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Sun August 02, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Examiner) Dumbass Bart Sibrel (made famous by Buzz Aldrin's right hand knuckle sandwich) arrested after jumping up and down on woman's car for failing to get out of parking space he felt he was entitled to  (examiner.com) (92)
(The Scotsman) Unlikely Scientist claims sex without condoms is good for you. Here comes the professor  T-Shirt  (thescotsman.scotsman.com) (265)
(Some Froggy Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his dinner for two  (teakdoor.com) (38)
(MSNBC) Asinine Former WaMu execs quietly go into retirement in shame over their incompetence. Just kidding, they're suing for golden parachutes  (msnbc.msn.com) (145)
(ABC News) Scary New strain of AIDS discovered in Cameroonian woman who moved to Paris. World health officials would like to remind everyone not to panic, this is just a typical case of a virus evolving faster than mankind can deal with it  (abcnews.go.com) (182)
(TC Palm) Florida More and more people are filing lawsuits against the makers of a denture cream. Defense lawyers say the lawsuits have no teeth and will gum up the court system  (tcpalm.com) (37)
(Houston Chronicle) Hero Houston Police finally admit that tasers are deadly weapons  (chron.com) (377)
(Some Guy) Sad 15,000 hogs die in fire. Mourners gather to express their sowrow, donate side dishes for hastily-organized BBQ dinner fundraiser  (edmontonsun.com) (119)
(telluride watch) Cool The worlds tastiest sweet corn is often called more of a fruit and is also served as a dessert, but it's so delicate it has to be harvested by hand. This guy is trying to bring it to a store near you  (telluridewatch.com) (163)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida If you have a lottery ticket worth $50,000 you might want to store it in a better place than your back pocket  (sun-sentinel.com) (61)
(Time) Cool The subject here is the serious hat. Hats. Serious business  (time.com) (183)
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass Blogger threatens to kill three judges in Illinois and asks people to "take up arms" against lawmakers in New Jersey; finds that the two readers of his blog are cops  (courant.com) (150)
(LA Times) Cool Think "not news" is a new thing? August 2, 1899: Faithful dog protects drunk master from cops  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (36)
(News.com.au) Spiffy TWITS: Teenage women in their thirties with Peter Pan-syndrome  (news.com.au) (445)
(NYPost) Fail You still don't have a job 3 months after your college graduation. Do you: a) suck it up and get a job at WalMart while waiting for the economy to improve, b) go to grad school or, c) sue your school for the $70,000 you spent on tuition?  (nypost.com) (242)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this peeking person  (s.wsj.net) (53)
(Time) Asinine Love Netflix? You sound fat  (time.com) (208)
(Yahoo) Interesting So?  (news.yahoo.com) (97)
(Cracked) Unlikely Five terror plotsssss devisssssed by Cobra Commander that might actually work. Exsssssellent  (cracked.com) (88)
(Slashdot) Asinine The Nanny State planning to install CCTV cameras in people's homes "to ensure that children attend school, go to bed on time and eat proper meals". Doubleplusgood  (yro.slashdot.org) (151)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Do cyclists need to stop at a stop sign? Of course they... wait, what?  (thestar.com) (320)
(Some Guy) Asinine The Feds want 'America's Sheriff' to stop arresting illegal immigrants for silly things like violating immigration law  (officer.com) (369)
(Fox News) Interesting Veterans and Congress question why only 6 of about 4000 soldiers killed in the past 8 years have been considered worthy of the Medal of Honor  (foxnews.com) (138)
(Examiner) Spiffy Chocolate covered bacon added to the menu and since it's the State Fair of course it's on a stick  (examiner.com) (44)
(Fox News) Hero US Military does not forget its lost: Captain Michael "Scott" Speicher, lost in 1991, recovered in 2009. RIP  (foxnews.com) (194)
(Asbury Park Press) Obvious You can be a politician on the take, launder your money or spend $5,000 for a night with a "lady," but don't even think of coming to NJ and hanging your fuzzy dice from the rearview mirror  (app.com) (77)
(UPI) Stupid Harvard trademarking everyday phrases such as "Ask what you can do," "Lessons learned" and "Managing yourself." Next thing you know someone will try to trademark "Not safe for work"  (upi.com) (67)
(Telegraph) Strange Nanny State having to brush up on its nannying credentials as increasing numbers of first-graders show up at school wearing diapers  (telegraph.co.uk) (81)
(Jackson Free Press) Asinine The new face of abstinence-only education: Soulja boy, mocking pregnant teens and cheerleaders chanting, "Stop. don't touch me there. You know this is my no-no square."  (jacksonfreepress.com) (152)
(CBS Pittsburgh) Asinine Seriously Philadelphia? Segregated restrooms? WTF century is this?  (kdka.com) (164)
(USA Today) Ironic Feds seize hand sanitizer products that contain harmful bacteria, unadulterated irony  (content.usatoday.net) (32)
(Some Cr Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the chrome museum  (blog.art-tistics.com) (38)
(Seattle Times) Obvious One out of three Americans nap. Two out of three Americans were asleep during this survey  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (54)
(Victorville Daily Press) Dumbass Woman locks herself in gas station bathroom after arguing with male companion. Should he C.) set the gas station and himself ablaze before leading police on a freeway chase?  (vvdailypress.com) (15)
(WBBM) Cool Real life 'Rain Man' hacks into super secret miltary site seeking info on UFO's and ends up with Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders singing about him  (wbbm780.com) (101)
(BBC) Fail Turkish demolition technicians manage to get 25-story building to do a forward somersault  (news.bbc.co.uk) (149)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Researchers who study sex differences agree that when it comes to temperature, it seems women are from Venus and men are from Planet Freon."  (washingtonpost.com) (158)
(The New York Times) Fail The feud between Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly, each accusing the other of being corrupt and/or morally bankrupt, has been solved by a large cash settlement  (nytimes.com) (331)
(Rasmussen Reports) Amusing Let's contrast the crazy - In 2009, 28 percent of Republicans believe President is not natural-born citizen; 2007, 35 percent of Democrats believe President knew in advance about the 9/11 attacks  (rasmussenreports.com) (491)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail 3 teens charged with theft of fake sheep. Ewe might expect they pulled the woo-- oh, nevermind  (chron.com) (37)
(CNN) Hero Private citizen gives crippled Iraqi children free wheelchairs, but cannot match the rate at which the US military gives Iraqi children free cripplings  (cnn.com) (460)

Sat August 01, 2009
(ABC News) Scary Nothing worse than a woman scorned unless it's three women scorned by the same married man at the same time  (abcnews.go.com) (145)
(The Virginian Pilot) Asinine Michael Vick's hometown honors him as hero. Your dog wants stake  (hamptonroads.com) (206)
(Alaska Report) Wheaton Alaska Report claiming that Sarah Palin plans to divorce Todd. Battle between Unlikely and Obvious tags results in Wheaton tag for no apparent reason  (alaskareport.com) (608)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this young cecropia moth  (farm2.static.flickr.com) (40)
(Dallas News) Interesting Bolivia bans the use of all animals in circuses. Bolivian circuses now to consist of clowns, trapeze artists, and guys training midgets with whips and chairs  (dallasnews.com) (51)
(Some comic book nerd) Cool Even in these trying times, Tony Stark is hiring  (starkindustriesnow.com) (122)
(Seattle Times) Fail News: bank employee nabs would be robber. Fark: gets fired. Hero tag steps aside for Fail  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (182)
(Salem News) Asinine Driver gets hit head-on by drag racer going 81 mph on wrong side of road. Guess whose fault this is? (Hint: in America)  (salemnews.com) (308)
(ABC News) Cool Fewer flights + more passengers = more bumping. Here comes the science on how to make it worth your while (and keep the airlines honest at the same time)  (abcnews.go.com) (72)
(ABC News) Spiffy Just when you thought they had run out of new ideas for calendars: how about tatooed librarians?  (abcnews.go.com) (139)
(NYPost) Asinine Hamptons library director says zoning board is blocking the creation of a children's reading wing because it might change the complexion of the place by attracting book-hungry youngsters from [gasp] lower-class areas  (nypost.com) (112)
