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Sun April 27, 2008
London Times Interesting "It’s a myth that the world’s oil is running out. Production of oil is being constrained by several forces, none of them due to God’s failure to put enough of the black gold under our feet." (7)
Baltimore Sun Sappy Ugly ass baby elephant makes debut at Maryland Zoo. The Sun is there. The Baltimore one (29)
BBC Amusing Today's "he had nothing else to do all night and licked it until he destroyed it" story is about a giraffe's tongue taking out a webcam set up to stream other giraffes (38)
Sun Sentinel Scary The East Coast-West Coast feud heats up as sharks attack surfers off the Florida coast (44)
Washington Post Unlikely Sure, Ronald Reagan helped, but the man who really destroyed communism was J.R. Ewing (157)
AP Scary Hungry San Diego shark sets California wildfire to force more tasty humans into the sea (72)
Google Survey TFer needs to make valedictorian speech in May, help him out by leaving one nugget of wisdom to pass onto class. Voting enabled, LGN (665)
AZCentral Cool Actor who parodied Arizona's Sheriff Joe Arpaio in political ads before getting arrested on trumped-up charges wins $125,000 settlement from Maricopa County (253)
(Mobile Press-Register) Amusing Nutty and probably drunk, Panhandle Floridians gather at a bar to fling mullet (the fish, not the hairstyle) across the border to Alabama (56)
ABC News Strange Eight-year old's "to do" list for today: play on the swings, color, do math homework, get a divorce, watch dora the explor.....wait.....WHAT? (140)
(weekly standard) Interesting How we'll know when we've won: A definition of success in Iraq (442)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop babysuit man (46)
LA Times Strange "Self-described activist who bikes through town wearing only pasties and a G-string has some fans" (w/ pic) (167)
AP Stupid Group wants to make eastern Oregon its own state. Utardaho? (152)
Komo Obvious Man armed with authentic-looking pistol charges police, becomes authentic-looking corpse (78)
Google Advice Submitter wants to try listening to some blues, but there's just so much. Recommendations? The more specific the better (383)
(Amazon) Amusing Sure it's expensive, but it *does* have a 4/5 rating (140)
(OhGizmo!) Interesting Man gets incredible Spiderman tattoo, is in for one heck of a hangover (132)
WFTV Asinine Royal Caribbean kicks family off the ship and leaves them stranded in Nassau with no passports and in their pajamas because their baby was sick (169)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Dunkin' Donuts makes new empoyees sign an agreement saying that they can fire the employee for any reason -- even though they can't (129)
(dailyindia.com) Interesting Japanese whisky has been voted the best in the world. Angry Scots reach for the blue paint and get their headbutting faces on (210)
LA Times Strange While attending 2008 Summer Olympics, don't forget to stop in at Beijing's exclusive, gourmet penis restaurant (67)
MSNBC Strange Mentally disabled guy sues for pain and humiliation after cops put lampshade on his head and make him think it's a lie detector test (147)
UPI Weird Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her....over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon (159)
News.com.au Stupid Excuse me, sir, weren't you the guy we just ticketed for drunk driving a couple minutes ago? Just over there? (37)
Washington Post Followup Helicopters search for great white shark that killed triathelete. Have managed to narrow likely habitat down to "the ocean" (158)
Seattle Times Asinine School issued old-fashioned calculator that lacked standard function for assessment test. Hopefully they get to the of the problem (183)
(Some Guy) Scary Chanel's top fashion designer wants Kurt Cobain's daughter to be the face of the new Chanel campaign. This news probably would have blown Kurt's mind (169)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this whacking gizmo (36)
Newsday Interesting Smelly check causes bank evacuation and hazmat response (40)
Guardian.com Scary Britons suffering skin cancer epidemic. The sun is there (87)
Telegraph Interesting More and more women are hosting and attending Taser parties. The news comes as a shock to Tupperware (69)
MSNBC Scary Justice department to Congress: The CIA is above the law (452)
ABC News Scary Perhaps the overcrowding is not the prison's biggest problem. It may be that inmates have access to guns, machetes, and knives (28)
Sun Sentinel Dumbass Friendly tip: Wait until AFTER you land before smoking some of the 440 pounds of hash you're smuggling (49)
(Daily Reflector) Obvious North Carolina recalls license plates beginning with XXX (95)
Chicago Tribune Asinine Marine can't attend girlfriend's school dance because "21 is the legal age for alcohol consumption." Support the troops, but not on prom night (196)
BBC Dumbass England imports rabid dogs from Sri Lanka, with predictable results (43)
UPI Silly Photos show lighter side of WWII; "With the exception of the Germans in uniform, you can hardly see any difference from daily life now." France surrenders (99)
(PhillyBurbs) Asinine Property values down? Don't worry, towns are now being ordered to raise taxes (56)
(Some Guy) Sad Three quarters of Swedish high school students don't know which country Teheran is in. Ayatollah you once, ayatollah you a hundred times (135)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tricorned seafarer (36)
My Fox Orlando Hero Following the school district's implementation of a uniform policy, parents complained that they can't afford uniforms, principal fights back sending an email saying that they should think about their child's education (627)

Sat April 26, 2008
MSNBC Obvious Poll finds that 65% of women have eating disorders, with the dominant problem being "stuff fattening food in your piehole until your ass is as big as a '73 Winnebago." Well, that's the medical definition, anyway (211)
The Virginian Pilot Asinine Norfolk, VA considers lowering academic requirement for freshman athletes because that 2.0 average is proving to be a high hurdle to clear (105)
CBS Sacramento Hero California college students protest proposed beer tax: "No taxation on intoxication" (70)
AP Asinine Rapidly dying hepatitis C patient denied transplant because he had previously smoked marijuana... that the hospital legally gave him for medicinal purposes (134)
Yahoo Dumbass Dear Abby, I have a really hilarious idea for a YouTube video (Yahoo deleted it, but contents pasted in the first post. LGT thread) (289)
AP Followup Paddleboarders return to water day after fatal great white shark attack. "We want all the tourists to know the water is safe in Solana Beach," says Mayor Larry Vaughan (75)
Google Cool Vice Presid..er.... New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson to go to Venezuela to help get hostages freed (67)
BBC Interesting In all the mattress factories, in all the towns, in all the world, she sets fire to mine (18)
STLToday Dumbass Substitute teaching? check. Bragging to the class that you have warrants? check. Getting arrested in front of the class? Oh, that's a big ol' check (28)
Chicago Tribune Scary They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They pull a gun, you pull a BIGGER gun. That’s the Chicago way. Chicago cops being issued M4 assault rifles to even the odds against cougars, unarmed civilians (226)
London Times Obvious "If it floats, flies or fornicates, you are better off buying; but if it barks, reach for the rental agreement" (45)
(Some Guy) Followup Female high school teacher pleads guilty after she and her twin sister cover up affair with 16-year old female student (with pics) (133)
USA Today Florida Muggers sick of getting their asses handed to them by retirees give up on the elderly, mug a 6-year old instead (with dazzling mugshot) (38)
USA Today Weird Bitter 10-month-old clings to guns in Illinois after being issued a gun permit. "There is nothing in the FOID Act or any of the rules that says anything about age restrictions" (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy lifter (38)
LA Times Scary Old and busted: Using DNA database to identify criminals. New hotness: Using DNA database to identify relatives of criminals (87)
