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Sun May 11, 2008
(Bitten and Bound) Spiffy Man with terminal cancer gets his wish to meet the Dallas Cowbys Cheerleaders. Still no cure for cancer, but it's starting to sound like it could be kinda fun (50)
(The Atlantic) Cool Some guy decides to draw every road in America - and he means *every* road. The result is the coolest map you will see for a while (48)
(CTV) Dumbass Today's schoolteacher sex scandal brought to you by an elite private school in Montreal. Teacher's photo shows more skin than most of these stories (112)
(Some Bacon Lover) Obvious What cops want during a traffic stop. Doughnuts curiously absent (408)
(AP) Followup Holey throat, Batman Turns out that the man who performed a tracheotomy on himself has had previous experience (36)
(Some Guy) Cool The most awesome three headed bee you'll see all day (108)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid Police raid flea market, preventing sales of counterfeit Chanel, Prada and Louis Vuitton items to buyers who will now undoubtedly purchase the real McCoy. That's some mighty fine use of police resources, Lou (126)
(Yahoo) Interesting National Bicycle Dealers Association reports strong spike in bicycle sales. In other news, a National Bicycle Dealers Association actually exists (166)
(Dayton Daily News) Weird Wal-Mart store detective gives chase to woman who shoplifted baby wipes. Stroller overturns, discharging baby and wipes. Mother clobbers detective with baby wipes. Then it gets weird (86)
(WRAL) Cool Michigan lady just decided to pay $20.00 for a $1.00 parking ticket given to her back in 1976. "Please don't try and track me down. I am a respectable lady" (40)
(AP) Stupid If you're a white officer in the NYPD and are going to hassle a black motorist, make sure he isn't one of the highest ranking officers in the department (186)
(Boston Channel) Interesting Family says girl's mouth taped shut at school. Girl says, "mmm mm mmmmm mm mmmmmmm mm mmm" (106)
(CBS Philadelphia) Amusing The first rule of Cuddle Party is, you do not talk -- No wait, it's keep your pajamas on (191)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ferocious dog (49)
(WCPO 9) Weird Ohio man jailed when 18-year old daughter fails to pass GED exam (287)
(Philly) Interesting Mother's Day was invented 100 years ago in Philadelphia to make up for their deep hatred of Santa Claus (49)
(ABC News) Scary "I love her dearly," mother says of daughter who allegedly plotted to kill her. Mother's Day just got a bit... awkward (40)
(Guardian.com) Interesting "Babylosers" more educated than their "babyboomer" parents, but have worse jobs and lower standard of living. Suck it, overqualified, underpaid, hippie-spawn (389)
(Boston Globe) Sad Tourists wonder if New Hampshire could do something about the gravity, or post a sign warning of spacetime curvature ahead, or something like that (166)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Dumbass So you decided to rob a donut shop? And all you had was a BB gun? And this was in Texas? How did THAT work out for ya? (121)
(ABC News) Interesting Thinking of having an office affair? Before you and your object of desire head to the supply room to make the beast with two backs, you might want to check your employment contract (87)
(Guardian.com) Weird It tastes sweet, like a cross between lamb and duck. It's low-fat, free-range, and environmentally conscious. Squirrel: the new "green" meat (180)
(wtol) Silly Pulitzer candidate writes article on man who increased his gas mileage by, of all things, driving the speed limit (75)
(Some Deaf Guy) Cool Putting their heads together, the agencies decided the best thing to do was blow the fireworks up. The best way to do that, they concluded, was to use C-4 plastic explosives. Around 30 pounds (65)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Try to bite off my leg? That's a double eye-pokin' (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this creepy canine (56)
(Time) Sappy Ten best moms ever (slideshow). Happy Mother's Day (98)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida 77 year old homeowner 1, 22 year old woman burglar 0. (w/pic of hittable 22-year-old) (269)
(Jerusalem Post) Amusing "Labor MK and former cabinet minister Ophir Paz-Penis on Saturday urged..." Heh. Sorry. "Paz-Penis urged-" Dude, stop looking at me like that. That's his name. I can't do this if you keep making me crack up (61)
(AP) Scary Pelican slams into vacationing swimmer's face, requiring 25 stitches. Wait till she gets the bill (46)
(Some Guy) Sad Meet your new burger-flippers, the Class of '08. 75% of graduating Dallas seniors can't read above 8th grade level or handle enough math to deal drugs (455)
(CNN) Dumbass As an expert on the subject, the pope declares that "sex can become like a drug" (168)
(AP) Spiffy Dental student thwarts Ceiling Cat's nefarious plans by returning a wallet that went missing 35 years ago (19)
(ITV) Interesting Butt grabbed by British police to help stop explosions (18)
(Canoe) Asinine Pearson Airport hasn't stopped smugglers this stupid in a very long time (43)
(Centre Daily Times) Unlikely Cops, thinking they have a drunk driver, pull over 9-year-old. Turns out drunk is sitting next to the kid (32)
(The Local.se) Weird Never getting on women's bicyles doesn't stop man from getting off (34)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this amphipod (45)
(CNN) Sappy Saturday, for the first and possibly last time, Jenna Bush answered "I do" to a question that is not, "Do you want another drink?" (200)

Sat May 10, 2008
(nwfdailynews.com) Florida Wild turkey crashes with a beer truck. Boilermakers are served (42)
(US Census Bureau) Interesting The 6,666,666,666th person alive on earth was born today. If four horseman have just ridden past, don't panic (249)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these two cousins as a storm approaches in rural Argentina (74)
(money.co.uk) Dumbass You fraudulently acquire an extra credit card from your dad's account, and decide to take your friends out on the town, hiring hookers by telling them you're a group of midgets in a traveling circus. Do you: C) Play Halo with the hookers (155)
(Some Guy) Weird All your childhood fears made real in these disturbing pics. SFW but you'll still cringe (277)
(Some Flyguy) Spiffy Today is National Train Day. I choo-choo-choose to get there faster by taking an airplane (104)
(Daily Bulletin) Sad New Age bookstore in a tizzy after their Crystal Skull is stolen, blames Indiana Jones;"I have no idea why someone would take that and not the other things that are equally valuable on the altar." (254)
(Some chick) Photoshop Photoshop this overly compulsive lawn-mowing man (61)
(TBO) Florida There's only one state where mothers are celebrated with a free lunch at Arby's; "This is the best Mother's Day present I've ever gotten." (62)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy The world's largest Lego tower. Seeing as how this is in England though, it probably has police cameras hidden in it (47)
(Some Guy) Cool You can have anything you want at Alice's Restaurant - including this tribute to the real life Officer Obie, who turns out to be a Norman Rockwell model and a fairly cool guy for a cop with a garbage fetish. (w/pics) (87)
(Riverfront Times) Weird College decides to investigate public radio station general manager. Apparently this involves stalking allegations, a DUI arrest, strutting about the office in miniskirts, halter tops and a leather dominatrix outfit. Who said NPR was boring? (54)
(Time) Interesting Time poses the question on all our minds: is it time to invade Burma? (271)
(WWL) Hero New Orleans FBI chief resigns, rather than be transferred back to DC. Something about wanting to stay and help the city, "primarily the African American kids an opportunity so they don't have to gravitate to the street drug trade." (104)
(New York Daily News) Followup Dove says they did not airbrush their MILFs au naturel (94)
(SeattlePI) Unlikely This year's study that says moms' work is work over $100K a year based on false assumptions brought to you by Salary.com (369)
