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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun June 07, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(WorldNetDaily) Obvious Google honors Tetris with their frontpage graphic on D-Day. WND flips its farking lid. WHARRGOOGLE  (worldnetdaily.com) (354)
(HelenaIR.com) Cool Church holds weekly Sunday services in brew pub. And they saw that it was good  (helenair.com) (47)
(Ogden Standard-Examiner) Strange Shooting arises after gang confrontation at Flying J truckstop. They see me long-haulin', they hatin'  (standard.net) (33)
(Fox 8 New Orleans) Dumbass New Olreans Mayor Nagin quarantined in China over swine flu fears...bacon flavored chocolate anyone?  (fox8live.com) (112)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wet Woodchuck  (my-expressions.com) (51)
(TNP.sg) Stupid Doctors worried about celebrity-driven "pregorexia" fad among expectant mothers  (tnp.sg) (135)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Sad Blondes have more cancer  (theage.com.au) (44)
(Time) Amusing Barack Obama grew up on Sesame Street, but still refuses to release birth certificate to acknowledge this  (time.com) (379)
(Reason Magazine) Scary The modern homeless shelter is more draconian than a 19th century almshouse  (reason.com) (140)
(Boston Globe) Sappy 90 year old finally gets high school diploma. Congratulations, now get a haircut, and get a job  (boston.com) (33)
(New York Daily News) Scary Domestic terrorist makes threats that more violence is coming  (nydailynews.com) (373)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Just like raccoons, bears, coyotes, and your neighbor's cats, dolphins are addicted to human food (w/ pic of dolphin begging for a redneck's beer)  (tampabay.com) (58)
(Time) Cool Time's latest expose: what colleges are doing with all the shiat students leave behind when they leave. No word on where interested parties can find discarded "garments" left behind by hot sorority sisters  (time.com) (80)
(C|Net) Spiffy Twitter to introduce Verified Accounts for "well-known individuals at risk of impersonation." Check it out. -- @DrewCurtis  (news.cnet.com) (88)
(CNN) Interesting CNN Travel + Leisure asks, "Is it OK to steal hotel amenities?"  (cnn.com) (139)
(North County Times) Obvious Article poses the never-ending query; "What to drink with a hamburger". Boy, what a toughie  (nctimes.com) (163)
(Cleveland) Obvious Rather than fix their aging distribution network to avoid things like brownouts and overloading, electric companies are lobbying hard to mandate control over your thermostat  (cleveland.com) (153)
(NPR) Interesting Henry Ford invested millions, and failed, trying to build an automotive-centric utopian society in the Amazon jungle. Hmmm, perhaps a little German-inspired engineering and social organization skills might have helped out  (npr.org) (82)
(Some Guy) Weird North Dakota city sees first June global warming in 60 years  (kxmc.com) (119)
(Toronto Star) Interesting You need a good economic indicator?The going price of bj's  (thestar.com) (138)
(NYPost) Strange And the award for Strangest, Least Edifying Analogy of the Year goes to... Al Gore: Finding small pockets of oil is "like the way junkies find things between their toes."  (nypost.com) (117)
(STLToday) Obvious City officials order woman to remove the two toilet planters from her front yard, makes the neighborhood look like a dump  (stltoday.com) (33)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this basket bearer  (inapcache.boston.com) (31)
(AJC) Interesting The recession is hitting the NASCAR and pork rind crowd harder than others  (ajc.com) (52)
(CNN) Interesting Japan baffled by new trend of fragile young men who are more interested in fashion than sex. At a loss for a simple word for these fancy lads, they dub them "herbivore men."  (edition.cnn.com) (240)
(Denver Post) Silly "Biologists reject the notion of bears that can blog." What a relief. Next thing you know, they'd be submitting on Fark  (denverpost.com) (38)
(About.com) Dumbass "I know about these things because, I am a full time bodyguard. I am a father. If you pursue me in a car chase for whatever reason, I will try to elude you at no more than twice the speed limit."  (alcoholism.about.com) (91)
(Baltimore Sun) Florida Bicycle riding rooster named Mr. Clucky cited by code enforcement for crowing at 6 AM  (baltimoresun.com) (30)
(The Morning Call) Asinine 'Breaking into schools and letting animals loose was a prank in the '70s and '80s. Today, that could be considered a terrorist act.''  (mcall.com) (140)
(Some Guy) Interesting The state of NH grants a trial for a journalist who was being held without a trial for videotaping inside a public court room. Fark: State grants trial only after being threatened with jail themselves for violating basic human rights  (freemindsmedia.org) (231)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Boston, which poured $12 billion into a hole in the ground, spends two years building a $300,000 bathroom. Then proclaims it a feat of engineering  (boston.com) (90)
(Telegraph) Stupid James Bond prefers brunettes, according to a hard hitting new academic report from the institute of "can you believe we get paid to do this?" studies  (telegraph.co.uk) (44)
(Amherst Bulletin) Stupid Dear homeowner: We are improving your street. No changes will be made to your street. Sign this form to donate your house to the town. Plans are on file in the garage. Beware of the leopard  (amherstbulletin.com) (136)
(Scientific American) Spiffy Scientists and beer company create a beer from a 9,000-year old beer recipe, which was planted by God to test our faith. Our cold, delicious, tasty faith  (scientificamerican.com) (128)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this strange hair style  (s.wsj.net) (41)
(Daily Mail) Sappy ... and the Bunday award for worst pun of the week goes to the Daily Fail  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(SFGate) Dumbass Swim coach under arrest for teaching young women the fine art of the breaststroke  (sfgate.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Scary 90-year-old woman trapped in bathtub for three days credits her rubber duck for saving her life  (insidebayarea.com) (41)
(Boston Globe) Spiffy FDA approves at-home laser to fight wrinkles under the eyes. What could possibly go wrong?  (boston.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Fail "Police searched her vehicle and found a fun." Bad crazy lady  (lex18.com) (81)
(McSweeney's) Amusing If God had txt'd the 10 Commandments  (mcsweeneys.net) (61)
(Yahoo) Fail Fans gather for launch of 'iPhone killer' Palm Pre - Total number of "Fans" 45  (tech.yahoo.com) (177)
(Reuters) Followup Flight that was missing, found, not found is found again with bodies ... we think  (reuters.com) (85)
(The Scotsman) Obvious Study finds one in five Britons like to peek in other people's drawers. Cheeky  (news.scotsman.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Fail It's not unemployment, it's funemployment...We're fun-employed  (washingtonpost.com) (196)
(Stuff) Amusing Australian troops aghast at Dutch food, wooden shoes  (stuff.co.nz) (111)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida A lit cigarette makes a poor beacon for your friends while trying to swim in the Gulf of Mexico at 3:30 AM  (blogs.tampabay.com) (43)

Sat June 06, 2009
(Examiner) Asinine Texas cop tasers 72 year-old great-grandmother for refusing to sign traffic ticket  (examiner.com) (567)
(WFTV) Cool "Gay Days" at Disneyworld expected to bring in $100 million. A hundred million sweaty, buff, tan, oiled up, leather-wearing dollars  T-Shirt  (wftv.com) (152)
(WBBM) Interesting Amish moving west v e r y s l o w l y  (wbbm780.com) (50)
(WBBM) Unlikely Sarah Palin now concerned that Kim Jong-il's nukes can hit her front porch  (wbbm780.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this watch piece  (wiglaf.org) (57)
(Winnipeg Free Press) Sick Every cup tells a story, especially if it's filled with toxic algae water from Tim Hortons kid's camp  (winnipegfreepress.com) (34)
(New York Daily News) Spiffy An equine of a certain ornithological variety takes the Belmont Stakes. Oh, you haven't heard? Because I was under the impression that everyone had heard  (nydailynews.com) (73)
(Boston Globe) Amusing America's number 1 selling car: smaller than a Smartcar, better gas milage than a Prius, cuter than a Mini, and gets more babes than a Vette. All without a redesign in 30 years  (boston.com) (114)
(ABC News) Followup Man on mission to kill President Obama captured in Nevada casino, claims to have made wrong turn in Albuquerque  (abcnews.go.com) (87)
(Cracked) Scary Six real islands way more terrifying than one on "Lost"  (cracked.com) (141)
(SFGate) Stupid You're a bureaucrat in SF. You meet a homeless man who started shining shoes to earn money for an apartment. Do you C) take all the money the man earned because he didn't have a permit  (sfgate.com) (158)
