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Sun April 13, 2008
Jalopnik Amusing Jesus Christ It's a lion in a sidecar (18)
CNN Dumbass Ohio State Trooper in uniform puts on faux Klan headgear and lets another trooper take a picture. Guess what happens next (37)
Fox News Spiffy "Experts" say sending cell phone porn is now part of teen dating (90)
(Some Guy) Interesting Heinz is launching a "gourmet" version of its ketchup for your corn dogs and mac 'n cheese (199)
CBS Sacramento Asinine Will that be paper or plastic? Plastic? That'll be $.25 a bag, please. No, it's not us, the government is making us do it (246)
(Westword) Sad Coors shortens brewery tour...they never showed you the peeing horses anyway (63)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Prepare to have your reality violated." There are storm chasers, and then there are "storm chasers" who appear to have hood-mounted mortar rockets installed on their monster truck (76)
MSNBC Interesting Intelligent alien life? In my galaxy? It's less likely than you think, says British scientist, going for the alien trifecta (165)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kayak (47)
(Some Guy) Strange WTF? No, really, WTF? (180)
(Fort Mill Times) Obvious American brewers attempting to create beers with 10% alcohol by volume, called "extreme" in St. Louis and "Belgian" everywhere else (330)
590 KLBJ Followup The call from a desperate 16-year-old girl that led to the raid on the Texas polygamists' compound... may have been a hoax. Or, at least that's what defense attorneys are saying (256)
(Some Guy) Cool If you want to own your very own 74-million-year-old baby dinosaur and help out a struggling tribe at the same time, this could be your lucky day (36)
WTMJ Asinine Landlord refuses to let man out of lease for apartment where his fiancee was murdered. After all, it will be tough to find another tenant. HWF, W/D, you can barely notice all the blood (100)
(american chronicle) Unlikely "Are we covertly being colonized by aliens?" (273)
(nwa news) Obvious Don Ray Walton, from the Orion star system, says that within the next four years, humans will be offered salvation from representatives of 143,999 alien races (157)
Wired Amusing New Smart Car design unveiled for the American market. Honk your horn, and flip the bird to the 17 foot Smaaart (186)
USA Today Amusing Not news: Man proposes in interesting way. News: Proposes using crossword puzzle. Fark: Crossword puzzle editor has girlfriend? (43)
(Some Guy) Interesting Army sets up "Virtual Army Experience" battle simulation video game featuring six full size humvees at Six Flags in an attempt to recruit new players for IraqBox Live (162)
AP Followup American Airlines returns all MD-80's to service. Nothing to worry about. Everything is just fine. You can trust them. When would an airline *ever* skimp on safety? (68)
USA Today Scary FDA issues salmonella warning to the three people in the U.S. who still eat Malt O Meal (82)
(J.D. Talley) Asinine Apparently getting a couple of friends together and dancing quietly to your iPod at midnight at the Jefferson Memorial gets you a face plant in the concrete then a trip to detention courtesy of the US Park Police (507)
Chicago Sun-Times Weird Berwyn's Spindle, a shish kabob of cars made famous by 'Wayne's World' is up for sale on eBay to make room for a new Walgreens (62)
The Register Asinine US Government plans to crack down hard on eBay, Craiglist, and Army-Navy stores everywhere (88)
(Some Guy) Interesting Seven states introduce legislation to lower drinking age to 18. What could possibly go wrong? (253)
CBC Sad Jerry Zucker is dead. Surely you can't be serious (172)
(Some Guy) Amusing Guess the cereal from the haiku (89)
(Some Monk) Photoshop Photoshop this medieval manuscript. Difficulty: No FSM (45)
(Some Fairy) Caption Caption this pleasant conversation (59)
The Scotsman Weird The millipedes are coming. EVERYBODY PANIC (88)
Guardian.com Strange Study of nursery food reveals that too much fruit and veg will stunt growth. Your kid wants steak (137)
(Marin IJ) Amusing Not news: man consumes a variety of drugs. News: begins ramming other vehicles in his car. Fark: claims it was an "experiment" for Area 51 and the cure for AIDS (44)
FanHouse Dumbass CBS golf analyst Bobby Clampett learns that when referring to golfers, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please (306)
CBS Salt Lake City Scary Utah farmer to buy fresh underwear after his tractor flips, hangs off side of a bridge (33)
Daily Mail Spiffy Coolest pic of a German mine from World War II being blown up on a tourist beach you'll see in the next 26 minutes (61)
Telegraph Interesting In refreshing change of pace, fashion magazines are Photoshopping images of skinny models to make them look fatter than they really are (pics) (201)
(Some Guy) Strange If your wife can't provide you a child, you can always swap her for a goat (28)
(Columbian) Scary Bad: You fall and break your leg. Worse: It's a 100-foot fall. Fark: Into a volcano. Happy ending, though (41)
(My Fox Philadelphia) Scary Your 64-year-old female roommate washing glasses improperly? That's a stabbin' (29)
Rocky Mountain News Photoshop Photoshop this high dive (41)
(WOWT) Amusing Robbery attempt snuffed out by two cans of chewing tobacco (20)
(Some Guy) Obvious You never want to accept a package of marijuana that's hand-delivered by the police (w/ "Buttsecks?" mugshot) (65)
(Seacost Online) PSA In Maine, it is now a Class C felony to view children in a public place (303)
(Some Guy) Asinine "Doctor" Phil pays bail for the ringleader of the 8 Florida teens arrested for beating another teenager and videotaping it (320)
Reuters Obvious Nothing you didn't already expect, but writer for Lonely Planet series of guidebooks admits he just pulled stuff out of his ass without ever visiting the places he was supposed to be writing about (82)

Sat April 12, 2008
(San Bernardino Sun) Asinine Policewoman on administrative leave pending IA investigation files sexual harassment suit, alleging training course demanded she wear make-up & jewelry. Don't they know you can't put lipstick on a pig? (69)
London Times Asinine 10 years after Britain officially abolished the death penalty for piracy, the Royal Navy are no longer allowed to capture pirates for fear they will claim asylum in England (85)
Newsweek Hero Cofounder of Greenpeace says they're wrong to oppose nuclear energy (307)
(Some Guy) Scary Plane hits house in Compton, CA. American Airlines shrugs, says "you know it wasn't us" (60)
(Some Guy) Asinine Gargoyles in your neighborhood? That's a lawsuit (68)
CBS Salt Lake City Hero Someday, girl will realize calling 911 to save mom's life deserved better reward than chocolate-strawberry lip gloss. But as a 4-year-old, she's cool with it... for now (78)
(Chronicle Telegram) Sick Burglar takes nothing, but sorts family's mail and leaves a surprise in mom's longaberger basket (113)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beauteous candy tray (62)
(Drinking Farkette) Plug Dallas / Fort Worth Fark gathering surrounding cheap beer - actually *IN* Dallas. Wed, Apr 16, 6:00 PM. Submitter had you at "cheap beer," didn't she? (LGT location) (70)
(WHO 13 News) Spiffy University of Iowa seeks pot smokers for study, will pay participants up to $600 (138)
(Some Guy) Asinine Toronto police chief calls for DNA samples to be forcibly taken from anyone charged with a crime, not convicted of one (149)
AJC Dumbass Drunkards of Gwinnett County: A police blotter in three acts (74)
AFP Scary Researchers shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover that people on the 'net aren't all that helpful to suicidal people. Or rather, a wee bit too helpful, as it were (165)
(Some Guy) Interesting The worlds 10 funkiest landing strips (with pics) (241)
London Times Dumbass Police camera catches man speeding with car of in-laws, who try to help him avoid ticket by blaming Australian friend, who promptly reports them to the police. The circle of stupid is complete (18)
AFP Obvious Australian fashion model booted from show not because she was too skinny, but because she's 14, dude. Apparently, some people have a problem with that (99)
(The Cabin) Silly Threatening graffiti leads to indefinite shutdown of campus at College of Saint Xavier the Panicky (27)
