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Sun December 30, 2007
(Munster Times) Amusing Munster, Ind. paper looks back at its year of Not News. And it's not bad, from the town clerk accused of embezzling to feed her knitting addiction to the nervous bank robber who could say nothing but 'Thank you, come again' (41)
Canada.com Silly Quebec man sells snowbank on eBay for $3,550. Eskimo who bought it now says he feels ripped off (42)
AFP Obvious Bhutto's teenaged son to succeed her as party leader; fortunately we would never be so silly in the U.S. as to select an inexperienced person to fill an important government position just because he is the former leader's son (305)
(Some guy in need of support) Spiffy Times Square ball to turn 100, which explains why it hangs so low (50)
WNBC Dumbass Police arrest suspect in rash of Christmas, lawn decoration thefts. It turns out he had cleverly hidden them in his own front yard, no word yet on Drew's gnome. [w/video report] (22)
(Some Guy) Florida If you have a problem falling asleep on the job, maybe you're just not cut out to be a burglar (20)
ABC News Obvious Europe cancels massive New Years fireworks display over terrorist threat, despite the fact that could make it the most awesome fireworks show evar (42)
CBS News Strange Lost diamond ring turns up in packed fudge (52)
Guardian.com Interesting Latest Western job to be outsourced to India: pregnancy (75)
(Some Biker Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this easy rider (85)
(Bozeman Comical) Dumbass Skiers activate their rescue beacon as darkness falls, are located hours later by six sheriff's deputies, 22 volunteers and an ambulance crew who courageously rescue them from their hotel room (99)
(Turnto23) Amusing Teacher arrested after asking two students if he could trace an outline of his penis for them. Kicker: He's charged with being annoying (71)
(Some Prophet) Ironic Religious pilgrims trying to reach Egypt get stranded at the Red Sea, fear capture by Israel. It'll take a miracle to save them (49)
(Some Guy) Amusing When cats design websites (154)
News.com.au Scary Chauffeur busted after drag racing at over twice the speed limit...with the newlyweds in the back seat (31)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The 10 best rollercoasters on Earth (170)
SFGate Dumbass San Francisco man keeps 100% of his 2007 garbage. Now wants to donate it to an artist, because you know, where else could they find garbage? (58)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida 20 deputies, two canine units and a police helicopter swarm shopping mall. Entire family arrested. Was someone: A) Terrorizing shoppers B) Robbing merchants or C) Wearing low pants? And if you look at the tag for a hint you’re cheating (457)
Boston Globe PSA If you own an airplane you may have to pay sales tax on the plane in every state you fly through (125)
Toronto Star Amusing Not news: attempted robbery foiled. News: robber tried to use taxi as getaway vehicle, opened door into oncoming streetcar. Fark: robber charged with theft, opening a door into traffic (7)
(NY Daily News) Stupid Here's the train. Got the luggage? Yes. Got your backpack? Yes. Got your book? Yes [bing bong - watch the closing doors]. Got the baby? Oops (37)
NYPost Strange Don't buy enough booze at the bar? That's a beating, a frog-march to an ATM, and then an arrest. And I thought the girls at Starbucks who didn't get a tip were rough (160)
(volunteertv) Followup Customer who was shot at Hooters has died, assistant manager still in critical condition. Suspect still at large, and we're looking at you, Mr. Edge from U2 (see police sketch) (66)
Denver Post Sad Three women with three un-belted toddlers in an SUV thought it would be fun to do some drinking and off road 'mud-bogging' at 70 mph. What could possibly go wrong? (136)
(NY Daily News) Dumbass When stealing a GPS unit, deactivate the "home" address (45)
St. Pete Times Florida And you thought your legal problems were bad: Attorney goes on the lamb with her policeman husband after spending tens of thousands of clients' money (126)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this snack exchange (64)
(Some Guy) Obvious Small-town newspaper discovers something about online readers after several months: They like to read stories about weird news and dumb criminals (26)
eBay Strange Time travel is real, and it's available on eBay. Yes, it's $10 million, but you have 90 days to pay it. And if it works, you have a whole lot longer than that (358)
Yahoo Dumbass College tuition may be more than a lot of people can afford, but that doesn't mean you should commit armed robbery to pay for it (38)
Yahoo Amusing Sure, the robber may have left a note saying "Sorry wrong house" but he still kept the things he stole (22)
(2008 is the year) Survey So what do you wanna accomplish in 2008? (576)
Sign On San Diego Hero SeaWorld extends free admission offer to active-duty troops and their families. Hero tag goes to the troops (76)
Rocky Mountain News Asinine The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a recipe for making beer that could be used at home (135)
(Adn.com) Spiffy Ever wonder what the 7 wonders of Alaska are? Well, here you go (77)
Washington Post Asinine Old and busted: suing file sharers. New hotness: suing legitimate customers for ripping a CD (332)
(On Dancer, On Prancer) Photoshop Photoshop a dance partner for this young lady (62)
Telegraph Silly Rolls Royce reveal some of their strangest customer requests, including a footbath to prepare for prayer and an elongated footwell to allow space for prostrate servants (76)
Daily Mail Interesting If you have ever suffered from Anorexia Nervosa there's now a slim chance you can blame your mother (61)
MSNBC Interesting Cruise ship rams glacier in Antarctic; captain immediately orders free drinks for everyone on board. Now that's leadership (73)
AP Dumbass Cindy Sheehan may hijack the Rose Bowl Parade (273)

Sat December 29, 2007
(Some Gourmand) Spiffy Worst food trends of 2007, courtesy of Epicurious (283)
DallasNews Amusing The 2007 Texan of the Year? The illegal immigrant. There's another job taken (117)
MSNBC Amusing Three dogs inherit $800K estate. Your dog is jealous, wants Filet Mignon now (31)
Click On Detroit Asinine Dare to question why a cop is harassing you over a flicked cigarette? That's a christmas dinner with Bubba (308)
BBC Stupid In an effort to bridge cultural divides and promote understanding and tolerance, Malaysian government passes a law saying only Muslims can use the word "Allah" (138)
Sign On San Diego Dumbass Man calls police to report that someone stole his pot and his Playstation. Common sense unavailable for comment (39)
Denver Channel Obvious Failing at abstinence-only, female elk in national park will go on birth control, which will surely turn them into sluts (37)
Komo Strange Man wants dog in bathroom while he showers with his girlfriend. Girlfriend disagrees. Man calls woman a name, woman punches man in face repeatedly, and it all ends up in a naked fight (91)
