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Sun September 21, 2008
(Denver Channel) Sad Playing flute outside your apartment? That's a stabbing (6)
(SLTrib) Misc Driver chases down rider on stolen bike who carjacks van. Then it gets strange (4)
(Stuff) Dumbass Dead driver found with beercan in his hand. He told you he was hardcore (12)
(London Times) Interesting Attention, you fubsy, niddering oppugnant agrestics: some perfectly cromulent words need saving (29)
(Abc.net.au) Scary Man stabbed during fight over Big Mac. Still healthier than if he had eaten the burger (23)
(NewsOK) Dumbass If you left your three-year-old child wandering around an Oklahoma City parking lot with beer in his bottle, the police would like to have a word with you (17)
(Telegraph) Strange British town council forced to pay £1.6 million for a .22-acre lot, thanks to the Luftwaffe (10)
(Lancashire Telegraph) Dumbass Man arrested for crack in his drawers (13)
(News.com.au) Fail Twelve months of witness protection for English family goes down gurgler when Australian walks up to them at supermarket with newspaper clipping and says "hey, that's you, isn't it? It's ok, I won't tell anyone" (24)
(Some Guy) Sick Too bad the Olympics are over. We just found the gold medal winner for most trashed apartment (163)
(Telegraph) Interesting Most lifelike butter sculptures you'll see ... well, pretty much ever (53)
(Otago Daily Times) Spiffy 2-year-old prodigy skis, skateboards, plays golf, still drinks from a sippy cup (36)
(Some Chick) Dumbass Drunk woman speeds through construction zone, hits a car, airbag deploys, keeps speeding...to get to bar (19)
(CBS Sacramento) Scary "Not last night but the night before... 24 robbers came a-knockin' at my door... I asked them what they wanted, and this is what they said: OH GOD MY HAND OH GOD AAAAAAHHHH" (53)
(TBO) Florida It's never a good sign when you propose to your girlfriend and she responds by slapping, punching, scratching, and throwing several knives at you (46)
(Daily Star) Interesting Traditional British pub signs die out. Millions fear Morris Men and gay vicars may be next (35)
(Daily Star) Obvious Babies who use mobile phones in the womb more likely to die of mobile phone-related ilnesses (28)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Cops threaten guy with arrest... for having an annoying garden gnome. w/pic of offending gnome (53)
(Local6) Florida Pouring boiling water onto a 4 year old after she told you to 'Get a job' is no way to go through life, son (69)
(NBC 15) Scary Six arrested in Prichard, Alabama for prostitution - with mugshot nastiness (99)
(700 WLW) Stupid Researchers discover that finger length is connected to the desire to exercise. Still no cure for cancer (83)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange If you've lost a 500kg piece of brie that makes dogs foam at the mouth and vomit when they lick it, the Wellington City Council would like a word with you (66)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Researchers getting all sedimental over ancient reef found in Australian desert that may contain clues to history of climate change (27)
(Google) Amusing Former Sex Pistol turns from anarchy to butter, with scary pic goodness (89)
(AZCentral) Amusing Presenting Obama cookies. McCain pastry coming soon (73)
(The Morning Call) Fail Dumbass: knife-wielding man tries to rob convenience store, but gives up when the clerk tells him that he can't give him money without a sale. Fail: robber leaves his driver's license at the store (23)
(BBC) Photoshop Photoshop this giant chair (57)
(MSNBC) Cool Shine on you crazy, near-flawless, 500 carat white diamond (134)
(The New York Times) Obvious Phone cutomers, especially young ones, are ditching land lines for a cell-only lifestyle. Another scoop for Ric Romero (105)
(Daily Mail) Fail A TV presenter (a Brit) / Made people so mad they could spit / Her mutt did a poop / She neglected to scoop / And so she got into trouble (56)
(New Scientist) Scary New study shows taking pre-natal vitamins may increase chance of asthma in children AND grandchildren. Be cautious of precaution (96)
(Canada.com) Misc Obesity more harmful to heart than smoking but secondhand fat only a problem when stuck next to a fat guy on a plane (46)
(Metro) Interesting Bacteria 'can ward off diabetes', is there anything bacteria can't do? (40)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Cool Sat nav cock-up sends lorries gatecrashing through a peaceful funeral service (45)
(Some Chick) Dumbass Man dies after falling four stories off balcony trying to get into neighbors apartment. Police won't comment on cause of death (32)
(Telegraph) Asinine French troops 'ran out of ammunition' in Afghanistan. Since this is Fark you can anticipate what happened next...which was not a good idea when fighting the Taliban (177)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass And this, boys and girls, is how not to go rock climbing (32)
(Wired) Interesting Israel unleashes first 'Skunk Bomb', Pepe LePew awarded the עיטור המופת (58)
(NASCAR) Asinine Nascar announces that everyone involved in their 'sport' is a drug addict. So will be subject to the same abuse the rest of us experience every day on the road (84)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Ironic Electricity restored at Renaissance Festival (87)
(BBC) Interesting Millionaire stops paying mortgage on his mansion after complaining to bank that it was haunted (44)
(Some Guy) Unlikely "Getting drunk and violent doesn't pay" (22)
(Some Insane Guy) Cool Best. Lego. Model. Evar (149)
(Goldsboro News-Argus) Sad Policeman shoots woman's dog right in front of her neighbor. "I said, 'Please don't shoot that dog. He won't hurt you'" (449)
(AFP) Sad Artists around the world crying in their lattes as governments are cutting back on arts and culture spending, forcing many of them to actually become productive members of society (201)
(Sign On San Diego) Misc Chinese restaurant damaged in fire. Oh the Hunanity (28)
(Some Muggle) Photoshop Photoshop the Weasley family (48)
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Houston Domino's franchises plan to give away 1000 pizzas to hungry relief workers today (64)
(AFP) Hero "Free Hugs Guy" soon to be called "Free Kidney Guy" (47)
(Seacoastonline.com) Asinine Getting thrown out of one bar in Portsmouth, NH will get you thrown out of 13 others as well (77)
(NorthJersey.com) Dumbass Reenactment of "Caddyshack" fight scene goes horribly wrong. Caddy charged with manslaughter, so he's got that going for him (52)
(New York Daily News) Amusing McCain bagged Brazilian beauty queens ... and he was a good kisser (158)
(Fox News) Florida City considers new law to prevent people with no money from panhandling, intends to fine violators $500. Florida tag narrowly beats out asinine (72)
(AP) Strange Tow trucks parade through NYC, finishing at an abandoned airport tarmac to spell out "New York." (w/pic) (24)
(AP) Stupid Ike evacuees sneak back onto ravaged Galveston. And by "sneak", we mean "return in the full glare of the media"... so, shhh, don't tell anyone (40)
(Pocono Record) Cool Coolest way to stack firewood you'll see all day (100)
(News.com.au) Stupid If you are one of the teens who posted internet videos of yourself "train surfing", the police would like a word with you (25)
(Some Guy) Spiffy News: Primary school teacher found to be moonlighting as a prostitute. Fark: They didn't fire her and aren't sure she should be punished at all (77)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beach chair (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When driving with a suspended license and an open intoxicant in the car, its usually in your best interest not to give a cop the middle finger (28)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy There's a 1/4 mile of textured road in Lancaster, CA that plays the William Tell Overture when driven over at 55mph. But, the city is repaving it due to noise complaints from neighbors (LGT article; video/audio in first post) (115)
(wbbm780.com) Weird Woman thinks husband is an alien, then things get all hammery (33)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest optical illusion you'll see in the next 30 seconds (103)
(News.com.au) Sad Indonesia may pass a law banning bikinis from all beaches in Bali. "Balinese . . . have a different view on what sexual or pornographic materials are." (82)
(JPost) News Israeli PM Ehud Olmert quits. Resignation trifecta now in play (90)
(KSDK) Spiffy Woman accused of bartending naked. Sounds like a great place to host the next Fark party (44)
(Some Guy) Strange Man tells cops he fired his AK-47 from his porch to protect his pit bull from raccoons (53)
(Some Guy) Interesting Study suggests anus evolved multiple times. No word on evolution of biological response to oil hitting the anus (91)
(CNN) Strange Cocaine smugglers have semi-success with semi-submarines, the CBs give them away (47)
(Yahoo) Interesting China gas "outburst" kills 31. And you thought YOU were impressive after clearing the lunchroom after a breakfast of fried eggs and Yankee Jim (49)
(Guardian.com) Silly Potent Orcadian beer called 'Skull Splitter' [a common Viking soubriquet] could be withdrawn from sale following claims its Viking-branded bottles have too aggressive a theme (70)
(Some Caveman) Spiffy Not news: City buys clock. News: Students raise 65k of the 80k cost thus far. FARK: It's a sundial (35)
(Some Usher) Obvious Sometimes, the headline says it all: "Redneck Wedding" indeed (80)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Big Banger theory: Why proper sausages are the cornerstone of any gastropub (55)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass Trooper in a stupor drives cruiser into cyclists; will swerve and protect his own ass (119)

Sat September 20, 2008