(NW Florida Daily News) Asinine Police find a pot and potting soil and charge family with drug paraphernalia  (nwfdailynews.com) (103)
(CBS News) Followup We have always been at war with Amazon. Amazon sued for Kindle deletion of Orwell  (cbsnews.com) (117)
(CBS News) Obvious Are you a mosquito magnet? It's not news, It's... well, actually it is kinda helpful  (cbsnews.com) (140)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Lamest. Skateboarding. Protest. Report. Evar  (tampabay.com) (73)
(BBC) Cool Bored at work? Why not get all your colleagues to strap themselves to mattresses for a nice game of human dominoes  (news.bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Cyclists launch alternative to Critical Mass events, announcing huge rides where cyclists promise to stay in their lanes and obey all traffic rules. Only in Canada, eh? Pity  (theprovince.com) (257)
(The Morning Call) Obvious "Lately, I find myself wondering when 'news' was replaced with entertainment blurbs and gossip in these pages once known as a newspaper." Sounds like a good idea for a book  (mcall.com) (30)
(CNN) Asinine Talk about a "news hole.." Not only does the White House relese the rest of the "Air Force One NY flyover photos" on a Friday.. The release them a half-hour after midnight, going into Saturday  (cnn.com) (93)
(PennLive) Asinine When Pennsylvania says no one gets paid until there's a budget they mean it. Even if you're in the National Guard and on active duty in Iraq or Afghanistan  (pennlive.com) (106)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida City of Clearwater removes all its flagpoles because they can no longer afford to care for U.S. flags  (tampabay.com) (78)
(Guardian.com) Followup Columnist fires the next shot in the Towel Wars. Take that, Fritz  (guardian.co.uk) (29)
(Canada.com) Interesting Russian military announces plans for mass paratroop drop at North Pole next year. Canada announces plans to mobilize its military and send Gordie up with the gun to chase them off  (canada.com) (95)
(NYPost) Obvious There's a sale at Penney's  (nypost.com) (110)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Alcohol choices of previous presidents. FDR hosted keggers  (online.wsj.com) (55)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: The dog days of August  (fark.com) (32)
(The Scotsman) Dumbass Proving there is nothing in the world teachers won't complain about during their copious amounts of paid time off, they're now filing lawsuits claiming classrooms are "too noisy"  (news.scotsman.com) (140)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Cool Mr. and Mrs. Woman would like to announce the wedding of their daughter, Wonder to Superman. The event is to be held at Fortress of Solitude. Spandex optional  (sunjournal.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Stupid 50 things you are not supposed to know. 24 you already knew, 12 require further proof, and 14 that are "well duh"  (traveltowork.net) (162)
(Gizmodo) Sad Parent of the Year candidate arrested after dragging kid through Verizon store on a leash (with video goodness)  (gizmodo.com) (105)
(UPI) Florida Owner of Mr. Chows claims a rival restaurateur sent a spy to his new restaurant to steal Mr. Chow's ancient Chinese secret  (upi.com) (41)
(BBC) Interesting In search of Delhi's 'Phantom Squirter', a scam artist so good he makes the guys in New Orleans who say 'I bet I know where you got your shoes' look like amateurs  (news.bbc.co.uk) (43)
(UPI) Spiffy U.S. Army moves its ass  (upi.com) (23)
(Statesman) Sappy Not News: Noble, a 2 year old feral cat born without eyelids, needs a $2000 operation to save his sight. News: Woman raises the entire amount through Internet in two days to pay for surgery. Fark: The power of Caturday strikes again  (statesman.com) (413)
(WWL) Dumbass Drunk driver wrecks car, gets ride from scene, steals iPhone from good Samaritan, returns to scene still drunk, gets arrested, attacks officer, gets maced. TAAA DAAH (w/ "mugshot of the year")  (wwl.com) (40)
(Asbury Park Press) Dumbass There has to be a better way to motivate your employees pointing a gun and threatening to shoot them, even if you are just a manager of an IHOP  (app.com) (41)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Asinine Britain's NHS refused to pay for liver transplant for cancer survivor, resulting in her death. Just kidding, replace "Britain's NHS" with "Cigna Healthcare"  (cbs2.com) (267)
(CNN) Obvious Redheads more susceptible to pain, hotness  (cnn.com) (253)
(AJC) Stupid Americans spend $34 billion on alternative medicine yet complain about the cost of medicine that actually works  (ajc.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Most people know better than to sneak cocaine into the courthouse. Then again most people don't have a law degree  (post-gazette.com) (25)
(Washington Post) Obvious Postal Service eyes substantial cuts due to not having done anything since "Such Great Heights"  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Hero Hittable cat lady Rachel Honeycutt of Cobb County, GA spots a basket of kittens someone dumped in an interchange, gets hit by a car trying to save them. Wakes from a coma just in time for Caturday  (wltx.com) (212)
(Yahoo) Cool Lobster is now cheaper than hot dogs  (finance.yahoo.com) (121)
(CNN) Dumbass Americans vacationing in Iraq stray over border and are captured by Iran, forcing the question: Who the fark vacations in Iraq?  (cnnwire.blogs.cnn.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his hat  (img.photobucket.com) (39)
(Daily Star) Amusing Donkeys might soon wear bras. The Daily Star is there  (dailystar.co.uk) (42)

Fri July 31, 2009
(Some Guy) PSA "TSA brings full body scanning to Cleveland airport." Lament the loss of your civil liberties if you must, but remember the poor TSA agent who is forced to look at naked Clevelanders every day  (wkyc.com) (255)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Apparently there is a new 'Redneck Riviera'  (wbbm780.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Asinine Landlord: "I don't care if it's 95 degrees in your apartment and your kid has been hospitalized with heat stroke... remove the window AC unit or be evicted. It looks tacky."  (kval.com) (540)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida An auto theft ring with an average age under 12 kicks of this week's mugshots. Please note the tag  (thesmokinggun.com) (289)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these men at the beach  (i450.photobucket.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Interesting "Could a facelift put an end to your migraines?" Nope, but that's what you should tell the insurance company  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(CNN) Stupid It starts with snails and humming... CNN shows us what happens when you get really, really high and write a column about your marriage  (cnn.com) (162)
(The Virginian Pilot) Misc City councilman wants to sell guns from home  (hamptonroads.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Priests outraged, slightly aroused after discovering their church was used for a half-naked S&M shoot (safe for work)  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Some Guy) Followup Police discovered piles of human remains at Burr Oak cemetery in 2005, but decided the bones were too old to be of interest. Please click at left for pictures of Chief Wiggums in variety of poses  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (71)
(Examiner) Dumbass Atheist writer: "waaaahh, we're not popular"  (examiner.com) (888)
(FanHouse) Dumbass Successful newspaper sportswriter uses Craigslist to supplement his income. Fark: By setting up prostitution rings in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Canada  (fanhouse.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Obvious Biggest modern day rip offs include the Male "Enhancement" Pills, and of course "High-end Guacamole"  (ca.finance.yahoo.com) (196)
(MSNBC) Interesting Breastfeeding could save 1.3 million lives every year, offend a lot of easily offended people who dearly deserve it  (msnbc.msn.com) (185)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mortgage meltdown means one Florida family has a 32 story condo building all to themselves. Think of the possibilities  (news-press.com) (126)
(UPI) Followup Not only have Michael Jackson's autopsy results been postponed "indefinitely", the location of his body is "still unclear". Submitter trying hard to "give a damn"  (upi.com) (99)
(NW Florida Daily News) Asinine Fight at gas pumps leads to name calling, gasoline shower  (nwfdailynews.com) (103)
(Daily Kos) Dumbass ...A man stood up and told Rep. Bob Inglis (R-SC) to "keep your government hands off my Medicare." The congressman tried to explain that Medicare is already a government program - but the voter "wasn't having any of it."  (dailykos.com) (384)
