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Sun April 06, 2008
TampaBays10.com Florida Not news: woman stabs husband. Fark: in argument over hot dogs (8)
Excite Dumbass Todays "Robber leaves name on job application" brought to you by Athens, GA. Go dawgs. Duke sucks (10)
Fox News Followup Vodak maker apologizes to US for ad depicting southwest as part of Mexico. Says they're sorry that we're so stupid (93)
TBO Florida Man jailed after punching a police horse in the ass (35)
News.com.au Interesting Man cuts down oak tree and discovers "emo face" inside. With pics that make you surprised the tree didn't cut itself down (37)
(Some bitter police dog) Amusing Gunman shoots at police, jumps park fence, robs dad and kids, sheds ankle bracelet, escapes police dogs, carjacks pregnant lady and surrenders to police ... wait for it ... completely naked. Taa Daa (47)
(PEW PEW PEW!) Dumbass Event promoter runs off with $4000 deposit ... for a gun show. This should end well (32)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman successfully shoplifts four-pack of Natural Ice from convenience store despite clerk catching her hiding them under her shirt. "You’re calling the cops for four beers?" (54)
Daily Mail Amusing Sexy math prodigy turns to prostitution. Call submitter her derivative, as he would like to be tangent to those curves (article picture is not safe for work) (217)
(Some Guy) Asinine Today's religious bit of lunacy brought you by Islam, who have declared Health Insurance to be illegal because it is tantamount to gambling (130)
MSNBC Dumbass If you escape from prison in Pennsylvania and make it all the way to California without getting busted, bragging about it might just be pushing your luck (80)
Metro Obvious Three ugly-ass camas - a cross between a camel and a llama - born in Dubai. And we do mean ugly-ass (pic) (57)
(Some Guy) Followup Foreclosures have gotten so high that lenders are letting people stay in their homes after they default (57)
Metro Interesting Survey finds blondes may have more fun, but brunettes bag the billionaires (107)
Wall Street Journal News The RMS Clintanic has lost another occupant as chief strategist Mark Penn grabs a lifeboat (437)
Daily Mail Strange Englishman plans to live on wild plants, acorn coffee, and roadkill for a year, says it can't possibly be any worse than regular English food (62)
(France24) Cool EU wants to allow consumers to file American-style lawsuits. What could possibly go wrong? (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this watery reflection (69)
Independent Asinine Class war at its finest: wealthy go on 'poverty tour' followed by free 10-course feast (124)
Chicago Sun-Times Cool Original Schlitz to be bottled up once more (148)
Google Interesting Confused French racists desecrate Muslim graves with swastikas (189)
AP Dumbass Not news: Man arrested after leading police on chase. News: He climbed on the roof of van while going 55MPH. Fark: He was naked (31)
(Some Guy) Amusing Boring couple sues Google for putting up their home on Street View. Yes, they really are the Borings (153)
Seattle Times Obvious California finally realizes that it's mathematically impossible to put everyone into prison (277)
SLTrib Hero If Salt Lake City succumbs to zombie attack, they can't say they weren't warned (107)
(NY Times) Interesting Survivalism hits the suburbs, as yuppies and soccer moms stock up on organic MREs and designer ammo in preparation for the breakdown of society (508)
Lancashire Evening Post Dumbass Airline: "I'm sorry sir, but one of your family members has died on one of our flights." Five minutes later, Airline: "We do apologise, we got the wrong person" What a cock-up (52)
Daily Mail Interesting England hit by massive global warming shortage, blame the French (201)
Stuff Unlikely Public health expert wants sin tax on butter, calling it "pure, natural poison" and saying it is as bad as cigarettes (201)
Lancashire Evening Post Interesting Kids are sent to prison to stop them going back as criminals soon realise a nice warm cell with non-stop TV is not such a bad deal after all (71)
(MaineToday.com) Unlikely Maine elementary school students plan to go 21 days without complaining. They better not click the link to their story then (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this high-flying snowboarder (50)
(SunJournal.com) Obvious When you're stuck in a jail, every little piece of scrap can become a shiv, waterpipe, fishing pole (46)
(Daily Yomiuri) Obvious Airline pilot in big trouble for letting two flight attendants touch controls of his Fokker in mid-flight (43)
Reuters Scary Tiger eats Chinese man at zoo. Still hungry hour later (152)
Yahoo Sad Japan's oldest person fulfills her life's dream to meet Charlton Heston (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "The couple sent a $350 money order to Lagos, Nigeria, and then became curious how a live animal would be shipped from Africa." (82)
LA Times Interesting Sean Connery says that Scotland is going to toss off the yoke of British rule just like he tossed his yoke onto Alex Trebek's mother (127)
(Some Guy) Interesting New poll shows support for Irish leadership candidate Fianna Fail has increased five percent, threatening to destroy a long-established Fark cliche (59)
(Some Pier Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these sunset fisherman (43)
London Times Spiffy German zeppelins to appear in the skies over London for the first time in 90 years; hopefully won't be dropping bombs this time (95)
(Some Candidate) Weird Papa Smurf loses bid for city council seat (39)
London Times Dumbass Step 2: Pay off the guy making your antique replicas before you pass them off as originals (26)
(Island Packet.com) Ironic Man with heart transplant he received from suicide victim commits suicide (129)
JSOnline Caption Caption this bevy of blitzed Brewers backers (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting Teen tells the cops about his mom's pot plants after she threatens to send him to military school for skipping class (108)
BBC Sad There can't even be one: England bans samurai swords (278)
(Sunday Herald) Amusing Today's Scottish rant: "We have discovered a fundamental truth about ourselves: that we really cannot organise a piss-up in a brewery. Which is why so many of us fly abroad these days to get drunk" (43)
(Honolulu Advertiser) Interesting State of Hawaii to spend $5 million flying stranded travelers home. Wouldn't it be cheaper to hire some trains or buses? (100)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Time to pry the gun out (1152)

Sat April 05, 2008
(dfw.com) Sad Suicide by cop: Chimp style. Runaway monkey trifecta in play (61)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Obvious Man receives 10-year prison sentence minutes before marrying a woman in the same courthouse. Defense attorneys look to appeal on the grounds of cruel and unusual punishment (21)
USA Today Sad Child services goes "all in." Wins 137 snowflakes in Mormon version of "Texas hold 'em" (276)
(OHIO) Dumbass When pawning your video camera, be sure to remove the tape, especially when that tape shows you giving a joint to a baby (88)
(US News) Obvious Obama outraised Clinton by 2-1 last month, proving that black people get too many hand outs or women get paid half as much as men, depending if you prefer to be the racist or the sexist type (162)
(nzherald) Amusing Not News: 27-year old arrested for assault with a weapon, News: Victim is a 15-year old boy, Fark: Weapon was a hedgehog (62)
Canada.com Misc 15 Canadians duck gunfire near Gaza, Sinbad discounts story (49)
9 News Asinine Police swarm Colorado day care to break up "blankie" flight (61)
