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Sun March 23, 2008
(Some Guy) Asinine Obese kids now being taken away from their families and given to social services to raise. Because it's all about the well-being of the children (11)
(Some Guy) Sad Founder of Popeye's Chicken dies, will go to fast food heaven and chauffeur Colonel Sanders and Dave Thomas around (57)
Daily Mail Interesting Why gorgeous women are happiest with average-looking guys (287)
(Some Guy) Asinine Instead of focusing on social studies, substitute teacher fields sixth-graders' questions questions about masturbation, condoms and different shades of pubic hair (81)
Yahoo Sad Diesel is now more than $4/gallon. Don't cut off that truck driver, he's already pretty cranky (118)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pregnant sheep stabbed by gang, say police, who admit they have mutton to go on (37)
(Daily Yomiuri) Weird Japanese uniform maker develops slash-resistant T-shirts for convenience store clerks worried about knife attacks (47)
(Some Guy) Cool Great White shark released six weeks ago in Monterey has already cleared 1200 miles on trip to Mexico, with hilarious "I'm a shark" pic (source Farked, LGT thread; article pasted in first post, pic in second) (127)
(Medford Mail Tribune) Asinine Man's home ransacked as a result of Craigslist prank. "They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true" (103)
Komo Scary Pack the coolers, the steaks are almost done in Arkansas (58)
News.com.au Dumbass Not news: Cop downs 18 beers. News: Before going on duty. Fark: To conduct driver alcohol checks (57)
Yahoo Scary 47 people audition the hard way for Deadliest Catch (63)
CBS Baltimore Sad Instead of tearing down a house, county council members want to house a 14-member homeless family there. Too bad local residents had to fark it all up with their biatchery (301)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this oblivious old man (65)
590 KLBJ Dumbass Sex offender running for mayor of Texas town hopes voters can overlook his past... such as trying to hook up with a 15-year-old over the internet (88)
(NY Times) Interesting Large national retailers are quietly allowing customers to bargain on everything from clothes to electronics. "A lot of people don't realize you can walk into Best Buy and ask them for a lower price." (224)
Toronto Star Dumbass Mock samurai sword fight at martial arts dojo sends man to hospital. There can be only one punctured lung (35)
High Times Dumbass Method #1,243 for getting kicked off a jury - get caught smoking pot in court (95)
CBS Minneapolis Interesting "King of Tort" lawyer who squeezed billions out of tobacco and asbestos industries will soon be known as "Queen of Tart" for trying to bribe judge (95)
Lifehacker Spiffy Vodak apparently has other uses. Is there anything it can't do? (191)
(Some Guy) Amusing Considering becoming a Fark headline in the near future? Read this first (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A day in the life of a Jersey judge: Showing up at work drunk (where he presided over DUI cases), causing a disturbance at a topless bar, calling up the police chief to drive his drunk ass home and being a Jersey judge (77)
AP Unlikely AP claims that truckers are slowing down to save fuel. Apparently this isn't happening on any of the highways subby has to drive on (218)
(Let me show it to you) Photoshop Photoshop this classic Pokemon (54)
AP Interesting Home bipolar disorder test causes stirs, which is really great no it's not it sucks monkey balls but the drugstore is SO much fun to to visit, woo hoo, oh blow it out your (227)
MSNBC Dumbass Hey, sorry about letting you out of jail a year early. You don't mind coming back and serving the last year do you? Great... we are terribly sorry about the confusion (84)
JSOnline Spiffy Off the beaten path: backroads breweries (62)
YouTube Amusing There are many ways to celebrate Easter, but Peep jousting's got nothing on this (87)
AP Amusing Kansas museum unveils foul weather exhibit, which consists of an open window, an umbrella, and a DVD copy of "Twister" (40)
NYPost Stupid Shrinks say sex with their patients is an "occupational hazard" they just have to deal with (99)
(The Great White North) Obvious Global Warming forgets about Michigan. Again (373)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Easter Bunnday is the holiest of all Bunndays as we worship chocolate and bunnies and chocolate bunnies (230)
Daily Mail Weird Four webcams and a funeral; farewell services come to the Internet, for those who live too far or can't find a thing to wear (21)
SMH Amusing Man: "I've got a party in my pants and you're ALL invited" Police: "Party's over" (37)
(Someone feels stupid now) Amusing Tech news from 1995: 'Sorry guys, but this Internet thingie is never gonna take off.' (252)
(Some Guy) Survey What recent scientific discovery gives you hope for the future? What device from SciFi would change the world overnight? (307)
Guardian.com Interesting 60s radical laments today's youth's lack of revolutionary zeal, fondness for soap (746)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Dumbass Drunk guy's arrest leads to additional charge of peanut crack possession (24)
Telegraph Interesting Residents of the Falkland Islands hope to become the falking richest people in the falking world because they discovered a bunch of falking oil (76)
(Some Guy) Amusing "I’m half bulimic ... I eat a lot but don’t throw up," British Trade Minister tells an audience of Arab businessmen and diplomats before reminding them to try the veal (42)
ABC News Sad Regional spelling bee champion finds herself S-C-R-E-W-E-D after her school fails to register with national spelling bee organizing body (55)
Telegraph Silly British nurses told to address patients in more formal, correct manner, as in: "Mr. Smith, I've come to shave your willy." (63)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this doorman (65)
TC Palm Florida If at first you don't succeed (63)
Breitbart.com Interesting Despite death threats from Hamas, prominent Italian Muslim converts and is baptized by the Pope. This should end well. Really - after all, he is going to heaven (253)
Telegraph Asinine New mothers in America demanding "push presents" including diamonds and expensive trips after giving birth (343)

Sat March 22, 2008
TBO Florida You're going to need a lot more therapy if your mom starts stabbing you during court-ordered therapy (w/ crazy mom mugshot) (117)
Boston Herald Amusing Onions force plane landing, makes "no fly" list. Maybe next time they will take a leek (76)
LA Times Strange Ten artificial beaches have been created in Mexico City. I got 99 problems but a beach ain't one (71)
NJ.com Weird This years Easter story of 57 rabbits being removed from someone's home brought to you by. Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Egg Harbor Twp (62)
(CourierPostOnline) Asinine Man tries to sell cemetery markers he stole from veterans' gravesites to a recycling firm; real name + license plate + fine police work = arrest (32)
(News 8) Dumbass An 81-year-old woman ends up parked on power lines after she stepped on the gas instead of the brake. Oh, that old excuse again. (with video) (77)
YouTube Dumbass Video of Hillary's dangerous entry to Bosnia as she escapes sniper bullets. Apparently, the 8-year old reading her poetry on the tarmac failed to notice the hail of gunfire (524)
CBS New York Strange Today's Fark-ready headline: Driver blames speeding on poorly dunked Oreo (51)
CBS Chicago Dumbass Man keeps gun in oven, apparently doesn't warn anyone who might use stove for cooking. What could possibly go wrong? (83)
Washington Post Followup Right on deadline, White House tells judge that they accidentally destroyed the hard drives he was going to let Congress search for the the missing emails the WH accidentally deleted, and accidentally overwrote on the back up tapes (437)
