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Sun March 08, 2009
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists discover that fast reaction time is a better indicator of a long life than blood pressure, exercise level or weight. Dale Earnhardt nods in agreement (54)
(Some McFarker) Strange Assault with a breakfast sandwich - this has been your Peoria McGriddle assault update (38)
(Reuters) Scary Real IRA claims responsibility for killing two British soldiers. Fake IRA still looking for their lucky charms (82)
(AP) Amusing Musical salute to Ted Kennedy planned. "Splish Splash" to be the overture (121)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this porcine presentation (39)
(OK! Magazine) Ironic France (the country where hardcore porn is compulsory on TV after 8pm) fines a man for driving with license plates that say 'Kiss' (53)
(Philly) Interesting Pennsylvania's state-owned liquor system spending $170,000 to train its clerks to be less surly, not chuckle at your cheapness for buying a handle of Popov vodka (116)
(International Herald Tribune) Interesting Mystery illness causes hundreds of patrons from a top British restaurant to fall ill. Experts suggest that the most likely cause was the British food (153)
(LA Times) Scary If you took a Montebello police cruiser for a spin early this morning, please bring back the AR-15 assault rifle and 870 Remington shotgun you took from it (160)
(Denver Channel) Unlikely Hold off on deleting all those penis enlargement ads in your spam folder (134)
(Reuters) Unlikely "When gas was $4 a gallon, I didn't go anywhere. Now it's all good." (110)
(Canada.com) Cool Cure for cancer. Still no cure for... hey... wait a second (59)
(Some Guy) Misc Finally a story that explains how burping sheep, tweeting Republicans and non-specific technology affect your love life (32)
(Sun Sentinel) Asinine Teen gets a felony conviction and sex offender designation for texting nude photos. Go 'Murica YAY Freedom 9-11 9-11 9-11 (248)
(BBC) Silly BBC correspondent baffled by American tipping system. It's not news, it's the BBC (405)
(Google) Strange Despite their eagerness to splash any celebrity divorce on the front page, The Sun seemed to completely miss this one (32)
(TBO) Florida Today's middle school teacher busted for sending pornographic photos to a 14-year-old boy's cell phone is brought to you by St. Petersburg, Florida (w/ mugshot) (84)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Cool Texas town's PTA president is a MILF on a roller derby team (with pic). "It's about helping your jammer get through the pack." (112)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: Video games for the emo crowd (59)
(Yahoo) Interesting Sunday Fark Factoid: Nearly six of ten Americans have never lived outside the state they were born in, and four out of ten have never left their hometown (459)
(UPI) Obvious Your dumbass weatherman isn't always wrong. You just don't know what the hell he's saying (106)
(BBC) Obvious Magazine column answers the question everyone has been asking themselves lately. "Does dressing like a soft porn star actually empower a woman, or is she simply exploiting herself?" (107)
(The Sun) Cool Marriage wisdom from kids: "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. [...] she should keep the chips and dip coming." Fortunately for all of us, the Sun is there (57)
(Yahoo) Scary Factory jobs disappeared. Inflation soared. Unemployment climbed to alarming levels. The hungry lined up at soup kitchens. The 1930's or last week? (85)
(JSOnline) Amusing Marijuana and Pepsi go together - a winning combination (109)
(AP) Spiffy Just the fax ma'am. Joe Friday impressed  T-Shirt (30)
(Komo) PSA Dairy Queen: Taste "Something Different" (tm) (59)
(Some Geek) Photoshop Photoshop this human/computer interface (34)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Woman calls sheriff to report robbery over costly colon-cleansing capsules. Authorities admit her suppository was sad, but in the end, waste of time (38)
(AP) Stupid Not News: A janitorial position opens up at an Ohio school. News: 700 people apply. Fark: The school system is extending the deadline so more people can apply (129)
(TBO) Florida Talk about going out with a bang (30)
(Bloomberg) PSA Don't forget to move your clock up an hour, or you might be late to that job you just lost (113)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc New Jersey police will soon begin using robots to retrieve cars submerged in rivers, once they can figure out how to program the robot to solicit a bribe for doing so (22)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If your brother won't put out his cigarette and you do it for him with a fire extinguisher, you bet that's an arrestin' (69)

Sat March 07, 2009
(CBC) Stupid Canadian cities thinking about banning bottled water, which is fine because nobody up here drank those American beers anyway (119)
(CBC) Obvious Police warn Canadians: if a guy tries to sell you chicken out of his trenchcoat on the street, you probably shouldn't eat it (68)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop this crystal (54)
(Dallas News) Fail School officials: No smokes, alcohol or guns, but hey, here's a rap artist poster with smoking, drinking, and guns for you. Parents are unhappy (77)
(Some Chick) Strange Man breaks out of jail to break into a convenience store and steal 14 packs of cigarettes and then sneaks back into jail. Some people will do anything for a smoke (31)
(The Morning Call) Amusing Allentown police arrest 12 guys who wanted to find their baby, hold her tight, grab some afternoon delight. Sky rockets in flight (53)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Dumbass Driver found drunk, unconscious, blocking traffic lane, and carrying a badge (51)
(Charleston Daily Mail) Cool University to auction opportunity to blow up donated building (36)
(Billings Gazette) Hero Nine firefighters help save St. Bernard with its ass frozen to an icy lake, proving once again that there's nothing a firefighter won't do to get a free drink  T-Shirt (79)
(AP) Spiffy Homeless man's website helps him get by. In other news, even in this economy, a homeless man has a website (66)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Florida FCC and Sheriff's gang unit bust a pirate radio operation that was broadcasting public service announcements on where to find the best hookers and blow (80)
(KnoxNews) Interesting 30 police cars, a giant American flag stretched between fire trucks, 100 people and officers gathered, and Taps in the background. All of this to put to rest a fallen police dog who died of kidney failure (263)
(UPI) Scary More than 25,000 conservationists and international policy makers claim that world water shortage to reach critical proportion by 2025. As long as there is plenty of beer, though, we should be fine (173)
(Atom) Scary Why anyone would die for this food is beyond me (117)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this egg-like backdrop (50)
(Silver subby) Sappy Sunset performer Gold Man's death leads long-lost brother Copper Cowboy to find third long-lost brother. Florida -- and Keys -- tag second in line to Sappy (30)
(MSNBC) Obvious The death penalty debate is over, states are stating to abolish it, not because of some moral code handed down from an almighty being, but because of the moral code of the almighty dollar (293)
(UPI) Scary Statins may reduce joy of sex. Damn you, Statin, damn you straight to hell (95)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing It was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June, and the Romanian was hauling logs. He jumped on the interstate and started to gyrate and steers with his feet like a dog (48)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Ric Romero repoting that daylight savings messes with body rhythms, sleep schedule (73)
