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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun December 27, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Asinine Not News: Student punished for sneaking out of school. News: Student's punishment is standing outside in the cold. Fark: Principal goes drinking and leaves student to die  (chinadaily.com.cn) (149)
(AFP) Interesting White House spokesman Mike Hammer issues strongly-worded statement on Iran, their recent oppression of the masses, and their shortage of the kind of blonde who'd make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window, sport  (news.yahoo.com) (142)
(Some Guy) Amusing Your latest in traffic updates, straight from this woman's bedroom  (myfoxphoenix.com) (55)
(Israel National News) Dumbass If you're going to blind the pilot of an aircraft with a laser, make sure he's not flying a helicopter for the local police department  (israelnationalnews.com) (104)
(Reuters) Followup Nigerians blame the Crotchbomber's radicalization on his foreign education  (reuters.com) (98)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Police in Texas looking for murder suspect described as a white supremacist named Bubba who drives a pickup with Republican party stickers. This shouldn't be difficult  (chron.com) (185)
(TBO) Obvious Copyright lawyers would like to remind Christian teenagers wearing knock-off "Abreadcrumb & Fish" T-shirts and "iPray" hats about the Eighth Commandment  (www2.tbo.com) (238)
(Independent) Hero He blew up a Nazi atomic bomb plant, ate the contents of a reindeer's stomach, and crossed the Pacific on a balsawood raft. RIP Knut Haugland, 92  (independent.co.uk) (150)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Rough decade for Florida: Elian Gonzalez, Dale Earnhardt, Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, Ted Williams' head, Terri Schiavo, boars castrated on the radio, Debra Lafave, (Headline is too long; keep it under 250 characters or so)  (tampabay.com) (55)
(kcci) Dumbass Six arrested for roughhousing at a gas station. No word on if they were drinking orange mocha frappachinos  (kcci.com) (32)
(Economist) Spiffy What's the difference between porn and treasured national archival documents? Apparently, about 200 years (with example of what Victorian porn might look like)  (economist.com) (68)
(Wordpress) Spiffy Top sexy nerds of 2009. Yes, she is on there. Her, too, and yes, her as well  (sexynerd.wordpress.com) (467)
(News.com.au) Misc Roman Polanski is overwhelmed by the support since his arrest, makes him feel like a 13-year-old again  (news.com.au) (188)
(CBS Philadelphia) Ironic Bank collapses, gets covered by TARP  (cbs3.com) (27)
(ABC News) Scary Tuberculosis, now available in new ultra-strength. Ask your mortician if TB XXDR is right for you. Side effects may include coughing, darkened skin, and extermination of humanity  (abcnews.go.com) (105)
(ABC News) Followup Terrorism no longer suspected in second airline incident. The guy who locked himself in the bathroom for an hour? Yeah, he ate airline food  (abcnews.go.com) (188)
(The Olympian) Scary Chemical plant searches salt pile for seasoned employee  (theolympian.com) (46)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: "If I could turn back time..."  (images.google.com) (98)
(Fox News) News Flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit is disrupted by Nigerian passenger. This is not a repeat from Christmas Day  (foxnews.com) (774)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these tunnel technicians  (inapcache.boston.com) (64)
(Tough Girl) Caption Caption this Tough Girl  (imagevat.com) (140)
(AP) Florida Ivana Trump taken off of plane for doing what we all wish we could do to homegrown terrorists  (hosted.ap.org) (331)
(Yahoo) Obvious Where Americans Aren't Moving. Hint: The top 5 states are blue ones and one is Obama's home state  (finance.yahoo.com) (354)
(Science Daily) Sad Awesome: scientists discover guaranteed fountain of youth, a way for everyone to live longer, cancer-free. Bad: by eating less. AAAUUGGGH: especially sugar  (sciencedaily.com) (138)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Latest Oz fad includes morans swimming into baited crocodile traps, taking photos of ensuing hilarity  (news.com.au) (37)
(USA Today) Spiffy Mississippi mom is first woman to officiate a bowl game. Hotness has been challenged, though her status as a pharmaceutical rep merits further review  (usatoday.com) (136)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Police forced to drop 'Christmas' from poster advertising their increased public presence over holidays in case it upsets atheists or other militants who can't bear to hear that people believe in religions other than theirs  (dailymail.co.uk) (232)
(BBC) Stupid Nanny State bans Bingo phrases like 'two fat ladies 88' and 'legs 11' due to fear of lawsuits. "What's the alternative, 'two generously proportioned people of either gender?' It's not very snappy."  (news.bbc.co.uk) (61)
(Newsweek) Obvious The Top 10 Top 10 lists of 2009  (newsweek.com) (34)
(Metacafe) Cool Two towns, two churches, 50,000 handmade rockets fired between them during mass. Amen  (metacafe.com) (57)
(Science Daily) Unlikely Swedish researchers conclude there is probably no Santa. Here comes the science  (sciencedaily.com) (42)
(News.com.au) Weird The latest beauty treatment which might possibly be bullshiat: human placenta  (news.com.au) (52)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Columnist marries Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for a reality show. Yet conservatives still insist it's the gays who are ruining traditional marriage  (dailymail.co.uk) (195)

Sat December 26, 2009
(The Scotsman) Interesting "Is it after four minutes past two in the afternoon? That's the exact moment today when, according to a new survey, festive revellers get fed up of eating leftover turkey"  (scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com) (51)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "Teenagers are using repeat abortions as a form of birth control, with some girls having four or more terminations by the age of 18"  (dailymail.co.uk) (535)
