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Sun June 22, 2008
(InventorSpot) Cool Japan invents cigarettes with balls you squeeze for a blast of flavor. Cough please (74)
(PennLive) Dumbass $4 / gallon gas prices is NOT a legal defense for buying beer for 14-year-old girls (85)
(Bartender's Weekly) Sad Recipe for a Darwin float: 1 large aluminum container, copious water, 10 fishermen, 4 who can't swim ... add liberal alcohol... hold the life jackets... serves 14 (57)
(Yahoo) Amusing To: Fark Headlines - CC: Farker1, Farker2, Farker3, Farker4, Farker5 - Subject: HAHA LOL 6 Most Annoying Coworkers, so trueee (304)
(AJC) Scary How do you keep deadly germs inside a $214 million Centers for Disease Control lab? Why, duct tape, of course (102)
(BBC) Stupid British parents group criticizes fact that 30 percent of secondary schools have sexual health clinics, apparently would prefer Florida-style teacher-student tutoring (48)
(Labspaces.net) Interesting If fuel efficiency advanced at the same rate as computer chip efficiency, the current oil reserves would last for about six billion years (119)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rejected energy drinks (110)
(AP) Asinine Another tear-jerking, heart-wrenching account of how the economy is forcing people to make coffee at home instead of going to Starbucks and drop expensive gym memberships in lieu of jogging for free. The horror, the horror (357)
(SLTrib) Unlikely Woman columnist says it's time for men to grow up and stop bringing their licensed and unconcealed handguns with them in public (785)
(Flickr) Cool As if you had anything better to do on a Sunday, here is the Smithsonian Institution's Photostream (33)
(News.com.au) Sad Welcome to the wussification of America, automotive style (507)
(The Sun) Cool Man spends 15 years building model of Paris out of garbage in his back yard, which has become a tourist attraction but still hasn't helped him get laid. The Sun is there with a cool slide show (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kind of like a rorschach/mood ring/slideshow thingy. You might like it (57)
(Some Guy) Strange Carp enthusiasts gather for Carp-O-Rama. "I rolled that carp in that blueberry pancake mix, and my God that was good." (95)
(Newsday) Followup Tom Brokaw given "Meet the Press" chair until November, icy stares from Chris Matthews (137)
(AP) Weird ♫ What do you do with an old age lemur, what do you do with an old age lemur, what do you do with an old age lemur early in the morning? ♫ (51)
(New England.com) Spiffy The best burgers in New England. Now this is Bunday (230)
(Some Brooklynite) Photoshop Photoshop this lazy summer afternoon (72)
(Cracked) Amusing The world's five strangest holidays, including Punch Your Neighbor Day, which submitter kinda hopes will catch on (56)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Tiger cubs make Brownsville zoo debut after ass-clown tries to sell them in a Wal-Mart parking lot (33)
(ABC News) Interesting Treasure trove of historic documents found in attic of Maryland plantation. Researchers believe they have found Lincoln's legendary "I freed the WHAT?" letter (47)
(Common Dreams) Obvious American Petroleum Institute ads are full of fertilizer. They use crude facts to extract and distill beliefs that there is enough oil for the future needs (72)
(First Coast News) Spiffy 100 pound Moon Pie created for 14th annual RC Cola and Moon Pie festival in Bell Buckle, Tennessee. In other news, there's an RC Cola and Moon Pie festival. In even more news, there's a Bell Buckle, Tennessee (w/ pic) (93)
(Local6) Followup Ugly-ass ugliest dog pics (46)
(Slate) Interesting Why does a society that can send a man to the moon still use sandbags to stop flooding? (180)
(MSNBC) Obvious Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria (72)
(Sun Sentinel) Cool It's Sunday morning, so enjoy a bowl or seven of these old school, all sugar, kid cereals (176)
(Some Blasphemer) Interesting On this day 375 years ago, Galileo Galilei was forced to recant his claim that the Earth revolved around the Sun. Take comfort in living in a more enlightened era where science is no longer under threat from religious fanatics (1057)
(Houston Chronicle) Weird Fifty years ago, many Houston schools required naked swim classes for the boys. Nevermind the shrinkage; just don't pee in the pool (117)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass Sometimes you've got to grab life by the balls. And sometimes it's best to just leave those balls alone (mugshot of woman who engrabbinated an officer's balls) (81)
(London Times) Obvious Study finds that the Irish spend more of their income on alcohol than anyone else in the EU (68)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Civil war breaks out among hundreds of residents of nudist colony over "nontraditional" swinger parties. Swordfight in the clubhouse at 9 (47)
(Some Bather) Photoshop Photoshop this dainty dipper (42)
(AP) Sad Headline: "Car hits NYC pedestrians for 4th time in 2 days" Someone might want to think about stopping that guy (46)
(Newsweek) Scary More and more US troops are "special forces" -- the kind of "special" that takes a short bus to school and gets lots of medals for "participation" (429)
(My Fox Milwaukee) Cool As if the last day of school wasn't cool enough, fifth graders get letters and photos from Johnny Depp (54)
(NewsBusters) Cool Global Cooling will cause the next great ice age. EVERYBODY PANIC (163)
(Telegraph) Obvious UK beer sales tumble to lowest levels since 1975 due to smoking bans (62)
(Globe and Mail) Sad Four die in Philippine ferry accident, proving once again that God hates ferries (58)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida News: Man carjacks woman at Walmart... Fark: using machete (38)
(CBS New York) Hero Former Giant finishes cross-country walk for 9/11 victims (81)
(London Times) Spiffy Public invited to take turns on top of a fourteen-foot high plinth in London's Trafalgar Square for an hour. Exhibits expected to include "Hey watch this," "Wheeeee" and "compound fracture of the tibia," (30)
(Reuters) Asinine Chinese policewoman gets promoted for breastfeeding babies in aftermath of country's massive earthquake. Naturally, the blogosphere is losing its mind at this outrage (134)
(Abc.net.au) Unlikely Scotland comes up with cunning plan to stop smoking: give people money to buy groceries...like cigarettes (30)
(Some Guy) Florida You know those huge arms that come down at railroad crossings to alert you that a train is coming? Do NOT drive around them or else Darwin will end up having a chuckle at your expense (77)
(AP) Sappy NC couple has twins that weigh 23 pounds combined. That's gonna leave a mark (98)

Sat June 21, 2008
(apan Today) Weird Japanese matrimonial company accepting applications for WEDDINGS ... IN ... SPAAAACE (32)
(Wired) Obvious Credit card company reduces credit limits of those who used the cards at massage parlors, bars, marriage counselors and tire retread stores. Buying wine in a box can't be far behind (92)
(some scientist) Cool Scientists discover formula for perfect cheese sandwich....still no cure for lactose intolerance (55)
(London Times) Amusing Lord Byron--history's Colin Ferrell--responded to ladies' letters requesting a lock of his hair with a clipping from his pet Newfoundland dog (37)
(Some Drunk) Interesting The best, the worst and the dirtiest dive bars in the US. Complain about how your favorite shiathole should've gotten an honorable mention to the right (208)
(NPR) Ironic Not news: Museum flooded. News: The museum was in Iowa. Fark: It was "The Flood Museum" (74)
(Des Moines Register) Scary In case you don't have enough to worry about these days, you should know many cuts of beef are never tested for e. coli and it's perfectly legal (126)
(BBC) Scary We all know journalists make up news stories. This guys takes it to a whole new level (53)
(AP) Sick Reason # 11 why you should never send food back to the cook (186)
(National Post) Sad Even Canadians are seeing a decline in beer sales, as wine becomes more and more popular. I blame Busch (111)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious Dogs getting fatter. Yours wants 8 Twinkies, 4 Big Macs and a milkshake (53)
(London Times) Asinine Calling Scientology a "cult" while in London is a jailable offense (236)
(Fox News) Amusing What has three legs, one eye, and buckets of drool? Gus, the ugliest dog of 2008. (with ugly ass pic) (75)
(Nola.com) Strange Acid spill closes I-10, opens minds (warning: thread may cause seizures) (53)
(Boston Globe) Amusing A 4'9" gas station clerk jumps in a gas thief's car in order to stop him short (45)
(Some McCormick) Photoshop Photoshop Kenny (96)
(Charlotte) Dumbass If you jump into a body of water to evade police, make sure you can swim (36)