ABC News Dumbass Topless woman in a park flirts with man then asks to see his penis. In related news, Penthouse Forum publishes its first arrest report (276)
(Some Jingle Bell) Photoshop Photoshop these sleigh bells (91)
CNN Weird Oh, the "S" goes at the END of the restaurant's name (162)
(Lohud.com) Asinine Having rid New York state of crime, corruption, high taxes, pollution, traffic, potholes, cockroaches, rats, silverfish, illegal immigrants and Hamptons asshats, state assemblywoman declares war on loud movie theatres (62)
Telegraph Hero The story a battered old pair of brown shoes can tell: a 200-mile escape over ice and snow, pursued by 900 Nazi soldiers (77)
CNN Cool Grumpy old man leaves waitress $50k. She must have stayed off of his lawn (44)
Daily Mail Dumbass Clever immigrant smugglers discover real passenger capacities of vehicles (w/pics) (74)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles News New Osama bin Laden tape just released. His old stuff was way better, but that was before he lost his original bassist and drummer (214)
(The Herald Dispatch) Strange WV city is littered with broken-down UFOs (47)
(HeraldNet) Amusing Man blames car accident on pterodactyl attack. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal (124)
(Salisbury Journal) Misc American submitter has no idea what is going on in this story but is pretty sure somebody should have been locked up years ago (76)
(Some Guy) Strange Man dressed as Santa kidnaps boss. Cousin Eddie unimpressed (40)
(WIBW) Scary Pizza delivery driver fatally shoots would-be robber. Uncle Enzo reportedly impressed (187)
Fox News Weird Not news: man stopped for DUI. News: Man is tasered. Fark: for biting himself (47)
Stuff Asinine Japanese inmates complain about pajamas and room service. Obviously they've never slept in a Days Inn (40)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Just in case you missed that story about the Norwegian military promoting a penguin to Colonel in Chief of the Royal Norwegian Guard, here it is (31)
(Free Lance-Star) Dumbass Couple busted after woman reports bag of cash stolen from convenience store. Cops find boyfriend on tape walking out with money bag, and the $14,000 at her house (13)
(KTSM TV) Weird Tattoo artist and customer injured when the gun they were using as a model shot them both (72)
(AL.com) Dumbass When visiting the police station to check on confiscated money, don't arrive in a stolen car...with a small bag of pot plainly visible on the car's center console...and a gun plus another half-pound of smelly skunk bud under the seat (32)
NPR Spiffy US troops clear out insurgents, build new base, start training Marines and Firebats in preparation for next Zerg rush (147)
(WPRI Eyewitness News) Dumbass Burglary suspect gives cops fake address when arrested; later gets robbed and gives cops his real address. Oops (16)
Seattle Times Obvious Starting your own business? Be sure to leave enough room in your budget to bribe your local Congressman (71)
Telegram Photoshop Photoshop Grover (75)
(wnd.com) Strange Botanists abandon research near USA-Mexico border to avoid drug smugglers. 'I got kind of allergic to pistols being held to my forehead' (131)
Guardian.com Obvious Pakistanis identify Bhutto assassin, plan to chase him ineffectually for several years while invading some random country and burning down their Constitution (199)
Canoe Strange Christmas Eve robbery masterminded by a nine-year-old. Bonus: the accomplice was five years old (32)
(Some Guy) Obvious Drinking called "Scotland's national sport", narrowly edging out hurling, which is traditionally relegated to post-match celebrations (42)
Yahoo Obvious High fat/high sugar diets found to be more harmful to obese people. In other news, crackheads should stay away from crack (46)
(Some Guy) Florida Reporter in Fark's favorite state sends out call to get better looking hookers (52)
The Sun Cool Hottie nurse saves life of choking kitten by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I can has yur phone number? (With pic) (469)
CBS News Weird Family outraged when dead man is upgraded to "mostly dead" (73)
The Sun Strange Fighter pilot dressed as sheep goes down in flames (28)
DallasNews Sappy Officer who captured runaway kangaroo puts the animal in his family's Christmas card photo (w/ pic) (26)
Kansas.com Amusing Wichita Police will conduct field sobriety and breath alcohol tests Monday on a group of volunteer drinkers to show the effects of alcohol on drivers. Mapquest servers crash due to Farkers printing driving directions to Wichita (44)
The Sun Obvious Number of parking tickets issued in Britain soars 400 per cent in just five years. It's not about the money, it's about the safety (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Civil War mortar crew (67)
Sky.com Interesting Survey finds two-thirds of people keep their ex-SO's number on their cell phone "just in case" (91)
Telegraph Amusing Telegraph's predictions of 2008's big stories: "June: Based on its real-world GDP, Second Life is admitted to the G8, displacing Canada. The virtual world sends a purple woman with improbably large breasts to the summit" (35)
Houston Chronicle Sad Monkey stashed in plane passenger's hat dies. Authorities did not immediately confirm whether it was a man's big yellow hat (39)
Seattle Times Dumbass If you plan to set up shop installing snow-chains on the side of a highway, make sure it is actually snowing... and that you're not smoking pot in your car when the cops drop by to give you the weather report (37)
(wbtv.com) Dumbass 74-Year-Old Man Jailed For Shoplifting $3 Sirloin. Forgot to use the "I'm an old man. I'm confused I thought I paid for it. What's my name? Will you take me home?" defense (57)
(Some Guy) Florida Intoxicated female flasher brightens the night for San Carlos Park, FL police (Mug Shot Hottie Alert) (140)
Yahoo Dumbass Regardless of the topic, "this New Year's Eve, steer clear of Wyoming" (48)
The Sun Interesting A handy list of new words and phrases that nonebrity turdbirds like you are going to need to know in 2008 (83)
CNN Dumbass You've just been arrest for your 13th DUI, what do you do? A) Cooperate with police. B) Try to explain yourself. C) Strip. (video included) (39)
Newsweek Obvious Newsweek asks the hard-hitting questions about why a tiger would want to eat your face off after you jack around and dangle your tasty legs into an enclosure that has really low walls (93)

Fri December 28, 2007
(Some Thumper) Stupid If your child's substitute teacher has blue hair and a nose piercing, she's probably a witch. Or a duck (155)
(Some cannibals) Asinine Catholic Spin 101: Transferring a Priest who has been molesting mentally retarded dishwasher to an all boys school, not telling the school about his record, is a "breakdown in communication" (86)
(Some Fleabag) Scary Today's story of 237 Pomeranians in one house courtesy of Corpus Christi, Texas (54)
Rolling Stone Obvious Bill Maher counts down his picks for the 13 biggest dickheads of the year. Obvious tag for #12 (633)
