If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
GoogleWeb Fark
Sun August 17, 2008
(Kingston Daily Freeman) Dumbass Dumbass: Man arrested for selling cocaine to an undercover officer. Fark: While in training to become a police officer. Delicious: And was arrested by his own instructors (27)
(Dallas News) Asinine Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out. HOA 8:17. Your Ford F-150 pickup in your driveway offends us, so pluck it out (156)
(Seattle Times) Cool Amateurs working cold case in Alaska identify mummified remains from 1948 plane crash as Francis Joseph Van Zandt. Springsteen stunned (20)
(KIRO TV) Sad Home-built items can often save money, still be high quality. Helicopters, not so much (31)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) Followup Leader of activists who stormed Hawaiian palace Friday couldn't find the throne room (43)
(Daily Express) Amusing Why it takes women 3,276 hours to get ready for a night out (327)
(BBC) Cool Remote cameras photograph rare hypno-leopard in Borneo (with pic) (68)
(AP) Silly Appleton, Wisconsin accosted by sticker-wielding fiend. Each sticker has the words "art object" plus a price ranging from one cent to $10,000 (46)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Canadian man earns $2,200 after recycling 22,000 beer cans. "I have a lot of friends that come over" (75)
(kenosha news) Stupid Woman upset that, upon enrolling her biracial child for school, the form offered only black or white as choices. Forgot that she lives in Wisconsin (291)
(Dayton Daily News) Spiffy Having solved the problems of Ohio's declining economy, billion dollar funding shortfall, and eroding infrastructure/educational system, state govt tackles humantarian issue of converting prison inmates' analog TVs to digital next year (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely couple (35)
(AZCentral) Scary Agave growers giving up and planting more lucrative crops, setting the stage for the great tequila shortage of 2010 (102)
(AP) Obvious Burglar flees in boxers, after brief chase gets away. Maybe he's hiding under there (38)
(AP) Obvious Then: America must embrace wind power to save the planet. Now: Big Wind is despoiling nature, ruining America's farms, splitting up families. Soon to come: America must embrace moonbeams and unicorn farts to save the planet (205)
(Daily Express) Asinine Nanny state spends $1.5m cutting people's trash cans in half...in vain hope it will halve their waste (54)
(CNN) Amusing Russia, on Georgia withdrawl: "If I would ask you in response to the same question how fast the American forces can leave Iraq, for example, the answer would be as soon as we have guarantees for peace and security there" (304)
(Some Guy) Asinine Anchorage residents tired of bear attacks, begin fighting back. "I wasn't going to lay down and take it. I started punching it in the head... I was boxing him." (86)
(Some Guy) Asinine Nineteen-year-old rapist sues 15-year-old rape victim for child support. And wins. Is there an ordered pair of genders in which this headline makes any sense? (330)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these two meercats (79)
(YouTube) Scary Mister Rogers would like to show you something (153)
(Guardian.com) Spiffy 101 picnic recipes...all on one page. Don't forget the coleslaw (76)
(Some Guy) News Iran launches satellite into space, re-entry expected somewhere over Tel Aviv (274)
(Some Slow Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Improve this street sign (114)
(AlterNet) Interesting Living without a car (410)
(Hartford Courant) Unlikely Steps to take to train your cat. Your dog wants...wait, what? (149)
(Buffalo News) Scary Police looking for heroin burst into an apartment with six children, club an epilectic man in the head with a rifle butt, then realize they were in the wrong apartment (238)
(ABC News) Florida Governor to Florida Keys visitors and residents: EVERYBODY PANIC (123)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Allegedly, Joyce talked a 15-year-old boy into breaking into a house to raise money so she could buy a prosthetic leg for a beloved horse (29)
(SMH) Hero Indiana Jones - 1, teen party gatecrashers - 0 (131)
(News.com.au) Amusing Mayor of "Beer Goggle Capital of the World," where men outnumber women 5-1, invites ugly girls to move there. "Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face" (81)
(Some Guy) Sad The most awesome or pathetic obituary evar, depending on your perspective (374)
(MSNBC) Caption MSNBC doing a poll about removing "In God We Trust" from American money. Caption what should take its place (361)
(Daily Mail) Strange The English government wants you to exercise at bus stops by standing on one leg, pointing your toes or clenching your buttocks (56)
(Google) Weird 100 Canucks dress up like zombies, mindlessly walk around downtown, get confused as Republican convention (70)
(Canada.com) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Olympic Fakery. China faked the fireworks and singing during the opening ceremonies. Photoshop some other things that might not be quite what they appear (65)
(Nola.com) Sad Awesome...Couple buys untouched flood house in New Orleans to rehab it and move in. FARK...city knocks it down, even after it's removed from the demolish list...sad picture included (96)
(Mercury News) Dumbass Brother connected to San Francisco tiger attack going to prison for unrelated offenses (with pouty emo mugshot) (49)
(CNN) Hero Great haul of China. Phelps wins record 8th gold medal (302)
(Stuff) Hero "After spending her 27th birthday stranded on the side of Aoraki Mt Cook in chest-deep snow and blizzard conditions with little but chocolate to eat, all Melissa Clerke wanted was a beer." (43)
(Lincoln Star Journal) Asinine Travel advisory for folks driving I-80 through Nebraska: just because the giant gas station marquee offers gas for $3.75/gallon doesn't mean they aren't going to charge you $4.16/gallon (66)
(io9) Asinine Two teenagers charged with conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism after defacing playing cards and leaving them at various stores. The cards had "Joker" written on them and "police considered them threatening" (105)
(Fox News) Scary "Authorities say foul play is not suspected." Apparently, this 70 year old woman drove herself to a farm in the middle of no where and locked herself in the trunk (65)

Sat August 16, 2008
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida $7.95: Cost of "Great Sex Kit" teen boy shoplifted from store. Priceless: Ridicule same teen will endure for getting arrested for shoplifting "Great Sex Kit" (88)
(London Times) Interesting European vacation spots getting a bit tired of arresting so many drunken Brits on holiday, despite protestations that being drunk is the normal state for a Briton (40)
(Denver Channel) Dumbass Dumb: Stealing a case of 3.2 beer from 7-11. Dumber: Getting caught while waiting for the getaway bus. Dumberer: Stealing two 12-packs from the same store the next day. Fark: Getting caught while waiting for the getaway bus again (49)
(Yahoo) Cool Arkansas man finds 4.42 carat diamond at state park, cousins excited at prospect of engagement ring (67)
(GB Press Gazette) Followup Man who tried to steal ATM with forklift makes court appearance; pleads not guilty. Because having the stolen car and ATM in your driveway isn't proof of anything (28)
(Some Guy) Sick ♫ Little ditty about Jack and Diane ♫ Two American kids with a house in the Hartford land ♫ For seven years they were going through the door ♫ With their mother's decomposing corpse still lying on the floor ♫ (74)
(MDN) Weird Japan to summon random unqualified citizens to act as judges in murder trials. USA scoffs, says it already perfected this system in early 90s with the OJ trial (31)
(pioneer local) Amusing "After my illuminating experiences -- humiliations, really -- during three obedience courses, I accept this fact: My dog wouldn't rescue the pinned victim under a rock. He'd frisk him for food" (32)