(Kansas City) Weird This man needs a $500 fishing store shopping spree like he needs a hole in his... oh. Right, then (25)
(Fox News) Strange Philadelphia developer looks to wrest America's Largest Target title from Sears Tower. Howard Roark unimpressed (74)
(Telegraph) Asinine United Airlines flight cancelled after pilot gets too upset over whether to wear his hat while he flies the damn thing (92)
(WFTV) Florida Newest rage: butt enhancement parties. Why not just wait until you're middle aged and it develops naturally? (65)
(CNBC) Spiffy Manual push lawn mowers making a comeback as gas prices soar. Hank Hill scoffs at this new trend (215)
(Detroit News) Dumbass Atheist moves into Michigan town founded by Lutheran missionaries, sees crosses everywhere, and starts suing everybody. "He sometimes feels like he's the one hanging from the cross." (800)
(TC Palm) Florida Excuse me ma'am, will you please hold my baby for a moment, while I yank hair out of the head of another woman in line at this Family Dollar, choke the woman's mother and chomp down on a police officer's finger? (64)
(AFP) Strange Police in Spain have arrested a man dressed as a policeman who directed traffic for about an hour. He was given away by the smooth running intersection and his politeness to motorists (44)
(Seattle Times) Cool Amtrak reaches record ridership, on the way to profitability on the news gas prices suck, airlines resembling movie theaters and riding Greyhound is like playing Russian Roulette (143)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Photoshop Photoshop this overjoyed wrestler (86)
(Boston Globe) Unlikely Whole Foods manager insists "none of the other customers mind" when people in checkout line dash to their cars to get their reusuable shopping bags (197)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man demands $200k for being targeted as a sex offender by the police after a real one lists his address in the sex offenders registry and fliers are sent out to all of his neighbors (165)
(Scientific American) Interesting Try your hand at these puzzles based on "simple sporadic groups", inspired by Rubik's Cube. Warning: The term 'simple' may be "one of the greatest misnomers in the history of mathematics" (54)
(Guardian.com) Interesting US military "discos" subject detainees to sonic torture, including Queen, Barney the Dinosaur, and crying babies mixed with the Meow Mix commercial. I will survive (169)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Teacher uses brilliant legal strategy to avoid arrest for alleged relationship with student (63)
(Free Press) Obvious Hotels are way ahead of the airlines when it comes to nickel-and-diming the traveling public for incidental fees (101)
(Some Tourist) Amusing Five reasons everybody hates a tourist (204)
(Washington Post) Amusing Columnist says good riddance to copy editors. With bonus penis mightier (101)
(Seattle Times) Stupid Washington lottery pulls candy-themed scratch tickets due to single complaint that it would encourage children to gamble, despite no reports of such activity and the fact you have to be 18 to buy them (42)
(The Sun) Followup The sheep are even more nervous than usual as hundreds of people report UFO sightings over Wales following yesterday's near-collision with a police helicopter. The Sun is there with a helpful picture (42)
(The Local (Germany)) Spiffy Lost hiker found after removing her bra to signal with it. Her mood was sagging and pouty, but she got perkier as soon as her rescuers lifted and separated her from the ravine (63)
(Network World) Asinine Kellogg's to LEGO: "Let's make a children's snack that looks like your little plastic blocks." (What could go wrong?) (80)
(Canada.com) Sappy Boris the cat, recovering from broken back with use of a brace and hydrotherapy, to find out who will adopt him and give him new home on Caturday (with photo) (426)
(The Newspaper) Obvious Who among us hasn't had the urge to grab an axe and go all "here's Johnny" on the nearest speed trap? (76)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pink bunny (56)
(NBC 10) Scary Soccer player exhibits "lack of sportsmanship" for biting a referee's face (with classic OM NOM NOM NOM picture) (76)
(Google) Scary 12 dead in Mexican nightclub stampede. EVERYBODY PANIC AT THE DISCO (88)
(Rocky Mountain News) Sad Sign of the times 2008: cops are called after a man tries to pay for his gas with a sackful of pennies (181)
(Yahoo) Scary Reporting from inside this big plastic ball careening down a hill, this is Reb...[CRACK]...Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow glurghhhdrool (66)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass News: Mother gets daughter to help her slash the tires of her ex-husband. Fark:...and 25 other vehicles on the street (with extremely unhittable pic) (111)
(Some Guy) Hero Unlike the temptations of adulthood, the Slurpee remains uncorrupted (69)
(WFTV) Florida You can be arrested for dumping hundreds of dead rats in your neighborhood? Who knew? (27)
(ABC News) Scary Another high rise NYC crane .... oh wait ... inspectors actually found the problems before the collapse (20)
(Fox News) Scary Cops ring bell at 3 A.M. to let man know his garage door was open, the TV was on, keys to his truck were left in the ignition, the door to his house was ajar, and his bedroom was poorly decorated (427)
(Washington Post) Asinine "Pro life" pharmacies refuse to dispense birth control pills and other contraceptives. Don't worry, they've still got Viagra (528)
(CNN) Interesting Martha Stewart banned from Britain, teeth too perfect (64)

Fri June 20, 2008
(KTXL) Weird Actual headline: Paraguay Inmates Riot Over Lack Of Sex (69)
(Des Moines Register) Strange Most carousels have horses and organ music. This one has a crazy naked woman bound up in duct tape (51)
(Springfield News-Leader) Dumbass Today's naked man attacks a police car brought to you by the Greene County Missouri Sheriff's Department (27)
(Washington Post) Spiffy 'Yes, the office has a bar. The two dozen employees gather there every Friday at 4:30 for "beer education'" (34)
(Slate) Interesting Has modern life killed the semicolon? But; Clinton (116)
(CBS Salt Lake City) Dumbass Thief embarrasses himself on surveillance cameras by trying to "lift" ATM and carry it out the door (with pics and video goodness) (25)
(Some Guy) Sick They first became suspicious when they spotted him pulling up his trousers as he stood near a sheep (154)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's the summer solstice edition of this week's mugshot roundup (202)
(News.com.au) Interesting You can now be ticketed and fined in Australia for driving with a pet on your lap (54)
(CBS New York) Asinine Student suspended for 10 months for giving his teacher the dreaded, evil, dastardly noogie (53)
(Local6) Florida If your dentist dropped screwdriver down your throat during last visit, don't be surprised if he drops torque wrench on next visit (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these firefighters (68)
(The Chattanoogan) Amusing Metal thieves go for ultimate prize: city's 50-foot by 10-foot aluminum boat ramp. "If somebody brings you a 50-foot by 10-foot aluminum ramp, please don't cut it up." (56)
(The Morning Call) Spiffy Woman strikes gold at flea market. Subby can't even find an 8-track of "Frampton Comes Alive" (127)
(The Chattanoogan) Sad There once was a pastor named Jump, who only wanted a nice little hump, but the cop he tried to pay, instead ruined his day, and he ended up down in the dumps (67)
(Starpulse) Weird The Rock says that his onscreen kiss with Steve Carell tasted like "cat litter." In related news, The Rock knows what cat litter tastes like (104)
(AP) Scary Floodwaters to widen 'dead zone' in Gulf of Mexico, help prevent Rep. Greg Stillson from being selected as Vice Presidential candidate (65)
(Variety) Interesting Lisa Lampanelli to do a sitcom pilot for HBO. She'll play a chubby, no-doubt foul-mouthed owner of a comedy club. Throw in some black guys to screw and it's basically her routine (141)
(Cinti Enquirer) Dumbass Consumer tip #287: Don't use a stick of deodorant and put it back on the shelf, you'll go to jail... (w/ mugshot pic) (117)
(MSNBC) Obvious Summer + slow news day = Obligatory "It's gonn' be hot" news story (103)
(CBS New York) Stupid Gas station accidentally puts "9" in place of "4" in gas price of "4.09" and EVERYBODY PANICS (116)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Torn from the pages of the Bangor Daily News: Bullet intended for frog hits woman in trailer park. France surrenders (53)
(Some Guy) Obvious Adam West says "The Dark Knight" lacks the "Shakespearean" quality of his interpretation of Batman (307)
(TBO) Florida Man pleads not guilty to swimming naked with alligators. Again (63)
(Google) PSA Final reminder: Southern Californian Fark Party, Saturday, 21st, 7pm in Anaheim at Danny K's LGT location (133)