Denver Post Interesting Men’s college paper cries foul when their issue featuring sexual positions, chainsaw etiquette and sniper rifle trivia is pulled, while the women’s feminist study newsletter on male castration and feminist porn is allowed (262)
AP Obvious Pilots union takes a break from their busy days of playing poker, watching Oprah and seeing how long it really does take paint to dry to lash out at American Airlines. Could be worse, they could still be at the airport (47)
WRAL Amusing Gol-durned malfunctioning time machine. We're stuck in a losing war, everyone's on drugs, and now the kids are staging sit-ins on campus (74)
BBC Obvious China defends its Tibet crackdown by employing the ages-old practice of blaming it on the guys who were getting the snot beat out of them (59)
Guardian.com Followup "I miss meat and blood very much. Not vegetables because they are food for a woman," "the nicest food is croissants," and other excerpts from the diary of a Masai warrior in London (53)
AP Scary Life continues to imitate a Stephen King book as officials at the Plum Island Animal Disease Center say, "oops" (65)
Sky News Dumbass Qantas pilot accidentally says the secret code word for hijacking. Everyone else in Peewee's Playhouse screams and jumps around (86)
BBC Ironic Italian woman found murdered in Turkey after trying to hitch-hike to the Middle East to promote peace. "I want to show that I can put my trust in local people" (105)
Wired Scary No surprise: Our "favored nation" trading partner China has been spying on us for years. The surprise is how they've been doing it. Hint: you might want to close that Word doc before reading this (222)
MSNBC Misc Old auto-theft prevention: The Club. New auto-theft prevention: the club (60)
AP Misc Spain arrests 20 for having too much booty (54)
This Is Local London Weird In order to give thanks to the internet for helping diagnose her daughter's illness, mother arranges sponsored pole dancing event (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this reflective scene (38)
(Pew Research) Interesting Seventy-nine percent say cheating on taxes is wrong. The other twenty-one percent laugh as they walk into their executive boardrooms and Congressional offices (54)
AFP Amusing A story of the surge in popularity of motorcycles in conservative Singapore features the conservative type of news photo we've come to expect from AFP (48)
ABC News Dumbass 27-year-old teacher gets parents' permission to marry their 17-year-old daughter, forgets that Texas law makes it a felony regardless. Whoops (124)
C|Net Interesting RFID reader can now ID velocity and location of tags. Heisenberg seen throwing up hands and stalking off in disgust (116)
(Commercial Appeal) Obvious "Exotic dancing has serious artistic value... it's a learned skill, it's creative and it communicates a message through movement." Giggity (65)
(Charleston.net) Stupid South Carolina card game takes the phrase "dealer busted" to a whole new level (32)
(Some Guy) Cool Stroke victim with aphasia becomes unable to communicate in any way, slowly relearns how to speak and write, has her article published in Newsweek. So it's sort of a win-loss for her (42)
(Record Courier) Dumbass Caturday takes a nasty turn as man assaults wife with kitty litter (91)
(SE Texas Live) Sad City ordinance prohibits student's pet cat... which weighs 30 pounds and can jump 12 feet in air to catch birds (137)
SeattlePI Caption Caption the Dalai Lama in a classic pose (104)
(KITV) Dumbass If you rob a restaurant twice in a row, make sure the local news station isn't there when you try for a third time (video news story) (33)
Yahoo Spiffy 26-year-old Texan takes Miss USA crown. Still no word on who farted, y'all (98)
Daily Mail Cool Orazi the ginger tomcat weighs in at 35.2lb, the same as a two-year-old child. He's the cat that got the cream, the cake, the biscuits and all the pies (w/captionable pics) (510)
Daily Mail Stupid Shearing banned at county show because animal welfare activists say clippers harm the sheep (108)
Boston Globe Scary Woman allergic to bees thinks that it's probably a good idea to do something about the 60,000 bees living inside her walls (41)
News.com.au Interesting Pirates release 30 hostages off the coast of Somalia, get away with Djibouti (47)
AP Scary Swarm of earthquakes detected off Oregon coast. It's coming (104)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this bovine quartet. Difficulty: Animated GIF (55)
(Some Guy) Strange Are those endangered iguanas hidden in your hollowed-out prosthetic leg or are you just happy to see me? (7)
(Mr. Ed) PSA A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and he doesn't like things that explode with force (23)
Reuters Dumbass Man arrested for selling 14,030 fake Viagra tablets on the Internet, asks judge to go soft on him but gets two years hard time (26)
The Sun Dumbass British Army captain has laptop stolen right from under him while he enjoys a Big Mac attack. The Sun is there, with helpful picture of a laptop and a Big Mac (18)
(Courier Times) Strange Man paints graffiti on his own door, gets fined an entire Rush album (38)
AP Dumbass Apparently Alicia Keys is batshiat crazy (277)
News.com.au Obvious Customs officers peer into man's underwear and see crack (11)
MSNBC Sad One year later, family of Virginia Tech killer are living in darkness, literally (178)
Telegraph Dumbass If social workers come to take away your baby because you're an unfit mother, you're not going to change their minds by flinging your kid at them from across the room. Not that it stopped this asshat (57)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Gas station attendant sets .35 cent gas price accidently at 9:00 A.M. , doesn't notice mistake until 6:00 P.M (137)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Today's mugshot round-up brings us some girls you would hit, some requiring eyebleach, two guys under hypnosis, and... Butterbean, is that you? (230)

Fri April 11, 2008
Daily Mail Asinine School pulls female students out of class and forces them to study alone after they wore "inappropriate" clothing to school. The clothing? Pants (pic) (207)
BBC Cool Captured tiger does a Free Willy in India (tag is for the slideshow) (40)
Slate Hero 61 year old court reporter takes down violent suspect, then transcribes the audio of the fight. Lawns everywhere sigh in relief (Not safe for work text) (77)
AJC Spiffy Photographer specializes in taking pictures of women with guns (with gallery goodness). Giggity (221)
Guardian.com Asinine New baby strollers offer chrome trim kit options, teardrop fenders and surround sound, and all for just $3,500. Hell, at that price, why not buy two? (76)
MacWorld Spiffy World of Warcraft exceeds one million concurrent Chinese gold farmers (194)
Stuff Obvious Captain Obvious award goes to this piece of journalistic excellence "Petrol prices have surged to more than $2 a litre in some places, and filling a 50-litre tank may cost over $100." (82)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass N.C. bank robbery suspect almost got away with it, until he didn't pay the $1.60 train fare in Maryland (22)
CBC Spiffy Chairman of Moosehead Brewery receives the Order of Canada (64)
Reuters Interesting US consumer confidence falls to 26-year low. It needs to lose about 40 lbs, get a few drinks in it, and forget about being rejected by the girl with the prosthesis (152)
(officer.com) Florida Police officer suspended when he claimed online to be a "super-trained killer ninja fighter." Rare ninja trifecta now in play (85)
Yahoo Followup The Olympic torch relay finally finds a part of the world that doesn't give a rat's ass about Tibet (167)
Yahoo Scary FLDS members at compound in Texas had plans to use cyanide. Somewhere there's a UFO with its meter running (141)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Mexico border fence working surprisingly well.... as a place to prop a ladder (129)
WFTV Followup The genius teen girls who beat the crap out of a girl and recorded it have their bond doubled in court (with sweet justice) (739)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man killed after he lost control of his 2006 Mercedes-Benz convertible, hit several objects including a tree, and was thrown from the car. In his driveway (60)
Philly Followup Chuck Norris responds to student 'hit list'. Promptly roundhouse kicks him in the head (101)