Breitbart.com Scary China's government assures loyal citizens that air quality in Beijing is improving. Scary pic says otherwise (135)
(ksal.com) Asinine Kansas farmers are delighted with wheat prices hovering around $9 a bushel. The only problem is now they have to deal with thieves in search of GRRAAAIIIINNNSSS (56)
(Some Guy) Hero Government orders daycare workers to resist their "natural instinct" to stop boys from using pretend weapons such as guns or light sabres in games with other toddlers (147)
DallasNews Dumbass Six-year-old writes heartbreaking essay about her dad dying in Iraq to win Hannah Montana tickets. It would be pretty sad if her dad had actually died (172)
MSNBC Interesting Pakistan crisis won't interrupt Bush's month-long vacation. What, you expected him to rush back to Washington just because a nuclear power is on the verge of civil war? (301)
(Some Blech) Amusing Jörg Blech examines the mystery of why some people practice geophagy, the habit of eating dirt. Jörg Blech? Come on, you guys have got to be making this stuff up (40)
Reuters Obvious Canadian anthropology professor's research shows women think online dating is much like the same old bar scene and men frequently misrepresent their looks, interests, and marital status (159)
(Some Frog) Silly Smoking ban hits French cafe culture. Berets, thin moustaches, striped shirts, and existential angst next on the list (108)
FARK Spiffy Reminder: Phoenix Fark party tonight at the George and Dragon. LGT prevous thread (59)
NYPost Asinine News: Reader's Digest gives each of its staffers a holiday cash bonus with the requirement that they use it to help others. Fark: The bonus was $5 (121)
Daily Mail Strange Pope declares war on Satan. Santa thanks FSM that the Pope isn't dyslexic (197)
(NBC4) Asinine News: FAA restricts rechargeable batteries on flights. Fark: Because they can't figure out how to extinguish fires in non-rechargeable batteries (133)
(Lohud.com) Obvious Police officer's three-year-old daughter can eat only one thing -- a doctor-prescribed formula. What does the insurance company do? A) Gleefully refuse coverage, B) Cackle as they swim in their giant pool of fifties and hundreds, or C) Both (525)
CBS Pittsburgh Obvious You win if you picked today for the "Atlantis launch to be delayed again" pool in your cube farm (16)
CNN Followup Al Qaeda in all kinds of trouble because they think it's okay to have killed Benazir Bhutto (173)
(Some Shadow Puppet) Photoshop Photoshop this shadow (77)
11 Alive Dumbass Child-slapping babysitter being charged with cruelty to children, Submitter’s eyes (95)
MSNBC Stupid "31 Ways to Meet a Quality Man," featuring 31 ways that don't work, each one occupying its own little URL of failure (314)
(WDSU) Amusing Devil cast out from town's phones. And no, we're not talking about AT&T (65)
FARK Survey Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December (details in thread) (173)
MSNBC Scary FDA regulators get a gold star for identifying over 14,000 pounds of E. coli tainted meat. However, they may need to beef their security after the truck it was in was stolen (34)
(Some Nerd) Sad Netscape Navigator dies quiet death (303)
Boston Globe Amusing Insurance companies don't like the new "Toyotathon Phenomenon" ads, correctly believing that there are enough dumbasses out there who will be inspired by ads to commit fraud (80)
JSOnline Dumbass 82-year-old woman sues bank when they won't cash a 22-year-old check worth $20,000 (258)
Jalopnik Cool The curvaceous Mazda Furai concept is pure automotive sex (137)
(Some Beer Drinkin' Guy) Amusing So, has anyone seen Drew lately? (71)
(KTVU San Francisco) Scary American diagnosed while overseas as infected with drug-resistant TB, takes crowded commercial flight back to the US. No, not that guy, a new one (83)
The Newspaper Interesting Microchips in your license? They're coming. Get out your tinfoil wallet (171)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Fast-food drive-through employee steals customers' debit card numbers, goes on shopping spree. In court, she pleaded "ngrrrt grreaphfy, yurff honnftr" (81)
FARK Survey Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: July through September (details in thread) (137)
ABC News Followup Tiger victim was trying to protect his friend from mauling, only to be mauled himself. What fearful symmetry (401)
My San Antonio Hero Buford Pusser Award: Small-town residents join low-speed police chase, but most get bored after 30 minutes in the parade. One steps up, crashes into suspect's car (36)
Hartford Courant Sad Would you wait in line three hours to eat at The Cheesecake Factory? "I could drive to New York and get a fish sandwich in that time." (375)
(Some Zookeeper) Followup SF Zoo homepage has been updated to include a message of condolence for tiger victims. Maybe while they were in there, they should have changed their mission statement (on right of page) (74)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man's attempt to elude police by wearing a wig fails spectacularly. Is there a pic? Oh you betcha (59)
Local6 Florida A man has been hospitalized after he fell into a cement mixer. Police say there is no concrete evidence of foul play (55)
(The Daily Gazette) Caption Caption this totally not cute squirrel and its pumpkin (65)
FARK Survey Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: April through June (details in thread) (95)
BBC Dumbass Teacher attacks student for telling him he looks like Simon Cowell, ensuring that the whole world discovers that he does in fact, look like Simon Cowell (with pic) (91)
SLTrib Dumbass If you're growing pot in your basement, don't let your wife do mushrooms in your home and whatever you do, don't come to the door unless you're wearing pants (44)
(Some Guy) Silly 2007: The year fashion went EXTREEEEME. (Includes picture of model wearing $159,000 C-3PO legs) (85)
(The Times Record News) Dumbass Man breaks into a home and wakes the owners. He runs from the house, gets in his car and crashes into a snowbank at the end of the driveway. Five minutes later he knocks on their door and ask if he can come in because he was cold (22)
(KCTV) Amusing Parents hire lawyer after their precious little snowflake finds her new mp3 player filled with porn (161)
(Pensacola News Journal) Florida SWAT team called to deal with exploding squirrel (33)
Guardian.com Interesting Actual Headline: "Antarctic base staff evacuated after drunken Christmas brawl" (49)
CBS New York Cool Connecticut to do for high school what the University of Phoenix did for college (41)
FARK Survey Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March (details in thread) (109)
Free Press Strange Man acquitted of "assault by handshake" now suing. Can't we all just shake hands and... oh, guess not (14)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Five women with whom your girlfriend would agree to have a threesome (654)
(Some Guy) Amusing The nerdiest bike you'll see today (92)
This Is Local London Scary Woman, 34, marries foster son she and her husband adopted from Kosovo seven years ago. Are the Mother of the Year nominations closed? (With pic) (149)
