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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun April 18, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(WLS 890AM) Hero Youngest person to row across Atlantic ate 300 candy bars, listened to 100 books on tape and is smokin' hot  (wlsam.com) (300)
(Washington Post) Hero If you see a bunch of armed men in a national park within sight of the Capitol building tomorrow, don't be alarmed. They're Tea Party Patriots, and they're here to help  (washingtonpost.com) (864)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Stop me if you've heard this one before: Republican leaders think we should "go back to the drawing board" on financial reform  (washingtonpost.com) (101)
(Marion Star) Silly Ohio woman growing pineapple in living room. I'm not sure why this is news either  (marionstar.com) (66)
(Daily Bulletin) Amusing Another athletic event SbB will never cover; College students ride unicycles 4 hours down Route 66 for free strawberry donut  (dailybulletin.com) (20)
(NYPost) Dumbass Now there's something you don't see every day. A man requesting a paternity test so the child can pay for the father. Then again, it's Oprah  (nypost.com) (93)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this job opening  (spiegel.de) (25)
(News.com.au) Dumbass You've been up all night drinking with your friends. Do you (a) make a fool of yourself in front of the opposite sex (b) throw up on someone and go home to bed (c) climb into a wheeled trash can and roll down the street to your death  (news.com.au) (117)
(NCLR) Sick You're a county dealing with a hospitalized elderly gay couple. Do you c.) refuse visitation, disregard their wills, call them "roommates", sell their belongings, and allow one to die alone in a hospital without his partner?  (nclrights.org) (484)
(AP) Dumbass Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner says the economy is growing faster than the Obama administration expected. Still unclear what nation he's referring to  (hosted.ap.org) (134)
(io9) Silly Here's a questionnaire to let you know what sort of unpowered superhero you are  (io9.com) (58)
(Springfield News Sun) Stupid Small town insists Ohio DOT can't shut down its speed trap because town has been posting illegal speed limits for 50 years and they have seniority or something  (springfieldnewssun.com) (155)
(SMH) Interesting Israel bans fishing in the Sea of Galilee. Peter, Andrew, James and John are inconsolable  (news.smh.com.au) (58)
(AZCentral) Scary Now that the feds may indict him, Sheriff Arpaio might run for governor of Arizona. "These left-wing groups and their allies in the media need to know just how strong the support is among law-abiding people like you"  (azcentral.com) (343)
(NJ.com) Interesting Ugly-ass baby Atlas lion, extinct in the wild, born at Space Farms Zoo. With video  (nj.com) (46)
(UPI) Interesting General Motors, coming to a church near you  (upi.com) (86)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these subterranean test takers  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(Arizona Star) Spiffy Former University of Arizona Vice President Sharon Kha fights Parkinson's Disease with the obvious therapy: Rap. Let us know how that shakes out for you, Notorious K.H.A  (azstarnet.com) (49)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Colbert: "this is the warped creation of a syphilitic brain." (w/video)  (consumerist.com) (235)
(Google) Interesting 1000 years ago Polynesians migrated from French Polynesia to New Zealand in canoes. Changed minds, now going back  (google.com) (24)
(Boston Globe) PSA Posting porn on a web site named after a politician is a criminal civil rights violation in Massachusetts  (boston.com) (75)
(UPI) Scary Icelandic ash isn't the only thing invading European airspace. Hint: the bear is back  (upi.com) (137)
(Kansas.com) Obvious Houston, we've had an ARRAY(0xc15c624)  (kansas.com) (90)
(Guardian.com) Cool Eggs like you've never seen them. You'll have to bring your own bacon  (guardian.co.uk) (84)
(wkyc.com) Sad Golden retriever stays with her master until the end. After you read the article, you might want to watch a comedy to make yourself feel better... maybe some Futurama?  (wkyc.com) (188)
(New Zealand Herald) Dumbass Mayor compares himself to Jesus after getting caught peeing on a tree. "Yes two blokes got crucified this week ...and both will most certainly rise from the dead to come back to haunt a few people"  (nzherald.co.nz) (23)
(Boston Channel) Scary IT'S A TRAPEZE  (thebostonchannel.com) (24)
(BBC) Sad Cuban cigar legend dies at 91. Will be cremated slowly over an after-dinner glass of brandy  (news.bbc.co.uk) (51)
(UPI) Weird One meerkat's quest for love = SERIOUS BUSINESS  (upi.com) (16)
(Japan Times) Scary Japanese man goes full retard after his dad cancels internet  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (101)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this quad biker  (photos.streamphoto.ru) (23)
(CNN) PSA 6.3 earthquake in Papua New Guinea. Since no one is dead or injured you can go back to reading the Christina Hendricks thread in the Showbiz tab  (cnn.com) (38)
(Psychology Today) Interesting Religion (or lack thereof) as a mating strategy  (psychologytoday.com) (162)
(Some Walkin' Guy) Amusing Tuxedo rental: $125. Limosine rental: $200/hr. Having to call your mom for a ride home because your rented limo was repossessed while you were inside at prom? Priceless  (ktul.com) (42)
(News.com.au) Interesting Australian beach to house life-sized replica of Stonehenge. Spinal Tap unimpressed  (news.com.au) (28)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Boy brings rabid bat to elementary school for show-and-tell, orders round of shots for all his friends  T-Shirt  (mysuncoast.com) (50)
(Denver Post) Spiffy Woman makes aprons described as sexy, sassy, and hot. At least that's what you can tell your wife when you give her one for Mother's Day  (denverpost.com) (106)

Sat April 17, 2010
(WPVI) Dumbass There's a right way and a wrong way to clean your bong. This is the wrong way  (abclocal.go.com) (187)
(Telegraph) Cool Study says face cream made from breast milk could cure teenage acne. Subby has always preferred it directly from its natural container  (telegraph.co.uk) (68)
(MSNBC) Silly He reportedly could not tell a lie. He also couldn't return a damn library book  (msnbc.msn.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these parachutes  (af.mil) (27)
(ABC News) Obvious President Obama cancels trip to Poland over concerns with plowing his presidential plane through miles of hot Icelandic ash, even though that would have been an incentive to Clinton *wink*  (abcnews.go.com) (148)
(Fox News) Fail Okay, got the pasta done. What's next in the recipe..."add salt and freshly ground black people." WHAT?  (foxnews.com) (233)
(SacBee) Asinine Served your time in prison? Good for you. Don't believe in God? Fark you, you're going back  (sacbee.com) (873)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Pigs, goats and sheep all concur, the donkey was a real ass  (dailymail.co.uk) (14)
