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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun July 19, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(LA Times) Interesting The strangest place in the US to live is in Parking Lot B at LAX airport, the rent is $60 a month, there are over 100 residents and they actually have a waiting list. You didn't really think they "lost" your bag, did you?  (latimes.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting Instead of whining about their lack of pay like they normally do, now teachers are saying getting summers off isn't as cool as you think it is. "Actually, I'm kind of bored"  (madison.com) (224)
(New York Daily News) Amusing One of Spitzer's hookers, who has no financial reason to lie, says she shined the shoes of another govnah  (nydailynews.com) (97)
(Google) Fail Nothing says "celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing" like a clogged toilet on the space shuttle  (google.com) (119)
(Seattle Times) Sad Author Frank McCourt has died. Let us all pray: "In the name of the father, the son and the holy toast"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (122)
(ABC News) Obvious Another consequence of a slow economy: teen pregnancy, STDs on the rise again, as the horny little farkers don't have any money to do anything else  (abcnews.go.com) (245)
(SFGate) Interesting San Francisco attorney says "The Zodiac Killer" confessed to him in 1970 and considered surrendering to the police  (sfgate.com) (133)
(wtsp.com) Interesting Man extradited to the US for committing unspeakable acts of violins  (wtsp.com) (45)
(Fox News) Spiffy Life imitates art: With fake web sites, documents, and real "receptionists," a smooth-talking 17 year old British teen convinces British aviation executives he is a airline tycoon  (foxnews.com) (71)
(Some Pinoy) Photoshop Photoshop this flooded fillup  (s.wsj.net) (49)
(USA Today) Spiffy Well, let's say this cupcake represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the Mall of America. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a cupcake two feet wide, one foot tall, weighing approximately 150 pounds  (usatoday.com) (85)
(Some Memes) Obvious Best. Shirt. Ever  (media.threadless.com) (192)
(AJC) Obvious "Headline News used to be straight news anytime you wanted it. It's unwatchable now. It's heartbreaking." So sayeth Ted Turner  (ajc.com) (148)
(Talk Zimbabwe) Strange Devoutly religious sisters try to re-create Garden of Eden through cleaning, gardening, and going topless. Subby wishes his girlfriend was more religious  (talkzimbabwe.com) (53)
(London Times) Dumbass 22-year-old man refused liver transplant because he can't prove he'd stay sober outside the hospital. Mother: "All his friends who were drinking with him (since age 13) are still at home, they are fine." Good work, mum - cheers  (timesonline.co.uk) (190)
(Some Relayer) Cool Second Lifers take a break from chasing each other with giant neon penises to raise money for cancer research. Fark: It's a quarter million so far and growing  (main.acsevents.org) (43)
(TC Palm) Florida Is a 65 year old man who takes on a seven foot alligator to save his little dog a Hero or a Dumbass? It does not matter, since it happened in Fark's favorite state  (tcpalm.com) (82)
(Some Genius) Cool Ping-pong table/door - Bonus: A few "I'd hit it" pics of French chicks playing ping-pong  (fubiz.net) (73)
(MDN) Strange Your argument is invalid. The watermelon is shaped like a pyramid  (mdn.mainichi.jp) (53)
(Cracked) Amusing The 10 geekiest pieces of furniture in the universe  (cracked.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Coolest pop-up art made from old book covers you'll see today  (paintalicious.org) (35)
(Fox News) Obvious Washington, DC tops list of riskiest cities to drive in, which isn't surprising since anyone driving in DC has to take their eyes off the road to look at the stoplight on the street corner  (foxnews.com) (141)
(NYPost) Interesting BZP, DMT, and quaaludes making comeback as party drugs. Dave's still not here, man  (nypost.com) (122)
(Albany Times Union) Amusing Nuns are not to be trifled with: "I took my shoe and threw it straight at his Adam's apple, knocking him out"  (timesunion.com) (53)
(UPI) Unlikely Dropping the 55 mph federal speed limit has caused an additional 12,500 deaths say reasearchers going 40 mph in the left-hand lane  (upi.com) (206)
(KTVB) Silly Cool: High school students hold bikini car wash to raise money. Awesome: They're ordered to remove their tops after complaints of flashing. Fark: It's the male wrestling team  (ktvb.com) (99)
(The Sun) Silly Y o u... c o u l d... c u t... t h e... t e n s i o n... w i t h... a... k n i f e... a t... t h e... w o r l d... s n a i l... r a c i n g... c h a m p i o n s h i p s  (thesun.co.uk) (30)
(SouthernLedger) Amusing Township barricades federal facility with snowplow and backhoe to prevent closure. Local politician threatens to handcuff self to it. The facility in question? A curbside mailbox  (southernledger.com) (19)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Spiffy "More and more, having premium pot delivered to your door in California is not a crime. It is a legitimate business." Serious business  (sunjournal.com) (104)
(Beverly Citizen) Weird Man carrying cross from Maine to Mexico upsets locals, Pontius Pilate  T-Shirt  (wickedlocal.com) (39)
(Philly) Stupid Seven kids - including five year-old triplets - busted for selling lemonade door-to-door without a permit. Sergeant apologizes for his responding officer being such a sourpuss  (philly.com) (53)
(News.com.au) Interesting So it begins: Ambulance officer sues over injuries sustained lifting an obese patient  (news.com.au) (65)
(AP) Amusing Russia is still pissed that the U.S. was first to land on the moon  (hosted.ap.org) (146)
(CNN) Stupid Precious snowflakes and their digital toys, "We all have BlackBerrys, that's so New York"  (brainstormtech.blogs.fortune.cnn.com) (97)
(RUFKM.NET) Weird Key West's governor approves painted nipples in public, toy weapons banned  (rufkm.net) (42)
(Some Guy) Interesting Owner says his swingers club is harmless fun, neighbors worry big box stores will lower property values  (edmontonsun.com) (21)
(NYPost) Obvious In another sign the economy is picking up, business in Russian mail-order brides is booming  (nypost.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Strange Seriously, Japan, WTF? (LGT pics that will make you wonder)  (fishki.net) (276)
(MSNBC) Interesting Airlines to begin installing airbags for passengers because there is nothing more comforting than seeing the airbag inflate as your plane smashes into the ground at 600 mph  (msnbc.msn.com) (59)
(Telegraph) Strange Police hunt thieves stealing letters from marquee signs, believe they are trying to spell someone's names, are on the lookout for one or more persons named "Daywnningloamsla"  (telegraph.co.uk) (25)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sorta-hittable special needs teacher looking at 5-10 years for taking care of her student's special needs, gets turned in by her husband after he found shower pics on her cell phone  (blogs.phillyburbs.com) (64)
(New Zealand Herald) Followup That teenager who was selling nude pictures of his mother online? Yeah, that was fake  (nzherald.co.nz) (19)
(Newsweek) Photoshop Photoshop some rejected ad campaigns for Abercrombie and Fitch. Link goes to inspiration  (ndn2.newsweek.com) (35)
(Deccan Herald) Scary Indian nun killed by fellow nun and two priests after she walks in on their threesome. Story to be dramatized in first Bollywood erotic thriller musical  (deccanherald.com) (72)
(Telegraph) Sad When swimming in unfamiliar waters, be sure to watch out for the ENORMOUS GODDAMNED 50-FOOT WATERFALL  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(BBC) Scary "A third of 11-year-olds in the city have alcohol related problems." Are we talking about: a) Dublin, b) Liverpool, or c) Milan?  (news.bbc.co.uk) (58)
(Fox News) Florida 90-year-old woman is the original owner of a 1964 Mercury Comet Caliente which just hit 599,000 miles. Bonus: She carries a .38 with her to prevent car theft. "Somebody's going to go down with me if I get in that situation."  (foxnews.com) (109)
(Richmond Times Dispatch) Dumbass Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night... hey, is this cash?  (timesdispatch.com) (23)
(Wired) PSA "We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission"  (wired.com) (49)
(New York Daily News) Obvious "A state janitor was arrested after police discovered a secret "man cave" that was used for smoking pot, selling drugs and sleeping. Known to most of us as a "dorm room"  (nydailynews.com) (34)
(Yahoo) Sad Cannes cans cans  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(USA Today) Fail Autopsy of Brazilian boxer reveals that he could have committed suicide, or been accidentally killed or was murdered. That's some fine autopsy work, Lou  (usatoday.com) (32)
(Boulder Daily Camera) Cool Bare-breasted women form a tunnel to greet their soldiers returning from war, healing the troops just with their presence. "Women's bodies are nurturing and healing, this can be shared with people." Submitter feels terrible  (dailycamera.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Sad Unwanted baby found in dumpster. Adoptive babies found in recycling can  (kctv5.com) (53)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this country church  (flickr.com) (37)
(MSN) Interesting 10 things contractors won't tell you. Surprisingly, "no habla English" did not make the list  (realestate.msn.com) (77)