(New York Sun) Asinine NYC to judge: That gun shop owner we're suing? Gag him from mentioning the Second Amendment in his defense (249)
(Seattle Times) Dumbass Alaskan oil production halted by an errant snowplow just in time for the summer driving season. Mission accomplished (41)
(WISN) Interesting "Behavior Detection Officers" added to more airports. Who watches the watchmen? (125)
(Telegraph) Sappy Baby deer decides great dane is its mom (with "awwwwwwwwwwwwww"-inspiring pics) (84)
(Charlotte) Unlikely Salvation now available in a 16.9 oz bottle for $2.00 (336)
(reagan land) Interesting Good: School is working to cut down on salt in student meals. Bad: by cutting back on vegetables (88)
(AOL) PSA Cat's out of the bag. Christine rides again. Stephen King says "No comment." (75)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Australian artist wants to give England a 164-foot-high statue of a horse. English haven't read about Troy, forget that Iocaine comes from Australia, and as everyone knows Australia is populated entirely by criminals (56)
(Pocono Record) Amusing Another year, another duct-tape prom dress story. Prom dress trifecta now in play (72)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine ♫ Ohh.... whose face has been painted on our chim-i-ney? ♫ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♫ (54)
(Some Guy) Silly Britney Spears has phone sex with K-Fed at least once a week. Sure, why not (90)
(kxxv.com) Scary Chinese passenger airplane forced to land because of onboard fire alarms; three injured after exiting airplane, running around it, and getting back in (41)
(Some Chinaman) Obvious Alaska, which produces most of the nation's oil, has highest gas prices. Invasion scrapped at last minute when Alaska determined to already be a US state (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cross-eyed kitty (59)
(UTV) Sad A Limerick man just for a lark, went out for a ride before dark. He fell on his head; he's thoroughly dead; and now he gets posted to Fark (56)
(NYPost) PSA When reading about how the Irish defeated the Ku Klux Klan, make sure you're not doing so on the campus of Nanny State University (209)
(KARE-11) Sick Grandma passes away at home. Do you: C) Prop her up on the only toilet in the house for two months while you pray for her resurrection and force the kiddies to use a pail and shovel? (154)
(Boston Globe) PSA For all you cat-loving Farkers in the Boston Area, here's a chance to pick up exotic cats like the Rag Doll that you'll never see leaving from the back door (398)
(The Courier) Cool Not news: great-grandmother, who had a heart attack four years ago, decides to raise money for charity. Fark: By jumping into a tank of sharks. She told you she was hardcore (19)
(The Sun) Stupid Man was locked up 18 hours in a police cell for allegedly dropping an apple core (70)
(Reuters) Spiffy And now, for no particular reason, the world's longest cigar at just over 148 feet, 9 inches (51)
(UPI) Asinine Old and busted: Deploying troops with criminal histories to make up combat shortfalls. New hotness: Deploying medically unfit troops to make up combat shortfalls (70)
(Telegraph) Scary Teenage girls feuding over a boy? That's a bombing (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you are riding in a bi-plane and the engine quits, wait until the pilot lands in a field before jumping. If you feel you must anyway, wear a parachute (54)
(Some Guy) Interesting Cheers: Group of parents rent a bus to take their kids to the prom. Jeers: while their kids are at the prom, the parents get busted for drinking in the bus in the school parking lot (24)
(Oxford Press) Amusing Cops in Ohio college town say the worst part is when boozing students' boozing parents come to visit and they all go boozing together. "I learned it from you, Dad." (51)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Asinine Mother sues town after 1-year-old steps in dog poo. "It ruined our whole day" (153)
(NZ Herald) Hero Tagger gets taste of his own medicine (119)
(Telegraph) Obvious New travel guide describes England as "a nation of overweight, binge-drinking reality TV addicts." (Mostly harmless) (62)
(Google) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: The Beatles (67)
(MSNBC) Dumbass IRS is outraged, OUTRAGED, that Al Sharpton owes $1.5 million in back taxes (164)

Fri May 09, 2008
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Another Friday, another batch of mug shots from The Smoking Gun. As always, things kick off with a hittable one. Then it gets weird (266)
(KNBC) Scary There are school fights, and then there's this (158)
(Stuff) Strange He's a 70 year old cross dressing, Mexican goat farming lawyer from New Zealand... not that there's anything wrong with that (55)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you forge a winning $7,000 lottery ticket and you can't get it cashed at a gas station or a deli, you're probably not going to have any better luck trying to get the Lottery Commission to cash it (28)
(Canoe) Weird Ever been hit by a car, handed a parking ticket and have your trailer burst into flames all within the same hour? Some guys have all the luck (21)
(TheSequitur.com) Hero American College of Physicians endorses medical marijuana. Jamaican and Dutch foreign ministers reciprocally endorse the American College of Physicians (115)
(City Pages) Cool Rare photos of two-week-old ugly ass wolf puppies (57)
(1010WINS) Spiffy Woman who had her MacIntosh laptop stolen was able to connect to the computer, photograph two suspects and give the photos to police. Windows laptop still deciding whether to cancel or allow a rescue (202)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Unlikely Texas man reels in 65 pound catfish (with photo) (75)
(TMZ) Sick "American Idol" reject busted for propositioning a 12 year old boy. Highlight from his audition tape: "What I have in common with Clay Aiken is that I'm also a camp counselor" (51)
(Ocala) Florida Man breaks into house to shower up, shave and use the bathroom. Police find him naked, sitting on the toilet and requesting to “finish his business” (34)
(UPI) Followup The city of San Francisco will not be responsible for loose tigers mauling you, so go be traumatized somewhere else (78)
(Some Guy) Survey Fark Rorschach Test: What do you see (468)
(KHOU) Amusing Teen denied entry to prom and arrested for skimpy dress. With pic goodness (341)
(Some Guy) Interesting Bright green puppy born in New Orleans - But don't worry, they are sure it has nothing to do with the chemical spills after Katrina. It also won't melt you skin when it licks you (w/pic) (83)
(UPI) Stupid Man tracks down ex-girlfriends to find out why they broke it up, for film: “It wasn’t you it was me”, “I just want to be friend” and “You jammed my mum up against a door and kissed her” tops the lists (155)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this plug (57)
(CNN) Asinine Obese lady judge who needs motorized scooter to get around made bailiff put her shoes on, massage her back, cover her with a blanket for naps and make sure her oxygen tank was filled. Bull wants a raise (182)
(wkyc) Asinine Inmate gets 30 extra days behind bars and a$1,500 fine for sharing an oatmeal cream pie with one of his buddies (54)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Principal suspends boys for sitting during the Pledge of Allegiance. Upon hearing the news, the ACLU stands at attention (454)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Silly Three guys drive a Toyota Scion through the 48 contiguous states in 106 hours, setting record for First Time Anyone Has Admitted to Driving a Toyota Scion (111)
(TampaBays10.com) Followup Nick Hogan gets off easy with eight months in the pokey. Let's see if he's out by dinner time (99)
(Snopes) Followup Yeah, about that "Donald Trump tips waiters $10,000" story... like the Donald would ever eat at The Buffalo Club in the first place (30)
(Yahoo) Followup Myanmar has agreed to allow a single U.S. cargo aircraft to bring in relief supplies for cyclone victims (200)