(Security) Florida If you absolutely have to bring your two year old with you when you go shoplifting, you should remember to take him with you when you leave  (ocala.com) (42)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Tea Party Rallies? If staging public gripe fests gives these people something to do, then great. It's outside. It involves handicrafts, the making of signs and costumes. It's like Scouting for irked middle-aged white people  (suntimes.com) (611)
(Google) Sad Zimbabwe marks 30 happy, fun-filled years under President Mugabe  (google.com) (98)
(The New York Times) Stupid People who live in small apartments may have trouble storing goods purchased at Costco, reports Ric Romero with the New York Times  (nytimes.com) (40)
(BBC) Followup China quake death toll rises to 1339, frustrating submitters everywhere at missed chance for geeky pun  (news.bbc.co.uk) (46)
(C|Net) Hero Yahoo: 1. DoJ: 0  (news.cnet.com) (71)
(WUSA9) Interesting Afghanistan summed up by Kandahar local: "Ten percent of the people are with the Taliban, 10 percent are with the government and 80 percent of the people are angry at the Taliban, the government and the foreigners."  (wusa9.com) (70)
(The Sun) Scary Woman dieth from blood poithoning after having tongue pierthed  (thesun.co.uk) (73)
(NPR) Amusing Need to know the locations of revenue generating red light cameras? There is an app for that  (npr.org) (62)
(YouTube) Interesting How to pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull". Step 1 is completely ignoring the phonetic spellings of it  (youtube.com) (75)
(Some Farking Hipsters) Ironic Just a reminder to hipsters on Fark, today is Record Store Day. But you knew that before everyone else did, and didn't need a reminder, and now it's so not cool anymore, which makes it cool. Ironic tag is here for appearances  (recordstoreday.com) (156)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this teacher in a tunnel  (spiegel.de) (27)
(Cracked) Cool The 10 greatest fictional sports ever invented. Number 1 will NOT disappoint  (cracked.com) (340)
(Daywin) Florida Subby needs need help designing reservation sign for the Tampa fark party. Link goes to an example. Use your imagination and go wild  (img.photobucket.com) (47)
(Komo) Dumbass Motorcyclist going 152 mph passes police car going other way on winding two lane road, somehow manages to get caught  (komonews.com) (123)
(ABC News) Obvious Today's report from the Department of the Farkin' Obvious uncovers the little-known fact that many people prefer their virtual lives to their real ones. Obvious tag bangs head against monitor  (abcnews.go.com) (49)
(Washington Post) Interesting A history of the black ballpoint pen, or, one more way the federal government owns you  (washingtonpost.com) (136)
(NYPost) Misc Tire-shop man, Tire-shop man, Tire-shop man hates Barbershop man. They have a fight. Tire-shop wins. Tire-shop man  (nypost.com) (73)
(CBS News) Followup Iceland continues to turn from the biggest icehole to the biggest ashhole near Europe  (cbsnews.com) (146)
(Yahoo) Obvious Subby just KNEW kids today were a bunch of godless heathens with no respect for God, belt onions or a well-maintained lawn  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(Some Guy NW Fla) Florida Saturday brings Florida tag team teacher w/ student action (with you know you would do it pics)  (pnj.com) (87)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Big green Gumby doll in its 25th Kenduskeag race, dammit  (bangordailynews.com) (13)
(NYPost) Asinine New York City Mayor to artists: First Amendment now available on 1000 sheet rolls  (nypost.com) (68)
(WUWT) Amusing Not News: European "green energy" subsidies are quite high. News: Spanish scammers profit by shining diesel-powered arclights at solar panels. Fark: They were only caught because they were generating solar power at night  (wattsupwiththat.com) (67)
(Boston Herald) Fail TSA says there are no children under 12 on No Fly list. Except, of course, for those on the list  (bostonherald.com) (123)
(AJC) Sad It was very pleasant night. A romantic horse drawn carriage ride, on a warm moon lit night. That is, until ....,  (ajc.com) (49)
(Stuff) Caturday Not News: Dog plays doting dad to four kittens rejected by their mother. News: Dog was shot in the head three times and survived. Fark: Dogs like this are more than welcome on Caturday  (stuff.co.nz) (887)
(Some Guy) Obvious Although you might think all these recent earthquakes are the result of shifting tectonic plates, they're actually created by dolled-up Iranian women trolling for extramarital sex  (couriermail.com.au) (144)
(ABC News) Cool Young boy with a prosthetic leg gets to meet and play basketball with his hero, Lakers' center Pau Gasol. Boy promptly schools Gasol for 15 points and two uncontested dunks  (abcnews.go.com) (40)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: It wasn't me  (fark.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Cool Denver zoo now has a foosa. With ugly-ass pic  (kdvr.com) (25)
(Boing Boing) Amusing Jesus saves... comic strips from being mediocre  (robertsinclair.net) (47)
(Denver Post) Amusing Unmanned excavator crashes into home  (denverpost.com) (32)
(Reuters) Dumbass Catholic church goes too far, now blames porn for child abuse scandal  (reuters.com) (141)
(The New York Times) Amusing In face of volcano, John Cleese travels from Oslo to Brussels by a) silly walking b) steam roller or c) $5,000 taxi ride  (nytimes.com) (105)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Survivor: Treehouse  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Hemingway in a Saturn?) Strange Man who looks like Ernest Hemingway is on the prowl in the green hills of Newton, looking for a moveable feast of children and hopes your son also rises  (newstimes.com) (49)

Fri April 16, 2010
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this control center  (inapcache.boston.com) (40)
(AZCentral) Scary Starting this summer in Arizona, it will be legal to carry a concealed firearm without a permit  (azcentral.com) (436)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Dieting increases your chances of getting heart disease and cancer. But you'll leave behind a great looking corpse  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Sign On San Diego) Sick Be on the lookout for a masturbating candyman candyman candyman candyman candyman  (signonsandiego.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ugly ass baby lorises born at Moody Gardens in Galveston, and by ugly, I mean UGLY  (zooborns.com) (54)
(NBC Miami) Florida Miami-Dade Transit pulls "Fatwa on your head?" ads from its buses to avoid offending Muslims, hairdressers  (nbcmiami.com) (79)
(Denver Post) Scary Girl slashes sister's face at light rail stop after they argue. I hope you know you could get in big trouble bringing that thing on board with you, young lady  (denverpost.com) (32)
(Washington Post) Cool A nine-year old boy successfully hacks his school's network. Surprisingly, everyone reacted calmly and rationally  (washingtonpost.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Scary Woman in critical condition after dog tried to get her face steak  (wdam.com) (106)
(Life.com) Interesting In honor of the 67th anniversary of Albert Hoffman's first-ever acid trip with LSD-25, ah, phffft, whoooahhh, space whale ship with sparks  (life.com) (68)
(AOL News) Weird Russian pilot gets lost and crashes before he could ask for directions from the driver of the tractor he hit  (aolnews.com) (23)