Sat July 18, 2009
(News.com.au) Fail If you're a 21-year old man, you're probably not going to impress 14-year old girls by 'hooning' in a '92 Daihatsu Charade. You're certainly not going to impress the cops  (news.com.au) (69)
(Komo) Stupid Make-A-Wish turns down money from bikini car wash, even though the girls hear wishes all the time  (komonews.com) (65)
(Fox News) Scary Cops say 9-month old baby had BAC four times legal limit. In other news, there's a legal limit for 9-month olds  (foxnews.com) (49)
(Some wannabe ham slicer) Stupid 1.1 Million for slicing 2 pounds of ham awarded in stimulus package. Your dog wants more ham  (recovery.gov) (97)
(WLEX-18) Obvious Bourbon County teacher charged with tapping a student who was not yet fully aged. With bottom of the barrel pic  (lex18.com) (42)
(Pakwatan.com) Misc Study finds skim milk may increase acne in teens, chances of breakfast cereal tasting like crap  (pakwatan.com) (172)
(SFGate) Silly PETA offers to pay to keep Pescadero State Beach open if California will rename it "Sea Kitten State Beach"  (sfgate.com) (91)
(JSOnline) Strange T o r t o i s e. T r i e s. T o. R u n. A w a y. F r o m. C i r c u s  (jsonline.com) (42)
(RetroComedy.com) Scary 1980s McDonalds clothing line - were they "lovin' it" a little too much?  (retrocomedy.com) (180)
(Denver Channel) Strange Three naked women and man cited for 'Strip Groundies', a game where everyone stands in a circle, gets drunk and removes a piece of clothing each time they fall down  (thedenverchannel.com) (179)
(10 News) Asinine High school to graduate: "Transcript? Sorry, we folded"  (10news.com) (160)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this simulated space  (spiegel.de) (32)
(UPI) Amusing If you've been described as "Salt Lake County's Public Enemy Number 1" perhaps a courthouse wedding isn't your best option  (upi.com) (42)
(Yahoo) News U.S. jet fighter crashes in Afghanistan, Airbus scrambles to find out which model it was before realizing they didn't even build this one  (fe10.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (176)
(SFGate) Amusing Want to check the status of your jobless benefits on the government website? No problem, here's your username and default password choices "shameless" and "bum"  (sfgate.com) (45)
(The Tennessean) Scary There must be easier ways to create exit portals in your husband's body so demons can be released than by shooting him in the groin  (tennessean.com) (61)
(Fox News) Dumbass Doctor accused of sterilizing woman ovary her objections  (foxnews.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Fail Today's teacher having sex with her student in a minivan is from the Philly suburb of Lansdale. Bonus: When not, you know, she writes Christian songs. (w/ sfw web pic)  (wbbm780.com) (268)
(Miami Herald) Florida According to one Senator, the biggest threat that should concern voters isn't the economy or the war in Iraq, it's the continual import of pythons. To emphasize his point, he brings a 16-foot python corpse to senatorial hearings  (miamiherald.com) (101)
(ABC News) Asinine Who says going to prison is horrible? Certainly not the inmates at these posh prisons  (abcnews.go.com) (132)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Police department manages to convince guy that doesn't speak English that a $400 payoff is way better than suing the department over incident where officer kicked the guy on videotape  (mysuncoast.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Misc Good news: Beer spill on Hwy 151. Bad News: It's lime flavored. Fark: They didn't tell us until it's too late to throw ourselves on the highway and lap it up like dehydrated dogs at a desert oasis. The bastards  (wkowtv.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this adorable amphibian. VE  (houstonzoofrogs.org) (47)
(Some Guy) Asinine "The speed limit is what is posted along the roadway. It doesn't matter if it's the correct speed limit or incorrect speed limit"  (abclocal.go.com) (111)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Newspaper asks "Why are sexual-related incidents up at Orlando's water parks?" Submitter thinks the tag says it all  (orlandosentinel.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Amusing "Forget Sputnik and Apollo 11. A British inventor drew up plans in the 1640s to send a manned wooden chariot to the Moon propelled by gunpowder, feather wings and springs." Awww, isn't it precious when ex-empires get all defensive?  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(NPR) Scary NOBODY expects the Tusken Raiders. Not at the Tour De France, anyway  (npr.org) (96)
(The Columbian) Cool Actual headline: "Institute will immerse students in volcano"  (columbian.com) (38)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting Golf greenkeeper told to wear bright red helmet to show the lovely golfers he was autistic. He's the one laughing now - thanks to a $100,000 pay out  (lep.co.uk) (39)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Not News: 57 year-old man and seven 19 year-olds arrested at underage drinking party. Kinda News: The man is the general counsel for Iowa's largest hospital system. Fark: His wife is the Chief Justice of the Iowa Supreme Court  (desmoinesregister.com) (68)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Giant flying squid terrorize California coast. And you though the sharks were bad  (guardian.co.uk) (102)
(NPR) Interesting The hotter the climate, the slower the economy. Here comes the science  (npr.org) (121)
(The Register) Strange Apple face lawsuit alleging that they aided the Mafia in attempting to force a man into a modelling career  (theregister.co.uk) (50)
(Vail Daily) Asinine Not news: Boy sprains his ankle hiking on mountain. News: he can't continue after spending three nights on the mountain. Fark: Gets a bill for $25,000 for his rescue. Awkward: He's a Boy Scout  (vaildaily.com) (85)
(Miami Herald) Weird Today's poorly-written headline: "Police: nude man who was hot lied about robbery."  (miamiherald.com) (14)
(NASA) Obvious 40 years after faked Moon landings, NASA caught red-handed smuggling old Apollo hardware to the moon  (science.nasa.gov) (217)
(Some Guy) Interesting Soldiers now being deployed are given small embroidered decorative pillows to take with them. This is exactly when Bin Laden hasn't been captured and Iraq is largely untamed  (kitsapsun.com) (60)
(Action News Jacksonville) Florida Man sues over being denied hair transplant, announces that there will be hell toupee  (actionnewsjax.com) (33)
(BBC) Hero Take a moment to reflect on the life of Henry Allingham. Born in 1896, founding member of the RAF, veteran of WW1. He has passed at the age of 113. Godspeed sir  (news.bbc.co.uk) (67)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Game Shows with Unlikely Celebrity Hosts  (images.google.com) (65)
(UPI) Spiffy Microchip ID reunites British woman with her cat, Allsort, who went missing from her home six years ago. Happy Caturday, old chap  (upi.com) (396)
(Some Guy) Obvious Chicago's O'Hare airport experienced power outage today. Surprisingly, passengers were delighted  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (27)
(CNN) Dumbass Officer guilty of forcing drunk motorist to blow his special breathalyzer  (cnn.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Florida Wal-Mart garden center employee victim of fourth pygmy rattlesnake attack, hopefully will live thanks to "elderly greeter"  (cfnews13.com) (50)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ordering teens not to have sex flat out doesn't work. Who knew?  (news.yahoo.com) (211)
(Some Guy) Strange ♫ How much is that doggie in the window ♫ The one with the extra fifth leg? ♫  (charlotteobserver.com) (43)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop an unlikely sponsor for a product, show or event  (google.com) (47)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Unlikely Man accidentally hits gas instead of brake, kills wife & mother-in-law. Suuuuuuuure it was an accident  (cbs11tv.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Hero Ax-wielding arson suspect claims self-defense. Wouldn't you if Satan was trying to kill you, too?  (coloradodaily.com) (50)
(CNN) Scary Joining the ranks of states without budgets, Pennsylvania announces it has frozen all state employee paychecks. Bonus: Effective two weeks ago  (money.cnn.com) (253)

Fri July 17, 2009
(CBS News) NewsFlash "And that's the way it is" Walter Cronkite dies  (cbsnews.com) (1112)
(Yahoo) Interesting House intel committee to investigate CIA program, be silenced by subsequent CIA program  (fe4.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Scott Peterson's family now accepting donations via PayPal to help pay for death penalty appeal, hunt for real killer  (modbee.com) (110)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing All work and no play makes for a sad-looking TSG mugshot roundup (some pics contain Not safe for work text)  (thesmokinggun.com) (212)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Police Constable testifies how a 16-year-old girl kicked his arse eight ways to Sunday. Awkward  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(Google) Hero Nelson Mandela turns 91 today. Or 64 if you forget those years in prison for fighting apartheid  (google.com) (187)
(FOX6Now) Amusing Honey, a giant weiner just crashed into the house  (fox6now.com) (131)
(Some Motorhead) Photoshop Photoshop this big block six cylinder  (viktor-baumann.de) (35)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Divorces down 50% on news that no one can afford a lawyer on unemployment  (consumerist.com) (101)
