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Sun July 27, 2008
(WXII12.com) Scary Shopping maul (28)
(WOODTV) Scary Old and Busted: Street racing New hotness: Street demolition derby (25)
(Telegraph) Obvious Graduate students driven away from teaching because it is too similar to social work and policing, particularly if there is a classroom full of liberal arts uselessness before them (126)
(Some Guy) Obvious Snooker-playing dog accidentally run over by owner. Some people don't have a cue (38)
(The Virginian Pilot) Cool "It seems that the initial reports that one of our submarines was missing were not completely accurate" (71)
(Not Sure) Interesting And in the year 2008, the great Guatemalan garbage avalanche set in motion the events that would change the world (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Tusken Raider (54)
(MSNBC) Obvious Islamic group vows more attacks during 2008 Olympics. Clearly, China needs to get out of Iraq (97)
(SFGate) Strange Having solved all other problems, California legislature passes bill letting you set up a legally enforceable trust to take care of your pets after you turn toes up to the daisies (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting This police department has hired a sketch artist who apparently studied Pointillism (48)
(CNN) News Annie get your gun (197)
(The Morning Call) Amusing The only thing missing from this police chase is "Yakety Sax" playing in the background (22)
(CBS New York) Dumbass You know how sometimes you forget you put something on the roof of your car and you drive away? This is like that, except with a spouse instead of a coffee cup (14)
(Wired) Interesting Gallery of NASA's most embarrassing goof ups. No, visible soundstage microphone is not there (47)
(Some Guy) Stupid DB Cooper has been found...again. For the umpteenth millionth time (41)
(BBC) Scary Typhoon Fung-Wong, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (36)
(The Scotsman) Obvious British hotel sector suffers worst downturn since guests were told they couldn't see herds of wildesbeest sweeping majestically across the plain in Torquay (40)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass News: Austin, TX man offers a billion dollars to whomever cures breast cancer, reduces greenhouse emissions from petroleum-powered cars by 95 percent, cures diabetes, or invents a 150 mpg car. Fark: He doesn't have a billion dollars (67)
(Telegraph) Followup Steve Fossett may have faked own death in bid to win world hide-and-seek championship (118)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly ass white lion cubs born in Germany, Knut not impressed (42)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Apparently if you can buy it at Wal-Mart, you can't bring it in the store. Wal-Mart is now clothing-optional (345)
(Sun Sentinel) Spiffy Surprising many, drive-in theaters still popular 75 years after their inception, despite the rise of modern multiplexes. The three guys hiding in your trunk approve (146)
(Some Guy) Amusing Blogger describes what it's like to be a Jeopardy contestant. Telling Trebek to "suck it" surprisingly absent (94)
(News.com.au) Obvious The real reason the truth about UFOs is kept secret: Real life aliens would sue us for making them look bad in "Mars Attacks" (100)
(kfor.com) Stupid Lawmaker: "Let's make being in a gang illegal." Lawyer: "The Constitution says you can't do that" Lawmaker: "Let's do it anyway" (261)
(Boston Globe) Cool Yo, check out this yo-yo yo, yo (93)
(Hartford Courant) Stupid "But if I spend $10 on the lottery, at least I have a chance of making $5,000 and then I could take a real trip, times are tough and my only choice is to take a chance." Lets just call it the stupid tax (281)
(Some Californian) Photoshop Photoshop this wildfire evacuee (56)
(Some Guy) Sappy How much are those 28 puppies in the window? With cutest momma-tends-to-babes photo you'll see this weekend (65)
(soosh) Spiffy Hey, any Juneau Farkers up for an impromptu crab feast tonight with some sailors? DIT (75)
(SMH) Stupid Dog banned from jumping contest for winning three years in a row. In other news, there are dog-jumping contests (65)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass Not news: Liquor store broken into. News: Thief causes $1,750 in damage to building. Fark: Leaves with just two bottles of vodka (45)
(io9) Amusing "Someone, somewhere, is having an obscure pop-cultural fetish fulfilled by this image at this very moment" (144)
(London Times) Scary Forget cancer from cell phones and salmonella from Mexican peppers - how about brain damage from drinking water? (90)
(Pocono Record) Amusing Local supermarket doesn't carry your favorite bag of frozen potatoes? Write an angry letter to the local newspaper (165)
(MaineToday.com) Obvious For those with money right now, it's a buyers market. And not just for homes but Elvis collectibles, boats, tea sets and Guinness towels to name just a few (40)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup Unfazed by family of four who violated 700-pound weight limit for water ride, family of three violates 700-pound weight limit on neighboring water ride - with predictable results. Don't enlarge the pic if you know what's good for you (380)
(WHTM) Stupid Apparently, just because you're a veteran doesn't give you the right to fly an American flag in Pennsylvania (71)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: Grapes (62)
(HelenaIR.com) PSA What NOT to do if you're bitten by a snake. "His buddy got the jumper cables and hooked him up to a giant battery for his semi, then fired up the engine." (73)
(CNN) Sad Iran to execute 30 on Sunday. Among the crimes: "being a public nuisance while drunk." Uh-oh (362)
(Discovery) Followup Apollo astronaut Edgar Mitchell clarifies his UFO comments -- by making more of them (201)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass I say: Prince William takes part in drug raid that results in the arrest of three Columbians. Pip pip guvnah: No drugs were found on the boat. Blimey: They sunk the boat anyway (75)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The ten greetest misspelled tattoos (177)
(Komo) Asinine Damn biker gangs are at it again (433)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Raul Castro tells Cubans to be ready for tough times. In related news, it's been really great in Cuba up until now (97)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Not news: authorities on the look-out for man who got up and walked away after being knocked over. Fark: by a train (26)
(AP) Strange Not news: Prison food sucks. News: "Confess to aggravated murder, and we'll buy you some KFC." Fark: "Sure, OK" (75)
(Some Guy) Amusing Woman describes plane crash in her front yard: "It was like a huge explosion, it just rocked the place, the fire shot through my plug on my computer." Woman then calls 911. Just kidding, she called the survivors a cab (51)

Sat July 26, 2008
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Improve this old cathedral (67)
(Some Moron) Dumbass Stupid takes a giant step forward. 'Grills' -- sort of -- for contact lenses (75)
(Some Guy) Interesting Sushi is so last year... What is the next food craze to hit America? Pupusas are the new tacos and Oprah loves Mangosteens (90)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting Palm-vein scanning technology to be used to identify GMAT exam takers. Relax Farkers, the machine has no trouble with hair (22)
(1010WINS) Scary G e t O u t O f T h e W a y D o w n T h e r e (20)
(SLTrib) Interesting Man who has pepper sprayed at least two off-leash dogs has angered dog owners so much, they're putting up posters around town with his picture and phone number (407)
(Some Guy) Interesting Schools want to ban energy drinks from campus and naturally some people don't like it. "Are you going to start carding kids at coffee houses and candy shops?" (72)
(Guardian.com) Amusing "Waiter Rant" blogger pens guest column slagging British tourists as poor tippers. Tipping comment war ensues (188)
(Some Guy) Ironic Good: No more trans-fats. Bad: Trans-fats are mostly used for deep frying, where the oil is turned into biodiesel. Petard: that thing you were just hoisted on (92)
(Some Guy) Obvious Latest news from the Duh Institute: Tattoos found to be linked to personality disorders in the people who get them (248)
(Google) Interesting Is it GREY or is it GRAY? Depends on where you live (273)
(My San Antonio) Spiffy Red light. Shut up. Green Light. RED LIGHT. Shut UP. Green Light. RED LIGHT. SHUT UP. Green Light (48)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ugly-ass baby beavers born in Britain for first time in 400 years (pics) (35)
