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Sun May 10, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Washington Times) Asinine Set the flux capacitor to 1875. That's the last time Americans' carbon emissions matched the goals set by the Waxman-Markey legislation  (washingtontimes.com) (726)
(UPI) Fail 10-watt bulb finds pipe bombs in her driveway, attempts to deliver them to police station via school bus  (upi.com) (94)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Verizon loses a customer's broken phone, demanding a $320 equipment replacement fee. Then they learn about tracking numbers  (consumerist.com) (136)
(Den Of Geek) Interesting Anyone else bored with camera shake as a dramatic tool in films like Star Trek?  (denofgeek.com) (371)
(Some Guy) Amusing 1865 letter - Former slaveowner: "Sorry about that... say, can I get you to come back and work for me?" Former slave: "My 32 years of back wages, pay me them. Cash only."  (radgeek.com) (300)
(Some Guy) Amusing 55 humorous and scary mugshots (slideshow)  (wsbtv.com) (96)
(Some lobsterman) Sad Things are tough all over: bologna and lobster selling for the same price, about $3.50 per pound  (thechronicleherald.ca) (137)
(PennLive) Interesting Pennsylvania bill would ban use of welfare benefits to buy alcohol  (pennlive.com) (259)
(Daily Star) Interesting Bulging problem in Iraq: female soldiers getting pregnant so they'll get shipped home  (dailystar.co.uk) (232)
(ArabNews) Strange Your woman be shoppin too much? That's a court-approved pimp-slappin'  (arabnews.com) (130)
(Some Guy) Dumbass On my honor I will do my best, to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the scout law, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and to totally whip your arse at beer pong  (ktbs.com) (79)
(snuff em and stuff em) Cool Some of the coolest taxidermy mounts you will ever see at the World Championship show  (riverfronttimes.com) (134)
(News.com.au) Interesting Orangutan takes a break from organising the books to attempt daring escape. Ooook  (news.com.au) (93)
(Some Female) Stupid Police officer honored for pretending to be a 13-year-old girl  (southtownstar.com) (170)
(Green Bay Press-Gazette) Stupid Not news: Drunks urinate in public. News: On a police car. Fark: In the police station parking lot. Bonus: They took pictures  (greenbaypressgazette.com) (25)
(CNN) Interesting Iran moves to reduce the number of "Unnecessary Hangings"; admits that teen queens shouldn't swing  (cnn.com) (134)
(LA Times) Interesting All helter skelter breaks out as suspicious fire guts Charles Manson's old Death Valley hideout  (latimes.com) (62)
(MaineToday.com) Stupid If your plans this summer include driving your RV to Maine to enjoy the scenic views from the Wal-Mart parking lot, enjoy it while you can  (pressherald.mainetoday.com) (196)
(SFGate) Interesting New documentary opens the closet door on prominent politicians who have hidden their homosexuality while actively working against gay causes. "I don't see it as outing, I see it as equalizing."  (sfgate.com) (586)
(Some Guy Who Misses Mom) Sappy I love my mom because ________ (with voting)  (knox.villagesoup.com) (330)
(NBC) Amusing Timberlake and Samberg do it again - "Mother Lovers" is the new "Dick In A Box"  (nbc.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Strange Bear Grylls airlifted back to England for emergency surgery after being attacked by a vicious shard of bamboo. Mind you, bamboo cuts can be pretty nasty  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(Some Guy) Obvious American on social assistance whines that she was denied entry to Canada after border guards told her, "People on welfare shouldn't take vacations."  (wlns.com) (387)
(News.com.au) Scary Actual headline: "Troops claim 'supernatural powers' after pygmy sodomy"  (news.com.au) (145)
(AL.com) Sappy 12 years ago a couple tried everything they could to get pregnant and finally gave up. Church on Mother's Day was too painful. Then last year, Bill 52 & Susan 47 got a little surprise. Guess where they are going tomorrow  (al.com) (120)
(Denver Channel) Dumbass For some reason, parents have a problem with a teacher that assigned students to plot a terrorism act as homework  (thedenverchannel.com) (83)
(The New Editor) Hero Not News: 101st airborne trooper stands to attention after his CO shouts "Currahee". News: That soldier was comatose and had his legs blown off, and the CO was General Petraeus  (theneweditor.com) (347)
(9 News) Obvious Bike bell ringers break world record for charity, urge to maim  (9news.com) (14)
(Some Impressed Guy) Hero Disabled veteran, told he would never walk again, finally finishes London Marathon in 13 days. Hero tag continues to trump Followup tag  (gnn.com) (91)