(Fox News) Spiffy Buy a truck, get a free AK-47. Rebel flag flying from the bed optional  (foxnews.com) (176)
(City Pages) Silly Swiss exercise ball slasher what slashes Swiss exercise balls strikes again  (blogs.citypages.com) (80)
(Gawker) Stupid NYC models-only lounge spares our beautiful overlords from the indignity of exposure to mere mortals  (gawker.com) (164)
(AP) Dumbass Honestly, who throws a bike?  (hosted.ap.org) (144)
(Metro) Fail SWAT team swoops down from helicopter to stop rave. And by rave, they mean "small family barbecue"  (metro.co.uk) (346)
(CBC) Amusing The whale carcass came back, the very next day, they thought it was a goner but it just wouldn't stay away  (cbc.ca) (62)
(The Morning Call) Sad "The airborne horse struck the golf cart before landing and dying in a grassy area along Kunkletown Road in Eldred Township."  (mcall.com) (76)
(PennLive) Dumbass Your baby's stroller is not the smartest place to stash your gun  (pennlive.com) (52)
(Boston Globe) Unlikely Mayor of Boston to offer $200,000 loan to struggling weekly newspaper that's often been critical of him: "I'm trying to help a business survive. Tell me if that's wrong"  (boston.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Strange Amputee hops around Wendy's pointing a gun at employees because they forgot his straw. Then it gets weird  (kspr.com) (68)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Iowa State Fair web voters say "no" to Michael Jackson butter statue. No recount needed, as the results of the poll were well outside the margarine of error  T-Shirt  (chicagotribune.com) (67)
(Some Guy) News Someone ripped a big one in the Windy City. Factory reported destroyed by explosion with hazmat team deployed  (wbbm780.com) (57)
(My Fox DC) PSA 12 things you should never do when it comes to sex. #6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone's bedroom and bathroom  (myfoxdc.com) (372)
(Telegraph) Obvious Man "accidentally" (on camera) destroys 7ft house of cards built for World Series of Poker Europe, in London this September. Here comes the publicity for the World Series of Poker Europe, in London this September  (telegraph.co.uk) (83)
(PennLive) Silly 60 baby ducks stolen from farm. Police need the public's help to quack the case  (pennlive.com) (54)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass Teens flunk "Burglary 101" by leaving homework behind at the scene of the crime  (cbs13.com) (139)
(Some Guy) PSA If you're going to egg a police car, try to find one without a cop in it  (ydr.inyork.com) (26)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's Friday Photo Fun time again from our pals at TSG. Today's is a repeat of a Fark favorite. Match the perp to their band of choice. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (282)
(My Fox DC) Scary Man introduces his girlfriend to Jesus  (myfoxdc.com) (147)
(Register Star (NY)) Followup Bye-bye muddah, bye-bye faddah / See ya later / Camp Granada / Pervert counselor / Taped the campers / Where he's going now he'd best be wearing Pampers  (registerstar.com) (98)
(ABC News) Asinine Hey, remember those ARMs from 5 or 6 years ago that did their part to melt down the economy? They're coming back. Want one?  (abcnews.go.com) (177)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Most people who hate their car trade it in or sell it. Then there's the kid who set his on fire "simply because he hated the car."  (ydr.inyork.com) (95)
(BBC) Obvious Circumcision study cut short  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (623)
(Telegraph) Amusing Aah, schooldays. The excitement of learning new things, the joy of playing with your friends, the thrill of seeing your teacher abducted by aliens. Wait, what?  (telegraph.co.uk) (72)
(wtol) Dumbass Calling a coworker your "hottie honey," wanting wet t-shirt contests, and referring to a meeting that "was as much fun as the inside of a prom queen's thighs on prom night." It's good to be the superintendent  (wtol.com) (126)
(Some Texan) Silly Virgin Mary spotted in bird droppings. Holy crap  T-Shirt  (buzzfeed.com) (67)
(CNN) Dumbass Man charged with murdering his wife on Carnival cruise, was apparently unaware that steering her toward the salmon mousse in the buffet line would have done the job for him  (edition.cnn.com) (78)
(Telegraph) Amusing 18 firefighters, three engines, and a hazmat team sent to deal with broken jar of pickled chameleon. On the bright side, they should now all have excellent karma  (telegraph.co.uk) (38)
(Baltimore Sun) Dumbass Love will make you do some crazy things, like steal $11 million in unclaimed tax refunds from Colorado  (baltimoresun.com) (45)
(Some interviewer) Photoshop Photoshop this interview  (events.goldenpalace.com) (33)
(BBC) Interesting Former Iranian President Rafsanjani calls for release of imprisoned protestors, reform of political system, restoration of Fark's green band  (news.bbc.co.uk) (274)
(ABC News) Sappy "Police in central New Jersey say they arrested a man on burglary charges after he returned to the victim's house to apologize"  (abcnews.go.com) (45)
(BBC) Ironic Pope not so infallible after all  (news.bbc.co.uk) (223)
(CBS Chicago) Sick If you bring your computer in for repair, be sure to delete the "Had sex with 12 year old" file folder  (cbs2chicago.com) (307)
(Washington Post) Sad Once-trendy "Crocs" could be on their last legs. Submitter sheds a tear while feigning a false or insincere emotional concern  T-Shirt  (washingtonpost.com) (273)
(Omaha World Herald) Unlikely Mother who lets her son go out to dinner and watch movies at his 36-year-old eighth grade teacher's house is shocked, SHOCKED that a physical relationship ensued  (omaha.com) (83)
(The Sun) Cool Men will soon be able to buy get-me-off-the-hook DNA paternity tests over the counter  (thesun.co.uk) (302)
(News.com.au) Scary Taxi driver not wearing long socks? That's a $100 fine  (news.com.au) (36)
(LA Times) Sappy Your morning awwwwwww: Dog nurses red panda cubs at Chinese zoo, (pics)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (36)
(WTOP) Scary The winner of the battle between lion and chainsaw has been decided... for now  (wtopnews.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to drive drunk, don't pull up next to a police officer with a glass of beer sitting on your trunk  (wcax.com) (52)
(CarConnection) Obvious Hybrid drivers get more tickets and have costlier accidents. Which pretty much validates what the rest of us knew already  (blogs.thecarconnection.com) (310)
(BBC) Unlikely UN to poor countries: "Stop being poor"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (117)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass If you thought a cop would know better than to have a sexy online chat with a 14 year old girl you'd be wrong. With a sad faced mugshot  (omaha.com) (104)
(AJC) Obvious Reporter: Three boys are missing - Anchor: Can you describe them - Reporter: They look like the three sitting over there  (ajc.com) (36)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this electric tester  (farm3.static.flickr.com) (37)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Cool "Antiques Roadshow" appraises woman's Chinese jade piece collection as being worth $1.07 million, lifetime pass on PBS telethons  (newsobserver.com) (139)

Thu July 16, 2009
(SMH) Scary Bombs explode at 2 Jakarta hotels, at least 4 people killed  (smh.com.au) (131)
(LA Times) Cool After 13 months, California teen sets record for youngest to sail solo around the world, greatest lengths to avoid school  (latimes.com) (63)
(SeattlePI) Strange Starbucks adds alcohol to menu. Patrons look forward to $50 pint of beer  (seattlepi.com) (97)
(Free Press) Scary "Low-priority" crimes such as Breaking and Entering will no longer be prosecuted in Detroit. We don't have jobs, money, or schools, so feel free to just take whatever the hell you want from whoever the hell you want  (freep.com) (173)
(Flickr) Dumbass Well John, it's a toy, and it's a torpedo, what would we name this toy for little boys? Wait, I GOT IT  (flickr.com) (205)
(Newsday) Sick Police check and find NY Bishop mating with teenager. Pawned  (newsday.com) (73)
(Denver Channel) Spiffy Man throws cigarette butt out car window and the winds of Karma blow it back in setting his car on fire  (thedenverchannel.com) (169)
(The Pulse) Sappy Yet another ugly-ass baby penguin born at the Tennessee Aquarium (w/pic)  (chattanoogapulse.com) (33)
(El Paso Times) Amusing Woman ignores warning about gator in house, finds pot lab instead. Wait...pot lab?  (elpasotimes.com) (122)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police seal off street after detecting heavy fumes of cannabis, vow to wait out whoever is responsible, even if it takes them dozens of pizzas to do it  (eastlondonadvertiser.co.uk) (71)
(Google) Followup Hillary: "Reports of my demise are premature. I broke my elbow, not my larynx." I heard she fell off a cliff while filming in New Zealand  (google.com) (80)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Wall Street Journal publishes guide to "Getting Into the Top Prisons." Next week in this series, "Kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch"  (online.wsj.com) (40)
(SmakNews) Weird Seven bizarre beauty pageants you never knew existed  (smaknews.com) (109)
(CBC) Dumbass If your kid's principal stops playing O Canada before school start, what better way to express your displeasure than by threatening to kill him?  (cbc.ca) (115)