(Newsweek) Silly Old and busted: Evolution v. Creationism. New hotness: New Age 2012ers v. well, everyone  (newsweek.com) (264)
(PIX11 News) Asinine Store owner hailed as hero for pitying robber two days ago now busted for selling bongs. DA: "'It's not illegal to sell them, but it's illegal to sell them when you know what you're selling them for."  (wpix.com) (134)
(Boston Globe) Sappy School for the Blind hosts a prom. "They told us it was an '80s theme"  (boston.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dipping dancer  (img.getactivehub.com) (32)
(Some Pub) Spiffy Drew's coming up to Vancouver, BC...let's have a Fark party this Saturday (June 6) at Smiley O'Neals downtown  (google.ca) (117)
(Some Guy) Cool Last call for the Amsterdam Fark Party - This Saturday, June 6. DIT  (lonelyplanet.com) (74)
(UPI) Strange Apparently annoyed at all the "Nanny State" headlines, Prince Charles takes his revenge on Fark  (upi.com) (75)
(Seacoastonline.com) Obvious If anything is to be learned from this story, it's don't mess with a drunk ex-firefighter's daughter  (seacoastonline.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Hero 65 years ago today on the beaches of Normandy the Hero tag cried  (army.mil) (172)
(UPI) Scary Truck driver and his son were detained after police found the deadly poison ricin in a jam jar in their home in northern England. We knew British food was bad, but even the jam can kill you know?  (upi.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious NASA study confirms Global Warming caused by the sun. Ric Romero said to be enjoying new job at NASA  (dakotavoice.com) (667)
(ABC News) Unlikely Powerball winner says he will not "squander" his $232 million jackpot. Well, after taxes and taking the lump sum, he means his $88.5 million jackpot, so he's already squandered $143.5 million  (abcnews.go.com) (154)
(Pew Research) Sad Only three percent of American teenagers do not play video games. That's it, just three measly percent who are not glued to the bright glow of a television screen, letting their brains rot even faster than in a Hulu commercial  (news.yahoo.com) (113)
(669) Silly ♫ Happy Birthdayyyy, Sweet Satannnn ♫ Prince of Darkness turns three today  (thesop.org) (144)
(Weather Underground) Sad Even in Montana you don't want to read the words "Winter Weather Advisory" and "total snowfall amounts of 5 to 10 inches" in your June 6th forecast  (wunderground.com) (79)
(Baltimore Sun) Silly If you stole a theater's Humpty Dumpty costume, all the king's horses and all the king's men would like to have a word with you  (baltimoresun.com) (9)
(ABC News) Scary It's often been said that fashion moves in a 20 year repeating cycle, which mean it's just about time for MC Hammer pants to become hip again  (abcnews.go.com) (130)
(London Times) Followup Doomed Air France flight had no auto pilot. Apparently, nobody wanted to play the Julie Hagerty role  (timesonline.co.uk) (114)
(ABC News) Obvious Want a job? Get an engineering or nursing degree. It's really that simple, all you liberal arts weenies  (abcnews.go.com) (296)
(UPI) Asinine Judge sentences teenage girl to stay home every night of the week but Saturday for an assault she committed at a party  (upi.com) (29)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Telling college students not to drink is like telling sheep not to go 'Baa.' "  (washingtonpost.com) (61)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary Police search for rocket man responsible for launching 7 ft long civilian-made rockets that buzzed two Continental airlines planes in the skies over Houston sometime around zero hour 9:00 AM  T-Shirt  (chron.com) (124)
(Fox News) Dumbass Administrators of high school with a 99% graduation rate are not amused about students having access to test via hacking, decide to cancel graduation excercises. Bonus: One kid who got the test early still failed it  (foxnews.com) (95)
(AP) Amusing "...while officers were arresting the suspects, someone took the pig."  (hosted.ap.org) (25)
(Boston Globe) Followup Remember the Boston fireman who got drunk and ran into a burning building? Remember that this happened in America where nothing is ever your fault?  (boston.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what's for sale  (i701.photobucket.com) (41)
(Some Actress) Caption Caption this very concerned Kate Winslet  (img7.imageshack.us) (83)
(LA Times) Cool Not News: 4 kittens orphaned when their mother is hit by a car. News: They got a surrogate mother to nurse and care for them. Fark: Their new mother is an Australian shepherd. UltraFark: Yep, sounds like Caturday  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (322)
(Yahoo) Hero D-Day was 65 years ago today. The tag is for all those who flew over, parachuted in, and ran up that beach  (news.yahoo.com) (325)
(NJ.com) Cool Woman graduates while living homeless on the streets her entire college career  (nj.com) (64)
(Fosters.com) Spiffy Over 100 Maine students attempt to set a Guinness World Record for most people in one room dressed as superheroes  (fosters.com) (29)
(The Sun) Amusing Ugly-assed pet loris loves being tickled. W/ Awww ain't that cute pic and vid  (thesun.co.uk) (36)
(BBC) Hero Britain's oldest man, and one of only two surviving WWI veterans, turns 113 today, let's all wish him a Happy Birthday  (news.bbc.co.uk) (48)
(Time) Sad Dozens killed in Amazon protest, demands made for more free shipping options  (time.com) (21)
(Salon) Interesting That's not a repo man. THIS is a repo man (profanity in article)  (salon.com) (111)
(Seattle Times) Amusing Town cracking down on thong underwear, terming it "cleavage of the buttocks"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Stupid Arizona Bishop sentenced for ringing church bells in violation of city noise ordinance  (wsbtv.com) (68)
(ExperienceProject) Amusing Top 9 Civil War generals who rocked their beards  (experienceproject.com) (121)

Fri June 05, 2009
(Daily Mail) Obvious Five-year-old students left "confused" and "worried" after being explained gay issues to the sound of Elton John  (dailymail.co.uk) (148)
(YouTube) Dumbass Bill O'Reilly Goes After Hit YouTube Video "David After Dentist"  (youtube.com) (188)
(AJC) Spiffy Vern and Shirley, the ugly-ass warthogs, are joined by their 4 ugly, ugly, ugly-ass piglets at Atlanta zoo  (ajc.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this quick coupler  (made-in-china.com) (28)
(ABC News) Interesting Fire and smoke pouring from manholes in San Francisco  T-Shirt  (abclocal.go.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Strange Some people smuggle guns. Some smuggle drugs. This woman busted for smuggling moose calves. "She claimed the mother moose is dead and she was worried that troopers would come out and shoot the babies."  (adn.com) (41)
(Yahoo) Interesting Boys with 'Warrior Gene' more likely to join gangs, come out to plaaaaaa-yyyyyyyy  (news.yahoo.com) (180)
(Baltimore Sun) Scary Oregon teen struck by lightning, immediately grounded  T-Shirt  (baltimoresun.com) (75)
(Denver Post) Amusing We're not having sex in public, officer, I'm just checking her cyst  (denver.yourhub.com) (64)
(UPI) Spiffy Paralyzed man walks after botox treatment, can't wipe the smile off his face  (upi.com) (38)
(Some Cajun) Stupid Junior has to stop Senior from stabbing his new step-mom on their wedding night. Report states alcohol may have been involved  (houmatoday.com) (34)
(Jalopnik) Silly If your wedding limo is painted like the General Lee, you just might be a redneck  (jalopnik.com) (51)
(WGAL 8) Spiffy States slim down inmate meals. Looks like tossed salad's back on the menu  (wgal.com) (77)
(Yahoo) PSA It's summer, school is out, and the news cycle has slowed down... send in the sharks  (travel.yahoo.com) (46)
(The Smoking Gun) Cool This week's Smoking Gun mugshot lineup: A bunch of first posters  (thesmokinggun.com) (244)
(Green Bay Press Gazette) Stupid You owe child support payments and see the police pull up do you A) Politely ask the officer how you can help him. B) Pull our your checkbook and pay it. C) Attack officer with your lawn mower  (greenbaypressgazette.com) (43)
(CNN) Dumbass They've got some 'splainin' to do...former State Department official and his wife arrested, charged with spying for Cuba for the past 30 years  (cnn.com) (165)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine Politician who got egged threatens reporters not to write about it. He needs to get ova himself and look at the sunny side up. Omelette other Farkers write all the bad puns  (breitbart.com) (101)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman used witchcraft to fly naked in a basket to kill relative. Court orders saving throw... Then it gets weird  (allafrica.com) (126)
