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Sun April 05, 2009
(News.com.au) Scary This guy really needs help getting his rocks off (41)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Hero Media will cover return of US military coffin to US soil for the first time in 18 years. Tag is for the Airman returning home (461)
(BBC) Scary A centuries-old ice bridge holding back ice shelf 'the size of Jamaica' snapped in Antarctica last night - but you'd be a pinko atheist lieberal to suggest it was due to anything other than the warmth of God's love (641)
(Some Watt Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this electric transformer (64)
(MSNBC) Interesting Research shows that the easiest thing couples can do to strengthen their relationship is to call each other "schmoopie" --- a LOT (163)
(Snopes) Sappy Ugly ass dog cares for ugly ass baby critters. These allergies are really messing with my eyes (73)
(Some Guy) Obvious Artist mapping which engagement rings can be purchased for two-months salary for various occupations discovers that they all look the same (282)
(Daily Mail) Obvious We hate to keep harping on about the Nanny State, but when Britain orders firefighters to test smoke alarms with poles because it is too dangerous for them to climb ladders, you Brits are gonna have to get used to it (101)
(UPI) Amusing Parents are asking WTF after kids got a lesson in swear words at school (61)
(New Scientist) Asinine Old and busted: passive smoking. New and stupid: passive drinking. Asinine tag used because Beer tag still brewing (157)
(Some Guy) Cool Toronto's 'Busker of the Beaches' attends his own funeral: ""I didn't want to miss people saying good things about me by waiting until I died" (pic) (20)
(Some Guy) Obvious Female teacher sexual transgressions "rare", "hot" (64)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass You scream, I scream, we'll both do time for ice cream (30)
(LA Times) Interesting Pooch pinches purveyor of paintings that packed pot at the perimeter. Customs cops chuckle at the clueless crook (17)
(USA Today) Scary Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse (244)
(UPI) Obvious 100 tigers killed in Sri Lanka. PETA calls emergency press conference, announces that they just realized it was "Tamil Tigers", who are humans, so they don't give a flying fark (84)
(News24) Scary Geologist dies in gold pit. Scrooge McDuck taken in for questioning (42)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man who huffs aerosol deodorant gets Axe of death. Now he has a body Tag (103)
(Armor Games) Cool Your addictive game of the day: Redstar Fall (150)
(ABC News) Strange How logic can get you into trouble, romantically and financially. Spock unavailable for comment (83)
(Philly) Asinine Philly cops enter store and arrest owner for selling small plastic Ziplock bags. Unfortunately for them, the owner backed up his security cameras on a hard drive and caught them cutting the cables with a knife. Now $10k is missing from store (369)
(UPI) Interesting One often overlooked positive aspect of legalizing gay marriage: it's a boon to the state economy (155)
(The Morning News) Dumbass "My favorite thing about the recession is that I'm using all my free time from not going out and spending money on fancy dinners and frilly cocktails toward something worthwhile: organizing my closets" (22)
(Paxil Is My Anti-Drug) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: anti-drug ads that might actually work (68)
(UPI) Scary "Breaker, breaker one nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. How many folks you killed this week, come back" (59)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Are you ready kids? Who's dressed as a pineapple and was robbed in Malmö? Hideki Kaji (44)
(The Newspaper) Interesting Company issues press release claiming two thirds of people want machines to give them traffic tickets. Two weeks later, speed camera ban passes with 86% of vote (58)
(AP) Stupid Detroit police disarmed pillow-toting citizens about to participate in downtown fight. Pillows were confiscated from disappointed participants, cases were returned. Police then returned to station, had good nap (69)
(SFGate) Interesting What do the airline industry and organized crime have in common? They both prefer to forget about their "problems" in the desert (58)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Web site lets you rank neighborhoods by how many annoying people would walk past your house (76)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Trains know when you're in a hurry to go to work or get back home and slow down accordingly (51)
(Telegraph) Interesting Womens shelters ordered to help male victims of domestic violence or have their funding cut off (381)
(Cleveland) Cool Cleveland Sight Center holds Easter egg hunt for the blind. Coincidentally, Cleveland Sight Center's front lawn is now completely litter free (10)
(Ohio.com) Weird Not content to settle for the usual "231 cats in a house" story, a couple ups the ante with 6 horses, 3 goats, 7 pigs, 20 ducks, 1 calf, 5 guinea fowl, 7 chickens, 3 tigers, a wolf hybrid, a lion and an unspecified number of pigeons (23)
(MSNBC) Interesting The 19 worst drive-thru foods in America (196)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Movers throw out "work of art" at Courtney Love's house. Turns out to be a dead bird in a box valued at £8,000: "Courtney is beside herself" (71)
(TMZ) Followup Lindsay Lohan's career Kryptonite at work: Hours after letting Lindsay onstage with her, Lily Allen is seen in a catatonic drunken state that required handlers to take her home (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mad scientist ready control panel (58)
(The Morning Call) Stupid If you're going to sell your computer, there are ways of determining whether or not your potential buyer is trustworthy. If he pepper-sprays you and steals your computer, he's probably not that trustworthy (22)
(Pensacola News Journal) Hero PE teacher saves mother, her two kids by pushing them out of path of car, takes full impact himself (130)
(The Morning Call) Obvious ♫ Police car man, police car man ♫ Police car man hates bicycle man ♫ They have a fight ♫ Police car wins ♫ Police car man ♫ (109)

Sat April 04, 2009
(3 News New Zealand) Followup North Korea has officially registered its new edition of Photoshop (439)
(MSNBC) Sad Five children and father found dead south Seattle in apparent murder/suicide. Sad, bloody weekend trifecta complete (163)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Playing with fire (54)
(CBS Minneapolis) Interesting Fargo residents asked to count sandbags. Now they know how many bags it takes to fill the Fargo wall (66)
(Some Guy) Obvious English residents protest dramatic rise in prices of fruits and vegetables. Silly Nanny Staters - if they read Fark.com they woud know that people in England don't eat vegetables (49)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Florida homeowner faces foreclosure for walking black lab without no leash. Fines and penalties are now $40k+ (217)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Man finds a message in a bottle sent 96 years ago. Post Office to investigate this speedy method of communication (37)
(Boston Globe) Sad Man who was afraid that Obama would take his guns makes a rational case for less gun control. Just kidding, he shot and killed three cops (673)
(Eagle Tribune) PSA When you're hired to check school security, you're not supposed to narc on the superintendent's friends (40)
(Some Photog) Scary Photographer harrassed by cops, told to "Google it" when asked what specific "Homeland Security statute" he violated by taking a picture of a public building (224)
(Washington Post) Amusing Anti-strip club law ruled unconstitutional. "The restrictions are [so broad] that the owners of FedEx Field could be punished for allowing a Washington Redskins player to give a teammate a congratulatory pat on the rear" (36)
(AZCentral) Scary Good cops send tips to blogger. Bad cops raid his home, take electronics, including cable modem and router, claim case is 'sealed' when pressed for details (99)
(TC Palm) Interesting More and more spies hired by bar owners are making sure bartenders don't give out free drinks to get bigger tips. "It is enjoyable." (273)
(Some Guy) Amusing Canadian military issues rules of engagement - for geese. "Aggressive psychological operations against the geese are not permitted" (30)
(CNN) Scary Global warming deniers saddened by news of a massive ice self is about to break off of Antarctica. Surfs up (475)
