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Sun February 03, 2008
Local10 Florida City evicts sex offenders living under bridge because they couldn't find housing that wasn't 2500 feet away from schools. Maybe they should move to state parks instead? (62)
Yahoo NewsFlash Somewhere in South America, a village is getting a shipment of "19-0" T-shirts. Giants upset Patriots 17-14 to win Super Bowl (1141)
News.com.au Dumbass If you still have your learner's permit, it probably isn't a good idea to do burnouts in the parking lot in front of a police station (29)
Guardian.com Amusing TUBE = "Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam" (65)
(Some Guy) Obvious Job you're glad is not yours: answering the phones right now at Fox 24 in Arkansas, who farked up and lost their Super Bowl feed (57)
Fox News Followup Joran van der Sloot says he was with Natalee Holloway when she died and disposed of her body (131)
(NFL.com) Cool Super Bowl thread, part deux (2284)
Daily Mail Asinine One in five people on welfare fails to show up for mandatory review of why they're not working, offering excuses from "I'm drunk" to "Work is irrelevant to my life" (77)
Stuff PSA Delmaine Fine Foods is jerkin' the Gherkin (23)
News.com.au Dumbass Pub owner cuts opening hours after discovering that serving drinkers too much alcohol leads to drunken behaviour - blames government for not teaching people booze can be bad for you (13)
London Times Sad British announce a 61% increase in liposuction and a 27% increase in breast work. Not among women, either (19)
(WBALTV) Stupid Maryland lawmakers are trying to cut taxes on college textbooks. Wow, is it just a coincidence that this happens two days after they try to raise the beer taxes six-fold? (45)
Daily Mail Asinine One in four people think that Winston Churchill never existed but Sherlock Holmes did (111)
Denver Post Obvious Snowboarders plopped across the middle of runs chatting on cellphones, gondola cars reeking of smoke, and Red Bull cans littering the snow under lifts are all examples of poor shrediquette (55)
ABC 2 Scary Can I have my steak medium well with a side order of carbon monoxide poisoning? (54)
DallasNews Weird There are things you can do for yourself and avoid having to call in a pro: fixing a leaky faucet, installing carpet, tiling the bathroom. An exorcism is not one of those things (28)
(Some Puppies) Cool Puppy Bowl IV discussion thread (211)
Yahoo Obvious Patriots. Giants. 'Nuff said (1769)
Yahoo Strange Fourth undersea cable cut in Mideast; Authorities readying "damage from ship anchor" excuse (250)
Telegraph Dumbass British man dies piste off after trying to ski down mountain on a mattress (45)
(Murfreesboro Post) Dumbass 50-year old woman surprised after man named "G" fails to return her car after borrowing it (58)
AP Scary Hillary promises that unlike her rivals, HER health plan will be universal. Even if she has to automatically enroll the reluctant and garnish their wages to pay for it (657)
(pennlive.com) Weird News: Teen faces weapons of mass destruction charges. Fark: after exploding plastic egg at flea market (66)
Daily Mail Sappy Irish setter has record-breaking litter of 16 puppies. With the ugliest-ass pictures of 16 ten-day-old puppies you've ever seen (78)
(Buffalo News) Followup Apparently a seven-week suspension violates state education law. Principal says student can come back, but only if she says she's sorry (64)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Insects (47)
Daily Mail Obvious Scientists find wearing stiletto heels is good for a woman's sex life. Obvious tag surrenders (105)
Google PSA Flashing high beams to alert drivers of speed traps "promotes karma" and is NOT illegal in Canada or U.S (359)
AP Scary New Hampshire officials wonder why accidents are five times higher after they dropped a roundabout in the middle of a four lane highway (181)
AP Obvious Just in case you missed the first 500,000 articles about tropical rainforests falling at an "alarming" rate, here's the latest one. EVERYBODY TROPANIC (59)
USA Today Spiffy Will it be 19 and 0? Have we finally found a game that Eli cares about playing in? Will Matt Light get stuck in between Michael Strahan's front teeth? Super Bowl pre-game discussion/smack talk thread (654)
BBC Obvious FDA blames Pfizer's anti-smoking drug for causing suicidal thoughts among aspiring quitters. Obviously nobody at the FDA has ever tried to quit smoking (104)
MSNBC Weird Tazer parties becoming more popular. What's shocking is that they're not just for Houston cops anymore (58)
News.com.au Amusing To ensure that their special day goes off without a hitch, some brides require bridesmaids to sign a contract stating that they won't get fat or pregnant before the wedding (167)
Canoe Amusing Crime Stoppers to take text message tips. Your BFF Jill better watch her step (36)
(Hampton Roads) Asinine Police seize murals from Abercrombie & Fitch store, including "one of a woman topless and whose breast is displayed with her hand covering just the nipple. You could still pretty much see the rest of the breast." (367)
(ufospider) Interesting Is the USAF testing its own Flying Saucer? Here comes the photographic "evidence" (103)
AFP Amusing Australian state to start online court hearings. "ZOMG WTF R U THINKNG?" "STFU OBJECTIONX0RSZ." "LOLVERRULED, n00b, ROFL" (66)
News.com.au Strange Man takes steamroller for joyride through new housing estate. K-K-K-Ken un-un-un-unavailable f-f-f-f-f-f-f-for c-c-c-c-c-CAH-c-c-c-CAH-CAAAAAAAH report (74)
Discover Interesting Scientists discover famous "six degrees of separation" theory between people is wrong. You can quit sending Christmas cards to Kevin Bacon now (119)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this "O" (75)
Boston Globe Interesting The gain in Maine falls mainly on... someone whose name doesn't fit into this rhyme scheme: Mitt Romney (66)
Yahoo Interesting Taxi and Limousine Commission inspectors and police officers launch "Operation: Secret Rider" to catch NYC cab drivers breaking the rules. Reverend Jim Ignatowski still doesn't know what a yellow light means (28)
SFGate Scary If you went swimming at a Marin County or San Francisco beach on Friday, you might want to make sure your hepatitis booster is up to date (27)
Canoe Obvious Manitoba Merv the groundhog predicts six more weeks of winter for Winnipeg (53)
(Some Guy) Stupid State Senator wants bong buyers to take a tax hit (81)
Komo Dumbass Man driving through accident scene busted when cops spot guns and drugs in his car. Suspect: "I'm probably gonna wind up on one of those 'dumb crook' shows" (24)
BBC Scary At least four injured by a hand grenade at a Sri Lanka zoo. They taunted the grenadier lemur (30)
LA Times Sad This year's deadpool is supersized; "Fatburger" founder Lovie Yancey is the latest restaurateur to go (47)
BBC Sad Farmer's markets? Too easy. Elderly Brits play "there can be only one" with mobility scooters (23)
London Times Interesting It's cold outside, and you need to get your nicotine fix. Fortunately for you, Phillip Morris has made a shorter cigarette with the same amount of nicotine and cancer (92)
Telegraph Interesting If you know who else lost a fleet of three German U-boats in the Black Sea during World War II, tell him they've been found (60)
NPR Asinine 50 years ago this week, the US Air Force lost a bomb off the Atlantic coast. A nuclear bomb. Which poses no danger ... unless you drop anchor in the wrong place (91)
(Some Guy) Sad "Many men I know have no children and play video games. They still wear teenagers' clothes, they obsess about pop music and films and value themselves and their leisure activities over responsibility" (547)
CBS New York PSA If you're on Staten Island having a heart attack and need to get to the hospital, keep a $5 bill in your purse/pocket (w/video) (68)
Aftenposten.no Obvious Polls show European high school students suck at 20th century history as much as American students do. Mao Zewho? (116)
JSOnline Hero Mall pianist chases down teen who stole tip jar, adds Jane's Addiction, AMG & Ben Folds Five to repertoire (51)
Google Scary What is your greatest irrational fear? LGT something vaguely related (729)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what could possibly go wrong (67)

Sat February 02, 2008
AP Interesting Woman missing since Sept. 10, 2001, declared a "victim" of 9/11. Simply because, as a doctor, she "might have been" there (120)
CBS News Obvious Flu season running hot in 11 states with new strain not covered by this year's vaccine (80)
(DW-World) Obvious Atheists make children's book teaching acceptance of all beliefs and sharing. Nah, just kidding, it is portrays all religions as evil and bloodthirsty complete with a crazed Jew (893)
MDN Amusing For those who thought "Boy this is good sake, but I wished it had more of a squiddy taste" you're now in luck (53)
(pennlive.com) Weird "The second boy sat down on the pencil, lodging a piece of it in his rear" (76)
(I want to thank fark) Dumbass Beauty queen drives across three lanes of traffic to block the path of another car. That's when things start to get weird (with crying picture of the psycho winning a pageant) (94)
(Chattanooga Times Free Press) Ironic Sheriff arrested prior to scheduled jail tour to show students what happens to adults who commit crimes (29)
CBS New York Obvious Maybe NYC can't beat Boston in sports, but they sure can beat them on the streets: John Kerry's sister mugged in Manhattan (62)
(The Times) News Deal to end writers' strike may be near. Fans of Carebears: The CGI Adventure and The Godfather 4: A Lifetime TV mini-series rejoice (206)
(The Union (Nevada)) Amusing Monday, 11:51 a.m.: when dancing like a robot in the parking lot is outlawed, only outlaws will go BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP (66)