(Reuters) Spiffy In last minute effort, Diago saves the Guinness St. James Gate brewery in Dublin. Must have been from the savings on the bar towel you never got (106)
(JSOnline) Interesting Wisconsin considering bill to make third offense of driving while intoxicated a felony. Also includes confiscation of the offender's vehicle (335)
(Newsday) Scary One dead, hundreds quarantined on Canadian train with "Mystery Illness". EVERYBODY PANIC (238)
(Yahoo) Obvious New poll shows that two-thirds of middle-aged moms are critical of how younger women handle motherhood. This poll a repeat from every decade since the dawn of mankind (94)
(YouTube) Sappy What animated films have made you tear up a little? LGT subby's choice (894)
(Some Consumer Guy) PSA Half of us don't know how to mail a letter, but it's about to cost more anyway (108)
(Guy Out for Thai Garlic Chicken) Hero Thai restaurant bans kids under six. Subby is proud to submit this without the phrases "precious little snowflake," "crotch fruit" or "shiney metal ass" (845)
(Constitution? What's that?) Scary RIAA gets U.S. House to pass bill allowing them to seize your house as part of their "settlement" (282)
(Yahoo) Obvious Oil approaches $126 (and counting) on... *shakes magic 8-ball*... " the eve of U.S. driving season." You mean there's a season when they don't drive? (217)
(KnoxNews) Stupid If you were homeschooled and now work for the State of Tennessee, the Department of Education would like a word with you (132)
(Philly) Hero Jennifer Chu, a doctor distraught by Burmese medical conditions, leading colleagues in Myanmar relief effort. Now that's a Win-Win Sad Chu Asian (127)
(UPI) Strange ♫ These bees are movin' on up, to the east side ♫ To a deluxe location for a hive ♫ Movin' on up to the east side ♫ They finally got a piece of the pie ♫ (40)
(Anchorage Daily News) Obvious You may cease your lifelong search -- the most pointless news article ever written has been found (131)
(Some Guy) Asinine Gas station clerk fired after getting robbed because store policy is to only have $50 in the register and he hadn't had a chance to put $200 in a vault. "So, basically, I got fired because a billion-dollar company loses $200" (241)
(Fox News) Stupid Protestors use witchcraft to cast spells on the United States Marines in effort to end Iraq war. Then it gets weird (280)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine Michelle Duggar pregnant with her 18th child. Please update your clown car image (666)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Massachusetts drops cigarette price controls to make smokes more affordable, at the same time raising state cigarette taxes to encourage smokers to quit (75)
(Local10) Florida Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, man charged with providing an illegal taxi service after giving a woman a ride home from shopping (178)
(Local6) Florida Three-year-old boy has never fallen asleep. Parents can never leave his side for fear of his being burned as a witch (186)
(Guardian.com) Interesting European Space Agency is looking to send British citizens into space. Would prefer to start with phone sanitizers, marketing consultants and hair stylists (80)
(USA Today) Interesting Sure, the airlines are failing and air travel is miserable and the TSA are a bunch of uneducated goons. But airlines *are* doing what Detroit cannot: Making travel more fuel-efficient (52)
(ScienceDaily) Spiffy Eaking-spay ultiple-may anguages-lay revents-pay aging-ay. Ubmitter-say ill-way ive-lay orever-fay (125)
(Some Guy) Obvious Insurance bureau wants mandatory retesting of drivers over 80 for public and farmers' market safety (73)
(Some Guy) Followup The writer of the Erin Esurance letter responds to Fark commenters, invites further scorn upon himself (408)
(Metro) Amusing The coolest pictures of a Dutch town being invaded by giant fried eggs you'll see today (65)
(London Times) Dumbass Armed gang bursts into a gym where police officers were in another room giving a talk on the dangers of gun crime. This did not end well for the armed gang (60)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this knitted... something (36)
(FHM) Interesting America's sexiest newscaster. Looks like you've won this time, France (333)
(Telegram) Misc Police officer steps into crosswalk just so he can make drivers slam on their brakes, is rewarded by rear-end collision after one finally does (139)
(CNN) Followup The head of al Qaeda in Iraq who has reportedly been killed three times, captured twice, mortally wounded once is apparently free again (85)
(ABC News) Misc Lawmakers question truthiness of drug ads. But surely the free market corrects such things on its own, and corporations would NEVER lie to people just to make a profit (132)
(BBC) Amusing Gordon Ramsey wants to f***ing fine people who use f***ing fruits and vegetables when they're out of f***ing season. And don't even get him f***ing started on Delia f***ing Smith (173)
(Some Guy) Obvious Butte burglar given five-year sentence, unfortunate prison nickname (54)
(My Fox Tampa Bay) Ironic Teen mugged for copy of "Grand Theft Auto IV." Attackers caught after their wanted level jumps to three stars (91)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to repeatedly ram your lawyer's car, you might want to leave your meth and your seven-year-old daughter at home (35)
(Some Guy) Interesting Class valedictorian's graduation will be just like many others, only shorter -- and she's at the bottom of her class (link fixed) (93)
(CNN) News Hezbollah has taken over West Beirut (635)
(Metro) Cool In the spirit of Gillette and their neverending quest to add more blades to razors, man creates a guitar with six necks called "The Beast" (106)
(CBC) Asinine Police subdue vicious 82-year-old guy on oxygen lying in a hospital bed by tasering him three times (273)
(Some Beer Lover) Sad If you're going to Oktoberfest this year, prepare to drop your lederhosen and take it up the schvinchter with $12.50 beers (84)
(Time) Followup We need supplies / There is no doubt / Send us food / And stay the hell out / Burma Aid (108)
(Flickr) Caption LOLCAPTION this fat-assed monkey (120)
(The London Paper) Weird Firefighters called out to rescue a tortoise trapped in a garden chair. Early reports suggest it was "so very scared" (40)
(Houston Chronicle) Sick Digging up a corpse and and decapitating it to use the head as a bong may be a signal you have a drug problem (122)
(Rian.Ru) Weird Estonia introduces new gas tax. Fark: For cows (28)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious British consumers throw out a third of all the food they buy. This is only slightly less than everyone else who’s had the pleasure of eating British “cooking” but that’s probably because they’re used to it (116)
(Canada.com) Scary Fire onboard flight forces emergency landing in Fargo. You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-... uh, you know, cancer-related (30)
(Some Beer Slut) Photoshop TFette is brewing her first batch of beer in a while: "Old Librarian." (Bitter, of course). Help her design a label for it (122)
(Sabah) PSA No matter who you are, don't ask the stewardess where you should stow explosives (17)
(SFGate) Silly Facebook has joined MySpace in adopting several new safety measures designed to protect youngsters based entirely upon the presumption that no one ever lies about anything on the Internet (52)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Strange How Jared gets his iron (47)
(Stuff) Dumbass "...on closer inspection a roll of cash was found protruding from Linn's anus" (66)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Top five hardest video game levels ever. Ocarina of Time surprisingly absent from list. Really (920)
(4029 TV.com) Stupid Town builds community tornado shelter. Residents thrilled. Tornado warning sounds. Panicked residents less than thrilled about standing outside locked shelter in severe storm because the police hadn't unlocked it yet (47)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Note to self: When writing a note for a bank robbery, use blank paper. Rather than your cell phone bill (24)
