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Sun April 20, 2008
(Vermont Sunday Magazine) Ironic Atheist church? It's more likely than you think (55)
CSMonitor Misc The Christian Science Monitor suggests ten things you can do if your flight is canceled (80)
AP Dumbass If you're planning on blowing up your high school it isn't the most cunning plan to have 10 pounds of ammonium nitrate Fed Ex'd to your house (144)
Chicago Sun-Times Scary 31 people shot this weekend in Bagh,... wait, Chicago? (266)
Arizona Star Stupid Not News: road-raging man waves gun at another driver. Fark: accidentally shoots himself (40)
(Triple kickflip varial) Amusing British author and comedian Tony Hawks receives a lot of email intended for the skateboarder, douchebaggery ensues (83)
Google Cool Eco-friendly funeral proponents claim they're mulch better for environment, keep water tables formaldehyde-free, produce great worms for fish bait (51)
UPI Obvious U.S. deserters seek Canadian residency, future Presidency (199)
MSNBC Amusing Chelsea Clinton mobbed for pictures during gay pub crawl in Philly, one girl brags "I grabbed her ass" (105)
Examiner Amusing Man tries to steal statue of Yellow Peanut M&M. Reportedly was going to hold it for ransom until the Noid and King Vitamin are released from detention (31)
The Sun Stupid Kids as young as 5 are fighting each other in kickboxing clubs. £10 on the littlest one, 3 to 1 odds (58)
Yahoo Photoshop Photoshop a logo for the "new" Northwest/Delta Airlines (39)
IOL Interesting Man jumps with a bungee cord he made out of condoms. "It was difficult as the condoms are slippery." (37)
Fox News Scary Fenster found (75)
(Some Guy) Asinine School district thinks it's a good idea to randomly test teen cheerleaders, debate members, and kids on the speech team for drugs. "We want to give these kids another opportunity to 'just say no'" (364)
(Some Guy) Interesting More and more women are taking vacations and leaving their men behind to enjoy watching sports and drinking beer in their underwear all by their lonesome selves (143)
MSNBC Obvious Female journalist explores why men don't do household chores: "In my experience, husbands are a lot like children." (587)
Telegraph Dumbass Guy spends five years building yacht in backyard, knowing that there's no way to get it out. All hail the failboat (166)
(Some Q) Spiffy London museum opens display of James Bond & Ian Fleming memorabilia, including such deadly weapons as Rosa Klebb's shoe, Fleming's .357 revolver and Halle Berry's bikini (65)
(CVG) Amusing Inmate who tried to sue Michael Vick for "$63,000,000,000 billion dollars" has a new target. Grand Theft Auto IV (137)
CBS News Amusing Police officer fails to master the basic skill of not falling asleep on duty. Also needs a little work on the "don't get high and break into cars" aspect of his job (16)
(Beertown) Interesting 2008 World Beer Cup results. Old Milwaukee Light for the win (178)
(Some Cuckoo) Photoshop Photoshop these dangly things (34)
BBC Sick Former UK deputy PM admits bulimia problem. With picture proving that he's doing it wrong (67)
Daily Mail Dumbass Prince William in trouble for performing cunning stunt for his stunning… girlfriend (148)
Miami Herald Florida Porn pastor brings Jesus to Exxxotica (100)
(KMXB CBS-12) Dumbass Car engine's air intake not the best place to put bag of pot (66)
FARK Survey If you could go back to being 20, what characteristic or belief would you instill in yourself to make your life better? (678)
London Times Asinine Nanny State cracks down on yet another dangerous enemy of the people: bagpipers (100)
(Hawaii Volcano Observatory) Caption Caption this Hawaiian Geologic Advancement Enforcement Officer (73)
Fox News Sad Ecuadorian nightclub takes page out of Great White playbook: indoor fireworks, padlocked doors, and numerous deaths due to fire and smoke inhalation (33)
SMH Amusing Not news: Criminal has 7-year history of assault and robbery. News: He escaped from custody 10 times in the last year. Fark: Dude, he's 12 (75)
(Bangkok) Scary 140 funeral guests rushed to hospital after eating puffer fish balls (76)
(Send more cops) Interesting Zombie wanted in crocodile brain theft (20)
(Some Guy) Strange Richard Branson is going to marry a couple in outer space. Maybe men really are from Mars (37)
(Federal Way Mirror) Weird Actual headline: "Two women report ghost has been having sex with them" (110)
(Some Ophioscorodon Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these garlic cloves (36)
MDN Stupid The drunk asleep in the men's room / Taxman, Mr. Yada / Punching the guy who wakes him up / Taxman, you're on Fark (10)
News.com.au Sad "What are you in for?" "Murder." "What are you in for?" "Rape." "What are you in for?" "I tried to stop my bank from repossessing my home." (101)
News.com.au Obvious Sydney morgue forced to buy forklift to deal with McDonalds generation (62)
MSNBC Interesting Deep thinkers see how things will be in 2058. Oddly, flying car not on list (145)
(The Whig) Dumbass When police ask how much he's had to drink, trucker responds "a shiatload." (37)
IndyStar Hero Danica does it, is first female to win in Indy car competition (354)

Sat April 19, 2008
Slate Amusing Slate plays "six degrees of Adolf Hitler" with the presidential candidates. Godwinner, at two degrees: Hitlary (220)
Boston Globe Amusing Badly botched bee burglary bungled by bellicose bees bludgeoning would-bee bandit (46)
(Science Daily) Interesting Interpreters for the Deaf at higher risk of injury than assembly line workers. GARRETT MORRIS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT (86)
(The Orange County Register) Amusing Man who breaks into adult store can't open cash register, settles for $250 rubberized replica of Jenna Jameson's lower half (73)
Canada.com Sad BJ's Sausage explodes all over the face of small Saskatchewan town (64)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Chicago area funeral homes refuse to bury teenage boy for fear of gang retaliation (64)
Fox News Cool Statistics show some truthiness to the Colbert Bump (64)
AP Asinine Man spends 50 years in jail for killing his father, only to discover after release that his father is still alive (82)
(Some Stoner) Dumbass "Dumb Doper Award" given to guy who brought two bags of weed to his parole meeting (92)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this free-falling lovely (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting In an effort to avoid foreclosure, couple decides to raffle off home for $100 a ticket. State claims that this is a violation of the "Bank Bingo and Mortgage Pinball Act of 1829" (49)
Daily Mail Dumbass Not news: $260,000 Aston Martin demolished during James Bond shooting. Fark: By a technician who ran it off the road into a lake while driving to the set (82)
Herald-Leader Scary 8th grader charged with felony after putting crumbled peanut butter cookies in another kid's lunchbox (338)
AZCentral Strange City of Needles, California to the rest of country: We're tired of all the Peanuts jokes, we're moving to Nevada (88)
The Sun Strange Apparently, the death penalty in Great Britian is DIY. With "WTF is that thing on his head?" pic (74)
(Some Guy) Interesting RI hospital sued over advertising campaign. Fark: from 1912 (66)
London Times Interesting Most seductive woman ever has Halle Berry’s eyes, Jennifer Lopez’s nose, Kelly Brook’s hair and body, Angelina Jolie’s pout and wears Marilyn Monroe’s white dress. Or any live woman after two bottles of scotch (593)
The Register Interesting Cop who lead investigation and is scheduled to testify against Pirate Bay turns out to have taken a job with Warner Brothers in the meantime (70)
Telegraph Spiffy Global warming helps Scottish ski resorts to best season in a generation. In related news, there are apparently Scottish ski resorts (158)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beautiful bacteria (50)
CBS News Interesting Research debunks the "grumpy old person" stereotype, shows that as we age we get happier. Maybe because those damn kids finally are staying of our damn lawns (88)