(Some Cereal) Scary Breakfast cereal now available in delicious Puffed Salmonella flavor (48)
Google Followup What band have you seen the most times? (1287)
(Some Svedish Guy) Photoshop Photochop a gud yolk (45)
Examiner Unlikely The usual suspects ask Marriott to stop offering guests adult movies. Apparently someone is embarrassed by those charges showing up on their bills (233)
SuperDeluxe Amusing The Clinton campaign fires someone for NOT lying about something (294)
(PCMag.com) Cool Ten things you drooled over in the movies that you can get in real life (242)
(KSTP) Followup Taxpayer-funded Islamic charter school in Minnesota finally flies the American flag, which is required of public schools. Director claims he didn't do it for five years before because he couldn't work the rope (333)
(Party Guy) Cool Final Reminder: DC Fark Party, 6pm, tomorrow, Saturday April 12 at Carpool in Arlington. LGT venue (118)
AP Interesting Sure, you might have had some cool field trips in school but did you ever visit a brothel? (123)
(Some Guy) Hero Farker's dad, who created cancer patient assistance programs in honor of his late wife, named one of New York's finest philanthropists (120)
Metro Weird Guards at Guantanamo bay have confiscated a Lord of the Rings screenplay from a detainee, presumably to prevent him from creating an unstoppable army of Uruk-Hai (138)
(Some Guy) Florida Need some money? Sell fake crack to old folks (39)
(Some overused title) Followup "Hero" kid who saved all the other children on runaway bus now blamed for releasing emergency brake, creating emergency (95)
(Some Guy) Interesting Two-thirds of paper currency laced with cocaine ... no wonder it smells so good (124)
(Asylum) Amusing 50 misspelled or mistranslated signs. Submitter is particularly fond of the "This area is infested by bear" sign (135)
MSNBC Obvious Study: After years of research scientists have determined that men are attracted to faces that say "one-night stand" (581)
NYPost Strange NYPD rookies may be underpaid, but nevertheless, robbing a bank is not an approved moonlighting gig (20)
Homestar Runner Amusing "Hey, watch where you point that 3-D" (46)
Local6 Florida Fact: Ninjas are mammals. Fact: Ninjas fight all the time. Allegation: 55-year old woman donned Ninja outfit and robbed at least two banks (61)
Denver Post Obvious Current value of priest groping is $150,000 per grope, further sign the economy is slowing (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop "It's a cake?" (67)
CBS New York Dumbass Good idea: avoid jail by paying bail. Bad idea: use counterfeit money to pay for bail (21)
(Seacoast Online.com) Amusing Hell hath no fury like a pastor's woman scorned. "He's charming, and he's good at using scripture and gospel to get you to do things you might not want to do" (88)
BBC Dumbass 13-year-old boy sustained severe burn blisters to his face after visiting a tanning salon three times in a day. With pic of the blistered fool (284)
AP Followup Five, five hundred and seventy two AA flights canceled today, ah ah ah (154)
JSOnline Asinine Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. But do collect $67,000 (36)
News.com.au Interesting Female priest breaks through the stained glass ceiling, moves upwards and sideways to become Australia's first female bishop (82)
(VillageSoup.com) Amusing Nothing really prepares a man for marriage like being tasered, handcuffed, hog-tied with duct tape, oiled and feathered, and paraded through downtown strapped to a lawn chair on the back of a flatbed truck (with video) (102)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ex-teacher gets five years in porn case. He would gotten away with if it weren't for those pesky kids rummaging through his drive he left in the computer lab *facepalm* (183)
(The Local.se) Dumbass Casing: "Slang. to examine or survey (a house, bank, etc.) in planning a crime." For instance, discovering that a bank branch is cashless prior to attempting to rob it (20)
The Sun Amusing Farkers referred to as "cheeky Astley pranksters" for their part in the Mets Rickroll scheme. The Sun is there (103)
(Santa Cruz Sentinel) Hero Man chooses altruism for his 40th birthday and travels to Mexico to search for another family's abducted children. Happy endings? We got 'em (75)
(Some Guy) Asinine Instead of her face, porn star running for city hall puts pictures of her ass on her campaign posters; "I am the derriere of the Socialist party" (118)
(medicinenet.com) Cool Research now shows that carrying a few extra pounds may help you live longer. Submitter is damn near immortal (137)
Yahoo Spiffy Comb Jelly came before Simple Sponge, promptly fell asleep (41)
The Sun Dumbass Man who won $10 million lottery three years ago now on welfare after managing to spend his windfall at the rate of $10,000 a day, every day (pic) (224)
The Sun Dumbass British teen who ordered a taxi gets office furniture instead after demanding "a cab, innit?" (87)
CNN Scary We all know everyone has skeletons in their closet, but that doesn't mean you want to find the remains of a woman when you're cleaning out your mom's closet (34)
Daily Mail Asinine World famous Bognor birdman competition cancelled as the Nanny State strikes again. Subby hereby invokes the famous last words of King George V (38)
(Some Guy) Silly Police conclude that explicit graffiti of "numerous stick people with male sex organs" on elementary school wall is probably not gang-related (36)
(East Bay Express) Weird Actual headline: "Oakland Street Dealers Store Drugs Up Their Butts". "Under normal circumstances, the anus is a very safe place to hide drugs for a short period of time" (46)
(KCTV) Hero Trooper describes being shot nine times: "It hurts like hell." (69)
Sun Sentinel Florida Postal official defends $13,500 steak dinner (72)
(WTOV) Hero Teacher suspended for telling her trailer trash students they acting like trailer trash, so they'd be treated like trailer trash (116)
Google Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Design a flag for the Nanny State (53)
CBS Salt Lake City Strange Woman commits suicide by jumping from third-floor of public library. She must've been reading a Philip K. Dick novel (109)
WNBC Dumbass Man lights candles in park gazebo and trees for marriage proposal... Yes. Yes, it did (113)
USA Today Interesting Tourism in New Jersey picks up, presumably thanks to unfavorable currency exchange rates in Hell, Purgatory (61)
(Local 12) Dumbass Burglars caught breaking into candy store after police followed trail of candy wrappers to them. With "I need more candy" mugshot (84)
Yahoo Followup If you had plans to fly American Airlines on Friday, you'd better call Greyhound (46)
Telegraph Silly Artist paints a giant Waldo figure on his roof so you can play "Where's Waldo" on Google Earth (58)
(The Palm Beach Post) Cool Rapper Vanilla Ice arrested (261)
(Some Guy) Spiffy If you work for JK Rowling, you might get the chance to cover her breast during a cleavage malfunction (151)
News.com.au Dumbass Cadbury's Chocolate tries to sue competition for using purple wrappers. Fail (56)
Yahoo Strange Pet snakes found malnourished in home with hundreds of rats. UR DOING IT WRONG (36)

Thu April 10, 2008
(crooksandliars) Cool McCain unveils daring new ad campaign aimed at the lolcats demographic (126)
UPI Asinine Man fined $810 for damages caused from argument with girlfriend over which gang their precious snowfizzle should claim (141)
Daily Mail Amusing Meet Woody, the bird with a massive pecker that's triple the normal size (69)
CNN Followup Marine accused of killing another Marine after she accused him of rape has been captured in Mexico. Hoo Raa (297)
AJC Interesting If you are missing a baby Zebra, Henry County GA police would like to have a word with you (39)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption what this Space Shuttle Main Engine installer is telling the person on the phone (199)
CNN Amusing And what could be more surprising than the first battallion transvestite brigade? (222)
(Popular Mechanics) Scary Top 10 pieces of American infrastructure we must repair ASAP or else we all gonna die. Chicago scores two slots (285)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this blustery blowhard (219)
(Some Baba Booey) PSA Artie Lange resigns and walks off the Howard Stern Show, meanwhile someone over there is still mining Fark for material without attribution. C'mon guys, one mention a week wouldn't kill you (342)