Sat May 09, 2009
(Kansas City) Amusing Police find man running down a street naked reciting the Lord's Prayer. Praise the Lord and pass the taser  (kansascity.com) (40)
(UPI) Amusing Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (95)
(AZCentral) Amusing High school orders shot glasses to give to students as a prom party favor. Somebody's going to be very madd about this  T-Shirt  (azcentral.com) (75)
(Des Moines Register) Silly College officials across the country don't want to shake hands with the new grads when they give them their diplomas because of swine flu fears  (desmoinesregister.com) (56)
(Boston Globe) Hero "This is going to be a true zero-tolerance policy. If you are found in possession of a cellphone while in the course of your duties ... you will be terminated."  (boston.com) (180)
(ABC News) Florida Palm Beach police paragliders are watching you masturbate  (abcnews.go.com) (75)
(WBBM) Interesting Amish face high unemployment, but will not take unemployment pay. Fortunately, because they don't have cable, they can't see they stories on how bad off they are  (wbbm780.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Obvious Canadian's cheer as Tim Hortons announces 180 new stores to open, but the crowd turns ugly as they also mention the price of coffee and donuts may increase. Currently Vancouver, Toronto, Winnipeg and Halifax are burning  (ca.news.finance.yahoo.com) (167)
(TBO) Florida Injured boaters being rescued after their boat exploded off of Beer Can Island. In other news, there is a mythical place called "Beer Can Island" located in Tampa Bay  (www2.tbo.com) (49)
(CNN) Stupid Actual headline on CNN: "'Brady Bunch' mom hugs a lot of people". I believe you now, Drew. I believe  (cnn.com) (81)
(WBBM) Cool Slow news day: Just imagine what Chicago would look like without people. (w/pics)  (wbbm780.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Interesting Law school party rankings: Arizona State #1; "fun goes to die" at Baylor  (taxprof.typepad.com) (114)
(9 News) Cool Man sentenced to life without parole for killing transgendered teen. But, because it was a hate crime, he received an additional 60 years.  (9news.com) (526)
(Telegraph) Caption Caption what the guy in the pool is thinking  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(MSNBC) Followup University of Georgia Homicide 101 professesor upgraded to Suicide 202 graduate  (msnbc.msn.com) (54)
(Newsday) Asinine NYC to start charging rent for staying at homeless shelter. If only people who couldn't afford rent had some place to stay  (newsday.com) (124)
(Daily Star) Interesting 4, 29, 23, 31, 24, 9 and 8: Why do these numbers look so farking obvious now?  (dailystar.co.uk) (80)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Man jailed for 83 days after skipping jury duty  (chron.com) (102)
(Orange County Register) Dumbass Mother upset that Disneyland Hotel refused to let MTV film her daughter's quinceañera (w/ pics of the poor, deprived princess)  (ocresort.freedomblogging.com) (226)
(Some Guy) Amusing McGruff solves case of missing Bacon. BACON  (tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com) (42)
(ABC News) Scary An early peek at how the FBI will further invade your life, or what they like to call "high-tech anti-crime tools"  (abcnews.go.com) (62)
(AFP) Strange Turns out that not only wasn't Jesus a red-blooded American, he spoke some crazy foreign language that almost no one speaks anymore. Next thing you know, they'll say he wasn't even a Christian  (news.yahoo.com) (268)
(Yahoo) Weird What is about New England that has made it such a hub for gay acceptance? Except for those Puritan radicals in Rhode Island, of course. Scary people there, kind of like carnies, only with better teeth  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Helicopter? No way. Covert surveillance van? Nope. Machine guns for your fancy boats? Not yours, Sheriff. The federal stimulus money is for your jail inmates  (chron.com) (36)
(Boston Globe) Asinine What's the punishment for committing fraud making billions off the Big Dig? Corporations can't go to jail and the money is gone, so that would be "nothing"  (boston.com) (70)
(Some Bible Lover) Cool National Bible Bee seeking contestants for inaugural event, giving awkward homeschooled children everywhere something to strive for  (silive.com) (74)
(Eagle Tribune) Misc Residents complain that state ruined their golf game by removing beaver dam that threatened major highway  (eagletribune.com) (15)
(The Sun) Strange New book confirms Ronald Reagan had three UFO encounters and believed they were spying on us for decades: "They've selected some desert in the West to make their landing"  (thesun.co.uk) (86)