The Sun Sad Female army MP has sex with her boyfriend in barracks bar. Surprisingly, someone had a problem with this. The Sun is there... and how (123)
AFP Amusing Fark: Hoax runner fools Australian crowds with a homemade Olympic torch topped by flaming underpants. Not News: In 1956 (24)
(Duluth News Tribune) Interesting “I’m too ornery to die” says 83 year old fisherman after surviving 35 minutes in icy river. But he has also survived two triple-bypass heart surgeries and six heart attacks. Fark: heart attack #6 was while he was in the river (54)
Daily Mail Sad Children are more than twice as likely to be injured falling out of bed as they are tumbling out of a tree because they can't get their fat little carcasses away from the Xbox (65)
CBS Chicago Ironic Chicago Police tout that shootings are down in 2008, just before about 20 people are shot in a 12-hour period across city. Awkward (129)
CBS News Interesting More middle aged men are quitting their jobs and becoming priests (75)
SFGate Obvious Companies cash in by "greenwashing" consumers with products labeled with vague pro-environmental buzzwords (154)
(Weekly Standard) Amusing "The effect is of being strapped to an armchair and dropped backwards off a balcony onto a patio." (48)
UPI Amusing Um... if a space capsule landed in your yard, the Russian Space Agency would really like it back (50)
(SunJournal.com) Followup Six months ago a Maine school decided to give birth control to any student that asked, even as young as 11. So far, one student has asked (79)
Daily Mail Cool Hypnotherapist had an 83-minute operation on his arm with no anaesthetic (70)
(Some Guy) Scary Man's pants set on fire by Taser, Foobies links (25)
Washington Post Cool When asked if Obama's dirt-off-your-shoulder move was directly referencing Jay-Z, Obama spokesperson says, "Well, Barack does have Jay-Z on his iPod" (918)
London Times Strange Accountant who stole £70,000 has been ordered by a judge to repay the money by selling his huge stamp collection on eBay. A+++++ would let swindle again (22)
Stars and Stripes Hero Seaman spurts from train platform to rescue man in throes of seizure, within seconds of coming train. Penis (45)
Mercury News Interesting Today's cats are coming with fancy new options, such as fire-retardant and stain-proof coats. Insta-captioning ability won't be available until Caturday 2009 (445)
Daily Mail Stupid Having solved all other problems, a train company has announced it will ban passengers for life who repeatedly put their feet on the seats (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You might not be ready for your fourth marriage if your ex-husbands include a man who eloped with your own mom, a bigamist and a pal who stood in for your fiance when he jilted you the night before the wedding. And you're only 24 (103)
BBC Asinine Man hassled by authorities for not having a "camera license". Was it in (a) 1968 Soviet Union, (b) 1988 North Korea, or (c) 2008 Great Britain? (99)
(Portland Mercury) Amusing College: $40,000. Passing the bar: $30,000. Knowing the specific statute that gives you authority to issue a police officer a parking ticket: priceless (259)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this blissful bore (48)
Sun Sentinel Interesting President Bush to appear on "Deal or No Deal". Contestants refuse to choose the briefcase he's holding (111)
London Times Spiffy Last week, the island of Sark, the last feudal state in Europe, approved law reforms leading to universal suffrage. It's not news, it's Sark.com (86)
(Cambridge Chronicle) Strange Someone's stealing every brass fountain from the city of Cambridge. Presumably, to melt them down into even bigger balls (18)
News.com.au Scary A wonderful bird is the pelican, a bird strike just brought on pure mayhem. Now I know just how the helican (36)
(Some Guy) Strange Bad News: wife sues you for child support. Worse News: She wins. Fark: for a baby that never existed (121)
Sun Sentinel Cool More than 50 girls succumb to hysteria. Pyromania not as popular (129)

Fri April 18, 2008
Seattle Times Cool Motorcyclist achieves record speed of "absolute insanity" according to Oregon State Police; Cool, Scary, or Dumbass? (210)
Local6 Florida Kennedy Space Center worker finds Bahamian girl's message in a bottle. Lucky girl and her school are getting a package of space memorabilia in return (50)
LA Times Misc Giant-ass mystery rodent found on road near Milwaukie, Oregon - with giant-ass cuddly rodent picture (95)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass When a couple of people have just robbed you, calling the cops is generally the right thing to do. However, this does not apply if you were trying to sell them heroin beforehand (17)
The Smoking Gun Amusing TSG's weekly mugshot roundup. #1 is hot. The rest, you'll have to see to believe (212)
Google Photoshop Photoshop your favorite celebrity as a clown. LGT inspiration (91)
AP Spiffy Alaska Governor Palin has a boy. That means "gave birth to". She's a governor, not a teacher (66)
(Chattanoogan) Interesting Judge Moon says neglectful parents may need to go to jail. M-O-O-N, that spells jail (79)
(Some Guy) Scary Florida woman learns not to take safety for granite (78)
AP PSA Lead? In my Astro-turf? It's more likely than you think (47)
Reuters Amusing "NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver" (56)
DallasNews PSA Recipe: Bacon Chocolate-Chip Cookies With Maple-Cinnamon Glaze (106)
CBS Miami Florida Hundreds of bikini-clad women descend on South Beach to try and set a new world record (with pictures and video) (107)
FARK Amusing Memphis Farkers, Shall we have a Fark Party Tonight? Say Hueys Midtown, sans 9 PM? (71)
(Charleston.net) Stupid At Camp Winnechasapasooki your kids will enjoy the following activities: baseball, canoeing, wacky choking game, tree climbing, carving (57)
(Some Florida Farker) Florida Not news: Man no longer allowed to carry his firearm after his wife files domestic violence complaint. Straight to Fark: It's the Chief of Police (61)
CNN Stupid $10,000 for a child's birthday party? Back in submitter's day it was a carton of cigarettes and a "Hey, smoke up, Johnny" (162)
Sun Sentinel Florida Content with Florida ranking 48th in edumacation, State legislature moves to cut teacher merit pay (48)
ABC Action News Florida If you paste a kid's picture onto a porn mag, you're still a pedophile (305)
(Brooklyn Paper) Strange Adult film stars proclaim Brooklyn, NY as the country's porn capital based on subscriptions to porn websites. In other news, Brooklynites haven't figured out how to get teh boobies for free (223)
(Commercial Appeal) Amusing Joke-packed obituary about a woman referred to as "the whore of Babylon...{and later}...became the Blessed Madonna." (54)
BBC Amusing Something really DOES smell rotten in Denmark (62)
Canoe PSA Chrysler recalls Sebrings, Avengers, times when their cars didn't suck (310)
AP Cool Oldest woman in the world Edna Parker from Shelbyville, IL turns 115 today. Charles Montgomery Burns of Springfield calls shenanigans (97)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this $140,000 KEF speaker system (68)
(KMBC) Dumbass Missouri shows it's grammatical prowess. By omitting a crucial hyphen from there new license plate's (201)
CBS Boston Obvious Reporter shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that tobacco company is leading campaign to stop tax increases on cigarettes (65)
TC Palm Florida Actual headline: Weight Watchers demonstrator accused of shoplifting cupcakes at Port St. Lucie Publix (mug included) (129)
AP Scary Army of rats cause famine scare in Indian state. If only there was an abundance of a small meaty animals that could be roasted and then eaten (150)
(Yale Daily News) Followup In an attempt to further extend her 15 minutes of fame, student now denies Yale's claim that her multiple-abortion "art project" was a hoax (468)
BBC Spiffy Some sports teams are named after animals. Others are named after themes of local interest. Then there's the Indian Premier Cricket League, where teams are named after brands of liquor, or talking cars (57)
ZDNet Interesting AT&T says the tubes of the intarwebs will be clogged with lolcats by 2010. EVERYBODY PANIC (254)
