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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun January 31, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Sad Betty Crocker looking for new Hamburger Helper mascot as the previous one was evidently killed near the U.S.\Mexico border  (wfaa.com) (127)
(STLToday) Asinine "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof*" *offer only applies to monotheists in CA  (stltoday.com) (198)
(Orlando Sentinel) Amusing If Nancy Grace covered the Nancy Grace story  (orlandosentinel.com) (138)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this man of steel  (inapcache.boston.com) (40)
(NYPost) Amusing Long Island makes a bid for its own tag as residents flee in terror from wild packs of... beagles? Snoopy unavailable for comment  (nypost.com) (108)
(io9) Followup Finally, we know what can be blamed for global warming: water. NUKE IT FROM ORBIT  (io9.com) (226)
(Sign On San Diego) Dumbass If someone punches you in the face while you're robbing an 83-year old, don't call the cops to report an assault  (signonsandiego.com) (34)
(ABC News) Weird The superstitions of politicians: Obama's strategist carried quartz for good luck, Indira Gandhi consulted soothsayers, and Pakistan's president kills a goat every day. Wait, what?  (blogs.abcnews.com) (72)
(CNN) Asinine "Baggage claim? My luggage has been lost. You owe me $200 for its contents and $27k for the bag. K, thanks."  (cnn.com) (214)
(Local6) Florida TSA worker arrested for recruiting underage sex slave. Oh yes, then it gets weird  (clickorlando.com) (89)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Billboards urge Massachusetts residents to buy their beer in tax-free New Hampshire, an act punishable by a year in jail if police ever run out of other laws to enforce  (boston.com) (103)
(The Newspaper) Followup Someone didn't read that somewhat intelligent cop's somewhat coherent explanation of why speed cameras are somewhat good for us  (thenewspaper.com) (121)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool A sweet slow news day. Remembering old candy bars to the left. Your own favorites to the right  (online.wsj.com) (336)
(MetroWest Daily News) Stupid Man gets permit to sell raw milk, but only if he tests it to higher standards than store milk, collects personal information about every customer, and bows five times per day in the direction of power-mad town officials  (metrowestdailynews.com) (132)
(Daily Mail) Strange WTF headline of the day: "Britain on alert for deadly new knife with exploding tip that freezes victims' organs"  (dailymail.co.uk) (126)
(KPTV) Dumbass Teen crashes into bowling alley. While car does not strike anyone, front of building is split open. Owners say timing of the accident helped spare those inside from any injury  (kptv.com) (63)
(AZCentral) Cool Coast Guard takes a break from their busy schedule of, uh, doing, whatever they normally do, to fly two rare sea turtles from Oregon to San Diego  (azcentral.com) (66)
(Billings Gazette) Interesting A Montana family responds to criticism and harassement for flying their American flag upside down to indicate our country is in a "state of emergency."  (billingsgazette.com) (178)
(ABC News) Interesting Scientists find that overeating is as addictive as cocaine. Except the high is nowhere near as awesome, and when you're done you don't end up in a hotel bed with naked strangers  (abcnews.go.com) (75)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Dog decides to try his paw at being a polar bear, floats 18 miles out to sea on an ice floe (w/pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man tries to return Toyota to dealership because of gas pedal recall. If you're reading this on Fark you can guess what happens just before he gets there  (2theadvocate.com) (176)
(ABC News) Stupid (sigh) Still no cure for cancer  (abcnews.go.com) (48)
(Cracked) Amusing England is basically the pathetic stalky "friend" of America who will one day snap, threaten America with a knife and end up getting buggered in jail by a swarthy continent sporting a teardrop tattoo  (cracked.com) (200)
(Yahoo) Obvious What are the least God-fearing occupations in the county? That would be Hollywood filmmaker, scientist and journalist (except those on Fox News, of course)  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(Detroit News) Obvious Missing person media panic checklist: Teenager? ☑ Female? ☑ Missing on vacation in foreign country? ☑ Caucasian with blonde hair? Um... sorry, no media panic, nothing to see here, move along  (detnews.com) (120)
(The Pulse) Followup The (somewhat) coherent cop newspaper columnist defends his (somewhat) intelligent defense of automated ticket cameras  (chattanoogapulse.com) (129)
(Breitbart.com) Dumbass You would think with 238 pounds of pot in the trunk he would have had better traction. Weekend drugged driving trifecta now in play  (breitbart.com) (28)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this gas turbine rotation  (inapcache.boston.com) (30)
(NYPost) Stupid Today's student cruise w/ 'buxom' chemistry teacher makeout brought to you by NYC (w/ "hmm, okay" pic)  (nypost.com) (190)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Finally, there a good reason to spend $500 for two tickets to a hockey game  (huffingtonpost.com) (94)
(The New York Times) Asinine At least 5.4 million civilians have died over the last 3 years in a deadly ci... Oh, it's in Africa? Sorry, go read about the cool dog  (nytimes.com) (394)
(Fox News) News Head of Taliban in Pakistan killed in drone attack  (foxnews.com) (261)
(Baltimore Sun) Hero One of the biggest donations to the Haitian earthquake relief fund totals just $14.64  (baltimoresun.com) (145)
(Blogspot) Photoshop Photoshop this rly fast owl  (1.bp.blogspot.com) (49)
(Albany Times Union) Amusing Good Samaritan stops to help injured people after taxi flips over. Just kidding, he robbed it while the people were trapped inside  (timesunion.com) (29)
(Daily Mail) Cool Where does a 245-lb dog sit? Anywhere he wants. Meet Giant George, current Guiness contender for world's largest dog  (dailymail.co.uk) (179)
(Spiegel) Stupid Evangelical family gets political asylum in another country because state wouldn't let their five kids be home-schooled to avoid "anti-Christian worldview" taught in public schools  (spiegel.de) (529)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists discover that if a dog is truly happy, he will wag his tail to the left. Your dog wants a cure for cancer  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)

Sat January 30, 2010
(Washington Post) Fail You're hoping to stop your kid from getting divorced. Do you c) give their one-year-old daughter blood thinners, causing her to bleed uncontrollably?  (washingtonpost.com) (63)
(NYPost) Dumbass NYPD leaves his marked highway patrol vehicle with a loaded shotgun inside running while he runs into a diner. What could possibly go wrong?  (nypost.com) (81)
(CNN) Dumbass TSA launches internal investgation over assignment board with "Jeopardy" categories such as "our gang" (meaning African Americans), "pickle smokers" (gays). No word on who was assigned The Rapists or Anal Bum Covers  (cnn.com) (132)
(AaronHoos.com) Amusing If social networking sites were college students, most of them would basically suck and the really popular ones you just want to punch in the face  (aaronhoos.com) (38)