(Fox News) Spiffy NASA: Um, yeah about the original moon landing tapes. We sorta, "lost" those. But look, we DO have these "newly restored" videos  (foxnews.com) (455)
(Some Guy) Interesting Old and busted: sexual harrassment. New hotness: textual harrassment  (law.com) (84)
(Billings Gazette) Followup Man flips experimental aircraft on maiden flight, claims "It's got good brakes"  (billingsgazette.com) (64)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Man driving in the HOV lane with a mannequin as his extra passenger causes a four-car accident. What a dummy  (chron.com) (58)
(The Earth Times) Interesting Swiss say illegal medicines imports nearly double. If only there were some sort of analogy involving food, maybe a cheese, to descibe their border crossings  (earthtimes.org) (59)
(phillyBurbs.com) Obvious New Wal-Mart overwhelms customers: "The meat section stretches farther than a football field."  (phillyburbs.com) (330)
(Some Guy) Misc Naked man leads police chase on high-speed car and foot chase, is tasered, shot with a bean bag gun and taken to hospital with pulse of 220. Then it gets weird  (smdailyjournal.com) (78)
(KTVU) Stupid Family of woman killed by train demands pedestrian bridge over tracks because it's too hard to check to see if a piece of machinery 20 times larger than a bus is about to cross your path  (ktvu.com) (140)
(ABC News) Followup Richmond Times-Dispatch says, in retrospect, that whole segregation thing was a bad idea, despite its fervent enthusiasm for it at the time  (abcnews.go.com) (64)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Area pig tased and taken into custody after leading police on a chase through downtown. Trial date not set, but he's expected to fry  (nwfdailynews.com) (29)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The ghost of Michael Jackson  (fark.com) (70)
(ICNetwork) Fail Satellite company uses pre-wedding photo without permission of couple to sell satellite dishes. Turns out they were murdered while on honeymoon a week after photo was taken. Awkward  (walesonline.co.uk) (61)
(Some Guy) Scary The best reason to avoid goat penis while in Vietnam you'll see all day  (thanhniennews.com) (89)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Bloody battles continue in the ongoing Tampon War  (blogs.wsj.com) (153)
(My Fox DC) Weird In addition to flammables, weapons, and liquids over 3.4 ounces, the TSA would like to add soap-encrusted severed bird's heads to the list of prohibited items  (myfoxdc.com) (41)
(Washington Post) Spiffy If you're looking to break into real estate and are good at plumbing leaks, the Watergate is up for auction today. Don't let some east coast Harvard elitist snag it away  (washingtonpost.com) (19)
(Marketwatch) PSA First time jobless claims drop, since by now everyone has tried it  (marketwatch.com) (42)
(Seacoastonline.com) Asinine Cops who bugged their own employees conduct their own investigation and determine they did nothing wrong  (seacoastonline.com) (52)
(AL.com) Fail Step 1: Rob store Step 2: Shoot self in head Step 3:?  (blog.al.com) (50)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Crucifix over door? HOA: "No can haz"  (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com) (352)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Boston Craigslist killer needs to hire Virginia Craigslist killer's defense attorney  (myfoxdc.com) (34)
(Canada.com) Unlikely Quebec could save $9.5 billion per year if it reversed the flow of three rivers. Just imagine how much it could save in heating costs if they towed the entire province into the Carribean  (montrealgazette.com) (101)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine German police are not amused by garden gnomes with right arm raised in a Hitler salute. Gott in himmel  (breitbart.com) (89)
(Contact Music) Stupid Big Brother housemates stage protest of lack of alcohol, relevancy, talent  (contactmusic.com) (52)
(Financial Times) Scary Six private yachts transited the Northwest Passage last summer, which is six more ships than crossed it from 1851 to Amunson's three year trip in 1903-1906. Scary tag is for the next 150 years  (ft.com) (259)
(Comedy Central) Unlikely Barney Frank informs Jon Stewart that the $787 billion stimulus hasn't succeeded as planned because Republicans made them reduce the original amount by $40 billion. Go ahead...guess where the congressman claimed that money would've gone  (thedailyshow.com) (805)
(BBC) Cool Element 112 officially named Copernicium (Cp), which means we need to rework the Elements Song again  (news.bbc.co.uk) (94)
(Sign On San Diego) Stupid Pussyification of America continues - Study finds playing in beach sand is dangerous to your children  (www3.signonsandiego.com) (90)
(MSNBC) Interesting Sears Tower now named Willis Tower. Surely there is a joke somewhere in here, if only we knew what they were talking about  (msnbc.msn.com) (167)
(Deadspin) Dumbass Someone in the Lions advertising department has a sense of humor  (deadspin.com) (112)
(Denver Post) Stupid Travis Henry sentenced to 3 years in prison for cocaine trafficking. The "I needed money to pay for my 10 kids with 11 women in 9 states" defense was a failure  (denverpost.com) (80)
(Some Guy) Followup Judge dismisses Donald Trump's lawsuit against an author who wrote that Trump is a millionaire, not a billionaire.The judge did not rule on how much Trump is actually worth. But after legal fees, you do the math  (wptv.com) (69)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely Within a year, most news sites will be charging for Web content. Which its subscribers can enjoy anytime, whether at home or riding their flying unicorn to their $100-an-hour job at the green energy plant  (guardian.co.uk) (97)
(Delaware Online) Asinine Hoping $1.3 billion in stimulus money to Amtrak will get you bullet trains or something? The first $700K has been spent to refurbish a 27-year-old Amtrak car. Woo woo  (delawareonline.com) (238)
(Telegraph) Obvious Israel may follow UN in sending strongly-worded memo to Iran, but they'll be sending it on a cruise missile  (telegraph.co.uk) (141)
(Baltimore Sun) Spiffy Maryland governor plans 'Civic Guard' which will partner corporations such as Wal-Mart with private citizens to provide emergency disaster relief because government is slow and ineffective  (baltimoresun.com) (77)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Dumbass Made for Fark headline: Lincoln man made up robbery story to explain nudity  (journalstar.com) (29)
(My Fox Boston) Dumbass This alleged bank robber apparently only has one t-shirt or forgot to do laundry: two robberies and one shirt that says "Mullet Removal Team"  (fox25.com) (32)
(Contact Music) Unlikely Paul McCartney still trying to make us believe he didn't die back in the 60s  (contactmusic.com) (167)
(tribtoday.com) Asinine News: Man robs several fast food restaurants. Bigger news: Man just out of jail for previous robberies of restaurants and motels. Fark: Weapon of choice to hold up motel? His shoe  (tribtoday.com) (37)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass AirTran pilot pre-flight checklist. 1. Pack bags, 2. Double check passport, 3. Get in a fight at the security checkpoint , 4. Check fuel levels  (myfoxdc.com) (51)
(Scientific American) Unlikely Why is the space shuttle launched from the only state with its own Fark tag? Article says not for political reasons. Unlikely tag begs to differ  (scientificamerican.com) (235)
(wptv.com) Florida If you rob a convenience store, don't forget the cold beer on the counter. The one with your fingerprints on it  (wptv.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Obvious Prince Charles sticks his foot in his mouth again, this time with comments over country's fishing industry. American Farkers shake their heads, wonder how this guy ever got elected in the first place  (shetlandtimes.co.uk) (73)
(BBC) Strange Professional snipers brought in to guard penguins. When we say do not feed the animals we mean do NOT feed the animals  (news.bbc.co.uk) (60)
(UPI) Strange If you stole an eight-foot rocket, the farmer who owns it is offering a dozen fresh eggs for its safe return  (upi.com) (30)
(Hot Air) Silly Old busted: Obama throws like a girl. New busted: Obama's wearing "mom jeans"  (hotair.com) (345)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Asinine New Yorkers to Police Dept: "Why are you spending $1 million on out-of-date typewriters?" New York Police Dept: "It doesn't matter, our budget is $4 billion."  (abc2news.com) (121)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Pagan police officers get eight extra days off a year, including the summer solstice and Halloween, so they can practise sorcery and worship the Devil  (telegraph.co.uk) (359)
(Herald-Leader) Dumbass "I have more time to do it now". Billy Gillispie to pen book on coaching career. Suggested title: From DUI to NIT  (kentucky.com) (29)
(AP) Florida Forgotten Miami cemetery from the 1900s unearthed; Florida welcomes its youngest residents  T-Shirt  (hosted.ap.org) (39)
(UPI) Unlikely Mobile phones, which caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, then caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, then caused cancer, then caused cancer, then didn't cause cancer, now cause cancer. EVERYBODY PANIC  (upi.com) (70)
(Salon) Fail White House reporters: "We need to be totally unbiased and merely report the facts. We shouldn't opine on any issues or inject our opinions into policy debate. Oh, and its ridiculous to investigate torture. Duh"  (salon.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man arrested for impersonating a firefighter after he shows up at accident scene and steals narcotics from the medical helicopter, performs chest massage on woman with head injury  (kjrh.com) (20)
