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GoogleWeb Fark
Sun April 19, 2009
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this person picking (38)
(Some Guy in stiches) Fail "Honey, clear the table and bring me your sewing kit. I'm gonna fix these blasted hemorrhoids once and for all" (76)
(Some Quick-stepper) Asinine Word of diarrhea vaccine leaked to paper (135)
(Boston Globe) Weird Marine flies across the country with explosives in his checked luggage, only to be discovered when the airline screws up and has to rescreen. Bonus: charged with possession of an infernal machine (58)
(Livingston Daily) PSA Please don't flash your genitals at the Comcast repair man (45)
(KnoxNews) Amusing Sorry guys...she's taken (233)
(Huffington Post) Strange "When you think of the beautiful natural world, do you think, "I want the environment to be as clean as my vagina." No? Well, maybe you should" (105)
(Philly) Ironic Man in wheelchair dies after being hit by bus; man was in wheelchair because he was previously hit by bus (93)
(Some Guy) Amusing Collection agency is in ur myspace, lookin for ur daddy's Mercedes (175)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Five police agencies dispatched after woman reports abduction of little girl. Unfortunately she got some details wrong (156)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass News: Student beaten at school, rushed into surgery. Fark: Administrator defended not calling the police saying "at the time of the incident, the administrators didn't know a crime had been committed" (93)
(AP) Asinine Drinking water may have all sorts of drugs like lithium and nitroglycerin dumped in. You'd think we'd be an awful lot healthier, wouldn't you? (71)
(Telegram) Obvious Today's catching fish in a barrel story is from Worcester, Mass were 50 people are arrested in a Craigslist sex sting (106)
(Some Sleeping Dog) Silly Singing dog alarm clock features paws button, is a mutt's have, inspires awful puns (32)
(OK! Magazine) Amusing Cheeky baby macaque plays hide and seek with his mother...causing nearby monkey to burst out laughing [pics] (61)
(E! Online) Asinine "Exactly when does 'food' move from the 'bizarre' category to 'sorry, but that's just a foul, disgusting hunk of crap that shouldn't come anywhere near the human mouth?'" (207)
(CBC) Silly University students? Check. Thousands of cute bunnies? Check. Explosive gas? Check. Outrage and indignation? Oh, you betcha (122)
(Some Guy) Scary North Dakota National Guard reinforces dam near LaMoure last night. After midnight, using one-ton sandbags brought in with helicopters. So have a nice day, and sleep with a life preserver tonight (56)
(Daily Star) Amusing The most arrogant 12-year-old in the world says he'd like to meet Michael Jackson so that the two can "compare notes" on performing (some site ads NSFW) (90)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this bear-suited biker (30)
(TBO) Interesting Christians urged to go green for God. And this time they don't mean just cash (316)
(AP) Spiffy Another sign of the bad economy: Penny slot machines paying off (54)
(Daily Express) Dumbass The most ridiculous reader comment in the history of the known universe (294)
(LA Times) Unlikely Supreme Court will decide if it's okay for the school principal to look in your underwear for aspirin (259)
(Daily Express) Interesting The speech Nixon would have made if Neil Armstrong had died on the moon (235)
(Daily Mail) Weird British governments attempt to beat recession by hiring people for bizarre non-jobs, including ceremonial sword-bearer, roller disco coach and tooth-brushing advisor for babies (49)
(First Coast News) Followup Students protest in support of cheerleader coach fired for posing nude in Playboy. Surprisingly, they were all female (239)
(UPI) Amusing Twenty firefighters and two hovercraft combine for dramatic river rescue of seven. Officials say that all seven are doing well and are back in the pasture grazing peacefully. Wait, what? (24)
(ABC News) Interesting If you're looking for a job and are willing to relocate, pick up a cowboy hat, some boots and get ready to act arrogant about your new superiority as a Texan (229)
(Springfield News-Leader) Spiffy Barbie is 50? That's nothing - the Kewpie doll turns 100. Doesn't look a day over... a day old (30)
(NPR) Sad "America's Underinsured Are Swelling." Isn't there something they can take for that? (187)
(YouTube) Weird Congratulations. Effective this past Thursday, you're Canadian. Don't believe me? Ask the moose, the hockey player at the foot of your bed, and the Mountie at your door (84)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this eggman (50)
(News Of The World) Sad If you happen to have a spare $300k lying around, you could buy your very own Oscar-winning nine-year old (102)
(ABC Action News) Florida Man, who won $3.3-million lottery jackpot returns to farm life he grew up in, by opening nude dude ranch (50)
(The New York Times) Spiffy You can sin in Baghdad again. Mission accomplished (126)
(eagle tribune) Strange Guy breaks into this woman's home and makes himself lunch. He figured she wouldn't mind because he dressed in his best tennis outfit (43)
(AP) Sad Woman angers Zeus, who smites her and sends her falling 300 feet to her death on Mt. Olympus (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these sinks (25)
(Herald-Leader) Amusing Nude and armed with a toilet seat? That's a tazerin' (28)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool Except for Tara Reid and hard-core alcoholics who pour it into their water bottles at work, vodak is out. What's in for cocktails? Gin, mezcal and drinks made with elderflower liqueur (228)
(Fox News) News UN implements their state of the art catch and release system to show the world the proper way of handling the piracy problem (198)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange Wok overheats and burns down sex shop. Number 69 off the menu (42)

Sat April 18, 2009
(Telegraph) Weird ♫ The Love Padlock is a little ol' place where ♫ We can get crushed by YEEEEARRRRRGH ♫ (40)
(NYPost) Strange What's the first thing you think of when your fiance suddenly drops dead of a heart attack? If you answered "save the sperm," you win a free babby (81)
(Reuters) Silly Chavez and Obama exchange handshake, high fives and fistbumps. No word on when they'll upgrade to the fish slap dance (447)
(BBC) Strange In these trying economic times, one Australian city has the solution. And that solution is wombat crap (45)
(LiveLeak) Video When the police are about to give you a roadside breath test, you really, really shouldn't do what this guy does (111)
(The Scotsman) Interesting Distilleries bottling whiskies earlier to appeal to younger drinkers, who dislike the 'whiskey' taste that so many single malts have (338)
(ABC News) Dumbass Peoria man smokes his house and nearly waxes his wife while making scented candles in the garage (32)
(AOL) Amusing New way to make fast cash: Wander into a restaurant, ask customers if they are ready to pay their check, take $ and leave. TA DA (81)
(Google) Stupid Associated Press details all current Somali pirate hijackings. It's official: pirates are this year's shark attacks (71)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this affected actor (61)
