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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun May 30, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Consumerist) Interesting Tired of having students check out books and never returning them, some schools are turning to fingerprinting kids when they check out a book. Naturally, some parents have a problem with this  (consumerist.com) (144)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Make a 'grim & gritty' remake of a kid's movie/TV show  (fark.com) (107)
(KOLD) Unlikely Man says the secret camera he placed under his 15-year-old stepdaughter's bed was to make sure no boys were entering her room at night  (kold.com) (165)
(WMTW) Misc Man arrested after hitting neighbor over head with chunk of pavement. Police say they have concrete evidence  (wmtw.com) (39)
(3 News New Zealand) Stupid If you've ever wondered how many sheep you could fit in a car and still be able to drive it, New Zealand has your answer  (3news.co.nz) (67)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Not news: Designated driver drives drunk woman home. Still not news: They get into a fight. News: Woman jumps from car. Fark: Woman is now suing the driver  (theglobeandmail.com) (89)
(LA Times) Sad Natural Arch naturally falls  (latimes.com) (124)
(Kotaku) Spiffy In honor of Google paying tribute to Pac-Man here's some Google tributes of the future. Google Oregon Trail would, pretty much, end all hope of getting anything done at work that day  (kotaku.com) (122)
(NYPost) Sad Two years after a $421 million state court building opened in the Bronx, windows are boarded up with wooden planks, courtroom doors are broken, stairways are cordoned off with yellow police tape, and sewer flies are infesting the lower levels  (nypost.com) (117)
(CNN) Asinine Math time: double zero is...?  (cnn.com) (167)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Not to alarm anybody planning on visiting Sea World Orlando this summer, but the park has two pregnant orcas and Tilicum is the father of both (w/ picture of what a protesting whale might look like)  (orlandosentinel.com) (82)
(Woman's Day) Silly Woman's Day picks the ten most controversial billboards of all time. Fittingly, the "worst" is a billboard featuring a woman "tired of waiting" for an engagement ring  (womansday.com) (143)
(The New York Times) Obvious BP knew of the tanker's "serious problems and safety concerns". Also news: Water still drenched in sweet sweet crude oil  (nytimes.com) (151)
(Wis State Journal) Weird Laughter Yoga: "Laughter massages your body on the inside"  (host.madison.com) (47)
(Buffalo News) Scary Apparently in America you can be arrested for something you did in another country even if it's not illegal in that country  (buffalonews.com) (150)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida College won't admit a 13-year-old girl, so her parents do the logical thing and file an age-discrimination suit. "We have many adult students having adult conversations on adult topics."  (orlandosentinel.com) (403)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hole in the highway  (bigpicture.ru) (54)
(Yahoo) Interesting If you allied yourself with a large contingent of Bangladeshis in Mafia Wars or Farmville, I've got some bad news for you  (news.yahoo.com) (83)
(Ralphie) Interesting California gun control laws have freeway snipers resorting to BB guns as a means of attack. You'll shoot your eye out kid  (ktla.com) (74)
(Fox News) Florida Ultimate graduation present: Girl finds out via Facebook her dad kidnapped her when she was 3; her "mom" just found her online after the state couldn't locate her for 14 years, and now she's 17 and in state custody. Congrats  (foxnews.com) (253)
(LA Times) Interesting If the BP oil leak didn't shut down fishing in the Gulf, the IRS just might  (latimes.com) (233)
(Daily Star) Amusing Nanny state urged to take zero-tolerance approach to deadly drugs threat posed by...landscape gardeners  (dailystar.co.uk) (42)
(Globe and Mail) PSA Unsatisfied with ten thousand reasons not to visit Oregon, the State adds "We'll kidnap your kids for absolutely no reason"  (theglobeandmail.com) (151)
(Daily Mail) Silly Mafia wars becomes holy wars, farmville becomes poppytown...Yep, there's a new muslim version of facebook  (dailymail.co.uk) (155)
(Daily Express) Cool Donuts are NOT a health risk after all. Mmmmmmm...donuts  (dailyexpress.co.uk) (55)
(Some Therapist) Weird Holy watersports - Apparently people want to strip down to their underpants and have an Austrian nun blast away life's worries with freezing cold mineral water  (weinterrupt.com) (40)
(Washington Post) Followup It's time once again to play "Spot the Oil Plume"  (washingtonpost.com) (108)
(Omaha World Herald) Strange "House cleaning by a nude maid starts at $125, according to the flier. Nude cleaning with 'satisfaction' is $175." But it's not prostitution, claims this enterprising businesswoman  (omaha.com) (140)
(AZCentral) Asinine Board of Supervisors cuts off funds to Sheriff Joe Arpaio after he ignores a subpoena that would explain what precisely he has been buying with $3 million in jail-enhancement funding  (azcentral.com) (137)
(Daily Mail) Fail Garbage man that won £9.7m in the lottery back to hauling away your trash after having one hell of a good time for eight years  (dailymail.co.uk) (136)
(CBC) Dumbass Canadian military Commander in Afghanistan relieved of duty for accidentally discharging his weapon... inside one of his female staff  (cbc.ca) (82)
(Boston Herald) Stupid Stimulus includes $80.5 million for "green" building upgrades -- reflecting pool, art gallery, gardens, and amphitheater -- so IRS agents can better enjoy taking your money  (bostonherald.com) (31)
(Move over) Obvious 114 years ago today the first car accident occurred. Wouldn't you know, it involved some douche on a bike  (deadlyroads.com) (210)
(WPXI) Sad 91-year-old dies while chasing down 56-year-old punk kid who just stole his $240 winning ticket at casino  (wpxi.com) (51)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop these friendly astronauts  (nasa.gov) (36)
(Telegraph) Strange Fans are stunned that the traditional pub sport of Dwile Flonking which features 'flonkers'' using a pole to launch a beer-soaked cloth at opponents, with the aim of giving them a hearty wet slap in the face, has been canceled  (telegraph.co.uk) (26)
(Record Online) Interesting Man arrives at police station with stray Rottweiler, is arrested for driving while indogsicated  (recordonline.com) (14)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Interesting India holds pigeon on suspicion of spying. Officials claim suspect will tern state's evidence at preliminary heron  (myfoxla.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Fail Driver goes in the drink while attempting to sweeten her coffee  (ktvz.com) (49)
(Some Buddhist) Weird The 21 Creepiest Religious Toys and Gifts  (thereformedbuddhist.com) (140)
(indychannel.com) Amusing Running down the street at midnight wearing only a fleece vest and carrying a towel and jar of vaseline... sounds like a great start to the weekend  (theindychannel.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these grain-covering cones  (bigpicture.ru) (22)
(Las Vegas Sun) Interesting Newest emergency preparedness drill technique: have an off-duty cop pretend to be a terrorist while storming into a hospital intensive care unit, pulling out a handgun and pointing it at nurses while herding them down a corridor and into a room  (lasvegassun.com) (105)

Sat May 29, 2010
(Yahoo) Interesting "Close Relationship with Mom Leads to Better Romance Later." Um, ew?  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Yahoo) Spiffy In Vietnam you can have a tryst with your ex once a year, with your wife's permission  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(Sun Sentinel) PSA If the police officer says you can pay for your traffic ticket in cash while you're still pulled over, something might be amiss  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (77)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Attention bank robbers: Police also search adjacent buildings  (boston.com) (31)
(AZCentral) Sick "There's nothing wrong with tattooing a 7-year-old as long as I have the parents' permission. What, was that wrong?"  (azcentral.com) (139)