(Some Mr. Ed) Amusing Man rides horse into hospital. "The man appeared intoxicated at the time" Whoa, alcohol could possibly be involved? (47)
(Vagabondish) Strange Japan finally opens language school to help people learn to speak fluent . . . cosplay? (127)
News.com.au Amusing Residents defy city council and chop down 20 trees to improve their view. City council ensures they have a lovely view of some old Chinese shipping containers (188)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this laundromat (63)
Newsweek Obvious It's that time of year again for a major news publication to repost the same article from last year that states the obvious. Easter candy isn't good for you (38)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman decides to do a nice thing and pick up her friend at the Comfort Inn. Also decides to get drunk first, mistakes the County Sheriff's Work Release center for the motel (17)
(Denton Record-Chronicle) Ironic Maybe the store employees were being jerks for not taking back an item without a receipt, but really, threatening to kill them is a bit over the top. And it sets a bad example in front of the kids (79)
NJ.com Asinine Because there aren't enough garden-implement related crime stories: "Man robbed at shovel-point" (41)
SeattlePI Dumbass Some guys will falsely claim military service in a bar to seem cool and enhance their penis size. This guy took it to a whole new level (288)
NYPost Interesting As if speeding down roads throwing cans out the window while mooning other drivers weren't enough of a warning, NJ to require cars with teens behind the wheel to be marked with a sticker or decal (127)
(amer coin op) Stupid Fed-Ex driver gets caught on laundromat camera putting Ding Dongs in dryers. Chester Cheetah unavailable for comment (99)
(Some Guy) Weird Eleven interesting uses of eggs in advertising (34)
(Daily Camera) Strange Hundreds of drivers may get their speeding tickets refunded because the speed camera van was illegally parked (44)
(Pew Pew Pew Research) Unlikely Only one in four 'net users believe that photos of themselves are online. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight (253)
WFTV Obvious Man arrested for scamming Disney World guests. Surprisingly, it wasn't the CEO (45)
AP Silly Today's fear-mongering news story: All-you-can-eat baseball seats: Are they safe? (47)
(The Day) Scary In a sign of the current economy, it is acceptable for 50-year olds to move back in with their parents (146)
Houston Chronicle Hero Grandmother chases after KFC robber in her car and physically stops him from getting away: "You're messing with one of my favorite places" (64)
Chicago Tribune Sad A third of patients on transplant list are not eligible. But then again, why would you date someone who needs a transplant? (54)
Washington Post Amusing Peeps are peeps so why should it be / You should be so soft and sweet and marshmallowy (62)
(KRIS) Amusing Legal battle ensues over construction of wind farm due to claims turbines will spoil water supplies, kill birds, attract tornadoes (135)
(Pablo) Obvious If you purchased a signed Picasso print off eBay, there is a slight chance it may just be a fake (29)
Boston Globe Stupid Massachusetts is looking for new words to describe failing schools without hurting administrators' feelings. Voting enabled for better suggestions (208)
SFGate Interesting Bicyclists were twice as likely as drivers to be at fault in collisions. Bike advocates say these statistics are skewed since their side of the story is usually unconscious and being hauled away on a stretcher (446)
(Some Country's Father) Photoshop Extreme Photoshop: Complete this very famous portrait (101)
(Daily Mirror) Strange Winning a £5.3million lottery is all fun until the press figures out you have been married to your sister for 25 years. Awkward (65)
(Yomiuri.co.jp) Cool Japan sees increase in "cat cafes" which allow customers, who aren't allowed pets at home, to schedule some play time with cats. Reservations are encouraged. Especially on Caturdays (564)
Stuff Sad Owner of Hamburg's oldest brothel decides to close shop, legs (39)
(The Michigan Daily) Interesting A woman straddling a hamburger? One business owner's dream, but an activist group's nightmare (w/pic of sign) (234)
AZCentral Obvious Private school must dismantle $50,000 fence because "neighborhood residents saw the fence as exclusionary." Really, a private school is exclusionary? Get out of town (46)
Fox News Florida The happiest place on Earth, unless you get beatdown by a lady who thinks you cut into the Mad Tea Cups line (31)
The Sun Asinine Iraq war veteran banned from joining British police force because has "England" tattooed on his forearm. "I don’t understand how it can cause offence. It is our country, after all" (pic) (97)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Erin Go Bleaaaargh This week's Mugshot Roundup: a couple hotties, a Kewpie doll, and reason #38 not to pass out in front of Sharpie-wielding friends (179)
(LasVegasNOW.com) Amusing Not news: Man puts house up for sale. News: Man lists house on eBay...adds perks. FARK: Hot model/roommate's included in price (49)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this baby face (52)
ABC News Florida Another day, another naked guy getting Tased in Fark's favorite state (25)
Wave3 Strange $45,000 found hidden in foot massager. Jules still recovering (21)
TBO Survey School board to hold emergency meeting to find ways to keep so many teachers from having sex with their students. Any suggestions? (Voting enabled) (267)
The Sun Obvious Police in Britain reduce road accidents by parking speed camera vans by side of the road and then falling asleep, a clever trick they learned from Comcast (22)

Fri March 21, 2008
CBS Salt Lake City Ironic Interior designer killed by falling statue in his home, wishes he would have went with the water fountain instead (53)
The Scotsman Interesting Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife" (112)
(Modesto Bee) Dumbass Man pulls into driveway to look at map, failed to notice he had parked on railroad tracks, failed to notice the oncoming train, failed (68)
(Newstalk 92.3 KTAR) Dumbass Idiot kids go on skateboard rampage, film it, post it on the web, then wonder how they got caught (142)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Turn the presidential contenders into superheroes or villains. Difficulty: Must be a new character (106)
The Smoking Gun Obvious Milwaukee teacher arrested for “grinding her pubic mound” against 14-year-old boy. With mug shot of alleged grinder (435)
(insidebayarea.com) Amusing Proposed bill to allow expectant California mothers "temporarily disabled" parking passes being met with heavy opposition from gynecologists who say that pregnant women need to exercise more anyway (113)
(Belfast Telegraph) Silly Woman orders five foot chocolate Easter egg from Italy, what could possibly go wrong? Humpty Dumpty unavailable for comment (35)
WFTV Scary Any frat boy can trash a hotel room during spring break. It takes a special kind of asshat to dynamite the room's balcony (136)
The Morning Call Amusing Even as 911 dispatchers party with booze and pose for pictures with a ball gag, all of the 952 calls they received that night were dealt with in a timely fashion (59)
Des Moines Register Strange Women assaulted with knife and squeegee. Victims said to be OK with superficial wounds and some minor streaking (27)
SFGate Obvious San Francisco's 68 crime cameras are not capturing or deterring many crimes, but they are succeeding in moving them slightly out of frame just down the street (42)
Local6 Florida Scientists ask beachgoers to track crabs. Everybody immediately points in the direction of Lindsay Lohan's house (37)