(Some Hoosier Guy) Fail Today's teacher student relationship is from South Bend, Indiana, where the softball/basketball coach couldn't keep her hands off a female student (w/ yes you would pic)  (wbbm780.com) (124)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop The Edible Somethingorother  (farm3.static.flickr.com) (37)
(Miami Herald) Florida Missing man is found in Biscayne Bay. Three days in a row  (miamiherald.com) (82)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Stockmarkets rally after statistics show that only the equivalent of the population of Tampa, Florida lost their jobs last month, not Kansas City, Missouri as previously forecast  (msnbc.msn.com) (125)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Teen steals Cheez Whiz. Police spread him, take him to station for processing  (seacoastonline.com) (91)
(RedOrbit) Amusing Meh: Guy's mom taps him on the shoulder. Fark: Startled, he cuts off his pinky with the power saw he was using. Uber Fark: He successfully sues her and pockets $114K  (redorbit.com) (110)
(Miami Herald) Sick If your doctor prescribes 16 different psychotropic meds for your teenager, you might want to consider switching doctors  (miamiherald.com) (143)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 41 year old chick with .30 BAC strips down to slip & slide with the neighbor kids. Mom?  (lacrossetribune.com) (211)
(LA Times) Stupid In-depth hard-hitting news piece reveals that yes, America still loves cupcakes  (latimes.com) (81)
(Yahoo) Interesting Facing shortage of old-school country music, Tennessee lawmakers approve allowing guns in bars  (news.yahoo.com) (177)
(shar.es) Cool Budweiser discovers an important lesson: if you don't film your commercials for television broadcast, you don't have to meet any network censorship concerns  (shar.es) (113)
(SFGate) Fail New York City Police ticket illegally parked minivan repeatedly for weeks, fail to notice dead body of driver inside vehicle  (sfgate.com) (96)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Old and busted: 2008 catch phrase 'Yes, We Can'. New hotness: 2009 catch phrase ' Matt Lauer can suck it'  (myfoxdc.com) (55)
(Canoe) Spiffy Same sex couple raising the unwanted offspring of a heterosexual union. Fark: They're penguins  (cnews.canoe.ca) (105)
(Wired) Strange German artist takes on the challenge of fixing up Berlin's bomb damage. With LEGO  (wired.co.uk) (52)
(Kansas City) Followup Asshat who "allegedly" shot the Wichita abortion doctor complains that he's being treated like a criminal  (kansascity.com) (704)
(WBBM) Fail Some real estate advice: If your second home is being used to grow marijuana, invest in a good, dependable burglar alarm  (wbbm780.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman arrested for throwing lemons at her husband. Crazy pucker  (cbs12.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass When towing your son on a sled behind your truck, remember to not drive past the police station  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(Boston Herald) Weird The unintended consequences of solar power: the horses have ulcers, the ducks have disappeared, and a dog has started gnawing off doorknobs  (bostonherald.com) (125)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Apparently being the Dalai Lama isn't all it's cracked up to be. For one thing, hot dog vendors always rip you off  (guardian.co.uk) (48)
(news-record.com) Sad If you drive your moped into a flooded creek and are saved by a state trooper, it isn't heroic to go back for the moped  (news-record.com) (141)
(WBBM) Cool Nevada brothel to feature male prostitutes, state eyeing a pole tax  (wbbm780.com) (136)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sleeping seller  (img403.imageshack.us) (49)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida High school valedictorian forced to change her graduation speech because it wasn't cliched and generic enough for officials  (tampabay.com) (299)
(London Times) Hero While you were all distracted by things like the war in the Middle East and the Tiananmen square anniversary, a French judge may have put the first nail into the coffin of reality television  (entertainment.timesonline.co.uk) (187)
(UPI) Followup Victoria Gotti has reached a deal to keep her NY mansion out of foreclosure, something about 'an offer you can't refuse.'  (upi.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Students celebrate last day of school with the Three Rs: Readin' Ritin' and 'Rson  T-Shirt  (kcra.com) (30)
(UPI) Weird Police searching a store for stolen goods find two homemade bombs and a 3 foot alligator  (upi.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Only a fool brings a knife to a gunfight. In a police station  (wztv.com) (25)
(Houston Chronicle) Silly In case you weren't paying attention, a "little piece of America died" in Texas when a man was acquitted of disorderly conduct for using a vulgar term in front of a teenager. Well, shiat  (chron.com) (150)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Pop quiz, hot shot: one pre-teen has a loaded handgun and the other won't stop talking on his cell phone. Which one do you tase?  (post-gazette.com) (183)
(AZCentral) Amusing Golfer busted for throwing a teen by the neck and crotch into a bush and then hitting him with a golf club. The price is wrong, biatch  (azcentral.com) (71)
(News.com.au) Fail Protip: When renovating your historic pub for its 120th birthday party, don't burn it down  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (25)
(Some Guy) Asinine 20-year-old man pepper sprays and threatens to sic a pit bull on a landscaper who blew dirt onto his car with a leaf-blower  (kitsapsun.com) (85)
(Washington Post) Amusing President Obama discovers potential distant ancestor while touring the Pyramids. Those are ears we can believe in  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (151)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Homeless man accused of masturbating on roof. Ceiling cat ducks and covers  (blogs.tampabay.com) (107)

Thu June 04, 2009
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop New York City's unofficial wizard  (flickr.com) (31)
(AP) Cool Cool: Catching a fish. Cooler: Catching a fish with your bare hands. Really Farking Cool: Fish coughs up a ticking gold watch  (hosted.ap.org) (79)
(Google) Scary Boy in New Mexico dies of bubonic plague. Madagascar closes ports  (google.com) (189)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Jailed man tampers with sprinkler and floods his cell. Houdini, he is not  (mcall.com) (66)
(CBS New York) Dumbass Apparently this still needs to be repeated. If you're an EMT, don't take a picture of a corpse with your cellphone and post it on your Facebook page if you expect to remain employed  (wcbstv.com) (108)
(Some Canuck) Obvious How much money is left in our budget for next year? Nunavut  (news1130.com) (89)
(Missoulian) Sappy Family celebrates mom's birthday by buying and restoring a red 1969 Mustang like she had when she was fifteen. Actually, THE red 1969 Mustang she had when she was fifteen  (missoulian.com) (135)
(BBC) Asinine Private treasure hunting company: We found $500 million in gold and silver coins. Spain: YOINK  (news.bbc.co.uk) (274)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Weird Penthouse: Nurse seduces you, kisses you and grabs your junk. Fark: He's a crossdressing phlebotomist named Chadea  (news.cincinnati.com) (83)
(Boston Globe) Sappy Stuck in the muck to pluck a duck  (boston.com) (61)
(Greenville Online) Unlikely Woman charged with "concealing a child". Her 555 pound child  (greenvilleonline.com) (96)
(Fox 4 KC) PSA When performing a safety drill, it's best to warn employees ahead of time before depleting their room of oxygen  (caller.com) (46)
(Las Vegas Now) Weird Alien cult plans theme park... in Las Vegas  (lasvegasnow.com) (78)
(Google) Scary All that TSA security is pretty useless when someone can just get airline employee to carry a 9mm onto the plane for him  (google.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Stupid University cuts $3.8 million from budget, but still keeps paying their "inspiration officer" who gets paid $12,500. No, not per year. That's per month  (khq.com) (83)
(USA Today) Misc Tourette's most common in white kids, boys, c**ks**kers  T-Shirt  (usatoday.com) (146)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: In the beginning  (fark.com) (58)
(AP) Stupid Nude photo of Carla Bruni sold for almost $20,000 at auction to someone unfamiliar with Google Image Search  (hosted.ap.org) (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting George Lucas confirmed as Archbishop. THE POPE SHOT FIRST  (wgem.com) (67)
(WBBM) Fail If you are an underage coed charged with a fatal DUI, you probably shouldn't post pics on Facebook drinking with your friends, unless you are hoping for some new jewelry  (wbbm780.com) (242)
(Omaha World Herald) Stupid Cops to mom: "No kids in the bar." Mom finds perfect babysitter: man throwing up in her car  (omaha.com) (48)