(AL.com) Asinine Unsuccessful raid on bingo hall by state troopers who lack a search warrant costs taxpayers $130,000. That's a Bingo  (al.com) (64)
(National Post) Obvious Women's Studies programs removed from Canadian universities: "These courses has done untold damage to families, our court systems, labour laws, constitutional freedoms and even the ordinary relations between men and women"  (nationalpost.com) (399)
(Contemporist) Photoshop Photoshop this spindly, wiry side table  (contemporist.com) (45)
(iReport) Stupid Yes, we all know self-righteous 15 year olds are annoying. We all know CNN can be ridiculously annoying. But do you know what happens when you combine the two?  (ireport.com) (166)
(CBS Baltimore) Amusing Texans raising a pickle by giant cucumber billboard advertising condoms. I thought everything was bigger in Texas  (wjz.com) (65)
(Jalopnik) Cool A car, originally designed by a coke-head, is polished to a mirror finish. Now that's efficiency  (jalopnik.com) (104)
(Gizmodo) Stupid Throw out your Monopoly board, it's for squares and your old man. The NEW Monopoly is where it's at. It's CIRCULAR, people... CIRCULAR  (gizmodo.com) (180)
(Some SW Geek's Basement) Spiffy There's Star Wars toy collectors, then there's this dude, which we can safely assume, is single (with pics of jaw-dropping collection)  (wackyowl.com) (244)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Ex-Edwards flunky says sex tape is "somewhere safe." Expect it on YouTube before the weekend is over  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (68)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Overweight? Don't bother exercising or dieting, since it's all part of a British government conspiracy: "The endless message of 'eat less, do more' has never been proven using proper clinical trials"  (dailymail.co.uk) (124)
(ABC News) Scary Prison offers to reduce jail sentence for every inmate who "gets on all fours and forms an inverted V by pushing their buttocks high into the air." Really  (abcnews.go.com) (61)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Stupid Jesus spotted in coconut, sermon on the Mounds anticipated  T-Shirt  (news10.net) (98)
(Some Islander Laker Guy) Spiffy The world's largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island in a slideshow  (treehugger.com) (88)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this application  (online.wsj.com) (47)
(The Sun) Interesting Yes Virginia, street lights DO fly in formation  (thesun.co.uk) (84)
(CNN) Obvious New York's Central Park sees sharp increase in rabid, aggressive, foaming inhabitants. Raccoons, too  (cnn.com) (31)
(Commercial Appeal) Sappy Tall-ass baby giraffe born at the Memphis Zoo. (with picture goodness)  (commercialappeal.com) (37)
(St. Petersburg Times) Asinine Burglary suspect attempts getaway. In pedal boat. And boxer shorts  (tampabay.com) (16)
(Coloradan) Interesting Your car's black box may record the fastest speed it ever traveled, and that high speed record may be used against you if you are ever in an accident  (coloradoan.com) (153)
(UPI) Dumbass If you're going to talk to your terrorist buddies on your cell phone, make sure no one can overhear you... especially your fellow passengers. And be thankful they alerted authorities instead of kicking your ass all over the train  (upi.com) (78)
(The Pulse) Dumbass If you're going to drink, please don't drive. And if you're going to smoke pot, speed up and get the hell out of the way. Oh, and don't carry around 100 pounds of pot, either  (chattanoogapulse.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Air Force Academy to open worship area for Druids and Wiccans. Quiddiitch matches planned for next term  (usafa.af.mil) (265)
(UPI) Amusing Tree-sitting protestors climb down after nine days. Wimps. Why, back in subby's day, we'd stay up for weeks, months even. And we liked it. Damn kids these days, can't even follow through on a simple protest  (upi.com) (39)
(The Pulse) Interesting A (somewhat) intelligent defense of automated traffic cameras, from a (somewhat) coherent cop  (chattanoogapulse.com) (259)
(CBS News) Interesting Subby knows robbing banks is a bad thing, but can't help root just a teensy tiny little bit for San Diego's "Geezer Bandit", wonders who will play him in the inevitable movie  (cbsnews.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Obvious If "Love it or Leave it" was still the name of the game, the U.S. would be a lot roomier country  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(JSOnline) Stupid You too can plead mental illness when faced with $31 million in embezzlement charges  (jsonline.com) (45)
(UPI) Amusing Tennessee approves teaching the Bible in public schools. ACLU rep unsure of new guidelines, tells reporter "The devil is in the details." Looks like someone failed their Bible classes  (upi.com) (256)
(Breitbart.com) Scary Pastor pulls a gun on his son and "threatened to kill him, his wife and family" because they don't attend church enough. Amen  (breitbart.com) (95)
(Boston Globe) Sad Residents of Mattapan neighborhood of Boston asked for library to give teenagers something to do. Years and $17 million later they're afraid to go to new library because it's full of teenagers  (boston.com) (83)
(The Courier) Dumbass It's 20 feet from the balcony to the floor below at the Prodigy concert, and no amount of club drugs will change that  (thecourier.co.uk) (69)
(ABC News) Caturday Actual news headline: "Agility Competitions for Cats Gain Popularity". Your cat yawns, licks his butt, and goes back to sleep to wait for Caturday  (abcnews.go.com) (lots)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this enterprising biker  (cache.boston.com) (41)
(Abc.net.au) Unlikely Would you pay $7k for a Prime Minister's butt?  (abc.net.au) (22)
(Boston Channel) Scary What begins with "f" ends in "uck" and kills little old ladies with a big hose?  (thebostonchannel.com) (82)
(Fox News) Interesting Obama meets with congressional Republicans; Fark political thread breaks out  (foxnews.com) (365)
(Gawker) Video Oprah held a half hour discussion with her audience after yesterday's show with the Jay Leno interview, and all of the Team Leno crazy cat ladies came out of the woodwork  (tv.gawker.com) (111)
(ABC News) Dumbass You know how some cops get free things from restaurants and shops? This officer does  (wsbtv.com) (42)
(Onion AV Club) Spiffy From the Why-The-Hell-Not dept.: "Caligula" director to make his return with "38 DDD - In 3D"  (avclub.com) (77)
(CNN) Asinine CBS rejects gay dating website ad for Super Bowl due do not "fitting CBS standards" preferring man & woman relationships that end in a baby  (money.cnn.com) (189)
(sfbg.com) Interesting "Mystery Science Theater 3000" creator Joel Hodgson talks about life after "MST3K" and his thoughts about jumping ship: "I lied to everyone, basically... I really regret leaving the show."  (sfbg.com) (366)
(Some Pilgrim) Sad John Wayne's Alamo Village for sale. Included in the offer is a free bicycle found in the basement  (thealamovillage.homestead.com) (58)
(ESPN) Unlikely If it makes you feel any better Vikings' fans, that hit on Brett Favre during the first interception should have been flagged allowing them into the red zone  (sports.espn.go.com) (117)