(CJ online) Hero Judge liens on nuts (184)
FARK Photoshop Theme: Journey to the center of the L.A. UFIA Fark Pits. Special details in first post (139)
Kansas.com Cool NCAA Final Four discussion thread: Kansas-UNC. Memphis-UCLA. Link goes to picture of Monday night's winner (586)
Fox News Asinine Latest new threat brought to you by the fear mongering media: gravel causes cancer. EVERYBODY PANIC (57)
Sky News Stupid Olympic Torch arrives in Heathrow, will presumably get lost (37)
WVEC Interesting Newspaper rescinds art award of nude self portrait because, dude, she's 17 (249)
Canada.com Strange Not news: Restaurant owes back taxes. News: City threatens to sieze restaurant. Fark: City already owns restaurant (37)
Examiner Interesting Two men rescued after 20 days drifting lost in the Atlantic. "Rescue officials... could not immediately explain how they survived." Subby suggests searching the boat for short straws (66)
Des Moines Register Unlikely "We don't live in the era I grew up in," mother says after pot is found in her daughter's school. Considering her daughter's a freshman, that would mean mom probably grew up in the 70's (150)
Daily Mail Sad UK government to make supermarkets charge more for cheap booze to stop Brits drinking so much (77)
Seattle Times Asinine Tennessee doctor that phoned in a bomb threat at SeaTac Intl. to keep his plane from leaving without him given 3 years probation and 500 hours of community service. It's nice to be rich (131)
Local6 Florida Good: Taking your children to work so they can see what you do all day. Fark: Taking your kids along as your SWAT team raids drug houses (41)
(Some Guy) Amusing Rachel Ray the video game? Don't worry, it hasn't happened yet. But she must be stopped before it does (151)
(Some nbc10) Stupid Old and busted: family dog bites neighbor. New hotness: family dog jumps into minivan and runs over a family member (46)
SeattlePI Sappy Meet Uzumma, the 5 month-old ugly-ass lowland Gorilla. Awwwwwwwww (50)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Pet monkey escapes home, terrorizes Orlando residents, points menacingly at Chris Griffin (55)
(WINK) Florida Pendulum swings the other way. After rates in childhood obesity reach epidemic levels, legislature mandates physical education, fitness tests in public schools (106)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Put something in a can or bottle that you'd not normally find, well, canned or bottled. LGT obvious inspiration (77)
Seattle Times Obvious Study finds young men do not respond to pictures of staplers in the same way as pictures of naked women. Present company excepted, of course (71)
(Some Guy) Interesting California doesn't even pretend to try anymore: politburo members immune from traffic citations (88)
(The Argus) Weird Man with Sugar Puffs addiction goes all the way, legally changes his name to Mr. Honey Monster (40)
Herald Tribune Florida Doctors in Florida upset about publicity surrounding their convictions in drug trafficking, claim the news is unfairly damaging their medical practices (17)
(Drew's Liver) PSA Cleveland Fark Party reminder: tonight, 9 PM @ Notacon. The beer doesn't drink itself, you know (75)
(New England.com) Spiffy Don't like or want to hunt but still like the taste of Bambi? Then get yourself on Vermont's roadkill list, where the meat comes pre-tenderized (Links contains graphic image) (66)
(thisisplymouth) Amusing After seven years of preparation, a man was forced to abandon his dream of walking to the North Pole just four days in when he encountered... ice (78)
(Beacon News) Spiffy Court victory for crazy cat lady, though she still faces a $150 daily fine for operating an unlicensed animal sanctuary. But who cares, it's just an excuse to post cat photos (475)
Yahoo Ironic Gas prices rise to another record as refiners cut production to boost margins. Wait... they're doing what? (572)
Des Moines Register Strange Coyote surprises construction team, falls in elevator shaft. Claims that he levitated in space for awhile, held up a sign, and then just fell. Fast bird seen leaving area afterwards (34)
(Pasadena Star News) Ironic Boss fires employee due to cutbacks; employee cuts back (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting 10 quotes on what it feels like to get shot (218)
(Some lectric Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these beehives (31)
KNBC Dumbass Not news: Woman sentenced for DUI. News: In a golf cart. Fark: With six kids on board. "I do know that we were in a hurry to get home" (28)
(Schenectady Gazette) Interesting A police officer, a potato gun and a street light. One was fired. One could soon be. The other's busted, but it's still a street light (51)
(Some Guy) Florida If you ever went to jail scuffling over fifty cents, you might be a redneck (30)
(Times of India) Strange This week on People's Court: widow given naked public parade sentence for entering temple with vermilion on her forehead. No, really (63)
Telegraph Obvious English pork pie recognized by EU as "an official delicacy that requires government protection." Or presumably someone will eat one with disastrous consequences (73)

Fri April 04, 2008
YouTube Hero The eve of April 4, 1968, one town didn't have riots following the murder of MLK. That's because this man spoke to them like adults (319)
BBC Strange Ugly-ass animal described as a cross between a tiny antelope and a small anteater discovered in Tanzania (pic) (59)
Daily Mail Weird Man escapes driving ban after being caught speeding to get from one of his wives to the other. Judge rules that having two mothers-in-law is sufficient punishment (17)
Slate Silly Having no other issues to report on, Slate asks the probing question; Do stuffed animals have souls? (78)
(WCPO) Dumbass Father of the year abandons 12-year old child - when the police arrive at the business they were robbing. Son heard muttering something about long memories & nursing homes (17)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Farmer Joe, Hotties, Big Boy, and an awesome mustache in this week's mugshot lineup (238)
Seattle Times Stupid Boise, ID considered most vulnerable to a terrorist attack, hay ride (90)
(Michigan Tag?) Amusing Is that a snake in your pants, or are y......oh (36)
(Seacoastonline) Dumbass Woman reluctant to explain to police how she accidentally managed to lock herself in the trunk of her car at the mall (38)
CNN Misc As the economy stumbles, these are the top five luxuries the rich are cutting back on. Where is the "Who Gives a Sh*t Tag"? (217)
(Some dork) Survey You're in heaven. Every band ever is playing their best show ever. Which one do you see? (766)
(Inside Toronto) Scary Man falls out of a tree, really sticks the landing (51)
YouTube Scary NASCAR driver attempts a right turn (188)
WPXI Strange A horse is a horse, of course, of course/ and no one can talk him off that cliff of course/ and if the rescuers can't get to him in time that horse will soon be dead (31)
(Some Tech Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this computer circuit board thingie (51)
BBC Stupid Three-year-old boy banned from school for his hairstyle. Boy apparently stole the style from DJ Jazzy Jeff in 1992 (185)
CBS Sacramento Asinine California lawmaker wants to tax iTunes downloads. ♫ Let me tell you how it will be / There's one for you, nineteen for me ♫ (170)
(WKYC) Spiffy Bullet fired into home stopped by Bible, which was coincidentally held by a crying Virgin Mary statue eating a grilled cheese sandwich that looked like Jesus (234)
(Some Guy) Interesting The U.S. Forest Service is using robot drones to find marijuana fields, Sarah Connor (218)
