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Sun August 10, 2008
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this test console (28)
(Some Guy) Stupid Father and Son get a tasering after complaining about the price of a Ferris Wheel ticket. Mom caps the night off by hurling glassware at arresting officers (63)
(CNN) Sappy Russian and Georgian Olympic medal winners hug it out on the podium (118)
(PennLive) Dumbass Vandals entering unlocked cars, turning on dome lights, running down batteries. Local communities plan meetings and expensive, city-wide campaigns to see if there's any simple way to prevent people from breaking into unlocked cars (90)
(Boing Boing) Hero New book reveals Kafka's hardcore pornography collection, list of people he hate hate hate hate hate hate hates (154)
(eastandard.net) Strange Strange and unscheduled military planes from the U.S. have been making secretive night landings in Kenya for the last couple months. No explanation from authorities at the Pentagon except, "it was dark." (112)
(Bismarck Tribune) Ironic Worst. Smoke Alarm. EVAR (69)
(Kenosha News) Cool Not News: 13-year-old sets up lemonade stand. News: To raise money for cancer. Fark: She makes $1,173 (75)
(Orange County Register) Amusing "Not even the cops who descended on her with billy clubs as she played her ukulele at a family bridal shower could take the oomph out of the one-time junior national shot put champ." (51)
(CNN) Sad Goodbye, children: Isaac Hayes dead at 65 (525)
(Daily Mail) Sappy 93-year-old author spends proceeds from her first book on massive house and invites unhappy friends from her care home to move in with her (76)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Step 1: Own a towing company and wait until there is a parade in Chicago. Step 2: After the parade starts, erect 'no parking' signs where people have parked. Step 3: $$$ (169)
(CNN) Video Fearless dog chases black bear up a tree, will get the exact dinner which that dog translator and dozens of Fark headlines say it wants (56)
(Google) Silly Finland wins the Sauna World Championship. In other news, there is a Sauna World Championship (51)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop an award-winning entry for the Fark Science Fair (48)
(Baltimore Sun) Obvious Maryland DA says that his job is to make sure the Fourth Amendment stays dead (298)
(AJC) Cool Your daily Awwwwwwwwwwwwww: Zoo Atlanta introduces it's new lion cubs (51)
(Canada.com) Misc Bicyclists interrupt complaining about cars driving too fast to complain that bicycle speed limit is too slow (144)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Can't for the life of me imagine why a seven year old homeschooled child would rebel against something called "Furry Hour" (436)
(Denver Post) Spiffy Congress introduces Halting Airplane Noise to Give Us Peace (HANG UP) act which makes the ban on cell phone use while flying permanent, overriding the STFU act passed in 1998 (146)
(Telegraph) Scary Japan holds ice cream festival. In case you're kicking yourself because you missed it, the star flavors were eel, raw horse, curry, crab and potato, and oh yes, the award-winning beef tongue ripple (58)
(Washington Post) Interesting Fourteen-year-old Maryland teen texts without abbreviations, bad grammar. OMG RU Serious? (137)
(AP) Obvious Olympic reporters complaining about the Great Firewall of China, just now realizing what type of government actually runs China these days (168)
(AFP) Stupid Now you can't even eat popcorn at the cinema in the United Nanny State Kingdom (181)
(MaineToday.com) Silly Artist sets up an endowment of $9000 to give away one muffin per day in perpetuity. Donors include Ed Harris and the other Paul Newman (39)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Runaway cows have town looking for answers, big BBQ pits (39)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Orphan deer adopted by pack of bloodthirsty fox hounds. Awww (47)
(New York Daily News) Strange News: Man injures 10 by starting blaze at Bronx drug den. Fark: With a teddy bear (30)
(Some Cabinet Members) Photoshop Photoshop these Radio-Vitant ray therapy patients (30)
(CBC) Amusing Actual headline: "Canadian Poon has chicken pox". Canadian men, it's time to panic (40)
(Reuters) Followup Georgia withdraws from South Ossetia. Everything's peachy now (271)
(NorthJersey.com) Dumbass Thank you, come again (34)
(680 News) News Blasts rock Toronto as propane depot detonates (282)
(Some Guy) Silly Police report theft of their beer goggles. Suspect described as stunningly gorgeous woman whose phone number they were about to ask for (21)
(Some Guy) Asinine Doctors lobby for any movie showing a character smoking to be off-limits to anyone under 18 (139)
(Independent) Asinine Camila Batmanghelidjh is upset over Batman. We await the opinion of Messrs. Jokerasdfgh and Robinqwerty (219)
(Quad City Times) Interesting Perhaps it's because of the cold and lonely midwestern nights, but Illinois won the Tug Fest (26)
(Metro) Strange Pub's Goldfish has been swimming upside-down for four years. 'She seems happy enough - as far as you can tell with a fish.' (76)
(BBC) Cool Cops finally do something right - raid man's home, seize and destroy his stereo for playing Cher loudly (94)

Sat August 09, 2008
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass Assistant principal arrested for teaching reading, 'riting and 'rostitution (44)
(WorldNetDaily) Hero Guy dressed like Batman tries to rob store. Customer gives him a major ass-whuppin'. Bonus: The whole thing is caught on video with BAM OOF KAPOW goodness (150)
(The Local (Sweden)) Misc Sweden Godwins the Russia-Georgia conflict (116)
(Guardian.com) Silly Today's woman living at an airport with three suitcases, a pile of books and a white cat for ten years is brought to you by Palma de Mallorca, Spain (59)
(CNN) News Russia retaliates with ballistic missiles against Comrade Stalin's former home (640)
(WHTM) Sad One of the last surviving "witness trees" to the Civil War destroyed in severe thunderstorm (86)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you ever wanted to rickroll a mountain village in Norway (you know you do), here's your chance (70)
(News.com.au) Obvious Climbers found dead on Matterhorn. Man, those Disney rides are murder (51)
(Wordpress) Photoshop Photoshop these riders of mixed emotion (53)
(Some Guy) Asinine Prison may spend more than $100,000 over budget on inmates' food because they don't want to be inhumane. "I think the peanut butter was missed the most." (106)
(Wave3) Amusing "Hooters for Neuters" - Humane Society teams with Hooters for pet population control. Just what's in the Caturday special, anyway? (39)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange California divinity professor goes underground after tagging his Beijing hotel with pro-democracy slogans & putting it up on YouTube (126)
(MSNBC) Amusing Dark ruby in color, with bright reddish-orange glints. Light red-berry aromas with just a hint of marijuana undertones. Wait, what? (68)
(Wave3) Interesting Omg, ur kewl but plz smem w/ cc info. ykwim -thx xoxo (52)
(Fresno Bee) Interesting Lesbian couple who was among the first to get married in California is now filing for divorce. "It's no longer you and me against the world -- it's you and me against each other." (247)
(Some Guy) Cool Old & busted: mud baths at the spa. New hotness: beer baths at the spa (25)
(Daily Pennsylvannian) Cool Court overturns Temple University's sexual harassment policy for being too broad and not making enough sammiches (92)
(MSNBC) Interesting The 20 worst foods in America. Grab a burger and prepare to be depressed (219)
(O RLY?) Amusing You know who else liked internet memes? Believe it or not, website tracks timeline of web cliches -- YA RLY. Here comes the science. This should end well. Penis (107)
(Reuters) Sad Georgia may recall its 35 Olympic team members from the Beijing Games because they can't afford to have half the country's military forces abroad at a time of war (69)
(Reuters) Obvious Russian fighter jets targeting major petroleum pipeline in Georgia. Big Oil execs get blisters from rubbing their palms together (49)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Texas man gets life in prison for DUI (641)
(BBC) Asinine Shop selling lingerie for pregnant women has been forced to withdraw a mannequin with a baby bump from its window after it sparked complaints (117)
(JSOnline) Amusing For those who thought driving and putting on makeup at the same time was a breeze, step up to this new challenge: Walking and Texting (54)
