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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun July 25, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Farker wants his hometown, currently named for a Civil War-era congressman who beat the holy hell out of a Senator, to change its name. Help him think of some suggestions  (tampabay.com) (241)
(Daily Mail) Cool Awesome pics of new 1,900ft Hoover Bridge which will allow highway to bypass Hoover Dam altogether  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)
(Daily Mail) Fail Woman sells her late brother's war medals on ebay so she could take a cruise with her son because she was depressed and that's what her brother would have wanted  (dailymail.co.uk) (125)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this antique aeronautics aid  (cache.gawkerassets.com) (42)
(Breitbart.com) Sick Well, it starts out with Victoria Jackson sunbathing nude and ends with Obama "setting fire to The Constitution, looting and pillaging the Court System, and hanging Abraham Lincoln from a tree"  (bighollywood.breitbart.com) (240)
(WikiLeaks) NewsFlash Wikileaks pulls the trigger on thousands of Afghan War documents  (wikileaks.org) (652)
(Arizona Star) Interesting In a never-ending bid for its own tag, Arizona is about to do away with the requirements for training and a permit in order to carry a concealed weapon  (azstarnet.com) (302)
(Space) Cool July's first full moon, known as the "Hay Moon", to rise Sunday in the constellation Capricornus, or the "Sea Goat". Not to confused with the Goat of the Sea, if you know what I'm saying  (space.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Cool NASA astronaut sends first ASL signed message from space. That, or NASA lets astronauts flash gang signals, I'm not sure  (spaceref.com) (58)
(MSN) PSA The eight worst upgrades to give your home. Yes, a home theater is on the list  (realestate.msn.com) (268)
(The Consumerist) PSA In today's unexpected disclosure news, Social Networking websites reveal just how they make money off of you  (consumerist.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Stupid Paragraph 1: Bone and flesh fragments found on highway. Paragraph 2-4: Found near where missing woman's truck was found. Paragraph 9: No clue if it's human or roadkill  (jconline.com) (43)
(LA Times) Interesting It doesn't look good when undercover cops are able to get powerful prescription drugs using notes signed by "Dr. Kevorkian," "Dr. Pepper" and "Dr. Dre"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (114)
(Toronto Sun) Fail If you're going to arrest somebody for suspicion of intent to feloniously throw pie, strip search him, and deprive him of his right to a lawyer, make sure he actually has pie. Also consider checking whether he's a lawyer. Mmm, pie  (torontosun.com) (40)
(Flickr) Wheaton Wil Wheaton + Felicia Day + Romance Novel art = ?  (flickr.com) (148)
(Wis State Journal) Obvious Boring news day: What's the difference between dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent and dish soap?  (host.madison.com) (113)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Weird Man robbed and shot in Garfield Park. Odie humanity  (suntimes.com) (49)
(fox 8) Interesting The smugglers are creative, yet dumb. (Slideshow)  (myfox8.com) (61)
(la weekly) Sad Physician who would speed walk 20 miles every day while reading the paper is dead at age 58. Oh that's really encouraging  (blogs.laweekly.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Asinine BP has been cleared of any negligence in the Gulf oil spill by an investigation....launched by BP  (topnews.us) (98)
(On The John) Dumbass Man about to have his house lost to foreclosure does the absolute sane, not crazy at all thing: offers to light his car on fire if he can raise enough money to save his house  (jmetropolis.blogspot.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Sad It just got tougher to have sex with your teacher in Alabama  (ledger-enquirer.com) (94)
(CNN) Asinine After spilling a couple hundred thousand gallons of oil into the gulf, BP reports loss. Just kidding, they are expected to report a profit of $1.39 a share  (money.cnn.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Our galaxy is starting to look more and more like Star Trek's vision, except for that whole warp-drive thing  (dailymail.co.uk) (231)
(WorldNetDaily) Scary You know how police are always saying you should comply with the demands of criminals and thugs? About that  (wnd.com) (553)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these pipeline pyrotechnics  (akmcache.boston.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Amusing Usually when spies are caught, their government is embarassed and tries to pretend they never existed. Vladimir "clanking" Putin, on the other hand pays them a televised visit and leads them in a rousing sing-along of old KGB songs  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Yahoo) Obvious The $20 billion dollar fund set up by BP to compensate spill victims has sounded like a ringing dinner bell to every grifter, traveller, and long-con man in the lower 48  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(Daily Star) Amusing Things you never thought you'd read in a British tabloid: "We made no attempt to check the accuracy of the story before publication"  (dailystar.co.uk) (35)
(Dayton Daily News) Spiffy The real story behind big butter Jesus. Apparently it wasn't intended as a joke  (daytondailynews.com) (114)
(The Daily Record) Interesting Bad: Electro-Shock therapy. Good: Therapeutic Brain Stimulation. Fark: Same thing, different name  (dailyrecord.com) (151)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Judge orders feuding neighbors to hold potluck dinners with each other once a month. Fark headline two months from now: Neighbor killed in feud over potluck dinner  (tampabay.com) (66)
(Telegraph) Spiffy I'll have a medium rare steak and my dog would like the chicken  (telegraph.co.uk) (31)
(CBS News) Interesting Convicted murderer on death row has less than a month to live and can't get anyone to listen to him, so he gets instant attention by pleading his case...on youtube  (cbsnews.com) (158)
(BBC) Fail Tony Hayward is expected to announce his resignation as CEO of BP within the next 24 hours. Subby hopes he can get on with his life. In hell  (bbc.co.uk) (168)
(AL.com) Interesting Alabama bingo losers sue to get their money back based on 158-year-old state law  (blog.al.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Scary Proof that ex-girlfriends never forget you, even if you move out of state...especially psycho drunk ones  (chronicle.northcoastnow.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Town celebrates 25 years of "Stand By Me," complete with blueberry pie-eating contest and return of the dead body  (statesmanjournal.com) (113)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Queen Elizabeth II is making her pictures available on Flickr. Next thing you she will be friending you on Facebook and submitting links to Fark  (nydailynews.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Followup That "stabbing" at Comic Con was just a scuffle between friends, and no one was stabbed in the eye, just scratched on the eye. So, basically, the internet blew things out of proportion, which has never happened before  (new.blog.imdb.net) (95)
(Forbes) Amusing 10 ways to tell if someone is lying to you. Geez. You'd think the pants on fire would be a dead give away  (forbes.com) (81)
(NYPost) Weird Fake nun is actually part of an unholy rape clan. I said, unholy rape clan (tap, tap) - is this thing on?  (nypost.com) (65)
(LA Times) Silly "Put down the buckets of mashed coconut cream and step away from your nuts"  (latimes.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Weird Want to see the longest tongue in the US? I didn't either, but still, I clicked  (blogs.laweekly.com) (71)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this leapin' demon  (inapcache.boston.com) (28)
(Telegraph) Sad Clothing store to start selling 'plus size' outfits for big-boned 3-year-olds  (telegraph.co.uk) (118)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Slow news day: Grass grows when watered. W/before and after pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (91)

Sat July 24, 2010
(CNN) Scary Delhi dam breaks. Why is it that India is always having shiat like this happen? Wait - Delhi, Iowa? Oh fark  (cnn.com) (94)
(Zombocom) Ironic The only limit is yourself  (zombo.com) (302)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this flood-control function  (online.wsj.com) (35)
(Vancouver Sun) Sad Rest in Greenpeace  (vancouversun.com) (148)
(CNN) Unlikely Iran seeks to master nuclear fusion after failing to master Photoshop  (cnn.com) (83)
(TC Palm) Florida I Want You to Need Me, so If You Asked Me To, I'd approve your half million gallon personal water park, and I wouldn't Think Twice; but now A New Day Has Come, and The Reason that I am out of a job is The Power of Love  (tcpalm.com) (62)
(Reuters) Ironic Love hurts ... 10, kills 15  (reuters.com) (101)
(Yahoo) Stupid Iran has 100 boats for every ship we have. The terrorists have won the photoshop contest  (news.yahoo.com) (208)
(STLToday) Weird Kings Of Leon walk offstage after just three songs during St. Louis concert. Reason: A bird pooped in bassist Jared Followill's mouth  (stltoday.com) (218)
