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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun December 06, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Guardian.com) Interesting U.S. Air Force ends ban on recruits with tattoos on their saluting arms, admitting yeah, they'll pretty much take whatever they can get these days  (guardian.co.uk) (374)
(Metro) Cool Some people lift huge weights. Some people pull trains with their teeth. And then there's this guy (w/cringeworthy photo)  (metro.co.uk) (86)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this armor  (theartblog.org) (42)
(US Magazine) Followup Tiger Woods' fifth (and counting) mistress emerges from the rough, complains the golfer "used her for sex." Looks like someone doesn't know the meaning of the word "mistress"  (usmagazine.com) (574)
(Free Press) Strange Bandits steal $318 worth of gum from gas station. Although it blows for the victim, police say their best gumshoes are on the case and once the culprits are caught, charges will stick  (freep.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: Jumpstarting an engine, "You steer, I'll push." Fark: Off the top of a parking deck, 150 feet to the ground, and the 17-year-old girl behind the wheel survives. What's Malaysian for "Ta-da?"  (thestar.com.my) (44)
(Abc.net.au) Stupid Two contestants on the British TV show "I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here" were confronted by the RSPCA and then charged with animal cruelty for cooking and eating a rat while filming in NSW, Australia  (abc.net.au) (118)
(The More You Know) Amusing Happy 20th Anniversary, Meme  (themoreyouknow.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you broke into a house and stole three accordions, the police would like to ask you WTF you were thinking, once they stop laughing  (wiltshiretimes.co.uk) (69)
(azfamily.com) Interesting Every summer, countless number of people from Arizona travel to San Diego. In return, every winter San Diego police direct countless number of homeless people to go to Arizona. "I hear Phoenix is nice this time of year."  (azfamily.com) (82)
(BBC) Obvious Queen tells paparazzi she is not amused. Really, really not amused  (news.bbc.co.uk) (119)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Last minute Father Of the Year entry goes to dad who takes his 6 year old to the tattoo parlor. To rob it. While carrying heroin and cocaine. To his credit, he did remember to put socks and a t-shirt on his kids before leaving home  (wcax.com) (20)
(AP) Obvious Iran... slows... Internet... access.... before... student.... protests  (hosted.ap.org) (156)
(Toronto Sun) Unlikely "The charms of the lumpy, sodden mass that is poutine have always escaped me. And really, in a nation plagued by obesity problems, do Canadians need a whole restaurant dedicated this now ubiquitous food category?"  (torontosun.com) (158)
(BBC) Followup Turns out MIT is slightly better than FARK at finding giant red balloons  (news.bbc.co.uk) (120)
(BuzzFeed) Misc The 50 best protest signs of 2009 (not a slideshow)  (buzzfeed.com) (550)
(Some Guy) Cool Prison plans to cut costs in December by sending all prisoners home for Christmas, makes them promise they'll come back when jail reopens  (heraldscotland.com) (50)
(The Newspaper) Amusing Merry Christmas. Go fast  (thenewspaper.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Cool Cutest baby hedgehog EVAR  (pixdaus.com) (79)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Sweden holds auction of thousands of rare vintage porn magazines, although auctioneers say buyers won't be allowed to look through them prior to the sale. "That would take forever"  (thelocal.se) (56)
(Some Guy) Interesting The number of paper holiday cards being mailed through old-fashioned snail mail is not only holding steady, but may even be increasing  (post-gazette.com) (42)
(NPR) Scary The next big economy-wrecking bust on the horizon? Yup, the garlic bubble has popped  (npr.org) (67)
(Wordpress) Photoshop Photoshop this magnificent metal marble missing its middle  (disconaplondon.files.wordpress.com) (31)
(Augusta Chronicle) Obvious Teacher did not inappropriately touch students. In other news, students will lie about lots of things  (chronicle.augusta.com) (126)
(BBC) Followup Where's Waldo?  (news.bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Toronto Sun) Asinine Not news: Getting fined for public intoxication. Fark: While quietly waiting for your designated ride  (torontosun.com) (168)
(Reuters) Obvious Parents spend less time worrying about the meaning of the nativity story and more time making sure their kids look better than the other kids in the Christmas play  (reuters.com) (35)
(Seattle Times) Asinine IRS audits single mom for being too poor for Seattle, decides her children do not legally exist  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (224)
(Foster's Daily Democrat) Dumbass Thief forgets that most people who make their escape by bicycle 1) aren't drunk, and 2) aren't carrying a stolen christmas tree  (fosters.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Amusing Al-Qaeda hasn't claimed responsibility for hijacking near Heathrow Airport, but since 50+ Victoria Beckham dresses were taken, subby hopes Osama bin Laden will be more stylish in his next video message  (catwalkqueen.tv) (10)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary BASE* jumper dies in Arizona. (Building, Antenna, oh SHIAT - ELECTRICITY)  T-Shirt  (suntimes.com) (99)
(CNN) Scary Dozens missing in Egypt ferry accident, family members are in De Nile  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (37)
(Some Positive Thinker) Sick There once was a man from New Zealand / Whose HIV bug was not healin' / Said his wife, "no more dick" / So he gave her a prick / Now she knows just what he was feelin'  (tvnz.co.nz) (75)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Fail Oh, Lord, stuck in Lodi again....in a 33-car pileup  (news10.net) (59)
(Popular Science) Photoshop Photoshop this horse drawn carriage  (popsci.com) (22)
(Some gunowner) Hero "I don't want to have to kill this man, but I'll kill him graveyard dead ma'am."  (ktul.com) (473)
(The Earth Times) Obvious Fake toilet concealed drug tunnel linking Mexico with US. Subby thought that smell was paraquat  (earthtimes.org) (41)
(The New York Times) Sad Hokey Pokey inventor gets body put in, body put out, body put in, not shaken all about  (nytimes.com) (64)

Sat December 05, 2009
(Mirror.co.uk) Scary Cambridge University discovers that some condoms on campus contain little pricks  (mirror.co.uk) (102)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Turns out asexuality may not be a choice, either  (thestar.com) (354)
(DARPA) Followup MIT team wins DARPA balloon challenge. Thanks for all of your effort, Farkers. We put up a good fight  (networkchallenge.darpa.mil) (245)
(FARK) Cool If you notice an eight-foot red weather balloon today while you're driving around, please let Fark know (Last reminder for anyone who missed the previous threads)  (fark.com) (555)
(Press-Enterprise) Sad Today's Fark ready headline "Busy street, beaver don't mix"  (pe.com) (47)
(kenosha news) Dumbass Dumb: Guy travels two hours to the #1 drinking town in the U.S., gets plastered, and gets beat up/robbed. Dumber: He refuses to go to the hospital. Fark: He's suing because, well, it must be a hate crime  (kenoshanews.com) (137)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The secret life of plants  (en.wikipedia.org) (28)