(AJC) Scary Man struggling to breathe performs tracheotomy on himself with steak knife rather than waiting for help to arrive. Oh, well -- suture self (96)
(Some Guy) Amusing Half of all airline accidents occur on landing. Actually, unless they crashed into the air, so did the other half (88)

Thu May 08, 2008
(The Consumerist) Asinine Three quick thinking heroes save a woman's life in Walgreens using OJ and sugar. Store manager then demands payment (177)
(Some Guy) Sad "We think that they broke in with the intention of probably stealing a monkey or two, then things went a little bit wacky" (81)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly-ass giraffe born at Jackson Zoo. Actually the long-necked freak is cute as hell (35)
(A Genius) Cool The greatest idea any one has ever had about anything ever (193)
(Some Inner Child) Photoshop Photoshop some Little Golden Books that never made it. (LGT inspiration) (143)
(IndyStar) Stupid Reason to panic # 19285: Opening schools for use as polling stations puts our precious snowflakes in mortal danger (89)
(Some██ █) Spiffy ███Man██creates████poems by██blacking ████out█words████in the New████York Times (114)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting You want to sell it, your customers want to buy it, and it's perfectly safe to eat, but state and federal governments say "Nope." (253)
(SLTrib) Spiffy Even if you're drunk, the cops can't pull you over for revving your engine in response to your friend mooning you at a traffic stop. Good to know (67)
(Reason Magazine) Asinine One of the worst railroadings in history, courtesy of the War on Drugs. That's some really fine police work there, Lou (422)
(Rome News-Tribune) Dumbass News: School locked down after man with gun spotted. Fark: Man was World War II veteran with a plugged rifle coming to speak at a social studies class (57)
(Sun Sentinel) Obvious "Meanwhile, the iguana was discovered. It did not survive." (33)
(FARK) Cool Only a few days left for the May 10th NJ Fark Party. Plenty 'o links in the first post (106)
(Statesman) Amusing An "Undie Run" during finals causes the University of Texas police to investigate the scene. A bust? That's very impressive (58)
(CBS Miami) Dumbass 23% of Florida tenth graders can't pass easiest part of standardized tests... which is like half of them (145)
(Some Guy) Obvious Worst. Musician. Evar. Bonus points for the hilarious comments (320)
(WWL) Hero 73-year-old contractor (and Katrina victim) waits 4 months to claim $97 million lotto prize, because he didn't want to leave his construction customers in the lurch (92)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Holy cow - British Airways takes beef of the menu to avoid offending Hindus, promises not to offer their god a peanut (191)
(Yahoo) Obvious Teddy Roosevelt was an idiot for naming the White House because that sounds too much like White Castle. Also says Dr. Seuss should have named it instead. Then the article gets a little weird (129)
(BBC) Amusing "Great tits cope well with warming" (337)
(Forbes) Scary A group of crazy unknown economists, Goldman Sachs, estimates a barrel of oil to be $150-$200 shortly. That's about another $2 per gallon, or another $80 to fill the towing truck coming to repossess your BMW tonight (422)
(Local10) Dumbass Asshat teenager drives onto baseball field full of players and fans. Since he didn't hit anything police suspect he was a Detroit Tiger fan (67)
(My Fox DC) Followup Todays teacher having sex with FOUR students brought to you by Florida. Followup tag wins, since we keep discovering new "victims" of her "abuse" (283)
(Daily Mail) Cool Cool: Police force says it won't break up illegal raves. Nanny State: Because it's too dark and therefore a health and safety risk to the precious snowflake officers (90)
(9 News) Dumbass Man spends $3.2 million in three months. He bought five Dodge vehicles, two ATVs, two houses and land, all on a photocopy of his brother's driver's license. Dumbass tag for everyone who accepted a photocopy as a valid ID (139)
(iht.com) Ironic It's not news, its TEST news. Oops (88)
(The Daily Galaxy) Obvious Renowned scientist: "Before this century is over, billions of us will die, and the few breeding pairs of people that survive will be in the Arctic." (266)
(Charlotte) Stupid Third wife comes forward in North Carolina bigamy case. Married once, shame on her. Married twice, shame on him. Married three times, dude you're doing it wrong (60)
(FARK) Cool Come one, come all, it is a DFW Fark party (85)
(The Newspaper) PSA Camera vans to ticket speeders on Colorado freeways. Non-speeders to be ticketed for not "moving over" for camera van. Lane-changers to be ticketed for not signaling. In other words, avoid Colorado (288)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly New system at airport funnels passengers into three aisles: green for beginners, blue for intermediate travelers and black for advanced passengers (292)
(Some Fisherman) Stupid Swiss adopt new "humane" methods of catching fish... which basically means that you now have to kill what you catch instead of releasing them. Then it gets confusing (146)
(Yahoo) Interesting Fewer than one in four Republicans now think the economy is doing just fine. Randolph and Mortimer unavailable for comment (248)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Arizona legislator has proposed a bill that would make it illegal to lie about your age on the internet. But only if you’re an adult pretending to be a teen, as teens are apparently still free to lie about their age (112)
(Canada.com) Scary Tough: surviving a 1000-lb grizzly chewing on your head and jumping up and down on you. Hardcore: driving yourself to medical attention afterwards (152)
(UPI) Florida Man sues the U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, seeking recognition of 10 men he says served as president before George Washington (152)
(USA Today) Scary So you've managed to escape the collapsing bridges and crumbling roads that define American infrastructure, right? Well, good luck with the sewers (127)
(My Fox Tampa Bay) Florida Be on the lookout for a well-dressed man reportedly hanging around gas stations handing out cash to strangers (61)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cafe smoker (59)
(My Fox DC) PSA Take the five second stress test and see how stre…what...same to you jerk..would somebody please pick up the phone???...sure I can work late tonight, you miserable $#@^%*...anyway, and see how stressful your world has become (221)
(Some Guy) Scary "The man took a snooze in the early evening and woke up to feel molten plastic dripping on his hand" (42)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Gasp... awwwww... baby hedgehogs... awwwww (143)
(Metro) Strange Man in Germany has been paid compensation by Volvo after he found his feet were too big to drive one of their cars (84)
(The Local.se) Sick Saab admits to using human cadavers for crash testing. Mmmm mmm mmm mmm (237)
(Canoe) Dumbass Not news: Driver clocked over for doing 154 kph in 100 kph zone. News: Driver hits 210 kph in ensuing chase. Fark: "That's nothing, I had 'er up to 260 at one point" (94)
(BBC) Dumbass Toy dinghy? Check. Paddles made from oil drums? Check. Commercial shipping lane? Check. Lifejacket? Well, what could possibly go wrong (26)
(Wikipedia) Hero Today is VE day, spare a thought and give thanks to all those people who gave their lives so we could be free (710)
(Time) Interesting The five mistakes that doomed the presidential campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton (466)
(Canoe) Asinine Woman fired from Tim Horton's after giving a baby a freebie Timbit. Yeah, we take our coffeeshops effin' seriously up here (149)
(The London Paper) Unlikely Working from a set of plans from his great-grandfather's attic, British engineer is about to complete a tunnel from London to New York (35)
(Al Qaeda Book of Pranks) Scary Homeless man breezes through airport security, takes nap on plane. Feel safe yet? (40)
