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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun September 05, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this crawly sea creature  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (37)
(CNN)   80 percent of Americans say that the economy is in poor shape. The other 20 percent are drunk  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (194)
(First Coast News)   If someone known only as 'Ricky' offers you $20 to spray deer urine inside of a bar, it's time to find a new circle of friends  (firstcoastnews.com) (51)
(ABC News)   Hungry bears will probably eat you tomorrow  (abcnews.go.com) (45)
(AJC)   Having solved all of its other problems, Georgia town bans sagging pants  (ajc.com) (101)
(ABC News)   Lisa Simpson porn on your computer? Illegal. A 170-page manual detailing how to molest children? Not so much  (abcnews.go.com) (326)
(Daily Mail)   Elderly woman claims to have rescued the puppies that were thrown into a river  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(News.com.au)   Terrorists are VERY serious about egg racing  (news.com.au) (50)
(Some Guy)   The right way: "Seek out and disarm IEDs." The wrong way: "Hit IEDs." The US Army way: "Build a big-ass vehicle to seek out and hit every IED it finds"  (sanluisobispo.com) (135)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this snowy card house  (thevacationgals.com) (19)
(Boston Globe)   Risk of World War III rises three days every month  (boston.com) (127)
(News.com.au)   Before we can complete your purchase, your children will need to pass a background check and go through the seven day waiting period, then we'll complete your license application for this cap pistol  (news.com.au) (110)
(NJ.com)   Rabbit attacks man with baseball bat and hatchet over lawnmower repair dispute  (nj.com) (51)
(New York Daily News)   Aw chute. JetBlue has shown Steven Slater the non emergency exit  (nydailynews.com) (91)
(Daily Mail)   Dennis Shakespeare. One hell of a writer and actor  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(News.com.au)   Last two holes at the Dyke golf club have been plugged  (news.com.au) (24)
(Lehigh Valley Live)   SUV hits two cyclists during bike race, reaches the finish line first  (lehighvalleylive.com) (146)
(Washington Post)   Teacher to Class: "These are words you can't use in school." Principal to Teacher: "These are words you can't use in school"  (washingtonpost.com) (78)
(Google)   Danish rocket enthusiasts provide direct challenge to NASA, are able to design a suborbital rocket that can smoke on the launch pad for less than $64,000  (google.com) (64)
(Some Guy)   The most painful Zapruder-like deconstruction of a video showing a dude in the outfield bleachers getting a batting practice homer banked off his damn head you will see today  (outofbounds.nbcsports.com) (79)
(Some Guy)   Slow News Day: City councilman plays 'Mafia Wars' on Facebook. Lamest media outrage ever  (mercedsunstar.com) (36)
(News.com.au)   Child abuse is everyone's responsibility, explains expert. If you can't do it on your own, let the church help  (news.com.au) (11)
(Des Moines Register)   Waterloo t-shirt company pressured to stop selling controversial t-shirt. "Waterloo - You may recognize us from 'Cops'"  (desmoinesregister.com) (45)
(MLive.com)   Local law enforcement officials pressured a... Okay, local law enforcement...dammit, this story is incomplete because it doesn't explain why this man is growing a mustache above his eyes  (mlive.com) (37)
(MSNBC)   Guatemalan mudslides leave 28 dead, hundreds more with a hangover  (msnbc.msn.com) (12)
(News.com.au)   Japanese schools increasingly being issued cetaceans over lunch menus  (news.com.au) (117)
(Washington Post)   An "out of synch" housing market, in which sellers believe a fair price for their home is "a millionty plus one" and buyers believe is free," may be be part of our problem  (washingtonpost.com) (325)
(Patriot Ledger)   Ever got razor burn? Did you claim it as a job-related injury? Successfully?  (patriotledger.com) (26)
(News.com.au)   Scientists say stick to beans and hard cheese if you want a baby girl, gas  (news.com.au) (70)
(Telegraph)   Migratory birds decline in UK due to low African rain, which in turn has led to the severe coconut shortage  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(Yahoo)   Basque separatists announce a cease-fire, premiere their new fall line of berets  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(TwinCities.com)   See, that's your problem right there, you've got an improperly installed electrician in your airport ceiling and no permit for it, either  (twincities.com) (72)
(News.com.au)   Rugby players who survived a plane crash in the Andes and inspired the movie "Alive" have arrived in Chile to offer the trapped miners support, recipes  (news.com.au) (71)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this mechanical combobulator  (fc08.deviantart.net) (31)
(Yahoo)   Malaysia's "Lizard King" confesses to smuggling 95 live snakes to Indonesia, says snakes were long, 7 miles, rideable  (asia.news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Orange News.com)   "People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state"  (web.orange.co.uk) (77)
(The Scottish Sun)   106-year-old credits her long life to being a virgin  (thescottishsun.co.uk) (123)
(Some Guy)   Michaele Salahi, the White House Gate Crasher and "Real Housewife" to pose for Playboy. That clock must be at about 14:55  (newser.com) (130)
(AL.com)   Proving once again the bar is really low if you want to get into the Guinness Book of World Records, festival makes history by cooking the largest pot of baked beans  (blog.al.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune)   Amana-ccused of throwing air conditioner at police after Rheeming his frigid heir. Tag is for subby  T-Shirt  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (38)
(Some Guy)   Mother who lost a son in the Iraq war successfully gets military bases to ban the sales of the new 'Medal of Honor' video game. "Now I want EA to pull the game on their own because it's the right thing to do"  (insidebayarea.com) (365)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this Afghan barber  (inapcache.boston.com) (36)

Sat September 04, 2010
(Some Guy)   Maricopa County decides that Sherriff Joe's Dept of Corrections will not be prosecuted for intentionally spit-roasting a woman in a cage in the Arizona heat last year. I wonder what they baste their decision on?  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (536)
(Huffington Post)   The liberal media says we lie about having read these thirteen books  (huffingtonpost.com) (424)