(Telegraph) Strange Turtle farts raise an alarming stink  (telegraph.co.uk) (59)
(Boston Herald) Hero News: Governor resigns due to sex tape. Fark: With three women. UltraFark: He's 86  (bostonherald.com) (129)
(The New York Times) Dumbass Flying to suck even harder - new restrictions after Nigerian bomber include not leaving one's seat for the last hour of flight  (nytimes.com) (599)
(Gizmodo) Cool What a RC plane sees when you try to kill it with fireworks  (gizmodo.com) (95)
(St. Petersburg Times) Spiffy Why we should call the new year Twenty-Ten, not Two Thousand-Ten  (tampabay.com) (217)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this tree trek  (inapcache.boston.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Fail We've secretly placed this 11 year-old sex attacker in public schools. Let's see what happens  (dailymail.co.uk) (157)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Female PhD student gets sick of hearing complaints about women parking, decides to do scientific study to prove them wrong (with bonus feminist reaction in last paragraphs)  (dailymail.co.uk) (481)
(Coast Reporter) Unlikely Canadian district officials order dogs not to chase squirrels "without provocation"  (coastreporter.net) (55)
(Fox News) Followup Nigerian Banker claims to be father of Detroit bombing suspect. He needs an account number to transfer funds so he can bail him out  (foxnews.com) (87)
(BBC) Dumbass Driver says he had no idea he was breaking the law by going 98 mph because the speed limit signs weren't lit up  (news.bbc.co.uk) (50)
(Telluride Watch) Interesting If you are visiting Telluride and look way up in the mountains above town and see something that looks like a real machine gun nest, rest assured, that's exactly what it is  (telluridewatch.com) (78)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Elderly man plays along with phone scammer; suddenly finds himself the most popular person in Nigeria  (tampabay.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these piles of salt  (img120.imageshack.us) (63)
(Citizen-Times.com) Caturday Not News: Cat goes missing. News: Cat is found. Fark: 12 years later. Welcome to the Christmas miracle edition of Caturday  (citizen-times.com) (935)
(The Sun) Dumbass If you rob a fast-food joint, don't order a meal and sit down to eat it after holding the place up. "We've come across some stupid criminals in our time but this beats all," police marvel  (thesun.co.uk) (55)
(Daily Telegraph) Amusing Jesus appears on banana. Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron come to adore Him  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (144)
(Some Guy) PSA Canadian drivers offer tips to British on how to drive safely on roads covered with snow and ice. It's not going to hurt you folks in the southern states to read this either  (dailyexpress.co.uk) (235)
(Daily Mail) Cool Thomas the Tank Engine comes to life: English steam locomotive subs for electric trains delayed by snow and ice; Sir Topham Hatt approves  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(The Sun) Asinine British councils declare Dec. 26 not a holiday so they can write thousands of tickets to drivers who park in spaces that are free on public holidays  (thesun.co.uk) (71)
(CNN) Dumbass Actor Charlie Sheen was arrested early Friday and charged with second degree assault and menacing and criminal mischief. With pic of what a menacing Charlie Sheen might look like  (cnn.com) (240)

Fri December 25, 2009
(Buffalo News) Asinine Girl suspended for bringing peppermint oil to school. "The oil is an unregulated over-the-counter drug"  (buffalonews.com) (224)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious Step on a crack, break your mother's back. Step on a shark, _______  (abc.net.au) (104)
(New York Daily News) Followup Where should a father take his reunited son he barely knows who speaks little English to avoid the press, c) Disney World on the busiest day of the year  (nydailynews.com) (56)
(MSNBC) NewsFlash Man detained in Detroit after attempting to light a powdery substance on a Northwest Airlines flight  (msnbc.msn.com) (797)
(Click On Detroit) Fail Fool breaks into a police officer's home. The mugshot tells the rest of the story  (clickondetroit.com) (128)
(Some Resting Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bushed guy  (bigpicture.ru) (26)
(Some Chick) Fail 58-year-old woman arrested for having sex with 14-year-old boy. W/pic of "dear god, what the hell was he thinking?"  (kesq.com) (166)
(PTI News) Spiffy Man gets eyesight restored after stem cell treatment. I SAID MAN GETS EYESIGHT RESTORED AFTER STEM CELL TREATMENT  (ptinews.com) (161)
(Daily Mail) Weird Inventor spends Christmas with the perfect woman - his custom-made fembot: "Aiko is always helpful and never complains. She is the perfect woman to have around at Christmas" (w/ pics that will creep you the hell out)  (dailymail.co.uk) (253)
(CNN) Obvious No one knows anything about Jesus  (cnn.com) (380)
(AL.com) Amusing When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, and realized the pickup truck was about to crash  (blog.al.com) (10)
(Missoullian) Strange If you're intoxicated and driving with a suspended license, don't call 911 to tell dispatchers that you've just been shot and heading to the nearest hospital, especially if you haven't been shot and merely ran out of gas instead  (missoulian.com) (14)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Going to school in a Santa suit? That's a suspending  (boston.com) (63)
(BBC) Amusing Time again for the annual roundup of the bizarre items left on British trains in the last year, including a dead octopus and a live cat  (news.bbc.co.uk) (26)