(CNN) Followup Condition of missing lottery winner, formerly declared by Fark to be 'drunk on a beach in Jamaica,' downgraded to 'buried under some guy's driveway'  (cnn.com) (42)
(Time) Obvious Obama admits that Democrats let some provisions 'sneak into' health care legislation that violate his promises that citizens who like their insurance, doctors can keep them  (realclearpolitics.blogs.time.com) (64)
(WinSuperSite) Amusing Programmer alleges that Apple innovated on his award-winning Mac book-reading app to produce iBooks. Steve Jobs innovatingly hired away all his designers and coders and copied all his bookshelf graphics without paying him  (community.winsupersite.com) (101)
(Some Guy) Dumbass New York officials lift cell-phone ban after data shows it was ineffective in reducing crashes. Just kidding, they ignored the results and still blamed the phones  (9wsyr.com) (30)
(SeattlePI) Asinine Having closed Guantanamo, convinced Congress to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, and persuaded Iran to drop its nuclear program, Obama plans to get Justice Department to investigate the BCS  (seattlepi.com) (54)
(ABC News) Followup Toyota CEO Toyoda apologizes, apologises to customers for trying to kill them. すみません  (abcnews.go.com) (125)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Not only is Focus on the Family ruining the Super Bowl with the Tim Tebow ad, they run fake clinics with fake preganancy tests and fake ultrasounds. They faked the Moon shots, too  (womensmediacenter.com) (85)
(Newsweek) Interesting Newsweek needs some traffic, comes up with a new gimmick: The decade's most egregious airbrushing scandals  (newsweek.com) (26)
(Variety) Scary If you are sexting a girl in China, I have some bad news for you  (variety.com) (30)
(Spike) Obvious The top 10 lamest rivalries in sports. Duke somehow fails to make list, sucks  (spike.com) (74)
(Popular Mechanics) Cool Sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel, but helmets may be required if it's a Jiucyudong  (popularmechanics.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Interesting You think it's cold today? In 1780 it was so cold that the British were able to drag cannons from Manhattan to Staten Island across a frozen NY harbor and deserters walked across the ice from Long Island to Connecticut  (cuppacafe.com) (31)
(CNN) Obvious Ric Romero reports people use more coupons when they have less money. Next week plans to break news that some shoppers prefer sales to paying full price  (cnn.com) (9)
(Examiner) Video Jimmy Kimmel drops some more pwnage on Jay Leno regarding his whiny little "Oprah" interview  (examiner.com) (31)
(Fox News) Silly Atheists demand their constitutional right not to have to lick Mother Teresa's backside  (foxnews.com) (133)
(Examiner) Followup Douche Pimp thinks wire tapping may not have been the best way to find out if Senator was answering her phones  (examiner.com) (62)
(New York Daily News) Hero 6 week old frozen puppy at JFK airport brought back to life with mouth to snout resuscitation by US customs officer  (nydailynews.com) (36)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this nice clean boxcar  (flickr.com) (35)
(TC Palm) Florida "It's not like I killed an innocent citizen or somebody who was undeserving"  (tcpalm.com) (55)
(Inside Bay Area) Dumbass Police have to stun some naked guy twice to subdue him  (insidebayarea.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Strange Government wants to make sure young students are taught about all faiths, including the ones where plants have souls and the dead must be eaten by vultures  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Some Cheerleader) Obvious Team Obama Head Cheerleader Nancy "Boom-Boom" Pelosi's been Livin' La Vida Loca on our dime  (rightsidenews.com) (110)
(Ynet) Interesting Hot IDF chicks- breaking the silence of the systematic cruel violence, killing of innocent people and cover-ups in the Occupied territories. Farkers show up just to watch their butts jiggle when they write on the dry erase boards  (ynetnews.com) (88)

Fri January 29, 2010
(Daily Mail) Interesting Rolling Stone guitarist Ronnie Wood checks into rehab for the eighth time. Keith Richards heard chuckling from the corner, "rookie"  (dailymail.co.uk) (10)
(NPR) Unlikely "Wal-Mart" of weed opens in Oakland. Time to get the chips, Haagen Dazs, popcorn, chocolate, graham crackers with the marshmallows--the little marshmallows, beef jerky, celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch, and two pizzas. Yeah  (npr.org) (42)
(BBC) Followup China threatens to cut America's allowance for selling $6.4 Billion of "f*ck China" to Taiwan  (news.bbc.co.uk) (78)
(CNN) Amusing Man did you say this weed was the shiat? No I said this weed SMELLS like shiat  (azfamily.com) (20)
(Politico) Obvious Miss America Live says that "Rush Limbaugh has exceptionally impressive fist pumping skills"  (politico.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Hypnotist defends groping one of his patients: "We could have had sex but I wanted to keep it professional"  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Let's start off this week's TSG round-up by giving all of our contestants a big hand  (thesmokinggun.com) (166)
(Spike) Obvious Ok this is the first time I agree with EVERYONE ON THE LIST  (spike.com) (357)
(AARP) Obvious Sexting isn't just for 12 year olds anymore, says AARP. "It's quick. It's right there. And nobody can hear you," says 50 year old who likes "naughty secrets."  (aarp.org) (118)
(FARK) FarkParty In honor of Farker bufu, please join us on February 13th to celebrate his life  (fark.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this carved character  (bigpicture.ru) (82)
(Kansas City) Misc Your woman not giving you the twenty bucks she owes you? That's a macheteing...macheting...oh fark it, she got chopped with a big ass knife  (kansascity.com) (59)
(Eating Our Words) Amusing If you own any of these useless kitchen gadgets, you should put your common sense card down the garbage disposal  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (527)
(Popular Mechanics) Interesting How to fall 35,000 feet and survive. "If a feet-first entry is inevitable, the most important piece of advice...is to clench your butt."  (origin.popularmechanics.com) (124)
(Daily Mail) Amusing It's okay to insult those stupid pasty-eating jerks known as the Cornish since they're not a real county anyway  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(News.com.au) Scary New mothers found to be as much of a hazard driving as someone with BAC of .05 to .1 percent, or roughly the actual BAC of new fathers  (news.com.au) (80)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Attention Chicagoans: today if you see your social security number and checking account balance blow by you in the wind, do not be alarmed  (chicagotribune.com) (16)
(LA Times) Strange Businessman indicted after investigators seize endangered elephant ivory from donut shop. Unknown if cops also confiscated bearclaws  (latimes.com) (15)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Federal officials stop bringing Haitian earthquake victims to Florida because they don't want to interfere with the Super Bowl  (sun-sentinel.com) (75)