Virginia Gazette Strange “I opened it, put it in the player and went into the kitchen. I heard my son scream, and when I went to check on him, instead of Batman the screen had three men on it, one of whom had no pants on.” (149)
SFGate Silly Demonstrating their keen understanding of economics, SF faithful gather at Chevron station to pray for lower gas prices (113)
CBS Miami Florida Man trimming trees in his backyard discovers skeleton hanging from branches (69)
Boston Herald Unlikely The Massachusetts Turnpike is not running a speed trap. The extra police patrols, speeding tickets, and the line item in the budget requiring increased ticket revenue are just a coincidence (102)
Telegraph Interesting Motorists in the UK over the age of 75 face compulsory tests of their eyesight and ability to drive, help them stay off your lawn (66)
London Times Silly More words that don't belong together: itchy hemp lingerie (45)
Fox News Interesting Atheist soldier is sent home from Iraq early because of threats to his life.....from other U.S. soldiers (1005)
AP Interesting Think your job sucks? Try manually scanning every page of every book ever written. "It is monotonous." says one worker, in the understatement of the millenium (109)
Victorville Daily Press Sad Firefighters unable to save house because copper fittings worth mere $8 had been stolen from all five fire hydrants on block (96)
BBC Dumbass Armed police called to a man wearing a mask and with a running chainsaw walking the streets. Turns out he was going to a fancy dress party. Now attending with brown trousers presumably (39)
AP Florida Seven-year old boy steals SUV, takes goes on an eight minute joyride leaving smashed cars, mailboxes, signs in his wake. That's some good parenting right there (75)
(Florida Today) Followup Swinger's club shut down; not because it's a swinger's club, but because it's a commercial establishment in a residential area (97)
(The Progressive) Asinine The Pledge Of Allegiance recited in Spanish one school day results in physical threats, harassment, and demands for the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent to be fired. Stay classy, Wisconsin (623)
SeattlePI Dumbass Seattle police have arrested two men and a boy suspected in a string of BB shootings that left a man injured and a duck dead. Police describe the attacks as ditttthhhhpiccable (55)
London Times Amusing WWII bomb washes up on a beach. Navy takes it out to sea to detonate it, promptly loses it. D'oh (32)
The Sun Unlikely Russian woman claims to have photographed a UFO in England. The Sun is there with grainy photo of . . . a flying mushroom? (78)
Seattle Times Asinine Residents in Seattle's affluent Magnolia neighborhood are fuming over plans to house homeless people there. Bonus: the closest grocery sells pheasant-and-rosemary pâté for $9.99 and ground coffee for up to $18 a pound (226)
Slashdot Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unreleased Atari 2600 games (114)
BBC Dumbass Not News: A City banker gives up a high paying job to become a carpenter. Fark: Finds out he is allergic to wood (52)
(Some Guy) Strange Crazed Chinese chef challenges boss who just fired him to a duel - with cleavers. Christopher Moltisanti options the film rights (23)
apan Today Obvious Japanese government, unfamiliar with Project Mayhem, orders Ikea to improve its product manuals after man nearly blinded himself while assembling chest of drawers (49)
(KMPH.com) Amusing And so it begins: cat scratches driver's face, causes car wreck. Happy Caturday (510)
News.com.au Spiffy Journalist: gets farked by boss for $30/hour, will work until age 65. Prostitute: gets farked by regular clients for $500/hour, retired by age 29, rich and writing a how-to guide for prostitution (108)
(The Desert Sun) Unlikely Not news: Police install "amnesty cans" outside Coachella Music Festival to give concert-goers one last chance to ditch pot, pills and other drugs, penalty-free. Fark: It works (74)
CBC Ironic Even God hates "Christian Rock" (364)
Telegraph Sad Cheerleaders may be banned from cricket matches in India. "These are things meant for foreigners and not us. Mothers and daughters watch these matches on television and it does not look nice." (118)
CBC PSA Attention Toronto residents: TTC now means "take the car" (132)
AP Spiffy Obama wins by 10 points in Indiana (208)
Reuters Interesting More than half of Londoners have found love in the underground railway system. It probably helps that it's dark (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not news: man in jail. News: man breaks out of jail. Fark: For four minutes (20)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Abstract (165)
SFGate Dumbass On this very special episode of Dumbass the Movie, Cindy Sheehan files to take on Pelosi and move to Washington DC. (Bonus: already endorsed by Ted McGinley) (244)
(NWA Morning News) Dumbass Most people would be happy to have their weight go from 413 to 308 in 8 months. But when it happens in jail you can sue the sheriff and claim starvation (132)
Telegraph Unlikely To combat binge-drinking, one city plans to introduce "pub angels" who will go from bar to bar making sure bartenders don't overserve and patrons don't overdrink (85)

Fri April 25, 2008
Sun Sentinel Florida Elderly driver, unable to see over the steering wheel, with his blinker on for the last 20 miles, going 35 mph in the left hand lane, makes it past security and onto the tarmac at major airport (94)
Newsday Stupid Old and busted: Being famous and hounded by paparazzi. New hotness: Being a nobody and paying for the privilege (79)
Wall Street Journal Stupid A $300k watch that can't tell time. Quote from salesman "anyone can buy a watch that tells time — only a truly discerning customer can buy one that doesn’t." Bonus: Sold out in 48 hours (234)
(Some Guy) Florida Police find drunk driver lying in front seat of car with his pants unbuckled, surrounded by Natural Light beer cans. Also, he was parked in the middle of a creek (49)
Victorville Daily Press Cool Historic gas station on Route 66 re-opens just in time to charge historic gas prices (35)
(Some Gator) Amusing Georgia state senator: "A Gator tag will cause accidents. It will lower our quality of life. In fact, my children used to have nightmares because we lived dangerously close to the state of Florida." (81)
(News8Austin) Interesting Central Texas church strikes deal with gas station to sell gas for $2.49 a gallon this Sunday, in what is no way a trick to get you stuck in line with no choice but to be preached to while you wait (133)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Another week behind us means another round of mugshot goodness (251)
CBS Salt Lake City Asinine Professional panhandler pockets $50 per hour, gets busted by TV reporter (255)
CNN Interesting A student surely was no quitter / He escaped from jail using Twitter / With one word he was free / There was no time to type three / For he was about to get pounded up the... well, he's free now (73)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sunset reflection (70)
(quint) Sad Man training for "shark race" stage of triathlon loses (136)
Washington Post Asinine Murderers are being acquitted now based on new evidence showing they were just born that way (87)
Reuters Interesting David Rockefeller donated $100 million to Harvard. Just in time too, as they were down to their last $34.9 billion (99)
(Durant Democrat) Dumbass Bush Administration finds way to cut cost of war in Iraq: they've quit feeding some soldiers lunch (365)
WFTV Dumbass 2000 plant marijuana grow operation worth two million dollars uncovered after owner is caught climbing a utility pole and stealing electricity. Dude, you're doing it bong (107)
Baltimore Sun Strange As if Baltimore wasn't rough enough, there's a new danger to add to drugs and drive-bys: Aging pear trees (52)
Fox News Weird Swirling "tornado" of bees menaces diners at a Mexican restaurant. ¡Ay, ay, ay, no es bueno! (100)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Actual made for Fark headline: "Man denies huffing, caught with gold paint on face" (163)
WSAZ Dumbass Man uses a West Virginia taser, a.k.a. a cinderblock, to break up fight between brothers (48)