(History Channel) Hero 95 years ago, British and German troops showed the world what life could be like if we'd all just put our guns down and shake hands, even if only for a day. Way to go, guys. Way to go  (history.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this drain  (oatey.com) (40)
(ABC News) Ironic A tugboat put in service to help prevent another oil spill disaster runs aground on the same reef the Exxon Valdez did  (abcnews.go.com) (86)
(Vail Daily) Amusing Donkey show almost ruined, until last minute help is provided by a sheriff's deputy  (vaildaily.com) (37)
(Abc.net.au) Scary 12-yr old takes a ride on his trail bike. Feels the wind in his hair, fence picket through his gut  (abc.net.au) (52)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The secret life of Santa  (fark.com) (31)
(FARK) Spiffy Merry Christmas, Fark  (ibabuzz.com) (380)
(New York Daily News) Spiffy Old & busted: Yule log on TV. New hotness: Yule log online  (nydailynews.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ways to tell you might be too drunk to drive: 1) someone calls 911 on you, 2) your friend calls 911 on you, 3) your friend calls 911 on you from the passenger seat  (reformer.com) (24)
(Some Do-gooder) Caption Caption this officer and his collar  (wcmessenger.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Cool Chickasaw Nation makes generous donation to OU Cancer Institute, will be renamed Chemosabe Research Center  (normantranscript.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Sappy Elderly couple meets in retirement home, falls in love, and marries on Christmas Eve. Cue Frank Capra  (ksdk.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Strange You're drunk, you're hungry, and you think a dude stole your wallet at a diner. Do you: c) start stabbing people with your fork?  (kitsapsun.com) (35)
(Examiner) Sad Athens, GA singer-songwriter Vic Chesnutt in coma after apparent suicide attempt. UPDATE: several news sources now reporting condition downgraded to dead  (examiner.com) (170)
(UPI) Cool Los Angeles officials seize thousands of pairs of counterfeit sneakers, decide to hand them out to city's homeless on Christmas Day rather than destroying them  (upi.com) (75)
(KRGV) Followup Boy is finally reunited with American Dad. Family Guy still better  (krgv.com) (115)
(Examiner) Amusing The future of movies, art, and the world as we know it is dethroned by three singing rats  (examiner.com) (404)

Thu December 24, 2009
(Examiner) Video Finally: Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and The Muppets performing "The Twelve Days of Christmas"  (examiner.com) (64)
(Metro) Dumbass Rock On, Naked Stock Photography Guy (SFW)  (metro.co.uk) (54)
(Gizmodo) Fail The worst gadgets gallery, including a sex toy for your dog. lol wuf  (gizmodo.com) (114)
(Bloomberg) Cool Ed Hardy shop in London has hired a Gary Colemanesque Santa to sit on YOUR lap. Bonus: bling and Ho Ho Hoes pic  (bloomberg.com) (43)
(Independent) Hero Super cabbie's altruistic trek brings hemoglobin  (independent.co.uk) (60)
(Some Jewish Santa) Sappy "I wanna be Santa. My qualifications? I'm Jewish, a teacher, Fulbright scholar, Guggenheim fellow and author of 14 books. I have a beard. For 53 years I have wanted to participate as other than an envious Christmas outsider"  (metrosantacruz.com) (96)
(CBS New York) News Pope Benedict XVI gets his Mass kicked, briefly  (wcbstv.com) (279)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this ice picker  (festpicture.ru) (32)
(Missoulian) Hero Cowboy Code: Live each day with courage. Be tough, but fair. Don't touch my pickup  (missoulian.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Amusing A rundown of the creepiest and most frightening mall Santas of the year. It's a slideshow, but so worth it  (thescottishsun.co.uk) (84)
(WBBM) Unlikely Bumping bellies bad brings battery, Barrister  (wbbm780.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Scary It's usually a good thing when you end up butt naked at the end of a date. But not this time  (southbendtribune.com) (65)
(Denver Post) Sad See a penny, pick it up. Good luck you'll have all day. Except when you do it in a Wal-Mart parking lot and a Toyota Corolla is headed right for you  (denverpost.com) (116)
(Baltimore Sun) Silly Volunteer fire company bans orthodox Jews from having full beards because they could interfere with breathing masks  (baltimoresun.com) (186)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Britain's shortest thug slapped with court order to obey the law after drunkenly terrorizing neighbors, who say the 3'9" yob has a short fuse (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December  (fark.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Fail Honor student's sexting message reaches about half her school's 1,300 students, promises to try harder next semester  (wbbm780.com) (210)
(Some Guy) News Legendary D.C. Sportscaster George Michael Dies at 70  (dcist.com) (293)
(AL.com) Fail Cops find you cooking meth in your car. Do you: c) start a high speed chase, catch your car on fire, continue chase with smoke billowing from windows, STOP THE CAR, start again, catch on fire, wreck, fall out of the car and collapse?  (blog.al.com) (55)
(USA Today) Followup Man in wheelchair surrenders after Virginia hostage sit-off  (usatoday.com) (51)
(Google) Interesting London restaurant makes diners sign waiver before eating their Christmas pudding, raising the question how English eateries have survived without doing this as a general practice  (google.com) (78)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Canadian ministers demand that marijuana be legally recognized as a sacrament, in latest attempt to lure atheists to church  (thestar.com) (89)
(The Register) Sad Homeland Security has no regrets about using intelligence they got from the secret bar codes hidden in Al Jazeera broadcasts  (theregister.co.uk) (87)