(Some Guy) Obvious CNN's investigative reporter Drew Griffin airs a news report that embarrassed the TSA and the Federal Air Marshal Service, is shocked to find himself on the terrorist watch list the next day (157)
(Canoe) Interesting Couple welcomes 18th child. As does Huggies, Fisher Price, Dr. Seuss and the Ear Plug Superstore (126)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing Man wins the Bronze Clown Shoe, considered the profession's highest honor. "I hope I die clowning. I just hope there are no kids around when it happens." (41)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Strange More and more people are going to the dump to find gifts for their grandchildren and other family members (84)
(Daily Mail) Strange At 84°, it's the hottest day of the year in England - or what residents of Phoenix call "a bit nippy" (146)
(Some Guy) Misc "$15.95 for a venti double latte? That is insane" "That's the calories, not the price, sir." (111)
(TBO) Florida You've seen plenty of hooker mugshots from Florida. Now here are some mugshots of the men who court those hookers (94)
(NewsBusters) Unlikely AP declares that the US is now winning the Iraq war. Wrap it up boys, book it. Done (256)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Awesome panorama of Obama's Berlin speech. It's like Where's Waldo with terrorists (371)
(WTAE-TV) Scary Hospital rules: no smoking, no cell phones, and for the love of all that is holy, leave your grenades at home (20)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Patsy and Edina have an interesting flight back from vacation (68)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man with medical marijuana card arrested for having too many plants. Drivers with licenses hurry to sell their second car (83)
(Toronto Star) Sad Remember Knut, the cute 'n' cuddly polar bear cub? He's now a "suffering psychopath" (103)
(TBO) Florida This gun doesn't look like it works, but just to be sure, I'm going to put the barrel against my temple and pull the trigger (79)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Pedidos de juez Tejas para fijar ed del bilingüe de la secundario-escuela (118)
(AP) Asinine Housing rescue bill passes, heads to Bush for signature. Personal and fiscal responsibility surrender (129)
(Murfreesboro Post) Strange Old and busted: surprise flaming bag of scat on porch. New hotness: surprise bag of stolen handguns on porch (14)
(Some Guy) Amusing Catch of the day: Beer? (16)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this artful rhino (33)
(KSDK5) Amusing More bad news, some VCRs will not work with new digital changes. Wait, people still use VCRs? (96)
(ABC News) Obvious "The Hummer has no aesthetics. It screams at you from across the street: I look this way because I need to" (208)
(Google) Sad ♫ The tills are alive, with the sound of money / Von Trapp family home, run by profiteers / The tourists will come, spending lots of money / For T-shirts and mugs, cheesy souvenirs ♫ (27)
(The Scotsman) Obvious You find two men cavorting naked with your wife, do you C) take after them with a meat cleaver and knife (364)
(Daily Mail) Silly It tops out at 30 mph, has zero emissions, and will stop criminals dead in their tracks - because they'll keel over laughing. Meet the Gem Car (112)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Woman gets bitten by fox, then shot by husband. Expect an anvil to fall on her head later today (26)
(Yahoo) Obvious 18 of 24 countries surveyed describe current economic conditions as bad. The rest recommend Trident for their patients who chew gum (17)
(CNN) Obvious Free stuff isn't free. It's not news, it's CNN.com (64)
(ABC News) Interesting Scarily insane proof that not all Frenchmen are effete, wine-sipping, surrender flag-waving wimps (54)
(TechNewsWorld) Unlikely "Is the Web's infrastructure inching toward collapse?" (65)
(Reuters) Silly "The bride wore dart launchers at Comic-Con wedding" (66)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "Oh, my God, this is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous" (163)
(Yahoo) Spiffy They're fast, they're dinky, and soon they'll be coming to an airport near you (78)
(Boston Globe) Sick When you have a party and someone puts the family dog in the washing machine and turns it on, killing the dog and leaving it for you to discover, its time to reevaluate who you hang out with (250)
(Yahoo) Obvious New York named most expensive city in US. In other news: water is wet, the sky is blue, and the Cubs fail to win the World Series (77)
(AP) Interesting After two weeks of free-falling oil prices, consumers finally start to notice a slight decrease at the pump... at least until the next major holiday weekend (162)
(Game Politics) Dumbass Citizen: I want to play [Fallout 3] because it's a story driven experience like a movie. Aussie Senator: If we allow you to play that, what's next, snuff films? (152)
(Telegraph) Dumbass "I've got this really great idea. You kidnap my girlfriend, then I'll play hero and rescue her. Oh, and you have to wear this Dalek voice-changing helmet..." (97)
(WWL) Obvious Man flips car, winds up on roof of a house. "Alcohol is believed to be a factor in the incident" (22)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Sappy They met at a bus terminal and wed at the same bus terminal 50 days later, beneath the arrivals and departures marquis, in a typical American rags-to... er... rags story (29)
(Metro) Strange Old & busted: no shirt, no shoes, no service. Nude hotness: dining clubs with clothes ban (55)
(Gothamist) Weird You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of fur and cheezburgers, but of mind. A world where the sound of a single cat is enough to drive a man mad. You are in: the Caturday Zone (437)
(SFGate) Interesting California becomes first state to ban trans fats. Obese cross-dressing dyslexics already gathering in Sacramento to protest (149)
(Some Standing Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this moving walkway (48)
(MSNBC) Weird Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Osama phone (64)
(Metro) Strange I see London / I see France / I see your lightbulb underpants (16)
(Some Guy) Scary The housing collapse is actually taking out houses now (17)
(Houston Chronicle) Weird Licking your arresting officer does no good unless you want him to receive lollypops from his fellow officers (22)
(News.com.au) Amusing "Mr. Sayer had a latch on his beer fridge's door, so the brews were never really in any danger" (27)
(AP) Sad Iraq's total cost, adjusted for inflation, is approaching that of Vietnam's, with $648 billion spent, and only half the time of military occupation (443)
(KMTR-16) PSA This just in: Don't let your precious snowflake eat your car's air freshener (102)
(Globe and Mail) Scary Add "being buried alive under hot asphalt" as bad way to die #738 (219)

Fri July 25, 2008
(nasaimages.org) Cool New NASA image archive site catalogues thousands of stunning images. Images of alien life forms suspiciously absent (74)
(Reuters) Obvious Old and busted: Waterboarding. New hotness: McDonald's french fries (114)
(Telegraph) Amusing "The nurses who looked after me were mostly grubby - we are talking about dirty fingernails and hair - and were slipshod and lazy. Worst of all, they were drunken and promiscuous" (108)
(CNN) Dumbass Police kill man at radio station. No word on whether or not the perp's guns were filled with hot sauce (47)
(Abc.net.au) Hero Pit bull attacks boy, did NOT know who it was messin' with (341)
(YouTube) Spiffy Anna Yang: soap bubble artistry (49)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Old-maid and busted: Matching bridesmaid dresses. New hotness: Matching bridesmaid cleavages (113)
(WFIE) Sick That guy claiming to be an "underwear researcher" and offering twenty bucks to let him "research underwear" on your kids? Sure, that's how they do market research (59)
(USA Today) Interesting Hottest trend among college students? Getting food from a food bank (320)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman who rammed her estranged hubby's girlfriend's car of the road did the same thing to her husband in March. She's like the Gallagher of crazy chicks (57)
(The Tennessean) Dumbass Gun-toting thug wannabe orders a pie from Pizza Hut. Undercover cop delivers him a Tombstone, instead (151)
(London Times) Obvious Owner of American-style BBQ joint in London lashes out at snooty food critics, says his customers love sizzling beef and pork, dripping in sticky barbecue sauce, with accompaniment of deep-fried goodies. GO USA (104)
(The Sun) Interesting Judge pulls a knife on defendant. In open court. The Sun is . . . confused (70)
(Bangor Daily News) Obvious If you put the DMV examiner in the hospital during your driving test, chances are you didn't pass (23)