(Palo Alto Daily News) Obvious When your Bigfoot press conference is hijacked by a guy in a Chewbacca costume wielding a "We hide for a reason" sign, you might just have a credibility problem (85)
(National Review) Scary You pull out a pistol, shove it in a UN official's thigh and demand the keys to the SUV while your comrades watch and laugh in tanks? That's how Russians shop for cars. You Americans clearly do war wrong (108)
(Daily Mail) Stupid British teen bleeds to death after single stab wound to the back because emergency operators "cannot send an ambulance if we can hear more than five people in the background" (78)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) Unlikely For the second time in four months, Hawaiian sovereignty activists storm palace, claim the Kingdom of Hawaii is back (76)
(SB Sun) Stupid Mayor's anti-crime program manager gets caught shooting photos of nude young women at a city youth center. Police not amused (37)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this serene scene (68)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Austrailian Premier wants women at festival to keep their shirts on, saying, "you can have a lot of fun without turning off international visitors." Submitter respectfully disagrees (57)
(Detroit News) Asinine Michigan Supreme Court rules it's legal for nursing home employees to pose corpses & take cellphone pictures with them. Lynndie England seen buying ticket to Detroit (53)
(Omaha World Herald) Strange This will end well: Omaha police want to hire 'former' criminals to hit the streets and sniff out plans for retaliatory shootings (30)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not news: Disney markets underwear to 7 year old girls. Fark: with the words "Dive In" printed on them (93)
(News.com.au) Scary Russian General threatens nuclear strike against Poland. Cold War II officially begins (392)
(NBC 15) Dumbass The police catch you flipping off motorists. Do you (A) claim you were scratching an itch, (B) swear someone insulted you and you were merely angry about it, or (C) squeeze the officer's nuts, resulting in a felony? (66)
(LiveLeak) Scary The new converted-Phalanx C-RAM (counter rocket, artillery, mortars) weapon deals with incoming at night, in a scene that Coppola is going to work into his 17th recut of Apocalypse Now (language NSFW) (240)
(Some Backwoods Rag) Stupid Today's teacher/teen scandal come to us from South Carolina, with semi-hitable picture (82)
(BBC) Spiffy Old and busted: Spending thousands of dollars on your wedding. New hotness: Getting married for less than a grand - including $100 for catering (273)
(ScoopThis) Spiffy Fark friends "ScoopThis.com" celebrate 10-year anniversary by putting site archives back online (Parodies, B-Team, Hyatte, etc.) (44)
(CBC) Obvious Study: After spending thousands of dollars, Canadian scientists discover that teens lack judgement when driving (47)
(Telegraph) Obvious Yet another Olympics snafu: All 56 children representing 56 Chinese ethnic groups at the opening ceremonies were Han solo (188)
(BBC) Spiffy France celebrates 60 years of the Citroen 2CV, originally designed to take 4 people--or sheep--and carry a basket of eggs across a ploughed field without breaking any shells (69)
(AP) Obvious Military funds mind-reading science. You want steak (67)
(Jalopnik) Scary Recording a cop during a traffic stop...go to jail. Welcome to the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts (243)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy working industriously to imminentize the eschaton (41)
(Google) Cool TONIGHT Chicago Fark Party. The Lincoln Tap Room. LGT Bar, details in thread, this one's gonna be great. Drew will be there as well (84)
(Aftenposten.no) Amusing Norway's crown prince Haakon sinks the royal boat. Unfortunately for him, this is not a euphemism (42)
(ABC News) Amusing ABC asks "Will Tropical Storm Fay Go All the Way?" and features a photo of a man in his underwear in front of a fallen tree. You stay classy, ABC News (64)
(AZCentral) Misc Arizona state mental hospital bans smoking for patients. That'll drive 'em nuts (79)
(BBC) Dumbass Not news: Man has been arrested 52 times. News: Man is starting his 33rd jail term. Fark: Man is only 35 (51)
(AP) Followup Russia Signs Truce Agreement. Thank god we had a strong black politician who was able to negotiate a peaceful resolution (154)
(The Chattanoogan) Stupid Kindergarten teacher accused of molesting four students gets apology from parents, school board when forensic testing shows that nothing happened. Not really, she was fired anyway (140)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Suburbanites rough it in the wild at a $1450 per-week upscale campground, where the tree houses come equipped with flat screen TVs for those who prefer 1080p over the 360 degree vista (106)
(newsminer) Sad North Pole's "Mrs. Santa Claus" dead at 91. Actually named daughter Merry Christmas (27)
(Fayetteville Observer) Dumbass Not news: Old lady calls cops after drunk kid drives over her lawn. News: Suspect's father grabs kid out of bed, hands him to cops. Fark: Father is police chief. Ultrafark: Judge says kid's rights violated (158)
(SFGate) Strange Old & busted: poisoning pigeons in the park. New hotness: painting pigeons purple in the park (51)
(MSNBC) Amusing "You can go anywhere in the world, and people will say, 'Canton? Yeah, I know where that is. It's where that big flea market is."' (133)
(Some Guy) Amusing A holiday to Australia combined with an unusal coincidence lead to neighbours thinking their friend has died and a raid by police (24)
(WTMJ) Spiffy Pabst Brewing Company bringing back Schlitz to beer taps in Midwest. No, not that crappy swill your dad drank, but the original brew that your grandpa got lucky with your granny on (104)
(London Times) Asinine Nanny state advocates taking obese kids from their parents as feeding them too much is as neglectful as starving them (134)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Man arrested for taking pictures at the Hippie Hollow nudist beach while hiding in the bush may not have violated any laws because there is no expectation of privacy there. Oh the huge mammary (67)
(floridatoday.com) Cool My to do list: 1. Drop off kids at day care. 2. Buy drugs. 3. Buy guns. Bonus: All at the same place (32)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida You just got your concealed weapons permit, where are you gonna go? DISNEY (54)
(Local6) Florida Lady celebrates Caturday by getting to keep her 150 cats, because there's no law against that. Fark does have a tag for it, though (421)
(KCRA 3) Amusing Guy walks into GameStop, flashes gun and tells employee his family is being held hostage and he needs a PS3 to get them released. Actually GETS the PS3 (news video) (63)
(Telegraph) Interesting English dentist operates on a puffer fish that had broken a tooth in a fight with a stingray. Because it's not like there are any humans in his country that could have benefitted from his talents (54)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: Future Billy Mays products (58)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Jack and Jill was really a 15th century abstinence lecture. Your weasel wants tupenny rice and treacle while riding cock horse to Banbury cross. ENGLISH MOTHERFARKER (98)
(SFGate) Weird Texas once again begs for its own tag with a guy named Booger teaching Kindergarten Sex Club (96)
(Reuters) Cool Phelps out-touches his competitors to win his 7th gold medal by one one-hundredth of a second, tying Mark Spitz for most gold medals in an Olympics. Gives a quick interview then promptly walks across the pool to the locker room (264)
(Yahoo) Hero 30 Men and a Baby (108)
(New Scientist) Amusing Fark mascot being studied by scientists (96)
(NV Daily) Silly Virginia town holds "Sheep and Goat Olympics" - gives a whole new meaning to an awkward dismount (25)
(Metro) Amusing One of two cows which fled an abattoir in northern France was found 'hiding' in a drain. Well well (47)