(BBC) Scary "You wanna know how to get a Welshman? They throw a snowball, you pull a knife. He smacks one of yours with a slushball, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Welsh way"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (42)
(Sky News / Record Online) Interesting Pope decides to hold Christmas midnight mass at 10pm, leaving him more time for blackjack and hookers  (recordonline.com) (69)
(AFP) Amusing Civic-minded citizen decides to help city authorities by using a front-end loader to plow the streets of his neighborhood after a snowfall, and is promptly arrested by police. The fact that he's 7 MAY have had something to do with it  (news.yahoo.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Unlikely And the optimist of the year award goes to...Filipino mountain dweller Nelson Esquivel: "I will just run down when the volcano erupts"  (independent.ie) (58)
(Telegraph) Scary Man stole so many jars of Marmite that shops began keeping it behind the counter like it was some sort of barf-inducing form of pseudoephedrin banned from 150 stores  (telegraph.co.uk) (54)
(BBC) Followup Ex-Playboy Model of the Year guilty of banging another woman  (news.bbc.co.uk) (198)
(Some Guy) Interesting Vodak vs. Bourbon: Two boozes enter, one booze leaves  (psychcentral.com) (231)
(BusinessWeek) Cool You're an action hero starring in a multi-billion dollar thriller as the king of a dying state. You have the accent, the body, the girl. What's missing? If you guessed "black sidekick," you win  (businessweek.com) (74)
(Fond du Lac Reporter) Fail Boom Humbug  (fdlreporter.com) (24)
(My Fox DC) Scary Old and busted: Crying over spilled milk. New hotness: Punching and holding the head of a woman under water in a roadside ditch over spilled ice cream  (myfoxdc.com) (29)
(BBC) Scary NORAD tracking a target inbound to CONUS. Initial reports indicate a bearded man wearing a turban. F-22s from Langley AFB scrambled to intercept  (news.bbc.co.uk) (72)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy What do you get when you add 50 feet of aluminum flashing and 6,000 hours of labor? One mind-blowing model Mustang. The P-51 kind  (dailymail.co.uk) (140)
(News.com.au) Interesting Town in the red after squirrels eat Christmas lights. With pic of a satiated squirrel  (news.com.au) (55)
(Daily Express) Amusing In Britain, Santa Claus is treated just like all the other chavs  (express.co.uk) (23)
(Washington Post) Scary Iran warns protestors that its days of mollycoddling, pampering, indulging, and otherwise playing nursemaid to them are over  (washingtonpost.com) (96)
(ABC News) Hero Nation's most highly decorated soldier, who was awarded the Medal of Honor once and was nominated twice more and earned eight purple hearts, has passed away. Unclear if he went peacefully or if Death will be walking with a limp for a while  (abcnews.go.com) (149)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this warning sign  (online.wsj.com) (50)
(BBC) Interesting Good news: Researchers identify factor that reduces cancer risk. Bad news: It's Alzheimer's. Good news: Researchers identify factor that reduces Alzheimer's risk. Bad news: It's cancer  (news.bbc.co.uk) (66)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Woman who cried at sight of Krystal's restaurant named to Hall Of Fame; "You know you're a redneck when your sister's picture is on a Krystal's burger box"  (chron.com) (89)
(CBS New York) Hero Someone leaves their bags of Christmas gifts on the subway you're riding on. Do you: A) Open the gifts and keep them B) Open the gifts and burn them C) Be a Christmas angel and track down the person who lost them  (wcbstv.com) (77)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Woman calls 911 because her husband won't eat dinner, likely because the husband is trying to avoid having to call 911 for eating it  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this victory toss  (cache.boston.com) (35)
(USA Today) Interesting Mom turns shoplifting 6-year-old daughter over to the police. Oh, and about that $30 reward?  (content.usatoday.com) (144)
(SLTrib) Cool Need to get an officer's attention? Ram his patrol car  (sltrib.com) (42)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass When the cops are following you and the hood of your car flips up smashing your windshield, just hang your head out the driver's window and keep driving, because man, you're drunk  (abc.net.au) (51)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 242: "Farktography Classic: Seasons Greetings 3." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (140)

Wed December 23, 2009
(ABC News) Cool While mozart out chopin, this cello-playing doctor is bach raising funds for research. If he haydn given up a verdi promising musical career, it would be harder to handel these diseases  (abcnews.go.com) (78)
(Boston Globe) Cool The coldest pictures you'll see all day--shots of the recent snowstorms around the world. Subby's favorite: #21, snow-covered gondolas in Venice  (boston.com) (119)
(MSNBC) Obvious TSA agents discover the difficulty of conventional security measures on Santa's elves. "It was like a puzzle finding all the bells on each elf. My hands were covered in elf glitter after just the first pat-down"  (msnbc.msn.com) (124)
(NJ.com) Obvious Amtrak tempts fate and sends out a news release touting its efficiency in moving travelers during last weekend's major snowstorm in the Northeast. As many already know, fate doesn't like to be tempted  (nj.com) (39)
(AZCentral) Sappy "Secret Santa" pays $1000 to local utility office to stop utilities shutoff for as many residents as possible because, you know, Christmas is all about consumerism & stuff  (azcentral.com) (61)
(Gainesville Sun) Dumbass Man arrested after he steals blow-up doll, instigates disturbance, then changes into a woman's jogging suit while stealing a gun. This is the cost of inflation  (gainesville.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The police were pulling over everyone driving down that sidewalk. That's profiling, which is of course, wrong  (summitdaily.com) (39)