(Some Guy)   Small Town Slow News Day: Man gets into argument, climbs tree, won't come down  (redding.com) (33)
(News.com.au)   Two women try to take deceased relative on plane. Their big mistake was telling airport workers that their relative was dead-tired  (news.com.au) (50)
(The Consumerist)   Ever dreamed of owning a German bordello and becoming a pimp? Well, thanks to eBay, now's your chance  (consumerist.com) (42)
(MSNBC)   Pilot crashes his plane on Cessna Street  (msnbc.msn.com) (76)
(WMAZ 13)   If you're a fugitive and you get caught after you try to trade a gun for NASCAR tickets--you might be a redneck  (13wmaz.com) (16)
(JSOnline)   News: Woman hits, kills teenager with her car. Fark: Even though she was intoxicated, being the Sheriff's cousin and a cop's wife means you don't get charged with a crime. UltraFark: They waited 2 hours before checking her BAC  (jsonline.com) (195)
(Washington Post)   Craigslist makes it *slightly* harder to get murdered, syphilis  (washingtonpost.com) (111)
(Some Guy)   The coolest picture of the largest swimming pool in the world you will see today  (yourmindblown.com) (104)
(Wall Street Journal)   "He trusts God to keep him safe, and I'm here just in case that doesn't work out" says atheist marine assigned to protect a chaplain's foxhole  (online.wsj.com) (231)
(Yahoo)   Thousands protest French crackdown on Gypsies. In other news, French President Nicolas Sarkozy is beginning to look ...thinner  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(Some Guy)   Colorado Fark party tonight at 6PM. Meetup is at Patrick Carroll's Pub in Denver. You won't be there because 1) too drunk from Buffs/Rams game, 2) it's a holiday weekend, out of town, 3) my significant other is afraid of you  (patrickcarrolls.com) (34)
(The Eagle Tribune)   City council: We won't pay for inspection of our flood wall so we don't have to fix it if it's in bad condition. FEMA: Responsibility doesn't work that way  (eagletribune.com) (27)
(Chicago Tribune)   What do prison and a coma have in common? Oddly, the answer isn't, "It's best to just lie there til it's over"  (chicagotribune.com) (22)
(News.com.au)   Car thief runs off when owner gets in beside him naked  (news.com.au) (20)
(Some Guy)   Bank bans wearing hats and sunglasses inside branches. Writing your stick up note on the back of your electric bill still acceptable  (nbc12.com) (35)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this battery charger  (spiegel.de) (16)
(Boston Globe)   Bachelorette scavenger hunts are the newest rage. Easiest items to find: tramp stamps, fake tans. Hardest items to find: virgin bridesmaids, shame  (boston.com) (42)
(Daily Mail)   British women are branded the "ugliest in the world." With fugly drunken pic goodness  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)
(USA Today)   The days of surly teenagers handing you fries or movie tickets are drawing to a close. Up next: surly adults  (usatoday.com) (109)
(The Hollywood Reporter)   The copyright lawyers behind the bittorrent lawsuits have finally got their sticky fingers into the porn industry   (thresq.hollywoodreporter.com) (69)
(USA Today)   It's not that Blackwater invented 30 shell companies to keep getting government contracts despite their criminal convictions. It's that they're just too patriotic to be limited to just one company  (usatoday.com) (58)
(Time)   Men now staring up women's skirts through the glass ceiling  (time.com) (90)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette)   Female counselor found guilty of sexually exploiting a male student may receive up to a year in jail. Critics decry her punishment as "too harsh," suggest police focus on real criminals, like men who ogle women at fundraising carwashes  (gazetteonline.com) (71)
(CNN)   How Christians spoil sex: An alternative view from a missionary's position  T-Shirt  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (233)
(The Local (Sweden))   In the future, everything will be faked for 15 minutes  (thelocal.se) (34)
(Daily Mail)   If you threw your wife off a cliff, it's probably best not to go to a singles-event on the day of the funeral  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(Albany Times Union)   The search is on for a felonious monkey and his owner, who are giant steps ahead of the authorities, fleeing thousands of miles. Whether ornette they took the trane is unknown. Then it getz weird, you can count on that  (timesunion.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Houston Fark Party: Sept. 25, 8 p.m. at the Velvet Melvin on Richmond. LGT Yelp reviews  (yelp.com) (36)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   Trucker arrested trying to smuggle $1,000,000 out of Maine. To be fair, If I had a million, I'd leave Maine too  (sunjournal.com) (113)
(Fosters.com)   Getting a letter from someone you haven't seen in eight years can be nice. But if the reason you haven't seen them is because they died, that's just creepy  (fosters.com) (28)
(HelenaIR.com)   "Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?" is an acceptable message to send to your dealer. The local sheriff, not so much  (helenair.com) (42)
(USA Today)   Nine die in New Zealand's Southern Alps after taking a crash course in skydiving  (usatoday.com) (29)
(Some Crazy Lady)   British woman, upon learning her mentally ill daughter is pregnant and her son is being deployed to Afghanistan, responds as any reasonable person would: By taking a relaxing drive to masturbate and flash truckers  (truthdive.com) (51)
(Need to Know)   Tarp: $700 billion. Fark: 12.8 Trillion. Did I say Fark? I meant to say Holy Fark  (pbs.org) (198)
(Evening Telegraph)   10-year-old girl mauled by rottweilers on bike. Police investigating how the dogs learned to ride bikes  (eveningtelegraph.co.uk) (71)
(This Is Plymouth)   Planning on pretending to be a barrister in front of a judge? Try wearing the right outfit...and knowing something about the law  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (27)
(Boston Globe)   Some water hazards are more hazardous than others  (boston.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Dimwit police recruit trying to figure out his holster thingy shoots himself in the leg. Told to keep bullet in his shirt pocket from now on  (wsbtv.com) (29)
(Some Parking Structure)   Photoshop this blue view  (jpgaday.com) (40)
(Boston Globe)   Man asks to be excused from testifying about misconduct in state probation office because he's a politician and corruption is part of his job description  (boston.com) (9)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Good Samaritan saves sinking kitty who is now recovering nicely just in time for Caturday  (tampabay.com) (729)