Sign On San Diego Sad Woman may have to return 1965 Ford Mustang coupe she has been restoring since her dad bought it for her 38 years ago because it was stolen (147)
Canada.com Strange To foil robbers, Vancouver banks ask customers to doff their wigs, turbans, and "Jackie Onassis" sunglasses so CCTV cameras can more clearly identify them (37)
(Times Leader) Dumbass Old and busted: Selling drugs at a bar. New and improved: Telling the bar to pay you so you don't sell drugs there (31)
(Only In Wisconsin) Weird Bring your tractor to school day (with lots of pic goodness) (88)
Washington Post Dumbass Town near Phoenix claims when it approved blueprints for a Western-theme restaurant with an outdoor stage, they assumed it would be used for mimes or poetry readings (86)
(Some Guy) Scary Four cavers lost in Tennessee cave in an blatant attempt to highlight the media's refusal to use the word 'spelunker' (137)
(Some Guy) Weird Bride trades wedding ring for handcuffs. Before the honeymoon, for a change (37)
CNN Obvious Italy hit by toxic cheese scare. That's no gouda (80)
KCRA 3 PSA If you have an explosives lab in your dorm room, try not to draw attention to yourself by test-firing explosives off your balcony (40)
(Scientist Live) Interesting Do pretty women harbor a natural sense of entitlement? Scientific study suggests attractive women believe they deserve it all (726)
(WGAL) Strange Chuck E. Cheese -- where a kid can be a kid, and a 45-year-old guy can run around spitting and screaming "I have Hepatitis C." (92)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these neon fans (53)
(Playstation) Interesting Top 10 biggest baseball &^@%#*'s. Amazing Barry Bonds and his head aren't #1 and #2 (Sponsored Link) (86)
(WOAI) Dumbass Border Agent: "What've you got there? Canned vegetables?" Teenager: "No, man, it's... POTTED PLANTS Get it? ... Dude, why the cuffs?" (64)
UPI Scary The War on Easter has gone biological: Decorating, hiding eggs can pose a health hazard (85)
(IHT) Interesting Scientists find giant sea creatures during Antarctic Sea survey, including 2-foot starfish near gate of R'lyeh. "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" (171)
Daily Mail Strange If you've been hypnotizing supermarket checkout staff and bank clerks to steal the contents of their tills, the Italian police would like to have a word with you (59)
(MPR) Asinine As if sex with teachers wasn't enough, now kids will be paid to go to school (110)
(Statesman.com) Dumbass Water supply official calls immigrant detention facility "a holding center for wetbacks," Everyone gets the joke and applauds his wit and class (139)
Boston Globe Asinine News: Historical but boarded up building prevents new development. Fark: Its a Denny's (104)
(Some guy eh) Silly The USA had Watergate. The UK had the Profumo affair. Canada has the possibility of a rigged coffee cup contest (83)
(Quad Cities Online) Dumbass Girl bursts into tears over her $2000 speeding ticket. All she did was blow past a state trooper at over 120 miles per hour (407)
CBS New York Hero 150-pound man jumps over three sets of subway tracks to rescue man 40 pounds heavier at the last minute. Rescue made more difficult by lugging around 20% of his bodyweight in balls (92)
Sign On San Diego Amusing If you've been dumping pennies into those Starbucks tip jars, you just helped cost the company $105 million (294)
WTOP Obvious WTOP Reporter makes fascinating new discovery for Easter: Marshmallow Peeps (54)
News.com.au Weird Philippine man celebrates his 22nd crucifixion, always looks on the bright side of life (90)
WNBC Followup Inspector arrested for poor crane technique. If do right, no can defense (99)
(.politico) Caption Caption what Bill Clinton is saying to Rev. Jeremiah Wright (192)
Yahoo Obvious When your lunatic asylum plans to host a dirt bike race called the "Psyco Path", you may want to fire your public relations person (88)
(The Minaret) Florida Asshat finds out the hard way that hanging clothes to dry from a sprinkler doesn't always work out (70)
Examiner Stupid Union upset with company that won't let its workers take bathroom breaks. Urine trouble now (143)
Mercury News Scary Minor earthquakes hit E. Bay. A++++ WOULD QUAKE AGAIN (97)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Attorneys argue over whether or not a man is fit to stand trial for sexual assualt. Fark: He's 91 and has been dead for a month (45)
News.com.au Dumbass If you're going around the scene of an accident in a semi, try not to drag the accident with you (with video) (40)
Sign On San Diego Stupid 2007: UC Regents allocates $150 million to staff raises. 2008: UC Regents raising student fees 10% due to a $332 million budget cut (86)
CNN Scary Minnesota closes major bridge amid "safety concerns." Yah shoulda got that TruCoat (82)
CNN Photoshop Photoshop LSU coach Butch Pierre (62)
Yahoo Interesting NM Gov. (and former presidential candidate) Bill Richardson endorses Obama, Boston cream donuts (371)
AJC Cool Cool photo of the Atlanta skyline with Sherman the tornado in the background (160)
(WTAE-TV) Dumbass Robber shot with his own gun when tackled by store owner. Bonus: store owner took would-be robber's gun and held him at gunpoint until cops arrived (40)
Denver Channel Cool Starting in July Colorado will be able to buy liquor on Sundays. Drew seen adding it to his list of States That Matter (92)
(Some Guy) Obvious "In Britain, you are struggling to afford your lifestyle, dismayed by urban squalor - if you want to be part of a society that is more interested in where it is going than in looking back over its shoulder, then you go to Australia" (192)
(Some Guy) Amusing "A stolen van loaded down with donuts may not be the best vehicle for eluding police" (48)

Thu March 20, 2008
BBC Unlikely Saudi Arabia to teach its 40,000 imams moderation in hopes that Islam can change, a week after one of those imams called for beheadings of those who think Islam can change (246)
(Some Guy) PSA Today is the first day of spring. ˙uɯnʇnɐ ɟo ʎɐp ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ sı ʎɐpoʇ (140)
ABC Action News Florida Not even a week has gone by and another teacher has been busted for sleeping with her students (with mugshot) (173)
MSNBC News State Department confirms breach of Barack Obama's passport data - two State Department employees fired (534)
(SaCurrent) Spiffy Old and busted: Backyard BBQ Pits. New hotness: Backyard Wood-burning Pizza Ovens (83)
(Some Guy) Asinine School rules now bans list of friends to invite to your birthday party (103)
(Some Jerkoff) Amusing Defense lawyer held in contempt for making "simulated masturbatory gesture" in court. What a stroke of bad luck (55)
ABC 2 Silly Driving naked in Pennsylvania is one thing, but when it's a 64-year old lady and it's 9:00 in the morning that's another (33)
My Fox Milwaukee Dumbass What kind of a-hole kills a 71-year-old realtor? James A. Hole, that's who (with mugshot) (72)
National Post Dumbass Canadian Safety Minister wants to know how the blueprints for the new counter-terrorism building ended up in a garbage can in downtown Ottawa (107)
BBC Scary One in five Indian kids use tobacco. The other four just haven't seen the ads yet (91)
CBS Philadelphia Obvious Playwright stages theater in Central Park bathrooms, says he wanted an "intimate" experience for the patrons (55)
Yahoo Scary As if flying sharks weren't bad enough, now we have flying stingrays to worry about (152)
Fox News Dumbass Not News: Two girls get into a fight at a school News: The police get involved Fark: The two girls were teachers (107)
Fox News Dumbass Just in time for that summer vacation or that summer recession, Michigan Representative John Dingell (D-Ingellberry) proposes 50 cent/gallon tax hike on gasoline (261)