(Billings Gazette) Sick Man awaiting arson trial charged with rape. Now he just needs murder and Hedy will hire him  (billingsgazette.com) (112)
(parentdish.com) Obvious Mayo Clinic doctors to Jenny McCarthy, 'There is no link between diet and autism. STFU and get back to nekkid' Well maybe they didn't say the second sentence but that's what they meant  (parentdish.com) (204)
(Kansas.com) Scary Two men lure victims into alley, using two women who promised sex to the victims. Pics attached of the two "women". Yes, these two women were the bait. Srsly. And they were successful. These women. Srsly  (kmbc.com) (147)
(ClusterStock) Obvious Responding to popular backlash, Wall Street banks promise to stop awarding such huge bonuses, begin awarding huge "risk-weighted commissions" or "production compensation" or "assloads of cash" instead  (businessinsider.com) (32)
(UPI) Stupid Now Harry Potter is at fault for the demise of newspapers  (upi.com) (72)
(The Atlantic) Obvious "The US national drinking age of 21 is a failure -- it has failed to stop underage drinking, and has instead driven it underground and made it more dangerous"  (theatlantic.com) (262)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Father charged with murdering his daughter through medical neglect testified he didn't take her to the hospital because "Biblically, I cannot find that is the way people are healed"  (msnbc.msn.com) (222)
(Metro) Interesting Pope Benedict XVI expected to have number one Christmas album in the world this year as he speaks and sings in five languages, challenges MC Hammer to a dance fight  (metro.co.uk) (30)
(Globe and Mail) Amusing Are you serious Mexico? Sand thieves?  (theglobeandmail.com) (71)
(CNN) Strange Taliban update their code of conduct. Rule 1: NO POOFTERS  (edition.cnn.com) (92)
(CBS New York) Followup Yeah, universal health care will be spiffy: The "cash for clunkers" debacle proves yet again the federal government couldn't efficiently run a banana stand, let alone a simple giveway program  (wcbstv.com) (701)
(Yahoo) Fail Texting truck driver brings new meaning to the word "carpool"  (news.yahoo.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Fail Congressional Democrats are finally looking at tax breaks for those desperately in need of help: trial attorneys. Let's all join hands with John Edwards and Satan and say thankyajaysus  (volokh.com) (91)
(Me) Obvious Why do Christians think they are the only ones going to Heaven?  (abundantgracetoday.com) (743)
(Gizmodo) Scary How hot is the new iphone? How about burn a crater in your car seat hot  (gizmodo.com) (86)
(Huffington Post) Followup In the wake of Beer Summit, here comes the expected 'What about the children response: "Is the president's message to our youth that, no matter what the problem, it can simply be solved by knocking back a few icy cold brews?"  (huffingtonpost.com) (157)
(Fox News) Amusing Governor Rick Perry (R-eally gay) is upset that RICK PERRY IS GAY opponent Kay Hutchison's website RICK PERRY IS GAY had search phrases embedded suggesting RICK PERRY IS GAY  (foxnews.com) (115)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSGs Friday Photo Fun contest. Match up arrestees with the TV shows advertised on their t-shirts. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (25)
(Slashdot) Stupid This headline is long enough to be copyright infringement in Europe  (news.slashdot.org) (28)
(My San Antonio) Unlikely A crowd of over 200 gathered in prayer for rain in drought-stricken South Texas yesterday. It rained, so there's your proof, athiests  (mysanantonio.com) (120)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup It turns out the science behind the Great Florida Python Hunt is even shakier than global warming data. Here comes the shaky snaky science  (palmbeachpost.com) (17)
(CNN) Obvious Mahmoud Ahmadi-Nejad confirms that he is still completely out of touch with reality  (edition.cnn.com) (100)
(news times) Silly News: Cops finally nab elusive graffitier who has been defacing Stratford High School. Fark: He was drawing smiley faces  (newstimes.com) (28)
(Hartford Courant) News Sen. Chris Dodd (D-rip dripdrip) diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer  (courant.com) (209)
(Seattle Times) Amusing Seattle artist sketches iconic local time-and-temperature clock to commemorate 100-degree high  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (78)
(PoliticoSphere) Interesting When it comes to healthcare reform, right wing trolls are out-posting left wing trolls on internet forums by a margin of nearly 2 to 1  (politicosphere.net) (145)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Todd Myers sues for what most married men experience on a daily basis  (mcall.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Obvious Police arrest 82-year-old German man for waving a submachine gun around. Apparently Volk wouldn't get the hell off his Rasenplatz  (channel4.com) (50)
(WBBM) Fail Two geniuses must have been working off the wrong 'great places to rob' list  (wbbm780.com) (13)
(Livenews) Unlikely Why you should always open "Lottery Winner" emails  (livenews.com.au) (34)
(Politifact) Obvious You may have recently received an e-mail from your crazy uncle detailing the evils of the health bill being proposed in Congress. Since this link is to PolitiFact, you can see where this is going  (politifact.com) (439)
(AFP) Sappy Russian Prime Minister Putin dons wetsuit, gets cozy with whale; Americans not impressed, they had a president do the same thing in the mid-1990s  (news.yahoo.com) (68)
(Network World) Silly Have you hugged your SysAdmin today? Cake not a bad idea either  (networkworld.com) (286)
(New York Daily News) Hero New York attempts to regain corruption lead from New Jersey by honoring notoriously corrupt senator who gridlocked Albany for a month as "Senator of the Year"  (nydailynews.com) (32)
(Boston Globe) Followup Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board: You can't sell your wine with the nekkid lady on it here. Vintner: Sweet, we won't miss those 500 cases anyway, and hits to our website have already increased tenfold  (boston.com) (140)
(Yahoo) Obvious As economy suffers, people magically becoming disabled at higher rate  (news.yahoo.com) (120)
(News Times) Dumbass Not news: State rep recieves a traffic ticket. News: for reckless jogging .Fark.com: into the side of a truck, breaking a rib  (newstimes.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man urinating in South Bend alley accidentally shoots himself when he pulls the wrong pistol from his pocket  (southbendtribune.com) (27)
(Reuters) Interesting Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just a caveman. 16 years ago I killed a man and fled authorities by hiding in caves. Yesterday your authorities found and arrested me, so forgive me if I dont understand your "laws"  (reuters.com) (77)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this grim grin  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (35)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely Public experiment asks Britons to stop being such miserable sods for a week, forget about the violence inherent in the system  (guardian.co.uk) (29)
(Yahoo) Strange You get in a high speed car crash. Do you: c) tell the police your car is a time machine that becomes invisible when going faster than 100kph  (nz.news.yahoo.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Obvious Terrell Owens unveils new TO's cereal. Promises to be chock full of nuts and will go stale rather quickly  (sports.yahoo.com) (67)
(The Morning Call) Strange Man puts sign in his apartment window proclaiming to be a sex offender, keeps families and children away. Fark: He's not on any sex offender registry  (mcall.com) (121)
(CBS Baltimore) Strange Judge rules woman can resume massaging horses  (wjz.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tired of examiners allowing cheating on police exams? Enlist 18 fifth graders to monitor testing next time  (ydr.inyork.com) (13)
(CNN) Spiffy Welcome to your STS-127 landing thread; touchdown at KSC planned for 1048 EST. God speed, Endeavour  (us.cnn.com) (138)
(FARK) Cool Chicago Fark Party reminder: NEXT SATURDAY August 8th at the Lincoln Tap Room, 8pm  (fark.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Amusing Let this be a lesson to you D bags that take a bath in Brut before coming into the office  (news.yahoo.com) (171)
(Some Chick) Fail Do you ever wish that cop sitting on the ledge of a bridge with a radar gun would fall off? Sometimes wishes come true  (southbendtribune.com) (255)
(Talking Points Memo) Caption Caption the historic Beer Summit  (talkingpointsmemo.com) (256)
(Some Guy) Scary Bounty hunters looking for Lawrence Carnell bust down door of David Carnell...it's later discovered they were actually looking for Lawrence Butler. Harry Tuttle unimpressed  (kfvs12.com) (83)