(Some Guy) Amusing The top ten places you should never visit, at least according to Hollywood. Alderaan suspiciously missing from the list (192)
CNN Dumbass Glenn Beck, "I have yet to see what the government does with gasoline tax." Apparently the Interstate Highway System is hiding from Beck (327)
(Joe Sixpack) Spiffy In honor of the 75th Anniversary of the end of Prohibition, share your best drinking story. VE (460)
DallasNews Dumbass Man was critically injured trying to "roof surf" atop a Scion xB traveling down the highway, police are astonished and confused as to why anyone would drive a Scion xB (247)
Sun Sentinel Florida Power hungry condo board kicks out disabled vet over bureaucracy after his apartment is paid in full (172)
Slate Ironic News articles suffer from an annoying profusion of hyperlinks, claims Slate article containing no fewer than 19 hyperlinks (58)
Fox News Amusing Man wins $136 million lottery prize, tells coworkers he comes from a little town called Kiss My Ass and they're making him homesick. Generous lottery winner trifecta officially broken (190)
The Morning Call Interesting Woman with a G-1 burst N-2 bingo hall before someone can say "I-1" and makes off with 2 G's (79)
Yahoo Scary Wondering what caused that "global warming reversed last year" story? Flying Spaghetti Monster just sent pirates to attack French cruise ship (119)
My Fox DC Asinine Police in Washington D.C., a city known for its honesty and integrity, will wait for residents to call THEM to set up appointments to search their homes for guns (203)
(Mets.com) Spiffy Rarely does one get the chance to Rickroll a sports team for an entire year, but today's your lucky day (778)
Canoe Scary You can't buy a taser in Canada, but you can build one using a bug zapper. This should end well (67)
(Some Guy) Obvious Woman says people want to call CPS when they learn she lets 9-year-old son ride NY subway alone: "As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It’s not" (383)
WSAZ Interesting Dow Chemicals donates property for trained killer zombie farm (46)
Yahoo Sad Entire Navajo Nation could be without internet come Monday (125)
(7 & 4 News) Dumbass Two guys give gas station attendant advance notice of intent to rob, are then surprised when she invites the cops to the party (24)
(Some Guy) Florida Teacher accused of having sex with student says she was doing it to cure his "shyness" (with not so shy pic) (174)
Canada.com Scary The excitable Mrs London-Fife / took after her husband with a knife / the reprehensible lout / had been caught stepping out / so she cut at the root of their strife (33)
(shieldsgazette) Weird Lap dance club aims to be the first in the world to put in a shower cubicle. Which is good because there's no other way to get the damn glitter off (93)
(Great Falls Tribune) Cool Staff sergeant serving in Iraq attends the birth of his daughter in the U.S. via TV set. Mom reaches through screen to grab his nuts during heavy contractions (50)
(Some Guy) Strange Not news: 18-year-old has driver's license suspended for drinking and driving. News: he wasn't driving. Fark.com: He wasn't drunk either (59)
Telegraph Amusing Building firm has banned workers from wolf-whistling, for fear the "outdated" tradition will scare away female househunters. No word on "brickies crack" which does the same thing (91)
Time Weird "Ancient" Time Magazine article reveals Russians have been taunting us with superior streetlight technology for quite some time (69)
(FP) Strange Woman wins unjust dismissal suit, despite mocking colleagues with pig noises, calling them trailer trash, and slamming cupboards (74)
CBS Minneapolis Strange Only in Wisconsin: Buy a house. The seller dies. You get his life insurance payout of $500,000 (59)
(Fox 19) Sad For all you Roller Coaster enthusiasts, King's Island's Racer no longer will have a backwards-facing train (169)
Daily Mail Obvious Law firms ban women wearing fishnet stockings "because they distract male colleagues." And how, ladies (517)
News.com.au Stupid Where's the fire, buddy? (65)
CBS New York Interesting New York court gives order of protection to . . . a duck? (67)
Washington Post Cool Put on your tie-dye, get out the microbus, and take Moonbeam to the rally: The peace sign is 50 years old today (112)
Canada.com Amusing Court rules that driving a Fred Flintstone-style pedal powered Buick is not against the law (arrest video in thread) (56)
(PalmBeachPost.com) Florida A charter fishing service that offers bikini-clad or topless women as mates has been kicked out of the city marina for violating its family-friendly atmosphere ... which leads to spike in business (94)
9 News Dumbass Nanny State purges all of the permanent markers in school due to an eight year-old huffing a Sharpie (118)
(Japanorama) Spiffy Serious speed-cubers are buying kits to soup up their Rubik's Cubes before speed-cubing competitions. In other news, there are speed-cubing competitions (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what should be on these empty shelves (39)
Daily Mail Scary One of the UK's biggest ISPs has admitted to logging every page that 36,000 of its customers accessed. Uh oh (105)
CNN Cool German "suicide machine" sparks outrage, threat of copyright-infringement lawsuit by Springsteen (159)
(The Moscow Times) Strange New tenants dismayed to discover that their apartment comes complete with corpsy goodness (28)
The Register Amusing LEGO simulation of the turmoil at Heathrow Terminal 5 shows that it's much worse than originally thought (112)
(CityNews) Amusing Divorcing wife: I want half of everything. Husband: Fine, then. Wife: what's that buzzing sound? (237)
WRAL Interesting Environmental group wants people to stop driving on the beach. Opponents want to keep the ability of running over kids, seagulls, teenagers making out, and fat tourists. “It is a way of life in here.” (74)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Not wanting teachers to have all the fun, psychologist busted for having sex with her 14 year old patient (with "hitworthy" pic) (263)
Metro Dumbass Female bank robber went to the trouble of filling out a form with her real address and leaving behind her photo identification whilst trying to rob a bank (40)
(Some Violent Gal) Caption Caption this lady killer (96)
(Belfast Telegraph) Amusing The rest of the World anticipating a HRC Presidency: "My fellow Americans, I drank a pint of walrus milk once for a bet. I speak fluent Eskimo. I once ate all the gherkins in Belgium..." (462)
Yahoo Obvious 81 percent of Americans believe U.S. is headed in the wrong direction. The other 19 percent learned to drive in Britain (276)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: Hot Big Brother contestant makes late night visit to female friend's house for chick-on-chick action. Fark: Other chick was Amy Winehouse (114)
(Some Guy) Interesting All those city-wide smoking bans might be increasing the number of drunk drivers (284)
(Some Guy) Obvious Witch doctors blamed for increasing number of murders of albinos in Tanzania. That's beyond the pale (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colorful countryside (59)
(wltx.com) Dumbass Model citizen jumps through a church's stained glass window--robbing the place of hot dogs. His getaway car? A bike (27)
Chicago Tribune Ironic Chicago high school anti-violence rally disrupted by violence (144)
(Some Guy) Florida 17-year old kid nicknamed "A-Bomb" decides to write his name on a briefcase and park on FSU campus. What could possibly go wrong? (130)
The Sun Interesting Meet one of only 10 ugly-ass albino alligators in the world (pics) (81)