(Eagle Tribune) Fail Class President, straight-A student who is "rather cocky in my intelligence, and ... definitely an intellectual elitist" reveals just how colossally stupid he is  (eagletribune.com) (278)
(C|Net) Obvious Here is your Yuletide Edition of the "online merchant keeps taking orders for out of stock product" article. 200 of you can read the article, the rest will have to get rainchecks  (news.cnet.com) (29)
(Daily Telegram) Amusing College's "dispel-a-stereotype" event wants you to know that yes, all atheists are goths with chalk-white makeup and scarlet hair  (lenconnect.com) (127)
(Bicycling.com) Cool This guy lost 331 pounds by getting his ginormous ass onto a bike, breaking a few in the process. It's a slideshow, but clicking your mouse is probably the most exercise you're going to get today  (bicycling.com) (188)
(AP) Interesting Time runs out for Chinese immigrant as U.S. prepares to send him back. We know there will be forced breeding, but it's time  (hosted.ap.org) (18)
(Free Documentaries) Spiffy Documentaries you can watch for free. Because I know you farkers can't get enough Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock  (freedocumentaries.org) (84)
(Some Guy) Interesting Is the International Outer Space Treaty ban on private property in space holding back space exploration and colonization?  (thespacereview.com) (61)
(Wall Street Journal) Dumbass Gambler who lost $127 million in Las Vegas - an amount that accounted for six percent of the annual revenue for two casinos - sues, claiming they forced him to gamble at gunpoint or some damn thing  (online.wsj.com) (105)
(jezebel.com) Sappy The most beautiful picture you will see today is on the left  (jezebel.com) (152)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy There's hardcore. There's Chuck Norris hardcore. And then there's this guy  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Yahoo) Weird "Some Australians are up in arms over a new kangaroo and emu-flavored chip, horrified that people are encouraged to eat the nation's coat of arms which depicts the iconic Australian animals"  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Stupid And here's your WTF story of the week: Minneapolis theater extends its run of "A Klingon Christmas Carol"  (cbtheatre.org) (38)
(LA Times) Interesting Dime novels blamed in death of teenager. This *is* a repeat from 1909  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (37)
(The Ledger) Florida Some cars are literally invisible to red light cameras  (theledger.com) (70)
(BuzzFeed) Amusing Another senseless fatality in the never-ending War on Christmas  (buzzfeed.com) (55)
(WBBM) Cool Ding. You are now free to cut the ambilical cord  (wbbm780.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bar owner busted for hooking up all his Budweiser and Coors Light taps to Milwaukee's Best kegs. Surprisingly, someone noticed  (greenbaypressgazette.com) (104)
(Eagle Tribune) Asinine Police start illegal high speed pursuit. City lawyer instinctively blames resulting crash on innocent bystander  (eagletribune.com) (75)
(The Register) Followup The FCC momentarily comes to its senses, but wants to assure everyone that it won't last  (theregister.co.uk) (47)
(Some Guy) Asinine To save the Earth get rid of Christmas  (syracuse.com) (163)
(Santa's Little Helper) PSA The annual "YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR DOG" article. Be afraid. Be very afraid  (kfbb.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's hard to believe, but burglars are still getting caught after dropping their cell phones during break-ins, then calling the phone later to ask if they can come and get it  (independent.ie) (12)
(Some Guy) Cool Happy National Ninja Day  (askaninja.com) (92)
(MetroWest Daily News) Stupid School board considers whether after-hours bake sales should be required to sell 100% inedible "nutritional" crap or only 50%  (metrowestdailynews.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Cell phones that were found to cause brain tumors, then not cause brain tumors, then cause brain tumors, , then not cause brain tumors, then cause brain tumors, are found to not cause brain tumors again. Tumor  (health.usnews.com) (59)
(The Roanoke Times) Dumbass You know what they say about assume? Well that goes double when you assume the undercover state police officer you're meeting with is a hit man you're trying to hire for $500  (roanoke.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this explosion  (af.mil) (37)
(Telegraph) Amusing Britain's crappiest Christmas tree, compared to a giant traffic cone, to be replaced for - you guessed it - health and safety reasons (pic)  (telegraph.co.uk) (61)
(officer.com) Amusing Butterfingered goober, being a smartie, tried to skor a hat and two Whatchamacallits from a police station. His fast break failed and he's in mounds of trouble. His airhead girlfriend also got some snickers and a time-out  T-Shirt  (officer.com) (27)
(My Fox 8) Dumbass English teacher will need all her fingers to count the felony sex charges she just got slapped with. (With "eh...maybe" pic)  (myfox8.com) (88)
(Some Guy) PSA "One of the indications you want to look for when you're on your favorite tree lot, is to look at the needles and feel them and pull them a little bit, run your hands back and forth." Giggity  (kfbb.com) (19)
(officer.com) Dumbass "This guy was not back in society to try to be a productive member of society. He's definitely going to try to wreck havoc." Dammit, that's all we need... wrecked havoc  (officer.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Obvious Cops catch two women in a motorhome with 14 pounds of pot and a pound of shrooms. Are Phish on tour again?  (mywebtimes.com) (32)
(Statesman) Asinine Having solved all other problems, Texas legislature is considering banning tanning salons for teenagers  (statesman.com) (66)
(History Channel) Cool 76 years ago today, the 21st Amendment was ratified by Utah. Don't get it? Okay, the 18th Amendment was repealed. Still not clued in? BEER  (history.com) (45)
(CNN) Weird Guerrilla knitting graffiti is an "ironic take on feminist history and a way of exploring themes of gender and sexual orientation." .... Wait, what?  (cnn.com) (33)
(The Sun) Asinine Trio of singing soldiers who raise money for injured comrades told they can't wear their uniforms when they sing God Save The Queen in front of the Queen because it's considered moonlighting  (thesun.co.uk) (20)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass "Judge nixes please for man, who's accused of hosting racy underage drinking party, and sneds him to prison for stalking." Proofreading is only for print media these days?  (mcall.com) (29)
(AZCentral) Amusing Free H1N1 Vaccine with every handmade violin bought. Or something  (azcentral.com) (5)
(CBS Philadelphia) Obvious Your annual "Man Dressed as Santa Claus Commits XYZ Crime" story brought to you by Southeastern Pensylvania  (cbs3.com) (17)
(NASA) Cool The most awesome Himalayan skyscape you're likely to see today  (apod.nasa.gov) (61)
(Some Guy) Stupid Mayor may be asked to resign for raising his voice to city employees. "I definitely did raise my voice maybe a couple of times. I was really stressed out, and it took me two weeks to calm down"  (carrollcounty.com) (19)
(Some Farker) Amusing Local police cordoned off the area in preparation for the Christmas parade. Reckless train driver refuses to alter his course to avoid police cruiser  (johnsoncitypress.com) (38)