(CNN)   Air Force hero to get Medal of Honor 42 years after saving the lives of three brothers in arms in Laos  (cnn.com) (74)
(Washington Post)   Another revised Afghan policy: the US will tolerate "some" corruption. Just like taxpayers do with our Congress  (washingtonpost.com) (60)
(Daily Mail)   Street racers stealing canisters of nitrous oxide from ambulance storage to boost engine performance. Who's laughing now?  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Daily Mail)   "Commander Fryer, please come in, this is Enterfries. Enterfries calling commander William T. Fryer ... over"  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Abc.net.au)   Man drives wrong way for over 50 miles through five police barricades because his pet cat died and he wanted to do "something crazy"  (abc.net.au) (61)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this smile in a paddy  (online.wsj.com) (32)
(Abc.net.au)   11 year-old boy chosen from audience at an Australian zoo to be mauled by a sea lion  (abc.net.au) (70)

Fri September 03, 2010
(The Sun)   Strip Monopoly game ended just like any given game of Monopoly: in an ugly fight  (thesun.co.uk) (126)
(UPI)   U.S. Air Force considering new trainer jets with colorful streamers, an improved handlebar, a stronger kickstand, and totally radical decals  (upi.com) (113)
(Telegraph)   Police confiscate sports car, proceed to wreck it joyriding  (telegraph.co.uk) (107)
(UPI)   Indian filmmaker jailed in Houston, considers organizing a massive dance number in order to break out  (upi.com) (47)
(NYPost)   Not news: Woman finds long-estranged father. News: He checks in as a patient at the very hospital she is a nurse at. Fark: He's a terminally ill cancer patient  (nypost.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   Orange County flasher on the loose. With pic of what an awesome flasher looks like  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (61)
(SeattlePI)   Man gathering sweet corn in Michigan confronts alligator. No, this headline did not come from a Mad Libs book  (seattlepi.com) (42)
(New York Daily News)   The red-hooded puppy pitcher has been busted  (nydailynews.com) (305)
(The Smoking Gun)   Your mom has some love sent her way in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (171)
(MSNBC)   What can Brown do for you? They can crash a cargo plane in Dubai, for starters  (msnbc.msn.com) (83)
(WLSAM)   "Scientist" at the center of the Miami Airport scare was once charged with smuggling bubonic plague into the US. Is it okay to panic now?  (wlsam.com) (68)
(Edmonton Sun)   Woman dials 911 after accidentally locking her 12 week old child in the car on a hot day. Police: "We're not coming. Maybe flag a taxi?"  (edmontonsun.com) (268)
(AOL News)   Fark's weird news quiz of the week: Obtuse Terrorists edition  (aolnews.com) (22)
(Engadget)   Coolest nerf gun you will see all week  (engadget.com) (107)
(Some Church)   Photoshop these people in pews  (bigpicture.ru) (38)
(St. Petersburg Times)   The 'Balloon Boy' family moves to a place where the locals might be more accepting and understanding of them: Florida  (tampabay.com) (77)
(The Morning Call)   Truck smashes into apartment building. I guess it's a flat now  T-Shirt  (mcall.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   Three bears killed after break-in. Goldilocks wanted for questioning  (y100.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Virginia's $2.3 billion IT outsourcing contract with Northrop Grumman is going along swimmingly...no, wait, 485 servers have gone teets up and DMV computers were unusable for a week  (govtech.com) (172)
(Some Guy)   Japan produces new "rice farm" bra, which includes recyclable pots, soil, and rice seedlings for a lady's chest. Goddamn it, Japan  (newser.com) (69)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Two girls testify why the arsonist who burned their house down and left them unable to enter the sun and forced to wear plastic masks all day should go to jail. They even drew pictures of themselves with crayons. I have something in my eye now  (suntimes.com) (257)
(Some Guy)   AIDS prevention specialists are being imprisoned for.... preventing AIDS?  (eurekalert.org) (69)
(Some Guy)   Lottery winner "who cuts hair at Mike's Barber Shop" identified. He has "not been in the shop since winning the jackpot"  (sanluisobispo.com) (52)
(ABC News)   Yoko Ono still not shutting the f*ck up about being married to John Lennon  (abcnews.go.com) (203)
(Huffington Post)   Guy who survived 39-floor suicide attempt may have believed he could fly  (huffingtonpost.com) (70)
(MSNBC)   Former stripper wants nude pics back from cops. Forgot to ask about self-esteem  (msnbc.msn.com) (126)
(WESH Orlando)   Guy sues over bad head cheese. Real question should be, is there such thing as good head cheese?  (wesh.com) (60)
(Marketwatch)   7.4-magnitude earthquake shakes up any hobbits foolish enough to stick around New Zealand  (marketwatch.com) (68)
(The Morning Call)   Man slips out of handcuffs and jumps into river to escape officers. Because you're reading this, you can safely assume that the guy didn't swim to Monte Carlo and start a prosperous new life  (mcall.com) (51)
(Des Moines Register)   Organist plays Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" on a college's historic, 110-foot-high bell tower. "Last semester I played (Hanson's) 'MMMBop' - that was so much fun"  (desmoinesregister.com) (104)
(The Smoking Gun)   TSG's Friday photo fun: What job did these criminals have before they decided to pose for this contest? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (28)
(The Consumerist)   Multitasking Domino's Pizza employee makes pizzas and uses stolen debit card information to make phone sex calls simultaneously. Apparently, this is wrong  (consumerist.com) (49)
(Bloomberg)   Washington and Baltimore have the nation's worst drivers, followed closely by various cities in New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey, and New Jersey  (bloomberg.com) (267)
(Globe and Mail)   Magistrate decrees logodaedaelian hoosegow cageling may retain his thesaurus. You presented this typescript with a more frumptuous epigraph  T-Shirt  (theglobeandmail.com) (65)
(AJC)   Atlanta police and MARTA are prepared for the massive crowds this weekend. I'm looking at you Atlanta Fark partiers  (ajc.com) (90)
(Nola.com)   Sharron Angle would not have voted to give New Orleans relief funds after Hurricane Katrina because government needs to learn to live within its means  (nola.com) (187)
(Wired)   September 3, 1976: Viking 2 Lands on Mars. Leave the very next day having found nothing to rape and pillage  (wired.com) (60)