Canada.com Interesting Officers left with no choice but to shoot runaway cow. Because we all know if a cow ever got the chance he’d eat you and everyone you care about (91)
Sign On San Diego Followup English motherfarker, do you speak it? Court rules that cheese steak shops 'when ordering please speak English' sign is not discriminatory (380)
Fox News Amusing When a Hallmark card just isn't good enough, spray paint a bridge for your love (55)
(WGAL) Sad Some fathers watch their sons go off to war with sorrow in their heart, a tear in their eye. This guy stole his son's identity and racked up $5,000 in debt (36)
(Some Irked Priest) Scary Not news: couple busted for sex romp. News: In a church. Fark: One is apparently the new model terminator (see photo) (141)
(Madison.com) Stupid Airport screeners miss 45 pounds of pot. Likely preoccupied strip searching 80-year grandmother suspected of carrying dental floss (59)
(Some Dog) Photoshop Photoshop theme: If dogs ruled the world... (69)
WFTV Florida OMG somebody said "SLAVES" (331)
C|Net Scary Click a link - Go to Jail (463)
(Some Food) Cool Rare photos of ugly-ass and totally delicious Sri Lanka mouse deer. Mmmmm, tiny venison (72)
News.com.au Dumbass If you plan to shoplift from a store, be sure you don't leave behind any evidence that can tie you to the crime. Like your son. Awkward (38)
Chicago Tribune Amusing Chicago Sun-Times hosts contest for best video against Wrigley Field renaming. Newspaper intern wins grand prize... Chicago Tribune intern, that is (71)
Slate Interesting How Easter has mostly held on to its identity as a religious holiday while Christmas has become a huge commercialistic clusterfark (227)
Quad City Times Asinine Judge sentences habitual offender to eight weeks of Baptist church services (187)
SMH Interesting Problem: Keeping a pedophile in jail costs $50,000 a year. Solution: Deport him to another country (126)
(WESH.com) Florida Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the theft of your identity (39)
UPI Interesting Beijing be monkey park its poor English (244)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Blood pressure study: single life beats bad marriage. Sex study: single life beats any marriage (599)
National Post Stupid Teachers increasingly being sued for damaging the self-esteem of their students (304)
(Some Guy) Interesting Important international news being squeezed out of papers in favor of local stories about naked drunks getting tased by cops (36)
SFGate Scary If you share a name - or even part of a name - with someone on the Treasury Department's Specially Designated Nationals watch list, your life sucks harder than Paris Hilton at a slumber party (91)
Free Press Asinine California animal control director faces cruelty charges for drowning up to 50 kittens. Prosecutors say he can has up to six yearz in prizon (188)
AP Sad Church gets off after priest chokes the bishop (51)
(Drew's Liver) PSA Notacon to host a Cleveland Fark Party, Saturday April 5 @ 9PM, in the con's hotel bar. Drew will be there, his liver will be in the corner, silently weeping to itself (33)
UPI Scary Man facing 40 years in prison after his wife turned off his television and he used his gun as universal remote (42)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass School Administrator says it is not his fault he ignored reports of a student being molested for months. He can't be expected to read all his mail, even if it was sent certified and he personally signed for it (104)
News.com.au Interesting The hotel mini-bar includes overpriced beer, overpriced wine, overpriced snacks and sex toys... wait, what? (56)
Daily Mail Obvious ((19*t+u-w-(u-(u+8) \25)+1)\3)+15)mod30) +(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+ u-w-(u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15) mod30)-z) mod7)- 7*(t+11* (19*t+u- w(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15) mod30)+22*(32+2*x+2*y- (19*t +u-w-(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3) +15)mod30)-g)mod7) +114)\31 = /`\ /`\ (308)
Lancashire Evening Post Dumbass Fire-eating, sword-swallowing, lion-taming, death-defying limo-owning TV daredevil exposed as a benefits fraud (26)
(Some Guy) Strange Old and busted: green beer for St. Patrick's Day. New hotness: green crack (60)
SuperDeluxe Obvious Duke Sucks - The Movie. Watch the trailer (154)
(FOX 13 News) Florida Controversy over strip club's sign: The naked woman can stay, but those flashing lights have to go. Won't somebody please think of the children? (90)
Newsweek Obvious Washing your vegetables may not be enough, because there is a remote chance you're eating the Andromeda Strain or something. So soak all your food in isopropyl alcohol for fifteen hours before throwing it away and buying some Cheetos (124)
11 Alive PSA Apparently needs to be said: If two strangers in a parking lot offer you "a large sum of money" in return for your savings account information, do not give it to them (34)
Omaha World Herald Silly Man illegally poaches deer from his bathroom. And that's not even the weird part (46)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman discovers that hiding her car keys in her vagina is not an effective way to avoid DUI (154)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Remember that bread you threw into the water for the ducks? Well, the police have just spent the past six hours thinking it was a baby (41)
News.com.au Interesting "I could have killed 'em all, I could kill you. In town you're the law, out here it's me. Don't push it or I'll give you a war you wo--" (77)
The Sun Cool 44-square-foot "Tardis House" goes on market and can be yours for just $40,000 (pic) (125)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this felt-up bird (58)
CNN Followup Don't try to cash that winning lottery ticket yet, Joe Francis. Your Girls Gone Wild video of Spitzer's hooker? She was 17 at the time (364)
Time Interesting Vatican currently in negotiations to build first church in Saudi Arabia. No, really (105)
MSNBC Interesting Remember how those nifty $50 fluorescent bulbs were going to solve America's dependency on foreign oil? Turns out they will actually kill us while we sleep (300)
News.com.au Caption OK Farkers, let's show the Australians how you really do a caption contest (137)
(Xinhuanet) Interesting Education, social security, democracy and public opinion. Election issues? No, just the latest craze in baby names in China (30)
The Sun Dumbass Idiot trying to smuggle himself into Britain in truck's wind deflector jumps into vehicle going to Kosovo instead (pic) (19)
SMH Followup The guy the Runaway Bride ran away from has gotten married -- to someone else (64)
BBC Scary England is spawning so much crotchfruit, they're running out of places to harvest it (114)
Metro Scary One in three children in Britain thinks Winston Churchill was first man to walk on moon - and more frighteningly, three out of four can't identify the moon in the sky (175)
Boston Globe Weird Boston councilor wants to start the War on Bulky Phone Books. People still use those? (58)
(Some Guy) Sad Thousands of dead starfish wash ashore in Britain, an event the always rational Daily Mail has already dubbed "Starmageddon" (pic) (75)
Telegraph PSA People who believe in God are happier than agnostics or atheists (1166)
Salon Obvious More and more "reports" in local news shows are actually "video news releases," which are pitches for some product or another in disguise (61)
Yahoo Scary Firefighters battle intense oil well fire in Tennessee. Witnesses observed a man wandering around the scene and babbling about milkshakes and drainage (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop equal time for Hillary (83)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Weird Cab driver saved from brutal attack by...his hair gel (37)
Guardian.com Interesting Russian priests ordered to carry guns to foil armed robbers. No word on whether holy hand grenades will also be issued (45)
