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Sun January 06, 2008
(Montana's News Station) PSA Attention, K-Mart shoplifters: we're currently running a Hunt-Your-Dumb-Ass-Down Special, featuring police cars, K9 units, and the Border Patrol helicopter (7)
CBS New York Sick Omg wtf exgf bbq 2 (77)
(WOAI) Dumbass If you're going to impersonate police officers and pull over speeders, it's probably not best to do it in front of a real police officer (47)
IOL Strange "She would strip naked in public and also imagined herself to be the pilot of a Boeing 747." The naked part must have made it easier to put the flaps down (59)
(The Knight Who Said 'Wii') Interesting Queen of England caught playing with Prince William's Wii (79)
(Some Guy) Weird Upset that her biological son left his house to his adoptive parents after his death, woman robs and burns the house. Nope, not Florida, not even Wisconsin. This gem of insanity comes to you from Minnesota (79)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Stupid Man caught stealing 42 items worth $143 at dollar store for the arithmetically-challenged (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this filter (61)
AFP Hero Two soldiers tackle suicide bomber in Iraq, sacrificing their lives to save their comrades in arms (317)
Daily Mail Obvious British standard of living rises above that of Americans for first time in a century. Yoo may make fun of the Yanks' food and lack of teeth in the thread to the right (161)
(Some Guy) Interesting "There's no question in my mind if we had not had that barbecue we would have lost those people" (47)
Daily Mail Amusing If you're pissed off at your neighbor for always stealing your parking space, just be glad he waits until you leave first. Unlike this guy (47)
(KHOU.com) Amusing Bad: You accidentally dye your hair pink. Really Bad: Your mom comes along and dyes it again, making it pink AND orange. Fark: Your school threatens to punish you for your bad hair day (129)
TampaBays10.com Scary Better Ingredients, Better Pizza, Better pack heat (78)
Chicago Tribune Silly If two women are trapped in an elevator on the first floor and they have six aspirin and two cough drops, how long will they survive? (159)
Reuters Amusing Toronto's smallest house is on the market. For only $172,000 or so, this 300 sq. ft. dream home is yours (134)
CNN Weird Al Qaeda offers service that will deliver Osama bin Laden's videos directly to your cell phone, along with a 30 second commercial for Britney Spears' new album "Blackout" (76)
(WKRC) Dumbass Darwin approves of the combination of teenager, skateboard, steep hill, darkness and cross traffic. Teenager doesn't approve of combination of his body and a passing car (78)
(KWTX 10 News) Dumbass Former prisoners attempt to rob banks to raise bail money for another inmate. Stunningly brilliant plan works out about as well as you'd expect from these rocket scientists (19)
Daily Mail Strange 4-year-old girl has the ability to talk to animals through a chromosome defect. When she asked your dog what he/she wanted, your dog said steak (178)
CBS New York Strange Ninja Bandit 19, NYPD 0 (93)
(Some Guy) Cool Game: Draw whatever you want and the game will add the physics to the object. Difficulty: making circles not particularly easy (181)
The Virginian Pilot Dumbass Today's frivolous lawsuit brought to you by woman who got hit by golf ball on a golf course, claims the course has a "design flaw" if that could happen (100)
(City News - Toronto) Dumbass In this era of flight security concerns, maybe breaking into the cockpit and attempting to fly the plane isn't such a hot idea (38)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this gigantic featureless rabbit (85)
Denver Channel Stupid Inmate who escaped prison twice and was recaptured has now sued the jail, on the grounds that they didn't do enough to stop him from escaping (29)
Sun Sentinel Strange Jellyfish is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, jellyfish-kabobs, jellyfish creole, jellyfish gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried (104)
(NBC10) Followup Sperm donor wins challenge to court ordered child support payments (194)
First Coast News Florida Florida now has a fertilizer limit rule. Cows and horses vote to go on strike (28)
Daily Herald Asinine Driver who unknowingly accumulated $179.50 in unpaid tolls over the last year gets a bill demanding $4,619 to pay them. Worse, if not paid in two weeks it goes to $15,739. It is great to see the mafia no longer operates in Illinois (210)
Hartford Courant Obvious You didn't really need that Nose Hair Trimmomatic 5000 afterall (87)
Toledo Blade Dumbass Sign #483 that you're not welcome at the local bar: Bouncer shoots you in the groin (41)
(Eyewitness News Memphis) Dumbass Police officer joins raid on lair of suspected car thieves, follows team into house, encounters pit bull, shoots self in foot. Pit bull didn't attack because it was laughing too hard (63)
BBC Amusing Colombia's laziness museum hopes people will bother to come (42)
(Digital Spy) Amusing Z-list celebrity helps charity, indirectly, by releasing an aftershave which becomes the most-donated unwanted gift to homeless shelters (78)
Boston Herald Interesting Tricky matter of prison library censorship: "Prisoner of Azkaban" is ok, "Shawshank Redemption," not so much (61)
(Kitsap Sun) Stupid Family Feud redefined when mother and son bite, kick and punch father in argument over iPod and computer. Richard Dawson unavailable for comment (48)
(Naples News) Florida Florida fake fish flap fuels flames of fury (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tri-pronged light (63)
Reuters Strange Japanese company creates "family allowances" for pet-owning employees. Meanwhile, getting maternity leave in America can be like pulling a tooth (97)
Fox News Followup Lawmen reclaim stolen cargo truck of stolen rodeo bulls, but rustler remains on the lam. I could make this sound more redneck, but I'd have to staple an outhouse to the headline (34)
AP Dumbass Man sends riders over handlebars after digging nearly 50 holes on a park bike trail as payback. Police not amused (136)
Guardian.com Interesting Irish police demand tasers to control disobedient citizens. Don't tase me, bragh (45)
London Times Weird The Times explores why women are getting angry, noting that chicks don't like it when you call them "broads" (138)
AP Followup Makers of tainted food will pay $3.1 million. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, Yes. That one (57)
London Times Obvious "I have a dream job. . . working on a magazine whose primary focus is Carmen Electra’s breasts and beer," says editor of Maxim (76)
Google Sick Wisconsin man released after serving 18 months for having sex with a dead horse, now will return for another 9 months for having sex with a dead deer (241)
(WSMV.com) Obvious Human skull found in remote area of Stones River National Battlefield Park. If only one could think of a logical reason to find a skull on a battlefield (45)
AP Dumbass If you travel south of the border to hit the beaches, expect to be robbed. If you bring $7,000 worth of gear with you, expect to be labeled a dumbass (145)

Sat January 05, 2008
Breitbart.com Interesting Attendance doubles when SF zoo, site of tiger attack, re-opens. Reports of visitors taunting penguins with tuxedo jokes unsubstantiated (49)
CBS Pittsburgh Stupid Firefighters upset with policy of waiting at fire scene for 4 hours to ensure fires don't rekindle. "In this type of weather, you look like a popsicle before you go back to your engine company" (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bridge to nowhere (92)
Time Interesting A new more attractive and successful Pope to be elected (118)
(KHOU) Interesting Police await results of autopsy, spellcheck in shooting at Da Dub Spot (40)
Local6 Florida Fire chief snaps photos of topless crash victim, e-mails them to surrounding fire departments (119)
(Some Naked Teacher) Dumbass Today's female teacher sending nude photos to a male student is brought to you by Moon Twp., Pennsylvania (137)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Suspect dies after eating the crack hidden in his crack (78)