(Canoe) Weird Dude, where's my ramp?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (44)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this reveal  (online.wsj.com) (39)
(Nola.com) Sad Top fail  (nola.com) (433)
(Time) Amusing The 50 worst inventions. Strangely absent: internet slideshows  (time.com) (252)
(Reuters) Asinine WHO attempts to clamp down on tobacco ads targeting women, who are apparently less intelligent and able to make their own decisions than men, thus needing protection  (reuters.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Amusing Most. Appropriate picture. Ever  (buzzfeed.com) (62)
(The New York Times) Sad College student shocked to learn that $97,000 in college debt for a religious and women's studies degree wasn't a good investment  (nytimes.com) (648)
(How Stuff Works) Cool The 1969 Chevrolet Camaro ZL1: the baddest ass muscle car ever made, only 69 were made. Here's how it works  (musclecars.howstuffworks.com) (235)
(The Consumerist) Fail A bunch of idiots from New York decided to dress as sea creatures, cover themselves in chocolate syrup, and protest outside a BP gas station to draw attention to the oil spill. Because there has been no media coverage of said spill  (consumerist.com) (127)
(Some Farker) Amusing Finally, a magazine made JUST FOR US  (moderndrunkardmagazine.com) (66)
(Some employed math major) Dumbass Purdue grad tries to auction diploma after learning he can't even earn $470/mo with his Philosophy degree. No shiate Sherlock  (dailyfinance.com) (164)
(My San Antonio) Dumbass Guy Protips: When embezzling from a McDonald's, don't: 1. Try for 67k in one year. 2. Resign abruptly "because of cancer" with a fake doctor's note, or 3. On said note, use an ob-gyn's name and your own phone number  (mysanantonio.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Cool The last thing subby ever thought would be cute are baby storks (with fuzzy cuddly pix)  (wbbm780.com) (22)
(Montreal Gazette) NewsFlash "What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans? That he had wisdom?" Dennis Hopper dead at 74  (montrealgazette.com) (613)
(Komo) Asinine Thank you for your military service, here's a Purple Heart for getting shot. Oh, and here's a bill, plus interest, for missing equipment after you were shot. Happy Memorial Day Weekend, Love, The U.S. Government  (komonews.com) (107)
(The State) Asinine Awwww...It's so tough being a pwecious wittle snowfwake  (thestate.com) (99)
(New York Daily News) Stupid PETA wants to turn the Amityville Horror house into a slaughterhouse of horrors so meateaters can hear the voices and feel the presence of their dinner  (nydailynews.com) (126)
(The New York Times) Interesting Military ponders possibility of gay barracks. Fabulous  (nytimes.com) (154)
(NPR) Cool Scientists discover cure for Ebola. Still no cure for Ebol... wait, what? Awesome  (npr.org) (95)
(Kotaku) Scary Internet Tough Guy magazine's next cover story  (kotaku.com.au) (116)
(Some Guy) Florida One in four Florida drivers currently on the road could not pass a driver license test; according to N.S. Sherlock, spokesman  (cfnews13.com) (73)
(Fosters.com) Dumbass "We're after the hard stuff, the stuff that really ruins someone's health and ability to function properly." Is he talking about: a) heroin? b) liquor? or c) glass pipes in convenience stores?  (fosters.com) (107)
(CNN) Stupid Some ultraconservatives trying novel new idea of living off the grid, unplugging from modern life and living a simple Christian life. Yep, new novel idea...never heard of that before  (cnn.com) (169)
(Boston Police Department logs) Interesting Dorchester, Mass. corner store really believes in one-stop shopping: beef jerky, ice cream, mobile phones, marijuana, handguns  (bpdnews.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious One hint that your business model might be in need of a redesign.....being compared to the Ford Pinto  (steve.grc.com) (29)
(WBZ-CBS 38 (Boston)) Obvious In an effort to prevent drunken boating accidents on the holiday weekend, the Coast Guard helpfully informs us, "The ocean can be a fun place. It can also be a very dangerous place."  (wbztv.com) (55)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this power nap  (online.wsj.com) (22)
(Some Point-and-Laugh Guy) Fail There are reasons why you think that the term "cosplay losers" is redundant. Here are twenty more especially good ones  (heavy.com) (243)
(Spiegel) Caption Caption this campaign supporting codger  (spiegel.de) (33)
(Some Hunk) Unlikely Man kicked out of pub files discrimination suit...because he's too good looking. Bonus is the name of the pub  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (67)
(Some Guy) Caturday Teen girls like walking home from school or whatever help like rescue like a stray kitten stuck in like a storm drain like just in time for like you know Caturday  (cfnews13.com) (1251)
(Daily Mail) PSA Attention all school principals: If you're going to lend a student a cellphone, make sure it's not the one you used to take naked photos of yourself. (With "no milfs worthy of the name ever do this" pic; SFW)  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(Telegraph) Interesting Cambodia's "jungle woman", who spent 18 years living in a dense forest, has fled back to the wild after struggling to adapt to society. Still a better ending than "Lost"  (telegraph.co.uk) (80)
(Kansas City) Amusing There are some things you can always count on this time of year. Like Memorial Day barbecues, hot summer days, and high school yearbook advisers scrambling for explanations when a pro-pot article shows up in the yearbook  (kansascity.com) (18)
(Newsweek) Misc Gay activists vow to start hunger strike, lesbians promise to only eat out  T-Shirt  (newsweek.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this strong senior  (s.wsj.net) (26)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Weird "Iowa City police say a Pennsylvania man emanating the distinct odor of zesty Italian salad dressing relieved himself in a restaurant kitchen"  (press-citizen.com) (25)
(BBC) Sad 73 killed in Jamaica; 365 jobs now available  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (72)
(TMZ) Stupid Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt split. Lawyers to settle who gets custody of their I.Q. point  T-Shirt  (tmz.com) (158)

Fri May 28, 2010
(Break) Amusing Me too kid, me too  (break.com) (25)
(Las Cruces Sun-News) Weird Mom asks nine-year-old daughter to shoot her while driving 75 mph. Daughter says no. Mom says, "Okay, I'll do it myself"  (lcsun-news.com) (103)
(The Smoking Gun) Strange Just because you're under arrest is no excuse for that hair, son. It's the Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (214)
(WAAY TV) Fail Your car is repossessed. Do you : A) Save up enough money to get it back. B) Bum rides from friends for a couple days. C) Break into the repo-lady's lot, set yourself on fire. Bonus : surveillance video of "option C" included  (waaytv.com) (127)
(KENS5) Fail Police Protip: When staking out and waiting for a white male suspect, that black female with kids you just surrounded probably isn't him  (kens5.com) (105)
(The Newspaper) Interesting Lawsuit between ticket camera companies ends with no winners except the lawyers, which is the best result humanity could have hoped for  (thenewspaper.com) (45)
(Some College Grad) Photoshop Photoshop this grateful graduate  (rit.edu) (60)
(New York Magazine) Amusing Actual headline: "World Still Awaiting Evidence that Blogger Had Sex"  (nymag.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Cool Good news Alabama, West Virginia, and Great Britain. Scientists develop stem cell implants that grow teeth right in your mouth  (cumc.columbia.edu) (98)
(Southern Oregon Mail Tribune) Dumbass Two men are shocked, "sorry," that their homophobic graffiti on the wall of gay-friendly dorm wall is met with hostility  (mailtribune.com) (181)
(Oregon Live) Asinine Child suspended for bringing explosives to school - a whole party-popper's worth of "explosives"  (oregonlive.com) (102)
(WCTV) Amusing Those violent video games you're keeping your cupcake from are actually a valuable learning tool  (wctv.tv) (120)
(AP) Strange "Tintin fans, known as Tintinophiles or Tintinologists depending on their level of involvement"  (abclocal.go.com) (73)