(Google) Cool Your cat spends 22% of it's time looking out windows, 4% hiding dead animals in your bedroom  (google.com) (878)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Doing all your shopping on the Internet is quick, convenient and painless - until the postal service gets hold of your packages, runs over them with a truck and leaves them in a garbage can outside your house  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(LA Times) Scary What better way to experience the cradle of the nation's gang culture than with a bus tour through South LA, complete with dance-offs, kids shooting water pistols at tourists, and "I Got Shot in South-Central" T-shirts  (latimes.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny State now refusing to serve train passengers sandwiches in case they choke on them. "'I don't understand how health and safety came into selling a hungry stranded passenger an egg sandwich on a broken-down train"  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this dancing torch bearer  (cache.boston.com) (25)
(The Sun) Amusing Convincing prison guards those tomato plants you're growing is not marijuana for 5 months? That takes skills. Decorating them as Christmas trees? Now you're just taunting them  (thesun.co.uk) (33)
(Albany Times Union) Interesting Dutch apologize for massacring American Indians over 400 years ago. Still no apology for Heineken  (timesunion.com) (81)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Overweight, 57-year-old teacher strips during class: "I was trying to be cool"  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(Google) Asinine Man has heart attack in hospital parking lot. Hospital refuses to help unless his son calls 911 and pays for the ambulance trip  (google.com) (91)
(CTV) Asinine Man briefly detained for possession of a handgun. A handgun made out of Legos. That he built while the knee-jerk police caller was watching  (toronto.ctv.ca) (139)
(Missoulian) Amusing Talking trash or having sex in your squad car? You might want to make sure that you haven't inadvertently activated your radio  (missoulian.com) (24)
(Daily Express) Unlikely Media whipping up fears that burglars are now chalking some sort of weird hobo code around houses to let fellow criminals know if they're worth robbing  (express.co.uk) (57)
(Journal Times) Asinine State group works so hard finding housing for the poor, they decide to throw themselves a party. Complete with $1,400.00 worth of flowers for "moral purposes"  (journaltimes.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Ironic Man hired to repair roof sues homeowner for faulty roof  (chicagonow.com) (57)
(JSOnline) Scary Former Catholic Archbishop shredded sex abuse reports, anuses  T-Shirt  (jsonline.com) (137)

Fri December 04, 2009
(New York Daily News) Cool Whether you believe in global warming or not there will definitely be some bed warming in Copenhagen as prostitutes offer free sex to global-warming delegates  (nydailynews.com) (49)
(Flickr) Photoshop Colorize this city scene  (flickr.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Asinine For the fourteenth straight day, the three broadcast networks have failed to report on the great and growing ClimateGate scandal on their weekday morning or evening news programs  (mrc.org) (875)
(Yahoo) Sad Great White begins Russian leg of new tour  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(NJ.com) Asinine Five children go 11 days without food while mother makes no effort to look for job: "We were supposed to wait for God to provide and that's what we did"  (nj.com) (202)
(NYPost) Scary Comcast may kill NBC, but cable will never kill Tom Brokaw  (nypost.com) (45)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Be vewy quiet, we're hunting mugshots  (thesmokinggun.com) (204)
(Guardian.com) NewsFlash College student achieves dream of sitting around and eating pizza for the rest of her life  (guardian.co.uk) (461)
(Some Guy) Amusing Listen my children and you shall hear: the midnight ride of the mystery meth tweeker of good cheer  (deathby1000papercuts.com) (25)
(Some Fed) Obvious TSA head believes screeners should be allowed to unionize, because hey, it's not like they can get any worse  (federaltimes.com) (120)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly The best two-sentence news story you will read today  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (66)
(Denver Channel) Asinine University bans Nerf guns because they might be confused with real guns  (thedenverchannel.com) (140)
(Poynter online) Unlikely Drew Curtis: "It's a dedicated audience of really intelligent individuals"  (poynter.org) (483)
(BBC) Obvious Man barred from local library due to B.O. That stinks  (news.bbc.co.uk) (92)
(DARPA) Followup Reminder: DARPA Network Challenge starts tomorrow at 10AM ET. Join TeamFark to win $40,000 for Toys for Tots  (networkchallenge.darpa.mil) (140)
(AP) Sad Britain's military pulls the plug on a UFO reporting hotline because it thinks the money would be better spent in Afghanistan. "There is no defense value in investigating UFO reports."  (hosted.ap.org) (80)
(Some [Guy]) Scary [Kremlin] reports that a [US gov't] airplane piloted by [CIA agents] and carrying a cargo of [mutated swine flu virus] was [shot down] at [Shanghai airport] by [Israeli Mossad saboteurs], [preventing] an attack on [bases in Kyrgyzstan]  (preventdisease.com) (255)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Mushrooms  (flickr.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Stupid Woman forced to pay a $2,500 fee, travel to attend a meeting and do hours of paperwork just so she can teach yoga. Says it's a bit of a stretch  (hamptonroads.com) (85)
(CBS News) Dumbass Iowa woman accused of shoplifting 418 items. Employees got suspicious because she walked in looking like Keira Knightley, but when she tried to leave she looked like Rosie O'Donnell  (cbsnews.com) (50)
(My Fox Memphis) Dumbass Mayor of Tennessee town says Obama's Afghanistan speech was timed to pre-empt Charlie Brown. And that he's a Muslim. And everyone who supports him should move to a Muslim country  (myfoxmemphis.com) (332)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass No matter what they tell you in El Salvador, stuffing cocaine into a fully cooked chicken and carrying it with you off of the plane is not the best way to smuggle drugs into the US  (myfoxdc.com) (57)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Not news: Online retailer learns the hard way why they shouldn't use a tag cloud on their customer forums. Fark: It's Newegg  (consumerist.com) (170)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass "I want to trace your thighs with my fingertips and make you squirm" is not a proper thing to write in an anonymous letter left in the locker of one of your female band students, sir  (thesmokinggun.com) (186)
(Washington Post) Spiffy The 2nd Estonian Horse Cavalry Division will be a big help: NATO says 25 countries will send more troops to Afghanistan  (washingtonpost.com) (96)
(STV.tv) Amusing The United Kingdom's biggest problem? Apparently it's 'cheap beer'  (news.stv.tv) (56)
(FOX6Now) Strange Man arrested for trespassing on own property  (fox6now.com) (126)
(Monsters and Critics) Weird Germany will finish paying World War I reparations next year, So, remember that the next time some guy named Archie Duke shoots an ostrich because he's hungry, just let it go  T-Shirt  (monstersandcritics.com) (98)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Scary Well, yes, technically your court-appointed translator completely skewed your testimony in favor of the prosecution, but you would have been convicted anyway. Totally  (rgj.com) (158)