(CBS New York) Strange If you've stolen 3.4 tons of ooOoOOoOoOOoOoOoOooOooOOOoOOOOoOoo solution, New Jersey police and lots of pissed off little kids would like a word with you (76)
(590 KLBJ) Dumbass Police arrest con artist who pretended to be Frank Sinatra's grandson (w/ mugshot that is the spitting image of Ol' Blue Eyes) (71)
(Gallup) Cool Poll of America's favorite alcoholic drink shows that despite a hiccup in 2005 when effete, wine-drinking poseurs bum-rushed the survey, beer is still king (124)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these orange workers (36)
(CTV) Amusing Francophone lawyer claims all of Alberta's laws are invalid because they are only written in english. Bonne chance avec ça, eh (101)
(Florida Today) Florida Man celebrates one-year anniversary of his last police chase with a new 100 mph, two-city police chase (25)
(Some Zombie) Amusing One night stand and BRAAAIINNNSS (65)
(Some Guy) Asinine City council to allow felons to run massage parlors. A prison term with a happy ending (32)
(YouTube) Dumbass Man arrested just for placing a bet at a casino blackjack table. Apparently, you can't bet marijuana. Who knew? (157)
(Reuters) Obvious Schools may attempt four day weeks to cut fuel costs, teacher-on-student lust (62)
(WWMT) Amusing Stealing beer from a Tiki bar? Better go by canoe . . . and leave a floating trail of empties so police can find you (12)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Mugshot round-up: Get Out of Jail Free (357)
(UPI) Dumbass The show "Extreme makeover: home edition" renovates your house and pays off your mortgage. Builder also gives you $100k. Now the bank wants to foreclose on your house. You're doing it wrong (124)
(Some Guy) Amusing Think you had a crazy 21st birthday? You've got nothing on this guy. Story includes semi-nude football dummy tackling, and then it gets weird (63)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious If you text while you're walking around, you might walk into things, says the Institute for the Blindingly Obvious (37)
(Some Tree Hugger) Unlikely An online global-footprint calculator asks, "Do you have electricity in your home"? Then proceeds to tell you how much of a waste of space you are (365)
(AP) Strange Poland refuses to allow DNA testing of Frederic Chopin's heart. Just what are they Haydn? (69)
(Boston Globe) Scary Texans: Thank God, Hurricane Dolly has finally passed and the worst is over. God: Not so fast (150)
(Local6) Amusing Hot 43 yr-old arrested for running through park naked as part of a "truth or dare" game with teens, who said she provided alcohol and was going to expose her breasts to them. (w/ mug shot of woman who, amazingly, is not a teacher) (206)
(Houston Chronicle) Stupid Hello Newman (74)
(El Paso Times) Scary Second confirmed West Nile case in USA. Can we panic now? (93)
(11 Alive) Asinine Jilted bride-to-be sues her ex-fiancé for not being enough of a sugar daddy, wins $150K and the respect of golddiggers everywhere (264)
(TBO) Florida She was all "No I di'nt: and the cops were like "Oh yes you did" and she was like "No I di'nt" and the cops said "Oops our bad" and her lawyer said $$$$ (106)
(Time to get a new fence) Cool Ugly-ass baby girl elephant born at the Pittsburgh Zoo. In fact, it's the second one in under a month. "The other elephants were all very excited and trumpeted repeatedly following the birth." Ugly-ass pic available (42)
(The Conservative Voice) Unlikely UFOs and aliens are really fallen angels sent by Satan to test Christian faith. Nice to see that all cleared up (473)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Step 1) We're sorry, but the trailer you won in our e-bay auction is full of bees. Step 2) What trailer? We never sold you a trailer. Step 3) Lawsuit (235)
(wsbtv.com) Scary Suburban restaurant scores a whopping 15 on their health inspection. Among the violations - extra protein in the soup in the form of flies. Fark: Still not the lowest score in the county... that was a 13 (73)
(Some Guy) Asinine NY's Finest prove how tough they are by cuffing a truly dangerous suspect -- a 10-year-old boy who hit the school bully in the back of the neck with a bean (46)
(WVEC) Spiffy Norfolk &%$#-in' VA to @#$&-in' rescind %&@#$mn anti-profanity ordinance (43)
(WTMJ) Amusing "I got p---ed because my lawn mower wouldn't start, so I got my shotgun and shot it. I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." (121)
(FARK) Followup Last call, Farkers. North-Central Jersey Fark Party tomorrow night. Grasshopper in Morristown (243)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Office workers dig graves during graveyard shift to fill in for striking workers. Wait, wouldn't ANY shift be a graveyard shift at a cemetery? (38)
(Newsday) Asinine Finally. Someone is inspired by Dane Cook (220)
(Some Yat) Scary State trooper does news interview about idiot drivers on I-10. Idiot driver offers a demonstration (336)
(Wired) Spiffy Bike messengers -- those guys who think they own the street, run red lights, and cause accidents with their recklessness -- find that their jobs are being endangered by the Internet. Keep up the good work, Internet (309)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Craigslist CEO: we hate to kill newspapers, but our classified listings are booming (161)
(YouTube) Sad RIP Professor Randy Pausch, of "One Last Lecture" fame (174)
(Google) Spiffy Reminder: NYC Fark party TOMORROW. DIT (26)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Would-be thief comes up with clever way to steal gasoline by wrapping credit card transmitter in Reynolds Wrap, but his plan was foiled (44)
(Some Guy) Amusing Burnt popcorn prompts evacuation at University of Texas dormitory. EVERYBODY PANIC (94)
(Edmonton Sun) Followup And all he wanted to do was build a three-hundred meter banana and float it in geostationary orbit above Texas (73)
(Telegraph) Silly A dwarf burglar has defended his life of crime claiming that it is the only career open to a man his size. Well, besides posing for trophies (62)
(xeev Wisconsin) Obvious Lawv txojsia luv los vim lumfai sibtsoo xwb (213)
(Boston Herald) Ironic Police officer shoots suspect to keep him from hurting himself by swallowing drugs (59)
(MSNBC) Interesting France to trim their military by 54,000 troops, leaving them with two inept soldiers, and a Citroen 2cv with a WW2 machine gun on the roof (104)
(Some Dad) Photoshop Photoshop RagingLeonard's daughter after kicking the whole playground's butt (74)
(Yahoo) Strange How a drunken bar brawl became an international incident between the US and Serbia. Zombie Archduke Ferdinand snickers (71)
(London Times) Amusing And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness (605)
(Telegraph) Amusing You might be an editor, but woe betide you if you remove a single letter from this man's restaurant review (159)
(Newsday) Dumbass Speeding, driving erratically and changing lanes without signaling to pass a funeral procession is bad. Worse when it's a funeral procession for a firefighter, being led by the Highway Patrol (68)
(London Times) Cool Readers of Esquire are soon to be exposed to the publishing industry's latest attempt at re-inventing itself -- a battery-powered magazine with a flashing cover (73)
(NYPost) Interesting 1800-year old sculpture depicts Elvis. Not the 50's cool Elvis, the 70's fat Vegas Elvis (128)
(CBS News) Interesting ACLU says CIA got CYA from DOJ (138)
(Stuff) Dumbass If you fail to notice that your car is disintegrating around you while you move, you may be too drunk to drive. Dumbass drunk driver trifecta in play (62)
(Stuff) Followup New Zealand university students withdraw $5000 reward for arrest of Condoleezza Rice after Auckland police district commander invites them to enjoy a nice cup of STFU (123)
(ABC Action News) Florida Police detective suspended for claiming overtime for watching porn at work, promises to finish faster next time (30)
(London Times) Spiffy Japan to begin giving acupuncture to tuna in attempt to improve their sushi (45)
(SMH) Sad If you are hiking on an ice-covered mountain, tying yourself to several family members may not help. Anyone (131)
(Press and Journal) Dumbass If you're too drunk to drive, you're also too drunk to pull your car along with a rope (21)
(Daily Record (UK)) PSA If you're going to take crotch shots of a girl passed out drunk, don't do it when you've just helped load her into the ambulance (121)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this nerdgasm: A stormtrooper hula-hooping in a bikini (55)