(Gizmodo)   Have you ever wondered why the carpets in Vegas are so absolutely hideous?  (gizmodo.com) (240)
(Washington Post)   Those who were unemployed during the recession are "grateful," "thankful," "happy" to have now found work. Nah, just kidding, they're whining about being too good for their jobs  (washingtonpost.com) (318)
(Washington Post)   American evangelicals have a new crisis at hand: How to sell an abstinence-only lifestyle to China  (washingtonpost.com) (86)
(Rubberband Girl)   Cleveland FARK party set for Friday, October 15th @ The Jolly Scholar. Details in thread  (wiki.case.edu) (50)
(CBC)   Bikers refuse to cancel rally despite hurricane. I told you they were hardcore  (cbc.ca) (51)
(Salon)   Obama's Chief of Staff: "F*ck the UAW" Are you sure this is "the most librul president evar?"  (salon.com) (520)
(LA Times)   Celebrity Cougars catfighting on twitter to prove who is the hottest. Bonus: by posting bikini snapshots. (VE for uh... no reason)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (97)
(CNN)   Sheen from yesterday's oil rig explosion downgraded to Estevez  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (59)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this tour vehicle  (adrants.com) (14)
(Some Guy)   If you were planning to drink or shower in the creek, you might want to rethink it. And your life choices  (thebeatmiami.com) (44)
(ProJo.com)   Just like tourists, jobs and growth industries, Hurricane Earl dodges Rhode Island  (newsblog.projo.com) (90)
(Reuters)   Japanese head to haunted houses in record numbers to escape heat wave. "Japanese naturally connect summer with being scared and feeling cool thanks to that"  (reuters.com) (64)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You've got to wonder what she thinks she'll catch after a woman puts a flash light down the back of her pants and a fishing reel down the front  (nwfdailynews.com) (54)
(WLSAM)   The average Taco Bell is cleaner than your kitchen  (wlsam.com) (163)
(ABC News)   Boobies bracelets cause quite a stir in schools. Boobies  (abcnews.go.com) (563)
(Daily Mail)   Cutest picture of orangutan babysitting lion cubs you will see ... well, maybe ever  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(Some Guy)   We're going to need a bigger boat  (nbcwashington.com) (34)
(Some Bug)   Photoshop this beetle and bloom  (animalpicture.ru) (28)
(Washington Times)   Japanese Doctors decry homeopathy as absurd and not scientifically based. Also cite lack of tentacles, used panties  (washingtontimes.com) (150)
(santa cruz sentinel)   Beer truck barrels down steep road and overturns. Huge traffic jam brewing. Police at lagerheads on how to clean up the mess  (santacruzsentinel.com) (30)
(Fox News)   Teacher suspended for spending too much time teaching about the Holocaust. You know who else spent a lot of time on the Holocaust?  (foxnews.com) (301)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Principal bans short skirts on campus. Except for the cheerleaders. "It is tradition that they wear their uniforms on game day"  (orlandosentinel.com) (204)

Thu September 02, 2010
(The Consumerist)   Couple marries inside Walmart, will be eligible for rollback prices on inevitable divorce proceedings  (consumerist.com) (69)
(News.com.au)   Armed men rob adult store, beat it before police arrive  (news.com.au) (60)
(jeffandjeremy)   Officer: "Maam where did you place the handcuffs you managed to wiggle out of?" Woman: "um i don't know... oh here they are... Right here in my personal glove box" with uncomfortable news achor video goodness  (kzoz.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   Top five reasons your sushi chef hates you  (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com) (442)
(Some Law)   Photoshop this doggy directive and shopping cart  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (19)
(Google)   New Mexico National Guard deploys 82 troops to border, that's about one soldier every 2.2 miles  (google.com) (125)
(New York Daily News)   Tapped Chilean miner sends wedding proposal to his sweetheart. Article is useless without picks  T-Shirt  (nydailynews.com) (49)
(NJ.com)   Rescue squad volunteers arrested after taking their ambulance to buy glaucoma medication  (nj.com) (27)
(USA Today)   Oil seen seeping from site of Gulf platform explosion. This is also not a repeat from April  (usatoday.com) (90)
(Some Guy)   Stephen Hawking is the devil because of his malicious distortion of the Divine Truth. With a picture of what Stephen Hawking as the devil may look like  (colombiareports.com) (396)
(Some Guy)   Things you might forget and leave behind at the beach: a watch, sunglasses, towel, fetus. Wait, what?  (clickorlando.com) (67)
(Some Gator Guy)   NJ firefighters called to put out an alligator  (northjersey.com) (14)
(CBC)   Farker's father going to become the first Canadian to command the space station. As there is no proud tag, cool will have to suffice  (cbc.ca) (303)
(Some Guy)   Nigerian prince has temporary condition as Princess, has baby, turns into Prince again, has large inheritance for you if you only send $5,000 and a nanny  (thefrisky.com) (39)
(Daily Mail)   Family rights campaigners flip upon hearing that girls aged 12 can get cervical cancer vaccine without parents' consent. Likely to die of shock when they find out 12 year old girls have sex without parents' consent too  (dailymail.co.uk) (187)
(Some Guy)   Fire tornados, erupting volcanoes and killer jellyfish. The next 3-D movie disaster? Even worse. IT'S A SLIDESHOW  (foreignpolicy.com) (12)
(National Geographic)   Evolution has been caught in the act as egg-laying lizard gives birth  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (234)
(Some Guy)   Dietary supplements: The daycare snowflake silencing sleep-inducing so you can chill out medicine  (big1059.com) (61)
(BBC)   US authorities indict eleven executives for smuggling illegal honey into the US. Oh bother  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(Kansas City)   Pregnant woman stabs lover's wife in the head eight times with a Sonic screwdriver  (kansascity.com) (88)
(Some Guy)   Ohio tourists capture irrefutable proof that there be monsters off the shore of Clearwater  (wtsp.com) (120)
(Some Concerned Guy)   There's a movement afoot on the internet to get Stephen Colbert to hold a "Restoring Truthiness" rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. This could get epic  (colbertrally.com) (410)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   See 'Miracle on the Hudson' - in Legos  (communitypress.cincinnati.com) (54)
(The Local (Sweden))   SAS searching for gay couple to join the mile high club  (thelocal.se) (82)