(Fox News) Florida In one of the easiest and most enjoyable evenings in law enforcement history, eight arrested after girls go wild during "Girls Gone Wild" party (79)
(Some Snuggler) Silly Sign of the coming douchepocalypse -- Snuggie pub crawls (136)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Ugly assed pink bottlenose dolphin spotted in Louisiana lake. Still no sign of pink unicorns or elephants. (w/pic) (52)
(Snopes) Interesting GM sends letter to suppliers asking them to lobby congressmen for bailout. One supplier replies back with a few unpleasant facts. Hope he has other customers (473)
(Newsday) Stupid Ferret fracas frazzles Freeport family, freshman Ferrara (20)
(Some Guy) Stupid Dead Sea Scroll Scholar's Son Suspected of Shifty Shenanigans by the Sea Shore (34)
(A Brother in Fark) Sad "He loved gardening and tending to his thriving, enormous goldfish. He also loved combing the Internet for interesting news, especially the Web site Fark.com" (329)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing A nice day of cross country skiing on the city's nature trail turns into an episode of When Nature Attacks. Orly? Yarly (28)
(Boston Globe) Caption Caption Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner (106)
(tucsoncitizen.com) Spiffy RV the cat lives up to her name. Nine months and 1200 miles later, is reunited with her owner just in time for Caturday (455)
(Wordpress) Photoshop Photoshop these balancing stones (34)
(Some Guy) Sick Mall security guard tells two female shoplifters he won't call the cops if he can take pictures of their nude breasts and semi-clothed groin/buttocks areas (93)
(Some Repeat Offender) Sad I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got. Better hurry it up, I'm in dutch with the wife (50)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Woman steals credit card and buys a Yamaha motorbike ($3,100), dental visit ($1,500), tattoo ($300) and bail ($200). She was finally arrested when she used the card to buy a Dr. Pepper (54)
(The Sun) Interesting Cool story of the world's oldest conjoined twins (63)
(Some Chick) Interesting After nearly 40 years researchers say a new theory is emerging in the D.B. Cooper case. Enter the rubber bands (65)
(Abc.net.au) Fail 66 year-old man arrested for trying to get through Spanish customs with a cast on his leg made entirely of cocaine. Bonus: he had deliberately broken his leg before putting on the cast so as not to arouse the suspicions of officials (50)
(PennLive) Asinine The best part of waking up is...driving into a house (17)
(The Sun) Interesting Female university students eat bananas held between male students' legs to win votes for student council. Hey, how do you think Hillary Clinton got elected? (SFW pics)  T-Shirt (94)
(Some guy) Obvious The media would like to let you know that old friends on Facebook may reject your requests. It's not news, its "just because I hung out with you 7 years ago doesn't mean I want to be your friend now" (94)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk, stupid and disorderly is no way to ask a police officer for a hug, son (13)
(MSNBC) Interesting Add impaired lung capacity to the list of things excess belly fat will get ya, Fatty McFatpants (46)

Fri March 06, 2009
(TC Palm) Florida Woman pisses off (on) cop (car) (48)
(Ocala Star Banner) Florida Pilot performs durability test of experimental aircraft against recreational vehicle, loses (27)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Only in America (35)
(AP) Spiffy The US Army does not endorse 'take your kids to work' day. Especially when that work takes you to Iraq or Afghanistan (42)
(Fox News) Stupid Capcom: Resident Evil 5 will take place in Africa and here are the screenshots. Public: OMG That white guy is shooting all those black people. Capcom: um, I think you missed the point (189)
(The Sun) Weird If you have never seen an x-ray of half a kilo of ball-bearings shot into some unlucky dude's ass, today is your day (SFW) (70)
(Billings Gazette) Amusing News: Man assaults his girlfriend. Really News: The girl's ex-boyfriend goes after the guy. Fark: Judging by the mugshot, the guy got the beatdown of his life (116)
(Voice of America) Asinine North Korea threatens commercial aircraft flying near its borders. Somebody really needs a hug again (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting Lustfully, his fingers fumbled with the zipper in searing anticipation before extracting his rock hard Kindle. Softly caressing it before pressing his finger gently against the power-button, feeling it throb warmly against his skin (15)
(AP) Hero What was said: "Obama to reverse some limits on federal funding of stem cell research." What you will hear: "Obama has decreed that baby killing is legal" (693)
(Tulsa World) Dumbass Hunter safety instructor finds himself in the crosshairs of controversy after ordering all "liberals" from his class (419)
(Tulsa World) Silly Lawmaker adds an exclamation point to the Oklahoma state flag and gets more attention than the rest of his four-year legislative career combined. "I was just looking for a way to improve our image." (72)
(WBBM) Silly Cook County Sheriff says hoax email has gone viral, showing really cool, high-tech, comfy-looking 'new Cook County prison'. (w/pics) It's on the internet, it must be true (38)
(AJC) Amusing A naked man going wild in the bathroom, Kid Rock fighting a fan, and an urn of ashes are just some of things you might find at a Waffle House near you (40)
(AP) Unlikely Dear Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News: Please give us some good news. Sincerely, the viewers (73)
(NBC Connecticut) Weird Guy steals hundreds of dollars worth of Orbit Gum. Fabulous (33)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing The Smoking Gun's mugshot roundup kicks off the weekend with a guy who needs longer pants (last photo is pubically NSFW) (194)
(KSL.com) Scary Jr. high school student goes the extra mile and has sex with two different teachers... With "would not hit that" pic of one of the teahers (114)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass New Hampshire man arrested for head-butting a moving Jeep (39)
(WBBM) Dumbass Threatening to punch the principal of your high school on Facebook is a bad idea on its own, but toss in a 'Columbine' reference, that's a jailin' (54)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this antenna adjustment (43)
(AP) Sad Hey, laid-off workers. The manager who fired you is having a stressful time too, you selfish pricks (279)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass Ex-boyfriend asks for ring back. He got his ring back, all right. With hey she's kinda cute mug (270)
(UPI) Dumbass Student accidentally "discharges gun" after "holding it in his pocket." (79)
(Some Guy) Fail If you drop your keys into the pit toilet, let 'em go, because man, they're gone. Oh wait, here they are in your back pocket (101)
(AJC) Silly Developer plans to sleep in unfurnished, unsold homes in his neighborhoods until 101 homes go under contract. Good luck with that (59)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Try to take your drunk girlfriend's keys to stop her from driving? That's a stabbin' (49)
(Some Guy) Sad How bad is health insurance in America? Just ask this woman who is using super glue to keep her teeth in her head (235)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Imbecilic study looks into why musicians are such babe magnets. Fame, money and endless supplies of cocaine surrender (149)