(FARK) FarkParty Nola Fark Party January 30th at Madigan's  (fark.com) (98)
(ABC News) Dumbass "But his fraternity brothers took it upon themselves to continue the branding -- this time large triangles to represent the Tri Delta Sorority -- on his other buttock while he was passed out"  (abcnews.go.com) (317)
(ABC News) Spiffy Six sorority sisters suspended for spanking pledges. Giggidy  (abclocal.go.com) (198)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Parents everywhere breathe easier as felony charges are levied against two dangerous child pornographers, aged 12 and 13  (thesmokinggun.com) (225)
(UPI) Obvious Kids allowed to drink at home tend to drink more outside the house, says research from University of Duh  (upi.com) (72)
(Yahoo) Hero Bill Gates issues a $10 billion "f*ck you" to Jenny McCarthy, pledging to research and disburse vaccines over the next decade  (news.yahoo.com) (390)
(CNN) News Kansas jury says post 200th trimester abortion is murder  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (423)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Match the crime with their occupation. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (100)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine "While you are under anesthesia, a group of medical students parades into the operating room and perform gynecological exams without your knowledge." a) Bad dream b) Porn plot c) Canadian socialized medicine  (theglobeandmail.com) (292)
(ABC News) Followup Now that J.D. Salinger has died, many are asking what is stashed in the author's safe. Whatever it may be, don't let Geraldo Rivera open it  (abcnews.go.com) (82)
(Telegraph) Interesting Richard Branson unveils plans for a new "underwater plane", presumably after extensive consultation with the Italian Air Force  (telegraph.co.uk) (79)
(Independent) Interesting Defendant changes plea on jigsaw man murder, after the police manage to put all the pieces together  (independent.co.uk) (15)
(ABC News) Interesting Women: Your biological clock is ticking much faster than you thought. Scientists say 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by age 30  (abcnews.go.com) (218)
(MSNBC) Interesting Police find $1,000,000 in car's secret compartment. The money smelled of marijuana so naturally they confiscated all $200,000 of it  (msnbc.msn.com) (146)
(Examiner) Scary Not news: Kansas has an invasive species problem. Fark: It's alligators  (examiner.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Amusing Do You think global warming is real and immediate action is needed to save the planet? Congratulations you tree-hugging traitor, you are on Osama bin Laden's side now  (news.yahoo.com) (198)
(Some Guy) Florida 163 MPH test drive ends just as you would expect - with smashy smashy photo  (news-press.com) (139)
(CNN) Cool US economy rose at a 5.7% annual rate in the fourth quarter. Republicans: "This is an outrage"  (money.cnn.com) (324)
(Yahoo) Obvious Apparently it takes two Dartmouth professors to figure out that ski areas lie about their snow totals. Thanks Dr. Ric and Dr. Romero  (news.yahoo.com) (53)
(Boston Globe) Strange LARPers that could kick your ass  (boston.com) (396)
(News 5) Dumbass Congratulations Rey Maualuga -- You're now officially a Cincinnati Bengal  (wlwt.com) (45)
(Telegraph) Asinine Italy to open first prison for transsexuals, presumably to be called Alcatranz  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (88)
(News.com.au) Interesting Australia found to be the most sinful country in the world. Well, they did give us Hitler and all  (news.com.au) (152)
(FARK) Spiffy London Fark Party in April (DIT)  (fark.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this extreme close-up  (pics.livejournal.com) (52)
(BBC) Scary 1400 people airlifted from Machu Picchu after flooding cuts off all access. Tourists say flight over ruins was "more than we bargained for." Over Machu Picchu? "No...I don't think I'll ever get over Machu Picchu"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (162)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman spends a decade fighting the phone company for a 14-cent refund  (abclocal.go.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Your 'Awwww' moment of the day brought to you by two ugly-ass baby platypii  (dailysquee.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Strange "God Hates Lady Gaga" - the douchebags at the Westboro Baptist Church parody "Poker Face." Yes, you read that correctly  (muckmakers.com) (278)
(Fond du Lac Reporter) Amusing This man is wanted for "escape - body only." The police should just wait him out, he'll have to come back for his head eventually  (fdlreporter.com) (21)
(Stuff) Interesting Half of New Zealanders, even the smokers, want cigarettes banned by 2020. Apparently, the smell makes it hard to sneak up on the sheep  (stuff.co.nz) (41)
(Abc.net.au) Hero You'll never have to buy a drink again after you fight off a tiger shark with your bare hands  (abc.net.au) (41)
(The Sun) Amusing Disabled woman successfuly tackles and subdues raider, completely failing to amaze anyone living in Oakland  T-Shirt  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(Some Dumb Guy) Dumbass OK, kids, let daddy get some sleep in the play area at McDonalds. If the policemen come, just bite them, OK?  (wkyc.com) (17)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Where have all the cowboys gone?  (images.google.com) (40)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting "The Piper PA 32 landed on its belly and left a 6-foot skid mark on the highway." And a 1-foot skid mark in the pilot's seat  (sun-sentinel.com) (57)

Thu January 28, 2010
(Oregon Live) Dumbass Police officer witnesses man on fire, leaps into action by spraying him down liberally with an industrial-sized can of pepper spray  (oregonlive.com) (138)
(Some Guy) Asinine First, it was the dictionary for containing the definition of oral sex. This time, it's The Diary Of A Young Girl for bringing up vaginas  (thefrisky.com) (219)
(Some Animal Hoarder from Texas) Sick Six tigers, one cougar, two black panthers, one spotted leopard, about 20 dogs, dozens of cats, reptiles, a diseased monkey, mice, eight chickens, geese, guinea pigs, six goats, miniature horses, Shetland ponies and a turkey  (marshallnewsmessenger.com) (112)
(1010WINS) Fail Company mistakenly delivers 75 gallons of heating oil to house where family converted to natural gas a year ago. It's all fun, until the oil hits the basement  (1010wins.com) (124)
(Florida Today) Florida University of Florida has created a shark bite severity scale, ranging from "Just a flesh wound" up to "You stupid bastard, you've got no arms left"  (floridatoday.com) (75)
(Discover) Dumbass Oh, I *wasn't* supposed to give those kids spinal taps and make up a connection between vaccines and autism? Was that wrong?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (379)
(Contra Costa Times) Stupid Proposal would rename Mount Diablo to Mount Ronald Reagan  (contracostatimes.com) (238)
(News.com.au) Asinine Driver pulled over and fined for blowing nose in van. "This is snot happening."  (news.com.au) (112)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this golden guy  (bigpicture.ru) (34)
(ABC News) Strange Man seen hugging and kissing a chicken. At least he wasn't choking it  (abcnews.go.com) (70)