(BBC) Dumbass Today's episode of "Not Bloody Likely, Old Chap", brought to you by North Korea, which warns of "retaliatory sacred war" (nukes) if the US and South Korea hold joint naval exercises this weekend  (bbc.co.uk) (132)
(CBS New York) Fail You're a traffic cop and you come across a young woman trying to fix a flat tire on her car. Do you: c) give her a parking ticket?  (wcbstv.com) (205)
(BP tried to pull a fast one) Photoshop Photoshop this Photoshop of the BP command center  (bp.com) (45)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Vitaminwater Isn't  (consumerist.com) (181)
(Ancient City Drama Watch) Florida After weeks of legal wrangling, court proceedings, media converage and public outrage, Cyrus has been spared from death row and is released. Tag on the left explains it all  (staugustine.com) (54)
(Some Guns) Obvious Gun sculpture that vaguely resembles "The Borg" faces censorship at UN  (edmontonjournal.com) (112)
(BBC) Unlikely Iran aims to send man into space by 2019. Isn't it cute how they think they are still going to exist by then?  (bbc.co.uk) (81)
(LA Times) Strange French fries in Germany could be significantly shorter this year due to the heatwave that has baked Germany and much of Europe this month. "The French fries industry and consumers will have to brace themselves for shorter fries"  (latimes.com) (53)
(Forbes) Interesting The 10 happiest countries on Earth. Your country is overworked, overweight, and polluted  (forbes.com) (247)
(Yahoo) Spiffy DC School System trying a radical, new, never before tried, idea to improve their schools: firing bad teachers  (news.yahoo.com) (174)
(The New York Times) Cool You cut down trees / you build canoes / you learn to throw an ax - it's lumberjack camp, and that's okay  (nytimes.com) (47)
(SacBee) Fail Thin woman bumped from flight to allow fatty to have two seats. DoubleFail: 14 year old fatty  (sacbee.com) (434)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange Amnesiac found in the middle of a Scottish highway has police baffled. He had no ID, £12 in cash, a lighter and cigarettes. Police will not comment on whether or not he is covered in tattoos instructing him to avenge the death of his wife  (mirror.co.uk) (48)
(AlphaGalileo) Interesting Google funds search for ancient texts online, some of which may date back as far as 1969  (alphagalileo.org) (20)
(IndiaVision News) Interesting Jian Li, 18, is the woman to beat - the teen holds the title of Australia's Fastest Texter  (indiavision.com) (75)
(The New York Times) Interesting Then they came for the Canada geese, and that was okay because they're rats with feathers who shiat all over everything and cause plane crashes and the only people who like them are dipshiat city folk who feed them donuts  (nytimes.com) (93)
(Telegraph) Interesting Paper and pencil? Why, in my day we had to hammer and chisel our doodles into hard rock, and we were thankful for it  (telegraph.co.uk) (15)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Decaying post-industrial tough guy Pittsfield, Massachusetts is trying to save itself by discovering its sensitive, artistic side. Not that there's anything wrong with that  (boston.com) (37)
(BBC) Interesting ♫ Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage: ♫ To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea ♫  (bbc.co.uk) (32)
(SacBee) Amusing Curses, foiled again  (sacbee.com) (38)
(BBC) Stupid Latest target of the nanny state? Taking pictures of your baby's ultrasound  (bbc.co.uk) (90)
(Some Guy) Caturday Apple, a special needs kitty, is adopted and now lives a Stern life of luxury...just in time for Caturday  (peoplepets.com) (662)
(MSNBC) Scary Canadian F-18 crashes practicing for airshow, with HOLY shiat last-second ejection photos  (photoblog.msnbc.msn.com) (207)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these miniature bikers  (inapcache.boston.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Sappy Man hits another man with a tree branch for making a 'yo mamma' joke. Yo mamma so fat, kids gather under her belly for shade in the summer  (kitsapsun.com) (111)
(CNN) Scary We're running out of tubes for the internets. EVERYBODY PANIC  (cnn.com) (137)
(The Smoking Gun) Scary Vegan busted after torching Colorado sheepskin firm. Looks like your typical liberal with Vegan tat neck and ultra cool face tats  (thesmokinggun.com) (147)
(Seattle Times) Scary Explosive found in port-a-potty prompts evacuated homes, businesses, bowels  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Cool Man builds home-made plane - an awesome little Fokker  (dailymail.co.uk) (69)
(Talanei.com) Sad Under the laws of American Samoa, police aren't allowed to carry guns. Since you're reading this on Fark, you know it won't end well (also see first post for more info)  (talanei.com) (126)
(Abc.net.au) Hero 16 year-old takes firetruck for midnight joyride, complete with lights and sirens. Of course alcohol was a factor  (abc.net.au) (45)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary Pet store hosts 'Bring In Your Rottweiler' promotion, face-eating hilarity ensues  (3news.co.nz) (137)
(ITG: TNG) Interesting Remember the 'Internet Tough Guy' photo of a huge glasses-wearing geek sitting at a computer smoking a cigarette? Well, here he is as an adult. No, really  (i.imgur.com) (258)
(Jalopnik) Interesting The Shah of Iran's ridiculous car collection is now the National Car Museum of Iran, because that's what Iran needs, a national car museum  (jalopnik.com) (46)
(WTOP) Dumbass Shelter mistakes woman's Kennel Club-registered dog for a coyote, does the sensible thing and releases it into the wild next to a Home Depot  (wtopnews.com) (117)

Fri July 23, 2010
(Daily Mail) Fail Man dining at restaurant with friend chokes to death while paramedic stays outside because he felt the 66 year-old friend seemed "aggressive"  (dailymail.co.uk) (155)
(WGAL 8) Sad Midas store posts customers name on sign, demands "Pay Your Bill Now" How's that for an economic indicator  (wgal.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this measuring man  (rit.edu) (19)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Hide your daughters, Bratz are coming back  (blogs.wsj.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Fail Job Opening: Mayor for small town, less than 40,000 residents (17% below poverty level), salary $787,637/yr  (comcast.net) (136)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Using small words, scientists patiently explain to worried journalists that even Hurricane Katrina couldn't loosen the Deepwater oil cap, given that it's under 5,000 feet of water  (news.yahoo.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Scary 7.3 / 5.4 / 7.4 / 7.4 Four earthquakes in an hour rock the Phillipines. Details shaking out  (wireupdate.com) (94)
(Discover) Cool (TFer) Phil Plait's Bad Universe, no donut  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (117)
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy He told you not to take his stapler. Now he fires off this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (217)
(WDRB Fox 41) Stupid As the Vehicle Maintenance Director for Jeffersonville, Indiana, it's Mike Drury's job to protect the safety of motorists. That's why one of his first acts was to be arrested for DUI and get himself off the roadway  (fox41.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Misc The White House predicts we'll have a record $1.47 trillion deficit this year. So we got that going for us  (news.yahoo.com) (310)
(Denver Channel) Scary Does a bear drive in the woods?  (thedenverchannel.com) (76)
(BBC) Cool Solar-powered 'Eternal plane' returns to Earth and makes history after a two-week-long non-stop flight  (bbc.co.uk) (78)
(WPXI) Silly Slow news day: Dog eats corn behind owner's back  (wpxi.com) (38)
(St. Petersburg Times) Dumbass Don't drop the anchor to your three-story, 145-foot luxury yacht onto one of the most magnificent and fragile reefs in the world  (tampabay.com) (115)
(CTV) Scary Beer bomb blasts BC, brewery blames breach  (ctvbc.ctv.ca) (39)
(Toronto Star) Weird "I think it was this natural reaction: here's this dog, and he's just looking up, and she's giving the [Communion] wafers to people and she just gave one to him." Surprisingly, someone has a problem with this  (thestar.com) (212)
(Fox News) PSA Saturday is National Tequila Day. In other news, Fark braces for rash of 'Florida', 'Dumbass' and 'Fail' submissions on Sunday  (foxnews.com) (69)
(KnoxNews) Sad Officials believe worker missing at a composting facility now mulch ado about nothing  (knoxnews.com) (20)
(azfamily.com) Obvious A lake is draining unexpectedly in your city and fish left behind are dead or dying. What do you do? Bring in a hungry alligator, of course (w/ pics)  (azfamily.com) (59)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Wal-Mart wants to put tracking devices in your underwear  (online.wsj.com) (93)
(Some Traditional Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this queue  (citypicture.ru) (23)
(Washington Post) Sad Nixon won't have Daniel Schorr to kick around any more  (washingtonpost.com) (116)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Lawyers handling the colossal BP litigation dismayed to find that it will be held in...Boise, Idaho. "It doesn't even have a five-star hotel"  (blogs.wsj.com) (69)
(AZCentral) Interesting Family cooking french fries burn their home down in a grease fire. Although the house is a total loss, the residents were able to waddle to safety  (azcentral.com) (58)