Reuters Obvious Pope criticizes US for undermining UN, is promptly labeled a fanatical religious leader and sent to Gitmo (263)
Starpulse Scary Gary Busey evicted from his Malibu home. Landlord handed him the eviction notice and then ran far, far away, really fast (144)
(Some Guy) Amusing Robert E. Lee caught in Sears store peeping on patrons from his 'masturbatorium' (275)
Boston Globe Interesting Boston Globe searches for the answers as to why Kenyans have won the Boston Marathon each year since 1986 (161)
ABC News Followup Texas Rangers arrest Colorado woman with history of pretending to be a victimized girl in connection with phone call sparking polygamist sect raid that seized over 400 children. Oops, mulligan? (362)
NJ.com Asinine Confidential Freedom Tower plans found in garbage can by homeless man. Good job, guys (220)
Telegraph Silly Apparently, words like "RickRoll" and "UGC" are all part of a language called Nerdic, which means that technically, we're all bilingual (153)
Breitbart.com Followup As it turns out, the man who thought his dog was an impostor was right (109)
Sun Sentinel Florida Florida reacts to threat of increased hurricane threats this year by cancelling its "hurricane supply tax free holiday". Subby torn between asinine, dumbass, and ironic tags. Uses the one that sums up them all (75)
ABC News Stupid ABC runs an in-depth article on "sneeze fetishists". It's not news, it's ABC (155)
IOL Followup Putin denies divorcing his wife in order to marry the hot, young, flexible gymnast. "I love my wife. That gymnast is not my type... her knees are too sharp." (134)
IndyStar Hero ACLU to Indiana, "you can't reference God on a license plate for free". Judge to ACLU, "Suck it" (1252)
CBS New York News Pope Benedict XVI arrives in New York City, asked to pay an $8 toll after stepping off the plane (237)
(Greenfield Recorder) Strange Woman orders boyfriend to stop on Interstate and lasso an emu. "That bird kicked my ass" (99)
(Some Exoplanet Tools) Photoshop Photoshop these people with this thing (77)
London Times Interesting Blackjack is a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw / for he's the master criminal who can defy the law / He lives on the Olympic site, the building teams despair / For when they reach the trap they've set, Blackjack is not there (87)
UPI Weird School in an English town that was the last to hang witches in 1593, decides "hey maybe we should do something about our witch logo" (91)
Boston Herald Stupid Unarmed robbery victim charged with armed robbery after demanding his money back (55)
(Dog Magazine) Sappy Impaled Scottish dog named Survivor of the Year. And for the last time, it's spelled "steak" (29)
Seattle Times Stupid Seattle mayor suggests secession from rest of the state, cites war of Eastern aggression (389)
SeattlePI Dumbass Mayor uses auto-dialer to inform constituents his cat is missing, ends up finding it in the wall of his house (40)
(Nation News) Cool Church preaches love and tolerance, but at least a few people are coming to buy groceries at below-market prices (51)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Amusing The New York Times finally discovers how to sell media: sex, porn, viagra, divorce, YouTube, and SEO (18)
BBC Stupid Staff caught beTwix rock and hard candy at Honda's UK factory Flake out after being banned from eating biscuit-based chocolates. Submitter Revels, Snickers at Nutrageous situation (41)
Derby Evening Telegraph Dumbass Like 1985 season of "Dallas," chef's drunken murder of gay homeless man was all a dream, costing taxpayers £12,000 after 359 hours of investigation. "He accepts that he had been drinking significantly." (21)
Telegraph Dumbass Learner bus driver turned a double-decker into an open-top (w/pic). Bus-Hitting-Overpass trifecta in play (39)
News.com.au Weird You awaken after a night of heavy drinking to find your clothes missing and some old guy with his false teeth in his pocket and his head in your lap. You have a hammer. Option C ensues (95)
(Coventry Telegraph) Dumbass Once you're convicted of driving 145mph on a two-lane road, don't ask the judge to delay jail time until after your upcoming Malaysian vacation (25)
SFGate Strange "It's easy to screw a platypus". Translation: "Perhaps you should think about new counsel for your murder trial" (37)
(Some Guy) Strange You've just gotten in a car crash while on your cell phone. Do you: a) exchange insurance info with the other driver b) call your lawyer c) inject heroin into your arm using a seat belt as a tourniquet? (26)
(USGS) NewsFlash Magnitude 5.4 earthquake strikes 127 miles east of St. Louis, felt in several states (763)
AFP Strange Man gets so drunk with his co-worker he fails to notice the six-inch blade his friend stuck in his back. "We got drunk together. Things happen when you drink." (22)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Beating a man to death over a bag of pistachios... that's just nuts (41)
London Times Sick More and more British are deciding the "fry up" breakfast -- consisting of eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, baked beans, tomatoes, and other assorted crap -- is not that smart after all (244)
(L.A. Daily News) Sappy End Times begin in Los Angeles; dogs and sheep living together, mass hysteria (24)
AP Followup Yale student's claim she had multiple abortions for art project actually a hoax intended to be "performance art" (246)
National Post Interesting Canadian Supreme Court tosses the "two beer" defense on its ass. Chewbacca defense still OK (36)
LA Times Asinine America-hating terrorist Barack Hussein Obama caught flipping the bird. It's not news, it's the Los Angeles Times (372)
Daily Mail Interesting Bermuda residents haver their shorts in a knot over government proposal to scrap Queen of England's birthday as a national holiday (w/ pic of Queen vowing vengeance) (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this caveman (59)
News.com.au News Perth Stock Exchange in Australia under seige by armed man (145)
(Some Guy) Obvious Newspaper wants to know what Vladimir Putin sees in a nubile 24-year-old rhythmic gymnast that he doesn't see in his wife (145)
Forbes Spiffy America's top most lustful cities. Let's hear it for the city where everyone is a member of the mile-high club (132)

Thu April 17, 2008
SeattlePI Asinine Having solved all other security issues, Iraqi police begin to enforce seat belt laws. Yes, seat belt laws (81)
Chicago Sun-Times Ironic Mythical 'magic sword' giant turtle turns up for real in Vietnam, just down the road from the factory where four other weapons-wielding turtles are drawn for pennies a year (64)
AP Dumbass Romanian well-digger unable to stop himself at 6,441 profane phone calls to emergency services (27)
Click On Detroit Hero Woman pins two thieves to ground until police arrive. Includes pic just begging for a Fark caption (150)
(Business & Media Institute) Followup Time Magazine photoshops famous Iwo Jima photo to replace US flag with a tree. Unhappy Iwo Jima vet says "we'll stick a dadgum tree up somebody's rear" (284)
TC Palm Florida Not news: woman gets restraining order against male roommate. News: Cops serving order find white powdery lines in man's room. Fark: she laid out the lines of baby powder in his room in anticipation of the cops' visit (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the Burj Al Arab hotel (67)
AP Interesting One of these quadruplets ain't like the others / One of these quadruplets doesn't belong (111)
TampaBays10.com Florida Florida Senate debates then passes an amendment to impose a $60 fine on Truck Nutz (222)
Gawker Dumbass College newspaper issues correction to slight factual error: Apparently the Dalai Lama did not, in fact, have sex with hundreds of men, nor does he have AIDS. Whoops (85)
WTAM Scary "Hey Matt, what did you do on your honeymoon?" "I put my wife in a cage and shot at her feet." "Well... that explains the $5 million bond" (102)
WSAZ Strange Police find a ton of pot hidden in a inflatable slide. Take a ride on the Fun Slide (60)
Starpulse Followup Venezuela stops having a cow, man (38)