(Toledo Blade) Silly Not news: state Attorney General has affair. News: Other politicians want to impeach him. Fark: they must ask said Attorney General for advice on how to impeach his adulterous ass (19)
(Dub Dub Dee En) Wheaton Hillary Clinton: The psycho ex-girlfriend of the Democratic Party. Wheatowned (not safe for work language) (531)
(Starpulse) Scary Britney Spears has been giving pregnant little sis Jamie Lynn advice on motherhood. What could possibly go wrong? (94)
(myfoxphilly.com) Sick Woman sets world record for biggest breast implants but are they really bigger than Pam's? (227)
(Wired) Cool NASA offering $17,000 to anyone lazy enough to lie in bed for 90 days straight (138)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this chair (60)
(Some Guy) Florida Guy explains to emergency room staff that he was showing some friends how to shoot his new gun (61)
(The Newspaper) Cool Speed limits are going up in places Farkers wouldn't want to live anyway, even if... wait, 85? (139)
(TBO) Florida No one knows why man is building giant ark on side of I-4, next to Dinosaur World, and he's not saying (w/ pic) (122)
(3TV) Scary Talk about a hair-raising experience. Customers in a salon have a close shave as a SUV plows into the building. Luckily, nobody dyed (31)
(Some Guy) Interesting It sucks when you divorce your wife and she gets to keep the house. Especially when your house is the Governor's Mansion and you're the governor (57)
(Some Guy) Ironic Prospective juror in pot case busted for smoking joint during break outside courthouse (w/mugshot) (75)
(Fox News) Scary Massive sinkhole continues to expand in Texas--threatens to swallow oil field, milkshake (110)
(KWES) Stupid Storm chaser arrested for chasing storms and relaying tornado reports to the National Weather Service. My God, the tornadoes have a mole in the Crane County Sheriff's Department (115)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 157: “Abandoned Things" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (228)

Wed May 07, 2008
(KHOU TV-11) Scary Teen busted for selling pot-laced brownies at school (with "dude... I'd hit it" mugshot) (126)
(CrunchGear) Spiffy Pope to text prayers to faithful. to: god n hvn: u r kool. we want kool & 4 earth 2b like hvn. giv us food 2day & 4giv r sinz like we 4giv sinz. lol save r souls, cuz we kno u r tight, u r strong & u r kool 4evs. werd (104)
(Talking Points Memo) Unlikely Hillary's lead strategist: "We think the results last night strengthen the case that she will be the strongest candidate for the Democratic Party in November." (217)
(Washington Post) Interesting By Farker demand... Super Deluxe bites the dust (440)
(CNN) Dumbass Rush Limbaugh is now supporting Obama to be the Democratic nominee...wait, what? (637)
(Canoe) Scary Remember when Charles Manson leaped from his chair and lunged at the judge during the Tate/LaBianca trial? Well, this guy did it through a third-floor courtroom window (55)
(Central Florida News 13) Florida Global warming strikes again. 4th shark bite in a week in Florida (54)
(WaterCooler) Sick Man sees Virgin Mary in his scab. This story is sure to get picked (51)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's prostitute round up brought to you by Clearwater. Warning: Get the eye bleach (118)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Music teacher accused of fondling 4th juvenile organ. Pianist (62)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption what Bush is trying to say to Putin (157)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these blowing petals (48)
(MSNBC) Interesting American Association of Medical Colleges bans drug company swag. Your Starving Med Student wants a Lipitor wall clock (217)
(Oregon Commentator) Asinine Bar gets fined for its shrubbery. Ni (144)
(Some Guy) Silly Man volunteers at a store, to see how your dress looks from the floor. He used a floor mirror, the better to see her, then quit and walked out the door (42)
(CNN) Interesting CNN explores the myth of Jack Daniels, It's not news, it's smooth and delicious (166)
(CBS Salt Lake City) Stupid Story about "gay" penguin family tops the list of nation's most objectionable books (285)
(abc13.com) Amusing In the Dallas suburb of Carrollton, the biggest issue is whether or not the mayor was ever engaged to Don Henley. All other problems presumably solved (49)
(KnoxNews) Dumbass Today's teacher/student sex story brought to you by Lenoir City, TN. Bonus: video on how to make a coconut smoothie with ground nutmeg (99)
(Slate) Interesting The US has 10 million vegetarians and 290 million normal people (1096)
(Fox News) Asinine 15-year-old gets head start on college life by having a blood alcohol level of .578 and survives (215)
(MSNBC) Interesting This is why Fat Bottomed Girls make the rockin' world go 'round (811)
(Yahoo) Spiffy You need coolin, baby, I'm not foolin, I'm gonna send you back to schoolin, way down inside honey, you need it, I'm gonna give you my... roller coaster? (118)
(Hennessy) Plug Enter for a chance to flaunt your taste at the Maxim Hot 100. (Sponsored Link) (64)
(BBC) Strange Man -opes that oper-tion will cur- him of his -iccups (49)
(CBS Minneapolis) Amusing Not quite as terrifying as the Loch Ness Monster, meet Pepie the Lake Pepin "monster" (with cute artist rendition) (91)
(CNN) Followup Cyclone victims face food shortages, harsh realities of living in a ragtag fleet searching for the legendary 13th colony (198)
(Reuters) Sad Cannabis raised to class B drug with maximum 5 year jail term for users in Britain. Bummer (282)
(SuperDeluxe) Scary Girls Gone Wild has run out of girls? Then just get more wild (348)
(Gizmodo) Cool Video games then: Pole Position. Video games now: pole dancing (103)
(Some Clown Fearin Guy) Scary Proof positive that people should dislike or even fear clowns.... AND never underestimate the creepage factor (116)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Man arrested when he leaves his child pornography laden MP3 player at Denny's. Oops (178)
(USA Today) Asinine Animal rights groups are working to save an agressive invasive species that carries disease and kills native birds and small mammals (193)
(Slashdot) Asinine There's hating your customers, and then there's requiring them to re-authenticate their game purchase online every 10 days. That's EA for you - always willing to go the extra mile (404)
(Some Mason) Dumbass If you feel you must throw bricks at passing cars from your vehicle, try not to hit a state trooper. They tend to frown on those sort of shenanigans (88)
(Post Chronicle) Amusing Weather Channel's Bob Stokes overt interest in the humidity level of Hillary Andrews' panties is causing the network more than their fair share of barometric pressure (143)
(Telegraph) Amusing Faced with having to apply for planning permission to build a small shed on a farm, architect responds in the way only the British can (93)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Georgia one-ups Texas, performs first execution since SC decision. Texas laughs, asks if they're only capable of doing one at a time (115)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cheerful candy man (48)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Concert violinist leaves 285-year-old Stradivari in taxi. Cabbie finds it, returns it. Violinist rewards him by holding concert for 200 cabbies in Newark parking lot with Kevin Bacon's brother (106)
(The Local) Interesting You say tomato, I say tom-ah-to. You say potato, I say symbol of Christ's death and resurrection (62)
(Charleston Gazette) Asinine 78-year-old magistrate tells woman in courthouse he would need "a gallon of Viagra" to keep up with her, which is probably not a good comment to make when running for re-election (42)
(Canoe) Silly Crime-fighting citizen feels his spidey-sense tingling, uncovers card skimming scam. Yes, that is actually in the article (51)
(Canoe) Asinine Man who ran over couple's dog now suing the couple -- for damage done to his car (264)
(Telegraph) Obvious Roman Catholic church opposes festival of nudity, because God created us fully clothed and the naked human form is a tool of the devil himself (151)