Metro Ironic Red Bull to discontinue current ad campaign after a supermarket worker drank four cans and got his wings (433)
Canada.com Asinine Montreal student fined $628 for sitting on a ledge in a public park. The fact that he was taking pictures of cops hassling someone else immediately prior had absolutely nothing to do with it (253)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man tries to get a deal on an LCD television by switching the price tag with one on a $3.16 bottle of water with the expectation that nobody would notice (216)
(wtkr.com) PSA If you are shoplifting, get busted and decide to run away, at the very least take the two-year old with you (38)
(Some Good Swimmer) Asinine After the devastating floods of Hurricane Katrina, the US Corps of Engineers is doing everything possible to ensure the levees around New Orleans don't fail again. Just kidding, they stuffed gaps in the floodwalls with newspaper (180)
MSNBC Followup Bush stimulus comes early, doesn't even spoon before leaving (451)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Teacher busted for smoking pot on the job. School officials became suspicious when snack time lasted four hours (96)
Wall Street Journal Scary US: Iranian arms found in Iraq -- no word yet on legs (244)
The Raw Story Asinine Neocon war architect who was in charge of Pentagon intelligence group designed to procure only pro-invasion intelligence blames Colin Powell for Iraq clusterfark (164)
CNN Amusing "Like most stories that end up with a man mowing his friend's lawn in a dress, it started out innocently enough" (47)
Cleveland Sick "Ok, Rover, HEEL. Good dog, good dog. Now FOOT. Good dog" (48)
Fox News Amusing Former prostitute publishes internet escort's handbook for aspiring call girls. Velvet Jones files copyright infringement lawsuit (132)
Canoe Cool Paraplegic golfer gets hole-in-one. Some guys have all the luck (72)
Wired Cool Finally, a website for something that matters: finding a good beer in NYC (145)
Chicago Sun-Times Followup "Brazil gives up on priest carried off by balloons" (157)
FARK Cool Boston Fark Party TONIGHT 7:00 p.m. Kenmore Sq. Drew will be there. DIT (233)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pet waste, toilet seats, doll heads, 8-track tapes, police caution tape: Crack house or Jersey Shore? Obvious tag should tip you off (51)
My Fox Dallas Dumbass You see a serviceman in uniform writhing on the sidewalk, having a seizure. Do you a) try to comfort him and keep him still until it passes, b) alert passersby and call 911 for help, or c) take off with his wallet? (208)
Stuff Amusing "wots happng, r u redy 2 go?" "yep cum now we r redy 2 go." "ha ha dumba55" (68)
TampaBays10.com Florida In heist of the year, robber makes off with empty wallet and heart medication (9)
My Fox DC Strange What better way to prove you once had consensual sex with your ex-wife than by showing a homemade video to her new husband (202)
Reuters News US ship fires on Iranian boat in the Persian Gulf of Tonkin (543)
(Some Guy) Amusing Before starting an organization to help bring people together, make sure that you double-check the meaning of the acronym. This is especially true if the name of the organization is Uniting Friends In America (68)
(Some Dog) Amusing I am the Lord your Dog, thou shalt have no other dogs before me. Thou shalt honor thy stud and thy biatch and thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's steak nor his chew-toys (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Kid charged with reckless driving on high school campus. In his motorized wheelchair (89)
Boston Globe Ironic Man who lost his license for driving drunk is killed by drunk driver while bicycling (213)
(Some Guy) News NYPD detectives acquitted in Sean Bell shooting. This will end well (1225)
(Slippery Slag) Photoshop Photoshop this slag glass (64)
USA Today Obvious The fledgling Iraqi forces have skipped 'standing up' and moved straight on to 'running away' (157)
Daily Mail Weird Mutant dog-eating squirrels invade English county. Naturally, the Daily Mail is there to denounce this latest wave of immigration (79)
YouTube Sad Happy ANZAC day to all you Aussie and Kiwi Farkers. Remember them all with pride (177)
News.com.au Silly Guy in town to donate part of his liver to Mum gets busted for not paying for a pizza in 1992 (38)
AP Dumbass There are lots of things you can do while holding a hostage at gunpoint during a carjacking, but asking a television news crew for directions shouldn't be one of them (16)
(Some Cheapskate) Stupid One sure sign you're doing it wrong: Robbing a dollar store (65)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this screwed guy (164)
Dayton Daily News Amusing When signing up women for new cell phone service, don't forget to add value to the deal by sending nude pics of yourself to their new phones (80)
BBC Interesting Human line split 100,000 years ago into red tribes and blue tribes (471)
SMH Spiffy Pass me another beer, honey, the bath is getting low (33)
(kwtv) Stupid You know the Oklahoma City lose weight initiative isn't going well when the mayor partners with Taco Bell (34)
NBC 11 Sappy Old but cute-ass BALD penguin gets special wet suit that helps his hair grow back (with slideshow) (57)
(adn.com) Dumbass If you are going to make concrete barricades for a senior prank, it helps to know how to actually make concrete; also helps to know it may be a felony (105)
AZCentral Hero Firefighters rescue two canines from burning house. Your doggggggggg... will aaaaalwwwayyyys...love YOUUUUUU (42)
MDN PSA If you are going to grab a woman's ass in the airport, first make sure she's not a lawyer who is also the daughter of the governor (67)
(Some Nerd) Photoshop Photoshop this Bendix G-15 (73)
Daily Mail Asinine Drug dealers are breaking into a prison to sell their goods to inmates who get breakfast in bed, satellite TV, and free phone calls (47)
(Some Guy) Florida Drunk woman almost successfully leaps backyard pool in her SUV (w/ pic). "I said, 'ma'am, you can’t leave, your truck is in my pool. She said, 'I can get it out'" (93)
Telegraph Sad To be or not to be, innit: Shakespeare gets a chav makeover. Shakespeare rotating in his grave muttering, oh woe is me, innit (107)
BBC Stupid Latest trend in funerals: Covering coffins in tacky stickers. w/pics (147)
(Stabby McStabberson) Scary Having a beer with girlfriends: $20. Take-out for a night of TV: $30. Watching "America's Next Top Model" with friends: Stabbin' (80)
(Some Guy) Florida "The law says a closed bathroom stall is a place set aside for disrobing and masturbation" and other jewels in Florida's latest sex sting (92)
Houston Chronicle Sick Mother convicted for child abuse after she took her three children to at least 500 unnecessary appointments with doctors during a 10-year period, including major surgeries (139)

Thu April 24, 2008
(Some Guy) Scary Actual first sentence from article: "David Allen Chapin, who ate the brain of his roommate after he shot him 30 years ago in an argument over whose religion was best, is up for parole in June" (112)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Assume that's your boyfriend acting in the porno movie you're watching together? That's a stabbin' (94)
(Press Democrat) Strange If you robbed a Brinks armored car with a weed whacker, the police would like a word with you (31)
(Some Guy) Sad The parents of two young boys fighting over a David Beckham jersey did the sensible thing and retained lawyers (64)
MDN Strange Police release surveillance photos of man doing a pretty nice impression of Carl Spackler. Unknown if he was hollering "It's in the hole" (44)
SeattlePI Silly Seattle-area man pays $52 for last Snickers bar purchased from defunct bowling alley's vending machine. Great Googly Moogly, indeed (92)
AZCentral Sad The Pew Internet and American Life Project found that emoticons are creeping into school assignments. Pew Pew Pew (88)
(Some Guy) Scary Tennessee taxes iTunes downloads for four months and no one notices (94)
(IHT) Sad Teachers strike closes British schools as teachers protest over pay, economy, lack of hot students (42)
(3TV) Strange Federal agents may start using paintball guns to defend the border (119)