(Some Guy) Strange Malaysian woman sues her husband for taking her virginity (70)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Scary Your girlfriend dumps you; do you a) brood and determine she wasn't worth it anyway, b) vow to woo her back, or c) go after her parents with a couple of machetes? (66)
(Daily Camera) Dumbass Not News: Man crashes party. News: Fondles daughter of host, whips out porn, starts fight. Fark: It's a memorial service. (w/mugshot) (107)

Thu April 03, 2008
Daily Mail Amusing Just your everyday story of a drunk man fleeing the scene of a car crash. Oh, and he was wearing blackface and a Roman gladiator costume (w/pic) (87)
Mercury News Weird Man arrested for stealing 300 gallons of used cooking oil from Burger King. With mugshot resembling a bald-down-the-middle Nick Nolte (121)
(Kmov.com) Scary Elvis the Kingsnake has left the building. No, really (22)
CBS New York Scary "It's raining men, Hallelujah. It's raining men" (107)
(Some Guy) PSA When you leave 20 guns in your 9-year old's bedroom, try to stay on his good side (451)
(Some Guy) Interesting Six-year-old in trouble for saying his teacher is a "hottie," asking if teachers slept together, and saying that a classmate of his liked looking at the teacher's "butt." Bonus: he's the son of a preacher man (141)
(insidebayarea.com) Amusing Precious 17-year-old high school snowflake pens opinion piece on trials and tribulations of college selection and pursuit of future goals. "Is being successful, i.e. having money, that important?" (367)
(TSP) Silly Police in Muncie, Indiana are looking for a purse snatcher: male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless (64)
The Newspaper Asinine Riverside cops raid a gathering of sports car buffs for having customized vehicles that could potentially be used for street racing. Not that any was taking place. Reason? They needed the revenue (325)
CTV Cool Butcher gives away 60,000lbs of chicken after winning $14 mil jackpot: "Today I pay all my bills to God." Lotto heroes trifecta now in play (96)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bird in flight (66)
WNBC Spiffy Police seize confiscated weapons, a stun gun, a bullet proof vest, large quantities of heroin, cocaine, crack cocaine, ecstasy, oxycotin, marijuana and an alligator. Hey, there’s a reason N.J. is called the "Garden State." (52)
(Some Hungry Guy) Dumbass According to totally sane and logical Ted Turner, we'll soon be feasting on our neighbors. Everybody picnic (167)
Stuff Dumbass After Drew's heart (55)
My Fox DC Amusing The Mayflower Hotel… "Washington's Second Best Address" (40)
WCBS 880 Dumbass Today's "I Smell a Lawsuit" story comes from New York, where kids brought toothpaste-filled Oreos to school for an April Fools prank, and someone's precious snowflake got sick after eating three of them (181)
JSOnline Dumbass Catch me having sex with an underage boy once, shame on me. Catch me again, an hour before I'm due in court, shame on me again. (w/hittable pic) (332)
Detroit News Cool Gas station owner gets $50,000 for selling lotto ticket worth $135 million, plans to buy 9,000 gallons of gas and sell it to his customers at cost. "If you win something, you should do something with it. Don't be greedy" (133)
(Some Guy) Interesting Fat beauty queen tells England: "deal with it" (with quite hittable pic) (949)
(Some Precious Snowflake) Asinine Teacher on paid leave after using masking tape to keep students in desks. By taping lines around the desks, not actually taping the students (128)
(The Oregonian) Interesting Ski resort to control avalanches with 105mm howitzer. What could possibly go wrong? (124)
Boston Globe Amusing Maine police department on the lookout for man with electric guitar in his pants (80)
SuperDeluxe Spiffy ♫ Now we're cooking with gaaa-aaaaa-aaaawd (boom) ♫ (251)
Baltimore Sun Spiffy Registering the domain "pizza.com" in 1994: $20. Auctioning that same domain name off in 2008: pricele... well actually about $3M (143)
(Some Guy) Weird Skateboard store owner sues city over skateboard covered tree (91)
Local6 Strange Police department hires paranormal investigators after typewriter types by itself and locked jail doors randomly swing open (with video) (204)
(Some Guy) PSA Study: malt liquor could be factor in higher murder rates. Subby would kill for a Zima right about now (229)
(Some Guy) Obvious Banned in Texas prisons: Good Housekeeping, Reader's Digest and Seventeen Magazine. Apparently the Good Housekeeping article on shivs did them in (47)
Dayton Daily News Dumbass Wife and spouse in hot water for laundering. Cheer up you All, they'll have plenty of time to Bounce around in jail, if you get my Dreft (75)
Billings Gazette Asinine Democratic Senator pushes for tighter border security. "We need more boots on the ground and more eyes in the air to make sure the northern border is as secure as possible." Wait, what? (211)
(crossville - chronicle) Cool News: People upset at religious statue in front of courthouse. Fark: Statue was of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Ramen (758)
(Post Star) Amusing Proprietors of "Pancake and Steak House" also found to be selling marijuana. Talk about your one-stop shopping (67)
(TPM) Followup Declassified Bush Administration "Everything we do is legal" memo reveals the existence of a still classified memo specifically claiming that the 4th Amendment does not apply on US soil if the government doesn't think it should (385)
Fox News Obvious Fox Health discovers what Fark has always known for years: Coffee Just Might Keep You Sane (133)
Washington Post Asinine Parents struggle with decision to take their kids to the circus, because of the exploitation of animals. Meanwhile, their kids just want to eat cotton candy, have fun, and go home forever scared of clowns (120)
Boston Globe Obvious Some truths to accept about John McCain if you decide to throw a hissy fit because your candidate didn't win the Democratic nomination (Republicans kindly ignore) (844)
(thisisplymouth) Amusing Breaking News: Horses can swim (but they have a hell of a time getting out of the pool) (39)
(Courier Times) Dumbass 47-year old (actually 62) learns the hard way not to get naked on a webcam for 13- and 14-year olds (actually police) (212)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this long hallway (71)
Metro Cool This summer will be hot and wet, much like the woman in the picture accompanying the article (108)
Daily Mail Cool The coolest pictures of a free-diver hitching a ride with a white whale you'll see today (128)
Yahoo Followup Delaware defeats NJ in the battle of the most unimportant state (192)
Washington Post Spiffy In search of obscure liquors, from peanut-flavored whiskey to creme de violet (122)
(WYFF4.com) Dumbass If your house is being foreclosed upon, don't set it on fire. Actually, if your house is NOT being foreclosed upon, don't set it on fire (100)
Canada.com Obvious The mystery of Céline Dion fandom. "The implication is that people who listen to her are stupid or declassé, everything about it is that this person is a loser on some level" (185)
Bangor Daily News Followup The hospital that let a man out into the snowstorm to his ultimate death can't be held responsible for the hypothermia that was partially the cause, but the meperidine, normeperidine, trazodone, fentanyl, and norfentanyl may have helped (66)
(Daily Mail) Asinine UK store gives two-year-old thief the full "what's-all-this-then" treatment for taking a piece of candy. With adorable picture of the toddler in question (224)
ABC 2 Silly Good news toddlers ain't gunna be able to marry no-more in Arkansas (65)
Wired Interesting Apple gives the Big Apple a ™ to chew on (185)
CNN Unlikely Admid all the economic doom and gloom, what can possibly lead us out of this financial morass? GameStop. Up Down Up Down Left Right Left Right B A Start. The U.S. economy now has 30 lives (123)