(USA Today) Cool Study shows Viagra, Cialis don't damage men's vision: There's just no way you're going to poke your own eye out (46)
(My Fox Orlando) Sad Rule #1 of rescuing someone who is drowning: make sure you can swim (64)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Sick Pimping ain't easy, especially when you're a soldier and the girls are teenagers (134)
(Daily Mail) Asinine It doesn't matter whether you're a war reporter, a world famous explorer or a round the world yachtsman, you still need to fill out an eight page health and safety assessment before the BBC will let you light a portable stove (46)
(Boston Globe) Sad Vietnamese immigrants forced to live in neglected, decaying housing; say no matter what, they just can't Nguyen (62)
(io9) Cool A review Farkers can get behind: "'Crank 2' is an epic of sleazy Darwinism" (contains spoilers) (140)
(Telegraph) Strange American man inadvertently turns his wife British by shooting her in the head (70)
(Salem News) Dumbass If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try to rob the same place again (7)
(AP) Asinine Martin Luther King, Jr's children are shaking down the MLK Memorial Foundation for a $1 million "licensing fee" to print excerpts of his speech on the monument (181)
(Diss Express) Followup Police investigating the body parts found across Britain believe the victim "may have been overweight". Although they do add "You'd be overweight too if you had five arms and three heads" (16)
(Blip.tv) Cool It's amazing the kinds of things 30 young women can do with enough rope (98)
(Some Guy) Sad Being near a child and making him feel uncomfortable will now get you questioned by the police (167)
(Telegraph) Dumbass The average wine drinker may as well be eating 184 bags of potato chips per month, according to mathematically challenged journalist (103)
(Jacksonville.com) Obvious These are the adventures of the Starship Farragut. Where many men have gone before (165)
(Some Guy) Interesting Thieves take cement mixer and industrial compressor from construction site. Cops hoping to put the squeeze on these hardened criminals (14)
(Daily Express) Obvious If your neighbors oppose your property rezoning request, what better way to express your displeasure than to blast German marching music 24/7 while goosestepping around your yard giving Nazi salutes? (71)
(CBS News) Interesting Iran clones goat. If they clone a camel, they can have sex ed and driver's ed on the same days (112)
(Some Digger) Photoshop Theme: archaeological discoveries from the ancient American civilization of the early 21st Century (LGT example) (38)
(press-citizen.com) Amusing Cats put their best paw forward for Caturday with their routine as "Circus Cats of Chicago" (425)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Dumbass "Riley was searched at the jail, where corrections officers found a baggie containing a white powdery substance in his rectum. According to the report, Riley quickly grabbed the baggie and tried to chew it." Talk about good shiat (46)
(The Sun) Obvious Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall stops by your seedy tavern to use the restroom and have a sloe gin. Clearly, your next course of action is to rip off the toilet seat and put it on Ebay (67)
(Telegraph) Amusing Tired of vandals tearing up a playing field, councilors enlist the help of a herd of Aberdeen Angus cows. Subby calls bullshiat (18)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Hooters waitresses subdue man hiding in their car. Man complained he had a conservative girlfriend and thought "they looked easy." Media promises to keep us abreast of further developments (151)
(NBC 10 Providence) Dumbass Man arrested after calling 911 with phony bomb threats. "He said he wanted to see police and fire respond in real life. He watches a lot of TV and he wanted to see us respond" (24)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Gemini giant (28)
(The Times of India) Silly Chinese communist party gets upset because German condom company creates an ad showing Mao Zedong, Adolph Hitler and Osama bin Laden as sperm (100)
(Merced Sun-Star) Obvious Female social worker accused of lending teen runaway a helping handjob (with mugshot) (89)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Bar posts Easter 'Sunday mass, get drunk off your ass' special. Surprisingly some people had a problem with this (71)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup "It appears that many correct submissions were, again, aided by sleuths from the Fark Army (of which we've long been members)" (104)

Fri April 17, 2009
(Some Guy) Interesting DNA tests say Lincoln might have had cancer and died had Booth not gotten him first. So does this mean we have to give the holiday back? (142)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Empty pubs could get new lease on life by turning them into alcohol free-bars for teenagers with games, music, soft drinks and convenience food. Back in the days, we called those "arcades" (106)
(Quad City Times) Unlikely Rockridge High school evacuated; cattle raped (212)
(filemagazine.com) Photoshop Photoshop this policeman and percussionist (48)
(Reuters) Florida Playboy names University of Miami the top party school in the nation (137)
(Fox News) Misc 62-year-old man sues police for making him walk home in polar bear pajamas (42)
(WPBeeF) Scary Jesus Christ it's bees, GET IN THE FIRE TRUCK (85)
(Boston Globe) Sappy Big Picture goes to the zoo. Picture #33 is too cute for words (77)
(Telegraph) Interesting Eight foot tall Chinese man soon to be named world's tallest man. Yao Ming weeps (56)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Dumbass Rich man meets woman on SeekingArrangement.com. What could go wrong? (w/hittable pic) (120)
(The Smoking Gun) Cool This week's TSG mugshot roundup: these are the kids your parents warned you about (273)
(UPI) Interesting Karaoke bar posts sign announcing: "We are not a gay bar." Hilarity ensues (204)
(CNN) Amusing Tourists from the U.S. need to fight the 'ugly American' stereotype. But how are we supposed to do that when people in most countries don't even speak American? (358)
(Canoe) Sappy Saplings from Anne Frank's tree to be planted in 10 US cities. Arbor macht tree  T-Shirt (98)
(Seattle Times) Cool Nine universities recently received $45M from anonymous donor. Schools promise not to out the submitter (81)
(Google) Hero Michigan mayor asks for ticket after being given only a warning for speeding, says he didn't want there to be any favoritism (136)
(CBS Salt Lake City) Amusing White kids spared from embarrassment trying to dance to rap when Utah school cancels Glasses Malone performance at prom (76)
(AP) Obvious EPA finds greenhouse gases hazardous to health. And not in that "Al Gore, we all gonna die" way, but actually dangerous to people. Right now (502)
(CBC) Asinine Get your cellphone stolen while backpacking in Peru? That'll be $24,000 please (202)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Oh my God, I'm looking at a baby ... I didn't know my wife was pregnant ... There's like, baby poop all over his head. Ugh, disgusting" (214)
(Des Moines Register) Followup Gay marriage may be legal in Iowa, but that doesn't mean city clerks are going to violate their religious beliefs and process those license requests (703)
(Some Guy) Ironic Two men shot dead at gun-control rally (153)