(KPTV) Sad School officials attempt to inject a little panic into proceedings after third grader shows syringe to classmates  (kptv.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) NewsFlash Gary Coleman is four feet under  T-Shirt  (huffingtonpost.com) (971)
(Some Guy) Obvious Judge calls alcohol-fuelled violence "the plague of Britain," narrowly edging out "the Irish"  T-Shirt  (christian.org.uk) (91)
(My Fox DC) Stupid One way to look at it is, hey, at least it wasn't a bag of opossums  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(SacBee) Weird California's budget crisis has degraded to the point that the unions won't allow school staff to volunteer to administer rectal suppositories to kids  (sacbee.com) (42)
(CBS News) PSA How to get debt collectors off your back. Noticeably absent from the list: PAYING THEM  (cbsnews.com) (220)
(Some Plush Guy) Strange Gramma knits out your nightmares  (slightlywarped.com) (44)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Feeding wieners to alligators may lead to desensitization  (wesh.com) (34)
(NYPost) Asinine Man who has to be at the gym in 26 minutes sues Matchmaking service because the women were not up to his standards  (nypost.com) (213)
(Colchester Daily Gazette) Sad Couple ordered to kill pet squirrel or face prosecution  (gazette-news.co.uk) (120)
(Some Guy) Scary "A man tried to escape from a hospital in the Dominican Republic where he had been hospitalized for priapism after learning that doctors planned to amputate his penis"  (momento24.com) (126)
(ABC News) Cool Oakland, California: "F*ck it, smoke 'em if you got 'em, just make sure we get ours."  (abcnews.go.com) (308)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Scary Police are looking for more victims of Spicy McHaggis  (startribune.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Sick Of course the right thing to do when you're accused of stealing someone's phone is to throw your baby on the ground and start stomping on it  (dailymail.co.uk) (135)
(News.com.au) Silly 'Officials have directed that no one should be allowed to visit the pigeon, which police say may have been on a "special mission of spying".'  (theaustralian.com.au) (39)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Women's guide for great sex includes using the acronym W.E.T. Men should still stick with the acronym S.O.R.R.Y  (myfoxdc.com) (1252)
(Yahoo) Sad Call of Duty made me hate you  (news.yahoo.com) (275)
(Courier Press) PSA Picking up your shipment of weed hidden in pillows from the post office? Well, leave your three kids at home  (courierpress.com) (38)
(Canada.com) Silly Man robs bank while brandishing dangerously pretty flowers  (edmontonjournal.com) (33)
(How Stuff Works) PSA How can whale vomit help me retire?  (animals.howstuffworks.com) (80)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG. What do these handsome fellers do for a living? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wall  (af.mil) (52)
(Carny folk are good folk) Amusing Former carny tries to turn his life around, but fails. Now he's a lawyer  T-Shirt  (thechronicleherald.ca) (40)
(CNN) Obvious BP top official upgrades Gulf oil leak from "modest" to "environmental catastrophe"  (cnn.com) (389)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kentucky drivers now blaming accidents on birds flying into their cars and attacking their faces while they're driving. Alfred Hitchcock smiles  (newstimes.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Amusing "While the local population of conservative Appenzell deeply dislike naked hikers, it is not actually a crime under Swiss federal law to be nude in public"  (telegraph.co.uk) (46)
(Daily Mail) Scary Ph.D student studying Jack the Ripper finds novel way to complete his research  (dailymail.co.uk) (102)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Elementary school principal charged with his third DUI in ten years, could face punishment worse than having to deal with bratty children  (omaha.com) (23)
(The Sun) Asinine Old man discovers Internet. Hilarity ensues (with "I was only looking for wild Asian ass" pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (243)
(BBC) Strange When life is better than fiction: Britain's leading ballerina was actually a revolutionary plotting with Fidel Castro to overthrow the government of Panama  (news.bbc.co.uk) (18)
(ninemsn.com.au) Dumbass "According to expert witnesses who gave evidence at the hearing, there are no acupuncture points in the vagina."  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (51)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Note: If you own a strip club, and a job applicant tells you she is 27 but she looks 16, you might want to check it out. With pics  (wtsp.com) (370)
(Some Guy) Scary Abe Lincoln's head and 19 other people that are soon to be in your nightmares  (elistmania.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this picture of Ahmadinejad  (d.yimg.com) (85)
(Somewhere in the OC) Interesting Snowflake breaks arm while playing on the monkey bars; parents: A. Accept that it's part of a child growing up, B. Tell her to walk it off, or C. Sue the city for not having soft sand  (ocregister.com) (173)
(3 News New Zealand) Dumbass Before asking your boyfriend to pose for a photo with a shotgun pointed at the camera, it pays to check it's not loaded first  (3news.co.nz) (100)
(CNN) Followup Remember that crazy Alabama professor facing triple homicide charges for her shooting rampage? Make that quadruple  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (58)
(CNN) Scary "The oil would heat the water faster and accelerate formation of hurricanes". BP: Beyond Petroleum  (cnn.com) (102)
(NPR) Obvious "Many media companies simply opened the doors to their websites and said: 'Anybody come post whatever you want' and expected that they would have brilliant conversations and exchanges of ideas." Yeah, well about all that  (npr.org) (125)
(Some Guy) Asinine High school teachers put on leave because they handed out classroom materials that gave advice on how to deal with police if stopped. "They are teaching us how to hide our drugs."  (hamptonroads.com) (98)
(Local6) Florida Study finds sharks may attack you because you're wearing a swimsuit. If only there was some way to go swimming without swimsuits  (clickorlando.com) (28)
(Wired) Obvious Are you the weird dude in the corner who can't get laid? Are you out of high school? Chances are, it's not because you're too nice  (wired.com) (487)
(Examiner) Sad Louisiana physicist has proven God's existence. Dice-playing ability to be determined  (examiner.com) (493)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these happy schoolchildren  (s40.radikal.ru) (27)
(AJC) Fail *knock* *knock* Hello, I'm here to take census information. Anybody home? *knock* *knock* Hello? Oh well, I'll walk on in and collect data anyway since we're allowed  (blogs.ajc.com) (336)
(CBS New York) Asinine When the headline includes "New Jersey mom," "blows" and "39" - that's a clickin'  (wcbstv.com) (52)
(Kansas City) Hero Oldest Medal of Honor recipient, John W. Finn, dies at age 100  (kansascity.com) (90)

Thu May 27, 2010
(Google) Spiffy Ask, tell  (google.com) (675)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Gaydar really exists: Scientists prove gay people are more able to pick out fellow homosexuals. Then again, the boas might have given it away  (dailymail.co.uk) (196)
(Herald-Leader) Dumbass Protip: If you're gonna follow a customer out of a store and rob her, aim higher than Family Dollar  (kentucky.com) (33)
(TBO) Florida A 'Thundercats' writer. Dismemberment. And carnival workers. Premise for a new CSI series? Or just another day in sunny Florida?  (www2.tbo.com) (103)
(SeattlePI) Unlikely "New Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn asked residents for their ideas about what the city needs, and apparently a lot of people have been thinking about a nude beach"  (seattlepi.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious Trucker who was watching porn on a laptop before causing a fatal crash won't get off easy  (bnd.com) (56)
(KRGV) Stupid They're starting younger and younger. Police find cocaine and heroin in Play-Doh cups during search of home. Easy-Bake Oven confiscated, to be tested for meth residue  (krgv.com) (10)
(Omaha World Herald) Strange Wild turkey blamed for power outage, nights of regret  (omaha.com) (52)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine "Sorry about your dead dog. You owe me $1,700 for the damage he did to my car when I hit him"  (breitbart.com) (420)