(CNN) Dumbass Craig Lynch is looking for an unmarked car, a hack-saw, and trash bags for mafia wars. [Comment] [Like] [Help Craig Now]  (cnn.com) (59)
(UPI) Sick Rhode Kill  (upi.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this incipient alcoholic  (images.buycostumes.com) (39)
(NJ.com) Amusing New Jersey initiates "Silver Alert" system to help locate missing seniors. Plans for an "Orange Alert" system abandoned after MTV beat them to the punch  (nj.com) (43)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Wal-Mart, always low prices, always illegally videotaping customers and employees in the bathroom  (consumerist.com) (108)
(WSLS) News Wheelchair bound man with explosives holds hostages at Post Office. Is now on the "Naughty" list  (www2.wsls.com) (161)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing Today's Incoherent Headline Award goes to: "Recipe for Oscar Nom Trash Middle Tea-Bagging America." Om nom nom  (bighollywood.breitbart.com) (72)
(TSP) Dumbass Drugs make you do dumb things. Like shooting yourself in the stomach at your friend/drug dealer's house, who's under house arrest and not wearing his electronic home detention monitor because he's dealing drugs  (thestarpress.com) (64)
(ABC News) Spiffy The terrorists can not stop our freedom, not as long as we can order a 6-inch Italian B.M.T  (abcnews.go.com) (113)
(Some Guy) PSA Few things liven up a Christmas lingerie show like gunfire  (kfsm.com) (51)
(ABC News) Interesting Scientists discover link between the mother's occupation and specific birth defects. Risks higher for custodians, lower for teachers. In the case of your mom, it explains the dimpling in the top of your head  (abcnews.go.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Interesting Local food isn't always better, the rainforest is a man-made creation, large farms are good for the enviroment, and other eco-myths debunked  (mnn.com) (296)
(PhillyBurbs) Amusing Man visits neighbor twice asking for beer and later breaks into the neighbor's house to steal more beer, proving that Farkers can be pretty persistent when the need arises  (phillyburbs.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman claims she was strip-searched due to racial profiling, customs agents claim it's because she's hot  (montrealgazette.com) (255)
(CBS 4 Denver) Followup Balloon Boy Dad gets 90 days in jail, will not be allowed to be spokesman for Jiffy Pop  (cbs4denver.com) (154)
(USA Today) Interesting Myrrh may lower cholesterol. Jury still out on Frankenstein  (usatoday.com) (59)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing The 2009 mug shot of the year award winners from our pals at TSG. It's been an ugly year  (thesmokinggun.com) (117)
(IFC) Amusing Problem: Hollywood puts out two dozen big-budget stankfests a year. Solution: The best straight-to-DVD releases of 2009. Warning: movie descriptions exceed fourth grade reading level (Sponsored link)  (ifc.com) (76)
(The Local (Sweden)) Spiffy Study shows young Swedish women more likely to have sex with each other. At last, a sensible application of statistical analysis  (thelocal.se) (652)
(Daily Mail) Sappy If you only see one sickeningly sweet set of pictures of an acrobatic baby panda today, it might as well be this one  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: All I Want For Christmas  (images.google.com) (50)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Pro tip: Don't piss off the gas station manager working 18 hour days by trying to rob him -- especially if he has a panic button that can lock you in the store until police arrive  (nydailynews.com) (52)
(CBC) Scary Cold weather, no doubt caused by global warming, kills 90 in Europe. Severe snowstorms cause havoc in U.S Midwest. Canadians buy extra socks  (cbc.ca) (335)
(KHOU Houston) Weird Sea otters loose on a plane causes flight delay  (khou.com) (72)
(SMH) Amusing You're worried that your 14 year old son might be gay. Do you C) Buy him a hooker?  (smh.com.au) (195)
(ABC News) Followup Dutch court considers removing young girl sailor from her father's custody, concerned about her rudderless upbringing  (abcnews.go.com) (40)
(NJ.com) Spiffy Using a police car for your getaway vehicle, +200 bonus points  (nj.com) (33)
(The Register) Interesting British government outlaws spice, despite the objections of the spacing guild  (theregister.co.uk) (85)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Cops pick up 2 guys riding naked on their bikes. Nervous about their stiff penalties, cops let them get off with a helmet warning  (sltrib.com) (19)
(Herald Tribune) Florida This guy saw a turtle. And killed it. Then killed 11 more of them  (heraldtribune.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Obvious To the shock and dismay of local officals, the straw goat set up by the city of Gavle Sweeden, has been burned to the ground -- just like the 24 previous straw goats. Still no word on when the "asbestos goat" tradition may start  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(Failure) Dumbass If you're going to firebomb your ex-girlfriend's house, make sure you know where she lives  (failuremag.com) (31)
(3 News New Zealand) Strange One beer, thanks - and hold the lap dance  (3news.co.nz) (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing Boy grounded by parents, gets revenge on sister via Facebook  (degenerasian.blogspot.com) (948)
(Washington Post) Interesting Chavez to Colombia: You sent spy planes over Venezuala. Colombia to Chavez: Spy planes? What spy planes? It was Santa  (washingtonpost.com) (50)
(Some Annoying British Singer) Scary Man murders neighbor for constantly playing same song at top volume for more than a week  (weinterrupt.com) (249)
(Yahoo) Strange "How many bottles of Mad Dog can we get for this bearded dragon? He's got all four legs and his tail"  (news.yahoo.com) (36)