(Spiegel) Interesting Adidas and Puma manufactured the German version of the bazooka during WWII. Who throws a shoe? Honestly (173)
(CBS News) Amusing City Councilman cleans up his yard after the Mayor orders him to--by getting rid of the junker car and turning the toilet into a planter. Ahhh, the rural South--reinforcing negative stereotypes for over 75 years (90)
(The Smoking Gun) Cool A new Friday tradition from our pals at TSG. This week is name the gangster (Contest ends 4pm Eastern) (251)
(Mirror.co.uk) Scary Man wins Pancake eating contest, then dies: "He had really enjoyed the pancakes but then he started foaming at the mouth and went down like a sack of stones" (144)
(Canoe) Cool Canada left defenceless as snow fort forcibly torn down (73)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man bets friends that he could hold his breath underwater for a long period of time, continues to win the bet (77)
(USA Today) Sad The latest victims of the recession: luxury travelers who no longer feel comfortable flaunting their wealth in public (286)
(AP) Stupid If you're going to attempt to smuggle 73 bags of heroin in your waistband, don't drive around with illegal window tint (28)
(WFTV) Florida Today's uncalled for 911 call brought to you by Jaquarious; a 5 year old kindergarten student (132)
(NYPost) Silly From the frozen tundra of Alaska to the lake-effect-socked streets of Chicago, FBI field offices in snow-blown towns across the nation make fun of the NY office for taking a snow day. Oh it is on (55)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Another person arrested after trying to impersonate a Chicago Police officer, leaving people to wonder what the lure of being a cop without being paid is (43)
(KDVR) Dumbass If you buy a condo and pour $30,000 into renovating it, it's important to make sure you actually own the place first (78)
(Spiegel) Asinine Monsanto to Bavarian beekeeper: We set up a genetically modified test crop and a handful of bees came into our field. We own your honey (216)
(AP) Dumbass Today's "You Might Be a Drunk If..." story comes from Dillsburg, PA where man in SUV sat stopped at stoplight for 6 cycles of the light, complete with a beer in the cupholder (33)
(USA Today) Cool One plus to all the pain being felt by print media these days: lots of college newspapers may be forced to shut down (61)
(BBC) Amusing "Lord Mandelson is used to having strange people chuck their filthy custard all over him, but they usually buy him a drink first" (38)
(MSNBC) Dumbass $700,000 of the missing Iraq reconstruction money was apparently spent on Dung (42)
(AFP) Weird French feminist group named "The Guard biatches" gives "Macho of the Year Award" to Catholic cardinal (47)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Woman, 20, arrested for posting phony Craigslist personal ad with photo of ex-boyfriend's junk. With mug shot goodness (144)
(Washington Post) Dumbass School bus driver takes out a hit on one of her passengers (36)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Fertility clinic decides to nix proposed plan for designer babies. Good thing, too, because who really wants to pay that much for a baby that's only good for one season? (128)
(WFTV) Scary Woman charged with having sex with men. Looking at her mugshot, the charges are likely justified (143)
(Canoe) Ironic Sexy maid service features young women in french maid uniforms, fishnet stockings and stillettos who will dust your TV and scrub your counters, but won't clean your toilet. Because that's degrading (170)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man holding himself (74)
(CNN) Spiffy Saudi Arabia has the world's safest roads and highways (161)
(Straits Times) Scary Java's tallest volcano erupts, spewing smoke and ash from its grande venti (63)
(Democratic National Committee) Caption The DNC is holding a contest to decide which slogan to put on a billboard near Rush Limbaugh's house. Certainly Farkers can do better (1007)
(Yahoo) Followup Our long national nightmare is over. TV converter box coupons flowing again (106)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Armed with two misspelled signs, Obama basher says Americans are 'the stupidest people in the world' (264)
(Some Guy) Misc You know it's going to be one ugly ass pic when the headline is "Houston Zoo To Unveil OH DEAR GOD THAT IS CUTE" (169)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary If you needed another reason to ditch the morning newspaper for the internet, here it is (43)
(News.com.au) Strange Man who signed contract with his underage stepdaughter to have sex three times a day can't believe cops arrested him: "Did you not see the farking contract?" (120)
(Telegraph) Interesting Guess who's coming to dinner (100)
(WFAA) Sappy Prosecutor receives kidney from rival defense attorney after learning they have the same blood type: cold (37)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Daydreaming (60)
(Reason Magazine) Obvious The International War on Drugs: Celebrating 100 years of failure and futility (213)

Thu March 05, 2009
(News.com.au) Dumbass At the end of his bachelor party, man finds himself handcuffed at the feet of a female cop. Except she was a real cop and the cuffs weren't fluffy. "I killed 10 farking Taliban. I don't have to put up with this s. . .." (89)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Due to "health and safety risks", teachers in Nanny State not allowed to chase 4-year-olds who leave school to wander around woods and busy highways (55)
(Des Moines Register) Sad H & R block tax preparer incorrectly writes down customer's bank account number. Refund goes into wrong account, police tell customer there's nothing they can do about the missing $2,700 (154)
(Time) Amusing Scottish ministers to launch new anti-alcoholism campaign as soon as the room stops spinning and they work out where they are (26)
(Some Guy) Scary Sometimes God tells you to help the less fortunate. In this guy's case, God told him to beat his roommate with a baseball bat and shoot him three times. God works in mysterious ways (77)
(Idaho Statesman) Stupid Rest easy my friends, the most famous hat in Idaho has been recovered (43)
(Some Older Gal) Interesting Teen drivers in NJ now have to put decal on car, presumably one that says, "Harass me, officer" (157)
(MSNBC) Misc Australian tax dollars at work: Study shows wild prawns like sexy time more than farmed prawns (26)
(myspace blog *sigh*) Sick Ever crave one of those Taco Town tacos you saw on SNL? Me neither, but these guys made some anyway (101)
(Some Guy) Amusing Charlotte named second most manly city, right behind Nashville. Competition judged on frequency of monster truck rallies, popularity of tools and hardware. Charlotte leaders say, "Thank you?" (129)
(CNN) Stupid What do you do when you learn that a student is planning another Columbine during school hours? Lock down the schools and trap all the potential victims in with the gunman of course (127)
(WBBM) PSA The 10 healthiest fast food restaurants. Right, you choose these cause they're healthier. And you read the articles, too (159)
(AP) Hero Armed man with toddler in apartment won't come out. Cops dress up as firefighters, pull fire alarm. Profit (68)
(BBC) Asinine Help a nine year old rape victim get an abortion to save her life? That's an excommunicatin' (450)
(FARK) Photoshop Extreme sports for nerds (40)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy U.S.: Workers hit lottery jackpot, tell their bosses to fark off. UK: Workers hit lottery jackpot, vow to invest in boss's struggling business. The farking socialists (75)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Study finds high levels of violence in cartoons make children aggressive. Thufferin' thuccotash (170)