(Some Guy) Amusing Woman calls police to report a man in her yard with a rope, believes he was hunting deer. Police launch full scale search to find man that kills deer with a rope (59)
(Prince George Citizen) Dumbass Stealing a car and driving it to Wal-Mart not the best move when you're on probation (33)
The Daily Press Stupid Nigerian scammers move into cute-ass baby animal territory with their "free puppies" advertisements (62)
(Anchorage Daily News) Asinine Couple forced to watch home burn down because it was 180 feet beyond the fire service area. "When I saw the truck pull up and turn off its lights, it kind of hurt" (341)
(Some Guy) Cool Bill O'Reilly proves himself a civil observer at Clinton & Obama rallies. Just kidding, he got into a physical fight with a campaign trip director and the secret service (378)
Orlando Sentinel Florida 50 fragmentation bombs, several rockets, a rocket booster and a 37 mm cannon found buried at school in Fark's favorite state (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting Grandmother and her son busted for bringing four kids to a drug deal that included swapping pot for guns and money, giving submitter a nice warm childhood memory (27)
(Some Gal) Scary After brief stay in hospital, Britney Spears has been released into the wild again. Police and mental health professionals advising locals to lock their doors and not leave snack foods or alcohol in the open (197)
(WSMV 4 News) Dumbass Today's "kids left in cold car while parent shops" brought to you by Millington, Tennessee. Cops: "he felt his children were safe because of surveillance cameras on the parking lot" (51)
Boston Globe Amusing High school cancels classes after students make 4'-6' snowbanks at all doors and spray water into every door lock (108)
(Some Guy) Cool When you combine laser tag, dinosaurs, blacklights, and a MiG-21, you get a room full of win (pic) (70)
Telegraph Ironic Bad news: British national health care is stretched to the breaking point by binge drinkers. Good news: when your hospital burns down they wheel you out to the local pub (100)
Detroit News Weird In an attempt to community outreach amongst alien beings, Scientologists are relocating their Michigan headquarters to downtown Detroit. May Xenu have mercy on their body thetans (66)
CNN News Levee breaks, residents of Fernley Nevada got no place to stay (134)
JSOnline Asinine School administrators, three different sheriff's departments, and child protective services investigate school teacher for patting student on the head (229)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this family portrait (109)
Denver Post Spiffy Boulder, Colorado city officials are hot and bothered after strip club owner beats their system and quietly sets up shop within city limits by not applying for a liquor license so they could deny him (115)
Boston Globe Interesting Man loses job for not registering for the draft -- in 1984 (235)
(Buffalo News) Interesting Wegmans Markets, the #1 rated supermarket chain in the US, will stop selling tobacco products (242)
Bangor Daily News Scary Moose collisions killed five people in 2007. Mynd you, møøse cøllisions Kan be pretty nasti (89)
TampaBays10.com Florida News: Restaurant bans children under ten to make "better dining experience for adults." Fark: Restaurant located in Disney World (174)
Slate Interesting Why don't we drop medical waste and nuclear waste into active volcanoes? Good question (173)
The Newspaper Followup Virginia's speeding ticket tax didn't raise revenue and did raise highway deaths. Politicians debate whether that means the tax should be repealed or increased (74)
Orlando Sentinel Florida This should end well: newspaper's "Tech Guy" advises that you can clean up your computer by deleting all .exe files. Guess where? (290)
UPI Interesting Pub chain limits parents to two measly drinks (135)
Reuters Spiffy "What's important is that when I'm 105 I don't want to be thinking: 'I wish I had moved to the other side of the world when I was 102.'" (32)
(Some Frozen Guy) Sad Furnace oil costs crippling Canada's east coast. Us folks west of youse ain't a-doin' so great neither. "One would think that heat in a winter country like Canada would be a right." Right? WRONG (149)
BBC Stupid Having exhausted their power of angry letters, the UN enlists Spider-Man to solve global conflicts, make people like them (148)
Flickr Spiffy "I've seen a horse fly. I've even seen a house fly. But I've never seen a cat fly." (446)
The Tennessean Strange Truckload of rodeo bulls stolen in downtown Nashville (37)
AP Obvious Seniors protest funeral home being placed across from senior center, claim conveyor belt sidewalks a little too much (49)
Daily Mail Dumbass Attention jungle visitors: please do not taunt the giant monkey. Thank you. (with pics) (97)
TampaBays10.com Interesting Today is World Hypnotism Day. When you awaken, you will be a duck (68)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this mysterious door (74)
LA Times Obvious First Los Angeles death of '08 is a suspected burglar who came at the LAPD brandishing a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun. Kids, see what happens when you smoke? (51)
(WLKY) Stupid Atheist father sues ex-wife for sending son to Catholic school, wants to prevent child from picking up bad habits (196)
BBC Interesting Scotland starts hunt for zombies. This will all be over in 28 days (pic) (61)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass Man busted for making phony 911 calls "because he wanted to watch officers respond to emergencies" (17)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Cadillac Ranch: Cool in Amarillo. Airstream RV Ranch: FAILorida (30)
The Sun Sad "It has always been my dream to be a soldier and have a great figure. Now my fake boobs have cost me my job" (53)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine Woman steals wedding ring from dying sister's hand (66)
London Times Asinine Switzerland one ups the U.K. by installing speed cameras on ski slopes (35)
LA Times Cool Risk of developing cancer from toxic air has dropped by 17% in SoCal, so feel free to inhale toxic air in all its glory (16)
Fox News Weird Houston woman finds Christ-like image in potato (102)
Japan Times Spiffy Japan has made the strawberry-chocolate hybrid fruit a reality. They must be stopped (83)
(East Valley Tribune) Spiffy Ugly ass otter born at Phoenix zoo. Of course there is a pic (48)
UPI Dumbass With the costs of today's Proms you have to take up stealing to pay for it (32)
The Smoking Gun Amusing This week's best mug shots (includes guy actually flashing gang signs while posing for sheriff) courtesy of The Smoking Gun (156)
London Times Interesting British SAS and other commandos from secret operations win the right to stay anonymous, even after death. I could give you the link to this article, but then I would have to kill you (51)
CNN Asinine With the primary results in from Iowa, and with Clinton placing second to Obama, CNN conducts hard hitting analysis with articles entitled "If Clinton Wins, would Justice Clinton be far behind?" (174)
The Sun Amusing Burglar caught after leaving trail of corn flakes from crime scene to her home. Naturally, she's been bran'ded a cereal offender (30)
Toronto Star Dumbass News: teen busted for street racing parents' new car @ 100 mph. Fark: against unmarked cop car used for hunting down aggressive drivers (130)
(The Shreveport Times) Dumbass Real genius Val Kilmer and his top gun crew arrested for turning up the heat on a few mailboxes. With top secret mugshot goodness (110)

Fri January 04, 2008
(Obsidian Wings) Sad Reservist blogger killed in Iraq wrote goodbye letter to be posted in the event of his death. It's actually funny and lighthearted until he starts saying goodbye to his wife and you start bawling (439)
London Times Followup Italian wine growers up in arms over Paris Hilton's latest shill: "Rich Prosecco," a mix of wine and fruit juice. Because who wouldn't buy wine in a can from a gold-painted skank? (53)
Yahoo Strange Al Qaeda recruiting more women as suicide bombers. It just takes a lot longer to coordinate the vest with the shoes and purse (61)