(NPR) Strange 30,000 NYC doormen threaten to strike. Who will open the door for negotiations, then?  (npr.org) (92)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This week's mugshot roundup: Uninvited guest  (thesmokinggun.com) (241)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) PSA The State of Minnesota decides that it is likely that dried fish guts are not good for you  (startribune.com) (43)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Taste of Chicago bans all vendors who do not have a restaurant in Chicago from participating. F*ck you, then, City of Chicago, I'll just drive to Aurora for my Portillo's   (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (195)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida It's been one year since Florida's python hunt began. Guess how many pythons they got  (wtsp.com) (58)
(Some Beaten Guy) Scary Good Samaritan prevents police officer's baton from getting scratched on the pavement by placing his body in front of it fifteen times  (nbcchicago.com) (117)
(Some Molar) Unlikely The truth is that fluoridation and the proclaimed benefit of fluoride as a way of preventing dental decay is perhaps the greatest "scientific" fraud ever perpetrated upon an unsuspecting public, other than the moon landing, of course  (westonaprice.org) (226)
(10 News San Diego) Misc A man got stabbed in Rolando. There was something in the air that night, the knives were bright, Rolando, they were stabbing you and me, for liberty, Rolando  T-Shirt  (10news.com) (46)
(FARK) FarkParty Reminder: Cleveland Fark Party @ Notacon tonight  (fark.com) (48)
(WRAL) Amusing Stay classy, _in_c_est High School, Class of 2010  (wral.com) (133)
(CNN) Obvious Most disapprove of how Catholic church handles kids  (edition.cnn.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Sad Trucker killed in tragic katamari accident  (coventrytelegraph.net) (93)
(The Daily Show) Amusing Best Daily Show Clip EVAR, featuring the only guy out there that can make Jon Stewart beg for mercy  (thedailyshow.com) (265)
(Some Furniture) Photoshop Photoshop this skeleton-like table  (contemporist.com) (37)
(TC Palm) Florida An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but it won't keep the cops away if you're using one to smoke pot. "The report did not specify the type of apple, which apparently still could be eaten if someone had the munchies."  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (98)
(Guardian.com) PSA Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" novels have become the fifth most banned or challenged book in the world. This marks the first time a book has ever been banned solely because it sucks  (guardian.co.uk) (214)
(ABC News) Amusing The inside story behind the biggest ladies man in television, and why all of the women are irresistibly drawn to his riot-provoking sexuality  (abcnews.go.com) (107)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "Sup? Wen u kild me n dismembered my body, I lived, so u should go 2 each location u scattered my limbs @ 2 make sure. TTYL" signed, the cops  (sun-sentinel.com) (118)
(Philly) Followup New motion in school district webcam spying case quotes admin as "loving" the "little...soap opera" the tracking software provided. Bonus: Pic of kid sleeping taken from laptop  (philly.com) (130)
(JSOnline) Scary Police say woman who drove head on into a garbage truck was trashed  T-Shirt  (jsonline.com) (20)
(Cracked) Amusing 10 traits that will come in handy during any apocalypse  (cracked.com) (97)
(Daily Mail) Strange Law student who led 'Lady Asbo' double life as escort died after taking meow meow. (The British, they talk like they're always drunk.)  (dailymail.co.uk) (136)
(News.com.au) Sick Boy kills dad with sledgehammer after being banned from playing computer games. Game over man...Game over  (news.com.au) (221)
(Some Guy) Interesting After a thorough investigation, transit agency officials have decided there's no need for BART cops to have tasers. After all, who needs a taser when you can use a real gun to shoot an unarmed guy in the back?  (ktvu.com) (55)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Man police found stuck in the ventilation system of a MD convenience store claims it wasn't a case of attempted burglary but just the end of a hide-and-seek game gone horribly wrong  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Gothamist) Dumbass Shoe shiner arrested for burning down rival stands. Luckily no soles were lost. Would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those meddling keds  (gothamist.com) (47)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSGs Friday Photo Fun. What's my line? I mean besides being a criminal  (thesmokinggun.com) (79)
(Washington Post) Stupid Are you happy, sex abuse victims? You've ruined the pope's birthday  (washingtonpost.com) (156)
(KING5) Sick Hey man, how was your vacation? Oh it was great, until I got arrested when they busted the bestiality brothel  (king5.com) (303)
(Some Guy) Fail "But officer, I thought I was blinding the pilot of a news helicopter, NOT a National Guard helicopter. Honest mistake."  (policeone.com) (66)
(MSNBC) Followup Remember the EVERYBODY PANIC about crack babies? Turns out they have not grown into super-predators. They're not even permanently inferior deviants mired in a life of perpetual suffering  (msnbc.msn.com) (167)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing "The suspect's attempted flight to freedom ended abruptly when his pants fell down around his ankles, causing him to fall to the ground"  (bangordailynews.com) (58)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Obvious 20-foot inflatable colon is the butt of many jokes  (sunjournal.com) (54)
(Some Fiery Demon) Obvious Radar image of Icelandic volcano reveals what's REALLY going on under the glacier: IT'S COMING TO EAT YOUR SOUL  (icelandreview.com) (222)
(CBS Philadelphia) Sick Phillies fans enjoy their best start in 17 years by showing good will to fellow fans. Just kidding, fat drunk intentionally vomits on 11 year old girl  (cbs3.com) (293)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these lovely lanes  (farm5.static.flickr.com) (54)
(NewsBusters) Dumbass CNN's Rick Sanchez thinks it's too cold in Iceland for a volcano. In English, that means he's an idiot  (newsbusters.org) (393)
(MSNBC) Interesting Study: Women being blinded by jealousy is more than just an expression...they actually have trouble seeing things, although (ducks abruptly) they're still deadly with a thrown shoe at ten paces  (msnbc.msn.com) (174)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Twenty-year-old woman becomes first person ever to be banned from every pub and club in Britain  (dailymail.co.uk) (176)
(KARE 11) Spiffy FedEx: When you absolutely, positively, must get your dolphins there overnight  (kare11.com) (33)
(9 News) Weird "I'm not going to lie. I was excited to get the pig fetus in the mail"  (9news.com) (38)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these clear containers  (spiegel.de) (31)

Thu April 15, 2010
(Topless Robot) Cool Underoos were great when you were a kid. But now, Target will be carrying a large assortment of licensed underwear, which means that you can finally have Megatron protecting your nads and Starscream covering your ass  (toplessrobot.com) (177)