(CBS New York) Fail If you're going to attempt to rob a convenience store, try to remember not to purchase an item with your debit card. Bonus: Criminal mastermind signed name "John Doe" on receipt to throw coppers off his trail (45)
(Reuters) Unlikely Self-immolating Tibetan monk "came back to life after 12 hours' treatment" says Chinese physician who has apparently discovered a Lazarus pit (66)
(AP) Interesting Dad tells 17 year old son to get his lazy ass off the floor. Son moves to couch. Truck crashes into home. Son is safe. The real news here is that a teenager actually listened to his parent (62)
(Daily Yomiuri) Weird Japanese high school teacher in big trouble for forcing his female student to wear maid costume in art club, allowing club members to take pics of her (222)
(BBC) Interesting Horses tamed much earlier than previously thought, typically using technique demonstrated in article's second picture (79)
(Des Moines Register) Interesting In another incident that will make you weep for the future, police catch kids playing kick the flaming ball (92)
(Kansas City) Dumbass Suspect accused of shooting a detective discovers defending yourself in court looks much easier on TV. "As I stand before you today, do I appear to be a very big boy?" (51)
(CBS Chicago) Interesting Cook County, Ill., sheriff sues Craigslist for prostitution, spares no details about what's on the "Erotic Services" page (274)
(NT News) Obvious Man breaks into a bar at 6 am, gets drunk and naked. It's not news, it's Ireland. (with Not safe for work arse pic) (29)
(AP) Interesting Woman finds remnants of Blue Angels crash fifty years later on Alabama beach, then things get weird (75)
(Nola.com) Scary When Walter askes you to mark the frame zero, you mark the farking frame zero (200)
(The Sun) Hero In a change from all those teacher/student sex stories: Nurse practically gets a medal for helping 15 year old patient "satisfy his sexual urges" (255)
(Canoe) Dumbass If you run a daycare, it's probably a good idea to see if all the kids have been picked up before locking up and leaving for the night (32)
(Huffington Post) Cool Deputy Mayor of NYC tackles mugger in midtown after hearing woman's screams. Meanwhile, Chicago's Deputy Mayor is busy channeling Richie Daley's kickbacks (36)
(Reuters) Weird Four-year-old Taiwanese boy wins a lottery, gets exclusive use of an uninhabited tropical island for 5 months; he'll get to swim in the sea, relax on the beach, and his toymaking hours will be reduced to 8 hours/day (31)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Man tries to commit suicide, sues hospital for saving his life, wins $127 000 in damages instead (100)
(Some Guy) Amusing Officer investigates report of a car in a lake by driving his patrol car into the same lake. That's some fine police work there, Lou (22)
(Daily Herald) Weird This superhero's all about watching your ass (43)
(Washington Post) Strange Not News: Magazine publishes shocking, controversial photo spread. News: National retain chain refuses to carry it, even wrapped in plastic. Fark: The magazine is "Quilter's Home" (68)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Semper Fi Granny. 79-year-old woman gets urgent Marine recruit letter. The few, the proud, the geriatric (71)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Equity trader holds "team-building exercise" that entails dressing his female staff in bunny costumes and having them play "Borat's biatches". Surprisingly, some people had a problem with this (54)
(CNN) Obvious Group of workers win $216 million Mega Millions lottery jackpot. Lawsuit from co-workers in 5..4..3 (141)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida Couple arrested for sex in public park. With mug shot "goodness" (153)
(9 News) Dumbass Bill Ayers and Ward Churchill meet to discuss finding a third person to round out their Asses of Evil group (130)
(CNN) Fail CNN: "The upside of moving back into your parents' basement". Back? (194)
(WCBS 880) Interesting California thieves get bright idea and hijack truckload of light bulbs (23)
(Some Guy) Fail Moron attempts to rob gun store; with predictable results (170)
(The Sun) Strange Artist seeks 20 vagina owners to make plaster casts of their vaginas, to complete sculpture featuring 200 vaginas called "Design a Vagina" to comment on trend of "designer vaginas". Vagina vagina vagina (NSFW) (275)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool Illinois legislative committee approves use of medical marijuana. In other news, Blockbuster reports increased rentals of "Airheads" and "Encino Man", and stock in Frito-Lay up $24 a share (166)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Former police dispatcher with narcolepsy sues after being fired. She's asking for...*ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (63)
(CTV) Followup Greyhound bus killer found not criminally responsible because he was a head case with severed ties to reality (192)
(CTV) Amusing Woman to Canadian tax agency: "I'm not dead." Canadian tax agency: "Madame, I can't talk to you, I have to talk to the executor of the estate" (64)
(TC Palm) Florida What would you do for a Klondike bar? (52)
(Some guy) Asinine How can anyone survive on less than $400,000/yr? A touching tale of sacrifice and commitment from a destitute couple in New York......I think there's something in my eye (423)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool America: Police falsely raid your home, kill you, and plant pounds of marijuana. Sweden: Police falsely raid your home, break your hash pipe, and so buy you a new one (47)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Dumbass It'th never a good idea to rob the plathe where you uthed to work, but that goeth double if you have a "dithtinctive lithp" (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: The top news stories of 2050 (54)
(CBS News) Strange Armed men steal contraceptives in Indonesia. Police find the idea inconceivable (60)
(Reuters) Strange Survey reveals that most Britons have lied about the books they've read, though apparently they all tell the truth when taking surveys (42)
(UPI) Strange Case of woman who had botox treatments and left without paying is raising eyebrows. Which is more than the woman can do now. Police hope to develop new wrinkles in the case soon (33)
(O-tay) Interesting Alfalfa blamed for latest salmonella outbreak, Buckwheat's tragic demise (47)
(union leader) Amusing Yet another case of lead contamination caused by Wal-Mart (60)
(The Stranger) Amusing Woman dials 911 nightly for two years to report gay disco in progress (144)
(BBC) Scary When a man offers his girlfriend some tongue, this generally isn't what he means (54)
(NYPost) Ironic Firefighter company returns from emergency call to find their firehouse on fire. C.D. Bales unavailable for comment (50)
(Daily Mail) Followup Michael Jackson sent to eye, ear, nose and nose and nose and throat specialist for health checkup to prove his fitness to perform series of London concerts (59)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Moran arrested for child porn. Good. Good arrested for looking at kid's johnson. Johnson arrested with pics of kid in leathers. Leathers arrested with more, I see. Morici arrested too. Moran (162)
(Halifax Courier) Amusing 'I was aiming for neighbour's cat,' says man who hit off-duty cop's car with brick (34)