(670 The Score) Silly Brett Farve getting ready to pretend he doesn't know if he'll play by throwing interceptions to the Oak Grove High School football team  (670thescore.stats.com) (61)
(Cracked) Amusing 10 things that will not end well...this should end well  (cracked.com) (119)
(Some Guy) PSA If your ex-girlfriend dumps you to join a convent, don't post her topless picture on Facebook. She just might get all lawsuity  (ansa.it) (174)
(paidcontent) Dumbass Comcast launches new broadband video service for its subscribers, now with comcastic number of unskippable video ads inserted  (paidcontent.org) (128)
(CNN) Asinine Hamas-run TV re-eanacts Gaza mom's suicide bombing. On a kid's show  (cnn.com) (157)
(Reuters) Dumbass German man tries to blow up airbed, somehow takes his entire apartment with it  (reuters.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Stupid Police chief blames the bar for getting two of his officers fired after they got drunk and repeatedly mooned the crowd on the intracoastal waterway  (thesunnews.com) (31)
(The Morning Call) Obvious It turns out the FCC is too busy chasing nipples and cuss words on TV to deal with consumer complaints about wireless phone service. Go figure  (mcall.com) (59)
(BBC) Stupid Prison guard fired for being too pretty. You'd commit a crime to get a chance to hit it  (news.bbc.co.uk) (137)
(Asheville Citizen-Times) Dumbass Man about to rob bank calls 911 on himself  (citizen-times.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Scary Do not taunt happy fun meat blending machine  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(MySA.com (San Antonio)) Dumbass A cop interupts your backseat tryst. Do you: C) run over the cop with your car, crash your car in a telephone pole, run naked through the streets, and leave your girl behind?  (kens5.com) (32)
(Fox News) Spiffy Iraqi government offering nearly $2000 to Sunnis and Shiites to find spouses in the other sect in an attempt to heal the country  (foxnews.com) (59)
(Toronto Sun) Dumbass Today's Father of the Year Candidate made sure to bring his two teenage kids with him to a coke deal. And his ten- and eleven-year olds. And his two-year old  (torontosun.com) (18)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious "The Honduran people have the right to insurrection," says Honduran president ousted by insurrection  (breitbart.com) (43)
(Baltimore Sun) Spiffy Six-year-old tees up SpongeBob golf ball, makes 85 yard hole in one  (baltimoresun.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious They're pigs. And they're swimming. And the pictures are cute  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (36)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Mugshot of the pyscho-hose-beast who kicked her boyfriend in the groin and repeatedly slashed him with a knife. For watching porn and masturbating. You'd probably still hit it  (thesmokinggun.com) (264)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these low-rollers  (flickr.com) (33)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Don't you just hate it when you're riding your bike through the park and a gang of tattooed girls pulls off your pants and molests you sexually? Yeah, me neither  (thelocal.se) (152)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Mystery 'goo' moving through the sea near Alaska. Fap  (nydailynews.com) (98)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Iowa State Fair's proposed butter sculpture of Michael Jackson is under fire from PETA, who wants the sculptors to use a butter substitute  (desmoinesregister.com) (76)
(Yahoo) Scary It's not just the auto industry going down in flames in Detroit these days  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy 11-year-old girl puts all your fishing pics to shame  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Abc.net.au) Sick A man purposefully destroys his leg with dry ice so that a surgeon would have to cut it off: "When I woke up, it was absolute ecstasy. The leg that I wanted to get rid of for all those years was reduced to a little bandaged stump"  (abc.net.au) (204)
(Yahoo) Dumbass 60-foot dollar sign burned into Long Island football field, causing estimated $100,000 damage. Richie Rich wanted for questioning  (news.yahoo.com) (36)
(CNN) Dumbass Idiot teenager in NYC who was inspired to bomb a Starbucks by the movie "Fight Club" apparently missed that whole "You do not talk about Fight Club" thing  (cnn.com) (55)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Laaaaaaaaaaid-back paramedic fired for telling a critically ill patient to try some gin 'n' juice for her pain  (telegraph.co.uk) (62)
(AL.com) Dumbass Cops stop topless sot  (blog.al.com) (16)
(Some Mountanier) Sick "His pants were down around his ankles and the dog was making an awful sound"  (dumbassdaily.com) (137)
(The Sun) Dumbass Man who embezzled £3,500 for plastic surgery so he could look like Satan forbidden from leaving his house at night. Guess he's no longer the Prince of Darkness (pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (244)
(CNN) Obvious It turns out 787 billion dollars later that all the government needed to do was say something positive  (money.cnn.com) (121)
(Palm Beach Post) Scary Guess what kiddos, seasonal flu + seasonal flu + pandemic flu + pandemic flu = 4 flu shots this fall  (palmbeachpost.com) (115)
(AZCentral) Spiffy Woman nearly goes to jail because her dogs won't stop barking "I feel ostracized in my own community"  (azcentral.com) (147)
(CBS Sacramento) Interesting Those lying stoners falsely claimed that California could raise $1B in tax revenue from legal pot. The official report is in, hippies: It would raise $1.4B. Put that in your pipe and smoke it  (cbs13.com) (314)
(Wired) Amusing You know what my sniper rifle really needed? A cupholder  (wired.com) (71)
(AZCentral) Scary Woman spontaneously combusts in front of a rehab center. "Reports that she was using oxygen and smoking were inaccurate"  (azcentral.com) (64)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this balloon-bailout  (flickr.com) (25)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 219: "Vice Vice Baby". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (143)

Wed July 15, 2009
(Some Guy) Interesting Pet Airways takes off with the fur flying. Your dog wants flight  (montereyherald.com) (55)
(NJ.com) Scary 9-year-old girl catches a truck mud flap brace in the neck. BACK OFF  (nj.com) (60)
(Yahoo) Silly What's that? Sotomayor doesn't know the name of the case Perry Mason lost? Hang her nomination AT ONCE  (news.yahoo.com) (225)
(KWQC TV6) Sappy Today's cross-species story is about a mother cat nursing abandoned puppies. With ugly ass picture goodness  (kwqc.com) (39)
(TMZ) Interesting LAPD investigating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide  (tmz.com) (163)
(Guardian.com) Sappy Father reunited with son who was missing and believed dead in wilderness. "I'm going to kick his arse. The only teenager in the world who goes on a 10-mile hike and leaves his mobile phone behind"  (guardian.co.uk) (73)
(The Frisky) Interesting How Sacha Baron Cohen makes himself invincible to lawsuits  (thefrisky.com) (181)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious Not news: No IL state budget. News: 6000 state workers not being paid. Fark: Because lawmakers were at the All-Star game  (chicagotribune.com) (53)
(ABC News) Asinine Government workers have fun on the taxpayer's dime, cite need for stress relief after death threats. Death threats justified after seeing video of "motivational dancing"  (abcnews.go.com) (57)
(New Zealand Herald) Stupid Police jail a Freemason on sorcery charges after a raid on his home finds wands, compasses and a skull. "The stupidity is overwhelming."  (nzherald.co.nz) (154)
(NASA) Interesting GO  (nasa.gov) (146)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this defensive posturing  (spiegel.de) (33)
(Media Matters) Stupid New GOP talking point: Obama throws like a girl  (mediamatters.org) (357)
(eBay) PSA Drew promised to try to help juice ESPN's Jimmy V Foundation auctions. Because nothing sucks more than cancer, not even a Demerol overdose. Check em out, bid em high - most auctions end soon  (shop.ebay.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting South Carolina judge rules law barring underage drinking is unconstitutional  (wistv.com) (157)
(CBC) Unlikely Stickers being put on pay phones warning drug dealers not to use them. In related news, there are drug dealers who can't afford cell phones  (cbc.ca) (83)
(Reuters) Interesting Another ignorant defense of rich people who deserve only our contempt: Why the Democratic plan for a surcharge on the rich to pay for health care is bad  (blogs.reuters.com) (1165)
(KTVL.com) Fail Motorcyclist executes unique dismount for speeding ticket  (ktvl.com) (133)
(SpaceVidCast) Florida Will the 5th time be the charm for STS-127? Endeavour attempts to foil the weather again at 6:03pm EDT. LGT HD stream  (spacevidcast.com) (164)
(Hartford Courant) Scary For all you folks that have been waiting for Jesus to return, he's in Connecticut beating children with a 2-by-4  (courant.com) (264)
(Discovery) Interesting Discovery Channel gets head start, creates first Post-Apocalyptic "reality" show, zombies not included  (dsc.discovery.com) (397)
(Courier Press) Scary Of all the things I don't want to get stabbed in the eye with, "screwdriver" is up there, man. It's up there  (courierpress.com) (99)