(CNN) Amusing "Our top story on CNN today, Ashton Kutcher has more friends on Twitter than we do." Its not news, its CNN (93)
(Daily Mail) Sad Scuba-diving Satanists hack off arms of submerged Jesus statue (293)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The wind (59)
(MSNBC) Amusing What better place for a high school cheerleaders' field trip than a male strip club? (147)
(CNN) Cool You're gonna love Maya nuts (80)
(The Consumerist) Scary Forget the repo man -- new cars are going to come equipped with a "kill switch" that enables the manufacturer to shut down your vehicle until you pay up (233)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid Reason #47 that the rest of the world hates us: Tupperware parties for pets (33)
(The Consumerist) Obvious "Revolutionary" new sex spray designed to help men last longer may cause penile rashes and burning vaginas. To be fair, either one of those symptoms is likely to seriously delay orgasm (85)
(ABC News) Fail Watch out, your balls might explode (76)
(11 year old at Taco Bell) Scary 'How come two women were coming out of the bathroom and why were two guys in there? And they were making funny noises (161)
(My Fox) Cool $3,000 chihuahua puppy returned to pet store with note, which presumably asked the store why anyone would pay three grand for a jittery rat (107)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Sad Baltimore high school teacher decides having sex with her students isn't original enough, and is charged with selling crack cocaine in large volume (64)
(Some Guy) Scary Australian residents increasingly jumpy after woman attacked by 'hungry kangaroo' (19)
(Some Guy) Scary Her sex screams were so loud that even her half-deaf neighbour complained (169)
(Some Badass Gal) Hero Wife tracks down stolen car by cross checking stolen cell phone records and harassing the thiefs' family members and friends... and then it gets better (188)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This weeks TSG photo contest. Name the Hollywood star who was arrested in the pictured house. We got skunked last week, lets not make a habit of it. Contest ends 4pm Eastern (100)
(USA Today) Interesting Saturday is "Record Store Day." Hmm? Oh, sure. A "record" is a vinyl disc with grooves in it that, when played on a "record player" would play music. They used to be sold in buildings called "stores" (165)
(KCCI Des Moines) Strange Lord, perhaps I wasn't specific in my prayer. I wanted to find a young, fit, drunk FEMALE stranger passed out in my hot tub (34)
(The Local (Germany)) Interesting Problem: Prostitutes are suffering from a lack of trade due to the financial crisis. Solution: 'Full service' being offered for just €20 and patrons get free snacks (94)
(Some Guy) Stupid Police officer injured in hit-and-run. Difficulty: Suspect's car did not hit the police car or the police officer (122)
(Some Guy) Plug Cleveland Fark Party 4/17 @ 8 PM during Notacon (conf attendence not required for the party). Drew will be there, details in thread (thread now open) (63)
(TorrentFreak) News Pirate Bay founders sentenced to one year of pound-me-in-the-arrrrrse prison (695)
(CBS Baltimore) Interesting Gang members were able to smuggle seafood dinners, cigars, drugs, weapons, cell phones, and luxuries such as champagne into Maryland prisons. But, it really cost them in the end (67)
(Stanford University) Amusing AP: " You made art out of our photograph without permission." Shepard Fairey: "Yeah, but you guys photograph art without permission all the time." AP: "Um... well..." (120)
(Stuff) Dumbass "Don't drink and drive" doesn't mean "Don't call in a fake armed robbery to distract the police so you can drive home" (71)
(BBC) Sad Boy falls into a vat of caustic soda. No lye (141)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mining machine in the mist (42)
(The Sun) Strange Today's Darwin Award goes to the stand-up comedian killed by inhaling laughing gas while watching porn (161)
(Metro) Weird Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube (137)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Hero Bartender breaks world record for making 662 drinks in an hour, he also breaks the hearts of Farkers everywhere when most are poured out (55)
(London Times) Sad My how times have changed: The French President openly called the American President a cowardly, indecisive wimp (690)
(Fox News) Dumbass Not news: Man convicted of operating vehicle under the influence. News: He's a driver's ed instructor. Fark: He was in the passenger seat giving a lesson (23)
(The Raw Story) Scary You know what bugs me? Learning that the Bush administration approved using insects in interrogations (592)
(Tinypic) Caption Caption P-Diddy and his possible confusion (96)
(BBC) PSA Health warning for hairy woman. Yes, there is a OMFG what has been seen can not be unseen pic. Queue the Austin Powers quotes (215)

Thu April 16, 2009
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Are you in legal trouble? Don't call Perry Mason (68)
(Des Moines Register) Strange Don't you hate it when a burglar breaks into your home and pees in your bathtub, in your kitchen sink, and on a sack of potatoes (53)
(Komo) Dumbass Woman drives over teenager, pays him $5 to quietly moan in pain (62)
(LA Times) Amusing Sheep go to Heaven, goats go to Carl's Jr (76)
(NCBuy) Amusing Al Capone. Gangster, bootlegger, extortionist, tax evader, and... writer of show tunes (21)
(Forbes) Sad Citing real estate market conditions, Port Authority of New York proposes indefinitely putting off building of WTC towers. 9/11/01: We have forgotten (254)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this creepy eye (108)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange McDonald's golden arches topple in high winds, crush couple. Police investigating if they couldn't get away due to fallen arches (65)
(AP) Ironic VA Tech honors slain students by running three miles at the sound of a gun (83)
(Telegraph) Obvious Schoolgirl: "Please save my horsy." Mobile Company: "Who cares?" Schoolgirl: "He's got a marking identical to your company logo." Mobile Company: "how much money do you need?" (90)
(AFP) Sappy Sinatra's "My Way" ranked as #1 popular song to play at funerals, narrowly beating out "Another One Bites the Dust," "Highway to Hell" (285)
(ABC Action News) Florida County begins to charge inmates for their incarceration in new "get charged, then get charged" program (103)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Female Domino's Pizza prankster is a registered sex offender. Was involved in illicit acts with a 14-year-old girl (177)
(PIX11 News) Stupid Woman sues for $160M after spilling hot hair-removal wax on her body after microwaving it too long. Women everywhere douse themselves with hot McDonald's coffee in a show of solidarity (250)
(Seacoastonline.com) PSA If you only pay one bill this month, make sure it's the one for restitution for denting a police cruiser with your head (39)
(CNN) Stupid Deceased Mexican drug cartel bosses are buried in mausoleums surrounded by bullet-proof glass, which probably would have come in handy at some point in the recent past (47)
(Metro) PSA Breasts should not be operated on using veterinary instruments (363)