Reuters Interesting Food riots spread to Haiti, shocking people who didn't realize the country even had food to begin with (155)
IndyStar Spiffy Bill Clinton prepares fourth Indiana tour. Plans to visit French Lick and then use 69 until he gets off in Marion (99)
CNN Obvious State department suggests to Jimmy Carter that meeting with a terrorist group that considers America an enemy may not be the wisest decision for an ex-president to make, even one who's borderline senile (552)
9 News Ironic In Colorado, you can get a special license plate for your SUV that shows you're committed to ending global warming (180)
ABC Action News Interesting 20,000 sets of fake hillbilly teeth have been recalled. 18 million sets of real hillbilly teeth are still alive and well in Florida (81)
TC Palm Florida What's the fastest way to rough sex? Call him by your ex's name (446)
JSOnline Dumbass Naive woman says her son "isn't a bad kid; he just fell in with the wrong crowd". A crowd that robs people at gunpoint that is. Bonus: The guns they used belonged to mom ("I bought it at Wal-Mart" ) (157)
LA Times Followup After burning through the ozone layer & causing Global Warming, the Olympic Torch sets its sights on sponsors. No wonder people are trying to put this thing out (90)
SuperDeluxe Spiffy Who's hotter: Hannah Montana, Hannitoba Manitoba or Hannicock Bangkok? (497)
Guardian.com Weird Inability to tell the difference between a cake and a biscuit will cost the UK treasury £3.5M. Here's a useful hint: One of them is round and delicious, and the other is a lie (180)
TC Palm Florida Woman hangs upside-down from tree following confrontation at Fort Pierce McDonalds (167)
(Some Guy) Interesting 10 obstacles to killing people that (unsuccessful) murderers never think of (590)
FARK Misc North Texas Tornado Discussion Thread (295)
Guardian.com Obvious 10 years ago today, Hillary Clinton authored and signed the Belfast Good Friday agreement on Northern Ireland after bravely dodging sniper fire on her way to the conference (213)
(Jpost) Scary Ex Israeli PM: "Iran will be the first nuclear state in history against which deterrence won't work, even if the deterrent is nuclear," so let's nuke the bastards. That'll show em (746)
(Some Guy) Amusing State Senator gets a speeding ticket in a school zone the same day that he proposes legislation to increase the fine for speeding in a school zone. Oops (82)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this googly-eyed seed pod (71)
(thisisplymouth) Dumbass Not News: Woman fakes injury to claim compensation by getting boyfriend to jump on her leg and break it. Fark: caught when police find the footage on his phone (113)
BBC Strange A Cambridgeshire church has lost its "Spitting Vicar". The English language, however, has gained another euphemism for "Penis" (51)
USA Today Interesting TSA announces plans to x-ray all cargo on passenger flights, which means everybody's gonna know about that vibrator someone stuffed down inside your shoe (115)
ESPN Obvious When carrying the Olympic torch, do not pull out a Tibetan flag. "The Chinese security and cops were on me like white on rice, it was no joke" (307)
CNBC NewsFlash American Airlines is only going to cancel 900 flights today (284)
The Virginian Pilot Followup So it turns out the reason the escort service phone numbers were still in the high school teacher's name was because she was still "escorting." Won't someone think of the children? (188)
(Some Guy) Obvious You would also think your home is being targeted by aliens if it was hit by meteorites five different times (113)
TampaBays10.com Florida You're not fully PWN3D until you're Zestfully PWN3D (94)
News.com.au Weird Brazil discovers the elusive step 2, auctions off the underpants of a notorious drug lord (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious 73-year-old Connecticut man shoots out tires of four ATV riders trespassing on his property. Can't we all get a lawn? (205)
(MaineToday.com) Dumbass When showing up to court for an assault charge, it's best to leave your 98 bags of heroin at home. Bonus: Suspect has already been the cause of another Fark headline possibly earning the "Double Dumbass Award" (64)
CBS News Weird Indonesian masseuses padlock their skirts to avoid happy endings (66)
Daily Mail Dumbass Tetra Pak heir and wife arrested in drug scandal, put in 1x3x6 stackable cells (50)
(Some Guy) Florida Thief steals hair from manes and tails of miniature horses. That won't get Johnny Fontane his role (25)
The Sun Scary Moby declares that he would wed Britney Spears without hesitation: "The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her" (195)
(Salem News) Hero Ross Perot gets White House to bend the rules for WW1's last surviving vet (and WW2 P.O.W.) to get an Arlington burial (155)
(WUSA-9) Asinine Things are bad when your car is stolen. Things get worse when your car is ticketed, towed, and released to the car thief. Things become batshiat insane when a collection agency comes after YOU for the ticket money (49)
News.com.au Scary A swarm of angry bees teaches the police a thing or two about sting operations (42)
CNN Interesting FCC proposes emergency text messaging system: OMG 911 TRRST ATK GTG (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Death Star contraption (35)
CBS Sacramento Obvious UC Davis ready to turn deadbeat client's account over to collection agency. The client? Clinton's campaign, which has owed them $7,000 since holding an event there in January and hasn't paid a cent since (76)
CNN Stupid CNN asks the tough question: Are people ready for an emo Bond? (135)
(Some Wisconsin paper) Hero Middle-school principal refuses to throw 7th grade sex-ed teacher under a bus for truthfully answering a student's question about her sexual orientation (266)
CNBC Asinine 42.2 cents of every income-tax dollar you send the IRS goes towards the military (501)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 153: "Feel the Heat". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (160)
The Sun Obvious Organist collapses and dies while playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata at funeral. After his openings, to be honest, he does tend to get a little farking boring (82)

Wed April 09, 2008
SeattlePI Strange Man jumps from hospital's 5th floor, immediately re-admitted (68)
ABC News Scary Wal-Mart corporate videos released. Fark: Featuring various senior members of management in drag (79)
Local6 Florida Honey, good news, I finally found a babysitter. He has experience, and get this, it's free (134)
590 KLBJ Dumbass Schoolgirl says she was beaten up over her anti-illegal-immigration poster. School surveillance tape shows her beating herself up (221)
Reuters Interesting 14 year old sues 50 Cent and Universal for pushing "gangsta" life. Told you he was hardcore (138)
(wben.com) Obvious Katie Couric will soon be leaving CBS News, saddening dozens of shut-ins and comatose patients who can't change the channel (124)
(Some Guy) Obvious Scottish beaches found to contain more litter and dog crap than actual sand (47)
WTAM Amusing German man invents the "biggest rideable guitar in the universe". Wheelie? (69)
YouTube Spiffy Rare live performances by Limozeen (105)
The Morning Call Silly Eight Crayola crayons get bizarre new names, including "famous," "best friends," and "super happy" (139)
(Some Guy) Strange Man found chained by the neck in the basement of a burning house tells police he was there on his own free will (44)
Reuters Florida Florida lawmakers pass the take-your-guns-to-work law, otherwise known as the Fark-headline-generator-act of 2008 (193)
(phillyburbs.com) Asinine Two NJ teens arrested for hit list that included.....Chuck Norris? (115)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this next stop: Long Term Parking. The next stop, Long Term Parking (57)
Sun Sentinel Florida Florida removes bald eagle from endangered species list. Tastes like chicken (74)
BBC Unlikely "Cyber-terrorists may bring down vital websites..." must be a Mets fan (63)
TampaBays10.com Florida Man pretending to be dentist busted after he's found with dirty dental instruments in his car. Tells cops he was doing dentistry on his friends for extra cash. Bonus: His last name? Sanchez (27)