(Fox News) Cool Who says every vote doesn't count? Don't tell that to a write in candidate who won by one vote, her own (59)
(AP) Obvious Oh, we're sorry. Should we not have done that? Our bad (38)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this picture of George Bush at the Olympics (145)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Do you dream of becoming the next supermodel? Then UglyNY is for you (50)
(Local6) Strange Ghost of angry student roaming school hallways, setting off motion-detecting cams (with video goodness) (156)
(Guardian.com) Interesting School robots divide experts over teaching of phonics, search for Sarah Connor after class (33)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Words here teasing coverage inside. Pages x-x (w/pic) (118)
(pixdaus) Photoshop Photoshop these two guys getting high (67)
(Found at Neatorama) Interesting Neat little quiz: can you guess the movie title by looking at one letter from its poster? (140)
(Telegram) Stupid Authorities seize man's basement chemistry lab, which they determined to be harmless, and warn him that intelligence and curiosity are illegal in Massachusetts (186)
(Reuters) Amusing Spanish shopkeeper finds Homer Simpson euro. For you Americans, the euro is worth a lot of d'oh (43)
(The Sun) Cool The coolest sculptures made of food you'll see before breakfast (43)
(DUI Blog) Unlikely A roadblock that catches drunks is successful. A roadblock that catches no drunks is successful. We have always been at war with drivers (183)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If you hope to escape pursuing police by swimming out to sea, you probably shouldn't do it at night in the dead of winter (27)
(AP) Scary 38 undead after being bitten by vampire bats (78)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Yeah, about Bernie Mac responding well to treatment for pneumonia? Not so much (598)
(News & Tribune) Amusing Man who could no longer keep pregnant cat gave her away, only to have it walk 10 miles back to his house and deliver Caturday presents (449)
(Columbus Dispatch) PSA If your house just blew up for the third time in seven years, you might want to consider relocating. Dumbass tag still in the burn unit (24)
(CNN) Sad China up two medals already, USA down one tourist (152)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this counterfeit C3PO (49)
(USA Today) Dumbass I want a new drug. One that don't make me click (103)
(News.com.au) Sad Paul Newman wants to go down shooting in a Bolivian massacre, not a stinking hospital (139)
(CTV) Followup Second wave of Westboro Baptist protesters makes it into Canada, will likely steal jobs from higher-paid Canadian protesters (238)
(Reuters) Obvious British kids increasingly being driven into street gangs due to lack of role models at home. George Michael predicted this years ago in his landmark "Bad Boys" video (42)
(News.com.au) Obvious Ecstasy helps us deal with drunks, say cops (101)
(WNBC) Scary It really sucks to be on top... of one of the tallest buildings in the world without working elevators (58)
(NBC Action News) Amusing Where is your god now? (103)

Fri August 08, 2008
(SFGate) Interesting Did you plant a placenta? Cause it would be a whole lot cooler if you did (91)
(CBS New York) Interesting NYC claims it is so poor it has to sell naming rights for all 468 of its subway stations (79)
(CSMonitor) Scary Turkistan Islamic Party releases tape warning Mulisms to avoid the olympic games because, well... they're not saying exactly, but the explosion superimposed over an Olympic site at the start of the video might have something to do with it (164)
(Ohio.com) Asinine Not news: couple arrested for income tax evasion. Fark: they owed $10.12. Bonus: they now owe $400 in court fees (79)
(Boston Globe) Scary E. Coli outbreak linked to beef sold at Whole Foods stores. Victims are suffering from vomiting, diarrhea, and acute smugness (104)
(Politico) Dumbass Text of John Edwards statement: "It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry" So he really never says he's sorry. That's sorry (203)
(The Smoking Gun) Scary More proof that spiked heels are dangerous (97)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Followup Where's the best place to funnel your John Edwards love child hush money? YouTube, of course (33)
(CBS Minneapolis) Spiffy 8 lb, 8 oz baby born at 8:08 this morning (8/08/08). No one 8 the placenta (107)
(Some Guy) Asinine Various Chicago police officers fired or suspended for conduct unbecoming a human being. Best one: Officer demanding free Starbucks coffee from five different stores, sometimes flashing her badge, displaying her gun and screaming at employees (94)
(AP) Dumbass Man tries to rob store with empty box. Employees cannot contain laughter (48)
(Reuters) Ironic U.S. tells Russia to stop attacking Georgia. I mean what kind of super power goes around invading small oil filled countries without being provoked? (303)
(Marketwatch) Amusing Florida is no longer the old fart Mecca. Guess where death's waiting room is now? Hint: home state of a septugenarian celebrity (54)
(Mercury News) Weird Man dresses as a woman and gets caught while making getaway from bank robbery, proving it really is impossible to run in high heels. Will have lots of fun sharing fashion tips with many new and interesting friends in federal PMITA prison (19)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "...with the gas fumes it exploded caught the roof on fire he jumped off onto a trampoline that caught the roof and the trampoline on fire. He managed to get out of this shorts he got badly burned and went to the Dallas burn unit." (47)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSG weekly roundup: Busted Bubbas and baby girls (204)
(MSNBC) Followup Who would have guessed that a bus owned by Iguala BusMex, Inc, was being operated illegally (25)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Culinary perfection has been created: Chocolate covered bacon.....mmmm bacon (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this light fixture (47)
(Some Guy) Followup Breastfeeding protest at HMV was attended by a handful of angry new mothers, some emasculated dads and the obligatory "expert" (316)
(The Sun) Obvious Some words you don't want in your obituary: "Killed by cat feces" (46)
(Google) NewsFlash Russian troops outside of Savannah, AFP confirms. No really, check the map. Lower left of the article (311)
(Marketwatch) Cool Dow Jones closes up 300 points on news that John Edwards hit that (65)
(Fox News) Followup "Dude, I can't talk, I'm in jail" (61)
(National Review) Followup If the mainstream media didn't cover the John Edwards affair because it wasn't news (since he was off the political stage), then they shouldn't cover his confession because it wouldn't be news now (307)
(Fox News) NewsFlash John Edwards: Billie Jean *IS* my lover, but the kid is not my son (752)
(Fox News) Followup Remember when the undercover agent delivered a box of reefer to mayor's home, then the cops come back later and shot both dogs? Cops now say mayor and wife likely innocent. TA DA (523)
(Detroit News) Amusing Apparently, Detroit's mayor knows how to survive in jail. He beat someone up on the first day (234)
(AP) Interesting Citing weak 3Q profits, Iraqi Cleric Al-Sadr announces mass layoffs of his militia fighters. Mahdi Army share prices expected to soar in afternoon trading (61)
(WGAL 8) Obvious Early reports coming out of Beijing indicate there may be some sort of pollution problem there. Ric Romero dispatched to the scene (99)
(Yahoo) Asinine Why oil under $100 is bad news, according to study funded by OPEC (200)
(CBS News) Amusing Cops were uncertain how to catch the guys who demolished the vending machine until they found the trail of Cheetos dust (57)
(WTNH) Amusing For sale: 2004 Ford Crown Victoria police cruiser, heavy-duty transmission, heavy-duty brakes, roll bar, baggie of cocaine and a 250HP engine (179)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Drug companies warn Massachusetts governor that they will leave state if he signs bill prohibiting them from bribing doctors (202)
(Mercury News) Sad Producer of "Hee Haw," "Ghostbusters II," and "ALF: The Animated Series" has died at age 77. Of embarrassment (137)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Followup: Gramma who was busted for driving with her granddaughter on the roof protests the arrest? Says, "I'm a Christian" (536)
(Devil went down to WV) Strange West Virginia to offer special drivers license to people who feel digital pictures are a mark of the beast. Religious scholars in state opposed to plan since hell would be a step up for residents (227)