(BBC) Interesting EU to lift sanctions against Cuba. Don't those people know about the imprisonment without trial and allegations of torture and abuse happening on that island? (190)
(AP) Stupid New York man waits inside ex-girlfriend's couch for her to get home, apparently the restraining order didn't send the right message (87)
(Yahoo) Obvious Medical council finds television psychiatrist unfit to practice. Before you get excited, it's not Dr. Phil (54)
(Some Guy) Amusing Reporter takes "Segway Safari" through Baltimore and discovers that only thing worse than being laughed at is being laughed at while wearing a helmet (140)
(Columbia Tribune) Scary Toy "lending library" offers toys to share amongst germy, snotty, poopy toddlers. What could possibly go wrong? (91)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Media inconsolable as Revs Wright and Pfleger appeared in public together last night and fail to say a single controversial or inflammatory thing (50)
(National Review) Interesting Atheism hates women, children, and families. Ghost of Maude Flanders nods approvingly (1082)
(Colorado Springs Independent) Dumbass "No, show me YOUR hands" and other things not to say to a DEA Agent (90)
(Reuters) Asinine House passes shameful Steny Hoyer/FISA act with ex post facto telecom immunity. Bow to your corporate masters, serfs (688)
(Seacoastonline.com) Strange "Authorities say ammonia levels from 66 cats ... were high enough to cause brain damage", well that explains why they can't spell correctly (68)
(Buffalo News) Stupid Want to earn over $17 an hour + benefits without an education? Simply get a minimum wage job and then apply for every available welfare program and government subsidy (296)
(AP) Dumbass Public school teacher in hot water for teaching creationism... and for branding kids' arms with a burning cross (412)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Hottie pops fuse on plane, lights up, goes twitchy eye nuts and The Smoking Gun is there (304)
(USA Today) Asinine Having solved all of the World's problems, Air Force service man is given an extended leave to attend the opening of White Castle (84)
(BBC) Interesting The modern computer is 60 years old today. Get off its 6c:61:77:6e (206)
(FARK) Spiffy Final Reminder: NJ Fark Party on 6/21 in New Brunswick. Be there (86)
(Gizmodo) Dumbass Student faces 38 years in prison after changing grades, inadvertently playing global thermomuclear war (98)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Student shames the world of bikini-clad jelly wrestling. With pics (173)
(MDN) Dumbass *Cough* *wheeze* *sputter*... "smooth" (47)
(Telegraph) Photoshop Photoshop this uppity piglet (51)
(WTHR) Obvious Podiatrist suggests that $2 flip flops not nearly as good for your feet as the $80 ones. In other news: You can spend *how much* for flip flops? (252)
(My Fox NY) Followup Fired newscaster sues station for making her go on Dr. Phil. Wait... that's an option? (52)
(The Indy Channel) Sick Gentlemen, when should we schedule repairs on our waste treatment equipment? The local food festival is the third week in June. Perfect (67)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When you have this many people involved in a murder plot, a middle aged assassin with a prostitution addiction and then get the witnesses to "pinky swear" they won't tell the cops, you outta know things aren't gonna work out (56)
(Gothamist) Weird Not news: DOT puts up a deer crossing sign. Fark: In Brooklyn (50)
(CNN) Dumbass Hugo Chavez threatens EU with oil embargo over immigration policy. Difficulty- EU doesn't use any Venezuelan oil (164)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Man's best friend: dog. Dog's best friend: cheetah? (pics) (94)
(London Times) Obvious Okay, everybody who had June 20th as "The day Britain's attempt to stage the Olympics ended in disaster" get ready to collect your winnings (86)
(Daily Yomiuri) Amusing Osaka government attacked for allowing portion of public park to be taken over by lawless, territorial gang of mahjongg enthusiasts (40)
(SeattlePI) Stupid Columnist upset that, for once, the media isn't baselessly speculating about the unproveable connection between Midwest flooding and global warming (232)
(Metro) Strange Police helicopter chases "flying saucer-shaped" UFO after near-collision, proving that cops really do have the best dope (60)
(Comedy.com) Obvious The 10 oldest women we'd still bang (578)
(International Herald Tribune) Interesting Not that anybody should worry or anything, but the Israeli Air Force just held a full blown dress rehearsal for bombing Iran (924)
(UPI) Amusing They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower (55)
(CBS News) Dumbass Good: reporting to your parole officer on time. Bad: doing so in a stolen car (20)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these faceless sentinels (73)
(Telegraph) Stupid Sports Day cancelled in Nanny State school over fears the precious snowflakes could trip on the uneven playing field (79)
(Jalopnik) Cool The coolest golf cart mods you'll see all day (42)
(News.com.au) Amusing Police dog chasing man gets distracted by smell of cannabis nearby, ends up making drug bust, Doritos run instead (36)
(Reuters) Obvious The mentally ill can't defend themselves, according to the Supreme Court that upheld the case of Indiana v. I Swear To God I Will Kill All of You Once These Spiders Get Off Me (79)
(Daily Mail) Scary Nearly 10% of youths aged 16-18 in the UK are NEETs: Not in Education, Employment or Training. Subby suggests reclassifying them Totally Wasted And Truant (116)
(Oregon Live) Amusing Superman and Green Lantern ain't got nuthin' on The. Best. Superhero. Evar (91)
(MSNBC) Scary The Day After Tomorrow is Today (292)
(Press-Register) Amusing City safe opened after 30+ years of neglect. Land deeds, city budgets, fiscal agendas? Nope, just dope (54)
(KRDOTV) Strange Old and Busted: Summer camp. New Hotness: Summer meth camp (37)
(News.com.au) Cool Frog that has existed undiscovered for more than five million years introduced to the public. ♫ Hello ma baby, hello ma honey, hello ma ragtime gal... ♫ (165)
(Some Drunk) Followup I'll see your "Top 10 drinking achievements to reach before you die" and raise you "40 things every drunkard should do before he dies." Orson Welles unavailable for comment (140)
(Retrocrush) Amusing It's Carnival season, so here is a great article giving credit to a retro Fark thread on how to win (68)

Thu June 19, 2008
(News.com.au) Scary Six foot long snake discovered living in toilet bowl of Australian apartment. Just came out to say "Bidet mate" (47)
(SMH) Dumbass If you book the National Press Club to announce your gay tryst with a presidential candidate, try not to have an outstanding warrant for your arrest. Also, maybe try a lawyer that is wearing pants (176)
(Some Guttenberg) Caption Caption whatever's making Steve Guttenberg go batshiat (90)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Inmate wins lawsuit to get Vegan diet, saying regular diets are violent. Guess he got all the violence out of his system when he beat his 5-month-old son to death. Still no "World's Smallest Violin" tag (200)
(Wired) NewsFlash The Mars Lander just found ice (816)
(Telegraph) Interesting Old 'n' busted: Childrens' letters to Santa. New hotness: Child's letter to Hitler (67)
(Some Alcoholic) Interesting The top 10 drinking achievements to reach before you die. Becoming a Fark headline strangely absent (162)
(Gawker) Amusing Nilla, short for vanilla, wins as best new slur for white people. Followed closely by Altoids and Osmond. Casper unavailable for comments (310)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange More and more Swedish men seeking professional help to assist them in dealing with sexual abuse they have experienced from women. Man up, Olaf (79)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Botox Bandit arrested. She's all of 23 years old. With police photo goodness (125)
(Some Guy) Amusing What would Jesus' vanity license plate say? (304)
(Some Guy) Florida American Airlines would like to apologize for having a mother f'king skunk on their mother f'king plane (21)
(CNN) Unlikely Is $500 a month and free gas enough to turn your vehicle into a hideous rolling billboard? (182)
(Boston Herald) Obvious Concerned residents: Please test our DNA to rule us out in the murder case so you can find the real killer. Prosecutor: Thanks, suckers, your DNA is now on file labeled "murder suspect" (42)
(AccessAtlanta) Amusing Fourteen songs you should never play at a bar. Submitter respectfully disagrees with numbers 3, 9, and especially 10 (331)
(AP) Strange Kentucky Grand Jury indicts man for removing boulder from the Ohio River without a permit. In other news, you need a permit to take a rock from a river and Kentucky has grand juries (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this song capture (58)