(CNN) Amusing When Jennifer Nicholas sees television shows or movies where characters "hook up" or have sex with "friends with benefits," she cringes, because that's how she got herpes  (cnn.com) (292)
(KCTV5.com) Scary Record pollen count in Kansas City is so high, drug dealers are turning meth back into Sudafed  T-Shirt  (kctv5.com) (150)
(Freedom From Religion Foundation) Spiffy US District Court declares National Day of Prayer unconstitutional  (ffrf.org) (500)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Dear Tenant, we just raised your rent as insurance in the event you die  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Wordpress) Unlikely "Aliens have actually been sighted by British people." The ones driving your taxis don't count, gents  (shapesinthesky.wordpress.com) (60)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Ramen: It's not just for poor college students any more. "When ramen is good, it's in the top three of most extraordinary, soul-satisfying foods in the world"  (chicagotribune.com) (340)
(Some Guy) Cool Topless woman wins fight with her landlord. Giggity  (krdo.com) (106)
(NBC Action News) Dumbass Give a cop the finger and curse at him? That's a taseri....Wait, a paycheck? Sweet  (nbcactionnews.com) (149)
(Philly) Interesting Animal group: Dumbo's handler's death no accident  (philly.com) (53)
(Seattle Times) Stupid When asked if they could be famous for one thing, what would it be, students reply "having an affair with the president," "dropping a nuke on the Middle East," and "leader of the KKK."  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (123)
(Telegraph) Interesting Farmers say they're the victims of potato rustlers who steal their crops in the dead of night. Vow to keep their eyes on their fields  (telegraph.co.uk) (55)
(NJ.com) Strange An iPhone. An air conditioner. Dirty underpants. A sock-wearing mannequin. Thousands of cigarette butts. A pregnancy test. Denture cement. Fake breasts. An 8-track tape. A jockstrap  (nj.com) (206)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this derelict doll display  (bigpicture.ru) (47)
(MSNBC) Obvious Pope says church must do penance for abuse. A couple of Hail Marys and a few Our Fathers should do it, right guys?  (msnbc.msn.com) (369)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman calls 911 to report husband has taken too many sleeping pills. Police arrive and immediately alleviate concerns of death by sleeping pill overdose  (wwltv.com) (209)
(My Fox DC) Strange The best pictures of dead cockroaches dressed up and displayed in different dioramas you'll see...Aghhhhhhh...no, sorry, that's just creepy. Liberoachi??? Really???  (myfoxdc.com) (64)
(Houston Press) Interesting Upscale, executive chef displays his colorful sleeves and fighting chicken tattoos with the kind of cheeky and playful attitude that comes across in his cooking. With pic of what a shirtless, tattooed, pork-pie-wearing chef may look like  (houstonpress.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Florida "My job is to put myself out of business"  (govtech.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Followup San Francisco public defender decides 50,000 victories on appeal would look really good on his record  (ktvu.com) (103)
(Boston Herald) Spiffy National park fees waived next week. EVERYBODY PICNIC  T-Shirt  (news.bostonherald.com) (142)
(ABC News) Cool Military completing test of dirigibles they believe will give them a decisive advantage in future conflicts. No, this isn't a repeat from Bismarck's Germany  (abcnews.go.com) (147)
(NYPost) Interesting A squirrel named Pearl is the new mascot for New York's Parks Department, narrowly edging out Vinnie the Rat  (nypost.com) (60)
(Rutland Herald) Amusing Police Corporal is on the case of high profile tortoise-snatching investigation. His ace in the hole: his son has a pet tortoise. "I know what they look like."  (rutlandherald.com) (49)
(The Newspaper) Cool Anaheim mayor proposes charter amendment banning red light cameras after he gets ticket in mail for accidentally driving in bus lane in London  (thenewspaper.com) (102)
(WFTV) Florida Man learns that sheriffs are surprisingly intolerant of people who point green lasers at their helicopters  (wftv.com) (82)
(Canada.com) Followup The Goosecam is back  (edmontonjournal.com) (46)
(Chronicle of Higher Ed) Interesting Beards build trust, unless you're an underwear model  (chronicle.com) (152)
(Comedy Central) Amusing Stop me if you've heard this one: A fudge packer, Muhammad, and Rob Reiner walk into a bar  (southparkstudios.com) (188)
(The New York Times) Interesting Meth producers are now discarding their lab equipment by tossing it out the window of their car. Jeez. Don't they know that littering is illegal?  (nytimes.com) (55)
(CNN) Hero The Fortune 500 list has a new champion, and you're not gonna like who it is  (money.cnn.com) (383)
(BBSpot) Interesting Twitter will require new users to enter a CAPTCHA for their first 100 tweets to stop robots. Skynet does not approve  (bbspot.com) (71)
(The Morning Call) Weird Warrant issued after man hits wife with cherry pie. Police hope to get such a sweet surprise by arresting him and making a grown man cry  (mcall.com) (66)
(Telegraph) Amusing Problems with your rabbit barking all night, biting the mail man, making a mess on the carpet? Now there's hope  (telegraph.co.uk) (41)
(Fox News) Amusing Rather than have incumbent Barbara Brock serve four more years as mayor, Tennessee town knowingly elects a dead man instead  (foxnews.com) (45)
(Some Scared Guy) Scary ♫ How much is that Bobcat in the attic ? ♪ ♪ The one with the glooowwwing eyes ♫  (azfamily.com) (42)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Before spending 40 minutes yelling and threatening your staff for giving you a bad rating, try to remember to make sure nobody is recording your tirade  (nydailynews.com) (48)
(People Magazine) Interesting Melissa and Tammy Etheridge have ended their nearly nine-year relationship, which is almost as long as 'Come to my Window' has been stuck in subby's head  (people.com) (84)
(USA Today) Obvious Orca, OSHA. OSHA, Orca  (content.usatoday.net) (37)
(Washington Post) Obvious An elite panel of climate scientists would like you to know that the climate scientists who misrepresented climate science should still be trusted on climate science  (washingtonpost.com) (290)
(Popular Mechanics) Cool Military is now one step closer to creating Doom  (popularmechanics.com) (135)
(AJC) Asinine Woman: When I called 911 to report my house on fire, they put me on hold, and it burned down. County: Not true-we didn't put her on hold--we put her in a "queue"  (ajc.com) (97)
(PCWorld) Obvious 10 things the internet has ruined. Productivity conspicuously missing from list  (pcworld.com) (190)
(The New York Times) Scary "This is your captain speaking. As we ascend out of London to our cruising altitude, you might look out your window at the deadly cloud of volcanic ash that's about to consume us all"  (nytimes.com) (66)
(1000 Awesome Things) Cool Congrats to Farker Neil on his Book of Awesome which publishes today. Link goes to the first post he got Farked which started it all. (Also, check out the shout-out to Fark in the book Acknowledgments)   (1000awesomethings.com) (70)