(Yahoo) Interesting A list of top paying US jobs. Anesthesiologist is at #1 cause everyone wants to get paid to pass gas  (finance.yahoo.com) (220)
(Some Fly on a Wall) Spiffy Hot swim teacher accused of teaching muff diving (with pics)  (badbadteacher.com) (224)
(Canada.com) Spiffy Lazy swan to fly on Air Canada  (edmontonjournal.com) (45)
(IOL) Sad Pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods says the organization is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins"  (int.iol.co.za) (107)
(My Fox DC) Strange Texas couple claims hen laid egg with cross on it. (With picture of what regular eggs without crosses look like)  (myfoxdc.com) (55)
(The Local (Germany)) Interesting Tanker leaks 8,000 litres of lube onto German highway, narrowly beating your Mom's record  (thelocal.de) (38)
(Some Guy) Interesting Woman admits to killing her 18-year-old sister over a pair of hair straighteners. (w/ ugly sister-hot sister picture)  (heraldsun.com.au) (235)
(Telegraph) Amusing Cambridge university students scale college chapel to place Santa hats on all four spires, violating any number of elf and safety rules  (telegraph.co.uk) (20)
(Cracked) Interesting The world's seven weirdest houses. Yes, toilet house is there. So is wall house. And one where the owner levitated huge limestone slabs with magic  (cracked.com) (96)
(CBS Minneapolis) Interesting Caller dials 911 to report a screaming woman being dragged through a parking lot. In front of a camera crew, several stagehands, extras, a director, two producers, and a key grip  (wcco.com) (57)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Your Smoking Gun Friday Photo Fun: Match the woman to her blood alcohol content at the time of arrest  (thesmokinggun.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Obvious Australian diver wears a suit to protect him from dangerous jellyfish stings that covered his entire body except his face. You'll never guess where a tiny jellyfish the size of a peanut delivered its near-fatal sting  (news.yahoo.com) (114)
(Daily Express) Scary Christmas trees have started their counterattack  (express.co.uk) (61)
(News.com.au) Scary "I'm a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me. I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else"  (news.com.au) (266)
(BBC) Interesting Police charge man with "chicken-licking." Apparently this is a crime outside Kentucky  (news.bbc.co.uk) (41)
(Some Guy) Sad "Man airlifted to hospital after arm caught in bakery mixer." D'ough  (thisissouthdevon.co.uk) (58)
(The Register) Asinine IED: Improvised Explosive Donkey  (theregister.co.uk) (87)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Image of Virgin Mary found on pancake. Experts confident it's her since it clearly wasn't defloured  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (93)
(Flickr) Caption Complete the rest of this sign: "The secret of happines is t..."  (flickr.com) (211)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this art hanging on the wall  (flickr.com) (52)
(ABC News) Obvious Ric Romero reports that HDTVs might be big sellers this holiday season...and reveals you can hook certain TVs up to the internet  (abclocal.go.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Fail Not News: commodity dealer trades 28,000 tons of coal. News: a glitch means he orders 28,000 tons of coal. Fark: they deliver  (thedailywtf.com) (169)
(mlive.com) Spiffy Charges against man accused of stealing 3906 bags of stuffing have been sagely dismissed  (mlive.com) (27)

Thu December 03, 2009
(Arizona Star) Sick "Thieves in Calif. Steal $100,000 in Toys, Food From Poor." In related news, in California you can stockpile a hundred grand in food and toys and still be classified poor  (azstarnet.com) (91)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Woman charged with a felony for taping four minutes of "New Moon." If she'd videotaped the whole thing, they would have given her counseling  (consumerist.com) (235)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Florida bar owner says a sign in front of his business reading: 'Stop, Absolutely No Color's' is aimed at bikers, not blacks  (tampabay.com) (280)
(St. Petersburg Times) Followup Do you read that article about the cute dog that wore a BP uniform and greeted customers at a gas station? The state health department did too  (tampabay.com) (326)
(The Sun) Asinine Nannystate seizes two-year-old from parents because they won't feed him junk food. "They said I should give him chocolate and cakes"  (thesun.co.uk) (217)
(SFGate) Fail Concerned citizens of San Francisco: People are having sex outside at the leather fair. Leather men: Then we'll put up "sex tents." City supervisor: Sounds good to me  (sfgate.com) (264)
(Some Guy) Interesting Man faces cyberstalking charges after sending 27 emails in less than an hour to a blogger. "I probably frightened her"  (wxii12.com) (143)
(Telegraph) Scary That drug you've been taking for your enlarged prostate may also be giving you moob cancer  (telegraph.co.uk) (62)
(Some Guy) Fail Anti-wind NIMBYs suffer hit as new Department of Energy study finds wind farms have no impact on property values  (ecopolitology.org) (185)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Manatee juveniles commit fewer crimes, but are more violent. It must be all those propeller strikes  (heraldtribune.com) (30)
(Local6) Sappy Florida authorities asking for the public's help in identifying who drilled holes into some trees, poured herbicide into them and filled the holes with caulk. Heh. Caulk  (clickorlando.com) (92)
(Metro) Interesting Today's Q&A that's absolutely factual, yet also 100% incoherent: Q. How much is a hobbit? A. Depends on whether you're buying wheat or oats  (metro.co.uk) (35)
(Omaha World Herald) Unlikely The state of Nebraska wants to remind you to voluntarily claim sales tax on your internet purchases  (omaha.com) (172)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this lonely lift  (farm3.static.flickr.com) (34)
(SFGate) Stupid New Reagan app for your iReagan lets you Reagan all Reagan, whether you're sitting in your Reagan or driving your Reagan down the Reagan  (sfgate.com) (735)
(Yahoo) Dumbass If there was any doubt as to which list William C. Caldwell III of Georgia is on, it was eliminated when he dressed as an elf and told a mall Santa that he was carrying dynamite. With pic of what an elf probably doesn't look like  (news.yahoo.com) (92)
(USA Today) Sad More unidentified voters surface at Illinois cemetery  (content.usatoday.net) (79)
(MainStreet) Interesting Screw you, loafers, homeless people and wishing wells  (mainstreet.com) (176)
(News-Gazette) Followup Power of Fark combines with power of attorney to touch children. Wait  (news-gazette.com) (170)
(Wall Street Journal) Asinine Criticize the Iranian government on the streets of Tehran, get clubbed. Criticize them on Facebook from the US, get your relatives back home jailed. That's the Iran way  (online.wsj.com) (183)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid The cheesification of the Wall Street Journal is complete, with this utterly vapid article on male cleavage...heavage, if you will  (online.wsj.com) (90)
(FARK) FarkParty Remember to get your Bowie and your big hair out of storage for this Saturday's DC Labyrinth Fark Party. We are not liable for blindness caused by staring at Bowie's... pants  (fark.com) (110)