(Columbus Dispatch) Hero Ohio Supreme Court rules against execution of mentally retarded killer. That sound you hear is every citizen in Texas calling Ohio residents a bunch of pussies (411)
Forbes Interesting Scrambling for Scrabulous: Is it piracy or in the public domain? (135)
(nbc11news.com) Dumbass District Attorney: "Hey can we get that vial of blood we need to prove our case?" Colorado State Patrol: "Sure let me just get it out of the box on the shelves were it's been for months...uh... oh jeez" (53)
Herald-Leader Dumbass Man gets drunk, decides to stand in traffic and challenge cars with a bow and arrows (85)
(The Post) Silly Female college journalist recounts her failed attempt to use Japanese squat toilet. CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News ponder offering her a job on their investigative newsteams (153)
CBS Austin Strange Clinton, Louisiana, officials are upset with a man who mows lawns in his skirt. City officials say it shows too much (71)
(KYW) Amusing Philadelphia-area police annoyed at claim by "Antipoleez" breath mint that it takes the booze smell off your breath to avoid DUI. Upon viewing mint's name, local English teachers join protest (62)
(WBBM780.com) Followup Obama delegate not quitting after "monkey" comment (298)
TampaBays10.com Florida Cop pulls over a tipsy nurse, who didn't want to get into the cop car with him. Taserlarity ensues (42)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Man accused of chasing homeless men with a chainsaw, which isn’t totally surprising because he did it before back in 1999 (37)
(Some Guy) Amusing Thief allows property owner to copy his license, credit card, vehicle description, and physical appearance. His excuse: "I didn’t think anybody lived here." (21)
CBS San Francisco NewsFlash Capture-the-Torch Game underway in San Francisco (live video feed) (699)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Perez Hilton files libel lawsuit against fellow gossip blogger. Says his reputation has been ruined by false sex claims (101)
IndyStar Obvious Indiana students are more interested in Bill's sex life than Hillary's politics, as shown by repeatedly asking Chelsea about it (190)
Onion AV Club Amusing Famous Farker Adam Savage talks about blowing stuff up (237)
WTAM Scary Today's sign of the apocalypse: "We are writing 'High School Musical 4'." (119)
Rocky Mountain News Amusing City worker suspended after asking Hispanic co-workers how much it costs their "people to get across the border these days." Wins appeal based on being Polish (107)
CNN Dumbass Congressional report faults Homeland Security official for covering up Halloween party in which a federal employee in blackface won the costume competition (92)
ABC News Asinine This just in: the Olympic torch is causing global warming ALL BY ITSELF (222)
Fox News Interesting Al Qaeda leader dies in Pakistan, possibly of hepatitis. Local goats, sheep will now be subject to blood tests (77)
(NBC24.com) Dumbass How would you punish an attorney who faked her own kidnapping shortly after scamming a family of a murder victim out of his insurance benefits? How about a $300 fine and 40 hours of community service (80)
(MyFox Atlanta) Interesting Georgia Lawmakers: “We have a great idea. Let’s allow people to bring guns into public places.” Georgia Businesses: “You’re kidding, right?” (964)
Hartford Courant Strange Not news: Student lies on his application to Yale. News: Student is accepted, enrolls, and gets a full-tuition scholarship. Fark: His scam was brought to light when he was outed by his estranged gay lover (194)
CNN Interesting Five jobs and the surprising salaries they make. Bonus: Astronomers make the most $95,740 a year, U.S only has 1,700 of them (232)
Boston Globe Asinine Given: Old people fall down. Given: There are more old people today than ever before. Conclusion: We need a multimillion dollar study to determine why more old people are falling down (66)
(CBS) Spiffy In case you missed it last night, here's George Takei singing " On the Road Again" (118)
MSNBC Cool The Pentagon will be issuing hand held lie detectors to troops in Afghanistan. It's not perfect but it comes with a free trip to Guantanamo bay even if you're found to be lying (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Recently-resigned politician believed so much in the Patriot Act, he wired his house to videotape ALL of his encounters with male prostitutes (113)
(Stamford Advocate) Dumbass Federal investigation concludes that either Lieberman's website was a POS or he crashed it on purpose. Silver lining: Joe Lieberman has finally lied about something that did not result in the death of American troops (83)
Gizmodo Asinine Every now and then an invention comes along which genuinely makes you wonder how the human race has survived without it. This is not that invention (177)
The Consumerist Asinine Dell breaks some guy's laptop and in return sends him a replacement full of pubic hair (130)
The Virginian Pilot PSA If you are going to give up your job as an "escort" to become a high school teacher, remember to remove your name from the escort service phone numbers (59)
MSNBC Survey Mike Huckabee puts up mysterious countdown clock on his website. What could it be for? VE (215)
(Rochester D&C) Silly Nerf gun causes college campus lockdown (81)
(nbc10) Stupid Scam leaves 3 families moving into the same house....well, this is awkward (46)
Yahoo Cool New bra makes 'backless' a reality for the womens with the bigguns (10687)
Fox News Stupid Forget the war, recession and housing crisis. Congress works on the imprortant issues like a bill to protect blind people from hybrid cars (145)
(Some Cheerleader) Followup It has begun: Parents of teenage girl beaten for fun by cheerleaders are calling for the end to internet videos (372)
11 Alive Strange Who among us hasn’t associated Phillips 66 gas station with our girlfriend being possessed by the devil, then lead police on a 90-mile debris-throwing chase, ending with punches and a tasering? (25)
National Review Hero Michelle Malkin is heroically leading the charge in the boycotting of Absolut vodak in response to their Islamohomomexicofascist identity politics. She's like the Rosa Parks of the disproportional outrage movement (395)
ABC News Amusing "We need more white people" and other fun things you hear at an Obama event (210)
Newsday Spiffy Annoyed by the teen next to you, blabbing away on his cellphone, during your train ride home from work? There's now legal precedent in NY saying that you may 'lightly' assault him without fear of consequence (237)
(nbc11news.com) Dumbass If you go to the mens room to hide try to get something good first (23)
Sun Sentinel Followup Teacher who had sex with student gets early release. Pun intended (151)
Yahoo Misc Most popular book in the United States is the Bible. The second most favorite book is "The Lord of the Rings" for men, and "Gone with the Wind" for women. Clearly, Americans love their fantasy and romance fiction (259)
Google Photoshop Photoshop this yogastress. Yogaster? Yog... screw it. Photoshop this lady doing yoga (54)
BBC Interesting Scientists discover Stonehenge's true purpose as prehistoric fitness club. Wait, what? (123)
USA Today Weird Study shows that if someone is having a stroke, the best thing for them is to throw a highly venomous snake at them (28)
London Times Interesting So exactly who did authorize the presence of Chinese paramilitary forces on London's streets? (97)
Baltimore Sun Obvious Louisiana Senate shoots down proposal for naming a state cocktail, says "Corruptini" just sends the wrong message (43)
BBC Amusing English village of Lunt considers name change due to persistent graffiti attacks. Citizens of shitterton tell them to grow a pair (79)
Houston Chronicle News American nixes about 850 flights for more inspections, not expected to significantly worsen preponderance of delays (61)
Washington Post Asinine Federal employees use their government credit cards to buy lingerie, booze, and steak dinners. Look at it this way: Now we know at least some taxpayer dollars are being put to good use (93)
Seattle Times Obvious AP Government textbook written by former Bush administration faith-based initiatives director and a "Ronald Reagan Professor" found to have glaring errors (290)
WTOP Amusing We didn't realize that a bobblehead isn't an accurate depiction of the Pope (35)