(Google) Silly Concerned citizens in the Sacramento area have an eye towards that inevitable day when Zombies overrun us. Thank you, good people, thank you (79)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Family of four weighs 900 pounds, amusement park ride holds 700 pounds. Check the tag, do the math, show your work (308)
(News.com.au) News Qantas comes VERY close to farking up that perfect safety record. Damage limited to big hole in cargo hold and 350 people with soiled underwear they bought at K-Mart in Cincinnati (132)
(Fayetteville Observer) Hero First woman in U.S. Armed Forces history is confirmed by Senate to wear 4 stars. Hero tag shatters 232-year old brass ceiling, Boobies tag stays hidden under camouflage (165)
(WREG) Dumbass Man breaks into bar, tries to cook food, catches the bar on fire, dies . . . Darwinstocrats (42)
(Some Guy) Interesting Harper's New Monthly Magazine, April 18, 1874: "I venture the prediction that within one hundred years from this time Cincinnati will be the greatest city in America, and by the year 2000, the greatest city in the world" (164)
(SMH) Obvious Bear in Alaska bites woman's head then spits her out. Did she taste bad? I dunno. Alaska (114)
(JSOnline) Amusing It bothers some to see vultures perched outside their hospital windows. "I've had patients tell me, 'Doc, it's not very reassuring.' " (81)

Thu July 24, 2008
(Kansas City) Scary Air Force missile silo crews caught sleeping on the job, will be replaced by WOPR (168)
(First Coast News) Florida Three people injured in horse drawn carriage accident. This is not a repeat from 1512 (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Not-so X-treme activities in X-treme locations. LGT example (68)
(Local6) Amusing Remember when NC had to recall 100's of "WTF" plates? Well, Arkansas just upped the ante (266)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting The land devoted to opium poppies in Afghanistan, even at the current record level of production, totals just 637 square miles, less than a third the size of Rhode Island (117)
(Some Sweaty Guy) Stupid State of New Mexico is SHOCKED to find out that Scientology-based rehab program that incorporates sauna and massage into treatment is not effective (w/ bonus sweaty druggie pics) (88)
(Some Guy) Amusing Who said it? Batman or Bush? (link goes to video) (119)
(Sign On San Diego) Amusing News: Fishermen snared by floating tuna ranch pen. Fark: Ship towing the pen didn't notice the marooned boat sitting in the middle of it for over two hours (42)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass It apparently needs repeating: Do not tailgate on the highway if you are transporting $25,000 worth of smack (54)
(Scientific American) Interesting Evolution has ensured that humans respond to anecdote, instead of science. Which explains the success of chiropracty as well as those urban legends your secretary forwards you (451)
(NewsOK) Interesting Oklahoma taking nominations for state rock song. Have at it (254)
(Mercury News) Asinine How to piss off airport staff: Try to get a dwarf through checked baggage (72)
(Durant Democrat) Dumbass Oklahoma lawmaker brings loaded gun to Capitol. Again. Bonus: It's not her first time on Fark (103)
(Labspaces.net) Obvious Girls don't suck at math, they just dupe your dumb ass into doing their homework for them (179)
(Some Guy) Dumbass How many times do 7 and 9 go into 44? According to the police, 30 times (131)
(Federal Bureau of Investigation) Interesting The FBI debunks 10 myths about itself. J. Edgar Hoover's dressing habits fail to make the list, which shouldn't surprise us, as they only list myths (80)
(NPR) Interesting That baby photographed swimming naked for Nirvana's album cover is now 17, hates school, likes water polo, and is grappling with his public image. "Quite a few people in the world have seen my penis. So that's kinda cool." (196)
(MSNBC) Followup Obama addresses an estimated crowd of 200,000 people in Berlin, 185,000 of whom were just there for a concert by the Decemberists (1278)
(AFP) Interesting Newseum celebrates 100 years of the FBI. Interactive exhibits include "Let's Wiretap Martin Luther King" and "J. Edgar Hoover's Fashion School" (23)
(Some Flyin' High Guy) Amusing What to do with that old junked 727 that your dad left you (89)
(Some Chick) Photoshop Photoshop this strange bird (64)
(ABC News) Sad Here is the church / here is the steeple / another crane falls / and crushes two people (112)
(Media Matters) Amusing Ben Stein on Obama's convention speech: "Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that's something the Fuehrer would have done" (800)
(Kansas City) Interesting A former consultant for Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis accused of stealing from the company. His punishment is expected to be watered down and tasteless (79)
(AZCentral) Amusing Looks like playing golf can add five years to your life. Duffing that tee off into the water will take 10 take years off your life, though (90)
(ABC Action News) Followup Upset that inflation is ruining his name brand, 50 Cent sues 79 Cent, 89 Cent and 99 Cent (221)
(London Times) Scary One doctor's story of her time in Darfur. Not safe for soul (649)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Participants identified their personal portraits significantly quicker when their faces were computer enhanced to be 20 percent more attractive" (92)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting If you're poor and on food stamps, you can go to the Houston Zoo for free. But officials ask that you please not steal any of the animals' food to take home (88)
(BBC) Cool British Best in Show Competition: Entrants bark, sit, stay, roll over and blast enemies with solar cannons (23)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Man decides that since his wife can't walk around naked on his neighbor's porch, that he should spit on him every time he sees him. That is all (170)
(Sign On San Diego) Amusing School waits 46 years for a drink of water. Best prank ever (105)
(Seattle Times) Obvious New study finds that people have to get to work somehow, and if they get robbed along the way, that's a risk they're willing to take (54)
(AP) Cool Southwest Airlines once again fails to receive memo that airlines must lose money, suck (180)
(BBC) Obvious Soy may reduce sperm count, even in modest amounts. Or maybe men who choose soy products are kind of girly to begin with (130)
(Some Blogger) Followup Interview with National Enquirer editor about catching John Edwards in an affair. Note: They had seven reporters at the hotel and there were at least 10 witnesses to Edwards trying to hide (257)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Man fined £30 for smoking at work. In his own van. Which he uses as a self-employed painter. And he wasn't working at the time. Or even driving to a job (97)
(CBS Chicago) Strange Man says he tried to snag Drew Peterson by posing as a woman and leading him on by instant message (38)
(The Day) Amusing Real men of genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Midnight Firetruck Thieving Joyrider (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing Five-year old boy slips out of day care, heads over to Hooters (94)
(The New York Times) Interesting Bill Gates and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg announced on Wednesday that they would spend $500 million to stop people around the world from smoking. DUHHH smokes don't have software (85)
(Slate) Interesting If you've ever thought "Hey, I could really use a chart to keep track of who in the Bush Administration could face criminal charges, and for what", you're in luck (163)
(dequalss.com) Stupid 22% of Americans say states should have the right to secede (437)
(adn) Interesting Global warming strikes again as Anchorage, Alaska has coldest summer on record (348)
(Boston Channel) Amusing Parent busted after helping son's Boy Scout troop earn badges in porn watching, cigarette smoking, and beer chugging (45)
(AP) Obvious Mysterious noise haunts Wisconsin couple. No one notices the cans of missing refried beans (70)
(CBS News) Unlikely 17% of officers in the US military are black. 14% of Americans are black. Article says US military black officers are very rare (197)
(WTMJ) Followup Call off the HBO boxing analysts: Ex-fiancee/mother of groom courtroom catfight won't happen. Mom drops lawsuit after her son got dumped by bride-to-be (19)
(WGAL) Spiffy Chinese post signs around Beijing teaching citizens how not be rude bastards when Olympic tourists arrive (115)
(AP) Sad 117 sick, neglected cats, other animals found at Obama's home. What? Omaha home? Ooh. Never mind (71)