(TampaBays10.com) Dumbass NY court tells Trekkie there's no way in the universe he deserves millions in damages for spending over $11,000 on Data's uniform, which turns out to be fake. Comic Book Guy surrenders  (wtsp.com) (163)
(Orlando Sentinel) Cool Unless Fox gets more money from the cable company, cable customers won't be able to watch American Idol on cable TV. Subby fails to understand what the problem is  (orlandosentinel.com) (130)
(Yahoo) Amusing Woman suprises her fiancee at the airport by showing up in a wedding gown with a justice of the peace and wedding party in tow. Apparently she wanted to lock him in before the jetlag had a chance to clear  (news.yahoo.com) (84)
(3 News New Zealand) Unlikely Angelina Jolie says she doesn't mind cheating on Brad, so there you go Farkers, you're in  (3news.co.nz) (332)
(WKRN) Amusing Santa Claus robs bank, says he needed the money "to pay his elves"  (wkrn.com) (21)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Lights, camera...?  (images.google.com) (20)
(My San Antonio) Sad Man pays for half page newspaper ad to write his ex-girlfriend a love letter. Dude, she's just not into you  (mysanantonio.com) (127)
(My Fox DC) Asinine On the ninth day of Christmas, a stranger gave to me, a hatchet through the window of my car  (myfoxdc.com) (33)
(NJ.com) Unlikely Columnist afraid of his wife writes that most American men wouldn't have as many affairs as Tiger Woods even if they could because "we're too lazy"  (blog.nj.com) (199)
(CBS News) Stupid There will be no New Years Eve fireworks over San Diego bay this year, thanks to environmentalists complaining about pollution  (cbs8.com) (100)
(BBC) Sappy Family that lives 18 miles from ocean finds baby seal in their yard, decides to consider it a Christmas present and name it Rudolph. "It looked like a huge slimy cat" (pics)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Fox News) Scary American Airlines flight 331 from DC arrives in Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston, Jamaica, at gate 8, gate 9, gate 10  (foxnews.com) (192)
(Some barbary ape) Amusing The Miss Gibraltar finalists: Meet Mmm-mmmm, Mmmm, Mm, Hmm, Meh and OMFG NUKE IT FROM SPACE  (chronicle.gi) (380)
(Wikipedia) Cool It's December 23rd, and you know what that means; it's time to put up the pole, prepare for the feats of strength. Happy Festivus, everyone; air your grievances to the right  (en.wikipedia.org) (300)

Tue December 22, 2009
(MSNBC) Weird News: Man stabbed in chest by knife, Fark: Man goes into a diner and orders coffee with the knife in his chest  (msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: feathers  (images.google.com) (27)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Woman attacks Santa after photo shoot and goes right onto the naughty list  (indystar.com) (48)
(The Tennessean) Obvious A face-painted teen was arrested when he threatened to slap a female employee at a McDonald's. That's why I never eat there. There's too many clowns and too much assault in the food  (tennessean.com) (69)
(Washington Post) Amusing "Barry from DC" calls local politics radio show to say goodbye to outgoing Virginia governor  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (77)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Girls who have sex in their teens are at greater risk of developing cervical cancer, being popular  (dailymail.co.uk) (173)
(CNN) Stupid How to handle a bad gift from a boyfriend, written by an ungrateful biatch  (cnn.com) (722)
(ABC News) Hero Snoopy named top dog in US pop culture, narrowly eking out a win over Kathy Griffin, Progressive Flo, and Hayden Panettiere  (abcnews.go.com) (261)
(AJC) Followup Police: Foreigner behind Auschwitz sign theft, must have been cold as ice to commit such a crime, play head games with authorities  (ajc.com) (95)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Strange Recording studio robbers luck into the world's only non-packing rap crew  (myfoxla.com) (40)
(Contact Music) Stupid "Miley" and "Rihanna" are quickly becoming popular baby names, ensuring that a whole new generation will be beaten, exploited, and whored out for years to come  (contactmusic.com) (259)
(Style List) Dumbass Salon accidentally glues woman's eyes shut  (stylelist.com) (92)
(ABC News) Dumbass Besides delaying your flights, the FAA is throwing $5 million Christmas parties  (abcnews.go.com) (59)
(SacBee) Unlikely Of 20 kids born in a town in the past year, 5 had birth defects and 3 died. Local toxic waste dump owners say their dump is safe and something else must be to blame  (sacbee.com) (167)
(ABC News) Strange 50 greatest things about the aughts: Book clubs and cable. You sure we're talking about the aughts?  (abcnews.go.com) (37)
(ABC News) Interesting No Word from Microsoft on court ruling  (abcnews.go.com) (244)
(Gawker) Spiffy Joe Francis is Gawker's "Douche of the Decade," just beating runners-up Tucker Max and the entire executive management team at Comcast  (gawker.com) (176)
(Pajamas Media) Interesting Libertarians need to rethink support for drug legalization because some guy choked on a plastic bag or something about strippers  (pajamasmedia.com) (336)
(Houston Press) Unlikely The dangers of Viagra: Septugenarian love triangle at nursing home leads to murder-suicide  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (51)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: July through September  (fark.com) (98)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this light  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (47)
(ABC News) Silly Dognapping on the rise. Cat burglar unimpressed  (abcnews.go.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kentucky city opens to public a government employee salary database. You'd be surprised how much a Chicken Inseminator II makes  (govtech.com) (82)
(Google) Interesting Canada considers putting anti-cancer enzyme in french fries and potato chips, kind of like how they used to put chemotherapy in your old CRT TV  (google.com) (37)
(Houston Chronicle) Cool San Antonio River Walk to be more wheelchair friendly, hey that's great bec.... spalsh  (chron.com) (168)