(CBC) Unlikely Hells EHngels? Biker gangs have sprung up in Canada; are just like their U.S. counterparts except they use quiet mufflers on their bikes to be considerate of others, and main form of intimidation is strongly-worded letters (184)
(CBC) Sad Man, distressed at finding out he's flying to Nunavut, Canada, pries door of plane open at 23,000 feet and jumps to his death (183)
(RedOrbit) Scary Don't post a photo of your ballot online unless you want to spend a year getting intimate with your new cellmate, Hanging Chad (101)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Video games based on movies are notoriously crappy, but here are 10 examples of the game somehow being better than the movie it was based on (326)
(Telegraph) Weird Talk to the hand (48)
(myFOXaustin) Amusing Drunk man tries to make a quick getaway on a steamroller. That's just flat stupid (58)
(Barricade) Florida One guy's solution to eliminate America's financial problems and a Fark tag (294)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this Korg Kaossilator (48)
(English Russia) Cool If the Mad Max scenario ever happens, the guy who did this Chevy Camaro modification is ready (203)
(Yahoo) Followup Maersk Alabama crewmen back with families, trading one ordeal of powerlessness and marginalization for another (47)
(Telegraph) Sad There's too much British weirdness in this obituary to fit in the headline so we'll start with "As a piece of eroticism I prefer kipper fillets with brown bread" and take it from there. Lemon curry (41)
(The Sun) Scary Pe nis (254)
(Canada.com) Weird Even if a man on the dance floor is using "gay tactics," don't release your "inner cannibal" (40)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves  T-Shirt (134)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man jailed for 21 days after urinating on fellow passenger on airline flight. Guess he forgot the number one rule of air travel (76)
(Some Frowning Guy) Interesting Department of Justice is full of shenanigans about drug-related incarcerations, racial data is calculated nearly three-fifths off (151)
(New York Daily News) Unlikely How do you get to Carnegie Hall? YouTube, YouTube, YouTube (43)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man crashes through airport fence, heads for parked plane claiming he needed to "get to Israel" and that he had "all the answers." Bonus: plane was missing its propellers (85)
(dailynews.com) Interesting Sheriff's Department cracking down on Sheriff's Department after alcohol-related arrests doubled last year (39)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Government Minister believes that the best way to improve classroom behaviour is to introduce rowdy youths to the world of gambling (20)
(MSNBC) Sick Man bites off end of own penis. Police found him after receiving an anonymous tip  T-Shirt (177)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Swedish woman charged for attempting to castrate her boyfriend with a stun gun. Thankfully he put up enough resistance, but it's still a shocking story (58)
(Metro) Cool New London cocktail bar pumps alchohol into the atmosphere, saving you the hassle of queuing at the bar (59)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Elderly woman sees orange glow in bathroom, evacuates home and calls 911. The Sun is there (45)
(Seacoastonline.com) Cool Turns out there is a tribe of atheists deep in the Amazonian jungle, where divorce is free, fat people get shallow graves, and common sense rules sexy time. They're even converting the missionaries (925)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state to give 12-year-old girls breastfeeding lessons (74)
(Some Guy) Amusing Bank robber tries to disguise himself by dressing as a woman, but his man hands gave him away. Not that there's anything wrong with it (20)
(Sky News) Silly "Bo", the First Dog, gets a book deal. It is for $5M upfront, 11.5% of the hardcover sales, 5.375% of paperback sales, but includes unlimited buttsniffery privileges (56)
(Ottawa Citizen) Ironic Flint upset that it's being compared to Ottawa (54)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Historical figures as rock stars (116)
(SLTrib) Asinine Two fifth-graders who looked at porn on a school computer may face criminal charges (143)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass 50-year-old mother spends £10,000 on surgery to look like daughter (190)
(Local10) Obvious Mechanics capitalize on drivers' ignorance, record low prices for blinker fluid (145)
(Daily Star) Asinine Council's brilliant, cost-free plan to slow down traffic: Stop filling in the holes in the road (50)
(WWL) Amusing "Police say alcohol may have been a factor in fight over the can of pork and beans which preceded the stabbing" (45)
(Albany Times Union) Sad It's your standard boy-meets-girl (at 12-step meeting), boy-loses-girl, boy gets pancreatic cancer, girl comes back after ten years, boy and girl die within nine hours of each other story (67)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 206: "Graves II: The Dead Zone" (225)

Wed April 15, 2009
(Abc.net.au) Cool Life imitates bad Samuel Jackson movie - Plane grounded due to snakes (81)
(Some Guy) Obvious Seattle Children's Theater seeks IT professional to fill job opening. Must love children, though not as much as the last IT guy  T-Shirt (46)
(Some Chick) Hero Woman chases burglar out of her home, tackles him and then bites a chunk out of his finger to save as DNA evidence resulting in his arrest. Chick has balls (54)
(Washington Post) Stupid Instead of topics like the war, the economy, or taxes, George Will decides to write a column complaining that too many adults wear denim. "Denim on the bourgeoisie is the wardrobe equivalent of driving a Hummer to a Whole Foods store" (188)
(MSNBC) Dumbass If you're going to try to smuggle rare tortoises into the US, it's probably not the best idea to hide them in a box labeled "live scorpions", since those are just as illegal to smuggle (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing Meet the plucky 86-year-old who pummeled a burglar into submission using only her crutch. No, her crutch. Her CRUTCH, dammit (26)
(Daily Mail) Strange London suffering from "shocking" rise of rare Victorian diseases, as cases of typhoid, whooping coughs and the mumps is on the rise. Cholera and Black Death to soon make an unexpected comeback (130)
(Independent) Sad 1,500 farmers commit mass suicide. Boy, are they going to be pissed when they find out someone forgot to notify the Guinness Book of World Records (116)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Octomom™ diapers: coming soon to a store near you (179)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Facing a crater in the budget for a Mt. St. Helen's monument, the public is erupting with anger and spewing suggestions at an advisory committee, telling them not to blow federal funds unwisely. What a bunch of ashes (23)
(Some Pot Smoker) Dumbass Man claims he can't be charged with DUI because he was high, not drunk. You're doing it wrong (40)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Star Wars characters start new careers in advertising (76)
(Contact Music) Sad Actress who played Mickey Spillane's secretary dies at 84. But there was something about this case that didn't add up. I couldn't quite figure it out. This dame had class. Who would ice her? I decided to start poking around  T-Shirt (88)
