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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun May 02, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(UPI) Interesting China accused of slapping bogus labels on honey in order to avoid the 500% tariff. In other news, we've actually been in a honey war with China for two years  (upi.com) (133)
(CNN) Followup Well, at least this year there's a real reason for elevated summer gas prices  (money.cnn.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man down  (bigpicture.ru) (36)
(UPI) Cool Polish student is Sudoku champion, can't screw in a light bulb without getting five other people to turn the ladder  (upi.com) (76)
(Time) Interesting Norway builds vacation resort for its....inmates?  (time.com) (102)
(Wired) Interesting Nationwide, police wiretapping has increased over 26% in the past year. This, despite McNulty and Freamon leaving the force  (wired.com) (83)
(MSNBC) Followup About that NYC car bomb... it now looks like it wasn't the Taliban, instead it was the Talibubba  (msnbc.msn.com) (732)
(WBBM) Asinine If you can afford $15,000 and the time for Cosmetology school, why would you braid hair for a living. Illinois says so what  (wbbm780.com) (75)
(MSNBC) News United Airlines' board of directors approves $3 billion merger with Continental Airlines  (msnbc.msn.com) (125)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting 'Junk DNA' drives cancer growth, sales of double wides  (physorg.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ten bizarre Pepsi flavors from around the world. Sorry Laverne, Pepsi and Milk does not make the list  (weburbanist.com) (160)
(UPI) Dumbass When getting married, don't put wedding photos in the newspaper your other wife reads  (upi.com) (62)
(Reuters) Interesting All of those drugs, supplements, and lifestyle changes that have been touted as preventing Alzheimer's? Forget about 'em  (uk.reuters.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Someone tries to steal some pizza. Fark: Using her TSA badge. Total Fark: She came back in to buy some liquor, using her credit card  (myfoxdetroit.com) (72)
(NYPost) Silly First we had the soup nazi, now people are getting bent out of shape over the yoga nazi  (nypost.com) (61)
(Washington Post) Interesting Washington Post gleefully reports that Washington Times is for sale after Moonies decide to look elsewhere for all-embracing truth  (washingtonpost.com) (48)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop HRM at the center of it all  (online.wsj.com) (53)
(Omaha World Herald) Cool Madagascar habitat coming to Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo. Zoo officials believe the grand opening of the exhibit will be so great, businesses will shut down everything so employees can attend  (omaha.com) (61)
(Zombie Research Society) PSA In case you didn't know, May is Zombie Awareness Month  (zombieresearch.org) (98)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious Recently converted naturalist and tree hugger Rush Limbaugh gives props to mother nature and her recuperative efforts. Also blames eco-terrorists  (tampabay.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Interesting McDonald's menu items from around the world. Bacon potato pie FTW  (foodnetworkhumor.com) (240)
(The Tennessean) Followup Watch God destroy Nashville by flooding with live updates  (tennessean.com) (180)
(WBBM) Fail Why would a plate glass window be located on a sidewalk "frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians"? Woman is suing, after falling through trying to kick her husband  (wbbm780.com) (97)
(Fox News) Scary Dallas police prepare huge steak dinner on Texas interstate  (foxnews.com) (42)
(Herald Tribune) Hero It's official: Pee Wee Herman has ended racism in Florida (Herman's involvement buried at the end of the article)  (heraldtribune.com) (59)
(CNN) Sad After 161 years of treating survivors of catastrophes from Titanic to September 11 and early AIDS victims, New York's St. Vincent's Hospital closed Friday after what was described as a freak snow globe accident  (cnn.com) (103)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Man charged in beating of one legged barber. It's crimes like this that make me hopping mad  (chicagotribune.com) (16)
(ABC News) Spiffy Pentagon to finally answer the "It's the 21st Century, where's my flying car?" question  (abcnews.go.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Sad Another female teacher attacks male student with sex. (With 'maybe' mugshot goodness)  (christwire.org) (222)
(ABC News) Obvious We've all seen the lists touting the "best cities to work in". But what about a list of the worst? Well, let's just say it really sucks to be in Michigan these days  (abcnews.go.com) (120)
(UPI) Interesting Ah look, Canada has joined the War on Drugs. It's so cute when the kids play dress up and try to act all grown up  (upi.com) (97)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Students set up cell phone camera to catch thief who broke into their lockers. Hilarity ensues  (cfnews13.com) (166)
(Some Boob) Dumbass Mom turns in 28-year old son for stealing drugs from her bra  (bnd.com) (26)
(One clean dude) Photoshop Photoshop these clean room technicians to be  (hvcc.edu) (24)
(CNN) Asinine Headline: "Ahmadinejad blasts U.S. before visit" Shouldn't he wait until he lands here with his suitcase-O-nukes?  (cnn.com) (127)
(Sign On San Diego) Strange 200 teens involved in parking lot brawl. Warriors, come out and pla-eay  (signonsandiego.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Amusing From the "That Takes Balls" department - squirrel takes out power grid (with a picture of what a squirrel may look like)  (uppermichiganssource.com) (44)
(Some Fapping Guy) Advice "Boy loses hand in bedroom explosion". And you thought the worst that could happen was going blind  T-Shirt  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (54)
(Boston Globe) PSA Bad news: Pipe supplying Boston area with water blew out Saturday. Good news: There's a backup. Bad news: It's shut down for several years worth of repairs  (boston.com) (131)
(CNN) Fail House floats off its foundation down to a lake by Nashville that... seems to be filled with cars... wait, what's that? Oh, that lake is actually Interstate 24 (with video)  (cnn.com) (207)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Stirling engine  (imgboot.com) (30)

Sat May 01, 2010
(ABC News) News Times Square evacuated due to "large" improvised explosive device in SUV  (abcnews.go.com) (689)
(Boston Herald) Unlikely Sending murderer to prison for life without his stuffed bunny is barbaric, uncivilized, and unconstitutional   (news.bostonherald.com) (192)
(Toronto Star) Obvious Man critically injured after falling out of a tree at a march for marijuana legalization. Time of injury - 4:20  (thestar.com) (40)
(journal times) Amusing Lawyers teach elementary school kids about law by putting Goldilocks on trial  (journaltimes.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this crack hoar  (i.imgur.com) (46)
(Huffington Post) Followup Facebook group praying for death of Obama reaches one million fans.... showing that at least one million people can't think for themselves and will wear out their mouse quickly by joining every stupid group possible  (huffingtonpost.com) (411)
(AP) Scary Every coastline that has nothing to fear from the Gulf oil spill take one step forward. NOT SO FAST there, east coast of the United States  (wwl.com) (230)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Swedish monarchy is losing support, submitter suggests Princess Madeleine swimsuit calendar  (thelocal.se) (76)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Making a sign with red, white and blue letters is now considered racist and you will be arrested  (dailymail.co.uk) (146)
(Providence Journal) Amusing Protip: If you are going to go joyriding in your parents Volvo, driving across lawns and unloading your paintball gun against houses, you should probably know how to change a tire  (projo.com) (28)