(Cracked) Interesting Eleven modern technologies that are way older than you think...Now, get off my damn lawn (94)
(New Scientist) Cool Studies concluding that poker is a game of skill, not chance or "gambling", could affect laws making poker illegal. Submitter's favorite hole cards are still 2-10, nonsuited (91)
(Google) Followup Iowa gay marriages expected to begin April 24th, conclude 30 minutes later with the marriage of all four gay couples (312)
(UPI) Silly Miss Universe and Miss USA visit Gitmo to entertain Marines. Some people have a problem with this, although no waterboarding was involved (83)
(Some Guy) Cool Thar she blows Mt. Redoubt in eruption mode. LGT live webcam (95)
(Some Guy) Obvious Vegetarians more likely to develop eating disorders, which is no surprise considering tofu makes most people want to barf (292)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this guy testing something-or-other (36)
(London Times) Asinine Cops seeking to develop artificial nose that will detect adrenaline "so that nervous passengers... can be singled out." Thank god that's not a feeling the typical flyer may experience in an airport (85)
(BBC) Spiffy 97 year-old man becomes Britain's oldest skydiver, leaps out of a plane at 10,000 feet and somehow manages to avoid hitting any farmers markets on the way down (18)
(Oregon Live) Spiffy Rejoice Oregon beer drinkers - the days of the short pint are finally over (45)
(YouTube) Cool ...and now, this brief interlude  T-Shirt (98)
(Yahoo) Interesting The use of microblogging sites has nearly doubled in the past six months, as 11 percent of Internet users express themselves in 140 characte  T-Shirt (68)
(Commercial Appeal) Amusing Are you kidding me? There's a urban goat issue? (60)
(NPR) Stupid Your dog wants a greenie (48)
(Wired) Asinine Virginia teacher charged with possession of child pornography for image that even the police never thought was pornographic. Won't somebody please stop thinking of the children? (261)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass Talk show host gives out make, model and license plate of car driven by a woman he believes is dating the Chief of Police. Surpisingly, the chief has a problem with this after the car goes up in flames (54)
(UPI) Followup North Korean missile launch postponed after problems with upgrade from CS3 to CS4 (58)
(Dawn) Unlikely Taliban leader claims responsibility for NY shooting, North Dakota floods, Fark TV (49)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Sad The most pointless academic study yet? Dogs DO look like their owners (29)
(Daily Mail) Followup British village which blocked Google's streetview car discovers the Streisand Effect (95)
(Reuters) Obvious Fed officials vow to use all tools to help economy. Luckily, the feds seem to have no shortage of tools on their staff  T-Shirt (31)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida It's ridiculous what this woman has been through just because she took her clothes off in front of the 4-year-old she was babysitting (82)
(Daily Mail) Amusing There are few images which warm the heart as much as that of a police car being issued with a parking ticket (32)
(Some Lifesaver) Hero "I realised he was on the other side of the fence, but he couldn't explain how he had jumped it." Champ swimmer saves his kitty from the pool just in time for Caturday (345)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass Why do you think she won Miss Congeniality? Miss USA Maryland always had the best weed and coke (41)
(Some Guy) Obvious "The safety of our employees and our customers is our foremost concern. We request that you remove any hats, caps, sunglasses or hoods while inside this financial institution." Cue headscarf outrage in 3...2...1 (62)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Tiger cubs come outside for the first time. awwwwww (39)
(Telegraph) Asinine Priest uses Playmobil toys to recreate Bible scenes. Playmobil freaks the hell out (118)
(Houston Chronicle) Stupid You might be a redneck if your wake erupts into a brawl over beer (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this orb outpost (42)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Only in Florida can a potato farmer create a million dollar mud puddle that people will pay $30 a day to drive through (64)
(3 News New Zealand) Unlikely Students hold 'White Supremacy' themed after-ball party, claim they didn't know the connotations of the name (127)
(CNN) Followup Judge stays deportation of accused death camp guard, as his lawyers say "his health has seriously deteriorated" to the point where he almost can nazi anymore (67)
(UPI) Dumbass And, on today's episode of the Wasillabillies, Todd Palin's sister gets arrested for breaking and entering. Bonus: She broke into the same place twice. Fark: She brought her 4-year-old along (194)

Fri April 03, 2009
(CBS 4 Denver) Spiffy Ugly-assed baby giraffe named Blizzard born at the Denver Zoo. W/pic (56)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing What would Friday be like without TSG's mugshot roundup? It's all about the fashion (Not safe for work text) (234)
(Telegraph) Amusing Meet Hope, the German Shepherd who mows lawns. Your dog wants a rake (44)
(Telegraph) Photoshop Photoshop this see-through concrete (46)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Suburbs using Twitter to alert residents about snow emergencies, recycling information, when the mayor poops (64)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ten amazingly huge holes that you might not have known about, 11 if you count your mom (90)
(AP) Scary Fire in dentist's office burns three people, readily identified  T-Shirt (31)
(TC Palm) Florida In order to raise awareness of genocide, kids pay $5 for the privilege of sleeping in a cardboard box in their school's courtyard for a night. "You can have fun at the same time while you're helping people" (38)
(Some Guy) Scary Lawmaker wants to allow pregnant woman to use lethal force if they feel their unborn child's life is at risk. Do we really want to give this power to a female with raging, surging hormones? (258)
(MSNBC) Florida ♪♫♪ Everybody was food-court fighting ♫♪ Those fries were fast as lightning ♫♪ (50)
(CBC) Stupid Group of mothers set to stage "tit-in" at city pool after lifeguards ask them to at least get out of the water before feeding their crotchfruit (373)
(Free Press) Obvious Underage bikini contest at Michigan teen dance club arouses stiff competition. Others just aroused and stiffened. Chris Hansen unavailable for comment (153)
(BBC) Amusing Elderly woman trapped on out-of-control scooter -- for five miles (pic) (68)
(Canada.com) Unlikely Today's headline you never thought you'd read: "A guide to Canada's best beaches" (81)
(Charlotte) Hero SC trooper tickets fellow SC trooper, for 131 mph in a 70 zone (150)
(Some Guy) Obvious Atlanta named most wasteful city in America (141)
(CBS Salt Lake City) Unlikely Men are bigger gossipers than women, according to a new study performed by the National Institute of Complete Horsepucky (117)
(CBS New York) Silly Survey shows Pittsburgh No. 3 in bad hair, No. 1 in fat chicks wearing Steelers t-shirts (139)
(Philly) Obvious Man attacks fiancee after she made him a meatball sammich that was not up to his standards. "Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong. That was the catalyst" (191)
(Daily Mail) Cool Disabled teenager makes it to the final of national modeling contest. Let's all give her a big hand (213)
(The Sun) Followup The body parts scattered around England have been revealed to belong to the same person, which is good news for everybody, except for that guy (45)
(Yahoo) PSA Breaking news: It rained, so the roads are wet (102)
(Buffalo News) Asinine Time to go to Family Court. Do I have everything in my purse? Keys, wallet, lipstick, hand grenade, Tic-Tacs. Yep, ready (20)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing More Friday fun from our pals at TSG. Which public figure is posing in this post-arrest picture? Contest ends at 4:00 p.m. Eastern (108)
(CNN) NewsFlash Four dead and up to 40 hostages in Binghamton, New York (957)
(Stuff) Sad A church has moved into former brothel. Which means, unfortunately, that from now on, all the people in the missionary position will be actual missionaries (30)
(STLToday) Misc Nursing home evacuated after disgrunted man crashes car into building, leaving more old people in one parking lot than any Walgreens could ever boast (15)