(Kansas City) Dumbass Monopoly player attacks his girlfriend because she wouldn't sell him Park Place and Boardwalk. Does not pass Go  (kansascity.com) (79)
(South Bend Tribune) Ironic Boyfriend stabbed at 'Goodbye South Bend' party. Fark: His going away to prison party  (southbendtribune.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Obvious 90 per cent of the cops in the UK think the war on drugs can't be won. The other 10 per cent must be high  (telegraph.co.uk) (59)
(The Sun) Spiffy German genius invents bikini that dissolves in water then lets idiots market it  (thesun.co.uk) (647)
(Some Guy) Asinine Teacher hears rumors that she and some student she'd never even seen before had sex. "Howell said she went to the police station to take a polygraph test, but instead was arrested, and within days she was suspended and fired."  (wlwt.com) (310)
(Telegraph) Obvious Drive to work? We have a tax for that  (telegraph.co.uk) (60)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this round raft  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (42)
(Detroit News) Strange Man who drove thousands of black children to church services and field trips and donated money to the Black Panther Party was secretly a a high-ranking member of the KKK. "A whole lot of black people considered him their friend."  (detnews.com) (231)
(MSNBC) Interesting Mild tornado season a "bummer" for scientists who were really looking forward to seeing lots of trailer parks get wiped out  (msnbc.msn.com) (77)
(Daily Mail) Scary Two youths throw oxidation curse at mother after being asked to quiet during Harry Potter film  (dailymail.co.uk) (170)

Thu July 30, 2009
(Google) Scary Q: How many Aggies does it take to flee a burning chemical plant? A: All of them  (google.com) (56)
(Daily Mail) Cool The most incredibly awesome watercolors painted by a 6-year-old you will ever see in your entire lifetime  (dailymail.co.uk) (240)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Your birthday wishes were awesome yesterday, Farkers. I don't have a proper "thank you," so here's a picture of me with an Autobot cosplayer at Comic-con  (twitpic.com) (193)
(Free Press) Interesting If you had "4 days" for how long it would take the Cash for Clunkers money to be exhausted, please claim your prize  (freep.com) (374)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Everyone's talking about binge drinking and it's a slow news day, so how about a collection of some of the best shaming pics ever? The Daily Mail is all over that  (dailymail.co.uk) (156)
(CSMonitor) Spiffy Japanese astronaut wore the same pair of underpants for a month, which you'll soon be able to buy from a Tokyo vending machine  (features.csmonitor.com) (54)
(TC Palm) Florida You could face up to 5 years in prison for flashing gang signs in your Myspace pics under new Florida law. You may not even have to be in an actual gang  (tcpalm.com) (172)
(Denver Post) Scary 84% of plutonium spill in Boulder was collected, the other 16% is making your left nut bulge up like a summer squash  (denverpost.com) (70)
(BBC) Ironic "It gives me my life back," says woman who just won the legal right to kill herself  (news.bbc.co.uk) (118)
(Jezebel) Unlikely Vogue editor: Discounts are killing the fashion industry. Can we have price fixing and collusion? Oh, that's illegal? "Is that something we can change? We have friends in the White House now"  (jezebel.com) (120)
(Fox News) Followup House accepts F-22 funding cut; says it's not particularly useful against an insurgency  (foxnews.com) (260)
(Oregon Live) Asinine Part-time news and traffic broadcaster charged for beating wife with sticks  (oregonlive.com) (61)
(TwinCities.com) Silly Police investigate report of suspicious piece of pizza, note it was a regular cheese, traditional hand tossed crust, with pepperoni topping having no outstanding wants or warrants. The bite marks did not indicate foul play  (twincities.com) (127)
(SacBee) Obvious Homebuyers use the internet when purchasing homes. In other news, tix are on sale for the Ric Romero Festival, featuring a 15-Romero waterskiing pyramid, and five large Romeros who will form a Voltron  (sacbee.com) (67)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this clean, curvilinear creation  (flickr.com) (59)
(New York Daily News) Asinine NYPD says man needs to register his flintlock, despite NYC law that says he doesn't have to register it  (nydailynews.com) (488)
(Some Guy) Amusing Jesus Christ died for our Dunkin Donuts  (buzzfeed.com) (162)
(Volokh Conspiracy) Interesting E-mail begs law schools to stop sending out "law porn." In related news, there is porn of law  (volokh.com) (149)
(WBBM) Strange Flock of geese not letting you 'play through'? Shoot 'em  (wbbm780.com) (194)
(USA Today) Asinine Who elected these congressional idiots? Presumption of innocence discarded as the federal government may mandate ignition interlock devices if you've ever gotten a DUI  (usatoday.com) (910)
(The Sun News) Dumbass Gorilla suit: check, Meat Cleaver: check, Failed robbery: check, Hibachi chef: check - I think we have a story here. Extra credit: robber ran off with cleaver stuck to him  (thesunnews.com) (47)
(Yahoo) Obvious Time to dust off last month's "ways you're getting ripped off" article again  (shopping.yahoo.com) (130)
(The Local (Sweden)) Stupid Swedish embassy in Germany hosts luncheon for sufferers of celiac disease, which makes you allergic to most wheat products. Would anyone like to hazard a guess what they served?  (thelocal.se) (152)
(News.com.au) Interesting Study shows that women are better focusing on things at close range, while men are better seeing things in the distance, through thin fabrics  (news.com.au) (105)
(Baltimore Sun) Obvious Braille education in Baltimore City is inadequate, but city officials don't see a problem  (baltimoresun.com) (60)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely Psychologists angered over the fact that Wikipedia contains images of Rorschach ink blots, because that somehow weakens their ability to divine abnormal vibrations in people's auras  (guardian.co.uk) (209)
(Independent) Interesting Germany's pro-Hitler party plans to open a third-reich style training centre to teach young people discipline. A sort of "concentration camp", if you will  (independent.co.uk) (126)
(BBC) Cool Glenfiddich Distillery to release limited edition 50-year-old single malt whisky costing £10,000 per bottle. In related news, Total Fark monthly subscription prices to increase by 500%  (news.bbc.co.uk) (137)
(AZCentral) Amusing It was 115 degrees yesterday, housing and jobs have cratered, and the Phoenix paper is all butthurt that Money magazine thinks Arizona sucks. News flash: it does  (azcentral.com) (277)
(Telegraph) Strange "In Hong Kong the wife of a husband who commits adultery is legally entitled to kill the mistress in any manner desired, and the husband with just her bare hands"  (telegraph.co.uk) (226)
(Las Vegas Sun) Misc 10 arrested for prostitution at topless Rio pool in Las Vegas. Most were dancers from the Sapphire Gentlemens Club although arrestee number four looks like my boss in drag and the rest remind us why it is always so dark in strip clubs  (lasvegassun.com) (226)
(CNN) Stupid In news that should surprise no one, somebody has a problem with Obama's choice of beer  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (553)
(Fox News) Followup The baby that got cut from its mother's womb? Amazingly, it is still alive, has been found, and the suspects are in custody. The Aristocrats  (foxnews.com) (132)
(WBBM) Fail I don't know about you, but if I'm accidentally released from the Cook County jail, I'm getting as far away as possible  (wbbm780.com) (35)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Head of British Conservative party says "twat" during morning radio interview. Hilarity ensues  (guardian.co.uk) (111)
(USA Today) Interesting Continental installs satellite television on its planes. Coming soon: TV Fee, Channel Changing Fees, Non-Use-Of-Screen Fees, Volume Knob Fees  (usatoday.com) (49)
(TC Palm) Florida If your Pepsi has the remains of a rodent inside, congratulations - you just won an all-expenses-paid trip to Fark, courtesy of the Florida tag  (tcpalm.com) (45)
(Spike) Amusing Top 10 worst comic book casting mistakes...EVAR  (spike.com) (462)
(News.com.au) Interesting Victorian police smash drug ring, confiscate snuff, absinthe, opium, and lots of dubloons and coppers  (news.com.au) (28)
(Some Hippie Child) Photoshop Photoshop this peace sign  (parenting.leehansen.com) (44)
(USA Today) Stupid Why we should go slow on health care reform, by a millionaire from birth who has never lacked for health care  (blogs.usatoday.com) (562)
(Globe and Mail) Amusing Why invest in stocks when movie posters give you a 300 per cent return?  (theglobeandmail.com) (73)