(Some Guy) Asinine Sheriff sentenced to 467 years in prison for running wet T-shirt contest in prison. Personal accountability surrenders (194)
(Shaken and stirred) Interesting Mom with world-class Breathalyzer results can't get story straight; tells cops she pounded a bottle of wine during the day, tells judge it was cocktails at night. Numbers indicate all of the above (30)
Miami Herald Florida Fark's favorite state finally got around to banning bestiality (140)
(volunteertv.com) Amusing Two East Tennessee men arrested after a stabbing over who's paying for gas (50)
ESPN Stupid Whatever happened to good old-fashioned dog names, names that weren't people names? Slowest news day at ESPN. Ever (250)
Fox News Sick Yale art major artificially inseminates herself multiple times so she can induce miscarriages in the name of “art” (1389)
(Geekology) Spiffy Inform the Nobel prize committee, the greatest invention of this decade is here and it is full of awesome (77)
Canada.com Amusing "The skirt is really, really short. So, if you have to wear panties underneath you know it's too short" (505)
Sun Sentinel Florida Topless woman tells cops that God told her to direct traffic (78)
WRAL Stupid Today's "teacher-student sex scandal" story brought to you by Raleigh, NC (with "Hit or No Hit?" mugshot) (167)
ICNetwork Interesting Taking vitamins can shorten your life. Ten million strong and dying (85)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Amusing Dallas woman sues Blockbuster for telling Facebook's Beacon (and all her friends) she rented "Debbie Does Dallas" (116)
(Some English Writer) Interesting Here's how to be happy, 1820s style. BONUS: These suggestions will work today (109)
FARK Cool Fark's sales guy, Mike F, interviews "The Dude" (78)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Virginia newspaper thrilled that one of town's students has made it to National Geographic's nationwide geography bee. According to them, "champions from 52 states" will be taking part (131)
MSNBC Spiffy Wish a happy 50th _______ to Mad Libs today (150)
The Sun Amusing Unemployed fraudster attempted to sell London’s famous Ritz Hotel to a businessman for £250m (31)
ABC News Stupid First, they came for the courthouse painting of Jesus Christ. When they come for the daily $3.99 pasta special in the courthouse cafeteria, will it be too late? Ramen (216)
Boston Globe Asinine FBI investigating Boston Fire Department after 60 percent of the retirees between '05-'07 left on tax-free disability pensions. Many of them were "injured" while playing "Chief for a Day," doubling their pensions (269)
Engadget Dumbass Know those annoying people who won't get the hell off their cell phones on the bus or the elevator? Well, here's a new wrinkle on that involving robbing banks (107)
Stuff Interesting Doctor -- answering an emergency call for a suspected heart attack in church -- arrives to discover it's his mother-in-law. Saves her life anyway (47)
SuperDeluxe Interesting "The Ten Commandments" meets "The Godfather" (272)
Statesman Dumbass ♫ Here's the story, of an ugly lawyer, who was fapping at a mighty ugly judge. ♫ (61)
Pravda Interesting Putin secretly divorces his wife and marries Russia's sexiest athlete, Alina Kabaeva (263)
CBS Boston Stupid If you're trying to arrange a drug buy via text message, for God's sake, know whom you're texting (93)
Fox News Followup Jury strangely rejects that it was necessary to behead and burn your "attacker" after stabbing him to death in order to defend yourself (105)
The Sun Amusing A dog on a skateboard. No, not her, a real dog. The Sun is there (33)
SeattlePI Scary Bus carrying girl's softball team doesn't quite make it through overpass (with "someone's getting fired" pic) (132)
(Business & Media Institute) Interesting Worried about your car suddenly accelerting and exploding when you find a finger in your Wendy's chili? Nine media myths that scared the nation. Breast implants (189)
The Register Interesting UK government is scared to death that British Telecom is going to disclose their midget tranny porn browsing habits (13)
(KCRA Sacramento) Dumbass Attention Wal-Mart shoppers: Would the parolee who just left his nine baggies of meth on the counter please report back -- we have your empty baggies (27)
The Smoking Gun Interesting Singer Akon exposed on The Smoking Gun... not such a convict after all (136)
ABC Action News Amusing Babysitter plays drinking game with 12-year-old. No word as to whether being "nearly killed" actually just meant "couldn't hang" (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these colorful balloons (55)
(La Crosse Tribune) Interesting Thirteen-year-old's science project on water torture draws the attention of local media, bullies in bathrooms (39)
(Minnesota Daily) Ironic Reviewer slams Bob Saget, complaining that the "wholesome clean-freak dad is now an edgy and inappropriate bastion of bad taste." Bob Saget trifecta now in play (169)
AP Followup Federal judge rules that the government has the right to tell you to not be fat (288)
Philly Hero An open letter to Charlie Gibson and George Stephanapoulos, by Will Bunch. "You disgraced my profession of journalism, and, by association, me and a lot of hard-working colleagues who do still try to ferret out the truth" (672)
My Fox Orlando Florida College students arrested for trying to kidnap a gator with a big leaf and tape (40)
National Post Asinine Verily I say unto you: Thou Shalt Not Question the Holy Global Warming, and unto ye who break this commandment I send the scourge of my terrible Wikipedia Zealots (601)
(Some Guy) Amusing Today's headline that was made for Fark: "Johnson City man unharmed by exploding toilet" (74)
(Earthtimes) Amusing Germans erect giant statue of man who just happens to be mooning Hitler's birthplace (107)
USA Today Stupid To fight eCards, Hallmark releases $6 cards that can record up to a 10-second voice message. Which is more than long enough to say, "I'm a moron who paid $6 for a piece of flimsy cardboard and a voicemail" (91)
JSOnline Dumbass Not news: Teacher looking at porn on the Internet at work. Fark: He claims he did it so the kids couldn't. SuperFark: He's asking for $9 million (95)
Daily Mail Amusing Cheeky Wiki vandals discover quaint hamlet of Denshaw. Sheep-hurling, cow-shooting hilarity ensues (25)
(DenOfGeek) Ironic Saws 2-4 director: "I’m sick of seeing the same movies. I’m sick of seeing cookie-cutter, manufactured movies” (156)
Lancashire Evening Post Strange Landlord fails to see that having ghosts in his pub can actually be good for business (59)
CBS News Amusing In its May 27th Democratic primary, Idaho voters will be able to choose between Obama, Clinton and Judd -- a federal prisoner who filled out a form and paid the required $1,000 to be on the ballot. Secretary of State: "We got conned" (139)
(KOTV) Scary Asking for a refund after waiting an hour at McDonald's drive-thru for your meal? That's a shootin' (147)
WTOP Cool Not one person died of an airline accident in 2007. It's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether (131)
AJC Asinine Atlanta's reward for conserving water... a 15 percent increase in usage rates (108)
The Sun Interesting Level 4 shopkeeper armed with a long pole fights off a level 3 thief armed with a crossbow (84)
AZCentral Interesting Survey: Mexicans paid $2.58 billion in bribes last year (77)
UPI Interesting New website adds a new twist to online dating, by matching lawyers with potential litigants. It's SueEasy (20)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this levitating planet (64)
Stars and Stripes Unlikely Thirty-three percent of South Korean military cadets surveyed think their main enemy is North Korea; 34 percent think it's the U.S. Of course, it's the liberals' fault (237)
(Huffington Post) Obvious The consensus is in: ABC just organized the worst, most pathetic, most embarrassing debate in the history of modern journalism (739)
Stuff Sad God saved me, says river trip survivor. The other seven slipped through His fingers (222)
AP Interesting French "aghast" that their language is surrendering to English. Americans too busy watching everything get translated into Spanish to gloat (170)