Tulsa World Dumbass Leave your kids at home. Damn, pimpin' ain't easy (27)
CBS New York Strange Hostile NYC Cab Drivers offer a side of "flesh and bone" to all credit card customers (Ouch) (52)
Denver Post Followup Small town mayor resigns amid felony charges after telling the owners of a dog she was watching that it died; dog was spotted three months later at the groomers, was living with mayor's sister under a new name (63)
(Some Guy) Obvious Romero's been scooped once again: Economic downturn linked to increase in arson (66)
Telegraph Unlikely I can has waves? (104)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Colorize this snowy barn (60)
Yahoo Amusing France's Sarkozy surrenders, marries Bruni (46)
(Some Guy) Asinine Rent-to-own furniture company purposely hiring convicted felons as collectors, stalking client's children, and even knifing a customer. And that's the nice stuff (119)
BBC News Five shot in Lane Bryant store outside Chicago; four dead, shooter at large (460)
Reuters Followup Antitrust laws may help Microsoft acquire Yahoo. In other news, water is dry, carrots are soft, and bananas are crunchy (53)
(Some Guy) Unlikely "Infidelity expert" claims 85% of Americans are victims of emotional, cyber, same-sex, tentacle, or female infidelity. Other 15% getting serious action (181)
(The Boston Channel) Scary Yes, Virginia, you CAN fit a black angus cow into the back seat of a Dodge Intrepid (with post-accident video goodness) (81)
CNN Strange One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead policemen began to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other (75)
(Sierra Vista Herald) Dumbass Bad headline writer inadvertently posts Help Wanted ad for Farkers (62)
UPI Stupid Natural hallucinogenic sage may be banned finally giving it a chance to compete with marijuana (305)
BBC Obvious "How one man's life was ruined by marriage." One? They only found ONE? (107)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Hotties, doofuses, grills, shirts with slogans, something odd on the ceiling - you'll find all this and more in this week's roundup of mugshots from The Smoking Gun (167)
(Some gang member) Asinine It cost the city of LA $25,000 to escort Britney to her last hospital visit. It is not like LA needs these cops in the first place anyway since there is no crime, drunk drivers or gang members in paradise (162)
AFP Amusing Apparently even the Dutch can't get enough porn - website featuring safe sex instructional videos overloaded on first day. Bonus: it's a government website (65)
(Some 38 year old guy) Dumbass Since this 38 year old woman has never visited Fark, she thought 16 year old meat would be fun and safe to play with. Shocking: She's not a teacher (130)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these tree diggers (43)
News.com.au Followup Man who was photographed riding his motorcycle on the freeway while wearing his barbecue grill says he now sees the error of his ways (43)
TampaBays10.com Florida Poll shows that "Miami Vice" is the first thing most Americans think of when they hear the name "Miami." Don Johnson would like to thank you for validating his existence (85)
BBC Interesting Accordion to the article, Daddy's got 800 squeezeboxes. Mama never sleeps at night (42)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Costco to sell its own brand of beer. They love you (131)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not News: Today is Groundhog Day. News: Today is Groundhog Day. Fark: Today is Groundhog Day (94)
NBC San Diego Cool Man puts brand new car in wrong gear, tumbles it down 100-foot cliff, escapes uninjured. Ta-da (29)
BBC Sad Le maker de 'franglais' est le dead (70)
BBC Amusing Ceiling cat is watching you operate (557)
Stuff Scary Interrupt me while I'm tagging this building? That's a stabbin'. Now just bleed quietly while I finish, dammit (32)
(Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) Sad 98 luftballons (67)
(Some Guy) Florida Not news: Misled youths steal. News: Misled youths steal from the Girl Scouts. Fark: HOT misled youths steal from Girl Scouts (w/ pic...) (392)
Daily Mail Silly Your wife can now cite "Stressorexia" as another excuse to avoid sex on a Friday night (39)
The Sun Asinine Some of the most boneheaded emergency calls in Britain, including, “I’ve found a kitten in my house," and “Come and arrest my boyfriend – he’s put my hamster out in the rain" (44)
BBC Sad Welsh post-graduate student dies in apartment blaze in China. If only he'd taken part in the fire drills (19)
News.com.au PSA When you're using hydrochloric acid and methylated spirits to scrub rocks in the backyard it's probably not a good idea to light up a smoke (22)
Boston Globe Amusing Two junior high students cited for "hurling missiles." The missiles in question? French fries (31)
ABC News Photoshop Photoshop theme: Presidential Candidate Breakfast Cereal (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a cop, it's not a wise career move to zip past photo radar at 73 mph as you respond to an emergency call giving two thumbs up with both hands off the wheel (w/pic) (72)
SFGate Interesting Two Amtrak trains stranded near Donner Pass. There are 400 passengers, so they are not expected to run out of food (55)
(iAfrica) Amusing MP apologizes for suggesting prostitution be legalized during the 2010 Soccer World Cup, claims he just wanted to promote more scoring (20)
(The hung list) Amusing Men named Dave presumed to be the most well-endowed, according to a poll of British women. Sorry Ray, looks like you're most likely to be out driving around in your new Porsche Carrera 4 convertible (115)
(Some Guy) Florida Department of Children & Families spokesman arrested for hiring teenagers to make child pornography. Ironic tag will sit this one out in favor of obvious (89)
MSNBC PSA Virus that causes cervical cancer in women can cause oral cancer in men. But, how the heck could that be transmitted? (72)
(Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) Hero Family dog saves pregnant woman from mad moose. Much was at steak (63)
The Sun Amusing Post meant to rise out of the ground to block traffic does so at random, taking unwary pedestrians who happen to be walking over it at the time with it (pic) (74)

Fri February 01, 2008
My Fox DC Silly Actual Headline: "Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks" (55)
Chicago Sun-Times Scary "If you look up right now you can see the tallest building in the *BZZZZZZZZZTTTTTZAP" (43)
(News Net 5) Scary Cue ball, apply directly to the forehead. Cue ball, apply directly to the forehead (96)
(Some rich guy) Strange "If you happen to find a rare, decorative, gold colored, jewel encrusted Fabergé Egg, Grosse Pointe Shores Police would like to hear from you" (52)
CBC Obvious Canada: Where old British people go to die (93)
NBC San Diego Weird Man attempting to hang self discovered by girlfriend, who cuts him down. Man starts fighting with her, fight is noticed by passerby, who stops fight by putting man in sleeper-hold, which kills him. Taa-daa (104)
Guardian.com Obvious "Men's desire to have an equal parenting role does not extend to child-related domestic chores such as washing clothes or packing lunchboxes" (124)
(Desert News) Scary It's all funny to skip school with two of your friends until the the three of you get kidnapped and held hostage (45)
(Some Guy) Weird Young woman hatched bizarre plot to get even with ex-boyfriend, convincing four guys to kidnap him, drive him to another town, make him clean her apartment, and phone his new girlfriend to break up with her. Whiskey. Tango. Fark (47)
TBO Florida Man with a 30-inch inseam falls off a roof and onto a 36-inch fence post (69)
AP Florida It's all funny to join a record club under the name "Shiat Face" until the "Dear Shiat" collection letters start arriving (86)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Guy decides to display his knowledge of explosives at an airport. What could possibly go wrong? (62)
(Who cares? It's Bacon!) Spiffy Woo hoo... bacon candy recipe goodness (bacon, bacon, bacon) (153)
Reuters Unlikely Pope criticizes science for not protecting human dignity. This from a guy who wears an origami hat (231)
CBS News Obvious Flight 209 now arriving, gate (164)
CNN News Wesley Snipes aquitted of the most serious charges against him, still faces three years in prison on lesser charge, which surprisingly is unrelated to his performance in "Demolition Man" (197)
(The Boston Channel) Strange Perhaps the town dump is not the best place for your sausage stand (46)
(Albuquerque Journal) Scary New Mexico group pushes for tax on video gaming equipment, televisions to discourage lazy children. Next step is to just make being lazy illegal, but they needed taxes to fund the enforcement program first (95)
(Some Astronaut) Photoshop Photoshop this flying cowboy (54)
BBC Spiffy Irish Republic takes pleasure in rolling back stiff tax on condoms after being ribbed by pressure groups. Penis (54)
(WTAE-TV) Hero School bus driver hailed as a hero after deliberately driving his bus full of kids into a tree (110)
BBC Cool Art students take afternoon off from daytime TV and design some pretty useful looking mobile phones for the future (41)
Denver Channel Dumbass News: Man attacks hiking couple with bat. Newsier: Man loses control of bat to woman hiker. Fark: She starts beating attacker with said bat (62)
(Some impressed 200+ pound Guy) Cool Personal responsibility seen working out, getting ready for a comeback as man loses 600lbs through -- you'll never believe this -- "diet and exercise" (111)