(Yahoo) Interesting Could you give up your cell phone? Over half of Americans say it would be "very difficult" to do so, and would give up the internet, television, home phone or email before their cell phone  (news.yahoo.com) (191)
(The Tennessean) Scary Veterans: Hey, remember those contaminated endoscopes that gave me HIV and Hepatitis? VA: Prove it  (tennessean.com) (83)
(Buffalo News) Stupid Free two wrongly imprisoned people and help find a serial killer? You better believe thats a 60 day unpaid suspension  (buffalonews.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Cool Best. Sunglasses. Ever  (dvice.com) (81)
(panama city news herald) Florida Florida County fires health inspector because he says fried chicken and donuts make you fat  (newsherald.com) (65)
(Daily Express) Asinine Nanny state university bans ladders from its libraries amid health and safety concerns...but refuses to move books any lower because they've 'been there for 400 years'  (express.co.uk) (51)
(AZCentral) Interesting Lost your job? The FBI is hiring  (azcentral.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man arrested after being found wandering around in a "highly intoxicated state" with gold paint on his face. Oh yes, there is a mugshot  (newswatch50.com) (59)
(Reuters) Weird Searching for a missing tourist, rescue team finds a different tourist's body. And a second body. And a third body. And a fourth body. And a fifth body. And a sixth body. And a seventh body  (reuters.com) (66)
(Salon) Unlikely "Missing persons alert: Slutty women have disappeared, last seen circa the 'Sex and the City' era. The suspected loose lady-napper: Feminism."  (salon.com) (244)
(Boston Globe) PSA In wake of text messaging crash, Boston authorities reassure drivers that cell phone service in tunnel will be restored soon  (boston.com) (27)
(Herald Tribune) Florida If you're going to steal a minivan from the county water department and tool around town at 100 MPH, you might want to remove that "How's My Driving" bumper sticker first  (heraldtribune.com) (11)
(Abc.net.au) PSA If you are going to hit a 15-foot great white shark on the nose with the oar from your boat, try not to drop the oar in the water. Oh, and definitely don't fall into the water while trying to retrieve it  (abc.net.au) (61)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Stockholm police make two giant cocaine busts. Modern art just gets weirder every day  T-Shirt  (thelocal.se) (25)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Telling a lawmaker that you're "getting ready to go postal" if weed isn't legalized is NOT the way to demonstrate its benign, non-violent effects, dude  (msnbc.msn.com) (41)
(Salon) Dumbass If you're going to urinate on someone's car, make sure he's not inside armed with a golf club  (salon.com) (27)
(TC Palm) Florida It's never good to find your girlfriend kissing her boss at the bar. It's even worse when it's two days before you're supposed to marry her  (tcpalm.com) (166)
(Yahoo) Silly Town votes to make mayor shave off handlebar moustache, untie damsel from railroad tracks  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(News.com.au) Cool Study shows most kids raised atheist eventually catch teh religion  (theaustralian.news.com.au) (514)
(SLTrib) Sad Poet realizes there's the road less travelled, and the road that leads off a cliff  (sltrib.com) (30)
(Google) Survey What would be the name/theme of your ideal bar? (with voting)  (google.com) (292)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Hot: Naked woman knocks on your door in the middle of the night asking if you've got a cigarette. Not: She's fifty-two, lives in a trailer park, and there's a mugshot  (blogs.tampabay.com) (59)
(The Sun) Strange Man's twin dies in the womb, bursts out of his stomach 30 years later. Ellen Ripley seen entering cryosleep to investigate, nuke site from orbit  (thesun.co.uk) (97)
(Boston Globe) Scary As if the Boston subway system wasn't enough of a trainwreck already  (boston.com) (69)
(Google) Obvious Snake head found in TGI Friday's meal was probably plant, improvement  (google.com) (60)
(Fox News) Dumbass If your teenage daughter has a dispute with a classmate, it is better if you do not post an ad offering sex with her friend's mother on Craigslist  (foxnews.com) (57)

Fri May 08, 2009
(CBS Sacramento) Strange Another eggsample of braisin' behavior as chicken thieves plan bird heist, pullet off. Hens, town residents left feeling Cornish itty  (cbs13.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Fail This bank manager's plan to rob his own bank was perfect... until he locked his keys in the vault and then set the cash on fire as a cover-up  (wthr.com) (30)
(AP) Dumbass Protip: If you are gonna pass a bad check, please be sure to spell 'cashier's' correctly  (hosted.ap.org) (15)