Canada.com Interesting After her home gets trashed from a New Year's Eve party, hostess sends a scathing email to all her guests and adds a PayPal link for donations to help pay for cleaning expenses (175)
(Wait...what?) Photoshop Photoshop this creek-wading grad student determining the elevational effects upon spring snowpack melt-rate changes (55)
CBS San Francisco Ironic Child molester dies in prison after choking on a hot dog (112)
ABC News Interesting Supreme Court to hear case of the only two prisoners on Death Row for non-murder charges (392)
Yahoo Stupid Actual headline: "NASA hopes to launch space shuttle launch this month." This announcement sponsored by the Department of Redundancy Department (56)
Google Interesting Scientists: World to cool slightly in 2008. ZOMG global cooling EVERYBODY PANIC (380)
(Some Guy) Obvious Citing consumer confusion in the high-def format war, Warner drops HD-DVD support. Or was it Blu-Ray? (185)
CBS New York Amusing New Jersey high school starts mandatory breathalyzer tests at social events. Donna Martin graduates (74)
Yahoo NewsFlash Federlowned (447)
AP Followup Democrtatic fundraiser Norman Hsu gets 3 years in prison. Which means he'll be out just in time for the next Presidential election cycle (47)
Telegraph Amusing British baffled by American culinary import known as the bread bowl. Bewildered commentators call it "the strangest culinary invention in years." (194)
(swissinfo.org) Interesting German chancellor proposes setting up camps for young criminals. You know who else... hell, that's just too easy (80)
UPI Followup Two Dallas police officers may face charges for allegedly holding country singer Steve Holy and a friend at gunpoint during a foosball game. In other news, people still play foosball (96)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Not news: Middle-aged woman arrested for assault on paramedics. News: She told them not to use their lights and sirens outside her house. Fark: She chased them down the street with a rolling pin. (With mugshot goodnes) (57)
ABC News Amusing Chuck Norris to travel to New Hampshire with Huckabee. Will hit casino with only a joker, a "get out of jail free" Monopoly card, a two of clubs, seven of spades and a green No. 4 card from the game Uno (201)
DallasNews Unlikely Man -- freed after 27 years of wrongful inprisonment -- was told by DA, "You are an example of how justice is supposed to work" (127)
(Science Daily) Scary Spanish researchers find harmful pesticides in 100 percent of human test subjects. EVERYBODY HISPANIC (54)
(Daily Kos) Obvious Daily Kos figures out that the right-wing crazy is just like the left-wing crazy (266)
BBC Obvious Ric Romero Institute in Liverpool reports that helicopter parents may do more harm than good. Bonus: They list five subspecies (42)
(Daily Camera) Stupid After high-tech electronic voting machines fail to meet safegaurds, Colorado considers going super low-tech with an all mail-in ballot this November (110)
(Some Climber) Amusing "Our employees, agents, and guests... may be stupid, reckless, mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed... we aren't necessarily going to do anything about it" Best. Disclaimer. Ever (109)
(Some Guy) Cool Beverly Hills may get a giant penis statue (126)
Orlando Sentinel Sick This damn baby won't stop crying. Hmmmm maybe if I burn its skin off with hot cooking oil and a hair dryer the baby will calm down (412)
UPI Interesting FDA considers approving cloned foods (347)
UPI Interesting FDA considers approving cloned foods (127)
(Some Raven) PSA Baltimore Fark Party, January 18 at Maggie Moore's, followed by hanging out at Westminster Church Graveyard (2 blocks away) to wait for the Poe Toaster (67)
(Daily Freeman) Strange Traffic court judge reduces speeding charge to lesser offense. Police sue judge to require him to find all accused speeders guilty as charged (189)
Canoe Interesting Think the price of gas is bad? Soaring world methanol prices mean a jug of washer fluid will soon cost you $6 (122)
St. Pete Times Asinine What is this, beat and rob the disabled week? (63)
TampaBays10.com Cool Frozen manatees seek refuge in warm Florida power plant waste "sauna." Oh the huge manatee trifecta now in play (85)
(WKRC) Weird The funniest news anchor dance party video you'll see today - don't miss. Yes this really aired (291)
(Pocono Record) Dumbass Pantless man rescued from kitchen vent after New Year's Eve celebrating. Or "it seemed like a good idea at the time" (33)
(NBC) Amusing "American Gladiators" is back. All new series premiere Sunday on NBC (Sponsored Link) (313)
Yahoo Silly Chicago tavern to start selling chicken wings coated in Red Savina peppers, one of the world's hottest. Patrons must sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries (253)
Gawker Stupid Jan. 3, 8:31 p.m.: NY Times writer declares early caucus outcome projections "madness." Jan. 3rd, 8:41 p.m.: NY Times writer projects caucus outcome (138)
(WCVB-TV) Amusing "Hundreds of chickens and ducks need homes." I'm sure someone could find space for them in freezers, ovens, stomachs (30)
DallasNews Followup Mom who lied for Hannah Montana tickets apologizes on "Today" for scam, drawn-on eyebrows (291)
(Church of the SubGenius) Strange Religious cult announces the world will be invaded by aliens in July of 2008. Predators to follow, battle aliens in August (159)
MSNBC Interesting California braces itself for coming storm. In similar news, Fark admins brace themselves for thousands of hourly updates on Britney's condition (131)
Canada.com Interesting Canadian authorities remaining tight-lipped on the UFO that they shot down over Prince Edward Island the day after Christmas (71)
The Sun Amusing Britain is turning into an alien nation -- Cornish UFO spotted again. Cornish pasties still occasionally tasty (53)
(Oh The Huge...) Photoshop Florida is asking for students to help redesign the state's "Save the Manatee" decal. Show us your mad manatee photoshop skillz (53)
Local6 Florida Super-sized autopsy tables needed for the increase of fatass corpses (249)
Lancashire Evening Post Scary Man found guilty of being nude in his own home. Maybe we should all be very, very worried... or at least learn to stay away from windows (142)
Seattle Times Hero Couple of Morans acquitted of tax fraud after two trials, seven years and their entire life savings (95)
(Schenectady Daily Gazette) Sad Newest reason not to serve in the military: You might lose custody of your kid to your ex (205)
Telegram Dumbass Man shows up for arraignment on DUI charges, blows .40 percent on breathalyzer in court and it's still morning (117)
FanHouse Amusing Clinton Portis says that the play of Washington Redskins teammate Santana Moss has really improved ever since Moss' penis surgery made him more aerodynamic (71)
(KFOX El Paso) Stupid Dear family, sorry we kicked down your door at 3:00 a.m. with guns drawn. Some drunk idiot gave us the wrong address. Sincerely, the El Paso Police Department (492)
(KSAT.com) Amusing After firemen complain about having to use the Crane of Life™, Oklahoma City mayor urges entire city to go on diet (74)
(Some Curmudgeon) Sad James Randi to end million-dollar paranormal challenge in 2010. The fakers only have to stall for two more years (250)
London Times Amusing You wanna know how you do it? Here's how: She sells a numberplate, you burn some lingerie. She sends some of your stuff to the Goodwill, you send some of hers to the dump. That's the married way, and that's how you get divorced (133)
(Tribune Review) Dumbass Not news: Wanted man hides from police. Fark: Inside hollowed-out sofa. What a couch potato (31)
Stuff Amusing Scientists trekking across a little visited part of Antarctica have discovered a bizarre artifact that is dominating the South Pole of Inaccessibility. It's huge, and made of plastic (179)
News.com.au Interesting Prisons in Japan allowing for aging population by installing wheelchair access, grab bars, private access to lawns (19)
(Some Car) Photoshop Photoshop this winding road (52)
BBC Strange Actual headline proving English no longer speak it: "Snow-holers using new 'poo chute'" (pic) (56)