Stuff Obvious Pamela Anderson refuses to act alongside a dog. In other news, somebody found a dog that would act alongside Pamela Anderson (69)
FARK Asinine Gaaah What sort of heathen microwaves a Pop-Tart? (547)
My Fox DC Amusing Fifth-grader finds 27-year-old Smithsonian mistake. Museum officials write him letter telling him he is right. FARK: Misspell his last name and hometown in letter (80)
London Times Amusing From the "balls the size of watermelons" department: Frenchman who was sacked after losing nearly $8bn of his banks money to sue them for unfair dismissal (53)
CBS Minneapolis Dumbass Car thief gets locked inside car. No word on what kind of bass he plays (113)
Washington Post Hero In a case that will confound Jack Thompson, 12-year old gamer saves Mom from assailant, AFTER doing his homework. WTF HAXX (143)
(Some Crackhead) Dumbass The first rule in muling. Make sure balloons are small enough to be swallowed. Weird mastication trifecta in play (20)
London Times Spiffy Help Wanted: Position requires employee to sit in local pub, drink beer, and talk to lonely elderly man (65)
Daily Mail Sad One quarter of Nanny State children between eight and ten have never played outside because it's "too dangerous" (107)
SMH Hero What would you do to help your wife? A. Cook dinner B. Change her tyre or C. Jump on the back of an attacking croc and wrestle it while she retires to safety? (94)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass Stealing electricity from your neighbor? That's a shooting AND a tazing, bro (22)
(Strange Veggies) Photoshop Photoshop this carrot (46)
The Sun Weird Man dies during erotic games with Russian biological warfare gear. The Sun is there (56)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Dog bites man: not news. Woman bites dog: news. Dog was a pit-bull who attacked her Lab, so she bit him on the nose and might now have rabies: Fark (54)
SeattlePI Scary Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're cruising at an altitude of about 10 feet - if you look out the left side of the aircraft you will see a Dodge minivan swerving to avoid our landing gear (74)
AFP Sick The city of Seoul trying to reclassify dogs as livestock. In order to improve food safety standards. Your dog wants you to become a vegetarian (207)
Fox News Strange Christmas comes early for one woman who goes into surgery to have wrinkles removed and wakes up with bigger breasts (68)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass Police captain goes missing, twice, then goes loopy at cosmetics counter at mall, dropping her gun in front of local cops. "I'm not certain why there is a public concern about her," says Police Chief Head Upass (46)
(WOOD TV) Silly In WOOD news: Judge denies drawing penis doodles on court documents (50)
ABC News Sick Raw sewage raining down on Texas town. Some stay dry, others feel the pain (86)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 152: “A Second of Your Time, Please." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (221)

Wed April 02, 2008
(Some Guy) Florida If you're on Spring Break and two women offer you sexual favors on the beach, try to remember those Penthouse Forum stories aren't real (73)
AJC Interesting King Kong arrested with cocaine, heroin, marijuana, Ecstasy, LSD, pain pills, a bullet-proof vest, fake money, iPods, stereos and surround-sound speakers. But no bananas (70)
AP Asinine Military units paying an average of $3.23 a gallon for gasoline, diesel and jet fuel. In *IRAQ*. Either we've decided to take that "no blood for oil" thing seriously, or we've been Iraq-rolled again (157)
(Some Guy) Interesting Overweight kids have fewer cavities. One of the many benefits inhaling food has over primitive chewing (55)
The Scotsman Obvious Woman bites off man's ear after he calls her fat. She must have been hungry (55)
(officer.com) Strange Bad: Woman going to her mailbox gets hit by truck. Odd: Driven by a police K-9 officer. Really Odd: The barking type (61)
(NY Times) Stupid Good: NY Times reporter tries to stop illegal marketing. Bad: Gets attacked by illegal marketers. Worse: The amount of publicity they get from this article would cost thousands (64)
(Some Guy) Florida Man explains to police that he just needed some "personal time" that he can't get at home. Still arrested for indecent exposure (26)
Baltimore Sun Asinine Lawmakers consider banning kids from tanning salons to protect them from skin cancer. Next up: banning kids from going outside on sunny days (63)
ABC News Scary I shall read from the book of Matthew, Mark, Luke and... duck (182)
(Maggies Farm) Ironic UK Newspaper talks about America's current "depression," complete with poor folk standing in breadline pic. Fark: Photo is from 2005, people are getting free coats, and that beggar is actually adjusting his iPod (463)
Sports by Brooks Dumbass After getting popped for DUI, Jacksonville Jaguar offered arresting officer his girlfriend for sex "if you let me go"; Boston police seen hurriedly setting up DUI checkpoint outside Tom Brady's brownstone (76)
Washington Post Dumbass For $322 you can place a fake April Fool's "In Memoriam" ad in a major paper; but the paper will make you pay for the personal apology and retraction, too (49)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Borat Defamation Lawsuit Dismissed. Very Niiiice (118)
(KPTM, Omaha) Dumbass News: House burns down. Fark: From using a cardboard box as a lamp shade (89)
(Some Ortho Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ez-elbow flexion type thingy (46)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Woman resists arrest blah blah blah gets probation blah blah blah happens to be a hot model who posed in Playboy. Why didn't you say so in the first place? (With very hittable pic and link to other photo) (252)
AP Cool Thomas Stabenow -- who co-founded TalkUSA liberal radio and whose wife is a U.S. senator -- was caught in an Internet prostitution sting. In response, wife introduces Omnibus Kick Your Husband's Ass Act of 2008 (288)
Local6 Florida Teens in this state believe a) drinking bleach prevents HIV, b) drinking Mountain Dew prevents pregnancy, and c) smoking marijuana prevents pregnancy. Remember, answers must be in the form of a question (358)
CNBC Obvious Fannie Mae now requires a minimum credit score of 580 before they will consider you for a home loan. Thankfully, you start off with a 600 simply putting your name on the application (356)
CNN Obvious Australia declares a national "Whacking Day" to reduce the chazzwasser population (178)
SeattlePI Interesting "60 Minutes" creator admits he once ordered Dan Rather to punch Abraham Zapruder in the face, grab his film recording the assassination of John F. Kennedy, make a copy, apologize to him and then give it back. The Aristocrats (53)
FARK PSA The latest in-depth interview with Drew, where he reveals that "The Wisdom of Crowds" is horseshiat, which local restaurants are full of douchebags, and Gayle King could kill him with her bare hands if she wanted. Among other things (99)
(News4Jax) Florida Seventeen-year-old girl goes missing in 1994. Family waits 13 YEARS to report her missing due to "undisclosed family problems" (203)
Denver Channel Obvious Guess which party has gotten the most money in earmark spending this year? If you actually guessed, you're a partisan tool and part of what's wrong with this country. Doubly so, because you're wrong (215)
CBS Sacramento Strange Simply calling one's self "The Vampire Lestat" doesn't necessarily make one immortal, as this batshait crazy freak-show finds out (134)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Despite the sharp rise in their standard of living in recent decades, Americans today are little or no happier than earlier generations. Why not? (518)