(Boston Herald) Sappy Sir, enclosed please find $50 you kindly gave me after I unsuccessfully tried to rob your store with a bat. Your rifle was very scary. I now have a job and a child. Yours truly, Reformed Thug  (bostonherald.com) (99)
(Metro) Dumbass Not news: Drunk lady arrested after driving to police station. Fark: She's a cop, showing up for work. Bonus: Keeping booze in her locker in case the buzz wears off  (metro.co.uk) (51)
(Gawker) Amusing Just in case you were wondering, Cosmo confirms that the Reverse Cowgirl is the safest sexual position if you're worried about catching swine flu  (gawker.com) (602)
(BBC) Obvious Men nearing retirement 'happier than women.' Women nearing retirement 'watching pool boy'  (news.bbc.co.uk) (78)
(CBS News) Amusing Obama X  (cbsnews.com) (194)
(Some Guy) Strange If you stole a flowerpot containing the ashes of an African witch doctor, her grandson wants you to know you'll be changing sexes, thanks to a curse  (story.malaysiasun.com) (52)
(LA Times) Silly Denver voters asked to approve a welcoming panel for extraterrestrials. Surprisingly some people are not amused by this  (latimes.com) (41)
(News.com.au) Dumbass ProTip: If you're going to paint graffiti along the train line, learn the train schedule  (news.com.au) (30)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass If your wife's visa is rejected, it probably won't help her case if you threaten to decapitate the U.S. consular official  (myfoxdc.com) (39)
(SMH) Interesting We're just simple cavemen, and this $7 billion inheritance frightens and confuses us  (smh.com.au) (90)
(NBC Miami) Florida Time for the annual "parent thinks she hears toy doll dropping F-bombs" story  (nbcmiami.com) (108)
(Stuff) Strange Hell hath no fury like a woman, her mother, her sisters, and her aunt, all scorned  (stuff.co.nz) (41)
(News.com.au) Interesting Bar owner equipped with a Stool of Defense (+6) successfully repels two Bandits armed with a Chaos Tomahawk (+4)  (news.com.au) (49)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this lighted rail  (inapcache.boston.com) (32)
(USA Today) Asinine Oregon parents kick off the Christmas season by heading into the mountains to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select the most important symbol of Christmas - the perfect tree. Searchers hope to find them sometime today  (usatoday.com) (168)
(VillageSoup.com) Amusing Man gets all fired up from a Clint Eastwood movie and exacts revenge on a hobby store. Get three coffins ready  (knox.villagesoup.com) (58)
(Irish Times) Asinine Cardinal says homosexuals can't enter heaven. What, not even by the back-door?  T-Shirt  (irishtimes.com) (546)
(DARPA) Cool Join TeamFark in the DARPA Network Challenge and help us win big bucks for Toys For Tots. DIT  (networkchallenge.darpa.mil) (397)
(Daily Record (UK)) PSA Let's go over this again - if you're going to steal from a store, don't kill some time there beforehand by filling in a job application with all your real information on it first  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (16)
(PhillyBurbs) Dumbass Unarmed, naked man stands in his yard, threatens to kill cops with his extreme naked-fu  (phillyburbs.com) (24)
(The Virginian Pilot) Dumbass Trying to beat a murder rap? Don't rap about it on YouTube  (hamptonroads.com) (38)
(UPI) Interesting Southerners have a higher risk of stroke, especially with their sister  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (286)
(WA Today) Interesting Australian nursing tribunal confirms that "getting stoned and getting laid" is not on the approved list of depression treatments  (watoday.com.au) (49)
(Examiner) Amusing Chinese news agency does hilarious CGI reenactment of the Tiger Woods incident. Starring Barbie as Mrs. Woods and the love child of George Takei and Denzel Washington as Tiger  (examiner.com) (87)
(Mizoolian) Sad One of the world's leading dog photographers has died at age 13. With links to portfolio of his favorite subjects, including cats, fire hydrants, other dog's asses  (missoulian.com) (63)
(Cracked) Amusing You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. You're about to be raped by a huge monster. There is a small mailbox here  (cracked.com) (349)
(Telegraph) Photoshop Photoshop this flower delivery clown  (i.telegraph.co.uk) (25)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Possibly the world's first win-win outcome from a bride's insatiable desire to have her dream wedding at any cost. "You want 200 white roses? Then go get the handicam..."  (themercury.com.au) (153)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 239: Win, Fail, or "I Like Where This Thread is Going." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (125)

Wed December 02, 2009
(FOX6Now) Amusing Only in Wisconsin: What do you get when you blend cheese with jerky?  (fox6now.com) (139)
(Breitbart.com) Stupid Police can't decide if death of Iranian whistleblower was murder or suicide. Because lots of folks like a whole bottle of blood pressure medication on their salad  (breitbart.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Russia to stop clubbing baby seals. Subby makes no such penis. Promise  (rt.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Misc Today's 'Truck spills metric assload of random food item on roadway' brought to you by Logan, Utah and 38,000 pounds of yogurt, butter, and shredded cheese (w/pic)  (ksl.com) (44)
(CNN) Weird Dad brings home full-size Barbie for daughter's Christmas gift. Soon, she starts moving around on her own, causing car accidents, frightening contractors and inducing gallstones. Then it gets weird  (cnn.com) (138)
(The Virginian Pilot) Followup Advisory to Maersk Alabama: "Stay 600 miles offshore." Capt. Phillips to crew: "Belay that; 350 miles is good enough."  (hamptonroads.com) (84)
(Huffington Post) Cool Things you find when cleaning out the basement of a building you just bought: boxes of junk, garbage, a hidden Prohibition-era bowling alley from a forgotten speak-easy club, dead mice ... wait, wut?  (huffingtonpost.com) (90)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Denver School Board gets into a spat on Monday, decide the best use of taxpayer dollars is to talk to a marriage counselor at a five-star hotel in Colorado Springs. No, seriously  (thedenverchannel.com) (57)
(Huffington Post) Strange Creepy town full of blond, blue-eyed Brazilians may be a Nazi legacy. Hey, this would make a good movie  (huffingtonpost.com) (135)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these pollen producers  (spiegel.de) (15)
(Some Local Newspaper) Dumbass He had a toque covering his eyes and his pants down and he was shaking his junk at us  (bclocalnews.com) (55)
(Discover) Dumbass Staring at a virgin will make you go blind  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (75)
(Discover) Dumbass Deepak Chopra: new age tool, or EPIC new age tool?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (178)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine You're caught with a protected Black Bear's head in your front lawn and its paws rotting in your car. Do you c) start calling yourself Chief Broken Eagle and claim that you are making a sacred choker with the teeth?  (chron.com) (48)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Ahmadinejad: Iran will further enrich uranium. You know, for peaceful purposes  (msnbc.msn.com) (329)