(SacBee) Cool California has more bald chicks than ever  (sacbee.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Cool If you saw a 164-foot tall bottle of beer on your morning commute, it wasn't the DTs (for once)  (annarbor.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop What could possibly go wrong?  (pics.livejournal.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Sick Cool: Editors try salsas for a taste test. Not cool: Tostitos comes in second  (epicurious.com) (286)
(WESH Orlando) Interesting Thought it couldn't get worse? Yeah right. Now there's a new plume of oil in the gulf  (wesh.com) (179)
(Willows Journal) Asinine Eight felony forgery counts filed against Epstein's Mother  (willows-journal.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Misc Someone vandalized a 5300-gallon water tank being used for a Hemp Festival by drilling over two dozen holes in it. Sounds to subby like someone was making a giant bong, but whatever. You gonna eat those Funyuns?  (redding.com) (36)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting 30% of Europeans are "digital virgins" who have never used the Web, though cellphone users probably count as "digital technical virgins"  (blogs.wsj.com) (45)
(ABC News) Scary Ah bass fishing in Texas...the peace, the serenity, the drug cartel pirates, it's all there  (abcnews.go.com) (69)
(CTV) Obvious The hurricane forecast is in... You may begin panicking now  (ctv.ca) (101)
(Some Guy) Interesting Study suggests that giving people testosterone pills may make them less likely to blindly participate in studies  (thefrisky.com) (36)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Ebert: These people make my skin crawl. The characters of "Sex and the City 2" are flyweight bubbleheads living in a world which rarely requires three sentences in a row. But I was gob-smacked by the delightful cleavage on display  (rogerebert.suntimes.com) (602)
(USA Today) Silly 3 things readers of "Beetle Bailey" might not know: 1. The comic strip turns 60 this summer. 2. Lois of "Hi and Lois" is Beetle's sister. 3. The US has an all-volunteer army and is at war in Iraq and Afghanistan  (usatoday.com) (137)
(ABC News) Obvious Tanning Beds that were dangerous, then really dangerous, and then very dangerous are still dangerous  (abcnews.go.com) (68)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting All Hondas now shipping with brake override system to replace the optional dealer-installed cinder-block-and-rope system  (physorg.com) (104)
(Wall Street Journal) Fail We may have found what really caused the oil-rig failure, and a certain BP exec is probably not answering his phone today  (online.wsj.com) (377)
(ABC News) Amusing So how bad is the Greek financial crisis? Well Greek Telcom workers shut off the phones at the prime minister's residence for non-payment of a bill  (abcnews.go.com) (36)
(The New York Times) Interesting "Beer has become the new wine," says patron of a "beer tasting bar." Try a glass of Jump the Shark IPA  (travel.nytimes.com) (336)
(Yahoo) Scary Three scenarios that could lead to full-scale war on the Korean Peninsula. Bonus: Monty Python reference  (news.yahoo.com) (219)
(Norwich Bulletin) PSA If you wish to photograph police working a crime scene, it is best not to use the cell phone that contains your kiddie porn  (norwichbulletin.com) (163)
(Yahoo) Asinine "Silly Bandz," tiny rubber bracelets in a variety of shapes, are the latest harmless fad among elementary school kids. So of course, principals and school boards all over the country are declaring jihad against them  (news.yahoo.com) (359)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Your life has really hit the skids if you rob a home and police catch you because of the DNA they found in the underwear you left behind at the scene  (seattlepi.com) (28)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) News Director of Minerals Management "top killed"  (startribune.com) (175)
(BBC) Dumbass British man outraged he can't live in Orwellian Nanny State  (news.bbc.co.uk) (98)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Adam and Jamie into someplace more interesting  (pics.livejournal.com) (44)
(NYPost) Scary Those low lounge chairs are really great to bring to the beach to catch some rays --- except when you are between a police car and a surfer in distress  (nypost.com) (45)
(Canoe) Interesting A potentially discontinued coin for your thoughts?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (146)
(Topless Robot) Cool Thirty Hot Wheels that would be awesome cars if they existed in the real world. Bonus: Not a slideshow  (toplessrobot.com) (113)
(Mirror.co.uk) Asinine International car booting champions show their expertise by clamping a car during a U-turn  (mirror.co.uk) (47)
(The Sun) Scary Usually you would have to do something REALLY BAD for your father to chain you to a lamp post while he auctions you off as a slave  (thesun.co.uk) (64)
(UPI) Obvious University files lawsuit against GM for illegal use of Albert Einstein's image. Case to be reviewed on its relative merits  (upi.com) (43)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida If your wife's a teacher, it's probably a good idea to keep your schoolgirl porn DVDs far away from the second grade class's digital yearbook DVDs. Just sayin'  (wtsp.com) (253)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass When you tell the cops you just had to leave your toddlers alone in the house for five hours while you went tanning, the least you can do is come back with a little color. (w/ pasty white mugshot)  (myfoxdc.com) (76)
(WCBS 880) News The oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico may have been plugged  (wcbs880.com) (573)
(Washington Post) Fail Dead man in Virginia found alive enough to go to jail  (washingtonpost.com) (22)
(NYPost) Obvious When the Census Bureau re-re-re-re-re-re-re-rehires you, it counts as eight jobs created or saved  (nypost.com) (88)
(The Morning Call) Scary Driver injured after crashing into pillar. Read all about it in this column  (mcall.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Sick NAMBLABook also has security issues, but their 'poke' function is a little different  (news.yahoo.com) (174)
(BBC) Weird You are a cop, and your vehicle gets attacked by youths. Do you a) Call for backup, b) Bring out the teargas, or c) start playing ice cream van music?  (news.bbc.co.uk) (72)
(Daily Record (UK)) Obvious TV psychic gets excused from jury duty, so that he won't ruin everything by telling people ahead of time how the case turns out. He knew that was going to happen  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (51)
(LAPD) PSA When the LAPD feels compelled to blur out your moobs, it might be time to lose some weight  (lapdonline.org) (44)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting In the future, everything will be stolen for 15 minutes  (thelocal.se) (15)
(AZCentral) Cool Rage Against the Machine and Kanye West vow to boycott Arizona because of the state's illegal immigration law. This thing gets better and better each day  (azcentral.com) (414)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man calls 911 to report: A) neighbors stole his Xbox controllers; B) Obama is President; C) The Bible; or D) all of the above?  (nwfdailynews.com) (33)
(Somewhere in the OC) Interesting Woman sues over 'hazardous' restroom stall; my bad  (ocregister.com) (32)
(New Zealand Herald) Sick The third rule of After-School Fight Club is... don't get Mum and Dad to arrange the fights at After-School Fight Club  (nzherald.co.nz) (23)
(Some Furry Friends) Photoshop Photoshop these girls gone mild  (shorpy.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Hero Kitten following a trail to some cat fud survives 30 minutes inside a washing machine  (couriermail.com.au) (100)
(The Hill) Amusing Barney Frank mocks birthers by asking the media to check the papers of new Rep. Charles Djou (R-asian)   (washingtonscene.thehill.com) (265)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Man arrested for being life of the party  (wvgazette.com) (23)
(Courier Mail) Amusing As if Greece didn't have enough problems, its highways are being closed by a plague of frogs  (couriermail.com.au) (43)
(WTAE) Hero Good Samaritan saves man from chicken nuggets  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (40)