(Daily Mail) Cool Man makes one-handed catch of foul ball at Rangers game while holding his child under his other arm. Here's to you, Mr. Multitasker  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(NJ.com) Followup Federal investigators issue additional subpoenas to find more corruption in NJ. Psst, meet me in the parking lot of the Empire Diner at 3PM with an evelope of cash for more information  (nj.com) (31)
(WFTV) Florida Carnac the Magnificent: A coconut, a porcelain bowl and a wooden carving. [opens envelope] Name three weapons of roomate destruction  (wftv.com) (33)
(Independent) Obvious Brits' view of the Republican Party: "What leadership there is comes from the sort of God fearin', gun-totin', sister-shaggin' sweethearts who screeched "kill him" when John McCain mentioned Obama."  (independent.co.uk) (463)
(The New York Times) Interesting Mormon missionaries being hired as door-to-door home security salesmen. "They're used to knocking on doors, and they're used to rejection."  (nytimes.com) (61)
(USA Today) Strange "Parents and others who aren't in college are often shocked when they see words like booty call or crossfaded throughout the dictionary, but they should just chillax."  (usatoday.com) (64)
(Telegraph) Followup 18... 19... 20. 20 doctors facing criminal charges from Michael Jackson's death. Ah ah ah  (telegraph.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) Obvious Protip: If you are a police officer, do not run a background check on Pres. Obama unless you want a visit from the Secret Service  (wsbtv.com) (196)
(UPI) Asinine Building evacuated because of.... wait for it.... a presentation timer  (upi.com) (45)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Bus cuts off car, so car driver does the only logical thing: he follows the bus and, at the next stop, punches the driver in the face. Then things get really weird  (thelocal.se) (35)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Dear Abby, My sister set up $25,000 college savings accounts for each of my three children but now that I found out she made the money making porn I want to return it  (suntimes.com) (182)
(MSNBC) Hero President to settle dispute between two Massholes with beer  (msnbc.msn.com) (522)
(NASA) Photoshop These astronomers made you this blank for your photoshopping pleasure  (apod.nasa.gov) (69)
(Daily Mail) Asinine After the government took away her 13 children, woman vows to keep getting pregnant. "I don't give a s*** - I just want the Government to pay for them."  (dailymail.co.uk) (425)
(My San Antonio) Hero Drive through teller stalls transaction and calls 911 to save abduction victim  (mysanantonio.com) (39)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Porn star Stormy Daniels tell police "she was just trying to get the car keys that her husband was holding over his head and accidentally hit him in the face several times"  (tampabay.com) (105)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass Apparently when a 14 yr old girl admits to being raped on live radio, the appropriate response is not "Is that the only experience you've had?"  (abc.net.au) (154)
(Gazette.net) Hero 80-year-old woman gets bench warrant for littering after dumping teens' trash in their high school's lobby  (gazette.net) (75)
(Some Guy) Ironic This headline is just far too easy  (newbostonnews.com) (235)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Dad secretly collects a lock of his son's hair from the barbershop to test it to see if his son is doing drugs, instead of actually having a conversation with the boy. Bonus: the kid wasn't. "Teenagers do lie"  (dailymail.co.uk) (170)
(Northern Territory News) Amusing Your classic Aussie headline: "Cucumber truck hits buff near jumping crocs." Crikey  (ntnews.com.au) (37)
(The Sun) Amusing Killer chipmunk attacks 20 year old mother of 1, goes straight for her ample chestnuts. The Sun is most definitely there with a pic of "the attack"  (thesun.co.uk) (143)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 221: "Man's Best Friend." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (323)

Wed July 29, 2009
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dragon  (static.panoramio.com) (23)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Missing Chinese man who doesn't speak English found by police and arrested for public intoxication. Police book him under 'Jackie Chan.' Suprisingly people have a problem with this  (indystar.com) (165)
(RTE.ie) Sad Woman dies in Limerick collision: they found her impaled on a man from Nantucket  (rte.ie) (45)
(Boston Channel) Dumbass Your organization is currently under scrutiny for allegations of racism. Do you C) Call Professor Gates a "jungle monkey" in a company email  (thebostonchannel.com) (500)
(OC Weekly) Spiffy Female trainer who had sex with student gets off easily. I mean gets off easy  (blogs.ocweekly.com) (211)
(IMDB) Wheaton Happy Birthday, Wil Wheaton  (infoplease.com) (338)
(Daily Mail) Asinine British pool bans swimming lengths, forces swimmers to do widths, to make lifeguards' jobs easier. Up next: draining the pools to prevent drowning  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)
(nbcmiami.com) Florida Eight-year-old boy who lost his dad to cancer even more sad after the TSA takes away his Pirates of the Caribbean "weapons"  (nbcmiami.com) (201)
(WBBM) Followup Let's play Jeopardy. Answer: Jack London, Michael Amir Williams Muhammad, Blanca Nicholas, Roselyn Muhammad, Faheem Muhammad, Frank Tyson, Josephine Baker. Question: what are some of the names Jacko used to get prescriptions  (wbbm780.com) (97)
(Examiner) Obvious "A common question received is 'what low carb snack can I bring to the party/cookout, I mean other than a veggie tray?'" The answer is 'bacon'. The answer is always bacon  (examiner.com) (269)
(BBC) Interesting Swine flu hits pregnant women harder. Probably due to the parallels of massive size and omnivorous trough-like feeding tendencies  (news.bbc.co.uk) (81)
(BBC) Obvious "A man armed with a carving knife and who police believe was wearing underpants on his head has robbed a petrol station in Essex." Guess he hadn't figured out Step 3 (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (55)
(Mass Live) Scary Armed robber angry that his victim only had $3, stabs the woman with a syringe and tells her "I have AIDS"  (masslive.com) (191)
(Some Lady) Photoshop Photoshop this regal repose  (andrewrowat.com) (39)
(WWL) Amusing Prosecutors forget the Febreze when they present as evidence in court a trunk in which a chopped-up body was stored for years  (wwl.com) (100)
(Telegraph) Spiffy New study shows that older people take a "cocktail" of up to five different drugs at a time. So pretty much the same as younger people  (telegraph.co.uk) (101)
(CNN) Obvious Something married people have known for years: kids will ruin your marriage. Includes bonus guide on how to neglect your children in favor of your spouse  (cnn.com) (507)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass He was a high-powered lawyer for Golden Sachs, a smart guy earning millions a year, yet he hadn't heard that the 15-year-old girls on the Interwebs who want to have sex with you are always cops  (nydailynews.com) (159)
(Some Essex Boy) Asinine Man tells judge he was not looking under the changing room door at a ten year old girl, but instead putting his cheek on the cool floor to help his toothache. Astonishingly, jailarity ensues  (gazette-news.co.uk) (138)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Misc Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority sues to oust their national president, who bought a $900,000 wax statue of herself with sorority funds; members say that the president doesn't hold a candle to prior presidents  (suntimes.com) (184)
(Some Guy) Dumbass She left school with a business admin. degree and $120,000 in debt. Now she works at a bowling alley making $7.25/hour and because she's doing so well she went and had a baby. Something tells me that degree was a waste of time, honey  (post-gazette.com) (899)
(Local6) Obvious Man who survived lightning strike wants to raise awareness that you should avoid being struck by lightning  (clickorlando.com) (48)
(Boing Boing) Dumbass U.S. border post in New York State takes down sign that says "United States" because terrorists might attack it  (boingboing.net) (120)
(WFSB) Obvious 7-year-old Utah boy steals car to avoid going to church  (wfsb.com) (97)
(Google) Stupid This is a stickup. Gimme all your comic books, legos and those scooters you're on  (google.com) (33)
(CBS News) Followup Judge nears ruling on Blagojevich wire taps, use of combover  (cbsnews.com) (22)
(ProJo.com) Amusing Would-be robber foiled by 2 Shakespearian actors "The thief doth fear each bush an officer...oh, and be careful of the Fallstaff where you're going"  (projo.com) (16)