CNN Interesting "Who would have thought that as recently as 70,000 years ago, extremes of climate had reduced our population to such small numbers that we were on the very edge of extinction?" Early humans must’ve driven Hummers, too (243)
(Some Guy) Asinine Old and busted: Students get suspended over swords. New hotness: They bought 18-inch LOTR replicas in London while 4,000 miles from school (80)
Yahoo Unlikely Justice Scalia on Bush v. Gore decision: "Get over it" (490)
AFP News Wesley Snipes sentenced to 3 years in prison. 1 for each Blade movie (418)
(Science Daily) Obvious Remember everyone up in arms against the "ozone hole?" Well, a recovered ozone hole now leads to more global warming. Good job, hippies (127)
AP Dumbass Guy who sold guns to V-Tech shooter visits V-Tech to...wait for it...sell guns (211)
Newsweek Hero Quote from America's so-called worst mom: "As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It's not. It's debilitating—for us and for them." (215)
(WSB Radio) Strange Grandson of Chick-Fil-A founder arrested after he walks into a Waffle House, locks himself in the john, gets naked, trashes the room, floods it, then gets maced by police who forced their way in. The Aristocrats (94)
Local10 Florida Not news: 19-year-old charged in shooting. Fark: Duck in serious condition at local animal hospital (48)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a DARE officer, you probably shouldn't get caught making a drug deal with a police informant while on duty (48)
KNBC Dumbass Old and busted: Hittable teacher sex scandal. New hotness: Hittable teacher cocaine scandal (167)
Newsday Strange The medical myth that carrots can improve your eyesight has been proven false by a husband with really good aim (42)
Free Press Dumbass Teens tired of waiting in the drive-through line rob the guy in front of them for his hamburgers. Will gladly pay Tuesday for an attorney today (36)
AP Stupid Panel finds West Virginia University improperly granted degree to governor's daughter, citing she sent in only 38 of the 40 boxtops required for an MBA (83)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old window (67)
(Some Politico) Cool Having honed his debate skills in fark political flamewars, TFer POAC is running for state representative (459)
Fox News Interesting Van full of mental patients crashes near Pittsburgh. In other news, the Ron Paul rally has been cancelled due to poor attendance (193)
CBS Boston Dumbass TV station executive goes on drunken tirade at airport, attempts to play "don't you know who I am?" card. With hilarious results (115)
LA Times Unlikely Bush confident there will be a Palestinian state by the end of his term, and it wil be guarded by gnomes and wizards and bears with lasers (272)
Telegraph Sad Los Angeles is a third world city (354)
AP Interesting It's official: Tyrannosaurus Rex tastes like chicken (120)
Boston Herald Stupid Boston's solution to the housing crisis: Force lenders who foreclose on homes to rent those seized houses back to the occupants -- the same occupants who weren't paying the mortgage (191)
FARK Interesting For the DVD release of "Charlie Wilson's War," Fark interviews the Charlie Wilson but not his war (93)
Canada.com Stupid News: Man charged for street racing. Fark: In a garbage truck (45)
(Some Guy) Sappy Adults re-create childhood photos (72)
The Daily Press Dumbass Today's "high school assistant basketball coach caught having sex with one of her players" story brought to you by Norfolk, VA (106)
CNSNews Dumbass House Speaker Nancy Pelosi honors Earth Day with a biblical quote. She didn't use the King James version of the Bible, but the Making It Up version instead (229)
Deadspin Followup Terrell Owens' attorney defends T.O.'s reputation by confirming it is him in the BangBros porn shoot (89)
MSNBC Amusing The Clash's Mick Jones to write song about "Don't tase me, bro" arrest: “It’s gonna go like this, dun-dun-dun ... Aaaargh” (82)
CNN Spiffy Old and busted: Complaining and running to government to solve every problem. New hotness: Busting your butt and doing something about it (641)
SuperDeluxe Spiffy It's a fun game to play with the ladies, if only for the conjugal visits (386)
(Some Blog) Followup Shocked, absolutely SHOCKED to find out that Hillary didn't raise $10 million in the last 24 hours (284)
MSNBC Florida Grandmother of the year says that if second-grade teacher can't take a punch to the face from her eight-year-old grandson, she should find different work (448)
(WJLA) Dumbass City bought nifty looking electric railcars from Czechs for $10 million three years ago. Stations? Tracks? Your gov't at work (116)
First Coast News Florida "Hey Cletus, where can we get some extra money?" "Them gas station vacuum cleaners sure do got lots of coins in em, get your truck and some rope." (With surveillance video goodness) (99)
CNN Followup Costco joins Sam's Club in rationing the amount of rice a consumer may purchase, but you can still buy all the Eagleburger you can carry (233)
CBC Stupid The Chinese government has nothing better to do than worry about which dance troupes are performing in Canada (42)
Omaha World Herald Strange Actual headline: "Boy leaves hospital two weeks after dying" (95)
Local6 Strange $50-per-gold-crown prices prompt spike in sales of old teeth (42)
NYPost Obvious Man who denies he slipped Olympic skater a date rape drug admits he took Viagra that evening ... you know, just in case (103)
NPR Stupid Oh Lord, hear our prayer and bring about peace and prosperity and end hunger and poverty. Oh, and if you could roll back gas prices a buck or two while you're at it, that would be great. Amen (130)
The Smoking Gun Followup In character reference letter to judge, Denzel Washington compares his pal Wesley Snipes to "a tree -- a mighty oak." Exactly, trees don't pay taxes either (74)
MSNBC Scary MSNBC: It's not news, it's slideshows of celebrities with bad plastic surgery (81)
(Some Guy) PSA Headline: Tiny mussels pack major financial punch. Get it? Mussels and punch. Literary prize for this guy (35)
(Some Guy) Caption What is Bill Clinton thinking? (200)
Daily Mail Cool As teenage pregnancies soar, so do the number of grandmothers in their thirties (with hittable GILF pics) (251)
Metro Scary Indian woman believes she has the world's biggest baby. But then you should see the size of her (with pic that would make an onion cry) (134)
(Some Guy) Amusing Don't worry, lightning never strikes the same place >BANG< (26)
Gawker Followup Spitzer liked to use... props (197)
USA Today Obvious Ratings for "American Idol" have dropped seven percent, which means that next season, they'll be broadcasting scenes from the house hot tub and feeding the losers to lions (125)
(Bradenton Herald) Stupid First-grader booted for mohawk (with pics) (174)
Yahoo Stupid CNN sued for $1.3 billion by two Chinese women for defaming their lovely country, where the police truncheons are soft and the prisoners are gently harvested for their organs (162)
The Sun Amusing The Sun is on a highly scientific visit to the Arctic to answer such questions as "Have you always wondered whether people still live in igloos?" You can submit your own questions too (42)
SFGate Interesting Porn star talks about the differences between sex work and sex not-for-work. Warns that no matter how hard you try everyone you know will eventually find out what you do for a living and how hard you try (325)
Daily Mail Spiffy Son advertises for paid drinking companions for his father, gets inundated with offers (29)
USA Today Obvious "Divorce" may not be the main cause of problems in kids. "Being shiatty parents" still in the running, though (176)
BBC Amusing UK government job centres are running ads for nude webcam operators (28)
SFGate Cool Lou Reed marries Laurie Anderson; wedding song was a critically acclaimed yet unlistenable 18-minute dirge about hipsters in early-70's Soho (158)
Denver Channel PSA Forget to read miranda to suspect before questionong? No worries, just release them, arrest them later and then their statements are admissable (86)
CBS Miami Florida Step 1: Pimp out deformed cat to the media. Step 2: Remove cat from vet care. Step 3: Profit from farked up viewers' web traffic. It's not news, it's CBS (80)