Guardian.com Unlikely Hello Kitty makers seek to expand market by introducing line aimed at guys. "We think Hello Kitty is accepted by young men as a design statement in fashion" (116)
(Some guy going 'ha-ha!') Dumbass Kid gets car for Christmas, takes it to the beach days later, promptly learns two important lessons: 1) It's pretty easy to get a car stuck in sand. 2) The tide comes in pretty fast (135)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Knocking a drink from my hand? Well, that's just a trip through the window for you, isn't it? (55)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass News: Man vows to live on roof of bar until Ravens win a game. Fark: Thanks to all the news coverage, police know just where to arrest this man on his outstanding warrant (38)
NYPost Strange Now playing in a Manhattan courthouse: "Star Trek 12: The Wrath of the Bogus Trek Memorabilia Buyer" (95)
DallasNews Strange Not news: Student seeks Mustache Institute help to combat facial hair policy. News: There is a Mustache Institute (122)
(Tribune Review) Dumbass When reporting car stolen, it's best not to push it over a cliff and try to recover insurance money for car and items removed from car later sold on eBay (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this "lady of the woods" into a more modern setting (65)
Daily Mail Stupid The latest wheeze in the Nanny State: Children must be given "unlimited time" to do standardised tests, to avoid stressing the precious little flowers unduly (154)
Daily Mail Interesting Majority of Brits would rather see Prince William as their king than anyone else, tell Prince Charles to get out of town, along with the horse he rode in on (116)
Denver Post Hero Normally, when the propeller falls off of your single engine airplane over the Rocky Mountains, things don't end well. Then there's this guy (181)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Postal workers who volunteer for Christmas duty say they get a special joy out of it. *Cough* time and a half *cough* (42)
CBS Sacramento Amusing Three-pound Chihuahua mix named "Tink" helps to nab fugitive (24)
Yahoo Obvious If you can't trust the people telling you God wants you to be a millionaire, who can you trust? (123)
ABC Action News Florida News: Man solicits child for illegal sex act. Fark: While wearing a sundress, high heels and a black wig. Guess which state (43)
News.com.au Dumbass Today's burglar stuck in a chimney like a "grub in a cocoon" brought to you by Alice Springs, Australia (27)
Telegraph Obvious New Year's resolutions differ between men and women. Boiled down, it's that men resolve to change some aspect of their life while women resolve to change all aspects of their man's (36)
ICNetwork Dumbass If you're going to steal inventory from your company, don't then try to sell it on eBay. Or you can be like this idiot. Your call (25)
Mercury News Interesting "Market for doorknobs slowly losing its grip. Levers expected to gain upper hand one day" (85)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You drop a letter in a USPS mailbox and then regret it. Do you: A) Stick your arm down the slot? B) Contact the post office and ask them to retrieve it? C) Unbolt it from its concrete pad and drag it down the street? (38)
(Law.com) Followup Prosecution unlikely over doctor's photo of patient's penis tattoo, he'll just have to go through life being known as the penis picture physician (50)
Local6 Florida Man moves girlfriend, her kids from Ohio to Florida as part of homemade "Witness Protection Program." Then things got weird (32)
NYPost Dumbass Dr. Phil thinks Lynne Spears is a great and dedicated mother (164)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tall glass of cool water (61)
(L.A. Daily News) Amusing You know that "secret" email account you have for your "adult content"... it's not so "secret" anymore as the Adult-Entertainment Industry gets its servers' backdoor violated (77)

Thu December 27, 2007
Philly Amusing New dollar coins unveiled featuring Larry Fine from the Three Stooges (110)
ABC News Obvious Reporter confronts man, asks why he broke into 61-year-old neighbor's house to steal her underwear. Answer: "I was stoned and stupid" (74)
CBS New York Asinine Thieves steal, destroy pair of 6-foot-tall, 100-pound nutcrackers. Suite (49)
(WOODTV) Dumbass One more case to consider in your Father of the Year voting: Man decides he's too drunk to drive so he makes his 9 year-old drive instead (41)
Daily Mail Weird Old and busted: Manbearpig. New hotness: Sheep-pig, back from extinction (68)
MSNBC Stupid Spiderman, Spiderman sending strongly worded letters to his enemies, Spiderman LOOK OUT here comes the Spiderman (92)
AP Ironic State symbol turns on its maker, as Idaho spuds cause firehouse blaze. Irony tag sobs with delight (45)
Fox News Stupid Headline: "Mall gunman admitted he was Satanic." Article: Not one mention of Satan or anything about Satanism (207)
(CCSU) Interesting Study names Minneapolis 2007's "Most Literate City." Nerds (147)
Daily Mail Stupid Nine out of ten New Year's resolutions will fail, according to psychologists at the Institute for Pulling Numbers Out of Our Asses (113)
(iht.com) Weird Woman charged with domestic battery gets battery on police officer charge added after wiping her nose on officer's uniform. "Sometimes you need a police officer; sometimes you need a tissue. Confuse the two, and it could cost you" (78)
Local6 Followup Remember the GPS installed in the baby Jesuses to track the thieves stealing 'em? Got one (149)
(Some Guy) Weird Avoid holiday booze blunders: 1) Don't buy cheap booze, 2) Don't spill the booze, 3)... Wait, that's not what they mean? (178)
(Some Kleptomaniac) Stupid News: Grocery store employee on break fired for stopping and detaining shoplifter. Fark: Store manager goes to scene and orders employee to release shoplifter (320)
(WTVT) Florida Man spends hours partying, watching strippers at all-nude gentlemen club, then passes away in private "Champagne Room." Can anyone think of more perfect way to die? (153)
(one really bored federal inmate) Amusing Happy birthday to the greatest frivolous lawsuit writer in America: Mr. Jonathan Lee Riches© (123)
Daily Mail Stupid If the Nanny State has its way, you'll never be able to tell boys to "man up" again (133)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop a Fark Rose Bowl parade float (LGT examples) (419)
(NY Times) Interesting List of notable people who died in 2007. Included is Richard Jewell, "hero of Atlanta Olympic bombing." Appropriate, but sadly too late, media (125)
St. Pete Times Florida Woman reports being attacked by seven-foot-tall suspect, covered in white fur. Claimed to have kicked him in groin, Yeti kept on going (64)
(Pew Research) Obvious Eighty-one percent of Republicans are satisfied with the way things are going for them financially, while only 54 percent of Democrats and Independents are. Suck it, broke-ass liberals (379)