(Some Familiar Looking Guy) Amusing Russian plumber does not understand why people stare at him on the street, ask him medical advice, or claim that it may in fact be Lupus  (twitpic.com) (71)
(Canoe) Obvious Ric Romero Bureau reports that teens who post racy Facebook messages may in fact be broadcasting their intentions to engage in sexual activity  (cnews.canoe.ca) (47)
(MSNBC) Sick They like theirs shaken, not stirred  (msnbc.msn.com) (61)
(ESPN) Spiffy Lookin' at Lucky, Sidney's Candy, IceBox, Devil May Care, Noble's Promise. Who is your favorite? Who will underperform and who will shine on a muddy Churchill Downs track? Your 136th Kentucky Derby thread  (sports.espn.go.com) (264)
(CTV) Interesting "Teens who are sexually active run a greater risk of having an unwanted pregnancy." In other news, people who drink more likely to get drunk, and people who speak french more likely to surrender  (ctv.ca) (61)
(#arwx) Cool How four little letters changed the game in severe weather reporting  (knowthenetwork.com) (75)
(Buffalo News) Obvious Fire breaks out at brewpub. Six fire trucks and 39 firefighters from two different fire departments respond to the scene. That's a Code 8: Pretzels, repeat, we need pretzels  (buffalonews.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not sure what's worse: the 8 year-old boy found taped and tied to a table, the mug shot 'hotness' of the mother, or the deplorable grammar that passes for an edited article in Los Angeles these days  (ktla.com) (86)
(The New York Times) Sick More pre-K NYC kids test as gifted and talented. In other news, NYC parents think there's nothing at all weird about putting four-year-olds through endless standardized tests  (nytimes.com) (193)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Cool Nine pound gold nugget found in California's Motherlode. Gold Rush II: Electric Boogaloo  (news10.net) (132)
(SC Times) Interesting The FARK Art Panel (FAP) applauds the design, but wishes that duct tape was used instead  (sctimes.com) (31)
(MetroWest Daily News) Stupid Massachusetts says towns have to limit lawn watering and car washing in the summer, record rainfall or no record rainfall  (metrowestdailynews.com) (121)
(Yahoo) Interesting 49% of Americans claim to have had a "moment of sudden religious insight or awakening." The other 51% understand that it's called "alcohol"  (news.yahoo.com) (217)
(wfaa.com) Obvious The first rule of fight club is, you do not let the HOA find out about your fight club  (wfaa.com) (47)
(CNN) Scary Makers of Tylenol and Motrin ask that you throw all of their children's brand medications out and go and restock your shelves with more of their products that they promise won't harm your kids  (cnn.com) (42)
(Click On Detroit) Photoshop Signs to be posted at Detroit River fishing spots to help identify fish that are safe or unsafe to eat. Photoshop what such a sign would look like  (clickondetroit.com) (62)
(Some Gay) Interesting Two Latin American countries allow homosexuals to adopt children. Know how I know Uruguay?  T-Shirt  (colombiareports.com) (27)
(Lowell Sun) Obvious Parking clerk charged with altering computer records to make her tickets go away, which is apparently now a crime rather than a customary job benefit  (lowellsun.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing The assholes who get offended by curse-words  (lowlyserf.com) (167)
(Telegraph) Weird For years villagers on an South Pacific island have considered the Duke of Edinburgh their god and awaited his return. Boy, are they going to be let down. "Some people might say what a load of codswallop, but they have a link with him"  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing The Swedes on the bus go hump, hump, hump  (thelocal.se) (67)
(AOL News) Weird Seven days of weird news stories on Fark. Ten questions about them. How many do you remember?  (aolnews.com) (28)
(St. Petersburg Times) Spiffy House cat nurses orphaned bobcat kittens back to health just in time for Caturday  (tampabay.com) (656)
(Some Guy) Interesting Some women take it the wrong way if you wave to them while masturbating in your car waiting for the light to turn green  (kitsapsun.com) (62)
(Daily Mail) Strange It's one thing if you want to keep breastfeeding your son even though he's five. It's something else when you also want to breastfeed his friends  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(Huffington Post) Sick What is the deal with airline food?  (huffingtonpost.com) (76)
(LA Times) Interesting "It would be perfectly sane to decline a trip in a time machine to any point in the past if you had to actually live out your life there"  (latimes.com) (104)
(nbc) Dumbass A Quakertown waitress who was on disability for a back injury had no problem positioning herself on a stripper pole. Bonus: Name of the strip joint is C.R. Fanny's  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (48)
(NBC Philadelphia) Stupid Man parks in his neighbor's spot. ARROWED  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Amusing Montreal is cooler than your city: Montreal Police escort elderly women on semi-annual pub crawl. Bonus: pic of 95 year old imbiber with walker  (montrealgazette.com) (42)
(freecomicbookday) Cool Saturday May 1, 2010. Free Comic Book Day. It's as if millions of basements were suddenly emptied  (freecomicbookday.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Jury acquits a man of rape, saying the "victim's" jeans were so tight, there was no way he could have gotten them off without her help  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(Wired) Photoshop Photoshop this ski-shod pod  (wired.com) (24)
(Science Daily) Scary Fast roller coasters can damage your ears. I SAID, FAST ROLLER COASTERS CAN DAMAGE YOUR EARS  (sciencedaily.com) (51)
(SFGate) Asinine Defense counsel wants defendant who is not an officer to be called "Officer" and not "defendant" in his upcoming murder trial. Bonus points if you guess what the victim can't be called  (sfgate.com) (141)

Fri April 30, 2010
(Some Teacher) Asinine Iowa school administrators consider prohibiting teachers from having Facebook accounts because they are a "breeding ground for inappropriate student-teacher relationships." Spending 8 hours a day together apparently still just fine  (gazetteonline.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Fail A giant crude oil spill is "unlikely or impossible." Now, what company would make a bold statement like that, I wonder  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Fox News) Scary Suspected illegals shoot Arizona deputy with AK-47. That's sure to help defuse the situation  (foxnews.com) (794)
(The Hill) Scary According to White House economic adviser, the current unemployment numbers may be permanent  (thehill.com) (252)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Even the little dictator isn't safe from the Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (223)
(What Does It Mean?) Scary A U.S. media blackout has been ordered on covering the North Korean torpedoing of the oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. But, so you know, you can read it here. What? Sounds legit  (whatdoesitmean.com) (295)
(Some Citizen) Followup In a surprise move that no one saw coming, the "sovereign citizen of the republic of America" who moved into a house, and then filed suit against the owner, files a lawsuit against the county for 18 million  (missoulian.com) (151)
(AP) Sad Turtles don't always beat the hare......or speed boats  (hosted.ap.org) (20)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these fighting fans  (cache.boston.com) (29)
(Reuters) NewsFlash Oilmageddon part II: Oil platform overturns off coast of Louisiana  (alertnet.org) (390)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious If subby was accused of raping and murdering his 88-year-old grandmother-in-law, he'd deny it too  (courant.com) (33)
(The New York Times) Sad Leslie Buck has died. He created The Anthora, a paper coffee cup familiar to millions of commuters, its compact size and Greek styling making it the perfect vessel for his cremains to be parcelled out to his survivors  (nytimes.com) (93)