(WLBZ.com) Asinine Hospital officials says they had no choice but to let a man discharge himself early and leave the hospital... in a snowstorm, heavily medicated, delusional and wearing slippers (84)
MDN Obvious Japan boasts lowest road deaths in over 50 years, credits potholes (27)
The Sun Dumbass British workers -- oh, let's call them "idiots" for the sake of this report -- give up £25 billion a year in wages by not filing for the overtime their employers make them work (69)
(Some Guy) Obvious Hong Kong cop poses as 15-year old and goes undercover at high school to bust triad operating there. This would make a great movie (46)
(TMZ) Obvious Britney Spears in police/paramedic standoff at her home (602)
(WESH) Florida Tomorrow's forecast: Continuing cold, partial chance of iguana showers (48)
The Sun Interesting Think it's cold where you are? This woman needed welders to cut her off a railway line after accidentally falling on it at -30C (106)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass Katrina evacuee mom leaves +/- 10 kids home alone to get married in Africa to a man she met on the Internet. She would have left her older kids in charge, but they're in jail (168)
Yahoo Dumbass Pregnant woman loses her pug dog, only to get a letter from an anonymous alcoholic telling her that she found the dog and gave it to her daughter as a Christmas present. Someone is doing 12 steps wrong (126)
(Some Guy) Cool The most awesome Transformer made out of a KFC bucket you'll see until the next Transformers movie comes out brought to you by KFC (95)

Thu January 03, 2008
(It's Comcastic) Dumbass If I'd known seven hours of douchebaggery counted as a comedy act, I'd have given it a shot years ago. Dane Cook sets world record for longest standup act without any laughing (321)
(Gulfnews.com) Interesting Bird flu kills three hundred Ducs in Vietnam. If you got that joke, you are officially old (42)
(Some Guy) Interesting Japanese line up by the thousands for their annual fukubukuro. It sounds dirty. But it's not. But it should be. Fukubukuro (97)
(WOODtv.com) Scary If you accidentally dropped your live and armed M905 tail fuse detonator into the Goodwill donation bin, the MI authorities would like to have a word with you (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Fark's first-ever runway fashion show (107)
Boston Globe Stupid Atlanta is the U.S.' busiest airport for the third straight year, as Americans are apparently desperate to go see an underground mall, a Coca Cola museum, and NOTHING ELSE (195)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Man drives 40 straight hours cross-country to threaten and harrass girl he met while playing "Halo 3." Bonus: He calls himself a "very conservative Christian" on his MySpace page (167)
(WMTW.com) Strange Wal-Mart fires atheist employee for not believing in Santa Claus (192)
ABC News NewsFlash Obama and Edwards to Hillary: "Suck my caucus" (1285)
CNN Obvious "Detergent or soap mixes with water to attack lots of stains" and other helpful laundry tips. It's not news, it's CNN.com (30)
Independent Obvious Pope orders Vatican observatory dismantled, saying he needs no more proof that the sun revolves around the earth (94)
ABC News NewsFlash Mike Huckabee projected to win Iowa, hopefully will give YEAAAAARGH speech within the hour (795)
Chicago Tribune Stupid "Godless liberal keys the car of a Marine" or "Cars parked on city streets are often the targets of vandalism." You decide (158)
Wall Street Journal Cool Beneficent creatures from the 17th Dimension use this bracelet as a beacon to locate people who need pain relief, and whisk them off to their homeworld every night to provide help in ways unknown to our science (42)
CBS Boston Unlikely Clemens: Trainer did shoot me up... with vitamins (76)
BBC Amusing "Running the engines without fuel could trigger a catastrophic explosion." Obviously more oil company propaganda against the fuel-less rocket (42)
ABC News Spiffy Iowa caucus discussion thread (1258)
(Some Guy) Obvious "He tried to stop the train by waving his arms, which apparently was not totally effective in slowing the train" (38)
TampaBays10.com Sad Tampa Bay locals annoyed at state because of disgusting beaches. Fortunately, authorities harbor no ill-whale. Bonus: First paragraph begging to be farked (90)
(Some Guy) Scary Biggest storm in years heading towards California with 30 foot ocean swells, hurricane force winds, and up to 15" of rain. Cowabunga, dude (144)
(some pig) Florida Florida develops new theory: Pig + Space Heater = House Fire (46)
(Denton Record Chronicle) Weird A bucket theft that doesn't involve a walrus (101)
CBC Amusing Cops pull over 85 year old man going 100 mph, charge him with street racing. Who knew those little scooters could go that fast? (59)
(Some Guy) Obvious Power tools given as Christmas gifts put thousands of people in hospital for New Year's Day. Why yes, most were men and alcohol was usually a factor when they decided to play an improptu game of nail-gun shootout (56)
NJ.com Followup Window washer who survived a 47-story fall from a New York City skyscraper is expected to walk again and make a near 100 percent recovery. Ta da (79)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Ron Paul on how he'll do in Iowa: "I'm going to shock the world. And even if I don't, it's okay because the front page of the New York Times told me that I'm the new governor of Antarctica" (421)
(Houstonist) Unlikely This time the McRib farewell tour is for real (215)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Male feminist gets his panties in a bunch of Larry Flynt's endorsement of Kucinich (177)
(Some Guy) Amusing Mosque workers in Dharapuram shocked to discover someone threw a piece of pork into the mosque during the night. Bonus: The incident prompted police to "beef up security" (86)
Houston Chronicle Followup Dollar no longer accepted for admission to the Taj Mahal. Ticket takers will accept rupees, a goat or a Dell customer-service line job for their cousin Bhavesh (69)
News.com.au Strange Girl loses stud from a piercing in the ocean. Later, her fiancé serves her fish with the stud inside it. Wait a minute, isn’t this from an eBay commercial? (68)
AFP Strange You're a South African BMW owner who finds a whole family of Cape Hyrax living under your hood. Do you: C. Drive across town at high speed to the dealership and abandon the car there with no explanation? (94)
Live Science PSA Survey indicates half of doctors prescribe placebos. Does yours? If not, be sure to ask your doctor if prescription-strength Placebo™ is right for YOU. (use with caution if you are diabetic or allergic to sucrose, use only as directed) (132)
New Scientist Silly Not only does alcohol make women easier at last call, but it also turns men gay (144)
TBO Florida Bill would make bestiality a felony in Florida. Sleeping with your sister is still cool (180)
Yahoo Interesting Toyota overtakes Ford as #2 automaker by U.S. sales although most people will always think of Ford as #2 (307)
Guardian.com Dumbass Pfahler pforced to pflee home. Pfolks Pfrosty over legal pfight against small pfry skier. Pfail (60)
AP Sad Woman frees man in a wheelchair from a snow bank. Then she robs him (85)
LA Times Unlikely Understanding Iowa and its huge, throbbing caucuses and how deep they penetrate as they tear into the flesh of our country, pounding to the beat of our hearts and minds, before this coming, messy, election (191)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these ripe tomatoes (59)
Forbes Unlikely Unemployed youths to sterilize monkeys in India. This should end well (83)
Newsday Followup Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree now starring in Mulchfest 2008 (42)
(The Post Chronicle) Followup Case closed in Monday’s "would you hit it" debate on law student/beauty queen-turned-psychopath. Jury’s still hung on sex change question (with mugshot goodness) (300)
Starpulse Stupid Rupert Everett thought replacing his fake breasts with water balloons and popping them would be a great prank to play on the set of his new film. Guess you had to be there (64)