(Dayton Daily News) Dumbass Woman agrees to meet stranger at a hamburger stand to sell the five-carat diamond ring she advertised on Craigslist, is surprised to discover she didn't think her cunning plan all the way through  (daytondailynews.com) (80)
(CNN) Interesting Real-life superheroes are coming out of the woodwork during these tough economic times  (cnn.com) (215)
(CNN) Sick Teenagers repeatedly sodomize schoolmate over a two month period. Multiple witnesses to the attacks, but no one came forward  (cnn.com) (898)
(Telegraph) Interesting Australia's koala population at serious risk from inbreeding. With pic which might explain why  (telegraph.co.uk) (45)
(CNN) Stupid Hard hitting journalism at its best: What to do if your BFF unfriends you  (us.cnn.com) (129)
(New Haven Register) Obvious Driver takes Taco Bell's drive-thru sign literally  (nhregister.com) (32)
(The Earth Times) Ironic Man dies after lightning strikes his lucky talisman  (earthtimes.org) (86)
(Pontiac) Plug Sexy. Gorgeous. Powerful. Deadly. And the car ain't bad, either (Sponsored Link)  (contest.maxim.com) (151)
(USA Today) Obvious Two Southern Californians dead after sky unleashes strange phenomena known as "lightning" and "rain"  (usatoday.com) (86)
(WFSB) Dumbass When choosing your next victim to mug, you may want to make sure he's not a federal Justice Department firearms instructor trained in how to disarm people  (wfsb.com) (44)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man dislocates his girlfriend's hair extensions when he wigs out and throws her to the ground during a fight over a cell phone  (nwfdailynews.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Sad 'Medical bills underlie 60% of US bankruptcies.' But I thought that these were just losers with three SUVs in the driveway and a plasma widescreen in every room  (news.yahoo.com) (662)
(BBC) Strange Nglshmn sht n Kyrgyzstn  (news.bbc.co.uk) (68)
(The Local (Germany)) Cool Come on everyone - the table is laid. Cocaine-soaked tablecloths found by airport customs  (thelocal.de) (37)
(The New York Times) Interesting The secret to indestructibility? "Strict atheism"  (happydays.blogs.nytimes.com) (698)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Less than 20 years after their US led liberation, Kuwait sets three world records for fast food prep at Hardees, KFC, and Krispy Kreme. Behold the power of democracy. FARK: The restaurants are operated by the Americana Group  (myfoxdc.com) (37)
(Kens5.com) Asinine Woman fails to return overdue library book before fleeing town in messy divorce. Now police are throwing the book at her: She's a fugitive  (kens5.com) (99)
(WTAM) Stupid Mix in some high school seniors, a food fight and some smoke bombs and let the hilarity begin  (wtam.com) (20)
(SFGate) Cool Ancient skeleton unearthed in Serbia. Authorities have tentatively identified the skeleton as the entertainment career of either Dan Cortese, Richard Grieco, or that "Balki" dude  (sfgate.com) (92)
(SFGate) Obvious Federal judge rules that telecoms are immune to citizen lawsuits for aiding and abetting wiretaps done by Federal agencies at the behest of the Federal government. Ta-da  (sfgate.com) (219)
(People Magazine) Sad Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok  (people.com) (783)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Swedish authorities step up the fight against fake Strawberries  (thelocal.se) (37)
(The Tennessean) Spiffy The recession has given us Kentucky Grilled Chicken; Pasta Hut; Domino's Subs; and $5 burgers at Morton's. Recessions are awesome  (tennessean.com) (217)
(WAAY TV) Obvious Man steals steaks. Dogs want steaks. Dogs chase man into shed. Police arrive. (with YouTube goodness)  (waaytv.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Man admits to robbing banks on 6 consecutive Thursdays, apparently he was unwilling to wait for Friday because an additional FDIC seizure could be distracting during a robbery  (news.yahoo.com) (9)
(MSNBC) Obvious Playgrounds are completely unsafe, and will kill your children  (msnbc.msn.com) (157)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass Australian government offers $1000 to any family who lost a home in the summer fires but does not ask for ID or proof of loss. Result? 2000 homes lost, 67000 payments made  (abc.net.au) (36)
(The Tennessean) Scary Knock Knock. Who's There? BEAR  (tennessean.com) (77)
(Time) Dumbass Never before released pictures of Hitler surface which reveal for the first time the Fuhrer's inner turmoil after stealing that guy's seat at Christmas dinner  (life.com) (130)
(Buffalo News) Scary Judge rules police use of taser to compel man to provide DNA sample is legal  (buffalonews.com) (174)
(Fox News) Dumbass Elementary school principal gives survey to teachers, asking them to identify student behavior problems by race. For some reason, parents get all "outragey"  (foxnews.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tthheeaattrree oowwnneerrss bbeehhiinndd oonn 33DD pprroojjeeccttoorrss  (edmontonsun.com) (105)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass At the trial for 4 men accoused of plotting to bomb NY synagogues, one suspect's father goes on an anti-semetic rant, "Those Jews in the media are turning this into something it is not." Defense: facepalm  (nydailynews.com) (185)
(Hartford Courant) Amusing In response to the chimp attack, CT bans ownership of gorillas, chimps, and orangutans. Still legal to own a wolverine, and to see his crappy movies  (courant.com) (50)
(SeattlePI) Cool Newsweek announces Stephen Colbert as guest editor of upcoming issue, a blatant violation of journalistic standards and traditions not seen since previous issue of Newsweek  (seattlepi.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Obvious Good: One company plans to expand in 2009 and create 22,000 jobs. I'll give you one guess who it is. Wharrgarbl to the right  (news.yahoo.com) (452)
(News 14 Carolina) Sick Man won't be needing Craigslist anymore to hire rape; it'll come free where he's going  (news14.com) (59)
(Boston Herald) Obvious Feds indict another Speaker of the House for bribery. Meanwhile, Massachusetts' own "ethics" investigators go after real corruption, like board of health member who allegedly got free tattoo  (bostonherald.com) (51)
(My Fox Boston) Spiffy This unfortunate headline brought to you by My Fox Boston  (myfoxboston.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this friar free fall  (s.wsj.net) (48)
(Wall Street Journal) Hero Today is the 20th Anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Tag is for the guy in front of the tanks and other protestors  (online.wsj.com) (243)
(Modern Drunkard) Interesting Examining the rise and fall of three booze 'sensations': Ripple, Zima, and Billy Beer  (drunkard.com) (80)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Off to the pub to get drunk? Don't forget your zebra  (news.com.au) (24)
(TheSpec.com) Hero Her bark was greater than her brick. Steak earned  (thespec.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Ironic We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue....and then we'll find out what's so electric about it  (sbsun.com) (31)
(Gawker) Spiffy Kentucky church is holding a 'bring your handgun to church service' day  (gawker.com) (146)
(Some Lawyer) Obvious Federal judge rules that Crunchberries aren't real fruit  (loweringthebar.net) (88)
(Truro Daily) Interesting Thieves make off with 144 kegs of beer - Location of Fark Party not mentioned  (trurodaily.com) (23)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Someone spends $500 on eBay to buy 2003 yearbook containing photos of Tot Mom Casey Anthony. Bubble-wrap guy unavailable for comment  (orlandosentinel.com) (59)
(Daily Mail) Stupid British man who swore and waved a chair above his head after dentists refused to give him emergency treatment pleads "tooth rage"  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(USA Today) Cool 4 year coleges graduate's 53% of the student's in 6 years 100% of the time  (usatoday.com) (170)
(CBS News) Sick Fifi will get you thirty  (cbsnews.com) (256)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 213: "Keep Out" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (198)

Wed June 03, 2009
(Sun Sentinel) Misc If you file for bankruptcy, you have to list your frozen human cadavers as assets. It doesn't matter if they are used or unused... you need to list them  (sun-sentinel.com) (49)
(Endless Simmer) Amusing The Top 10 Top 10 Food Lists  (endlesssimmer.com) (47)
(NPR) Dumbass US Gov leaks list of nuclear materials and locations, prompts denials and accusations of "I do not leak, Navigator. You leak"  (npr.org) (112)
(AP) Scary Every young man's dream turned into a nightmare just as his girlfriend's mom broke out the duct tape  (hosted.ap.org) (76)