(Florida Today) Florida "This guy walked in...He wasn't disguised or anything. But he put a Wal-Mart bag on his head, walked to the counter and gave the teller a note . . . He even took the bag off his head and gave it to the teller to put the cash in"  (floridatoday.com) (29)
(wptv.com) Asinine Boy pulled from class over spiked hair for violating the tress code  (wptv.com) (94)
(Capital Times) Amusing Gas station clerk sees masked men entering store, locks self in office. "They didn't get into the cash register, but a couple of cigarillos could be missing."  (host.madison.com) (14)
(Omaha World Herald) Asinine Not news: Drunk driver commits hit-and-run, kills other driver. News: Drunk driver found guilty, sentenced to five years in jail. Fark: Had drunk driver stayed at scene, could have been sentenced to fifty years in jail  (omaha.com) (61)
(Cracked) Interesting Seven incredible scientific innovations held back by petty feuds  (cracked.com) (81)
(The Sun) Sick We'll all die someday, but let's hope the media coverage doesn't include the line "Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels."  (thesun.co.uk) (224)
(Washington Times) Dumbass Houston police arrest and rough up Chinese diplomat, forgetting that since he was in a Chinese consulate parking garage he was technically on Chinese territory. Oopsie  (washingtontimes.com) (90)
(SMH) Obvious Tampon ads are just ridiculous, and companies should be able to talk honestly about what they're for. Period  (smh.com.au) (188)
(Austrian Times) Stupid Hungarian medical officials pay for film to educate teens about safe sex... which is promptly banned by Hungarian movie censors  (austriantimes.at) (29)
(CNN) Obvious Obama to send top men to observe oil spill. Top Men  (cnn.com) (144)
(Yahoo) Followup Blue Cross withdraws its request for a 39% premium increase after California insurance regulators took the unprecedented step of checking the company's math  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Beefalo missing in Ellsworth, Maine. "Small, however, said there have been no reports of gunshots and no aroma of barbecue in the area this week."  (bangordailynews.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Followup The oil hits the anus of Louisiana  (inlandnewstoday.com) (98)
(Some Guy) Hero Supervillain Smackdown -The Final: Doom vs Magneto  (thecorrectness.com) (181)
(Examiner) Florida If you found $14,000 in cash in a bag at the gas station, the guy who dropped it would like it back  (examiner.com) (58)
(The Sun) Obvious Hungarian police stop group that has been wandering for years and inform them that "This is not the promised land"  (thesun.co.uk) (16)
(Canoe) Dumbass Things not to do when riding in a double-decker bus driving at 45 mph under a bridge, No. 41038: Stick your head out of the roof vent  (cnews.canoe.ca) (79)
(Capital Times) Amusing Ready for Fark headline: "Memo to partiers: The couch is not an ashtray, fire department says"  (host.madison.com) (31)
(Denver Post) Asinine Judge allows case of a developmentally delayed, hearing impaired teen who confessed to sexual assault after 17 hours of interrogation without his parents or a lawyer to proceed. Bonus: DNA evidence has already excluded him  (denverpost.com) (116)
(Hampton Roads) Dumbass Crazy bigot in Virginia covers his truck in offensive decals. No, not that one  (hamptonroads.com) (176)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Florida A&M has a problem with sex video depicting students partaking in eight way orgy  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (54)
(WCSH-6) Spiffy It's legal in Maine for women to go topless, but they still don't feel comfortable, so they're holding a protest march. Topless, of course  (wcsh6.com) (81)
(102.7 WEBN Cincinnati OH) Asinine Time names Lady Gaga the most influential artist of 2010. In related news, the hobo that does portraits with his own feces under the bridge named artist of the decade  (webn.com) (97)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Your dog wants peanut butter. K9 cop licks jar, fellow officers eat it  (sun-sentinel.com) (18)
(Science Daily) Stupid Doing it like they do it on the Discovery Channel violates animal privacy rights. AC/DC inconsolable  (sciencedaily.com) (93)
(lexch.com) Stupid Not only does it take 40 cops to bust up a high school party in Nebraska, they actually have to practice for it  (lexch.com) (30)
(Gizmodo) Amusing People Shot in the Face With Cupcakes featuring a 120psi cannon and 700fps super slow motion camera  (gizmodo.com) (75)
(The New York Times) Obvious BP's CEO, who made $5 million last year and whose company opposed new safety regulations by Congress last year: "What the hell did we do to deserve this?"  (nytimes.com) (152)
(journal times) Stupid Habitual burglar breaks into houses, flees police, steals a squad car, and tries to run over a cop. Oh wait, no he didn't... his fiancee says he didn't because he's a Christian. (With "get the eye bleach ready" photo)  (journaltimes.com) (64)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Today's TSG Friday Photo Fun is another chance to win at "What's My Line." Contest ends at 6:00 p.m. Central  (thesmokinggun.com) (41)
(The Newspaper) Interesting Only ten of 742,470 car owners accused of speeding by Montgomery County cameras have been found not guilty. Here is the story of one of them  (thenewspaper.com) (90)
(MSNBC) Interesting Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to run for the presidency, institute the use of the three seashells  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (267)
(My San Antonio) Asinine If you're a white kindergartner who parts his hair in the middle instead of to the right or left, you will be deemed a distraction and suspended. Not really, but if you're black and have a swirl in your hair, that will get you suspended  (mysanantonio.com) (109)
(Hartford Courant) Strange German swine find World War II "panzerfaust" when digging for food  (courant.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Dog runs from cops for two days on Chicago's Eisenhower Expressway. Doesn't get hit, shot, eaten, or decorated with chains  (myfoxchicago.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Interesting Lingerie sales in Britian are up sharply: That's good But it's due to the "cougar effect" with most sales going to women in their late 40's and 50's: That's bad. Still waiting on word about the frogurt  (news.yahoo.com) (84)
(SFGate) Amusing The five worst army men of all time. "All my other army men were locked in mortal combat, and this a**hole is looking for his car keys"  (sfgate.com) (279)
(The Local (Sweden)) Stupid If you can tell the difference between a stag night and a robbery in progress, then congratulations -- you're overqualified for a job in the Swedish police force  (thelocal.se) (28)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lazy lounge  (animalpicture.ru) (48)
(WMTW.com) Strange At 50 lbs and four foot, three inches tall, "Darius" is the world's largest bunny. We're going to need a bigger pancake  (wmtw.com) (182)
(Metro) Strange Chinese man has reportedly eaten 1,500 lightbulbs. That's not very bright  (metro.co.uk) (56)
(The Local (Germany)) Strange German pensioner fined €14,000 for repeatedly 'ass bombing' his local pool  (thelocal.de) (82)
(Gizmodo) Strange Hey, what time is it? (NSFW language)  (gizmodo.com) (108)
(WLBZ2.com) Obvious If you ever had a Texas cop find and take your weed but you never got busted for it, this may be why  (wlbz2.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Scary Knife becomes source of strife, drawing cops nonstop. But the man's unfazed after being tazed; he bolted after being volted. And then they shot him  (roanoke.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption what Diane Lane and John Malkovich are screaming about  (img704.imageshack.us) (109)
(LA Times) Obvious Gulf oil spill safety celebration canceled  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (230)
(News.com.au) Hero "It is believed the woman went ashore during a port visit this month, got very drunk and began to publicly grope her male colleagues"  (news.com.au) (94)