(Some Nail Guy) Strange ♫ Our house... in the middle of our eight-lane highway ♫  (news.xinhuanet.com) (50)
(Washington Post) Sappy Deepwater Horizon management was so focused on the health and welfare of workers, they disabled the combustible gas alarms to prevent false alarms from interfering with a full night's sleep  (washingtonpost.com) (65)
(CNN) Sad Texans wonder if they executed an innocent man. They don't actually care, they're just wondering  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (308)
(ABC News) Obvious You know if Obama's kids are babysitting your kids, your house is the safest house on the block  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Scary The password to over half of social network users' accounts is eight zeros. Just kidding, that was the access code to U.S. nuke arsenal for a decade  (harpers.org) (192)
(Ohio.com) PSA Apparently, you can't claim your home is an Indian reservation in order to avoid local zoning laws  (ohio.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Followup Pic-a-nic baskets no longer safe  (thechronicleherald.ca) (24)
(Boston Globe) Sick Pentagon investigation shows that Big Brother is busy watching little brother  (boston.com) (41)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Strange Something old, something new, something borrowed, something that smells like a rotting corpse  (startribune.com) (20)
(Chicago Tribune) Strange Father is suing his son over stealing his Cubs season tickets. You'd think he'd thank him instead  (chicagotribune.com) (18)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Ever wonder where your keys go while you're relaxing in the tanning bed? This salon-owning ginger can tell you after he gets out of jail  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)
(Life.com) Obvious "Well, honey, we've finally found a place of true beauty, where we can escape the modern world and feel a deep connection to ... aw crap, there's Susan Sarandon"  (life.com) (43)
(Detroit News) Dumbass Mother of the Year Candidate driving with her 3 year-old rams a rival's car, killing the rival. Bonus: Feud started on Facebook  (detnews.com) (147)
(Metro) Caption Caption this picture of a woman in a manhole  (metro.co.uk) (74)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSG's Friday photo fun. What will these guys kick you ass with? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (53)
(KFAB) Dumbass I'll take an orange push-up, a bomb-pop, and a creamsicle. Oh, and I'd also like all your cash and the ice cream truck  (kfab.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Interesting India unveils prototype of $35 tablet computer, sets up customer service center in the U.S  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(CBC) Scary Hailstorm in July, with unbelievable pic  (cbc.ca) (131)
(Some Guy) Scary Getting your name removed from a sex offenders database is virtually impossible even if you are innocent  (king5.com) (316)
(Boston Globe) Scary The fascists in charge of the Boston public transport system are requiring their operators to have valid driver's licenses now. This explains a lot to and about Bostonians  (boston.com) (60)
(Yahoo) Followup Tropical Storm Bonnie moving toward oil spill, could bring a total eclipse of the coast  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (121)
(FARK) Cool Benefit auctions for Puggysmom and Argh_Dammit, details in thread  (fark.com) (239)
(Boston Globe) Unlikely Not content with PBR and skinny jeans, ironic hipsters attempting to revive the popularity of the cassette tape  (boston.com) (320)
(People Magazine) Sad The Barefoot Bandit only wanted his mother to 'stop drinking and smoking, get a job and have food in the house.' She told him how to escape to a country without extradition treaties, instead  (people.com) (111)
(NPR) Scary Best Korea offers to help U.S. and South Korea improve the realism in their upcoming war-games  (npr.org) (137)
(News.com.au) Amusing You ladies better keep your legs together or you will end up like your friend, just look at those saggy tits  (news.com.au) (210)
(WSB-TV) Scary Woman shot at Little Caesar's restaurant is in stable condition, confirming that she did not eat any of their pizza  (wsbtv.com) (132)
(MaineToday.com) Strange Maine police say the creepy old man that was with a little girl looking for a secluded camping spot was doing nothing wrong  (onlinesentinel.com) (195)
(Halifax Herald) Hero One minute you're driving your motorized cooler down the sidewalk and then someone has to come along and... Whoa, wait a minute. Motorized cooler? Awesome  (thechronicleherald.ca) (49)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida State decrees beach lifeguard station's upper floor must be handicapped-accessible for quadriplegic lifeguards  (tampabay.com) (115)
(Yahoo) Amusing "Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 20 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of thirty miles..Your fugitive's name is Bessie the Cow, go get her"  (news.yahoo.com) (49)
(Some People) Photoshop Photoshop this prep  (citypicture.ru) (34)
(Some Guy) Cool What's better than casual Fridays at the office? Lazy Fridays at the office. "The Friday early head-to-the-pub is almost the unwritten rule"  (couriermail.com.au) (230)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine What happens when a bunch of firefighters get together for a convention? Apparently they pull fire alarms for fun like an unloved 12 year old  (baltimoresun.com) (52)
(NYPost) Amusing Your lack of funds disturbs me  (nypost.com) (95)
(Toronto Star) Obvious Cop apologizes for being caught on tape pushing disabled woman to ground  (thestar.com) (217)
(KPTV) Sad Logs run amok, crush truck cab, killing man. This is what happens when you don't let the lumber jack off  (kptv.com) (47)
(I'm a Loser Dept) Dumbass After the cops let you walk from the first bank robbery you confess to, locking your keys in the car during the second robbery is just pressing your luck  (chicoer.com) (15)
(koco.com) Strange Oklahoma McDonalds restaurant robbed by a woman wearing men's underwear on her head. Cops in hot pursuit of the vehicle after getting a good look at the skid marks  T-Shirt  (koco.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this chinless character  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary My Bonnie forms over the ocean  (chron.com) (102)

Thu July 22, 2010
(Politico) Obvious Ric Romero notes that oilspill has harmed Gulf tourism income; water wet, oily  (politico.com) (40)
(Wired) Interesting Surprise ... a lawyer is trolling for dollars  (wired.com) (123)
(Daily Mail) Interesting As Lindsay Lohan heads to jail, other famous faces who've had mugshots. Bonus: Not a slideshow  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(CNN) Obvious Comic-Con 2010: A bunch of geeks that no one likes wondering if they're getting too popular  (cnn.com) (127)
(MSNBC) Obvious BP well cap to stay on during upcoming hurricane, they hope  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(Newsweek) Scary Ambassador Snooki  (newsweek.com) (132)
(Onion AV Club) Asinine Simon Cowell sued for being Simon Cowell  (avclub.com) (105)
(The New York Times) Obvious This article on ADHD is--well actually I didn't read it. Hey, wanna go ride bikes?  (well.blogs.nytimes.com) (143)
(Buffalo News) Stupid Police protect local citizens from dangerous weather balloon  (buffalonews.com) (39)
(Life.com) Silly Having tea with Queen Elizabeth II. What, you weren't invited?  (life.com) (68)
(News.com.au) Obvious Man dressed as a woman caught having sex with man's best friend, after man's best friend escaped from a woman, to chase after the man, dressed as a woman  (news.com.au) (78)
(STLToday) Fail If you're going to dine-and-dash, remember to take your purse with you  (stltoday.com) (32)
(CNN) Asinine Oh Good. Don't Ask, Don't Tell gets yet another soldier we desperately need, who is fluent in Arabic, discharged. God Bless America  (cnn.com) (307)
(Oregon Live) Spiffy City figures out how to get rid of some nuisance geese and feed the homeless at the same time  (oregonlive.com) (70)
(Weather Underground) Cool The coolest photo of a double rainbow with lightning as the backdrop you'll see today  (icons-ecast.wunderground.com) (68)
(courierpress.com) Dumbass Hey, man, is that felon rock? Yeah, man. WELL TURN IT UP, MAN  (courierpress.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Scary Huge block of ice falls from sky and smashes couple flat. Er, smashes couple's house. Sorry, I don't speak British  (bognor.co.uk) (58)
(AZCentral) Sad To show support for Arizona's illegal immigration law, people cover up a community mural featuring Martin Luther King Jr. and Cesar Chavez with whitepaint  (azcentral.com) (164)
(Some Guy) Sad Africa gripped by child-witch hysteria. How do they know she's a witch?  (theweek.com) (113)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these marching band members  (spiegel.de) (20)
(Denver Post) Interesting Focus on the Family is now focusing on Facebook  (denverpost.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you've got a ton of kiddie porn on your laptop, you might want to hide it in an encrypted folder instead of making it a screensaver. With mug shot that says it all  (truecrimereport.com) (145)
(MSNBC) Obvious Search resumes for climber that fell off a cliff. Here's a hint: Start at the bottom and work your way up  (msnbc.msn.com) (17)