(The Onion) Obvious Study finds paint aisle at Lowe's best place to have complete meltdown (68)
(Boing Boing) Strange Detroit man makes living trapping raccoons, selling the meat and pelts, plans to claim the land for France and build a fort after converting the natives to Catholicism (147)
(The Sun) Scary More irrefutable proof of ghosts, as the same eerie figure creeps up in yet another picture taken from the same Scottish castle. Egon Spengler is pumped (208)
(St. Petersburg Times) Sappy Kind stranger pays $800 to save cancer patient's dog. Sappy tag steps in as Hero tag has something in its eye (145)
(My Fox DC) Sad Newly published photographs show aftermath of MLK killing (94)
(Canada.com) Weird "Do you know how fast you were traveling, sir?" "Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to ask me about the dead body in the passenger seat" (32)
(The Courier-Journal) Obvious "To protect and serve doughnuts" (30)
(9 News) Stupid Americorps volunteers are desperately needed in Denver to help the less fortunate... set up their digital TV converter boxes (48)
(Seattle Times) Obvious 21-year-old American woman, on trial in Italy for murdering roommate, scandalises European press with her breezy American-style court demeanor that includes grinning, wearing T-shirts, and talking about her vibrator (136)
(FARK) PSA Pittsburgh Fark Party TONIGHT. DIT. LGT Previous Thread (32)
(Some Guy) Fail Because you can't have too many "attempted felon foiled by foot in door" stories, today's entry comes from New Mexico (12)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: The First Annual Fark Cliché Tryouts. Can you make a new Fark Cliché? (155)
(NBC 11) Video For winning the biggest douche award, Blogo says he's going to Disneywold (44)
(Albany Times Union) Asinine Texting: Okay. Drinking and texting: Semi-okay. Drinking and texting while your car is stopped at an intersection: Might be a problem (28)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Guy always wondered if someone would ever mistake his driveway for an extension of the road. Won't need to think about that one anymore (48)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Weepy convict says he didn't mean to escape from prison. He just wanted to meet his pen pal for 20 minutes, but then he stepped in a mud bog, and well, you know how it goes (25)
(AP) Scary New energy drink for babies: Rocket fuel (59)
(Des Moines Register) NewsFlash Iowa: Where the tall corn grows and gays can get married (1035)
(Some Guy) Stupid Today's "female teacher having sex with an 8th grader" story comes to us from Frankford, NJ. With "yeah, you might" photo (147)
(Royston Crow) Obvious Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"  T-Shirt (56)
(Stuff) Strange German woman divorces husband because he did too many household chores (58)
(Telegraph) Strange B-b-british pol-ol-ice told not to-to-to fin-in-in-ish stut-ut-utterers sen-sen-sen-sen-sen, just shut the hell up and listen (48)
(Boston Herald) Sick Mother of the millenium candidate decides the proper way to handle her inability to have another child is to have her boyfriend impregnate her 13-year-old daughter, who she drugged for the purpose (146)
(UPI) Interesting Study shows that 60% of college students fear math. The remaining 25% are, like, totally cool with it (224)
(Some Guy) Asinine Parents complain that 70% is too high a standard to meet for their precious snowflakes to participate in extra-curricular activities. "It's overzealous that (students) have to carry very high scores through every class" (376)
(Local6) Florida If a teacher can't order a student to lead a classmate around on a leash like a dog, what hope do we have for the future? (26)
(Daily Mail) Fail As everybody knows, those signs on the beach which say "no vehicles beyond this point" are just there for a laugh. Except this time (63)
(USA Today) Interesting Unintimidated by Madonna's threatening veins, a judge rejects her application to adopt another African child (123)
(AP) Amusing The Lord is my shepherd. He makes me lye down in red phosphorus pastures. He leads me to ephedrine. He restores my hydrochloride. I fear no ether (51)
(FARK) Amusing FINAL REMINDER. NJ Fark Party - 4/4 at Harvest Moon. Party starts at 7:30 (68)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Man goes all Pharaoh on Moses statue after he is told he will have to let his driver's license go (34)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Chicago police officer accused of unlawful use of gaydar (38)
(Hey, he likes it) Amusing Cereal company posts a sex-line number on its box. A total mistake, as life sometimes hands you, but it's nothing special, k? Cheerio (76)
(AP) Interesting Canada could soon send its garbage to Washington, just like Americans do  T-Shirt (44)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida If a teacher can't duct tape a student to a chair anymore, what hope do we have for the future? (49)
(9 News) Interesting After making your life miserable over shampoo, turns out the people in the TSA are just paying it forward (84)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop the secret life of animal celebrities (33)
(Politico) Unlikely Smug alert. NY Times editor: "Saving the paper now ranks with saving Darfur" (104)
(CBS Sports) Cool Nabokov wins 40th for San Jose Sharks, remains obsessed by Dolores Haze, insists you don't stand so close to him (75)
(Some Paleface) Weird Burning Man people plan party with "Native" theme which ends in a trail of tears when the real Native Americans arrive. How? (200)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Creepy looking guy lets young girls use the tanning bed in the shed behind his house. Turns out tanning sessions include UVA, UVB, and VHS exposure (93)
(Guardian.com) Hero Bangladesh plans to stamp out begging by throwing anyone asking for money on the street into jail for five years (162)
(The Earth Times) Weird Man climbs spruce tree, ties self to trunk, shoots himself dead. Twenty-nine years ago (119)

Thu April 02, 2009
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this curious catwalker (51)
(AP) Sick Judge reprimanded for offering parents to forgive a $500.00 fine if they spank their kids in court, where he can watch (71)
(Denver Channel) Amusing Ward Churchill wins his lawsuit for unlawful termination against University of Colorado. Is awarded $1 in damages (237)
(Yahoo) Scary "Rampage 2: Electric Chimpaloo" (93)
(Fox News) Obvious Remember how practically all of the US government says that 90% of the guns used by Mexico's Cartels came from the US? Yeah, not so much (413)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass When making your YouTube video showing you breaking in and then setting fire to a building, you probably shouldn't run credits with your real names. It just makes it too easy for the cops (50)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary High school coach beats a student so severely with a "canoe paddle" that the wood board cracked and had to be taped so the "licking" could resume (149)
(ABC News) Obvious Georgia proposes English-only driver's tests, despite the fact that very few people in Georgia speak what the rest of us would call "English" (228)
(Reuters) Sad Vladimir Putin's pet dog sneaks into room and eats snacks Putin planned to serve to party bosses at meeting of Russia's ruling political party. In other news, the Putin family's dog suddenly died today of radiation poisoning (67)
(Norwich Bulletin) Dumbass Mother sprays Windex in daughter's face during argument. The daughter was not injured in the incident -- however, she did stop taking off her clothes and running around (65)
(CBC) PSA New Bwunthwick Dentaw Sothiety ith wawning peopowe about the potentiaw withkth of wip, tongue ow cheek pierthing, whicth it thayth can damage teef and lead to theriouth infecthionth (96)
(Mr. Ed) Strange You know things have hit rock bottom in Michigan when people start stealing horse hair (44)
(Canoe) Amusing Man goes through Tim Hortons drive-thru naked, women working the window "not impressed" with his cruller and Tim-bits (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fire-breathing giant robot (42)
(ABC News) Spiffy G-20 will inject $5 trillion into global economy. G-4 will sink your battleship (286)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Hspitl: u= aids. sux 2 b u. kthxbai (87)
(Google) Dumbass Drunk man steals schoolbus, tries to pick up women. Probably got idea from "My Name is Earl" episode (24)