(KTVZ) Strange "And as I was flinging the poo all over her yard - it felt really good, and I just kept doing it"  (ktvz.com) (77)
(Seattle Times) Hero Electron Boy saves Seattle. The most positive story you'll read today  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (135)
(Kansas.com) Interesting I can vote for Potato  (blogs.kansas.com) (157)
(CNN) Sick Two people were arrested for making and selling meatballs from the meat of protected monkeys, greasy grimy gophers put on alert  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (75)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop a new logo for NASA  (boston.com) (53)
(Independence Examiner) Dumbass Man takes 21 shot challenge to celebrate 21st birthday, loses  (examiner.net) (172)
(Denver Post) Hero Amazing pictures from the Pacific Theater of WWII. Glad I missed seeing it live  (blogs.denverpost.com) (251)
(Reuters) Obvious The average American holds more loyalty to their brand of pop and underwear than to their employer  (reuters.com) (307)
(Courier Mail) Dumbass A stranger on a train is talking on their cellphone to their father, do you c) Beat them senseless because you're angry with your sister  (couriermail.com.au) (42)
(CBS Philadelphia) Interesting Philly cops will stop responding to calls from female drivers  (cbs3.com) (105)

Thu April 29, 2010
(London Times) Interesting One man tries to go underground and avoid the government at all costs. Here's his story of failure  (women.timesonline.co.uk) (170)
(Yahoo) Amusing Chelsea Clinton has a special request for her dad for her wedding. Surprisingly, it's not "Please don't try to bang one of my bridesmaids"  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Amusing Dear Sir, we know you've already been fired, but this letter is just to inform you that we're firing you again. w/truly Farky style reply  (imgur.com) (404)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this high-tech turntable  (i872.photobucket.com) (38)
(Guardian.com) Cool The 10 greatest nature photographs of all time  (guardian.co.uk) (115)
(MSNBC) Scary Scientists say incurable gonorrhea strains developing. That's nothing to clap about  (msnbc.msn.com) (85)
(USA Today) Obvious Airline mergers decrease competition, hurt service, reduce routes, increase prices, and lower on-time performance. Other than that, they're great for consumers  (usatoday.com) (59)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's weird ass yard animal sighting from Florida: Lemurs in Clearwater  (wtsp.com) (28)
(Cracked) Amusing Six true stories about Disneyland they don't want you to know  (cracked.com) (252)
(Gothamist) Dumbass Crabby seafood waitress sues after penis-grabbing manager tells her: "Come over here. I want you to turn my shrimp into a lobster." Owner says, abalone, it's all a red herring  (gothamist.com) (87)
(scab dad) Fail Don't pick up that school ground litter or pull those weeds, Mister Volunteer. That's a job for a highly skilled union professional  (thenewstribune.com) (116)
(Jalopnik) Followup Remember the racist guy with the 9/11 pickup truck who said he's not racist? Yeah, he's definitely racist. Here's his Facebook page  (jalopnik.com) (552)
(Fox News) Obvious UN elects Iran to seat on women's rights commission  (foxnews.com) (95)
(CTV) Obvious Rick Romero's Canadian affiliate discovers dog breed bans don't affect bite statistics because morons just neglect a different kind of dog. Your dog wants racial equality  (ottawa.ctv.ca) (83)
(Some Guy) Obvious BP: "On second thought, we need help with this oil spill."  (ktvu.com) (200)
(TampaBays10.com) Followup Officials in Tampa determine that the strange smell that's been plaguing Tampa for the past week is indeed, a strange smell  (wtsp.com) (35)
(CNN) Misc IRANIAN AIRCRAFT FLIES NEAR US AIRCRAFT CARRIER. EVERYONE PAN...what's that?....It happens all the time? No one overracted? A threatening press release.....No? Nevermind  (cnn.com) (119)
(C|Net) Followup And the saga continues... Gizmodo considering suing police after iPhone raid since the search warrant violated a California journalist shield law  (news.cnet.com) (388)
(SLTrib) Interesting 65,000 Sq ft vault carved 700 feet into solid granite and protected against deterioration, natural disasters or man-made calamities. And it's for genealogy? Yeah, sure it is  (sltrib.com) (183)
(MSNBC) Interesting What women swallow may affect kids and grandkids, mostly whether they have them or not  T-Shirt  (msnbc.msn.com) (90)
(Bloomberg) Scary Alliance's Kentucky Coal Mine is making China's safety record look good  (bloomberg.com) (29)
(Life.com) Sick We are shocked, SHOCKED, to find looted art inside Hitler's bunker. Not all that shocked to find incredibly creepy blood stains, though  (life.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Followup Scientist claims the Noah's Ark story was a hoax. Difficulty: He's a creationist  (toddcwood.blogspot.com) (278)
(Columbus Dispatch) Dumbass Prison inmate shoves hot sauce bottle so far up his hoo-hah that it takes a very amused surgical staff to remove it  (dispatch.com) (102)
(ADN) Unlikely Excessive fluoride found in military water supply keeping troops brainwashed/teeth clean  (adn.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Weird Bad: You're in an automobile accident. Worse: The person at fault runs. FARK: He left his airplane at the scene  (dailycamera.com) (39)
(Some Mediaval Warrior) Amusing Today, children doodle motorcycles, spaceships and lasers. In medieval Novgorod, children doodled themselves impaling their enemies with spears  (slavic.freeservers.com) (94)
(Post and Courier) Amusing "They also roll their eyes when they see overweight people in line at the grocery store with a basket full of Twinkies and powdered doughnuts." That's fattist  (postandcourier.com) (542)
(Some Guy) Amusing Kazakhstan is turning to a prince in hopes of reversing its image as a nation of Borats. Very nice  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (29)
(Starry's Walk for Hunger) Cool Project Bread kneads your dough, I wonder if at yeast some people will quit rolling around and rise to the challenge. Rye don't you help a TF(bagu)ette out - it will make you feel butter. DIT  (projectbread.org) (62)
(Washington Post) Amusing "Hello, this is God. Do push-ups."  (washingtonpost.com) (204)
(Al's Morning Meeting) Interesting Georgia TV news anchors switch from paper scripts to iPads, saving an estimated $24,000 per year, which will promptly be blown in the App Store  (poynter.org) (150)
(Yahoo) Sad Jeb Bush becomes part of the first American political anti-dynasty, as poltical commentators from both parties concede he'd be the GOP front-runner for 2012 "if his last name were anything but Bush  (news.yahoo.com) (275)
(NYPost) Interesting NYC drivers crossing the city's most dangerous intersections will soon be getting help from countdown clocks to determine how long they got to run the light or mow down pedestrians  (nypost.com) (76)
(Fox News) Scary Taliban chief in Pakistan rises from the dead to reveal their newest strategy to beat the infidels: Zombies  (foxnews.com) (54)
(ABC News) Stupid Woman uses the Mike Tyson defense after a man calls her fat  (abcnews.go.com) (132)
(The New York Times) Amusing We have Dave Barry to thank for the popularity of International Talk Like a Pirate Day. And for "the most important blues song about Tupperware"  (nytimes.com) (54)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Average class size in Chicago public schools growing so large they are bordering on a fire code violation  (suntimes.com) (148)
(Some Spader Man) Photoshop Theme: Create your very own ripped off superhero. LGT inspiration  (forkparty.com) (43)
(WFTV) Obvious Tonight on Cops: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz  (wftv.com) (58)
(Washington Post) Followup Virginia man with the anti-Islam 9/11 message on his truck denies he's a racist or that his license plate has neo-Nazi codes; they're merely his favorite NASCAR drivers  (washingtonpost.com) (932)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Not for nuttin', but a London firm is offerin' $210 a day for people to help translate Brooklynese so visitors dunneed to say fuhgeddaboudit when lookin' for cawfee  (nydailynews.com) (56)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Youth admits putting antifreeze in mom's coffee. You are SO grounded  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (63)