(Daily Mail) Asinine "Why beaming messages to aliens in space could destroy our planet." The Daily Mail is there (158)
(ClusterStock) Asinine Want to use your frequent flier miles? That'll be $100 please (113)
(The Local (Germany)) Obvious German newspaper Bild: "Russians ruining German holidays with whores and vodka", calls them "worse than the English" (107)
(BBC) Stupid What advice does a man with 86 wives have for us? Don't farking do it (119)
(LA Times) Spiffy Sen. Charles E. Grassley (R-ecursion) calls for investigation of investigation of anthrax (79)
(National Post) Followup Westboro Baptist Church freaks stopped at Canadian border (776)
(FARK) Spiffy CT Fark Party. Saturday, 8/23/08, 7pm. Sam the Clam's in Southington/Plantsville. LGT location (64)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Obama and McCain need some campaign posters that really target the online demographic. Let's help them out (167)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Lucas on possible "Indy" sequel: "It's really impossible, because it has to be real. It has to be something that actually happens." Like surviving a nuclear explosion by hiding in the fridge (280)
(Independent) Strange Silvio Berlusconi was probably joking when he offered his wife to the Danish PM. But a new poll suggests that a quarter of Italian couples are swapping wives in real life (224)
(Telegraph) Amusing Police and coast guard determine partygoers were "too drunk to be rescued" from a cliff ledge, leave them there to sober up overnight (30)
(Reuters) NewsFlash Crazy Ivans invade Georgia, supply train to Chattanooga still intact (1143)
(BBC) Scary Ten dead, 100 injured in eastern Europe after train crashes into collapsed bridge. The Czechs are in the posts (48)
(News.com.au) Scary Air China flight bound for Chong Qing detours to Bom Bing (62)
(Some Guy) Amusing I'm stuck to a bench. I'm so very scared. Help (200)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Former Luftwaffe pilot flies to British city to say sorry for bombing it during the war -- then decides he's going to dive-bomb it for old times sake (pics) (99)
(Some Guy) Obvious National survey finds British adults won't buy condoms, citing reasons ranging from "I'm too embarrassed" to "Who would want to have sex with a pasty git like me anyway?" (128)
(News.com.au) Stupid L'Oreal's latest advertising campaign: Our product is so effective, it can even give black people soft, white skin (158)
(Some short timer) Dumbass Bad idea: Escaping from jail. Worse idea: Escaping the day before you're released (54)
(MSNBC) Silly Mother wants recall of children's walkie-talkies after hearing "10-4" and then overhears truckers talking about strip clubs and weed (152)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy gettin' all the grannies outta their chairs (40)
(Some Guy) Scary A guy with a shotgun walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve shots." Guys says, "That's okay. I do" (68)
(New Zealand Herald) Dumbass Stupid criminal trifecta complete with idiots who tried to hotwire an engineless car (14)
(Forbes) Cool Austin named hardest drinking city in America. Road trip, anyone? (243)
(BBC) Obvious Man dies in monkey attack as primates tear him into rhesus pieces (112)
(Some Furry) Caption Caption this mother advising her child, if you can bear it (90)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Taxi driver fined for ejecting dudette passenger after she asks him to turn the radio down. She had a rough night and farkin' hates the Eagles (106)
(Independent) Interesting Opening ceremonies in China begin today -- not for the Olympics, but for thousands of couples getting married on the lucky date of 08/08/08 (101)

Thu August 07, 2008
(The Sun) Interesting The board game Clue would have been more interesting with the additions of identical twins and a sheep (66)
(Some Cabbie) Dumbass You know gas prices are high when bank robbers start calling taxi cabs to drive them to the robbery (28)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Lawyer, on his arrest for refusing to show police his ID: "I don't have to show my papers on demand. I don't live in that kind of world" (339)
(Ohio.com) Amusing Hacker uses emergency codes to set off Ohio city's warning sirens. Again (68)
(The New York Times) Interesting Pigeons being abducted in New York. Windex stock plummets (74)
(9 News) PSA If you have have out of state plates it's not a good idea to speed in Wyoming. Even more so if you have 105 pounds of marijuana in the back of your truck (60)
(Boston Channel) Dumbass I'll see your stupid convenience store clerk scam and raise you a Boston man using stolen credit cards to buy $100,000 in Dunkin Donuts gift cards (35)
(TBO) Florida The best compilation of teacher sex scandals in the Tampa Bay area you'll see in the next 47.3 seconds. With bonus Google Maps overlay (90)
(Some Drone) Asinine Tired of dealing with a difficult boss? Sue him for "desk rage" (84)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Mastercard introduces the first Islamic debit card, completely compliant with Shari'ah law. Frequent flyer miles not included (176)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Hells Angels refused service at town's restaurants, proving that discrimination goes in cycles (115)
(Winona Daily) Dumbass Man finds mysterious bullet hole in foot. Police puzzled (32)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Sappy: Citizens call local TV station looking for someone to help neighborhood pet with net stuck over its head. Fark: Pet is full-grown alligator (18)
(CNN) Scary On August 7, 1974, 34 years ago today, a man did the incredible and showed the world he had bigger cojones than some a certain squirrel we know (166)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Hell hath no fury like a woman whose boyfriend drank her beer (79)
(ABC News) Dumbass Mom calls 911 and asks that something be done about her eight-year old who likes watching porn (112)
(10tv) Dumbass "This is a bank heist, nobody move!" *smash* "Dammit. Okay, nobody move while I put my gun back together" (61)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this black widow (80)
(Prime Buzz) Florida If you're planning to assassinate a candidate for president, it's best not to tell fellow students in your bail bondsman class how you plan to do it (121)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Maine lawyer charged with domestic violence after spanking his 20-year-old daughter over a $5000 phone bill (203)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Man tries to rob video store with Jello box (31)
(Christian Post) Ironic Tila Tequila to fundie magazine: "I've found God." (173)
(KNBC) Cool There are cute ass zoo baby slideshows, and then there's this one (40)
(AP) Weird Man, woman char-ged with assaulting each other with barbecue pit (20)
(MSNBC) News Osama's driver sentenced to five and a half years in prison, should be released by January 20, 2009 (164)
(People Magazine) Followup Morgan Freeman released from hospital - and August is one damn fine month to be released from the hospital (117)
(Some Guy) Caption Help Metallica pick a better title for their upcoming album (572)
(My Fox Dallas) Dumbass Man arrested after smashing his truck into 17 vehicles in a drunken rampage. By the looks of his mugshot, he probably mistook them for giant metal demons, unlike anything he'd seen living his entire life in a hollowed out oak tree (80)
(Reuters) Scary Most people call it "traversing dangerous bear country". In Vancouver, they call it "gardening" (54)
(Louisville Courier-Journal) Scary Notoriously haunted sanitorium to become "boutique hotel with a spa and fitness center" (245)
(News.com.au) Followup Turns out, the woman who sold her house to clone her pit bull fled England 30 years ago after kidnapping some Mormon guy to be used as a sex slave. And then it gets weird (205)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Autistic students get their own school. It's 125.67 feet long and made of 657,924 bricks (141)
(Some Guy) Amusing Hey, I have an idea. I'll use this customer's credit card information 110 times to steal $10,758 of merchandise at the store I work at. No one will ever catch on. This is the perfect plan. I am the smartest 21-year-old EVAR (89)
(Wired) Amusing Top ten things not to type in your Facebook status update. Submitter is: in his bunk with a bowl of Jell-o. Voting enabled, submit other ideas (462)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Eric Dowling (inspiration for "The Great Escape) dead at 92; Erik Darling ('60s songwriter of The Weavers) dead at 74. So you can see the confusion (54)