(Reuters) Obvious Texas, still looking for its own tag, to let teachers carry guns (244)

Fri August 15, 2008
(Some Guy) Amusing Twenty three arrested in epic-fail beer run (47)
(Reuters) Followup One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum. That is legal in north Georgia (157)
(Reuters) Scary Twenty sex lectures lasting 50 minutes each, and 34 lessons before the final test. It's not the MCAT, it's Japan's driver's license test (111)
(IndyStar) Interesting Nearsighted man's lotto mistake earns him $3 million (33)
(Some Peaceful Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this temple (80)
(AOL) Stupid If your teenage son is shot and killed at school for being gay, the blame rests squarely on the school district, since they allowed him to wear makeup and feminine clothing to class (403)
(Free Press) Unlikely $1.1 Million in marijuana found growing on Michigan farm. Farm owner "had no idea" the plants were growing there, also could not explain to police why he was trying to grow Funyuns (156)
(13WHAM) Dumbass Naked man steals pickup truck... Police wisely avoided asking him to pull out his driver's license (11)
(AJC) Dumbass Eighth-grader has her boyfriend arrested for stalking her via text messaging and myspace after she broke up with him. Fark: It's her 40-year-old science teacher (80)
(Sign On San Diego) Amusing First, he skidded around a corner, narrowly missing a cop. Then, after being pursued, he accidentally slammed into a parked police car. Theeeeeeen he just deliberately sideswiped a third police cruiser coming the opposite direction. Ta-dumbass (31)
(London Times) Strange Actual headline: "Nepal seeks new child goddess: must have voice like a duck" (38)
(Fox News) Dumbass If you plan to kidnap retarded children, you really, really should not get your name tatooed on their chest (61)
(UPI) Interesting Twelve-year-old stopped by police pulling the minivan back into the driveway after dropping Mom off at the bar. Mom upset she didn't warn her to keep the 'Hello Kitty' proof-of-insurance card in her Bratz purse (32)
(Herald-Leader) Dumbass Brilliant career criminal attempts to rob pharmacy with caulking gun, then discovers that he accidentally locked his keys in the getaway vehicle (32)
(AP) Scary Police determine that one of two neighbors who got into a fight attended the Mike Tyson school of conflict resolution (18)
(Some Guy) Scary They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until they're back in the White House (320)
(The Superficial) Cool The hottest anti-AIDS poster you will see today. MERCY (No actual nudity, but don't open it if your boss is walking by) (235)
(CBC) Spiffy Canada to launch new search for British sailors lost in the Arctic since 1845: after 163 years, they've decided to ask the Inuit if they saw anything (83)
(CNN) Asinine Pennsylvania church leader, who drilled holes in children's genitalia in order to padlock them shut, released from prison today. Bonus: Doesn't have to register for Megan's Law. Double Bonus: Says he did nothing wrong (214)
(AP) Interesting Dyslexic doctor and "world's authority on lethal injection" estimates he's presided over 40 unexotices (39)
(AP) Scary Woman arrested at her own prenup party for tackling fiancee football-style, punching him, throwing his watch into the bushes and breaking his glasses; finacee learns to say "yes dear" in record time (69)
(Google) Stupid Another hormonal mother calls the press and stages a protest when asked to breastfeed in a private area of a store. Vancouver, Toronto...next week Halifax (279)
(Some Guy) Video Cool dad makes rather awesome Star Wars VII sequel starring his kids (106)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Weekly mug shot round up from TSG starts off with freckles and 'fros, moves right into hittable hos (239)
(Some Guy) Weird Russia's latest tactic in the Cyberwar against Georgia: Trolling (87)
(Buffalo News) Obvious Arson suspected innie fire on Navel Avenue that forced a family outie their home (28)
(Some Guy) Interesting Milwaukee, Wisconsin named sexiest city, coincidentally the city had also been named the second drunkest city (148)
(Some Guy) Strange Wild horses couldn't drag me away . . . but wild chickens will wake me up at four in the god damn morning (69)
(AP) Misc WWJD ? Apparently nothing as he sits listening to the death penalty sentencing phase of his pedophile trial (with artist rendering that includes an angelic glow) (374)
(Washington Post) Stupid Finally, a way to send anonymous, constructive notes like: "Please refrain from slapping people's buttocks." (137)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad In what is retroactively becoming the Worst. Opening Ceremonies. Ever; Chinese officials belatedly admit that the world's top classical Chinese dancer was paralyzed for life after a prop malfunctioned during rehearsal (615)
(Some Amused Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these rather confused young lads (96)
(Reuters) Misc Tropical depression forming near Puerto Rico. Area reports feeling listless, unmotivated, sleeping a lot (163)
(AP) Cool Not news: Nils Olav, Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian King's Guard, receives knighthood. Fark: Nils Olav is a penguin. Bonus: pic of penguin reviewing his troops (118)
(Washington Post) Stupid The authors of the Left Behind series think that Obama is probably not the anti-christ. Truly, their wisdom is a gift to us all (398)
(ABC Action News) Dumbass The latest euphemism for the mentally retarded: GIFTED (506)
(ABA Journal) Stupid Actual headline: Lawyer who paid rent of Edwards' mistress 'shocked' to learn of affair (79)
(AP) Dumbass Bush said Russia's invasion of Georgia in recent days has "damaged its credibility." Then heads off on vacation. Ironic tag baited into striking first by larger, better armed Dumbass tag (374)
(Herald-Leader) Scary Lexington police crack down on UK game-day parking. And by the looks of the picture, they're pretty damn serious (72)
(Google) Cool Final Minneapolis Fark party reminder: Saturday, 7 pm, Mortimer's Bar at Franklin and Lyndale (58)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Donald Trump to buy Ed McMahon's house; Trump expected to pay for it with a check measuring 3 feet by 1 foot (91)
(London Times) Obvious "It ought not to be necessary to point out the differences between Saddam Hussein's Iraq and Mr Saakashvili's Georgia, but for those blinded by moral relativism, here goes" (345)
(Sun Sentinel) Stupid It would be easier to believe in the authenticity of the recently discovered Bigfoot carcass if it hadn't been discovered by "a pair of Bigfoot-hunting hobbyists" (261)
(Kansas City) Scary Michelle Obama strips naked, leads police on high-speed chase. At least I think it's Michelle Obama...well, close enough for government (with pic of perhaps Michelle Obama) (245)
(Local6) Obvious Hidden camera under counter at Wal-Mart believed to be set up to capture credit card numbers. Because nobody wants an upskirt of a Wal-Mart cashier (94)
(AP) Dumbass This week's malfunctioning gas pump selling cheap gas brought to you by Texas. Surprisingly, no customers reported the mistake (76)
(The Sun) Obvious Russian soldiers have been caught on camera robbing a bank in war-torn Georgia. The submachinegun is there (202)
(The Tennessean) Asinine Good news, atheists. You can now get a discount at the county fair's "Faith Night." The bad news is you're still going to hell (686)
(MSNBC) Strange MSNBC's hard-hitting journalistic masterpiece of the day: Are pre-teen girls too young to get bikini waxes? (450)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Police arrest Cinderella and Mickey Mouse in clash over working conditions. Is the rodent theme too much? (66)
(Sign On San Diego) Obvious A grand total of six illegal aliens sign up for the federal self-deportation program - for the rest it don't count man, it ain't written in ink (157)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "Ow, My Balls" once again brought to you by Carl's Jr. and the state of Florida (86)