(SMH) Strange Whatever, I'll try, maybe. I don't know. I'll get back to you. Yes, but if... I guess we'll see  (smh.com.au) (66)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Blind four-year-old boy has learned dolphin sonar language to navigate around obstacles. Let's see Anne Frank do that  (dailymail.co.uk) (156)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida makes another attempt to ban bestiality, raising the question of how their attempts keep failing in the first place  T-Shirt  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (93)
(Johnson City Press) Dumbass Man accused of stealing 20 packs of 'male enhancement' product from gas station, will do hard time  T-Shirt  (johnsoncitypress.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Cool Billboard announces live Twitter interview with Paramore, who consists of four guys and a SMOKING HOT REDHEAD (sponsored link)  (billboard.com) (317)
(New York Daily News) Weird Cop drives hookers to dates, marries brothel leader, threatens to kill snitch. I'm pretty sure that constitutes a conflict of interest  (nydailynews.com) (34)
(Mediaite) Amusing Washington Post has trouble telling attractive and successful African Americans apart  (mediaite.com) (74)
(Metro) Caption Caption this cordial squirrel  (img.metro.co.uk) (75)
(news4jax.com) Obvious Report claims that many in US live with unclean air, insists that you stop pulling your drunk uncle's finger  (news4jax.com) (28)
(Telegraph) Amusing "Stephen Charters beat off the entire French nation to become its professor of champagne." Seems like a lot of work just to get a job, but okay  (telegraph.co.uk) (38)
(This Is GRIIIIMSBY) Scary British man saves Mythbusters the effort of simulating a 70mph crash between a motorcyclist and a deer  (thisisgrimsby.co.uk) (156)
(Jalopnik) Dumbass First Bugatti Veyron imported to Holland is now first Bugatti Veyron seized by Dutch police for speeding  (jalopnik.com) (55)
(News.com.au) Strange Army runs tests on 82-year-old man who claims he has not had any food or drink since 1940. Lie detector not one of them  (couriermail.com.au) (80)
(The Courier) Strange 144-year-old murder case still hasn't been closed by Scottish police, since you never know when an immortal highlander might turn up as a witness  (thecourier.co.uk) (36)
(Yahoo) Weird A bit weird: 26-year-old guy going out with a 72-year-old. Just plain wrong: It's his grandma. Oh my God that's farked up: They're having a baby together  (nz.lifestyle.yahoo.com) (214)
(The New York Times) Obvious Chevron demands that filmmaker hand over footage of them damaging the environment because it could be useful to people accusing them of damaging the environment  (nytimes.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this holey ball  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(Quad City Times) Fail If you are going to bail your wife out of jail, make sure you don't use a fake $50 bill, or you'll find youself in the cell right next to her  (qctimes.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Remains of 300 found at the bottom of lake. ºSPAºRRºTAºAAAAº  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(USA Today) Scary Watch the Gulf oil spill grow, kill Tasha Yar for no conceivable reason  (usatoday.com) (221)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 260: "Plants." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (258)

Wed April 28, 2010
(Boston Globe) Cool The only slide-show subby would ever subject his fellow farkers to: 32 slides of Clam and Lobster Shacks. OM NOM NOM NOM  (boston.com) (61)
(TechCrunch) Amusing CNN dismayed to discover that the internet can use advanced split-screen technology to show how much of the "news" CNN is missing  (techcrunch.com) (168)
(ABC News) Misc Malcolm X assassin freed on parole. Nation of Islam raises threat level to Red Bowtie  (abcnews.go.com) (243)
(UPI) Scary VA hospital gives man wrong blood type. Meh, close enough for government work  (upi.com) (79)
(The Consumerist) Fail Sprint employees fired for capturing Apple Store shoplifter  (consumerist.com) (130)
(ABC News) Scary If your idea of a good time involves guns, drugs, and raping muslim women, your employer may have issues with that. Especially when you work for the CIA  (abcnews.go.com) (127)
(NPR) Cool Government clears the way for the first wind farm off of Cape Cod. Will be haunted by the ghost of Ted Kennedy's sailboat  (npr.org) (180)
(NJ.com) Interesting Chiropractor charged with insurance fraud after billing for treatments he didn't perform, as opposed to the worthless treatments he did perform  (nj.com) (304)
(BBC) Sad UN says that the Democratic Republic of Congo is the world's rape capital of rape  (news.bbc.co.uk) (139)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: What they don't want you to know  (fark.com) (41)
(UPI) Amusing This just in: Drunken man's pants found two days later  (upi.com) (35)
(Cracked) Interesting Six things you thought were rooted in history that really weren't  (cracked.com) (125)
(AP) Interesting It's like Tom Hanks in Big or Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday. Only this time, its the freaky school president at Widener University  (hosted.ap.org) (36)
(KRGV) Obvious Bird watching takes dangerous tern  (krgv.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious Wal-Mart reopens after odor causes evacuation. Authorities still not sure why odor suddenly disappeared after all of the customers left the building  (lehighvalleylive.com) (164)
(The Sun) Amusing Man is teaching a sheep how to surf (with a picture that is destined to haunt and embarass the surfer for the rest of his life)  (thesun.co.uk) (79)
(ABC News) Obvious Police place investigation on hold after Gawker invokes shield law for journalists. Err.. I mean after they identify the person who found the iPhone  (abcnews.go.com) (173)
(MSNBC) Stupid Flight diverted from DC to North Carolina after someone apparently scrawled "Holy crap, who dropped the bomb?" on the lavatory mirror  (msnbc.msn.com) (65)
(Washington Post) News SCOTUS decides 5-4 that sometimes, a cross isn't JUST about religion  (washingtonpost.com) (615)
(AP) Ironic Ohio health department shut down due to A) Budget problems B) Bomb threat C) Flea infestation  (hosted.ap.org) (18)
(WTOP) Fail Not News: Men take interest in pole dancing classes. Fail: As students  (wtop.com) (53)
(Newsweek) Fail Someone thinks that at some point in its history that Wall Street had a conscience  (newsweek.com) (106)
(Altoona Mirror) Weird The informant, who had dated the woman, and his Jack Russell terrier both contracted sexually transmitted diseases  (altoonamirror.com) (149)
(ABC News) Unlikely "A witch hunt for men with tanned and muscular bodies on the beach is the last thing anybody wants"  (abcnews.go.com) (45)
(Jezebel) Asinine That lesbian whose school tricked her with a decoy prom isn't having a good senior year: Those dirtbags at Westboro Baptist Church are coming to graduation  (jezebel.com) (320)
(Some Guy) Amusing Women think their pets are better listeners than their husbands. Now that's not true, we listen, we just don't care  (sanluisobispo.com) (105)
(AOL News) Sad Man surivives a full year as a forward artillery observer in Afghanistan, but only two days as a NV sheriff's deputy  (aolnews.com) (86)
(WTAM) Cool The 1970's were THE best time to be a kid...at least as far as toys are concerned (photo gallery)  (wtam.com) (497)
(The New York Times) Interesting New Jersey students protesting the fact they go to school in New Jersey  (nytimes.com) (106)
(Gizmodo) Stupid Cub Scouts announce video gaming merit badge, can finally do away with the pesky problem of going outdoors entirely  (gizmodo.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Burglar found sleeping at Alabama vet clinic after taking horse sedative and watching porn, not necessarily in that order  (annistonstar.com) (46)