(News.com.au) Sad Iran's illiteracy rate approaching that of Detroit (253)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Hero Father sacrifices himself, lifting his four-year old daughter out of path of a runaway car (339)
(Metro) Scary New hospital superbug resistant to all antibiotics is killing hundreds of patients. EVERYBODY PANIC (152)
(This Is Local London) Amusing "But it seems the vicar just thought Jemma was too hot and that her boobs were too big" (112)
(The Local.se) Sad Mani majestic møøse die at løveli møøse park opening. Sisters everywhere breathe sigh of relief (48)
(BBC) Interesting 'Saddam's jail diaries' published. They say the end leaves you hanging (62)
(Daily Mail) Hero A brick wall nearly toppled over in London last night - luckily, Kelly Osbourne was there to stop it (127)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Bud Selig orders Chicago White Sox to remove supposedly unviolated inflatable dolls from the clubhouse (138)
(MSNBC) Weird Well here's your problem- someone replaced your distributor cap with a pitbull (79)
(The Local.se) Strange "... and she was fired for sitting on his nose, yelling 'lie, lie'" (33)
(BBC) Interesting One in three employees admitted they have been to work with a hangover and more than one in ten has been drunk at their desk. You are reading this with a headache, goddammit, where's the Tylenol (158)
(Some Guy) Interesting The September 11 television archive. Pick an hour, pick a channel, watch it as it happened (384)
(DallasNews) Dumbass It's tough to explain to the police why you have an ATM in your backseat, so you might as well run (15)
(Cracked) Obvious In case you hadn't already figured this out for yourself, here are five psychological experiments that have proven the human race is doomed (164)
(Independent) Cool For UK Farkers: How well do you know your country? Take the quiz. Difficulty: No questions about alcohol, vomiting or passing out (87)
(Reuters) Scary Child virus spreading through China. And here we always thought children were sexually transmitted (83)
(Wall Street Journal) Sick You'll never reach into an airline seat-back pocket again after reading this (132)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The lesser-known miracles of Jesus Christ (105)
(Some Guy) Strange Middle school art teacher arrested for bank robbery. Local art critics describe the robbery as "amateurish and uninspired, derivative of earlier efforts, lacking boldness" (25)
(Talking Points Memo) News Hillary Clinton cancels all morning talk shows and other public appearances on Wednesday (802)
(Seattle Times) Obvious Man marries, then immediately receives 18-year jail sentence. The sentences will be served concurrently (33)
(Sun Sentinel) Scary Research: Adopted kids more likely to have mental disorders. Madonna returns half of Africa (122)
(AutoBlog) Sad Funny signs designed to attract attention to the existence of vastly ignored stop signs ordered removed by humorless bureaucrat (68)

Tue May 06, 2008
(Asian off-beat) Scary If you've ever wanted to live with 750,000 people in a giant pyramid while floating on a major earthquake fault line, come to Tokyo (98)
(Some Farker) Interesting Pregnant female police officer denied office duty because hey, male officers don't get office duty when they're pregnant (193)
(CBS News) Interesting Study links shorter arms and legs with memory loss, inability to get free snacks from vending machines (40)
(Schenectady Gazette) PSA If you knew a woman between the age of 30 and 50 who might have been scalped sometime between 1609 and 1675, authorities would like a word with you (30)
(Komo) Scary 70-year old man mistakes Starbucks for Old Country Buffet, front door for drive-through lane (48)
(CBS News) News Clinton wins Indiana, Obama wins North Carolina and the wheels keep going round and round and round (1376)
(MSNBC) Followup Britney granted expanded visitation with kids. Kids expected to file appeal (31)
(South Jersey Local News) Sick Cop, already charged with molesting young girls, now also charged with receiving oral sex . . . from a cow (151)
(LA Times) Dumbass If you have $4.5 million in pot in your house, use some of the money to pay your damn mortgage (51)
(Some Guy) Florida Someone buys up backyards of eleven houses for $1200, threatens to take legal action on homeowners unless they pay a monthly fee to use them (97)
(Victorville Daily Press) Dumbass Surprisingly, it's still illegal for parolees to stand on streetcorners, hurl obscenities and make "obscene gestures" while aiming a shotgun at traffic (42)
(Shortnews) Strange You're fighting with your neighbor over how to bury a cow. He throws rocks at you. Do you c) kill him by hitting him in the balls with a 12-ton digger? (74)
(Some lizard lover) Photoshop Photoshop this spiny, circular Cordylus cataphractus (56)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man arrested and strip-searched: For failing to signal, while making a turn. That's some good police work, Lou (284)
(LA Times) Sad Baskin- (161)
(Some Webcam) Amusing Not news: Employee works from home for a day. News: Puts himself on webcam to show he is working. Fark: Gets accused of DoS'ing the network with "Live Streaming Video" (84)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly ass baby jaguar born. With "I'll eat your face" pic (92)
(Some Abductee) Silly At last, we know the real reason the Soviet Union broke up: their psychotronic generators were fatally flawed. Here comes the... well... there are big words, so it must be science (78)
(My Buddy, MY buddy) Amusing This is the greatest tattoo ever... stop laughing... I find your lack of faith disturbing (189)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Israel throws itself a 60th birthday, where it is overheard talking about its plans to move to Florida, where its ungrateful children will surely never visit (274)
(Washington Post) PSA Step 1: Overuse an election-year cliche. (B) Irritate a Washington Post columnist. Fark: Get thrown under the bus. Duke sucks your dog wants HA HA goodness. O RLY penis. Wait, what? (364)
(NJ.com) Dumbass The New York Times reviews chain restaurants, because you need a critic to tell you that the Southwestern Tuscan Chipotle Sesame Jack Daniels Poppers suck (493)
(ABC Action News) Florida Tired of being associated with trailer parks and George Bush, South Florida wants to split Florida into two states (275)
(Fox News) Dumbass Student one month away from getting his master's degree in Homeland Security busted for selling cocaine. Fark: Along with 95 other people (163)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the Atomium on its 50th anniversary (48)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Officers believe man tried to deceive when he claimed "it's Aleve". The tests show it's so, and he's free to go, and boy is he ever relieved (151)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing If you have never seen pig racing, here's your chance (with video) (49)
(Newsday) Scary Ten cases of salmonella reported at Princeton; older alumni outraged at school's decision to admit Italians (83)
(WINK News) Florida Local media outraged, OUTRAGED over open container "road sodas," suggest banning the sale of single cold beers because that would immediately solve the problem (465)
(WFTV) Florida Public school teacher fired for practicing "wizardry" after making toothpick disappear (272)
(abs-cbnnews.com) Strange Los Angeles man wins right to use wife's last name. Also in the running for the title of Mr. Whipped Universe (598)
(Some bead freak) Amusing Nifty. Spiffy. And yet... kind of sad (73)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting "Prostitutes are a product, like cereal," said one man. "You go to the grocery, pick the brand you want and pay for it. It's business." One box of Milfy Charms, please (489)
(Some Guy) Weird "Grand Theft Auto" maker sues Chicago's CTA in Manhattan over ads depicting crime in Liberty City (141)
(Independent) Obvious Crude oil price passes $120 a barrel mark for the first time. Polite oil waiting patiently at $118 (166)