(Some Guy) Asinine Forcing an inmate to place his penis on a sandwich before it is fed to another unsuspecting inmate: $25,000. Being fired and having the world read about it on Fark: Priceless  (10tv.com) (98)
(Fox News) Fail Civic minded death row inmate cuts self with razor before execution. Prison officials patch wounds, execute him on schedule  (foxnews.com) (77)
(Sun Herald) Dumbass Man attempts to rob bank with state trooper standing behind him in line. Tag for the would-be John Dillinger  (sunherald.com) (20)
(Gawker) Amusing As Santa Barbara wildfires get so close they turn the overhead skies orange, teenagers do the only logical thing: have a pool party  (gawker.com) (79)
(CBS New York) Followup Teen says he stabbed NYC newsman George Weber to death accidentally. Roughly translates to "oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops oops"  (wcbstv.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's Criminal Mastermind Award goes to the guy who robbed a bank and walked away with $3,129 but left his wallet behind  (blogs.pitch.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Early contender in father of the year contest: threatens wife, punches daughter in face, and pushes son down steps. Judges award bonus points for son being in leg braces  (thebaynet.com) (45)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This week's TSG mugshot roundup: Can you handlebar the moustaches or handle the ears?  (thesmokinggun.com) (281)
(Daily Star) Ironic How a conference designed to stop reckless spending cost taxpayers £500,000  (dailystar.co.uk) (21)
(CNN) Followup Official who OK'd Air Force One Manhattan flyover resigns, vows not to pay taxes until he is rehired  (cnn.com) (256)
(Other) Fail If you find some old dynamite, don't use a shotgun to blow it up or you'll end up on Fark  (standard.net) (68)
(CBS New York) Followup White House releases beautiful photograph that cost $328,000 and scared the bejeezus out of thousands of New Yorkers (photo included)  (wcbstv.com) (220)
(AFP) Obvious Eating too much makes you fat. In other news, stabbing yourself in eyes makes you blind, cutting off legs may hinder ability to walk  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(SacBee) Obvious California so broke it can't afford the handbasket to go to hell in  (sacbee.com) (476)
(Santa Cruz Sentinel) Amusing Santa Cruz couple caught demonstrating what City Hall has been doing to their residents for years  (santacruzlive.com) (52)
(Fox News) Asinine US government-funded study sends researchers to cruise six bars in Buenos Aires to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. Apparently Larry Craig was unavailable  (foxnews.com) (129)
(Kansas City) Amusing 16-year old girl lists her four-year old sister for sale on Craigslist as a joke. As you can imagine, the police have a problem with this  (kansascity.com) (78)
(Comedy Central) Cool Daily Show upgrades servers, now offers full download of last night's entire episode for free. Horseradish not included (Sponsored Link)  (ccinsider.comedycentral.com) (134)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Asinine Because of overcrowding, prison lets out early a man doing time for raping a teen but keeps in a 92-year-old man behind bars for DUI  (news.cincinnati.com) (116)
(Seattle Times) Stupid Environmentalists protest plan to save endangered reptiles and threatened insects, proving once again that if it is not cute and fuzzy, it is not worth saving  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (88)
(AJC) Interesting Swine flu victim in LaGrange is still seriously ill after two weeks. Doctors would like to help her, but don't know a-how-how-how-how  T-Shirt  (ajc.com) (191)
(Kansas City) Dumbass Three year old wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a diaper is found after spending over two days in the woods after he slipped out the door of his parents trailer unnoticed. "It can happen to anyone," says father of the year candidate  (kansascity.com) (262)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting County attorney wants to force boy with cancer to have chemotherapy, even though the boy and his family are fine with just taking vitamins and herbs  (startribune.com) (486)
(Local6) Florida Pro tip: If you're a teacher having sex with a student, do not post that you're falling in love with the girl on MySpace. Especially if you're married and your wife just had a baby  (clickorlando.com) (132)
(Some Guy) Asinine Dear Ms. Rape Victim: You are delinquent in your payment for the rape kit used in your case. Please pay up or we will rape you again. Sincerely, the hospital  (click2houston.com) (334)