(ABC Action News) Florida Rape victim sues hospital after they victimize her again...by asking her to pay her bill (418)
(insidebayarea.com) Stupid Burglars steal television, get spotted by police, flee in vehicle, crash car on freeway, flee again on foot. Five police agencies, a helicopter, and two police dogs later, burglars nowhere to be found (42)
(Telegraph) Amusing Sixteen-year-old burglar one of the youngest ever to be featured on a WANTED poster. Bonus: because New Zealand law bans pictures of juvenile criminals, they decided to use Robbie Coltrane's image instead (55)
(BBC) Stupid Man with tattoos gets turned away from club, sets up Facebook group in protest. This is news? (210)
(Some Guy) Scary Dear Atlantans, pay no attention to the 500,000 coffins stockpiled at Hartsfield Airport. Sincerely FEMA (177)
(WESH Orlando) Florida When renewing your registration, it is not necessary to bring your car into the office with you (35)
(Reuters) Stupid "Waterboard Thrill Ride" beckons a sign along with cartoon character "SpongeBob SquarePants" who appears tied down and exclaiming: "It don't Gitmo better" (451)
(MSNBC) Amusing MSNBC shocked to learn that the freecreditreport.com guy does not have credit woes, nor does he actually sing in the commercials (259)
(Some Guy) Followup Westboro Baptist Chruch plans to picket greyhound bus victims funeral claiming "God is punishing Canada". Apparently Phelps has never heard of Avril Lavigne nor Nickleback (435)
(Some Guy) Amusing A catfight, a boob bite, a greenlight (90)
(Dallas News) Amusing PETA classiness continues -- West Virginia Beef Queen challenged to wrest PETA Lettuce Lady in vat of tofu (154)
(Some Guy) Weird Man tries to attack his family with a chainsaw. When that won't start, he switches to a weed wacker. When that won't start he tries to run over his wife. Fail X 3 (45)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Commute takes minutes in car, but hours on Metro buses. Way to encourage less oil consumption, Houston (220)
(AP) Obvious Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf faces impeachment for having "eroded the trust of the nation" during his eight years in power. At least some countries have standards (218)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Psychic Uri Geller can bend spoons with his mind, but he can't keep videos debunking him off of YouTube (74)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass When marketing your car's fuel efficiency, it is probably best not to use actors portraying pissed off Muslims complaining about how it is costing them millions. "May hawks poke at you day and night." (w/video) (151)
(Free Press) NewsFlash Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick sent to jail (529)
(News.com.au) Followup Qantas has never had a crash, but it's not for lack of trying - another plane grounded with 95 defects (27)
(Reuters) Asinine A chance to stand in long check in and security lines, barefoot and semi-dressed at its new JFK terminal for a "free trip to nowhere" has been proudly announced by Jet Blue (39)
(ClusterStock) Ironic High gas prices force the US to act like France. Hello four-day work week (184)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this water whiplash (55)
(SFGate) Strange I made you a wedding cake, but I eight it (152)
(USA Today) Stupid Government fining companies for selling clothing that is "dangerous" to children. Laced with strychnine? Line with lead? Overly combustible or hiding pockets of bees? Nope. Drawstrings. DRAWSTRINGS OF DEATH (111)
(KSL TV) Dumbass Bad: Crashing into a pole. Worse: While drunk. Fark: Driving a schoolbus full of kids (39)
(Canada.com) Amusing Park visitors who let their dogs run free to chase squirrels are alarmed to discover that Yorkies are in the middle of the food chain, not at the top (280)
(The Gazette) Amusing Truck with at least 25,000 pounds of bananas crashes into buffalo in Iowa. Harry Chapin would call it an even 30,000 (55)
(Some Guy) PSA 150-gallon fuel spill shuts down the southbound 5 freeway near L.A. Street value estimated to be around $2 million (43)
(Scene) Dumbass Drunken stewardess causes full evacuation of five-star hotel. Oops, make that "former" stewardess (69)
(STLToday) Scary Lots of people screw up on their first day on the job. Most of the time, though, it's not as serious as a tiger chewing off their leg (73)
(AP) Hero Kid haunted from age of 9 about unsolved murder gets hardcore; becomes a State Police Detective, spends countless hours of his own time, ends up solving the crime and giving victim proper burial (80)
(Some Guy) Amusing This week on Craigslist Follies: Man and woman meet up for kinky sex in park, but what happens when a homeless lady chances upon their meeting? (133)
(BBC) Obvious Parties agree "in principle" to begin impeachment hearings against the president (135)
(Stuff) Amusing Girl sparks army defense alert by leaving homemade CD labeled "Jericho IV - Nuclear Modified" in her car. She's just lucky the RIAA didn't get involved (77)
(Some Guy) Obvious Fisherman's dying wish granted as his ashes are turned into 30 pounds of fishbait. So if your catch tasted a little corpsey, here's why (37)
(Telegraph) Obvious Univirsaty studonts kan nott spel (281)
(Some Guy) Scary Cancer might evolve to become contagious. EVERYBODY PANIC (152)
(Telegraph) Interesting Almost one in five paternity claims handled by the Child Support Agency end up showing the woman has deliberately or inadvertently misidentified the father. Apparently fb- may not be the father (286)
(TC Palm) Amusing Florida Highway Patrol urges motorcyclists to wear neon green chaps, grow mustaches, wear mirrored glasses (90)
(AJC) Weird Fashion-savvy guys, admit it: Are you wearing pantyhose under those expensive trousers? (169)
(Reuters) Scary Mexican soldiers briefly held a US Border Patrol agent at gunpoint in a remote stretch of the Arizona desert after they (mistakenly) strayed north across the border (208)
(Some Nord) Photoshop Photoshop this fjord (75)
(Yahoo) Dumbass We got a little ol' convoy, led by GPS / We got a Utah convoy, explorin' the mountain west / Come on join our convoy, we'll get there in a jiff / Unfortunately this convoy's rollin' off a cliff (71)
(STLToday) Sick Married State Representative and licensed foster parent Scott Muschany (R - MOlester) indicted for raping his mistresses' 14 yr-old daughter while she watched. Good thing he co-sponsored legislation that toughened sex offender laws (187)
(OC Rag) Amusing Christian biker gang members arrested for attempted murder of Hell's Angels. Ironic tag battles Obvious while Amusing looks on (108)
(Fox News) Dumbass Oops: New flag stamp has 14 stripes (107)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Stay classy, PETA, stay classy (541)
(AJC) Obvious Atlanta has too many mental patients (66)
(Some Guy) Obvious Dog swallows a two-foot-long stick and survives. Your dog doesn't want stake (pic) (42)
(ESPN) News B-R-E-T Brett Brett Brett (509)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 170: "Go With the Flow". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (305)

Wed August 06, 2008
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Mug shot and police report describing what that naked Indiana nut was doing with his claw hammer and motor oil (108)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Teen arrested for getting all stabby on his father after he tries to make him get a haircut (60)
(Daily Mail) Sad It was only a matter of time. Man chokes to death during a cake-eating competition (81)
(Daily Herald) Silly Car wash in Chicago suburb offers "Best Hand Job in Town." Naturally the town has a serious problem with that. Marvel at how the reporter dances around what the sign actually says (82)
(Tech Digest) Cool Old & busted: homemade Batman's tumbler. New hotness: homemade A-team van...and it's for hire (64)
(Forbes) Sad Congratulations Ohio for garnering four slots on the Forbes 10 fastest dying cities in the US list (283)
(Boston Globe) Stupid New Jersey douchebags invade Nicaragua, offer impoverished villagers $5 for a donated "19-0 perfect season" T-shirt just to taunt pissed off Patriots fans (226)
(AP) Strange Woman riding a donkey fights off lion with machete (80)
(Reuters) Interesting Mexican illegal immigrants more likely to contract AIDS that would otherwise go to hardworking blue-collar Americans (78)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fiddling frequency finder (43)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bureaucrat in charge of developing Gaelic as a language in Scotland quits after two months on the job after acknowledging Gaelic is a deader language than Klingon or Esperanto (115)