(MSNBC) Hero Supermom gives birth to six, runs marathon. The whistling noise was deafening (100)
(WTOP) Stupid You know what this country needs? A complex system of variable, ever-changing speed limit signs so nobody can ever argue with the police about whether they've been speeding. Done (103)
(Some Guy) Interesting NC couple finds giant honeycomb in their wall, yeah yeah yeah, it's not small, no no no (51)
(Local6) Florida Bandit tries to rob store armed only with palm frond (with pic goodness) (51)
(Some Guy) Scary From todays "Are we dead yet?" file: Killer electric stingrays are going to invade England because of Global Warming (40)
(Stuff) PSA If you shot this neo-nazi skinhead three times and failed to kill him, the police would like a word with you. And so would he. With "I think you should take your chances with the cops" pic goodness (204)
(Channel3000) Strange Bob Uecker's boat smashed by 550 freighter. Juuuust a bit outside (110)
(Reuters) Misc Bush tours Iowa to find out what Row vs. Wade is all about (161)
(24 hours Vancouver) Followup Sixth foot found on a beach turns out to be a hoax (98)
(Fox News) Boobies Here's a guaranteed ratings boost: Local TV station asks, "Are those hookers on Google Street View?" (242)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Experts confirm that the Rembrandt painting "Rembrandt Laughing" was not only painted by Rembrandt, but was also a self portrait. Research on who wrote his autobiography still in progress (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this overdressed "cyclist" (75)
(Fox News) Cool Q: How do you know when you got a great deal on a great house? A: You saved enough money you could afford to put it on a barge and sail it to your town (56)
(The Sun) Obvious Will Smith's new movie "Hancock" has a billboard wardrobe malfunction. The Sun is there. PENIS (211)
(Florida Independent Alligator) Florida Not content to settle for bum fights, Gainesville man has spent the last year unsuccessfully trying to organize a homeless soccer program (56)
(WSRZ) Florida If you're going to be a stay-at-home mom, that's great, but how about staying awake during the day so your nine-year-old doesn't total the family's minvan during his joyride? (85)
(ABC News) Dumbass Obama on Osama: "The United States should bring him to justice but in a way that avoids turning the al Qaeda leader into a martyr." Okay, How? "I can't speculate" (618)
(SFGate) Obvious 1998 story about doomsayer predictions of world oil crunch by 2010, complete with Bay Area residents complain about paying $1.31 for a gallon of regular unleaded gas (103)
(ClusterStock) Amusing If we start offshore drilling today, we might get some Gulf of Mexico gas in 10 years. I can't wait to power my electric car with that (358)
(PhillyBurbs.com) Stupid Hey look, it's the "happiest day of the year" jackass from Drew's book, still getting free publicity from MSM like clockwork every six months with his whackjob science (97)
(ABC News) Stupid Coming to TV this summer: "Hurl", a show in which people gorge themselves and are put in a spinner, the "winner" being whoever pukes last. Expected air date for "Oww My Balls" moved up to Fall '09 (190)
(Time) Interesting Teen girls in Massachusetts make pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together: "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy." Cisco Red makes an easy Father's Day gift (428)
(AP) Followup Texas GOP bans racist button seller from conventions. GOP spokesman: "We will neither tolerate, nor profit from bigotry." GOP rank and file: "Really? Is that a new thing? Cause we didn't get a memo" (746)
(FARK) Spiffy Hey it's a Fark Twitter feed thinger (159)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The official "post the abomination you made in the Spore Creature Creator" thread (336)
(The Atlantic) Obvious Westboro Baptist Church nutbars protest Tim Russert's memorial service, saying the journalist is now roasting in Hell. But the good news is he's saving a seat for Fred Phelps (250)
(CBS News) Ironic If you get fired for bragging on MySpace about arresting John Michael Montgomery for DUI, you probably shouldn't drive drunk (71)
(CNN) Obvious A report by Department of Homeland Security inspector found that FEMA is still incapable of doing anything efficiently (64)
(BBC) Interesting English woman puzzled by strange wreath left on great-grandfather's grave. Even more surprised by the Zulu theatre group and red-coated re-enactors (59)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious $300 billion taxpayer bailout of Countrywide Mortgage in Senate right now. Brought to you by the senator who took $780,000 in "Friends of Angelo" mortgages from Countrywide. Nothing to see here, citizen. Move along (283)
(CNN) Cool Does the fact that body art is as prevalent today as mullets were in the 1980s mean that the tattoo-friendly tide is turning in the workplace? (387)
(nbc10) Misc Slideshow of Before and After celebrity plastic surgery photos. Last slide proves that Ashlee's surgeon should be given a gold medal (255)
(Google) Obvious Afghanistan overtaking Iraq as focus of war on terror, according to analysts. And it only took seven years and 4,000 U.S. combat deaths to figure that out (298)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Half-ton of coffee beans stolen in Hawaii. Police on the lookout for person who is awake, twitching, and talking at 10,000 words per minute (61)
(Metro) Amusing Fridge that only holds five eggs tops list of worst-designed products, followed by a washing machine with only one temperature setting and a TV you have to unplug to turn off because it has no "off" switch (160)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Strawberry farmer forced to stop 40-year "pick your own" tradition due to greedy grazers, including one family of asshats who brought a pot of cream with them to dip on the fly (144)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass On the day that fliers announced a registered sex offender had moved into a Puyallup neighborhood, a woman welcomed him with an aluminum baseball bat (453)
(Some Guy) Hero Not news: Man denied permit for ATV shop, thanks to neighbors. News: He decides to open a porn shop instead. Fark: Names it after most vocal opponent of his original plan (288)
(CTV) Obvious Study links hours of TV to obesity, sun to warmth, Fark to gold Krylon paint (38)
(The Business Sheet) Weird Recording artist Kid Rock refuses to shill for music labels, tells fans it's fine to steal music. And gas (244)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Let's make a deal: Oil drilling for national hurricane insurance (188)
(Fox News) Interesting Road trippers hit all 48 states in four days, which is about as exciting as sitting in your parked car for four days (89)
(Local6) Florida Deputy Dumbass learns the hard way why the Discovery Channel programs always say "Don't try this at home" (68)
(CNN) Interesting When should you stop going to therapy? Pro tip: Definitely not when your dog tells you it's time (36)
(CBS News) Amusing Things not to leave behind when you move out of your apartment: One (1) human skull (45)
(WIBW) Ironic Good karma: Your house is the only house on the block to survive a tornado. Bad karma: It then gets struck by lightning (37)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this cool classic Kuba Komet (65)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine $57 million Mega Millions lottery jackpot won by criminal sex offender (180)
(NYPost) Dumbass He's survived being stabbed and protestors throwing watermelons at him. Now Al Sharpton faces his toughest nemesis: The IRS (92)
(Fox News) Dumbass Newark NJ meter maid accused of stealing $30 grand in change. Meter maid trifecta now in play (18)
(Now Magazine) Amusing "Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe gets a butt-toning machine, so his saggy ass won't drag on the Broadway boards (46)
(Metro) Amusing Baking an engagement ring into a cake can be a romantic way to make a proposal. Unless she's really, really hungry. OM NOM NOM (43)
(Rocky Mountain News) Interesting You put your life on the line every day when you're a meter maid: "A guy punched me in the chest with his ticket. Anything can happen out here" (56)
(Some Guy) Amusing Darth Vader shows up at priest convention (45)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Students pull the old "laxative-spiked cake" prank on their teachers. With picture of alleged prank victim. "It had red chunks that looked like cherries, but they were bitter" (67)
(Houston Chronicle) Silly University of Houston student has shot at Rock Paper Scissors Championship, cites "Jedi" approach. "I try to read my opponent's thoughts before my opponent even has them" (42)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Sick Maybe it's time to take a few shrimps OFF that barbie, mate. Australia now world's most obese nation (156)