(AZCentral) Asinine We're going to need a lot more popcorn: Sickout and bomb threat after MCSO officer goes to jail  (azcentral.com) (356)
(Daily Herald) Dumbass Guy facing 3 years in prison for putting spy-cam in ladies' washroom at work. And all he got from it was video of himself trying to figure out how to work it  (dailyherald.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Interesting San Francisco mayor goes to Bangalore, India to talk to Amsterdam mayor about Seoul, South Korea  (govtech.com) (43)
(SFGate) Interesting Greek ship hijacked by pirates reaches Somali coast. Accomodations for captive crew members expected to be spARRtan  (sfgate.com) (51)
(BBC) Strange Hottie claims heroin drove her to crime spree while she worked as Queen's royal harpist (pic)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (166)
(AP) Followup Now that we know that lonlieness is contagious, tips to avoid it include not having any empty chairs at your table  (hosted.ap.org) (102)
(azfamily.com) Followup It will cost a school district $1 million to remove software installed by a school employee that searches for extraterrestrial intelligence  (azfamily.com) (389)
(The Tennessean) Obvious Sardine juice, condoms, lubricant, rival teachers, and a seventh grader. Yes, there's a mugshot  (tennessean.com) (93)
(Smart Planet) Interesting Smart should not be something debated and looked down on  (smartplanet.com) (271)
(The New York Times) Stupid Woman charged with stealing money from the Sandhogs union. "Up your nose with a rubber hose Mister Kah-tare"  (nytimes.com) (63)
(CBC) Asinine If you pay handsomely for hand sanitizers, you'll be happy to know they sort of work -- if you wash your hands vigorously beforehand  (cbc.ca) (236)
(Merced Sun-Star) Dumbass In the end, he had a point  (mercedsunstar.com) (118)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these cleanroom colleagues  (spiegel.de) (37)
(AZCentral) Strange Phoenix police say "repeated criminal acts" are happening at the local Elks Lodge  (azcentral.com) (83)
(Google) Followup Iran releases seamen  (google.com) (98)
(Yahoo) Obvious Survey says AT&T customer satisfaction lowest in +++CARRIER LOST+++  (tech.yahoo.com) (317)
(wtap.com) Fail Good items to donate to Goodwill: clothes, furniture, baby things. Bad things to donate to Goodwill: marijuana  (wtap.com) (101)
(Metro) Amusing If you only see one picture of a flock of starlings flipping the bird today, you might as well make it this one  (metro.co.uk) (61)
(Metro) Strange "It's hard to see your wife in the same way after you have watched her shoot a revolver and learn body combat. It provides sexy new experiences"  (metro.co.uk) (164)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Inmate hijacks prison van, handcuffs officers, escapes with one of their uniforms and four guns. Fark: While in a wheelchair  (officer.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Sick Man tells investigators he may have gone too far when he hit his friend in the head, stabbed him in the chest, and tied his feet to a bench so he couldn't chase him if he woke up. Which he didn't. Yeah. Too far  (wsaw.com) (14)
(My Fox DC) Asinine White House: You're not invited. Uninvited Guests: Great, we'll see you tonight. WH: I don't think you understand. UG: Should we bring anything? WH: Don't come, get it? UG: Perfect, we'll see you around 8 o'clock then?  (myfoxdc.com) (136)
(tigerwoods.com) Followup Tiger comes clean on his website. As opposed to all those times he came dirty  (web.tigerwoods.com) (682)
(mlive.com) Fail If headbutting and urinating on cops is how you roll, perhaps shoplifting is not the best hobby for you. Mom  (mlive.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Strange Polish Pittsburghers perplexed by postal puzzle  (post-gazette.com) (39)
(Some dancin' pervs) Amusing I ain't here to cause no trouble. I'm required by law to do the Sex Offender Shuffle  (videosift.com) (62)
(The Day) Fail Father issues bad check, gets arrested. Son goes to pick him up, is arrested for driving with a suspended license. Fark: Bad check was for son's court fines and fees from prior arrest  (theday.com) (72)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Swedish milkman fails in his bold attempt to push forward the boundaries of gender equality  (thelocal.se) (71)
(Some Guy) Florida Girl struck by SUV while home in bed recovering from SUV crash  (failuremag.com) (117)
(USA Today) Amusing Jesus Christ, what some people will do to get out of jury duty  (content.usatoday.net) (130)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Old and busted: An eye for an eye. New hotness: A shoe for a shoe  (myfoxdc.com) (41)
(CBC) Stupid Man files human rights lawsuit after store bars him from bringing his service animal inside. It's a chihuahua. It's for his depression  (cbc.ca) (198)
(New Zealand Herald) Unlikely There's a 30-percent chance your Christmas lights will kill you  (nzherald.co.nz) (46)
(Telegraph) Interesting Cocktail waitress claims Tiger Woods scored another hole in one (w/pic)  (telegraph.co.uk) (346)
(The Sun) Weird Woman suffers from mysterious disorder that turns her into a sex addict while she's asleep. Well, "suffers" might be the wrong word to use here, but you get the thrust of it  (thesun.co.uk) (110)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these two two-day-old zebrafish  (spiegel.de) (29)
(Snopes) Spiffy Unbelievable pics of how a coyote managed to survive being hit by a Honda, lucky for him it wasn't a Road Runner  (snopes.com) (96)
(BBC) Asinine Google manages to pick 3rd worst option out of 2  (news.bbc.co.uk) (201)
(The New York Times) Amusing "In 1872, the NY Times published two dozen letters on the subject of scrapple, a steampunk prototype for online food discussion. It's all there: the pseudonymous usernames, off-topic ranting, and preoccupation with pork fat."  (dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com) (221)
(Stuff) Followup Tiki-tour trail terminates in tree  (stuff.co.nz) (18)
(Wordpress) Photoshop Photoshop this Patriot's Act  (centria.files.wordpress.com) (28)

Tue December 01, 2009
(C|Net) Dumbass Former SETI@home "God" revealed as high school technology department head who installed program on every computer in the district, loses job. The search for intelligent life continues  (news.cnet.com) (159)
(Daily Herald) Dumbass Rather than pay a $170 towing bill, genius couple stages break-in to impound lot, causing far more than $170 damage to other car. Then there's the bond payment  (dailyherald.com) (28)
(My Fox Dallas) Dumbass When you have 400 pounds of marijuana in your home it would be smarter to pop a DiGiorno in the oven than call a pizza guy when you have pot smoke pouring out your front door  (myfoxdfw.com) (245)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this big boar  (spiegel.de) (27)
(Local6) Florida There is only one response when your neighbor is chasing you with a lawnmower blade and asking you if you've ever seen 'Sling Blade.' Mmm hmm  (clickorlando.com) (61)
(Jalopnik) Dumbass How not to handle your dad getting fired as GM CEO  (jalopnik.com) (208)
(The New York Times) Cool Apparently, Charles Dickens left us with one, and only one, manuscript of "A Christmas Carol", and he edited that so many times it's almost impossible to read. Try it for yourself  (documents.nytimes.com) (113)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you live in Maricopa County, you may want to get stocked up on popcorn. The Arizona cop ordered to apologize to the Court? Yeah, he told the Judge to f*ck off  (carlosmiller.com) (453)