Seattle Times Dumbass Today's magic number: .55. If you don't know the rest, you're on the wrong site (182)
TBO Florida County sheriff reprimands two employees for committing adultery. Public stoning scheduled for tomorrow at 0700 (107)
CBS Boston Stupid Today's ridiculous media fear-mongering article: "How safe is the food in your fridge?" (127)
Sun Sentinel Asinine Energy analysts predict Americans will pay $3.75-$4.00 for a gallon of gas by Spring. Happy new year (293)
Google Followup San Francisco tiger attack upgraded to "Darwin Award" as kitty was taunted, had help escaping. Bloody shoe found inside enclosure provides clue. Catuday safe again (621)
The Morning Call Followup Allentown asshat receives "electronic tar and feathering" for suing eight-year-old skier (197)
(Lafayette Daily Advertiser) Misc City gets around public resistance to speed cameras by calling them red light cameras that happen to measure speed as well (75)
Chicago Tribune Stupid Worried about being the scene of the next Virginia Tech-like incident, many colleges are telling students with psychological issues to "fix it or GTFO" (301)
UPI Interesting The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York is offering the Average Joe a chance to weigh in with criticism of its new stupidly boring fashion exhibit (50)
Boston Globe Asinine School district secretly installs hidden cameras outside locker rooms and bathrooms. Would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those meddling kids at the school newspaper (94)
FARK Followup D.C. Fark Party reminder: Tomorrow, 7:00 p.m. at Rock Bottom, Bethesda (168)
Toledo Blade Strange Flying bra causes car crash and lawsuits, and dissolves friendship (77)
(The Australian) Obvious Yeah, that money you gave the tsunami victims a few years back? It's being spent on politicians' pet projects. Suck it, charitable souls (88)
Daily Mail Sappy Here's the cutest photos of an overweight wombat stuck in a flower pot you'll see today (54)
Chicago Tribune Stupid "Mean" former lunch lady is denied unemployment benefits after being fired for "refusing to give food to students who didn't have money" (368)
Breitbart.com Amusing Priests brawl in the Church of the Nativity. If only someone had some sort of guide they could turn to in times of strife, instead (88)
STLToday Florida People upset about excessive and complicated packaging are now caught up in wrap rage (95)
Daily Mail Amusing Not news: Man says he is victim of identity theft. News: The identity thieves have caused traffic several accidents and run up $20,000 in parking fines. Fark: His name is Mohammed Ali (37)
Fox News Interesting Honey is making a comeback as a natural disease fighter (69)
UPI Obvious Doctor concludes that driver-alcohol related deaths increase at year's end. You don't say (21)
(Some Guy) Amusing NYPD goes fabulous by replacing Kawasakis with Mopeds. They say it's greener, submittard says pinker. (With fabulous pic.) (220)
(My Fox DC) Interesting D.C. is adding some style as more and more sleek, glass office buildings are being built downtown. Fark bonus: D.C. media can now report crimes as happening "within sight of the Capitol" from 82 new locations (61)
(Rufus A. Bearsbutt) Photoshop Photoshop this policeman with his remote control aircraft (56)
Sky.com NewsFlash Benazir Bhutto critically injured in suicide bomb attack at political rally. Update: Condition downgraded to killed (2024)
(WMTW.com) Dumbass When a police officer lends you a pencil to help you arrange bail, it's best not to stab him in the head with it (with "I wouldn't stick my pencil in it" mugshot) (66)
CBS Sacramento Strange Not news: Father buys daughter music CD for Christmas. News: Kids hear "F" and "N" words on CD. Fark: CD was supposed to be Hannah Montana songs (124)
Canoe Cool Customs catches Canadian carrot carrier carrying copious quantities of chronic (52)
Daily Mail Silly Must be a slow news day when there is a front page article about a 56-year-old toaster (with pic of said toaster, ooh ahh) (81)
(Some Guy) Florida Man walks up to stranger talking on cell phone and punches him repeatedly in the face after overhearing man say, "Your daddy." Deputies report suspect is "not at all sorry that he did it" (102)
The Sun Obvious On top of women's 2008 wish lists? Losing weight, buying nicer clothes and marrying a rich guy (272)
News.com.au Strange Philippines customs seize inflatable sex dolls that were to be used in PETA protests over chicken abuse. Somehow (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting Holidays are good times for you, your wife, family, mistress (37)
(Some Guy) Florida Local firefighters stay busy all night, responding to residents' repeated sightings of fog (21)
(Stars and Stripes) Asinine Latest scam on street: Calling relatives of soldiers deployed to Iraq, asking them to wire money so soldiers can make it home for surprise Christmas reunion (58)
News.com.au Scary Not content with zoo tigers getting all the ink lately, circus elephant fatally crushes a handler (39)
Yahoo Stupid Finding and keeping $11,000 at the scene of an accident? That's a decade in jail. Whatever happened to finders keepers? (34)
(WXYZ.com) Dumbass Dumb: Man caught stealing. Dumber: From an unlocked police car. Fark: In the parking lot of the police station (22)
(Some Color-Lovin' Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the inside of this pretty balloon (49)
Yahoo Silly Helsinki's resident of the year is an owl that likes soccer. YA RLY (35)
Yahoo Strange The NRA has hired hundreds of private investigators to track down gun owners whose weapons were seized after Katrina. Good luck, there, Charlton (186)
Guardian.com Interesting Scientists discover drug that reverses liver damage. Drinking yourself to death just got a little harder (68)
ABC News Strange Police respond to next-door neighbor of Drew Peterson after she discovers dozens of photos of a cemetery scattered on her front lawn. And that's not the weirdest part (39)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 138: “Simply Beautiful." Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme (304)

Wed December 26, 2007
AZCentral Dumbass You might be a redneck if you spend Christmas Eve wedged in a septic tank (40)
(PennLive) Strange PennDOT has a bridge they'd like to sell you. No, really (38)
USA Today Obvious Woman, surrounded by pack of pit bulls, lavished with cutesy puppy dog licks while she pets them. Wait. That should read 'Woman ripped to shreds in the street by genetic killing machines owned by irresponsible power-tripping douchebags' (464)
LA Times Interesting Up to 3/4 of all classical musicians may use performance enhancing drugs (138)
The Sun Interesting Army hopes to entice more female soldiers into the military by offering them new shoes (pic) (65)
Yahoo Scary F-15 groundings have caused Alaska to depend on the Canadian Air Force for protection. EVERYBODY PANIC No really: EVERYBODY PANIC (177)
Washington Post Scary Six bodies found at rural WA property (86)