(London Times) Silly ♫ If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today, you won't believe your eyes. Today's the day the teddy bears all stay at home so that they won't catch swine flu ♫  (timesonline.co.uk) (9)
(PCWorld) Ironic Pirate Bay acquirer doesn't actually have the money to buy the Pirate Bay. If only there were a short word to describe taking someone else's work without paying for it  (pcworld.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Stupid Man cited by the city for cleaning up trash in his neighborhood  (post-gazette.com) (83)
(The London Free Press) Dumbass Dumbass biker: "Sorry boss, I can't find no pickle tree."  (lfpress.ca) (55)
(Forbes) Amusing Hijack every iPhone in the world? There's an app for that  (forbes.com) (194)
(Telegraph) Followup Fresh from being refused entry to the White House, Shaq challenges David Beckham to a game of "soccerball". On Twitter  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(BBC) Stupid Germans hogging all the beach loungers. Begun, the towel wars have  (news.bbc.co.uk) (61)
(WCBS 880) Spiffy Paris? Orlando? San Juan? New York City is buying one-way plane tickets for homeless families to leave the city  (wcbs880.com) (124)
(JSOnline) Dumbass If you're middle-aged, don't drag race your buddy from one bar to the next. And don't crash into your buddy. And don't do it drunk. And don't flee the crash scene and turn up at the bar you were racing to  (jsonline.com) (25)
(MSNBC) Stupid Just when you thought hipster trends couldn't look any stupider; The shaved-eyebrow look is here  (allday.msnbc.msn.com) (176)
(Newsday) Scary Two women injured in yogurt-hose accident, as the list of colorful terms for male genitalia grows yet again  (newsday.com) (79)
(Honolulu Advertiser) Fail Hawaii, which apparently elects the retarded, will tax gambling income. That's not unusual. But it's a tax on gross winnings, not net. So if you win $100 and then lose $99 the next hand, you're still taxed on $100  (honoluluadvertiser.com) (219)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Dumbass I'm out ridin' on a stolen horse with no name / It felt good 'til the cop caused me pain / I'm so drunk I can't remember my name / Yep, I'm a moran and I don't have a brain  (startribune.com) (59)
(Guardian.com) Ironic Iran restricts its prisoner release to 140 characters or less  (guardian.co.uk) (112)
(Baltimore Sun) Strange Is your dog lonely? Does he have a hard time meeting other dogs? What you need is the new DoggieLoveDoll  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Obvious Study based on 50 years of data finds that organic food has no more health benefit than stuff from factory farms, despite costing four times as much  (thisislondon.co.uk) (629)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Online dating sites may be inflating the numbers when it comes to marriages by their members. Ric Romero spends another night alone  (online.wsj.com) (146)
(The Sun) Stupid Man spots face of Jesus in a pan of burger grease. The Son is there  (thesun.co.uk) (60)
(Metro) Strange "The 33-year-old rides the machine 300 times a year and uses pictures of it to satisfy herself at home"  (metro.co.uk) (143)
(Telegraph) Dumbass When submitting an insurance claim for the $1500 of luggage you claim thieves stole, try to find a more imaginative hiding place for them than the lockers under your beds. You'd think law students would know these things  (telegraph.co.uk) (21)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Nanny State declares tanning beds as lethal as arsenic, mustard gas, and the dentist. They don't want everyone to panic though, since panic is even deadlier  (news.yahoo.com) (101)
(Daily Mail) Cool Swallows slip 14 inches into a 2-inch gap at 35 miles per hour. Your mom shrugs and says "Big deal"  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(NYPost) Dumbass Blundering small-town pilot wreaks havoc over Kennedy Airport after getting lost. "He's all over the place. 900 feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole"  (nypost.com) (93)
(The Sun News) Dumbass Horse lover once again found in a stable relationship  (thesunnews.com) (85)
(WorldNetDaily) Dumbass Jason Hommel would like to give you $100,000. Just prove Obama is a "Natural-born American" and it's all yours...But you can't use the official copy released by the State of Hawaii  (wnd.com) (726)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing NRA stance on Sotomayor draws fire from hispanic lawmakers. NRA claims it is not worried since holding the gun sideways will spoil the aim  (blogs.wsj.com) (221)
(ABC News) Interesting Henry Gates, Jr., a prominent black professor at Harvard is arrested in his home by a racist white officer. They soon come to find out they are related through Irish roots. A Spike Lee joint  (abcnews.go.com) (131)
(The New York Times) Asinine Jesus-freak whargarbl: Harry Potter will make your kids worship the devil. Nanny-state whargarbl: Harry Potter will make your kids into drunks  (well.blogs.nytimes.com) (206)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Chicago considers adding gay-owned businesses to the "set-aside" program to they have to give city contracts to women-owned and minority-owned businesses. Black Lesbian Plumbers Local 101 ecstatic at the news  (suntimes.com) (92)
(Sign On San Diego) Cool Man using fish finder on a lake discovers a Helldiver instead  (www3.signonsandiego.com) (63)
(Telegraph) Stupid 5% of British children believe that Bob Geldof discovered gravity, possibly because it's the only logical explanation for why he sucks so much  (telegraph.co.uk) (86)
(WBBM) Unlikely Friends don't let friends drive with snakes in their pants  (wbbm780.com) (29)
(BBC) Amusing Nanny state - once again deciding what we can or cannot do - bans riding motorbikes over schoolkids  (news.bbc.co.uk) (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cat taking a mouse for a walk  (i008.radikal.ru) (28)
(KPTV) Amusing Man spills coffee, loses control of pickup, hits parked car, jumps curb, smashes through fence and ends up in swimming pool. Tah-da (with semi-submerged beater pics)  (kptv.com) (84)
(News.com.au) Ironic "School internet filter blocks education websites, not porn."  (news.com.au) (136)
(Commercial Appeal) Sad Ugly ass python dies at Memphis Zoo. Known for eating whole hogs. What a pig  (commercialappeal.com) (73)

Tue July 28, 2009
(1010WINS) Followup If you had "Less than a week" in how long it would take for one of the NJ corruption defendants to turn up dead, come collect your prize. Out in the pine barrens. Alone. No cops  (1010wins.com) (115)
(LA Times) Interesting Doctor who was on presidential commission that pushed to raise drinking age to 21 regrets change, believes it did more harm than good  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (221)
(WBBM) Dumbass Another sign of the bad economy: Parents foregoing disposable potty training pants, opting instead for 'a few accidents here and there'  (wbbm780.com) (130)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting "The incident may be the first time that anyone in Vancouver, and possibly North America, has been charged with assault with a potato peeler"  (theglobeandmail.com) (62)
(Reuters) PSA "Ending obesity would save our health care system 50 percent more dollars than curing cancer." Still no cure for obesity; oh wait, yes there is. GO OUTSIDE  (reuters.com) (720)
(Engadget) Scary USAF wants decision-making attack drones to be here by 2047. Cool tag seen stockpiling weapons, muttering about John Connor  (engadget.com) (155)
(Philly) Weird New Jersey "Voodoo priest" interviewed about a female transgender from Arkansas who traveled to his home for a "spiritual cleansing." Then it gets weird  (philly.com) (120)
(BBC) Sappy Ugly-ass civets born in English zoo (w/ ugly-ass bug-eyed pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this freckled face  (media.ifun.ru) (86)
(lehighvalleylive) Stupid Commit a white-collar crime? Prison consultants help you learn proper inmate etiquette  (lehighvalleylive.com) (45)
(Colbert Report) Followup Remember that story about the 7-year-old who got banned from a library for living in the wrong city? Turns out he's a hardened criminal with no remorse for his evil deeds  (colbertnation.com) (44)
(Yahoo) Interesting Denzel Washington strikes up impromptu conversation with Ochocinco at a Lakers game and ends up chewing his ass out. "Chad, how many feet are in a mile?"  (sports.yahoo.com) (100)
(cbs12.com) Obvious "It sounded like a woman screaming," said a neighbor of the man woken with a pan for boiling water poured on his crotch. Scary tag too busy cringing to do its duty  (cbs12.com) (83)
(11 Alive) Scary Another parking deck collapse in Atlanta. If only there was an engineering school nearby  (11alive.com) (71)
(AJC) Cool Woman ran strip club in basement, sold $1 jello shots to kids  (ajc.com) (76)