(MSNBC) Sad "I heard a pop and a sharp pain. And blood was shooting all over" (261)
(MSNBC) Sad Truck rams into bookstore, leaving two dead, seven hurt, numerous spine injuries  T-Shirt (79)
(Detroit News) Sad People are fleeing Michigan at a rate of a family every 12 minutes. Soon the state will end up with only Detroit, Ted Nugent and a gazillion deer (417)
(BBC) Strange When someone drives a burning earth mover into the front of your home at midnight, it might be a subtle clue that you're not well liked (51)
(CBS Minneapolis) Stupid Sausagefest spurs shooting (56)
(Reuters) Spiffy Study shows that Facebook, YouTube, and the New Fark Experience improve productivity at work (61)
(London Times) Interesting Dignitas, the Swiss clinic which assists people to commit suicide, are to help an entirely healthy woman take her own life. It's entirely likely some people will have a problem with this (229)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man pushes woman off dock into water, throws other man into water, jumps in himself and punches man in face -- it's a party (22)
(lehighvalleylive) Amusing Super-sized: Bethlehem police stimulate their budget by issuing $37,555 ticket (82)
(Fox News) Asinine Police attacked as they attempt to save dying G20 protester (302)
(Boston Globe) Followup Police officer assigned to ticket other officers who park in handicap spaces and other tow zones finds 20 violations in six weeks. Reporter finds 25 violations in one visit to police headquarters (124)
(USA Today) Obvious More and more colleges are starting to worry that their policy of raising tuition every seven hours might drive this year's new batch of students to reject them (99)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting City of Chicago is building a secret 911 backup facility at O'Hare airport that the terrorists aren't supposed to know abou... aw, crap (37)
(ABC News) Cool Dow Jones soars past 8,000 on news that Michelle Obama touched the Queen (217)
(Fox News) Obvious Someone goes out of their way and donates a car seat to OctoclowncarMom, and yes, it results in another 911 call (190)
(Globe and Mail) Scary News: Unauthorized men sneak into secure area of Pearson airport. Fark: One of them is the Minister of Transportation (60)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Doctor recommends that obese women stop taking the pill. After all, it's not like they really need it (368)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Miss Griffin "would hate people to think I'm just some dumb blonde," but as she's just made Fark for managing to stick her eye shut with a bottle of nail glue, it might be a bit late for that (78)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious In a surprising twist, a Medicare study has concluded that hospital policies that require sending patients home as soon as their eyes open with no instructions on how to care for themselves may actually end up costing more in the long run (63)
(AZCentral) Stupid Tombstone sheriff attempts to arrest Wyatt Earp, Virgil Earp, Morgan Earp and Doc Holiday. No, this is not a repeat from October 26, 1881 (85)
(Local6) Florida Univ. of Florida suspends sorority for girl-on-girl sex, catfights, orgies. Just kidding, they made pledges run and do push-ups (142)
(BBC) Strange Airport releases autism travel advice as "QANTAS never crash" just doesn't cut it any more (44)
(Breitbart.com) Spiffy Some guy on the Internet found out using the code word "bailout" during online ordering resulted in a free Domino's pizza. 11,000 free pizzas later, Domino's wakes up and pulls the plug (201)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Old geezer tells police that the hooker in his car offered to give him head, but he wasn't sure what she was talking about (69)
(Daily Mail) Cool Your Thursday Threesome: Baby orangutan with leopard cubs. Not one ugly-ass picture here (26)
(Some Guy) Fail When entering the world of crime, it pays to be smarter than the door (37)
(ABC News) Stupid Rosary blessed by Pope John Paul II credited with "miracle" recovery of man shot in head. There goes the science (401)
(Some Guy) Sad To the man who reported his truck stolen with $67,000 in whiskey in it: We are happy to announce that we've found your empty truck (75)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Fail The family that fails together, jails together (46)
(Metro) Strange South African woman sells everything she owns to turn her house into sanctuary for wild animals, giving the cheetahs, leopard and wolves complete freedom to roam through it. You should probably expect a story with the Follow-Up tag shortly (59)
(BBC) Obvious Malaysian Prime Minister resigns. SHUT. DOWN. DEREK. ZOOLANDER (69)
(Yahoo) Stupid 2,700 ER visits in six years. Cost: $3 million. By: Nine people (320)
(Think Progress) Stupid Massive debt? Big deal. Two wars? Whatever. Removing phosphates from dishwasher detergent? WOLVERINES (73)
(Some Guy) Weird But no one asks the obvious question: "How do you not notice a nail going into your nose, and then remain oblivious to it for 30 years?" (54)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Swedish television presenter adds another entry to the list of things you shouldn't try at home by slicing the tip of his finger off (37)
(CBS Sacramento) Stupid Vandals playing golf in a California cemetery and damaging headstones. No suspects have been identified, but there have been several sightings of a bogeyman (36)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Red vs. Green (73)
(Washington Post) Amusing How many times has this happened to you? Greg Gumbel says he was tricked into infomercials. Sham? Wow (76)
(Reuters) Asinine GM asks for $2.6B "to build hybrids." In other news, "to build hybrids" replaces "won't they think of the children?" (279)
(The Sun) Amusing Stockbroker delivers his $200,000 Bentley to detailing company, gets it back with the engine a little flooded. With your latest "Fail" pic (148)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this weather radar station (59)
(Charlotte Observer) Strange Pop quiz, hot shot: A 7-foot-tall man has to fit into a 6-foot-tall coffin. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? (148)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 204: "A Second Look." Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (77)

Wed April 01, 2009
(FARK) Plug The New Fark Experience - post feedback here (1324)
(Daily Mail) PSA Princess Diana's niece is hot (169)
(Metro) PSA Things not to do if you're the host of a TV cooking show for kids: stun a bunny with an electric probe, cut its throat and then tell your audience of 13-year-olds to skin it (200)
(AZCentral) Sad Despite an incredible spread, it's curtains for the Pink Taco in Scottsdale (77)
(The Scotsman) Cool Recession forcing once-snooty country clubs to allow golfers to play in jeans and cutoff tees (91)
(SLTrib) Dumbass More proof that spray paint fumes kill brain cells: Teen busted for tagging a police car in the parking lot of the police station (38)
(Reuters) Cool Oh boy, God really hates Sweden now (248)
(The Pulse) Asinine When is an April Fool's joke not an April Fool's joke? When it involves zombies and politicians with no discernable sense of humor (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this yellow ranunculus (45)
(Some Guy) Weird "A Bristol secondary school has tried out a new style of sex education by letting teenage pupils examine a line-up of naked men. The youngsters were told to ask which areas of which man's body they wanted to look at" (68)
(Atom) Misc Milking this further, the most disturbing animals on Earth...IV (59)
(AFP) Silly Media across the world pulls April Fool's jokes, post fake news stories to hoodwink readers. Will be followed tomorrow by the inevitable "How much money was lost in productivity due to April Fool's Day" stories (43)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Strip club calls itself McDragan's, puts up sign depicting large curved "M", er, breasts with nipples on them. Surprisingly, McDonald's has a problem with this. McDowell's unavailable for comment (86)
(CNN) Amusing Six examples of workplace rudeness. Like that clown looking over my shoulder while I'm submitting this. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Jerk (313)
(Washington Times-Herald) Asinine Turkey hunt being held to bring children close to God. Turkeys even closer (56)
(The Onion) Satire GAP: For kids, by kids (43)
(FARK) Amusing Pittsburgh Fark Party this Friday April 3rd DIT. LGT Previous Thread (56)