(kptv.com) Strange Man walks into convenience store, claims to be Ozzy Osbourne, then whips out pistol on befuddled clerk. With surveillance photo that, well, looks remarkably like Ozzy (67)
(Some Guy) Strange A roundup of the wild, wooly, and truly strange news of Petaluma, CA Animal Enforcement, with cute-ass pics of a horse, a gator, and a pot bellied pig. Strange beats out Sappy by a length (38)
CNN Spiffy Several hostages held by the FARC in Colombia since 2002 may be freed within hours, pending agreement from Colombian government. Man, it takes forever to get a FARC party organized (34)
1010WINS Obvious Once again, NYC is the safest big city around. It also cooler than, more important, looks better, and has more money than Chicago (275)
(Strawberry Tallcake) Photoshop Photoshop this fallen berry (60)
(Chattanoogan) Dumbass From the "Hold My Beer, I Want To Try Something" files comes this story of a pickup truck, a TV news crew, and a jailarious altercation with... a jail (29)
AP Dumbass Most parents of precious huge lard choked snowballs don't see the problem (170)
Daily Mail Asinine Little Brit yobs lobbing stones at lorries cause one to careen orf dual carriageway into tree killing dishy secretary. If yeh know which sodding dustbin lid did this, the rozzers would fancy to hae a dickey bird (101)
Washington Post Hero "Chen said he sued because he believes that, under China's law and the Communist Party's declared policies, the censors had no right to scratch his musings off the Internet." (42)
Time Obvious Yellowstone National Park wants to allow visitors to carry guns. Because if you're American, you just can't enjoy a day in the wilderness without being able to kill someone if the mood strikes you (254)
Omaha World Herald Dumbass Not News: Car parked in tow away zone gets towed News: With kids inside the car. Fark: Parents left them in there to appear in court and are now suing the towing company (74)
SeattlePI Interesting Washington State considers bicycle licenses to hold riders accountable for actions, costs (294)
Fox News Followup Charges dropped against steak knife girl (89)
(Science Daily) Spiffy Marijuana may inhibit cancerous tumor growth. Is there anything that pot can't do? (269)
Reuters Interesting New elf academy in Finland begins training next year's class of elves in the survival skills they need – and at graduation, they have a lot more marketable skillls than a liberal arts major (pic) (36)
MSNBC Cool 17 year old American girl buys school for Cambodian children. What were YOU doing at that age? (185)
Mercury News Sad Cars will cost thousands more, light bulbs six times as much, and electricity's price will go up 30%. But don't worry, it's for the children (305)
SFGate Misc San Francisco Chronicle asking readers to pick top strange news stories of 2007. If only there were some website where people could read about strange news stories on a daily basis (36)
(Some Guy) Obvious The secret to saving failing schools? Firing the incompetent teachers who work there, at least according to report by experts that teachers' unions will fight to their dying breath (243)
BBC Sad Two 1,500-year-old Bangladeshi statues of Vishnu stolen from airport warehouse. Where are your gods now? (44)
(Some Guy) Hero Man gets up before dawn on Christmas to deliver few more presents to mother's house. Winds up delivering baby for woman on sidewalk (31)
Yahoo Obvious "Women are women, they always want to look good" (280)
ZDNet Scary FBI aims to build world's largest biometrics database (124)
CNN Followup 300 lb. tiger that attacked at San Francisco zoo did not get out through an open door. They believe she got across a 15-foot moat and climbed 20-foot walls (513)
(Press Enterprise) Cool Rancher hosts Civil War battles, motocross and topless photo sessions. Unfortunately, not all at the same time. Police not amused (73)
The Newspaper Dumbass Virginia legislator who came up with the $3550 speeding ticket now wants to jail the 500,000 motorists expected to be unable to pay those massive fines (213)
(Some Guy) Amusing Research firm discovers that hitting the "reply-all" email button costs the U.S. economy $650 billion every year. Think how much Drew has cost the economy (63)
My San Antonio Cool Your dog wants high-fat beef that will lower his cholesterol. It will only cost you $65 per pound. But he is your best friend (56)
(History.com) Obvious Happy Kwanzaa (493)
(Some Guy) Asinine Lawyers reach a new height: seeking to have teacher's suicide recognized as workplace casualty (94)
Boston Globe Stupid Old and busted: Smoke Free Zones. New hotness: Profanity Free Zones. Subby: STFU & GBTW (194)
LA Times Misc Reporter laments that people will not pay for news online, will only pay for not news (72)
Boston Globe Interesting Environmentalists aren't too happy about America's recent effort to reduce dependence on foreign oil (352)
(Some B/W Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Colorize this misty photo of the hills of Tuscany (93)
(Times-Argus) Dumbass Man, tripping heavily on 'new' hallucinogen, runs into traffic after stripping naked. Naked dude running into traffic trifecta now in play (127)
Yahoo Caption Caption this photograph of Rudolph Giuliani with his gift (115)
(Some Guy) Hero Dog saves family from fire, perishes after trying to find family's other dog; selfish cat makes it out OK (121)
Telegraph Obvious Hospitals urged not to decorate children's wards with paintings of clowns, for fear of upsetting young patients. Still no cure for mimes (58)
SeattlePI Dumbass Man takes his Dance Dance Revolution skills onto the interstate. Cops not impressed with his Pants-Off Dance-Off (35)
Wall Street Journal Amusing You are the lucky owner of the Model ZVZ156 Vangplotz High-Digenation Wide-Scringe Framulator, Series 7000, with fernillated quick-response Worzel™ and 20,000 zurlebytes of scringe-view quorms (98)
(Kitsap Sun) Strange Woman beats up drunk ex-boyfriend who "woke up to use the restroom, but was so confused he urinated in the closet" (136)
(Some Guy) Stupid After an anonymous 911 call about a man with a gun, cops show up at mall and taser the wrong guy and his wife in a busy food court (387)
(Some Guy) Florida Two brothers drown after jumping in river without knowing how to swim. Family wants warning signs posted (160)
(The Pittsburgh Channel) Interesting Man whose lawn Christmas decorations were stolen posts sign in yard offering remaining decorations to thieves (30)
(Some Guy) Sad President for the School for Deaf and Blind retiring. No one remembers seeing or hearing from her in years (30)
Telegram Photoshop Photoshop this gingerbread house (27)
JSOnline Interesting Not News: Milwaukee sets up radar speed trap. Fark: To catch sledders (53)
(Anchorage Daily News) Sad The wife of Iditarod champ is mush (48)
(Some Guy) Interesting 82 percent of Americans identify themselves as Christians; the other 18 percent presumably volunteered to work Christmas day and refused all gifts that they were offered on principle (414)
The Tennessean Amusing Tennessee man after soliciting sex from undercover cop: “I should have known something was up, she had all her teeth.’’ (35)