(WOAI) Interesting "Remember [when you used to work for] the Alamo"  (woai.com) (44)
(The Consumerist) Hero Not news: Debt collector sues the wrong person. Not news: The debt doesn't even exist. Fark: The judge is pissed, orders collector to pay missed wages to defendant under penalty of sanctions  (consumerist.com) (350)
(WBAL Baltimore) Dumbass Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon convicted of stealing gift cards intended for the poor  (livewire.wbaltv.com) (169)
(FARK) Survey Annual Fark demographics survey. Results will be posted next week. Help us figure out who that one guy coming from the .va domain is  (fark.com) (lots)
(KTLA) Misc Today's 'Truck spills metric assload of random food item on roadway' brought to you by Santa Clarita and 40,000 pounds of pomegranates (w/pic)  (ktla.com) (123)
(Some Guy) Obvious Being crazy doesn't mean you can't be a good, effective nurse, say members of the Association of Crazy Nurses  (nursingtimes.net) (114)
(Utne) Interesting Man researches and collects the typewriters used to create classic novels. "The extra work makes me a more conscientious writer.... It's like firing a gun with every stroke." Typewriterfecta now in play  (utne.com) (64)
(WBBM) Sad Your loneliness is contagious, so get the hell away from me and leave me alone  (wbbm780.com) (150)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Second rule of bank robbing: Know what time the bank closes  (ydr.inyork.com) (39)
(MSNBC) Followup Attention-whoring party crashers say they weren't crashing the party and they are upset by all the media attention. On Matt Lauer  (msnbc.msn.com) (136)
(Chicago Tribune) Sick Sure, your job sucks, but at least you don't have to worry about neurological problems due to exposure to a "mist of pig brain tissue."  (chicagotribune.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these happy homeowners  (trinityjournal.com) (34)
(My Fox Maine) Obvious Some people listed in Maine's sex-offender registry may be about to get off  (myfoxmaine.com) (63)
(IFC) Interesting Apocalypse How (Sponsored Link)  (ifc.com) (53)
(Some Santa) Cool Jingle Bells, gifting's swell, spread some Christmas cheer / Buy a gift for a foster kid and feel warm & fuzzy all year (Link goes to wishlist)  (amazon.com) (135)
(Cracked) Amusing Seven inventors who need a kick square in the balls  (cracked.com) (197)
(My San Antonio) Interesting Needy kids who would like a free toy for Christmas, take one step forward. NOT SO FAST, illegal immigrant niños e niñas  (mysanantonio.com) (477)
(Guardian.com) Dumbass Yet again proving that priorities can be totally out of order, among the gems found in Vincent Van Gogh's correspondence is advice to a friend: "Don't fark too hard."  (guardian.co.uk) (21)
(Google) Hero Like many a Farker, new Sam Adams Utopia beer is already banned in 13 states  (google.com) (222)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting South Africa announces new policy of treating all HIV-positive babies. As opposed to their previous policy of what, tossing them to the hyenas?  (breitbart.com) (51)
(Metro) Strange The next time you get stuck in a toilet, make sure you try the Handel  (metro.co.uk) (23)
(Some Guy) Strange "Russia has fallen behind the United States in the race to arm sea mammals"  (jacarandafm.com) (56)
(The Daily News) Obvious A woman rejects your attempt to offer her a religious pamphlet in a bar parking lot at 2 AM. Do you c) proclaim you're a "sovereign citizen" and then shoot her friend in the stomach?  (tdn.com) (119)
(WBZ TV) Obvious 1996: Man accidentally runs down little old lady crossing the street. 2009: While crossing the street, man is run down by speeding karma  (wbztv.com) (43)
(Some Guy) News ISS on possible collision path with space junk, too late to alter orbit. Potential impact 1:19 pm EST  (clickorlando.com) (493)
(Some Guy) Amusing Taken to the ER by ambulance, woman gets tired of waiting, decides to drive home. In the ambulance that brought her  (recordonline.com) (23)
(click2houston.com) Stupid The first rule of pie fight is that you don't talk about pie fight  (click2houston.com) (21)
(Komo) Followup Suspect in killing of 4 Seattle police officers shot dead overnight after standoff  (komonews.com) (488)
(SMH) Amusing This year's bad sex award goes to the man who described sex as "a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg." He really needs to find a new oeuvre  (smh.com.au) (46)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass If you're going to piss off the President of the United States by crashing his first State Dinner you might as well get in some practice before hand by crashing the Congressional Black Caucus Awards Dinner  (myfoxdc.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Sick Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Rob-Your-Dying-Ass-in-the-ER  (phillyburbs.com) (42)
(The Times of India) Interesting Berkeley scientists suggest marijuana as a treatment for alcoholism. Of course, Berkeley scientists suggest marijuana in general  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (131)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass After four years, Quentin got up the nerve to ask out one of the eighth-grade girls he saw on the bus. Might've gone over better if he wasn't sixty  (seacoastonline.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man watching football on TV is surprised when a deer bursts into his home for a rousing game of "pursue and sack"  (fox8.com) (27)
(News.com.au) Interesting Music teacher in court for teaching proper fingering technique  (news.com.au) (64)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass First rule of bank robbing: a funeral home is not a bank  (myfoxdc.com) (23)
(News.com.au) Weird A villager is unable to park his truck in front of his house, so he does the most logical thing: spend the next 14 years carving a tunnel through a mountain  (news.com.au) (91)
(The Morning Call) Weird Two men get probation over an oregano fight, thanks to a judge's sage decision  (mcall.com) (27)
(NPR) Silly Diagonally-cut sandwiches are superior because they approach the platonic ideal of the triangle and the Holy Trinity  (npr.org) (107)
(Buffalo News) Interesting Dancing queen attending the "World's Largest Disco" Saturday night spills his beer on a man. Tries to hustle away but the man and his four friends le freak on him, turn him upside down. The good news is he's stayin' alive  (buffalonews.com) (34)
(Huffington Post) Fail Former Miss Argentina dies from cosmetic buttocks surgery - and she thought all her problems were behind her  (huffingtonpost.com) (131)
(The Sun) Scary Tiger charges at photographer. OH SNAP (w/ amazing picture)  (thesun.co.uk) (138)
(News.com.au) Interesting North Korea sharply revalues currency. With the new exchange rate, it will now take two wons to make a wight  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (92)
(NJ.com) Sad Owner of the Three Stooges Deli moidered  (nj.com) (52)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this levitating soccer player  (cache.boston.com) (28)
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious Just in time for the holiday not-news Mad Lib season, it's the top ten (noun) TOYS that will (verb) KILL your (noun) CHILDREN  (orlandosentinel.com) (69)