(Telegraph) Amusing British nightclub runs advertisement showing Pope John Paul II boozing it up with a hot blonde. Oddly enough, some people have a problem with this (90)
(Some German) Amusing Sterile man who paid neighbor to impregnate wife sues after six months of failure. Doctor's examination reveals neighbor is also sterile. Then things get all Jerry Springery (127)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Men with a sense of humor have an easier time getting women into bed because females see them as "more intelligent." Tag is for submitter (418)
(AFP) Scary North Sea helicopter crashes with 20 aboard. This is not a repeat from two weeks ago (40)
(WTAM) Dumbass If you're being fitted for an alcohol monitoring bracelet after a DUI, why not have a few beers first? (32)
(First Coast News) Stupid After trying to ruin rock n' roll, Christians are now taking aim at the punk style: Boy gets Jesus mohawk (with vid) (171)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Woman calls 911 after getting locked inside her own car. "It's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well" (130)
(SFGate) Cool Mexican art experts detect fake Frida Kahlo paintings. They've seen lots of fake paintings and can tell by the brushstrokes (57)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Man experiences shear horror after swallowing nail scissors he was using as a toothpick. Not very sharp of him (15)
(WFTV) Florida Sheriff's deputy hospitalized after exposure to toxic fumes in drug lab, says it was his understanding that there would be no meth  T-Shirt (29)
(AFP) Amusing Russian vandal uses explosives to blow hole in back side of statue of Lenin. What an asshole (46)
(Canoe) Silly With every murderer and rapist behind bars, Edmonton begins building a DNA database for dog poop related crimes (36)
(MSNBC) Obvious Should all males be circumcised? Dr. Wang thinks so (566)
(CNN) Obvious "They're picking on us poor people," says the guy paying $60 for a carton of cigarettes (527)
(Some Alien) Amusing What the FARK is going on over at Reddit today??? (69)
(MSNBC) Sad Rio building wall around slums, dances on the sand (56)
(Google) Interesting Catholic bishops warn people to stay away from Reiki, an alternative therapy. Instead, Catholics should stick with normal stuff like eating a guy's body and blood every week (284)
(Yahoo) Interesting 6,000 rare Irrawaddy dolphins found in waters of South Asia. Japan dispatches fishing vessels to investigate (39)
(Some Guy) Amusing The new menace in Kansas: Llamas driving drunk (23)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting Next stop on the Bailout Express: Student loan debt. (with pic of highly employable grad student) (455)
(PennLive) Sad Police arrest three on charges of selling 14 bags of pot at a school. An elementary school. And it was two 10-year-olds and one 9-year-old (54)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Found a cell phone in the street? Sure, go ahead and turn it in at the closest police station if you like being arrested and forced to provide a DNA sample (111)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this glowing planetarium (36)
(Connecticut Post) Weird And now for something completely different: a rabbit with two noses (26)
(Canada.com) Scary Criminals working in airports, according to Canadian Auditor General. She means in addition to the people who charge $5 to check a bag (16)
(Autoblog.com) Amusing 2006 Lamborghini Gallardo for sale. Some assembly required. Modelling experience a plus (35)
(ABC Action News) Florida In a flash of brilliance, burglar attempts to bull rush porch door. Porch door 1, Burglar 0. (with hilarious surveillance vid) (38)
(WCPO) Dumbass On the eve of reporting for Basic, Army recruit gets drunk, starts a fight, steals a fire extinguisher, sets off fire alarm, needing beer he breaks into store, spits on police when they arrive, & goes into convulsions. The Aristocrats (76)
(PennLive) Asinine Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell spends $15 million of federal stimulus money to hire "clowns, magicians, and comedians (nothing blue)" to perform at malls in order to boost the state's mood (144)
(BBC) Interesting Passenger train from London reaches southwest England after 37 years, setting a new record for punctuality (20)
(Japan Times) Spiffy Honda invents thought control machine, says Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer (59)
(Komo) Dumbass Grandmother drives 103 mph, says she was teaching grandson dangers of speeding. Grandson looks forward to the "dangers of cannabis" lesson (34)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Group recreates a room sized WW II code breaking machine with all of the computational power of a cell phone (77)
(Yahoo) Followup Taliban Leader: We will strike America in Spectacular ways and...hey, what's that buzzing sound? Sounds kind like a huge model airplane." (242)
(AP) Fail Man wanted for stealing prosthetic leg. Police think he skipped town (40)
(CNN) Interesting For Sale: slightly used massive prison. A steal at $2 billion. Buyer responsible for care and feeding of current tenants (39)
(TBO) Dumbass Man accused of stealing umarked FBI car uses the "I'm just here to buy some crack cocaine" excuse. Really (11)
(SacBee) Cool UC Davis Entertainment Council ensures the students study hard by showing "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge", a hardcore porn film starring Belladonna, Sasha Grey and Jenna Haze (167)
(3 News New Zealand) Fail 'Twitchiker' fails in round-the-world journey after failing to find a way to convince a ship captain to sail him across the treacherous Antarctic sea in 140 characters or less (39)
(The Sun) Stupid Britain's first ever animal gym opens, allowing your dog to work off his steak with Pawlates (12)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Man who ran one of Khmer Rouge's most notorious prison: "Sorry, my bad" (78)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Scientists say Botox is good for you because it prevents your face from frowning and that helps keep you happy (39)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this elephantine egg (60)
(Globe and Mail) Dumbass Evicting a wheelchair bound woman from an assisted-living facility is not as easy as you think when she has a rifle (24)
(MSNBC) Spiffy I saw a turtle... get sick, and swim to the turtle hospital (48)
(Some Stoner) Dumbass Man gets stoned, has his step-brother shoot him in the leg "so he knows what it feels like" (65)
(Some Guy) Interesting Wohmah woo bih awf lohvahs tang thailed (56)

Tue March 31, 2009
(AP) Dumbass Mom accused of supplying beer and alcohol to 13 and 14 year-olds at birthday party where two girls were later hospitalized after passing out. Offered $10 to the first kid who could chug a glass of vodka (137)
(CBS Sacramento) Fail Today's "college sends 'Congrats' e-mail to 30,000 rejected applicants" story is brought to you by UC San Diego (100)
(Some Guy) Florida Fark pro tip headline search terms: Hot redhead, high school teacher, fired, stalking, arrested, charter boat featuring bikini-clad and topless women, (SFW) (118)
(Telegraph) Fail White House press kit states Britain is "slightly smaller than Oregon." Because the Oregon is a unit of measurement everyone in Europe is familiar with (207)
(Seacoastonline.com) Scary The wheels on the bus come flying off, flying off, flying off. The wheels on the bus come flying off, bouncing all through town (41)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this rubber round up (32)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman thrown out of bar: "I know the management has the right to refuse service but [she was] using that right to impose her opinions about what pregnant women should and shouldn't be consuming" (147)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman is in a hurry to take her dogs for a walk and is frustrated at motorists parking on her stretch of shared driveway, so she does the only logical thing and boxes in an ambulance on an emergency call, resulting in the death of her neighbor (165)
(Canada.com) Obvious Male student in Ottawa, Canada gets high-fives from all his friends for sexing up the teacher, while the teacher gets a hastily cancelled Facebook account and criminal charges. This is not what she was promised in the Van Halen video (70)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Maine Dept of Human Services sets up a counseling service for "problem gamblers" in response to a new casino. In the two years it's been active, and $250,000 later, not a one person has been treated. What are the odds? (33)