(LA Times) Asinine Dead man found in drivers seat of car that had received a parking ticket. No, not in England this time (33)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Scientists recover complete dinosaur skeleton, a Tarbosaurus. Also find partial skeleton of a dinosaur that died by running with scissors, a Tardosaurus (100)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Hulk Hogan "disgraced" that his wife is now dating a 19-year old boy, says his life is "total insanity." Not like he's asking for it or anything (162)
(Discovery) Misc Dinosaurs diversified over time. But even their portfolio wasn't enough to save them from the housing crash (32)
(Des Moines Register) Spiffy That Iowa Farker who asked for our help with his campaign slogans? Well, he's using them. Really (127)
(Some Guy) Strange 'Moore was part of a July 9 prank in which he dressed the headless roadkill in a blue graduation cap, white muscle tank top and shorts" (23)
(Time) Misc Barry Bonds turns 44* today. LGT "My, how he's grown" slide show (104)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida See the complete list of everyone injured at Disney's Magic Kingdom (102)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Who is the biggest asshat? The couple with the Calvin peeing on Obama sticker on their truck or the woman who goes beserk and calls them racists? (246)
(Buffalo News) Followup Stretch of road to be named after Tim Russert; to curve to the left slightly before ending rather abruptly (46)
(Dallas News) Stupid 'Twat swap' details unveiled, owner compares club to church barbecue (77)
(AP) Sad Man uses an AK-47 to clear a traffic jam, a father, and two kids. Was an illegal immigrant protected by San Francisco's sanctuary laws. This did not and will continue to not end well (451)
(CNN) Asinine Is marriage just for white people? In related news, is CNN just for retarded people? (266)
(Metro) Spiffy Researchers in the field of drunkology hope to redesign streets to make them more drunk-friendly. In other news, people research drunkology. Professionally (36)
(Some Art) Photoshop Photoshop this beeswax cylinder (46)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting More than one million New Yorkers struggle to speak English. Which begs the question: only one million? (81)
(MSNBC) Interesting Gun rights activists say that everyone ought to be able to carry a gun in a national park, presumably to prevent the scourge of pick-a-nic basket-jacking (156)
(BBC) Cool Stay in a beach resort in the UK for just £10 a night. The catch -- no toilets. The other catch -- the hotel is made out of sand (18)
(Media Matters) Followup Savage Weiner blames others now that he's on the hotseat for his remarks about autism (267)
(UPI) Stupid In a flash of brilliance, police think "hey what if we post the weird 911 calls we get on to YouTube, because that will discourage people from making weird 911 calls" Yeah (31)
(LA Times) Obvious As the media moves to correct itself for glowing coverage of Obama, it's entering a period of shallow analysis (187)
(Kotaku) Sad Grinch.... er... Nintendo president says he can't guarantee there will be enough Wii's available in the U.S. this Christmas. Then he jumped from a diving board into a warehouse full of money (260)
(Slate) Unlikely Yet, if the press craves consistency, it owes its readers some sort of assessment of Edwards (64)
(Daily Mail) Followup To the surprise of absolutely no one, the guy who sold his life on eBay will have to take it back because none of the top bidders can complete the deal. And he can't even leave negative feedback. Bummer (18)
(SFGate) Stupid Federal appeals court upholds rights of police officers to beat your ass for a bag of fajitas (57)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's prostitute round-up brought to you by Clearwater (74)
(Bloomberg) Interesting The arctic could hold 90 billion barrels of oil. And, conveniently, will soon melt so that it will be easier to extract the oil (88)
(Now Magazine) Dumbass "X-Files" star David Duchovny claims to have seen a UFO. But he was "having a hard time then, you know, life" so he could just have easily been drunk (43)
(Stuff) Amusing New Zealand university offers $5,000 reward to anyone managing to arrest Condoleeza Rice in her upcoming visit to the country. What could possibly go wrong? (115)
(Daily Mail) Silly The government is urging parents to use steamy TV soap scenes to talk to their children about sex (19)
(NJ.com) Scary Assailant sought in gas station shooting. No word on whether the gunman appeared to hate cans (26)
(Daily Mail) Followup The Christian Bale "assault" on his mom and sister? He just yelled at them after his sister asked him for $200 grand to "help raise her children" and he turned her down. The heartless bastard (307)
(News.com.au) Hero Naaaaaahhh, what's up, Doc- HOLY FARKING SHIAT GET OUTTA THE HOUSE (79)
(Telegraph) Hero 78-year old woman has her purse snatched, outruns 20-year old crook, gives her a damn good shaking. Fark: her grandson is an Olympic sprinter. With "angry fist of Gran" photo (42)
(Cracked) Amusing If your last girlfriend had an IMDB page (54)
(BBC) Asinine News: To protect children from paedophiles, council stops elderly women photographing paddling pool. Fark: The pool was empty (68)
(Guardian.com) Followup Max Mosley wins his privacy case against the "News of the World". The paper is fined £60,000 and is to be spanked for being a very naughty tabloid (46)
(News.com.au) Amusing "It's one thing to cover your body with the flag, but quite another thing to be naked and using it as a horse's saddle" (37)
(Some Guy) Amusing Major search-and-rescue operation called off when the victims turned out to be two large inflatable penguins (16)
(9 News) Strange Man trapped under asphalt roller... Otto unavailable for comment (31)
(Telegraph) Amusing Newspaper misspells its own name on front page. It's not news, it's Furk (65)
(Daily Mail) Misc Sophisticated "Gastrosexuals" use food to woo women. Your girl wants steak (prepared with a crust of peppercorns and hazelnuts and garnished with frisee) (198)
(News4Jax) Florida Not news: Man steals 3 buses. Fark: He followed the routes and made all the stops (71)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this road block (84)
(Stars and Stripes) Interesting Congress opens hearings over military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Opponents and supporters of the policy vow to wrestle in oil while dressed in loincloths (146)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 168: "Farktography Classic: Blue II". Difficulty: No sky. Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (314)

Wed July 23, 2008
(CBS Sacramento) Asinine Cops: Auto theft? Check. Robberies? Check. Gangs? Um, that'll cost you extra (41)
(Some Jedi) Cool Remember the steampunk Star Wars figures? Here is the Empire Strikes Back edition. Cool tag beats Followup tag with a Force choke (148)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Obvious Drama teacher takes classroom role playing to a whole new level (164)
(Telegram) Weird Prison inmate introduces himself as Jesus Christ to see whether he can get along with cellmate. One ruptured spleen later, it appears doubtful (33)
(CNN) Obvious When homeowners lose their homes in forclosure, we laugh at them and call them stupid. When banks make high-risk investments on subprime debtors and lose, we issue $300,000,000,000 to bail them out (253)
(CNN) Followup Hurricane Dolly downgraded to "Led Zeppelin I" as levees hold (54)
(Yahoo) Amusing Cook County (IL) Commissioner Mike Quigley drafts resolution noting the 2009 Winter Classic between the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings. As for what the 10 letters that end the last 10 lines of the document spell, that was coincidence (81)
(Boston Globe) Followup Goodness Gracious (110)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Due to the fact that it is in such high demand, The New York Times has raised its newsstand price to $1.50 (146)
(Some Guy) Strange At least four people in West Virginia have been hospitalized this summer for drinking tiki torch fuel. And last year more than 190 residents got sick drinking the liquids inside glow lights (98)
(CBC) Silly News: Woman sues after service animal banned from city buses. Fark: It's a ferret (130)
(CNN) Dumbass House approves the taxpayer-funded Personal Responsibility Mortgage Bailout Bill of 2008 (479)
(Stuff) Hero Judge puts nine-year-old named "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" under court guardianship until a real name is chosen for her. Bonus childrens' names in article: Keenan Got Lucky, Cinderella Beauty Blossom, Sex Fruit (270)
(KABC-7) Sick Nine-year-old gets "Star Wars" ruined for him forever (390)
(Reason Magazine) Sad America's dumbest generation? (342)