Daily Mail Amusing Pics of what happens when an ATM malfunctions and starts giving out twice the amount of cash customers request. "It makes up for all the bank charges, I guess" (132)
(Some Guy) Amusing There's a pothole in Green Bay that looks like the state of Wisconsin. Take that, Illinois-shaped corn flake (50)
Metro Sappy Meet the world's smallest seeing-eye ... horse? (48)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 150: "Nature Photography". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (379)

Wed March 19, 2008
(PA OnLine) Sad Show up in the dream of your girlfriend's son? That's a stabbin' (49)
AP Stupid Wells Fargo introduces the online virtual safe deposit box. Because nothing is safer than uploading sensitive and valuable data to an online website that everyone knows stores sensitive and valuable data (47)
News.com.au Scary Woman is rather surprised to find a bullet baked into her hot cross bun (42)
News.com.au Weird Actual headline: Dog gets testicular implants (70)
(KSAT) Stupid Legal battle rages over existence of ankles (67)
MSNBC Scary Delta 767 makes emergency landing after pilots smell smoke in the cockpit. Authorities unsure what caused the smoke, but early reports indicate it may have come from the burning passenger (123)
Daily Mail Sappy Ugly-ass baby Galapagos turtle born in Zurich zoo (pic) (42)
(Some Guy) Amusing An open letter to Mother Nature (60)
CBS News Cool Nice guys finish...first? (318)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Don't look at the security camera. Don't look at the security camera. Don't look at the securi...dammit (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing Wikihistory and time travel: Do you know who else killed Hitler? (156)
(Tulane Hullabaloo) Amusing Breaking news for a campus newspaper: sudden marijuana shortage (112)
SeattlePI Ironic Stronger, sturdier cars meant to protect drivers' lives in case of accident are risking drivers' lives by being almost impossible for rescue workers to cut through with saws (155)
Reuters Interesting Global warming resumes tomorrow (314)
Sun Sentinel Florida Hi this is Onstar - have you been involved in a crash? Nope - just doing donuts on a soccer field (116)
(Some Guy) Obvious Maine: "A state whose social culture has thrived for decades on buying booze and getting drunk, scheduling parties in woods, fields or homes and getting drunk, or even getting drunk alone" (142)
Yahoo Amusing More proof that Japan is weirder by accident than we are on purpose: Japan appoints cartoon ambassador (123)
Canada.com Interesting Bin Laden to release video titled "The response will be what you see, not what you hear." Next video to be romantic comedy entitled "Jihad me at hello" (214)
(The Local) Amusing Swedish village proud host to Cock of the Year. “It’s a lovely cock," said Anna-Maria Larsson, the parish vicar (62)
KNBC Interesting Actual headline: "Judge wants proper service in actor's penis, mousetrap lawsuit" (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing A quick lesson in website and graphic design (253)
(KCTV5.com) Dumbass Man hijacks Amish buggy after robbing gas station. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG (21)
The Sun Amusing Argentinean police launched investigation into live gnome in a pointy hat that's been scaring the bejeesus out of people. With video (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these oats (46)
(Bennington Banner) Scary Police initiate "saturation patrols" for DUIs, pulling cars over for any reason. DUI arrests? 0. Lost civil liberties? 74 (250)
AP Followup Judge gives Bush Adminstration three days to come up with a reason why they shouldn't have to hand over copies of all e-mails on every White House computer. This should be entertaining (203)
(Some Guy) Obvious I like escalators because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience (165)
Reuters Interesting Russian invents "ladies only" vodka. It's the same as regular vodka except once a month the bottle swells up and can be found in the cookie aisle (115)
(Some Guy) Strange Preacher found dead with goat on top of him and rope around his neck... Just another day in Tennessee (131)
(Some Guy) Sick Girl dying of a brain tumor just wants to see her daddy one last time. Unfortunately, he was swept up in the War on Drugs, and the government thinks the girl should be punished for the sins of her father (877)
(NJ Herald) Stupid Town proposes banning "all equipment, products and materials of any kind" that could be used for "introducing into the human body a controlled dangerous substance." Subby tightly holds rolled up dollar bills (261)
(Some Guy) Amusing In a landmark study, scientists show that men prefer to eat meat and poultry while women prefer fruits and vegetables. Obvious tag dies laughing (489)
MSNBC Stupid The 10 states most likely to wrap your precious little snowflake in bubble wrap (263)
Village Voice Stupid In an effort to artificially lower crime stats, the NYPD is not counting crimes committed on February 29, a leap day. You’ll still be charged with crimes you committed that day, though the crimes didn’t “officially” occur (69)
Fox News Obvious "Are we all addicted to the Internet?" It's not health news: it's Fark (128)
(KJRH) Hero Cops tell DA not to file charges against marine who rescued flag from Westboro Baptist loonachick's pants during protest at Air Force base (672)
(NOLA.com) Dumbass Trumpets sound as whistle blown on high school band teacher having sex with students. Awaiting repercussions, guitars (88)
London Times Amusing Japan launches "manners squadron" on underground trains to ensure that people who need seats get them (83)
London Times Interesting Tuscany is about to become a dog's paradise with a new law allowing pets into restaurants, galleries, museums and theatres. Your dog wants steak, some old masters, some old bones and a fat lady singing (78)
(FT.com) Spiffy Apple considers allowing unlimited access to iTunes catalogue. RIAA no longer allowed access to sharp objects (223)
(Some Blog) Obvious The homosexual agenda: Neighborhood improvement (303)
The Virginian Pilot Followup "Great Illinois" corn flake pulled from auction site because it was "was in violation of the site's food policy." In other news, eBay has a food policy (72)
Boston Herald Dumbass The latest victim of predatory lending who can neither afford rising interest payments nor refinance is the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Obama before he was drawing the big crowds (99)
(Some Bee) Followup April 4th NJ Fark party update. Location and time change. Please read and chime in again (138)
Slashdot Interesting Failure to publish causes scientists to drink more beer (66)
News.com.au Strange Philippine health officials warn that crucifixion can be bad for your health, urge preventive tetanus shots and use of sterilized nails. Jesus (64)
(some fry) Weird As predicted by "Futurama," Suicide Booth version 1.0 goes online in 2008; shoots 81-year-old man. Hermes requisitions approval (154)
CNN Scary Hit-and-run grannies try to pull off insurance scam worth almost $3 million by running over two homeless men they took out life insurance policies on (with Golden Girl mugshot goodnesses) (84)
The Scotsman Amusing Apparently, smacking another female councillor's bottom and calling her a naughty girl is okay in Scotland (118)
The Sun Spiffy Commuter Ricardo Assis Rosa beats traffic jams -- by going to work in a canoe. That's a paddlin' (51)
AZCentral Stupid Despite what you've seen on "The Simpsons," police generally frown on you leaving your five-year-old at home while you hit the bar. Also, nobody's seen a Hugh Jazz, kid, so stop calling (39)