(Yahoo)   Chinese officials are forcing families with the last name "Shan" to change it, because it requires a character that can't be typed in standard word-processing programs. In fact, you might say, the fit has hit the Shan  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (153)
(Yahoo)   Police say gunman killed at Discovery Channel HQ yesterday was motivated by his hatred of shows like "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". So really, he wasn't all bad, then  (news.yahoo.com) (324)
(Some Guy)   Man holds intruder at bay with a grilling fork and steak knife until police arrives. Well done  (ksl.com) (41)
(Ohio.com)   Walmart book section has something to (Jim) Crow about  (ohio.com) (243)
(Fox News)   UCLA fires a 36-year veteran professor for daring to posit that second-hand smoke effects are bunk. Teaching communism and income redistribution still A-OK  (foxnews.com) (219)
(PhysOrg.com)   Marjiuana's effect as a...umm...gateway drug are like..what's that word...overblown  (physorg.com) (266)
(Pat's Papers)   Woman whose car broke fall of 39th-floor jumper annoyed that she just had oil changed  (patspapers.com) (196)
(Some Guy)   Being upset that your estranged wife is seeing a new man is understandable; flying to another country to stab her mother is not  (yorkshirepost.co.uk) (45)
(Some Kid)   Photoshop this bookworm  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (35)
(WDSU) NewsFlash Oil rig in Gulf of Mexico just south of Louisiana explodes. This is not a repeat from April  (wdsu.com) (lots)
(Wall Street Journal)   There's a new breed of patent troll out there  (online.wsj.com) (201)
(CBC)   Nose-diving hawk halts mail delivery. "The attacks got so bad that she was resorting to wearing a bicycle helmet"  (cbc.ca) (61)
(Some Guy)   Officer arrests man because he doesn't like his bagel with locks  (app.com) (92)
(Yahoo)   Showing the country is becoming more Americanized every day, Afghan government forced to bail out the country's largest bank to keep it from collapsing after it invested heavily in risky real estate ventures  (news.yahoo.com) (35)
(WFTV)   Your Fark-ready headline of the day: "Thieves Steal Man's Car, Money And Pants"  (wftv.com) (21)
(Some Guy)   Tow truck driver takes kids for a ride. Beneath his truck, still in their stroller. Drugs may have been involved  (940winz.com) (67)
(The Register)   Allah Ackbear  (theregister.co.uk) (55)
(FARK)   Drew's DragonCon Schedule: Sat 11AM: Book signing w/ Joe Peacock (Mentally Incontinent) and Ian Spector (Chuck Norris Facts) in Comics & Artist's Alley, SAT 1PM: Fark Party @ Hilton Bar, rest of con at the Art of Akira Exhibit  (fark.com) (52)
(Daily Mail)   Caption this picture of Britney Spears and her boytoy looking creepy  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (176)
(New York Daily News)   Man does not pass go and goes directly to jail for driving drunk on Boardwalk with six kids in his car  (nydailynews.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun  T-Shirt  (clickorlando.com) (118)
(Daily Mail)   Ever wonder what the insides of a Qantas 747 engine looks like? Wonder no more (with video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Stuff)   Australian school bans gay Kookaburras  (stuff.co.nz) (48)
(My Fox DC)   Wife of trapped miner finds another hole he was stuck in  T-Shirt  (myfoxdc.com) (119)
(News.com.au)   A humpback whale which had been stranded on a western Australia sandbar for almost two weeks was humanely euthanized this morning. And by "humanely euthanized" I mean " blown-up with an explosive charge"  (news.com.au) (113)
(Philly)   Hurricane Earl likely to spare Jersey Shore, despite massive letter-writing campaign  (philly.com) (54)
(Public Opinion)   Man tells cop he doesn't know why he's naked. Yes, alcohol was involved  (publicopiniononline.com) (27)
(Yahoo)   Top 20 tools everyone should own. If you dont't have all of these you are well, a tool  (shopping.yahoo.com) (435)
(CNN)   Zombie Castro admits "injustice" for gays and lesbians during revolution, still desires brains  (cnn.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this ocean contraption  (awi.de) (20)
(Some Guy)   Pennsylvania man wearing only underwear beaten with Wiffle bat, police on lookout for three white men rapping about Revolutionary War heroes (with accompanying picture of what a Wiffle ball and bat may look like)  (huliq.com) (55)
(Daily Mail)   Woman with barbed wire wrapped around thighs says she's never had sex. No kidding. (With "Oh, yes you would" pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (263)
(ABC News)   If you are a sleepy Semi driver, watching porn is not the best way to stay awake  (abcnews.go.com) (27)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Today's Fark-ready headline: Angry grandma allegedly knifed 12-year-old's ear. Dispute involved sassing and a jigsaw puzzle  (startribune.com) (22)
(Some Chick)   Two teens thought it would be cool to take apart 22 caliber shells to use the gun powder to blow things up. Since this is Fark you know it didn't end well  (nbc11news.com) (182)
(WTAM)   Ugly-assed baby black rhino born in Cleveland zoo. W/awww pics  (wtam.com) (29)
(News.com.au)   Dangerous chemicals found in tinned food; still better than cockatrices  (news.com.au) (84)
(CBS Chicago)   "'I molested your honor student". Come see the softer side of Sears  (cbs2chicago.com) (98)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 278: "Waterscapes." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (280)

Wed September 01, 2010
(Yahoo)   Aparently unaware that Puerto Ricans are U.S. Citizens by birth, state of Ohio begins restricting use of Puerto Rico birth certificates for proving ID. Hawaii birth certificates apparently still accepted, for now  (news.yahoo.com) (135)
(Some TL/DNR Guy)   "Will professors hold the line? Will they insist that the most distracted generation in history rise to the challenge of reading books, or will future faculty members replace the book with the chapter?"  (chronicle.com) (97)
(Some Math Is Hard Guy)   According to school records, New Jersey is filled with high school savants who can't do simple math, but can still pass calculus  (blogs.app.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Photshop this snow plow  (sethwhite.org) (37)
(The Raw Story)   Crowd estimate expert who was once cheered by teabaggers for downsizing the Obama inaugural is now derided by the same for downsizing the Glenn Beck crowd  (rawstory.com) (215)
(KPTV)   Man calls 911 to request a towel and a hug. Happily, both were waiting for him in jail  (kptv.com) (51)
(Telegraph)   Two admitted to the hospital for alcohol every minute. Well, then they should just give them both enough to last a while and send them on their way  (telegraph.co.uk) (65)