(The Sun) Sappy Most army wives use flags at their fallen husband's funeral -- but on a rare occasion you'll find some that use a floral arrangements spelling out "Sexy Pants" (158)
(London Times) Unlikely Beijing channels Baghdad Bob, claims the smog everyone sees is "mist" (80)
(AP) Stupid Obama jokes about McCain's tire pressure recommendation, adding that the double-deuce spinners on his Escalade are more properly inflated than those on McCain's hearse (450)
(AP) Scary CDC says average ER wait time nearly an hour. Subby wants to know where it is that low (275)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida "Bouschet ... didn't understand why she was wrong to place the 3-year-old girl on the roof of the car and drive her ... around the parking lot. She said she was just giving the child some air and letting her have fun." (67)
(KNBC) Dumbass "It surprised the officer when Yates lifted up his shirt and removed a 3 1/2-pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants." (68)
(nbc17.com) Dumbass Man holds up lingerie store with Play-Doh (w The Smoking Gun--worthy mugshot) (133)
(Some Guy) Weird Last comic standing contestant Sean Cullen told not to mention Canada because it would confuse American audiences (245)
(AP) Amusing Mummy fetuses in King Tut's tomb may be his children, or simply snacks (74)
(Some Angry Lady) Dumbass Not news: Store employees ask lady to not breast feed in the middle of the aisle, offer seat to the side. News: She goes to the media, store apologizes. Fark: "Feed-in" protest planned for tomorrow 12:30 (719)
(CBS New York) Obvious This just in: Girls Gone Wild employees are not classy people (128)
(Detroit News) Dumbass High School instructor to teach boating safety lessons. By "high school instructor" I mean "33 yr old Female Teacher" and by "teach safety lessons" I mean "have sex with students on that boat" (109)
(College Humor) Dumbass Crazy lady can't understand why a rainbow appears when her lawn sprinkler is on (351)
(BBC) Dumbass TV journalist addressing Asian women quips, "I'm happy that the podium covers me from the waist down" (506)
(Some Guy) PSA Attention Scottsburg, Indiana middle schools: I don't think the animated gif on your home page means what you think it means (491)
(First Coast News) Followup Reptile, 111, finally becoming a father, thereby beating Strom Thurmond's record. Double Fark: He's now enjoying the company of three females (55)
(Time) Sad A new website connects people who feel entitled to free money with the lawyers who can get it for them. Your dog has a grievance with the vet (69)
(USA Today) Interesting Thirty percent of "Mythbusters'" ideas come from fans, including "Kari determines if bras are more elastic than bustiers," and "Can a Mythbusters female, say Kari for example, swim better naked than clothed?" (339)
(WANE) Strange Police bust some naked guy in his home for conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil (111)
(MSN) Stupid The latest in media sensationalism/scaremongering: "Retiring is unpatriotic." Get back to work Grandpa (171)
(Time) Asinine TSA posts new rule "allowing" laptops only in approved bags containing no pockets, buttons, flaps, zippers, buclkes, clasps, or metal. And by "allow" they mean "we can still detain it forever if we feel like it" (213)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this art-fair opening (41)
(London Times) Obvious Britain touts "fakerproof" passports. You're reading this on Fark, so you can guess what happened (60)
(Fox News) Weird Flight attendant says scrap with Joel Osteen's wife led to "anxiety and hemorrhoids" (127)
(Some Gal) PSA Ace will you marry me? PS: get back to work. - Nikita (1092)
(WTAM) Dumbass If you steal a car, don't drive it back past the scene of the crime (25)
(Salon) Followup Leak: We know he was the anthrax mailer because the mailbox was 100 yards from a sorority he was obsessed with. Reality: It was 100 yards from a sorority which had a member that he dated 27 years ago. At another school (293)
(TheSpec.com) Ironic Actual headline: Clinton urges monogamy (95)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Doctors say the baby should slide right out sometime in April and she won't feel a thing (538)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Prosecutor seeks release of anthrax documents. Wasn't that the problem in the first place? (11)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ever wonder why you never won any of the good prizes playing McDonald's Monopoly? Here's the answer (171)
(Herald-Leader) Unlikely Asteroid mining "X" seminar features discussions on mining in space, challenges in losing one's virginity before age 40 (162)
(BBSpot) Weird Hollywood really running out of ideas. Zork movie that's all text. At least it's got Morgan Freeman's voice (142)
(Canada.com) Weird Documents from President Bush's 2004 visit to Canada include briefing on Canadian social customs, such as removing hats while indoors. Bonus: Discusses migration patterns of Belly Dancers Against Bush (58)
(US News) Hero Did General Patraeus save the U.S. economy? It's more likely than you think (277)
(Reuters) Obvious Morgan Stanley to clients: "You know that home equity line of credit we gave you? Funny thing about that..." (75)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Nothing says retirement like a leisurely drive with 17 rocks of crack in the car (24)
(Gawker) Unlikely Hey, it's a picture of John Edwards with some random baby. Will MSM finally jump on this story? (With pic) (153)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Sadr's giving up. This important news story is expected to receive as much attention from the NY Times as the John Edwards love child (127)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Writer pens a historical novel about Aisha, Muhammed's favorite child bride. Publisher gives her $100K and a two-book deal and sends the book out for reaction. Unless you are more clueless than a blind deaf-mute, you can guess the reaction (327)
(AJC) Interesting Wandering prostitutes prompt "No Ho Zone" sign. Hilton, Lohan, Spears unimpressed (75)
(CNN) Followup Bin Laden's former driver found guilty of terrorism, leaving left blinker on (171)
(Seattle Times) Followup George Bush says an "Axis of Evil" needs at least three countries to be even a little bit scary (141)
(KHOU Houston) Amusing Ever wonder how many cheerleaders can fit into a dormitory elevator? Answer: Not 26 (302)
(SFGate) Amusing Man steals truck, only to be carjacked as he stops at a convenience store (50)
(WGAL 8) Interesting The repo man understands the economy is bad. He knows gas is through the roof. He feels your pain. But he's still taking your car. "The past six months have been through the roof. My fax machine is non-stop" (210)
(This Is Local London) Amusing Man finally discovers why his home has been plagued by leering, drunken visitors late at night (67)
(Google) Cool Chicago Fark Party reminder: Saturday, August 16th. The Lincoln Tap Room. Lots of details in thread, drink it up. Bonus: Drew's coming. Another reminder: No yelling (76)
(State Journal-Register) Amusing Attention shoppers, outside today we have Stripper Fight. Stripper Fight, outside (68)
(Deja Vu) Stupid If you first don't succeed, fail fail again (58)
(Bradenton Herald) Followup The good news is that the Packers can run that jersey retirement ceremony as planned (238)
(SFGate) Dumbass Thou shalt not wave a gun and curse at other motorists, even if thou art late to give a sermon (33)
(SFGate) Amusing "This is the Santa Cruz police department. The time is now 4:00 a.m. and we are calling to remind you about our National Night Out event to raise community awareness" (45)
(News.com.au) Scary Not scary: Man asks you for drink of water. Scary: Man is lying on slab awaiting autopsy (91)
(Press Herald.com) Sick Man keeps a "smell log" to keep track of the odors from a pump station across the street (35)
(Some Guy) Amusing Who among us hasn't wanted to photocopy their buttocks in the St. Louis County Courthouse? Bonus quote to police as he is caught mid-copy: "What did I do?" (26)
(CBS News) Interesting Some time yesterday, a group of bearded intruders successfully violated security at an important New York site (43)
(Newsday) Sappy Woman receives masters degree at 90. Her thesis? Comparative methods for chasing individuals from lawns (27)
(CP24) Asinine City wants to fine elderly man $25,000 for doing free repairs for his neighbors. His response? "Fark you, send me to jail" (170)