(WMUR.COM) Silly Want to get past your DWI ignition lock? Have your daughter take a breath test  (wmur.com) (36)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting Dog takes a day off from biting the postman by taking a chunk out of a politician instead. Mmmmm, tastes like pork  (lep.co.uk) (13)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Protip: When pruning a tree, be careful not to chop off the branch you're leaning on  (telegraph.co.uk) (27)
(NYPost) Hero Eliot Spitzer: a three-hooker-a-day kind of guy  (nypost.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man at work  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Not news: People keep spotting a monkey in their yards all around the Tampa area. News: Monkey could be rabid, have the herp. Fark: Residents who like feeding him threaten the life of the trapper trying to find him  (wtsp.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Gates: Wikileaks 'Irresponsible' for releasing video, almost as irresponsible as the soldiers killing unarmed civilians, but not quite  (news.antiwar.com) (455)
(The Daily Press) Weird Not news: Hospital in dispute with a vendor. News: Hospital can't perform open heart surgeries because of it. Fark: Dispute spreads to YouTube  (dailypress.com) (15)
(USA Today) Amusing ♪ What shall we do with the drunken Steeler ♪ What shall we do with the drunken Steeler ♪ What shall we do with the drunken Steeler ♪ Early in the morning ♪  (content.usatoday.com) (229)
(Chicago Tribune) Weird Thousands of Illinoisians reported seeing a large streetlight streak across the sky last night  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (62)
(Boston Globe) Interesting The myth of the Frankensnowflake  (boston.com) (93)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Texas governor warns Tea Party protesters to watch their backs, beware of liberal infiltrators, and make sure that the only racist signs at the rally are the ones they brought themselves  (chron.com) (681)
(The Local (Sweden)) Sad Cat survives being shot nine times, launches rap career  (thelocal.se) (103)
(BBC) Interesting British Chiropractic Association cracks  (news.bbc.co.uk) (59)
(Daily Star) Followup After forty-seven years, Tom Jones is allowed back in Wales, cleared of charges that he stole a famous chicken  (dailystar.co.uk) (45)
(Yahoo) Amusing This tax day did you remember to take your mustache deduction?  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(Contact Music) Weird Don't worry, Susan Boyle can explain why she was dancing and singing into a mophead at the airport  (contactmusic.com) (24)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Scientists create a bulletproof t-shirt by adding a fourth wolf  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (112)
(PennLive) Ironic School administrators who spent countless taxpayer dollars prosecuting 16-year-olds with nude photos of themselves suddenly facing child pornography charges for viewing the photos during the investigation  (pennlive.com) (176)
(News.com.au) Dumbass "9-1-1, what's your emergency?" "Hi, this is Ben Dover and I'm being raped by a whale inside Dr. Who's TARDIS"  (news.com.au) (47)
(Kiro.TV) Dumbass It goes without saying not to use a loaded gun as a sex toy during foreplay  (kirotv.com) (69)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Dumbass Man pleads guilty to cheating in a bass tournament. He received a jail sentence THIS big  T-Shirt  (cbs11tv.com) (46)
(AOL News) PSA A full list of companies that will be giving away free food and drink on Tax Day. Go to Starbucks, Cinnabon, and Boston Market and call it a day  (aolnews.com) (28)
(Herald Sun) Asinine Good news: Somebody comes up with something original for Hollywood. Bad news: Building mansions around the Hollywood sign and obscuring it unless folks raise enough cash to save it  (heraldsun.com.au) (53)
(Some Guy) Sick Massey has refused to allow miners time off so that they can attend the funerals of their coworkers  (wsws.org) (203)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Homeowner gets upset when neighbors complain about his new deck, so he decides to really give them something to whine about (w/ pic)  (orlandosentinel.com) (113)
(kpho.com) Scary ♫ And he would walk five pain-filled miles ♫ And probably not too much more ♫ Just to receive medical attention ♫ 'Cause that rattler left him sore ♫ OW OW OW OW ♫ OW OW OW OW ♫  (kpho.com) (37)
(News.com.au) Strange Man gets hit in the head with a snake during a motel fight in South Carolina. NTTAWWT  (news.com.au) (56)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these marble men  (cache.boston.com) (32)
(FARK) Cool London EuroFark Party Reminder: Apr 24th London. Drew will be there  (fark.com) (46)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 258: "One is the Loneliest Number". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (171)
(LA Times) Spiffy Artificial pancreas offers promise for diabetics. Sweet  (latimes.com) (99)

Wed April 14, 2010
(Some Guy) Hero Meet Aki Ra, the guy who goes around defusing landmines with a pocketknife, a pipe wrench, and a pair of the biggest balls in the world  (badassoftheweek.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Sad City workers fired for taking 50 cases of expired Budweiser headed for the city landfill. "Beer is a popular product"  (columbiatribune.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Dumbass T.F. woman sentenced to life for lewdness charge. Still doesn't explain that extra dot  (magicvalley.com) (99)
(Scientific American) Cool Cool: Hot MIT scientist creates virus that turns water to hydrogen gas. Awesome: Your mother-in-law might one day catch a disease that turns her to hydrogen gas  (scientificamerican.com) (116)
(NewsOK) Interesting The exposed genitals of Jesus -- what a great name for a band  (newsok.com) (155)
(KRGV) Dumbass Man arrested for exposing himself to young girls is also known to throw stones at passing cars. Clearly, this guy likes to get his rocks off  (krgv.com) (32)
(Springfield News Leader) Weird Hey bartender, I'll have a shot of whiskey & a pickle juice chaser  (news-leader.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Weird Hunter may have killed a rare pizzly bear, also known in some circles as a grolar pear  (vancouversun.com) (127)
(FedBlog) Strange What the hell kind of muppet show are they running over at the Pentagon?  (blogs.govexec.com) (71)
(CNN) Misc Icelandic authorities evacuated about sadkjnueriuanj people early Wednesday when a vanjfjfnfnekenfn erupted beneath the Eyjafjallajokull glacier  (cnn.com) (95)
(Fast Company) Cool Some eco-nut thinks there's enough plastic in the Great Garbage Patch to build a floating city. I'm pretty sure this just like Sea Britain, but without Charlize Theron playing a MRF  (fastcompany.com) (119)
(Komo) Obvious Burn victim does not match description given by family member. No kidding  (komonews.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this coach having a conniption  (sportpicture.ru) (63)
(Daily Mail) Cool The coolest pics and video of a guy catching a connecting flight you ever see  (dailymail.co.uk) (111)