(KTLA) PSA Missing registered sex offender wandering loose. Officials warn he 'is known to wear some type of hat.'  (ktla.com) (86)
(Reason Magazine) Unlikely How to save Cleveland, other than transporting the entire city to Cairo  (reason.com) (141)
(Some Guy) Asinine If a man fires a gun at fleeing criminal and nobody is shot, guess who gets arrested  (kptv.com) (309)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 264: "Kid at Heart." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (123)

Wed May 26, 2010
(Clarion Ledger) Sick Yazoo students sue former teacher on charges of sexual abuse, set accusations to spritely synth-pop beat  (clarionledger.com) (39)
(WBBM) Scary Chicago woman was attacked and had acid thrown in her face. Witnesses shocked at such baseless violence  T-Shirt  (wbbm780.com) (117)
(AZCentral) Interesting High school cheerleader caught drinking at a party gets expelled from the team. High school jocks caught drinking at the same party only had to run extra laps. "Life is not fair in a lot of ways."  (azcentral.com) (294)
(KENS-TV) Spiffy American Idol discussion thread: Oh where will American Idol be when Simon leaves? Hopefully off the air, but here's Simon's 10 best on-air zingers  (kens5.com) (100)
(PhysOrg.com) Scary Experts say the larger, fiercer, more pronounceable Icelandic volcano Katla could erupt in 3... 2  (physorg.com) (39)
(ABC News) Scary 11, 12, 13, 13 Trillion in debt, ah ah ah  (abcnews.go.com) (292)
(Some Scene) Photoshop Photoshop this scary share  (i.imgur.com) (51)
(WBIR-TV) Sappy Yellow lab dog run over and shot making remarkable recovery and has 3000 Facebook fans  (wbir.com) (66)
(The Onion) Satire Entire Facebook staff laughs as man tightens privacy settings  (theonion.com) (81)
(KSAT) Interesting San Antonians are shocked ... SHOCKED ... that police chief wants more tasers for cops  (ksat.com) (68)
(Washington Post) Obvious New Senate bill would require terrorists to present fake ID before buying prepaid cellphones  (washingtonpost.com) (60)
(East Bay Express) Interesting "My gut instinct said that this would be a great revenue and job generator for the city," she said. "But after running the numbers, "I went, 'Wow, that's really a job generator'"  (eastbayexpress.com) (136)
(3 News New Zealand) Fail Tax cheat tries the old 'I don't know what the $ symbol means' defence. Failarity trumps dumbassilarity  (3news.co.nz) (30)
(onlineathens) Hero Lawyer subpoenas traffic cameras in speeding ticket trial. "I didn't observe them as they came in, so I don't believe they'll be appearing"  (onlineathens.com) (268)
(MSNBC) Obvious FCC: 1 in 6 people don't read their cell phone contracts  (msnbc.msn.com) (96)
(Washington Post) Sad Art Linkletter, 1913-2010. "What do your parents do for fun?" "I don't know. They always lock the door."  (washingtonpost.com) (175)
(Great Falls Tribune) Stupid World's oldest man gives tie to Montana governor, who lamely promises to wear it...someday. Hey, Gov? He's the world's oldest man. Wear the tie today  (greatfallstribune.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy The coolest storm cloud resembling an Independence Day invasion you'll see until we're actually invaded  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Fox News) Obvious After a month of teasing the black hole on the bottom of the ocean, BP gets consent to start playing in the mud  (foxnews.com) (206)
(CBC) Sad There is no one left on my Lawn  (cbc.ca) (51)
(Perhaps knitting?) Dumbass If you steal a crappy car that breaks down on the freeway, then attempt to carjack a woman who beats the crap out of you until deputies arrive to arrest you, maybe crime isn't your thing  (ocregister.com) (35)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Bear lover on trial for trying to keep a bear from getting shot. With a tranquilizer dart. By biologists trying to change the battery on its tracking collar  (nj.com) (46)
(UPI) Obvious Survey reveals that most of us believe people do not show caring and sympathy to those with mental illnesses. Well, jeez, we elected the poor bastards, isn't that enough?  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (130)
(Gamma Squad) Cool I'll see your invisible sharks and I'll raise you: handfish  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (77)
(CNN) Interesting Vienna named the world's best city to live in, according to survey sponsored by the tiny sausage industry  (money.cnn.com) (112)
(Wired) Scary Al Qaeda has acquired a potentially devastating technology: Autotune  (wired.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Scary Newly crowned "Worst drink in America" checks in with a whopping 2,010 calories and 131 grams of fat, including 68 grams of saturated fat, the equivalent of 68 strips of bacon. Disclaimer: drink does not contain any actual bacon  (healthzone.ca) (235)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oil spill clean-up workers reporting cases of sickofthisshiatitis  (trueslant.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Fix up this kitchen  (karrosta.livejournal.com) (32)
(ABC News) Video And the latest right-wing neocon to slam the Obama administration is:  (abcnews.go.com) (346)
(CSMonitor) Interesting I think this article says something about a large AIDS tortilla floating towards Israel's blockade or something  (csmonitor.com) (84)
(NJ.com) Obvious Plans underway to nuke New Jersey  (nj.com) (67)
(USA Today) Fail German burglers miscalculate explosives needed to get into ATM, level entire building. See, this is why you don't go ATM  (content.usatoday.com) (87)
(LAist) Amusing Not wanting to miss her big break, Santa Monica metermaid insists on ticketing TV station's cars during liveshot  (laist.com) (66)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida If you are the person who walked away with this giant tiki, Treasure Island Police would like your help  (wtsp.com) (50)
(WESH Orlando) Florida The vandals that slashed hundreds of feet of oil cleanup booms should be the first things we stuff down the rupture  (wesh.com) (120)
(Ow my balls) Asinine "Sack tapping" is not a game  (kare11.com) (290)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oakland's police are too worried about layoffs to function well. Citizens delighted at the drop in crime  (ktvu.com) (71)
(Billboard) Obvious Celebrities frolicking at the beach. Bonus: Most are in bikinis. Double bonus: #3 is topless (Sponsored link)  (billboard.com) (131)
(Village Voice) Sick Light-hearted "three little pigs"-themed internal BP memo argues that building blast resistant shelters for workers would cost more than their lives are worth to the company  (blogs.villagevoice.com) (277)
(tmj4) Dumbass News: Lady has fit after being told to remove American flag from her window. Fark: She's using it as a curtain and is told she's allowed to fly it from balcony  (todaystmj4.com) (174)
(ABC News) Spiffy The 9 most delicious restaurant foods  (abcnews.go.com) (242)
(LA Times) Interesting Peru paroles leftist New York nutbar Lori Berenson, who went to the country to make sammiches for the Tupac Amaru rebels back in the 1990s  (latimes.com) (78)
(ABC News) Fail In news they really didn't need right now, the BP-controlled Trans-Alaskan pipeline shut down after electrical mishaps cause thousands of gallons of oil to spill into back-up containment systems  (abcnews.go.com) (109)
(mlive.com) Asinine News: City decides not to charge residents a "streetlight fee" after public outcry. Fark: They laid off 37 people instead  (mlive.com) (235)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Plain burgers for Memorial Day grilling are boring. How about a pork-fennel burger instead? Or curry-spiced lamb? And, no, your special recipe with Worchestershire sauce isn't better  (nytimes.com) (276)
(Telegraph) Strange Mix one measure of white wine with one of Campari. Add a shot of sparkling water and one fresh fetus. Serve over ice with a slice of orange  (telegraph.co.uk) (67)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Weird Woman so badly beaten that her face becomes pixelated  (lep.co.uk) (78)
(BBC) Fail Man angry that he can't bring his pit bull into taxi so he throws pit bull at taxi driver  (news.bbc.co.uk) (86)