(Abc.net.au) News Military coup in Mauritania. Soldiers take president, interior minister and prime minister prisoner faster than you can find Mauritania on a map (167)
(Telegram) Dumbass Man flees police by driving across lake. In true cartoon fashion, he didn't realize that wasn't supposed to work until he got 50 yards out and then looked down (18)
(Reuters) Spiffy Catholic church in Italy introduces inflatable church. Can subby marry his inflatable girlfriend there? (19)
(Telegraph) Amusing Britney Spears to play a killer lesbian stripper in the Quentin Tarantino's next movie (160)
(Nerve) Obvious The reason the divorce rate is falling isn't because of "covenant marriages" -- it's because no one's getting married any more. Suck it, conservatives (147)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this light saber (49)
(New Zealand Herald) Unlikely Woman says the reason she was curled up in a tight ball on the floor while police searched her home for drugs was because a piercing on her upper lip had become caught in her teeth (28)
(Daily Star) Scary Nanny state makes $212,000,000 from issuing speeding tickets... but it's all okay, because motorists will understand, be less angry and so drive slower (72)
(AP) Amusing A rambunctious sea lion stows away on a Washington family's sailboat in the hopes of getting his bukket back (with a suitable-for-captioning picture) (28)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Two D-Day tanks found on the bottom of the English Channel. Crews to be charged with desertion, damage to government property (44)
(Fox News) Scary If you've ever shopped at TJ Max, BJs, OfficeMax, Boston Market, Barnes & Noble, Sports Authority, Forever 21 or Discount Shoe Warehouse -- PANIC (97)
(BBC) Sad UK hospitals infested with vermin. In the US, we call them uninsured (127)
(News.com.au) Stupid Leaving flowers at the scene of a fatal, alcohol-fuelled car crash is touching. Leaving cans of bourbon, not so much (72)
(Brisbane Times) PSA Apparently you can't revive someone by placing bulldog clips on their nipples (65)
(WorldNetDaily) Asinine Having crystal balls, Connecticut cops can confiscate guns before a crime is committed (178)
(Some Guy) Stupid This just in: Eggs are good for you again (140)

Tue August 05, 2008
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this smoking man (63)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing You see a beautiful blonde riding an elk in the great outdoors. Quick what country do you think of? (232)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Jewel thieves who break into store wearing ski masks and sledgehammers foiled by shoppers who take the keys from their getway car while they're inside. Bonus quote: "Someone's nicked the keys to our ride - run for it" (62)
(MSNBC) Silly I'm (hic) suing (hic) you (hic) for (hic) fifty (hic) thousand (hic) dollars (hic) (55)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely British Minister proposes boxing in schools to better prepare the kids for gang fights (71)
(CBC) Interesting Hospital forgets to tell family guy died...for 5 days. Guess they must have missed it when they were visiting (96)
(MSNBC) Cool Iowa judge rules nude dancing is art form. Thanks, POAC (63)
(London Times) Asinine Top 10 beers in Britain. Article immediately destroys its own credibility by suggesting all beers should be drunk from a third-of-a-pint glass for better flavor (110)
(SFGate) Followup Everything's OK folks -- as soon as the news broke, we found the TSA laptop we reported stolen yesterday. We found it in the room we reported it stolen from. Please don't panic or cancel our venture funding (83)
(Some Guy) Strange This Saturday, the University of Melbourne will award Plowman Australia's first-ever graduate degree in ufology. There's no physical diploma, just a roll of tin-foil and a guarantee to never get laid (32)
(Houston Chronicle) Sick If your MySpace friend lists his interests as "poker, serial murder, rape, torture, etc" and Ted Bundy as a hero, you might need to un-friend him (185)
(Contact Music) Cool Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?" named worst song of all time, narrowly beating out The Eagles' "Hotel California", Styx' "Come Sail Away", or anything Coldplay has ever written or will write (1017)
(Canoe) Followup Greyhound cancels ad Manitoba campaign promising "there's a reason you've never heard of bus rage." Also scraps deal to "take 10 per cent off the top" of ticket prices (173)
(insidebayarea.com) Stupid Sane: wanting to protect trees. Silly: by living in them. Crazy: for over two years. Berkeley: Setting up protective tent city around base of said trees to ward off police, complete with hippy drum circles (302)
(insidebayarea.com) Scary Convenience store robbed twice in one week, considering changing name to "inconvenience store" (41)
(10News.com) Interesting Now this plan should work out just fine: Immigration officials test "Deport Yourself" program (80)
(ClusterStock) Interesting Inflation, schmflation, Fed holds interest rate at 2% (137)
(Wonkette) Stupid Fox News declares that the war in Iraq was worth it because Baghdad has a KFC now. Nevermind that its a counterfeit KFC, and the real deal is warning soldiers not to blame them if the rat dropping quotient is off (310)
(Mediabistro) Obvious Print edition of "Playgirl" to cease publication. In other news, they were still publishing "Playgirl" (321)
(Aftenposten.no) Dumbass Man attempts to destroy wasps' nest with rag and lighter fluid, ends up burning down his garage with his car inside. Quoth the genius, "Maybe using lighter fluid wasn't such a good idea, but ... the wasps are gone" (122)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Invasion (60)
(SLTrib) Interesting Utah residents not happy that a paper printed a lesbian wedding announcement (295)
(Local6) Florida Today's arrest for placing fake 911 calls comes from the same county as the missing sauce guy (34)
(Deadspin) Amusing You're stuck at Wrigley Field during a monster thunderstorm dressed as Elvis because it's 70's night, what do you do to pass the time? If you said run on the field and use the tarp as a slip and slide, you win (161)
(NPR) Cool "Mother lode" of gorillas found in Congo forests, including one that for some reason keeps asking for martinis in sign language (162)
(CBS Philadelphia) Silly Sneaker fans camp out for new $300 Nikes waiting in longer lines than iPhone fanatics (226)
(CBS San Francisco) Scary TSA laptop stolen containing unencrypted name, passport, social security, credit, and biometric information of all travelers in the TSA's 'Clear to fly' program (199)
(USA Today) Interesting Psychologists say that the way you view time will have a direct effect on your happiness (188)
(KING5) Scary "Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your tray table up, seat belts fastened, and row secured by the bolts which were sold for $10 in the terminal." Wait...what was that last part? (90)
(AP) NewsFlash American Airlines jet makes emergency landing at LAX; all passengers willing to pay $10 emergency egress fee evacuated via slides (121)
(My San Antonio) Asinine The state of Texas is going to argue in open court that the required minute of silence in public schools each day has nothing to do with prayer (462)
(Some Clown) Cool Houston Fark Party at Two Rows on 08/09/08 at 7pm DIT (83)
(CBS Sacramento) Ironic Preacher violates "thou shall not kill" commandment to cover up the fact that he violated the "thou shall not steal" one (110)
(EFF) Followup Uri Geller's supernatural mental powers are of no use whatsoever in a courtroom. Must be the kryptonite (110)
(AP) Dumbass Grand Chief Thunderbird IV is charged with two counts of harboring illegal immigrants, two counts of possession of false documents with intent to defraud the United States. Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho unavailable for comment (72)
(Some Guy) Cool Twin Cities Fark party: Saturday, August 16. Twins game at 3, Mortimer's at 7 (10)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Mug shot of the dope who twice called '911' about his Subway sandwiches (512)
(Daily Camera) Strange Denver bans carrying urine or feces "for nefarious purposes." All other uses still A-OK (78)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely New pill may make Britons stop binge drinking. The pill is called unlikelyadone and is made by Magical Faery Pharmaceuticals in Imaginationland (77)
(SFGate) Interesting When you've had enough of the seal penis in Beijing, you can always try cicadas, sea horses, or scorpions on a skewer. "It's a little like eating a french fry. Crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle" (59)