(Daily Express) Sad Doctors mistake multiple organ failure and four heart attacks for...tiredness  (express.co.uk) (69)
(IOL) Sick It's not bestiality, its interspecies erotica, and she was ASKING for it  (iol.co.za) (189)
(Fox News) Asinine Christian activists complain that ordinance that bans discrimination against gays discriminates against Christians right to discriminate against gays...or something like that. You read it, subby's head hurts  (foxnews.com) (374)
(Universal Hub) Fail You know you're as pathetic as you thought when your suicide attempt results in "cuts and bruises" ... after jumping in front of a train  (universalhub.com) (40)
(Chromicle Herald) Fail Man arrested after masturbation complaint. Wow, he must have really been bad at it  (thechronicleherald.ca) (37)
(NJ.com) Strange Dog that bit off 3-year-old girl's ear deemed "potentially dangerous"  (nj.com) (52)
(Telegraph) Strange "Although skateboarders are defined as pedestrians, police say they could be charged with careless driving or failing to keep left" - especially when exceeding 56mph  (telegraph.co.uk) (93)
(ABC News) Asinine $2 mil for a wedding? Over/Under they'll be divorced in 3 years?  (abcnews.go.com) (133)
(USA Today) Obvious Airline passengers are becoming more rude. Gee, I wonder why  (usatoday.com) (401)
(Examiner) Followup Despite having a diabolical plan involving bribing a border guard with $20, the epic D-bag who threatened the creators of "South Park" gets arrested for trying really, really hard to be a terrorist before even getting on the plane  (examiner.com) (81)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Stupid Big Man in the Big House after Big Brawl with family member. Fark: family member is a 6-week-old baby  (newsobserver.com) (41)
(Winnipeg Free Press) Hero Man repeatedly calls 911, demands police return Jets to Winnipeg  (winnipegfreepress.com) (84)
(Voodoo PC Founder) Obvious The reason Microsoft decided not to allow PC gamers to take on Xbox gamers? "The console players got destroyed everytime"  (rahulsood.com) (648)
(My Fox DC) Interesting I guess after they get done cutting into your lower back and fishing the electrodes up to the base of your skull you really don't notice the headache pain anymore  (myfoxdc.com) (17)
(Neatorama) Scary 10 things you didn't know about Ghostbusters  (neatorama.com) (208)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Dear Abby does not watch enough porn, misses the chance to give the best advice ever  (suntimes.com) (111)
(CNN) Stupid Typically, I medicate myself to deal with my kids, but whatever  (cnn.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Fail Dick reports that beat cops catch meat thieves. Also reports trucks that fit in cars now exist  (thestate.com) (14)
(BBC) Unlikely Time to reverse the theory that eating high amounts of protein and low amounts of carbohydrate promote weight loss. Now eating protein is the cause of weight gain. Next up, just stop eating altogether to lose weight  (bbc.co.uk) (162)
(The Daily Beast) Hero Tutu: Tata  (thedailybeast.com) (39)
(News.com.au) Strange Bad: You're fooling around with a married woman. Worse: The two of you fall off a balcony. Fark: And end up at the same hospital as her husband  (news.com.au) (23)
(AL.com) Amusing Some women light scented candles. Some like plug-in deodorizers. And some keep open cans of gasoline "because they like the smell"  (blog.al.com) (46)
(LA Times) Dumbass 37 states investigating Google Street View, because "...every citizen has a right to privacy as they're walking down the street"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (71)
(Abc.net.au) Interesting Court rules that fake profiles on dating websites are illegal. Alcohol sales expected to double  (abc.net.au) (121)
(Metro) Sick Good news for those of you who have always wanted to drink 110-proof beer out of a dead stoat  (metro.co.uk) (59)
(Some Leporiphobe) Amusing German court throws out the case brought by a teacher who's met the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog against one of her students for drawing a bunny  (digitaljournal.com) (60)
(My Fox DC) Scary What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? Uh, sneaking up behind him and pulling his tail, jackass  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's Fark ready headline: Man arrested with own handcuffs  (floridatoday.com) (11)
(Yahoo) Interesting Antarctic octopuses found with cold-resistant venom. It's not sharks with lasers on their heads, but it's something  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(Gothamist) Sad Newark mayor fires the first shot in the 2010 War on Christmas  (gothamist.com) (69)
(Yahoo) Obvious IMF tells Haiti not to worry about that $268 million they owe them. Relieved Haitians emerge from their rubble hovels to thank the IMF ssaying they'd been worried sick about not being able to pay back those uber-wealthy bankers  (news.yahoo.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Hero 180-pound woman tries to take bank bag from 98-pound woman. 98-pound woman beats her up, chases her when she runs. Then it gets bad-ass  (nevadaappeal.com) (78)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Actual Houston police report: "The suspect hit the officer's fist with his head"  (chron.com) (47)
(The Consumerist) Amusing This "Modern Claddagh Ring" Looks Strangely Familiar  (consumerist.com) (151)
(Some Guy) Silly "It's going to feel great signing my name Buzz Lightyear and introducing myself to people at parties"  (digitalspy.com) (45)
(Life.com) Sad Remember when Benetton used a harrowing photograph of young Ohio man dying of AIDS in an ad campaign to sell their crappy t-shirts, and people everywhere freaked out about it? Yeah, well, brace yourself  (life.com) (152)
(TBO) Spiffy Tonight, the Academy honors Gloria Stuart, the old lady from Titanic who recently turned 100. With a "You definitely would've hit it back in the day" pic  (www2.tbo.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Fail Bicycle thief steals iPhone from woman who was demoing real time GPS tracking software  (intomobile.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Fail Don't celebrate your 23rd birthday by getting drunk and then trying to slap a moving train  (postandcourier.com) (42)
(wtsp.com) Florida Nine of the 10 women picked up in a Clearwater prostitution sting are likely the nastiest women you will ever see  (wtsp.com) (108)
(AFP) Obvious North Korea condemns the United States. This headline should really be made into a macro  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Guardian.com) Interesting "Twilight" has done to feminism what M. Night Shyamalan has done to the prospect of "The Last Airbender" sequels  (guardian.co.uk) (345)
(WMUR) Fail You're an 18 year-old homeless burglar who gets busted by the homeowner, QUICK - you say A) Which way to your daughter's bedroom? B) I'm practicing to be homeful; C) I'm an off-duty state trooper. (With unconvincing photo.)  (wmur.com) (29)
(Fox News) Cool ♫Working at the Cow Wash ♪ Working at the Cow Wash yeah...♫  (foxnews.com) (16)
(Edmonton Journal) Obvious Doctor Romero discovers a problem with the Body Mass Index  (edmontonjournal.com) (78)
(CNN) Interesting British archaeologists studying Stonehenge discover a second "Woodhenge." Strawhenge, porcine building crew, and large antagonistic lupines still a mystery  (cnn.com) (72)
(Canada.com) Amusing Careless beaver blamed for highway flooding. Period  (canada.com) (38)
(FARK) FarkParty Boston Fark Party this Saturday at 8 PM - Come for the beer, stay for the alts  (fark.com) (143)
(Washington Post) Scary Come on Firecane  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(Thunder Bay Chronicle-Journal) Fail Not News: Man asks woman to wed. News: While he's in different country. Fark: He does it by postcard, she's with him when he sends it, and he gets the address wrong  (chroniclejournal.com) (40)
(SoonerPoll.com) Obvious Most Oklahomans think Miss Oklahoma lost the pageant because of her immigration answer  (soonerpoll.com) (163)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Weird Not every story has Mexican hit men hired by Wal-Mart, the Samoan mafia, an exotic dancer from Guam, her love child and a fearful farm family from Granite Falls, but this one does  (startribune.com) (59)
(Philly) Sad Neighbors join together clean the riff-raff out of a park and beautify it with new flowers and trees. So of course some knucklehead decides to use the park for training his pit bulls to fight  (philly.com) (98)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this girder guy  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (30)
(AL.com) Ironic Church roof collapses for no discernable reason at all. WHERE IS YOUR STRUCTURAL ENGINEER NOW  (blog.al.com) (221)
(UPI) Dumbass Man shoots wife with toilet paper -- that's just how he rolls  (upi.com) (67)
(NPR) Amusing Baseball player's arm to be reattached after spending three years in Iowa  (npr.org) (29)
(Boston Globe) Scary One 50 pound jellyfish the size of a trash can cover stings 150 people in New Hampshire. In other news, get ready for the next SyFy original movie: OctoJellypus  (boston.com) (120)
(Scientific American) Obvious Thailand to use imported wasps to kill non-native insects that threaten crops. To be followed by snakes that eat the wasps, gorillas that eat the snakes, winter  (scientificamerican.com) (64)