(Yahoo) Fail Cyberattacks so advanced they are able to affect soccer. Wait what? Headline fail  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(Daily Herald) Dumbass Groom arrested for punching out roommate (now an in-law) during wedding reception. As a bonus, he gets felony charges for the trunkload of guns in his car  (dailyherald.com) (52)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Not news: Juvenile dolphin released from captivity. Fark: Researchers listen via radio transmitter as dolphin gets eaten by sharks moments later  (wtsp.com) (248)
(London Times) Followup 3000 people applied to be the Witch of Wookey Hole. 278 of these volenteered their mother-in-law  (timesonline.co.uk) (57)
(Great Falls Tribune) Followup That Montana town which demanded city job applicants list user ids and passwords for all web sites they frequent? Yeah, the city wanted e-mail and bank account info as well  (greatfallstribune.com) (214)
(Reuters) Unlikely Study from the institute of Post hoc ergo propter hoc concludes that higher U.S. speed limits led to 12,500 more deaths on the road from 1995 to 2005  (reuters.com) (184)
(Some Guy) Strange Driver knocks over untility pole. Responding untility truck hose breaks causing a HazMat situation. Then a utility worker using a jackhammer ruptures a waterline near the pole. Murphy was an optimist  (post-gazette.com) (70)
(Komo) Weird Man arrested for deserting the Army. But he was never enlisted. That's a fact, Jack  (komonews.com) (241)
(Some Guy) Strange Man inhales 28 cans of whipped cream at Wal-Mart  (newsherald.com) (274)
(Some Guy) Silly The mayor of Barre, VT will be out of the office for a while...recovering from his jousting injuries  (timesargus.com) (40)
(godbitesman.com) Amusing IPedo: There's An App For That - New iPhone Application Locates Nearby Sex Offenders  (godbitesman.com) (278)
(Some Guy) Strange Man tells judge he would not make a good juror because one of the witnesses shot him a few years back. "Would it be safe to say you'd have a problem judging his credibility in this case?"  (newsherald.com) (45)
(JSOnline) Strange Man arrested for multiple robberies of opticians admits "he really likes eyeglasses"  (jsonline.com) (49)
(BBC) Obvious Ancient gun found in cave identified as French rifle. Experts note it was in splendid condition, only having been dropped once  (news.bbc.co.uk) (206)
(BBC) Interesting Divorce causes "permanent" damage to health that even marrying a younger hottie can never heal  (news.bbc.co.uk) (547)
(The New York Times) Followup In a 13-6 vote, Senate panel endorses the nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor to be the first wise Latina woman on the US Supreme Court  (nytimes.com) (424)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Police use pepper spray and taser on man in public bathroom who refused to answer officers' demands to come out. That will certainly teach deaf people not to respond to commands  (suntimes.com) (246)
(WorldNetDaily) Asinine Oh sure, the director of the Hawaiian Department of Health confirms Obama's citizenship, but I won't believe it until we've heard from the director of the Health Department  (wnd.com) (811)
(CSMonitor) Obvious Pakistan says India's new sub may lead to an arms race, say they are a few box tops away from their own polaris nuclear submarine  (csmonitor.com) (144)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: regular people working famous jobs  (fark.com) (38)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: famous people working regular jobs  (fark.com) (75)
(Newburyport News) Dumbass Drunk driver gets two years in jail and must pay $809.95 to the police for the cost of the taser they shot him with  (newburyportnews.com) (69)
(WFTV) Obvious Txtng drvrs 23x mor lkly 2....AAAAARRGH  (wftv.com) (221)
(Some Guy) Fail Cheese sculpture commemmorating moon landing fails to account properly for thermal effects of solar radiation  (limaohio.com) (53)
(Quad City Times) Fail If you're going to commit a robbery, wait until you're clear of the cameras before taking off your mask  (qctimes.com) (27)
(Komo) Interesting An armored car heist, an ad on craig's list, an escape on a yellow innertube and a homeless man round out ths tale of intrigue  (komonews.com) (41)
(wtvr 6 richmond) Sad Protip: when driving on 3/14 to Mathews, Va, watch out for the ospreys hunting for shad. "Ospreys aren't rocket scientists"  (wtvr.com) (50)
(TC Palm) Florida In Florida, you can make crank calls that land the recipient in prison  (tcpalm.com) (139)
(Washington Post) Asinine Placing an infectious diseases research lab in tornado alley? I think we're gonna need a Kansas tag for FARK soon  (washingtonpost.com) (118)
(Google) Stupid Only the British Government could create a 20-page manual providing instructions to its civil servants on how to Tweet  (google.com) (43)
(Telegraph) Followup Following his recent collapse, Nicolas Sarkozy told to cut back on his severe diet, rigorous exercise, and ridiculous amount of hot monkey sex with Carla Bruni  (telegraph.co.uk) (111)
(UPI) Dumbass Burglars celebrate their liquor store heist by getting drunk and passing out...in the liquor store  (upi.com) (9)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Recession hit German brothels introduce "all you can eat" promotions  (telegraph.co.uk) (143)
(FDM) Dumbass Kid with titanium balls, shiat for brains steals car right in front of owner. And the Fire Department. And the State Troopers. After blowing up his truck  (newsminer.com) (43)
(Metro) Amusing For those of you keeping track at home, you can cross "marijuana growing operation" from the list of things you can hide in a fire department's basement  (metro.co.uk) (14)
(MSNBC) Obvious Newsflash for the dumb: If you incorrectly spell a name on a GPS, you may not end up where you intended  (msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Woman pleads out for giving illegal silicone butt injections, hopes to put it all behind her  (tampabay.com) (42)
(Guardian.com) Ironic UK consumer protection watchdog is robbed of $400,000 by their accounts payable clerk  (guardian.co.uk) (25)
(boulder daily camera) Hero Most bears go quietly after being shot once or twice. This was not one of those bears  (dailycamera.com) (300)
(UPI) Spiffy Just in time for back to school shopping here's your annual "buy a good backpack or your kid will be a hunchback for life" story  (upi.com) (110)
(The Local (Germany)) Interesting Awww, they shoot up so quickly these days  (thelocal.de) (45)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange One day you're one of Britian's top spies, the next day you're a transvestite squatter who believes you're the Messiah who can cure humanity's ills by a four-year hemp cultivation program  (nzherald.co.nz) (72)
(3 News New Zealand) Dumbass Woman loses control of 4WD, crashes through fence, spins 180, wipes out garden shed, knocks over BBQ, narrowly avoids being impaled by a piece of timber, finishes it all off with a 'perfect landing' in a frozen swimming pool. Ta-dah  (3news.co.nz) (70)
(Daily Mail) Cool The coolest images of sandpaintings (awaiting destruction via Pacific Ocean waves vs. a San Francisco beach at low tide) you will see today, courtesy of Andres Amador  (dailymail.co.uk) (61)
(Some Silly Party) Photoshop Photoshop these members of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party  (s.wsj.net) (35)
(Google) Stupid New taser can fire three shots before being recharged. This development solves one of the greatest challenges facing law enforcement: more than one person riding in the car of a driver who's not getting his license out fast enough  (google.com) (54)
(The Consumerist) Stupid AT&T begins charging you a fee for having a discount. No, seriously - a discount fee  (consumerist.com) (204)
(Metro) Interesting Dye found in Blue M&Ms may help heal spinal injuries. Beer and chocolate -- is there anything they can't do?  (metro.co.uk) (81)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Worker fired for posting a video on YouTube that violates employer's rules follows up with an expletive-laden tirade against the employer. Bonus: She hopes the video won't affect her future job prospects  (desmoinesregister.com) (113)

Mon July 27, 2009
(Some Fifth Doctor) Obvious 4 out of 5 doctors agree: It'd be great if sexy pharmaceutical sales reps slept with them  (industry.bnet.com) (186)
(Yahoo) Obvious Forbes list of what women should never wear in the workplace. (AKA Fark's list of what men will get fired for looking at when women wear these in the workplace.)  (shopping.yahoo.com) (226)
(Media Matters) Fail Fox News is obviously not in the running for hosting the Geography Bee any time soon  (mediamatters.org) (157)
(Buffalo News) Stupid City council won't give Chuck E. Cheese a license because the restaurant has violent video games. "There is more violence in a Bugs Bunny cartoon."  (buffalonews.com) (153)