Miami Herald Florida Bad: 250,000 drivers in Miami do not have valid licenses. Worse: Florida Highway Patrol has no plans to do anything about it. Fark: Miami PD will only arrest you if you've been stopped multiple times without a license (93)
Guardian.com Interesting Almost 700 years after the pope burned their leader at the stake, the Knights Templar are back. Or are they? (105)
AP Followup He can hear her now (96)
Yahoo Dumbass Bush to declare "Mission Accomplished" again in Iraq, only not in tight-fitting flight suit complete with codpiece this time (494)
(Some Guy) PSA Today's fearmongering "Happy Easter" story: Cuddling and petting fuzzy animals like chicks and ducks can infect you and your loved ones with salmonella (33)
The Sun Obvious Great white sharks found to to be swimming off the coast of England for at least 100 years -- but no one noticed because just like everyone else, they can't stomach English food (85)
News.com.au Obvious Sarah Jessica Parker stamps her hoof three times to show that she's upset about being voted the "world's unsexiest woman" (944)
Daily Mail Sad Little-known law allowing homeowners to force brass bands to move along to be taken off the books in Britain (24)
(KXII) Dumbass ♫ Last bite of Mary Jane. ♪ No evidence will remaaaiiinnn. ♫ I see the cops coming in, and I'm ♪ Headed to jail agaaaiiinnn ♫ (41)
AP Obvious Supreme Court acknowledges that Second Amendment does, in fact, exist (859)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these men locating a transmitter (53)
Telegraph Dumbass British motorists warned to expect "the worst ever Easter congestion," in part because so many of them insist on driving on the left side of the road (18)
MSNBC Amusing Turns out that Spitzer girl already posed nude... for Girls Gone Wild (229)
ABC News Obvious Media apologize to parents of missing white girl for running stories suggesting they killed her, even though they probably did (46)
Slate Amusing Slate dares ask the question uppermost in all our minds: When did Chester the Cheetah get so creepy? (136)

Tue March 18, 2008
CBS San Francisco Interesting Accused killer testifies, "I'm an A**hole, but I'm no murderer" (90)
IndyStar Hero Town Council rejects resolution designating the city as "family friendly." Local busy-bodies scurry off to find new threatening sources of sin like Victoria's Secrets mannequins (77)
The Smoking Gun Dumbass Nothing says class like a forehead tattoo that says Psycho. Well, maybe if it said Git-R-Dun (165)
(Some Guy) Ironic Lynndie England blames the media for degrading Iraqi prisoners (112)
Houston Chronicle Weird Heidi Klum's legs may be insured for $2 million and Bruce Springsteen's voice may be insured for $1 million, but this winemaker's nose is insured for a whopping $8 million (66)
(WLWT.com) Cool Man who runs back inside to kiss 1-year old son goodbye for the day ends up saving family from fire (77)
Fox News Sad Old and busted: Lead in toys. New hotness: Lead in easter eggs (37)
(Toronto Sun) Weird Say hello to a stranger on the bus? That's a stabbin' (55)
MSNBC Amusing Depressed and ready for a new set of failures in life, a divorced Australian man puts his entire life up for auction (52)
(Some Sad Swan) Followup German zoo sells swan-shaped pedal boat that real swan fell in love with, as the real swan has found another real swan. Swan (66)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this disco baby (61)
(Japan News Review) Stupid Japanese governor wants to improve morale by banning smoking during office hours. And by abolishing breaks, because workers could smoke during their breaks (72)
(Some Guy) Scary You know your drinking water might be tainted if scientists ask parents to hand over their children's baby teeth so they can test them for elevated radiation levels (27)
Yahoo Ironic China blames Dalai Lama for violence in Tibet (215)
Orlando Sentinel Florida If you took a 30-foot Moosehead Light inflatable bottle from Daytona Beach last week, the police would like it returned, no questions asked (37)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine 17-yr-old boy and his 16-yr-old girlfriend, in a relationship since both were 14, have child in December. You know the rest (351)
CNN News Sir Arthur C. Clarke, the greatest science fiction writer of his generation, has died at the age of 90 (621)
(FMQB) Obvious Oregon woman files class action federal lawsuit against the RIAA alleging racketeering, fraud and illegal spying. This should end well (112)
Daily Mail Asinine Critics of BBC "Passion" drama take a long, well-reasoned, objective look at the overall lack of historical facts surrounding the life of Jesus. Just kidding, they're griping about how he's shown crucified in a foetal position (153)
(Some Comic Guy) Caption Caption this street scene (101)
The Smoking Gun Obvious Major League Baseball forces closure of Obamaofdreams.com. If you infringe it, they will come (76)
(Las Vegas Sun) Followup Nevada governor responds with, "It may have been a little bit premature” in regards to his previous comments that no wrongdoing occurred with the reusing of needles in Las Vegas clinics (52)
SLTrib Cool Tazed bro awarded $40,000 for best rag-doll physics in a dash-cam movie (126)
(Washington Times) Followup 71% of Republicans and 52% of Democrats would be less likely to support Obama after hearing his pastor's remarks. Now back to your regularly scheduled "Ow, My Balls" (903)
SMH Unlikely Man admits to stabbing his brother sixteen times in the heart, but tells court he had nothing to do with the two other family members who were killed in the same way, in the same house, at the same time (48)
CBC Dumbass Womans' studies professor has panties in twist over mock sex advice column written for student newspaper by engineering students. Anal sex: serious business (500)
Seattle Times Dumbass City of Seattle is taking suggestions for re-design of Seattle Center. Space needle soon to be surrounded by a giant Starbucks logo flipping the bird (60)
(MyFoxPhilly) Followup Step 1. Add pills to fish you bought Step 2. Report it and cause a recall Step 3. Learn the hard way that the feds are not idiots and will realize your dumb ass planted the pills there (48)
Baltimore Sun Interesting The first game of the NCAA tournament will feature Mount St. Mary's and Coppin State -- two schools less than 60 miles apart in Maryland, who will travel 500 miles to Dayton, Ohio so one can lose, and one can win and then get killed by UNC (95)
WVEC PSA If you're going to spank the monkey in public, don't do it in your own truck. Those license plate numbers are traceable (36)
(Miss Pop Rocks) Amusing Gilligan always did kind of act like a meth head, now that you mention it (61)
(Charleston Gazette) Amusing "Would you like pot with that?" McDonald's employees in West Virginia charged with selling more than Big Macs and fries (63)
Daily Mail Scary Britney struttin' about in cut-off shor... Oh GOD... eye bleach please (323)
KNBC Dumbass Federal Reserve cuts Fed funds to 2.25%. which means they're paying last month's Visa bill by taking a cash advance on their Amex. Next month they'll take a cash advance on their Mastercard to pay off Amex. Rinse, repeat, recession (340)
Wall Street Journal Stupid Ford execs: we've stayed up all night, burned through 12 pots of coffee - Johnson over there missed his child's birth - but we've finally come up with our new slogan to recapture the marketplace: "Ford. Drive One." (259)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Dumbass Driver doesn't read Fark, gives license to officer at sobriety checkpoint BEFORE speeding off (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing Classic screengrab: ESPN has nine headlines on its baseball page, and seven of them are related to NY and Boston. Duke sucks (135)
(Drew) FarkBlog Drew interviews Battlestar Galactica's Ron Moore (205)
(Some Apiast) Photoshop Photoshop this honeycomb (117)