Local6 Florida One hundred sex offenders "missing" in Orlando (61)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what happens next (59)
Gizmodo Asinine Crooks rig ATM with Eee PC to steal credit card info. Police captures them after one of the morons reports a small car accident at the police station next day (39)
CBS News Dumbass Police look with suspicion upon woman's claim that tying her husband up and gagging him for 20 hours was consensual when it is revealed she spent that time in a dodgy motel with another man (73)
(Some Guy) Interesting Soldiers may face charges for allegedly going to a North Pole massage parlor to take care of their South Poles (58)
BBC Obvious "Blake's Seven" is today's lucky winner in the "Which 70s sci-fi series shall we remake next?" lottery. "ALF," "Metal Mickey" and "Buck Rogers" miss out, but their time will come. Again (128)
Telegraph Amusing If you are going for a new logo, it's a good idea to check it out from all angles before the launch. Penis (233)
SLTrib PSA The combination pipe-bomb factory, cocaine dealership, and chop shop on Salt Lake's west side will be closed tomorrow (37)
(KING 5) Dumbass Ebay seller sues man for $10,000 because he left neutral feedback (204)
SFGate Strange Sure, your top-hatted, mustache-twirling landlord may be a jerk. But at least he's not cutting holes in your floor from below and throwing ammonia on your clothes (30)
NYPost Dumbass They see me rollin', they hatin' (271)
KNBC Hero Immigrant doctors elect to donate 16 free operations in Orange County because "many people in America are also unable to pay for medical care" (78)
Canada.com Amusing "When officers searched the suspect, he was wearing a pink bikini under his street clothes" (33)
Chicago Sun-Times Scary This week each one of you has a homework assignment: You're gonna go out, you're gonna start a fight with a total stranger, you're gonna start a fight and lose (65)
(Some Guy) Florida Problem: Mother fears estranged father might hurt their child. Solution: Put entire student body of elementary school under lockdown for a week. What have we learned, class? (35)
FHM Spiffy FHM's 100 sexiest women in the world. Surprise: First place goes to a non-Jessica (243)
(WCBD) Scary Cheerleading coach attacked by stun gun. Give me an AAAAAAAAAAA (46)
TampaBays10.com Florida High costs driving airlines to search for new fuel sources like ethanol, used cooking oil, passenger luggage (26)
Local6 Florida High gas prices force thieves to get creative (with pics) (64)
(Fox 23 Tulsa) Hero “What do you tell your friends in county jail, where did you get those wounds? I don't know that he's going to tell them he got them from a 95-year-old lady confined to a wheel chair." Tag for 95-year-old lady (27)
(Some Guy) Hero Helicopter parents sue over cell-phone ban that prevents them from talking with their precious snowflake every 10 minutes. Judge's verdict: Suck it (221)
Telegraph Spiffy World's largest simultaneous Mentos and Diet Coke deployment carried out in Belgium (52)
(Some Guy) Asinine If the patient you are tasked with taking care of dies because you absolutely had to go for a hooch run, you may perhaps have a drinking problem (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hot dog vendor (75)
(nwitimes.com) Dumbass Candidate rule No. 1: Speak at whatever function you are invited to. Rule No. 2: Ignore swastikas and Hitler's portrait behind the dais. Rule No. 3: FAIL (255)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 155: “Tangled Up." Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme (156)

Wed April 23, 2008
Sign On San Diego Cool San Diego mayor sets the record straight. He didn't tell his challenger "fark you, Francis." He used the guy's first name, saying, "fark you, Steve." (52)
Yahoo PSA Let's make this perfectly clear. Don't fark with Canada's ability to import strippers (82)
(Some Guy) Stupid Today's Unclear on the Concept Headline Award goes to: "Cinco de Mayo Set for May 2" (70)
Yahoo Amusing Police officer forced to resign for having sex with a prostitute at a building he had been sent to to investigate to see if it was a brothel (84)
(KSL) Stupid You are upset with the Texas polygamy situation. Do you a) fight it in court b) protest to the media, or c) demand cancellation of Jazz-Rockets playoff games and insist on meeting with the players? (63)
AZCentral Stupid Government tells brewer he can't call his beer "Weed". Man points out that they may want to talk to Anheuser-Busch about Bud (83)
11 Alive Amusing If you left your pet zebra inside Seney Hall at Emory University, Newton County Animal Control would like you to please come pick it up (29)
My Fox Tampa Bay Florida Cut in line at Disney and get a beat down - where else but at the Mad Tea Party (132)
(Da gubbment) Asinine Because it done be working so good, more NCLB improovements proposed by the Department of Education Department (122)
(Some Guy) Followup Update: The "UFOs" in Phoenix were road flares... or maybe that's just what those super-advanced street lights WANT you to think (98)
SLTrib Dumbass Utah company wants to pump water uphill into a reservoir so it can be routed through a hydroelectric dam. For some reason, someone has a problem with this (381)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Wesley Snipes hopes the combined star power of Denzel Washington, Woody Harrelson and Judge Joe Brown will keep him out of jail (67)
First Coast News Florida Florida Senate passes "Academic Freedom Act" allowing teachers to point out flaws in the theory of evolution, cite Floridians as prime example (1076)
Stars and Stripes Interesting Robert Gates goes off on NATO: "What do you do when, as is the case today with NATO in Afghanistan, some of your allies don't want to fight? Or they impose caveats on where, when and how their forces may be used?" (177)
Reuters Scary North Korea may have aided Syria with its nuclear program. The nuclear chain mail continues (62)
USA Today Scary And so it begins: Sam's Club starts rationing bags of rice (196)
(Bradenton Herald) Florida Florida cop, 46, "retires" after girlfriend busts him for having sex in his squad car's back seat (53)
WFTV Florida Judge, when I was moving my feet under the stall, making noises and masturbating in the Sears bathroom, that was totally not indecent (with mugshot goodness) (144)
(Some Farkette) Followup ShinyShiny follow-up to yesterday's Fark bashing. Good news: We farkers and farkettes are “not stupid” (389)
First Coast News Florida There is always room for Jello... unless it is spread across the interstate (40)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this old Pepsi ad featuring "The Sociables" (49)
First Coast News Florida You find a neighbor dead in his home. Do you: A) Call the police? B) Run away and pretend you didn't see anything? C) Return repeatedly to steal credit cards and check books? (44)
(Some Tom) Followup Paper fails to explain Maine's peeping tom bill, article ends up on Fark, hilarity ensues (151)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Man breaks into car, eats a can of peanuts, passes out (with 25-going-on-45 mugshot) (50)
First Coast News Florida Is it really even a crime to break into your dads house to steal $5 in pennies? (with mugshot goodness) (62)
(KSDK) Spiffy Ugly-ass ass born at St. Louis Zoo (with ugly-ass ass pic). Ass (47)
(Yale Daily News) Followup AW'ing Yale art student says her self-induced miscarriages were done "to destabilize the locus of that authorial act, and in doing so, reclaim it from the heteronormative structures that seek to naturalize it." The Aristocrats (494)
CBS Sacramento Obvious Research asks if men have selective hearing. What's that honey? Huh? (147)
AP Ironic Star Jones asking for the media to respect her privacy as she seeks to end her marriage. That'd be the same marriage she whored to the media three years ago (114)
BBC Spiffy Vicar applies for a drinks licence so he can sell wine and beer at his small village church (57)
Yahoo Amusing Woman claims Victoria's Secret stole her bra. No picture evidence to support her claim. No bra to support her (331)
(Tech Crunch) Spiffy Google owns domains with variations on google.com to help protect you from nasty redirects, some of which include thesecretofburritos, sexogoogle, or sexpornotits.com. You know... in case you type sexpornotits instead of google (100)