(News.com.au) Followup Think your school was tough? This one has sewage in its canteen sink and dog poo in its water, and the kids have to wade through crocodiles to get to class (29)
(Daily Mail) Sad British Nationalized Healthcare to Terminal Cancer Patients: No Life Prolonging Drugs for You, They Cost too Much (284)
(Chicago Tribune) Caption Chicago Tribune readers have submitted their top title choices for Blagojevich's biography, and they all suck. Caption a better title (135)
(Abc.net.au) Asinine To prevent gang violence in western Sydney pubs, signs will be placed advising patrons they must not wear colors "depicting them as being a member of any group" (56)
(Journal Star) Fail "Hi, I"m here to pick up your giant sack of $145,000 in cash." Hey wow, you don't look like the regular guy, and you're here at that wrong time. Anyway, here you go" (97)
(Sports by Brooks) PSA NBA player holding donor drive in Manhattan to find bone marrow transplant for little girl with "aggressive" leukemia (38)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Denmark's K gallery (36)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Female teacher gets who looks like Al Swearengen from "Deadwood" gets 10 years in prison for acting out his favorite word (71)
(SFGate) Scary "It feels like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of me", says woman whose arm was amputated after drug reaction (33)
(Some Guy) Scary Tugboat captain wearing only a T-shirt, a sweater and pajama bottoms falls off his boat into frigid waters while taking a pee. "It felt terrible." (41)
(SMH) Spiffy And you thought your job interview was hard - at this company you have to be shot in the chest and survive before they'll consider your application (72)
(Fox News) Sick Cue the lawsuit. Atlanta woman finds "mammal bone" in her blue M&M's. (with photo of the offending bone) (129)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Deadbeats are more likely to answer a collection call if it's made by a woman with a sexy voice - especially if she has a British accent. "They think Elizabeth Hurley is on the other end." (93)
(Omaha World Herald) Asinine Decorated war hero and marksman returns home from Iraq and applies for a gun license. State refuses request on grounds of PTSD (203)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 200: "Lights, Camera, Action...Freeze" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (273)

Wed March 04, 2009
(Abc.net.au) Scary What do you do when you find a cobra wrapped around your leg in your car? Keep driving, man (64)
(CBS Sacramento) Scary Bailiff Protip: When you have a man suspected of stabbing his girlfriend to death brought to your courtroom, and the suspect's mom tells you he's carrying a weapon, consider searching him before placing him near the judge (94)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Prosecutor: We are prepared to prove that the defendant attacked officers, who then beat and arrested him. Defense attorney: We have the surveilance tape, proving otherwise. Prosecutor: Oh? Never mind then (171)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this airborne assault (40)
(Daily Mail) Sad Grandmother has been mysteriously burping uncontrollably for two years. "I've got no life know, it's making me depressed to be trapped in my home." (48)
(News.com.au) Amusing Couple kicked out of month-long sex party at nudist colony because they weren't naked enough. With bonus photo proving the reality isn't as cool as what you're picturing in your head (93)
(Yahoo) Strange Next: on a very special episode of Japanese Parliament; the Prime Minister tearfully confesses "I can't READ" (194)
(Telegraph) Strange Don't you just hate it when you're trying to plant blackcurrant bushes and dig up a 19th-century grave instead? Yeah, me too. At least they caught it before it ate the house (41)
(London Times) Interesting $324 million bank heist starts with a bogus English lord, adds Belgian hackers, a Japanese bank, a Swedish businesswoman in the Canary Islands, eastern European Mafia and a Middle Eastern sheik. Then it gets complicated (68)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Cutest ugly-ass orphaned baby otter you will see all day (59)
(Seacoastonline.com) Cool New Hampshire businessman says we should all stop paying our mortgages. And while were're at it, stockpile some guns and ammo (287)
(Some Government Cheese) Asinine Bill proposes mandatory 10 hour 'divorce classes' costing up to $2000, even if a couple wants to file a no-fault divorce and just get the hell on with their lives (231)
(Gawker) Cool Barbecue fans that originated recipe for the bacon-wrapped, bacon-stuffed log of sausage will rightfully get six-figure book deal (81)
(WBBM) Asinine Police impersonating has gotten so bad in Chicago, the Cops offer this advice: "Obviously we can't tell them not to stop for the police, but to pick an area they feel is safe" (77)
(UPI) Strange Chicago authorities still have no idea who tossed placentas into sewer system, but media continues to fetus new stories anyway (31)
(CBC) Interesting New survey says the best way to save your marriage is to have sex three times a week, preferably with your spouse (107)
(Daily Stab) Interesting You know tattoos have officially jumped the shark when Barbie has one (121)
(AP) Fail School district screws up sale of classroom trailers on eBay by accidentally selling one for $1, but on the bright side they now have an answer when students ask when they'll ever need math in real life (73)
(Washington Post) Interesting Are you eligible for one of the new federal mortgage relief programs? Or are you just going to have to suck it? Take this brief interactive quiz (336)
(Daily Mail) Strange Pregnant woman passes out, has heart attack, dies, has open heart surgery, goes into a coma, gives birth a week later, and doesn't remember a thing. Ta da (99)
(UPI) Strange Excuse me, ma'am, your chips are ringing (57)
(IndyStar) Stupid You think your neighbors new fence sucks? Imagine having a two-mile long train with bright yellow cars cutting your city in half. "It's like the Berlin Wall. Every day when I go out to get my paper, I get madder and madder" (134)
(SFGate) Obvious People are turning to fortune tellers for advice during tough economic times. Who could have seen that coming? (54)
(Canoe) Fail "Punking" Ontario's Premier as he's being asked about job losses at steel plant might not be such a good idea (111)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Times are tough, so photoshop some unlikely ways to save a few bucks (49)
(BBC) Dumbass Commander of Israeli Navy spotted in Tel Aviv strip bar, apologizes to chief of military, explains stripping was the only way he could put himself through the Naval academy (73)
(MSNBC) Unlikely President Barack Obama will order martial law this year, the United States will split into six rump-states before 2011, and Russia and China will become the backbones of a new world order (525)
(AP) Interesting University displays letter from Edgar Allan Poe where he apologizes to his publishers for drinking too much and for keeping a raven in his house that just won't stop squawking (65)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine 1) Call yourself a pre-op transsexual, 2) Threaten lawsuit against owner of women-only gym, 3a) Profit, and 3b) get to use girls' locker room (360)
(The Sun) Dumbass Today's wacky Facebook story is brought to you by a firefighter who rescued a family from their burning home and then described them as stupid, selfish bastards for setting their house on fire and robbing him of his sleep (101)
(Charleston.net) Stupid Historian apologizes for saying County flag looks "designed by a third grader;" judging from photo, he could be right (152)