NJ.com Dumbass Man posing as ESPN college basketball analyst arrested for offering high school students college scholarships if they set him up with teenage girl. Double-bonus: Brought his 10-year-old son along (36)
(Some Guy) Survey Speaking of Ramen glory,...submit your perfect ramen recipe (227)
Reuters Weird Cow preserved in formaldehyde, one of artist Damien Hirst's most famous works, ran into an unlikely obstacle on its way to a Tokyo museum: Japan's import ban on British beef (31)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this picture of Hillary the scientist (135)
(Opie and Anthony) Video Jesse Ventura debates the 9-11 Conspiracy Theory... poorly (326)
Reuters Amusing Former Japanese PM pops up at "World Ramen Summit" to tout ramen as universal treat. Forever and ever, ramen (120)
TBO Obvious "I'm a FiOS customer myself, and I have to call every month because the bill is wrong. I'm on the phone with these people for an hour every time I call - and I am 'these people.'" -- Verizon employee (201)
The Sun Amusing Best headline of the day: "Seedy Gonzales jailed in lesbo sperm swindle." The Sun? There (49)
NCBuy Obvious Brazilian government has opened a new condom factory that is "aimed at providing livelihood to hundreds of Brazilian rubber tappers." Well, it's a growth industry (40)
MSNBC Amusing Old folks "WANT TO ROCK" The grandkids say "they are hip." At their age, all they heard was "someone broke a hip" (45)
(NBC5chicago) Dumbass Bad: cops knock on your motel room door after smelling marijuana. Worse: you're a principal caught drinking, smoking, and watching pr0n with a 16-year old girl... and her younger sister (167)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredients: a turtle, a potato and the color white (33)
(Beijing 2008) Unlikely "People along the Torch Relay route have extended the flame a warm welcome and the relay is proceeding successfully as planned," reports China's official Olympics website (115)
Komo Sad As god as my witness, I thought turkey hunters could fly (46)
(Capital) Ironic Truancy program delayed (56)
(Some Guy) Obvious Session and Recession are in a boat. Session has fallen out (117)
Daily Mail Strange I was given a young man's heart - and started craving beer and Kentucky Fried Chicken. My daughter said I even walked like a man (138)

Tue April 08, 2008
(630 WLAP) Ironic La Niña + Global warming = Global Cooling for 2008 according to the UN. Al Gore also stays cool, while moving weather monitoring equipment closer to A/C exhausts (501)
(Gimundo) Cool Man survives 5 days in Manitoba wilderness because of skills learned on "Survivorman." Would have gotten there faster if he had watched Bear Grylls (197)
(Red and Black) Asinine White University of Georgia student probed by FBI for appearing to be a Middle Eastern terrorist hell bent on blowing up chicken plants (129)
BBC Obvious Man left down in dumps after accident at landfill (19)
SeattlePI Asinine 1/4 of the population of Alabama still trying to impose their morals on the other 3/4 (294)
CBS Sacramento Asinine California to criminalize filling metallic balloons with helium. "Repeat offenders could be charged with misdemeanors." (145)
(Some Guy) Asinine Hurricane Katrina victim lost 2500 square foot home to storm; wants you to help pay for his new million dollar home; thanks (136)
WTMJ Amusing If you're lost on your way to your first day of work at the nuclear power plant, it's probably best not to mutter that you hope you don't blow the place up. Someone might misunderstand you (38)
Yahoo Strange Not News: woman foils burglary attempt. Sorta News: she chases him down and forces him to pick up dropped loot. Fark: she captures him with an ice scraper (11)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Police find huge marijuana plants in burning house. (With pic of REALLY happy cops posing with the plants) (94)
KNBC Hero Navy SEAL who threw himself on grenade in Iraq is posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor at White House (316)
Gawker Video The dangers of being a TV news reporter: Angry wrestlers, weather, motorcycles, drunk people, horses, dogs, cats, planes, pies and grape stomping (155)
AP Amusing We have an APB on a white semitrailer with blue lettering reading "Great Taste of a True Pilsner Beer" making frequent bathroom breaks (42)
Yahoo Strange Dubai's crown prince pays $2.7 million for beauty pageant contestant, and boy is she a beautiful dromedary (99)
Breitbart.com Obvious The pope recognizes the damage of the clergy sex crisis, and will be addressing this when he comes to America next week (hopefully not as a sex tourist) (139)
(Some Guy) Cool Pried from his cold dead hands. The bidding is now open for Charlton Heston's gun (339)
(Some Blue Suiter) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Design a new seal for the United States Air Force (LGT current seal) (107)
Houston Chronicle Asinine In the future, Houstonians will no longer have unsightly billboards obstructing their gorgeous view of strip malls, Wal-Marts and Asian massage parlors (274)
CBS News Followup CBS to CNN newsgathering operations, DO NOT WANT (35)
YouTube Followup Mets get Rick Roll'd: The video (253)
St. Pete Times Florida "This one time, at band camp, I had a ménage à trois with the band coach and another girl" (258)
Washington Post Scary Justice Department says it is too busy fighting The War on Terror to be bothered answering Congress' questions about just what the hell they think they're doing (123)
(Some Guy) Silly From the "More Things You Wouldn't Have Thought of" Department: Sexy lingerie for the dead (89)
Sun Sentinel Asinine Foreclosed homeowners trash their houses before leaving. We should make sure we bail these people out with our tax dollars (498)
TBO Florida Fark's favorite Florida strip-club owner has a daughter with a problem (with mugshot explanation of why she doesn't work for dad) (122)
Yahoo Scary Iran announces that it has finished its love testing on its advanced flower centrifuges of peace (322)
(Hindustan Times) Amusing Not news: Hookers use sleep-inducing drugs to rob men. News: Using knockout eye drops. Fark: Man "unwittingly ingested the drug after the sex worker secretly applied it to her nipples" (134)
MSNBC Silly Canadian airline Westjet punks its passengers by telling them that for $12 extra, they could enjoy a sleeper space in the overhead luggage bins. Hilarity ensues (100)
CNN Amusing Aer Lingus and United Airlines announce cunning new partnership. Program name to be announced once giggling subsides (82)
(Earth Times) Weird Enterprising thieves drive off with two kilometers of central reservation barriers from a German motorway (35)
UPI Strange U.S. food inspectors are recalling 406,000 pounds of frozen cattle heads because the tonsils weren't removed. Because tonsils can really ruin a well prepared cow head (81)
Yahoo Unlikely Federal Energy Dept. now predicts gas will peak at $3.60/gallon in early summer. Submitter sure hopes so, seeing as how he paid $3.79/gallon to fill up yesterday (289)
(The Southern) Interesting "Due to the size, the elephant was transported back to the Murphysboro Police Department by Express Towing" (48)
(Some Guy) Obvious CBS to outsource its newsgathering to CNN, thus guaranteeing wall-to-wall coverage of missing white chicks on at least two networks (76)
(WFAA) Amusing Low speed chase ensues just after closing time along busy strip of bars. Suspect is short, has white hair, kept trying to eat the beer cans. With video goodness (41)
Fox News Interesting Eight sex myths you should not believe. As a bonus, circumcision is one of them (1041)
ABC News Stupid Media lovefest with Obama continues: ABC goes to Iraq, finds the three soldiers who support Obama, and then declares military is supporting him for president. That's some fine reporting there, Lou (375)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man gets high on meth, puts on a lacy negligee, fishnet stockings, a woman's miniskirt, a sheer white blouse and a long brown wig and heads over to girlfriend's house for some sex. Whoops -- wrong apartment (119)
Wall Street Journal Obvious In his Congressional testimony, Gen. Petraeus is expected to say everything's getting better but we can never leave or change anything and everything wrong is because of Iran, which is exactly what he said last time (482)