(Some Guy) Stupid White House asking Twitter users for ideas to solve science and engineering problems. So far the ideas submitted are about as useless as Twitter  (govtech.com) (143)
(CNN) Interesting New York dating coach teaches nice guys how pick up chicks, score an 8.9 on Hot or Not, and have enough time to hit the gym in 26 minutes  (cnn.com) (405)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Wii Fit injury turns woman into a slut  (in.news.yahoo.com) (168)
(ABC News) Scary Good News: Jersey city solves over half of its unsolved murders. Bad news: It was the same guy  (abclocal.go.com) (183)
(CNN) Followup God led rescuer to lost girl in the swamp after he yelled her name and she said 'What?"  (edition.cnn.com) (321)
(Some Guy) Dumbass American Family Association blogger suggests families should not receive any assistance in raising children born out of wedlock. "It's no longer fashionable to call them 'bastards,' but that's what they are."  (afa.net) (539)
(AOL News) Weird Police bust third grader for suspected heroin dealing. Next, on Thomas the Trainspotter  T-Shirt  (aolnews.com) (50)
(News.com.au) Scary 81-year-old grandma tussles with a 1700-pound bull over lawn rights  (cairns.com.au) (15)
(USA Today) Obvious Thank you for calling the Federal Nuclear Detonation Response Hotline. Your call is very important to us. Current wait time for the next operator: 24-72 hours. ♫ Tall and tan and dark and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking ♫  (usatoday.com) (136)
(Washington Post) Obvious So it turns out that "fondling" is not part of the standard field sobriety test  (washingtonpost.com) (64)
(SLTrib) Sad Radio station for blind to go off air, victim of budget cuts. I SAID, RADIO STATION FOR BLIND TO GO OFF A ststststst  (sltrib.com) (58)
(WGAL 8) PSA "Hmmm... I don't think that beam's structural" is not a good way to start a building renovation  (wgal.com) (55)
(Telegraph) Strange "Woman killed by son-in-law who had previously been her husband." Bonus: Saddam Hussein connection  (telegraph.co.uk) (51)
(ABC News) Sad Last sardine factory in the United States gets canned  (abcnews.go.com) (128)
(Yahoo) Amusing Old and busted: Wonder Bra. New and bottoms up: Wonder Pants. Fark: For men  (news.yahoo.com) (96)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Transportation secretary declares bicycles as equals to other transportation modes, such as cars, trucks and your mom  (huffingtonpost.com) (422)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this grandiose getaway  (i.imgur.com) (45)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Gallant provides proper identification to the police upon being pulled over. Goofus gives the police a Post-it note that has someone else's name and date of birth  (mcall.com) (47)
(io9) Strange After fifteen years, man comes forward and wants help identifying the nature of a secreting skull he found at sea  (io9.com) (120)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass British company forced to remove seven-year olds' bikinis  (dailymail.co.uk) (134)
(WLBZ2.com) Amusing Cops and hazmat teams called to home after landlord thought the former tenants were running a meth lab because of the awful smell. It turned out to be the only thing that could possibly smell worse  (wlbz2.com) (189)
(Some Guy) Ironic Fark ready headline: "Anti-Kidnapping Chief Missing in Mexico City"  (wibw.com) (53)
(BBC) Obvious BBC implements Fark headline filters  (news.bbc.co.uk) (167)
(Some 8th horseman) Dumbass One if by land, two if by WEEEEEEEE  (wmtw.com) (45)
(chicagobusiness) Followup Boeing denies Ryanair's claim "that removing two toilets and adding six seats would not slow down emergency evacuations." Umm, Ryanair officials, that's exactly what removing toilets will do  (chicagobusiness.com) (76)
(AP) Weird Copper piping stolen from hrch  T-Shirt  (hosted.ap.org) (95)
(Herald Sun) Asinine 86-year-old granny thrown out of supermarket for eating a cookie she paid for. If only there was some snack-related idiom about how one shouldn't feel bad about negative events that one has no control over  (heraldsun.com.au) (143)
(Barack Obama) Cool "Health Reform is a BFD" wins the official T-shirt contest - and they actually admit it and put it on sale  (my.barackobama.com) (466)
(Telegraph) Amusing Some in Malta think a phallic sculpture should be torn down before the Pope's upcoming visit. They don't want it to offend a man who lives in a palace filled with single guys, carries a long, hard staff, and wears silk robes all day  (telegraph.co.uk) (81)
(ABC News) Asinine Syria ships long-range SCUD missiles directly to Hezbollah. Apparently some people have a problem with this  (abcnews.go.com) (224)
(USA Today) Followup Spirit Airlines' $45 carry-on fee meets some resistance. Crazy  (usatoday.com) (159)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Strange Door-to-door meat salesman busted for swallowing a half-burned marijuana joint in front of the cops. In other news, you can get a job selling meat door-to-door  (startribune.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bubble blower  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Fark/Reddit Party in Armenia TONIGHT 8pm local time, Baobob Beerhouse, Yerevan. Come meet Drew and Reddit founder Alexis Ohanian  (armeniadiaspora.com) (89)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Interesting People with fewer teeth prone to die of heart disease, meth lab explosions  (myfoxla.com) (47)
(Metro) Scary Today: Parents hire "evil clown" to stalk, harass kids at birthday parties. Next week: Traumatized precious snowflakes' parents demand their money back before lynching evil clown  (metro.co.uk) (85)
(Some sore tooth) Dumbass If your dentist's office door is hidden behind a refrigerator, you might want to double check his credentials  (fcnp.com) (38)

Tue April 13, 2010
(BBC) Scary China scores a 6.9 in the tectonolympics  (news.bbc.co.uk) (66)
(Politico) Stupid It's almost April 15: Time for the media's annual panicgasm about Congress not finishing the federal budget in time and the government "running out of money." EVERYBODY YAWN  (politico.com) (49)
(Pittsburgh Post Gazette) Unlikely Family suing convenience store because clerk pointed scanner at girl's face, allegedly causing burns, post-traumatic stress and Tourette's syndrome  (post-gazette.com) (133)
(Some Audiophile) Photoshop Photoshop this bottle microphone  (imgboot.com) (40)
(CNN) Florida Autistic girl rescued after being stranded in swamp for 4 days, 7 hours, 33 minutes and 19 seconds  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (118)
(BBC) Strange ♫ This is what it sounds like, when frogs cry ♫  (news.bbc.co.uk) (40)
(MSNBC) Fail Refusing to deploy because Obama isn't an American? You better believe that's a court martiallin'  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (402)
(CNN) Hero Massachusetts priest calls for pope's resignation: "[A]nyone with an ounce of intelligence knows the media has not created this scandal. The institutional church has brought this onto themselves"  (cnn.com) (255)
(AP) Scary Israeli government to its citizens of Sinai: GTFO NOW  (hosted.ap.org) (66)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Theological professor endorses evolution, loses his job. Probably should've prayed for tenure  (huffingtonpost.com) (135)