Washington Post Followup Jim Davis likes "Garfield without Garfield" (223)
(Some Guy) Amusing High school senior prank: Letter sent to parents informing them that condoms will be distributed at prom. Do you: C) Look to find if criminal charges can be made? List your favorite senior pranks (294)
The Smoking Gun Florida Senile grandmother used as prop in gangsta video (78)
(WGAL) Dumbass Nervous young man loses $4,000 engagement ring. Stranger finds ring, does what any kind soul would -- wears it a couple days then demands $1,000 to give it back (360)
MSNBC Florida A cache of guns, hundreds of rounds of ammo, cigar tubes and an empty Crown Royale bag -- exactly what you expect to find in your 13-year-old daughter's treehouse (193)
CBS Philadelphia Dumbass Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? One cop gets the euphemism confused (123)
Yahoo Cool Science attempts to explain why you continue to make the same mistakes over and over, without resorting to the "You're a registered Republican" argument (168)
(IBJ) Unlikely Conversion van company blames layoffs on UAW strike and not the fact that nobody's bought a conversion van since 1989 (61)
(WESH.com) Followup It seems the disabled man who got dumped from his wheelchair by deputy is a pretty big douche himself (94)
(Music-News) Ironic Amy Winehouse voted heroin of the year (131)
Yahoo PSA Shirley Temple celebrates her 80th birthday by breaking her arm (127)
ABC Action News Amusing Priest unknowingly blesses strip club, rocks awesome hat/beard combo (56)
(Bradenton Herald) Strange Man on bicycle accused of air conditioner theft, having really strong shoulders (32)
(Some Guy) Scary News: "Tribal" tensions between rival ethnic groups keep the fear of race-riots alive. Fark: In Brooklyn (334)
Houston Chronicle Obvious "Virtual fence" on Mexican border proves inadequate, much like a "virtual prophylactic" (75)
First Coast News Stupid Two men in India steal 101 vials of sperm from fertility clinic, learn quickly that there isn't high demand for stolen semen (84)
AP Followup If you don't want to get blamed for covering up 12,000 suicide attempts a year by veterans in your care, don't start your emails with "Shh" (137)
TBO Florida Woman calls 911 to tell police her CD player was bugged and that her mobile home park was listening to her. With a mugshot that will make you want to call 911 yourself (160)
LA Times Followup General Petraeus appointed head of all forces in Middle East, to be replaced by Mr. Clean (138)
(KISS957) Amusing In homage to the guy from last week's article, Hartford DJ decides to spend 42 hours in an elevator (vids, pics). Gets bathroom breaks every four hours because the building wouldn't let him pee down the elevator shaft (79)
(NY Daily News) Ironic Gas prices are getting so high in NYC that even AAA is telling drivers to use mass transit (212)
STLToday Obvious Attention Bluetooth headset-wearers: If you wear that thing in public, this columnist would like you to know that you are a modern-day douchebag (624)
Chicago Tribune Strange Man sues Bulls mascot for rough high-five. Bulls unsure when a high-five would have been warranted this year (50)
(Some Guy) Interesting Which American cities have the worst teeth in the nation? Well, this study explodes the myth that they are located in Arkansas and Alabama (86)
AP Obvious Whirlpool suspends 39 workers who lied about smoking. Who didn't see this coming? (338)
Sky.com Amusing McDonald's in the UK has a new range of uniforms designed by Bruce Oldfield. Working there still sucks, but you'll look fabulous (83)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: What if police cars had NASCAR-style sponsors? (58)
(The London Paper) Amusing News: Man knocks out politician. Fark: With a well aimed stress ball to the head (57)
AP Scary Spider plague. Spider plague. Does whatever a spider plague does (296)
(Some Guy) Interesting Church of the Universe uses pot as sacrament. Founders face jail and forfeiture of their building. Defense: "Your Honour, when alcohol was illegal, nobody asked the pope about the sincerity of his religion" (409)
(Some Guy) Florida Fifteen Puerto Rican monkeys paddle to freedom in Florida. "I think they're more street-smart than a zoo monkey" (96)
CBS Sacramento Stupid Don't want to pay for actual police? Buy an empty shell that looks like a police car instead, and place it where the crime is. This will end well (109)
Variety Scary And the No. 1 threat this week: Bears. The bear from Semi-Pro kills trainer for making him a part of Semi-Pro (123)
(thisisplymouth) Amusing How many firefighters does it take to rescue a celebrity iguana? (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy with a less than zero pressure job (38)
BBC Cool Happy St George's Day to all you English Farkers (144)
YouTube Spiffy Remember that amazing opera singer from "Britain's Got Talent"? Well, homeboy had an offspring (140)
(Some Guy) Florida High school senior arrested for having sex with his girlfriend (448)
YouTube Cool Horizontal static test firing of a space shuttle solid rocket booster. If you were trying to make the Earth spin backwards, this is a start (120)
(Some Georgia Cracker) Spiffy Old and busted: Smoking Gun's one mugshot per page. New hotness: DeKalb County's 120 clickable mugshots on one page (254)
WPXI Amusing Leading police on a high-speed chase in a Porsche through a construction zone after shooting at a truck and a McDonald's sign? You'd better believe that's a tasering, even if you are the "Sultan of Turkey" (30)
(Holy Taco) Interesting The 11 manliest cocktails in the world (434)
(Some Guy) PSA If you're going to pick up a hooker in Memphis, don't do it in your government-issued vehicle. And leave your seven-year-old daughter at home (46)
AZCentral Followup Those lights over Phoenix last night? Some guy who released helium balloons (98)

Tue April 22, 2008
Fox News Followup Hillary sees her shadow in Pennsylvania. We can expect six more weeks of tired, pathetic campaigning (1003)
(Toronto Sun) Interesting Ontario moves to outlaw homeowner's association bans on using clotheslines. Now, if they'd just ban homeowner's associations (94)
(Some Guy) Interesting Out of all the cities in America, students from Alaska decide to go to Cleveland for their senior trip (147)
(WRTV.com) Scary If your charges include arson, operating a vehicle without ever receiving a license and criminal mischief, you're not doing so good. FARK: you're 10 (42)
(Some Guy) Misc Worst. Coloring Book. Evar (164)
(Some Yars) Followup Other "lost" Atari 2600 games discovered, including "Magna Carta", "Aliens Vs. Ghosts" and "Every Sport Ever In Pong Form". Seriously. The last is not a joke (138)
(Some Farkette) Unlikely Fark does not make the top 10 list of Websites for Women, but is mentioned as unwelcoming - if not positively hostile - towards women (781)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this inflatable chicken (58)
Breitbart.com Hero FCC chief: "Leave the Internet alone." No word on whether he wants Britney left alone (74)
WTAM Dumbass Man goofs while making homemade fireworks. Now in the market for a house that isn't blowed up (51)
Statesman Dumbass There are many ways to avoid jury selection. Showing up stinking drunk is not ideal, but it does the trick (53)
WTOP Florida Woman finds 8-foot gator in her kitchen. With smiling gator in 70's decor kitchen pic (83)
Reuters Strange Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic grips capital firmly in two hands (82)
AP Scary What's wrong with Kansas? Nothing a silenced machine gun can't fix (249)
CBC Sad UN estimates Darfur conflict death toll at 300,000 now. Good thing they don't have oil (160)
Breitbart.tv Asinine Pizza Hut delivery driver fired for shooting robber with registered gun (306)
NBC 11 Interesting Ugly-ass falcon chicks hatch atop city hall in Silicon Valley (61)
(KTAR) Amusing News: Some country singer you've never heard of going to court for allegedly assaulting fan's boyfriend. FARK: Actual name of singer's album is "My Life's Been a Country Song" (148)