(Some Med Student) Sappy MILFy medical student visits zoo, sees baby tiger choking, assists zookeeper in clearing its windpipe, performs CPR and mouth-to-mouth, saving tiger's life. With pics of said MILF and ugly-ass baby tigers (174)
AP Followup MIT student argues that it is her First Amendment right to be an asshat (270)
(TPM Election Central) Interesting Humorist Al Franken leads in Minnesota Senate race; would be first Senator ever to be intentionally funny (272)
News.com.au Stupid If you have been riding your motorcycle while wearing a barbecue grill, the Aussie police would a word with you. (w/pic) (77)
Discovery Obvious New languages happen in a sudden burst of new words coined as groups of people strive to describe the world around them, says the ORLY Insitute (103)
Denver Post Dumbass Colorado lawmaker submits, "Wouldn't this be real nice inside of you?" as best pickup line with requisite pulling out of junk (141)
Cleveland Dumbass Atheist group on MySpace gets deleted for the third time. Where is your god now? (555)
(Albany Times Union) Sad Woman forced to grab a shovel and fill in her brother's grave after town forgot to bury the casket (56)
(Some Guy) Obvious Writing about your eating disorders on MySpace or Facebook doesn't endear you to insurance companies (72)
(Some Guy) Stupid Proposed Mississippi legislation prohibits restaurants from serving the obese (274)
(Der Spiegel) Interesting Behind the scenes of a rocket factory in Gaza, where Palestinian men build delivery systems carrying payloads of chocolate and fuzzy puppies to Israel (with pics) (374)
(Ledger-Enquirer) Dumbass Sometimes relationships end, but I don't think setting your girlfriend on fire will score you points with the next girl that comes along (73)
DallasNews Strange Southern Methodist University is considering putting in a bar on campus to combat drunken driving, ugly coeds (82)
CBS New York Dumbass Today's "Don't post a marijuana ad on Craigslist" lesson brought to you by Stamford, Connecticut (90)
MSNBC Florida Secular progressives score a victory as man is arrested for praying -- in church (132)
(Law.com) Dumbass Judge reprimanded for telling a defendant with three female attorneys that he should get a good male lawyer. In his defense, he also made fun of them for being black (76)
Wired Spiffy 114 years ago today, the first movie studio opened. 114 years ago tomorrow, it ran out of ideas (81)
Fox News Obvious Man about to put a million miles on his truck with the original engine. It's not a Ford, which should come as a surprise to no one (190)
Valleywag Photoshop What are we likely to see as the result of the Microsoft-Yahoo takeover? (68)
(Some Old Guy's Lawn) Amusing 80-year old former Green Beret gets mock courtmartial for shooting burglar with "inadequate caliber weapon" (268)
(WISHTV) Stupid Attempted copper theft at power substation leave thousands without power. Police on the lookout for men with new hairstyles, speech impediments (76)
ABC News Obvious America's disaster plans "couldn't move a Girl Scout unit" (129)
(Chocolate Balls) Amusing "We appreciate that marketing chocolates is a matter of great commercial sensitivity and hope that we have not inadvertently hit a delicate spot by drawing attention to the fact that these sweets looked and felt like testes" (52)
Daily Mail Spiffy Teen who stole boat and sparked massive air-sea search to spend next year walking 5,000 miles around Britain apologizing to everyone he meets (59)
(Buffalo News) Scary Knock, knock... who's ther*BLAM* (86)
1010WINS Scary The wheels on the dump truck bump the school bus. Bump, bump, bump. Bump. bump, bump. The wheels on the dump truck bump the school bus, early this morning (57)
AP Interesting Blind Texas woman makes second stab at state acupuncture license (65)
AP Interesting The latest poll numbers are in and Obama is now leading in Germany by double digits and running even with Hillary in Japan, Russia is solid Romney territory, while Iraq is trending for McCain (267)
(Some Guy) Obvious It is high time the children sat down and explained the dangers of unprotected sex to their unsuspecting parents (107)
Philly Interesting Old and busted: Kids sending bomb threats. New hotness: Teachers pretending to be students sending bomb threats. In an elementary school (39)
BBC Sad Reclusive author murdered by identity thief. Suspicions were first raised when his latest novel began, "Hello, I am Prince Nakawazole of Nigeria, and this is my story" (42)
Guardian.com Interesting Rabbis increasingly making office calls for executives too busy controlling the media and the world banking system to attend temple (218)
Daily Mail Spiffy Coolest 10-foot-tall portraits drawn with a single ballpoint pen you'll see in the next 18 minutes (pics) (201)
(Tufts Daily) Asinine What does the Department of Homeland Security do to a person that calls Osama Bin Laden a "freedom fighter"? How about a $1.6 million dollar grant? (102)
(Metro) Amusing Earliest surviving map of Britain confirms all of our long-held beliefs about Scotland (48)
(Some Guy) Florida Lesbian high school student complains to principal that students are harassing her; he responds that she should not be gay. Oooh, wrong answer (353)
(Some Guy) Photoshop A Fark tradition: Photoshop the new Miss America (79)
(PJ Star) Amusing "There's nothing like 7,200 volts of electricity frying a squirrel to capture the attention of high school students" (66)
(Some Guy) Obvious While she says she only wears lingerie for you, "women use lingerie to impress each other as much as their boyfriends" (604)
(Sur) Scary 12-year-old Spanish girl foils kidnapping attempt by kicking her attacker in the maracas (79)
Reno Gazette-Journal Followup Searching for qualified candidates to drive Steve Fossett's 800 mph land speed record car, organizers announce they are now actively seeking female applicants (69)
CBS Baltimore Asinine Early contender for "Cop of the Year" comes from Baltimore: lawsuit alleges he ripped up a victim's paper money and shoved it up victim's ass (216)
(NY Daily News) Asinine If you're riding the bus and miss your stop, your options don't actually include C) beat up the driver and cause the bus to crash (28)
Canada.com Ironic The Onion apologizes to local firefighter after firefighter's mother saw his picture in their paper and believed that he really had lost his lifelong battle with fire (67)
Yahoo Obvious Surprisingly, Myanmar's ruling junta has a big problem with pirated DVDs of the new "Rambo" movie, which features Rambo kicking the snot out of Myanmar's ruling junta (81)
The Sun Amusing Boy with a six-inch hole in his skull came out of a coma when his dad promised him some KFC. Om nom nom nom (110)
(Some Guy) News Microsoft offers to buy Yahoo for $44.6 billion, unlimited Yahoo Mail invites (250)
Slate Obvious "In their craven pursuit of clicks, editors at CNN.com, MSNBC, and Fox turn their sites into virtual tabloids by peppering their home pages with the most sordid and bizarre stories that can be culled from the world's news wires" (62)
(Some Guy) Cool Ice Quake rocks University of Wisconsin-Madison campus. T, Cube unavailable for comment (63)
Stuff Obvious Stare at my junk while I'm standing at the urinal? That's a face-punchin'. No, wait, it's two (150)
KCRA 3 Asinine "Stranger Originated Life Insurance" means someone you don't know will profit from your death. This couldn't possibly be a bad idea (109)
BBC Interesting Scientists find sugary drinks responsible for surge in reported cases of gout, dropsy, cheeky Cockney boy chimneysweeps (64)
London Times Asinine British education report says history lessons should stick to bare facts rather than encouraging loyalty to Britain when covering subjects such as WW2 or the British Empire (258)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners of Integral Yoga (65)
Lancashire Evening Post Cool NASA to beam the Beatles' "Across the Universe" 431 light years into space (151)
UPI Weird Looks like Margot Kidder is on the loose again (65)
(Some Guy) Silly Student is tagged as being a "computer hacker" and "potential threat" to the school system by school admistration. Crime: His personal proxy server was leaked and used by other students (171)

Thu January 31, 2008
London Times Hero Fifteen women in their 80s and 90s to be honored for their wartime service: flying Spitfires (105)
ABC 2 Interesting Maryland goes smoke free at midnight, Baltimore still has to deal with second hand gunsmoke though (265)
My Fox DC Stupid Company makes debit card that lets you withdraw from your 401k plan at ATMs. This cannot possibly end poorly (241)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Senior citizen centers and retirement homes are using Nintendo Wii consoles to allow their elderly residents the chance to virtually experience the thrill of golfing, bowling and plowing through farmer’s markets all over again (94)
(KCRG TV-9) Followup Article about fake NASA 'rocket' but this time with a more understandable pic of a phone. Try and keep up here, people (117)
(Some Guy) Interesting Try to guess what element of a news photograph showing a bikini-clad woman smoking a water pipe in a Beirut conflict zone is upsetting people (123)
Discovery Interesting The origin of the common housecat has been traced to the Middle East. i can haz cheezburqa? (132)
SLTrib Silly Fourth grade students in Utah are going out on limb trying to get the state tree changed from a "Colorado Spruce" to a "Utah Juniper" (33)
(Some Guy) Cool Looking straight down at NASA's Space Shuttle Atlantis -- from 525 feet (160 meters) above the ground (157)
Reuters Amusing Hydrogen peroxide enemas put Russian tourists in the hospital. In related news, there are now a bunch of blonde a-holes running around in Russia (75)
Stuff Silly New Zealand scientists turn off crying gene in onions, disappointed with lack of progress on shyness gene in sheep (26)