BBC Obvious Scottish electronic stores flooded with customers buying big-screen TVs so they can enjoy "Whose Haggis Is This?", the British rip-off of the "The Office" and their national football team not qualifying for anything (92)
UPI Stupid Norway blasts Iran over execution. Iran is so ashamed and upset about Norway being mad that it vows to change to a democracy and renounce terrorism and extremism. Or maybe not (302)
SuperDeluxe Video Knievel update: Evel trades cycle for sickle (72)
Des Moines Register Strange Don't you hate it when your annoying in-laws crash at your house and hit you on the head with a frying pan 12 times, but you're the one taken to jail because you kept calling the cops? (72)
Daily Herald Obvious Casino board: We need to check IDs to keep out problem gamblers. Police: What I'm hearing is that we can check IDs for outstanding warrants and sex offenders (149)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Former president Clinton provides glimpse at wife's human side, as opposed to her bionic, crime-fighting side (132)
Local6 Florida Snow falls in Daytona Beach -- panic ensues (with viewer pics) (163)
SLTrib Sad Michael Vick's dogs sent to Utah. Wait, what did THEY do wrong? (78)
(Deadline Hollywood Daily) Interesting Jay Leno's self-penned monologue might have broken strike rules after being funnier than jokes written by a full writer's room (400)
(Some guy) Interesting America to host first high-level diplomat from Libya since 1972. U.S. wants to talk Pan Am Flight 103. Libya wants apology for ethnic slur in the first "Back to the Future" movie (57)
Boston Globe Cool All is well in France '08, only 372 cars burned for New Year's this time, down 15 from '07 (144)
BBC Interesting "Man denies hamster hurling charge." Glad we could get that cleared up (61)
Daily Mail Dumbass Lone trader responsible for yesterday's $100 a barrel oil after making key trade "so he could tell his grandchildren he was the one who did it" (240)
(Some Guy) Asinine Katrina-victim homeowners are upset because the government won't reward them top dollar for moving onto a flood plain (398)
(Journal News) Dumbass Hey Bubba, watch this... BOOM (98)
Washington Post Interesting Virginia looking into repealling the law that requires women who report rapes to undergo lie detector tests. Get ready to lose a lot more arguments, fellas (324)
Boston Globe Stupid Governor hopes to bring casinos to Massachusetts by spending so much money that only gambling revenue can prevent a budget deficit (92)
The Sun Amusing Man gets into altercation with a mother outside bakery. Son valiantly rushes in and attacks the man with a lightsaber. Anakin, get back in the car (41)
Google Amusing Veterinarians prepare for surgery on python that ate fore golf balls (53)
CNN Stupid CNN: This is the first election since 1960 without an incumbent president or vice president running. Zombie Nixon: I'll just look elsewhere for BRAAAAINS (174)
CNN Followup Hackers who inserted a fake nuclear explosion into the background of a weathercam scene now facing criminal charges, may soon feel the downside of having things forcibly inserted where they don't belong (86)
(Some Eskimo) Strange A massive winter storm, a foot of snow accumulation, wind chill below zero. This can mean only one thing in Toronto: The surf's up on Lake Ontario (63)
The Sun Sad Hv bn snwbrdg nw lst nd cld on mtn pls snd .......................... (thud) (61)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this perched butterfly (67)
(Greenville Online) Obvious Scientific study determines that text messaging while driving could cause wrecks. Stl n0 cur 4 c4nc3r LOL (51)
BBC Obvious Firefighters in China battle massive market blaze. If only there was some sort of exercise Chinese people could do to practice in the event of a fire (65)
(Some Shrinkage) Sad Global warming fears come true as polar bear drowns in front of hundreds of spectators (111)
STLToday Dumbass If your brother-in-law works for the police department, it's probably not a good idea to fake a break-in at his house (26)
CNN Florida Headline: "Chilly weather puts citrus crop at risk." Article: "Most of the citrus crop is farther south, where the temperature will not get so cold" (32)
AP Dumbass If you're a judge, don't make fantasy tapes that are so lurid, the feds think they're listening to a torture session and believe it might be linked to a murder case (51)
(Moldova.org) Stupid Police and fire crews summoned to determine body found at cemetery has straw limbs and pumpkin head (18)
Yahoo Amusing Couple has Pennsylvania's first baby of New Year. Again (50)
The Sun Amusing Healthcare provider sticks to its rigid Viagra prescription quota. Crooked patient now hardening his resolve to stiff them in court (31)
(KTEN) Weird Making love in the brand new year with Cecilia ♫ Up in my bedroom (making love) ♫ I got up to wash my knees ♫ When I come back to bed ♫ Someone's taken my keys (31)
The Smoking Gun Strange Where there's a Smoking Gun, there's a fire-dancing-studio owner mugshot (40)
The Sun Amusing Funniest video of a breakdancing RAF ground crew member directing Tornado jets on a runway you'll see in the next 18 minutes (pics, link to vid) (71)
(WYFF4.com) Interesting Company's soap profits helps fund mission trips, fight clubs (50)
(Some Dangling Participle) Photoshop Photoshop what this young photographer is really taking a photo of (73)
(Glasgow Herald) Asinine Two hundred British soldiers returning from Afghanistan are forced to strip off their uniforms and put civilian clothes on before being allowed inside Birmingham airport (172)
(IHT.com) Asinine Model poses for jewelry ad, makes "O" face, sues company for showing her with "O" face, thus ensures way more views than ad would have gotten otherwise (170)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 139: "What a Load of Crop." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (90)

Wed January 02, 2008
Seattle Times Unlikely After discovering a 300% return on investment, Seattle adds 450% more red-light cameras, citing a 100% motivation for the children (137)
The Virginian Pilot Obvious Thank you everyone for your prayers - Pat Robertson's predictions once again failed to come true (117)
Abc.net.au Strange Ugliest picture of penguin without pigment you'll see all day (77)
(Some Guy) Weird An American couple wants to start a slavery theme park where "guests" will be kidnapped, shackled, piled onto a ship, sold, and psychologically tortured. Travelocity not yet selling package deals (93)
CNN Sad As always, too much alcohol leads to wasted seamen in hotel room (38)
SeattlePI Cool For those of you who wondered about DB Cooper's money... here is your chance to buy some of it (39)
SFGate Followup SF Zoo to reopen Thursday, with new signs and loudspeakers asking patrons to "leave the animals alone." In other news, Chris Crocker reportedly excited about new project (113)
Boston Globe Misc Harvard decides gift of land for use in forestry research is best used to research how to cut down forests and build expensive houses (50)
(Naples News) Florida Man and nephew saved after becoming lost on orchid hunt, force to relinquish man cards (59)
(WTOC) Scary Woman in her 60s who crossed several streets going about 80 miles an hour before plowing through a garage and hitting another home says she just couldn't get her foot off the accelerator. Blue Brothers wanted for questioning (64)
NJ.com Weird Cop's attempt to explain white hood as not racist, but rather a gag from an old Robin Williams joke falls flat when people realize that no one would retell a Robin Williams joke (85)
Yahoo Scary Today's "inmate fakes chest pains in order to escape hospital prison, takes hostages, carjacks two cars, nonfatally shoots man in head, and is finally gunned down by police in cemetery" story comes from Laurel, MD (72)
AP Amusing Wisconsin Department of Tourism wants to create an image that goes beyond “foam Cheeseheads, beer and brats.” Let's help them out, shall we? VE (356)
DallasNews Misc Today’s "man amputating own arm to free himself" story brought to you by Manor, Texas. He's in critical condition but still holding on (113)