(Fox News) Dumbass Reigning Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, on her tour of Guantanamo Bay: "It was a loooot of fun I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place" (123)
(AP) Asinine Iowa zoo sets up special phone lines to handle pranksters calling zoo on April 1 asking for "Mr. Albert Ross," "Mr. C. Lyon," "Ms. Anna Conda," and "Mr. Don Key." (53)
(Daily Mail) Weird If you're about to be evicted from your home after having spent years harassing your neighbours, you might as well go out with a bang (50)
(Komo) Dumbass Convenience store robber celebrates "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" a month early (22)
(Some Guy) Cool Farker PattonX's wife is running a triathlon to kick the crap out of cancer. Calling upon the power of Fark to help her reach her goal (87)
(AP) Amusing The Jobless gather for the 'Unemployment Olympics'. Gotta do something to kill time, right? (22)
(CBS Boston) Weird Mannequin prompts bomb scare in Boston. This is not a repeat of the 1987 movie release (62)
(Reuters) Spiffy Letting homeless alcoholics drink to their hearts content can save taxpayers a bundle (78)
(LA Times) Stupid Student of Arab heritage wants the University of California to expand the ethnicity choices on applications because she's not white, but more of a light tan or creamy taupe (238)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Drunk woman chambers round, holds gun to head, pulls trigger. "Shooting believed to be accidental" (59)
(Zug.com) Amusing MIT students celebrate April Fool's Day prank; Harvard students call the cops (102)
(Yahoo) Scary When you notice your son's maternity ward ID tag has a different mothers name on it it's probably not a good idea to wait two years to mention it (60)
(Denver Post) Hero The US Supreme Court just needs one sentence to tell Phillip Morris to STFU and give the lady the money she won in court...plus ten years interest (187)
(The Sun) Weird "He volunteered to police that he had a stick and a torch inserted in his anus for sexual gratification". The Sun is there, it's just not shining  T-Shirt (80)
(Denver Post) Dumbass Deputy gets his job back after spraying a rabbit with Mace for no apparent reason. These types of animal abuse stories make me want to rip out my hare (57)
(CBC) Stupid Principal who installed cellphone jamming device in school forced to unplug it after a group of students scream that their rights had been taken away (343)
(UPI) Dumbass Guy falls asleep at work, is punished with trip to Boston (50)
(Some Guy) Asinine Police forced to pay £400,000 in damages to CSI tech who cut his finger examining one of their cars. Horatio Cane looks over the rim of his sunglasses and raises a quizzical eyebrow (74)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Boy scout earns his "attacked by a bobcat" badge (54)
(Some Guy) Florida 37-year-old woman attacks 69-year-old boyfriend in the shower after becoming convinced he was having an affair, although with that kind of hotness at home, one wonders why he'd even consider it (mugshot) (165)
(BBC) Scary Yemeni tribe captures Dutch couple who were unable to escape because of their horrible wooden shoes and being high on weed and because they were having sex with a prostitute at the time. Dutch rudder (54)
(Canada.com) Cool Ever wish your car had rocket launchers, machine guns and was street legal? Finally, a solution for Bond and road rage enthusiasts everywhere (78)
(AP) PSA Seven years are up. Time to paint the Eiffel Tower (44)
(Some Guy) Amusing The ancient story of Passover... As told by Facebook (49)
(Gizmodo) Strange If you thought the Snuggie was a nifty way to keep warm and not a spectacular waste of $15, you're going to love the Peekaru. Oh yeah, there's a picture (101)
(Toronto Star) Unlikely Increasingly desperate Saskatchewan now offering people $20,000 to move there (83)
(Reuters) Interesting China's Snow Beer overtakes Bud Light as most popular in world. A drinky-boom-boom down (182)
(TC Palm) Florida In what may be a first in the history of baseball, officials want to press charges after somebody steals second base (40)
(MSNBC) Amusing Experts now say it's okay for kids to watch their parents fight because it teaches conflict resolution. Especially when mommy has to explain why there's a new "bedroom daddy" in the house every Wednesday and Friday (101)
(Daily Mail) Hero In the blue corner, we have a 5'4" 50 year old former pub landlady, and in the red corner we have a 6'2" 28 year old man armed with a knife. Since you're reading this on Fark, you know who to bet on (47)
(The Sun) Stupid Apparently Google Street View is a way to spy on your husband. No word on how a single image without a date can constitute spying. The Sun is there. Submitter saw them on Street View (57)
(Philly) Dumbass If you're a police officer and you're driving around a college journalism student to show them what life on the job is like, it's probably not a good idea to go on a racist tirade about African Americans (357)
(Some Guy) Interesting This article has everything, pirates, porn, and Roman Catholic Priests cursing shop owners (49)
(Canoe) Asinine Cancer patient who didn't display her handicapped sticker properly gets $450 ticket , cancer (77)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Chicago man gets two notices in the mail for a single parking ticket, complains about it; city's responds rationally and apologizes for the problem. Just kidding, it floods the guy with multiple violation notices (81)
(Some Tweaker) Dumbass If your probation officer is stopping by the house for a visit, it might be a good idea to clean up the meth lab and throw a blanket or two over the truckloads of stolen goods cluttering up the place (26)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this feed fort (32)
(News.com.au) Strange Waving guns and masturbating naked at your neighbors is apparently a Salvadoran friendship ritual...at least when tequila and prescription medications are involved (48)
(Some Guy) Florida Daddy's been laid off, and that means he has more time to spend with the family. In Florida, that's not a good thing (36)
(WFTV) Florida If your dentist's office consists of a lawn chair in the back of a pickup truck, you might want to consider finding a new dentist (21)
(Telegraph) Sick "Moderate" Afghan Prez sends womens' rights back to the Dark Ages. Yay democracy (306)
(Some Guy) Amusing North Andover Andover Andover man survives SUV rollover  T-Shirt (54)
(Jet-Point) Cool The best pictures of birds stealing peoples' ice cream that you'll see all day (92)
(BBC) Interesting Remember Voltron? How there were five lions and they were awesome and then they'd merge and form an even awesomer robot that kicked awesome robot ass? The Polypill is just like that. Except it's a pill (99)
(AL.com) Stupid Teacher-turned-lawmaker convicted of stealing over $100,000 from school system. The community's response? Hold a rally for her in school gymnasium, but don't tell the media. They might get the wrong impression (47)
(Toronto Sun) Interesting Canadian fans arrested, Tased after riot at hocke....what? Soccer? Really? They have that there? (85)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly Columnist proposes saving errands for a single day and pre-planning route between destinations in order to save money. EVERYBODY PLAN IT (66)
(Globe and Mail) Stupid 'Consensual living' movement growing in popularity, as parents pretend that children who have barely learned to not poop their pants have important thoughts and feelings (326)
(ABC News) Strange Almost.. keep going... almost... yes... yes.. omg.. omg.. almost... oh god... please... yes... no.. no.. so close (134)
(Metro) Strange I baptise you in the name of the father, the son, and the Cola ghost (32)
(Kansas City) Unlikely Smoker of 55 years claims nicotine has helped him live longer by killing bacteria in his blood. Oh, and his lungs are probably cleaner than yours (130)
(AJC) Dumbass Student shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, by principal's disciplinary method (50)
(CNN) Scary Conficker.c, the April Fool's worm, will destroy your computer, ruin your life, fark your girl, kill your dog, and foreclose on your house. Or something (428)
(SMH) Interesting Aussie gang steals $800,000 from parking meters. They were identified by their extremely large pockets (30)