WTAM Scary "Our landlord was a real nice guy until he started shooting at us through the floor" (29)
Newsweek Silly Having solved all other medical problems, science tackles the most important issue of all: why we scratch (44)
CSMonitor Interesting Sea captains' logbooks from the 1800's reveal secrets of New England's fishing culture (62)
AJC Dumbass Judge tells magazine that defendant of case he is hearing is pleading insanity because everyone knows he did it. Recusal-larity ensues (41)
ABC News Obvious People shocked by the fact that gas price is rising, even though it has been for years now (141)
WFTV Florida Oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops, oops (129)
(Some Guy) Amusing Chinese Government warns airlines that if a plane is late, or if the airline overbooks a flight during the upcoming Olympic Games, "they will be punished." Ricky Tan and the Triads nod, wink and smile (60)
Sun Sentinel Interesting Expert tips to pour the perfect beer - Step 1: Find the perfect beer. Step 2: Pour it (111)
WFTV Silly ACLU sues school to protect students' rights to have rainbow stickers on their notebooks. Fabulous (128)
(Some Guy) Sick Man read his rights and booked after leafing through a child at the public library (128)
Examiner Hero Not news: Another teacher has sex with a student News: After student teacher sex teacher drops student off in front of house Fark: Mother chases teacher in car until he crashes (tag is for Mom) (118)
AP Interesting A rare 1918 brass knuckle knife that paratroopers wore strapped to their legs has been stolen from a musuem. Expect it to show up in a Fark article in the next few days (121)
(Zenhabits.net) Interesting Bored at work? Here's 30 things to do to pass the time. Sadly, Fark not even an honorable mention (104)
(TSP) Scary The only thing worse than coming home to find a deer in the house is when it sees its own reflection in the mirror, gets spooked, and trashes the house (28)
ABC News Interesting U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission found to be slow to inform consumers of dangerous products. You submitted this with a better headline but the 'Submit Link' button blew up and blinded you (25)
Fox News Followup Is it the end of the month already? Must be, because there “new evidence” again in the Natalie Holloway case. Which will of course lead no where and won't solve anything (69)
The Sun Hero Court evicts woman for plaguing neighbors with Dolly Parton songs at hours other than 9 to 5 (56)
CBC Asinine City erects fence to stop homeless people from sleeping in an underpass. Panhandlers' union responds by launching a lawsuit. Yes, you read that right: panhandlers' union (174)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this crane bucket scooper-upper thingamajig (50)
(Chicoer) Interesting Drug Enforcement agents seize 160 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Plan to make a pretty nice-sized salad (161)
(Newsnet5) Unlikely Catholics urged not to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Seriously, stop laughing (108)
(Times Herald Record) Strange Today's repeat-offender bigamy story is brought to you by Port Jervis, New York, complete with mugshot that'll have you wondering how she even latched one man, let alone four (96)
(Daily Camera) Followup Drifter pleads guilty to Georgia coed hiker's murder, gets life without parole (115)
Yahoo Unlikely Air your security gripes on the TSA blog. Subby has 72 hours in the "how long will this last before someone freaks out and shuts it down" pool (121)
Guardian.com Stupid US finally safe from Canada (117)
Canoe Dumbass Mother buys eight-year old daughter a "Happy Bunny" book, complains when she realizes it's not for children (187)
Denver Post Interesting Federal report shows more animals are being struck on the nation's highways, with accompanying photo of a car veering off the road and heading straight at a freaked-out bear (66)
(WLBT) Amusing Adult store found to be selling sex toys (with hilarious transcript) (288)
CNN Obvious Another day, another al Qaeda #2 killed (132)
(Gimundo) Spiffy Only in Japan: Get dumped, score paid leave from work (37)
(WISN) Dumbass Two arrested in Miller beer exec slaying, were apparently unable to resolve classic Great Taste/Less Filling quandry peacefully (40)
Yahoo Scary Bad news: U.S. military unprepared for catastrophic attack on homeland. Good news: invading paratroopers can be repelled by scrappy bands of high school students with hunting rifles (289)
Something Awful Followup Cheeseburger in a can: a user's experience (141)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're lost and cold after stealing computers from a school, just flag down the school adminstrator to get directions (9)
(kenosha news) Asinine Woman receives $2,000 bill from Time Warner for "the loss of five cable boxes, five remotes and a modem". She admits that the items are lost since they were in the house when the tornado blew it away (79)
The Register Interesting US Navy ready to test fire rail gun; Chinese and Russians watching closely to see whether the design is worth stealing (160)
(Cha Yathink) Obvious Secret technology may account for Texas UFO sightings (71)
(Some Guy) Sad On pace to be a great-grandmother by 33. Beat THAT, Alabama (277)
Guardian.com Asinine Prince Charles complains that English cities are as ugly as the horse he rode in on (35)
Hartford Courant Obvious Yale frat-boys are shocked, SHOCKED that women's groups are offended by their "We Love Yale Sluts" signs (167)
The Morning Call Sick Two pounds of pasta, two heads of lettuce, and three gallons of water. For breakfast. In 20 minutes (74)
MSNBC Interesting Four people must go directly to jail for killing a teen over a game of Monopoly. Spare me the water works if you think there's a chance they got railroaded. I hope they get put in the chair and the electric company does the rest (112)
(Edmunds) Sad 18-year old kid who bragged to online BMW community about driving his 2008 M5 really fast is now bragging to St. Peter (569)
BBC Spiffy Dumbass Fark: Man takes taxi from Newcastle to Scotland, then runs off without paying. Spiffy Fark: Villagers take collection and donate £215 to pay the cab driver because they were "ashamed of the way he had been cheated" (25)
(Some Guy) Ironic Anton LaVey's Black House is now condos, which means it reached a new level of hell Anton never imagined (66)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The People's Republic of Boulder dukes it out with the Christian Nation of Colorado Springs for the Presidency of the USA (67)
Des Moines Register Stupid Neighbor calls 911 in a panic after mistaking a portable heater on the roof of a school for a NASA rocket (32)
JSOnline Sick Police find 14-year old runaway girl safe and sound. In the bed of a sex offender while wearing a dog collar around her neck (342)
(The Local) Amusing In a subtle reworking of an old biblical parable, very special man miraculously turns a loaf of bread into thousands of ecstasy tablets (26)
Canada.com PSA If you are a novice skier, grooming yourself while skiing is generally a bad idea (25)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Pro Tip: If you transport $500,000 of pot in you car at night, you should have your headlights turned on (74)
Daily Herald Unlikely Mock disaster drill reveals bloggers are threat to U.S.; Perez Hilton to be upgraded from "annoying" to "dangerous" (56)
My San Antonio Obvious Custodian busted for having sex with junior high student, inadvertently earns high school teaching credential (67)
Yahoo Dumbass Thief thwarted by a salami (33)
Canoe Cool Man wins an 11-year bet to see who could wear the UPS shorts the longest. In Alberta. Where in was -48C a couple of days ago (97)
WNBC Stupid NYC Police: Serve? Check. Protect? Check. Sell drugs? Uh oh (42)
CBS New York Dumbass Apparently all you can eat donut perks not enough for NYPD detective, adds lucrative side business of pimping 13-year old runaway to make ends meet (96)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Scary Man attacks cabbie with axe. Cabbie flummoxed, "He claimed it was a bottle opener" (34)
STLToday Hero Don't try to steal these women's purses or you might end up with a snow shovel gash so big, it takes staples to close it (44)
The Smoking Gun Amusing I'll trade you nine Kuciniches for an Obama. New Topps baseball set includes presidential candidate cards (68)
BBC Followup Pirates vs Lawyers 2: The Curse of the Copyright (128)
MSNBC Obvious Fark submitters agree: Animal hoarding a growing problem (56)
(The Local) Stupid Swede jailed for falsely informing the FBI that his former son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda. Said he didn't think US authorities would be "so stupid" as to believe him. Stupid tag goes to him (80)
(Boing Boing) Interesting A 1973 list of secret safe-words of the Emergency Broadcast System. You just knew the nukes were coming if the announcer said "bladder" (179)
(Some Guy) Amusing Mexico upset with Germany because of UFIA (126)
(Some Guy) Obvious Britain braces for temperatures to plunge as low as eight stones on the guv'nor's hogshead, or however the hell they measure weather over there (118)
(shieldsgazette) Weird Sci-fi TV nut builds bad guys from his favourite shows, and they live in his garage. He has monsters, demons, robots, Imperial stormtroopers from Star Wars, and loads more. Bet that keep the burglars out (90)
AFP Scary A crucial part of one of Indonesia's tsunami detection systems might have been deliberately removed (38)
ICNetwork Amusing Wife charged for prescribing Viagra to husband. No word yet if it will hold up in court (66)
Boston Herald Followup 1-31-07 Never Forget (389)