(Washington Post)   Plucky dames protest sexy coverage of broads running for political office  (washingtonpost.com) (105)
(MSNBC)   18-year-old student who wanted to be "infamous sociopath" tells plans to co-worker, now known as "moronic idiot who can't keep a secret"  (msnbc.msn.com) (220)
(Free Press)   Not news: all four tires stolen off a car in Detroit. Fark: car belongs to mayor's security detail  (freep.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   The retarded debate over the "R-word" continues  (divinecaroline.com) (343)
(NJ.com)   After fixing the abyssmal financial situation and stamping out corruption, New Jersey goes to war on dangerous yo-yos  (nj.com) (41)
(MSNBC)   Why does your grandfather tell the same stories over and over? This study says it's because he's losing his memory  (msnbc.msn.com) (105)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   This year's hottest Halloween costumes? Lady Gaga, Rod Blagojevich, and the cast of The Jersey Shore  (suntimes.com) (130)
(Politico)   BP has so far spent $94 billion dollars on cleaning the Gulf Coast....'s tainted image of BP with advertisements  (politico.com) (130)
(RTT NEWS)   'Operation New Dawn' begins in Iraq with change of command, more sparkly vampires  (rttnews.com) (117)
(Life.com)   Here are 18 guys you wouldn't want to meet in a dark chess tournament  (life.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Tony Blair uses his new memoir to proclaim that George Bush was and still remains his bestest BFF 4-ever  (whorunsgov.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Attention, OBX Farkers: Jim Cantore has been sighted in Rodanthe, meaning your chances of being boned by Earl are officially 250 brazillion percent  (weather.com) (167)
(Some Guy)   Sheriff Arpaio says he's not the inspiration for the evil lawman in 'Machete' who shots a Mexican woman so she can't give birth in the United States. "First of all, I'm better looking than Don Johnson is anyway"  (ktar.com) (76)
(AtticusFinch)   That small Western Kentucky town that denied the mosque due to "parking issues"? The ACLU would like to have a word, please  (westkentuckystar.com) (126)
(FARK)   Photoshop theme: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder  (fark.com) (35)
(SFGate)   California teachers' Wish List is fulfilled by single donor. Teachers now wishing they dreamed bigger; new cars maybe?  (sfgate.com) (84)
(MSNBC)   Why does your grandfather tell the same stories over and over? This study says it's because he's losing his memory  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(ABC News) NewsFlash Man pitching new survival show to Discovery Channel  (abcnews.go.com) (1607)
(CNN)   Sweden reopens investigation into WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's alleged unauthorized release of his privates  (cnn.com) (80)
(Yahoo)   Scientist who was a hero of anti-global warming forces for his book "the Skeptical Environmentalist", but they won't like his follow-up tract: "Holy Shiat It's Real and if We Don't Do Something We're Farked"  (news.yahoo.com) (412)
(WSAZ)   The fattest city in the US is making strides towards getting kids outdoors. Just kidding, they're removing all swingsets in area schools. That'll help  (wsaz.com) (140)
(Kotaku)   Four men arrested after coming up with nefarious plan to rob Toys 'R Us stores of video games by stuffing them down their pants. In other news, Toys 'R Us now having big sale on video games, slightly worn  (kotaku.com) (26)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   When buying drugs, always bring exact change. Your dealer's inability to do math may result in a beating  (press-citizen.com) (35)
(CSMonitor)   "You are going to get beaten with a club" Well, you can't say you weren't warned  (csmonitor.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   Keith Olbermann makes desperate attempt to get Glenn Beck's news website on the front page of fark  (theblaze.com) (454)
(CNN)   Sacramento TV station airs first ever pot commercial. Immediately followed by Cheetos commercial  (newsroom.blogs.cnn.com) (111)
(Fox News)   The five germiest surfaces. Insert joke of "your mom" caliber here after wiping hands ten times, moving them in circular motion until dry  (foxnews.com) (85)
(MLive.com)   One month later, one cow still on the lam. Last seen in this photo with pig. Moo  (mlive.com) (16)
(News.com.au)   Man so hung up on ex-girlfriend after she dumps him he pays $18,000 to recreate her as life-sized sex doll  (news.com.au) (173)
(Yahoo)   Columnist tries to prove a point about reporters never checking their sources anymore, tweets a fake story about Roethlisberger, that runs on all the major wires. His paper gives him plenty of time to check sources over the next 30 days  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(Some Guy)   After fifty years, Minnesota is returning some islands to Wisconsin. WHAT ABOUT THE LAWNMOWER AND GARDEN SHEARS, MINNESOTA?  (lacrossetribune.com) (41)
(The Daily Record)   Couple leaves their BMW at JFK airport, car has 724 extra miles on it upon return. Ferris, Cameron, and Sloan unavailable for comment  (dailyrecord.com) (75)
(CNN)   California Senate defeats bill to ban old plastic bags. Joan Rivers relieved  (cnn.com) (89)
(The Hollywood Reporter)   Conan to announce new show's name tomorrow. I suggest Redhead Redemption. Better suggestions to the right, voting enabled   (livefeed.hollywoodreporter.com) (148)
(Canoe)   Cyclist hit during a 'share the road' ride  (cnews.canoe.ca) (228)
(Some Wino)   The other day I saw this baboon eating sauvignon blanc grapes. I was like, dude, you have to wait  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (70)
(Yahoo)   "So what caused that fire that nearly burned your house down"? "Oh you know, the same old thing, the flowers spontaneously combusted"  (news.yahoo.com) (24)
(Yahoo)   Facebook CEO complains that lawsuit against him is invading his privacy  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Toronto Sun)   Man upset that lawyer wanted him to bang his judge-wife, accepts $25,000 to destroy the emails and photos, didn't  (torontosun.com) (62)
(FARK)   Super Mega Joint Fark/Reddit Party at DragonCon, 1 PM on Saturday Sept 4th. Special Guest Marian Call will be playing a set just for us. Come dressed as a Klingon for a kiss from Drew  (fark.com) (150)
(Some Guy)   Elderly man falls outside his home. Wife calls paramedics, who help him inside and treat him. He jokingly says if he had a gun, he'd shoot himself. Then, two cops arrive. Guess what happens next?  (abclocal.go.com) (242)
(BBC)   Europeans: "I have over four weeks of paid vacation I need to use before December." Americans: "Vacation? Sorry, I don't speak European"  (bbc.co.uk) (424)