(Daily Record (UK)) Interesting In a bid to prevent a flu pandemic, scientists dig up a the body of a wealthy Scottish land owner buried in a lead coffin in a Yorkshire church graveyard. The aristocrat (68)
(WorldNetDaily) Unlikely Genetic engineering may re-create Biblical giants of olden days; NFL scouts, WWF recruiters wait with gleeful anticipation (174)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Q: Two motorcyclists race, who wins? A: Darwin (108)
(London Times) Strange School crossing guards to be equipped with stop signs fitted with secret cameras after a spate of incidents in which drivers stopped to beat them up (37)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to lie on your taxes about how much money your party business makes, don't then brag about how much money your party business really makes on your MySpace page (22)
(wmtw) Amusing Competitive eater downs 14 pounds of burritos to win World Burrito Eating Championship (w/om nom nom vid) (38)
(WTAE-TV) Weird Not news: millions of $$$ of meth seized. Fark: from inside of porcelain dolls (57)
(Daily Mail) Strange One of the Marquess of Bath's 75 "wifelets" says she was partially attracted to him by the way he swallowed his whole mackerel (41)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: Police visit probationist's apartment. News: find crack cocaine. Fark: in baby's bassinet (25)
(The Times of India) Asinine Teacher convinces parents that it would be best for their daughter to move in with his family to help her studies, what could possibly go wrong? (71)
(Jefferson City News & Tribune) Interesting This Bud's for you. Budweiser American Ale launches this week. AB says it was developed before the sale to InBev. Anyone wanna bet a 6 pack over that? (213)
(Mercury News) Sick When planning a practical joke, avoid ones that start with: Step 1) Steal dead animals/pets from veterinary hospital (41)
(KNDO/KNDU) Misc Theres a whole lot of shucking going on at this sausage fest (23)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Drunk guy leaves party and finds nice cozy spot to nap, with lots of smooth warm pavement to stretch out on. Aaaaahh (43)
(Fox News) Sappy Guy scours the net and is able to track down and purchase his dad's actual Korean war rifle, and gives him as a birthday present (164)
(Some Guy) Interesting High school football player breaks neck during game, thinks it's just a strain and makes two more plays after half-time. After he finds out it's broken, calls Chuck Norris a puss (79)
(Lancashire Telegraph) Amusing Soaring bacon prices trigger thefts, black market trading (75)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these grapes (64)
(WBBM) Audio Old and busted: Breast milk is nature's perfect food for infants. New hotness: Breast milk is nature's perfect food for grownups (84)
(KTUU) Silly Local restaurant creates Palin sandwich (246)
(Time) Interesting Price of lemons surge on the news that the US military is developing "thought helmets" (83)
(AP) Sad FTC warns public about bogus cancer "cures." Still no cure for... well, you know (125)
(Telegraph) Interesting Not News: woman raises orphaned hare. Fark: In her bra (pic) (81)
(NC Most Wanted) Amusing Man pays for groceries with $200 bill complete with George Bush's photo on front and White House with lawn sign "We love ice cream." Gets $50 in change from clerk (95)
(MSNBC) Cool The seven sexiest hybrids you can't buy. But you can still appreciate their ample headlights, firm steering wheels, and long tailpipes (93)
(Local6) Followup Police now hunting motorists who stuffed pockets with nickels at fatal U.S. Treasury truck crash (with pics) (105)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Killer slugs migrating north. EVERBODY PANIC .... This could take a while (60)
(Google) Advice Last night I pulled socks out of the dryer to wear. They were hot so I tossed them in the fridge to cool down. Ended up not wearing them and forgetting about them. Now SO wants to throw out all the food in there. Is she right? (810)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this forest sign (49)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Deputies arrest the world's least competent bank robber in 10 minutes. Florida tag beats out Fail tag by a nose (18)
(ABC News) Interesting Federal court rules that sexual discrimination laws even apply to people who swap out their plumbing. With kind sorta 3:00am last call after a night of powerdrinking hittable pic (166)
(AP) Scary "No guys, you have nothing to worry about, we're just, uh, exercising that other Shuttle by moving it to the launchpad. No, um, it's not a 'rescue' ship, not at all. Don't worry about a thing." (176)
(Newsday) Dumbass Drug counselor arrested for smuggling drugs into prison. You're doing it wrong (21)
(1010WINS) Fail Punk attacks 83 year old grandmother in her building, learns you don't want to make grandma angry (42)
(Daily Express) Asinine Now nanny state tells police not to bother investigating crimes (46)
(The Local (Sweden)) Asinine Woman discovers at the gate she's on Ryanair's no-fly list. Suspected terrorist? Not exactly. Turns out the airline's computers can't make heads or tails of Ms. Ortegren-Kärjenmäki's name (64)
(BBC) Amusing Does anyone like poetry? "See, see the pretty sky / Marvel at its big puce depths" (139)
(The Chattanoogan) Stupid Small Georgia town wants to allow golf carts on city streets. What could possibly go wrong? (66)
(AFP) Interesting First "self-serve" wine bar opens in Washington. You mean you can get wine without having to deal with intellectually superior snobs who sneer at your crass pedestrian choice of vintage? (87)
(The Sun) Scary Oil refinery workers terrified after finding a giant mutant colossal nuclear monster South American spider skin (128)
(UPI) Stupid Scott Peterson's ex-girlfriend Amber Frey is losing her house to foreclosure. Yes, this is considered "top news" at UPI (39)
(Sun Sentinel) Unlikely Airlines working to improve customer service. Fail, Sad, Satire, Ironic and Amusing tags were stuck overnight in Dallas when their flight was cancelled (37)
(Broward-Palm Beach New Times) Amusing Reporter calls a bunch of escorts and asks them on real dates like bowling and mini golf. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG (89)
(The Sun) Sappy Weird: couple gets married after the first date. Sappy: 62 years after the fact (25)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this smiling spotted seal (66)
(Komo) Misc Woman calls 911 after her cat gets stuck in toilet, is flush with relief after he lives to see another Caturday (1230)
(YouTube) Cool It's called the new Dillon Gatling Gun, with every fifth bullet a tracer, it still looks like a friggin laser beam (207)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Orphaned gorilla takes to zookeeper. With the most awww/creepy pics you you'll see in the next ten minutes. Bonus: zookeeper is hot (72)
(Mirror.co.uk) Fail Guy tries to fake suicide by leaving his belongings and a suicide note near cliff, then uses his own cellphone to call police to report the "discovery" and hangs around to watch the investigation. Bonus: 44-year-old student (53)
(Stuff) Weird Butcher beefs up drooping sausage sales by packing meat while naked. Pork (Not safe for work pic of butcher's ass) (24)
(CNN) Stupid Nashville is running out of gas because everybody heard that Nashville is running out of gas (108)
(Livenews) Interesting Lesbians list "Women We'd Love To Love" (this link is useful, with slideshow) (193)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) PSA When using a toy gun to threaten electric company workers who are trying to restore power to your apartment complex, first hide your weed pipes (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing Jesus appears on ceiling tile, no word if He's friends with ceiling cat. Jesus sighting trifecta now in play (45)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man on the run from US Marshals falls through ceiling right into their laps (29)
(Some Guy) Obvious Wales wants to secede from United Kingdom, form its own independent country. If only there was a word to describe people who decide to go back on a deal (104)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Australia would like to remind the women of England that it has good jobs, cheap property, warm weather and low crime. Oh, and plenty of men (71)
(ABC 4) Scary Dontcha just hate it when you get a rock chip on your windshield...at 40,000 feet high...in a jet plane...with 87 passengers on board? (with pics) (87)
(CBS News) Fail New Mexicans string together 3250 pounds of chiles, hoping to set Guinness world record for largest ristra. Guinness doesn't have such a category (56)
(wkrg) Florida Man sees face of Jesus in the drywall of an unfinished home. Other people think it looks like Moses, Sasquatch, Charlie Manson (pic) (105)
(Ted Stevens) Florida Candidate on probation for coke possession wins primary. Arrested again three days later. Spared jail. Arrested again hours later. Florida: "They said even if I'm in jail, I'm still a viable candidate." (37)
(MSNBC) Silly Top 8 largest random things in world. La Crosse, WI celebrates having world's biggest beer (111)

Fri September 19, 2008
(Some Guy) Spiffy Customers fill up on 35 cent/gallon gas until some d-bag snitches to the store owner (108)
(AJC) Hero Religion Of Peace to feed 1000 homeless in Atlanta (141)
(Telegraph) Obvious University students forbidden from using terms such as "Old Masters" and "seminal" as they are sexist and demean womyn (174)
(Some Guy) Scary Worst. Police. Sketch. Ever (213)
(WHTM) Dumbass Man attempts to run woman over wife but winds up ramming a police cruiser with her on the hood and ultimately getting shot by police. Woman at trial: "He loves me, he ain't got no violent bone in his body" (100)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man dies 15 years after falling off trampoline, confounding doctors who insisted he'd bounce back (42)