WTMJ Spiffy Honey, forget the salad spoons. The baby's in my pants (69)
(shieldsgazette) Amusing Jogger calls police after savage drive-by Mars Bar attack (81)
The Sun Amusing London Tube passengers left open-mouthed when a group of commuters - including a suited man - got up from their seats and performed the dance from Thriller (180)
My San Antonio Dumbass San Antonio Post-Express runs piece on the secrets to a happy marriage featuring a couple who never argue...not any more, anyway (47)
Boston Globe Silly The long-standing male chauvinistic stranglehold over Groundhog Day is in jeopardy, thanks to Ms. G and a petition that's picking up steam (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop “You’re Doing It Wrong” Photoshop challenge: Mistakenly use a common grocery item based on its brand name and get surprising results. Difficulty: No pharmaceuticals. Link goes to lame Q&D example (171)
Pravda Interesting Vegetarians are perverts of nature who slowly kill themselves, scientists say(NSFW pic) (537)
TBO Florida Blaze burns more than 300 portable toilets. Arson investigators say the fire was suspicious, but they have nothing to go on (33)
(The Indy Channel.com) Silly With all the crack dealers, burglars and other miscreants behind bars, the Muncie, IN police turn their attention to the new threat: people painting their own cross walks (39)
The Sun Amusing Two police officers lock themselves in a room and call for backup when confronted by a mouthy 13-year old. That's some fine police work there boys (56)
The Sun Obvious British police say Madeleine McCann's parents "are not suspects" in their daughter's disappearance, cunningly trying to lull them into a false sense of security (40)
Canada.com Cool Canadian brewing company seeks to solve the age old mystery: how long can beer sit in the snow before freezing? (85)
Seattle Times Spiffy Judges says there were so many ethical lapses and scientific inaccuracies at the Washington State Toxicology Lab that breath tests should not be admitted as evidence in drunken driving cases (65)
MSNBC Scary At least 17,000 bridges across the country have not had their two-year check up. But, hey, we're all getting a rebate check. Yee Haw (98)
Daily Mail Scary 23-year-old journalist sentenced to death in Afghanistan for reading about women's rights on the Internet. Mission accomplished (209)
MSNBC Sad Soldier suicides reach record levels. The surge is working (256)
(TMZ) Obvious Britney Spears admitted to UCLA Medical Center. Submitter taking bets on how long she'll stay this time (212)
Winding Road Interesting Vermont offers to trade lifetime supply of driver's licenses in exchange for organs (55)
(Jamestown Sun) Unlikely Brides now letting their grooms shoot them with paint balls in order to ruin their wedding dress for wedding photos. Wait, what? (65)
CNN Scary The power of Christ compels you..... to go to jail (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this big-ass lightbulb (47)
(Some Guy) Amusing B₃U₁T₁T₁S₁E₁C₃K₅S₁? (182)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 143: "One for the Road" Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme (326)

Wed January 30, 2008
The Raw Story Florida Woman with vomiting daughter gets $123 traffic ticket. Cop said he would've let them go, but girl kept spinning her head around and taunting him in a demonic voice (94)
STLToday Strange I shot an arrow in the air / It killed that vicious dog right there / The suburbs cheer, the owner's down / You need a stronger chain there, clown (122)
Houston Chronicle Ironic The only way to keep up "clean" ethanol production is to build more "dirty" coal plants (251)
WPXI Asinine Parents call local news and health department when their precious little snowflakes have to endure a day of school using *GASP* backup generators (110)
AP Amusing Not News: Somebody parks their bike in front of a Goodwill store. News: Goodwill sells it. Fark: At 97% off (84)
(Some Wannabe Chemist) Florida High school suspends regular chemistry lessons in favor of seven-week review for upcoming standardized assessment tests. Principal defends decision, saying "The way I see it, they're still learning science" (121)
Marketwatch Interesting Starbucks announces plans to close 1% of stores nationwide, effectively reducing the number of Starbucks on every city block to 27 (152)
Local6 Florida $400-a-visit escort service was one of largest in Florida's history (with high-priced escort pic goodness) (253)
(Press Citizen) Asinine Early “Wife of the Year” candidate spends all her husband’s active duty pay on her secret boyfriend while hubby is serving in Iraq, serves him with divorce papers and leaves him deeply in debt when he returns home (385)
SacBee Interesting According to arrest records, Mickey Mouse is a 47-year-old African American man standing 5-feet, 9-inches and weighing 190 pounds (31)
CBC Scary Come for the skiing, stay for the Hepatitis (24)
Boston Globe Amusing School's automated phone system accidentally makes 2,100 calls to parents saying their kids missed class. Hilarity, visits from Ed Rooney ensue (91)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this orbiting object (81)
(So Good) Interesting You Double Dipped the Chip??? New Clemson study analyzes the levels of bacteria caused by double dipping (145)
News.com.au Interesting Chinese scientists have found way to control weather, guarantee they will "stop the rain" for Olympics opening ceremony. Creedence Clearwater Revival unavailable for comment (77)
(WTAE-TV) Unlikely Busch Light, Natural Light and Keystone Light rated best beers for Super Bowl parties (253)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass When a CNN split screen shows a white person, then a black person, then a white person, the anchor has the presence of mind to call it a "Reverse Oreo." It's not news, it's CNN (164)
Philly Asinine Woman starts her own eBay consignment business so she can stay home and take care of her daughter with cancer. Now she faces fines up to $10 million for operating in PA without an auctioneers license (159)
(Some Guy) Amusing Someone at this website has a sense of humor (207)
Daily Mail Strange 400 Croatians dress up as Smurfs to try to break world record. Gargamel immediately books flight to Croatia (45)
Herald-Leader Sick Kibble and Bits, Kibble and Bits, I'm gonna get me some...... OH MY GOD, BAD DOG BAD BAD DOG (293)
(WYFF) Hero Smartest Man Ever introduces legislation that will allow those serving in the military to buy a drink before they turn 21 (412)
The Sun Dumbass Don't you hate it when you get really drunk and let your friend brand your ass with a red-hot fireplace poker? This guy sure does. With video, er, something (warning: branded ass pic in link) (72)
(Texas Tripper) Amusing When in Texas, say it like a Texan. Your guide on the pronunciation of some of the strangest sounding towns in the State. With audio goodness (306)
SMH Amusing Manhattan hotel unveils new room made entirely of chocolate. Submitter is waiting patiently for the bacon room (57)
The Consumerist Weird Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Also, a thumbtack (67)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's never comforting when the local D.A.R.E. officer gets busted for visiting websites like High School Cheerleader and Kinky Catholic Schoolgirls on a computer at the school where he teaches (108)
AFP Amusing Polish nun cites "divine inspiration" for bestseller cookbooks, because not only can God do the whole "wine into water" thing, he's apparently quite handy around the kitchen (41)
(WINK News) Florida Bad hair day leads to robbery (32)
BBC Scary That noise you heard? That's economic growth stalling (234)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Rochester man blames restless-leg medication for his inability to keep his pants on in public (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman accused of throwing roach poison on her neighbors ingests some herself to prove it's not dangerous. Welcome to Georgia, the state evolution forgot (76)
Forbes Interesting America's most miserable cities announced. Who's number one? Hint: It's bigger than a breadbox, its NFL team is endorsed by God, and it truly ain't Rock City (331)
CBS News Unlikely U.S.: High oil prices could benefit Iraqis. Well, the Iraqis who own oil producing land, anyway. The rest of 'em are still screwed (26)
CNN Stupid Space station astronauts make risky spacewalk; article writer mistakes "exasperated " for "exacerbated." It's not literate, it's CNN (88)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Cops hunting Morin. Greatest mugshot ever? The Smoking Gun is there (133)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Hello, I am from the Government, your talk show is insulting, stop broadcasting NOW. I am hanging up now, goodbye." Surprisingly, this worked rather well (31)
The Smoking Gun Followup A Mississippi teacher admitted to cops that she had sex with a 15-year-old male student to whom she sent explicit text messages and trysted with in her Jaguar, which bore the license plate "GRRRRR." (with mugshot goodness) (338)
(Florida Today) Florida Today's third-grade student brings gun to school brought to you by Sunset Park Elementary School (39)
(Angry Customer) Scary Someday, someone will explain why your name, address and social security number are so important, they must be stored on laptops that people keep losing (59)
(Statesman.com) Asinine Today's hot teacher sex scandal involves hand holding and no sex (87)
Breitbart.tv Silly FBI nabs crutch-leaning, gun-wielding, ninja-clad bank robber. Plethora of adverbs go free (video story) (27)
(Buffalo News) Followup Seven-week suspension of honor student stands. “The fact that I’m receiving emails from both coasts means this story is resonating." Behold the power of Fark. Behold the asshattery of Buffalo (178)