(WESH Orlando)   First they came for the mosques, and I said nothing. Then they came for the bikini bars  (wesh.com) (41)
(CNN)   Satanic church wants religious equality - Thank goodness they don't plan to open a ground zero location  (cnn.com) (179)
(Emmy Link)   81% of respondents prove to be gay men or jealous women as they vote Christina Hendricks to the Emmy Red Carpet Worst Dressed list. Yes, its a slide show, but we can fix the voting (Slide 11)  (tvsquad.com) (249)
(The Consumerist)   We've seen the housing bubble burst, but the real question is, when will the college tuition superbubble burst? Chances are, never  (consumerist.com) (261)
(Oedipus News Journal)   33-year-old man cannot control his actions, nor give consent during a two-year sexual relationship, and is thus the victim of a sex crime. Granted, the sex was with a 54-year-old woman...who is also his mother  (thenewstribune.com) (78)
(Yahoo)   Study shows that older people like reading negative stories about the young, in part because it justifies their decision to evict them from their lawns  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Pocono Record)   OW, my balls  (poconorecord.com) (65)
(My Fox DC)   Some people just have that 'I look at porn on my work computer during business hours' face  (myfoxdc.com) (54)
(New York Daily News)   Things you can lose after a night of drinking: cell phone, wallet, keys, a $1.35 million painting, your girlfriend, your dignity .... wait, what?  (nydailynews.com) (25)
(KSBW.com)   Hey kids, watch me pull a 12-year-old out of my pants  (ksbw.com) (86)
(Some Guy)   Despite its history as a penal colony, prisoners in Australia now have access to roast chicken and pizza, flat screen TVs, drugs, unsupervised shopping trips, free time at the beach, and conjugal visits  (cairns.com.au) (94)
(The Local (Sweden))   Welcome to Sweden, probably the only country in the world whose national dish is banned as an offensive weapon  (thelocal.se) (102)
(New York Daily News)   You're a cop who has just stopped a mom rushing her 11 year old to the hospital: Do you: a) help perform CPR, b) place the girl in your squad car and rush her to the ER, or c) laugh, say you don't do CPR and ticket her?  (nydailynews.com) (251)
(The Mercury)   230 people with freshly soiled underwear fail to be impressed with Qantas' still-unbroken safety record  (themercury.com.au) (54)
(SFGate)   Leave it to a Park Ranger to show a massive lack of appreciation for the most excellent drive-thru service ever  (sfgate.com) (27)
(WJAC)   Butts assisted in death of Boob  (wjactv.com) (40)
(Yahoo)   You can not legally marry here, so obviously you won't be able to divorce here. Don't mess with Texas  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(CBS News)   Photoshop this demented dictator  (wwwimage.cbsnews.com) (59)
(Abc.net.au)   Munitions factory fined for not maintaining a safe workplace  (abc.net.au) (24)
(io9)   In case you're in New Orleans and sober for some reason, head on over to Six Flags New Orleans - shuttered after Katrina and still not reopened, completely abandoned and not watched by anybody  (io9.com) (151)
(Daily Mail)   While rescue efforts get underway Chilean mine company has no money to pay the wages of the 33 miners and absorb lawsuits, and is not even participating in the rescue  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(AP)   Man accidentally shoots himself in the rear. Case not likely to end up in a pellet court  (hosted.ap.org) (33)
(My Fox DC)   Number of people affected by Virginia DMV computer outage "nearly enough to fill Nationals Park," say experts hired to estimate what a full Nationals Park might look like  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(Gawker)   This isn't a joke: Muslim group releases PSA promising that they're not out to impose their religion on Americans or "take over this country"  (tv.gawker.com) (560)
(Daily Mail)   Mother of 10 living in three-bed council home demands TWO houses next door to each other "because we need more room"  (dailymail.co.uk) (178)

Tue August 31, 2010
(LA Times)   Miller teabags Murkowski  (latimes.com) (177)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this rooftop rescuer  (inapcache.boston.com) (39)
(The Hollywood Reporter)   David Letterman reminds us that even more old people are catching on to Twitter  (hollywoodreporter.com) (77)
(Talking Points Memo)   Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) comes out in strong support of the "ground-zero mosque." Jeez, what a mormon  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (278)
(WGAL 8)   Elvis has left the building. Fark: With your money. Bonus: Napping mugshot  (wgal.com) (22)
(Labspaces.net)   Kids raised by gay couples do just as well in school as those raised by straight couples. And they do better than kids raised by single parents or unwed couples. So yeah, family values rule  (labspaces.net) (287)
(WLSAM)   Doctor's decomposed body discovered in chimney after getting stuck trying to enter the home of man she was dating. This is why he didn't give you a key  (wlsam.com) (233)
(WLSAM)   About that terrorist 'dry run' panic? Never mind  (wlsam.com) (134)
(Telegraph)   Spider: 1, Man with Aerosol Can and Cigarette Lighter: 0  (telegraph.co.uk) (104)
(LA Times)   The teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is among the highest in the world. This is the Media's fault and has absolutely nothing to do with repressive attitudes towards sex education. (w/pic of what the Media does to our children)  (articles.latimes.com) (229)
(Huffington Post)   Turns out Bristol Palin didn't join Dancing With the Stars because she's an attention whore, but because she wants to set a good example for mothers everywhere. I bet you libs feel silly now, don't you?  (huffingtonpost.com) (205)
(MSNBC)   FDA looks to curb cough medicine abuse. Looks like the good stuff will be behind the counter from now on  (msnbc.msn.com) (134)
(Denver Post)   Meatpacking plant that fired 86 Muslims who walked off the job because they weren't allowed to pray during Ramadan says the firings weren't about religion  (denverpost.com) (652)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this horn-blowing man  (online.wsj.com) (40)
(UPI)   Thief steals teen's bike while he was being arrested for selling a stolen violin. It's a vicious cycle  (upi.com) (55)
(Hartford Courant)   Man arrested five hours after being released from jail because he stole the cab that took him home  (courant.com) (41)
(Yahoo)   In honor of her mother who died of multiple sclerosis, JK Rowling donates $15.4 million to create an MS research center, or, roughly the amount she'd get for selling the publishing rights to her latest grocery list  (news.yahoo.com) (173)