(BBC) Dumbass Batman is currently causing a 12-mile traffic jam outside London. Is there anything he can't do? (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting If it says Libya Libya Libya on the label label label you must take lawsuits lawsuits lawsuits off the table table table (64)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these crazy cats cutting a rug (66)
(Nola.com) Caption Caption this woman screaming from the back seat of a police cruiser (131)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Man and several women brawl at 7-11 with Mace and can of boiled peanuts. Fight results in "nearly 25 braided hair extensions strewn across the parking lot" (120)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida 3 girls, 1 Cupp (73)
(CNN) Hero "There were thousands of bodies piled high. I saw hearts that had been taken from live people in medical experiments..." One of the first Americans to help liberate Buchenwald prisoners dies (398)
(STLToday) Scary Control tower tapes show the diversion of Obama's plane to St. Louis last month was serious; "we would like to declare an emergency and also have CFR (crash equipment) standing by in St. Louis". They even called in Rex Kramer (172)
(ESPN) Hero It's a Liukin/Johnson 1-2 punch and the USA girls gymnastic team runs away with the gold. Hero tag stands in because Cool tag has something in its eye (343)
(AP) Strange Third donkey found wandering around Tennessee town; finally the city council is reunited. Ass (21)
(WINK) Florida Today's World's Dumbest Crook candidate rummages through restaurant with burglar alarms blaring, then answers phone call from security company, giving them his real name. Then it get stupider (24)
(The New York Times) Interesting What is the future of suburbia? A group of allegedly smart people predict what US suburbs will look like in 40 years (302)
(London Times) Scary Russian state media reporting that the Georgian conflict was orchestrated by the Republican party to stop Obama from being elected president (291)
(Kate Winslet) Photoshop Photoshop this iceberg (82)
(Sun Sentinel) Cool Tough Time Wine Guide: 5 wines under $10. (MD20-20 not on list) (177)
(Canoe) Cool Man puts up 1991 Chevy Silverado with a million miles on it for sale. A MILLION miles? Wow, that's like two Courtney Loves and a Pamela Anderson at today's rates (129)
(Newsleader.com) Spiffy They get to watch porn all day and draw jury pay. "Wood occasionally would stand up." (73)

Thu August 14, 2008
(News.com.au) Spiffy Court bans man from his girlfriend's apartment after neighbours perptually complain of loud and outrageous sex. With pic goodness of the couple in question (231)
(Fox News) Dumbass In other news: there are still morans who believe Earth is flat (322)
(News.com.au) Scary Court grants injunction to stop woman cutting off man's penis. Restraining order demands to keep her at least 7 inches away (176)
(Bangor Daily News) Spiffy City councilors in Bangor, Maine set up a fine jar for those that leave their cell phone on during meetings. The fine is 5 bucks and everyone else gets to call you an asshat (99)
(Some Genius) Florida If you elect me to the School Board I promise everyone will get a Masters degree for $249 (124)
(Fox News) Dumbass Bad: You're a john, busted in a prostitution ring. Worse: you're a cop. Best: your wife is not only o.k. with it, says the police dept. forced you to have sex with prostitutes. She's a keeper (126)
(East Valley Tribune) Strange Mesa cops abandon police radio codes in favor of plain English, forcing rappers nationwide to publish translations of their now-dated lyrics (99)
(The Industry Standard) Obvious Facebook allows users to change their middle name to "Hussein" in Obama solidarity protest. Name changes to "Derka Derka Muhammad Jihad" still not allowed (420)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: Eyes (104)
(Fox News) Ironic Noted political theorist/tranny Brooke Hogan criticizes Paris Hilton for her political ignorance (317)
(The New York Times) Obvious Inflation hits annual pace not seen since 1991, when Bush was president and American troops were in Iraq... hey waitaminute (258)
(CNN) Scary Georgian reporter gets grazed by bullet on air. Throws on vest and keeps on reporting. Take that Dan Rather (314)
(AP) Scary 'Perfect timing' Poland announces plans for American missile defense shield, pissing off the Russians (343)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Philadelphia man charged with tryng to extort Giants coach Tom Coughlin over phony sex claims (53)
(Examiner) Obvious 85 percent of flying public wants to see children in separate section of plane, 15 percent misunderstood the question (631)
(FARK) PSA Final Denver Fark Party Reminder: This Friday at the Hornet, 8 pm (65)
(KNBC) Asinine Home Depot and other big-box stores in Los Angeles will have to provide shelter and bathrooms to day workers who loiter on their property waiting to be picked up for a job. Workers will still have to wipe their ass themselves, however (650)
(Philly) Interesting Oil companies may drill off the coast of New Jersey, ruining beachgoers' view of sign-towing planes, medical waste washed up on shore, orange-tanned guidos, and fat guys with hair on their back (180)
(WTOP) Obvious IOC to Chinese Govt: Stop farking with the journalists. Chinese Govt: Did you say something? What? (113)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Swedish wrestler throws down medal, cries like little girl, threatens Vince McMahon with folding chair. Bork (280)
(CBS News) Followup Sentence for Michigan "Joker" not so serious (79)
(Canada.com) Interesting French Jews sue YouTube, presumably for perpetuating unfair stereotype that Jewish people are universally wealthy and educated (198)
(MyTelus) Spiffy California woman gives birth on front lawn. Well, either that or she has the most disgusting garden gnome ever (72)
(ESPN) Interesting Female Chinese gymnast born in 1995, meaning He was too young to compete in Olympics (741)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Today's episode of "Woman arrested by fire chief in Wal-Mart" brought to you by the letters F U C and the use of sign language (211)
(The Virginian Pilot) Cool Missing Elvis statue returned all shook up (23)
(CNN) Strange Japanese local government mistakently broadcasts alert warning of imminent missile attack to 20 government buildings. "New pants required" alert was broadcast shortly after (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Congressman claims that trees contain 40% crude oil. Wants to start cutting down national forests to solve the oil crisis. Why didn't anyone think of this sooner? (223)
(Slate) Spiffy Why Are Georgia and Georgia Both Named Georgia? (150)
(AP) Followup Russian foreign minister: "This is not the Georgian territorial integrity you were looking for. Move along." (365)
(CNN) Obvious CNN discovers that people who cheat on their spouses often lie (248)
(Google) Cool CHICAGO FARK PARTY REMINDER, This Saturday, August 16th, The Lincoln Tap Room. Link goes to bar, Drew will be there, details in thread (108)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Teen fights for right to wear Confederate Flag to school; other students say he's just doing it to be a dixie (669)
(AP) Strange Tribes upset the US forest service's firefighting efforts are violating sacred Indian sites. "Don't you guys ever watch horror movies?" a spokesman for the tribes asked (73)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Ironic At 14, city rallied around boy to get him a new heart. Five years later he's arrested for threatening to cut the heart out of a neighbor (95)
(The Register) Dumbass President Bush urged to get tough with the Russians by threatening to not let them ferry us into space any more (107)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Colorize this opera fan in her balcony (67)
(Missoulian) Dumbass When giving police a false name, make sure the real one isn't tattooed on your head (39)