(Chattanoogan) Dumbass If you plan on using a homemade bomb to rob the local bank, it might be better to go inside instead of using the drive-thru. Bonus: Rocket surgeon left his "bomb" in deposit tube (38)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Looks like UBS stands for Unemployed Bank Staff (47)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Nanny State cracks down harrrrrrrrrrrrd on pirates. Or at least their flags (172)
(Some Guy) Strange Alas, poor Schiller. I knew him, Horatio. And 'tis not his skull. Truly, we are boned (45)
(Some Guy) Amusing An open letter to Erin Esurance (202)
(CBS News) Dumbass When deciding on a suitable robbery target, try and avoid choosing the unmarked car with two police officers in it (21)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Couple drank so much on holiday their children had to be taken into care. Now THAT is a vacation (33)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting "The crocodile took my arm, but saved my soul" (47)
(Roanoke Times) Dumbass Contractor sues community blog for $10 million after they take a picture... of his dirt pile. And no, this is not a euphemism (63)
(The Register) Amusing Top UK cop is upset that video only solves 3% of their cases, is a complete failure, but could he please have another billion dollars anyway (27)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Illinois congressman worried that children may be “virtually sexually exploited” when on "Second Life," even if it's never been reported. Good parenting, common sense virtually absent from this debate (131)
(Some Guy) Interesting Study finds both men and cats drawn in by the same scent, also suffer the same effects after being trapped, caged, neutered (66)
(Canoe) Spiffy Canine air-bags may soon be illegal in California (67)
(nzherald) Stupid Most restaurant employees can tell the difference between Palmolive and a decent cabernet sauvignon. Key word there being "most" (56)
(Some Guy) Stupid Man gets drunk after drinking one beer and promptly complains, instead of celebrating his discovery of the holy grail of alcohol (83)
(Some Guy) Silly New for the road: 25 feet long, eight feet tall, 50-inch tires, two 50-gallon gas tanks, includes bar and 42-inch plasma TV. Someone is making up for something really small (348)
(Some Guy) Scary U.S. soldier in Afghanistan is engaged in firefight when his cell phone accidentally dials his parents. They get a frightening three-minute recording of the battle (with audio link to the recording) (202)
(CBS News) Sad Paper mill explodes in Mississippi, but the accident is forgotten quickly after officials pour white-out on the blast area (31)
(BBC) Stupid Because of safety fears, 81 percent of parents ban their snowflakes from riding bikes, teachers (292)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Asshat former judge who lost the $54 million law suit against dry cleaners over a missing pair of pants is suing to get his job back... and at least $1 million in damages (108)
(Seattle Times) Stupid Washington schools lose $13 million grant because administrators and teachers couldn't agree on the specifics. King Solomon nods approvingly (58)
(USA Today) Dumbass Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, speaking in dire tones with creepy organ music playing in the background, warns that more must be done to stave off the situation he and his ilk created. "We are in great peril" (112)
(Daily Mail) Sad Do not taunt superfat monkeys. They might eat you. With pics (116)
(Wonkette) Caption Caption this picture of Hillary taking a MySpace picture of herself and a few dozen of her friends (123)
(Barnes and Noble) Photoshop Photoshop Rosie's new crafting book (43)
(North Florida News Daily) Florida Woman tries to enlighten deputy that "everyone fishtails down Woodlawn Road" before passing out (21)
(CBS San Francisco) Dumbass Not news: Dog bites man. Maybe news: Man bites dog. Fark: Man punches camel (46)
(SLTrib) Amusing Country mouse visits the city, sees mannequin dressed in black lingerie ready for some hot, hot lovin', promptly returns to the country (209)
(SMH) Interesting "I'll have a stamp, a box of envelopes and some pot, thanks" (41)
(AP) Dumbass Priest sent to prison for having sex with inmates. Where he will continue to have sex with inmates (53)
(CSMonitor) Weird Grease theft may be on the rise, but this slick lawyer knows how to lube the system (32)
(ABC 2) Silly Cop hits parked cars... then gets pulled over by another cop and denies it. Unlucky for her the dash camera was rolling (video story) (55)
(London Times) Amusing Looking up your family tree on the Internet is great. Until Godwin's Law applies (87)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman carving up outdoor vinyl sign explains to police that she "wanted to cut the ‘NO’ out of the sign so she could put it on her buggy" (38)
(News.com.au) Spiffy The sexiest "vampire sex" acquittal you'll read all day (85)
(News.com.au) Amusing Graffiti prankster turns his attention to a sign warning motorists about a hump in the road. Hilarity ensues (article links to pic) (96)
(Sports by Brooks) Hero Cancer-stricken high school baseball player, given two months to live, called up to pinch hit -- and belts a single (123)
(Redlands Daily Facts) Strange Two hundred birds invade home while owners attend barbecue, leave their own sauce behind (26)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this paper towel dancer (51)
(Eagle Tribune) Ironic Man causes rollover accident on interstate. His t-shirt makes Ironic tag's head explode. (Pic) (127)

Mon May 05, 2008
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Zoo having a cow over the snake who is using text messages to monkey around by deluging the main switchboard with thousands of calls. Zoo tries to grin and bear it, but they'd be lion if they said they weren't amused. Tiger penis (55)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fark cliché become reality as article about Georgia (the US State) is accompanied by map of Georgia (the place somewhere near Russia) (114)
(Kansas.com) Strange Man is sticking 23-foot needles into the ground around Portland in attempt to give the city acupuncture and boost its chi (102)
(Everett Herald) Amusing Mother upset about naughty books being sold at teen store. Submitter wonders if she knows what her last name means (291)
(Baltimore Sun) Dumbass When a guy shows up to your bank and claims to be the guard there to pick up the cash shipments, you might want to... I don't know... verify that before giving him $200,000 (41)
(AP) Interesting 400-pound black bear added as extra security at Louisiana State Penitentiary. Planning an escape at night? "How About No" bear would like to give you some advice (61)
(The Raw Story) Obvious If the price of oil continues to rise, it'll be cheaper to run our cars on Cognac (149)
(CBS47.com) Florida 4,327 10th graders can't read good enough to pass FCATs. Bonus grandma quote: "I want someone to be held accountable" (244)
(hates hoggs) Interesting Texas to spend $1 million to control feral hogs. Submitter seen cleaning his big guns and finding out how much helicopter rentals are these days (252)
(CNN) Dumbass George Lucas on Indiana Jones: "He's a real guy. He's just like us." Assuming that we're all bullwhip-wielding archaeologists, yes, he's exactly like us (220)
(MSN) Stupid Clay Aiken: "I'm not trying to be Justin Timberlake," That's like a syphilis sore bragging about not being an herpes outbreak (93)
(Stuff) Strange Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo is very ashamed for hiring three transvestites in Rio, he claims he “cried a lot afterwards”. Isn’t what always happens? (116)
(Variety) Stupid 'TMZ,' '700' pass FCC news test, Both considered 'bona fide newscasts' - Next up for review Stephen Colbert and The Daily Show (57)
(AP) Dumbass Motorcyclist gives cop the finger, pops a wheelie and attempts to outrun cop's cruiser. It would have been way cooler if he hadn't crashed immediately after that (132)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Bing Crosby (94)
(UPI) Interesting It's obvious: In times of crisis women will stock up on lipstick (91)