(Daily Mail) Fail Italian police turn their £150,000 Lamborghini Gallardo into a jump ramp for mini cars. (pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy) Obvious If an Amtrak train leaving Boston with 48 passengers going 60 miles per hour is due to arrive in Portland at 9:25 p.m., how many whiplash lawsuits will occur when it hits the abandoned car on the tracks at 5:42 p.m.?  (updates.pressherald.mainetoday.com) (69)
(ABC News) Followup Time again for gold coins to start showing up mysteriously in Salvation Army kettles. Yup, there's the first one  (abcnews.go.com) (112)

Mon November 30, 2009
(NBC San Diego) Hero Not News: Woman leaves message telling her daughter she will miss a mortgage payment, to send her money for food, on wrong number. News: Owner of wrong number calls back, pays for groceries so woman can keep her house  (nbcsandiego.com) (158)
(CBS News) Scary "Teen stabbed in Anaconda." Ouch  (montanasnewsstation.com) (101)
(MSNBC) Dumbass For the last time, people - if you're going to rob the Wendy's drive-thru, make sure your mom isn't working that night  (msnbc.msn.com) (80)
(NPR) Asinine Palo Alto parents stand by railroad tracks all day to prevent suicidal teens from jumping in front of trains. Because that's waaaaay less boring than actually listening to suicidal teens  (npr.org) (271)
(Weather Underground) Photoshop Photoshop this soaring sculpture  (icons-pe.wunderground.com) (43)
(AP) Dumbass German tourist tells Disney World security that he had bombs in his backpack. Ha ha, just kidding  (hosted.ap.org) (170)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Your mother is in a car accident, so you pull over and C) Kick the reponding State Trooper in the groin  (wptz.com) (130)
(WTMJ) Silly Someone stole Simon? ALLLLLLLL-VINNNNN  (620wtmj.com) (71)
(KnoxNews) Dumbass Instead of providing light during a power outage, lamp oil in a sauce pan will only provide you with pain  (knoxnews.com) (93)
(Mankato Free Press) Dumbass Ready-for-Fark headline: "Drive-by gooseing in North Mankato park"  (mankato-freepress.com) (86)
(Daily Nonpareil) Strange Man tells cops he's wearing nylons and making sexual gestures to passing vehicles because the meth messed with his hormones  (southwestiowanews.com) (48)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Strange Man 'walking like Frankenstein' says 'hemmer, hammer hammer' while smashing TVs inside Target  (myfoxtwincities.com) (154)
(Drew) FarkBlog Welcome to the best month for recycling. No, not white elephant gifts, but crap that passes for news. Also, Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/22 - 11/28  (fark.com) (50)
(Guardian.com) Asinine IPCC's new plan for saving us all from Global Warming floods: Build a huge Stone Wall. Yep thats the plan, plenty of stonewalling  (guardian.co.uk) (448)
(CBS News) Scary FAA grounds 130 Boeing 777s over risk of icing up and causing midair engine shut-downs. Just kidding. They rejected NTSB and ALPA warnings, allowing them to stay in the air until 2011. Have a nice flight  (cbsnews.com) (147)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this festive fellow  (online.wsj.com) (42)
(NYPost) Obvious Man who fell neck-deep into a cesspool: "If you panic, that s- - - will suck you right in."  (nypost.com) (60)
(BBC) Amusing "She puts her hands flat against his chest and leans into him in a simulacrum of a swoon, making a mewling sound "  (news.bbc.co.uk) (169)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Burglar patiently explains to residents' children that "Obama let him in" while taking a shower  (nwfdailynews.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Interesting Some guy sues because people have been photoshopping his mugshot  (phillyburbs.com) (287)
(BBC) Interesting Men and women respond differently to danger, brain scan shows. Especially if written by Andrew Lloyd Webber  (news.bbc.co.uk) (91)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Two Illinois cities have been planning for a pandemic like swine flu for years, and their efficiency is so great that they're offering drive-through H1N1 vaccines  (chicagotribune.com) (58)
(The Register) Dumbass Moller skycar nearing 'virtual flight testing', says company spokesman Duke Nukem  (theregister.co.uk) (152)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Illinois IRS says it has more than $3.6 million in undeliverable tax refunds. Hey, that's enough to buy a senate seat  (chicagotribune.com) (30)
(Cape Cod Times) Obvious Guy finds large U.S. Navy flare on the beach and brings it home. Doesn't notice the "Do Not Handle" stamped on it. Hilarity ensures as bomb squad called in  (capecodonline.com) (77)
(Bloomberg) Hero Pakistan soldiers fighting in Waziristan have killed 100 terrorists a week for the past six weeks. Just two weeks away from the free chicken dinner  (bloomberg.com) (165)
(Telegraph) Sick "On one occasion a milking parlour had been entered and he had stripped down to his pants and climbed into a huge vat of manure."  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(Toledo Blade) Dumbass Just the thing for this holiday season: His & Hers DUIs. Make the tag a double, barkeep  (toledoblade.com) (35)
(MSNBC) Amusing Rockville Police shoot Jesus. Awwwwwkwaaaaaard  (msnbc.msn.com) (116)
(Some Sexist Store) Dumbass Store apologizes for suggesting that men should make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a rotary clothesline  (digitalspy.com) (254)
(Cape Cod Times) Dumbass "She wanted to get rid of a World War II hand grenade a relative had given her on Thanksgiving"  (capecodonline.com) (61)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup That sound you just heard was Mike Huckabee's political career going down in flames  (talkingpointsmemo.com) (655)
(News.com.au) Scary Two dogs in Beijing diagnosed with swine flu, will be treated with soy sauce  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (45)
(Telegraph) Asinine Austrian government moves to ban Santa Claus, saying he is a foreign invader who threatens the racial purity of traditional Christmas celebrations. Don't ever change, Austria  (telegraph.co.uk) (134)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this piece of paper  (cdn-www.airliners.net) (38)
(STLToday) Dumbass When driving your pickup into your ex's house just doesn't send the right message, try setting the truck on fire first  (stltoday.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Asinine Organizers of prison raffle realize that offering a first prize of "get out of jail free" may have been a bad idea  (digitalspy.com) (14)
(NJ.com) Silly Church finds success using football to bring people to God, because football is real and can change people's lives  (nj.com) (106)
(Daily Mail) Asinine British officials spend two years and $500,000 on study proving that 10-pin bowling is a health and safety hazard and should be banned  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(The Earth Times) Hero New Zealand church fined for using cell phone jammers so people's phones don't go off during services. Tag is for the church  (earthtimes.org) (171)
(Daily Mail) Asinine The 40,000 British parents who home-school their children may be required to undergo a criminal background check to qualify them to teach their children  (dailymail.co.uk) (214)
(SFGate) Strange Woman says a deranged man followed her off the bus and stole her teeth. "He kept thaying how my teeth were beautiful, like the moon and the starth."  (sfgate.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Silly Man arrested running down London street in only his socks, with photo of what a sock might look like  (lfpress.com) (24)

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