(Connecticut Post) Obvious High school wrestler arrested for using the "wiener to the face" move on a teammate (215)
(Las Vegas Now) Hero Man wins sexual discrimination claim against athletic clubs offering "ladies join free". Next up, 'Ladies Night' offers at night clubs & bars (371)
(Local6) Weird What do you do when you want to buy a new truck but can't trust banks or paper money? You pay for it with 16 cans of coins (41)
(AP) Florida Venomous lionfish escapes from Florida fish tank and wreaks havoc in Caribbean Sea. "This may very well become the most devastating marine invasion in history" (150)
(SMH) Interesting The goggles, they do something (77)
(CBS Sacramento) Hero Judge: I can't force colleges to accept credit from science classes that teach that the noodly appendage gave life to everything. Christians: WHARRGARBL (1003)
(CNN) Obvious Georgian President to McCain: Put up or shut up (343)
(Some cornhole) Amusing ABC's hit television show "Wife Swap" seeking cornhole fanatics (100)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing 'Abba, get upstairs and tidy your bedroom' (41)
(SMH) Dumbass Sydney's graffiti squad remove the chalk designs, posters and stencil works that made up the 'Eye Saw' exhibit, despite museum employees telling them not to destroy it (38)
(WWL) Obvious Today's "Vulcan causes massive oil spill on Mississippi River" brought to you by New Orleans (w/ photo proof of time-travel goodness) (49)
(Telegraph) Followup 'Tree Man' who grew roots out of his body has four pounds of warts removed, says he wants to get married, raise saplings (100)
(Telegraph) Strange British woman being evicted from home for flushing toilet at night and ironing too loud (68)
(KNBC) Obvious '99 Cent Only Store To Raise Prices' (67)
(KSDK) Interesting In 2024, White Americans will not be the majority in America. Everybody Hispanic (355)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop an ad for Fark Beer. Link goes to a pint (52)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Seven years of college down the drain (318)
(AP) Asinine Don't stand up fast enough while handcuffed? That's a tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, tasering, death (199)
(News.com.au) Obvious The people of Napier, New Zealand can sleep soundly - the 'Piddler on the Roof' has turned himself in to police (52)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 166: Tricky. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (207)

Wed August 13, 2008
(Fox News) Dumbass I know it's tempting, but really... try to avoid shining your laser pointer at police helicopters. They're the police. And they're in a helicopter. You're not going to get very far (148)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Drug war opponent Danny Kushlick puts down the bong long enough to call drug prohibition "one of the great social policy disasters of the last 100 years" (215)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Julia Child was just one of many WWII spies for the OSS. She used her mini-camera on the Krauts (107)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Singin' karaoke in a trailer park with 'nuther woman? That's a drive-over (51)
(Telegraph) Interesting How do you combat rising food prices: If you said make rat farms and sell their meat, you are correct (109)
(Some Guy) Obvious Youth pastor and Christian school teacher arrested for making his 15-year old student scream, "Oh God, oh God" (103)
(wltx.com) Hero So I've got a good idea. How 'bout we go steal a bear cub, take it to a truck stop, and charge people a dollar to pet it. Sounds bulletproof, right? Ask John Chadwick Montgomery (106)
(NWCN) Weird Mysterious woman stalks Oregon nursing home, offering massages to old people while pretending to be their granddaughter or care worker (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old merry-go-round (39)
(Yahoo) Scary News: Only Al-Qaeda female in FBI's 100 Most Wanted list captured. Scary: Had plans of NYC, subways, an animal disease plant and was planning assassinations of former presidents (210)
(Reuters) Stupid Georgia: "We are handing over our ports and airports to US military control". US Gov: "Wait...what?" (284)
(Gothamist) Weird Ed Asner, former Dallas Cowboy Mark Stepnoski, hip hop group Arrested Development demand a new investigation to 9/11 (175)
(Denver Channel) Followup Man found dead in Denver hotel room had one pound of cyanide, was Somali living in Canada, and had recently warned of "death" on religious internet chat room (160)
(FOX 10 News) Weird Naked man runs amok in neighborhood with an ax, chasing kids and chopping down doors. Then it gets weird (87)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 39 year old hittable Rocky Mount, NC female teacher allowed a student to rock and mount her (158)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Stupid How hot can a 65 year-old woman be that a 47 year-old man would kidnap her to keep to himself? (138)
(MSNBC) Sad World's tallest woman dies at 53. Deuce Bigalow inconsolable (151)
(Bangor Daily News) Scary Nineteen-month old falls 25-30 feet out of third floor window. Gets up with nothing wrong with him, other than his mother is an idiot (107)
(Some Tall Guy) Caption Caption contest: What are these guys yelling? (122)
(CBS 4 Denver) Interesting Denver police build "Gitmo on the Platte": A warehouse full of cages and barbed wire to house arrested protesters at the Democratic Convention (278)
(Cookie monster) Asinine Police with guns drawn stormed the cookie aisle like "Nazi storm troopers" with a warrant for stolen Nilla Wafers (61)
(TBO) Florida Put this one under the "hot stripper who smiles in her mugshot after shooting her boyfriend over $150" file (167)
(Huffington Post) Satire You know those "gold" medals the athletes are kissing and biting while on the podium? Yea, well along with the thrill of victory, it looks like they could be getting lead poisoning (185)
(The Register) Asinine TSA: "Did you forget your ID when you flew? Congratulations, you are our newest entry to our terrorist watch list" (166)
(Independent) Obvious Reporter spends a week living in an airport and concludes it's a big, busy place with lots of plastic benches and international air passengers (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Mugshot and surveillance video of Colorado's phony "porn inspector" (120)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Sorry about the rocks in lieu of raisins in your bread, Here's five bucks (48)
(CBS New York) Asinine Having solved all other problems, NYC orders stores with air conditioning to close their doors (223)
(Reuters) Obvious "I am the airline passenger you dread most of all, more even than the religious fanatic or flatulent fat guy. I am the passenger accompanying small children" (509)
(Some Guy) Asinine This debate professor finally comprehends the obvious: the quickest way to win a debate is to show 'em your ass (89)
(Denver Post) Interesting During the DNC, Al-Jazeera will spotlight Colorado town where Coors is brewed. Once again showing they'll do anything to make the US look bad (191)
(CNN) Followup Principal resigns at 'pregnancy pact' high school. Job offers by Trojan and Durex to follow (56)
(AJC) Obvious If your husband comes home and finds you in bed with your lover, and your lover freaks out, jumps through a window and leaves his car in your driveway, don't make things worse by claiming he was a home invasion suspect (135)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Weird How weird is Portland? Let's put it this way: one of its residents is giving the city itself acupuncture by hammering 23-foot long needles into the ground (106)
(Todaysthv) News Shots fired at Democrat Party HQ in Arkansas. Gunman on the loose (691)
(BBC) Interesting Man wrongly accused of 1992 murder awarded £706,000, which may be reduced by 25% if he was drunk at the time (42)
(Reuters) Unlikely Fidel Castro turns 82* today (147)