(AZCentral) Sad Ice cream man remains in serious condition after being shot in the stomach on sundae night  (azcentral.com) (68)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing You might be a redneck if you steal 1500 gallons of water from a fire hydrant for your backyard water slide and get caught because your trailer blows a tire. And you're drunk  (desmoinesregister.com) (38)
(CNN) Followup White woman who made 911 call to report black professor of black history acting sucpiciously, whose arreset was commented on by black president, never used the word "black."  (cnn.com) (848)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: what really great idea would help stimulate the economy?  (en.wikipedia.org) (51)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Amusing Alabama Beverage Control: "A bare-breasted nymph on a wine bottle? Nosiree, not in our state"  (nbclosangeles.com) (211)
(AOL) Stupid France wants woman to surrender on a 20 year old drug conviction they forgot to tell her about  (news.aol.com) (66)
(BBC) Misc "Nigerian Islamist Attacks Spread." "DEATH TO CREAM CHEESE. AND LIVERWURST, TOO," he screamed  (news.bbc.co.uk) (68)
(MSNBC) Obvious America's biggest new export: immigrants with skills  (msnbc.msn.com) (189)
(Yahoo) Sad Can you hire me now?  (finance.yahoo.com) (75)
(Albany Times Union) Followup Charges against "man cave" lot attendant go up in smoke. This story will appear on the Main Page at least two more times  (timesunion.com) (65)
(NJ.com) Followup Even though the FBI has a tape of him taking a bribe, Jersey City councilman won't resign because he is "innocent."  (nj.com) (99)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Even though they only make up 1% of the world, 42% of the characters on HBO shows are gay  (hollywoodreporter.com) (785)
(Some Princetonian) Asinine Student takes squirt gun onto Princeton campus, EVERYBODY PANICilarity ensues  (princeton.edu) (109)
(RealClearPolitics) Spiffy "So, thank you, professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and President Obama, for starting the long-awaited national discussion on black and white identity - while averting our attention from the cockamamie scheme to nationalize health care."  (realclearpolitics.com) (725)
(Buddyhead) Amusing Blogger points out that Marilyn Manson is a 40-year-old who writes like a 14-year-old and brags about cutting himself. Angered Manson on MySPace: "I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face"  (buddyhead.com) (395)
(Drew) FarkBlog Drew sets Fark's betting lines for this week's news; place your bets or set your own odds. Also, some of our favorite Headlines of the Week from 7/19 - 7/25  (fark.com) (66)
(Some Graduate) Photoshop Photoshop this collegian's curb appeal  (s.wsj.net) (59)
(New Scientist) Followup Scientists may reinstitute Pluto's planetary status  (newscientist.com) (256)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Some Muslims have refused to use alcohol-based hand gels to combat the spread of swine flu because they claim it is against their religion. This wouldn't be a big deal if they weren't health care workers  (dailymail.co.uk) (348)
(CNN) Asinine News home sales drop by 21% compared to last June. Guess what the headline says  (money.cnn.com) (247)
(Yahoo) Strange In her parting address Sarah Palin warns us of the two greatest dangers facing America: political "operatives" who demand public officials act ethically, and "Hollywood Starlets" with political agendas  (news.yahoo.com) (613)
(Some Guy) Stupid Drunk thinks he is checking into a theme hotel  (wafb.com) (76)
(3 News New Zealand) Interesting Scotland welcomes it's newest clan... Ngati Awa, a Maori tribe from New Zealand  (3news.co.nz) (55)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing If you thought INTERPOL was scary then you obviously have not heard of ARS (Artists Rights Society), otherwise known as the Art Police  (online.wsj.com) (70)
(Telegraph) Sad The nation that once ruled over half of the world and which stood alone against the Nazis now requires proof of age before it will let you buy a pizza cutter  (telegraph.co.uk) (237)
(WBBM) Obvious Another sign of the bad economy: Dude ranches suffering low occupancy. Or maybe this is just a sign of improving taste in recreational spending  (wbbm780.com) (68)
(Gizmodo) Amusing Do you like to ride motorcycles but worry about your posture? Boy, do we have a solution for you  (gizmodo.com) (121)
(Metro) Strange Nobody who looks like Tom Selleck could possibly be an evil man (with pic for those who somehow have gone through life never knowing what Tom Selleck looks like)  (metro.co.uk) (90)
(Some Guy) Cool Dispatcher: "911, what's your emergency?" Caller: "I have the robber in one hand and the phone in the other"  (myfoxphoenix.com) (117)
(Gawker) Asinine American Apparel manager: "We're sorry but you're fired." Employee: "What? Why?" Manager: "Oh, you're too ugly to work here"  (gawker.com) (366)
(Telegraph) Stupid Nanny State forces woman to remove sign pointing to her tea room from grassy embankment because someone might walk into it  (telegraph.co.uk) (40)
(Yahoo) Interesting China and Taiwan speak to each other for the first time in 60 years. Hatfields and McCoys shake heads at amateurs  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(Daily Star) Obvious Owner buys dog sunglasses as a joke, now dog refuses to leave house without them. Slow news day (pic)  (dailystar.co.uk) (42)
(Daily Mail) Scary If you only see one picture of a certifiably insane man in a kayak today, make it this one  (dailymail.co.uk) (115)
(MSNBC) Stupid Today Show producer John Pedeaubert asks "When is it OK for kids to run around naked?"  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (278)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Mynd you, møøse crậshes Kan be pretty nasti  (thelocal.se) (44)
(Sky News) Obvious You knew it was coming: Michael Jackson to be nominated for Nobel Peace Prize  (news.sky.com) (178)
(The Sun) Cool New Dutch fad involves picking up Smart cars and chucking them into canals. Here's hoping this trend catches on (pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (126)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Vegans complaining about hot dogs is like the Amish complaining about gas prices."  (winnipegsun.com) (94)
(Metro) Silly Man credits victory in the Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest to his sweater. To be fair, it was a good sweater, a strong sweater  (metro.co.uk) (24)
(Miami Herald) Interesting What is it, Obi-Wan? "It was as if tens of thousands of sphincters silently whimpered, and were silenced." Study shows a record number of prisoners are there for the rest of their lives  (miamiherald.com) (159)
(NYPost) Amusing Having trouble finding parking in Manhattan? No problem - just make your own placard  (nypost.com) (29)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this haute couture headdress  (s.wsj.net) (25)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If you're drunk and can't find your way to your grandchildren's school, don't stop at the police station to ask for directions  (news.com.au) (16)
(Some Guy) Obvious Offering your professional services to a cop in hopes of getting out of a ticket might work if you're a stripper. It won't if you're a hairdresser  (kitsapsun.com) (17)
(Des Moines Register) Stupid Iowa officials are trying to determine if they should use taxpayers' funds to preserve historic sewers. "You're not going to have a family picnic down there."  (desmoinesregister.com) (38)
(The Earth Times) Dumbass Man sentenced for setting his house on fire because his wife was late making him lunch  (earthtimes.org) (35)
(Some Guy) Strange Pottery kiln catches on fire; Eric Stratton doesn't think he can be alone tonight  (kitsapsun.com) (66)
(The Sun) Scary "Vicious killer chipmunks that escaped from a British park four years ago have never been found - and could now have bred into a horde thousands strong"  (thesun.co.uk) (71)
(Burlington Free Press) Dumbass Once again. If there are no bears on the bus. You do NOT reach for the bear spray. Repeat, do NOT reach for the bear spray  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (29)
(inquisitr.com) Weird 19 arrested in Connecticut canary-fighting ring. They would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling stool pigeon  (inquisitr.com) (43)
(Metro) Obvious British universities now offer a Ph.D in ice skating, giving liberal arts and electrical engineering candidates someone to laugh at  (metro.co.uk) (99)
(Some Guy) Amusing I present you with your moment of Craigslist Zen  (newjersey.craigslist.org) (136)
(News.com.au) Obvious John Travolta reportedly scared to leave Church of Scientology, the closet  (news.com.au) (385)

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