(Some Guy) Interesting Sea-going kayaker stalked by massive great white shark. Meet your new p0wnd pic (179)
(Some Guy) Strange Elmira man bites mother-in-law's finger after she asked him to move his beer. Giddy up, oom poppa, oom poppa, ow ow (68)
(ksat.com) Sad 500 acres burned at China Grove, whooooaaaah ohhhh, China Grove (38)
(Some Fine Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these lettermen (71)
(The Mirror) Cool Led Zeppelin to headline o'er the hills and far away at Bonnaroo in Manchester, Tennessee (156)
Breitbart.com Sad "Hearty eaters" kicked out of all-you-can-eat buffet. Lawyer going to cite Simpson vs. Sea Captain for reference (287)
SMH Scary University of Sydney considering eliminating interviews for med school, going to a lottery system instead. Huge number of things in Australia that can hurt you last seen chuckling with glee (74)
Yahoo Cool Happy Introvert Day. Celebrate inside quietly where no one can see or hear you (229)
(Science Daily) Scary Report shows hospitals confuse "Do Not Resuscitate" wristbands and "Livestrong" bracelets. On the bright side, there are less people with those obnoxious bracelets (195)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Twelve-year-old yanks 551-pound bull shark from the water while fishing off the coast of south Florida. Shark's family watches in horror (168)
SFGate Obvious In wake of fatal tiger attack at zoo, somber candlelight vigil held -- for the tiger. C'mon, it's San Francisco (361)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oil hits $100 a barrel on news that we'll pay anything they want for it (282)
NPR Obvious Hotel chain receives over 7,000 applications for greatest job in the world (232)
Guardian.com Sad Helicopter parents now hovering above graduate jobs market (288)
(Digital Spy) Unlikely Today's announcement of a new YouTube rival comes from... *spins wheel*... MC Ham... hey, who put him on there? Stop mucking around, you guys (64)
Orlando Sentinel Florida It gets a little cold in Florida and they declare a state of emergency (255)
Philly Interesting PETA protests plan to place anti-seagull netting over Atlantic City boardwalk, says seagulls more valuable than New Jersey gamblers. And for once, they're right (146)
(WTHR) Hero Armed citizen politely takes down convenience store robber (482)
Daily Mail Weird In addition to the rickety Tatamobiles, horse-drawn carts, sacred cows and other assorted livestock, drivers in India now have to watch out for kids roller-skating under their cars (32)
Daily Mail Asinine Couple banned for life from shopping center for taking photographs of their grandchildren. "The security guard said we had committed an act of terrorism" (202)
(Bloomberg) Scary Male belly dancing making a comeback in Egypt. Submitter would like to use this opportunity to lobby for a DO NOT WANT tag (209)
FARK Spiffy Congratulations to the winners of Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest (221)
(Some Guy) Ironic Employees at Bubble Wrap factory complain about constant pop-pop-pop noise from adjacent police shooting range. "This noise has been disruptive and disquieting to many of our employees," says company official (102)
Boston Globe Sad "2d victim found in building's ruins." That's one flattened s.o.b. (68)
(Some Hyper Guy) PSA Caffeine in doughnuts, chips and bagels? It's going to become more common than you might think. Hot food trends for 2008 (124)
Telegraph Obvious New study shows that Britons prefer American fast food to greasy fish wrapped in yesterday's newspaper, black pudding and spotted dick. Who knew? (147)
UPI Interesting Coping with helplessness is best done alone. When I cope alone I prefer to be by myself (52)
TechnologyReview Obvious "It is still a mystery to me why television news remains so dissatisfying, so superficial, and so irrelevant" (85)
Yahoo Spiffy McDonald's employee, 47 and a food-stamp recipient, picks up what he thinks is litter, finds out that it is a check for $185,000... and returns it (221)
(accd.edu) Interesting Forty-three state lotteries ranked for disclosure and fairness. New York leads in percentage of idiot ticket buyers at local delis who waste everybody's time pondering how to diversify their scratch-off portfolio (110)
IndyStar Cool New happenin' churches include gymnasiums, coffee shops and book stores to bring in the multitudes. Hey, what's that hippie doing to the money changer? (317)
ABC News Followup Tiger attack brothers hire "legal pit bull." Prosecution said to be hiring Michael Vick (211)
Sun Sentinel Florida Dispute over beer money? Check. In a trailer park at 6:00 a.m.? Check. Was a machete involved? Check. The Florida tag is locked and loaded (21)
CBS Sacramento Florida Now, what state would require snake owners to have a "bite response plan" and tell turtles: "Sex. NOT YOURS"? (45)
(Some Statistic) Stupid Yet another sign New Orleans is returning to normal: Murder rates are once again among the highest in the nation (236)
The Sun Strange One of England's top cops calls Ecstasy "safer than Aspirin" and calls for it to be legalized, along with heroin and cocaine. Wait, what? (146)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Siberian housecat (72)
(Tucson Citizen) Scary Gravity still working fine. Random New Year's Eve gunfire injures girl when bullet crashes through ceiling (134)
Breitbart.com Stupid Fire chief says he's responded to a lot of strange calls, but this was the first time he had to help a 75-year-old guy who was thrown, then mauled, while attempting to ride his pet buffalo (20)
The Sun Sad One in 15 British workers will call in sick today as 2008 dawns and they realize they live in the armpit of the universe (160)
El Paso Times Interesting First baby of 2008 born 11 seconds after midnight. With ugly-ass newborn pic. Bonus: Has siblings named Lucas and Anakin (137)
News.com.au Interesting Immigrants are failing new Aussie citizenship test. Solution: Make it easier. Apparently, nobody knows how many chazwozzers are in a bullroarer (84)
AFP Asinine Junk-food ad ban comes into force in Britain. Captain Crunch and Count Chocula to join forces to combat this outrage (70)
(News4Jax) Florida New Year starts off poorly for family man who checked state sex-offender website to see if any child molesters lived nearby, and finds his own address listed instead (72)

Tue January 01, 2008
The Sun Spiffy Woman saves home from burning down by smothering kitchen fire with her underwear. How? Well, she's a size 20. “I’m lucky my knickers are like a parachute." (64)
(Wildlife Extra) Spiffy Ugliest-ass baby long-eared rodent you'll see today, caught on film for first time (46)
Breitbart.com Silly An online poll shows growing support for Bhutto's son. Is this because 1) He's motivated due to the loss of his mother? 2) He's qualified due to his Oxford education, or 3) He's hot, OMG he's so HOT111eleventy (133)
(Rapture Ready) Obvious About that whole rapture thing on December 31, 2007? Yeah, sorry about that (366)
CNN Asinine Whites who go to an ER more likely to get narcotic painkillers when complaining of severe pain than blacks are. "Obvious" tag stepped up for this headline, but "Asinine" insisted it take this one (224)
CBS New York Amusing If you stage a protest, and no one comes, is it then an amateurtest? (40)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Stupid People that jump into cold water in the winter are stupid. There, it's been said (76)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this shy accordionist (62)
AP Followup The Rose Parade protest, planned to be huge and confrontational, was reduced to sign waivers being booed in front of national TV. Sheehan downgraded from Mom of Peace™ (186)
Telegraph Asinine English city to begin charging higher parking fees for longer cars. Driver of Oscar Mayer Wienermobile steamed (62)
ABC News Spiffy UVa tests drug that may boost libido of women who have lost interest in sex. Still no cure for flannel nightwear (153)
Daily Mail Asinine Man jailed for three years when a woman lied about him raping her billed £12,500 for 'food and lodging' for his time in prison (265)
Telegraph Strange Man sets off in 1908 to walk around the world wearing an iron mask, pushing a baby carriage, and with only one change of underwear. Then the story gets weird (37)