(CBS Chicago) Spiffy Pennsylvanian with no arms and no legs finishes 275th of 308 in swimming portion of Pittsburgh triathlon. No, his name isn't Bob or Duncan, but he is a buoy (87)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this doorway (56)
(Jalopnik) Amusing The 10 ugliest new cars in America (289)
(BBC) Amusing Chimp escapes zoo enclosure to get to the roof where it manages to disarm one worker before taking two tranquilizer darts and a banana (with great video) (35)
(USA Today) Asinine Ugly brat sues teacher over insulting remarks (104)
(Kansas City) Scary Old and busted: Drive-by shooting. New hotness: Drive-by grenading (40)
(I-Mockery) Cool I-Mockery travels to the top of Big Bear Mountain and discovers a genuine classic arcade that has stood the test of time since 1959 (61)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing You know it's hot in Houston when inmates escape just to go swimming (27)
(SeattlePI) Interesting The #1 bear threat to America: Snuggle (86)
(AP) Silly "Spastic balls lure adults to Old School P.E. classes" (36)
(Kansas.com) Dumbass Sometimes you should just cut your losses instead of calling police -- for instance, if you get robbed trying to buy pot (47)
(LA Times) Obvious China sets up designated tank practice areas for the Olympics (91)
(Spike) Amusing The top 7 misguided rap attempts. The horror (296)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy At long last: XM - Sirius merger approved (290)
(Google) News Hurricane Dolly makes landfall as a category 2 storm. Pray for Omarion (110)
(AFP) Amusing French couple displays amazing lack of historical awareness, makes porn video at World War I memorial (74)
(NBC5i) Scary Accelerated tanning = accelerated death. Really really accelerated (111)
(Breitbart.com) Stupid New York state worker earning $100K lived in company paint shed, report says (63)
(Bloomberg) Strange Crazed German man drives a car though the gate at the site of Obama's speech Thursday, circles the complex repeatedly and spills red paint out of his car. France surrenders (92)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet nor dark of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds, even if they deliver mail to the wrong address for 19 years (44)
(Palm Beach Post) Ironic Palm City man's stolen credit card used to buy program to prevent identity theft (43)
(Politico) News Robert Novak rams a pedestrian and speeds away. Yes, submitter is well aware this is Not Braking news (250)
(Canoe) Amusing Homeowner jumps burgler, binds him with duct tape and hands him over to police "gift wrapped" (61)
(Canada.com) Dumbass "Sorry about the Molotov cocktails. Our bad." Awkward (84)
(Washington Post) Obvious You're the largest cable company in the United States. Do you: C) Spend almost a month trying to figure out why a customer isn't getting his cable... only to find out that you haven't hooked it up to his house? (161)
(BBC) Dumbass British woman sues after "water detox diet" leaves her brain damaged and on medication. Dietician counters that thinking a water detox diet would work meant the woman was probably brain damaged already (96)
(Gawker) Amusing Vanity Fair does the thinkable to The New Yorker (132)
(NewsChannel9) Obvious Missing? ☑ Female? ☑ Caucasian? ☑ Attractive? ☑ Young? ☐ Nevermind, go back to your normal routine, nothing to see here (438)
(ABC News) Interesting U.S. appeals court overturns Internet Child Protection Act. Why won't they think of the children? (251)
(CBS New York) Dumbass NTSA = x + z(2), where x represents a 25-year-old math teacher and z represents her 16-year-old student (131)
(Google) Spiffy The baby born of the second Immaculate Conception turns 30 today (164)
(Rian.Ru) Interesting Hugo Chavez to purchase $5 billion worth in Russian weapons for Venezuela in order to protect the country when the U.S. invades or the monkeys in the rain forest get organized and attack, whichever comes first (503)
(A&E TV) Strange Because Criss Angel is called Mindfreak, are people who follow him called "freaks"? (Sponsored link) (165)
(WTMJ) Spiffy Harley-Davidson unveils a tricycle-style roadster. Next, Bob the Builder and Barney the Dinosaur co-star in "Easy Rider" remake with Raffi covering "Born To Be Wild" (220)
(Network World) Scary Bank websites using swiss cheese for security, university researchers find (59)
(CNN) Spiffy Minimum wage to jump by $0.70 which works out to about 145 cases of Natural Light or 18 grams of meth per year based on 40-hour work week (488)
(Comedy.com) Hero A salute to the man trying to bring the Kicked in the Nuts record back to the USA (54)
(Sky.com) Followup Although the press informed everybody else, they forgot to tell Patrick Swayze he had only weeks to live (137)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly The score at the end of the Møøse vs. Sister match is Møøse 1, Sister 1 in sudden-death overtime (73)
(CNN) Followup Radovan Karadzic to defend himself in war crimes court. Because it worked so well for the last guy (80)
(SFGate) Followup Rogue programmer who hijacked San Francisco's network surrenders passwords to mayor, says he was just protecting the city's code. He's also been described as "a bit maniacal." Gee, ya think? (173)
(thisisplymouth) Dumbass Man who once threw owl from moving car to evade police pursuit now jailed for armed burglary at wrong house (46)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Drinking Wite-Out does not erase alcohol from your blood. You will still be charged with drunk driving (98)
(AP) Dumbass One in, one out. The "Spam King" is AWOL from federal prison. Wait, two "Spam Kings"? Spam King trifecta in play? (91)
(Canada.com) Cool If you've ever wanted to swim with sea lions in a mall, now is your chance. Yeah, us neither (90)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this underwater cameramajigger (62)
(News.com.au) Stupid Having solved all other problems, Australian politician wants fast-food chain to stop offering Batman toys with children's meals (92)
(Yahoo) Interesting "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male (191)
(SFGate) Sad Jenny Craig just shed over 160 pounds in a single day (86)
(Telegraph) Hero Marine commando jumps on grenade to save comrades. Survives blast, refuses to to be medevaced -- then shoots an insurgent. Queen says, "By George, you have balls of steel" (409)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Strange Woman accused of trying to cram a peanut in the mouth of her allergic neighbor. Nutjob should pecan somebody her own size (67)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Woman performs Wiccan ceremony in cemetery after a run of good luck, inadvertently stabs herself in the foot with the ceremonial sword (190)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When in the cockpit of an airliner, don't push the button marked "takeoff power" while still in the hangar (84)
(Stuff) Amusing Vermin-clearing incident gone awry leads to shrapnel in the buttocks. Forrest Gump unavailable for comment (24)
(Fox News) Strange "You can't bust me, if you don't know what you found..." (98)
(BBC) Unlikely Tired of Jesus hogging all the publicity by appearing on food products, Allah decides to make an appearance on meat (109)
(The Moscow Times) Scary Hungry Russian bears trap geologists at remote survey site, demand ransom of one million pic-a-nic baskets (53)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing There are times you should just turn off your cellphone, like when you're in a stolen vehicle being chased by cops (18)
(College Humor) Video Pencil, telephone, hourglass, diamonds, candle, candle, flag! Mouse, scissors, ball, mailbox, mailbox, mailbox! (98)
(Guardian.com) Strange The world's top flatulist prepares to unleash himself on Edinburgh (50)
(azfamily.com) Scary Golfer struck by lightning. Last words were, "Rat farts" (86)
(News.com.au) Asinine Catching a taxi to town to do the shopping: $50. Faking a heart attack and calling an ambulance, then miraculously recovering when you arrive at the hospital, 150 meters from the shops: FREE (57)
(Some Guy) Stupid Tesco's cock up nearly breaks up relationship when condoms are added to man's order by mistake. Penis (92)
(LA Times) Weird South Los Angeles considers a ban on all new fast-food restaurants for one year. Capitalism, blubber surrender (60)
(Some Guy) Florida Sign of the times: Man arrested for stealing $0.42 from a mall fountain (56)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Mustard Man arrested for aggravated assault (not before delivering awesome response) (170)
(Gizmodo) Photoshop Gizmodo's running a "Truth in Advertising" Photoshop contest. Bring the FARK (69)

Tue July 22, 2008
(News.com.au) Dumbass Eighteen-year-old Melbourne boy reinforces need for a "Darwin" tag by stripping to his underwear and losing a game of chicken with cars on the highway. Fark bonus: He's from South Morang (82)