(CNN) Amusing Americans have driven 1.4 billion fewer highway miles than a year ago. This leads to a loss of tax funds that fix highway problems. Therefore, the roads suck because you are driving less. Isn't irony fun? (92)
(The Sun) Amusing The town has spoken: F**king is here to stay (58)
(The New York Times) Cool Four Western oil companies are in the final stages of negotiations this month on contracts that will return them to Iraq, 36 years after losing their oil concession to nationalization as Saddam Hussein rose to power. Finally, progress in Iraq (127)
(News.com.au) Scary Four nursing home residents hospitalized after paint stripping solution is sprinkled on their pancakes. John McCain proposes military action (22)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass ♫ Ascot lady sing a song, doo-da, doo-da. Skirt so short we see your thong, ew-dee-doo-dah-day ♪ (49)
(Some Guy) Sick "Police opened an investigation into Day after the boy's mother reported that her son said he had been shown computer images of adults and cartoon characters Scooby Doo and Shaggy having sex" (75)
(Telegraph) Stupid Winged rat comes home to owner 10 years after it disappeared. Awwwww (49)
(Jakarta Post) Interesting Isolated Bali jungle seamstresses describe getting hired to create 200 new Starfleet uniforms for "Star Trek XI." At one point, there were "dozens of women rubbing the fabrics with rocks" (56)
(Canada.com) Strange Montreal rabbi and professional circumciser beats speeding ticket after convincing traffic court judge he was rushing to help bleeding baby boy (98)
(AP) Dumbass Actual headline: Police arrest man running on trail in thong (62)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 163: "Museum of Found Objects." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (124)

Wed June 18, 2008
(The Sun) Amusing Experts devote 12 years to create the perfect RC flying saucer, and my friends it looks, it looks...it looks like a farking Big Mac (photo) (107)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Skyrocketing cost of meat making vegetarians more smug and self-righteous than ever (278)
(Metronews) Dumbass Man caught bringing 9 grams of marijuana into prison wrapped around penis claims misunderstanding. It was probably closer to 4 grams. Penis (40)
(IMDB) Survey TFette watching an old classic and wonders... what movies made in the last twenty years will be classics? (741)
(AP) Interesting FDA okays breathing device used by Christopher Reeve. Which is nice, since he's not using it anymore (46)
(Dallas News) Dumbass (kick) This is a (BANG) ... (thud) and Darwin wins again (214)
(AP) Cool Hello? No, I can't talk. I'm being briefed by the Park Service about your disappearance into the Alaskan wilderness four days ago. No, they say you aren't carrying a cell phone (87)
(My Fox Colorado) Dumbass Plane diverted to Denver when woman verbally abused and then punched flight attendant after being told to stop smoking. Flight crew, passengers tried to calm her down but apparently didn't speak "Jive" (163)
(CBS New York) Spiffy If you've ever wanted a $200 burger from Burger King, topped with onions fried in Cristal and pink Himalayan rock salt, today is your lucky day (96)
(The New York Times) Photoshop Photoshop this motley crew (55)
(Oregon Live) Asinine Bicyclist runs through light, subsequently hit, killed by bus. What is a family to do? Why, sue, of course (326)
(MSNBC) Stupid More gas stations are banning credit cards, because everyone wants to walk around a gas station at 3:00am with $75 bucks in their hand (145)
(Newsday) Spiffy Starting Aug. 1, cigarette labels in Egypt will be required to carry images of the effects of smoking: a dying man in an oxygen mask, a coughing child and a limp cigarette symbolizing impotence (91)
(SMH) Asinine You're 12, and dad's just grounded you. 1988: You go to your room and cry. 2008: You go to your room to call all your friends, take your case to court, and have a judge overturn your father's punishment (255)
(Gimundo) Cool Eating cheese sandwiches could help you get a raise. For a Christmas bonus, just add bacon (69)
(Time) Strange Slow day at Time Magazine=Elder Porn (with cringeworthy pic) (222)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing John Hinckley is a womanizer who juggles various sexual partners and even maintains "fondling privileges" with one lucky gal. Apparently shooting the president isn't as much of a turnoff as you'd think (143)
(CTV) Followup Police have verified that the six feet found in Canada don't all belong to the same victim. Chief Wiggum does first-ever facepalm (70)
(MSNBC) Stupid GAO finds Air Force was wrong to award tanker contract to Northrop Grumman despite the fact their plane can carry more fuel, more troops and more supplies than Boeing's (189)
(AP) Dumbass News: Authorities spot British woman with really bad hair, arrest her as she's trying to smuggle cocaine inside her wig. FARK: It's not Amy Winehouse (71)
(Guardian.com) Amusing The Guardian sports and arts writers swap jobs as an experiment. Sports writer reviews a Brahms piece: "It is longer than three minutes and not as immediately catchy as, say, Be My Baby by the Ronettes, it failed to hold my attention" (48)
(The Local (Germany)) Weird If you walk through the German town of Neustadt at night and suddenly a potato-eating elephant appears, you may not be drunk (41)
(UPI) Amusing Remember giving kids Near Beer in high school and watching them act like idiots thinking they were drunk? It's now being done to athletes with placebo steroids (76)
(BBC) Interesting Can a multi-story car park be as architecturally important as Edinburgh Castle? (36)
(Canada.com) Followup If you had Wednesday in the "sixth foot found off the coast of Canada" pool, you may collect your winnings (187)
(Huffington Post) Stupid David Weiner from Huffington Post does some hard-hitting investigative journalism and discovers Cindy McCain's cookie recipe is suspiciously similar to someone else's. Weiner (146)
(Local6) Florida Orlando has a slight Ninja problem. Bear threat is down, however (84)
(CBS New York) Strange Infestation of cicadas hits Long Island. Residents urged to smear lamb's blood on door in order to be spared (98)
(ynetnews.com) Dumbass Hamas fires peace rockets in the run up to the cease fire (348)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Cool Coming soon to YouTube: dog-on-skateboard, the 2-hour version (37)
(Canoe) Interesting A century ago, 4,000 hectares of native territory were 'improperly surrendered' to the Canadian government. This has just now been discovered. Enjoy your new town, Tobique First Nation (105)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "Hey want to go to the Yankees game and bring an American flag for 'God Bless America'?" "You bet I do. Let me just put on my pot leaf t-shirt and I'll be good to go" (456)
(Some Guy) Amusing Meet the real victims of high gas prices: Arsonists (38)
(Sun Sentinel) Obvious AMA won't ban menthol from cigarettes because 75% of users are black. Kool (394)
(WSRZ) Florida Some dads take their kids to the park, others to the mall, while this considerate dad takes his kids on cocaine deliveries (40)
(Canoe) Dumbass Man takes truck for test drive, robs bank to pay for it while salesman waits outside (37)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this filing cabinet (42)
(ProPublica) Dumbass Democratic Senator on Finance Committee: "Wait, you mean not everyone calls the mortgage company CEO directly to secure a loan? Well, I certainly wasn't trying to get any special treatment..." (251)
(Telegraph) Obvious Study shows white working class parents have white working class children, while academic ethnic parents have academic ethnic children. World moves in mysterious ways indeed (145)
(Some Robusta Guy) Obvious Consumer Reports discovers that some decaffeinated coffee from six major chains isn't actually decaf. Better not fill it to the rim (137)
(Local6) Florida Pics of ugly ass tree o' bears (39)
(Some Guy) Obvious Intrepid reporter uncovers the secret that methamphetamine is a helluva drug: It's not news, it's The Tacoma News Tribune (124)
(Canoe) Interesting ♀ | ♂ | ♀/♂ (329)
(AP) Amusing If your plans involve leading in-line skaters at a Fourth of July parade wearing only a hemp g-string and blowing a conch shell, you might be a hippie (104)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing It's true: Your boss can make you sick (113)
(Cinti Enquirer) Hero City Council: "We've got a budget shortfall. How about setting up red light cameras for 'safety'." (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) Mayor: "Uh, not so fast..." (158)