(Florida Today) Florida You just rented a home. Do you: A live quietly in the neigorhood B invite a few friends over for a BBQ C Turn it into a swinger's club complete with a stripper's pole and see thru bedroom windows (345)
(Some Viking) Hero Viking metal band Helheim on performing in front of a Norwegian kindergarten class: "We need to let metal and Odin catch the kids before Jesus does" (w/ links to pics and video of performance) (602)
The Consumerist Strange Macy's confiscates woman's pot, gives it to another customer (109)
The Smoking Gun Stupid Three months after ending their season at 18-1, the New England Patriots are still pursuing trademarks on "19-0" (279)
Gawker Followup Looks like Richard Quest had a history of being good with rope tricks (55)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this silly looking man (77)
(PennLive) Unlikely Newspaper in Pennsylvania's state capital runs front-page story with photos of Clinton, Obama, puts sticker over Clinton's face. Bonus: Claims it was "an accident", not a sign of bias (471)
(lake placid news) Strange What do you call the longest side of a right triangle formed by three crashed vehicles? A hypotamoose (91)
(MyFOX Phoenix) Unlikely Were UFOs spotted over Phoenix? (314)
MSNBC Spiffy Scientist have finally decoded the brain fart (106)
MSNBC Dumbass "Fifteen percent of those surveyed said they have supported a cause because of what they heard an actor, singer or other celebrity say or do." (307)
CBS New York Scary Don't worry, we'll have that wisdom tooth out before you can say: "don't turn out the lights, don't lock me in the office, don't head home for the night..." (121)
MSNBC Interesting Al Qaida #2 calls for more attacks on the countries currently occupying Iraq. Also takes questions from followers such as "Aren't you dead?" and "No really, haven't you been killed liked 35 times?" (169)
FARK PSA Pittsburgh Fark Party. Friday May 2nd. Church Brew Works. LGT previous thread (75)
NYPost Amusing Mother discovers her daughter's a hooker thanks to Diane Sawyer and ABC's inability to hide her identity (506)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Misc Say hello to loons and ticks: "Hello to loons and ticks." (68)
ABC News Obvious Jury finds that UFIA is acceptable when examing a construction worker hit on the head by a falling wooden beam (185)
(Times Union) Spiffy Bad: One-year-old child manages to jump out of a second story window. Good: A mail carrier arriving three hours ahead of schedule, catches it. Fark: There was a mail carrier that was three hours ahead of schedule? (124)
Mercury News Interesting Man sues San Jose over illegal photo radar tickets. City's defense: we didn't mean to break the law so we shouldn't have to give your money back (178)
MSNBC Followup MSNBC: that chick showing her bra was NOT 15 year old Miley Cyrus. Offers no evidence however (506)
(Some ExPat) Amusing Those sunburned Brits you see eating fish & chips and drinking warm beer on Spanish beaches? They aren't tourists - they're Time Travelers (77)
SeattlePI Interesting Sixth-grade teacher refuses to be another brick in the wall, chooses not to give his students highly controversial state-mandated test. "I decided, 'I'm not going to wimp out this time.' " (297)
SLTrib Amusing Shaolin Kung-Fu master files lawsuit claiming discrimination when co-workers made fun of his web site. A real Shaolin Kung-Fu master would have already killed the defendants with his mind (109)
(Helsingin Sanomat) Sappy Ugly-ass baby camel born at Helsinki zoo, already has lovely lady lumps (33)
(Some Guy) Obvious McCain hires beauty queen to supervise interns so if he gets involved in a sex scandal the entire nation doesn't go "eeeew WTF" (131)
El Paso Times Amusing Not News: Illegal immigrants crossing the border. News: Using the same bridge built for legal crossings. Fark: Using an "ingenious" metal trolley hooked underneath the bridge (w/pic and diagram of how to use the device) (227)
Seattle Times Interesting U.S. Customs decides to skip the whole international thing and just search anybody they want (94)
MSNBC Asinine According to one TSA Administrator, placing a block of cheese inside your luggage is now considered a new threat to airport security. Who knew? (154)
London Times Interesting The list of top medical myths contains some good news for farkers: Mixing antibiotics and alcohol is perfectly fine, with only one exception (159)
News.com.au Spiffy Just when you thought all those stories in Penthouse were made up, along comes the Catholic girls' high school sex and drugs club (126)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what should be on the cover (120)
(WYFF) Asinine Real church marquee in SC: "Obama, Osama, hmmm are they brothers?" (1124)
UPI Weird Turns out shady builders aren't the only ones who move just the headstones and not the bodies (47)
SeattlePI Scary Seattle synchronized drowning team prepares for competition (37)
News.com.au Dumbass Police Taser naked man in cavity. Drew trademarks UTIA (33)
UPI Amusing Comic pleads guilty to giving a woman's breast a "high five." (61)
Guardian.com Cool If Obama loses Pennsylvania, it's because he refused to pay people to vote for him (255)
SeattlePI Sad For the first time in 90 years, life expectancy in the US is declin-uh yeah extra cheese on that (90)
NPR Asinine Meat prices are through the roof. There is a surplus of pork. The Canadian government's answer? Just pay the farmers to shoot pigs and bury them to keep prices high (85)
News.com.au Sick Breaking the news to someone that they have AIDS is difficult. Doing it on YouTube is the wrong way (97)
SMH Interesting The "3 second rule" - myth or fact. You decide (160)
(KHQ.com) Interesting Canada's last surviving WWI honored at ceremony... in USA (51)
Sun Sentinel Florida Wax on whacks off. Karate instructor convicted of sexual abuse (49)
ABC News Interesting Lessons learned from Waco 15 years later. Not letting Janet Reno throw a dance party strangely absent (78)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Polygamist women dress to be unsexy and unattractive to other men. Mission accomplished (156)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Olmec head (83)
ABC News Scary Problem: Not enough people enlisting in the US military. Solution: Bring on more convicted felons (176)

Mon April 21, 2008
Telegraph Amusing British old man travels on a major highway at 4/kph for two hours. Safety equipment on his scooter: a warm blanket and his wicker shopping basket. With "why did you pull me over?" photo goodness (53)
MSNBC Stupid Priest trying to fly to heaven in a chair and balloons may have taken a short cut there (51)
(The Local.se) Hero Fishing pole: $24. Warm parka: $238. Thermos: $15. Having a lasso-wielding reindeer herder pass by when you've fallen through the ice: priceless (32)
IndyStar Dumbass If you're transporting 18 pounds of cocaine, you should probably put a license plate on your truck (49)
CBS News Sad Head mental health doctor at the VA in 11/07: "There is no suicide epidemic among veterans." Newly revealed emails: "Unless you consider 1000 attempts per month an epidemic." (197)
CBS Sacramento Obvious California finally gets around to closing that little loophole that allows sex offenders to be teachers (40)
Yahoo Interesting PETA invests 1 million dollars in Tube Steak (133)
SMH Interesting New Zealand doctors go on strike for pay raise, noting how much it sucks to spend all their time repairing sheep-related injuries (34)
Newsday Sad U.S. mountain biker travels to Bolivia to ride it's famed 'Highway of Death' with expected results (79)
News.com.au Dumbass Police helicopter hunting for people using laser pointers to dazzle pilots is targeted by asshat with laser pointer who then evades capture. Fail (78)
Houston Chronicle Scary China denies claims that drug harvested from the intestines of pigs on unregulated farms could possibly have any connection to tainted drugs and 62 deaths (68)
IndyStar Hero When you plan to rob a house, don't pick the house of the Blind Swordsman (115)
Chicago Tribune Scary Rising temperatures may have negative impact on beer (85)
(Strange Maps) Obvious News breaks where the reporters are. All states between the Appalachians and the Rockies say, "Duh" (47)