(CBC) Weird You know you've lost a staring contest when the other guy stabs you  (cbc.ca) (47)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Bride-to-be looking forward to first kiss, facing fiance during sex for a change  (gnn.com) (291)
(KnoxNews) Misc Police are looking for a 330-pound suspect in a drugstore heist. They need to hurry if they want the description to fit. Apparently the suspect took all of the fen-phen  (knoxnews.com) (14)
(ABC News) Scary Experts: This may be the final century of civilization, guaranteeing almost certain death for everyone alive today  (abcnews.go.com) (317)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Dick Dastardly and his snickering sidekick Muttley  (i267.photobucket.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Interesting NH Gov signs gay marriage bill. Live free and be fabulous  (unionleader.com) (228)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Harvard to offer endowed professorship in gay studies, which doesn't mean what you think it means  T-Shirt  (boston.com) (113)
(News13) Florida If you're going to rob a bank, it might be a good idea to make sure your getaway vehicle has enough gas in it  (cfnews13.com) (21)
(Idaho Statesman) Obvious Teenage driver arrested for road-rage incident that involved continually ramming another motorist in rear, hurling creamy ranch dressing at him. She was charged with felony aggravated battery  (idahostatesman.com) (114)
(AP) Strange Not news: Vehicle drives for miles with a piece of roadkill stuck to its front end. Fark: Vehicle is an oil tanker and the roadkill is a 50 foot humpback whale  (hosted.ap.org) (67)
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady)) Amusing Add "going to pick up your $1 million lottery prize" to the list of excuses that won't get you out of a ticket  (dailygazette.com) (60)
(USA Today) Interesting Flight industry urged to implement detachable flight data recorders, passenger escape pods, ejection seats for annoying children  (usatoday.com) (109)
(CNN) Dumbass Four yutes arrested after reports of armed man roaming Princeton campus. Defense attorney files preliminary motion requesting judicial notice of the cooking time of grits  (cnn.com) (82)
(Winnisquam Echo) Obvious Town deploys radar trailer to learn about speeding problem, discovers only speeding problem is people trying to set high score on radar display  (record-enterprise.com) (102)
(CNN) Interesting The Tupac Shakur of Al Qaeda has a new vague audio message  (cnn.com) (118)
(Huffington Post) Caption Caption what Barack Obama and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud are saying to each other  (images.huffingtonpost.com) (148)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Buddhist find rattlesnake in his apartment and attempts to set it free. Accumulates good karma, venom  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(Komo) Interesting Thousands of chickens die in fire. Firefighters struggle to control flames, appetites  T-Shirt  (komonews.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Silly The Vancouver Sun isn't afraid to ask hard hitting questions -- "Ketchup: Red menace or culinary saviour?"  (vancouversun.com) (71)
(Seattle Times) Amusing An old man who keeps walking around town in the nude has appeared again, adding a new wrinkle to the case. "His lack of clothing has disturbed some residents, and caused at least one girl to cry"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (92)
(Fox News) Amusing Controversial topless coffee shop goes tits up  T-Shirt  (foxnews.com) (235)
(Some IT-student) Plug Alts, your thoughts, good, bad or indifferent? This survey is for a Farkette's research project  (survey.ath0.com) (1030)
(Google) Obvious North Korea begins assembling a long range rocket in their attempts to further map the local seabed  T-Shirt  (google.com) (282)
(MSNBC) Fail Marine pimps 14 year-old girl, uses her to entice potential recruits. Semper thigh  (msnbc.msn.com) (296)
(My Fox DC) Interesting How to make money during a recession: Sell $4 coffee served by hot Vietnamese girls wearing little more than a bikini and high heels  (myfoxdc.com) (411)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Turn an album cover into an advertisement  (fark.com) (209)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Protip: If you're a teenage girl stealing daddy's safe for a shopping spree, don't ask the mob to help you open it  (thelocal.se) (54)
(Fox News) Dumbass Husband crashes into tree, wife takes over and promptly crashes into a trailer park. The rare double DUI is bestowed upon this lucky couple  (foxnews.com) (55)
(Toronto Star) Dumbass Homeowner dismayed to discover that the concepts of "open house" and "free stuff" are not mutually exclusive  (thestar.com) (99)
(Telegraph) Interesting One does not simply peacefully skip into Mordor  (telegraph.co.uk) (165)
(My Fox DC) Cool A 19 year old student calls the White House, gets the fax number, and sends over a letter to First Lady Michelle Obama, asking her to deliver the school's commencement address. It works  (myfoxdc.com) (144)
(Reuters) Amusing Saudi Arabia confirms first swine flu infection. But it must be a mistake because no one there interacts with pork and all pork handlers are hanged. Pork does not exist  (reuters.com) (71)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Italian-American group succeeds in getting offensive Miller Lite TV ad pulled, would like everyone to just fuhgeddaboudit  (suntimes.com) (239)
(Air Force Times) Dumbass Air Guard recruiter charged with selling drugs. Aim High  (airforcetimes.com) (32)
(TC Palm) Florida If it looks like the husband killed his wife, and it smells like the husband killed his wife, then it must have been the spray tan that killed his wife  (tcpalm.com) (47)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man sues for stripper kicking him in the face. Now he has permanent double vision. Twice the show for half the price. Giggity  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (103)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Disgruntled Range Rover customer parks his vehicle in front of dealership with a list of the vehicle's problems printed on the windows  (dailymail.co.uk) (243)
(Gawker) Photoshop Photoshop these WWII rubber containers  (cache.gawker.com) (33)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting "Borg attacked near government offices", presumably at 359 Wolf Street  T-Shirt  (thelocal.se) (147)
(SeattlePI) Interesting California appeals court tells tip-greedy Starbucks baristas to suck it, suck it Venti time  (seattlepi.com) (334)
(Salon) Spiffy That flapping sound you hear? It's the sound of helicopter parents officially sputtering back down to their heliopads. 'Bout time  (salon.com) (129)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine How can this guy stand to look himself in the mirror? Oh, wait  (startribune.com) (65)
(Mercury News) Obvious Noted parenting expert Octomom says Kate Gosselin is an attention whore with unresolved behavioral issues  (mercurynews.com) (153)
(AZCentral) Obvious Outdoor prison cell in Arizona, check. 100+ degree temperatures, check. Lack of shade, check. Lack of water, check. Apathetic guards, check. Dead inmate, check  (azcentral.com) (185)
(Nola.com) Asinine If you are going to steal books from a bookstore and sell them at a used book shop, that's fine. Just don't do it 4000 times. And don't go to the same store every time  (nola.com) (49)
(KYW1060) Scary Explosion and fire at "Dollar 99¢ Expo" store. Damage feared to be in the tens of dollars  (kyw1060.com) (32)
(CNN) Sick The 1800's had snake oil salesmen. The 1900's had psychic surgeons. Meet this century's new breed of medical scam artists  (cnn.com) (282)
(Some Guy) Sad One person dead, customer injured in armed robbery at Walmart, if only they had been wearing their Three Wolf Moon T-Shirts  (q13fox.com) (121)
(Breitbart.com) Followup Michigan teen gets off with probation after lighting man's groin on fire. Judge says penal system is trying to protect penile systems  T-Shirt  (breitbart.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you broke into the McDonough Police evidence room they want to ask you few questions, like how difficult it is to walk around with such huge balls  (wsbtv.com) (70)

Tue June 02, 2009
(Daily Camera) Dumbass Man attempts to rob Subway sandwich shop with three-inch knife, forgetting every employee in Subway is armed with a six-inch knife  (dailycamera.com) (103)
(officer.com) Stupid Good: Boston P.D. gets 200 M-16 rifles free from the miltary. Stupid: Boston mayor calls semi-auto rifles "high-powered assault weapons" and says no  (officer.com) (535)
(madison.com) Obvious News: Teen given citation for "imprudent speed" after crashing dad's Audi. Fark: Same teen has license suspended after posting video to YouTube of car reaching 160 mph just before crash. (w/ video)  (madison.com) (145)