(Yahoo) Scary Need to see your doctor? Sure. Right after you sign this gag order promising never to talk to anyone about what an idiot he is (119)
(MSNBC) Florida Woman manages to get captain to stop an airplane on the ground so she can use the bathroom. In appreciation, she leaves the bathroom and punches the flight attendant in the nose. Then it gets weird (64)
(SeattlePI) Ironic Rapist requests death penalty because he fears getting raped in prison (369)
(BBC) Interesting Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate (118)
(Some Hawaiian Bintlet) Weird Ugly ass Bintlets born at Honolulu Zoo. WTF is a Bintlet? (w/pics) (73)
(CBS News) Strange Eagle busts through trucker's windshield in Nevada, tells driver to take it easy (104)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Rescue crews call off rescue of coyote that fell into Lake Michigan; when the rescue chief was asked why efforts were stopped, he blinked, said "beep beep" and sped off (110)
(Oregon Live) Hero Oregon high school students have their play canceled due to complaints from hysterically over-reactive parents. Local college hears about it says "Hey, we have a theater, why don't you do it here?" (242)
(National Post) Asinine Asking a border guard to be polite? That's a pepper sprayin' (315)
(News 5) Obvious Astoundingly, some prisoners told to come back to jail when there's room for them just aren't coming back (28)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Not news: Right-wing British political party issues anti-immigration election poster featuring a Spitfire and the slogan "Battle for Britain". Fark: The plane was from a Polish squadron (138)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Here's to you, Mr. Fired After Being Caught Participating in a Bike Race Whilst on Sick Leave From Work and Having the Balls to Sue for Wrongful Termination. Even if you lost (65)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Welcome to Vermont. Please tear down your house and leave because there used to be a road here 200 years ago and we want it back (83)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Actual newspaper poll question: "Is it a good idea to marry a serial killer?" (183)
(TC Palm) Florida "Hi, can you tell me where the Arts building is?" "Make a right at the campus graveyard" (44)
(Fox News) Scary Thanks to American drug users, Mexico's drug cartels have enough money to support a 100,000-man army of soldiers (615)
(AP) Unlikely International Criminal Court issues warrant for Sudanese president's arrest. Sudan: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA get the fark out (48)
(Boing Boing) Stupid Man markets Christian salt to stand against the cabal that markets kosher salt. Customers dismayed it's only available in pillar form (182)
(Oregon Live) Unlikely Tree is cut down, falls onto a parking meter, which drove a live wire into the ground, which electrified plumbing, which melted the solder, which flooded the home (79)
(WBBM) Cool A positive outcome of the bad economy: In order to offset losses due to smoking bans, Illinois casinos want to be allowed to serve free drinks. Thats change we can guzzle down (40)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Cops have been called to Octomom's house 8 times for problems ranging from locking a kid in a room to losing one of them. Good thing she doesn't have 8 new ones to keep track of (115)
(Daily Mail) Cool Britain's first WMD: An Elizabethan cannon that could punch a hole through four inches of solid oak (w/photos) (67)
(MSNBC) Stupid "Atheist theories are absurd." This coming from a man who wears a folded napkin on his head, rides around in a fishtank on the back of a Mercedes, and prays to a man who is his own father (982)
(St. Petersburg Times) Strange Lone survivor tells what happened to his NFL boatmates after they capsized in the Gulf of Mexico. Apparently they took their life jackets off and swam to the end zone (201)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Starbucks employee makes venti latte with an extra shot (57)
(BBC) Fail How not to impress someone who wants to buy your airplane during a test flight: Leave the controls incorrectly set, turn off all hydraulics, nose-dive 10,000 feet (18)
(11 Alive) Fail Deputy, I don't mean to bother you while you're eating your hashbrowns, but isn't your prisoner getting away? (31)
(Some Mountain) Photoshop Photoshop this lady-leaping landscape (44)
(AP) Strange Worker sews lips together to demand promotion. Management speechless (22)
(Some Guy) Hero Store clerk hangs onto thieves' car hood for "several blocks" to retrieve stolen 36-pack of beer, complains he wasn't even supposed to be here today (46)
(Some Guy) Video Judge: Shut your d----ed mouth; Defendant: Fark You: Judge: 120 years. Next (138)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police find 100 grams of marijuana stuffed inside a woman's bra. Talk about nipping it in the bud  T-Shirt (68)
(Some swashbuckler) Dumbass Pro tip: Don't take your machete to the mall (39)
(Reuters) Interesting It's appauling that a university is conferringo a degree like this. By George, you might as well throw it in the john  T-Shirt (46)
(Abc.net.au) Cool Tasmanian company making paper out of wombat poo. It's either green or gold depending on when wombat poo is harvested. Company is pleased with the quality and texture of the wombat poo paper. In other news, wombat poo is fun to say (48)
(MDN) Sappy ... so here's a sake-drinking Baikal seal with a towel on his head (24)
(Daily Mail) Sad British police fly to Philadelphia to get top tips from U.S. cops. And their first lesson? Where to get the best doughnuts (48)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Wal-Mart drug bust goes wrong when suspects try to rob undercover officers instead of selling drugs. And then things really spin out of control (43)
(AFP) Obvious China turns destruction left by last year's massive earthquake, including collapsed school, into tourist attraction and plans never to clean it up. FEMA intrigued by their ideas, would like to subscribe to the newsletter (22)
(New York Daily News) Sad Latest indicator that the economy is in trouble: people are using counterfeit bills to buy Girl Scout Cookies (43)
(The Sun) Scary If you thought British food was crappy before, you haven't read this (110)
(The Sun) Obvious "Dogs ate my penis." Your dog wants tube steak (57)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Scary Doctor accused of using thermos to attack man. Oh, I'm swinging out a thermos for you (23)
(Some Guy) Strange Man finds ten human teeth in wallet at Walmart. That's just decadent (112)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this parachute system failure (43)
(The Consumerist) PSA If you're going to hide an engagement ring in your girlfriend's food, propose before your friends challenge her to an eating contest (94)

Tue March 03, 2009
(Some Guy) Dumbass What is sure to fire up the greatest debate on Fark for 2009... Man gets run over while standing in a parking spot, saving it for his wife (282)
(First Coast News) Dumbass Gunman enters home of elderly couple and robs them of their money and jewelry. Just kidding, they refused to give him money so he grabs two bundles of toilet paper and runs off (59)
(AZCentral) Interesting Just say no, especially when it comes to a teenager who keeps sending you nude photos and you're her assistant principal (138)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Dumbass Retiree: I don't know how this meth got into my hollow cane (35)