(Metro) Weird New pi-shaped crop circle in English countryside "baffles" mathematicians, so is obviously the work of extra-terrestrials. Or someone who really, really likes pi. Mmmm, pi (521)
(London Times) Cool Do you really want to learn how to be an explorer? Come, step into my refrigerator (34)
(London Times) Interesting The UK was the worlds biggest weapons seller last year. Suck it USA (186)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Senate Armed Services Committee questions Pentagon lawyers over interrogation techniques used at Gitmo. If only there were some method by which these lawyers could be forced to tell the truth (130)
(Seattle Times) Hero Woman who held out and refused to sell to developers, who then just built around her, died Sunday at the age of 86 (w/ "from my cold dead hands" pic) (436)
(USA Today) Dumbass Now that the barn door's been left open, the chickens have all been eaten, and the foxes have finished cleaning their teeth, commodities regulators are ready to begin imposing stricter rules on oil speculators (221)
(Telegraph) Interesting Latest craze for younguns is to use Google Earth to find swimming pools then use Facebook to organise 'dipping' sessions. Stay out of my pool (139)
(MSNBC) Interesting Thank you for flying New Delhi Airlines. Please watch your step as you disembark. The airline is not responsible for monitor lizard damage to passengers or luggage once they exit the aircraft (25)
(News.com.au) Stupid Toy company designs fire-resistant footbag designed to be "soaked in flammable liquid and ignited". What could possibly go wrong? (88)
(The Sun) Stupid Nanny State wants to protect its subjects from the sheer hell that is cheap alcohol (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ancient stairway (52)
(ksl.com) Amusing Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time (167)
(CBS San Francisco) Video Video inside commuter train shows impact as two of them crash. Crash cause: train driver speeding while talking on cell phone (90)
(Newsweek) Cool Brothel now offering 2-for-1 recession incentive: "You bring your $600 check in, and we give you the $1,200 George Bush party--three girls and a bottle of champagne." (116)
(Some Guy) Interesting Is that a lobster tail taped under a bandage on your leg or are you just happy to see me? (15)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Remember that essay contest to win a mansion? Remember the "contest can be cancelled at anytime" controversy? Well guess what? (40)
(News.com.au) Strange Not comfortable going into a restaurant and asking for "husband and wife's lung slice" or "bean curd made by pockmarked woman"? You silly Westerners (33)
(SFGate) Asinine Pink slip reason #569: Your spouse smokes. Fark: They found out by blood test (289)
(Cambridge Chronicle) Weird Two magicians injured in bar brawl. The fight started after one headbutted the other, who reportedly countered with a Heal Self to restore 1d6 + 2 hit points of damage (74)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Obvious Sales of door-width towels skyrocket in New York as legislature votes to ban smoking in dorm rooms (83)
(ABC News) Scary New Jersey is under attack by unknown motorist who enjoys heaving bricks through the windshields of oncoming cars. Top that, Kansas City (photos) (133)
(ESPN) News NBA trophy, thread, goes green (334)

Tue June 17, 2008
(Herald-Leader) Asinine University of Kentucky President to University employees: No raises this year because of a tight budget. UK Board of Trustees to UK President: Good job this year. Here's a $145,000 bonus. UK Presient: Well that seems fair. Thanks guys (131)
(CNN) Interesting FDA cracks down on 'cancer cures', favorite cliche (71)
(SeattlePI) Amusing Man killed while joyriding on a steamroller. That's flat wrong (86)
(AJC) Stupid Speeders in Atlanta may have to pay an extra $15 to help offset rising fuel costs to operate city vehicles (103)
(Fox News) Amusing Man claims Disney discriminated against him, said he didn't look Goofy enough (91)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Not news: man steals excavator. News: stole it so he could make a pool in the backyard. Fark: first excavator wasn't big enough so he went back and stole a bigger one (40)
(The Concord Monitor) Weird Bearded man dressed in white and identifying himself as "Son of Israel" claims the home of jailed tax-evaders Ed & Elaine Brown "for God." Then it gets weird (53)
(USA Today) Cool Boston tries to nail down another sports championship, while L.A. tries to force a Game 7. Lakers @ Celtics Game 6 discussion thread (9pm ET, ABC) (1191)
(ABC News) Asinine "Good Morning America" comes through with an Earth-shattering study: There's bacteria on the bottom of our shoes. EVERYBODY PANIC and stop licking your shoes (109)
(NYPost) Interesting 18-year-old brainiac turns down the chance to get his ass kicked at Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Dartmouth, Cornell, Penn, Georgetown, Stanford and NYU (228)
(CBS Chicago) Amusing Mom has six-year-old son fill out application for credit card and sign it himself just as a test. Since you're reading about this on Fark, you can guess what happened next (179)
(WXYZ Detroit) Cool Armed and permitted gun owner stops a bank robbery, forces robber to sit in time-out chair until police arrive (659)
(SFGate) Obvious The new SATs: just as unreliable as the old SATs, but longer and more expensive (162)
(AJC) PSA One more time... if transporting illegal substances, make sure your car has no obvious defective equipment (59)
(CBS News) Obvious Oil rises over $2 a barrel on news that Saudi Arabia has increased production by 200,000 barrels a day and that it's opposite day (179)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Woman, 52, sues Victoria's Secret, claims she was injured by a "defective" thong. Ewww (229)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop this multiple-jointed Canadian... spacething (68)
(CBC) Obvious Study shows that 60 percent of employees use the office printer for personal use. In the report, Canadian scientists were quoted as saying, "Suck it, Romero" (95)
(Gawker) Asinine After suing bloggers for using its headlines, Asssociated Press now changes gears and wants bloggers to purchase a license from them for permission to quote five words or more, so take your Fair Use and go roll a joint with it (130)
(Dayton Daily News) Weird ♫ Young buck, maybe chasing a doe / I said young buck, broke in through the window / And his rampage, caused the staff some distress / Cause he left a god-awful mess *pew pew pew pew pew* No deer allowed at the Y.M.C.A. ♫ (88)
(The New York Times) Interesting They refuse to submit to law and commit their crimes against the public spaces. No patch of soil is safe from "guerilla gardeners" (85)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "He can do it in his bathtub all day long, but when he does it on common property, he's offending the 467 other people who are obeying the rules" (111)
(BBC) Spiffy Long-lost Waterloo flags found in cupboard at home of Sir Walter Scott. Search still on for missing Dancing Queen tapestry and the Fernando banner (64)
(Daily Mail) Weird "Vicar pitches yurt in graveyard to connects with youngsters." Because nothing connects the clergy with young boys than when they pitch a tent (pic) (63)
(WNBC) Dumbass You know the economy has turned sour when lemonade stands are being robbed (58)
(C|Net) Amusing Eager nerds crash Mozilla site on Firefox 3 launch day (350)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Arlen Spector gracefully admits he blew Spygate way out of proportion and apologizes for attention whoring. Just kidding... he's dropping the case now because, all of a sudden, he has "too much to do" (55)
(Some Angry God) Weird You're the pope. Who do you commision to write the official musical version of the Virgin Mary's life? C) The guy responsible for "Piranha Part Two: The Spawning," "Black Orgasm" and "Sex of the Devil"? (56)
(Reuters) Scary ♫ If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break / If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break / When the levee breaks I'll have no place to stay ♫ (136)
(Time) Amusing "Israeli TV announcers coined [Condoleezza Rice's] name as a verb, meaning to go endlessly around in circles, accomplishing nothing" (139)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Arrest made in "senseless" killing of teenage girl, unlike those other teenage girl murders that made sense (127)
(Newsweek) Sad The only good thing about Bush having low approval ratings is that just about every other world leader does too, proving the maxim that each generation gets the leadership it deserves (212)