(The Consumerist) Hero Presenting the only map a Farker will ever need: The ratio of pizza shops, gun shops, and strip clubs in a given geographic area. Not referenced: Cosplay conventions  (consumerist.com) (81)
(ABC News) Spiffy Since airlines are charging for overhead bags, and their imaging scanners will see you naked anyway, why not make this year's trip a "Nakation?"  (abcnews.go.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Interesting Children with a rare genetic disorder have no innate racism, though still feel women be shoppin'  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(CNN) Interesting "The American fear of science is going to kill us"  (cnn.com) (301)
(USA Today) Scary Not News: Some beef is bad. News: Beef grown in the US is rejected by Mexico for failing Mexican safety standards. Fark: Beef is OK'd for sale in the US by the USDA  (usatoday.com) (92)
(9 News) Scary Urban encounters with "mountain lions" becoming more frequent. Subby hasn't been to the bars lately, but has heard of the phenomenon on TV  (9news.com) (55)
(Some Guy) Sad Scientists: Girls should not drink until 21. Everybody else: KILL THE NERDS  (abclocal.go.com) (63)
(Yahoo) Scary Mrs. Hall said: "I've had a lot of things happen in my life and this is actually a minor one..." Considering she was referring to a five-ton boulder landing on her car, I'd say she's led an interesting life (w/pic)  (uk.cars.yahoo.com) (38)
(Washington Post) Interesting Mississippi county schools ordered to comply with desegregation order. This is not a repeat from 1957  (washingtonpost.com) (86)
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy Bettie Page, FBI Consultant. Offered expert guidance on whips, paddles, rawhide, ropes. Giggety  (thesmokinggun.com) (70)
(St. Petersburg Times) Scary You know those stories about doctors amputating the wrong limb or removing the wrong organ? This is just like that, only with fetuses  (tampabay.com) (79)
(ABC News) Strange North Korea's "It's so Funny" is television's longest running show, despite being utterly devoid any content that is even vaguely amusing. So pretty much North Korea's version of The Tonight Show  (abcnews.go.com) (95)
(BBC) Amusing The Hitler Bunker "Downfall" meme is covered by mainstream media, now truly dead. Video of Hitler's reaction to story expected soon  (news.bbc.co.uk) (59)
(AOL News) Asinine "All Blacks leave the store" looks like it's rapidly becoming NJ's answer to "pants on the ground"  (dailyfinance.com) (282)
(ABC News) Followup NJ Gov Christie is demanding the teacher's union fire an official because he wrote a memo that referred to Christie as his "favorite governor"  (abcnews.go.com) (156)
(Is this joke premature?) Sad Clown car sends newest clown back for repairs less than a week after getting it back from the shop  (associatedcontent.com) (256)
(YumSugar) Spiffy For the fashionable functioning alcoholic in your family: The wine purse, complete with built-in dispenser (pic)  (yumsugar.com) (67)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Not news: Baby born at home. News: Government raid at 3 AM to investigate unregistered baby. Fark: Baby is a horse  (thelocal.se) (56)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these hard heads  (sciencemuseum.org.uk) (51)
(LA Times) Obvious "This is WZAZ in Mogadishu, where disco lives forev--"  (latimes.com) (162)
(Daily Mail) Strange Ouch: Police shoot man with 50,000-volt Taser. Farkin Ouch: after he suffers epileptic seizure on the floor in a gym  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)
(Fosters.com) Dumbass Two men were arrested for burglary after police were able to track them through their electronic monitoring bracelets  (fosters.com) (20)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Hawaiian Airlines repeats as number 1 in quality rankings...remember that while you're paying 30 bucks for each bag you check  (myfoxdc.com) (76)
(New Scientist) Scary Attention Leftists Subversives and Radical Right Wing Extremists -Your secret forum hidden on the "dark web" where you are plotting the overthrow of the government, Big Brother has found it and is cataloging all of your conversations  (newscientist.com) (178)
(Boston Globe) Silly Students see themselves in Anne Frank, which is more than Anne could ever do  (boston.com) (202)
(Drew) FarkBlog Followup on the Chicago AWpocalypse, hanging out in Armenia with the founder of Reddit, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/4 - 4/10  (fark.com) (54)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Not News: Security guard fired. News: For sleeping on the job. Fark: It was a dog  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(Mr Idiot) Cool Not news: Teen makes a prom dress out of gum wrappers. Fark: It's actually very pretty. Bonus: she made her date a matching vest  (kimt.com) (213)
(YNet) Interesting Iranian official: We'll be nuclear in a month. But we'll only use it for electricity and food irradiation. And maybe a bit of Israeli irradiation. But that's it  (ynetnews.com) (484)
(Bacon) Cool The coolest AT-AT made of bacon you'll see all day  (tifr.us) (124)
(The New York Times) Followup Coming soon to a Poland near you: 96 Funerals and an Election  (nytimes.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Fail This certainly isn't going to help the argument about how well women drive (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (178)
(Washington Post) Amusing What happens when a Christian morals-first pharmacy doesn't sell birth control, condoms, porn, tobacco or makeup? Well, it goes out of business, for one thing  (washingtonpost.com) (489)
(Stuff) Dumbass Father of the year candidate arrested for leaving his baby alone in the car while he engaged in a hunt for a new mommy  (stuff.co.nz) (59)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida "The officer also noticed that the driver's head could not be seen above the steering column, so he stopped the truck"  (wtsp.com) (52)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Next time you're manning the suicide helpline, please try not to snore  (telegraph.co.uk) (48)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this worn-out wall  (farm3.static.flickr.com) (38)
(3 News New Zealand) Strange For perhaps the first time in history, police are clueless as to whether a spraypainted goat has been attacked by computer nerds or gangsta rappers (with pic)  (3news.co.nz) (81)
(KFOR) Scary Bar manager realizes that attacking his customers with a sword might be like cutting off his nose to spite his face, so instead he cuts off his customer's nose  (kfor.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Amusing A woman who liberally uses hairspray is named the Village Idiot of Indiana after she sets her hair on fire while lighting a cigarette  (heraldsun.com.au) (71)
(KY3) Amusing Woman's "Hey, come take anything you want" Craigslist ad met with very, very enthusiastic response  (ky3.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Strange Fugitives on the run try to pull the wool over the eyes of the cops by pulling the wool over their eyes and hiding in sheep costumes  (couriermail.com.au) (28)
(CNN) Scary Three dead, one missing as Navy jet crashes in Georgia forest North of Atlanta  (edition.cnn.com) (62)