(Straits Times) Silly Passengers complain about "Porn Plane," sticky seats (185)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Don't you hate it when your mom kicks you out of your house for using drugs and then makes a fortune writing a book about it? (105)
(Boston Globe) Caption Caption these Kazakh hunters (80)
(Reuters) Obvious Young Germans prefer ze Internet to real life partners, because YouTube lets you be totally angry and flip out and you become famous and admired instead of being charged vis var crimes, like in ze old days (61)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Mouse decapitation at Chuck E. Cheese, where a dad can be a douche (69)
(AP) Stupid Stalkers are using cellphones to "textually harass" others. Next up, "textual misconduct", "textually transmitted diseases" and "homotextuals" (82)
(London Times) Interesting 45 things to do in France this summer. Well, 44 once you get past 'Surrender' (96)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Practical uses for an Oscar statuette (66)
(LA Times) Scary Turns out engineer of doomed Metrolink train would sometimes let teens run the locomotive. Scary tag doesn't even begin to cover it (65)
(The Gainesville Sun) Florida "Sir, if you don't stop punching yourself, you're going to get tased" (75)
(WSAZ) Asinine Having obviously solved all other social ills, lawmakers in West Virginia contemplate banning Barbie Doll (108)
(AP) Amusing Man who robbed gas station made no threats, displayed no gun, simply offered an apology as he fled with a fistful of cash. Authorities on the lookout for a Canadian (90)
(Daily Mail) Strange British women who have babies by IVF can name anyone, man or woman, on the birth certificate. Expect lots of kids with the last name "Obama," "Beckham" or "Cleese" (109)
(Caller Times) Dumbass Protip: when in possesion of several bags of weed, do not leave your firebird unattended, door wide open, bass thumping, in the parking lot of a convenience store (114)
(NBC Washington) Strange DC bus driver gets off his bus, gives McGruff the Crime Dog a beatdown in front of a bunch of kids, then gets back on his bus and drives away (83)
(not Drew) FarkBlog Spanish inquisitions, Chinese fire drills and disproving Galileo: Headlines of the Week 2/22 to 2/28 (24)
(CSMonitor) Sad America's contribution to Mesopotamian culture: Tramp stamps and tribal tattoos (139)
(WWL) Amusing Talk radio callers outraged, OUTRAGED I say, over Obama sipping a beer at an NBA game (800)
(Asheville Citizen Times) Dumbass After keeping us citizens safe from the dangers of marijuana, officers decide celebrating with a beer while still on duty is a much safer alternative (130)
(Some Guy) Weird Oregon arsonist only targets green Ford Escorts, making the world a better place (88)
(Vator.tv) Obvious Will group dating appeal to over 30 year olds? Cougars let out a roar (104)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Education appointee sends friends an e-mail saying Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles always smile because they don't know they're black. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (193)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Teen steals a truck because he had to make a court date and didn't trust anyone else to give him a ride (17)
(Reuters) Strange Researchers find that children rated as impulsive by kindergarten teachers are more likely to begin gambling behaviors before they hit middle school. 3-to-1 this study's BS (64)
(Sun Sentinel) Obvious Following the footsteps of the Marlboro Man, the Winston man dies of cancer (117)
(TC Palm) Florida After being told there were no more McNuggets, woman dials 911 -- three times (293)
(Telegraph) Cool Possibly the coolest 360° panoramic photos of Paris you'll see today (France, not Hilton) (62)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Cool Ugly ass armadillo born at Minnesota Zoo. Ugly ass pic? You betcha (54)
(Some Guy) Florida ProTip: When trying to impersonate a police officer you need more than a white Crown Victoria equipped with a spotlight and then it's not a good idea to follow a real police car (63)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Going grocery shopping with your children? The Nanny State won't let you buy any alcohol then, because you might give it to them (235)
(LA Times) Spiffy Bacon is not over. Long live bacon (107)
(Telegraph) Interesting Drug dealers switching from cocaine to viagra, enjoy 2000 % profit margin increase (72)
(SeattlePI) Asinine NYPD lieutenant sues after his gun and badge were seized after he saw a demon (115)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Ice (46)
(Miami Herald) Dumbass After reading about so many other teachers getting arrested for having sex with their students this teacher decided to play it safe, stick with phone sex. Apparently, that's not allowed either (26)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine Step 1: Sign up for Facebook. Step 2: Get bullied by former high school classmates. Step 3: Profit (119)
(Daily Mail) Ironic "Your rape complaint will not be investigated further. Here, have some rape" (148)
(Newsday) Scary When sledding down a steeply inclined driveway you really should make sure you have a plan to stop before you hit the street and especially before you reach the car driving by (54)
(CNN) Dumbass People who used to be rich are now seeking help from local food banks. Woman who is currently paying on a $350,000 condominium: "You keep thinking you're an intelligent person. I had so much. How did I lose it?" (297)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man attempts to squash police pursuit with frozen produce. Lettuce hope this dangerous man doesn't turnip on our streets (45)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting Pupil walks out of class after complaining that anti-racist American novel is racist (283)
(Houston Chronicle) Spiffy Boy fails to acheive "Orientation" merit badge, wins badges in "Hide and Seek" and "Staying Warm Like a Hobo" instead (72)
(Buffalo News) Fail "I can do what I want. I live in America," says woman who put up a sign offering to rent three rooms to whites only (565)
(Some Guy) Misc Congratulations, Portland Oregon: Thanks to high depression and suicide rates, your city has been ranked the unhappiest city in America (158)
(MetroWest Daily News) Unlikely Driver says his car sometimes swerves at pedestrians then makes a U turn to try again. Something in the suspension (44)
(MSNBC) Strange Schrödinger's Bong (177)
(Panama City News Herald) Florida "Some scenarios law officers just can't be trained for, such as finding a bag of marijuana produced from the rectal area of a female recently engaged in coitus with another female" (133)
(CNN) Obvious In 2007, 1 in 31 American adults were either in prison and/or playing for the Cincinnati Bengals (114)
(Some Guy) Interesting Doing 'shrooms is usually fun, except when your best friend passes out, and the cops arrive, and you accidentally break a bottle on your friend's arm,and then you freak out and jump on the back of the cop trying to aid your friend (86)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Vancouver's urban landscape has become the target of a worldwide craze that is taking knitting and crocheting out of granny's kitchen and onto the street in the stitching version of graffiti" (pic) (131)
(AZCentral) Interesting In a plan that would probably take a good year to complete, lawmaker wants to fill up all of Arizona's abandoned mine shafts with old tires (82)
(The Sun) Scary Vomit-filled sinks, mould on ceilings, rusty shower rails and stained bedclothes. The Sun is there with a list of the 10 Worst Hotels in England (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these bending balustraded balconies (33)