(Newsday) Silly New Haven CT phone book from 1878 going up for auction. Reportedly every person in the white pages is dead, most businesses are closed too (84)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Completely legal Vermont nude beach under fire from protesters, who want to visit the beach without seeing nudity. Common sense, "going to a different beach" conspicuously missing from debate (315)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Police arrest protesters after attack on MTV office in India, where producers are gearing up for "The Real World: Mumbai," which will feature the first cow as a roommate (53)
(Reuters) Scary Russian Air Force plane drops 55-pound sack of concrete on a house in Moscow. Seriously guys, you're doing it wrong (81)
(Ohio.com) Stupid Couple whose child commits suicide by jumping off bridge are campaigning for a fence to be built to keep others from jumping. Because if anything will stop somebody determined to kill themselves, it's a chain-link fence (170)
(Newsweek) Silly Having covered every aspect of the coming election, Newsweek turns its attention to the pressing question: Why is sex so much hotter while on vacation? (131)
(Some Guy) Stupid Latest cultural insult to Muslims: Being made to wear pants and a shirt at work in Minnesota: "For me, wearing pants is the same as being naked. The prophet Mohammed taught that men and women should not dress alike" (359)
(Paul Newman) PSA When you finish testing your offical database, remember to remove your fake data. Before you announce that "Goner's Pool Hall" is opening in the governor's mansion (24)
(Think Progress) Obvious Nothing, not a correction from the guy who made it up, or a retraction from Dick Cheney, will stop Republicans from claiming that China is drilling for oil on Florida's coast (238)
(MSNBC) Sick Woman gets 99% of her food from the dumpster. "I like getting stuff free. It's like a treasure hunt" (181)
(My Fox NY) Followup Tomatoes are back on the menu at Taco Bell. So it's healthy to eat there again (62)
(Buffalo News) Obvious Teacher and one of her 14-year-old students missing from Buffalo charter school. No prizes for guessing what they're up to (with "do want" pic) (184)
(Kansas City) Scary Kansas City is under attack by assailants in white Taurus wielding a pellet gun (45)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida "Dear Shaq, please help us get out of foreclosure. We promise to pay you back. Signed, Distressed Orlando Homeowners" (52)
(ABC News) Stupid Gangs in Albany use a "community gun" so they won't be caught with a gun that has been connected to a crime. You're doing it wrong (109)
(Stuff) Weird No one knows what to do with Nepal's royal cows. Your dog may have some ideas (18)
(NJ.com) Ironic Guess what happened at this town hall meeting to discuss the town's electricity problems. Just take a guess (87)
(Hot Air) Obvious Don't kill my precious baby, John McCain, says cute blonde mom: Latest ad by the always subtle and reasonable MoveOn.org, which never did (video) (587)
(AP) Asinine Remember NORAD? The control center for all U.S. air defenses and nuclear missiles? Turns out, breaking into it was slightly easier than sneaking into your local Chuck-E-Cheese without a kid (98)
(Buffalo News) Stupid $300k in bus passes stolen out of welfare office. Government employees still too lazy to follow proper procedure to safeguard them two years later (20)
(Boing Boing) Silly "Order your Talking Jesus Doll now for only $19.99. Don't miss this opportunity for your child to experience a direct connection with Jesus and the scriptures" (67)
(Kotaku) Dumbass Jack Thompson learns a lesson. If you end a letter to a judge with "I guess my 'mistake' was not killing 3000 people to make my point..." you just might get visited by U.S. Marshals (114)
(Some Handy Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old homemade radio (52)
(CNN) Followup Man who beat toddler to death reportedly the child's father; told witness the child was "full of demons" (250)
(CNN) PSA Chicago releases "lost" 1993 album. Still lost: Chicago's musical relevance (145)
(USA Today) Interesting The latest epidemic to strike America's doughy, pasty, ADD, couch-dwelling children: Vitamin D deficiency (79)
(CityNews) Asinine News: Teacher reports a parent for sexual abuse. Fark: Based on what a psychic said (200)
(USA Today) Scary Real estate agents, having exhausted or bankrupt all their normal customers, set their sites on Generation Y, with all their cute little tech toys and social networking. Muahahahahaha (166)
(Daily Kos) Interesting Mass. School of Law plans fictitious trial for fictitious president who took us to a fictitious war with fictitious intelligence (127)
(Boston Herald) Followup ESPN apologizes for saying that cheering for the Celtics is like rooting for Hitler, even though it is (230)
(Local10) Florida Miami Herald to lay off 250 after discovering software that can automatically compose teacher-student sex stories (36)
(ABC News) Silly Will GPS devices make Americans dumb? No more than "American Idol" has (147)
(Metro) Dumbass If security guards catch you breaking into a supermarket and handcuff you to a railing, but you manage to escape anyway, it isn't the best idea to run to the nearest police station and ask the cops to help you get the cuffs off (27)
(WCBS 880) Stupid Man in confrontation with police discovers that his pet python doesn't work on the same voice-command principles as German Shepherds (57)
(CNBC) Amusing With increasing prices and stuff, people are now being forced to drink water -- from the tap. Oh, the humanity... (228)
(BBC) NewsFlash Israel and Hamas have agreed to a truce. What could possibly go right? (480)
(Metro) Strange Celibate monk issues guide to better sex. Masturbating furiously expected to feature prominently (82)
(The Electric New Paper) Spiffy Elderly man enjoys retirement in the steel and aluminum three-story treehouse he built in front of his regular house (48)
(Mediabistro) Amusing Chinese Olympic mascots are the fulfiller of horrible prophecies and responsible for the recent natural disasters in China (60)
(News.com.au) Strange Man arrested after dragging his ex-girlfriend from a pub, then driving her to his home where he forced her to iron his clothes and wash his dishes, all without aid of another man holding up sexist sign in the background (144)
(Miami Herald) Florida LAИE (84)
(klastv) Dumbass News: You're getting an excellent deal on gas. Fark.com: You're filling up you regular vehicle with E85 then finding out it eats through your engine from the inside. Dumbass tag surrenders (139)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Finally, a restaurant where every dish is made with beer (46)
(SMH) Scary Cambodian teen learns puffer fish and blower fish have very different effects on testicles (51)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Shocking" series of anti-binge-drinking ads show people deliberately injuring themselves, smearing vomit in their hair and stumbling to the computer in the morning mumbling, "I greened WHAT?" (66)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy If you don't have the time to give your hurt child a hug, you can now give them a sugar pill to make everything better (44)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop William Katt, the Greatest American Hero (55)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid If you get stabbed in the chest, then go home to "sleep it off," you're hardcore. Or really drunk (27)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man loses close to 100 pounds after eating only McDonald's for the past six months. ♪ Wha wha wha wha...WHAT? ♪ (171)
(Telegraph) Asinine School janitor falls off a stepladder and sues the school because he was not trained how to use it properly (47)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Bad: Man paying ex-wife alimony. Worse: At rate of $1250 per month. Fark: For ex-wife's sex change (235)
(CNN) Obvious Post-WWII: Americans leave cities to build families in suburbs. Today: Young people leaving fake sheltered suburban living for bustling culture-rich life in cities (421)
(CBC) Sick If you were waiting for the other shoe to drop, wait no more. A fifth human foot is found in British Columbia. This time, it's a lefty (146)
(Stuff) Misc Man wins award for bacon-and-egg ice cream. Mmm, disgusting ice cream (61)
(Some Blonde Kid) Dumbass Woman arrested for selling tiger cubs at a Mervyn's parking lot. Susie Derkins trembles in fear (63)
(News.com.au) Spiffy New parents will soon be able to get up to two years of shared parental leave and still get their old jobs back (152)
(Sun Sentinel) Spiffy Old school toys: How many of these did you have? (518)
(AP) Scary Twenty levees along the Mississippi River have a "high potential" to overflow due to the current "one-in-500-years flood" (102)

Mon June 16, 2008
(Reason Magazine) Interesting It would appear that cars with bumper stickers are the new threat to society, now Get The FARK OUT of MY WAY you SloW Farking IDioT, BBLLLEEEEEEEEPPPP (159)