(Des Moines Register) Sad I've fallen and I can't get up and I'm too cheap to call an ambulance  (desmoinesregister.com) (241)
(Yahoo) Amusing For sale: Statue of evil dictator. No, not that one  (news.yahoo.com) (167)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's drill bit left in a patient's head by a dentist brought to you by Tampa  (wtsp.com) (55)
(Yahoo) Strange Argentina's president says pork leads to porking  (news.yahoo.com) (79)
(Some John) Weird "I am a free woman of color" declares preacher busted for soliciting a five dollar prostitute  (indexjournal.com) (154)
(WPXI) Dumbass News: Man attempts gas station robbery. Fark: With a fork  (wpxi.com) (72)
(CBS New York) NewsFlash Reclusive author J.D. Salinger dead at 91. As usual, he was unavailable for comment  T-Shirt  (wcbstv.com) (662)
(Ladder 21) Fail How many times must the fire department respond to you house fire before the home is totally engulfed in flames? Apparently the answer is three  (firehouse.com) (112)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Inside his jacket, officers reportedly found "a large knife, a window-punch tool and several pairs of female underwear."  (suntimes.com) (59)
(BBC) Interesting Construction worker dies after Forth bridge fall. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson after the first three  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (86)
(Some Art) Photoshop Photoshop these gossipping grannies  (bigpicture.ru) (48)
(ABC News) Spiffy French rescue team finds another survivor, immediately surrender her to doctors  (abcnews.go.com) (82)
(KFAB.com) Dumbass The first 89 YouTube videos he posted of him and the kids smoking pot went unnoticed...but cops finally catch on after the 90th  (kfab.com) (90)
(STV.tv) Obvious Susan Boyle says home intruder "more scared of me than I was of him"  (entertainment.stv.tv) (59)
(Some Poor Teacher) Dumbass High school teacher offers hot girl $100 to disrobe in classroom. When she refuses, he does the only polite thing: he doubles the offer and throws in a free ShamWow  (badjocksnews.com) (405)
(Huffington Post) Fail Here is your monthly slideshow dose of misspelled tattoos. Come for the exreme tradgedy, stay for the awsome  (huffingtonpost.com) (270)
(Sign On San Diego) Stupid If you get your car serviced in California you will pay the dealer whatever he demands to check your tire pressure or go to jail for six months for crimes against nature  (signonsandiego.com) (162)
(News.com.au) Scary Aaah, the age old story. Boy meets girl, boy steals girl's heart  (news.com.au) (120)
(Stuff) Strange There is a surprisingly fine line between "thawing your car" and "blowing up your car"  (stuff.co.nz) (47)
(Some Guy) Stupid "Investigators tell us the two argued over who would use the restroom first. Zachariah Hooper allegedly grabbed a gun and shot his brother in the neck." When you gotta go, you gotta go  (krgv.com) (42)
(Huffington Post) Fail Chris Matthews: "I forgot Obama was black for an hour"  (huffingtonpost.com) (562)
(Sandusky Register) Weird Today's "Man attacks Kroger store manager over crab cake prices" story brought to you by Sandusky, Ohio  (sanduskyregister.com) (73)
(ABC News) Unlikely "Douglas told the Vail Daily newspaper that his religion is similar to Christianity and that the use of pot is sacred to him just like wine and bread are sacred to Christians." Where are your brownies now?  (abcnews.go.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this SpiderGranny  (grampyshouse.net) (48)
(Some Guy) Scary Bored with his mundane job, bus driver makes his own drive-in movie for his riders  (kfvs12.com) (21)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Chicago is cancelling their 3rd of July fireworks show. THAT IS UNAMERICAN. WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE FOURTH OF JULY...oh, I see  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (67)
(Some Lucky Guy) Dumbass Life imitates "My Name is Earl"  (dispatch.com) (45)
(A True Southern Gentleman) Cool Quick, someone post that "Oh Snap" flow chart, because Mr. JH Todd of 1212 Webster St. just got TOLD  (lettersofnote.com) (135)
(Toronto Star) Obvious The recession has seen the street price of oral sex plummet from $60 last fall to $20 today..."we are in the most serious depression since the 1930s. This shows the magnitude of the decline. It is deep and it is problematic."  (thestar.com) (143)
(New Zealand Herald) Asinine Country club voting on whether to allow turbans to be worn on their premises after Sikh community leader was refused entry to a party given there in his honor  (nzherald.co.nz) (112)
(Philly) Scary As Subby wonders if Baltimore really needed another hood, a woman in a mall parking lot gets bitten by a cobra  (philly.com) (55)
(Denver Post) Amusing Portland City Hall evacuated due to burnt bagel, surrounding area put into lox down  (denverpost.com) (35)
(PennLive) Silly Having solved the budget crisis and allowing beer to be sold in supermarkets, the PA legislature wants to be the first state with a 'State Firearm'  (pennlive.com) (89)
(New Scientist) Interesting Now you too can enjoy US babies, even on a low-fat diet  (newscientist.com) (53)
(Some Truckin' Guy) Interesting Soon there will be fewer places to stop along SC interstates. Thank goodness  (lakewyliepilot.com) (56)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 247: "I Like it Anyways". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (251)

Wed January 27, 2010
(Stuff) Scary Last week Hummer driver threatens cyclists on cycling website. This week editor of cycling website is strangled during road rage while cycling. Subby decides to burrow his way to work  (stuff.co.nz) (242)
(23) Obvious California Deputy pulls drunken suicidal man off railroad tracks as train rolls past. With video  (turnto23.com) (77)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine The RIAA will not reduce the penalty for a Brainerd woman who shared 24 songs, ya you betcha  (startribune.com) (202)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Pro-tip: If you're in the military and decide to go AWOL, don't steal an identifiable military Humvee. Pro-tip Bonus: Don't run out of gas  (orlandosentinel.com) (37)
(KRTV) Obvious Ric Romero reports from Montana that poorly maintained cars more prone to getting stuck in snow  (krtv.com) (32)
(NJ.com) Asinine Fark: Hoboken SWAT commander throws a diva hissy fit at TSA checkpoint in Tampa airport. TotalFark: He was suspended for letting Hooters girls play with his guns in 2007. UltraFark: He's on a 2-year PAID suspension  (nj.com) (90)
(ABC News) Followup David Copperfield rape accuser arrested for falsely reporting rape. Again  (abcnews.go.com) (94)
(ABC News) Misc Your State of the Union discussion/drinking game thread. LGT pre-game and live stream, get out your bingo cards  (abcnews.com) (lots)
(AJC) Cool What's cooler than cool? Finding out your newly purchased home has a previously undiscovered trapdoor and a hidden room  (ajc.com) (231)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this reversal of fortune  (online.wsj.com) (42)
(AZCentral) Asinine Woman kicked out of home for failing to keep a standard of living. She now lives in her car  (azcentral.com) (136)
(NJ.com) Spiffy Passaic County SWAT team gets a $400,000 armored vehicle. It's airtight, with a 10-hour air supply, making it especially useful for driving down the NJ Turnpike  (nj.com) (102)