(MSNBC) Sick The Lewisville TX Police Department would like to remind citizens that Texas Chainsaw Massacre was not an instructional video  (msnbc.msn.com) (209)
(Some Guy) Followup Old and Busted: Mexico issuing travel warnings about Arizona. New hotness: San Francisco banning travel to Arizona  (ktvu.com) (1073)
(ABC News) Interesting Simple five-minute colon cancer test could save, humiliate thousands  (abcnews.go.com) (115)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man tries to stop highway traffic at night so that he could get his truck on the road. The key word here is "tries"  (mcall.com) (25)
(TechEBlog) Cool If your Dad had actually loved you as a child, he'd have built you a treehouse like these  (techeblog.com) (168)
(io9) Weird The most disturbing thing you'll see all day: a 21 foot tall robotic baby  (io9.com) (47)
(CBS Miami) Florida Burglar must repay $105,000 to bank or become its butler  (cbs4.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Asinine 116-year old historic house owners not allowed to install solar panels, told to be grateful they were allowed electricity  (thechronicleherald.ca) (95)
(Register-Star) Fail Columbia County, NY courthouse installs new handicapped-accessible water fountain - on the second floor, reachable only by stairs  (registerstar.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop granny's kitchen  (shorpy.com) (47)
(Telegraph) Stupid Iran to arrest women who get a suntan because if they have the time to get a tan it means they're not spending enough time in the kitchen making sammiches for their men  (telegraph.co.uk) (119)
(News.com.au) Stupid Owner of "Bikini Girls Massage" business fined for not making clear to jobseekers that the work involved wearing bikinis and giving massages. Surely there's a clue in the name?  (news.com.au) (lots)
(Daily Mail) Silly Only in Japan would handing your baby to a fat, nearly naked man wearing only a loincloth be grounds for celebration  (dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(BusinessWeek) Fail When entire cities start contemplating bankruptcy, we might have a serious financial problem in America  (businessweek.com) (239)
(Yahoo) Scary Things you never want to mow over: rocks, sticks, TNT cannister dating back to WWII  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(STLToday) Stupid "Objection, Mr. Mayor..." **BOOM** "Overruled"  (interact.stltoday.com) (91)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Strange smell takes over the Tampa area. Strippermobile unavailable for comment  (wtsp.com) (42)
(Fosters.com) Stupid On your mark. Get set. DUMBASS  (fosters.com) (30)
(BBC) Asinine Sailor trying to get from the Thames to Southampton circles a small island until his fuel runs out. "I kept the coast to my right"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (87)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Lap dances can't be considered in the same tax bracket as ballet performances. Nice try, though  (myfoxdc.com) (136)
(Reuters) Interesting John Deere opens manufacturing plant near Moscow. Gorbachev Sings Tractors: Turnip! Buttocks!  (chicagobusiness.com) (141)
(KTLA news) Obvious Authorities shut down Mobile Marijuana Clinic. The tailing Mobile Eye Drop Clinic and Mobile Doritos Clinic are effectively shut down too  (ktla.com) (81)
(KWQC) PSA New law in Illinois forbids talking on cell phones while driving in construction zones. In other words, there's only a fifteen mile stretch of I-88 where you can talk on your cell phone in Illinois without getting a ticket  (kwqc.com) (82)
(Metro) Amusing Meet the man who plants flowers in potholes. 'Now I can't stop looking at potholes wherever I go'  (metro.co.uk) (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cat girl  (ljplus.ru) (34)
(WOWT) Fail Fourteen-year-old wounded when his homemade bomb explodes. Grandfather: "He's watching too much Internet"  (wowt.com) (103)
(wyff4.com) Scary "This is a shooting. This is your house on fire. This is bleach drinking. This is MADNESS." "Madness? THIS - IS - SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANBURG"   (wyff4.com) (48)
(Denver Post) Amusing Teen discovers his dog's barf is worse than his bite  T-Shirt  (denverpost.com) (37)
(Johnson City Press) Strange Intruder found reading antique Bible, wearing home owner's boots - also tries to plant potted plants  (johnsoncitypress.com) (13)
(UPI) Obvious ♫ Ol' man river ♫ That ol' man river ♫ Gets teacher busted ♫ He won't be trusted ♫ He just keeps rollin' along ♫  (upi.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Sappy A whole mess of ugly ass zoo animals  (mymodernmet.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Hero British soldier caught driving his Ford Focus 143mph avoids having his license suspended so he can serve in Afghanistan. In related news, the Ford Focus can do 143mph  (dailymail.co.uk) (279)

Tue April 27, 2010
(AP) Fail Judge tells defense: Prove militia isn't dangerous. Presumption of innocence last seen taking a dirt nap  (hosted.ap.org) (195)
(Life.com) Cool Old-school science models look funny until it becomes clear that they were conceived, designed, and built by people so much smarter than you'll ever be (slideshow but still cool)  (life.com) (74)
(Metro) Strange Woman upset after finding a cigarette in her son's Happy Meal. Jeez, some people will get HOLY HELL WHY DOES THAT KID LOOK LIKE KRANG?  (metro.co.uk) (290)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this hula-hooper  (s.wsj.net) (24)
(Some Guy) Followup When Colorado Springs announced that they were going to shut off 2/3rds of their street lights, they neglected to mention that the 1/3 that stayed on would all be in affluent neighborhoods  (gazette.com) (248)
(The Consumerist) Scary FAA bans playing Minesweeper, Solitaire in the cockpit. In related news, FAA needed to ban playing Minesweeper, Solitaire in the cockpit  (consumerist.com) (115)
(Some Guy) Hero Some people died defending their country. This man died defending a porn magazine  (ocregister.com) (99)
(ABC News) Scary Times to ignore grandma: when she's complaining about kids these days. Times not to ignore grandma: when she's powerlifting, running marathons, and could kick your punk ass to the curb  (abcnews.go.com) (61)
(Economist) Amusing Apparently, Farkers have more in common with readers of The Economist than either thought  (economist.com) (418)
(wptv.com) Dumbass Blowing pot smoke in kids' faces is stupid, to put it bluntly  (wptv.com) (97)
(CNN) Amusing Mexico issues traveler advisory for Arizona. How Arpaiopriate  T-Shirt  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (481)
(News.com.au) Obvious Australia forced to import sperm from the U.S. Quote: "All the donors stopped coming"  (heraldsun.com.au) (58)
(Washington Post) Strange Mideast leader gives enthusiastic endorsement of Barack Obama. This is bad news... from Gaddafi  (washingtonpost.com) (36)
(Gawker) Dumbass Possible intern candidate shows off his skills in assertive behavior by telling the potential employer how much they suck  (gawker.com) (162)
(Buffalo News) Amusing Canada has already spent $19.5M funding bicentennial commemorations for the War of 1812. United States: $5,000  (buffalonews.com) (194)
(ABC News) Dumbass German guy gets his power cut off, so he tosses a meat hook on some high-tension lines to steal power. In related news, Darwin takes a well-deserved vacation  (abcnews.go.com) (71)
(USA Today) Interesting Arizona's cops want the federal government to pay for them to be trained to enforce the state's new immigration law  (usatoday.com) (764)
(Some Guy) Sappy Ugly-ass baby goats born at Disneyland (with pics)  (disneyparks.disney.go.com) (24)
(SI Live) Dumbass "You got your oxycodone in my jelly." No, you got your jelly in my oxycodone." Two great tastes that taste great together  (silive.com) (48)
(IndyStar) Stupid Say hello to my little man's-best-friend  (indystar.com) (79)