(Telegraph) Obvious Police disarm suspected suicide bomber with two eggs over easy and a side of hash browns  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(Denver Post) Interesting Balloon Boy parents hit with a tab of $42,000 for their October stunt. Will probably have to sell their share of the Brooklyn Bridge to pay for it  (denverpost.com) (140)
(CBC) Sad Sex shop falls victim to hard times after flaccid interest and limp customer demand puts them out of business  (cbc.ca) (82)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly 69-year-old suburban Chicago man is new grand master of the Knights Templar; crusades for 2010 to include finishing the Times crossword puzzle and pissing less than 8 times a day  (chicagotribune.com) (80)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine BB gun in a school, after hours, with approval of the principal? That's a whining. Bonus comment: "Any parent who complained to the school about this should be fired."  (startribune.com) (118)
(Family Guy) Cool Family Guy crosses over to the something something something dark side. This will make your something something collection complete. (Sponsored link)  (amazon.com) (201)
(Guardian.com) Asinine Author's book receives unfavorable Amazon reviews. Does she: a) laugh graciously, b) shrug it off, c) call the FBI  (guardian.co.uk) (171)
(ABC News) Obvious Poll conducted on what Americans want for Christmas is pretty ordinary: pair of boots, warm coat, submachine gun, supersonic jet. You know, the usual  (abcnews.go.com) (230)
(Some Guy) Interesting Dog ownership has the same ecological footprint as driving an SUV. PETA responds by keying dogs  (vancouversun.com) (863)
(Philly) Interesting Nobody can figure out why crime rates are falling despite the expectation that the recession would turn everybody into desperate thieves  (philly.com) (238)
(News.com.au) Obvious Hark, the lawman's taser stings  (news.com.au) (57)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Boston mother, who is apparently unaware of how to use a power plug, circuit breaker, or hammer, is forced to call 9-1-1 to get her son to stop playing video games  (news.yahoo.com) (223)
(The Local (Germany)) Interesting This Christmas, you should watch out for the blood-sucking creatures which mysteriously show up in your house. Also, there might be ticks on your tree  (thelocal.de) (39)
(Google) Interesting FBI investigates alleged hacking and online theft at Citigroup. Spokesman for Citigroup flatly denies that any of the $24.37, two rubber bands and a bent paper clip has been stolen from Citi's coffers  (google.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Obvious Drivers who text are six times more likely to crash. Hah. Smug drivemitter submitted this headline while dr  (news.yahoo.com) (308)
(Irish Times) Sad Man eating tiger captured  (irishtimes.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Sick Sweet, succulent corn mixed with crisp, plump green beens, butter-soft baby lima beans and just the hint of crunchy, mounth watering rat-jaw : There's a reason we call our vegetables "Great Value"  (slashfood.com) (106)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this stealthy reptile  (farm5.static.flickr.com) (33)
(ntnews.com.au) Scary Croc gets shock when trapped in lock near dock  (ntnews.com.au) (20)
(FDNM) Dumbass You've read about DUIs on a lawnmower, a snowplow, even a motorized bar stool -- but you probably haven't read about one on a forklift  (newsminer.com) (30)
(New York Daily News) Sick He takes your urinal, you bite off his nose. That's the Tennessee way. (warning: w/ pic of what a masticated nostril may look like)  (nydailynews.com) (84)
(Anchorage Daily News) Scary Air traffic control goes dark at the Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport as the entire series of power tubes suffer simultaneous clogs  (adn.com) (43)
(News.com.au) Interesting Scientists discover long legs on women aren't as sexy as ZZ Top makes them sound  (news.com.au) (432)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "Stripping provides an opportunity for me to spread some holiday cheer the way I know best: with my big knockers"  (thefrisky.com) (237)
(Sign On San Diego) Scary Usually when buildings shake in San Diego it's because of earthquakes or military testing, but this time nobody knows what caused it (at least that's what the streetlights want you to think)  (signonsandiego.com) (140)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this monstrous disaster  (farm5.static.flickr.com) (44)

Mon December 21, 2009
(SLTrib) Sad Time for Wapner [ack] [thud]  (sltrib.com) (189)
(News.com.au) Stupid "World air passenger traffic plunges." In related news, ship traffic sinks, road traffic crashes, train traffic gets derailed, bike traffic goes flat and foot traffic gets cut off at the knees  (news.com.au) (91)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny State bans town from bringing reindeer to a mall because it might snow and people looking at the reindeer could slip and fall. "With or without the reindeer the streets were still icy"  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(El Paso Times) Interesting Mexican army finds 3 tons of marijuana in truck. After confiscating the 2 tons of marijuana, local police need several vans to haul all 800 pounds of it; say the 50 pounds placed in evidence is worth almost 50,000 pizzas. I mean, dollars  (elpasotimes.com) (102)
(Free Press) Interesting Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox has sued for the right to close off waterways leading to the Great Lakes to stop Asian Carp (with bonus pic of shocked and appalled fish)  (freep.com) (186)
(Las Vegas Now) Asinine What happens when a foreclosure company makes a mistake? For this woman, her locks were changed, her condo was emptied, and her stuff is now in a landfill  (lasvegasnow.com) (314)