(Washington Post) Interesting SCOTUS rules that using science in the courtroom requires actual scientists in the courtroom  (washingtonpost.com) (612)
(Baltimore Sun) Sad The sad demise of the Maryland crab cake  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (343)
(Canada.com) Unlikely What was the pinnacle of success for Canada's PM Harper? Was it A] a smooth and effective performance at the G8, B] a private audience with the Pope, or C] winning the endorsement of a has-been 70s pop singer?  (canada.com) (108)
(AJC) Amusing Why does it always happen at a Waffle House?  (ajc.com) (170)
(Indolent) Fail Police: "Why is the 11 year old driving?", Dad: "Because he's sober"  (ktnv.com) (57)
(SMH) Dumbass Conspiracy nut sues forum posters for pointing out that he's a conspiracy nut. We're through the looking glass here, people  (smh.com.au) (247)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Anyone want to but a sliderule for $1500? Nasa's having an auction. Hey, times are tough  (bonhams.com) (171)
(BBC) Asinine Family of four decides to have picnic on burial mound at site of famous 18th century Scottish battle. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (news.bbc.co.uk) (85)
(Daily Mail) Cool Probably the most shocking plant photographs you'll see today  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Telegraph) Followup FBI probing PrankNET as possible source of recent wave of Fark headlines. Serious business  (telegraph.co.uk) (122)
(The Morning Call) PSA In case you were wondering, hitting a police officer in the face during a traffic stop is something of a faux pas  (mcall.com) (28)
(Local10) Florida Concern rises over Florida's near-record mosquito season after several crows reportedly raped  (justnews.com) (49)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Unlikely No, you can't escape $350,000 in student loans by declaring bankruptcy. What schools were you attending, Bonehead U?  (startribune.com) (225)
(random-good-stuff.com) Amusing 10 Odd Things you can buy from Amazon  (random-good-stuff.com) (160)
(My Fox DC) Fail High school girls softball coach fired for hosting an end-of-season cookout at his home where beer was served. FARK: Not to students, to other parents  (myfoxdc.com) (302)
(Stuff) Silly Name your kid Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell or Walter and chances are they'll be bad boys  (stuff.co.nz) (197)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this head scratcher  (spiegel.de) (36)
(WBBM) Dumbass Today's "school nurse having sex with teenage boy" story bought to you by Bolingbrook. With pic....goodness?  (wbbm780.com) (152)
(BBC) Weird Phase 1: Show short film of yourself dressed only in your underwear to your girlfriend and cinema audience. Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Marriage  (news.bbc.co.uk) (21)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Radioactive brine found deep in Germany's Asse  (thelocal.de) (44)
(Brighton Argus) Dumbass Teacher gets drunk, climbs into trash container, gets crushed, becomes a has-bin  (theargus.co.uk) (72)
(Telegraph) Scary A little bit of chopped onions, some oregano, a pinch of salt. And now for the kicker we'll be using some liquid nitrogen and... BAM  (telegraph.co.uk) (122)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Darwin scores a two-fer as car-surfer's vehicle crashes into a tree on a country road. Alcohol was involved  (telegraph.co.uk) (44)
(NOAA) News Magnitude 7.8 quake strikes New Zealand  (prh.noaa.gov) (110)
(Reuters) NewsFlash Airliner crashes shortly after takeoff in Iran. Death toll currently 168 but expected to rise as government buses arrive with detained protestors  T-Shirt  (reuters.com) (171)
(AJC) Asinine Homeless man jailed over a year for not paying child support for a son that the court knew wasn't his. But at least now he has a place to sleep  (ajc.com) (292)
(Google) Weird Getting drunk and walking down the highway with 40 pairs of stolen panties stuffed in your unzipped pants is no way to go through life, son  (google.com) (34)
(News.com.au) Amusing In court for driving at twice the speed limit in order to get your crotchfruit to school in time for free breakfast? Posing like this on your way out of court won't help your case (with pic)  (themercury.com.au) (156)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Doctor working at a children's ward busted for inhaling laughing gas while on duty. Hey, you try working all day with dozens of whining, crying, sick brats  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(Fox News) Unlikely "I'm not the first or last who's been bamboozled by a surprise lesbian kiss in a movie, I'm sure," says Actress That's Wearing Her New Liarpants  (foxnews.com) (191)
(Livenews) Followup British backpacker walks out of Australian bushland after 12 days confronting freezing conditions, rugged terrain and random koala attacks  (livenews.com.au) (61)
(Mercury News) Asinine Pez Candy Corp responds to custom made "Worlds Largest Pez Dispenser" Do they? (A) Praise the owner (B) Build a larger one (C) Sue the owner out of business and demand it be destroyed  (mercurynews.com) (162)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old barn  (pwelverumandsun.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Amusing It's probably not a good idea to chase your landlady naked around the home demanding oral sex (w/ mugshot of the week candidate)  (ksbw.com) (80)
(BBC) Obvious Fathers get shafted when it comes to parental leave, even though they put 15 of the best seconds of their lives into making babies  (news.bbc.co.uk) (145)
(MSNBC) Scary Not News: Boy celebrates 3rd birthday. News: He disappears. Fark: rides his toy truck for 2 hours 8 miles down a raging river unscathed. TaDa  (msnbc.msn.com) (82)

Tue July 14, 2009
(CBS New York) Stupid Shark washes up on Long Island shore one day after Drew prediction. Surfer: "Pretty crazy. I thought it was a great white or something." Marine Biologist: "You can see inside there's no teeth inside his mouth."  (wcbstv.com) (67)
(Daily Mail) Fail Woman smuggling thousands of dollars worth of cocaine in some golf clubs gets caught when customs asks her about her handicap and she thought they were questioning her about a disability  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(WBBM) Weird Grinding in the supermarket check-out line is not appropriate  (wbbm780.com) (54)
(ktvb.com) Scary Fat people in corduroy have been near haystacks again  (ktvb.com) (60)
(BBC) Stupid Another reason not to get married: Wedding bouquet brings down plane  (news.bbc.co.uk) (34)
(CNN) Hero One of the last survivors of the Bataan Death March relates the horror of his experience, and how his hatred of the enemy was overcome after the war by his friendship with a Japanese-American student  (cnn.com) (162)
(Seattle Times) Followup Man who killed wife with barbecue fork sentenced, hopes to get credit for tine served  T-Shirt  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (39)
(Jerusalem Post) Strange Wanted American white supremacist hiding in Israel turned in by pregnant Israeli girlfriend. Wait, what?  (jpost.com) (111)
(Seacoastonline.com) Scary When your old lady yells, "I WILL KILL YOU" and bites the marriage mediator, let her go. 'Cause man, she's gone  (seacoastonline.com) (37)
(ClusterStock) Stupid Fox News reveals how Bernie Madoff will be killed in prison. They report, you homicide  (businessinsider.com) (108)
(Spiegel) Caption Caption these lab ladies  (spiegel.de) (68)
(Movieline) Interesting David Carradine's last film features straps, dwarves and lady boys, just like his autopsy  (movieline.com) (51)
(TMZ) Scary 39 Pics of stars with face lifts. Ginger vs Mary Ann debate is officially over. (warning: slideshow)  (photos.tmz.com) (521)
(ABC News) Scary Performing plastic surgery on yourself may seem like a good way to save money  (abcnews.go.com) (54)
(About.com) Photoshop Photoshop theme: World records that Guinness doesn't list  (z.about.com) (36)
(AP) Amusing Today's "81 year-old billionaire being sued for theft after he allegedly stole a 3 by 5 foot slab of concrete which he scratched his name in when he was a youngster" brought to you by Oklahoma, by way of Texas  (hosted.ap.org) (151)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not news: driver stopped for doing twice the limit. News: car goes to jail. Fark: it was a Ferrari being road-tested by a journalist  (thewest.com.au) (85)
(TMZ) Unlikely Writer claims to have created "Lost" in 1977. He would have come forward earlier, but the smoke monster kidnapped him  (tmz.com) (147)
(Discovery) Interesting Scientists announce discovery of 400 million year old penis, say it was the hardest thing they've ever done  (dsc.discovery.com) (72)
(Yahoo) Obvious Study finds that if things are going well in your marriage, you probably won't get divorced  (news.yahoo.com) (109)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Reason #496 to not wear a banana hammock: you may 'accidentally' commit a felony  (wesh.com) (177)
(Miami Herald) Amusing News: Soldier refuses to deploy because Obama isn't a U.S. citizen. FARK: His lawyer's name is Orly. Ya RLY  (miamiherald.com) (970)
(News Times) Scary 357 vicious chickens removed from CT home. They're not vicious - they've just got cluck  (newstimes.com) (63)
(Crooks & Liars) Dumbass Sarah Palin may attempt to form new conservative party, citing need for incoherent speeches, beauty pageants, and reports on lots of dogs  (crooksandliars.com) (672)
(Inquisitr) Fail You're in the middle of a bank robbery, do you a) call the cops, or b) post about it on Twitter?  (inquisitr.com) (70)