(lakeland ledger) Florida Eleven men arrested in Central Florida sex sting. Polk County FL trifecta in play. Video highlight: "I thought you guys had to say you were cops" (209)
(keepMecurrent.com) Dumbass At a Maine high school, students will be required to complete 40 hours of community service, 10 hours a year, to graduate. "I don't think we should have it at all. We have enough to handle" (600)
Boston Globe Obvious Vermont's attorney general says police should not give people an extra jolt from a Taser just for fun, but will not face charges if they do (33)
(Music-news) Obvious Study finds that Coldplay puts you to sleep. Seth Rogen would like to add that it might put your sexuality in question also (81)
AP Silly In order to protest the protest against China, China condemns the condemnation of China (117)
(wigantoday) Amusing Magazine apologises to food giant after claiming they made swastika-shaped spaghetti for Germans during the war (44)
SLTrib Sick Sect's rights violated for sex-rights violations (265)
Statesman Dumbass Today's "student-teacher sex" story brought to you by Austin and high school Spanish class (con foto) (129)
(Central Florida 13 News) Sick Hey, let's beat someone unconscious and post it on MySpace (369)
(Japanorama) Weird Not news: One of Japan's top bloggers makes regular "meet the fans" tours. News: His website logs 50,000 hits a day. Fark: He's a cat (68)
(This is Swansea) Spiffy Grieving Welsh family loses pub liquor license because of red tape. Locals continue to visit, but now they bring their own beer (26)
ABC News Silly Computer calculates whether women are hot or not based on the opinions of plastic surgeons. WHIR, BEEP, DING. Inevitable answer: Needs fake tits (206)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shirt (60)
SeattlePI Weird Only in Seattle could a man live in a treehouse for years, only to be evicted with two days notice and offered help for a drinking problem he doesn't have (155)
(Some Guy) Sick If you've been wanting to drink placenta but couldn't get over the placenta-ey taste, you're in luck (77)
LA Times Obvious The IOC will consider scrapping the international leg of the Beijing Olympic torch relay as a result of the anti-Chinese protests (279)
Yahoo Interesting A-Rod might have to change positions while Derek Jeter's groin heals. Oh, and he may have to play some shortstop, too (61)
SeattlePI Amusing Neither rain, nor sleet, nor wild turkeys will stop the USPS. Wait, scratch that last one (96)
(Seacoast online) Dumbass Blood of Christ won't get you to Bible-study class any faster (with mugshot goodness) (63)
The Register Sad Mob of angry Liverpudlians decapitate Ringo Starr (166)
(NY Daily News) Followup Good news: Fark successfully Rickrolls the Mets, puts Astley song atop poll. Bad news: Mets let you down, run around, desert you, opt for in-stadium runoff instead (271)
(Some Guy) Interesting Malaysian-made toothpaste named Oral-Me raising more than eyebrows. "It should not be allowed in the market. I wonder what the people in charge had in mind when they came up with the name" (63)
(Sunderland Echo) Scary Lonely Hearts ad: "I am loyal, honest and know how to have a laugh. Did I mention I'm serving 11 years for a samurai sword attack?" (36)
CNN Followup 401 sect children taken into Texan custody. Thank goodness they have a retirement plan (149)
The Raw Story Scary One hundred years no longer sounds so bad, considering newest agreement calls for staying "infinity plus one" (117)
KNBC Dumbass The FBI leaves you alone in the interrogation room. Do you: A) Keep quiet? B) Ask for a lawyer? Or C) Scream at your accomplice for messing up the plan? (With video goodness) (54)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this foreign subway map (52)
(KCRG) Strange Prison guard accused of giving male prisoners treats in exchange for oral sex. That he performs on them. Doing it wrong, you are (67)
(Some Guy) Cool Grieving father buys lotto ticket on way home from funeral for his oldest son. Sometimes, even on Fark, good things do happen (84)
Telegraph Interesting Hoodie-wearing yobs found to have been trespassing on English lawns since the 12th century (38)
(wyff4.com) Sick "When I saw that bag on the front porch this morning, I got a funny feeling that something just wasn't right," Andrea Young said of the human body parts left on her porch (99)
(Tribune Review) Strange If you stole a 4,000-gallon swimming pool from a Quick Lube, police would like to have a word with you (22)
The Tennessean Obvious “In the Cash 3 Lottery, the probability is less than less than 1 in 10,000 that one would see the same three numbers in various orders" for three consecutive drawings. And this illustrates reason 110889 not to play the lottery (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious Photographer sacked over award-winning fake picture. With "can you spot the 'shop?" pic (124)
(Ft. Worth Star Telegram) Dumbass Drinking on the job can get you fired. Especially if you're a cop and you fall asleep at a stop light, in uniform, in your cop car (w/ smugshot) (65)

Mon April 07, 2008
CNN NewsFlash Memphis, home of the blues, has a reason to sing 'em tonight: Kansas 75, Memphis 68 (253)
(Some Guy) Interesting Average family throws away one-third of the food they buy (203)
TampaBays10.com Florida County commissioner sends email to parents, warning them gays, lesbians have come to take their children away, hee hee, ha ha, to their funny farm (174)
UPI Cool You can stop trying to break the cup-stacking record. You just got beat by a 4-year-old (81)
This Is Local London Obvious Lawyer convicted of killing his wife released from prison, set to inherit her $2 million estate. I love it when a plan comes together (75)
(Some Sofa) Silly Seriously cool bed design. Um, if you live in 1979. And you have absolutely no taste whatsoever (202)
NCBuy Spiffy City of Turin Italy replaces lawnmowers with sheep -- saves over $48k annually on lawn maintenance, and a small fortune in prostitution fees (71)
USA Today Silly Starbucks to launch 'everyday' brew to get back sales lost to McDonald's. McDonald's to respond with setting up restaurants every 100 feet, because apparently that just makes sense (181)
(wptz.com) Amusing Spectator makes confession to police officer at college football game, leading to discovery of cannon buried under Dartmouth College football field in decades-old prank (61)
AP Dumbass After the flag fell from the pole, the custodian found a cylindrical object under the flag, with wires attached. So he called the bomb squad because Al Qaeda is now after our rest stops (94)
Yahoo Cool Go Tigers Go, or Rock Chalk Jayhawk? NCAA Championship discussion thread (563)
London Times Unlikely The London times thinks it has managed to compile a list of 10 conspiracy theories weirder than the "MI6 murdered Princess Diana on the orders of the Price of Wales, who happens to be Frankenstein" theory of Muhammed Al-Fayed (55)
BBC Stupid Bulk purchase of eggs and ketchup by persons under 18 years of age banned by Nanny State town to prevent "anti-social behavior" (105)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these elements (46)
AFP Amusing "I think we should only get three honks a month on the car horn. And then someone cuts you off, you press your horn, nothing happens. You're like, 'I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk'" (103)
Daily Mail Silly Corporate "team-building" exercise where teams of soldiers shoot airsoft pellets at enemies dressed as Arabs draws some criticism. Apparently all the Nazi costumes were purchased by Max Mosley and Prince Harry (62)
Fox News Amusing Famous New York City psychiatric hospital eyed as luxury hotel: "You'd have to be crazy to stay here," says TripAdvisor (27)
CNN Sad Gas prices hit a new record on news that it hasn't hit a record in the past two weeks (176)
(Some Guy) Obvious Airlines fare poorly in quality survey. Water fares wetly, sky thought to be bluely (36)
BBC Weird Indian man loses his life savings after termites break into his safe deposit box and eat the money (52)
Daily Mail Amusing Foul-mouthed parrot gets solitary confinement after secretly teaching two other parrots to swear. Owner Geoff Grewcock is shocked (49)
Stuff Amusing Aussie police hire 18-year-old girl to help them decipher and use internet acronyms like AFAIK, BRB, OMG, UWIE and especially UFIA (100)