(Some Tar Heel) Asinine If you popped something in Maiden, NC, the drought-stricken residents would like to have a shotgun with you (95)
CNN Dumbass Name regret becoming a more common woe among new parents. Submitter first thought this looked like an Obvious tag, but now thinks that Dumbass suits it better (604)
(Some Guy) Florida Elderly man fights off three home invaders, shooting one, while also busy having a heart attack. Now THAT is hardcore (49)
CBC Obvious If you are planning on getting a gym membership for the new year, here's some sobering data (96)
JSOnline Scary Beware, the "Silver Tsunami" is about to strike. In 2008, the first wave of a generation 78 million strong will hit the Social Security system (181)
(Some Clairvoyant) Amusing Round-up of Art Bell's 2008 Psychic Predictions show. Art still bans visions of assasinations since he's "sick of dealing with the Secret Service." Johnny Smith unavailable for comment (76)
(WOODtv.com) Stupid Woman continues to drive even though she, her truck, and her German Shepherd are on fire. Police suspect alcohol was involved, but she says she was just out for a hot dog (20)
UPI Dumbass Presenting the first entry for the “Dumbest Criminal of the Year” award (28)
Guardian.com Asinine The Nanny State takes off the kid gloves, threatening to withhold health care from unrepentant fatties and smokers (281)
MSNBC Obvious Today's keywords for a slow news day: cold, flu, winter, medicine, everybody panic (11)
(KCRA) Stupid Cost of dowries dropping faster than used home prices, so now is best time to pick that bride you've been saving for (51)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Spiffy Sheltie trees a cougar in Orange County. Mmmm, Orange County cougars (62)
(Some Guy) Asinine Hey Illinois smokers, here's a reminder that communism still exists. Happy new year (414)
(Some Guy) Cool TCP/IP was adopted 25 years and 792 billion porn images ago today (56)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Interesting Researchers working on cocaine vaccine... cause that's what addicts need, a drug to make them stop taking drugs (68)
(Naples News) Florida Booze, drugs, guns and nudity all included as sunshine state paper offers its mugshots of the year (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Search ended for Michigan man lost in Hawaii blizzard" Wait... what? (73)
Sign On San Diego Sad It probably wasn't the best idea to have the police dog attack the drunk guy who is trying to jump off a bridge (106)
(HeraldNet) Dumbass Underage driver: check. Running from cops: check. Crashing into concrete barrier: check. Leaping off bridge onto cold, solid pavement causing severe head injuries? That's just how car chases work in Snohomish (42)
SeattlePI Amusing Computer glitch halts Seattle New Years fireworks show at the Space Needle. F**king Windows Vista (169)
(WMTW.com) Unlikely Family sees the Virgin Mary on their living room wall. Or it could be Death or a big toe. You decide (pic in link) (161)
Philly Scary Man in SUV caroms off both guardrails, is ejected through the windshield into center lane, where a tractor-trailer promptly runs him over. Police give him a round of applause, DUI (61)
BBC Interesting Owl chosen to bear the Precious. YARLY (46)
St. Pete Times Florida Marine biologists debating whether to rub out sperm whale, say it's a very hard decision requiring careful handiwork (50)
Reuters PSA Attention Fark wordsmiths, here is a list of words that surged into the public consciousness during the last year and now deserve to be thrown under the bus (238)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Photoshop a New Year's resolution for a celebrity with room for improvement (65)
FARK Survey Since you're probably as accurate as the average psychic out there, post your predictions for 2008. Difficulty: only one prediction per post (460)
Canoe Dumbass Pants pocket pigeon project (13)
(news.com) Scary Taser's new shotgun is designed to allow insecure police to subdue an entire room full of dangerous children or elderly grandmother terrorists (167)
NYPost Followup Slingshots and vodka? They're GRRRRRRRrrrreat (45)
The Sun Spiffy Seven drunk pubgoers lift Ford Fiesta to save baby trapped beneath it. Alcohol - is there anything it can't do? (47)
CBS News Stupid Good samaritan sees motorist's car on fire, pulls over to help. Motorist shows his gratitude by stealing good samaritan's car (34)
The Sun Silly Man takes photo of a seagull. The Sun is there (100)
(Some Guy) Cool New Year's panoramas from around the globe. Warning: do not watch after heavy drinking or you may fall out of your chair (47)
(Some brick) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Arrange these Legos into something interesting (55)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Airboat tourist gets lost in Everglades; rescue party finds him but runs out of gas; rescue helicopter finds them but can't land due to fog. The mosquitoes would be laughing if their mouths weren't full (24)
(blogspot) Sad The Day Calvin and Hobbes died: 12/31/1995 (292)
(Some Guy) Weird Robbers take $9,000 in western wear at gunpoint. The question is. . . why? (32)
(Some Guy) Scary Girl survives after father asks the fateful question, "It's just a screwdriver; how could she possibly hurt herself with a screwdriver?" (77)
CNN Spiffy Free beer, ping pong tournaments, on-site medical and dental facilities are just some of the perks given out by employers nowadays. Hot cocoa sampler boxes nowhere to be seen (80)
(WESH) Stupid Employees must wash hands after giving birth (103)
(Dropped the ball) Spiffy HAPPY NEW YEAR, all you Farkers (669)
YouTube Video U2 - "New Years Day" (107)

Mon December 31, 2007
(News 4 Jacksonville) Amusing Grandmother waiting in car is carjacked, carjacker drives off. Carjacker leaves after grandmother's ultimatum: 'Look, if you don't stop this car and get out I am going to stab you in the eye with this ink pen and I'm serious' (37)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Behold: The stupidest random file photo selection since the Kansas City Star ran a story about a clown college kids' activity day with a file photo of John Wayne Gacy (79)
Globe and Mail Amusing Police arrive at burglary in progress. Thieves lock the doors and drink all the homeowner's booze (27)
Fox News Interesting The swimsuit portion might be OK, but the talent portion might end with a bang (41)
Yahoo Interesting Woman who attempted to assassinate President Ford 30 years ago, released from prison. Promises not to try again (98)
BBC Sad Man uses chainsaw to convince kids to get the hell off his lawn. For some reason, the police have a problem with that (18)
CBS Minneapolis Sappy Canine of Peace™ is therapy dog at senior citizens' home (175)
ABC News Followup CDC still hasn't found most of the 44 people who were sitting on the plane next to the lady with Super Tuberculosis (52)
Arizona Star Stupid Law student/beauty queen faces kidnapping, robbery charges (with you'd-hit-it photo) (112)
Wall Street Journal Interesting The anatomy of a hangover. Knowing is half the battle (68)
USA Today Dumbass If you feel the need to cop a feel on a plane, a cop may feel the need to divert your flight to Pittsburgh (29)
Local6 Florida Multitasking Flasher masturbates while riding motorcycle in traffic (with mug shot goodness) (44)
(Kitsap Sun) Weird Kitsap County, the Florida of Washington State (93)
BBC Dumbass Liberia hands out free phones, promise prizes to whoever reports the most crimes. What could possibly go right? (20)
(DUI Blog) Stupid New drunk driving law says you can go to jail and lose your license for sitting too close to a drunk driver (70)
(WGAL) Dumbass Teen paintball vandals caught because they had one of those ridiculously loud exhaust kits on their piece of crap car. WEEEEWEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEEEEEE… (47)
(Some Not-So-Sharp Robber) Amusing Not news: woman attempts to rob convenience store. Fark: with a Sharpie (46)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this sad-looking girl (105)