(CNN) Silly Whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, or a Fark Independent™ - everybody loves a sex scandal. And since we don't have one at the moment, here's a recap of recent events. This is CNN  (cnn.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Credit Union teller convinces woman that if she wants to rob the place, she'll first need to open an account  (hutchnews.com) (33)
(Some Skeptic) Followup Remember that story about monkeys on a calorie restricted diet living longer than other monkeys? Turns out it's only true if you ignore the actual number of deaths  (junkfoodscience.blogspot.com) (91)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Man claims he was only "testing a theory" when he claimed on WoW that he planned to blow up an airliner  (indystar.com) (147)
(Some Guy) Scary Teenager shoots, kills 6-foot alligator in Indiana river. I've seen this movie  (wlwt.com) (49)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Strippers and hoes not the only things that got tagged in Vegas this weekend  (myfoxdc.com) (66)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Goldman Sachs posts a record profit, which just goes to show what you could accomplish with a little initiative, $10 billion in government bailout funds, and a direct line to the US Treasury through AIG  (bloomberg.com) (207)
(Some Guy) Silly Media gives the Wheel of Fearmongering a spin, comes up with bathtubs. Bathtubs will now kill your children  (wbaltv.com) (55)
(WBBM) Dumbass Wrigley Field security tosses out 88-year old man wandering around the clubhouse. Fark: the clubhouse is named for him  (wbbm780.com) (83)
(CBC) Obvious "Canadians have given up on summer. This is two years in a row where we haven't had summer. Nothing's fair anymore. The weather is like the economy, it sucks"  (cbc.ca) (327)
(Some Local News) Dumbass You know how sometimes you golf all day and your underwear get all sweaty, so you go to visit your inlaws grave where you see some flowers, but you don't have your glasses, so you get out of your truck nude to get a closer look? Me either  (wsbt.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Followup Madoff moved to Atlanta prison, joining four million other inmates  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Experience Project) Obvious It's summer: Beware the top 10 grossest ice creams  (experienceproject.com) (169)
(Charlotte) Dumbass "You know son, you'd really be the man if you got up and ran onto the baseball field during this inning." *swig* "Son?"  (charlotteobserver.com) (46)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Man arrested for DWI while mowing his neighbors lawn  (seacoastonline.com) (88)
(Telegraph) Amusing Want to really piss off your neighbors? Let people land their helicopters in your back yard  (telegraph.co.uk) (69)
(ABC Raleigh-Durham) Asinine Put the helmet on the cat and hold on tight  (abclocal.go.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman throws a glass of water on her boyfriend in a fit of anger. He squirts her back with mouthwash and douses her with whey powder protein. No, this is not the plot to a Japanese porn flick  (kitsapsun.com) (50)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail Gunman killed after firing into the air and driving into police station. Why, yes, he was naked  (chron.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Interesting With virtual facial feminization technology, this doctor turned some of Hollywood's most famous actors into chicks  (virtualffs.co.uk) (164)
(CNN) Interesting Jet performs touchdown with football sized hole. Grounded six months for excessive celebration  (cnn.com) (56)
(Some Lawyer) Fail Lawyer offers $1,000,000 to anyone who can prove his client's guilt. Oops  (blogs.findlaw.com) (108)
(CNN) Dumbass Two sergeants in trouble for distributing pictures of female privates, should have known that isn't what Fort Dix is about  (cnn.com) (77)
(Des Moines Register) Strange Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it stopped for a breather by the parking meters in front of the courthouse  (desmoinesregister.com) (20)
(New Zealand Herald) Sappy Here's a wee puppy called Scooter / a Guinness World Record disputer / If you mixed Pikachu / With a bunny of two / He'd still be much smaller and cuter  (nzherald.co.nz) (51)
(NYPost) Amusing Brooklyn grandma rents videotape of "Austin Powers", is shocked by new surprise ending revealing who Number Two really works for  (nypost.com) (155)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Surprising news  (fark.com) (41)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Woman dies after getting struck by mailbox while riding in pickup truck with her head hanging out the window. Also enjoyed riding in the back of the truck, standing on the toolbox  (wtsp.com) (164)
(BBC) Spiffy Foul-mouthed one-legged exotic bird found, returned to home. Surprisingly, this story has nothing to do with Heather Mills  (news.bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Dumbass Female prison guard indicted for running inmate penile rehab program  (news.cincinnati.com) (69)
(IndyChannel.com) Dumbass Stoned? Got the munchies? Stub out the blunt before you take your kid to Arby's  (theindychannel.com) (89)
(Telegraph) Scary British woman nearly crashes car after windscreen viper activates suddenly  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (64)
(Daily Mail) Strange "I say, do you have any Grey Poupon?" "Yes, YES - now make with the rumpy-pumpy"  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(Dallas News) Obvious Teacher arrested for giving student instruction on plugs and sockets in Fry's Electronics parking lot (with pic)  (crimeblog.dallasnews.com) (94)
(Yahoo) Asinine Congress approves $173 million for airlines to fly mostly empty flights to rural towns, most of which are in Alaska  (fe15.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (230)
(Deseret News) Strange Kidnapped man force-fed beer by best captors EVER  (deseretnews.com) (84)
(MSNBC) Stupid In another attempt by the media to make words up, "twinterns" whose job it is to Twitter about their company  (msnbc.msn.com) (60)
(Fox News) Silly If you are 90 years old, and survived the 1918 flu pandemic, CONGRATS. Everyone else, time to panic  (foxnews.com) (62)
(Yahoo) Obvious Des Moines, Iowa set to legalize dancing, doing gymnastics inside an empty factory  (news.yahoo.com) (33)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rings and things  (fark.com) (14)
(WWL) Amusing $200K goes missing from New Orleans police evidence room, state audit finds almost zero controls over cash. NOPD: Was that wrong? Should we not have done that?  (wwl.com) (89)
(Daily Mail) Cool 582 drummers play their way to new world record, they could have played longer since none of them had jobs and they were all homeless, except the ones with girlfriends  (dailymail.co.uk) (132)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida A guy can put up with a lot from his live-in girlfriend, like assault with air freshener, a potted plant or a key, but things get serious when she breaks out a knife (with pic)  (blogs.tampabay.com) (32)
(Google) Silly Review of the terror alert system underway. Obama reportedly wants to change from green-yellow-red to hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows  (google.com) (167)
(Albany Times Union) Asinine Old 'n' busted burglary techniques: lock-picking, wall-scaling, window-jimmying. New hotness: having a ten-year-old girl squeeze through the doggy door  (timesunion.com) (53)

Mon July 13, 2009
(Some Freethinker) Asinine Alabama Freethought Association puts up billboard that reads "Imagine No Religion". Christians welcome this as a sign of free expression and engage in meaningful debate. Just kidding. They get all butthurt  (tuscaloosanews.com) (lots)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Dumbass You pull off a burglary netting $59,000. Do you c) Brag about it after buying a Nissan on eBay, a Cadillac, a block of marijuana and gold grill for your teeth resulting in a gun battle and your arrest  (star-telegram.com) (53)
(WFTV) Florida I'd rather be fishing. And then get arrested for catching a fish that was 2 inches too big, pay $2,000 in legal fees, and potentially face a $1,000 fine and jail time  (wftv.com) (82)
(AP) Florida If you have "contaminated" honey, keep it out of Florida. The state is protecting the bees' purity of essence  (siouxcityjournal.com) (75)
(SFGate) Scary Just when you thought it was safe to kick a bottle without being splashed with acid, you stand corrected, acid covered  (sfgate.com) (53)
(Reuters) Interesting Travel agents offer "sunshine insurance" that covers travelers who run into bad weather. In related news, travel agents apparently still exist  (reuters.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Interesting Good news for job hunters: Many big cities have a huge number of job postings. The bad news: The two top cities are DC and Baltimore  (fe18.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (140)
(Abc.net.au) Ironic PSA: Don't get into a drunken brawl on the flight back from a responsible drinking seminar  (abc.net.au) (26)
(WBBM) Fail It might get overlooked if you throw a rock at a car if you are a Community College kid, but, if you are a Community College Board member, probably not  (wbbm780.com) (10)
(Bloomberg) Interesting "BAP" is the sound of China hitting N. Korea with sanctions/rolled up newspaper  (bloomberg.com) (89)
(Gawker) Amusing Blogger on Fox News: "Was that wrong? Was I not supposed to say the word 'blowjob'?" [video goodness]  (gawker.com) (123)