(UPI) Scary Painters at greater risk of bladder cancer. That's gotta piss 'em off  (upi.com) (50)
(The New York Times) Obvious Headline today: Oil companies pony up $1 billion to develop spill rapid response systems. Future Headline: Oil companies send Coast Guard a couple hastily cobbled-together PowerPoint decks, 50 bags of sawdust, say it's the best they can do  (nytimes.com) (51)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: When pixels attack  (fark.com) (27)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 272: "These Foolish Games" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (129)

Wed July 21, 2010
(Daily Mail) Asinine Couple so upset when their £1.6m dream home in the country with tennis court, pool and hot tub is blighted by their neighbors building a road overlooking the property they do the obvious: sue the previous owners  (dailymail.co.uk) (188)
(BBC) Dumbass British Prime Minister demonstrates that his knowledge of history is the same as the average American's knowledge of geography  (bbc.co.uk) (180)
(Daily Mail) Sad Boy fascinated with fish drowns in garden pond. Act of Cod suspected  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (101)
(Boston Globe) Scary Turns out there's another oil spill going on, this time in China, and there are some astonishing pictures of a rescue attempt to save a man drowning in oil  (boston.com) (186)
(Fox 5 Las Vegas) Fail Give me all your money....with sprinkles  (fox5vegas.com) (49)
(AOL News) Followup Grand Theft Amish (now with mugshot goodness)  (aolnews.com) (101)
(Huffington Post) Scary Bed bugs becoming a national epidemic on account of your mom's cross country summer trip  (huffingtonpost.com) (131)
(Some Guy) Sappy Cutest pictures you'll see today of a polar bear eating watermelon  (buzzfeed.com) (88)
(14wfie.com) Sick Fark Mother of the Year contender arrested for just trying to get away without her lousy kids for once  (14wfie.com) (148)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting The Gulf of Mexico will probably bounce back a lot quicker than people think  (reason.com) (136)
(Business Insider) Followup Forget global warming, looks like big definitely not-gay Al is more into global stiffies: "He pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, 'Take care of THIS.'"  (businessinsider.com) (182)
(Some Guy) Cool Axe Cop and Dr. McNinja team-up. If that made any sense to you, congratulations, you officially spend way too much time on the internet  (comicsalliance.com) (75)
(SacBee) Spiffy A transient, a six-pack, a shuttered saloon and a dream  (m.sacbee.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Amusing New lawsuit alleges drugs, sex and homophobia (but no lupus) on the set of HOUSE  (movieline.com) (111)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this delay of game  (online.wsj.com) (43)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Caption Caption this intense gaming moment  (stmedia.startribune.com) (111)
(MSNBC) Interesting Career Justice Department prosecutor will file no charges in the Bush administration's firing of U.S. attorneys  (msnbc.msn.com) (181)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Palestinian man gets 18 months in jail for trying to pass his meat off as kosher  (nydailynews.com) (427)
(Des Moines Register) Scary Is there anything cuter than when a family finds an abandoned baby skunk and they take it home and feed it and love it and raise it and then it turns out it has rabies and the entire family and the pet dog were exposed to it?  (desmoinesregister.com) (72)
(Some Bear) Sad Bear gets head trapped in jar, no longer has any use for pic-a-nic baskets  (news.guelphmercury.com) (97)
(Popular Mechanics) Obvious Taking photos in a public place is perfectly legal, so tell that cop or minimum-wage security guard to go hassle those skaters over at the park instead  (popularmechanics.com) (201)
(AJC) Stupid Parents of snowflake that strained his shoulder playing tee ball want the school to ban the game all together. Fark: The kid is 14 years old  (ajc.com) (306)
(ABC News) Scary Think twice before you take your girl to that romantic comedy she wants to see, as it may destroy your relationship  (abcnews.go.com) (234)
(ABC News) Strange "It's safe for humans ... I've tried it myself," adding, perhaps diplomatically, that doggie ice-cream tasted "different"  (abcnews.go.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Followup High School that cancelled lesbian teen's prom just paid for her college  (news.yahoo.com) (400)
(Canoe) Obvious Airport border guards deny woman's strip search allegations. Includes you'd ask for a strip search too pic  (cnews.canoe.ca) (84)
(wtsp.com) Florida Teen love triangle murder trial delayed so one of the chicks can put makeup on  (wtsp.com) (49)
(The New York Times) Cool New York City "overcome by heat and inertia," just like your mom  (nytimes.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Scary 40ft whale jumps and lands on 30ft yacht. You bet there's pictures  (dailymail.co.uk) (152)
(northjersey) PSA Tighty-whities not "quite the treasures of Tutankhamun"  (northjersey.com) (17)
(Canada.com) Strange Australia bans gay zombie porn  (canada.com) (95)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Hollywood teamsters may go on strike. Producers will know it's happening when the napping fat guy is covered by a strike sign  (hollywoodreporter.com) (41)
(Google) Interesting Clinton announces new US sanctions against North Korea, fails to realize the caloric content of strongly worded letters can sustain 10,000 North Korean soldiers for a year  (google.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Asinine In the "They Can't Be Serious" files: Doctors tell 5-year-old cancer patient he is too fat after gaining 2 pounds from chemotherapy  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(NPR) Weird Ex-Romanian dictator Ceausescu, wife are exhumed. Re-internment with ash stakes yet to be scheduled  (npr.org) (32)
(Some Guy) Strange An Oregon man is accused of attacking ATMs with an axe, asking if they read Sutter Cane  (kptv.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Weird Bank Robber "wearing a motorcycle half way on his head" - "fired a round of shots into the ceiling," and that's as far as subby got before his head asploded  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (34)
(CSMonitor) Obvious Race card so overplayed that it no longer has much of an effect  (csmonitor.com) (337)
(USA Today) Obvious Brett Farve knows Farve can't Farving make Farve understand what the Farve Farve is Farving about  (content.usatoday.com) (47)
(Herald-Leader) Cool "People are amazed that with something as simple and inexpensive as a Sharpie, you can decorate a whole basement" Yes it's a repeat I just like making this old article top the popular links section on my hometown newspaper -Drew  (kentucky.com) (86)
(Yahoo) Followup Billionaire pedophile goes free, after misunderstanding the "cars for kids" charity campaign  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(USA Today) Cool Oakland is one step away from permitting large-scale pot farms, which may go a long way toward helping their riot problems  (usatoday.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Interesting Having your wedding the same day and same place as Chelsea's? Sucks to be you  (shine.yahoo.com) (117)
(WMTW.com) Amusing What's black and white and stuck in a lobster trap?  (wmtw.com) (75)
(620wtmj.com) Cool The guy who said "The post-game show is brought to you by...Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it." returns to the real broadcast booth  (620wtmj.com) (55)
(Yahoo) Dumbass GOP now says it didn't mean all that stuff about unemployment benefits making people lazy bums, they were just worried about paying for it by adding to the deficit-you know like they did the other two times during the Bush years  (news.yahoo.com) (356)
(Canada.com) Obvious Chinese object to sculpture since it seems to imply that violence against Tibetan nuns is somehow wrong  (canada.com) (38)
(Jacksonville.com) Spiffy Happy birthday, Ernest Hemingway, whose writing style would never have allowed for a headline short enough for a Fark greenlight  (jacksonville.com) (126)
(Some proselytute) Interesting India expels 3 for 'Illegaly proselytizing' and converting 3 Muslims. Is it legal to convert them back?  (theguardian.pe.ca) (70)
(Psychology Today) Interesting What can monkeys, porn, and celebrities teach us about autism?  (psychologytoday.com) (67)
(Stuff) Weird "Our pies are healthy. I've lived on them for seven and a half years," says weird naked pie man who refuses to accept low food grading. Includes picture of perfect health  (stuff.co.nz) (68)
(STLToday) Interesting Blind KC couple get newborn back after 57 days; at least, that is what they told them  (stltoday.com) (58)
(Some Bullet Dodging Guy) Scary Fortunately for police, the Oakland sniper appears to be a bad shot  (nbcbayarea.com) (51)
(The Argus) Weird Police hunting a flasher who's been hanging poster-sized photos of his junk around a sleepy Sussex town. "If this is a self-portrait, the artist won't be in a hurry to be identified"  (theargus.co.uk) (28)
(Albany Times Union) Stupid Shoot someone invading your home? You're free to go. Tackle them and hold them until the police come? Thats an arresting  (timesunion.com) (95)