(CBS New York) Scary Witness: This woman collapsed, can you EMTs help? EMTs: Yeah... we would, but... we're kinda on our break. You should probably call 9-1-1. Witness: But you're... wait, where are you going?  (wcbstv.com) (455)
(OK! Magazine) Sappy The cutest penguin pic you'll see today. Or ever. Aaawwww  (ok.co.uk) (76)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: April through June  (fark.com) (93)
(SacBee) Dumbass Sacramento City Council learns that saying, "Yeah, sure, go ahead" to developers who want to build isn't exactly legal  (sacbee.com) (65)
(New Scientist) Cool New study reveals that the deaf may one day be able to hear through their teeth. If only Anne Frank had lived long enough for this breakthrough  (newscientist.com) (179)
(Google) PSA Mexico City becomes first Latin American city to approve gay marriage. ¡Fabuloso︕  (google.com) (144)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these pilgrimaging performers  (online.wsj.com) (29)
(Fox News) Followup Large crowd lines up for Oral  (foxnews.com) (160)
(The Sun) Caturday If you're running out of space to keep dozens of cats in your tiny apartment, don't overlook the storage capacity of your freezer  (thesun.co.uk) (247)
(OK! Magazine) Dumbass This woman has worn the same outfit more than once, reflecting a disturbing new trend  (ok.co.uk) (229)
(Chicago Tribune) Weird When you're stabbed in the head with a screwdriver and sustain "non-life threatening injuries", it's your lucky day, pal  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Silly Today's Fark-ready headline - Defiant pig farmer tells state to "bring their army"  (clarecountyreview.com) (68)
(CBC) Strange Philosophy professor concerned that the Simpsons may have affected the public's perception of nuclear power  (cbc.ca) (150)
(USA Today) Obvious Winter is hazardous to your health  (usatoday.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Amusing British Crimestoppers hotline staff "gobsmacked" by flood of bizarre calls linked to recent cold weather, from people complaining about drunken mall Santas to an obscene snowman "which featured an extra carrot"  (24dash.com) (42)
(Fox News) Fail Headline: "1 Dead, 5 Hurt in Christmas Boat Parade Crash". Story: "Neither boat was participating in the parade"  (foxnews.com) (42)
(ABC News) Unlikely Ahmadinejad says that Iran's nuclear bomb plans are fake. Adds that if someone has genuine ones, they'd gladly make a deal  (abcnews.go.com) (69)
(ABC News) Weird "It's not like we're trying to return an itchy sweater,'' says mom about adopted son  (abcnews.go.com) (236)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Amusing Indiana Jones Rule: Don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Indiana Jones Corollary: Don't bring a gun to a carfight  (rgj.com) (39)
(C|Net) Cool If your kids ever ask, you will now be able to tell them exactly how NORAD tracks Santa  (news.cnet.com) (58)
(Sports by Brooks) NewsFlash Report: Motorcade (2 cop cars, 8 police motorcycles) arrive at Tiger Woods estate "to escort Elin out"  (sportsbybrooks.com) (495)
(ABC News) PSA You still have a better chance of playing pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks than making your flight back east in time for Christmas, but at least now you won't have to spend 12 hours sitting in a stranded airplane doing it  (abcnews.go.com) (114)
(WFTV) Sick Thief steals daycare's toys, Christmas tree and turkey. Suspect is 6' 2", with short green hair, possibly accompanied by a small dog with antlers  (wftv.com) (118)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March  (fark.com) (148)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Of the many ways to learn another language, rape never made my list  (telegraph.co.uk) (140)
(Some Drunk) Sad Major blaze engulfs Guinness factory in Dublin. I'm sure there's a joke to be made here somewhere, but I'll just sit in the corner and cry  (irishcentral.com) (182)
(News-Leader.com) Scary Fine for parking in handicapped space: $200. Parking in this woman's space? Well, that's an icepick to the chest, man  (news-leader.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Scary Autism rates jump 60 percent in 4 years. Help us, Jenny McCarthy, you're our only hope  (allheadlinenews.com) (351)
(FARK) Weird Fark unveils the top 11 weirdest stories of 2009  (fark.com) (46)
(USA Today) Stupid Because when I see low-grade, flash-frozen, grease-laden burger patties with limp lettuce and day-old bread, I think sex  (usatoday.com) (76)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this water walker  (faculty.uml.edu) (40)
(Telegraph) Dumbass If someone rings the mobile phone you've just stolen and asks you for your name and address, they're just trying to trick you into revealing your name and address  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(AJC) Sad Georgia flea market destroyed by fire. No deaths, but tens of dollars damage reported  (ajc.com) (57)
(Daily Mail) Strange What would Jesus shoplift?  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Something old, something new. Something borrowed, and something which produces pain, tears and temporary blindness  (thelocal.se) (22)
(Some Guy) Amusing He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans  (ktvu.com) (41)
(ABC News) Obvious Good news, everyone. We're getting Socialism for Christmas  (abcnews.go.com) (1320)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Macy's escalator catches on fire, survivors stranded for hours  (huffingtonpost.com) (67)
(PennLive) PSA When snowmobiles and buggies clash, no one wins. With clipartist's abstract collage of what an accident may look like  (fox43.com) (35)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop these popped open pods  (faculty.uml.edu) (29)
(SFGate) Followup Auschwitz sign found, much to the relief of park officials, who may now open all rides and concessions just in time for the holiday tourist rush  (sfgate.com) (123)

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