(Reuters) Interesting (____|____) = $2x (360)
(Baltimore Sun) Cool Fark.com called an Internet leader in "ill-informed and subliterate comments, which is apparently where one goes for that sort of thing." WERE NUBMER ONE WERE NUBMEER OEN (526)
(The News Messenger) Dumbass There are several good ways to prove your weight to a judge - dropping your pants in the courtroom isn't one of them (41)
(UPI) Caption Caption President Obama and the Secretary of the Bunterior (140)
(Slate) PSA Use condoms or make Hitler (99)
(ABC News) Followup Exclusive photos of the three pirates who have kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile. THIS IS AN EX-PIRATE  T-Shirt (222)
(Reuters) News French frigate seizes 11 pirates. This is not a repeat from 1799 (237)
(Slate) Interesting Taxes, Schmaxes. What happens if I don't file my tax return? (403)
(AJC) Amusing Foiling a convenience store robbery is so easy, even a caveman can do it (41)
(UPI) Obvious Good thing Mexican drug cartels aren't buying guns from U.S. dealers. Oh, wait (310)
(MSNBC) Sad Protesting Afghani's marriage laws? That's a stoning (193)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Elementary school teacher reinstated after bringing her gun to school because 3rd graders can be dangerous at times (63)
(Some Guy) Interesting Remember when Congress passed that law to make declaring bankruptcy more difficult? Yeah, well that was before the economy shiat the bed (129)
(STLToday) Stupid Police officer nabs suspect in fatal shooting, is praised by mayor in front of city council hours later. Five minutes after THAT, city council votes to lay him off. Taa-daa (64)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Thanks to clueless politicians with good intentions, Massachusetts National Guard soldiers make less money fighting in Iraq than they would make on training exercises at home (25)
(Daily Star) Hero Dog emerges 'happy' after eight days buried in the rubble of the Italian earthquake [pic] (64)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Dear Tenant: Thank you for saving grandma's life. Now GTFO (68)
(Des Moines Register) Strange Man keeps jumping into a river because he likes the attention it gets from police. "I thought you were my friend." (36)
(Des Moines Register) Ironic Students in Iowa will be taught drivers ed by teachers who have been convicted of causing traffic accidents in the past two years. "The thing is, there's not a surplus of drivers ed teachers." (54)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Woman fakes son's kidnapping, allows boyfriend to burn him with blowtorch, in order to get ransom from boy's father (68)
(Local6) Florida Students are still expected to *gasp* STAND during the Pledge of Allegiance (389)
(BBC) Weird Slow police day in Kenya after man bites python who was about to eat him. "We want to arrest the snake because any one of us could fall a victim." Wait...what? (23)
(Vernal Express) Dumbass Utah woman has sex with sleeping boy. Boy says he asked her to leave as soon as he woke up. Subby *almost* believes him, almost. BONUS: first comment earns Dumbass tag (177)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this really flat tire (34)
(UPI) Obvious ACLU is shocked, SHOCKED to discover that Los Angeles jails are full of rape and violence (89)
(CNN) Ironic Good news, Mr. Jones: we can cure your addiction. You just have to take these pills. Forever (142)
(London Times) Scary A list of the top 10 "quintessentially British" foods, and it's as bad as you think. Sausages made with blood? Check. Pies made with slabs of lard? There. Something called "Parkin'? Yup (168)
(NBC Washington) Stupid Obama's got one ugly biatch (278)
(Some San Diego dude) Cool Impromptu San Diego Fark party tonight, 5pm at Yardhouse. LGT venue (95)
(AP) Florida Florida's SEAL museum would like relics from last weeks pirate take-down, Heidi Klum's thong back (111)
(Telegram) PSA If you lost two bulls in central Massachusetts recently, a lot of people found them in the middle of rush hour traffic on Route 146 and could you come get them please? (24)
(ABC Action News) Florida Husband threatens to shoot family, loads handgun while explaining who gets which bullet. When finished, discovers wife was quicker on the reload, draw parts (219)
(Yahoo) Amusing Energy drinks work more directly on brain, not on body's energy levels. Apparently paying $2 for 7oz of carbonated cough syrup still seems intelligent (141)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Swedish woman falls pregnant after doctors accidentally substitute dummy for the contraceptive implant she thought she was getting. On the plus side, it should give the fetus something to do for nine months (116)
(Metro) Dumbass No matter how much of a good idea it might seem at the time, please don't tape your dog to the fridge (93)
(Some Guy) Dumbass LA School board votes to use the $180M stimulus dollars intended to save jobs to lay off 5,400 employees. For some reason people have a problem with that (153)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting Glassmaker says you should match the glass to the wine for best taste. Subby thinks it tastes fine right out the box (165)
(US-101) Strange Nine-year old boy angry with his mother burns a Dollar Store to ground; tens of dollars in damage estimated (68)
(USA Today) Silly Hi there, Twitter widow. Come on up and have a seat beside the WoW widow, Fark widow, and porn widow. Hugs all around (196)
(Huffington Post) Scary The system goes on-line August 4th, 1980. Human decisions are removed from reporting the news. Newscorp begins to learn, at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. eastern time, April 14 (83)
(USA Today) Interesting In order to survive in the face of our new economic reality, some men are rediscovering forgotten tasks such as canning, gardening, and sewing. Or, in other words, they're becoming women (238)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass If you're a cop looking to extort businesses and make them use your private security company, avoid places like churches, bars, and Kiddieland fun park (51)
(STLToday) Spiffy Police arrest two in counterfeit coupon ring but court finds that one of the arrests was expired (26)
(Popular Mechanics) Cool The Top 10 Nerf Guns of All Time (227)
(Boston Globe) Caption Caption this yelling yob (99)
(The Sun) Asinine Man dragged out of bed and arrested for having a porcelain pig in his yard. The Sun, it shines on the swine (101)
(CBS Sacramento) Amusing Bitter cheerleaders get their coach fired for posing nude in Playboy after being nixed from team. Isn't karma a biatch? (284)
(KSBW Action News 8) Sad Close-knit officers cleared of charges after shooting epileptic woman brandishing a crochet hook. Sent her to the perly gates, they did  T-Shirt (104)
(Seattle Times) Scary Silver canisters on Washington beaches may contain poison. The most dangerous ones are labeled "Coors"  T-Shirt (22)
(FARK) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Eggs (22)
(mlive) PSA Local paper asks the question we've all had on our minds: "When is it OK to buy from the back of a van?" (54)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Mel Gibson is building a compound for members of his church. What a waco, uh, I mean whacko (81)