(Steve's Digicams) Photoshop Photoshop this P-51 Mustang  (steves-digicams.com) (71)
(BBC) Cool Man spends 15 years building scale model of oil rig out of matchsticks. "Early this year I was thinking of breaking it up because it took up two bedrooms, the loft, two sheds and half my garage" (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (89)
(Boston Herald) Scary A man complains that the dog in your car is menacing passers-by - Do you a) restrain your dog , b) say "that's not my dog" and walk away , or c) kill him with a sucker punch to the head?  (news.bostonherald.com) (227)
(Gawker) Obvious Headline writers having a gay old time with Bruno's box office win  (gawker.com) (71)
(TC Palm) Florida Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water -- BEES  (tcpalm.com) (56)
(ABC6) Amusing Which state has the most pissed-off, disagreeable residents? Congratulations Rhode Island  (abc6.com) (90)
(Washington Post) Ironic Jane Roe, from Roe V. Wade, arrested in anti-abortion protest. Can this woman commit to anything?  T-Shirt  (washingtonpost.com) (558)
(Gawker) Interesting Some virgin at the U of Illinois has analyzed the last 7 years of archived Drudge Reports for any patterns and biases. Here comes the statistics and graphs  (gawker.com) (54)
(USA Today) Hero Albert Pujols offers to get tested daily; pay back everything earned if caught using PEDs  (usatoday.com) (137)
(QC Online) Dumbass Sliding door in your bedroom, no problem. Sliding door in your bedroom with nothing on the outside excpet a ravine, problem  (qconline.com) (33)
(KnoxNews) Interesting Man tells wife to tie him up and make him suffer. So, she tied him up for 20 hours while she went out on a date with a guy she met on the internet. This would be hilarious if the husband didn't die  (knoxnews.com) (101)
(Fox News) Stupid That phone call you received at 2:00 am while you were staying at the hotel that told you the only way to avoid the swarming spiders is to smash your window with the lid to the toilet tank? Yeah, that's probably a hoax  (foxnews.com) (47)
(Telegraph) Fail "In hindsight, it appears that putting groups of disadvantaged, vulnerable teenagers deemed at risk of having sex and falling pregnant together has the opposite effect to those intended."  (telegraph.co.uk) (111)
(AP) Sad Today's religious rioting brought to you by the Muslims in -- wait, Northern Ireland? There's no Muslims there, are there? What, Christians? Jesus Christ, is it the 80's again?  (hosted.ap.org) (93)
(The Dispatch) Dumbass If you must feel compelled to grow a farm of marijuana plants, don't plant them adjacent to the highway next to your house  (the-dispatch.com) (42)
(The Morning Call) Scary Bartender to woman: "You're cut off." Woman: :HONK HONK:  (mcall.com) (60)
(Telegraph) Amusing Apparently jealous of all the shark attack stories, police divers harpoon 2-foot killer perch that had been attacking swimmers. Biologists suggest it may have been bipolar. No, really  (telegraph.co.uk) (56)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing Military to ban smoking - so here's a gallery of Military Smoking Ads  (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com) (183)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing Checking emails at home from your work computer; it's kinda like playing first person shooters with your girlfriend. It kinda ruins them both  (homestarrunner.com) (45)
(AP) Sick You know what sucks more than your mom dying of Swine Flu the day after you're born? Dying yourself after some idiot nurse puts baby formula in your IV  (hosted.ap.org) (151)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Man running unopposed for obscure, local at-large committee seat loses 1,157 to 23 after people learn he's a Holocaust denier  (washingtonpost.com) (160)
(AP) Strange Alabama store clerk with a cricket bat foils robber using a toy gun. Dumbass tag would like to be here, but he's scratching his head, trying to figure out how the hell a cricket bat wound up in an Alabama gas station  (hosted.ap.org) (76)
(Metro) Amusing British Army forced Iraqi detainees to "dance like Michael Jackson." Latoya prepares Strongly Worded Memorandum  (metro.co.uk) (50)
(Some Cowboy) Amusing Ingredients for a successful rodeo: poetry and wine tastings?  (ksbw.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Asinine Missouri DOT to close I-64 during the MLB All Star game for security reasons. Beginning right before rush hour. Oh yeah, the Prez will jack up traffic too. Good thing there's been so many layoffs otherwise traffic would suck  (ksdk.com) (152)
(CBC) Silly Trace amounts of BPA found in baby food at levels which pose "no health or safety concerns". Subby bracing for the inevitable barrage of alarmist forwards from ignorant relatives  (cbc.ca) (57)
(SpaceX) Interesting Today's second chance at rocket failure brought to you by SpaceX. Their Falcon 1 (25% success rate) launches today. Webcast begins at 6:40pm EDT. LGT stream  (spacex.com) (184)
(Science Blog) Interesting How your cat manipulates you into celebrating Caturday  (scienceblog.com) (168)
(Telegraph) Scary So, the good news is that we've figured out why you've been hiccupping for two years. The bad news is that you have inoperable brain cancer  (telegraph.co.uk) (49)
(Reason Magazine) Unlikely Do we really need federal laws governing carry-on luggage, college football, and switchblades?  (reason.com) (268)
(CNN) Amusing Saudi family sues genie, alleges harassment  (edition.cnn.com) (130)
(Drew) FarkBlog Drew sets the betting line for news stories coming up this week: Embarrassing keg stand photos of Sotomayor are the longshot at 207:1. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 7/5 - 7/11  (fark.com) (36)
(AJC) Scary Tree destroys home, sparing the lives of two boys...FOR NOW  (ajc.com) (75)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Official Sotomayor Confirmation thread. Is it too early to drink every time the phrase "liberal activist" is whargarbled?  (boston.com) (817)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Cool Doctors were shocked to discover woman has been cured of deadly heart condition after she was struck by lightning. Doctors can't explain watts causing the positive effect, but the patient is no longer terminal, and claims it no longer hertz  (abc2news.com) (118)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Misc Attention sushi fans: 40,000 pounds of it free on I-94 in Minnesota  (myfoxtwincities.com) (88)
(BBC) Interesting 'Whistling deer' blamed for mountain rescue false alarms  (news.bbc.co.uk) (59)
(SpaceVidCast) Florida From the lets-try-this-again Department: Attempt 5 of the launch of Endeavour on STS-127 today at 6:51pm EDT. LGT to HD stream  (spacevidcast.com) (106)
(wtsp.com) Florida The Grinch robbed the store of all of its cash. Why, the Grinch took the register AND the last can of Who Hash  (wtsp.com) (30)
(CNN) Followup Swim club invites back minority day-care kids, says they were just kidding about that whole "change the complexion of the club" thing  (cnn.com) (672)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Unlikely This is not 'Nam. This is bingo. There are rules  (digtriad.com) (54)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this low-tech lava lamp  (flickr.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Cool Negative ghostrider, the apartment block is full  (dailymail.co.uk) (169)
(BBC) Interesting Alleged 89-year-old Nazi war criminal John Demjanjuk charged with 27,900 counts of being an accessory to murder, one count of having a surname suitable for a Star Wars character  (news.bbc.co.uk) (236)
(Metro) Obvious British man becomes third person gored by raging bull at this year's festival, but there's no way he's goin' down. He don't go down for nobody  (metro.co.uk) (90)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Biplane pilot loops his plane, flies too low, and hits moving car, tearing undercarriage off plane and throwing car into field, and everyone survived. Ta-da  (thelocal.de) (62)
(CBS Miami) Florida Some marital disputes involve heated words. This one features a motorcycle crashing through a jewelry store  (cbs4.com) (24)
(JSOnline) Spiffy Study shows alcohol consumption reduces dementia in older people, which is strange because it has the opposite effect when you're younger  (jsonline.com) (25)
(Buffalo News) Interesting Man tells police the only reason he crashed a wedding, got drunk, hit on one guest and punched out another was because he mistook the reception for a nightclub  (buffalonews.com) (23)
(Peninsula Daily News) Asinine Wal✭Mart clerk sells you the wrong ammunition. Do you A) Politely ask to exchange it for the right ammo. B) Ask to see the manager. C) Yell profanities and pull your gun on other customers  (peninsuladailynews.com) (337)
(Telegraph) Interesting Want your wallet back if you lose it? Just keep a picture of your ugly ass baby in it  (telegraph.co.uk) (34)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: What's Sarah Palin going to do with all her free time?  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (61)
(The Sun) Silly Sombrero-wearing Brit beats experienced competitors to become the world peashooting champion. The Sun is there (w/ bonus pic of a laser-guided peashooter)  (thesun.co.uk) (26)
(Flickr) Caption Caption this photo of Obama on the phone  (flickr.com) (165)
(Reuters) News Kim Jong-Ill  (reuters.com) (273)
(The Sun) Interesting Youngest ever sex swap popstar talks exclusively to The Sun  (thesun.co.uk) (400)

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