(WPSDTV) Asinine It’s time to move when you live on a road that floods so often you need to row your kids to school and the county offers help by saying “they'd pay for the road, if she'd pay for the dirt” (35)
News.com.au Interesting New radio station broadcasts nothing but the sound of birds. Which is still better than anything a Clear Channel station airs (49)
Onion AV Club Stupid MTV wants to remind you that the Holocaust could happen again. Now, back to "Parental Control" (142)
Metro Weird German court rules that assault with a kebab is not a violation of human dignity. No word on where falafel stands in the spectrum of weapons (64)
CNN Obvious Ungbzgd dee Bob urmnGAHAFA ubboraha PuuYOOOlittSER, yeah (110)
Bangor Daily News Amusing Today's "sex line phone number mix-up" story is brought to you by EZ to Use Big Book and the U.S. Postal Service (18)
Valleywag Amusing Time.com's top 25 arbitrarily-chosen blogs. Link includes obligatory Drew Curtis quote (57)
Gizmodo Dumbass If you are going to steal your neighbors Netflix movies out of their mailbox, make sure they don't have a motion sensing camera pointed at the mailbox to catch you in the act. Oh, and put a shirt on, Captain Moobs (134)
CNN Spiffy Seventy-five years ago today, beer became legal again. Happy Beeriversary, everybody (115)
Boston Globe Scary Next time you order a Sam Adams, pay attention to how the choice hops, fresh barley and tiny shards of glass create the total drinking experience (161)
CBS Sacramento Stupid A groom was tasered by police and his bride arrested for public intoxication. Both spent their wedding night in jail. There's a wedding story to tell the kids (63)
The Register Interesting Below the packets of the upper net / Far far beneath in the protocol set / His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep / The Kraken sleepeth: virus checkers flee (54)
Fox News Sad Texas girl to have half her brain removed to combat rare disease. Coincidentally, surgery will also make her eligible to become a super delegate (129)
Local6 Florida $5,000 in bras stolen from Victoria's Secret store. Police are keeping abreast of the situation (138)
ABC News Asinine Neighbors sue woman for smoking in her own apartment, claiming she is "willfully, intentionally, recklessly and/or negligently endangering the health of plaintiffs and their four-year-old son" (481)
Guardian.com Amusing Donkeys at seaside resort to be protected from chunky British kids. Weight, what? (30)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this golden dome (44)
AFP Dumbass Burglar nabbed after prison break-in. You're doing it wrong (17)
SMH Spiffy Artificial sperm on the horizon, drapes (206)
NBC 11 NewsFlash Protesters scaling Golden Gate Bridge to protest China's Tibet policy. Don't these people Everest? (475)
LA Times Followup Los Angeles Times apologizes for suggesting Sean Coombs was responsible for killing Tupac. Again (72)
Rocky Mountain News Interesting 60th Annual Conference on World Affairs encourages people to think on everything from torture to hip hop. That's two separate categories (97)
Sign On San Diego Obvious In retrospect, a parking lot next to a 30-foot ravine wasn't the best place to give a driving lesson (45)
Canada.com Sad Canada has one of the worst organ donation rates in the world, mostly because recipients don't want livers with so much damage (107)
(NY Daily News) PSA Apparently this needs repeating: Choosing "c) slash the bus driver" is not the correct option when the driver refuses to be your personal chauffeur and go off course because you got on the wrong bus (29)
(This guy, man) Dumbass Man upset over doctors care of his wife shoots and kills doctor; experts expect this to effect the level of care the doctor is able to provide (74)
(The Local.se) Amusing Teacher complains after students circulate nude pictures of her, which she says they might have downloaded from the Internet. "It feels really unpleasant to be exposed like this," she said (677)
News.com.au Silly In yet another example of how the U.S. is losing its lead in frivolous lawsuit supremacy, woman in Malaysia sues husband for the loss of her virginity (36)
Chicago Tribune Hero Judge rules that the Constitution protects strip clubs. God bless America (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting 74-year-old German to become the rightful King of England if British Parliament repeals 1701 law prohibiting Catholics from taking the throne (94)
(NY Times) Interesting Behind the scenes at the escort service used by Eliot Spitzer. Article is free to read, but $1,500 if you want to print it (29)
Houston Chronicle Unlikely France sends elite troops armed with state-of-the-art white flags to help free yacht hostages (137)
(Tierney Labs) Amusing Iona Knipl wins "Worst Bad Name" contest. Maybe next year, Charman Toilette (196)
Yahoo Scary Two Spaniards die after living la vaca loca (31)
(San Luis) Strange Two men charged with Grand Theft Avocado (36)
Local6 Florida Mother of the Year candidate was son's getaway driver during his crime spree (with mugshot goodness) (38)
(The Wharf) Spiffy Old and busted: three-legged race. New hotness: three-legged climbing, up UK's tallest skyscraper (15)
SuperDeluxe Video Expect a few changes in baseball this year thanks to the Mitchell Report. Get ready for some doubles (149)
(The Local.de) Followup German nudist flight turns out to be a hoax after all: Organizer says charter company backed out; charter company says they were never asked. What asses. (With NSFW pic of hot asses) (99)
News24 Strange "'I don't see any blasphemy here,' he said, gesturing at a Crucifixion picture showing a soldier simultaneously beating Jesus and holding his genitals" (419)
(Some Guy) Strange Parents say baby born with two faces is eating and breathing normally, has a bright future in politics (231)
Homestar Runner Cool Puppies for breakfast (60)
UPI Scary Study finds that 35 out of 40 bottles of European wine contains pesticide. Which is why submitter only buys bottles 36-40 (96)
(Mirror) Sad Seventy-eight percent of Britons prefer shopping over sex, most likely due to the easier returns policy (285)
Orlando Sentinel Florida New, growing parental trend: "Monkids," who boast pierced ears, monogrammed clothing, toy-filled strollers and their own private bedrooms (206)
(Some Guy) Obvious Customers start lining up at 7:15 a.m. as Columbia, South Carolina allows beer sales on Sunday for the very first time (146)
MSNBC Interesting What do "American traitors" have in common with "tentacle rape" and "Godzilla"? The Japanese love them (149)
(Some Guy) Scary "And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die" (94)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this nooky (54)
ABC News Obvious Latest issue that makes Fundies go absolutely crazy? An elementary-school event in which kids were encouraged to dress as members of the opposite sex (320)
News.com.au Dumbass You may wonder just how a girl would get her bellybutton ring stuck in her nose. After reading this article, you still will. But by FSM, she did (102)
RedNova Scary World War II mine washes up on beach in South Wales. No problem, it was only "the cartoon-type with spikes" (62)
(Brisbane Times) Obvious Study that shocks no one: Teens who aren't bright enough to figure out birth control are also too stupid to quit smoking when pregnant (91)
(MyFox Atlanta) Obvious Man buys house from WWE wrestler, finds hidden steroid stash in wall (173)
News.com.au Amusing Artist wants 200,000 cigarette butts to build sculpture. 40-a-day smokers especially welcome. Here comes the cancer (43)
(Some Guy) Weird Man's dog runs onto old man's farm, chases cattle. Old man shoots at dog, neighbor steps in. Old man has heart attack, neighbor performs CPR. Old man dies, dog dies, neighbor gets shot in the thumb, tada (113)
(Some Guy) Spiffy On your hundredth birthday, will you drive a car over 100 mph and then a speedboat over a 100 mph? (62)
News.com.au Sick You might have daddy issues if you start sleeping with your father two weeks after being reunited with him. "I was looking at him, sort of going, oh, he's not too bad" (271)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely One more minute may be the difference between an "adequate'' lover and an unsatisfactorily short performer for females (379)
(NewsTalk 89.4 Auckland) Scary After man is arrested for driving drunk at 113 mph, the odds are pretty good that he's gonna lose his learner's permit (31)