(AOL News) Dumbass Concertgoers show up in SS gestapo uniforms, receive beatdown upon leaving. How did they nazi this coming?  T-Shirt  (aolnews.com) (286)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine A woman holding a baby fretted that potential clients with brain damage probably led lives of daring and danger  (startribune.com) (95)
(ABC News) Interesting Poison still has the ability to re-form and harm humans, according to doctors  (abcnews.go.com) (147)
(NJ.com) Strange Volcano-stranded Scottish tourists spend 9 extra days in Edison, NJ, enjoying their stay because it was free and better than going back to Glasgow  (nj.com) (89)
(Gamma Squad) Cool The New York Public Library now sorts their books Rube Goldberg style  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (41)
(The New York Times) Obvious The USA uses special pens designed for zero-g, Russia uses pencils. The USA uses multi-billion dollar battleships, Russia uses a missile in a shipping container  (nytimes.com) (212)
(AOL News) Weird A piece of 1970s-era irrelevance sold to owner of 1990s-era irrelevance. Good grief  (aolnews.com) (81)
(KGW) Followup "Sheen visible in Gulf." Must have followed the wrecked cars and lines of coke  (kgw.com) (141)
(Orlando Sentinel) Dumbass HOAs try clever new tactic to encourage home sales: charging new buyers the delinquent fees owed by the previous owners  (orlandosentinel.com) (266)
(Drew) FarkBlog Armenian cognac, a detour to Jerusalem and Headlines of the Week for 4/18 - 4/24  (fark.com) (20)
(Boing Boing) Spiffy Panoramic view of a temporarily-drained 19th century Belgian reservoir. It has a water capacity of a million hogsheads or a thousand cubic rods or some such  (boingboing.net) (64)
(3 News New Zealand) Interesting 16 companies to NaCl down on salt in food  (3news.co.nz) (147)
(IndyStar) Sick Indianapolis Water Company wants it customers to stop complaining about the moldy taste and smell of the water and just drink it already  (indystar.com) (74)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this windmill worker  (inapcache.boston.com) (27)
(Guardian.com) Followup Daily Mail story about cancer being caused by turning the lights on when going to the toilet at night is proven to be wrong  (guardian.co.uk) (56)
(Time) Interesting One year later: five lessons from the H1N1 pandemic. Lessons about bacon jokes sadly absent  (time.com) (77)
(AOL News) Interesting Five ways the new "Obama Club" in Shanghai stacks up against the Obama administration. Forgot to mention #6: No matter how much people suggest it, you're not really getting screwed  (aolnews.com) (54)
(National Post) Followup Filipino family awarded $17,000 after Canadians made fun of their weird way of eating with a spoon  (nationalpost.com) (189)
(Yahoo) Dumbass AZ governor, who has clearly not tried to hire a garderner, painter, plumber, drywall hanger or day-laborer recently, says she doesn't think the state's new anti-immigrant law will have much economic impact on the state  (news.yahoo.com) (756)
(Telegraph) Amusing Never ignore the elephant in the room when your car breaks down  (telegraph.co.uk) (39)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail When the city's 911 call center puts a carjacking victim on hold and he ends up getting a better response from campus security, it's time to re-evaluate your city's emergency response  (suntimes.com) (89)
(Boston Herald) Weird A man robbed a convenience store in Nebraska concealing his face with toilet paper. So far, he's gotten away Scott free  (bostonherald.com) (53)
(AJC) Fail When fleeing from police to avoid getting a DUI, your marijuana grow house is probably not the best choice for a hiding place  (ajc.com) (38)
(AFP) Interesting Guatemala: "Look, we have an erupting volcano, too"  (news.yahoo.com) (46)
(WLBZ2.com) Obvious Officials wonder how someone got in and stole two 43-inch TVs from a courtroom. Oh wait, the doors were unlocked. That's okay, they have security cameras. Oh wait, nobody was watching them and they don't record  (wlbz2.com) (49)
(Bangor Daily News) Unlikely "The plants were seedlings ranging in size from three inches to one foot tall and were worth $80,000, according to the Sheriff's Department"  (bangordailynews.com) (113)
(Telegraph) Obvious Residents of the Hebridean Island of Canna would greatly appreciate sending them any rabbit cages, rabbit recipes, rabbit- fur coat patterns, or rabbit training manuals you may having laying around  (telegraph.co.uk) (111)
(Boston Herald) Obvious "Warsame 'was rude to them' because he didn't hold the elevator door open as they walked into the building, and so 'they had to use their fists, their bags and their feet to teach him a lesson'"  (bostonherald.com) (238)
(ABC News) Spiffy Looks like the women of Walmart are one step closer to sticking it to the man  (abcnews.go.com) (244)
(Some High Guy) Interesting Not News: 74-year-old woman crosses the border from Canada. News: Is immediately arrested for an active felony. Fark: For pot, 30 years ago. Her photo alone will make your day  (tokeofthetown.com) (280)
(MSNBC) Interesting Throwing smoke bombs, hurling eggs, seeking shelter under an umbrella....just another day inside Ukraine's parliament  (msnbc.msn.com) (18)
(WXYZ Detroit) Dumbass Michigan man duct-tapes 9,000 Ecstasy tablets to his legs and tries to get into Ontario. Hilarity ensues  (wxyz.com) (74)
(News.com.au) Unlikely New study claims that dogs can understand human emotions, Dr. Phil  (news.com.au) (121)
(News.com.au) Amusing Melbourne anti-graffiti crew accidentally paints over a priceless piece of street art by world-famous stencil guru Banksy. Everybody's a critic  (news.com.au) (127)
(MSNBC) Hero Brazil's health minister (and landslide winner of the Best Health Minister Ever contest) says people should be having more sex to improve their health  (msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Failing to understand the concept of "wash it down," guy tries to swallow plastic baggie of marijuana with a double cheeseburger chaser  (tampabay.com) (21)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this larval tube-anemone  (inapcache.boston.com) (35)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man who hasn't had sex in three weeks removes AC unit and climbs through the window of the home where his wife is staying to "get some."  (nwfdailynews.com) (86)
(USA Today) Interesting "The Millennial generation will see churches closing as quickly as GM dealerships"  (usatoday.com) (472)
(News.com.au) Sad Woman falls off cliff, dies while taking photos. Her whole life flashed before her eyes  (news.com.au) (78)
(American Chronicle) Obvious Government sources say there are aliens who have assumed human form and are living in the US, including one that was captured but later released by Jimmy Carter. In related news: An explanation has finally been found for Joan Rivers  (americanchronicle.com) (160)
(ABC News) Scary Scientists search for cure to rare genetic disease called fatal familial insomnia, or FFI. Effects lead to extreme exhaustion, dementia, desire to pummel Jared Leto, eventual death  (abcnews.go.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Asinine An autopsy has failed to conclusively determine the cause of death of a man shot by the police. Here's a clue for you, Medical Examiner - HE WAS SHOT BY THE POLICE  (pressherald.com) (120)

Mon April 26, 2010
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Helper monkey not that good of a helper monkey  (jacksonville.com) (93)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Evangelical explorers 99.9% sure they found Noah's ark. The rest is just faith  (news.com.au) (517)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this coal shoveler  (inapcache.boston.com) (27)
(Reuters) Scary Greece decides the best way to increase tourism is by not allowing visitors to leave  (reuters.com) (90)
(NYPost) Cool Not news: Kid is accepted by prestigious colleges. News: At age 15. Fark: Has a girlfriend  (nypost.com) (224)
(IndyStar) Stupid Man sues convenience store for refusing to sell him a winning lotto ticket. I smell class action  (indystar.com) (129)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You finally have the grand opening for your furniture store and want to attract a crowd? Why not feed live bunnies to an alligator  (koat.com) (83)