AP Obvious News: Your house burns down in a wildfire. Weird news: Twice. Fark: So you're rebuilding in the same place, underground (61)
(Spike TV) Video From Captain Obvious: The Detroit DEA has a deadly job in a dangerous city. Added bonus: "Star Wars" video (Sponsored Link) (33)
(Some Guy) Followup "Your honor, I wasn't going to blow up a plane. I just wanted to transport explosive materials back to Jamaica to show my friends what I learned in Iraq. Is that practice frowned upon in the U.S.?" Irie mon (52)
Washington Post Stupid "When the president does it, it's not illegal" memo reluctantly released (436)
(AKI) Obvious Saudi king: "Let's get Arabs, Jews and Christians together in Riyadh and peacefully talk about God." Saudi top religious figure: "Sure, but not the Jews" (171)
Sun Sentinel Amusing Cubans flock to buy DVD players. Raul Castro warns against using the box as a flotation device to freedom (86)
Wired Cool His noodly appendage touches Tennessee courthouse. Ramen (378)
Fox News Weird Spanish Police nab burglar playing dead at funeral home (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man charged in driving death had "high concentrations" of marijuana in his blood. Man's lawyer says drugs in client's system not cause of accident, he was putting out a dropped joint with his beer (141)
Daily Mail Amusing London marathon runners warned that, although they are allowed to carry a shield and a spear, they are not allowed to use them to hunt any cows they come across (88)
Houston Chronicle Asinine [Spiffy] Monthly raise of 100,000₫ (dong) ends Nike factory strike in Vietnam. [Asinine] 100,000₫ = $6 (187)
(HuffPo) Amusing Kennedy had a stadium named after him. Reagan has an airport. Where will George W. Bush have his name emblazoned? In San Francisco, it looks like that honor will go to a sewage plant (423)
Breitbart.com Amusing Police investigating complaints that a man placed a "Get off my lawn" device on his home (61)
STLToday Followup Wal-Mart drops claims to money won in a lawsuit by a disabled former employee. She can work it off gathering shopping carts instead (220)
FARK Cool April 4th NJ Fark party reminder Be there or be square... or some junk. LGT prior thread (195)
(Jpost) Stupid Hamas: "We accept state on 1967 borders." Israel: [takes a deep breath, sighs] "Gee, you know, that information... really would've been more useful to me *yesterday.* By yesterday, we mean, of course, 40 years ago" (1073)
News.com.au Sad Sad: Your wife divorces you. Sadder: Your other wife divorces you three minutes later (93)
(Some Guy) Asinine If your neighbor finds a pipebomb in her basement and gives it to you, don't take it to work. Just don't do that (33)
News.com.au Silly Technician decides to watch porn video on TV station's equipment. What could possibly go wrong? (67)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Secret of Bear Stearns demise revealed: Competitor Goldman Sachs started the run on the bank (92)
Canoe Dumbass Police seize seven rattlesnakes, a gaboon viper, a king cobra, an iguana, two monitor lizards, two alligators, a boa constrictor and a python from owner who was in the hospital having his fingers amputated due to a snakebite (63)
(Inside Higher Ed) Dumbass One professor's rule: If a single student texts during class, class is over and prof walks out (778)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Make your own variation of a crossing sign (84)
Canoe Dumbass Man tries to cash check at bank, check bounces. Man decides the logical next step is to rob the bank (18)
Canoe Dumbass After a traffic stop, police officers call registered owner of a car for verification. Owner promptly calls back and tries to buy crack (21)
(Sunderland Echo) Strange A cheating chimp's "wife," a nosey horse and a ferret who sounds like Barry White. It's amazing what you hear when you're connected to animals' brainwaves (49)
CNN Amusing Chertoff waives regulations for Mexican border fence. Tag is for his belief they would have been followed in the first place (225)
Denver Post PSA Denver police are looking for a man who is suicidal and appears to have made a bomb before he left home in his Chevy SUV. Said he wanted to go out in a Blazer glory (37)
The Sun Interesting One-third of Brits think everyone else is out to get them. The other two-thirds know it (77)
London Times Weird Interviews with billionaire publishers are generally pretty dull -- until one starts talking about fondness for whores, his crack addiction and then confesses to killing a man (71)
IOL Amusing Man discovers that "pretty" hooker is a "strong" male, pays him to leave. Also discovers his cell phone's missing. Goes to cops to lay charges. Then it gets weird (38)
The Scotsman Spiffy The war on global terrorism is lost as Pipefest 2010 plans to have 12,000 bagpipe players pipe for 24 hours worldwide, including hotspots of Scots culture like Hong Kong, Islamabad and Reykjavik (44)
(Blackpool Gazette) Weird Blondie fan believes dead wife is contacting him from beyond the grave.... on her mobile phone. She calls him, calls him anytime, calls him any day or night. Calls him (61)
Daily Mail Cool Woman beats anorexia to give birth, three years after she was given ten days to live. Scary "before" and hittable "after" pics (308)
First Coast News Amusing Problem: Thieves are stealing flowers from graves. Solution: Install a surveillance camera. New problem: Thieves steal surveillance camera (33)
(Thaindian News) Obvious Having completed all other research projects, University of California researchers, led by Ric Romero, conclude that rap music makes drug use glamorous. "Rap music is like CNN for black teens” (276)
(MEN) Asinine Parents pull their delicate snowflakes from swimming lessons because another (separate) pool on the facilities is sometimes hired privately by a naturist group (136)
Telegraph Scary I, for one, welcome our new cow... er, human... er, whatever they are... overlords (110)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Bally Jerry pranged 'is kite right in the how's your Father, dickie-birded, feathered back on 'is Sammy, took a Waspie, flipped over on 'is Betty Harpers and caught 'is can in the Bertie (70)
(The Columbian) Dumbass Calling cops to complain about neighbor's cat not the best move when you have 84 pot plants in your house (34)
(Some Broad) Sick Woman, 48, arrested for sex with 13-year-old boy (with mughsot goodness, or, uh, badness) (155)
CBS Baltimore Hero Federal judge rules that beer brewers must market to college students (54)
MSNBC Dumbass It's generally not a good idea to rob the store where you regularly cash your check (9)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these tipping soccer players (43)
Globe and Mail Asinine Dad grabs precious snowflake by the shirt and puts her into his truck to keep her from drug-dealing boyfriend. That's an assault conviction (198)
(Newsbusters.org) Weird Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA): "Well, I said that I think during this entire campaign coverage starting in Iowa and up to the present, Fox has done the fairest job, has remained the most objective of all the cable networks" (263)

Tue April 01, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange "It’s almost amazing that the man was able to continue smoking a cigarette after being doused with pepper spray and Tazed numerous times" (62)
Yahoo Interesting Eating wooly mammoth to extinction was so easy that a caveman could do it. Wooly mammoth trifecta in play (43)