(The Crimson) Amusing UT professor: "Pornography is what the end of the world looks like," asks audience members who masturbated to porn in last 48 hours to stand up (472)
(BBC) Strange Sewing machine sales in Saudi soar as people start believing that you can use them to build a nuclear bomb (65)
(Forbes) Interesting Study finds that black patients with lung cancer are less likely than white patients to receive proper treatment. That's not KOOL (67)
(BBC) Amusing With all other problems solved, US government hosts first-ever conference on the elimination of bedbugs (56)
(JSOnline) Sick Mom won't give you $2 to get into the bar? Maybe a slashing and a few rounds from an AK-47 will change her mind (46)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Swedish man catches Parrot fever, begins pining for the fjords (26)
(Guardian.com) Scary How many container ships does it take to equal all the world's cars in pollution? a) 15; b) 150; c) 1,500; d) 15,000. Goodbye Dollar Store. Hello SUV (280)
(CNN) Obvious Pirates fire rocket-propelled grenades and automatic weapons at a U.S.-flagged cargo ship, then flee when U.S. Navy shows up (231)
(Some Guy) Sick Pastor Creflo Dollar loves all creatures great and small. He just doesn't feed them (43)
(My San Antonio) Asinine Asshat get elementary school cited for noise, tells police "police, fire, ambulances and the USAF training jets are not unreasonable, but the noise coming from the elementary school was." (82)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary School-bus driver arrested after leaving autistic boy on the bus while she went shopping for party supplies; bus-driver claims she is a victim of McCarthyism (66)
(Baltimore Sun) Unlikely Gasoline expected to remain cheap this summer. Too bad you don't have a job and can't afford to go anywhere (49)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Average set of parents spend more than $50,000 on their crotchfruit before their third birthday - and spend most of that before the thing is even one year old (197)

Tue April 14, 2009
(Breitbart.com) Asinine British man arrested for spraying urine on food. Customers grew suspicious after noticing the inexplicable presence of flavor in British cuisine (67)
(News.com.au) Cool Schoolboy who went missing for 2 weeks sparking nationwide search rode his bike almost 600 miles to Sydney ... for fast food (134)
(Daily Express) Scary An aspirin-a-day can make your brain explode (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this marvelous man (47)
(News.com.au) Strange Actual headline: Pet dog's underwear fetish almost proves fatal (61)
(Some Guy) Strange Naked knife-throwing sis severs bro's nose (99)
(ABC News) Interesting Dubai clones camel. Researchers say they're glad to get over that hump (pic) (45)
(Telegraph) Strange Unfortunately, using a giant catapult to hurl chicken droppings at burglars does not count as "reasonable force" (56)
(KING) Sappy 2-year-old boy, lost after wandering away from home, saved by his puppy who kept him warm overnight by cuddling (94)
(9 News) Dumbass Man shocked, SHOCKED when aluminum ladder hits power line (51)
(YouTube) Interesting Texas governor affirms sovereignty under the 10th amendment, says the state will no longer accept "the oppressive hand" of the Federal Government in its affairs. This worked out well the last time around (½)
(Las Vegas Now) Dumbass Honey, I've got a great idea... Let's build a porch using headstones from the veteran cemetery where you work. What? That's a problem? (101)
(Denver Post) Amusing We're jailing people for sending porn to their neighbors? What's this world coming to? (46)
(Some Guy) Weird Ohhh those crazy Russians and their tendencies to turn men who rob them into sex slaves (134)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this filleting o' fish (31)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious Woman loses bid to keep 18 dogs in home as it is not zoned to store that much peanut butter (63)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Swedish politicians outraged that some parents don't let their girls be as slutty as the law allows (214)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Man busted for stealing over $1,000 worth of cigarettes from convenience store. That's what, like four packs? (89)
(UPI) Fail Ways not to get out of a DUI charge include "faking your own death" (52)
(Bloomberg) Scary Unstable, financially troubled regime currently in possession of enough uranium to make a nuclear bomb. North Korea? Iran? Nope. Try Lehman Brothers (87)
(Daily Star) Scary If you're going to play hide and seek in a stranger's shed, try not to pick one packed with explosives (33)
(Oregon Live) PSA If the cops finally do manage to catch you after a high-speed pursuit, taking off all your clothes will not help (41)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man calls the cops after hooker steals his pants (55)
(LA Times) Asinine In Los Angeles schools, your child will be taught reading, writing, math, and Kabbalah (264)
(STLToday) Cool Priest goes deep inside another parishioner. Community approves (34)
(Reuters) Interesting IRS claiming to see large rise in income tax deliquencies, people listing "Obama Administration Cabinet Member" as their occupation (263)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Not this sh*t again: North Korea kicks out nuclear inspectors. US invades in 3... 2 (251)
(UPI) Interesting Six teenage girls charged with attempted robbery and attacking a woman with a hatchet. Victim is good condition after having her ax wound treated by her gynecologist (82)
(Canada.com) Weird Pervert looks up seven-year-old's dress and runs away, only to get tackled by a guy who randomly attacks people who are running (70)
(Jacksonville.com) Sappy Ugly ass Jaguar cub "Harry" makes his first appearance at the J-Ville Zoo. With video of the little dude (37)
(Kansas City) Amusing Kansas City PD wrecks three squad cars in 15 hours, reinstates ban on drinking while on duty (40)
(CNN) Asinine After getting pwnd twice now, Somali pirates vow to kill US and French hostages instead of holding them for ransom. QQ moar noobs or learn 2 play (705)
(Eurasianet.org) Amusing Controversy surrounds first-ever production of Vagina Monologues in Kyrgyzstan due to inclusion of strong sexual content, vowels (41)
(Free Press) Obvious Despite carjacking at gunpoint, Dutch reporter claims the tone and conclusions she made about Detroit will not be affected; because they were already that bad to begin with (47)
(George Washington) Cool The coolest laser etched stack of dollar bills you'll see today (125)
(TC Palm) Dumbass Are Mexican officials spending their time (a) trying to hault drug cartels; (b) create employment opportunities for their people; or (c) writing nasty letters to Burger King because of a commercial (80)
(AP) Dumbass Rob just ONE bank, and they strip you of your law license.. Sheesh (20)
(LA Times) Obvious Carl's Jr deals with image problem in its advertising by practically undressing Padma Lakshmi as she makes love to a hamburger: "Any minute now, Ronald McDonald is going to mount a stripper pole" (170)
(Canada.com) Scary Canadian warship dealing with Somali pirates who attacked Greek ship from behind (86)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these obsessed outside observers (33)
(ABA Journal) Obvious Study concludes it's hard to tell alcoholic lawyers from sober ones (270)