(New York Daily News) Unlikely Ted Haggard is "cured" of being ghey  (nydailynews.com) (295)
(Some Snobby Guy) Obvious Stupid people watch more TV  (collisiondetection.net) (144)
(ABC News) Interesting John Edwards and his hair are back on the market  (abcnews.go.com) (83)
(Daily Mail) Sad Ten percent of children realize that they are not precious, will not amount to anything in the future, and cause their parents to drink heavily  (dailymail.co.uk) (141)
(journal times) Scary Some reporter: "You've just been released after 28 years in jail for shooting the pope. What are your plans?" Mehmet Ali Agca: "Well, I'd really like to see the Vatican."  (journaltimes.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass If the only way you can win back your ex-boyfriend is to have plastic surgery on your face to look more like Jessica Alba. Let him go babe, just let him go  (dailymail.co.uk) (151)
(My San Antonio) Weird Self-described "wolf woman" severs lost dog's head. Oh, and then it gets weird  (mysanantonio.com) (319)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Manchester School District has decided only "economically disadvantaged students" will be allowed to go on holiday field trips to Safari parks and football games. Suck it rich kids  (dailymail.co.uk) (191)
(ABC News) Followup Judge denies Nancy Grace's motion, rules that she'll have to endure having a video-camera stuck in her face as she undergoes harsh questioning from a hostile lawyer  (abcnews.go.com) (234)
(Washington Post) Fail US military is engaged in highly secret joint operations against Al Qaeda in Yemen. So don't tell anybody  (washingtonpost.com) (125)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Guy explains to police why he has $2000 worth of marijuana in his trunk: "Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke"  (nwfdailynews.com) (217)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Apparently, the duties of the Director of the State Historic Preservation Office don't include masturbating in a state vehicle in public  (wvgazette.com) (61)
(Daily Star) Sad British death toll in Afghanistan may have reached 250, but it is tough to keep accurate count because of the tally ban  T-Shirt  (dailystar.co.uk) (74)
(CBC) Asinine News: Quebec MDs volunteer to go to Haiti to help people in the disaster stricken country. Fark: They still want to get paid  (cbc.ca) (92)
(FARK) PSA It's your official Apple iJesus Tablet launch thinger fanboy douchebag discussion thread  (apple.com) (lots)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this absurd art up for auction  (inapcache.boston.com) (34)
(Toronto Sun) Unlikely WHO accused of overplaying H1N1 pandemic, My Generation  T-Shirt  (torontosun.com) (152)
(Canada.com) Silly Canadian government upset that police hired neutral polling company to analyse gun owners' opinions of gun registry, instead of smashing down doors and asking themselves  (calgaryherald.com) (179)
(The New York Times) Strange The latest thing for upscale women with more money than sense: Doing yoga, then having "a multicourse dinner of pasta, red wine and chocolate"  (nytimes.com) (134)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Iowa looks into tighter regulation of Everclear - Which of course leads to higher sales of Everclear  (chicagotribune.com) (172)
(ABC News) Sick Not so happy cows. Prepare to switch to soy milk after reading this. Not safe for cereal  (abcnews.go.com) (483)
(WPBF.COM) Dumbass What do burglars do after leaving a getaway vehicle: a) split up; b) take off in another vehicle; or c) sleep in a parked Jaguar nearby?  (wpbf.com) (16)
(Washington Post) Amusing Not news: You break up with your girlfriend. News: You're a D.C. Superior Court Magistrate and a lesbian. Fark: Your stalker ex is found unconscious in your attic with food and an ice bucket fashioned into a makeshift toilet  (washingtonpost.com) (130)
(KFAB.com) Dumbass Yes, your crib was recalled, but no, duct-taping your baby to the wall is not the solution  (kfab.com) (68)
(My Fox DC) Strange Judge rules that a woman's pursuit of acting like an ass at the Jefferson Memorial is grounds enough to toss her in jail. The outcome was self-evident  (myfoxdc.com) (144)
(Boston Herald) Cool Man fleeing police leaps through third story window, bounces off awning, hits ground running, runs until he has them where he wants them, turns around and draws sword to take on 20 officers with guns drawn  (bostonherald.com) (116)
(SeattlePI) Fail Man arrested after trying to crawl through the ceiling to spy on the dancers' dressing room at a strip club. What was he hoping to see, women with their clothes on?  (blog.seattlepi.com) (107)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Douchebag of the Day goes to former NBA player Paul Shirley, for his advice to earthquake-ravaged Haitians: 'Maybe use a condom once in a while'  (huffingtonpost.com) (574)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Daughter and dad are reunited after 50 years thanks to Facebook  (mirror.co.uk) (92)
(Some Guy) Amusing The University of Cincinnati needs your help, and it will cost *puts pinkie to mouth* one BILLION pennies  (wtol.com) (53)
(YouTube) Cool The coolest time-lapse video of Vancouver you will see this week  (youtube.com) (80)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this tilt in the wind  (online.wsj.com) (30)
(Deceiver) Ironic Alabama's anti-gambling task force leader wins a Jackpot in Mississippi and resigns. Then things get weird  (deceiver.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Obvious Although coats made from minks and foxes still upset animal rights activists, you can wear your nutria pelt guilt-free  (mnn.com) (57)
(News.com.au) Dumbass When you've been busted taking photos of naked children at the local park, telling police you are "obsessed with circumcision" probably won't help your case  (news.com.au) (35)
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy High school officials vow to fight suggestive dancing by videotaping offending students. Giggity  (thesmokinggun.com) (113)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Born in August? Then flipping burgers and pushing brooms for a living are more likely then you think. Suck it Leo  (dailymail.co.uk) (127)
(io9) PSA Put away the tinfoil hat; someone has advice on how you can remove that alien implant from your brain. OR DO THEY?  (io9.com) (57)

Tue January 26, 2010
(Yahoo) Weird Man fails to abide by the old "Never bring a butcher knife-pool cue axe on your bicycle to a gunfight" adage  (news.yahoo.com) (53)
(KRGV) Sad Case for 800-pound murder suspect moving forward, albeit slowly and with great effort, muffled grunts and profuse sweating  (krgv.com) (89)
(CBC) Strange Woman photographs missile-like object emitting either flames or heavy smoke that appeared to rise up out of the ocean, but isn't sure what it might be. She's from Newfoundland so she's probably never seen a streetlight before  (cbc.ca) (133)
(Billings Gazette) Sappy After four years spent trying to adopt a pair of Haitian orphans, one Montana family finally gets their wish. Bonus: pic of one orphan seeing snow for the first time  (billingsgazette.com) (157)