(Durant Democrat) Dumbass Hey honey. I've got a great money making idea. Let's heat up some mercury and use it to extract gold from computer parts, and let's do it indoors (124)
CNN Scary Group of third-graders arrested in plot to kill their teacher. Police seen confiscating silver hammer (137)
Denver Post Misc Forget about illegal immigrants, we've got an illegal marmoset problem (w/ugly ass pic of incarcerated varmint) (72)
Yahoo Dumbass If you're trying to hide your drugs from the cops, don't put them in a doughnut box (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A cafe won't let your son dine in it. Do you: A) Boycott the place? B) Speak with the manager? Or C) Slap the manager, punch another employee, throw a chair and hurl a pitcher of water at a LCD monitor? (124)
AFP Interesting Dubai set to open new mammoth mall. Which is strange, since the wooly mammoth is not only extinct, but wouldn't be hanging out in the desert anyway. Unless it was a bantha, of course (79)
ABC 4 Sappy Holy crap -- stop the farkin' presses (185)
Denver Post Dumbass Mother-and-daughter "Cigarette Bandits" crime team plead guilty to stealing $80 grand in merchandise while distracting convenience store clerks, apparently by flashing their butts if the mug shots are any indication (50)
(Some cannibus maximus) Cool State crime lab backlog leads to dismissal of pot possession charge. Duuuuuuuuuude (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these arrowheads (52)
LA Times Dumbass L.A. Times runs an op-ed on the evils of Darwin-fish bumper decals (842)
(Statesman.com) Stupid Slow news day, so here's a well-thought out story on old signs around town (23)
Yahoo Sick Ah, the beach: The sun, the surf, building sandcastles, finding a woman's severed head in a plastic bag. Good times, good times (115)
Yahoo Amusing Home defibrillators shown to lower risk of dying, increased incidence of recreational elder-zapping (65)
YouTube Video Hilarious Muppets Blooper reel (280)
Local6 NewsFlash Jamaican man with bomb materials in bag detained at Orlando International Airport (with pics) (236)
(Some Guy) Amusing Robber pulls out gun, demands money from clerk at fastfood restaurant. Clerk refuses to give robber money, so robber places an order, pays for it, eats it and leaves (53)
(kgw.com) Followup Cruel Craigslist hoax was elaborate burglary coverup, police say (132)
(WGAL) Amusing Rogue band of teachers make fake "Star Wars" movie. Math Solo, Princess Reada encourage kids to do well on upcoming state test. In other news, George Lucas Star Destroyer filled with copyright attorneys now engaging tractor beam (123)
(Metrowest Daily News) Asinine Man busted for nude drive-thru coffee ordering, asking for extra napkins (167)
Local6 Dumbass Sex battery suspect picks tow truck with car attached as getaway vehicle (with dash-cam goodness) (100)
CBC News Robert Mugabe says a run-off vote is needed in Zimbabwe. No word on whether this will affect his winery in California (157)
Yahoo Asinine 16-year-old wins national pen-spinning championship, moves up a bracket in national "most-annoying hobby" championship (163)
AP Amusing Dutch lawmaker will edit Mohammed cartoons from his anti-Islam film after receiving threats from the only group scarier than angry Muslims: Copyright holders (112)
NJ.com Unlikely New Jersey decides to help foster reading in students... by giving them audiobooks (132)
Chicago Tribune Amusing Anti-union group will give $10,000 apiece to 10 worst teachers if they agree to stop teaching forever. Story doesn't say if having sex with student is a plus or a minus (361)
Examiner Amusing Actual headline: "After 1968 riots, Baltimore 'not worth it' for some residents." Wow, that's a lot of riots (222)
Boston Herald Misc Mother loses custody of children she duct taped to chairs -- and by "loses custody," Massachusetts apparently means "does not lose custody" (105)
Miami Herald Florida "Very large" gator "scene" on US 441. In other news, this story took two people to write (74)
(Seacoast Online.com) PSA Maine man receives a refund check for $5,666.10 from H&R Block, which would be cool if he had actually filed his taxes already (37)
UPI Followup That D.B. Cooper parachute is apparently not his (85)
FARK Cool Final Reminder: NYC Fark Party tonight 6 pm. LGT previous thread (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this drum machine (46)
Daily Mail Interesting Average British family found to live off same six recipes featuring parts of the animal that residents of civilized nations throw away (132)
Toledo Blade Followup Charges dropped against man who likes lawn furniture. A lot (102)
FARK Amusing Find a good April Fool's prank on teh internets? Post/vote in comments (420)
Yahoo Interesting A gold necklace -- the earliest known gold jewelry made in the Americas -- discovered in Peru. Mr. T unavailable for fool pitying (42)
The Sun Amusing French president to undergo stretching operation to make him five inches taller, at least according to The Sun and its in-house medical expert Professor Ura Schmuck (49)
Sun Sentinel Obvious Scientists claim another rough hurricane season in the cards. Michael Irvin claims they're still just rebuilding (51)
News.com.au Amusing Let those of you who have never got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to steal $500,000 worth of artwork cast the first stone (25)
CNN Amusing Come laugh at one couple who "lost it all" after subprime free fall. "And they've made cutbacks: Trading in Kent's Corvette for a Suburban and getting rid of the gardener" (604)
Lancashire Evening Post Strange 36-year-old man is told he can go only go to pubs if he's with his mummy or daddy (36)
(Some Guy) Asinine Bloke kicked out of gym for being an extraordinary sweat hog, gets immediately hired as Steve Ballmer body double (66)
(Some Archaeologist) Caption Caption Harrison Ford, enjoying a good Slime-ing (100)
Omaha World Herald Sad What's black and white and accused of stealing from a church to cover her gambling debts? (49)
Google Spiffy Google and Virgin have teamed up to offer you the chance for the adventure of a lifetime (81)
Newsday Dumbass Dozens hurt at WWE event when fireworks display goes wrong. The pain is still real to me (with video) (89)
SacBee Dumbass Calling Governator "Nazi" and threatening him in emails not the best moves when your computer's full of kiddie prOn (61)
CBS Salt Lake City Strange Man stabbed with screwdriver, whacked with shovel during robbery. Home Depot to implement five-day waiting period on future purchases (28)
My Fox DC Asinine TSA set to unveil screening checkpoint with cool blue colors instead of cold steel and mood music to make the process "soothing." You'll still have to throw out liquids, take out piercings and submit to a full-body X-ray (48)
MSNBC Asinine Parents of molested girl sue MySpace for helping her connect with the molester. Personal responsibility cries quietly while being groped (142)
(Some Guy) Strange Not news: Policeman catches car thief. News: Car belonged to policeman. Fark: Policeman was completely, totally naked (24)
AZCentral Scary Welcome to scenic Arizona. Come for the 120 degree heat, lack of cultural identity and poor living wages, but stay for the rabid bobcat attacks (75)
CBS Sacramento Obvious Motivational reason No. 1,345,789 for changing the default password on all devices: The $13,000 bill you get stuck with when someone changes your voicemail greeting to "Operator, I will accept the charges" (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this enthralling breakfast (56)
(NewYorker) Obvious “If you can’t afford to tip, don’t buy a drink." Truer words have never been spoken (763)
The Straight Dope Interesting Why are the portraits on coins are always in profile while the ones on paper money are always full face? The Straight Dope is there (50)