(PoJo) Weird Vinegar Festival takes place in LaGrange, NY. A lot of douchebags were there (57)
(BBC) Dumbass Man finds sticky substance in his underwear, wipes his hand on Prime Minister's sleeve (54)
(MSNBC) Obvious Two guys break into store and steal pillows and a hammock. Found nearby sleeping on stolen goods. "Alcohol was involved" (33)
(Some Gal) Scary ♫ Well Hello Dolly, ♫ We can tell, Dolly, ♫ Your're still glowin', ♫ you're still crowin' you're still goin' strong ♫ We can feel the room swayin' (87)
(KHOU Houston) Scary Plane carrying Ron Paul goes into a steep Ron Paul and has to make an emergency Ron Paul (305)
(Dallas News) Stupid Swat stops twat swap (291)
(ABC News) Strange Police baffled why killer sent San Dimas housewife on bogus journey (90)
(Newsweek) Dumbass The editor of "OK" magazine says a cover showing 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears holding her baby and saying "Being a mom is the best feeling in the world" does not glamourize teen pregnancy (454)
(Salon) Dumbass Rhode Island man gets arrested for scoring a .491 on a breathalyzer. What a lightweight (88)
(Newsday) Amusing You know you're a loser when you rob a Goodwill Store and run out of gas in the parking lot (82)
(The Next Richard Simmons) Photoshop Photoshop this exercise guru (59)
(me love u long time) Amusing Mugshot line up of massage parlor hooker bust in Georgia... may need eye bleach for some (292)
(CBS Austin) Interesting Swiss geologists use thousands of pounds of explosives to bring down an unstable mountainside. (w/video goodness) (77)
(CNN) Amusing Wearealladdictedtocaffeine (408)
(Sun Sentinel) Followup The "I'm robbin' it" guy finished fourth in the McDonald's MySpace jingle contest (67)
(News.com.au) Sad You promised us / Six million bucks / Please give it here / And don't be schmucks / Burma Aid (84)
(International Herald Tribune) Sad "Golden Girl" Estelle Getty dead at 84. Your dreams of a three-way with her and Bea Arthur are now dashed (426)
(Some Steeler Fan) Amusing After 34 years, someone finally notices that the final score on the Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl IX championship ring is wrong (307)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida University dismayed that its medical school students have Facebook pages showing them wearing "Kevorkian Medical Clinic" lab coats, posing with dead raccoons, drinking heavily (144)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this traditional reed boat on Lake Titicaca (126)
(Some Guy) Followup Fourth-century Bible neglects to resurrect Jesus, an oversight that was corrected in later versions (1636)
(Crooks & Liars) Strange New Obama scandal: "Fake" interviews (701)
(News.com.au) Stupid TV commercials are killing our planet by causing catastrophic carbon emissions... okay, this is just getting stupid now (128)
(Telegraph) Sad Guy proposes at a Laser Tag shoot-out party, marries his sweetheart in a hurry and dies days later, leaving her a widow. Said couple are eight-years-old (390)
(Reuters) Unlikely Exterminator finds method to instantly decimate bug population, blows up apartment. Problem solved (51)
(Newsweek) Dumbass Jonathan Alter rages incoherently about why print media is better than the Internet, apparently not realizing his column is carried online. Bonus: Raving user comments (233)
(Some Guy) Interesting Central NC meetup THIS FRIDAY. Durham Bulls baseball and after party at Tylers. DIT (68)
(Reading Evening Post) Asinine News: Nine-year-old girls collect money for Christian charity. Fark: Charity promptly reports girls to the police (171)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Professor who set a new level of pomposity as a juror will get a chance to try it as a defendant this time (98)
(Daily Mail) Followup Serbian officials say wanted war criminal Radovan Karadzic evaded arrest for 10 years by impersonating Burl Ives (54)
(News.com.au) Scary Here's how you do it. They pull a concrete block, you pull a bottle of hydrochloric acid. That's the Adelaide way (105)
(SFGate) Amusing You know you're in Indiana when your pastor gets out his dirtbike during the service and proceeds to crash it, ending up in the hospital (51)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Let's try this again: DO NOT use the back of your own check for the stick-up note. Also, a taxi makes a poor getaway car (28)
(AP) Hero There once was a pris'ner in Gitmo / Who didn't talk and got hit mo' / When charges were pressed / The judge was distressed / And said torturers were full of shiatmo (299)
(Livenews) Interesting Catholic pilgrims offered half-price entry to sex expo. WWJD? (73)
(Google) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Luddites (62)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny State tells police dog handlers to avoid scaring criminals, be considerate of potential dog-hair allergies. Ruff deal (63)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Talk about blowing your street cred... This dude wins (204)
(Mercury News) Stupid Lousy way to go, No. 2,742: Falling 30 feet out of a redwood tree while trying to retrieve your Frisbee (65)
(The Sun) Scary Zip. Whiz. ZAP. Thud (109)
(Kansas City) Amusing Happy birthday to the one piece of the office that keeps you from moving up more than the glass ceiling or your boss... the cubicle (70)
(officer.com) Florida Two Miami-Dade police officers were arrested for operating a cocaine ring in Miami's Liberty City. Also suspected of driving on sidewalks, random attacks, grand theft auto (39)
(ImageShack) Amusing What is the most biased news outlet in America? (367)
(Cracked) Cool Seven people who slapped death in the face and told it to go make them a sammich. (Article includes profanity) (104)
(InformationWeek) Stupid Facebook sues German social networking site for being a "copycat." Friendster laughs from its grave (55)
(LA Times) Obvious "Social stigma drives some women to remove tattoos" (571)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida They continue to spread unchecked, invading the most hallowed of roads and city streets: Golf carts (43)

Mon July 21, 2008
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Obvious Makers of "Monster Deer Lick" convince makers of "Monster Cable" that buyers won't confuse the two products. Cookie Monster unavailable for comment (89)
(Seacoastonline.com) Weird Judge talks homeless man out of pleading guilty to waving a gun and saying,"it sucks I can't kill people in the United States." (37)
(Idaho Statesman) Amusing Actual headline: Anarchists' gathering surprisingly organized (112)
(AJC) Scary The FDA continues in its attack on salsa by declaring jalapeños are the salmonella culprit. EVERYBODY PÁNICO (69)
(Google) Cool Summer in the Windy City means one thing: Time for another Chicago Fark party. Lincoln Tap Room, Saturday, August 16th. Huge details in thread, get psyched (94)
(Daily Express) Stupid Nanny state bans children's ice cream vans because their music is 'polluting' the atmosphere (127)
(Daily Express) Asinine Woman who owed her bank 16 cents is handed a bill... for nearly $2,000 (158)
(Yahoo) Obvious Advanced study finds retailers present merchandise in appealing manner to drive sales. Still no cure for cancer (35)
(Some Surfer Dude) Photoshop Photoshop this inflatable kayak (48)
(American Thinker) Ironic Actual headline: "Myth of the Stupid Voter" by Rick Moran. Couldn't make this up if we wanted to (142)
(NPR) Cool Former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic captured for triple word score (108)
(AOL) Hero Kinda news: Paul Westerberg releases a new album. Fark: You can have it for 49 cents. WTF?: Download it from his AOL page (100)
(Some Guy) Cool Herding cats. In the suburbs. It's fun (81)
(officer.com) Silly Albuquerque Police get their patch and badge copyrighted in order to deter police impersonators. Yeah, that'll do it (51)
(NWCN) Dumbass Soccer mom accused of embezzling $72K from youth league to gamble at local Indian casino. Possible sentence may include loss of SUV privileges, staying 500 feet away from any Starbucks (45)
(WSRZ) Dumbass Wouldn't it just suck to find out a few months into your "lease", that your "landlord" has only been pretending to "own" the house you're renting? (89)
(Some Guy) Followup Cuba 2.0 : Russia considering stationing strategical bombers on Cuba. Zombie Castro wants more PLAAAAAINS (190)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse", "You talkin' to me?", "Schwiiing" among most memorable one liners from movies (706)
(Sign On San Diego) Stupid The latest yuppie bakery trend, $1.50 "frosting shots". As in cupcake frosting (156)