USA Today Followup Rudy Giuliani 81.81818182% sure he's going to drop out of the race now (131)
The Sun Dumbass Gang of hammer-armed teenagers robs jewelry store, forgets that police have guns (87)
(Some Math Geek) Spiffy Airline offers special deal in which all flight prices are fibonacci numbers. Submitter is holding out for the Pi sale (103)
Yahoo Asinine Texas school wants to suspend female student for her "unnatural kinky twist" (235)
(NDTV.com) Strange Hen in Mexican village reportedly laying green eggs. Sam I Am immediately dispatched to scene (59)
NPR Dumbass Horse faced sociologist who can't get a date decides that men under 30 should be called "child-men" (738)
Daily Mail Obvious Woman furious at being fined for littering after throwing apple core out of car window. "I think it's a ridiculous charge because apples are biodegradable" (228)
(Rochester D&C) Dumbass What's the difference between an ordinary game of tag and a game of Darwin tag? One is played in the middle of a busy highway while drunk (29)
Daily Mail Asinine Nanny State teachers forbidden from referring to pupils' parents as "mom and dad" because it's sexist and assumes they're not being raised by homosexuals (294)
CNN Sad Bangladeshi fisherman caught flogging the dolphin (66)
(Some Guy) Interesting Æ, Ø and Å, three letters the world can't understand. The Internet is killing the Danish language (257)
CNN Misc Jerusalem shut down by snowfall; Israel now looking desperately for a way to blame the weather on the Palestinians (263)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Chicago to get $49 million for the homeless, but will probably blow it on booze (195)
(KTAR) PSA When hauling a van load of illegals, do not rear end another vehicle. Especially when that other vehicle is owned by the Department of Homeland Security (52)
News.com.au Scary Good news: Dumplings from China are not contaminated with lead. Bad news: They contain methamidophos, a toxic insecticide. Oh well, you win some, you lose some (68)
St. Pete Times Florida Good deed: Giving elderly driver directions where to vote in primary. Punishment: Elderly driver puts vehicle in reverse, run over helper (52)
(Bitten and Bound) Sad Russian beauty and Moscow's top female celebrity bodyguard was killed trying to stop the carjacking of her Porsche. Anna Loginova, 1978-2008 (239)
Yahoo Cool Bank borks brazen burglars (12)
Breitbart.com Hero 4:20 24/7 (232)
WTMJ Scary "Lady, I'm pulling you over for speeding, I have to search your car. And your privates" (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this chess-playing cat (48)
Examiner Sad What's black and white and red all over? (161)
WFTV Asinine Police officer says the city illegally fired him because he had a heart attack while on duty (56)
(Daily Mirror) Sappy Man, 93, and his new 84-year-old bride plan to take a 1,600 mile RV tour for their honeymoon. And that's just the length of the traffic jam behind them (25)
STLToday Interesting "I know students are coming solely because of Ron Jeremy," she said. "But as long as we get them in the seats, I know they're going to learn something" (88)
(ninemsn.com.au) Followup MySpace party douche Corey Worthington finds out about the downside of fame, as he gets his arse handed to him in a fight (with video) (168)
AFP Interesting Coke bottle coffins? Egads, the gods must be crazy (53)
Yahoo Amusing Good: Winning $1.8 million in the lottery. Bad: Losing $1.8 million dollars. Good: Winning $1.8 million dollars again (35)
(wigantoday) Hero "She was on her zimmer in the living room and she said, 'Mary I'm on fire,' so I said, 'Let's both go out." 77-year-old rescues 101-year-old (39)
The Sun Cool Scientists finally develop a personal jetpack for the general public, although you only have 75 seconds of airtime before splashdown (52)
(Some Guy) Scary Short version: Chainsaw, attack, drinking suspected (21)
Boston Globe Amusing Crocodile makes himself at home on an Australian golf course. Carl Spackler flown in to resolve the situation (30)
(The Enquirer) Weird Kentucky wants its big rock back (65)
(Brisbane Times) Amusing Feminism takes another brave step forward with a speed dating event to pair rich elderly women up with hot young guys (158)
MSNBC News John Edwards anounces he will drop out of race today to spend more time with his hair (1015)
Yahoo Dumbass If you have a half pound of pot in your car, maybe you should avoid throwing bottles at other vehicles (43)
Yahoo Asinine Is that a crowbar in your pants or are you just robbing this church? (14)
Examiner Dumbass Bicyclist shocked to learn he was riding improperly. Really shocked (127)
(Dorset Echo) Spiffy Ashes to ashes, funk to funky, follow mum's remains and let's get drunky (33)
(wwmt) Dumbass Rob us once, shame on you. Rob us twice, dude, what were you thinking? (22)
Yahoo Cool If the roads are closed due to snow, you could always try to ski 124 miles home from school (25)
CTV Asinine Congratulations, Toronto, on your new segregated school system (387)
News.com.au Weird Kinky man calls phone directory assistance 10,000 times for nightly scolding by operators (29)
Telegraph Sad People in Haiti so poor they have to eat mud (198)
(Some Guy) Amusing Pensioner uses his wife as cocaine mule, gets caught, blames wife. Who says romance is dead? (11)
(MENonline) Amusing Old and busted: "Get off my lawn." New hotness: "Get off my playground swing" (10)
Examiner Stupid A man recycles everything and cancels his trash service, so he's sued by the city (109)
MSNBC Scary Air Canada flight diverted, crew drags psychotic co-pilot off plane, after picking wrong week to quit sniffing glue (80)
Boston Globe Dumbass For those of you keeping score at home, you drive on the parkway, park on the driveway, and swerve around drunkenly on the runway. Wait, what? (19)
Telegraph Dumbass Drunk footballer who parked his car in the middle lane of a motorway and fell asleep tries to blame it on referee (26)
Kansas.com Amusing Medical equipment from Kennedy assassination, including a wheeled stretcher, a door, clock, trash can and a towel dispenser, have been moved to underground storage in Kansas for safe-keeping. You know, from hurricanes (34)
(Pocono Record) Scary If you left eight bags of body parts on the interstate in northeastern Pennsylvania, the police would like to have a few words with you (93)
AZCentral Strange One moment you're asking your neighbor to stop throwing birdseed in your yard and the next thing you know she's firing a shotgun at your groin (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this swinging photographer (80)
Guardian.com Obvious Nicaraguan beauty contest winners forced to work in brothels within months of winning competitions. Some people argue this is a bad thing (126)
ABC News Obvious Rudy Giuliani dropping his presidential bid, will endorse McCain. 9/11 (266)
Guardian.com Hero Danish library plans to house cartoons of prophet Muhammad (185)

Tue January 29, 2008
CNN Florida Sen. Clinton attempts to spin a zero-zero tie as a win (575)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man sues after Parkinson's drug cures him of the disease, but makes him a compulsive gambler. Too bad, because the shakes can really help with the rolling when you're on a hot streak (72)
CNN News John McCain wins Florida GOP Primary (485)
Fox News Weird Runaway lettuce truck leafs road and crashes into house, killing driver. The house's occupants can romaine, but the truck is chard (81)
Daily Mail Cool Lions, chimps and other animals learn to swim at endangered animal sanctuary. Hottie vet in bikini an unexpected bonus (pics) (164)
Daily Mail Sick Nothing you didn't already suspect, but customs officers have seized a shipment of thousands of headless rats destined for restaurants in England (168)
(Lodi News-Sentinel) Strange You're having a bad day if you come home from work and your wife says you've been shot in the head (51)
(Burlington Free Press) Sad Bikini contest causes Hooters restaurant to lose its liquor license for Super Bowl weekend. Oops (233)
CBS News Amusing Hard-hitting investigative journalism at its best: CBS gets to the bottom of the "dirty lolly pop" (124)
MSNBC Obvious This just in: Time Warner, Comcast, et. al. use deceptive advertising and tiny print to sign customers up and charge them exorbitant fees one month later (132)
(infoweek.com) Stupid Sex offender e-mail registry proposed to protect minors . . . because it's so difficult to get a new email account (79)
Chicago Tribune Asinine Not news: Smoking indoors banned. News: Businesses scramble to erect outdoor shelters to protect smoking workers from the cold. Fark: The outdoor shelters can't have a door because then they'd be indoors (567)
Fox News Dumbass If you're really serious about killing your parents, put down your webcam so that you can do the job correctly (166)
(Some Finn) Strange Finnish teenager goes medieval on her mother, orders crossbow hit (71)
Rocky Mountain News Obvious The Vail Daily newspaper has seven full pages of help-wanted ads, but only five ads for housing with the cheapest renting for $5,000 a month. "We have some ratio issues" says citys housing coordinator. Obvious tag basks in its glory (116)
Boston Globe Strange Parade float to commemorate Holocaust with a big pile of fake dead bodies. What could possibly go wrong? (128)
Seattle Times Scary Hooker's ear gets bitten off. Hooker says, "Huh"? (76)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these Russian eggs (65)
TampaBays10.com Amusing ♫ This is the duck that never dies ♫ (73)
My San Antonio Amusing A chamber of commerce worth joining: San Antonio Hispanic Chamber attempts to set world record for tequila shots -- 1,375 of them (46)