The Consumerist Scary TSA logic: Toothpaste? Plastic explosive. Portable speakers? WMD. That keychain pocket knife... A-OK (139)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man in a wheelchair stops traffic as he rides up a freeway ramp onto the slow lane. That's just how he rolls (45)
Stuff Stupid First farked-up April Fool's Day joke of 2008 goes to "The Rock" radio station in New Zealand (184)

Mon March 31, 2008
Independent Interesting Little-known unit at Scotland Yard is tasked with being Britain's language cops. Really (82)
Denver Post Cool Colorado teacher of the year allows entire class to physically beat a classmate who was late to class - rather than the usual 100 sit ups in 10 minutes punishment (171)
Daily Mail Hero Man whose home was destroyed by plane crash on Sunday refuses to cut short his golf vacation, saying his wife can figure it out. "I'm trying not to let it spoil my holiday," he explains (101)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Baby stolen, hospital calls 911 only to transfer, put on hold & hang up on 911 operator. Oddly competent 911 operator handles it perfectly. Mark Sanford CFMC on list of places to never visit (Audio link at bottom of page) (73)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's story of a halfwit armed robber leaving his ID at the scene of the crime brought to you by New York City (w/ mugshot goodness) (30)
Globe and Mail Interesting Cost of Iraq War to date: $517 billion. Number of U.S. lives lost: 4010. Shiite cleric saying "Please stop fighting" and seeing it work: Priceless (189)
WTMJ Asinine Man and woman shocked that pillow fight results in woman needing stitches, more shocked when police show up at hospital asking questions (48)
CBS Minneapolis Weird Newest extreme sport: Grave surfing (79)
(Some Paper Tiger) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: Crumpled paper (52)
CBC Scary Something to add to the list of things you don't want to hear your wife yell out: "Frank, it's a polar bear" (61)
Sun Sentinel Dumbass Famous last words "Those 2 Rottweilers will never notice me in their yard" (183)
ABC Action News Florida Note to potential forgers: Strippers can actually smell the difference between real and fake $20 bills (124)
ABC News Asinine School officials strip-search girl looking for Ibuprofen. "Remember, this was prescription strength Ibuprofen" (368)
Fox News Obvious When the Muslim world goes bonkers over a cartoon depicting Muhammad, imagine what will happen over a movie depicting all Muslims as terrorists (334)
(HOI News) Sick Fetus found on airplane, arrested for not having a purchased ticket (189)
Chicago Tribune Weird Fight over hallucinogenic mushrooms ends in murder charges (218)
NYPost Amusing Old and busted: Little girl used in Clinton ad comes out for Obama. New hotness: Little Bosnian girl who read poetry to Hillary in CBS video bashed Clinton for telling lies (319)
London Times Weird The top 10 historical hoaxers: You want weird? These guys were weird (184)
WFTV Interesting The collective IQ of the city of Orlando, FL rose 15 points when a fireworks display and cables fell on the audience at Wrestlemania Sunday at the Citrus Bowl (198)
Toledo Blade Unlikely Kwame Kilpatrick's latest scandal said to sully Detroit's image. In other news, Detroit has an image left to sully (190)
AJC PSA The deadline is up for the Rev. Creflo Dollar to explain how exactly he wound up with a tax-exempt Lear jet (289)
(NY Daily News) Stupid Low-income drivers would get a break on the $8.00 fee for driving into Manhattan under congestion pricing plan so they can spend $20 to park. $2.00 subway ride surrenders (150)
Washington Post Spiffy Someone forgot to send The Wall Street Journal the memo about newspapers being in financial crisis (38)
Billings Gazette Asinine Union employees lodge formal complaints. Are they upset about: A) Extra long hours with no overtime? B) Severe paycuts and rollbacks in benefits? Or C) Their new computers do not have Solitaire, Minesweeper and Hearts installed? (226)
(Some Guy) Strange Fears over drug testing at the Olympics have led Chinese atheletes to stop using deer penis (68)
Google Cool Chicago Fark Party follow-up: Tons of Farkers attended, tons of booze flowed, tons of awesome. LGN DIT, feel free to share stories and photos here (279)
STLToday Amusing "We apologize for this journalistic breakdown." Then it gets weird (84)
SuperDeluxe Hero Hillary, apparently still without sleep, discusses Chelsea's womanhood (285)
(Some Austrailian) Photoshop Photoshop them there thylacoleo bones (56)
(Some Guy) Asinine Newspaper places advert offering payment for stories on how computer games lead to a life of crime (205)
CBS News Strange Man being held on $1 million bond for 1990 incident in which he paid for $21 worth of products with fake rolls of dimes (138)
Telegraph Interesting Former waitress at a high-class restaurant tells all: Celebrities have big skulls and food allergies, and patrons tip men more than women (285)
The Consumerist Obvious Consumer-credit expert hit with a $175 overcharge on his credit card, tries to remove it, gets hit with a 101 percent finance charge on his bill that even he can't figure out, left muttering "the horror... the horror..." (148)
Slate Amusing Beware media-related hoaxes on April 1. No, PETA is not putting orange vests on deer, nor is there a bill pending to make using the Internet while drunk illegal (93)
Telegraph Obvious UK hospitals are throwing away as much as half of the food they prepare. Given that this is A) British food and B) hospital food, Obvious beats down Stupid tag (161)
(Some Guy) Florida Two construction workers decide to "borrow" homeowner's kayak without telling him, or even knowing how to swim. Darwin, as always, is the ultimate policeman (89)
(PalmBeachPost.com) Florida Bro mitzvah (138)
(Guelph Mercury) Strange A man actually asked seven different women in a park to kick him in the groin. Fark: He got time in jail for it (86)
Yahoo Obvious Study shows that life was difficult for ancient Egyptians, even without the Bangles bugging the hell out of them (84)
Yahoo Obvious HUD Secretary is served his eviction notice (66)
The Sun Followup Passengers at new Heathrow Terminal 5 billed £361,514.97 for four cups of coffee. Red-faced airport authority mutters that if only one person had paid the bill it would have worked (70)
(The Local) Sad Santa urged to give up plans to launch new motorized sleigh after Rudolph collapses during a grueling training exercise (19)
The Sun Hero Pilot used his last moments to steer his crashing plane away from 20 kids playing in a park (143)
MSNBC Sad Is this the last we see of the great American muscle car? (559)
(Some Roving Guy) Photoshop Photoshop something more interesting into this Martian landscape (130)
Telegraph Hero Sgt. Dougie Wright -- who strangled nine Germans with his bare hands, bit a guard dog, sank a troop ship and stole a German's mistress -- dies at 88 (151)
Canoe Obvious Olympic torch arrives in Beijing and is immediately beaten with a rubber hose and thrown in jail (52)
(Some Guy) Sad More than one in four heart transplant patients celebrate their new lease on life by taking up smoking again (93)
ABC News Interesting Geriatric animals of America's zoos want you to stay the hell off their lawns or face a gumming (30)
BBC Interesting Iraqi government lifting the Baghdad curfew so the teens can hang out at the local mall and have a blast (54)
American Thinker Amusing German Chancellor Merkel announces boycott of Beijing opening ceremonies. Bush says he will try to massage her into compliance (123)
CBC Hero Seals fight back (229)