(Some Guy) Amusing Student smokes a joint while reading a pro-marijuana essay to his class. Mr. Hand not impressed  (kirotv.com) (235)
(Fox News) Dumbass Ukrainian man arrested for trying to smuggle 120 tortoises into Poland by taping them together and stacking them in a converted gas tank in his car. Apparently the tape was to make sure they didn't run away  (foxnews.com) (64)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this ball bobbling  (s.wsj.net) (34)
(Gawker) Stupid Guantanamo Bay: the video game. It's a little fun at first, but once you get going it's really hard to shut it down  (gawker.com) (59)
(Fox News) Interesting Old and busted: hiding cocaine in a suitcase. New hotness: making the suitcase out of cocaine  (foxnews.com) (48)
(WALB, Alabama) Followup Pizza-ordering rapist may be innocent; accuser has history of false rape charges; both regret not baking a Digiorno  (walb.com) (188)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious China rounds up usual suspects, blocks social networking sites. Must be 20th anniversary of Tiananmen Square massacre. Or Tuesday  (breitbart.com) (92)
(WBBM) Dumbass Math problem: How do you fit a 6'7" corpse into a 6' coffin? Legal problem: depends how you solve the math problem. Like this guy  (wbbm780.com) (113)
(Click Orlando) Sick Mice, goats, dogs, pigs, horses, hamster and donkey seized from house of Florida man. Goes by the name Noah  (clickorlando.com) (47)
(Bangor Daily News) Obvious Softball coach was fired for making students walk barefoot in sheep feces at a team picnic, not because she's a lesbian  (bangordailynews.com) (90)
(News.com.au) Sad Man dies after being hit by trains. Coroners from three counties assisting  (news.com.au) (59)
(AFP) Interesting It's a rare occurance when a New Yorker is guilt ridden enough to return a stone he took from Israel 12 years ago  (news.yahoo.com) (83)
(London Times) Sappy "They called and said, 'This is not a prank but there's a koala who just walked into our house and is sleeping on our bed'"  (timesonline.co.uk) (91)
(UPI) Obvious Woman who threw hot coffee on fellow commuter in fit of rage convicted of assault and fined $2,000, or approximately the cost of four grande lattes from Starbucks  (upi.com) (95)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Never bring a lawn mower to a beer truck fight  (tampabay.com) (24)
(Jalopnik) Sad When driving your McLaren F1 worth $2 million, it may be a good idea to bring along a $20 fire extinguisher  (jalopnik.com) (145)
(CNN) Stupid Old and busted: swine flu hysteria. New hotness: "cell phone elbow" hysteria  (cnn.com) (43)
(Canada.com) Sappy 62-year-old man graduates from automotive service technician apprenticeship program to fulfill a promise he made to his long dead son  (calgaryherald.com) (29)
(the alligator) Florida Relax lady. We're from the University Police Dept. We take textbook theft seriously  (alligator.org) (61)
(Some Guy) Scary Not News: 911 call for a cat stuck in a tree. FARK:  (powelltribune.com) (115)
(Boston Globe) Amusing More men are forming "book clubs." Beer, laughs, good times.....and "We've been meeting for 6 months, and we haven't read a book yet"  (boston.com) (104)
(Yahoo) Followup US official says Japan has suggested some "very creative" ways to punish North Korea for it's latest threats. Purely coincidentally, the US Tentacle Research Facility suddenly seems to be working round the clock  (fe25.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (94)
(Washington Post) Interesting Kim Jong Il names his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, to be his successor as North Korean leader and pain in the world's collective ass  (washingtonpost.com) (146)
(AJC) Interesting Air France crash recalls '62 Orly tragedy. Ya rly  (ajc.com) (71)
(PennLive) Dumbass New Bloods gang motto: When we attempt to expand operations, we will not rob and kidnap someone, only to forget about them in the trunk of the car we stole  (pennlive.com) (39)
(MosNews) Cool Russia selects Miss Atom 2009 from the thousands of women working in their nuclear power industry. Why, yes, there are pics  (mosnews.com) (301)
(News.com.au) Strange Next time you're deciding how to deal with traffic frustrations, try not to pick the "squeezing a police officers testicles" option  (news.com.au) (39)
(Jalopnik) Cool Fifteen mind-bendingly-awesome used tire sculptures. Your kid does not want a tire swing  (jalopnik.com) (55)
(Chicago Tribune) Strange Q: Is hanging out and drinking beer at a grave site offensive? A: Of corpse  (chicagotribune.com) (89)
(Guardian.com) Interesting No, he's not the reincarnation of a Buddhist spiritual leader. He's a very naughty boy  (guardian.co.uk) (147)
(NBC 11) Obvious New "anti-prison" lives up to its name as inmate escapes day after opening  (nbcwashington.com) (54)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Shocking revelation: power lines not the best place to practice rapelling skills  (wvgazette.com) (41)
(WTMJ) Interesting Good Samaritan tackles guy in effort to stop him from robbing gas station. In other news, someone in Wisconsin can actually make a tackle  (620wtmj.com) (36)
(Fox News) Dumbass L.A. mayor goes undercover with local reporter. *wink*  (foxnews.com) (53)
(CNN) Amusing Survey shows 1 in 5 Americans trusts Muslims. You would've sumbitted this with a better headline, but you wouldn't take your eyes off the man with turban  (cnn.com) (191)
(Some Wet Guy) Stupid Four arrested for breaking into water park twice in one weekend. Cops might've let one incident slide but say repeat offense represents slippery slope; drop suspects into holding tank to await arraignment unless they're bailed out first  (kpax.com) (31)
(SFGate) Dumbass If you're going to kill three people, don't leave your cell phone behind. And if you do, don't later call that phone to try and get it back  (sfgate.com) (32)
(Buffalo News) Cool Horse & buggy driver leads police on a three-mile chase. Fark: He escaped  (buffalonews.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dome home  (images2.funadvice.com) (25)
(Yahoo) Followup Plane debris found 4,815,162,342 meters off shore from Brazil  (fe22.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (341)
(News 14 Carolina) Amusing If you happen to be in possession of a giant brontosaurus head, the Durham Police Department would like to have a word with you  (news14.com) (37)
(Miami Herald) Interesting Lawyer assaults pizza delivery girl when his pie was late because she couldn't get in his gated condo. Uncle Enzo's gonna be pissed  (miamiherald.com) (152)
(The Local (Germany)) Misc Kindergarten strikes drag on, complete with cute protest songs and poorly painted signs  (thelocal.de) (52)
(Daily Mail) Amusing If you're a realtor, getting drunk and smashing up the house you're selling, isn't the best way to display it to buyers  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Telegraph) Scary 600-foot jellyfish attacks England  (telegraph.co.uk) (317)
(Some Guy) Interesting Amateur spies use Goggle Earth to map North Korea, discover it's a cross between the Khmer Rouge killing fields and Neverland Ranch  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (393)
(My Fox DC) Scary Retirees who start collecting Social Security benefits at 62 typically receive 25 percent less than they would have had they waited until they were 70. This, of course, only applies for about another 30 years, when you'll just get nothing  (myfoxdc.com) (477)
(AP) Dumbass Problem: you are a 51 year old woman behind on your rent and bills. Solution: guilt your 14 and 12 year old son to commit armed robbery. Police: "This is absolutely not how to raise your children."  (hosted.ap.org) (48)
(AP) Dumbass Bank robber takes five-story plunge off of a parking garage while fleeing police. Rate of decline considered amateurish by recent bank standards  (hosted.ap.org) (25)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Movie mashup. Photoshop a scene with characters from at least two different movies  (20.media.tumblr.com) (127)
(Breitbart.com) Weird Some guy in California who had 13 expensive rabbits just reported to police he had 77 rabbits stolen. Thief spotted in truck with 200 rabbits. Police hope to recover the 42,987 rabbits by tomorrow  T-Shirt  (breitbart.com) (64)
(Stuff) Dumbass If you can tell the difference between an enemy submarine and a small coastal village, the Russian Navy may have an opening for you  (stuff.co.nz) (51)
(News.com.au) Strange FROG: *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak*.... *croak* .... MAN: *croak*  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (80)
(Entertainment Weekly) Obvious The Eminem/Bruno teabag stunt was staged. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog not impressed  (hollywoodinsider.ew.com) (205)
(MSNBC) Interesting American man wins custody of son in Brazil, does not plan to fly him home on Air France  (msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Little bugger with loaded diaper used as drug courier. Maybe the guards got suspicious over the smell?  (thelocal.de) (20)