(AJC) Asinine 100 Christian bookstores remove "Gospel Today" magazine from stock because there are fully clothed women on the cover (262)
(ABC News) Cool Hurricane Ike unearths mystery Civil War shipwreck off Alabama coast (55)
(Former WV Guy) Scary City councilman uses a shotgun--also known as a West Virginia homeowners association--to settle dispute about tree branches (15)
(MSNBC) Fail A reminder to guys trying to use your cellphone cameras to take upskirt pictures of woman on the subway: Make sure she doesn't have a camera on her cell phone too (71)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Guy carries a loaded handgun in a holster inside the front of his pants. Learns the hard way that's not a good idea (142)
(TBO) Interesting McCain and Obama: side-by-side comparison of 22 issues (387)
(London Times) Strange Scientists have invented the first remote-controlled key fob that allows men to control a valve that can switch their sperm flow on and off. Cross-marketing with the clapper abandoned as vigorous sex creates russian roulette sperm shots (96)
(First Coast News) Scary Dear Parents: Upon your arrival at school, some of you may have noticed the Police on campus, this is because one of our teachers may have been planning on killing everyone, but no cause for concern (27)
(The Register) Cool Let's all welcome our 5th dwarf planet: Haumea. Astronomers still looking for its twin dwarf Helpew (61)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Weekly TSG mugshot roundup: Bailout time (222)
(BBC) Misc Michelangelo's Peter--um, David--may no longer stand erect--er, that is it could collapse--because of pubic exposure--sorry, PUBLIC exposure--to tourists. Also Michelangelo used weak marble, so the statue won't stay hard forever. Penis (61)
(CBC) Obvious Stocks climb on news that rich people are fine with socialism when the money is going to them (200)
(Local6) Florida Workers picking foliage berries off oak trees find two hand grenades. The logical conclusion? THE PLANTS ARE EVOLVING AND FIGHTING BACK (44)
(Contact Music) Obvious Sarah Jessica Parker unable to bridle her enthusiasm for a "Sex and the City" sequel (135)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lab duo (44)
(Some Guy) Ironic Police: Drunken woman ran over boyfriend, killing him. Fark: She was looking for him because she was worried about his safety (62)
(Reuters) Obvious Turns out it wasn't really the surge that lead to a drop in violence in Iraq, but ethnic cleansing. Tomato, Tomahto (157)
(Some Particle Man) Interesting In 1978, a Russian scientist working a particle accelerator leaned into path of a proton beam. BOOM *headshot* (174)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Bad: You're 15 and your gf breaks up with you. Good: Her friend texts you because she likes you. Indifferent: You find out the friend is actually your ex's 37-year-old mom. Fark: Relationship begins. w/ Milfshot goodness (177)
(Daily Dispatch Online) Dumbass Man attempting to break into museum is impaled by the fence spike. Says he didn't feel pain because he was drunk. Waitress, I'll have what he's having (with pic goodness) (47)
(MSNBC) Asinine Hershey's: We've secretly replaced our cocoa butter with vegetable oil. Let's hope nobody notices (206)
(KHOU Houston) Asinine How to lose friends and alienate people, Hurricane Ike edition: Teacher stocks up on free supplies meant for hurricane victims, brags about it on blog (221)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Hugo Chavez mocked Lehman Bros. collapse as sign of capitalism's demise, not realizing Venezuela holds $300 million in debt instruments from Lehman. Bonus: Reporter apparently laughing too hard to finish article (258)
(AP) Amusing "Hello, mom? Hi. Happy Birthday. Where am I? Oh, nowhere... just dangling 70 stories above the ground waiting to be rescued." (41)
(CNN) Scary L.A. celebrates the one week anniversary of the Metrolink crash with an MTA bus knocking the Blue Line train off the tracks, 12 injured (49)
(USA Today) Scary Current economic conditions causing money market account holders to purge their accounts, bowels (139)
(Chud) Amusing Some guy freaks the hell out about all the Joker costumes he will inevitably see this Halloween: "I'm not going to give any candy to any kid, or, God help me, adult in a Joker costume this year" (205)
(BBC) Dumbass Protip: when considering a tattoo, avoid the ones offered by the guy in the corner at a house party (82)
(Some Guy) Ironic "The Democratic leadership in Congress took the golden opportunity it was given in 2006 and pissed it away on petty partisanship-just like the Republicans who preceded them did." (347)
(Some Guy) Weird Pioneer graves moved to build new school. Builders trying to find way to keep blood from staining walls, elevator (53)
(The London Paper) Weird Machine gun bullets and nude home videos amongst odd donations to charity (52)
(Some Guy) Scary 6 beers ÷ 5 guys = 1 beer (± 2 knife slashings, 1 face punching and 1 felony arrest) (72)
(CSMonitor) Followup Why 140,000 people stayed behind to face Hurricane Ike. Curiously, the word "ignoramus" appears nowhere in the article (153)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Lawyer suspended for having his client pay off her legal bills with nude dances in his office. Apparently, that was wrong (119)
(London Times) Interesting In latest proof that global warming is continuing to not happen, caterpillars native to Africa now showing up in Britain (pic) (305)
(iReport) Cool Last house standing in Galveston was built to withstand a Cat 5 hurricane. With amazing pics. BONUS: Tinfoil-hatter comments a-plenty in iReporter section (177)
(The Morning Call) Weird Fanny pack-wearing bandit attempts to carjack a driver's ed vehicle, only to have the instructor tell the student to STEP ON THE FRIGGIN' GAS (39)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Newspapers discover drawbacks of allowing Internet users to comment on news stories: "Even Jerry Springer would be ashamed of the comments that we have on our site. They're that bad" (96)
(Some Guy) Asinine Iran accidentally extends friendship to the Israeli people; Khameini corrects the situation and explains that Israel and all Jews living there should destroyed. Religion of Peace(tm) strikes again (308)
(Yahoo) Interesting In a poll of earth-shattering significance that will surely decide the election: Obama beats McCain as the perferred hypothetical football watching buddy. And that's even AFTER Leinart was benched (221)
(Richmond Times-Dispatch) Amusing High school students watching a drunk driving video in class inadvertently learn about what goes on in the back seat (74)
(Some Guy) Weird "A man who forced a householder to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep and lick his feet while filming the humiliating attack on his mobile phone has been locked up for three years" (40)
(Philly) Amusing City councilman's aide accuses TV station of racism for filming her skipping work and coming from her boss's house after a night spent screwing him silly (202)
(LA Times) Interesting Universal declines to finance Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson's 3D epic 'Tintin' because the film would have to make $425 million just to break even after their 30% cut (89)
(Stuff) Cool Lego create figures of several celebrities, including Madonna, Angelina Jolie and Amy Winehouse, to mark their 30th anniversary. The Amy Winehouse doll caused the most problems, as bits of it kept falling off (77)
(Canada.com) Obvious Obama: "I'd be willing to meet with the President of Iran." Ahmadinejad: "Let's do this." Obama: "WHARRGARBL" (450)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Dumbass Guess what symbol woman sees as being "satanic" and says city could be risking "the wrath of God?" If you guessed flying a Jolly Roger for 2 days a week to support local HS footbal team, come on down (157)
(Deseret News) Dumbass If you are moving a $130,000 Ferrari at your dealership, you might not want to leave it unattended with the keys in it and motor running (60)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup Stocks sharply higher on news that enough vaseline is available to shove half of Wall Street up America's ass (211)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these guys getting all defensive (51)
(Telegraph) Cool He's been run over by a tank, had a jet fighter crash into his bedroom while he slept, and been bombed twice. Meet Britain's luckiest man (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Comic book store owner sentenced to home confinement by court, lifestyle (62)
(CNN) Stupid SEC takes a break from its "What, us regulate?" policy to clamp down on the only people still making money in this market (205)
(Guardian.com) Obvious China taps emergency water supply for Beijing. Locals note that it tastes like chlorine and Phelps (39)
(Canada.com) Dumbass Protip: When driving drunk, wait till you're past the cops before throwing out your empties (28)
(Daily Mail) Ironic The site in Plymouth from which the Puritans set sail for America is to be marked by a pole dancing club (66)
(SeattlePI) Asinine In another giant step for equal rights, cop tickets a man for going topless in public (54)
(US-101 News) Amusing The holy roller roller coaster, the tower of babel, the hall of apostles, and the baptismal log flume: Bible Park USA is coming back (141)
(KTLA) Weird If you think your cell phone bill is outrageous now, try seeing it when your husband begins making calls from the afterlife (89)
(Kansas.com) Spiffy Man successfully sues for the right to navigate his Segway inside a mall."This is about enforcing a civil right." (106)
(Abc.net.au) Interesting Stolen Picasso engraving recovered. That's a relief (83)
