every commercial airplane pilot experiences “spatial disorientation” (SD) at one point or another, in which the pilot has no damn clue what the plane is doing at a particular point in time (83)
Yahoo NewsFlash Hugo Chavez loses vote on constitutional changes. Suck it, hippies (473)
(WorldNetDaily) Dumbass In what will undoubtedly prove to be a well-mannered, insightful forum in which to air our differences, Christian televangelist names his pet pig "Muhammad" (415)