(Bangor Daily News) Obvious Maine man growing medical marijuana was arrested and his plants confiscated. Now he wants compensation to the tune of $2,000 a plant, the amount the police were using against him. Guess who has a problem with that?  (bangordailynews.com) (217)
(Gizmodo) Strange Behold the latest accessory for the fashion-conscious woman: fake nipples  (gizmodo.com) (900)
(ABC News) Strange The perils of Somali pirate hunting: Dangerous seas, heavily armed militants, and constantly nude Swedish sailors  (abcnews.go.com) (62)
(Record Online) Dumbass Having solved the problems of crime, blight, unemployment and general nastiness, city officials in Newburgh, NY crack down on illegal chickens  (recordonline.com) (80)
(Metro) Dumbass As a teacher, you probably shouldn't lower yourself to your pupils' level. You definitely shouldn't lower your pants to their level  (metro.co.uk) (109)
(Some Guy) Asinine Teenagers invent new way of getting blind drunk: absorbing vodka through their eyeballs  (fox41.com) (146)
(CBS Philadelphia) Dumbass Not news: Passenger sleeps for four hours on a plane. Fark: The flight was one hour  (cbs3.com) (38)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Magazines for the dead  (google.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Scary Every college student's worst nightmare: ramen noodles may give you chronic diseases  (couriermail.com.au) (101)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Not News: Man released from prison. News: DNA evidence clears him from rape. Fark: After 23 years in prison. UltraFark: Still waiting on ruling of innocence  (chron.com) (70)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Not News: Some supporters of high school proudly display Confederate flag to show "their Rebel pride". Fark: In Massachusetts  (boston.com) (131)
(Wired) Strange CIA considered making a gay sex tape featuring a teenage boy, Saddam Hussein; opted for video of bin Laden swilling liquor. Submitter suspects this also explains the otherwise inexplicable film career of Rob Schneider  (wired.com) (44)
(KHOU Houston) Cool 87 year old man aiming for pole-vault record, bowel movement  (khou.com) (16)
(USA Today) Scary "Major infestation" of grasshoppers likely to NOM NOM NOM their way through the Great Plains this summer. Frogs, flies, darkness to follow  (usatoday.com) (60)
(BP Live Webcam) Followup Large amount of activity happening at the BP Gulf oil leak. Link goes to live webcam. Watch BP engineers botch another attempt to cap this shiat as it happens  (bp.com) (1479)
(MSNBC) Interesting New study suggests delaying umbilical cord cutting, moving out of parents' basement  (msnbc.msn.com) (65)
(The New York Times) Asinine Congo man can't afford $2.50/month to send his kid to school. But he can spend $2/day on booze and smokes, and $10/month on a cell phone  (nytimes.com) (291)
(WAFF) Dumbass If you drive to the local high school with your loaded shotgun to discuss your son's suspension, you might be a terrorist. Or a redneck, Lord willing and the creeks don't rise  (waff.com) (52)

Tue May 25, 2010
(The Consumerist) Scary Someone threatens to "blow your motherf*cking house up." Is it: (A) the mafia; (B) your mistress's husband; or (C) Verizon customer service  (consumerist.com) (93)
(Some Accordian Lover) Photoshop Photoshop this stylish man  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (19)
(The Consumerist) Cool For sale: Dutch colonial, 3600 sq ft. Complete with 3.5 baths, boat house, direct line to Satan  (consumerist.com) (72)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Lady: "I'd rather not put my $24k Rolex in the bin." TSA: "What Rolex?"  (consumerist.com) (485)
(Eat Drink & Be) Sick "Mexican Bathtub Cheese"? Yeah, that's right up there with "Portuguese Toilet Pudding" on my Do Not Want list  (eatdrinkandbe.org) (89)
(NJ.com) Strange To prevent it from being an eyesore, NJ town will disguise new cell phone tower as a... smokestack?  (nj.com) (79)
(Celebslam) Interesting For supposedly being horrified by it and trying to block its release, Kendra Wilkinson sure is making a lot of money from her sex tape (NSFW)  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (222)
(Yahoo) Followup Lindsay Lohan's ankle bracelet has Breathalyzer technology, proving yet again that Lohan frequently has her ankles near her face  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(RocNow) PSA When playing the "hold your breath until you pass out" game, pull the car over first  (rocnow.com) (30)
(Houston Chronicle) Ironic Obama to send 1,200 troops to Mexican border. Does this mean that the folks in Arizona were right after all?  (chron.com) (716)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Person #1: Isn't it amazing how I can use my cell phone to get coverage about things that just happened in this murder trial? Person #2: You mean the one we're serving as jurors on?  (nj.com) (50)
(Boston Globe) Stupid Meet Carl Cwiok, the barber of Dr. Phil, and learn his shaving secrets. Someone please kill me now  (boston.com) (60)
(KXII) Strange Oklahoma woman kicks cop with her spurs after running a stop sign on an ATV. Did I mention she also threw a gun? Did I mention the machete?  (kxii.com) (49)
(The M-I Blotter) Fail News: Man steals ribs from store. Weird news: By trying to conceal the package of meat in his pants. Fark: And then tries to escape on his bicycle  (omicrime.wordpress.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Weird Sarah Palin says biographer is gathering material from the house next door "while overlooking Piper's bedroom, my little garden, and the family's swimming hole". With pic that shows her opinion about invasion of privacy  (news.yahoo.com) (202)
(Jezebel) Interesting Megan Fox was canned from "Transformers" because she dared to challenge director Michael Bay for his asshat behavior toward women that would get him a lawsuit in any office workspace  (jezebel.com) (133)
(Little Green Footballs) Scary Why Rand Paul is probably gonna be fine: 72% of Fox News viewers oppose the Civil Rights Act  (littlegreenfootballs.com) (715)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Now that Apple has pulled the plug on the "I'm a Mac" ad campaign, which one should be next to go?  (consumerist.com) (356)
(Yahoo) Obvious Fark-ready headline: "Blood pressure goal met but too many still have it." Only you can help prevent blood pressure  (news.yahoo.com) (53)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Step 1: Buy paraglider on eBay, Step 2: Take it out for a spin - without any training, Step 3: hilarity  (dailymail.co.uk) (60)
(Telegraph) Weird Mobile phone number suspended after every single person assigned to it died in the last 10 years  (telegraph.co.uk) (135)
(USA Today) Followup BP announces plans to kill live web feed of Gulf oil geyser Wednesday morning. Hilarity to ensue  (content.usatoday.com) (256)
(Some Guy) Amusing Lessons learned: 1) don't drop gun committing armed robbery 2) Boss's Pizza and Chicken delivery guys will mix it up 3) don't lay around in pizza and cash 4) have a better getaway vehicle than a bike  (argusleader.com) (43)
(ESPN) Cool New Jersey wins the right to host the 2014 Super Bowl, event will go perfectly with the already present toilet bowl smell  (sports.espn.go.com) (192)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Three-foot-long sonar buoy falls from airplane and crashes into teenager's bedroom. Creepy giant rabbit seen wandering nearby  (nwfdailynews.com) (78)
(LiveLeak) Amusing Say what you will about Glenn Beck, but he did trick O'Reilly into saying "I like Weiner" on TV  (liveleak.com) (129)
(The Atlantic) Interesting What is a "craft brewery?" Is it based on size? Does it have to be independent, or can it be a faux-micro-brewer owned by Coors or InBev?  (theatlantic.com) (181)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rejected computer software  (fark.com) (41)
(WKRG) Asinine Taking bribes and watching porn at work while you are supposed to be regulating offshore drilling rigs isn't normal, but on meth it is  (wkrg.com) (81)
(ABC News) Followup Ex-Survivor producer flees Mexico, pitches a tent in his backyard at home, still hoping to find immunity idol  (abcnews.go.com) (31)
(CBC) Followup North Korea to sever ties from South Korea, go back to her maiden name: West Japan  (cbc.ca) (257)
(Jerusalem Post) Misc Many times in the past has it been asked, "What is the explosive potential of a terrorist donkey?" Today we know the answer  (jpost.com) (87)