(The Local (Germany)) Unlikely More and more women want to erase their tramp stamps, says a plastic surgeon who specializes in erasing tramp stamps. Bonus: The Germans call them "ass antlers" (358)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Sad Woman arrested for assaulting mother, stealing stuffed deer heads. It's a shame how low some will stoop for a few easy bucks (42)
(News.com.au) Weird Donkey jailed for stealing. Shrek inconsolable (25)
(The Hawk Eye) Stupid Citizen's group led by city councilman demand something be done about rising crime. Do they: A) Increase police patrols? B) Impose harsher penalties? C) Pray about it for 40 days? (107)
(CNN) Weird Actual headline: "Blind masseurs jump off bridge in protest" (40)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool Arrrr ... it be Sept 19th, once again. Ye bilge rats know what THAT means, savvy? (292)
(Yahoo) Asinine 1) Hurricane damages your house. 2) You want to rebuild. 3) The state of Texas seizes you house, because it is now "beach front" property due to beach erosion from said hurricane. The aristocrats (219)
(The Sun) Obvious World's oldest man turns 113, apparently unaware of fate of everyone else who has briefly held the title (pic) (54)
(The Sun) Scary Creepiest sculpture made out of ABC gum you'll see, well, pretty much forever. This one will haunt your dreams (56)
(New York Daily News) Obvious A true measure of the economy: Rich fat bald men are ditching their costly hot 23 yo girlfriends (92)
(News.com.au) Dumbass "Band-aid" rapist gets 11 years of Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson (95)
(Merced Sun-Star) Interesting School administrator forces student to take off American flag shirt because of a dress code violation. Sean Hannity seen rubbing hands together, salivating (81)
(USA Today) Fail Anxiety-detecting machines could be used to spot terrorists in airports, since as we all know, only terrorists are anxious in airports (75)
(Righteous dude) Obvious Fast-track to being elected Student Body Leader at your university: 1) use university $$ to buy alcohol 2) give it to underage university students (22)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop Charles Nelson Reilly and his fire extinguisher (36)
(London Times) Ironic "Today in France, the sight of a bottle of wine has become as offensive as a picture of war or pornography" (124)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oral sex study finds that people only read the first two words of web headlines (70)
(Some Guy) Cool Russian model crowned the "Queen of Chess." You'd take it en passant (pics) (144)
(CNN) Interesting "We believe that these devices are used because we consider them very safe, but it could cause harmful effects due to the proximity of the phones and the exposure that they are causing to the gonads." (60)
(Top of the Nudes) Dumbass If you feel the urge to sit naked on a milk crate looking at porn while masturbating with one hand and holding a beer in the other, you may want to do it somewhere other than on a public street during the lunch rush (93)

Thu September 18, 2008
(Some Guy) Asinine With no bigger problems to solve, Vancouver city council considers making people who wash their own cars in their own driveways criminals (234)
(Fox News) Florida Housing development built on top of WWII bombing range. What could possibly go wrong? (55)
(US-101 News) Asinine You can now look forward to paying for the privilege to sit in Atlanta traffic (96)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beleaguered bicyclist (63)
(Rocky Mountain Collegian) Weird Man runs through student center plaza wearing a flag cape and viking hat. Then it gets weird(w/pic) (67)
(Billings Gazette) Scary Modern story of Goldilocks, only far more creepy and with shotguns. Bonus Mugshot (50)
(Orlando Sentinel) PSA Old & busted: free Denny's Grandslam on your birthday. New hotness: free Disney ticket on your birthday (38)
(London Times) Asinine Swimmer banned from local pool because the goggles, they do something (149)
(ABC News) Cool Showing a suprisingly un-French amount of fortitude, France may ban Scientology (276)
(Telegraph) Stupid Tens of thousands of prisoners to be released from British prisons to relieve overcrowding. In other news, Australia expects small population boom (38)
(Some Guy) Weird Amish community sues sheriff's department for $35 Million, plan on having a biatchin barn raising if they win (58)
(MSNBC) Sad "From Seattle to Athens, Ga., homeless advocacy groups and city agencies are reporting the most visible rise in homeless encampments in a generation." (193)
(TwinCities.com) Spiffy New I-35W bridge in Minneapolis opens today, ahead of time and within the budget (100)
(CNN) Amusing Transformer halts Large Hadron Collider test. Unknown at this time if it was Autobot or Decepticon (119)
(ESPN) Interesting The US Government joins Red Sox fans, American League team owners, and Jesus in hating the New York Yankees (61)
(WTOP) Stupid DC's easy 9-step handgun registration process requires 3 trips to police HQ, 2 trips to the transferring dealer in lovely Southeast DC, $200 in fees, fingerprinting, and a ballistics test (606)
(Kansas City) Unlikely 300-pound football player says he was kidnapped by a 5-foot-5 guy with a ponytail, and the only way he could escape his abductor was to intentionally crash his truck (43)
(Comedy Central) Amusing Stephen Colbert says that since McCain has refused to appear on his show then he is left with no alternative than to spread vicious, nasty lies about him (273)
(Yahoo) Scary It's cheaper to bail out AIG and other investment banks then to bail out Iraq for three months (77)
(Westword) Cool B-2 stealth bomber flew from Missouri for Denver Broncos game flyover at no charge since it was seen as a practice bombing mission (161)
(CNN) Unlikely Rice to Russia: I am SO over you. I don't even care what you think anymore. Russia to Rice: You're great when I'm hungry and want 1,000 of something (139)
(CBS Sacramento) Amusing L tte s sto en f om t wn ign. Th t f cking bl ws (136)
(StockCharts) PSA Dow Jones is up almost 400 points, briefly crosses 11,000 line. So the economy is cool, and no need to panic. Everything is fixed now (214)
(NJ.com) Amusing Drunk and asleep at Shea Stadium is no way to go thru life, son. [10 min video] (54)
(MSNBC) Dumbass "I am shocked, shocked to find cheating going on at a poker website" (163)
(The Atlantic) Followup After saying he would refuse to meet with the Prime Minister of Spain, McCain campaign backtracks and says they will meet with the President of Spain, a non-existent person (285)
(CBC) Strange If you redeem a coupon, you make others feel cheap... except if you are good-looking (193)
(Some Guy) Obvious In 2004, SEC exempted five firms from required capital/debt ratio regulations. They are: Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, and Goldman Sachs. Ouch (321)
(My Fox Colorado) Amusing San Diego Padres rookie players on camera trading baseball uniforms in for Hooters Girls uniforms for a little hazing action in downtown Denver (51)
(Reuters) Stupid Producers of new movie about the IRA distance themselves from comments by star Rose McGowan that she would have joined the IRA if she lived in Belfast during the Troubles. Quentin Tarantino seen frantically writing a new screenplay (386)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dome delivery (56)
(MSNBC) Ironic Actor who portrayed "The Punisher" arrested for DUI (160)
(London Times) Interesting Russia to go through with sale of anti-aircraft equipment to Iranian mullahs that could be used to stop attack on Iranian nuclear sites (243)
(CSMonitor) Followup Palin email hack raises question a lot of people seem to have been ignoring: what the hell is a government official doing conducting sensitive government business on an unsecured private account? (705)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Karl Rove on the Palin email hack: "Wow this is really bad, someone should go to jail over this." Valerie Plame unavailable for comment (286)
(AP) Spiffy Israel could see first female PM in 34 years, if only they could successfully unscramble her name (144)
(Peoria Journal Star) Amusing Bar loses liquor license. Fark: For topless midget wrestling (59)
(JSOnline) Strange Naked intruder found in home of Chief of Staff for Wis. Governor Doyle. Man promptly registered as a voter; removed from home (16)
(MSNBC) Interesting Bill Gates once again tops Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans, with a fortune of eleventy skidillion dollars, enough to buy your children and send them to make circuit boards in Malaysia (88)
(CBC) Obvious "Low-risk" murderer walks away from minimum security prison. Bonus: Requested aboriginal parole hearing despite being white (25)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Chefs reveal their fallback ingredient for enhancing a dish that needs help. "Lots of butter" is the real answer, but none will admit it (274)
(Some Stoner) Dumbass NDP candidate's video of him taking LSD leaves his campaign in the Canadian election DOA. Marion Barry approves (86)
(AP) Obvious Headline says: Bush says he's working hard on economic turmoil. Subby says: Mission Accomplished (195)
(Some Guy) Obvious Writing about that stupid Forbes magazine article on Chicago as America's most stressful city is like writing that Sarah Palin is a bloodthirsty demon from hell: Everybody in the media is already doing both, and with gusto (64)
(CNN) Asinine After millions of dollars in advertising and two conventions, the polls are exactly where they were a month ago (130)
(CBC) Dumbass Even though you nearly missed your bus, try to avoid kicking the driver in the groin (26)
(Fox News) Followup Daddy Lohan not happy with the Obama campaign after they decline her offer to campaign for Obama. Coke-adled skank demographic now expected to skew to McCain (134)
(Rocky Mountain News) Amusing Can't wait til Friday for the Smoking Gun's mugshot round-up? Here's a slideshow of DNC protester mugshots (288)