(Empire State News) Dumbass Underage Amish kids holding drinking party at lumber mill busted after one of them calls 911 (53)
CBS Chicago Obvious Chicago cop doesn't beat anyone up and still makes the news (49)
(MyFox Orlando) Florida Not News: Burglars Break into Man's House. News: Man chases the intruders out of the house with a baseball bat as police arrive. Fark: Police arrest homeowner and allow the burglars to run free (143)

Tue December 25, 2007
NJ.com Dumbass If you're carrying weed, it is best not to throw walnuts at police officers (66)
ABC News Followup Construction on Boston's $14B Big Dig is finally complete, only $12B over budget (160)
SFGate Scary You think your Christmas dinner was painful? Try being mauled to death by a tiger in a zoo cafeteria (219)
AFP Amusing Egypt to claim copyright on pyramids, failed to read the bit about "life of creator + 70 years" (156)
(Some Cold Guy) Dumbass Leaving an underage drinking party on a blustery winter night do you A) Flee from police in your car B) Flee into the woods without shoes C) Break into a garage and hide in a car all night? Frostbite ensues (46)
(Some Guy) Hero It was your dad that answered everyone's letters to Santa every year (site Farked; article pasted in first post) (127)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this trade show booth (42)
(Some Guy) Stupid Scotland to put drunk driving ads in video games. Killing cops, stealing cars, running over pedestrians, and using cheats all still O.K (62)
(Some Guy) Followup With the price of food skyrocketing, it's unlikely that 70% of Americans will be overweight by 2015. If there's one thing we love more than gluttony it's greed (183)
AP Strange Dead guy sends Christmas cards to family and friends, says he'll see some of them sooner than they think (54)
Sun Sentinel Sick Twas the night before Christmas and from out of the pipes / Came a flood of raw sewage, of various types / When they couldn't reach maint'nance, they then cleaned up the floor / And then passed out and woke up and saw worse than before (47)
The Newspaper Strange After receiving 29 parking tickets, owner tracks down her stolen car... two blocks from the police station (144)
My San Antonio Dumbass Texas lottery players fail to collect $449 million in winnings. Fark needs a plural "Dumbass" tag (56)
AP Scary Loss of Arctic sea ice could harm walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob (83)
AFP Unlikely Beloved leader of country even fixes television sets for his people. Is there anything Kim Jong-Il can't do? (85)
Daily Mail Strange Slow news day: Woman discovers she is allergic to Christmas trees (52)
(Press of Atlantic City) Amusing Post your "scared of Santa" pics here. Re-runs and old classics are OK. Merry Christmas (148)
(PhotoSig) Photoshop Photoshop these blurred dancers (61)
NewsMax Asinine California court rules there is no such thing as private property (197)
LA Times Followup "Cigna stands by decision on transplant. The insurer defends its initial denial of a liver procedure for a teen who died last week" (422)
(Some Guy) Interesting Humbug, the law that banned Christmas (34)
(Pacific News Center) Spiffy Congress votes to make your state quarter map obsolete (132)
AZCentral Amusing It wouldn't be Christmas on Fark without at least one story of a drunk naked guy plowing his car into a garage. Happy Holidays, everybody (27)
MSNBC Hero Who would have thought this would ever happen? Hero trumps Sappy (45)
Yahoo PSA 6.2 magnitude quake hits Japan. No word on possible tsunami. Large Caucasian man in red suit seen near epicenter wanted for questioning (34)
News.com.au Dumbass Man goes to the police station to lodge a complaint, winds up tearing an air conditioning unit out of the wall and setting a police SUV on fire (33)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Rival Pennsylvania towns mimic New York’s Times Square on New Year's Eve - By dropping giant pickles, Kisses, wrenches, and now potato chips (w/giant bag o chips pic goodness) (59)
(Laughing Man) Dumbass Japanese man dumps his panty collection, DNA recovered. Charges for 1994 murder pending (21)
(Some Guy) Florida "Woman battered by plate of burgers." Mayor McCheese asks to lettuce end this violence (31)
LA Times Dumbass LAPD arrests 280-pound man dressed in Santa hat, red lace camisole, purple G-string, and black leg warmers for DUI. Thankfully, this article has no pics (32)
(Some Type Dorkette) Photoshop Photoshop this ancient relic (82)
Arizona Star PSA If you're a cross-dressing liar who wants to marry a Japanese woman for her money, don't do it in Arizona (33)
Yahoo Sad For the eighth time in the last nine years, beer consumption in Germany declines, as Germans begin drinking other non-alcoholic drinks (44)
(Daily Snack) Followup Hitler please (181)
(Information Liberation) Strange China clinic gives 'web addicts' shock treatment. No word if treatment uses USB-enabled device (29)
Komo Amusing Man missing in the wilderness near Humptulips found safe just in time for Christmas. In related news, submitter now can't stop saying 'Humptulips' (43)
St. Pete Times PSA Hangover Prevention 101 (136)
Reuters Followup Castro's brother says zombie Fidel has full control of his faculties, BRAIIINS (36)
(Kingston Daily Freeman) Scary Ceiling fan is watching you (56)
Wired Interesting So that's how Santa does it (32)
NYPost Scary Today's naked knife fight brought to you by Brooklyn (48)
News.com.au Amusing Cops taser urinating man (56)
Denver Post Dumbass Man demonstrating how he would kill companion with a nail gun shoots himself (43)
Time Amusing Top Ten T-Shirt slogans for 2007 (97)
BBC Interesting Putin's dog wanders off, so he launches satellites to track her. Your dog wants geostationary steak (38)
(Balltown, Iowa) Sad If you never ate at Iowa's oldest continually operating restaurant ... well, you missed your chance (60)
CBS Chicago Dumbass Woman stabs husband to death while he slept because "he keeps inviting people over in the apartment and she wasn't going to take it anymore" (w/mugshot) (68)
(Some Guy) Cool Google Maps and NORAD are working hard, as always, to update Santa's movements every five minutes on this crucial day (270)

Mon December 24, 2007
ABC News Caption Caption the anchorman freaking out at the sight of a van crashing into the newsroom (98)
Stuff Silly Kyrgyzstan declares itself the new home of Santa. Mr. Klwz too busy to comment (18)
(Today's TMJ 4) Sad Gas station employee fed up with daily occurrence of armed teens demanding gas and merchandise fights back. Weapon of choice: a stick, which the thugs promptly took and beat employee with (97)
(Some Convict) Strange Not news: Couple gets married. News: groom is jailed convict. Fark: Marriage in courtroom with groom in striped prison uniform and handcuffed. "It doesn't matter what I am wearing, she makes me feel warm inside" (24)
CNN Amusing Airlines reluctant to start offering internet services aboard because of the mile high fapping club (65)