(Yahoo) Scary CA police say the heavily armed man they captured over the weekend after 12-minute gunbattle had been planning an attack on ACLU headquarters because of his dislike of their leftist bent. Unclear at this time what his Fark handle is  (news.yahoo.com) (147)
(Toronto Sun) Silly Man jailed for assaulting ex with poutine - guess where this story hails from  (torontosun.com) (44)
(BBC) Silly Obama is known for giving crappy gifts to British officials, so David Cameron returns the favor  (bbc.co.uk) (58)
(Stuff) Strange British drinks company announces new Lady Gaga flavored tea. Early taste testers apparently calling it "a bit too salty"  (stuff.co.nz) (60)
(Some Guy) Fail Why the media portrays protesters as misguided, violent thugs: Because that's what they are  (mightygodking.com) (111)
(CNN) Survey CNN is running a story about the 'death of the (music) CD"... when is the last time you actually bought one? (LGT story)  (cnn.com) (500)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Senate voting today to extend unemployment benefits. Democrats say the unemployment benefits are necessary for those currently out of work and those who will lose their jobs--like Democrats in November  (online.wsj.com) (329)
(Contact Music) Unlikely Def Leppard to take a year off, presumably to take up juggling  (contactmusic.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Strange "They broke in, shat on the floor, painted and destroyed my home an belongings, as well they microwaved my Gecko." "those cute things on the commercials?" "I think you're missing the point, your honour"  (leaderpost.com) (80)
(Slate) Obvious It turns out that kids who are "bullied" into suicide may not be innocent, beautiful, lovely children who have never done anything wrong to anyone ever  (slate.com) (694)
(NYPost) Amusing Republican lawmakers warned to stay away from flirtatious female lobbyists. But male lobbyists are still fair game, amirite?  (nypost.com) (55)
(My Fox DC) Obvious Q: How can you tell a city is facing a budget crisis? A: Click left  (myfoxdc.com) (72)
(CNN) Amusing History of a relationship so special it rides the short bus. Finally, the destructive power of Rick Astley is acknowledged  (cnn.com) (29)
(South Africa) Photoshop Photoshop this barber shop  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(BBC) Fail Problem: Budget cutbacks leave too few guards to man prison gun towers. Solution: put a guard hat on a soccer ball and stick in the tower, the prisoners will never know the difference  (bbc.co.uk) (60)
(Some Guy) Hero 70 year old beats intruder with cane. Claims, "They're just lucky I didn't have a gun." Fark needs a "hardcore" tag  (fox59.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Scary Dam explodes in Tempe, Arizona. Please take all the dam pictures you want, but the dam guide has cancelled the dam tour. Any dam question?  (ktar.com) (151)
(CBS 4 Denver) Weird Not news: Man sues over hearing loss. News: Caused by rodent removal. Fark: Rodent removal using explosives  (cbs4denver.com) (37)
(MSNBC) Weird A Memphis embalmer is auctioning autopsy instruments used on Elvis Presley. Included are forceps, rubber gloves, piano and stool sample  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(AZCentral) Amusing Rarely does an entire town want you off of their lawn. This is one of those times  (azcentral.com) (188)
(Washington Post) Ironic Doesn't it just make your day when an IRS agent pleads guilty for owing back taxes  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (33)
(Fox News) Obvious The fat lady has sung for man accused of killing opera singers  (foxnews.com) (28)
(AccessAtlanta) Amusing Fart jokes the freshest angle at getting young boys to read. Smells like...victory  (accessatlanta.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this foliage  (words4it.com) (16)
(CBS 4 Denver) Scary 30 hurt, now in purgatory side-flash as plane en route to Los Angeles is forced to land in Denver after major turbulence  (cbs4denver.com) (118)

Tue July 20, 2010
(Huffington Post) Scary "Hillary Clinton's New Hairstyle: 'Do Or Don't?" How bad can it be? *click* SWEET ERUCTATING CTHULHU ON A PIMPED-OUT POGO STICK  (huffingtonpost.com) (351)
(SLTrib) Sad 'Dude, really, I'm not a prostitute'  (sltrib.com) (154)
(Time) Obvious Forcing teen pot smokers to go to rehab may cure them. Or it could make things ten times worse once they're exposed to other teens who have real drug problems  (time.com) (172)
(Yahoo) Sad Dead penguins washing ashore on Brazil's beaches. Well, at least they have on proper funeral attire  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Denver Post) Amusing It's hard to take a shooter seriously when he's wearing a t-shirt with a giraffe on it in his mugshot  (denverpost.com) (46)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these soccer playing Shaolin students  (spiegel.de) (33)
(WOODtv.com) Weird No longer satisfied with circling above and waiting, vultures now actively targeting motorcyclists  (woodtv.com) (66)
(Yahoo) Obvious China denies that it has surpassed the United States as the world's top energy consumer, claiming that the data is tainted. Presumably with lead, chromium, melamine, sulfur, etc  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(Some Guy) Obvious Ric Romero asks, "would you pay $33,000 for a mattress?"  (abclocal.go.com) (154)
(Daily Mail) Scary German Nazis are still killing citizens to this day with secret poison gas factories  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(The Consumerist) PSA Do not ask your flight attendant if they will be serving a meal, otherwise two armed police officers will escort you off the plane  (consumerist.com) (131)
(Yahoo) Scary If you'll direct your attention to the forward part of the cabin, my associate will demonstrate our flight safety procedures while I steal your wallets and purses  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing You know you're doing something wrong when the best looking picture of you for the last 5 years is your mug shot  (thesmokinggun.com) (103)
(Kansas City) Dumbass To cope with your depression, do you: A) Drink? B) Do drugs? C) Call up the local federal courthouse and make fake bomb threats?  (kansascity.com) (106)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Sick I don't know what the hell an Aaron Biber is, but it plead guilty to having sex with a 15 year old boy dressed like Hitler  (startribune.com) (205)
(My San Antonio) Strange Guy shoots another man at a party for mocking his bottle of Nuvo vodka. "The bottle looked like a lipstick cap, indicating that he is or was a homosexual, which made him upset"  (mysanantonio.com) (224)
(Telegraph) Interesting A third of men are scared to be in the car when their wives are driving, and two thirds of men fill in surveys with their wives next to them  (telegraph.co.uk) (279)
(WCBS 880) Interesting Finally, something for those guys who say they read Playboy for the articles: a chance to prove it  (wcbs880.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Fail Unless your name is Wile E. Coyote, don't put four gallons of methanol in a 55-gallon barrel, ignite it, and expect to ride it across a parking lot like a rocket  (hutchnews.com) (106)
(Fox News) Interesting Just what kind of a clone did you expect for forty dollars anyway?  (foxnews.com) (30)
(KIDK) Asinine Having Solved ALL other crime - Rexburg Police stop "epic water fight"  (kidk.com) (67)
(Washington Post) Sick BP shot a load of toxic chemicals into the Deepwater Horizon well to get around waste disposal laws, but it's not something they've ever done before. No, really  (washingtonpost.com) (93)
(Bloomberg) Cool Bill Clinton to return to DMZ to show unity with South Korea, look for more hot news chicks who need rescuing  (bloomberg.com) (24)
(Yahoo) Interesting New British PM will visit the US to discuss BP, the release of the Lockerbie bomber, and the British insistence that baked beans over toast is a valid breakfast dish  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(Telegraph) Interesting Usama bin Laden's son lets us know that he's single now and wants to marry Drew Barrymore. This John Hinckley bit would have been better news during the Bush years  (telegraph.co.uk) (49)
(BBC) Cool Hamid Karzai wants Afghanistan to control its own security by 2014, which means American forces should be out by 2020 and won't have to go back again for 3, maybe 4 years  (bbc.co.uk) (12)
(Fox News) Strange Reporter: "Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor Did you gang rape a girl in 1948?" Mayor: "Welcome to Fisticuffs, population: you and me"  (foxnews.com) (63)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup Baltimore police say they can't focus on more than one crime at a time. Baltimore citizens claim it's not even that many  (baltimoresun.com) (31)
(KCRG) Dumbass Man caught, on security camera, Trying to steal security camera. You're doing it wrong  (kcrg.com) (21)
(CNN) Sad South America experiencing worst Global Warming since Children's Blizzard of 1888  (cnn.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest picture you will see all day. Bonus, the dumbest person you will see this hour (not including trips to the bathroom or other places with mirrors)  (greeksky.gr) (67)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Rule one when pretending to have cerebral palsy to fraudulently claim benefits: Don't enter any table tennis contests  (thelocal.se) (33)
(ABC News) Obvious It looks like the ideology of "political correctness" is now giving way to "frequent asskickings"  (abcnews.go.com) (448)