(TBO) Florida County commissioners vote to rename Moral Courage Award after deceased man who gave them campaign contributions. Hilarity ensues (16)
(Bloomberg) Ironic Iranian president says the US is in decline and Israel is nearing its end. Meanwhile, Iran's inflation is so bad they're chopping zeros off their currency and gas is rationed even though they sit on a sea of oil (101)
(AP) Dumbass Biden says for the wealthy to pay more taxes is "a patriotic act." Since everyone knows the most effective use of excess cash should always be funneled through the least competent channel available (834)
(wusa9.com) Silly Grandmother receives summons to court over an outstanding $0.63 child support payment: "I had to apologize to the officer on the phone because I was laughing so hard" (44)
(YouTube) Amusing USAF turns 61 today, even older than this '50s recruiting commerical (101)
(WCBS 880) Fail School accidentally located next to topless bar. Parents became suspicious when they noticed that the playground tetherball poles were all brass (60)
(Canoe) Dumbass Cool: man gets 28 gift cards and $600 in the mail. Not so cool: he kinda stole them while working as a postman (18)
(The Register) Followup "Anonymous" who hacked Palin's email might not be anonymous for long (496)
(Some Dunce) Dumbass "The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain" (118)
(The Times of India) Amusing Turkish hotel fires all male employees to keep them from philandering with female guests, hires all-female staff instead. Fark needs an unintended consequences tag (46)
(Metro) Obvious YouTube bans videos showing guns or knives, leaving less reason than ever to go there (169)
(Canoe) Obvious Jamaican judge wigs out over two British women who were smuggling cocaine inside hairpieces. There's gonna be hell toupee (43)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting The high price of gas affects all sorts of industries, and business have to pass on the cost to customers...trucking companies, taxi drivers, cocaine dealers, they all feel the pinch (31)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass You might think that it's hilarious to douse your shirt in ketchup and pretend to be shot. The responding EMS crews and police officers, however, are likely to have a different opinion (27)
(Reuters) Amusing America's latest television export to China - Pimp my Rickshaw (18)
(NYPost) Interesting High-end S&M dominatrix club busted for prostitution, even though the owner says they have a strict 'no sex with the slaves' employee policy. You'd hit Mistress Sade if she didn't hit you first (130)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Old and busted: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". New hotness: "Trosa: The world's rear end" (12)
(USA Today) Interesting 55% of all people believe they were touched by an angel. Catholic Church braces for a new round of lawsuits (68)
(Canoe) Amusing If you were trying to call a New Jersey political organization and got someone who asked you what you were wearing, it's entirely possible that you called the wrong number (8)
(Some Guy) Interesting Real estate meltdown hits the white house: press secretary Perino avoids foreclosure auction of her $680k D.C. home by paying delinquent $2k property tax (157)
(BBC) Interesting Central banks to financial markets: When I move, you move (just like that) (58)
(London Times) Fail Top 10 books NOT to read before you die. Book #5: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. "Dreary ramblings of an unreliable and workshy tosspot" (430)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass ...and her hair was perfect. Aaahoo...drunk girl in Portsmoth (74)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Stupid Family fined £150 for taking 11 minutes too long at Pizza Hut (83)
(abclocal.go.com) Dumbass ♫ Frank, Frank, Frank of Long Island ♫ Car thief, what a louse ♫ AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa ♫ WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOUSE ♫ (53)
(Fresno Bee) Dumbass If at first you don't succeed, at least don't try robbing the same bank a month later (12)
(Dirty Old Man) Caption What is John McCain thinking in this picture? (230)
(CBS News) Scary 35-year-old woman suffers orgasm-related stroke, guess she wasn't faking that one (167)
(Toronto Star) Dumbass Canadian cabinet minister on contaminated meat crisis that killed 17: "This is like a death by a thousand cuts...Or should I say cold cuts." (94)
(National Geographic) Photoshop Photoshop Tlaloc, god of rain (44)
(Reason Magazine) Ironic Sarah Palin and Barack Obama have something in common. They both have no answer as to why nearly 1 million Americans are arrested and jailed for simple pot possession each year, while they should be forgiven for their youth indiscretions (329)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious 'Anti-Americanism, in the sense of a prejudice, is shameful and unpleasant, just as is prejudice against any national or ethnic group' (458)
(Reuters) Cool "I'll beat three records at once. My plan is that 50 men can fit in each leg of the pants" (25)
(Some Guy) Silly Melee erupts at farmers market: "... urinating on the asphalt and playing drums with little skill, among other issues." And no, it's not Tommy Lee (39)
(Some Guy) Interesting People are using light-rail lockers meant to hold bikes to store a range of personal items from suitcases to chain saws. "Some of them they were using as a bathroom." (27)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman facing federal charges and up to six months in Federal Prison after refusing to pay for a Diet Coke and pouring it out on a counter at a cafeteria (160)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Attention ladies: If you're going to video yourself having sex with a teenage boy on your cell phone, don't leave it laying around another teenager's house. In fact, maybe it's time to stay out of teenagers' homes altogether (82)
(9 News) Asinine Problem: New airport security uniforms have metal badges which set off metal detectors. Solution: Allow agents to bypass all security. What could possibly go wrong? (121)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Create your own miracle (91)
(NWCN) Dumbass Teen doesn't know all there is to know about the fainting game / Kid passes out, paramedics came (70)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 176: "Lions, Tigers, and Bears." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (197)

Wed September 17, 2008
(Denver Post) Dumbass Creepy Jon Benet murderer-wannabe leaves the country because he feels unwelcome in his neighborhood, hopes to find a small town that welcomes aspiring baby killers (53)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Too lazy to mow your lawn and it's grown to 7-feet tall? Just declare it a wild grass horticultural habitat (76)
(Daily Express) Stupid Nanny state fines driver $100 for falling asleep in a parking lot (46)
(Daily Express) Unlikely 77-year-old widow caught with nearly $3,000 of cocaine in her handbag. 'I just needed a lift', the old crackhead tells bemused police (75)
(AZCentral) Misc Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when the old geezers come for you (28)
(News.com.au) Cool This weekend a Melbourne pub will officially become the happiest place on Earth (84)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Strange Do not wear a blond wig and basques, a thong, high heels, with stockings and suspenders to school. Especially when you're there to pick up your kids. And you're their dad (77)
(Some Guy) Asinine Today's invented health scare brought to you by USNews. Bonus: Most confusing toxic-poison-in-your-everyday-food chart you'll see all week (63)
(Daily Express) Asinine By the age of one babies can help their parents find missing objects, complete crosswords and even do the weekly shopping, scientists claim (71)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Either there's a typo in this story, or police in Nebraska are extremely gullible (113)
(NBC5i.com) Stupid Jesus arrested for cleaning pot plant. Where is your cross joint now? (46)
(ABC News) Obvious Asked what legislation Congress will pass to address the financial crisis, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid answered reporters with a blank look as if Basil Fawlty just asked him to hang up a moose head (278)
(NYPost) Unlikely Fidel Castro sees Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 and raises 15,000 (114)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida St. Petersburg Times apologizes after publishing crossword puzzle with "Tampa" the answer to clue "Home of the Rays." Residents surprised to discover St. Pete has a baseball team (63)
(Telegraph) Interesting Nancy shipwreck found after 224 years. Still no sign of the SS Pantywaist or HMS Poofter (57)
(Some Guy) Wheaton 10 unknown facts about Wil Wheaton. "Biggest one in four counties" strangely absent (167)
(CNN) Followup CNN confirms that Palin's yahoo e-mail address was hacked. McCain calls for help from the FBI and Secret Service (957)
(AP) Amusing Finally, an interview with the Japanese designer responsible for Palin's glasses (73)
(Gawker) Amusing Linsday Lohan offers help to the democratic campaign, wanting to host a series of events appealing to younger voters. Obama's staff give polite "Thanks but no thanks" (157)
(Marketwatch) PSA WaMu is for sale by auction. Last reported offer was a 2 liter of Pepsi and a pack of strawberry Twizzlers (182)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this woman basking in the sunlight (73)
(CNBC) Fail Dow down 450. Tag is for the markets (343)
(Some Guy) Cool Delaware, that 12-mile-wide state, celebrates both Polish Festival and Oktoberfest this week. Polka/Oompah overload to commence (80)
(Telegraph) Amusing The word "phwoar" has now become an official part of the English language, and the Telegraph has chosen an odd picture to demonstrate its meaning (165)