SFGate Interesting Man uses a barbecue fork to kidnap and rob a victim. When police finally caught him, it was one heck of a grilling (24)
(Florida Today) Florida Florida residents look up the definition of "coat" as near freezing temperatures approach (60)
UPI Followup The FBI is resurrecting the mysterious case of D.B. Cooper (90)
DallasNews Dumbass In Texas, cops are happily ignoring a state law that makes marijuana possession only a ticketable offense (102)
AP Sad Marine Sargeant in charge of squad responsible for Haditha massacre has all murder charges dropped. Still faces 17 counts of voluntary manslaughter (217)
FARK Cool Happy New Year to all of you EuroFarkers (118)
CBS New York Hero A heartfelt Happy New Year to you too (57)
DallasNews Sad “Good fences make good neighbours.” And you can bet bet Robert Frost is wishing he'd had a better wall between his house and some vandalizing teenagers (89)
FARK Survey Fark's top Wordplay headlines of 2007: Lyrics and Rhyming and Puns, oh my (109)
FARK Survey Fark's top WTF story headlines of 2007 (71)
(MSN) Dumbass Top baby names of 2007 are -- Aiden and Sophia? In other news, yuppie parents need to be rounded up and shot (571)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Florida couple realizes a plate of clams for dinner isn't so disgusting when it comes with a thousand dollar pearl (52)
My Fox Kansas City Asinine 4-year-old kicked out of school for having a barely-there mohawk haircut. His father reportedly "pities the fools." (169)
(Some Guy) Stupid Crazy person hates the word "hello", suggests "heaveno" instead (292)
(KXMB.com) Interesting Colorado officials skeptical of latest wolf sighting after numerous false alarms. If only there was some sort of story, perhaps a fable, to predict how this will turn out (21)
(Some Guy) Amusing Seven things that only make sense when you're drunk (224)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Weird Police shoot and kill naked intruder. Claim they could clearly see the guy's nuts (79)
Washington Post Dumbass Washington Post's Idiot of the year award goes to... Judge Pants. Congratulations moran, pick up your complimentary dry cleaned pants from reception (43)
WNBC Hero Blue-collar millionaire turns factory wage into fortune, then gives it away (113)
(WISN) Interesting Today's "Cardboard cop effective at slowing down speeders" story brought to you by Neenah, WI (33)
FARK Survey Fark's 2007 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest (details in thread) (177)
Kansas.com Cool Applications are being accepted for someone to drive Steve Fossets 1,000 mph land speed record car (71)
(TMJ4) Strange Because their home country isn't stark and oppressive enough, Bosnian family moves into the Milwaukee airport (40)
JSOnline Hero Miller Brewery offers free rides on Milwaukee city buses each New Year's Eve (66)
St. Pete Times Florida How your government spent its tax dollars over 2007 includes gems like undercover agents who spent over $4000 investigating strip clubs (32)
FARK Survey Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest: Politics (details in thread) (55)
Telegraph Obvious Nanny State braces for impending "Siberian blast of cold", with temperatures forecast to fall as low as -3C. Canadians point, laugh, make jokes about 'shirtsleeve weather' (133)
News.com.au Stupid Brewery exec had to smash two bottles of $3000 wine at airport because of 100ml rule. Cheers (132)
Sign On San Diego Cool Mythbusters episode helps save trucker's life after car carrier plunges into bay (147)
Daily Mail Obvious Man killed by steamroller in front of his family while chasing after "beloved" hat. Which is now also quite flat (128)
FARK Survey Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest: Tech/Geek (details in thread) (67)
(Best of Jeffco Blotter) Weird (third item) In a slow but peculiar news week in Colorado, police crack down on renegade elk bugler (17)
(WMTW.com) Dumbass There once was a fella named Pat, on a high speed snowsled he sat, He must of been hitting the bong, as he was speeding along, 'cause he left a guy in the trail laying flat. Ayuh (40)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this griddy walker (57)
Miami Herald Amusing Dave Barry's year in review for 2007 (63)
FARK Survey Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz/Entertainment (details in thread) (67)
(Some Guy) Stupid No matter how strict your job is, at least you didn't get an 8,000-word memo about the dress code. Including a friendly reminder to always wear socks (82)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Dumbass Christian persecuted by being escorted off a bus for reading the Bible. Okay, so she wasn't using her "indoor voice," but still (310)
(Some Auld Lang Syne) Caption This New Year's Eve, it's possible to submit a message that will appear on confetti shot into Times Square. What would yours say? (176)
SeattlePI Asinine Applebees employees find child's note reading "Help me" left under a plate, triggering massive police search. Unknown why they didn't assume the note was reffering to the fact that the child was forced to eat at Applebees (157)
FARK Survey Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest: Sports (details in thread) (44)
WFTV Florida Convicted armed robber tries covering himself in feces to avoid sentencing. Was still sentenced, but probably earned himself his own cell (27)
Reuters Scary Reuter recaps the strangest stories of 2007, leads off strong with nun marijuana and Mr. Surprise Flaming Crotch (22)
(King 5 TV) Dumbass If you are suspected in the murder of your missing wife, maybe you shouldn't be playing a wife murderer in your local dinner theater (53)
UPI Spiffy Baby shares the same birthday as her sister, right down to the minute. Her one-year old sister (104)
(Post Bulletin) PSA Rochester, Minnesota police warn drivers that they will continue to receive speeding tickets even if they drive under the speed limit (87)
Daily Mail Interesting "How to throw a New Year's Eve party to remember." And not because the cops showed up and tasered everyone (38)
BBC Stupid Phone box destroyed by fireworks, described as "prank" by police unless suspect is Moslem or Irish (64)
UPI Followup U.K. mulls cull of 10,000 or more badgers, mushroom (45)
SeattlePI Scary Not to be outdone by supermarket chains selling tainted beef and poultry, PetSmart sells its customers live birds infected with chlamydia (52)
Guardian.com Ironic Search helicopter crashes in Alabama killing three people, minutes after finding the guy lost in the woods it was looking for. Never has the tag been more appropriate (130)
Yahoo Interesting 2007 saw a record number of personal information stolen or lost, according to AP Business Writer Mark Jewell, whose Social Security number is 928731728 (52)
The Scotsman Spiffy The 87 residents of Eigg, a small island off Scotland, prepare to celebrate the New Year--by switching on electric mains for the first time ever, giving them bragging rights over those losers next door on the island of Muck (32)
Daily Mail Sad Everything's bigger in Texas, including this woman (305)
News.com.au Followup The ban on Malaysian Catholic newspaper printing the word "Allah" has been lifted. Jesus Christ, what next? (40)
Newsday Interesting The fourth consecutive day of rain saves Atlanta from 2007 being the driest year on record (52)
BBC Followup Beached 27m container identified as beer tank. Fark party still lost at sea (25)
(Some Guy With A Bent Elbow) Sad Craby Joe's, a 74-year old bar favored by John Fante and Charles Bukowski in Downtown L.A., has closed. Damn you gentrifying yuppies all to hell (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this chapel barge (58)
BBC Obvious "For many years there was a perception that middle aged male drivers were the worst offenders when it came to drink driving." Congrats ladies, you're catching up (55)
The Sun Obvious EBay receives a bumper seasonal crop of listings due to unwanted Christmas presents, some advertised as still wrapped (32)
Local6 Followup Fail. Hannah Montana tickets, not yours (200)
Reuters Interesting The previously untold story of the Argentine pilots who flew for Canada and the UK in World War II (44)