(Some Guy) Cool 3/3/09 - Happy Square Root Day (236)
(TC Palm) Florida People who moved to the suburbs to get away from the big city life are outraged a neighbor would have the nerve to build a structure that resembles a big red barn. "As a neighbor, he's spitting in our face." (141)
(Honolulu Advertiser) Interesting The Japanese Emperor may be coming to Hawaii; and he is most displeased with our apparent lack of progress (136)

Mon March 02, 2009
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this IT tech festooned with work (115)
(MSNBC) Amusing Blagojevich gets six-figure deal to write book, hopefully not on male hair care (167)
(London Times) Dumbass If you're going to ride your motorcycle at 122 MPH in the rain with your 14 year-old son hanging on the back, don't buzz by a police car equipped with a speed camera (116)
(Des Moines Register) Scary You could be guilty of child abuse if your kid gets a glimpse of that Playboy hidden under your mattress (285)
(AFP) Interesting Gandhi's sandals and eyeglasses to be sold at auction this week, expected to fetch between $20K and $30K. What a fraud--he claimed to be poor, yet could afford $20K sandals (122)
(Burlington Free Press) Obvious Man wearing camouflage hit by car (107)
(Nola.com) Scary Finally, Louisiana is #1 at something (245)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida "What do you mean? This gun is perfectly safe. Here, let me point it at my foot and pull the trigger to show you" (229)
(king5) Dumbass Parents confront alleged voyeur at high school dance competition: "I admit it. I'm a pervert. Can you let go of me?" Bonus: asks for his dignity back (392)
(Telegraph) Strange British driver receiving counseling to cure his phobia of speed cameras, which make him pull over to stop his panic attacks. Oddly has no problem with driving on the wrong side of the road (45)
(Google) Obvious CIA destroyed 92 video tapes of terror suspect interrogations after initially claiming no such recordings existed. Fortunately, ACLU lawyers just downloaded copies from Gnutella (206)
(Reuters) Silly Callers to new phone service can leave God an answering machine message, now giving people two ways for God to ignore them (250)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Adding insult to injury (50)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass It's never a good idea to illegally poach deer. Especially if you're an on-duty state trooper (100)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing German lawmaker wants DNA testing on dog poop in order to ID the canine culprit and fine the owner. French poodles roll over and surrender (100)
(Sindh Today) Asinine Christian publications in Malaysia prohibited from using the word "Allah" in fear that Muslims may accidently read them and catch a case of Jesus (169)
(The Sun) Obvious News: Boy struck by lightning, Fark: He becomes miracle healer. UltraFark: Thousands flock to drink his potion made from his magic rock (94)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Attention airline passengers: The TSA would like to remind you that all chainsaws, nun-chucks, chocolate-covered heroin bars, drug-stuffed dead cats and frozen monkey heads are strictly prohibited (73)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Some Daily Show guy said something on Twitter and set off some kind of internet firestorm or something. Meh (229)
(Komo) Scary Shark attack reported at Sea-Tac airport (90)
(Telegraph) Scary Birthday party canceled after word of invitation leaks out on Facebook and Bebo. 250 drunk teens show up anyway, terrorize the neighborhood, and break into another house to hold a party there (113)
(Some Guy) Obvious Newsweek unveils newest magazine cover. The only way that it could be more controversial would be if it was written in Arabic. Oh, wait... it is (208)
(Pro Publica) Followup Company that hired a teenage high school dropout as its "chief microbiologist" connected to tainted syringes that killed five people and infected 200 more (83)
(UPI) Misc And just when you thought the Maple Leafs were the shiattiest thing in Toronto (55)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Spiffy Hundreds shave their heads to celebrate "St. Baldrick's Day" and raise money to fight childhood cancer. They've obviously got a cunning plan (65)
(Telegraph) Misc Squeezed by parental pressure, Ed Balls scratches plans for school lotteries. Bollocks (24)
(The Tennessean) Spiffy Many restaurants allowing customers to swipe their own ID cards, so that douchebag waiter who wouldn't refill your Pepsi won't steal your credit card number (391)
(JSOnline) Weird "I hate telling people I have a goat in my house because they look at me like Elly May Clampett. But it's not like that" (pic) (85)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Austrian incest dungeon dad has a new defense: "I guess I picked the wrong week to stop her sniffing glue" (97)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Mom recalled to active military duty 4 years after honorable discharge reports for duty...with her kids. Hero and Dumbass tags vying for the promotion (187)
(Some TSA Guy) Interesting TSA screeners' tears to exceed 3.5 oz if denied collective bargaining rights (74)
(Washington Post) Scary Dow drops below 7,000 for first time since 1997 (810)
(TBO) Florida Woman arrested for aggravated battery with deadly weapon after stabbing boyfriend in face with her stiletto shoe (47)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Fabulous new pics of Louisiana's fabulous pink bottlenose dolphin. Fabulous (67)
(CNN) NewsFlash President of Guinea-Bissau assassinated. Madagascar closes its seaport (272)
(UPI) Interesting Chinese Premier holds his first online chat with the public: "Im n ur webz blkng ur humn ritez LOLZ" (22)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Headline: "U.S. airlines losing less luggage." Actual point of article: people aren't checking as many bags due to bag fees (40)
(Google) Obvious Gas falls to $44 a barrel and could go as low as $25 a barrel on news that there will always be an excuse for it to never drop below $2 a gallon at the pump (142)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Strange Neighbours complain about snoopers peering over their garden walls. The snoopers? Four-year-olds on a climbing frame (36)
(BBC) Amusing Renegade Fireworks - it's not just a clever name (12)
(lehighvalleylive) Misc Teen cheerleaders consumed alcohol, danced on stripper pole. I hate you and your mother is a whore but you stopped reading this after the first sentence so I can say whatever I want. I hate short people (253)
(WTNH 8) Obvious "Snow dumps several inches of snow" (116)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Invent a new weapon (62)
(Reuters) Cool Doctor may do what nobody else has managed to do: Get Hugo Chavez to shut the hell up (73)
(Some Guy) Obvious Canadians now helping Afghanistan guards run country's prisons. Have you ever seen Midnight Express? It's like that, except with hockey sticks (pic) (20)
(London Times) Unlikely "Want to rediscover passion? Here's how. The good news is it involves you having more sex. The bad news is it's with your spouse" (120)
(UPI) Amusing Now there are three where there used to be two, mystery at the zoo. Elephant shrew (44)
(News.com.au) Dumbass People who wired money through Western Union to buy used cars advertised on popular Web sites are shocked, SHOCKED to find out they've been scammed (48)
(Reuters) Scary War brewing on the US-Mexico border. This is not a repeat from 1846 (435)
(AP) Silly LA County to proclaim "No Cussing Week." Yeah, good farking luck with that shiat (119)