(Some Agent) Weird Police pull man from art museum air shaft. "Mission failed," he says. His mission: Deactivate a nuclear warhead in a blue cow scuplture in the basement (95)
(Reuters) Followup So, we've heard what the incompetent business people like Carly Failarona think of the candidates, but what do the successful ones, like Warren Buffett think? (381)
(WESH Orlando) Florida 'Don't Tase me, bro" -- hard to believe it's been a year (157)
(RealClearPolitics) Obvious "White privilege is not a problem. The real problem is black irresponsibility. Racism is about 18th on a list of problems that black America faces." (1071)
(YouTube) Followup Henry Earl's next arrest will be his 1,000th. This link brought to you by Mad Dog, Thunderbird and Natty Light (92)
(Reuters) Strange France urging NATO to take the gloves off and get more aggressive when it comes to the rules of engangement for troops in Afghanistan. Yes, FRANCE (142)
(AP) Dumbass Michigander steals 247 empty beer cans (worth $24.70) to support his crack habit (74)
(FunnyOrDie) Video Sean Connery discusses the topic of smacking ladies, with Barbara Walters: "Don't do it with a clenched fist, it's better to do it with an open hand" (113)
(ABC News) Weird Streetlights are at it again in Texas and they're messing with the police this time w/ video (62)
(KFBK) Florida A judge rules sagging pants ban unconstitutional. Officers told not to police people's fashion. Fat chicks in spandex rejoice (146)
(Science Daily) Cool For the first time ever, scientists hear whale sounds in New York City waters. Translate them into English: "Hey, you jerk, I'm swimming here" (60)
(AP) Spiffy Lincoln Center to celebrate 50 years of being mostly ignored by illiterate and uneducated Americans who would rather watch "OW My Balls" (63)
(Dallas News) Dumbass Which is more shocking: A Hummer that has its own surveillance system, or the fact that it caught a 60-year-old man keying it? (224)
(TBO) Florida Woman reports her $110,000 2007 Maserati stolen from a bar parking lot. Has a pretty good idea of what the suspect looks like considering prior to the theft she was making out with the guy on the hood of her car (87)
(Monsters and Critics) Interesting Turks can't visit the web site of Richard Dawkins because he criticized a book by noted creationist nutbar and convicted criminal Adnan Oktar, who espouses a Muslim view of creation (164)
(Washington Post) Asinine Mannequin dressed as polar bear deemed "suspicious", bomb squad and paniclarity ensue (34)
(Gawker) Amusing Sarah Palin's personal email hacked by Anonymous. Contains some pretty interesting revelations. Among others: who knew she was a Scientologist? (1665)
(MSNBC) Florida After years of self-stultifying zero tolerance policies, school considers allowing teachers to excercise "reasonable force" to control students (238)
(TBO) Florida Anybody can break into a car, but it takes special talent to break into a car while the owner is just feet away filling it up with gas (28)
(Sify) Unlikely Txtng mssgng nt coruptng Engsh (131)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Study confirms that unattractive men think they've got a chance with beautiful women. 'Unlikely' tag running wingman for 'Obvious' tag who's busy chatting up hot little 'Boobies' tag at bar (554)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass German politician says it's fine to drink four pints of strong Oktoberfest beer and then drive home. At last, change we can really believe in (75)
(Playboy) Interesting Author David Foster Wallace committed suicide on Friday. Turns out his first published piece was in Playboy. Here tis (pages SFW, site probably in workplace site filters though) (148)
(New Britian Herald) Strange Red Lobster restaurant evacuated after man releases pepper spray, taste of food improves (80)
(AFP) Interesting Nanny State identifies nine types of problem drinkers. Which one are you? (283)
(CNN) Ironic A millionaire CEO of a multinational company and Hillary fundraiser who shuttles herself back and forth between London and New York on a private jet is backing McCain because, "Obama is an elitist." (696)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Swedish police sieze thousands of "baffling" cannabis plants, fail to realize it wouldn't be as baffling if they didn't smoke so much of it (56)
(Some Guy) Florida Man's clever plan to steal gas goes awry when he gives clerk his ID first in order to pump, then leaves the scene without ID. Florida tag: It still took the police 5 months to find him despite having his license (40)
(Yahoo) Sad As you wait in line for your obligatory TSA-administered strip search after paying $50 bucks for your second suitcase, pause for a moment today to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the first airplane fatality (65)
(Canada.com) Dumbass Mom, why is everybody honking at me? (452)
(Yahoo) Obvious Two-thirds of Boomers realize that the 60's really were better, what with all the drugs and free love and such. Captain Obvious flashes peace sign, heads to Haight-Ashbury (173)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this umbrella-happy lass (47)
(US-101 News) Interesting Tennessee hits deadbeat dads where it hurts; just take away their hunting and fishing license... Natural Lite drinkers everywhere concerned (124)
(St. Petersburg Times) Dumbass Man gets drunk and steals a Krispy Kreme donut truck, inadvertently causes the largest police chase in history (76)
(USA Today) Obvious Officials in the Carribean struggle to lure tourists back to hurricane-ravaged islands. "Come for the tropical resorts. Stay for the bloated carcases and dysentry." (36)
(WFTV) Florida I-95 in Florida is closed after $182,000 in nickels spills all over the road. No word if the US government is going to bail out the truck drivers (89)
(Yahoo) Stupid Try to pick a favorite between the Pac-Man helments, King Kong screen printed t-shirts, or inflatable Micky Mouse ears. Oh and this is the London Fashion Show (71)
(NYPost) Obvious Feds quietly inquire if anybody wants to buy a huge S&L whose name rhymes with washing machine virtual? (250)
(kentnews.co.uk) Hero Stories from one of the last few Spitfire aces. "They were wonderful people I can't believe I'm the last one left" (116)
(Press Herald.com) Scary Four people are taken to the hospital to undergo testing for over exposure after a spill in a photography lab. I'm sure the test will come back negative (60)
(News.com.au) Silly Two for one special: Awesome headline and a woman who seems to think porn is infectious (106)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Contrary to popular belief, the road to hell is actually paved with frozen council bureaucrats. On weekends some of the younger devils like to go skiing (24)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy For those tired of the real election, St. Pauli offers you one with a buxom lass and beer (72)
(AFP) Spiffy Thousands of Balinese rally against Indonesian anti-porn bill. Now THIS is change we can believe in (28)
(Ohio.com) Unlikely Man on death row says not only is he too fat to be executed, but his deep veins are a constitutional issue as well (73)
(KHOU Houston) Video Texas homeowner: "I feel sorry for all those atheists out there that have a clause that says 'acts of God' in their insurance contract." (528)
(Mercury News) Interesting Fire crews respond to blaze at bacon-filled smokehouse. YUM (44)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Wanted: Volunteers to help the National Trust re-chalk a 180ft giant and his 10ft penis (32)
(The Sun) Obvious New book sensibly points out that doing any of the 101 thrilling things you want to do before you die will probably kill you. That's why submitter never leaves the house (68)
(BBC) News US embassy in Yemen under attack (166)
(Newsday) Scary Woman must pay her roommate's hospital bill after spiking his drink with Visine, which left him vomiting and bleeding from his rectum, damn near killed him (96)
(Scoop) Sappy Ugly-ass Sumatran tiger cubs make public debut in New Zealand. Sign on cage reads: "For your own safety, do not mistake for sheep" (21)
(Telegraph) Interesting Tony Blair, who legitimized President Bush's war in Iraq, will appear on "The Daily Show" this week. Hilarity almost surely will ensue (106)
(National Geographic) Photoshop Photoshop this Lilliputian-like laborer (48)
(Stuff) Amusing Cops bust pizza delivery man for speeding. Fark: They let him deliver pizza first (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious Teachers' unions call for changes to reduce stress on teachers, arguing too much stress ruins their lives on their two-week Christmas break, their week at Easter, their long weekends and their three months off in summer (303)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Amusing As a result of Ike, there are around 15,000 cows roaming, some of which are being massacred by the roaming alligators. "It isn't a pretty sight." OH THE MOOMANITY (79)
(Telegraph) Obvious Italian model plans to sell her viriginity for one million Euros. Sharp knees alert (pic) (340)

Tue September 16, 2008
(Fox News) Weird That missing teacher in NYC, who was missing, then not missing, then missing again, saved today from suicide attempt by Staten Island Ferry captain (66)
(News.com.au) Strange No matter how bad your day was, at least a fish didn't slip into your penis while you were cleaning your aquarium at home (166)
(kare11) Asinine Nanny school suspends student for having a box cutter in his parked car. His job duties include opening boxes (134)
(AP) Interesting I'm a Shark in formaldehyde. I sold for $18.5 million. Suck my diiiick. I'm a Shaarrk (86)
(Canada.com) Amusing Pizza Hut charges family $2600 for two pizzas (plus $1.50 for each extra topping) (63)
(Some Guy) Obvious British pubs want to get rid of bouncers to save money. What could possibly go wrong in a crime-ridden hellhole plagued by alcohol-fuelled violence where breaking a pint glass in someone's face is how one says 'G'day, mate,'? (48)