USA Today Interesting One in five hotel guests admits to stealing everything in their room that isn't chained to the wall (283)
(KSAT) Dumbass If you're having your boyfriend move in to your house, don't do it on the same day your bitter ex-husband is moving out (288)
Abc.net.au Interesting Eating healthy causes stress while eating junkfood eases stress. Here comes the science (93)
Rocky Mountain News Amusing MISSING: One fiberglass prairie dog standing two feet tall, wears a Superman outfit. Spotted in various locales, from a tropical beach to Antarctica. Drew's garden gnome approves (32)
AFP Strange Global tourism soared in 2007, with the Middle East the most popular vacation destination. Wait, WTF? (88)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Amusing Students use "beaver deceiver" device to trick beavers. Subby remembers when that was called "alcohol" (114)
Yahoo Sad Margaret Truman -- only daughter of former President Harry Truman, concert singer, actress, radio and TV personality and mystery writer -- dead at 83 (72)
Canoe Amusing If your classmates names are Whisper, Sparrow, Treasure, Butterfly and Raynebow-Roze and boys named Echo, Ocean, Freedom, Midnite and Obsidian-Angel, you may have been born in Alberta (273)
(Some Guy) Strange It's good to know that if you're already behind bars for wrecking a cop car, you won't face any additional time for a nude rampage through the jail (20)
(The State) Misc "Although you do have strong swimmers, I'm concerned about your reptile dysfunction" (40)
(Some Chicago Guy) Dumbass Getting drunk at a local bar, $50.00. Getting a tow truck to remove your car from the train tracks, $125.00. Two trains heading your way before the tow truck arrives, PRICELESS (81)
(Seacoast Online) PSA Taking a leak outside in New Hampshire can lead to sex offense charge, shrinkage (119)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man who wins £19 million lottery has heart condition that could kill him any minute and can't ever be more than 30 minutes from a hospital. Some guys have all the luck (77)
(TVNZ) Misc British store says it will end discrimination against large-breasted women. Submitter would like to extend the same courtesy at his place on Friday at 8 p.m (611)
(Metro) Amusing Deep down, every one of you has dreamt of one day walking around a public beach dressed as a giant penis (74)
AJC Dumbass Teens retaliate against bully by filling a two-liter soda bottle with explosive chemicals and putting it in a mailbox, where it was amazingly discovered by a postal worker instead (123)
(WTOC) Sick Community offers up gifts, cash for humble couple expecting quintuplets. Sheriff's investigators would have been fine with that, except for the pesky lack of pregnancy (86)
Des Moines Register Ironic Lung Association event attendees contract serious lung disease at said event (43)
Yahoo Silly Man spends time dead for tax reasons (70)
SuperDeluxe Video Tiger vagina, Def Leppard, lattes. Sounds like breakfast at Neverland Ranch (152)
Toronto Star Stupid News: Miss Toronto pageants rejects beauty queen as judge. Fark: Because she uses Tarot cards (265)
(SLA) Amusing The Stalinist League of Australia releases their 2008 policy platform, including "Destroying the international nerd conspiracy" and "The total crackdown on nerds, goths, fat people, oldies, geeks and capitalists" (181)
NPR Cool How to escape an avalanche: dig straight up for 18 hours using a flashlight as a shovel (116)
AP Stupid Thanks to recent record foreclosure rates, it is now possible to buy a house for less than the price of a big-screen TV. Sure, it's in Cleveland, but still (136)
UPI Obvious The Bush administration has dropped a program to distribute anti-radiation pills to citizens who live near nuclear reactors citing their ineffectiveness during "The Pepsi Syndrome" of the late 70's (163)
(Some Guy) Strange "I didn't make (serial killers) that way. I'm not the one who did the news stories on them. I'm not the one that wrote novels about them." No but you are the asshat making money off of them (89)
(Post-Gazette) Weird Angry 10-year old? Check. Attempt to poison his family? Check. Locked in a crap-filled dog crate by grandma? Wait a sec, who the hell wrote this checklist? (149)
(Some Cheesehead) Dumbass That's right, I'm using my cell phone to call 911 while driving because my boyfriend "seems to think I'm too intoxicated to drive" (66)
(Amazon.com) Amusing No need to watch the Super Bowl -- according to the Boston Globe, the Pats have already won (487)
Houston Chronicle Amusing A radio-station volunteer who hosts an Internet program called "Mellow Down Easy" soothes listeners with his jazz music selections. Just kidding, he torches the station after someone changes his playlist (83)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this speechifying president (136)
STLToday Obvious The Romero Institute reports that some people leave REALLY long voicemails (97)
Toronto Star Strange Old and busted: God is your co-pilot. New hotness: The mental patient headed to the psych ward is your co-pilot (35)
(Speedy Gonzales) Amusing Eighty people brawl at Chuck E Cheese. Behold the power of cheese -- and pepper spray (458)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Man arrested for stealing from parking meters. Would have gotten away with it if the drill he was using hadn't been plugged into the Capitol Police guardhouse (44)
Breitbart.com Caption Caption what Ted Kennedy is saying to Barack Obama (283)
WNBC Dumbass Drunk guy sues college after fateful Jell-o wrestling incident (76)
(Some Guy) Florida "There are few things more horrific than being in the midst of 400,000 drunks... I can’t help but think that this might be the closest many of us will ever come to entering a war zone" (75)
Bangor Daily News Asinine Couple complains that the neighbor's business puts out an objectionable odor, so the city is fining it until the problem is fixed. The business? Coffee roasters. The complainers? Moved away (104)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cold person (61)
SMH Spiffy German airline one-ups Hooters Air by introducing special totally nude flights. You'll still get the seat next to the sweaty 300 pounder, though (130)
Yahoo Dumbass New York state employee arrested after stealing historical documents and putting them on eBay. Said he got the idea after seeing what Bush has done with the Constitution (69)
(Brooklyn Paper) Amusing Art studio spends $300,000 on security devices, which fail to prevent theft of the $300,000 security devices (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man employed by royalty surprised to discover that his suggestion that the wife "needed a good f*****g" didn't go over so well (105)
(MetroWest Daily News) Scary Fark's scary mugshot of the day. You'd call police too if you saw that chasing you (122)
BBC Scary The curry contained ethylene glycol: That's bad. But it was served with wine: That's good. The wine also contained ethylene glycol: That's bad (58)
Daily Mail Sad Kids kick ball into neighbour's yard. He won't give it back. Kids tell dad. Dad goes to neighbour. Option C involves golf clubs, metal poles, cricket bats and a samurai sword (198)
Canoe Sad If you recently broke into a car in Arlington, Texas, the bishop would like his crown back (55)
London Times Asinine Lloyd's of London says there are not enough disasters lately, which of course forces them to raise premiums (30)
CBS Sacramento Scary FEMA told the CDC not to report on long-term effects of living in formaldehyde-coated trailers. As it turns out, it may not be such a great idea to take advice from FEMA (77)
(KCCI) Dumbass It's good to be mayor of Pleasantville when charged with DUI. Bonus: His name is Joe Van Haalen. (with "Yeah I did it. So what? Wanna fight about it?" mugshot) (47)
The Sun Cool Cutest litter of endangered Glen of Immal puppies that you'll see... well, pretty much ever. Prepare to be "awwww"ed (slideshow) (70)
BBC Unlikely Scientists hope the cure for criminal behavior in youths is more fish oil in their diet (48)
MSNBC Obvious Iraq has a new national flag. Again. And once again, everyone hates it (129)
Sign On San Diego Stupid If you've been painting a curb red in front of an apartment and putting up a fire lane sign, the city and the guy who lives in the apartment would like you to knock it off (36)
Yahoo Amusing Man charged with drunken driving after drinking two bottles of wine, cutting through a snowstorm on his lawn mower and riding down the center of the street to reach a liquor store (31)
Yahoo PSA If you misplace your I.D. before getting on a plane, and happen to have a magazine with your photo in it, you can use that for I.D. (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this coffee cup and console (91)
(Some Doe) Strange Reason # 924 Fark exists: "Witnesses eating lunch Sunday were startled when a woman walking a pet deer on a leash lost control of the animal, causing it to break through a window and run amok through the restaurant's dining room." (77)
BBC Misc Scottish researchers successfully tag and ID crab population. Submitter's no scientist, but she's pretty sure there's a shampoo that would clear that right up (50)

Mon January 28, 2008
Kansas.com Asinine Tesla Motors: "We can't comply with the new air bag rules, it's to hard, so we won't use any at all." National Highway Traffic Safety Administration : "Well......OK." (187)
Miami Herald Florida Calling 911 with fake report of drug dealing not the best move if you have lots of illegal drugs on you (w/mugshot) (49)
News.com.au Cool Brazilian government handing out brazilians of free condoms so there won't be brazilian Brazilians being born after 9 months of the Brazilian Carnival (79)