BBC Weird Muslims call for GMT to be replaced with "Mecca Time" as they have proven that Mecca is the center of the Earth. Fools, do they not know that the Earth is a four-corner simultaneous timecube, and thus has no center? (491)
MSNBC Dumbass Today's made-for-Fark headline: "Man arrested for pumping gas into imaginary car" (83)
(Some Guy) Silly All three presidential candidates to appear on "WWE Raw" tonight, expected to be a in a triple threat Texas cage match to determine the winner. (Bonus: Video with corny catchphrases) (417)
(Some Mach Breaker) Photoshop Photoshop this bullet making waves (68)
AP Followup Hamas admits it can't recognize Israel because the Zionist state has gotten so much bigger since '67. Maybe if it shed some of those extra territories it would look a bit more familiar (731)
TampaBays10.com Florida UFOs over St. Augustine? Sure, just ask this reliable 12-year-old eyewitness. However, skeptics say they were street lights- er, sky lanterns (63)
Fox News Followup Final wrap on Mets getting rickrolled. Some guy named Drew gets quoted (177)
Wired Stupid Fox news affiliate claims ads for "Grand Theft Auto IV" on buses were tasteless, given recent shootings. Stupid: The ads consisted of pics of the characters and "Grand Theft Auto IV." Fark: The ads were removed (190)
Abc.net.au Dumbass Man going on robbery spree because he "wanted to know what it felt like." Lots of men in prison soon to teach him what it feels like (52)
The Sun Cool Canine clown car. The Sun is there (59)
Daily Mail Scary You know the credit crunch is really starting to bite when German banks start banning workers from buying hookers and porn on expenses (44)
(KLTV) Cool Man crashes flying go-kart with propeller into power lines. Was reportedly swerving out of the way of his own Awesome (105)
Guardian.com Ironic Former detective arrested on suspicion of murdering a man whose death he investigated (51)
(WBAL-TV) Sick If you lost your collection of 70 animal carcasses in the Maryland woods, the authorities would like a word with you (58)
(Some Tranny) Amusing In celebration of Danica Patrick's win, Air Tran proclaims today the most unfortunately named day ever (132)
Starpulse Interesting “Chevolution,” a new documentary on Che Guevara, addresses the burning question: Why would so many stupid white kids want a Cuban revolutionary on their shirts? (400)
CBS News Interesting Lawmaker proposes ban on Toughman competitions 25 years too late to prevent that atrocious Dennis Quaid movie (20)
CNN Amusing CNN pushes T-shirts from headlines. Best option? Change the URL to make your own. Voting enabled (291)
SuperDeluxe Amusing Ginger v. Mary Ann debate resolved (342)
Yahoo Asinine Australia declares laser pointers to be weapons, with up to 14 years in prison for carrying one without a permit. Vegemite still legal (134)
Baltimore Sun Amusing "Don't [registered trademark] me, bro" (94)
ABC News Interesting Miracles explained by science or athiests v. bundies, whichever you prefer (759)
Sun Sentinel Florida Christian Little League sued by Little League for trademark violation. Countersuit filed for having players named Jesus (106)
Metro Scary You may think you've had a bad day at work, but at least you've never had a 12-foot snake try to eat you (71)
Guardian.com Amusing The return of "Gladiators" to UK TV is being hampered by numerous injuries. Safety inspectors blame the design of games such as Earthquake, Eliminator and Owmyballs (51)
The Sun Dumbass If you are looking through confidential tax information papers, don't do it on a windy day near an open window (26)
(Some Guy) Amusing Woman, 71, leads police on a medium-speed pursuit. “At top speed, we may have gone 60 for a mile or so, but that was it” (32)
(Some Guy) Amusing "We wanted to improve the atmosphere -- just to make things a bit more positive." Anna Usmanova explains why she got her strip club blessed by an unsuspecting priest (35)
(Leonardo Da Vinci) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Be creative (172)
CBS News Followup Men from polygamy sect: "We didn't know it was illegal to marry someone under 18." Well, that changes everything (319)
CNN PSA The economy is so bad, stay-at-home moms are now cooking, gardening, breastfeeding and serving leftovers. EVERYBODY PANIC (554)
(Livejournal) Amusing The Bard's "Pulp Fiction": "Speak 'What' again Thou cur, cry 'What' again / I dare thee utter 'What' again but once / I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name" (133)
Daily Mail Unlikely Today's media fearmongering: Sleeping with your dog can kill you. Even if there's no kissing (116)
(Sun Journal) Stupid Two weeks after a kayaker nearly drowns going over a dam, two college students try to duplicate feat, only in an inflatable kiddie pool. Bonus: Mom says "He does stupid stuff all the time" (53)
(NY Daily News) Interesting You're the mayor of NYC and are tired of the NY Times bashing you. Do you: A) Complain? B) Ignore the paper? Or C) Remember you're a billionaire and think about buying the paper? (75)
(The Moscow Times) Obvious Newspaper that claimed Putin was leaving his wife for a gymnast is closed down faster than you can say, "What a country" (96)
Sun Sentinel Florida City distributes "water conservation" playing cards to seniors, children. Mass confusion over how many deuces beat a flush (66)
(Helsingin Sanomat) Interesting Finland's army feeding conscripts healthier food to fight rising obesity. Russian troops heard muttering, "Wait, those guys get FOOD?" (44)
CBS Philadelphia PSA Seven-alarm fire reported in Philadelphia, probably because the Phillies won last night (36)
Telegraph Amusing "His brother, a chef, claimed a layer of tomatoes was not the appropriate way to finish off a shepherd’s pie, and responded by hitting him over the head with a shovel" (61)
SeattlePI Sad Ferrari owner proves the ability to pay for a car ≠ the ability to drive it (117)
(Coshocton Tribune) Dumbass I shot the sheriff, but the deputy shot himself in the pelvis without my help (31)
News.com.au Stupid Don't worry, the strange man sifting through your garbage at 1:00 a.m. isn't an identity thief -- just a recycling cop (48)
Daily Mail Interesting Now you can rent a dog for one day at a time with new "time share" pet service. Peanut butter not included (55)
The Raw Story Asinine To insure that the true spirit of the Olympics are upheld, Nepal has authorized the use of lethal force against those pesky torch protestors (73)
CNN Followup From the "You knew this was bound to happen" department: ACLU weighs in on the Texas polygamy case. Guess whose side they're taking? (372)
Metro Amusing Read my lips: More steak for all (28)
YouTube Scary The last flight from Da Nang in 1975. The 727 is rushed by thousands as people desperate to leave force themselves on board while the plane is moving, clinging to the landing gear and stairs as the plane takes off (291)
(The Intelligencer) Interesting Car safety features are making it harder to rescue people from car wrecks (68)
The Sun Spiffy World's cheapest beer discovered in remote corner of Congo. The Sun is there (46)
Daily Mail Scary Raised on welfare, the "Why Bother?" generation doesn't want to work (236)
(Some Predator) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Predator-prey relationships (37)
Komo Asinine Want to watch a female bistro serve you an espresso wearing a negligee? No problem. Want a photo with that? No go -- that's harassment. (SFW pic) (205)
KnoxNews Sad No Child Left Behind in it's most literal sense: Failing high school juniors and seniors being graduated to prevent social stigmas of failure (110)
Boston Globe Sad The last original "Dunkin' Donuts" sign has been replaced. The terrorists have won (94)
SMH Interesting Solicitor general is pushing a law eof quality through Parliament that would allow a woman to become queen without stepping aside for a younger brother (57)
MSNBC Cool Toddler whose stroller was blown into Lake Michigan survives underwater for 15 minutes. Now recovering, soon to tour with Nirvana (91)
CBC Stupid Photo of Conrad Black giving the finger wins Canadian newsjournalist photo award. Guess they don't take a lotta pictures up there (57)
MSNBC Interesting "The fact is, the American GI today doesn't have the best weapon. And they ought to," says Senator of the M4 (422)