(The New York Times) Dumbass Old: Nanny State wants more warning labels on products. Fark: Now they want to label foods as "choking hazards"  (nytimes.com) (85)
(BBC) Obvious Obama caught planning to provide White House access to radical 60s-era subversive  (news.bbc.co.uk) (80)
(National Post) Interesting The cement-shoed guy they pulled out of Lake Ontario may be a Mafia kingpin, not a Union boss. Redundant, I know  (news.nationalpost.com) (93)
(CBS Miami) Obvious The Environmental Protection Agency's chief gives the world the easiest "that's what she said" ever  (cbs4.com) (60)
(AP) Sad Chicago couple found buried alive under trash. Still beats Assisted Living  (hosted.ap.org) (44)
(ABC News) Followup Miss. School board denies holding "sham prom" for lesbian student, it's apparently pure coincidence that almost all the other students just happened to show up, in formal wear, at a nearby community center on the night of the prom  (abcnews.go.com) (340)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're arrested for trying to run a man over with your car, don't use your one call to phone the victim and harass him  (kmiz.com) (25)
(Drew) FarkBlog Street signs of the Apostles, cannabis farmers getting baked, and the only way to ruin the phrase "Kate Moss lesbian fling": Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/16 - 5/22  (fark.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Weird The Michael Jackson sleep mask. No, just no  (ijustwanttofitin.com) (41)
(C|Net) Amusing I don't know what the hell a Justin Bieber is but Firefox just erased him from the web  (news.cnet.com) (108)
(Some Lawless Guy) Amusing All 50 states have IDIOT laws on the books, so here's a handy alphabetical list with helpful picutes. Bonus: Not a slide show....and you're going to love #18  (elistmania.com) (248)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Experts recycle the whole "California is going to fall into the ocean" story  (ktvu.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Interesting Having successfully kept the pool halls away, Midwest town now confronts the Strippermobile. "It's my job to inform the council that this is not a joke."  (bnd.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Amusing Some people see Arizona's law as discrimination. Others see it as an entrpreneurial opportunity to sell "Gringo" masks to illegals so they fit in. Here's to you, Gringo Mask Inventor guy  (nbcmiami.com) (93)
(ABC News) Dumbass The expression "cutting off your nose to spite your face" to be officially replaced by "burning down your house because your dinner was late"  (abcnews.go.com) (41)
(Washington Post) Sad Note to seniors: Don't befriend some random dude playing keno you met at a gas station when you stopped for directions. And definitely don't give him power of attorney  (washingtonpost.com) (53)
(Dallas News) Dumbass You may want to reexamine your life when your resume includes 'failed chicken nugget robber'  (crimeblog.dallasnews.com) (44)
(AJC) Interesting Truck carrying 17 million bees crashes. That's, like, 3.4 million quarters  T-Shirt  (ajc.com) (113)
(CNN) Interesting Man walks out of jail / Spring greets hibernating bear / True rapist still free?  (cnn.com) (40)
(WSYR) Fail Today's teacher performing "special education" on a student brought to you from upstate New York (with "not even if I was 17" pic)  (9wsyr.com) (190)
(Fox News) Interesting The latest automobile recall for fire hazard only includes 428 cars. FARK: It's the Lamborghini Murcielago  (foxnews.com) (60)
(Albany Times Union) Hero Sad: Nine-year-old boy dies of rare bone cancer. Cool: But not before he created a new cancer-fighting superhero. Awesome: And every superhero needs a kickass theme song, so his classmates wrote one  (timesunion.com) (121)
(Daily Record (UK)) Amusing If you lost your robot monkey and breast implants on the bus in Scotland, please come by the lost and found to pick them up  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (30)
(CRI) Dumbass If 50 unemployed Mongols have been hired to "forcibly dismantle" a house, getting in the way is a very bad idea  (english.cri.cn) (66)
(Some Teeny-bopper) Photoshop Photoshop Time For Teens  (marlendy.files.wordpress.com) (63)
(Stuff) Cool Even death can't stop Michael Jackson from coming into four year old boys  (stuff.co.nz) (37)
(Dawn) Spiffy 73-year old retired hangman offers to execute lone surviving Mumbai gunman: "Don't go by my age. I still have the capacity to execute him in just 27 seconds"  (dawn.com) (64)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Apparently, the idea of taking cell phone pics with a lot of stolen cash hasn't gotten old for bank robbers in Lakeland  (wtsp.com) (21)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass The best place for your child porn is never on the SD card you forget at the convenience store  (myfoxdc.com) (114)
(The Standard) Dumbass When a man's wife asked him why he spent their land payment on hookers, he got upset, so she axed him again  (standardmedia.co.ke) (45)
(MSNBC) Fail Thousands of pieces of undelivered mail found in shed. Cliff Clavin wanted for questioning  (msnbc.msn.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Stupid Old: Getting a girl's name tattooed on your arm. New: Tattooing a proposal on your arm  (sandiego6.com) (78)
(The Courier) Obvious Scottish beach party organized on Facebook goes well... except for Scottish people showing up, trashing the beach and setting a playground on fire  (thecourier.co.uk) (36)
(Ars Technica) Amusing @@$&*ng decency group says @&*% this to widespread use of the terms $#*, @$&@$ and #$&@*&%*@%%(@LGN/DIT   (arstechnica.com) (135)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If your phone goes down the drain, let it go or you may be getting a collect call from Darwin  (news.com.au) (26)
(Japan Times) Hero For those who don't think prison is a good place to make lifelong friends, this former POW would like a word with you. Sappy tag has something in its eye  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (59)
(PCWorld) Stupid Google's Pac-Man logo cost the US $120 million in lost productivity according to "researchers." We just use to call them liars back in our day, but society has gotten so politically correct  (pcworld.com) (109)
(Free Press) Asinine College student sets up a Facebook group to discuss your towing company's shady business practices. Do you c) sue him for $750K? Bonus: student is countersuing and group is up to 11000 members  (freep.com) (261)
(MSNBC) Dumbass A teacher in Georgia is in trouble for having her students put on Ku Klux Klan robes for a high school project  (msnbc.msn.com) (99)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these hoopers  (isopop.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Sad For 70 years, plebes at the US Naval Academy have celebrated the end of their first year by scaling a greased obelisk. Until now. Nanny state, meet snowflakes  (wjla.com) (130)
(The New York Times) Sad Cut. Down. EVERYTHING  (nytimes.com) (155)
(CNN) Stupid The next step in Arizona's grand adventure: firing any teachers with "ethnic" accents  (amfix.blogs.cnn.com) (427)

Mon May 24, 2010
(Talking Points Memo) Fail One more step towards Idiocracy: TV talking head commencement speaker praises graduates of Illinois' evangelical Wheaton College - at Massachusetts' secular Wheaton College   (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Amusing I have no idea what you're saying so here's a picture of an elephant drinking all the water out of a hot tub  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Houston Press) Satire @BPGlobalPR: The only good thing to come out of the Gulf oil disaster, plus 4 other brilliantly satricial Twitter accounts  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (52)
(WFTV) Amusing "Call me Ishmael" "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." These opening lines bow before the greatest opening line - ever  (wftv.com) (498)
(Washington Post) Obvious DC law firm starts bicyle rental program for employees. Rates start at $300/hour, and man, you should see the waiver  (washingtonpost.com) (50)
(Denver Channel) Cool Not news: plane diverted due to weather. News: passengers delayed and hungry. Fark: Crew has pizza delivered to everyone onboard  (thedenverchannel.com) (104)
(Boston Globe) Sad The Big Picture visits the Big Easy courtesy of Big Oil  (boston.com) (248)