(Some Guy) Amusing Lame & busted: selling drugs from your school locker. New hotness: selling banned junk food from your school locker (42)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Kentucky police officer goes a little too far with "Take your kid to work day" (26)
(Daily Express) Obvious Kids are turning into fat losers because the nanny state won't let them play outdoors (54)
(AP) Scary Pakistan troops ordered to fire on US raiders. EVERYBODY PAKISTANIC (158)
(Seattle Times) Sappy Baby alerts family to fire, encourages everyone to crawl to safety (18)
(dcist) Weird Mysterious zombie-bear-hobo appears in Washington, DC neighborhood. DC residents urged to hang their trash in bags from trees (46)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Lost tribe's village dicovered by satellite. In Wales (120)
(AJC) Stupid Totspot: social networking for those still in diapers (with future basement dweller pic) (48)
(Some Guy) Cool MillerCoors donates brewing equipment to university for a new brewing and fermentation course. Maybe the students can teach the company how to make good beer after they graduate (75)
(Bitten and Bound) Interesting Guinness hooked up the woman with the longest legs with the shortest man. The couple made quite a pair (pics) (243)
(The Sun) Cool It's enough to make you smile - a rare upside down rainbow pictured over Britain (80)
(Yahoo) Stupid Australian Senator with two months experience uses his first parliamentary speech to explain the need to use cattle prods on the unemployed (65)
(SFGate) Photoshop Baseball may actually be a British game. Photoshop how it would be different if it still were (59)
(CBS Minneapolis) Strange Having wiped out other problems, researchers develop THREE ply toilet paper (92)
(Yahoo) Hero News: Estonians arrested for smuggling vodak. Fark.com: Through a mile-long underwater pipe (45)
(NPR) PSA Recaaaaaalllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllll (88)
(Some Guy) Scary Dear Indy taxpayers: We planned on having most of the Colts new $720 million stadium paid by concerts and events, but considering people walk-out on them because the acoustics suck, well... who knows (91)
(The Orange County Register) Amusing Man with scars up and down his arms recalls the good old days of theme parks -- when kids could ride alligators and feed lions out the car window (with awesome gator-ridin' pix) (44)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Ironic Sheetz gas stations in Maryland out of gas... Hurricane Ike to blame.. you know the storm that hit Texas 4 days ago (99)
(Google) Scary Today's school shooting brought to you by Toronto (79)
(Marketwatch) Interesting For the 12th consecutive year, Hong Kong has the most free economy in the world. The US ties for eighth with Australia. Least free? Zimbabwe, San Francisco, and the Pennsylvania liquor system (90)
(SFGate) Amusing Co-chair of McCain campaign Carly Fiorina, who ran HP into the crapper, says Sarah Palin doesn't have the experience to run HP. Nobody is quite sure if this is a good thing or not (255)
(AP) Interesting Doctors remove benign lesion from Bush's forehead but make no progress on identifying whatever malignancy has destroyed his brain (204)
(CSMonitor) Obvious Lessons from Muslim-US student exchange: Not all Muslims carry guns, and the US is not all 'Baywatch' (122)
(Fox News) Asinine Girl told she can't bring a Rosary to school because it's a "gang symbol". Jesus and his 12 gangsta posse unavailable for comment (258)
(TheJay.com) Amusing Giant Eddie Murphy Head Spotted On The 405 (96)
(Philly) Asinine Columnist wrote that if Obama doesn't win, there will be a race war. After receiving responses to her column, she changes her tune: There's already a race war now (691)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Protip for drunkards and whore lovers: Remember to remove your Obama t-shirts and stickers before posing for your mug shots (170)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious Study shows that 97% of kids play videogames. In a related study 3% of kids lie when being interviewed in front of their parents (96)
(LA Times) Cool "Growing backyard tomatoes is a search for the past, a romantic search for a memory, a hope of reliving a childhood experience, a great dinner." Even if you have 11,000 of them (pic) (140)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Followup Metrolink engineer in fatal crash had conviction for shoplifting videogame consoles. No word if there were any Microsoft Train Simulators in the bunch (74)
(Aspen Daily News) Amusing Much touted Denver DNC carbon offset program a resounding success by raising $18.34 (81)
(Awful Announcing) Amusing Video of Tony Kornheiser's awkward on-air apology after making a terrible joke about Mexican drycleaners (197)
(Hoff Cake) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Cakes (74)
(Boston Globe) Sad Insurance companies refuse to pay for care of severe juvenile autism patients, which can run up to $100,000 per year, or $8333.33 per month, or $1923.08 per week, or $273.97 per day, or $11.42 per hour, or $0.19 per minute. Definitely (272)
(wsbtv.com) Strange $1,900 worth of sex toys stolen during burglary. Police looking for slightly stunned but extremely satisfied man (57)
(Telegraph) Obvious Increasing number of workplaces allowing employees to bring their dogs to work. Because nothing says "professional" like 20 dogs barking, fighting and crapping on the rugs in the conference room (186)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Old and busted: Al Gore created the Internet. New hotness: John McCain created the Blackberry (160)
(Yahoo) Asinine FTFA: "AIG still remains financially sound," Paterson said. BWAHAHAHA (86)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Cuba has access to the Pulling Numbers Out of Our Asses file, says hurricanes cost it $5 billion (58)
(iWon) Silly Ike survivors may have to wait weeks for baths. France shrugs (52)
(The Inquirer) Unlikely Social networking now topping porn as No. 1 attraction on the Web (162)
(National Post) Obvious Thieves break deli window, steal $500 worth of smoked meat. Police seeking men with staggeringly high cholesterol count (52)
(Reuters) Interesting No thanks to Detroit, but violent crime rates actually fell in 2007 after rising for two years (48)
(CNN) Stupid College grad, 23, is having "panic attacks" thinking about paying for her wedding. Seemingly unaware that it is possible to have one without shelling out $30 grand (478)
(CBS News) Scary Camp Pendleton store hit by armed robbers. You gotta have balls to rob a store on a military base, twice, in one year (98)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious "And neither ticket this year is especially confidence-inspiring when it comes to economics -- more likely to one-up each other in denouncing "bailouts" and "greed" than to contribute anything constructive." (346)
(Chicago Tribune) Ironic In other news, if you survive one train wreck, don't test your luck a second time (53)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing You have to pay a legal fine? Well, why not do it with 139 pounds of unwrapped coins (89)
(Yahoo) Weird Man arrested for having 86 wives, as if that wasn't punishment enough (69)
(NOAA) Sad Incredible satellite views of the devastation left behind by Hurricane Ike (168)
(Some Blogoscopy Guy) Interesting Google introduces a new experimental feature for all you flame warriors out there at the Politics tab (96)
(The Local (Germany)) Hero Boy stands trial for flooding arena with beer. Hero tag clings onto plastic seat for dear life (61)
(Rocky Mountain News) Strange Calgon, take me away from my attempted murder trial and be used as an excuse for overturning my conviction (38)
(SFGate) Fail Man gets sentenced to prison for threatening to blow up the San Francisco Tribune newspaper. There is no such newspaper (62)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Good news: Inflation is going down. Bad news: Mostly because the U.S. economy is in fire-sale mode (234)
(Metro) Dumbass If anyone knows the difference between fertiliser and pesticide, there's a green keeper at an Austrian golf course who could use a refresher lesson (71)
(BBC) Scary Far be it from me to cast aspersions on the quality of British food, but it doesn't say anything good when a spill at a jam factory creates clouds of chlorine gas (135)
(Some Overcompensating Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colossal camera (55)
(AP) Unlikely Al-Qaeda, who we were led to believe had thousands of members, now is no longer cool and can't even fill out their Top 8 friends on MySpace (128)
(News.com.au) Stupid Suburban moms are the newest users to discover ecstasy and see it as a harmless alternative to alcohol. "Everyone is thinking it's a really young person's drug, but it's not" (363)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Mugabe supporters pessimistic about future. "We need a better life. We need to drink beer every day" (49)
(Breitbart.tv) Amusing Two guys making out on CNN live report (video) (140)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Weird "Dangerous Taint": This year's Japanese sake production run features toxic rice intended for use in glue, fertilizers and animal feed. American beer is at last superior to at least one other drink. Maybe (104)
(MSNBC) Asinine Parents are signing their children up for fitness centers. Up next: Signing kids up for "How to be a kid" classes (118)
(autoblog.com) Amusing How NOT to protect your car from a hurricane (58)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Nanny State wants to teach gay sex to elementary school children. Obama nods in approval (284)
(The Sun) Sick Before using a defibrillator on a heart attack patient, an emergency worker puts a prawn on the patient's chin and says, "Let's see if we can cook this." Hilarity ensues (68)