(Ars Technica) Unlikely Forty percent of gamers are women. Barbie Fashion Designer lives on (241)
(CBC) Amusing Canada ups the ante: cat in pink dress runs away. Front page cat news trifecta now in play (53)
(GR Press) Scary Ever operate a riding mower while drunk? Ever done it at .441 BAC? (76)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Old & busted: Stealing copper from power plants. New hotness: Stealing brass nuts from fire hydrants. Bonus: Article actually uses the phrase "brass nuts" (46)
(Aftenposten.no) Spiffy Teen wins International Mathematical Olympiad, guaranteed atomic wedgies and wet willies from his classmates. In other news, there is an International Mathematical Olympiad (91)
(Bangor Daily News) Spiffy One upside of increasing metal prices is that Maine hicks are now cleaning out the junk cars that litter their yards (47)
(Gizmodo) Cool Don't like having Vista preinstalled on your computer? Decline the EULA and get a refund check from the manufacturer (257)
(Wikipedia) Hero 63 years ago today John Scopes was found guilty. Now quit monkeying around (1029)
(Philly Metro) Stupid Taxi driver union elects as president a cabbie who's awaiting trial for beating up a fare. Welcome to Philadelphia. Can we offer you a cab from the airport? (70)
(Examiner) Dumbass D.C. drivers have 84 percent more accidents than rest of nation, which is a five percent improvement over last year. And they STILL wonder why we don't let them vote (196)
(CBS New York) Florida Shockingly, the man who won this year's Ernest Hemingway look-alike contest described as "white-bearded." It's not news, it's CBS (60)
(CNN) Unlikely Beijing thinks it's dastardly clever / To eliminate cars altogether / That is their solution / For curbing pollution / And rights violations? "Whatever" (113)
(AFP) Ironic Obama's personal 757 airliner sports "rising sun" logo on tail, still magically able to land amid U.S. military (246)
(The Consumerist) Asinine New strategy for overcharging customers on gas: Just leave a pimply, confused-looking employee who keeps repeating: "I just don't know what's happening, sir" (73)
(National Post) Scary Flight from Atlanta to Paris stops in Newfoundland to get a good look at cute RCMP bomb-sniffing dogs (27)
(AP) Cool Bill Murray to jump from plane -- good thing he got eternal life from the Lama (93)
(BBC) Sappy Hugo Chavez has offered a hug to King Juan Carlos of Spain, who told him to "shut up" last year (103)
(New York Daily News) Ironic Outraged parents want removal of dangerous playground mats. Shiny metal slide says to get off its lawn (161)
(Examiner) Asinine What do designer sunglasses, a decorative tire cover and a raincoat have in common? Good reasons for Baltimore County to ask for more tax money this year (36)
(Seattle Times) Followup New study finds that firing all your reporters will affect the quality of your newspaper for some damn reason or other (74)
(Think Progress) Stupid Reporters finally get something they can understand about Obama's trip: A gaffe. Except it's McCain, talking about the "Iraq-Pakistan border" (224)
(Some Guy) Asinine Open Carry gun nuts visit a local zoo in Idaho to make a point or something. With "heart studded" gun-belt goodness (654)
(ABC News) Amusing McCain challenges Obama to admit he was wrong about the Surge. Obama triple-dog dares McCain to stick his tongue on a cold flagpole (134)
(New York Daily News) Sad Good: The Hudson River is now clean enough to suport jellyfish. Bad: NYC Triathlon swimmers also like to swim in the Hudson River (44)
(SFGate) Asinine Guy passes out and his buddy sets fire to his crotch. What are the odds that alcohol is involved? (39)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Forget playing video games or making sandwiches, this is the easiest way to get caught when burgling (59)
(USA Today) Obvious New wallet-sized passport card offers added convenience for frequent border-crossers, pickpockets (36)
(Some Off-Topic Guy) Weird Headline: "The qualities that really count in a candidate." Conclusion: "We must ban all doctors" (50)
(11 Alive) Hero Pre-school employee who shattered a window to pull a child out of a burning building wants no thanks other than to be left alone so she can get back to work (80)
(Reuters) Obvious Tired of the whoopee cushions and snakes-in-a-can, Rice now wants serious answer from Iran (102)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Charges dropped against third-grade teacher who took gun to school after everybody remembered they're in Florida (67)
(Boston Globe) Followup Doctor who specializes in giving firefighters lifetime disability pensions says he never noticed that one of his "disabled" patients was a bodybuilder (100)
(Some TFette) Spiffy NYC Fark Party on July 26. Come party with a stranger in a strange land (77)
(DC Party!) Cool Thirteen days until the D.C. Summer Fark Party at Big Hunt. Be there or be [ ] (155)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Amusing Santas meet in Denmark, presumably to make master list of naughty and nice children (36)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sunset silhouette (60)
(AP) Obvious Former bin Laden driver pleads not guilty. He's not driving the car, handling the money, talking on the phone at the same time, either (75)
(LA Times) Amusing "Attention everybody. Every magazine that wants a writer on Barack Obama's campaign plane step forward. Where you going, The New Yorker? By the way, nice cover last week" (269)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Weird Seems like women will try just about anything, like having a carp give a pedicure (86)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass "I'm bored." "Me too." "So what do you wanna do?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" "I know, let's go to the highway and throw rocks at passing cars." "Okay" (155)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Old: War on Drugs. Busted: War on Terror. Hot: War on Iguanas (50)
(CNN) Asinine Cat gets head stuck in jar. It's not news, it's CNN. Front page CNN (148)
(Boston Globe) Hero Six-foot-tall, 250-pound, bald Air Force vet fights for his right to wear a skirt while delivering the mail (393)
(AP) Followup Oddly pierced breasts of washed-up pop singers deemed acceptable as FCC tosses the $550,000 fine against CBS for that Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" (149)
(Spiegel) Followup Spiegel release the full Nuri al-Maliki interview transcipt. Seems like he was 'misunderstood and mistranslated' in three answers where he supported Obama's position (200)
(News.com.au) Obvious Israel to build new Arab city in the Galilee region. Its location has yet to be determined, but the most popular suggestion so far is "at the bottom of the sea" (186)
(ABC News) Obvious "Alcohol may have been a factor" (82)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Pastor and civil rights activist is dismissed after he claimed he was a gym employee, offered to show three women martials arts moves, then grabbed them, lay on top of them, and started to go giggity giggity (119)
(Homestar Runner) Interesting I haven't seen any shenanigans from you (61)
(MDN) Silly Mainichi Daily News issues front-page apology for reporting too much not-news, announces firings, major reorganization. At least they don't charge $5 a month (56)
(Times Herald Record) Interesting Another victim of high gas prices: Carnies. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands (99)
(Billings Gazette) Hero Man climbs Devils Tower every day for a year to raise money for nearby Indian reservation and to battle his own alcoholism. This is important. This means something (98)
(New York Daily News) Scary B-52 crashes into Pacific Ocean. TIN ROOF RUSTED (168)
(thisisplymouth) Amusing It took seven firefighters, one aerial platform, two hours and £800 to rescue... a seagull (38)
(Guardian.com) Interesting "If Europeans really want to help Barack Obama next week, they should repress their enthusiasm for him -- and stay home" (242)
(The Sun) Cool German Shepherds being trained to parachute from 25,000 feet with frikken' cameras on their heads to kill terrorists in Iraq. We're gonna need another cliche (pic) (143)
(Some Seat) Photoshop Photoshop this futuristic chair (60)
(News.com.au) Strange Australian donkeys could soon help increase sex drives of Chinese women. Seriously (68)
(The Sun) Asinine Anyone who owns a home in the Nanny State is now compelled to let home inspectors in at any time without notice so the officials can ensure there are no dancing bears inside. Or 1,042 other things (256)
(Boston Channel) Scary Ten people at a Boston soccer match shacked -- SHACKED -- to find out that a tree during a thunderstorm is not appropriate shelter (117)