(News.com.au) Strange The good news is that the 3 year old wasn't able to injure anyone else one the plane  (news.com.au) (82)
(Boston Globe) Strange Trying to get ahead of traffic by blocking the street with a truck full of body parts? If it's towed, it'll cost you an arm and a leg to get it back, so hopefully you're keeping an eye and an ear out for the cops  (boston.com) (19)
(BBC) Fail UK to "simplify" tax law. Line 1: "How much do you make?" Line 2: "Send it to us"  (bbc.co.uk) (50)
(Heywood Jablomie) Silly Apple finds woman's name inappropriate and won't schedule iPhone service appointment. Hugh Jorgan unavailable for comment  (news4jax.com) (221)
(NYPost) Amusing It's not good for M. Night Shyamalan when audiences starting mocking his movie trailers. "The screen showed, 'From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan.' Then everyone erupted in laughter."  (nypost.com) (352)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Heat and humidity got you down? Head on over to Sears, where it's Christmastime already  (consumerist.com) (88)
(WSBT.com) Caturday Slow news day: Stray cat seen in empty lot. Cat is a mixed breed. No one has been harmed by the cat. With video of said cat  (wsbt.com) (84)
(indystar.com) Scary Don't worry Sir, your construction materials have arrived, so we're going to start building your house. Your house of giant SPIDERS  (content.usatoday.net) (56)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Someone hates Arizona: "Drug corridor of the world," "Our nation's kidnapping capital," with "bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded." And that's just the governor  (thedailybeast.com) (158)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Tensions are high as recent revelations suggest Iran has been sharing their most powerful military technology with BP   (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (30)
(Cracked) Interesting 5 world changing decisions made for ridiculous reasons  (cracked.com) (59)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Elderly man asks the A/C repairman if the punk was feeling lucky  (mcall.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Those wacky British road painters strike again. This time instead of painting around the obstruction, they hoist a woman's car up to paint the lines underneath it, then give her a parking ticket  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Wired) Cool On this day, 41 years ago, some dude walked on the moon. Yea, sure  (wired.com) (225)
(AFP) Asinine Parachuting donkey shocks Russian beachgoers  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Stupid In a move that shows pure class, NBC won't televise Conan's Emmy nomination category  (wireupdate.com) (123)
(My Fox DC) Asinine US citizen, who had never been in trouble with the law or even left the country, put on No-Fly list and forced to live in a sleaze-ball Cairo hotel for 2 months on his way home. FARK: And now the Govt is making him pay the hotel bill  (myfoxdc.com) (192)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing To get around anti-discrimantion laws, bars are dropping ladies' nights and replacing them with "Shaved Legs" night and "High Heel" night  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (138)
(11 Alive) Obvious When states don't require party registration, it's pretty easy to mess with candidates  (11alive.com) (105)
(Yahoo) Obvious Defenders of AZ's immigration law point to Rhode Island's tough laws as a model but there are key difference between the two, such as the fact that RI's law wasn't introduced by a white supremacist  (news.yahoo.com) (190)
(Breitbart.com) Silly It's official: Allah won't smite Muslims who drink weasel poo coffee  (breitbart.com) (53)
(The Union Leader) PSA When deciding to lead a life of crime, it's probably better to NOT have hair that sticks out --- literally  (unionleader.com) (27)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Amusing Beer cooler credited with saving two men from drowning in the Chesapeake Bay, proof that drinking while fishing is a must  (abc2news.com) (23)
(Taunton Gazette) Dumbass Wait, wait, stop me if you have heard this one: what do you get when you cross a strip club, a dwarf porn star, a laser sight, and a cop on duty playing hooky?  (tauntongazette.com) (111)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this man and machine  (spiegel.de) (35)
(Telegraph) Amusing British couple on holiday embarrassed after very nearly living the dream  (telegraph.co.uk) (53)
(WYFF4.com) Amusing Woman shoplifts McDonald's hamburger by shoving it down the front of her pants, creating the new Big-n-Nasty sandwich. Bonus: Deputies tipped off by "large grease stain on front of her pants"  (wyff4.com) (179)
(Metro) Strange Lonely Hungarian man inspired to find a girlfriend after reading Romeo and Juliet. Presumably he didn't actually make it to the end  (metro.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy) Weird Man accidentally tasered in the groin by police  (swns.com) (82)
(CBS New York) Sick Police hunting man who raped a 79-year-old woman, following trail of cobwebs leading away from the scene  (wcbstv.com) (116)
(MSNBC) Weird Mysterious bulge leads airport authorities to search man and find three pairs of titis  T-Shirt  (msnbc.msn.com) (24)
(KFAB) Dumbass Threatening to distribute that sex video of your ex is probably not a good idea if she's a minor  (kfab.com) (114)
(CTV) Fail Investigation underway for ATM robbery of $2 million, nothing unusual, just ... wait, HOW much??  (winnipeg.ctv.ca) (62)
(The Sun) Unlikely Dude, it's a "miracle" and never stop telling yourself that  (thesun.co.uk) (235)
(Some Guy) Silly Hottest new hairstyles for 2010: Mohawks and Kid 'N' Play'shiatop fade. Get ready for lots of flannel and dirty mop hair in about 3 years  (thegrio.com) (87)
(CBS News) Followup Remember that EMT on break that couldn't be bothered to help a dying woman? Karma is a biatch  (cbsnews.com) (239)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Pistil wielding man robs bank  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (28)
(MSNBC) Ironic Rampaging elephant possessed by human spirits killed for residents' safety and meat distributed for consumption. There's a lesson there for all of us  (msnbc.msn.com) (26)
(BBC) Asinine Soldiers now suffering from 'no traumatic stress disorder'  (bbc.co.uk) (93)
(Ohio.com) Weird "People don't know about it too much. But there's like a lot of women who are like 135 pounds and secretly want to be 400 pounds. But I'm a little extreme" says 600 lb woman shooting for 1k  (ohio.com) (264)
(UPI) Amusing Sailing man strip off trunks to wave for help. Rescuers arrive soon after they spot his dinghy  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (13)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Behavioral therapy for Tourette syndrome redirects tics and outbursts into milder forms. Cootie queen lint licker  (online.wsj.com) (55)
(10tv.com) Asinine Getting caught running a red light in Columbus, Ohio - $95. Proving in court that you didn't run that red light - pricele...wait, that's also $95  (10tv.com) (118)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this cabinet carrier  (online.wsj.com) (34)
(The Union Leader) Interesting Bare bosoms, yes; breast painting and booze, no  (unionleader.com) (204)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Obvious Police quiz men over train station attack. Victim is to Hospital as Criminal is to _____________?  (theage.com.au) (28)
(El Paso Times) Spiffy It's raining pot, hallelujah  (elpasotimes.com) (102)

Mon July 19, 2010
(Independent) Scary Good: rum and Coke™. Fatal: rum and coke(C₁₇H₂₁NO₄)  (independent.co.uk) (98)
(NJ.com) Sad Two skydivers, with a combined age of 145, die after mid-air collision  (nj.com) (69)
(CBS Sacramento) Sad Computer engineer killed after getting lost in Oakland while heading to interview at Google. If only some company had a mapping service that could have steered him in the right direction  (cbs13.com) (228)
(CBS News) Unlikely "Nobody wants to see the McDonald's-ization of cannabis," says a guy who clearly hasn't thought through the obvious synergies between McDonald's and weed  T-Shirt  (cbsnews.com) (217)
(The Consumerist) Sad Johnny Rockets won't allowed breastfeeding moms' Rockets in their restaurant  (consumerist.com) (447)
(Yahoo) Interesting Who does Clinton want to do before he dies? I mean, what -- WHAT does Clinton want to do before he dies?  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(Yahoo) Obvious What happens when the rich stop spending. Well, the poor sure aren't going to get us out of this one  (finance.yahoo.com) (222)
(Washington Post) Asinine Sad, but not news: woman leaves dog in car on 104 degree day; dog dies. Fark: woman was in Costco buying dog food at the time. Ultrafark: she went right back in and returned the food  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (267)
(Life.com) Spiffy Organizers of the 22nd annual Miss Asia USA beauty pageant are rightly ecstatic over the quality of the contestants, but a bit peeved that it's taken 22 years for anyone to notice  (life.com) (162)
(Boston Channel) Cool State bans 'de-barking' surgery after discovering how hard it is to teach dogs sign language  (thebostonchannel.com) (157)