(ABC News) Hero Judge tells snowmobilers to STFU and GTFO of Yellowstone National Park (178)
(Some Guy) Obvious The reason our education system is failing isn't because of poor teachers or limited funding, it's because our kids are stupid (328)

Mon September 15, 2008
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his mechanical misfit (53)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Muslim cleric says Mickey Mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and must be killed (238)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass Today's "cop arrested after threatening kids with loaded gun while urinating on his front lawn" story is brought to you by Sacramento, California (85)
(Journal Star) Followup A 15 year-old and an 11 year-old were abandoned at Nebraska hospitals this weekend under Safe Haven law due to behavioral issues. Have you cleaned your room? (145)
(AP) Strange As if storm surges and wind damage weren't enough, hurricane-ravaged areas must now contend with zombie bluesmen (54)
(Some Gorilla my dreams) Followup Eight-foot-tall gorilla returned to Maine. Just in time for the November Primates (32)
(Daily Express) Dumbass Now nanny state bans Christmas in case non-Christians find it offensive (234)
(Reuters) Unlikely US Treasury Secretary says despite bank collapses, mortgage crisis, record fuel prices, and countless other signs, the US economy is not, he repeats, NOT about to collapse. Also, we have always been at war with Eastasia (361)
(CNN) Unlikely What is ultimately the cause of high gas prices? Well, your worrying about high gas prices, of course (118)
(AP) Scary Boyfriend won't wash dishes. Do you: A) bite him; B) break picture frame across his face; C) swing sword at him; or D) all of the above? (164)
(SFGate) Scary Old and busted: Class pet hamster gets loose and frightens students. The New Scariness: Class pet bull kills teacher (82)
(Mathaba) Unlikely Egypt draws up plan to herd cats (59)
(Local6) Florida If you're a private jet pilot for a comedian and you go to the cops and narc on him about flying with marijuana after he fires you, then you might be a red-neck (144)
(Boston Globe) Hero What your grandpa did in the kitchens during WWII pales in comparison to what this guy did during WWI. Of course, it took about 90+ years to figure out what the fark he did (177)
(LA Times) Obvious Anti-US rhetoric by Venezuela and Bolivia is just a ploy to divert their citizens' attention away from their own government's incompetence (124)
(CNBC) Scary Attention shoppers: You are not spending enough to keep the economy afloat and and live up to the reputation of the resilient American consumer (253)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Now that the Great Leader has had a stroke, all those thousands of murals and statues will need to be updated. Show us your version of the new and improved Kim Jong Il (81)
(AP) Followup Train engineer may have been texting at time of accident. He wouldn't bother to text "OMG AAAARRGGHH," he'd just say it (110)
(Gigwise) Amusing Swedish publication angers Metallica, who cancel interview over a journalist's claim that a better version of their new album is available on BitTorrent (315)
(The New York Times) Obvious "Radical" WSJ.com overhaul praised for including cutting edge Web 2.0 features like allowing users to comment on news stories and create profiles that other people can click on. Take a moment to try to get your head around all that (77)
(Seacoastonline.com) Cool Cops called when brawl breaks over board game. Fun for the whole family (145)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Just a friendly hint: under no circumstances should you smoke pot while parked on the side of the road thumbing through naked pictures of children (52)
(KPRC TV) Misc Day 3 of Hurricane Ike: The recovery discussion (225)
(Circuit City) Unlikely Circuit City offering Rock Band 2 at $9810.00 off the retail price (129)
(BBC) Interesting Creator of the World Wide Web says internet needs a way to separate truth and science from unreliable rumors and lies. He said this while baking kittens in a souffle and rogering Barack Obama with a Pontiac (92)
(JSOnline) Cool Two 18-year-olds make vow that when they turn 50, they'll have a pie fight. 32 years later, it's on (pic) (77)
(Some Guy) Followup Federal Investigators: We've been pressing the transit industry for years to install a warning system that could easily have prevented this train crash. Transit industry: LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA (61)
(Boston Globe) Stupid US Congress to propose another $50,000,000,000 economic stimulus package in order to save jobs, this time rescuing the currency printing industry (344)
(Valleywag) Weird First "Temple of Science" to open in Berkeley as soon as the founders can get an unexploded nuclear bomb to worship (130)
(Fox News) Asinine Atlantic Monthly hires vehemently anti-Republican photographer for McCain shoot. She decides to show maturity and professional ethics and play it straight. Just kidding (497)
(BBC) Sad Pink Floyd's Richard Wright has gone to that great gig in the sky (384)
(Reason Magazine) Scary Indian woman convicted of murder on the basis of a brain scan. Bob Arctor unavailable for comment (110)
(BBC) Stupid Britain gets its own creationist museum. With bonus Sarah Palin reference (588)
(TBO) Florida Woman calls 911 to tell the operator that if she had an AK-47 assault rifle, "she would stick it in the 911 operator's mouth and shoot it" (100)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Nation's oldest bowling alley celebrates a birthday, where beer and fat men have been popular for 100 years (73)
(AP) Amusing Life after Ike: Galveston resident holed up in church with his pet lion. "We're not going in there. We know where he (the lion) is on the food chain." (61)
(Editor and Publisher) Asinine Evacuee kicked out of shelter by Red Cross during peak of Hurricane Ike - because she was a reporter and "made people uncomfortable" (223)
(CNN) Obvious ADD may cause teen drivers to--oh, look at that cool car (136)
(Reuters) Obvious United Airlines doubles second-bag fee to $50 EACH WAY. You submitted this with something about paying an exaggerated fee for a basic service (225)
(Daily Mail) Strange White-ink tattoos have become an overnight success in Hollywood with a host of celebrity followers, mostly pale white females (378)
(Some Guy) Fail PA woman who thought she was petting a cat got a nasty surprise when it turned out to be a skunk (92)
(CityNews) Stupid Today's fear-mongering study: your car is "crawling" with bacteria. Apparently, only way to be safe is to always decontaminate car before you use it, drive in HAZMAT suit (with obligatory toilet seat bacteria comparison) (55)
(Hartford Courant) Scary Apparently 'the freshman 15' refers to how many girls will be raped this semester at UConn (224)
(BBC) Dumbass Apparently, dialing 999 because the bunny rabbit you just bought doesn't have floppy ears is a "wholly inappropriate reason" for calling the police. Who knew? (60)
(Fox News) Obvious When teaching a lesson about airline terrorism don't use the sole Muslim kid in class as an example. In fact, just don't teach that lesson at all (184)
(Metro) Weird In what is being seen as further proof that all of the obvious great world challenges have already been completed, this man has decided to conquer Everest on a unicycle (41)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail It just wouldn't be a proper hurricane aftermath until FEMA, state and local authorities start finger pointing over relief failures (113)
(adn.com) Scary Old and busted: $4/gallon gasoline. New hotness: $11/gallon milk (186)
(Google) Photoshop We've heard a lot about lipstick on pigs lately. Photoshop some other animals trying to engage in human activities (93)
(Telegraph) Cool Cat saves Gladys the chicken from fox death. The two are now happily married. Disney writers, you're welcome (67)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Regardless of what your Doctor may say, breast massaging is not a recommended cure for hair loss (69)
(First Coast News) Florida Not news: Police called to house for domestic violence. News: Wife tries to run over deputy with mini-van. Fark: Woman misses deputy, hits lawn mower, falls out and is run over by her own mini-van (79)
(BBC) Sad Charity may begin at home, but sometimes it ends in a trampling: At least 21 dead in Indonesian stampede for free cash handout of just $4 each (40)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida The tragic epilogue of "Harold and Maude," twenty years later (88)
(CBS News) Cool Several experts agree: Even if you aren't in the mood, once you begin, you'll enjoy sex (388)
(Guardian.com) Asinine Gambler loses $341 million at the roulette table, sues casinos for illegally allowing him credit (112)
(Daily Star) Amusing British Prime Minister finally gives up on policies...and invites the entire nation down the pub to get hammered (45)
(Telegraph) Interesting One in 10 people eats no fruits or vegetables. No, bacon is not a vegetable (146)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "Why many top-selling wines are not much more than alcopops dressed up with flavourings and fancy labels" (119)
(The Sun) Cool There isn't a lot more to this link than a picture of walruses playing musical instruments, but trust us, it's enough (45)
(News.com.au) Scary Kayaker breaks his own leg in order to get to safety. He told you he was hardcore (52)
(Some Phlebotomist) Photoshop Photoshop this alien's blood (54)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting 67-year-old former Marine rides out hurricane while sitting on his front porch, tells Ike to stay the fark off his lawn (116)
(The Scotsman) Spiffy RAF officer breaks 37 year silence about a squadron of UFO's he tracked in 1971 (133)