(Some Seat Kicker Guy) Sick Bad: You're on a plane, and the person behind you keeps kicking your seat. Worse: To wake you up because you're being sexually assaulted by the guy next to you  (nbcnewyork.com) (210)
(Dlisted) Photoshop Photoshop this enormous street asparagus  (dlisted.com) (43)
(CBC) Dumbass You want to build a nature park on a former military training ground littered with explosives, that has already cost eight lives? Heck yeah  (cbc.ca) (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting New York creates online cancer map. Largest, brightest marker represents the Mets  (govtech.com) (25)
(The Times of India) Spiffy Chubby men as attractive as men with six-packs, Looks like there is a chance for Farkers everwhere now  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (170)
(Yahoo) Interesting Just like your mom, the Mediterranean is getting hotter and saltier  (news.yahoo.com) (23)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Crime rates are down, even though the recession has forced the jobless to wander the nation in rampaging packs in search of food and wi-fi coffee shops  (breitbart.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Scary There may have been an eruption at the oil spill, and it got so bad BP pulled a Speed and switched the feed to old footage on a loop. Pop quiz hotshot, what's filled with oil and dead? Answer, the gulf  (themoderatevoice.com) (365)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Design student speculates on what humans will look like after global warming really kicks in (w/ ugly-ass pic)  (news.com.au) (93)
(BetaNews) Unlikely In a complete turnabout, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg now actually seems to give a crap about users' privacy  (betanews.com) (101)
(MSNBC) Stupid The MI-26 of helicopter parents: those who research and negotiate their college kids' jobs. "It had never occurred to her that her daughter should be in charge of her own career"  (msnbc.msn.com) (158)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Here's a new fad: retrosexuals, who are "alpha males who live unapologetically by their own code." Now fetch me a martini, sweetcheeks  (pittsburghlive.com) (lots)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Today's mentally handicapped man living in a trailer park insisting that a fourteen year old girl raped him is brought to you by St. Petersburg  (wtsp.com) (173)
(AOL News) Followup Remember that Geek Quiz you guys did so miserably on last week? Here are the answers  (aolnews.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Scary Deadly, ultra-pure heroin arrives in US. Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse set to kick off US tour  (galvestondailynews.com) (193)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Proposed one-horse town Amtrak route that could cost $155.8 million to $479 million described as "stupid expensive."  (chron.com) (155)
(CBS News) Florida Boaters survive three days floating at sea on a cooler. The worst part of their ordeal? All the beer was gone and they had to survive on Gatorade and water  (cbsnews.com) (37)
(Telegraph) Interesting Fruits such as cantaloupe, melon and apricots, and vegetables will get you a better tan, thus the reason New Jersey is called the ''Garden State'  (telegraph.co.uk) (42)
(News.com.au) Interesting Key to legendary mechanical lion found in code for Leonardo Da Vinci's robot. Suck it, Dan Brown, this code is real  (news.com.au) (78)
(Cracked) Obvious 5 reasons it's still not cool to admit you're a gamer, virgin  (cracked.com) (286)
(Some Guy) Amusing Oakland PD banned for fighting at a boxing match  (ktvu.com) (25)
(CNSNews) Obvious Now that Obamacare is a reality, we can all have a good laugh about that stupid rationing argument...because that argument is no longer stupid  (cnsnews.com) (259)
(Reuters) Obvious US: "China is the World's worst source of piracy." China: "LOL, lurk moar, noob."  (reuters.com) (66)
(ABC News) Spiffy That's "Professor" Funkalicious, the most groovetastic being in the entire hypercolored universe  (abcnews.go.com) (74)
(My Fox DC) Strange Just in time for summer, men's high heels are making a comeback?  (myfoxdc.com) (107)
(OneIndia) Spiffy Unpronounceable volcano in Iceland stops erupting. This is great news as long as, like the article, you fail to note that its eruptions are usually followed by eruptions of the bigger volcano next to it  (news.oneindia.in) (29)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Police bearly catch thief hiding in pile of teddy bears  (ktla.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Scary According to White House, situation between North and South Korea now "highly precarious," and countries may be close to war. This is not a repeat from 1950  (news.yahoo.com) (183)
(ABC News) Weird Things to do from foreign prison: work out, write, strengthen sphincter muscles, and of course, get engaged with a ring made from your shirt  (abcnews.go.com) (23)
(USA Today) Stupid "Behavior Detection." It costs the TSA $212 million per year, requires 3000 officers, and has never been shown to do a damned bit of good  (usatoday.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Interesting You know it's a legendary party when it spills out onto the streets and takes 11 assisting police departments, two dogs and 25 officers to get it under control  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (39)
(NPR) Interesting Behind the scenes with "food stylists," who make the burger in that Wendy's ad look nothing like the soggy pile of grease you actually get  (npr.org) (85)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Cool Special ed students heading to prom, ready to get Down  T-Shirt  (myfoxla.com) (153)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Some delightfully cute pictures of the only creature in the world capable of fitting more nuts in its mouth than your mom  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Washington Post) Interesting Scientists, pharmaceuticals, and the FDA are embroiled in a tense, far-reaching and passionate debate over whether the world needs a drug whose only benefit is enabling sex drive. For women, I mean. They already know it's important for men  (washingtonpost.com) (264)
(Journal-Star) Misc Wood chipper stolen and recovered in Northeast Lincoln. And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it  (journalstar.com) (57)
(Daily Mail) Stupid If you're suing your law firm for discrimination, it would be advisable not to be caught describing rape as "simply part of human nature" and saying "bring it on"  (dailymail.co.uk) (116)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this floral close-up  (i488.photobucket.com) (24)
(ABC News) Interesting Dear BP: Thanks so much for bumbling and fumbling around for the last month. Please step aside  (abcnews.go.com) (452)
(ECR) Cool Chinese man pulls airplane with rope attached to his eyelids. He can snap your neck with a single blink  (ecr.co.za) (40)
(USA Today) Scary $25 for three grams of potpourri? Welcome to the next front in the Drug War  (usatoday.com) (259)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Here's one way of ensuring no one erases your high score  (news.com.au) (47)
(Independent) Interesting Mark Twain left instructions to reveal his autobiography 100 years after his death. That day is today  (independent.co.uk) (245)
(Some Guy) Fail Duchess of York is very sorry she was caught on tape trying to sell access to her ex  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (61)
(SMH) Asinine Wondering who to blame for Concorde crash in 2000, French prosecutors roll 2d20, choose the engineer who designed the Concorde. Who retired 6 years before the crash and is now 80  (smh.com.au) (62)
(CNN) Scary South Korea: It... Is... ON  (edition.cnn.com) (475)
(io9) Ironic It's taken 463 years, but Nicolaus Copernicus finally gets a proper burial. A Catholic burial  (io9.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these curly brackets  (i464.photobucket.com) (25)
(NJ.com) Obvious Stink bugs invade New Jersey. Okay, now you're just messing with us  (nj.com) (55)
(Fox 5 Atlanta) Sad On this week's edition of "Thats A Taserin" an autistic teen was tasered for being "drunk and disorderly." Bonus: He also has a heart condition  (myfoxatlanta.com) (184)

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