(MaineToday.com) Scary My bologna has a first name, it's ow ow ow ow owww (51)
(Some Guy) Asinine Great party idea: Call people with missing dogs, tell them you cut its legs off (80)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass When skateboarding on a roof, watch out for skylights (53)
(Sun Chronicle) Interesting Environmentalists applaud high oil prices because people will drive less and thus pollute less. Unintended consequence: Wood stove sales are way up. Cut down those trees and burn 'em up (287)
(Tri-City Herald) Weird "Naked man in Kennewick jailed for allegedly fondling himself while following garbage truck" (52)
(Bangor Daily News) Interesting Law could add computer techs to 'porn police'. One job requirement: You must have a lot of spunk (144)
(ABC News) Silly Edouard makes landfall. We have now started naming thunderstorms (238)
(BBC) Hero Doctor and his friend build a dialysis machine in garage. Your model planes are looking pretty shoddy now, aren't they? (110)
(In-Forum) Unlikely Alcohol causes three sober drivers to crash (22)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Can boys get away with wearing pink sandals? And, more importantly, are girls allowed to fart with their armpits? (127)
(My Fox DC) Scary Don't worry if you've forgotten your social security number and you live in DC or VA. It's probably posted on a MD state website for your convenience (60)
(Some Farmer) Photoshop Photoshop this flower queen (41)
(AP) Interesting "I was... pretty much a local idiot just trying to go fishing," says man after helplessly watching a freight train smash into his truck (63)
(Some Guy) Florida Some people steal money. Some people steal booze. This man stole the shirt from a McDonald's employee working the drive-through (40)
(MSNBC) Asinine If a small car runs into a big car, it costs more to fix the small car. We need government regulations to fix that, so it costs as much to fix your Hummer as my Mini (271)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Dumbass Man arrested for doing 80 in a 25. In the wrong lane. While texting. Alcohol may have been a factor (43)
(Toledo Blade) Dumbass Woman sues Department of Transportation for a $16 bill for the gasoline she figured she'd wasted idling in traffic. Wait'll she finds out they don't make $16 bills (82)
(Yahoo) Dumbass There are good places and bad places to play football. For those of you playing along at home, a 250-foot cliff would be a bad place (33)
(Reuters) Interesting Top fear of aging Japanese men? Smelling like an old man (67)
(The Earth Times) Obvious Number one wish among working mothers? A "more helpful" husband (582)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Motorist involved in accident tells Bulgarian police he drank 20 liters of beer, then passes out at their feet. Man registers BAC of 0.851, nearly double the fatal reading (116)
(Nola.com) Dumbass Two teens arrested at New Orleans airport for riding the baggage belt. Their arrest was delayed by six hours, but they did get a complimentary toiletry kit (35)
(AP) Amusing Utah farmer erects Redneck Stonehenge (99)
(UPI) Amusing Woman invokes Garfield defense after being arrested for hitting her husband upside the head with a frozen block of lasagna (37)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Church sets up tent to care for the homeless, and city fines them $1000 per day (100)
(New York Daily News) Obvious FBI was told to blame anthrax scare on al Qaeda by White House officials. Hell, why not? (150)
(Examiner) Interesting A law professor and a cop explain why you really shouldn't talk to the police (includes video) (190)
(CNN) Interesting MILFish Argentine president pushes for decriminalization of drugs within her country (104)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) Scary Teenage girls today are so desperate to have a baby, they'll steal one if they can't get pregnant (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop where the cool kids are (84)

Mon August 04, 2008
(News.com.au) Scary Plane crashes into house, kills four people. Qantas: Hey, don't look at us, we had nothing to do with this one (74)
(NBC 11) Spiffy Cute ass baby sea lion abandoned at birth gets a swimming lesson (pics and awwwwwwwwwwwwww) (62)
(Local6) Florida What's worse than finding a stack of unsolicited junk mail in your mailbox? Finding an unsolicited dead rooster in your mailbox (78)
(Daily Mail) Interesting GTA pulled from shelves after teen kills taxi driver "to see if it was as easy as in the game" (331)
(Denver Post) Interesting Even the rich are now feeling the pain from the slumping economy and are asking their personal shoppers and private-jet travel providers to seek the best deals rather than over-the-top extravagances (207)
(Some Guy) Interesting Wisconsin DNR confirms that the tree-killing emerald ash borer has been discovered in the southeast part of the state. Phone lines jammed after officials urge anyone that spots an ash-hole to call the emerald ash borer hotline (59)
(Telegraph) Asinine Nanny state pays drivers $2,000 each to scrap big cars (101)
(The Sun) Obvious "Deliberately shooting yourself with a nail gun is quite clearly extremely dangerous" (37)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Get off your pew and saddle up your horse -- welcome to cowboy church (30)
(FARK) Hero Squarebobspongepants raises over $2,000 for MS. Farkers are responsible for his success. LGT original thread (179)
(Billings Gazette) Scary Tractor-trailer loaded with Starbucks coffee hits, drags mattress for more than a mile. Triple venti burnination ensues (31)
(The Consumerist) Audio Man loses service, then leaves several messages to cable company: It's a free-form jazz riff on the four-letter word, a magnum opus of expletives. (Not safe for work language) (102)
(BBC) Obvious Police searching for body in Brazil find three limbs, believe victim is not armed (38)
(Daily Mail) Cool Mechanic makes world's lowest low-rider by chopping VW Camper down to three feet (pic) (88)
(ABC News) Obvious Death-row inmate in Ohio claims he is "too fat" to be executed. State: "Wanna bet?" (With pic) (296)
(SFGate) Stupid The City of San Francisco is making it illegal to sell cigarettes in pharmacies and wants to ban driving on some streets so people can practice yoga outside (239)
(I feel safer) Scary While your toothpaste is being confiscated, the air marshall sitting next to you may have escaped a murder conviction. Enjoy your flight (37)
(insidebayarea.com) Ironic The California ban on talking on cell phones while driving? Yeah, cops are exempt from that (93)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Cool Master fly-fishing guide doesn't eat fish; is content simply being a master baiter (38)
(Daily Express) Weird Meet the girl who could die next time she laughs. Nothing for it, she'll just have to marry Eddie Murphy (125)
(Seacoastonline.com) Stupid Want to attend commissioning of new naval sub? You must have a ticket, but you must receive an invitation to request a ticket, but you must first register on a website to receive an invitation to request the ticket. Military intelligence (72)
(Some Guy) Sappy English bulldog saves a bag full of kittens from drowning by jumping into lake and pulling them out (125)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Female German police to be issued bullet-resistant bras, for firm, complete undercover protection. The "action brassierre" will be made from cotton, thickly padded and emblazoned with the word "police" (100)
(The New York Times) Interesting I (2022)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Misc "Plumber Rapist" fights to be released from prison, wants a crack at freedom (40)
(Kare11.com) Scary Two words you never want to hear when referring to a nuclear power plant: Unusual Event (115)
(ABC Action News) Florida FOUND: Lung. Slightly used. Call 555-5555 to claim (39)
(BBC) Asinine Man who killed wife sentenced to life... ban from the pub. Expected to appeal on the grounds of cruel and unusual punishment (29)
(ClusterStock) Scary Good news: The sub-prime collapse is starting to stabilize. Bad news: The prime and Alt-A crisis is just starting, and boy is it a doozy, thanks to the financial geniuses who never thought they'd have to repay the capital on their mortgages (226)
(LUITS) Photoshop Photoshop this superdog and/or his owner (50)
(AP) PSA That tasty henbane green that Anthony Worrall Thompson suggested using in salads? It's actually poisonous. Awkward (78)