(CNN) Interesting "Men don't cheat because their wives are ugly", they cheat because wives don't put out  (cnn.com) (472)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this balcony-bound guitarist  (pics.livejournal.com) (57)
(Reuters) Scary North Korea, South Korea exchange fire in no-sail zone off west coast  (ca.reuters.com) (90)
(Breitbart.com) Sad US teen pregnancy rate up for first time since 1990 on word that your unemployed daughters have nothing better to do  (breitbart.com) (184)
(NY Observer) Fail Tired of people getting their news for free, Newsday puts its web site behind a pay wall for $5 a week. After three months, they have a grand total of 35 paying customers  (observer.com) (195)
(BBC) Obvious Haitian president says the situation in Port-au-Prince is tents  (news.bbc.co.uk) (74)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Meter maids will ticket you if, while legally parked, you leave evidence of your habit of illegally parking  (dailymail.co.uk) (102)
(ABC News) Weird Priest accused of shoplifting butter, a sofa cover and I'm going to stop right there  (abcnews.go.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mulching program brings increase of 50% over previous year's mulch. This is a re-peat from 2009  (northfulton.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Scary England boasts eight of the dirtiest, filthiest, raunchiest hotels in Europe. Say no more, say no more  (tripadvisor.com) (162)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Asking for good workers? That's discrimination against lazy good for nothing slobs  (dailymail.co.uk) (167)
(Some Guy) Cool Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women, named official T-Shirt of NH economic development... Wait what?  (wmur.com) (131)
(ABC News) Strange In London, the AbbaWorld theme park opens and immediately rockets to the #1 spot on the list of worst vacation destinations ever  (abcnews.go.com) (75)
(OC Register) Scary Radiation machine errors leading to major fallout  (taxdollars.freedomblogging.com) (63)
(The Consumerist) Asinine If you work at Whole Foods, you get a 20% discount. If you work at Whole Foods and are not overweight, you get a 30% discount.. Yeah, that's not discrimination or anything  (consumerist.com) (618)
(Baltimore Sun) Scary Three US soldiers killed this month. In Baltimore  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (100)
(MSNBC) Florida Cold kills your mom in record numbers  (msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(OnlineAthens) Interesting Would-be rapist thwarted by penis  (onlineathens.com) (380)
(ABC News) Asinine John Travolta flies his private jet to Haiti, carrying the supplies the Haitians REALLY need: Scientology ministers, E-meters and all the copies of "Dianetics" they could ever want  (abcnews.go.com) (354)
(Some Guy) Sad 100-year old pedophile sent back to prison. So much for a birthday greeting on the Today Show  (skunkpost.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Florida Family sues, saying their dad died because of his denture adhesive. Defendants say the lawsuit has no teeth, will just gum up the court system, and the family needs to get a poligrip  (nbcmiami.com) (33)
(a suburban rag) Obvious Wife runs over husband with car after night at bar. With "damn right I'd buy her a drink" mugshot  (lohud.com) (121)
(FARK) Sad TotalFarker Bufu died over the weekend. Please raise a glass of the finest bourbon you can find. Better if you can do it from a hot tub or with your dog. LGT TF'er profile  (fark.com) (697)
(Yahoo) Interesting Kinky sadomasochist or leader of the Catholic Church? Both  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this man in the Moskva River in Moscow  (online.wsj.com) (53)
(BBC) Amusing Brits baffled by American love of gaudy land yachts (with pic of what a European RV might look like)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (190)
(ABC News) Interesting Art historians now think that the Mona Lisa might not be a woman, but Da Vinci in drag. With pic of the Mona Lisa asking, "Who's awesome? You're awesome"  (abcnews.go.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Interesting Humanity's hackers: the do-it-yourself biology movement  (hplusmagazine.com) (99)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Immigration attorney to spend 8 months in prison for her efforts in finding new clients  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (44)
(USA Today) Sad Socialism, high taxes, and a national bootstrap shortage have led to a five percent increase in welfare rolls  (usatoday.com) (663)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Unlikely Bar penalized for serving an alcoholic beverage to a minor argues that jello shots are a "solid" not a beverage  (press-citizen.com) (139)
(Gawker) Interesting Washington to deport two native-born Americans to China to be a part of a forced breeding program  (gawker.com) (41)
(AFP) Dumbass Mexico is the new Australia, (in)mates  (news.yahoo.com) (103)
(The Local (Germany)) Strange Burglar breaks into construction company's workshop to steal their collection of pin-up calendars. Police are stuck to his trail  (thelocal.de) (19)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The weirdest things people try to smuggle past airport customs from the typical "cocaine in the bra" to the unconventional "two full-length uncooked cow legs"  (myfoxdc.com) (79)
(Brisbane Times) Strange Australian man lands on the sex offenders register for possession of Simpsons porn. D'oh  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (213)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Wheaton's gassy manhole explodes, striking woman in the face  (nbcwashington.com) (134)
(Daily Mail) Fail Class - Pronunciation: \ˈklas\ Function: noun Usage: often attributive 1: See this link. (pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (134)
(TSP) Stupid Rock may beat scissors, but scissors beats tobacco shop cashier  (thestarpress.com) (21)
(News.com.au) Strange Not news: politician's nephew is arrested. News: He was protesting dressed in KKK robes in front of the Australian Open. Fark: his uncle is the Prime Minister of Australia  (news.com.au) (58)
(Telegraph) Interesting Two crocodiles, named Paleo and Suchus, have been taught to listen for their names being called. This could come in handy; for instance: "Please let go of my leg, Paleo" or "No, no, Suchus, you're mangling my arm"  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(The Sun) Interesting Aliens can't see the earth from space, but the Sun is still there  (thesun.co.uk) (86)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these sheltering Buddhists  (fuckthemeat.com) (27)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Nancy Grace asked a judge to seal her videotaped pretrial deposition. Is worried that a media leak would result in the manipulation of her testimony via a "cut and splice" job. Hey, she would know about such things  (thesmokinggun.com) (185)
(WKOWTV) Amusing D&D banned in WI prisons putting an end to wandering gangs of halfling thieves  (wkowtv.com) (368)

Mon January 25, 2010
(CTV) Dumbass Terrorist organization PETA has mastered dreaded pie martyrdom warfare tactics  (ctv.ca) (111)
(Some Guy) Amusing This is a Fark headline for the submission  (faultline.org) (lots)