(Canoe) Hero Some people are having a problem with a Quebec convenience store chain's on-line ads showing clowns getting killed  (cnews.canoe.ca) (119)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass "I wanted it to be sexy but I didn't want sex," says politician who answered a Craigslist ad for an erotic massage that turned out to be a sting operation  (omaha.com) (195)
(News.com.au) Obvious Australians say nation has drinking problem. "Sssssshhho khay .... mmmmerica ish driiiiving me home"  (news.com.au) (30)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid Modern day "Footloose" saga gripping podunk Ohio town where principal of Baptist school threatens student with suspension if he attends girlfriend's prom at her public high school  (daytondailynews.com) (221)
(New York Daily News) Followup And the plot thickens. Carrie Prejean parent's accuse each other of being gay  (nydailynews.com) (395)
(NJ.com) Asinine PSA: Don't rank girl classmates on appearance, you'll get a courtesy five day vacation from your high school  (nj.com) (187)
(New York Daily News) Asinine For NYC identity thieves, it is Christmas morning. You would think that a law firm would dispose of old client files properly, and not just dump them into 6 open public trash dumpsters  (nydailynews.com) (24)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Couple arrested for domestic violence at Blackhawks-Canucks game and charged with battery, which ironically is completely legal not 100 feet from where they were sitting  (suntimes.com) (69)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Star Trek Character, NPR Personality, or Food Additive  (chicagotribune.com) (199)
(Metro) PSA Backyard cremations: still illegal  (metro.co.uk) (43)
(AFP) Interesting Church pitches in to give homeless couple a lavish, "dream wedding"; still working on the "and tomorrow they'll still be living in a cardboard box " part  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man tries to hitch a ride with cop by throwing rocks at his patrol cruiser. Worked like a charm  (nwfdailynews.com) (16)
(LA Times) Interesting Scientists predict "iminent" volcano eruption in Congo. "The eruption could be tomorrow, or the day after ... or at any other time." You guys aren't REALLY scientists at all, are you?  (latimes.com) (68)
(AP) Interesting Slow news day: Emma takes over Emily as top baby name for girls. Jacob still the top boy's name, you uncreative bastards  (hosted.ap.org) (344)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting 18 fun atrocities committed in the Bible. God's not such a nice guy after all, turns out  (iheartchaos.com) (474)
(Miami Herald) Florida Three way sexual tryst goes haywire when they realize they're all men  (miamiherald.com) (67)
(ABC News) Interesting Feel-good story for Mothers Day: The 7 WORST births ever  (abcnews.go.com) (68)
(Canada.com) Strange Police say stabbing spree was done "for fun"  (calgaryherald.com) (44)
(BBC) Sappy Taxi driver returns lost $32,000 to elderly couple; general public so grateful an honest taxi driver exists he has now been showered with $14,000 in donations. So, still down $18,000 on the deal  (news.bbc.co.uk) (36)
(My Fox DC) Interesting You may have thought that DC left J Street off of the street grid because they are a bunch of jerks that just can't do anything right. Well, yeah, that's pretty much the case  (myfoxdc.com) (88)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's that time again. Friday Photo Fun from the guys at TSG. Match the band shirt to their biggest fans. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (98)
(First Coast News) Florida City plans to euthanize nuisance ducks at park, taxpayers to get the bill  (firstcoastnews.com) (102)
(The New York Times) Cool Statue of Liberty's crown to reopen on July 4, giving visitors a totally sweet look at unannounced low-flying photo-op boondoggles  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (80)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Judge has no reservations at all about sentencing Wampanoag tribal leader to federal prison  (boston.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man gets seven years in jail for passing bad check to buy rare Spider-Man comic book. Expected to bust out in three days and threaten Aunt May  (chicagotribune.com) (62)
(New York Daily News) Followup Octomom is having her uterus removed about a year too late  (nydailynews.com) (170)
(News.com.au) Interesting When it comes to sex, it's usually a good thing if it feels like the earth moved. Unless you're a panda  (news.com.au) (35)

Mon May 04, 2009
(Drew) FarkBlog Swine flu coverage was sensational because Media thought it was crap too... OMG SWINE FLU WILL KILL US ALL IN THE FALL. Plus Headlines of the Week  (fark.com) (170)

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