(CBS News) Followup Robots deployed to contain oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, find Sarah Palin  (cbsnews.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Scary The movement to free egg-laying hens from cramped cages and shift them to larger pens is turning chickens into cannibals  (mnn.com) (153)
(Yahoo) Interesting Newspaper circulation fell 8.7 percent over the past six months, as readers realize they can find better lingerie ads online  (finance.yahoo.com) (63)
(Washington Post) Cool CIA attack drones switching to Hellfire Lite: Tastes Great... Less Killing  (washingtonpost.com) (167)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Palestinians indicate their willingness to begin peace talks by changing their chants of "Death to Israel" to "Grievous Wounding of Israel"  (breitbart.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pond primeval  (bigpicture.ru) (47)
(Some Squatter) Scary Need a place to live? Find a house for sale, say that God gave you the house and claim all the land with in 20 miles around it. Then tell the owner you'll settle for 900K in pure silver and gold  (missoulian.com) (150)
(WBBM) Asinine Everybody loves this pet store diaper-wearing monkey, except for one woman. That leads to a criminal probe  (wbbm780.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Sick De Beers is trying to convince everyone that diamonds are scarce. Again  (thefrisky.com) (443)
(The New York Times) Obvious Craigslist hoes to see Justice Department's pimp hand  (nytimes.com) (62)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Check out the smallest mom in all of Britain (w/you'd hit it if nobody was looking pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (260)
(USA Today) Sad In today's "almost like the Holocaust" sample of human suffering, American travelers stranded in Europe by volcano are returning home to find they have big parking fees at the airport  (usatoday.com) (96)
(New York Daily News) Obvious The secret to getting unlimited free rides on the NYC subway: A copy of the system master key, yours for only $27  (nydailynews.com) (84)
(Mercury News) Scary Busboy at Chinese restaurant stabs co-worker with cleaver. Will be charged with wonton endangerment  T-Shirt  (mercurynews.com) (68)
(azfamily.com) Stupid Arizona Capitol building vandalized with beans smeared in the shape of swastikas  (azfamily.com) (712)
(ABC News) Sad Teenaged Hawaiian beauty queen succumbs to sudden stroke, but thankfully is an organ donor. Which is sad, but also the only non-erotic way to combine the words in the previous sentence  (abcnews.go.com) (135)
(LA Times) Amusing Creator of "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day" drops effort after it becomes popular. When asked why she started it in the first place, cartoonist replies: "Because I'm an idiot"  (lat.ms) (336)
(Fox News) Cool The gnarliest video of shock waves coming from the Eyjafjallajokull eruption you'll ever see  (foxnews.com) (102)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Nine countries with the worst beer in the world. USA USA USA USA  (huffingtonpost.com) (330)
(BBC) Scary If you're a teacher at a Catholic school and your pupils are calling you a psycho, beating one of them about the head with a 3kg dumbell while screaming "die die die" is probably not the best way to convince them of your sanity  (news.bbc.co.uk) (103)
(ABC News) Scary Not News: clothing maker claims he was forced to close his factory and fire all of his workers because he simply couldn't compete with cheap imports flooding in from China where wages are so much lower Fark:The factory was in Indonesia  (abcnews.go.com) (35)
(The Sun) Asinine Nanny State takes grandmother to court for... *spins the Wheel of Disproportionate Justice* ... putting cardboard box next to recycling bin  (thesun.co.uk) (88)
(ABC News) Scary As a deadline looms for a national child abuse registry database, it appears that the state registries that its data is to come from are about as accurate and easy to correct as TSA's No-fly list  (abcnews.go.com) (59)
(Cracked) Interesting Six of the most amazing things discovered that humanity forgot  (cracked.com) (167)
(Some Guy) Scary Bullfighter messes with bull, gets the horns four inches deep into his groin  (sportsrubbish.com) (122)
(Eagle Tribune) Scary You know it's a good party when the city runs out of police officers  (eagletribune.com) (27)
(AOL News) Strange After publicly telling Obama to fark himself after he requested a temporary freeze in new construction in East Jerusalem, Israel has, temporarily, frozen all new construction in East Jerusalem  (aolnews.com) (165)
(News.com.au) Ironic A pill to prevent premature ejaculation will be coming soon  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (328)
(SFGate) Unlikely North Koreans losing faith in Kim Jong-Il, starting to suspect imperialist hegemon barbarian warmonger America, craven running dog puppet lackey South Korea may not be responsible for all their problems  (articles.sfgate.com) (245)
(TC Palm) Florida There is a right way to resolve conflicts and a wrong way to resolve conflicts. Hitting someone in the head with a five-pound ceramic frog would fall into the latter category  (tcpalm.com) (41)
(The Sun) Dumbass Balls busted  (thesun.co.uk) (61)
(Reuters) Weird Police in Indonesia are banned from having penis enlargements, as large penises are cumbersome while performing their duties. American police thankfully never have to worry about their penises being too large  (reuters.com) (47)
(Telegraph) Obvious Mr Lionel Fanthorpe, the UK's leading authority on the unexplained, has identified Yorkshire as the center of demonic activity with reports of Succubus, hell hounds, water demons and...you stopped reading after Succubus, didn't you?  (telegraph.co.uk) (98)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fish-eye view  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Einstein equals much cuteness squared  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass Here's something else you can blame on your parents  (abc.net.au) (41)
(adn.com) Obvious Hunters upset over new duck stamps. Oh, for Pete's sake, whenever they raise the postage, people need the three-cent  (adn.com) (83)
(The New York Times) Misc 90,000 on Okinawa protest U.S. presence there. They hate us for our freedoms  (nytimes.com) (209)
(AP) Dumbass Can't get a taxi when trying to leave a nightclub? Obviously this is an emergency, so call 911 to get a ride. Over and over again  (hosted.ap.org) (14)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine Baltimore finds a novel way to increase its population...Now they are counting the citizens who are incarcerated in out of town jails. Baltimore is now the 3rd largest city in the world  (baltimoresun.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Sappy The cutest pictures of owls in love that you will see all week. SRSLY  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(Reuters) News Latest outbreak of loose women reported in Taiwan and the Philippines (6.9)  (reuters.com) (674)
(Salisbury Journal) Unlikely Breaking news from England  (salisburyjournal.co.uk) (85)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop this fashion model  (telegram.com) (40)
(Quad City Times) Weird Dog gets wedged in recliner, is so very scared  (qctimes.com) (40)
(Some Hoodie) Weird Aside from having a questionable fashion sense and a bizarre way of getting his point across,The Unabomber managed to predict that we would all become addicted to the internet. Point to Kaczynski, I guess  (britannica.com) (92)
(CNN) PSA Don't show up near Air Force One with a gun & a fake cop car, especially if your name is "McVey"  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (156)
(Yahoo) Interesting California has over 700 inmates on death row and has executed only 13 since 1977 costing more than $1 billion. Maybe it's time to leave the Dark Ages and kill capital punishment?  (news.yahoo.com) (957)

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