(CBC) Interesting In ten years, China has gone from requiring half the total energy consumption of the United States to surpassing it by almost five percent  (cbc.ca) (145)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this angry matador  (inapcache.boston.com) (46)
(Fox News) PSA Good news for anyone caught taking a wiz behind a bar in Atlanta. You are now allowed to have a home, go to church and keep your TF password to yourself  (foxnews.com) (73)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Scary Deputies first determined the house was "clear", but later modified "clear" to "there's a live grenade inside and the floor has been doused with gasoline"  (rgj.com) (12)
(AP) Sappy Plastic Duck season. Plastic Rabbit season. Plastic Duck Season  (hosted.ap.org) (28)
(10 News) Scary Man stabbed in back with steak knife, gets A1 treatment at hospital  (10news.com) (36)
(AZCentral) Interesting If you live in Phoenix, the good news is it probably won't get any hotter than 100 degrees this week. The bad news is, it probably won't get any colder than 95 degrees this week  (azcentral.com) (97)
(Cracked) Cool British Medical Journal: "Participants who had 30 drinks per week performed better on logic and mathematical reasoning tests." Who knew you could benefit so much from only eight or nine drinks a day?  (cracked.com) (79)
(newsnet5) Sick An Ohio man pleads guilty to showing kids at a lemonade stand his lemonade stand. Hopefully he didn't go around the back where fudge is made  (newsnet5.com) (35)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass If you still believe that debt collectors are a group of honest, reputable people just trying to earn a living, try talking to one. Tag is for the debt collector who keeps calling subby over his neighbor's debt  (consumerist.com) (438)
(Oregon Live) Sad Man killed in a cannon blast at his home. This is not a repeat from 1812  (oregonlive.com) (42)
(Mediaite) Followup "Us" magazine paid Levi, Bristol $100k for wedding story. This is why we can never have nice things, America  (mediaite.com) (76)
(Denver Post) Followup Criticize the ACLU all you want, but they're the only ones making sure we still have a right to petition a redress of grievances in our underwear  (denverpost.com) (39)
(ABC News) Scary Summer Panic-a-thon continues: Your athletic snowflake's brain is melting inside his helmet  (abcnews.go.com) (123)
(ABC News) Obvious There's one place the stimulus money is working and creating jobs; the companies that make roadsigns proclaiming "The stimulus money is working and creating jobs"  (abcnews.go.com) (249)
(Some Avatar) Spiffy Second Lifers once again take a break from flying dayglo penises and pixelsex to raise over $200000 for cancer research  (main.acsevents.org) (66)
(Huffington Post) Fail Pete Sessions (R-TX): "We need to balance the budget and live within our means." Reporter: "How?" Sessions: "Uh....We need to balance the budget and live within our means." Reporter: Facepalm  (huffingtonpost.com) (399)
(CNN) Obvious Got a FICO score below 500? No FHA loan for you. In other news, the FHA was insuring mortgages to those with a FICO score below 500  (money.cnn.com) (116)
(970 WFLA) Florida Jewelry thieves prove to be simultaneously brilliant, moronic (with photo of the moronic part)  (970wfla.com) (42)
(The New York Times) Interesting Online news sites like Politico may be sweat shops. Meanwhile, your place of work is a lush, verdant Eden, but nobody knows that because you don't have reporters working there to tell anyone  (nytimes.com) (26)
(ArabNews) Interesting Saudi family discovers Filipina maid has something they didn't know about  (arabnews.com) (103)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Not News: Candidate makes first campaign speech. FARK: After he wins the primary election  (myfoxdc.com) (57)
(Fox News) Cool Great news in the Mel Gibson saga. The whole dysfunctional lot of them could all be headed off to jail  (foxnews.com) (205)
(Gawker) Silly Best Korea exulting in sinking of Worst Korean warship it didn't attack  (gawker.com) (76)
(NBC Action News) Amusing Nobody finds it funny when drugged man opens fire on invisible clowns  (nbcactionnews.com) (48)
(Guardian.com) Followup Posession of deceased author's manuscripts takes a Kafkaesque turn  (guardian.co.uk) (39)
(Daily Herald) Scary Entire high school drops acid  (dailyherald.com) (59)
(Wonkette) Dumbass Sarah Palin proudly confuses her illiteracy with literary genius  (wonkette.com) (442)
(CNN) Interesting Ugly-assed reclusive Sri Lankan Slender Loris photographed for the first time. Ugly-assed pic illustrates why it's been in hiding all this time  (cnn.com) (29)
(Yahoo) PSA Are you a finicky eater? Congratulations, you have autism  (news.yahoo.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Interesting "No officer, this isn't a bomb... I'm trying to quit extremism, and this is the patch"  (theguardian.pe.ca) (20)
(9 News) Stupid Ted Haggard says everyone should have a second chance to give him more money  (9news.com) (56)
(NYPost) Interesting Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel is joining the cast of 'Celebrity Rehab.' No, she's not addicted to having affairs with famous people and then cashing in on it by selling her story to the tabloids  (nypost.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Obvious Glenn Beck may or may not have started going blind in 1990, which might have something to do with what happened to that girl  (politicsdaily.com) (216)
(The New York Times) Obvious The media trolls Democrats because they fall for it every time  (nytimes.com) (290)
(Rasmussen Reports) Interesting On the US embargo of Cuba, 36 percent of Americans say lift it, 35 percent say keep it, and the remainder say "Cuban embargo? Is that the hot sandwich?"  (rasmussenreports.com) (255)
(Some Guy) Scary When are stretchers capable of carrying a 650-pound person not enough? When you're a Columbus fire fighter and have to carry fatties that weigh more than that twice a month. Fat  (clevescene.com) (408)
(wtsp.com) Florida What do 82 junk vehicles, debris, and one pig have in common?  (wtsp.com) (45)
(PJ Star) Strange Hi hny m shot n leg can u hlp dnt knw whr i m kthxbye  (pjstar.com) (37)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this gigantic robot  (flickr.com) (37)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Former Chicago police Superintendent on the death of a uniformed officer killed during a carjacking attempt: "I think what you're seeing is that the gangbangers have lost their fear of the police, and that's not a good thing"  (chicagotribune.com) (473)
(IndiaVision News) Interesting Women are most attractive at 31  (indiavision.com) (878)
(My Fox DC) Strange Cops: Would you like us to cut your grass? Douchebag: Uh, no thanks. Cops: Well, how about we come in and serve this warrant, then? Douchebag: Uh, no thanks. Cops: Okay, well we'll just be in the other room beating up your 65-year old mother  (myfoxdc.com) (118)
(Some Hunter) Weird Armed deer in Pennsylvania gets even with biker that hit him  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (96)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious The Mounties will always get their man. If they aren't busy jerking off in a cruiser, surfing for porn at their desk or driving drunk, that is  (torontosun.com) (46)
(CBC) Scary The phrase "killer beavers" could mean one of two things, both of which would make a great low budget film  (cbc.ca) (38)
(MSNBC) Sad Moody's downgrades Irish government debt from Guinness to Coors Light  (msnbc.msn.com) (71)
(ABC News) Unlikely Companies announce that they plan to hire some people at some point, maybe, possibly. Seriously, they mean it this time  (abcnews.go.com) (82)
(BBC) Scary 38 workers killed in three Chinese mine accidents. Oh the Hunanity  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(CBC) Hero While his father, brother and uncle died around him, he collected water and sap from the nearby pine needles to keep the one remaining survivor alive  (cbc.ca) (61)
(Gizmodo) Spiffy Because drinking wine from a glass is way classier than drinking from a bottle  (gizmodo.com) (79)
(The Consumerist) Spiffy Now that Amazon.com is fifteen years old, it's time to take a trip down the memory lane that is e-commerce  (consumerist.com) (130)
(Some Guy) Sick "I can't imagine life without Monster Munch"  (indiavision.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Interesting The artist was given a dose of LSD 25 and free access to an activity box full of crayons and pencils. His subject is the medico that jabbed him. Here are the drawings done at incremental times after the first dose  (twainmarcco.blogspot.com) (199)
(calgaryherald.com) Interesting The British army is now using horse manure to provide power to their artillery barracks. It's all part of their new "don't ask, don't smell" policy  (calgaryherald.com) (16)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop something for these soccer stars to stare at  (cache.boston.com) (27)
(SacBee) Sad Man falls from mast of 19th century ship, hits head, dies. Rigger, please  T-Shirt  (sacbee.com) (69)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Not News: Council Members attend "Fact Finding" visit to strip club. News: All 13 of them. Fark: Council Chairman is called Jim Flashman  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Chicago Tribune) Spiffy Ohio decides to build the Great Wall of Chia  (chicagotribune.com) (57)

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