(M.E.N) Sick Doc denies use of dutch rudder during operations. Witnesses claim he's up the creek without a paddle (38)
(AP) Amusing In a move nobody in the company's history ever planned to make, Ford now emulating Hyundai (90)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man bucks the trend, makes off with doe in West Deer bank robbery. They'll fawn over this one in prison (12)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fake coyote placed in city park to scare away Canada geese. Since this is Fark, you know it doesn't end there (72)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Convicted felon gets arrested, spends the night at the police station, is transferred to central booking, appears before a judge, then gets sent to county lock up. With a loaded gun. Ooopsie (18)
(Some Guy) Interesting Drexel to cut tuition for unemployed graduate students, others with debilitating redundancies (26)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Sun Times Medai Group files for bankruptcy (54)
(SacBee) Sad Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really  T-Shirt (56)
(Telegraph) Amusing If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. But don't go rushing to call the cops; it's just a man in disguise (10)
(Daily Mail) Amusing PE teacher in trouble for posting "provocative" lingerie pictures on modeling Web site, is to be laid over the headmaster's knee and receive a spanking and... I'll be in my bunk (mildly not safe for work) (162)
(Phuket Gazette) Sick The suspect said that he had been planning revenge for months after the victim's husband tied his penis to his big toe when he passed out during a drinking session. Then it gets all rapey (66)
(WTMJ) Strange Police plan to provide advertisements for underage drinking parties. Wait, what? (29)
(Daily Mail) Strange Traffic cop does celebratory pole dance as her colleague writes someone a ticket (29)
(Excite) Florida Alligator breaks into home. Then he gets all bitey (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this drivers' side mirror (87)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state firemen to be given hijabs and turbans so they don't offend 'burning persons of other faiths' (168)
(ABC News) Cool ABC asks "what can't you do with bacon," brings in a baconographer to find out. No word if she graduated from the Fark School of Baconography (72)
(Some Guy) Obvious Toaster turns 100. Slow news day (73)
(CTV) Interesting Toddler has rare genetic disorder that gives him 40% more muscle mass than normal. "He could do the iron cross when he was 5 months old" (321)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida City employee takes "casual Friday" entirely too serious (73)
(Daily Mail) Strange Man stabbed partner to death after she became obsessed with playing Grand Theft Auto...wait, what? (77)
(News.com.au) Dumbass No matter how you phrase it, showing a 4-year-old a knife and telling him you are going to chop off his penis is not proper childcare technique (74)

Mon March 30, 2009
(Some Guy) Asinine Police arrest man suspected of trying to peek up women's skirts. Their first clue was that he was on the ground looking up women's skirts (65)
(AJC) Scary Boy awarded $2.3 million after his penis was severed in a botched circumcision. Hopefully he'll use the money to get a head in life (380)
(Some Guy) Strange We'll just call this one The Jesus Plea: mother accused of killing her son has "agreed to plead guilty to a lesser charge on one condition: The charges against her must be dropped if her son is resurrected" (183)
(The Sun) Silly Blurry, indistinct bubbles in Google Earth photo taken for UFOs, the Sun is there (75)
(Some Hillbilly Newspaper) Strange Pop Machine blows up in Cedar Rapids. Wait, Pop? It's soda you morans (226)
(Sebring 12 Hour) Photoshop Photoshop French racing emotions (64)
(Cracked) Amusing Welcome to the Kingdom of Redonda, a tiny island nation one square mile in area, which is also a tiny island nation one square mile in area (84)
(AZCentral) Obvious Photo of New York City dating back to 1848 sells for $62k. This is the last known photo showing the city without a working Starbucks (43)
(The Sun) Weird Woman has to have pine cone surgically removed from her hoo-hoo. The Sun is there (193)
(NCBuy) Scary Babson College in Massachusetts unexpectedly treats 100 students to an all-expenses-paid simulation of a Carnival Cruise Line experience (32)
(UPI) Dumbass Cool: High school teacher discusses bondage, sadomasochism, and genital piercing with her students. Not cool: Primary school teacher discusses bondage, sadomasochism, and genital piercing with her pupils (55)
(Fox News) Interesting Explosions and fireballs in West Virginia sky may have been Russian rocket. EVERYONE PANIC (75)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state bishops refuse to ring church bells in case it 'upsets people from other religions' (68)
(Oscar Mayer) Stupid Two cops, one bologna sandwich, a cell phone, and a penis. Good times (32)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Oompa Loompa charged with obstruction of justice (64)
(AZCentral) Sad Dear old people -- We're going to need you to make some really bad decisions about your health or commit a crime so we can send you to jail, where we can care for you more cheaply. Sincerely, young people (85)
(Daily Mail) Amusing The latest fad in portable classrooms...decommissioned planes. (w/photos) (35)
(Reuters) Interesting An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, but it could give you a false positive on a breathalyzer (71)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Remember that time you created a two-liter "bomb" using tinfoil and chemicals, and DIDN'T manage to injure four kids in your class? These kids don't (124)
(Some Guy) Strange Canadian cops can't figure out why someone would steal five tractor trailers full of Pepsi, but they double the guard at local Mentos warehouse just to be safe (48)
(UPI) Amusing Lake County, Ohio water was extra fabulous this weekend (68)
(My San Antonio) Sad On the first day Six Flags Over Texas started selling beer, most customers said it was too cold for beer (114)
(WTVN) Amusing Man cited for DUI on motorized.... barstool. w/ pic (56)
(Some Dead Guys) Interesting 24 soft shell tacos, 6 enchiladas, 6 tostados, 2 onions, 5 jalapenos, 2 cheeseburgers, 1 chocolate shake, 1 quart of milk and 1 pack of Marlboro cigarettes. (Prohibited by TDCJ policy) (378)
(Reuters) Fail Sydney plunges into darkness just two days after 'Earth Hour' when four high-voltage lines failed. God LOLs (85)
(Some Guy) Florida Sheriff's deputies are looking for two armed robbery suspects, letting all one armed robbery suspects slide just this once (14)
(Daily Express) Fail Idiot pirates off coast of Somalia try to board NATO warship sent there to combat piracy (201)
(Metro) Scary Every man's nightmare: somebody forged the judges signature on your divorce and it turns out that You're. Still. Married. (55)
(Daily Mail) Fail Drunken students attempt to steal dinosaur, forget how obvious carrying a large dinosaur looks to police (31)
(Cracked) Amusing Three classic April Fool's tricks you can play on your friends (132)
(Some Guy) Plug Cleveland Fark Party 4/17 @ 8 PM during Notacon. Drew will be there, details in thread (39)
(MLive) Followup Judge tells car wash sex criminal that he humiliated Saginaw. Sucks to be him (56)
(Farker) Scary Farker's Mom is missing. Please help find her (453)
(Some Guy) Cool Atheist bus sign generator. Thank God someone created this (406)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Amusing When 3 family members get arrested for fighting over a dog it makes you wonder why... then you see this hilarious mug shot and you just know. Poor dog (74)
(Some Guy) Strange In what may be the least stealthy bank robbery of all time, man steals an excavator from a construction site and uses it to peel back the bank doors (20)
(Time) Obvious An area the size of San Francisco is lying unused or vacant in Detroit (282)
(Metro) Interesting "In class you'll hear, 'Oooohhhhhh ahhhhhh' when someone gets sent porn. It happens all the time" (83)
(Onion AV Club) Interesting 25 albums that work best when played straight through (581)
(Drew) FarkBlog Optical Aleutians, Funxsutawney Steele and Kirstie Alley rolling over in her gravy: Headlines of the Week 3/22 - 3/28 (22)
(AHN) Dumbass Plane forced to land after woman freaks out, attacks man at restroom, turns anger on flight attendant and is then subdued by six men. Looks like she picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines (81)