Metro Amusing Woman doesn't know what upsets her more -- that vandals defaced her car with spray paint, or the fact that they can't use punctuation properly (pic) (104)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 154: “Glass." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (231)

Wed April 16, 2008
Sun Sentinel Florida Tanker truck driver arrested for selling gasoline out of his truck for 2 bucks a gallon. And so it begins (106)
Reno Gazette-Journal Dumbass Drunk mom goes on drunken rampage after pre-school refuses to release daughter (with mugshot goodness) (130)
CBC Stupid High School drama department in trouble for performing "Vagina Monologues", can't get through first act without snickers and some guy in the back yelling PENIS (170)
Sun Sentinel Dumbass Families given wrong dogs when they pick theirs up at the kennel. Neither party notice for weeks because both dogs want steak (53)
Reuters Obvious Edward Lorenz, father of chaos theory, dead at age 90. A butterfly must have flapped its wings somewhere (78)
(The Star Online) Hero Dog's barking brings rescue crew to drowning woman. It was only when rescued that her faithful dog left her side and swam to safety. Your dog wants.... nevermind, I've got something in my eye (156)
AP Weird Romanian man rears lion in garden until neighbors complain about the roaring (39)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Okay, we know the stork delivers baby humans so what delivers baby storks? Ugly assed saddle-billed stork hatched at the Toledo Zoo. W/ pic of said ugly assed baby stork (26)
SeattlePI Silly Neighbors top fake crime scene prank by planting 3,000 forks in their neighbor's lawn. It's not news, it's the AP (62)
Google Survey TFer is having dinner and actor John Lithgow is right behind me at the bar. Gimme something funny to say to him (VE) (281)
Slate Unlikely Slate's William Saletan asks, "Is incest natural?" Presumably after slow-dancing with a hot cousin at a wedding (188)
(KTAR) Dumbass Teens look for instant fame on YouTube by trying to make a Mitsubishi Eclipse fly. You can see where this is headed (116)
ABC Action News News Democratic debate thread, 8:00 p.m. Eastern. Take a drink every time Obama acts elitist or Hillary ducks sniper fire (LGT live webcast) (1999)
Fox News Followup Student who asked John McCain during appearance on MSNBC's Hardball to "join him for a shot" was the son of FOX News anchor Steve Doocy. CNN kids reportedly feelin' left out (143)
ABC News Sad Martha Stewart's dog, Paw Paw, has died. Will be gutted, stuffed with potpourri and used as a coffee-table conversation piece (100)
Google Photoshop Photoshop: Wits End (84)
CNN Stupid Man caves. It's not news, it's CNN (373)
AJC PSA Marijuana is not one of the 11 herbs and spices in the Colonel's "secret recipe" (195)
CNN Followup Virginia Tech, one year later (316)
AP Amusing We've replaced a regular Ahmadinejad thread with a 9/11 denier thread -- let's see if anyone notices (217)
LA Times Interesting Man hopes to shake off charges that he murdered his girlfriend by saying he did it while having an epileptic seizure (125)
Daily Herald Weird Kentucky says that you can drink its whiskey all you want, but it draws the line at vaporizing it (225)
BBC Weird Man's new hobby: Hunting down new brides and making obscene calls to them after their wedding photographs appear in local newspapers (114)
Chicago Tribune Stupid Today's media-generated political outrage: Offended PA voter in Clinton commercial not actually a PA voter (325)
BBC Dumbass Teacher's compensation claim for disability discrimination is rejected because baldness is not a disability (116)
(Drinking Farkette) Cool Reminder: Dallas Fark cheap-beer gathering tonight at 6:00. LGT location (142)
Sign On San Diego Interesting San Diego City Council candidate mailed a campaign brochure referencing his penis and disputing the two-shake rule (104)
(AZ) Amusing Azerbaijanis upset after finding out the double meaning behind the name of the new English-style pub in their capital of Baku: "The Camel's Toe". With pub sign pic goodness (233)
Miami Herald Interesting Man catches shark off the side of a Florida Keys highway causing major traffic jams and other assorted stupidity. But it was a lemon, so he sent it back (63)
(Exploding Unicorn) Amusing Reporter's goodbye article: "In terms of the raw altruism required, working for a newspaper is kind of like doing a stint in the Peace Corps, only the hours are worse and everybody hates you" (92)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this freefly scene (66)
(Some Guy) Followup The Marilyn Monroe sex tape was a hoax. As usual no one in MSM bothered to do any fact checking, got too excited at the prospect of talking about boobs on air (186)
Boston Herald Scary It's still April, but the Mets have already begun their descent (65)
London Times Amusing Villagers depicted in an advertisement for Guinness whooping with joy as a pint appears in their remote Remote Andean town depicted in expensive Guinness advertisement had never heard of the brand, actually prefer lager. (Edittor ist drunk) (119)
Fox News PSA Do not touch the liquid hot magma. It can burn you (114)
Metro Obvious Thief steals rare coins during break-in, then attempts to deposit them at bank, where the guy he stole them from works as a teller. Awkward (31)
(Some Gal) Amusing Police called to motel because guest "made claims that a midget was hiding in the curtains of his room trying to steal his money" (66)
News.com.au Dumbass If there's one group of people you really don't want to shortchange, it's contract killers (42)
(Some Guy) Ironic Tehran's police chief, charged with rooting out vice, discovered in a brothel. Claims the Grail-shaped beacon led him there (84)
Fox News PSA If you're going to produce a nude MILF calendar for charity, make sure you have actual MILFs. Emphasis on the ILF, not the M (482)
Lancashire Evening Post Dumbass When you are drunk, speeding, in possession of drugs and have already been banned from driving 14 times, don't get in the way of a police car (25)
Seattle Times Interesting Every box of Thin Mints you enjoy helps destroy an orangutan's habitat. Mmmmmm, taste the minty destruction (131)
USA Today Stupid Sensing a huge untapped market on the heels of "Guitar Hero," video-game maker creates "Conductor Hero." Because the only thing cooler than playing fake guitar is pretending to conduct an orchestra (201)
(Some Guy) Amusing Nashville, TN councilman proposes bill to exclude "beer cabarets" from sexually oriented business ordinances as long as genitals aren't "discernibly turgid" (69)
Sky.com Cool Surgeons can now remove your appendix through your mouth. In related story, dentists announce that they can perform root canals through your ass (77)
CBS News Dumbass Man celebrates his discharge from hospital by stealing an ambulance and leading police officers on a 100 mph car chase (18)
Boston Globe Obvious Boston realizes that naming every other street "Washington Street" can have a negative effect on police response time (136)
Pravda Cool Move over, Burj Dubai: Planet’s highest building will be two miles tall (262)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man refuses to pay the Trolls at Delaware Memorial Bridge. The Trolls are not amused, fine him $30,000 (87)
AP Followup Surprising absolutely no one, Harry Potter fan cries like a pansy while testifying during plagiarism trial (206)
(SunJournal.com) Interesting Woman sets up a flag maze on the floor of a student center to see who would walk around, or on top of, the flags. Hilarity ensues (209)
NYPost Dumbass First clue to police that your story about your girlfriend who was killed during a botched robbery is a fake: Witnesses hear you yelling at the gunman to shoot you too to make it look good (34)
NYPost Amusing You win the lottery. Do you: A) Party? B) Call a financial planner? Or C) Use a marker to draw a goatee on your face to stay incognito, despite giving out your name, before a press conference to announce your good fortune? (90)