(AP) Scary In response to recent violence, authorities have imposed a 24-hour curfew on the city, enforced by roadblocks manned by paramilitary forces carrying M-16s and M-4s. Is this a) Baghdad, Iraq, b) Tbilisi, Georgia, or c) Helena, Arkansas? (424)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Prolific Los Angeles thief who confessed to over 1,000 burglaries finds a creative way to get his sentence reduced...he makes a police training video showing how he did it (73)
(News.com.au) Amusing Man cheats on his wife, sends a sexy text message to the wrong person, and his mistress's underwear ends up for auction on ebay. Ta daa (219)
(Dayton Daily News) Followup Newspaper reporter huffy that man who took bath in Burger King sink is too busy updating his MySpace profile to give an interview. On the upside, video on the paper's website has "has received thousands of viewers from Finland" (83)
(Some Wachovia Guy) Amusing Bank of America special: free exploding dye pack with every cash withdrawal (111)
(Cushman Collection) Cool Now look here, ace, it's the coolest collection of early-40's color photos of New York you've seen since the early 40's (299)
(Yahoo) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unforeseen consequences of the energy crisis (61)
(Washington Post) Interesting Debunking three myths about offshore drilling (415)
(Yahoo) Obvious For those who bought their first house in the past 5-7 years, analysts now predicting resurgence of "down payment" which is some sort of rip-off where they expect you to pay some cash up front. Whateva (300)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Misc An iFire damages buildings at Apple's headquarters; 2.0 people escaped without injury (123)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting MD senator helps pass legislation to collect money to enforce the Do Not Call registry. Now his son is sued for $500m under legislation. That's gonna make Thanksgiving dinner awkward (80)
(Spiegel) Amusing Humpback whale took a detour on his way to the Arctic and ended up near one of Germany's favorite nude beach destinations. That pervert (41)
(London Times) Spiffy Georgia beats Russia - at beach volleyball. If only all wars could be settled by attractive women in bikinis (148)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass Phone sex addict goes to hotel, makes over €7,000 in phone sex calls that he can't afford. Again (43)
(AJC) Amusing Sex in a judge's chambers, trysts at local hotels during business hours, obscene phone calls to female workers and a desire to see lesbian sex. It's just another day for a court official. Submitter contemplating career change (41)
(WorldNetDaily) Dumbass VFW post answering machine tells callers to hang up if they don't speak English. One small detail seems to have escaped them (577)
(Seacoastonline.com) Asinine A man was arrested for having contact with a woman he had assaulted previously. The contact came when she knocked on his door and he called the police to have her removed (239)
(Metro) Dumbass You're getting your hair cut and notice that the nude calendar on the wall features your girlfriend. Do you c) burn the place down? Hells yeah you do (248)
(USA Today) Stupid Finally, a case worthy of the U.S. Supreme Court's time: whether a 5th grader's candy canes are religiously offensive (237)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Chicago streets are congested and gas prices are at all time highs. So it only makes sense that the Chicago PD replaces their Crown Vics with Chevy Tahoes (136)
(MSNBC) Obvious New study confirms what the previous 7,689 studies had found: Troops at risk for alcohol abuse (58)
(Some Guy) Amusing No matter how turned on you are, it's just rude to masturbate outside a strip club. "There were people standing around watching him and laughing." (133)
(MSNBC) Asinine Being held captive for 3 years is pretty bad, but in a single-wide mobile home? That's a new kind of hell (62)
(BBC) Obvious Traditional English names like Gertrude and Edna dying out. Tula Does the Hula From Hawaii unavailable for comment (156)
(Toronto Sun) Stupid With the smell of the burning sacred weed "wafting out the window", Reverend Cannabis is busted again (46)
(Happy Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these two tater launchers gearing up for a spudtacular fling together (38)
(CBS Minneapolis) Scary Doctor, "Some risks of surgery include nausea and dizziness." Patient, "Not bad, is there anything else?" Doctor, "Well, your face might catch on fire." (37)
(Columbus Dispatch) Spiffy Bad: You get your wallet stolen while you're in gym class. Good: Someone later finds and returns it. Fark: 44 years later (19)
(Canada.com) Amusing 78 year-old naked man defeats two burglars, taking away their shotgun. Bet they didn't expect that wrinkle (28)
(WRAL) Sad When the police take all of your kids, dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, pigs, chickens, ducks, goats, pigeons, peafowl, mice, and hamsters away, you might not have the best day. But come on, did they have to take the fish, too? Bonus: sexy mugshot (147)
(MSNBC) Strange Homeland Security setting up counterspy unit... that will be like the C.I.A., but with a much better and longer name (104)
(Telegraph) Interesting Study from the Researches For Pointless Things finds that an octopus has 2 legs and 6 arms (84)
(MSNBC) Asinine Step 1: Be charged with murder in the starvation death of your daughter. Step 2: Sue the city for not taking your child away from you. Step 3: Profit (148)
(Guardian.com) Asinine Don't worry UK Farkers, soon companies will be required to track and store all internet and phone traffic from everyone so it can be accessed by a variety of agencies for your safety (92)

Tue August 12, 2008
(CBS Sacramento) Scary If you're forced to land your plane on a freeway and do so safely, it might be best not to push your luck and try to take off again (111)
(Baltimore Sun) Stupid Having solved all other problems Baltimore to educate inner city residents of the dangers of salt (70)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Interesting NYPD wants to take pictures of every car license plate entering the city, good luck with that (69)
(City Pages) Weird Last month: Tron Guy buys an airplane. This month: Tron Guy is a gay man who hates the government, owns an AK-47, and lives with a furry named "Orven the Ox" (635)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this light lunch (32)
(AP) Dumbass Man who left an engagement ring on the hood of his car and then drove off gets lucky twice: A motorcyclist found the ring, and the fiance still wants to marry the idiot (40)
(Miami Herald) Interesting Number of college students receiving food stamps up 44% from last year (190)
(Cryptomundo.com) Unlikely Apparently, someone has found a bigfoot body and evidence of its existence will be revealed to the world on Friday (210)
(Dallas News) Amusing Texas school district may have carried school dress code one step too far: Prison-issue jumpsuits for children who don't comply (137)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Unabomber angry that his Montana cabin is on display at a Washington, D.C. museum. He's worried the publicity will further harm his victims (129)
(Cleveland) Stupid Today's "oh noes teh eval bacterias could harm ur children" story brought to you by the Cleveland Plain Dealer. With "kids need sleep" bonus obviousness (46)
(Telegraph) Dumbass If you want to claim disability benefits for a spinal injury, it's not advised that you leap around on stage playing guitar (21)
(Some Birmingham) Amusing Birmingham, England prints flyer with Birmingham, AL skyline. Send more maps to the England, and such as (94)
(The New York Times) Dumbass Attorney general: "Not every violation of the law is a crime." At least not when you're a Republican (169)
(WHTM) Interesting Telemarketer: "Ha ha, we will defeat the Do Not Call list by using an Indian call center Suck it, consumer protection statutes" Pennsylvania Attorney General: "Hi, welcome to our state. Here's a $500,000,000 lawsuit." (162)