ABC News Spiffy Uglyass baby elephant joins the herd. No word if he'll be a taxi, entertainer or artist but he does come from a performing family [w/pic] (7)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy driver (61)
(Some Guy) Florida "The only state that has earned its own category on farq.com and newsoftheweird.com, Florida is a veritable wellspring of wacky and weird people." Farq.com? (82)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Old and Busted: Shoplifting.....New Hotness: Shopdropping (62)
(Public Radio) Weird For just $195, you can buy a family in Lesotho a pig. Bacon trifecta complete (50)
Yahoo Interesting Boston Celtics fans caused the War on Drugs (28)
YouTube Sappy The cutest video you will see today, brought to you by two baby pandas (36)
(Pew Pew Pew Research) Interesting The key to happiness? Going to church every week. Really (467)
AP Strange North Dakota farmer forecasts weather via pig spleens. Bacon trifecta now in play? (21)
AP Interesting Three oversize queens set to meet in New York harbor, and for some reason the media is making a big deal about this (44)
AFP Stupid Step 1: slip on pigeon poop. Step 3: profit. And if you're a New York taxpayer, you are going to be very annoyed by Step 2 (75)
Telegraph Scary The coming financial meltdown will make the '29 crash look like "a walk in the park." EVERYBODY PANHANDLE (296)
SeattlePI Obvious Man shoots cans, he hates these cans. Police arrest the jerk for shooting them inside a frat house (49)
AZCentral Interesting Immigration: Fence not working, switching to moat (144)
MSNBC Sappy Toilet tragedy jiggles the handle of compassion (23)
Yahoo Amusing A redneck Trans Siberian Orchestra holiday lightshow (99)
TBO Florida Good: scratching a lottery ticket that says you won $25,000. Bad: then scratching off a line that reads, "All winners are losers and must have an excellent sense of humor." (88)
(Farkette at work on Christmas Eve) Silly "Hurry up, dude. It's Christmas Eve. Stores will generally close around 6 p.m. . .That's it. Not a lot of news today." Ah, the honesty of small-town papers (60)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Create a pictogram advertisement. Difficulty: PICTOGRAMS ONLY -- no photographs. Link goes to inspiration (71)
SFGate Scary 70% of Americans will be overweight by 2015: "Ima gonna eat chu" (219)
YouTube Sappy Linus and the meaning of Christmas. Suck it, War on... you know what, nevermind. Peace on Earth, good will towards men (79)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Gas prices fall below $3 which will magically allow consumers to pile on more holiday debt. It's a Christmas miracle (75)
(Amazon.co.uk) Interesting You'd think the buyer reviews for the average Bic ballpoint pen would be uninteresting. And you'd be wrong (101)
(Some Real Baconator) Spiffy Perfect Christmas recipe: from the creator of Bacon Cereal comes the Bacon Cheese Baconburger, with bacon mustard. Bacon (129)
(The Columbian) Ironic After police were ordered to write more speeding tickets, speed-related crashes in Clark County, Washington increased 23% this year (60)
(Live Free or Die) Asinine Cops from five NH police agencies stop 514 cars at "sobriety checkpoint." Eight arrested for DWI. Your tax dollars at work (466)
Daily Mail Scary A pint of beer could cost £4 ($8) in Britain's pubs next year. EVERYBODY PANIC (82)
Rian.Ru Asinine Singapore officials plan to sell every item Maria Sharapova uses during her one-night stay at a hotel next weekend, except for the toilet seat (61)
Toronto Star Cool New public skating rink in Mexico City, world's largest, attracts a thousand skaters hourly. In other news, NHL looks to expand even further south, save a lot of salary money (43)
(Some Guy) Hero "You have one life, and we help you keep it. And we work Christmases." Wish your local EMTs and Paramedics a Merry Christmas (284)
Houston Chronicle Stupid Enough marijuana to roll more than 171 million joints was taken out of commission in a 16-county area and the price of it remains unchanged. Battle on brave drug-warrior (223)
Boston Herald Dumbass The gasoline fire that engulfed a neighborhood wasn’t enough. Now city lawyers, citing lead concerns, want to "quarantine" gifts collected by a 10-year-old to help the newly homeless families. Ho Ho Ho (72)
(W C A X) Stupid Merry Christmas. Someone escaped from the mental hospital Friday, but we waited until Monday to tell you (49)
(NY Times) Obvious About half the population in Kentucky does not have dental insurance, and 1 in 10 are missing all their teeth. Obvious tag for the win (107)
London Times Obvious UK Brainiacs applying to Ivy League colleges because their own fancy pants universities don't cut it no more. With totally hittable UK Brainiac pic (149)
(Some Guy) Weird Introducing the mascots of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver: Bigfoot, a fairy elf, and a Canadian mermaid (103)
(Go Erie) Interesting Pennsylvania county is not sure whether to prosecute some teens as adults. Your precious snowflake wants habeas corpus (100)
(Some Guy) Obvious Darth Vader is more popular than Santa Claus (64)
Daily Mail Interesting The great British Pub Quiz of 2007. Are you smarter than the average Brit? (82)
SMH Asinine Doctors urging revelers to drink moderate amounts of alcohol, in Australia. Yeah, good luck with that (32)
London Times Obvious Top 10 health trends for 2008: It's a British list, so No.10 is pushing hard for the 'irony' tag (42)
Denver Post Interesting Money changers see increased profits selling Christian-themed material possessions in the growing evangelical retail market (119)
(Some Guy) Interesting On his last raid before retiring, a police sniffer dog finds a record haul of cocaine, speed, and pot. "I have never seen a reaction from the dog like that before." (44)
(KVBC) Scary Your housemate asks you not to drink milk from the carton. Do you; A) Apologize and oblige her, B) Buy your own milk, C) Chop up her and her family with a machete (113)
MSNBC Obvious People are increasingly germophobic. Fark's favorite reporter would have been on the scene, but is currently busy scrubbing the Romeromobile with bleach (76)
Des Moines Register Strange Some people won't vote for Barack Obama because they don't want him to get assassinated (167)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these logs, Lincoln (53)
UPI Interesting Britain set to release secret streetlight files (35)
The Scotsman Cool The Scottish government will today receive a request for a licence to bring back beavers to Scotland for the first time in centuries. "Once we get the green light from the government, we will develop the detailed plan" (44)
This Is Local London Amusing Postman refuses to deliver mail to family because he keeps getting attacked by their cat (88)
Independent Interesting Christmas shopping in France has never been more boaring as 200lb wild pig rampages through clothing store, emerges 30 bullets heavier (46)
Telegraph Sad Winston Churchill's party-animal granddaughter has died, gets extra cool points for co-founding the Glastonbury rock festival (77)