(CNN) Sick UNICEF "deeply concerned" about marriage of eight year old. The happy couple is registered at Pottery Barn, Toys R Us (155)
(MSNBC) Dumbass "Currently investigation one of our former employees who for fraud... she no longer works here she resigned in late January," said Napa police commander Captain Incoherent (58)
(NBC Miami) Cool Six-year-old's PSP comes preloaded with porn. His mom wants an apology; the kid just wants the PSP back (64)
(Fox News) Strange UK to fight terror bombers with Google bombers (23)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Mother drops off her month-old infant on the sidewalk before car chase (31)
(AP) Obvious Twelve yards long and two lanes wide/ sixty-five tons of American pride/Canyonero Canyonero/ Top of the line in utility sports/ Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts (61)
(AP) Unlikely Smart fortwo, Honda Fit, and Yaris do badly in crash tests. Manufacturers dismiss tests as "rare and extreme scenario." The scenario? Collision with Honda Accord (199)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Teacher calls eighth grade boy "husband", threatens him with divorce for having "too many little girlfriends" (58)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Sad Cool: Finally getting some press coverage for your newly unveiled minor league stadium. Not-so-cool: The press is there to watch the fire (30)
(BBC) Scary Twenty people die in Peru when bus driver suddenly lets his speed drop below 50mph (45)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Wild boar attacks woman in Swedish cemetery. Brick Top unavailable for comment (59)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Recession leads bargain hunters to the auction circuit in search of . . . groceries? (49)
(CNN) Stupid If you've been waiting for the latest "how smoking marijuana led to my being an out-of-control drug addict whose life spiraled into the gutter" story on CNN, here you go (427)
(FDNM) Amusing In the latest example of Idiocracy becoming reality, gun rights group holds an open carry day with a U.S. Representative in Carl's Jr (412)
(Daily Star) Amusing Women have found a way to beat the recession. It's called "lipstick" (161)
(The New York Times) Photoshop Photoshop this stern preacher (43)
(Some NY State worker) Dumbass What do you do after 14 people are shot and killed in the building next door? Why, sue for your missed lunch hour, of course (211)
(Daily Express) Scary A new identity now costs less than a can of coke (75)
(WCAX) Stupid "Facebook could take tool on schoolwork" (76)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious North Korea says it will boycott nuclear talks, upgrade Photoshop (47)
(Telegraph) Cool Bra saves womans life, lifting and separating a stray bullet from an armed robbery (197)
(Nerve) Misc Sex shop offering free toys tomorrow to the first 100 people to come in and say they filed their tax return, even though those same people will have already been pretty screwed pretty thoroughly (36)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this alien Canadian (33)
(Eagle Tribune) Spiffy This is can't be right. School Committee members overruled Superintendent to allow performances of "The Vagina Monologues". Don't they know "vagina" is a bad word? (83)
(D.Trump) Weird Yep, "The Donald" is a pussy (43)
(Telegraph) Amusing Five-year old rides NYC subway for an hour before being noticed. Mother calls authorities response "good and fast" (link updated) (52)
(Some Guy) Amusing You've got to love a bar fight that includes a woman getting hit in the head with a crutch (29)
(The Sun) Cool It's an anteater wearing a purple sweater. Hey, this is Fark.com - what the hell else do you want? (63)
(Fox News) News Somali Pirates learn from Jerry Bruckheimer and begin filming their third installment of "Pirates of the Aden" (230)
(Flickr) Amusing Tennessee Fox station thinks it would be funny to put South Park's "Towlie" on a desk behind the anchors. Bonus: a Klan hood under the desk. Fark: both clearly visible in wide shot (146)
(Click On Detroit) Followup Prolific Youtube poster, known for his passionate defense of Christianity and vehement rants against the inhumanity of atheists, commits murder-suicide (861)
(Madison.com) Scary Nurse fired in the middle of surgery (96)
(Some Guy) Obvious Muslim group issues fatwa over poor cell phone etiquette, like using them to detonate IEDs in the middle of prayers (95)

Mon April 13, 2009
(AZCentral) Scary Involved in a teacher-student-student charter school love triangle? That's a stabbin' (60)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Phil Spector mug shot. Apparently he was surprised by today's murder conviction (123)
(Some Guy) Stupid Media spins the Wheel of Fearmongering. And the winner is...gravel roads cause cancer (72)
(News.com.au) Scary Some days, you're on the highway when money or crates of beer get spilled. Other days, you're on the highway when sulphuric acid gets spilled (31)
(Some sword swinging tfette) Dumbass Two people in Indianapolis die in a sword fight. No motive, but police are quickening the investigation. There can be only one desired outcome, an arrest (168)
(The Consumerist) Followup That furor about Amazon de-listing all their GLBT books? Yeah, maybe not so much (155)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Combine a plant and an animal to make a new species (120)
(Guardian.com) Obvious "So who covers all the news if some significant fraction of the currently employed newspaper people lose their jobs? I don't know. Nobody knows. It's easier to see what's broken than what will replace it" (156)
(CNN) Obvious Stay at home moms prefer kinky internet fantasies to kinky soap opera fantasies - It's not news, it's CNN (127)
(Some Guy) Fail PETA thinks Obama's order banning torture of terrorism detainees should have included animals. In related news, there are innocent puppies and bunnies incarcerated at GitMo (103)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman has sex with 14-year old boy she met at the go-kart track, inadvertently earns her high school teaching credential (122)
(UPI) Obvious Wild Turkey crashes family's Easter dinner, marking just the latest time that Wild Turkey has played a role in destroying a family get-together  T-Shirt (24)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Meet the young gunmen who robbed 50 X-rated movies from an adult film store. With an early nominee for mugshot of the week (162)
(Telegraph) Obvious Tip for the recession #326 - eat the snails from your garden. "They are perfectly good meat. They are very high in protein and low in fat; in some ways, they are better than beef" (81)
(Rian.Ru) Weird Russian doctors remove five-centimeter tree from man's lung. The patient is in a little pine, but is expected to spruce right up (100)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid World's laziest protesters demand their college stop observing Columbus Day. Oh, they still want the day off; they just want to call it something else (107)
(Some Guy) Scary Josh and Anna Duggar begin the iron uterus challenge (290)
(CNN) NewsFlash Our long national hair nightmare is over: Phil Spector found guilty of second-degree murder (197)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Scary ♫ I'm. An. Ang. Ry. Di. Vor. Cee. ♫ BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE ♫ (81)