(Newsday) Misc Colorado lottery to offer scratch & sniff games. Losers to get "old athletic supporter," winners to receive "Hot babe 'n' beer" (32)
(AZCentral) Silly Reported stabbing turns out to be a simple cut finger, police unsure how the initial report came to be so blown out of proportion. purple monkey dishwasher (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Inmate to Judge: "I have a dentist appointment, can I catch a ride with my mom?" Judge to inmate: "OK, just be sure you come back afterwords." Inmate to judge: "Ya, sure, no problem" (42)
(Reuters) Obvious Democrats plan to get tough, put Bush's feet to the fire on the next Iraq war funding bill. Just kidding--they're going to approve it without conditions (301)
(Free-Lance Star) Amusing Actual headline: Man squeezed more than Charmin in local grocery store (62)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Quadriplegic woman sets off to sail around Britain solo; controls her 20-foot sailboat by puffs of her breath (80)
(Time) Scary America's enemies inching closer and closer to unleashing thousands of Dolph Lundgrens, warns report (99)
(Local6) Florida Gang of 'naughty nurses' targeting shoppers (with video) (126)
(Guardian.com) Obvious "The health insurance system in the United States works great, as long as you stay healthy. It's only people who need medical care who have problems." Obvious tag surrenders (610)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Leona Helmsley is likely rolling in her mausoleum. Seems a NY judge stripped her poor canine of its rightful inheritance and gave it to the snot nose grandkids (94)
(Reuters) Spiffy Romanian town digs up their mayors corpse and re-elects him. Zombie Lincoln too busy doing what Zombie Lincoln does to comment (70)
(Reuters) Stupid Cosmopolitan magazine sues Cosmo Club in Las Vegas over copyright infringement. Other defendants in the case include the International Bartenders Association, the cast of Sex and the City, and Kramer (68)
(MSNBC) Sick Former advisor to UAE Crown Prince claims to have videotapes of the Prince torturing prisoners with a cattle prod. It's good to be the Crown Prince (102)
(Ars Technica) Interesting Evolution Museum to be built across the street from Creation Museum..... OH SYNAPSE (545)
(Statesman Journal) Followup Judge rules your emails are protected private communications (As long as you work for the Bush administration) (147)
(CNN) Spiffy Lesbians make mockery of marriage by receiving legal recognition of their 55+ year union (328)
(Some Wavion fan) Photoshop Wavion was away for two months: Photoshop where he may have been. Link goes to the real answer (133)
(CNN) Hero Wearing body armor and driving unmarked SUVs, police weave through 7 miles of downtown traffic at 95mph to bust an acccused public masturbator (189)
(9 News) Obvious France says it's cutting 54,000 defense jobs, leaving one option (123)
(Telegraph) Interesting The Stone of Destiny, on which British Kings and Queens have been crowned for 1200 years, may be a 700 year-old fake. Upshot: "King Ralph" scenario may be in play (133)
(AZCentral) Scary Thank you for flying Southwest Airlines. Current time here in Phoenix is 11:00am. Those of you on the port side of the cabin can look out your windows and see our landing gear tire bursting into flames. See you on the ground (121)
(The Smoking Gun) Stupid Today's "I got glued to a Home Depot toilet so I'm suing yer arse off" story comes to you from St. Louis. TSG is there (184)
(CNN) Interesting "I just whacked off a whole bunch" Surprisingly, this story is about dinosaurs (83)
(The Sun) Cool Art drawn in the dust on dirty cars. The Sun is there with some pretty cool pictures (100)
(Some Guy) Weird "The 32-year-old twice stripped naked from the waist down, crouched on all fours on a towel in woodland near Bicester and encouraged four girls to kick him in the groin until he could no longer handle the pain" (227)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Fix up this Mullet Man (87)
(CNN) Interesting Saudi Arabia plans to increase oil production by 200,000 barrels a day in July. Not out of the goodness of their hearts or anything, because they're afraid we'll actually start looking into alternative fuel if they don't (447)
(Telegraph) Stupid UK police spent £100,000 trying to find a chemical and biological attack suit that would fit over a Sikh officer's turban and beard (125)
(Eagle Tribune) Amusing Man receives pardon for shenanigans committed during his senior year of high school. Fark: He graduated in 1918 (37)
(Patterico) Followup Wife of Ninth Circuit Judge Alex Kozinski speaks out about the "porn" found on his "website." Turns out the LA Times is full of "crap" (224)
(BBC) Scary New York City finds novel new way of dealing with dog poo epidemic: Eliminate the source (168)
(WSRZ) Asinine Because they're excatly what they need, shoe company releases a line of high heels for babies (147)
(London Times) Ironic Pope bans Tom Hanks' "Da Vinci Code" sequel from Vatican locations, calling it a "phantasmagorical cocktail of inventions." You know what else is a phantasmagorical cocktail of inventions? (425)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Today's fearmongering headline from our favorite state: How much danger are your kids in? Bonus: Data shows Florida girls are easy (56)
(CNBC) PSA Oil soars $5 on its way to $140 per barrel on news the U.S. and EU announce new sanctions on Iran. Brilliant (311)
(My Fox NY) Ironic Woman fighting to keep speed limits off of lake gets in deadly boat crash (233)
(The Register) Amusing Woman gets 90-million pound electricity bill. That's one heavy bill (70)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing Sucks-on-the-beach (56)
(BBC) Scary Fuel hits £1.99 per litre in UK -- or $17.69 per gallon in USian money. Subby investing in shoe leather (353)
(USA Today) Obvious Rising energy costs will drive electricity bills up by 28 percent this summer. Normally "shocked" consumers must now search for other hyperbolic reactions (127)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Captain of Columbus replica ship looking for a few good seamen. Must be willing to sleep on a metal cot, cook on a propane stove, show a propensity for raping, pillaging and discovering lands in which people already live (76)
(Gothamist) Stupid Pre-K Gangs of New York: Come for the retarded parents, stay for the hilarious comments (206)
(Dallas News) Sad Woman in rubber-necking traffic decides she needs pictures of the accident. Darwin does not approve (232)
(BBC) Hero Old and busted: Pink ribbons on everything for breast cancer. New hotness: Taking your giant furry pink balls on tour for testicular cancer (63)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Man leans out of window of moving car to throw beer bottles at the following vehicle, falls out onto road, rolls into drainage ditch. Ta-dah (22)
(Telegraph) Interesting Criminals doing community service urged to be made to wear clothing that will make ordinary people shun them, like Mythbusters T-shirts or Ron Paul buttons (68)
(BBC) Asinine The world's most successful TV hijacker faces prison if he does not stop interrupting on-air TV reporters with his request for people to use condoms (42)
(The Virginian Pilot) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his sweet ride (48)
(News.com.au) Asinine Teen in juvie gets all stabby, then sues state for allowing her near knives (41)
(The Sun) Followup Eight-limbed girl takes first step step step step step step step step after lifesaving surgery (58)
(NWCN) Asinine Oregon fourth grader suspended from last day of class for sharing unauthorized lip cream with classmates. "We're here to protect the kids" (96)
(The Sun) Scary When a 250-pound nurse moonlights as a hooker, The Sun is there. And they brought a camera. With a wide-angle lens (103)
(Some Guy) Obvious Short wildcat strike on Preston buses interrupts train service to Paddington and Old Street, forcing passengers to make diagonal moves to Gretna Green, making straight change at Stratford onto DLR and then on to Mornington Crescent (100)
(UPI) Unlikely Computer trainer says she was oblivious to the meaning of her license plate "WTF" until her grandchildren told her (121)
(The News Tribune) Interesting Tacoma bartender's worst day: Crashed her moving truck, broke her couch, bird pooped on her head and ended up alone in a closet, drinking beer (117)
(LAist) Followup The BBC's intrepid American correspondent moves from that gateway drug, beef jerky, to medical marijuana. "This place is like Amsterdam" (80)
(LiveLeak) Scary So I was workin' at the convenience store one night, when in walks a tiger... (73)
(Times Herald Record (NY)) Scary Wedding DJ stabbed in hundred-guest melee. That'll teach him to play that extended "Electric Slide" remix (115)