CNN Cool 6000-year-old mummified dinosaur found in North Dakota, just like the one Jesus rode (586)
Boston Globe Interesting Most important case of the Supreme Court session will be argued today: Is the right to bear arms an individual right, or can your government forcibly keep you disarmed? (857)
CNN PSA Transcript of Obama's speech on his pastor, race, puppies and sunshine (1380)
Local6 Florida Today's live grenade found in garage box brought to you from Melbourne, Florida (35)
Valleywag Followup 3452481 (142)
(Press-Enterprise) Dumbass Stars of YouTube video "How to Scam Del Taco" have been arrested. "We never intended it to be anything criminal. It was ridiculously blown out of proportion" (216)
(News Sentinel) Scary Don't worry about the economy, America still leads the world in at least one expanding growth industry: Prison (160)
STLToday Followup Man who taped infamous police encounter files federal civil rights violation case says he wasn't baiting police with the camera in his car, but that the police are thankful he had one because they still can't find their dashcam video (295)
Seattle Times Amusing Saudi Arabians not helping the stereotype by holding Camel Beauty Pageants (58)
Boston Herald PSA Bringing a car to a catfight sounds clever, but isn't really (44)
My Fox DC Asinine D.C.'s 32-year-old handgun ban has worked so well that the Supreme Court is considering allowing guns back into the District as a reward to the people (903)
Denver Post Scary U.S. District Court judge has granted class-action status to lawsuit filed on behalf of Garfield County Jail prisoners that alleges they were improperly pepper-sprayed, forced to wear electroshock belts and subjected to Tasers. ODIE HUMANITY (77)
Lancashire Evening Post Unlikely Prisoner who got therapist pregnant during a sexual liaison in a psychiatric unit is sent to jail -- as she goes into labour (116)
Local6 Florida Metal detectors sell out near Florida beaches this spring break as gold prices hit record highs (with video) (51)
Philly Interesting Philadelphia overpass to get gastric bypass surgery in order to reduce the amount of cars it had planned on eating in the near future (109)
Herald Tribune Florida Sarasota police wanting to beef up their car stereo systems come up with a great plan -- impound and seize all the best car stereos in the city (187)
Telegraph Stupid Women are increasingly skipping meals in order to "spend" their daily calories on drink in a phenomenon known as "drunkorexia" (302)
The Sun Dumbass Stripping off for a television show can be a great way to boost your career, but not when you're presenting a children's show (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting You'd look nervous too if you had to swallow 91 packets of heroin worth $581,000 before boarding a flight to Australia (29)
(WMTW.com) Ironic "Police shoot man in wheelchair after standoff" (43)
Boston Globe Dumbass Pair of wild cards busted for using tarot curse scheme to defraud victims. They're not gonna shuffle their way out of this anytime soon (44)
(Some Guy) Obvious White men who arrive in emergency rooms complaining of chest pains get treatments for heart trouble faster than African-Americans or women do (217)
AFP Weird Not news: "Model prisoner" allowed to go on unsupervised visit. News: To visit the pope. Fark: He disappeared and is still at large (17)
AP Dumbass Teen arsonist tries to siphon gas from cruiser -- with cop still in the car (25)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery examines "Over The Top" -- a movie that will inspire you to drive a truck and break arms for a living (57)
AZCentral Amusing Out of all the news articles today that featured the quote, "A penis on the roof. I was like huh? Are you serious?", this is definitely submitter's favorite one (47)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this impending moment of Fail (73)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Scary Operation to remove cancerous kidney was complete success until surgeon got his left and right mixed up (43)
Lancashire Evening Post Ironic Official statistics shouldn't be trusted. Says who? Official statistics (33)
CBS Salt Lake City Cool Woman from Utah named "sexiest vegetarian" of 2008 (with SFW pic) (199)
TampaBays10.com Florida Stuffed bobcat disappears from sports bar, seen wandering about town, terrorizing elderly residents, Chihuahuas (16)
Denver Channel Asinine Conservative lawmaker wants amendment giving "Personhood" (550)
CNN Unlikely Two Men and a First Lady: "In my opinion, me being a part of their sexual relationship enhanced it for both of them" (157)
(MyKawartha) Dumbass Need a wake-up call so you don't miss your court date? Try 911. Just don't mention your outstanding warrant (14)
Daily Mail Interesting British Army so desperate for soldiers that it is mulling allowing Polish nationals to enlist, stenciling "This End Up" on mortar tubes (63)
NYPost Cool Like a tardy Phoenix from the flame, Freedom Tower starts its rise in place of the World Trade Center (230)
News.com.au Dumbass Today's "dumbass reporting the theft of his pot plants to police" story brought to you by Adelaide, South Australia (26)
Kansas City Asinine Your social security number will determine when your stimulus check will be sent. For some of you, have a seat. We will talk to you next year (166)
Yahoo Dumbass Today's leakage of 4.2 million credit card numbers causing 1,800 confirmed cases of fraud brought to you by.... *drumroll*... Hannaford Bros. grocers (55)
Metro Followup Britain raises alcohol taxes to curb binge drinking. Unintended side effect -- it's now cheaper to spend the night snorting cocaine than it is to go to the pub (72)

Mon March 17, 2008
SeattlePI Scary Cakes, pizza cause train to derail, make caboose look bigger (62)
CBS Baltimore Amusing So a bunch of Russian guys get hammered on scotch and tequila and try to sail their 238 foot cargo ship into Baltimore. Then things get weird (67)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Dumbass Bank robber runs into woods, throws money everywhere, shouts something about Sherwood (29)
(NY Daily News) Interesting Governor of New York admits to having an affair. No, not that one. The new one (236)
Billings Gazette Strange Your tax dollars at work: school kids spend the day making leprechaun traps (116)
(WLBZ2.com) Spiffy NH is the safest state with Maine a close second. Suck it Nevada (150)
(Some Guy) Interesting The 32 NFL teams are a combined $9b in the red - or if you omit the Raiders, $100b in the black (141)
Newsday Dumbass NYC businessman claims topless dancer's spin move that ended with a kick in the head caused 'serious injuries' (66)
Breitbart.com PSA The chairman of the IOC tells people they shouldn't boycott the Olympics over something like the slaughter of hundreds of protesters in Tibet. Problem solved (172)
(Some Guy) Strange Maine-made vodak named best in nation. That's like being named valedictorian of your summer school class - seems good at first then is hard to swallow (101)
My Fox Orlando Florida Boy says he was forced to use lunchbox as toilet (103)
(Nothing Runs Like A Deer) Dumbass Another weekend, another DUI on a lawnmower(w/pics) (43)
(WLTX.com) Stupid Teacher sent home for dyeing his hair green (93)
Fox News Scary Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY (249)
CNN Followup Police to Atlantans: "Stay out of the city." Aquaman to police: "Screw you" (60)
Philly Interesting Philadelphia may soon be home to the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. Upon completion, the 1,500-foot-high American Commerce Center will be booed vigorously by Philadelphia residents (111)
Local6 Florida If you stole a black Glock 9mm pistol, a bulletproof vest with "Police" written on it, a gun hoster, camera equipment and five $1 bills from a Dodge Durango, the chief of the Ormond Beach Police would like to have a word with you (62)