(GMANews) Obvious Surgery 101: How do you remove a perfume canister stuck inside a man's ass? You do it while laughing boisterously, videotaping it, and uploading it later on YouTube (143)
(Some Guy) PSA If you must rob a home, make sure it's not one owned by a world-ranked kickboxer first (69)
(Daily Record) Weird Bad: You fall 25 feet down a lift shaft. Good: Your fall is broken by something soft. Bad: It's the unconscious body of the woman who fell down the same shaft the day before (80)
(Some Guy) Florida Two men attempt to rob a bank armed with a carpenter's level and a coonskin cap (25)
CBS Sacramento Scary Headline: Husband clings to hood as wife speeds down I-80. "I would categorize this as a very unique case of domestic violence" (79)
This Is Local London Unlikely London police believe that putting clergymen on buses will prevent unruly behaviour from teenagers (47)
CBC Obvious Plane crashes in Congolese neighborhood, killing dozens of multi-millionaires and stranding their unclaimed fortunes in African bank accounts (63)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Here's a first for firefighters -- a call to rescue a teenager stuck in a baby swing (35)
Baltimore Sun Hero Lady, 65, fenders off carjacker, knocking him in the fuzzy dice (23)
UPI Dumbass Caught in a tragic vortex of 80s dance lingo and concrete thinking, man raises the roof of his house with explosives (28)
(Loss of Limbic) Photoshop Photoshop this brain scan of a meth addict (71)
(The Local.se) Amusing Doctor: "I check their underpants to ensure there is only one penis" (39)
News.com.au Interesting Some are not amused by a new t-shirt that reads, "Diana's dead -- so get over it" (133)
Sun Sentinel Florida Hooters girl arrested after spitball fight. How many spitballs? More than a mouthful. (With mugshot goodness) (101)
CBS Austin Asinine If you have cancer, MS, or other horrific diseases, your copay may increase from $20 to $4000. And no, you may not switch plans till you're up for renewal. Maybe you shouldn't've gotten cancer, hmm? (201)
(Some Guy) Dumbass U-FAIL (67)
Houston Chronicle Strange Guy puts a six-foot alligator in the back seat of his Buick Regal. Then it gets weird (38)
(Some Guy) Florida Two months, one teacher, two different sex arrests. In Florida, they try harder. (With "you would do it too" mugshot) (145)
CBS Sacramento Stupid Good: Army brings sole surviving brother home after siblings are killed. Bad: And then cut off his benefits for being discharged early. Worse: Including benefits for his pregnant wife (154)
Daily Mail Amusing Teh editors at The Daily Mail don't know how to spell teh (pic caption) (48)

Tue April 15, 2008
Reuters Misc Tips on driving in Beijing during Olympics. Tip #1: Don't (150)
Sun Sentinel Florida Commissioner and teacher nabbed in Sears bathroom sex sting. Accused say they were checking out "the harder side of Sears" (80)
(PhysOrg) Scary NASA: Apophis asteroid has a 1 in 45,000 chance of hitting Earth. 13 year old kid: Not so fast, it's actually 1 in 450 and if it hits a satellite in 2029, we could all die in 2036 (549)
ABC News Unlikely The latest fear-mongering article from the MSM: plastic bottles could be harming your baby. EVERYBODY PANIC (86)
CBC Unlikely Quebecor CEO argues deregulation will save Canada's TV industry. Yes, that's just what Canada needs -- MORE Ted McGinley (73)
(KJRH) Scary Large barges budge bridge. Tugboat tugs boats. OK DoT does tests, dotes it "Ok." (67)
AP Obvious "This is Captain Obvious speaking on behalf of American Northwest Continental Southwest Delta United Airlines. I hope you enjoy the two-foot wide seat you paid $1,000 for. We'll be arriving in Cleveland whenever we feel like it." (136)
(Some Guy) Followup China follows up its demand for an apology from CNN by saying Nancy Pelosi is "disgusting." Even a broken clock is right twice a day (184)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop a better prize for this claw machine player (68)
Daily Mail Sappy Today's must have cute-ass pet is the $400 African pygmy hedgehog, which communicates using spine language and only eats prickled onions (with ugly-ass pic) (104)
Boston Globe Amusing Boston's MBTA launches subway sexual harassment campaign with sexy slogan "Rub against me and I'll expose you" (71)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Just when you thought banks in Florida have been robbed every imaginable way, here comes a woman cloaked in white with a Mountain Dew bottle, smelling of gasoline (31)
(Kxan.com) Stupid Answering a call in school from your father deployed in Iraq? That's a suspension (409)
(News & Advance) Amusing Not news: Birds inside a Wal-Mart. News: Store shuts down to hunt them with air rifles. Fark: Cops think it's a hostage situation and barricade the store (99)
Detroit News Dumbass If you've been turned down for a job recently, how did you cope? If you said vandalism while cross-dressing, you're not alone (46)
Sun Sentinel Florida State pushes 300 percent cigarette tax increase for "health reasons." And, well, yeah, the fact that they're projected to be $3 billion in the red might have something to do with it as well (253)
CBS News Interesting SCOTUS to consider whether the death penalty is appropriate for therapists and if the penis mightier (301)
Dayton Daily News Cool ♫ Filling the pews in church today is harder than it's been / Sermons with bread and wine are fine, but that won't bring folks in / Wouldn't you like to get away? / Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name ♫ (101)
Metro Amusing Jackie Chan has a special message for any protestors planning to try and grab the Olympic torch from him (328)
CBC Amusing Quebec City, still not thawed out after its worst winter ever, asks its confused residents to please stop watering the snow (142)
Wired Cool Victory in our time: Flickr concedes the free doughnut issue. Don't miss out on your chance to partake in sweet, sugary justice (83)
SFGate Dumbass Latest in home upgrades: Backyard toxic-waste pits (30)
LA Times Obvious Healthcare system unprepared for aging Boomers, proving once again that this entire generation is creating an unnecessary, unwanted burden on the country (301)
(Some Gold Rick Roll) Cool Rick Astley would - (a) never give you up (b) never let you down (c) give away a gold record for a contest (286)
ABC News Interesting Common tater excited as "wheat and rice prices surge." That has got tuber the worst pun ever (105)
(Pittsburgh Post Gazette) Scary Meteorite may have destroyed block of buildings in Pittsburgh. Country mourns that the meteor wasn't 100 times bigger and didn't land 300 miles further east (157)
Yahoo Obvious Pope vows to bar pedophiles from the church, but says it's going to be hard to have a church with no priests (306)
Yahoo Amusing China resents being called a bunch of goons, threatens to ship more poison dog food and toxic toys if CNN doesn't apologize (152)
(Some Church sign blog) Amusing "Stop, drop, and roll doesn't work in hell," and other fine examples of crummy church signs (281)
NewsMax Asinine Israel’s National Infrastructure Minister warns U.S. attack on Iran "not only on the table -- but likely" (987)
(thedailywtf) Scary There was a problem with Oklahoma's sexual and violent offender registry. A) Every offender's SSN was available, and B) with a basic knowledge of SQL, anyone could add records (158)
SFGate Asinine American athletes "mixed" on role of protest in Beijing Olympics. Definition of mixed: "I think it's all right if my Olympic glory is overshadowed by people getting shot" (108)
(MJ Perry) Interesting In real terms, gas prices have gone up a lot slower than the price of a college education (173)
AP Strange Milwaukee police obtain video of grocery store shootout. Includes several people who continue to shop during shootout (with link to video) (107)
Washington Post Asinine Tag has been banned. The tag terrorists have won (280)
USA Today Obvious A recent poll about Bush's economic stimulus package, which depends on people spending their tax rebates, shows only 21 percent of respondents plan to spend their rebate (446)
(Boortz) Amusing It's Tax Day and here's some fun hints on how to fark with your co-workers today (200)