(Seacoastonline.com) Asinine Best mug shot of a woman who threw a pint of ice cream through the window of the store that refused to sell her beer that you'll see all day (85)
(Buffalo News) Cool "It's the Polish version of buying someone a drink, except you don't use the glass, you just squirt it right at them" (43)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass If you want to get that perfect photograph of yourself holding onto a cliff with just a tuft of grass, always try and distract Darwin first (79)
(Some Guy) Interesting Prison worker pleads guilty to abusing inmates by having sex with them. Oh yes, there is indeed a mugshot. Don't say I didn't warn you (122)
(Komo) Strange Actual Headline: "Spokane parks to detonate squirrels" (141)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "Metrosexual twigmen who admire your shoes are all very well in good times, but when the going gets tough, what women actually want is a REAL man" (471)
(Deutsche Welle) Obvious Taliban in Afghanistan gun down women's rights advocate for violating the Sharia prohibition against having both a vagina and an opinion (187)
(Popular Mechanics) Obvious If you think FEMA is building concentration camps in America, Popular Mechanics would like to speak to you (467)
(NBC Chicago) Amusing Either Cubs fans are presenting an offering to the gods, or they're the best fans ever (221)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Chicago-area library bans offensive odors. This is in no way a thinly-veiled attempt to ban the homeless (120)
(CNN) Interesting Heroin is cheaper than a six pack of beer. And if that beer is Coors, it tastes better, too (180)
(Drew) FarkBlog Television orgasms, exploding pie factories and Swedish transexual philosophers: Headlines of the Week 4/5 to 4/11 (19)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Boy charged with domestic battery for throwing gum; defense attorneys say charges won't stick once they rub some peanut butter on them (45)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Weird Man breaks into woman's home and steals her laptop, camera and...just kidding, he just wanted to wear her lingerie (40)
(BBC) Silly Saudi Arabia bans license plates with numbers that spell out "offensive" words in English. So 80085 is right out (85)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Landlords increasingly monitoring tenants' Facebook pages and evicting idiots who post pictures of their wild house parties there (98)
(Canoe) Spiffy Canadian province announces it will no longer fund sex change operations. In other news, Canada has been funding sex change operations (109)
(The Sun) Spiffy "Britian's Fattest Teen" loses 12 stone in seven months. So that's like, 250 pounds right? (with startling pics) (409)
(Some Guy) Asinine Banned from playing cards at your local senior center because you complained about the scoring? Well, why don't you make a federal case out of? Oh, wait (35)
(Miami Herald) Hero Good luck, we are all counting on you (312)
(London Times) Cool Schools increasingly hiring bouncers "to make students behave" (72)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this woman watching Wilson (44)
(WFMU) Amusing Twelve things to hate about NPR. "8) Politically Correct Pronunciation." En-chee-ada (698)
(The Sun) Amusing Artist paints his house, and everything in it, single shade of blue of to test psychological effects of living surrounded by one color, piss off the neighbours. So far, it's working (cool pic) (173)
(Denver Channel) Dumbass Howdy neighbor, how about we work out this tree problem? Okay, let me get my shotgun (29)
(Globe and Mail) Silly Man attempts to destroy neighbor's garage... for 30 years (46)
(Telegraph) Interesting So how exactly do you un-baptize somebody? (228)
(USA Today) Stupid More college students are paying for their education with credit cards (124)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Harvard University opens "Canine Cognition Lab" to study how dogs think. Your dog is thinking about steak (52)
(Some Guy) Weird Help Wanted: Woman, above average height, medium build. Must be willing to stick head in toilet. Apply in person at the District Attorney's office, and bring a towel (37)
(TC Palm) Florida Public art could take a hit in Florida, as legislators debate what's needed more -- health care for kids or giant bedazzled manatees (66)
(Daily Express) Unlikely Pet dog goes in for a minor stomach operation...and surgeons find 17 garments, including nine socks, four gloves and a stocking (108)
(AP) Asinine Right on schedule, here is your first news story claiming Somali pirates are actually pretty nice chaps, and America only made things worse by killing three of them (731)
(Telegraph) Interesting Ariana Russell describes herself as the "human etch-a-sketch." Clearly her parents shook her a lot as a child  T-Shirt (61)
(BBC) Dumbass UK airport authorities turn back Brazilian woman who arrived carrying only lingerie and sex toys. Wait, turned away? SEND HER HERE (83)
(AP) Obvious Taxpayers more frugal with refunds. Still no cure for bailing out the government with interest-free installment loans ever two weeks for entire year (107)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass A major search for a missing camper involving an RAF rescue helicopter and Coastguards ends when he is found asleep under a caravan - just 300 metres from his tent (20)
(Some Guy) Fail When designing prom dresses, try not to decorate them with a giant satin vagina at crotch level (126)
(The Chattanoogan) Scary Man beats his brother-in-law to death... with his walker. He was serious about his lawn (16)
(Metrowest Daily News) Unlikely "Three-quarters of the people I showed it too immediately saw the face of Jesus Christ. The other quarter saw Bob Marley or John Lennon" (w/pic) (182)
(Seattle Times) Asinine 82 year old retiree fined $850 for lighting his wood stove in January (153)
(Livenews) Stupid Man discovers that having sex with his girlfriend while driving along a Norwegian highway at 20mph over the speed limit may be a bad idea (52)
(The Morning Call) Obvious Gallant uses hospital computers to help him keep track of patient information and carry out the hospital's functions. Goofus steals hospital computers in order to feed his out-of-control drug habit  T-Shirt (33)
(AP) Sad Begun the kangaroo wars have (59)
(SacBee) Sappy Little girl thanks officer, touches hearts, puts something in subby's eye (64)
(Some Guy) Interesting Robbers at Arby's create a diversion by ordering French dip sandwiches. Au Jus, not this shiat again  T-Shirt (39)
(The Earth Times) Obvious Apparently running out of things to fear-monger about, media now warning that your yard is planning to kill your child (51)
(Think Progress) Dumbass Amazon.com unlists books by or about gay people from sales ranking and searches, provoking massive Amazonfail protest on Twitter, blogs. Out of the bookstores and into the Tweets  T-Shirt (295)
(Fond du Lac Reporter) Photoshop Photoshop these hot young studs (24)
(Toronto Star) Scary Your drink for the day: Bacon-infused bourbon old fashioned with maple syrup (48)
(The Sun) Weird "Tot Sleeps by His 'Jet Sex Mother' ." Ah, mater -- want jet to always love me (83)

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