(MSNBC) Interesting Absolute proof that ambidextrous kids are weird  (msnbc.msn.com) (129)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this way  (flickr.com) (92)
(Yahoo) Obvious Bill Gates says that it will take the U.S. years to recover from the Bush Administration, and it's going to cost you too  (news.yahoo.com) (432)
(ABC News) Followup Usher testifies he witnessed Kansas abortion doctor's murder. He says it left him badly shaken but was not as upsetting as that stupid "My Boo" song  (abcnews.go.com) (104)
(IndyStar) Strange Citizens of Greenwood, Ind. are warned of a scam using a State Representitive's name to get $52 to 'save electricity', and the Indiana Utility Regulatory Commission figures that anyone who falls for that deserves to lose $52  (indystar.com) (41)
(AlterNet) PSA The shrimp we eat are a cocktail of chemicals such as urea, superphosphate, diesel, chlorine, rotenone, sodium tripolyphosphate, borax, & caustic soda harvested at the expense of one of the world's productive ecosystems. Bon appetit  (alternet.org) (248)
(Gawker) Fail Self-help expert who killed three people in a sweat lodge evades answers and talks nonsense about "spiritual warriors," "body purges," and "the female orgasm"  (gawker.com) (166)
(KOTV) Sick Five cows shot between the eyes in last 6 weeks. Suspect used small caliber gun, merely grazing animals  (todaysthv.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Scary Nebraska town has curie-ously high levels of radium in its water system  (nebraska.tv) (70)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass The Met to display Picasso painting from his "six-inch gash in the lower right hand corner" period  (myfoxdc.com) (143)
(Popular Science) Cool New advanced prostheses making amputees stronger than normal humans. Now we have to worry if they are going to make them sexier, too. With a scary, but, you'd hit it anyway picture  (popsci.com) (317)
(BBC) Spiffy Cu later "Chemical Ali." Officials now busy deciding where to barium  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (121)
(Boston Channel) Sad Nancy Kerrigan's brother goes all Tonya Harding on their father  (thebostonchannel.com) (103)
(The Newspaper) Scary Add "sitting in a car that won't start" to the list of things that will get you a DUI  (thenewspaper.com) (445)
(BBC) Silly Film made entirely by chimps airs on BBC. No, it's not Transformers 2  T-Shirt  (article.wn.com) (92)
(Guardian.com) Fail Not News: Books contain explicit words. News: Parent gets common book banned. Fark: The book is the "dictionary"  (guardian.co.uk) (277)
(Showtime) Interesting A high class call girl plus some unexpected positions = Monday night. (Sponsored link)  (sho.com) (71)
(Omaha World Herald) Strange Fire department under scrutiny for their desire to buy a $34,000 speedboat. Come on, the water-locked island of Omaha needs this  (omaha.com) (67)
(ABC News) Strange Armed gunmen steal 150 ferrets. The cops otter catch those weasels  (abcnews.go.com) (71)
(Dallas News) Spiffy Were you burned by the housing bust? Do you owe over $100,000? You can turn that debt into a lucrative income stream. This is not some get rich quick scam, real people have made real money by becoming "credit terrorists"  (dallasobserver.com) (333)
(ABC News) Asinine Australian government officials are worried that the latest method of cane toad extermination--suffocating them in bags filled with CO2--may cause suffering, so they order exterminators to go back to clubbing them with sticks for now  (abcnews.go.com) (65)
(Drew) FarkBlog Haiti fatigue, Apple hyperbole and the Fark Betting Line for this week. Plus some of Fark's favorite headlines from 1/17 - 1/23  (fark.com) (26)
(AFP) Unlikely After a disastrous election for the Dems, the White House would like you to know that Bin Laden is going to come in the middle of the night and eat your soul  (news.yahoo.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this armadillo lizard  (i72.photobucket.com) (32)
(ABC News) Ironic We're gonna need more opiates for all these masses... 100+ church-goers sickened by drinking tainted holy water  (abcnews.go.com) (91)
(News.com.au) Scary Australian Navy announces it has only one working submarine left in its fleet, asks you don't mention this to China and Indonesia  (theaustralian.com.au) (106)
(Yahoo) Followup As it turns out, $5.4 Billion WAS way the hell too much money to pay for two apartment buildings-even in Manhattan  (news.yahoo.com) (134)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Your honor, if the FBI had warned me I was a suspect I would have told more convincing lies so could I have a do-over please?  (bostonherald.com) (28)
(My Fox DC) Strange Woman claims her bag of potato chips contained one with the image of Mary. Officials doubtful, since it was a bag of Lays  (myfoxdc.com) (82)
(Canoe) Fail Current News: 18,000 Poles without electricity. Must not be utility Poles  (cnews.canoe.ca) (35)
(Some Canuck) Cool The only hot Phys Ed/French teacher in all of Canada has affair with 15-year old boy (with "she's 40?" pic)  (badjocksnews.com) (262)
(Salem News) Obvious It's awfully nice to be able to give yourself a raise, especially if you've lost more public money than anyone else  (salemnews.com) (20)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Australian soccer player facing charges of playing ball before the pitch was properly prepared  (news.com.au) (51)
(Yahoo) Caption Caption what Obama is finger-reading from the teleprompters  (d.yimg.com) (232)
(MSNBC) Scary Today's terrorist scare is brought to you today by, *shakes magic 8 ball*...cosmetics. Yes, you heard that right, cosmetics  (msnbc.msn.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Spiffy After hearing story of two-year old girl killed by a truck, Oregon inmates donate most of their earnings to buy a headstone. These dark cells won't let you see the tear in subby's eye  (katu.com) (129)
(The Market Oracle) Unlikely "What if there is a growing mass of college graduates who 'don't read'? We can see this trend on sites like Fark.com." Thiz quot appeers undur tha "Funcshunal Illiturracee" seckshun uf tha articul  (marketoracle.co.uk) (209)
(AZCentral) Weird 75-year old man dragged by stagecoach after barking dog spooks horses; last heard muttering, "well, that's the end of THIS suit"  (azcentral.com) (95)
(SeattlePI) Strange U.S. government considers adding historic Manhattan Project sites such as Hanford, Los Alamos, and Oak Ridge to national park system. Critics say idea is sure to bomb  (seattlepi.com) (73)
(Z-letter) Caption Caption this rather surprised little fish  (z-letter.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this divided highway  (s3.amazonaws.com) (39)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If you repaired your mobile phone with superglue how long would you wait before putting it to your ear?  (ntnews.com.au) (42)
(CNN) News Jets crash in Indianapolis, Lebanon  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (75)
(The Sun) Amusing Police discover that drugs are being smuggled into prison in cans. No, not like that, in tin cans  (thesun.co.uk) (30)
(Buffalo News) Asinine Breaking in and attempting to rob a place = 1 felony. Defending your home and trying to stop a robber from fleeing = 2 felonies and a misdemeanor  (buffalonews.com) (287)

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