(Gawker) Dumbass If you're jogging to work and tweeting on your BlackBerry, try to look up every now and then to check for low-hanging branches  (gawker.com) (78)
(Salon) Obvious Mexico detains 29 police officers for drug ties; remaining officers immediately switch to drug ascots  (salon.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Interesting Man must spend two months in jail, but has the happiest pooch on Earth  (news.yahoo.com) (53)
(Denver Channel) Scary When your landlord installs a non-movable mirror IN your shower stall, you are right to be a little dubious  (thedenverchannel.com) (108)
(Labspaces.net) Spiffy Scientists find something sold at GNC that might actually be good for you  (labspaces.net) (73)
(TC Palm) Florida You know it's summer in Florida when toothless men start robbing billard players for their Xanax  (tcpalm.com) (40)

Mon June 01, 2009
(Some Guy) Amusing Maryland figures out the state can save money if they don't mow roadside grass so it will hide trash and save on the costs of cleaning up areas next to state roads  (bizjournals.com) (66)
(4029tv.com) Dumbass So you've decided to steal electricity to run your meth lab. Don't use jumper cables and be prepared for a broken back, neck and pelvis as well as "hardened organs"  (4029tv.com) (176)
(SILive) Silly Middle school kid's half a head o' hair causes ruckus. With pic  (silive.com) (169)
(CNN) Followup Air France: Missing plane likely crashed. No answer as to why they ruled out "wandered off into outerspace" or "rendered invisible with pixie dust" so fast  (cbs19.tv) (232)
(Washington Post) Scary ♪ We are Taliban kids, 400 strong and growing ♫  (washingtonpost.com) (72)
(Some Indecent Guy) Misc Police on the lookout for serial flasher. Described as short and always to the left  (wmur.com) (28)
(Prospect) Obvious Opening line: Former French PM once told journalist that France wanted to be raped by a strong leader. Then it gets weird. By closing paragraph: "France's president is a sex dwarf."  (prospect-magazine.co.uk) (52)
(Peterborough Examiner) Unlikely Man attempts Fark defense when being accused of downloading child pornography "When I'm drunk, I'm too drunk to view anything."  (thepeterboroughexaminer.com) (143)
(Examiner) Amusing Old lady gossip columnist Cindy Adams outraged at possibility of new NYC area code  (examiner.com) (69)
(WBBM) Cool The 'memorabilia' OJ tried to steal back that got him jailed is now with the LAPD. And guess who gets to decide what to do with the stuff  (wbbm780.com) (86)
(Wired) Interesting Shrieking sound generator is the latest advance in military technology. " It was like having a hundred nagging girlfriends in my brain screaming at me. Very unpleasant."  (wired.com) (76)
(My San Antonio) Dumbass This story answers the question, 'Why shouldn't I lend this stolen cell phone to my phone-sex-obsessed buddy?"  (mysanantonio.com) (18)
(Local6) Florida Nothing can stop Florida football. Not even a Taser  (clickorlando.com) (61)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Stupid Today is June 1st, 2009. It is now time for our yearly OMFG MOSQUITOS ARE GOING TO INFECT AND KILL US ALL story. You can begin PANIC at a time convenient to you  (startribune.com) (47)
(Reason Magazine) Sad Once a microcosm of life in Britain, pubs have now become over-regulated targets of governmental health nannies. Hmmm. Guess they still do represent life in the UK  (reason.com) (86)
(Michigan Messenger) Obvious All you need to know from this news story: atheists lose  (michiganmessenger.com) (495)
(Government Press Director) Amusing US: "Stop building in Jerusalem." Israel:"I have to admire the residents of Iroquois territory for assuming that they have a right to determine where Jews should live in Jerusalem."  (thebulletin.us) (758)
(AZCentral) Asinine Arizona largest power company projects it will only net $84.4 million in profit this year, instead of an expected $109 million. Plans to raise prices to make up for the "loss"  (azcentral.com) (77)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious New study finds that 25% of Texas drivers would fail a driver's test taken today. Subby, for one, is shocked the number isn't closer to 75%  (chron.com) (106)
(ESPN) Unlikely Mets win despite having half their team sick with a mysterious "stomach virus" that reminds people of that other virus... that closed all those schools... in Queens... where their stadium is... EVERYBODY PANIC  (sports.espn.go.com) (29)
(Salon) Spiffy Salon's resident conservative asks questions from clueless progressives. This week: When will the Right get over Ronald Reagan? Answer: Never  (salon.com) (176)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Today's Photoshop theme is brought to you by something fraudulent  (en.wikipedia.org) (31)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass New Hampshire man arrested for the 153rd time, a week after serving a year in jail for stealing a can of beer  (seacoastonline.com) (26)
(Starpulse) Obvious "Twilight" wins big at the MTV Movie Awards; the collective shriek from 12-year-old girls everywhere pissed off your dog  (starpulse.com) (196)
(Boston Globe) Cool One sign you landed a good wife - she is willing to run into a fire to save a stranger, ruining her wedding dress in the process  (boston.com) (53)
(Bloomberg) Amusing China's message to Chiadictator: You've got a big mouth for such a tiny man. We asked you not to talk smack in public like that, but you just can't help yourself. You're on your own now, biatch  (bloomberg.com) (151)
(Yahoo) Obvious Extremist anti-abortion leaders are concerned that the killing of Dr. Tiller will cause the entire anti-abortion movement to be branded as extremist  (news.yahoo.com) (631)
(Reuters) Spiffy "China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot."  (reuters.com) (37)
(AP) Sad Byrd has staph infection. His poor flaccid penis  (hosted.ap.org) (67)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine 7 months, 2 failed car companies, a Supreme Court nominee and multiple accounts of North Korean aggresssion later, the Minnesota Supreme Court begins hearings on the Senate recount  (startribune.com) (112)
(Yahoo) Followup Just hours after media rushed to blame lightning for taking down missing Air France jet, they're now trying to climb out of that hole they dug  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (103)
(BBC) Fail Bulgarian Survivor contenstant doesn't  (news.bbc.co.uk) (37)
(SMH) Cool Prostitutes in Amsterdam's red light district are engaged in a price war with a full service now going for as little as 20 euros  (smh.com.au) (137)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Weird High school student masters the art of puppet-making, ensuring that his puppets will be the only things he puts his fingers in for a long time  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (24)
(sh1595) Stupid New KY police plan to build community relations: wild game hunts and neighborhood BBQ  (local12.com) (23)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing Sponsored by BEEF  (homestarrunner.com) (27)
(Washington Post) Obvious The most underreported news story of the year? The media's infatuation with Obama: "The press has become Obama's silent ally and seems in a state of denial"  (washingtonpost.com) (248)
(BBC) Silly Make a news story from the following phrases: "hairy alpacas", "Mrs Shrimpton", "wrist warmers", "Wollongong", and finally, "backsides"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (31)
(Canada.com) Obvious If you're drunk enough to attack your cab driver, you're probably also too drunk to drive the cab  (calgaryherald.com) (12)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing If you're a state death investigator, don't try to tell the cops that you're also a cop when they arrest you for public urination. " He kept yelling that we couldn't do this to him, that we were on the same team."  (desmoinesregister.com) (27)
(London Times) Interesting Election of Obama could pave the way for the first black pope and send a message to the world that the Roman Catholic church is as hip as an Akon video, but with fewer hot black chicks in bikinis  (timesonline.co.uk) (104)
(Yahoo) Followup The biggest Redneck in the Senate says he doesn't think Sotomayor is a racist and wishes his fellow GOP'ers would stop calling her that  (fe7.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (248)
(Some Girl) Obvious In this quarter's Annals of Obvious Research, Harvard found drunk teenagers are having more sex than their sober peers  (trueslant.com) (30)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Man busted for DUI slips out of his handcuffs, pees in the police van, bites an officer on the thumb, and kicks him in the inner thigh. Ta-da. "He was extremely uncooperative."  (desmoinesregister.com) (12)