(WFTV) Florida Bear breaks its paw after falling out a tree while asleep. Animal control experts believe this animal is dumber than the average bear (64)
(woai.com) Stupid School district warns parents and students for the past three months that they will begin enforcing the dress code today. Parents are outraged when schools actually do it (210)
(Reuters) Spiffy KFC adds menu items such as fried dough and preserved egg porridge to boost sales. Mmmm... preserved egg porridge (108)
(Some Labor Blogger) Interesting Per a recent agreement, Teamsters promise that when they strike, they won't bring guns or knives or ball bearings or rocks or sledge hammers or "balloons filled with excrement" (103)
(Contact Music) Interesting They tried to make Dennis Rodman go to rehab, but he said, "You know, I really, really, really hate that song... but yes, I'll go." (57)
(Telegraph) PSA Global-warming enthusiasts rush to invent new theories that can make new climate data conform to their world view. Preview: Cooler = Warmer (910)
(UPI) Stupid Airport traffic held up for 90 minutes due to grenade-like belt buckle (66)
(CNN) Stupid CNN asks readers to send in pictures showing economic problems in middle America. Just kidding -- they want your pictures of ugly bridesmaid's dresses. THIS is CNN (59)
(AP) Followup Mildred Loving, the last person criminally convicted for marrying outside her race, has died (399)
(CNN) Spiffy College students strip down to undies before finals. It's not news, it's T&A on CNN (219)
(Some Guy) Ironic Backer of proposed Bible Theme Park USA in Tennessee was a famous photographer of naked women for adult magazines. News breaks days before county to vote on final zoning approval (262)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida D.C. Madam’s suicide notes released, left mom some cash (228)
(Post Tribune) Obvious Woman who had her wallet stolen says that she has "learned a lot" -- mainly things like do not keep your ATM password written down with the card, and you probably shouldn’t carry around the SS cards of your entire family (83)
(Fox News) Dumbass "And this, officers, is how to safely clear a jammed weapon..." BLAM (210)
(WXIX) Sappy Marathon runner has heart attack, but a group of EMT/firefighters running right behind him end up saving his life (95)
(Wall Street Journal) Dumbass Not news: Ivy League professor receives poor course evaluations from critical students. Fark: Professor threaten a class-action lawsuit against those students because their "anti-intellectualism" violates her civil rights (549)
(Gimundo) Hero Since Chen Si began patrolling the Nanjing Bridge in China for suicide attempts four years ago, he has saved 144 lives (102)
(YouTube) Amusing Detroit anchorman channels both Ron Burgundy and Bubb Rubb as he narrates the Mayor's scandalous text messages (128)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida How bad is the economy? People are robbing Goodwill (94)
(CNN) Caption Caption what John McCain is bellowing (237)
(CNN) Amusing Gretchen Wilson finally has the education level of half of her fans (183)
(Washington Post) Weird Toddlers? In MY nightclub? It's more likely than you think (88)
(AJC) Misc The last peach tree on Atlanta's Peachtree Street is gone, apparently after neighbors busy sawing up an old pine tree decided to put the withered old thing out of its misery (86)
(Some Guy) Obvious If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free (742)
(The New York Times) Sad Turkmenistan's new ruler is working to undo the crazy hilarity of his predecessor, like renaming the days of the week after his family and the golden statue of himself that rotated to always face the sun (76)
(MSNBC) Interesting Does plastic surgery make you look younger or just weirder? (With before and after pics) (152)
(Gothamist) Strange Feral parrots are taking over Brooklyn, pining for the Dodgers (62)
(Metrowest Daily News) Dumbass Brothers, busted for public intoxication, tell cops during booking "we wanted to look thug-like in his picture." Mugshots suggest otherwise (70)
(Local6) Florida Student arrested for giving high-fives to teachers (107)
(Telegraph) Amusing Goldfish trained to play soccer, pretend to float upside-down at slightest contact with other players (49)
(AP) Asinine Man wants to move a very small, historic cemetary in which a War of 1812 veteran is buried to build his house because it won't fit anywhere else on the 130 acres (151)
(SuperDeluxe) Interesting Secret to great sex? Pine-Sol (241)
(The Mirror) Asinine Airport security now copying photos, emails and phone records on laptops. Hey, you don't have anything to hide unless yer a terrorist, right? (298)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Roger Clemens apologizes for "personal mistakes," and by "personal mistakes," he means screwing every female he has ever met. Apparently, steroid use doesn't fall under that category (92)
(Some Stoner) Asinine This week's "Man calls police to report theft of marijuana plants and is arrested" brought to you from none other than the weed capitol of the world, Humboldt County (30)
(Something Awful) Amusing Movie posters as seen through the eyes of kids (some NSFW language) (93)
(Niki) Photoshop Photoshop this enthusiastic skull (60)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this procession (82)
(AP) Followup Myanmar officials lose town, raise death toll to 4,000 (60)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida And now, for his next trick, a substitute teacher will make his job disappear (128)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Sad Candidate for unluckiest man alive: He manages to survive a double lung transplant, is then told he needs a new kidney (29)
(Daily Mail) Strange Woman has been evicted from her home for letting the weeds in her garden grow so high they can be seen from SPACE. (Note to Daily Fail: It's just a Google Earth picture, get with the technology already) (65)
(Globe and Mail) Stupid Drunk, stupid and in a pedal boat is no way to go out on Lake Simcoe, son (19)
(AP) Scary Two subway cars derail in Manhattan causing 400 passengers to evacuate, then exit the trains (56)
(Some Guy) Strange Actor has real heart attack on stage at the part where his character has a heart attack. "It was almost like real life imitating art" (52)
(CBS Sacramento) Hero Man asks for, and receives, a custom coffin made out of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer cans (80)
(Some Spanish Guy) Scary News: Some volcano is asploding in Chile. Fark: It looks FREAKING AWESOME (181)
(SMH) Scary Silo worker squashed under tons of peas, has now bean rescued, radished to hospital (50)
(BBC) Weird This is serious, chaps. We might not have enough tea. And its frightfully radioactive out there too, so take a brolly (56)
(SMH) Dumbass Ferris Bueller wannabee wrecks dad's Ferrari after speeding into pole. Bonus: Pic of kid making the "Hey, umm dad..." phonecall (126)
(Yahoo) Amusing German politician with "hair like a guinea pig" may auction his beard, as long as it doesn't "turn into a spectacle" (21)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Wireless carriers give location to police without a warrant. Don't trace me bro? (63)
(AZCentral) Amusing Forty-eight states in five days in a Toyota. That's one helluva road trip (69)
(Washington Post) Asinine Should I tell my snowflakes that Mommy was a slut? It's not news, it's Fark (200)
(My Fox St. Louis) Dumbass Boy invents new skateboard trick, "beat the train." Someone else will have to perfect it (76)
(Boston Herald) Hero Rich kid viciously attacks former girlfriend, claims he has “intermittent explosive disorder.” Hero tag for the judge who didn't buy it. Bonus: Priceless pics of his reaction to the sentencing (506)
(WTMJ) Interesting School does breathalyzer tests on kids going to prom. Complete with "Does a body good" pic (94)
(Some Parisian) Photoshop Photoshop the courtyard at The Louvre (55)
(Charlotte) Followup In its normal, calm and objective manner, PETA calls for the suspension of the jockey that rode Eight Belles before she collapsed (184)