(officer.com) Dumbass Naked guy roams neighborhood with knife getting stabby. Fights with arresting cop and gets shot. Moron witness DRIVING BY swears the cop gave no warning before shooting (153)
Breitbart.tv Obvious Actual headline: "Local Not Too Happy About Two Dozen Sex Offenders Living in Nearby Hotel." In related news, pitchforks, rope and kerosene just went on sale at the hardware store across the street (74)
NJ.com Followup New Jersey Supreme Court sobers up and allows 10,000 DUI convictions to proceed. That's a lot of beer spilled on the servers (26)
CBS Miami News Florida Democrats tell Democratic Convention to shove it up their national party symbol (458)
The Onion Satire Wii games blamed for rise in effeminate violence (83)
Daily Mail Followup Eyewitnesses say the "Hero" of the Glasgow airport attack may be Scottish, but he's still full of crap (51)
(Some Stranger) Scary "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Blood-covered stranger." "...Blood-covered stranger who?" (64)
Slate Obvious You always thought your boss was an idiot. Turns out you were right (167)
CBS Boston Amusing Blogger spots "Spitzer Burger" in Massachusetts. Says it's is "hot, sexy and you save $4,291.01." (105)
Fox News Sad "This is the phone company. We'll be upgrading service in your area soon. If you have a voice message from a dead loved one on your phone, you may want to tape it elsewhere so you don't lose it. Have a nice day." (167)
Chicago Tribune AudioEdit AudioEdit a phone call to the White House at 3:00 a.m. (16)
(WTNH) Dumbass Man fails to read Fark, shows up at courthouse with a pocket full of weed (66)
Boston Herald Obvious Mass. Lawmaker introduces legislation to slash the blood-alcohol limit to .02. Passage would result in an explosion of DUI charges. By sheer coicidence, he's a criminal defense attorney who has represented thousands of drunk drivers (197)
ABC News Dumbass Obama's church defends their former pastor rationally and with evidence that he is a real patriot. Just kidding, they just pulled the race card. It's "a general attack against the idea of a black church born during slavery." (1068)
(PennLive) Unlikely Pennsylvania bridge is in such bad shape, chunks of concrete are falling into street below. PennDOT "fixes" bridge by installing plastic netting to catch falling concrete, assures commuters bridge is "perfectly sound" (171)
News.com.au Unlikely Aussie PM says that his pro-China position has nothing to do with the free trips, fine wine and $200,000 that a Chinese telco has given him in the last few years (41)
Miami Herald Obvious Newspapers quickly discovering that allowing anonymous Internet users to comment on news stories is a sure way to invite hell into your life (124)
Yahoo Dumbass Dick Cheney says the Iraq invasion was a "successful operation", will shoot you in the ass if you disagree (383)
BBC Interesting Mussolini's 1936 Pescari Spyder sports car sells for £550,000, which at today's prices will instantly double in value once filled with fuel (92)
Chicago Tribune Interesting The Supreme Court will decide on profanity on TV as the FCC fines for one-time uses of the F-word (236)
(Inside Bay Area) Strange Man in wheelchair steals shuttle bus with passengers inside, drives around SFO a few times, then flees (27)
Reuters Obvious Jewish settlers living in Israel not happy that Facebook's default has them listed as being residents of Palestine (827)
(Some Guy) Followup Nevada governor responds to investigation of health clinic where recycled needles infected patients with Hep C, says reporters are focusing too much on the facts in the case. No, seriously (95)
BBC PSA Poll says 55% of Iraqis are happy with their lives, remaining 45% are on fire (167)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass In Chicago teen forums allowing kids to ask questions about sex, one knowledgable guy tells how aluminum foil makes a handy condom. Tinfoil hat guys take notes (188)
(WBALTV) Interesting It appears the death penalty in Maryland is about to be executed (282)
Slashdot Misc China blocks YouTube over Tibet videos. YouTube responds by sending China insulting messages full of poor spelling and bad grammar (99)
AP Scary Things to bring to police station: Missing wallets, evidence, lost children. Things not to bring to police station: Live grenade (63)
News.com.au Strange Chemical commonly found in soy sauce, bread, yogurt, and alcohol "probably" causes cancer, but not enough to worry about. Everybody be slightly wary (99)
Daily Mail Interesting Old and busted: Drugs and racketeering. New hotness: Potato supply bribery (24)
Marketwatch Obvious When life hands you a Lehman, you just have to wait for Paulson to make the Lehman aid (86)
BBC Cool 4,000-year-old skeleton buried with his beer mug has been unearthed. Archaeologists conclude that it must have been one hell of a party (69)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass If you're riding an ATV, don't play chicken with a freight train (77)
(Hagerstown Herald-Mail) Spiffy Last surviving US WW1 veteran made it through the Western Front in the Big One, outlasted the Japanese in a POW camp in Dubya-Dubya-Two, wishes he knew whatever became of that gold watch (77)
Newsday Spiffy The official NCAA tournament discussion thread (299)
(Some Electric Car Company) Photoshop Photoshop these not-so-sensible shoes (67)
Daily Mail Strange A German fighter ace has just learned that one of his 28 wartime kills was his favourite author. "If I had known it was Saint-Exupery, I would never have shot him down" (191)
(Some Guy) Followup And so begins the NYC construction crane fear mongering (63)
Yahoo Amusing Longar to Cummard to Chism for the finish. It's the NCAA Tournament All-Porno Name team (29)
SuperDeluxe Obvious So you marry a cute pyscho, and you hide her tampons. Make sure there is gas in the riding lawnmower (107)
(EFF) Hero No immunity for old men (178)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this man whose house was hit by a car (104)
(The Moscow Times) Unlikely Russian security forces foiled sniper attack on Putin. As if mere bullets could do him in (102)
BBC Obvious Way down in Kosovo...we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow...And then the UN will pull out (45)
The Sun Asinine Fowl beast with one leg and small breasts gets radiation therapy to cure her cancer in Britain. And no, it's not Heather Mills (pic) (43)
(Some Guy) Obvious You might get tasered if a sheriff deputy knocks on your door and you answer with a meat cleaver in each hand and six other knives strapped to your body (43)
(Some Guy) Scary If you have any experience with bee wrangling, you are needed right now on Highway 99 in Northern California (81)
(USAF) Photoshop Photoshop this engineer and his bright idea (47)
Daily Mail Sad Obituary for the traditional English pub. "Once quiet local boozers are turned into giant binge-drinking sheds" (61)
(KMBC) Sad Man killed in Columbia house explosion. No word on if he'll still get 12 CDs for 1¢ (116)
ABC News Cool Bill Clinton urges Democrats to "chill out". Adds "stuff is like, whatever, so be chill, cuz like...the Constitution, maaan, is all...Dude. I mean...society is so like, harsh. Dude. I mean, do you even 'get' me?" (167)
Daily Mail Dumbass It's one thing for a pilot to have a power nap on a long oceanic flight. It's a fark thing when both pilot and co-pilot fall asleep and overshoot the runway by fifteen miles (81)
(ksdk.com) Obvious Find a Frosted Flakes flake that vaguely looks like Illinois, put it up for bids on eBay, score a quick twenty bucks (with photo of Illinois flake) (74)
Metro Cool Boy Scouts now getting Merit Badges in smoking pot and drinking (156)
News.com.au Amusing The latest causes of car crashes include newspapers, insects, kissing and shaving (35)