(Radar Magazine) Followup Turns out that Beyonce's skin does change color when her L'Oreal ad is placed in newspapers for black women: It gets darker (pic) (187)
(The Morning Call) Stupid Man, shot by one of his roommate's friends, claims that he "was fighting and that's what dudes do" (34)
(AP) Scary Plane crashes in supermarket parking lot. Clean up in aisles 1-15 (79)
(Washington Times) Asinine American Airlines supports the troops -- for an extra $300 charge per duffel bag, that is (163)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Interesting 10:17 a.m. -- tried the cheese curds, needs more gravy. 10:20 a.m. -- the elephant ears are soggy this year. 10:30 a.m. -- waited in line for half an hour to ride a roller coaster from the 1960s (67)
(Breitbart.com) Silly If you can't beat them on the battlefield, beat them in court: Georgia to sue Russia for ethnic cleansing, will use high-technology trial lawyers provided by the U.S. (57)
(Think Progress) Followup AG Mukasey says that nobody involved in politicizing the hiring process will face any criminal consequences. Instead, they will face the wrath that DOJ inflicts on all the innocent people they investigate: Bad publicity (151)
(AP) Strange Burger King employee -- caught taking a nude bath in restaurant's utility sink -- gives himself the most appropriate nickname ever: "Mr. Unstable." Or, as his friends call him, "Mr. Unemployed" (90)
(Local10) Amusing Beware of goat-sucking dogs in Texas (with video goodness) (84)
(eurogamer .net) Obvious Atheists outraged that "Spore" has religion in it. Then again, is there anything that doesn't outrage atheists? (863)
(People Magazine) Silly Actor Ian Ziering says appearing on the new "90210" would be a "step backwards" in his career, since he's really more focused on moving from the grill to night assistant manager in his current job (83)
(Beijing 2008) Amusing Looks like the United States isn't the only country who uses cute females to lip-synch vocals (166)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing Swedish authorities say, "Go ahead and name your kids Budweiser, but naming them Devil is still banned." In other words, no truth in advertising (25)
(Talking Points Memo) Asinine One, ah ah ah. Two, ah ah ah. Three, ah ah ah. Four, ah ah ah. Four young white women in McCain's attack ad. Now let's count the ulterior motives. One, ah ah ah... (443)
(ABC News) Spiffy Humpbacks have made a great recovery, which means Kirk and Spock won't have to time travel when that weird alien probe makes its way to Earth (107)
(Fox News) Asinine Court cuts rape victim's compensation because she was asking for it since she had been drinking (417)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing For sale: Sunny, spacious 375-sq. ft. penthouse studio in central Stockholm, balcony, full kitchen, all amenities. No extra charge for crazy old man who refuses to leave (73)
(CNN) Obvious Sports Illustrated does the numbers and proves what everyone outside of the Big Ten already knew: the SEC is the best conference for the last 5 years in college football (353)
(The Daily Press) Interesting In a surprise ruling, judge concludes that first amendment protection must also be extended to Christians (401)
(BBC) Stupid *clicks BBC front page headline* Wait, what? *facepalm* (204)
(Some Straight Dude) Cool Cheech & Chong's career swings match S&P 500. Causation or correlation? (85)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing When the sun comes up on a sleepy little town, down around San Antone, Squeaky the Pig is herding up the cows, with Dr. Pepper and marshmallows (52)
(NYPost) Strange Man robs a bank dressesd in a wig, makeup and women's clothing. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for his huge-ass proboscis. "His wig couldn't cover his nose" (51)
(Reuters) Weird Anonymous Chinese Olympic ceremony worker dubbed "Second Brother on the Right" becomes Internet sensation, standard police-lineup response (123)
(Canada.com) Obvious Original SS Minnow restoration nearly finished, will take passengers on three-hour tours. No really, three-hour tours (132)
(Denver Post) Asinine Cult leaders denied 19-month-old food because he wouldn't say "amen" after dinner. Kept his body in a suitcase that they would spray because God was going to resurrect him. Prosecutors expect a conviction to be a Febreze (349)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Shanghai tower (70)
(BBC) Obvious Israel offers Palestinians 92.7 percent of the West Bank. Palestinians refuse, prefer to wait until even more of their land is built over (836)
(RealClearPolitics) Dumbass Bill Richardson (D-oh) has just the thing to stop the war in Georgia: A strongly worded UN resolution. "Apparently Richardson was ambassador to the UN for 19 months without noticing that Russia has a Security Council veto" (172)
(Wall Street Journal) Strange Bonsai cattle catching on with ranchers, although the high-pitched mooing takes some getting used to (123)
(Oldham Evening Chronicle) Amusing Couple spotted naked at a window displaying a little too much unity at the offices of Unity Partnership (237)
(Boing Boing) Dumbass Not news: Police raid house looking for fugitive. News: The wrong house. Fark: Leave a note to homeowner with refrigerator magnets (with bonus totally-not-amused pic) (117)
(Daily Star) Unlikely Man not particularly bothered after discovering three-foot rubber snake that's been in his car for a month is not made of rubber (53)
(Telegraph) Unlikely A bunch of grapes has sold for around $900 (about $30 per grape) in Japan. "They're delicious, sweet AND fresh at the same time," the grocer explained wide-eyed, while attempting to hypnotise the journalist (75)
(ESPN) Cool Pommel-horse performance by Olympic alternate gives USA the surprise bronze in gymnastics, gives Hollywood the idea to make "Gymkata 2" (252)
(Free Press) Obvious New study proves that unmarried men lead just as healthy lives as their married counterparts, despite being miserable and lonely and sexless. The married ones, I mean (350)
(MDN) Amusing Mugger arrested despite cunning Winnie the Pooh disguise. Oh bother (43)
(AP) Obvious Two-thirds of U.S. companies pay zero federal income taxes, claim it's still too much (375)
(Google) Cool Reminder: Minneapolis Fark party this Saturday. Twins v. Mariners at 2:55, followed by Mortimer's at 7:00 (99)
(Daily Mail) Strange Two men die after drinking alcohol handwash. Guess their nationality (157)
(Fox News) Followup Georgia: Hey, guys. Just because Russia says they stop bombing us doesn't actually mean they have stopped bombing us (269)
(Daily Mail) Amusing New book on strange ways to meet your maker includes getting hit by flying champagne corks, being crushed by falling vending machines and falling out your window playing air guitar. Death by snu snu conspicuously absent (96)
(BBC) Ironic Running can slow the aging process while making you feel like a 90-year-old emphysema sufferer (216)
(The Local (Germany)) Weird Drug-addicted homeless guy who slept nine years in a luggage locker at a train station will be punished with a much larger place to sleep and hot meals (81)
(Metro) Amusing ♫ Hey Amidala what have you done? Hey Adm'ral Akbar who's the only one? Hey little Yoda this bond you must tap, don't you tell Ackbar that it's all a trap... It's a nice day for a geek wedding ♪ (127)
(News24) Obvious Council organises party for youth to get away from beer. This is Fark, so you can guess what happened (32)
(Some Corpse) Interesting Colorado Springs considering allowing "green" funerals, in which the deceased would be buried in a bag, an egg-carton box or a wicker basket. "Frozen in carbonite" option strangely absent (132)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Western theme park owner pleads not guilty after forgetting to mention that he keeps real bullets next to the fake ones (59)
(KTLA.com) Scary Stockton store sees sadistic swordsman summarily swinging saber sans sanity. Sagacious sentries stun, shoot scumbag. (Suspect's scary snapshot shown) (87)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this group of robots (78)