Billings Gazette Weird Police arrest man, yet all he did was ask the front desk for help to get back into his hotel room. Well, technically he was climbing over the counter, armed and naked, but still (28)
BBC Unlikely BBC journalist says, in the future, he'll never get with a hot sex-bot, no matter how attractive they are because they just won't be philosophical enough for him (130)
(OregonLive) Weird Oregon man thinks his dog is an impostor (87)
CBC NewsFlash Mounties raid Conservative party headquarters searching for evidence of illegal election spending, Snidely Whiplash (172)
The Scotsman Dumbass If you are going to rob a post office, make sure it's not one owned by members of your own family. They might be able to identify you (28)
Metro Strange Man claims that he's "grateful" that his friend shot him while he was being attacked by a crocodile (37)
The Scotsman Obvious Plumber jailed for crack (22)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Error messages found in the real world (125)
(Some Guy) Amusing The top 10 shirts to get arrested in (119)
CNN Sad Despite a strong performance by Texas, the U.S. only manages to place fifth in world executions (217)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Inferior rivets found to be top suspect in demise of Titanic, followed closely by overbearing weight of treacly love stories (157)
(Chronicle Telegram) Dumbass "Hey let's play Russian Roulette with this gun." "Are all of the bullets out?" "I think so" (148)
UPI Interesting Satellite locates Iranian missile site. Right next to Iraq's WMDs. Photos also reveal Amelia Erhardt , Al Capone, Jimmy Hoffa, Sasquatch (303)
News.com.au Dumbass What exactly goes through the mind of someone who decides that the best place for a grenade they've just found is on a fire? Shrapnel, presumably (52)
This Is Local London Dumbass Man doesn't want to draw attention to his £180,000 heirloom violin, casually puts it in the overhead luggage rack on the train, which was very clever up until the point where he got off the train without it (44)
(Fayetteville Observer) Stupid Salesman who was waterboarded by his boss regrets volunteering for the team-building exercise. "Keep in mind, the last time we did a team-building exercise outside, we did an egg toss" (107)
My Fox DC Spiffy The papal visit will mark the first time the words "Holy Christ" and "Mother Of God" will be spoken inside Washington Nationals' stadium when the team isn't down by five runs (126)
(China Post) Scary Housewife believes that her husband is unfaithful. Does she: A) Have him followed? B) Follow him herself? Or C) Chop off his penis while he sleeps? Take your time, and try to ignore that screaming (122)
(KITV 4) Amusing Bank robber dismayed to find out that he can't rob the bank because he didn't have his ID with him (22)
News.com.au Amusing Australian police officers learn important lesson in why suspects should be handcuffed BEHIND their backs before being shoved into vehicles (31)
Metro Weird "I'm going to try a canine mind meld, a rare power possessed only by me and three clerks in a pet store in Springfield" (41)
(Taunton Gazette) Amusing The first rule of Stolen Gun Club is don't shoot yourself in the thigh while arguing with your drunk brother who's slapping his girlfriend while she's trying to drive the car after you've shot out the rear window (53)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man charged with drilling a hole in wall of golf range bathroom and videotaping customers gets off. Also, his case is dismissed (49)
(Brownsville Herald) Dumbass Back of completed food-stamp application not the best place to write bank hold-up note (31)
(Some Guy) Florida Couple trade their truck for crack, then call police to report it stolen. Cunning plan: Not thought through (21)
(Some Southern Illinois Guy) Dumbass Apparently the prize for not bothering to check to see if you're taking the wrong baby home from the hospital is $50,000 (69)
News.com.au Weird Finding dead frogs in your foodstuffs is sooo last year. Now consumers expect them to be alive (34)
apan Today Dumbass Inmate explains why he attacked a cop right after being released from jail: “I didn’t have any money at all. I needed a gun” (37)
Yahoo Obvious Eight out of 10 Arabs have an unfavorable view of the U.S., prefer the taste of Pepsi over Coke (195)
(Some Guy) Scary Man loses 140 pounds eating SIX cans of baked beans per day. We'll have to take his word for it as no one can get close enough to weigh him (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fence shadow (49)
(Stairway Guy) Scary Madness: Trapped in Elevator Car 30. A man was trapped for 41 hours: Lost his job, apartment and is currently unemployed. The time-lapse elevator video is included (156)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Obvious When asked how she felt, plane crash survivor Regina Hosley said, "Like I got hit by an airplane" (29)
BBC Obvious China surpasses the U.S. as the world's top carbon producer, making the problem real to conservatives and no longer interesting to liberals (148)
Yahoo Asinine Wal-Mart to begin filming gun sales in an effort to fight crime, because not selling murder weapons in an effort to fight crime makes too much sense (462)

Mon April 14, 2008
(Some Guy) Weird Guy steals car left running in driveway, takes it around corner and parks it in another driveway. He goes back to tell the owner he stole it and to follow him to the car. Then it gets weird (58)
Local6 Florida Jesus has made so many appearances, so why not in a hospital window? (85)
London Times Weird Mole man to pay £300,000 in damages caused by 40 years' worth of tunnelling under his London house. No word on the fate of his giant bird seed bell (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Church of Scientology to Wikileaks: "take down our secret documents or else." Wikileaks: "In response to your attempted suppression, we will be releasing several thousand additional pages of Scientology material next week" (603)
News.com.au Stupid Government tries to solve homelessness crisis by spending equivalent of year's wages on hiring expensive consultant to stay in five star hotels and speak at expensive conferences (31)
Houston Chronicle Strange If you've recently lost your leg in Texas, someone found it (46)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Before stuffing a shotgun down your pants, always check to see if it is loaded (46)
CBS Salt Lake City News Delta Air Lines will take over Northwest to become the world's largest distributor of peanuts (184)
(TVNZ) Obvious World's biggest oil find in 30 years found off the coast of what will soon be the formerly sovereign nation of Brazil (113)
(Some 'Boy') Dumbass U.S. Rep. Geoff Davis (R-KY Jelly) busted saying something in public that he no doubt says in private all the time (410)
(Some Guy) Interesting Students suspended for drawing up a death wish list with the names of their teacher, their principal, and the creator of Barney the cartoon character (82)
MSNBC Obvious Israeli Secret Service refuses to assist U.S. Secret Service in protecting Jimmy Carter. Carter won't be taken hostage by Hamas anyway, since they can't afford to pay the U.S. enough to take him back (443)
MSNBC Amusing MSNBC seeks to add credibility to their "news" story by including a painting of a wolf in a fastfood worker's uniform (109)
(جمال) Photoshop Photoshop this pre-flight tank inspection (54)
Network World Asinine How did Ticketmaster get 150,000 "friends" on Facebook overnight? Apparently they're all "Canadian girlfriends" (71)
Daily Mail Sappy Slow news day: Ducklings sometimes ride on their mothers' backs. (With awww pic) (52)
Toronto Star Followup Marion Jones gave up her Sydney medals willingly, but if the IOC want her relay teammates' medals, they're just gonna have to catch them first (54)
Daily Mail Cool Growing number of universities making students sign contracts agreeing that they won't show up for class dressed like they're homeless (139)
AP Amusing "'Girls Gone Wild' president cleared." Well, yeah, but Hillary was still pretty pissed (58)
Chicago Tribune Stupid The Big One could hit the San Andreas fault tomorrow. Or sometime in the next 30 years. Just to be safe, EVERYBODY PANIC (98)