(WFTV) Amusing 71 year old not satisfied with farmer's market mayhem decides to exercise his 2nd Amendment right and teach a punk kid some respect for his slow driving elders (73)
(Some Guy) Interesting Colorado to require massage therapists to be state-licensed. "We were lucky that our surfboards were already waxed and ready to go," says Double Entendre, a local masseuse (35)
(My Fox DC) Interesting DC to ban see-through clothes and accessories with protruding metal spikes in school. Whatever, as long as you can still buy drugs and have sex in the bathrooms (67)
(TSN) Amusing "The greatest athlete I ever saw, pound for pound, slept beside my bed and drank out of my toilet" (98)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Symptoms: person staggering down the sidewalk, meandering from side to side, babbling incoherently. Drunk? High? No, it's cell phone intoxication (44)
(Homestar Runner) Cool The secret is this: We take a classic cartoon, and bookend it with my snarky wagglehead on an old computer (37)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious How to craft a winning resume. There are no typos in this headline because submitter is a perfectionist, hopes it goes green because he's very goal-oriented, but he understands if it doesn't because he's a team player (123)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass North Dakota woman arrested for DUI after driving car onto levee, also charged with misunderstanding lyrics to "American Pie" (29)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Witches are bucking the religion trend, though it's kind of a sink-or-swim theology (95)
(Some Household Appliance) Scary "As I showered, shaved, and scrambled into clothes, I tried to shake a weird, paranoid sense that I'd just been psychically raped by a household appliance" (202)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this cow cutting a caper (44)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Scary Elderly man goes into restaurant for lunch. Which wouldn't be a big deal if he'd got out of his car first (18)
(Daily Record (UK)) Unlikely Poll finds that one in ten Scottish adults doesn't know what a sheep looks like, at least from the front (36)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Routine screening urged for teenage depression. Sample questions include: "Do you listen to Fall Out Boy?" "Do you cry during American Idol?" (38)
(Boston Channel) Asinine 16 year old girl shags classmate, only goes to police when video circulates through school (163)
(pantagraph.com) Amusing Cab driver accellerates toward bridge, tells passengers "This will be really cool". Paul Walker and Vin Diesel both cringe, knowing how this will end (41)
(Breitbart.com) Sappy Two rare Clouded Leopard cubs born in captivity. Forecast for today: Clouded but awwwww (30)
(Daily Mail) Fail Driver surprised to find out that the puddle he was driving over was actually the top of a 12-foot deep crater that had filled with water (50)
(Telegraph) Cool Highland cow has a beef with going to the slaughterhouse, escapes and survives in the wild for nine months. With such a mooving story and so much at steak, you can bet the media's milking it for all it's worth (57)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's "father of the year candidate arrested for abandoning his kid in a casino parking lot while he went inside to gamble" story brought to you by Calgary (42)
(Time) Interesting Study shows that people are less willing to spend a $100 bill than five $20 bills. Somehow, this relates to the cure for cancer. It must. Why else would they study it? (55)
(BBSpot) Fail Fifteen dead as San Francisco hospital cuts power for Earth Hour (247)
(SLTrib) Scary You're hungry for a Big Mac and fries, but the local McDonald's is only serving the breakfast menu. Do you c) fire two loads of buckshot through the drive-through window from a sawed-off shotgun? (94)
(Des Moines Register) Florida Iowa wants to emulate Florida. God help us all (24)
(Some Guy) Interesting Teen prostitute paid with chicken nuggets. No word on dipping sauce (93)
(Atom) Interesting The evolution of the modern Vampire. From douche to Twilight (171)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not News: Husband tires of mother-in-law's nagging. News: He tries to kill her. Fark: With an anti-tank missile (63)
(New York Daily News) Weird Roland has the coolest mom (36)
(Telegraph) Amusing Not that the line between lawyer and prostitute needed further blurring, but in England they're trying anyway (19)
(SFGate) Ironic Complain about a cop to his supervisor? That's an arrestin'. By the cop you complained about (third item down) (105)
(MyFOXPhoenix) Fail Woman learns the hard way that Grant is on the $50 bill, not Lincoln (45)
(Gizmodo) Amusing When you're stuck and can't find the way, a pair of lacy panties will save the day (54)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida A look at common theme park injury lawsuits, including a woman who claimed to contract rare blood infection from wayward vulture claws, and the guy who fainted from embarrassment after standing in wrong line at Disney World (64)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Fail His new tagger nickname is "Speedbump" (116)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing And if you look to your right, you'll see the Liberty Bell. Betsy Ross rang this bell after George Washington defeated the Confederate Army (108)
(BBC) Scary "Up close they are quite frightening - they look like puppy dogs with big hands, they growl and bark at you, they're vicious things. They'll go for you," says Mrs Nutt (90)
(TC Palm) Florida Sometimes you just have to wonder where your life went wrong after you've been caught hiding in a Great Clips' bathroom after stealing a DVD player from Wal-Mart (22)
(CBS Boston) Hero Two men catch toddler who fell 40 feet from a third-floor window. NFL automatically declares the men ineligible to play for the Giants (77)
(WFTV) Florida Girl scout troop leader unable trefoil robbery and thieves get away with $300 of cookie money (26)
(BBC) Followup Pakistani security forces retake police academy; Commandant Mauser inconsolable (19)
(Charleston Gazette) PSA For the last time: if your work computer is full of porn, don't take it straight to the IT department (142)
(Some Flounder) Scary Man shot in head with spear-gun survives. With friends like that, who needs anemones? (36)
(Google) News Pakistani cops capture gunman in attack on police academy; now on the lookout for series of progressively less amusing copycat attacks (44)
(Time Out New York) Caption Today's Iron Caption contest ingredient: SNL's Bill Hader. Difficulty: post the pic inline above your caption (37)
(The Sun) Weird Man dies while using Wii Fit. Bonus: They're calling it Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (114)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this woman walking on water (41)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Cones (30)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this art aficionado (41)
(Daily Mail) Sad Family of three (including pregnant mother) die in fire when police, citing "health and safety rules", prevent citizens from trying to rescue family while waiting for fire dept (266)
(Yahoo) Amusing "Helga I love you. Would you like to enter into a long-term contractual agreement, declaring that we will exchange material and sentimental goods?" (36)
(Daily Express) Amusing If you're called Charlotte, Tina, Amy, Tara, Andrew, Edward, Tim, Owen, Lynn or Ben: Cheer. The. Fark. Up (81)
(Daily Mail) Obvious New report calls on fathers to be given four months of paid paternity leave, arguing that labor was just as tough on them as the mother (72)
(AL.com) Asinine Newspaper reports Alabama, Auburn Universities spent over $500,000 flying their trustee in schools' three corporate jets. Universities have private corporate jets? (84)
(Daily Express) Obvious Bald men are five-times less likely to get laid. It's not news... it's Obvious (229)
(Daily Express) Amusing Passengers on cruise ship stage modern-day mutiny...because the captain refuses to dock anywhere (61)
(AccessAtlanta) Silly Having dumped 30 percent of its reporters, Atlanta Journal-Constitution publishes hard-hitting report, er... list ... of "meat and three" restaurants (87)
(some Yat) Amusing New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin could lose his Dallas home to foreclosure. Wait... Dallas? (88)

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