(Detroit News) Sad You know your city has problems when even the dead flee to the suburbs (79)
(NECN.com) NewsFlash Russian President Medvedev orders halt to military action in Georgia while Putin drinks glass of water (296)
(MSNBC) Sad Bush to "relax" protected species rules, by allowing developers to decide on endangered status instead of scientists. Fark: Really (522)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass If you're going to rob a store at gunpoint, it might help to actually follow the manager back into the store so he doesn't lock you outside (16)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine PETA wants permission to put signs on border fences letting illegals know there's something worse than the Border Patrol: The American diet (171)
(Fox News) Dumbass New York's "preppie killer" pops collar, returns to jail (36)
(MSNBC) Amusing Actual headline: Woman sues for right to massage horses (35)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Your goth and fetish convention may have jumped the shark when guy known as "TheOneFonz" can't (pics) (67)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman gets kicked out of Kentucky mall because of her dress. "My outfit was too provocative and people's husbands was looking at me." (With pic of dress) (409)
(Salon) Cool From Stroh's to Shiner Bock, from Hamm's to Hudepohl, enjoy this incomplete, biased guide to this great piss-beer nation (196)
(Komo) Dumbass When officials deny your entry at the border, tell them about your bomb, that always works (35)

Mon August 11, 2008
(CNN) Strange Professor who chairs the Department of Metaphors says she prefers climbing Half Dome Mountain to sex (108)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old ticker machine (59)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: Catching a stingray. News: A 3000 lbs, 16.5 foot wide stingray (w/ pic) (205)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Stripper tells police her boyfriend actually stabbed himself twice in his lower back (74)
(Denver Post) Dumbass Police seek man with fake 'Age Verification Unit' badge who tried to get free porn, suspect may need 'Inmate Unit Verification' badge in jail (29)
(Some Guy) Ironic "The Russians -- in a stunning piece of irony -- have twice bombed the Su-25 Frogfoot manufacturing plant"... with a Su-25 Frogfoot (216)
(First Coast News) Florida Woman intentionally hits bicyclist with her car, commandeers another car and runs into her own car with it, then drives into a fence, gets out of the car, and starts running around in circles taking off all her clothes. The Aristocrats (161)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing Giant flying inflatable dog turd breaks loose, causes chaos at Swiss museum exhibition. The turd was named "Complex Shiat" and is the size of a house. Poop (123)
(NYPost) Dumbass New Yorker disappointed to discover that effective use of the casting couch requires one to be a casting director (46)
(Breitbart.com) Strange Georgia president's website moves to Atlanta. No word on why it wasn't there in the first place (58)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Therefore, bite me," a wheelchair-bound trophy wife, and a giggling fit round out the weirdest school board meeting ever (see article's left sidebar) (132)
(madison.com) Cool UW-Madison police using "bait bikes" around campus to catch thieves. Craigslist ads will now include: "Bonus GPS included" (135)
(State Dept.) Stupid State Department travel warning says the Russian/Georgian conflict could lead to... cancelled airline flights. God help us all (54)
(Foolocracy) Florida Felons are the new swing voters (170)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If cooling off on a hot summer day includes stripping to your underwear and having a water fight with your girlfriend, try not to make so much noise that the police come out. They might notice that she's 14 years old (492)
(CNN) Followup Georgia proposes that Russia stop beating the everloving tar out of it (485)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these whip-wielding women (66)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Garden gnome goes global, brings back pictures (166)
(Washington Post) Strange Phobia story leads with irrational fear of driving over Bay Bridge. Shrink: "People don't lose control. They don't drive off the bridge." The same day, a truck drives through a guardrail off the bridge, causes huge traffic jam (225)
(AP) Obvious Archdiocese of Cincinnati to priests: Do not kiss, tickle or wrestle with alter boys (208)
(Fox News) Unlikely Iran has declared that it is now "friends" with Israel -- look for tensions around the lunch table when Tehran learns of Syria's crush on Qatar (211)
(BBC) Amusing Sticky wicket developing in London as protesters glue themselves to a revolving door to protest coal use (56)
(CBS News) Dumbass Anti-China protester sets himself on fire. Surely that will bring about democracy and radical social change when nothing else would (158)
(AP) Dumbass If you ever drop your bag of cash on a California freeway, let it go, because man, it's gone (137)
(Reuters) Obvious Russia demands Georgian troops near Abkhazia disarm, release Sirius Black (366)
(Boston Globe) Ironic Massachusetts to rename training ship -- where students learn seamanship, piloting and water-rescue skills -- after the Kennedys (97)
(Metro) Spiffy "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat." "That's great, Bullwinkle -- now we can go to the pub and exchange it for a pint" (33)
(AP) Followup Putin pissed off at U.S. for airlifting Georgian troops home from Iraq. Says it might now take him until after lunch to conquer the country, causing him to miss his tee time (373)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing I am a girl from Sweden and like magic (81)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Eleven-year-old Orlando boy robs Walgreen's using fake guns (99)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Today's episode of "Ow, My Balls" is brought to you by the state of Florida (128)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Weird "The man... pulled a 12-inch samurai from his tracksuit bottoms and pointed it at the shopkeeper's face" (103)
(News.com.au) Sad Mudslide kills 40 gold prospectors. AU NOES (96)
(Buffalo News) Strange Grim Reaper struck by lightning (69)
(Telegraph) Asinine Nanny State orders elderly couple to stop feeding birds due to mess (in their garden) and the noise pollution of the dawn chorus. Isaac Hayes is dead and so is soul (87)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tied-up salami (68)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Is this emergency services? I want to complain about my cab fare (21)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Awesome: Winning a lottery jackpot of $18 million. Less than awesome: Going to jail for tax-evasion charges. Florida tag evades the Dumbass tag (58)
(KOB.com) Dumbass Woman indicted for stashing $500,000 worth of phone books (69)
(Telegraph) Asinine Firefighter has lung removed to combat cancer. Doctors pleased to tell him the operation was a success as he never had cancer in the first place (161)
(Telegraph) Interesting Scientists find gene that causes some of us to scream and others to laugh at horror films (168)
(AP) Dumbass Cheney: "Russian aggression must not go unanswered, and that its continuation would have serious consequences for its relations with the United States, as well as the broader international community." Great. Just great (525)
(News.com.au) Dumbass When robbing a video store it helps to not leave your driver's license on the counter (22)
(London Times) Followup Georgian farmer: "Why won't America and NATO help us? If they won't help us now, why did we help them in Iraq?" (319)
(CNN) Asinine Gas prices take two days to go up $1.00 and a month to drop $0.19 (273)