(SLTrib) Sick 'Spiritual cleanser' charged with sexual molestation, getting his Clorox off  (sltrib.com) (45)
(officer.com) Cool "9-1-1, what's your emergency?" "Well, this avalanche covered me with snow and I was hoping someone might have a shovel?"  (officer.com) (28)
(CBS Miami) Sad Evil insurance company drops mom with cancer one week before her needed bone marrow transplant. Oh no, wait, it was Medicaid  (cbs4.com) (166)
(Quad City Times) Fail If you're gonna steal someone's ID in order to steal unemployment benefits, make sure that person isn't on trial for murder  (qctimes.com) (9)
(Some Cable Guy) Dumbass Teen's nipple clamp fetish sparks police inquiry into his shocking behavior  (www1.whdh.com) (45)
(Two-headed monster) Amusing Pens to erect big screen outside arena for playoffs. Yeah, I read that wrong the first time too  (post-gazette.com) (94)
(Some Nuclear Power Plant) Photoshop Photoshop this decontaminator  (de.img.seen.by) (57)

Mon April 12, 2010
(Salon) Asinine Catholic bishop fingers the Jews for the child molestation scandal. With oddly literal graphic of what "fingering the Jews" might look like  (salon.com) (361)
(CNN) Cool Dow closes above 11K for the first time in 18 months. Stocks from companies that sell unicorn food are at an all time high  (money.cnn.com) (195)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Tips on how to fight an IRS audit. Attempted bribery (especially with pizza) notably absent  (online.wsj.com) (133)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious Mom always said, "Just because you're preparing for the apocalyptic End Times war, doesn't mean you can't get a job."   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (99)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass "Vasquez was arrested [...] after someone saw him exiting a window on the 4th floor and getting onto a fire escape after allegedly taking a stapler from an office inside."  (suntimes.com) (77)
(shortbread) Photoshop Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Cookies  (images1.fanpop.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Obvious Spanking your child could create a bully. Punching your child could create better bully  (news.yahoo.com) (207)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Obvious Man who had sex with horse "does not have stable address"  T-Shirt  (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk) (105)
(apan Today) Silly Japanese police officers hide in a closet for six days to bust a boy stealing 9 bucks in change  (japantoday.com) (52)
(Cracked) Scary The Seven most horrifying things ever discovered in a human body  (cracked.com) (164)
(NY Mag) Interesting So, 3 Hasidic Jews and 120 hipster cyclists walk into a bar  (nymag.com) (227)
(IOL) Scary Clerk: "Hey, did those kids just steal a banana?" Security guard: *BANG* "Nope, wasn't them."  (iol.co.za) (60)
(Washington Post) Cool Remains of an alien mothership sent from a strange civilization may be lying dormant in a Maryland forest  (washingtonpost.com) (78)
(Uproxx) Amusing Mickey Rourke insisted Whiplash have a parrot to give the character more depth. Some guy investigates, through Photoshop, if this works for other characters as well  (uproxx.com) (42)
(Daily Mail) Cool Good news farkers, there are 40 percent more rich women who still won't have anything to do with you now than there were 5 years ago  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(Reuters) Interesting Chinese scientists find cure for cancer. Of course, since it's China, it involves tainting your blood with toxic metals  (reuters.com) (73)
(News on 6) Ironic Police shoot, kill man who threatens suicide. That'll teach him  (newson6.com) (199)
(NPR) Obvious Laser nuclear technology might pose frickin security risk  (npr.org) (35)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Americans who are not you are having more casual sex  (news.yahoo.com) (194)
(Some Guy) Obvious Early reviews of the KFC Double Down reveal that this fat-tastic masterpiece looks about as gross as it sounds  (ijustwanttofitin.com) (332)
(American Library Association) Interesting It's National Library Week. Remember those things that were like Wikipedia, only they took four hours?  (ala.org) (84)
(My Fox DC) Florida Rule of thumb is that after the cops arrest you in one of those 'come and pick up your free money' stings, you don't really get any money  (myfoxdc.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Scary ...and today's thing the Daily Mail claims gives you cancer is: turning the lights on when going to the toilet at night  (dailymail.co.uk) (127)
(ABC News) Amusing Hungary's ruling Socialist party suffers a stinging election defeat at the hands of, to judge by the picture accompanying the article, The Extremely Silly Hat Party  (abcnews.go.com) (96)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Don't worry Virginia, if you want to recognize April as "Confederate History Month", you go ahead. Mississippi's got your back  (myfoxdc.com) (498)
(The New York Times) Interesting "Male studies" threaten to penetrate university Women's Studies programs  (ideas.blogs.nytimes.com) (506)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Catholic clergy says removing statute of limitations on sex abuse is unnecessary because they've eliminated sex abuse through a zero tolerance policy  (ctcatholic.org) (289)
(Some Guy) Sad Rio: Caught between heaven and hell  (totallycoolpix.com) (83)
(Telegraph) Obvious Doctors working in the UK must speak English. This seems like a sticky wicket, all mouth and trousers, as if it's carrying coals to Newcastle. Although this takes the biscuit, but don't go spare, Bob's your uncle  (telegraph.co.uk) (98)
(Wired) Spiffy It just might have been the crime of the century. Here's the story  (wired.com) (95)
(The New York Times) Obvious America's real religion: The belief that everything is someone else's fault  (nytimes.com) (216)
(Online Sentinel.com) Obvious Hello mudder, go no farther  (onlinesentinel.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Dumbass But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. Well, death, taxes and people filing taxes for dead people. With pic of what a zombie tax filer might look like  (nbcnewyork.com) (28)
(Bangor Daily News) Fail Man overturns his canoe in the morning, comes back later in the day with another canoe to retrieve the first one and capsizes again. Subby like to know where he got the notion  (bangordailynews.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this flats monument  (de.img.seen.by) (42)
(BBC) Amusing Driver blames UFO for failure to pay parking fine  (news.bbc.co.uk) (21)
(Discovery) Interesting Handling money reduces the amount of pain people feel when their hands were dipped in scalding water. Wait, wut?  (news.discovery.com) (55)
(The Sun) Weird Idi Amin's son charged with grievous bodily harm. Prosecutors will probably offer him a deal, but they aren't sure if he's gonna bite  (thesun.co.uk) (44)
(Toronto Star) Spiffy Escape artist handcuffed, chained and locked inside a full tank of beer. Manages to escape - eventually  (thestar.com) (37)
(NYPost) Interesting New York's latest annoying item is a) homeless beggars? b) lack of services? or c) tip jars?  (nypost.com) (407)

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