(All Africa) Obvious Uganda turns to lizard blood for AIDS cure, curing cancer next (81)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Multi-tasking at work is usually a good thing, unless you're a cop trying to make vacation plans while your car is parked on a sidewalk as you investigate a break-in (22)
News.com.au Weird Man dies in crocodile orgy (68)
(Some Guy) Interesting There's now a lip gloss on the market some say will help you lose weight. Must be made with superglue (51)
(WBBH-TV) Florida Old and busted: drive-by shootings. New hotness: drive-by fruitings (84)
Fox News Amusing Cow on the lam. Best. burger. ever (72)
ABC News Dumbass Today's "small town mayor/pastor busted by cop posing online as a 13 year old girl" story comes from Collins, Missouri (78)
CBS 4 Denver Asinine If you remember seeing a man driving a 1979 Datsun 280Z in December of 1997, the Boulder police would like to have a word with you (85)
(Some Deadbeat) Sick Canadian government is enforcing collection of dead students' loans. Welcome to Canada, the kinder, gentler socialist utopia (124)
TampaBays10.com Florida If 100-year-old woman can go to the gym and work out daily, what's your excuse again, lard butt? (124)
Yahoo Obvious 28 days in and the voting is now closed as we can declare that Yahoo wins the award for most unfortunate headline of 2008 (129)
(Some Guy) Amusing The 2008 State of the Union Address drinking game. Call in to work now and tell them you'll be sick tomorrow (1381)
(Some Guy) Amusing Driving a minivan as a way of sticking it to the man: "Popular culture is so anti-minivan today that driving one is so counter-culture, so in the face of popular biases, so keeping-it-real, that it's almost punk rock" (197)
(Earth Times) Amusing University program features monologues by strippers, prostitutes and other sex workers... your standard mix of liberal arts graduates (108)
(Oil Drum) Strange The latest left wing environut to jump on the Gorebot warming bandwagon is the CEO of Shell Oil. Wait, what? (341)
CBS Miami Interesting Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Hersheys is jacking up the price of chocolate so last minute Romeos’ have to pay through the nose to get a little something-something. Sweet (228)
Fox News Interesting Glen Godwin wanted for murder. You know who else was wanted for murder? (123)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Create a new Google logo for your favorite holiday. LGT inspiration (138)
Fox News Dumbass OMG someone totally HAX0RED my MySpace (252)
Japan Times Amusing Japanese police crack down on scofflaw bicyclists, telling them to stop with the headphones, cellphones, and excessive bell-ringing (46)
Gizmodo Asinine Merely moving things in your mini bar at the Wynn Las Vegas means you bought the item. This will end well (312)
(The Daily Californian) Obvious Berkeley wants to zone military-recruitment offices the same way they zone adult pornography stores (309)
Newsday Obvious Another man saddled with child support payments for a kid that is not his... and two courts have ruled against him so far (773)
Orlando Sentinel Followup That school that was built over the bombing range, that we said was all clear? Maybe not so much (46)
CNN Asinine TSA tester slips mock bomb past airport security. Bet they caught his ten ounce bottle of mouthwash, though (162)
(Austin American Statesman) Interesting "As far as I know, he's the only tollway bicycle commuter in Austin. And as far as I know, he's not deranged" (148)
(Some Guy) Interesting The International Institute of Making Up Numbers has ranked the greenest countries in the world (81)
(WBAL) Amusing Having solved all other societal ills, lawmaker attempts to create "Do Not Call" registry for free lawn newspapers (119)
Guardian.com Interesting "Jargon is an inevitable part of office life and whilst it can often be regarded as baffling and frustrating, there are advantages to speaking the office lingo" (196)
Washington Post Interesting Parents file federal class-action suit after their dead son was buried without his brain. Defendant Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr says he did nothing wrong (173)
(myrtlebeachonline) Dumbass Actual headline: "Man flees into ocean, captured." Somehow I don't think he thought his cunning plan all the way through (44)
Boston Globe Obvious Home worth less than the mortgage? Check. Insurance all paid up? Check. Gas can? Check (106)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Ten strippers arrested in raid at upscale Houston gentlemen's club. With mug shot goodness (though you might want to save some of those singles) (366)
(KWGN-TV) Cool Finally, a use for all those #%& banana stickers (73)
(Some Guy) Asinine With no more pressing crimes to solve, Texas prosecutors now going after seventh-graders who smell their hands after applying hand sanitizer in state's classrooms (154)
Gizmodo Cool Cool timeline: The LEGO Brick turns 50, exactly like many virgin LEGO fans (132)
Newsday Amusing After serving 26 years on the police, it's your last day on the job. Do you: A) Take it easy? B) Do your job like always? Or C) ticket 14 patrol cars that had expired inspection stickers? (Difficulty: You hate the police chief) (174)
BBC Asinine College professor on trial in Istanbul for insulting Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, who founded modern Turkey and was a big poo-poo head (127)
(Mooha) Photoshop Photoshop this brave sledder (97)
Wired Obvious NYC's plan to peer over everyone's shoulder on the subways is getting more and more expensive and will take far longer to achieve than estimated. EVERYBODY FUHGEDDABOUDIT (36)
Fox News Cool Eleven-year-old boy cures 10-year deafness by pulling cotton from ear (192)
Newsday Strange Woman says something fishy is going on after daughter, 11, denied half-price sushi meal because she's too tall. "I asked, 'Do you really feel that if my daughter is tall that she's going to eat more?'" (pic) (159)
AJC Dumbass The stripperosity, it is strong in Georgia: "There are 147 Georgia girls named Chanel, 31 named Cinnamon, 1,435 named Diamond..." Only two Cletuses and six Bubbas, though (895)
(Some Guy) Obvious Radio host goes out on streets of Liverpool on Saturday night to prove they're safer than the claims of other media fearmongers. You can probably guess how this turns out (175)
(Some Guy) Interesting Printer ink tops $1000 a barrel. The public are urged not to panic and to only print out essential documents while they set about finding alternative ways for children to get coloring-in pictures that they print out from the Disney website (121)
BBC Sad Fuel and food are in short supply aboard the Greenpeace ship Esperanza, tracking the Japanese whaling fleet in the southern ocean. If only there were some large creatures nearby that could be hunted for oil and food (99)
(Some Friend of the Resniks) Sad Twenty-two years ago today, the space shuttle Challenger was destroyed after a catastrophic O-ring failure. Where were you when you heard the news? (1128)
(Some Guy) Misc Rival Kenyan tribes face off with clubs, waiting for someone to discover ironworking and upgrade them to swordsmen (95)
IOL Amusing Thief impales himself through both feet on metal fence, left hanging there for nearly 12 hours. Bonus: Someone gave him a cigarette, but not a light (66)
(WCAX) Dumbass Husband busted for DUI on his way to pick up drunk wife (42)
Yahoo Interesting Queen Elizabeth, Australia's head of state, must die or abdicate before Australia can become a republic (112)
Slate Interesting Yes, it's time to drink toilet water. Your dog wants you to get in line (92)
(Some Guy) PSA Drew is on Q104.3 (NYC) right now. Q104.3 is notable for being the only radio station that credits Fark for stories every single day (86)
News.com.au Dumbass Knife-wielding teacher at Tokyo school forces group of boys to undress and steals their underpants. Doesn't he know about the vending machines? (58)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this motor and engineer (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious The military has proof that everyone is psychic. But you already knew that (98)
News.com.au Amusing Jail official: "He has done this before, he escaped then returned to set another jail on fire" (10)
The Sun Hero Crowd spontaneously gathers to cheer meter maid ticketing Bugatti supercar parked illegally (pic) (283)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not satisfied with the speed of imports, FDA to post inspectors overseas in an effort to get the lead out (21)
AFP Strange British man thought to have died 15 years ago has been discovered alive and well. No, this is not a repeat (16)
Seattle Times Sick A stun gun is probably not the best way to discipline a toddler (98)
(InventorSpot) Cool Snacky? Here comes strawberry flavored Cheetos (104)
(Finger licking good) Dumbass Customer gives gun-shop employee a jammed gun to fix. Employee inadvertently clears the gun the fast way (84)
AJC Weird Hot new trend: Jeans that you don't wash for at least six months. Wait a minute... you're supposed to wash jeans? (253)
(Some Guy) Amusing Celebrity mugshots turned into glamour photos (31)
Yahoo Stupid "Radon Gas More Deadly Than Carbon Monoxide Poisoning." So not only does it kill you, it kicks you in the junk as well? (55)
MSNBC Unlikely The healing power of music also works on your pets. Your dog wants Meatloaf (35)
The Sun Cool Woman gets back engagement ring she threw into field during argument with her fiancee -- 67 years later (35)
(Some Guy) Scary "Now arriving at gate 14... gate 15.... gate 16..." (170)
Telegraph Sick Everybody who is sick, step forward to get your government health care. Whoa, not so fast, old people. (The Obvious tag is off gloating) (134)