Local6 Florida Bottom crime story of the day: FL robbers tie up victims with shoelaces. Paper looking for "two Hispanic males." In Florida. Also hatless (23)
Starpulse Amusing William Shatner on rubberneckers who taunted him after he crashed his motorcycle: "Finally they uttered the ultimate insult, 'Beam me up Scotty,' so I gave them the finger." (135)
The Smoking Gun Dumbass Carmelo Anthony mug shot (164)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Here are nine billion reasons the Feds aren't interested in stopping illegal immigration (418)
Local6 Florida Enormous "walk-in" colon spotted in Florida (with colon pic goodness) (159)
(Today's Big Thing) Hero Fox News finds the best way to report on a St. Patrick's Day parade is to give a microphone to the drunkest person there and let him yell (195)
AFP Unlikely U.S. general says it's not that the Sadr Militia has battled U.S. troops to a standstill in Sadr City. No, we actually PLANNED to stop halfway through an attempt to sweep the neighborhood (179)
Stuff Weird Eminem, the undisputed authority on black culture, to sing at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday (191)
(The Sentinel) Amusing Not news: Republican politician accused of rape. Still not news: Accused of raping a man. Fark: Politician's secret videotapes of his weekly encounters with male prostitutes gets him off the hook (178)
FARK Survey Who's your favorite TV character currently on the air? (893)
CBC Amusing Having trouble obtaining three-digit security codes on credit cards, fraudsters resort to calling cardholders directly (70)
ABC Action News Florida "I think the problem you have is you punch people in the face, and that is bad" (85)
Daily Mail Dumbass Binge-drinking schoolgirl suffers liver failure at age 14. With before and after-20-years future drinking pic (her mother) (303)
Fox News Dumbass Man arrested for squeezing a woman's behind and grinding his pelvis into her backside, which "is a fairly common crime on subways in New York." Stay classy, NYC (130)
(News4Jax) Florida A novel idea to balance budget: Plunder state-owned treasure. Arr the booty (51)
(The Palm Beach Post) Spiffy Three storm strip club, shoot dancers with paintballs (117)
(Some Guy) Interesting Global warming is breaking snow plows in Yellowstone (250)
Baltimore Sun Asinine Technicality means Baltimore doesn't officially have a mayor, clerk won't issue documents, his house gets robbed three times and then things get weird (74)
The Raw Story PSA Since WMDs, democracy and terrorists are no longer acceptable excuses, we are now in Iraq because of... *shakes Magic 8 Ball* ...we need to prevent Iran from obtaining nukes. And that's been the reason all along, comrade (286)
Yahoo Followup Part 2 in a series: Huffington Post again explains that since small-town America really does consist of nothing but bigoted, inbred, drooling gun-nut religious whackos, Obama is a hero (756)
CNN Scary Shiraz blast declared heady, full of bodies (126)
TBO Florida Don't call 911 to inform operators you're going to kill police officers and execute the mayor (29)
WTMJ Hero Suggestion for people who go running after eating pepperoni pizza at every meal for 40 years: Have CPR-trained people around when you drop to the ground on your first lap (67)
Mercury News Unlikely Israeli PM cites "scheduling problem" to explain not meeting with President Carter, but still finds time to meet with "Prison Break" star Wentworth Miller (235)
(CSIndy.com) Dumbass The only thing scarier than finding some undetonated dynamite on a hike is being dumb enough to take it home and put it in your kitchen. Bonus: Graphic of 5,000-foot oil rig looming over defenseless town (54)
SuperDeluxe Amusing The trouble with Heston's autopsy and the most over-done joke on the web (247)
Chicago Tribune Followup "Doctor" Phil backpedals fast, says staff "went beyond our guidelines" after bailing out snowflake accused of beating girl on video, cancels show about topic (272)
LA Times Interesting Iraqi government fires 1300 policemen who refuse role in Pentagon's version of "Bumfights" (277)
News.com.au Stupid Whoever's putting military UXBs into recycling, please stop. You're scaring the civilians (38)
(NY Daily News) Stupid Newsish: Judge slips and falls on wet floors in his courtroom and fractures his knee. Fark: He is suing NYC for $1 million. Reason why there are lawyer jokes: He is also suing the cleaning woman (185)
Telegraph Stupid Scottish man proposes 80 square mile "wilderness reserve" with natural ecosystem. European Union rejects proposal because it is cruel to let animals eat each other (60)
(Some) Photoshop Photoshop this water bear (62)
BBC Asinine In the run-up to the Olympics, some opponents of China's regime are boycotting all Chinese products. Good luck with that (166)
London Times PSA Letting your dog lick your face could give you salmonella, MRSA. Given that A) your dog licks its crotch and B) its backside, it's probably best not to let it lick your face (145)
The Register Strange Two ships whose anchors damaged undersea cables have been traced via satellite imagery. Big Brother has been busy the last 24 years (67)
CBS 46 Misc Wheelchair-bound woman survives after tree falls on her house. However, doctors say she’ll never walk again (39)
Daily Mail Weird School tackles unruly behavior by students by having them give each other massages, claims it's turned out to have had a happy ending (unrelated NSFW pic on sidebar) (69)
Daily Mail Amusing Hell hath no fury like an insane woman who is both scorned and capable of accessing YouTube (with video) (139)
Daily Mail Ironic See Banksy's latest commentary on the state of police surveillance in Britain -- painted under the direct view of a CCTV camera(unrelated NSFW pic in sidebar) (94)
Daily Mail Amusing "Prince William dropped his trousers as Harry wandered around with a funnel full of beer" (53)
Metro Amusing Farmer reckons performing Tai Chi in front of his cows every morning increases their milk yield. Cows say they produce more milk to make him knock that shiate off (31)
The Scotsman Spiffy 101-year-old London Marathon runner takes a break halfway through his record-breaking marathon run... so he could get a beer and a cigarette (86)
Telegraph Hero Vidal Sassoon hailed as "the anti-fascist warrior hairdresser" (46)
(Some Guy) Florida Having run out of all other Fark-worthy crimes, Florida is now the home of rooster-murder. Cock (32)
News.com.au Dumbass Thief suffers performance anxiety and vomits at the scene of the crime, leaving lots of DNA evidence behind. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG (26)
Yahoo Cool Cate Blanchett is a MILF x 3 (121)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly-ass brown bear cubs make debut in Stockholm, immediately identify with their captors (33)
(Some Guy) Florida Man gets surprise while peeling his hard-boiled egg. "It peeled perfect. I was fixin’ to eat it. I just happened to see it and said, ‘There’s something wrong here'" (150)
CBC Hero China unblocks CBC websites, letting the average Chinese person again hear about Celine Dion, backbacon, hockey and poutine. And there was much rejoicing (82)
Seattle Times Photoshop Photoshop these blue jays in flight (34)
SMH Interesting Her milkshake brought all the cops to her yard, and they were like "you are under arrest for the murder of your husband" (57)
Daily Mail Cool X-ray surveillance of buildings, keyboards, feet... beautiful and scary (107)
Daily Mail Obvious Stand by, folks: The era of U.S. world domination is at an end. China is going to win it all (481)
The Sun Dumbass English retailer slammed for selling a padded plunge bra for girls as young as seven. The same chain that had to pull a pole-dancing kit for pre-teens in 2006 (124)
News.com.au Amusing Aussie lads magazine runs "win an all-expenses paid divorce for two" competition (35)
(Some Guy) Obvious British supermarket chain Tesco's to launch bachelors degree in shelf-stacking and retail management, apparently unaware that America has offered them for years and calls them "arts degrees" (156)