(The New York Times) Asinine Now that the Shiites and Sunnis in Iraq have stopped fighting, the Shiites can get on with defeating the real enemy: Other Shiites (62)
(USA Today) Stupid JetBlue begins charging $7 for a flimsy, tiny "blanket" and toy-sized "pillow." But it's a great deal, because it comes with a $5 Bed Bath & Beyond coupon (82)
(WNBC) Asinine Gym charges $110 per hour for a Wii training session. "We think of this as just another tool at the gym" (115)
(The Register) Amusing Knights Templar threaten to sue the Vatican, demand return of the Holy Grail, Excalibur and a share of royalties for all future Dan Brown novels and films (132)
(Des Moines Register) Interesting Here's to you, people of Iowa. Your diseased livers, bruised kidneys and jaundiced skin are boosting the state's coffers like never before. Cheers (103)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Driver stops by apartment office to discuss moving out, but mistakes gas pedal for brake and moves in. Way in (57)
(Discover) Cool Phil, the bad astronomer, blogger and fellow Farker is now president of the James Randi Educational Foundation. Congratulations (155)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious While the rest of the country gripes about their good fortune, the people making money from the oil boom are preparing for the inevitable. Bonus quote: "I've pissed away three booms in my lifetime, but this time, no" (89)
(The Virginian Pilot) Interesting Think your fuel bill is expensive? Try paying $3.8 billion to get to work (178)
(Herald-Leader) Dumbass If you're going to steal a 20' section of railroad track, it's best the cops can't follow your trail of gouge marks in the road from dragging it behind your truck (54)
(Komo) Sad Woman shot by hunter after being mistaken for a bear (266)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Circuit City orders their stores to destroy all issues of Mad Magazines parodying Sucker City (156)
(Some Mythical Guy) Scary Man beheads girlfriend on Greek island. Highly-polished shield discovered at crime scene (155)
(CBS News) Amusing Obama's calling his plane "O-Force One." Funny -- that's submitter's nickname for something, too (339)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Not news: 76-year-old busted for drunk-driving. News: Twice. Fark: In four hours (22)
(Wall Street Journal) Sick Apparently deciding they LIKE being besieged by angry mobs with pitchforks and torches, companies are raiding their worker's pension funds to pay for executive's "golden parachutes" (138)
(Slate) Weird Ten oddest travel guides ever published: How to go on a safari for less than $700 and informative advice such as baboons being too small to be used as bait when going leopard hunting (20)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Railroad agencies hope to educate local populace not to challenge 380,000 locomotives to races across the tracks, potentially depriving Fark of many Darwinian headlines (63)
(AllYourTV.com) NewsFlash Morgan Freeman seriously injured in rollover crash. In a related story, the CEO of Wayne Enterprises drives a 1997 Nissan Maxima (533)
(Fox News) Obvious Iranians announce new weapon, which will soon be unveiled by their photoshop expert (133)
(New York Daily News) Scary First it was Fannie Mae, then it was Freddie Mac -- now, it is Bernie Mac (76)
(AP) Obvious Jobless rate inexplicably climbs to 5.7 percent. Minimum wage whistles quietly in the corner (489)
(Telegraph) Amusing Somebody somewhere was bound to believe Borat was real, and that the mankini was, in fact, no joke. It's happened (148)
(Boing Boing) Amusing News: 56-year-old Saudi religious police officer accused of having six wives. Fark: Because it is two over the limit (85)
(Boston Globe) Obvious "U.S. polls indicate that most of the amateur climate change skeptics are Republicans." Sure -- people who think Ted Stevens is innocent will belive anything (688)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Cook County jail is having a hard time finding guards because they're no longer hiring people who are dishonest, mentally unstable or overweight (74)
(Saipan Tribune) Hero 218 years ago today was the beginning of the service that now busts drug smugglers, saves idiots and looks the coolest in sunglasses. Happy birthday, U.S. Coast Guard (168)
(Denver Channel) Amusing Woman thrilled to get tickets to Obama's speech in Denver for only $15, until she discovers that she just bought tickets to view presidential memorabilia in a parking lot (104)
(Livenews) Amusing FAIL: Chinese restaurant used online translator to name their restaurant. The result, "Translate server error" (130)
(Boston Herald) Sappy Ted Kennedy, who will be dead soon -- he's very ill, will be eulogized this August at the Democratic National Convention. Upon hearing the news, Kennedy planned to take a walk and express his happiness (252)
(BBC) Dumbass "The Earth is, more or less, a disc," he states. "It is around 24,900 miles in diameter." And the BBC is more than happy to give them publicity (597)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Step 1: Stand on fire ant mound. Step 2: Begin screaming as they bite you. Step 3: Get attacked by your own Dog of Peace (107)
(NYPost) Strange Mary-Kate Olsen not joking when she says she wants immunity before testifying on The Joker's death (261)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Public toilet destroyed by horse: "A horse most certainly wouldn't fit in there" (31)
(Scientific American) PSA Most people have to be drunk to put up with top 40 music (184)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup The FBI confirms that no one in their right minds will ever take a job at the weapons lab at Fort Detrick (73)
(TampaBays10.com) Amusing Truck driver who spilled tons of dirt along a Seattle highway: "When you gotta go, you gotta go." My sediments exactly (33)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Good news for Farkers: Census data reveals a wave of retirees and immigrants heading to our favorite tag state. Hilarity to begin in three... two... one... (77)
(Some Guy) Scary You know those warnings about keeping ladders away from power lines? They count when changing a tire, too (32)
(Right Wing News) Interesting Interviews with three professional pick-up artists at Right Wing News... wait, what? (191)
(BBC) Interesting Cornish pub finds new way to bring in customers on Sundays: Pints and prayers. In case you're wondering where your God is now, He's at the end of their bar, changing lager into urine (26)
(Some Statue) Photoshop Photoshop these metal finger pointers (63)
(BBC) Scary If you thought you were having a bad Monday, at least you aren't stranded near the top of the world's second highest mountain where 11 fellow climbers died over the weekend (102)
(The Superficial) Caption Caption Kim Kardashian eating her ice cream (115)
(Reuters) Scary Cash-strapped U.S. cities and states begin selling roads, bridges and airports to the lowest bidder. Numerous Fark headlines likely to ensue (143)
(Irieradio.com) Cool Drew live on the air at Ocean 98.1 in Maryland for the next four hours, got a drink in his hand, his toes in the sand. (Link goes to streaming audio) (92)
(News.com.au) Asinine Airport guards make an 86-year-old woman stand while her wheelchair, walking stick and shoes were searched by security officers (125)
(The Sun) Sad More and more young adults are discovering the joys of Botox to combat the toll drinking and smoking takes on their bodies (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Historical re-enactor tries not to sound bitter at the lack of a crowd for the annual August British Encampment. "It was the weather and people's schedules -- their vacations or having to mow the lawn" (28)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Real-life Basil Fawlty wins thousands after being attacked by a disgruntled guest (40)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman asks barista at espresso stand to blow into her interlock device. Then things really get weird (74)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Subjects of British nanny state shocked, SHOCKED, to find that health officials want to put fluoride in the drinking water to halt tooth decay (183)
(Wired) Spiffy What results when an old-tymey wooden sculptor is also a sci-fi geek? This nifty slideshow (61)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this friendly sign and cone (39)
(The Sun) Sad An elephant may never forget, but you might have to forget about elephants surviving past 2020 (143)
(AP) Weird Professional rodeo clowns being redeployed to control scourge of childhood bullying (24)