(Some G Man) Interesting FBI reports that all crime statistics are down for the second year in a row. At this rate, the US will be crime free sometime in the early 24th century, just as Gene Rodenberry predicted  (fbi.gov) (29)
(Some Guy) Cool Frost advisory in effect for much of New York state. In related news, Al Gore seen pounding his head on a sidewalk  (uticaod.com) (214)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass 3 out of 30 Memphis Burger Kings agree that global warming is a bunch of hot air  (consumerist.com) (53)
(Some Darwin Guy) Fail Hey, I have an idea, let's stand up on this double decker bus to Lake Shelbyville  (wgntv.com) (60)
(KCCI) Strange "The potty, which was placed near a city intersection, was set on fire late Saturday. A burn mark is visible on one side."  (kcci.com) (11)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Hero Tuesday is International Whores Day  (theage.com.au) (108)
(Slate) Interesting You wake up and put on your sunglasses because the sunlight is excessive, then ask Tad Allagash where you could read about Jay McInerney, and he points you to this link  (slate.com) (14)
(Bloomberg) Weird "Japanese researcher Yasuhiro Tsukamoto's flock of 500 ostriches are being enlisted into the global fight against swine flu"  (bloomberg.com) (17)
(MSU survey) Survey Let's put a Hooters in the MSU student union food court  (hfs.msu.edu) (91)
(PennLive) Asinine Pennsylvania High School to deny graduation, prom to students convicted on underage drinking and/or felonies. Because nobody makes mistakes, ever  (pennlive.com) (141)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Judge says mom is too stupid to raise her children. (w/ "I'd hit that until I'm stupid" pic )  (dailymail.co.uk) (251)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious Presidential campaigning already in full swing in Iowa. Cue "Not this shiat again" photo  (breitbart.com) (39)
(Breitbart.com) Weird Hugo Chavez decides not to talk and sing for four days straight on TV  (breitbart.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Interesting First three months of 2009 made up the worst quarter ever for newspapers, as Americans found better things to do with $2.6 billion in advertising money  (newsosaur.blogspot.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The Dude's dad does not abide purse snatching  (kptv.com) (31)
(Gville Sun) Florida Attention golfers: the bear alert on the bottom nine has been lifted  (gainesville.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Asinine Kyle: "Hey mom, check out this cool rabbit poster I won on my field trip." Kyle's Mom: "WhatwhatWHAT??"  (kptv.com) (141)
(getreading.co.uk) Amusing 'I'm Irish. Let's have a fight'  (getreading.co.uk) (45)
(MSNBC) Obvious Doctors now using music to help patients, Country music for assisted suicide  (msnbc.msn.com) (20)
(CityRag) Followup Eminem's reaction to Bruno's prank looks like man-on-man porn when you slow it down (not safe for work pics)  (cityrag.com) (173)
(The Atlantic) Interesting "Imagine an Islamist fanatic had assassinated a pro-Israel rabbi in a synagogue... Would there be any question that that was Islamist terror? So why is this not Christianist terror?"  (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com) (710)
(News.com.au) Scary Ex-TV star 'hired thugs to beat execs'. Execs waiting on ratings/share to determine whether to prosecute or greenlight his comeback  (news.com.au) (28)
(Ocala.com) Florida Old and busted: sea-monkeys from comic-books. New hotness: babies from QVC  (ocala.com) (39)
(News.com.au) Strange Two men used a tomahawk, tyre iron, sledgehammer and a Laser in the robbery of a lawn-bowling club and the kidnapping of its cleaner... sounds like a Dan Brown manuscript  (news.com.au) (20)
(Herald-Leader) Sad 20-month-old toddler dies after drinking meth ingredient. 14-year-old mother, check. 19-year-old father, check. Kentucky, check. So the baby died from breastfeeding?  (kentucky.com) (172)
(USA Today) Obvious New report suggets that many new mothers are celebrating 9 months of abstinence by lighting up and getting hammered  (usatoday.com) (51)
(MSNBC) PSA Sun-related health risks you should know about. For those of you who don't already know, the "Sun" is the giant day-star in the great blue room that burns your skin and hurts your eyes  (msnbc.msn.com) (49)
(Guardian.com) Obvious If the history of the three major religions is any indication, then God, the all-merciful font of love in the universe, hates that half of his glorious creation that has a vagina  (guardian.co.uk) (176)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Billy Bob Thornton's eldest daughter is a babysitter, and apparently she's really bad at it  (wesh.com) (39)
(Metro) Amusing Welcome to the IKEA helpline. If you would like to report being stuck in a lift, please press 1 now  (metro.co.uk) (31)
(Mercury News) Followup Remember those kids who thought it would be fun to tease the tiger at the zoo on Christmas? The SF Zoo just paid them a GREAT settlement for their troubles  (mercurynews.com) (162)
(Yahoo) Scary U.S. military unleashes most terrifying weapons yet on the Taliban: Facebook and Twitter  (news.yahoo.com) (35)
(Fox News) Dumbass You went full Pac-Man, man. Never go full Pac-Man  (foxnews.com) (62)
(USA Today) Scary First it was global warming. Then it was global cooling. Then it was global climate change. Now the weather is packing heat or some damn thing  (usatoday.com) (122)
(Denver Channel) Obvious I'm in Colorado, I'm submitting this headline while driving, so I'm really getting a kic.....oh Jesus....CRASH  (thedenverchannel.com) (49)
(Yahoo) Fail "You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel"  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Drew) FarkBlog Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/24 - 5/30  (fark.com) (20)
(Wired) Scary "This is the Captain. Set condition 1-SQ for strategic missile launch. Spin up missiles one through five, and twenty through twenty-four. The release of nuclear weapons has been authorized. This is not a drill."  (wired.com) (186)
(Some Guy) Scary Mohawk Indians take over and close down bridge between Canada and New York. National Guard en route with blankets  (newswatch50.com) (114)
(NYPost) Strange Instead of just washing down some Xanax with vodka like most people, man says he's going to cure his fear of flying by staying on an airplane for an entire month  (nypost.com) (37)
(Bloomberg) Followup GM files for bankruptcy to spin off an even less-relevant company  (bloomberg.com) (356)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these cheese-chasing competitors  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(USA Today) Scary Air France flight with 228 on board has gone missing mid-flight  (blogs.usatoday.com) (816)
(News.com.au) Scary Forget global warming, swine flu and war: the world's oceans are TURNING INTO ACID  (news.com.au) (677)
(CNN) Spiffy Finally atoning for the 55-hour Britney Spears incident, drive-thru chapels, and Elvis giving the vows, Nevada legalizes same-sex "domestic partnerships"  (cnn.com) (156)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Silly Study concludes Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma and Krusty the Clown are encouraging young Australians to smoke  (theage.com.au) (95)
(Some Guy) Florida Convenience store robber can't elude cops, but is perfectly safe from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal  (wtsp.com) (91)
(The Atlantic) Interesting "A lot of programs have been successful training narcotic dogs, bomb dogs, arson dogs. But it's a totally different world with bedbug dogs. The only thing tougher is training dogs to detect melanoma." Your dog wants to cure cancer  (theatlantic.com) (30)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop The Filter  (upload.wikimedia.org) (50)
(Some Earl) Dumbass We put in just a touch of formaldehyde with pig nuts, for flavor. Some people get sick, yeah. So if you have to be rushed to a hospital, then when you return, I give you a free salad  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (42)
(The Scotsman) Sad One in 17 Scots had tooth pulled in 2008 thanks to decay caused by sugary drinks and poor parenting  (news.scotsman.com) (50)
(Some Gut-wrenched TFette) Sappy Ugly-ass baby panda born at Bangkok zoo. Complete with Awwww-inspiring pics  (chinadaily.com.cn) (30)
(LA Times) Stupid It's no big deal if your next door neighbor's ammo dump explodes, if he has the proper permits  (latimes.com) (68)
(Telegraph) Sappy Mother bird uses body to stop flow of water from soaking her babies. There's a pic  (telegraph.co.uk) (78)
(Some Yakov Smirnov) Weird Branson, MO loves to attract tourists by playing up traditional Southern values: including, apparently, slavery  (blogs.riverfronttimes.com) (92)

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