(UPI)   Researchers: Smoking may increase depression in teens. How can they tell?  (upi.com) (58)
(My Fox DC)   Things not to do after committing a crime: 1) Leave your pants, shoes and wallet at the scene. 2) Run naked in front of the surveillance camera  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(FARK)   A quick note on Digg v4, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/22 - 8/28  (fark.com) (110)
(Some Porch Guy)   Today's "guy arrested for the filming the police" story comes from Troy, New York. The official cause for his arrest? An open container violation and refusing to leave the scene. He was on his own front porch at the time  (saratogian.com) (361)
(Some silly moo)   Meh: cow dies leaving three-day-old calf. Fark: woman decides to breastfeed calf. Let's see her try that on a bus  (digitaljournal.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Spy Satellite is watching you masturbate  (infowars.com) (187)
(WTOP)   Student sues shop teacher after student hooks wires to own nipples, plugs wires into wall, gets shocked. In other news, Darwin likes to take naps too  (wtop.com) (153)
(Y100)   Florida's two newest rollercoasters topped the list for rider injuries between April and June, but don't worry, the government isn't inspecting them  (y100.com) (66)
(USA Today)   Drug kingpin "La Barbie" arrested by Mexican police? Yes they ken  (content.usatoday.com) (32)
(FARK)   Farker's wife is doing a lecture/seminar on the birthright citizenship thingie for Constitution Day at a local college. She thinks it's a stupid wedge issue, of course. What should she title this lecture? Voting enabled  (fark.com) (362)
(Cracked)   Eight hilariously failed attempts to use CGI in political ads  (cracked.com) (40)
(NPR)   So what happens when an Alaskan hillbilly meets the king of Guidos? Stay tuned for the next season of "Dancing with the Stars"  (npr.org) (120)
(Some Guy)   Proving, once again, that "A Rubber Babe is More Than Just A Vehicle", Vladislav Pavlenko was declared the winner of the 8th annual River Race on Sex Dolls  (times.spb.ru) (19)
(Yahoo)   Invisible monkey doesn't sell cars to invisible buyers  (finance.yahoo.com) (45)
(Yahoo)   As of September 1, we will have the technology to ignore more border crossings from 5,000 feet altitude than ever before  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(SFGate)   The most toxic hole on Earth does not belong to Lindsay Lohan, Subby's Mom  (sfgate.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   Washington State may ban smoking in your apartment because of second hand smoke issues. Second hand alcohol and second hand fast food still permitted. FOR NOW  (y100.com) (153)
(Baltimore Sun)   Hurricane Earl now Category 4 and headed for Baltimore. This is not a headline from an Orioles game in 1970  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (123)
(This Is Plymouth)   Land dispute with neighbours? Try sending them a letter...written in blood  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (28)
(My Fox Dallas)   Now appearing one night only... on the main stage...Your Captain  (myfoxdfw.com) (39)
(Slate)   "Glenn Beck's rally was large, vague, moist, and undirected - the Waterworld of white self-pity"  (slate.com) (590)
(Fox News)   CBO publishes report that shows President Obama's stimulus bill will in fact cost the United States more money than the entire eight years fighting in Iraq. Of course, those are just facts and everyone knows facts have a liberal bias  (foxnews.com) (413)
(ESPN)   Nevada Gaming Control Board was also reading Michael Jordan's son Marcus' tweet about spending $35k at a Vegas nightclub  (sports.espn.go.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   After falling asleep during Die Hard 3, RON PAUL demands to see if NY Federal Reserve has been looted of its gold by snooty euroterrorists  (clevelandleader.com) (161)
(Topeka Capital-Journal)   No nap? Fine. Don't blame me when I fall face-first into my fingerpaint masterpiece later  (cjonline.com) (71)
(Fosters.com)   One of the worst times to drive drunk is when your wife is currently undergoing a field sobriety test  (fosters.com) (23)
(Independent)   Study finds that graduates with art history degrees are still able to find employment, despite the economy  (independent.co.uk) (69)
(The New York Times)   AutoCAD coming to the Mac for the first time in 18 years, should finally give them the software to design a working antenna  (nytimes.com) (251)
(NewsBusters)   Media criticize teabaggers for lack of diversity. Well if that ain't the pot calling the kettle ... er ... white  (newsbusters.org) (236)
(Gawker)   Hey guys 4Chan is hunting for the identity of this girl on Youtube throwing puppies in a river. Can you help?  (valleywag.gawker.com) (990)
(CNN)   8' pile of crap found at egg farm. I certainly didn't vote for him  (cnn.com) (82)
(USA Today)   10 lessons to learn from past Mideast peace talks. 1) Stop calling them Peace talks  (usatoday.com) (53)
(Google)   Free 24-hour sex, cocaine, poppers and cocaine, and they still go running to the police about the death threats and pimping. Some people are never happy  (google.com) (46)
(KATU)   Actual headline: "You know, it's never a good idea to 'moon' a state trooper." With picture of perp's other end  (hillsboro.katu.com) (18)
(officer.com)   Two Oregon teens dressed as KKK members and drove around town to get attention. It worked  (officer.com) (81)
(MetroWest Daily News)   "At the station, Pierce started making vulgar remarks, yelling, swearing and attempting to expose her breasts" (w/mugshot)  (metrowestdailynews.com) (108)
(Jerusalem Post)   Israeli PM comes to Washington for some damn reason or other, refuses to say which tea bags he prefers  (jpost.com) (22)
(CBC)   Man promises to run for mayor if he gets 75,000 friends on Facebook, decides 96 is close enough  (cbc.ca) (16)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this dirt digger  (spiegel.de) (21)
(Stuff)   Andrew Ryan's girlfriend wanted to make a nice romantic gesture, so she bought him a personalised number plate for his car. What could possibly go wrong?  (stuff.co.nz) (107)
(The Daily Record)   Today's "Man balances a 60 pound kayak on his chin" story brough to you by Oaklyn, NJ  (dailyrecord.com) (11)
(Some Dutch Gal)   Reminder: Amsterdam Fark party this Saturday, September 4th. Meetup at the Heffer 4pm  (heffer.nl) (25)
(Telegraph)   Would you want a honeymoon suite with glass walls? What if it's at the bottom of the ocean?  (telegraph.co.uk) (68)
(Some Guy)   You're in Alaska: Why NOT hitch a dog team to water skis?  (newsminer.com) (17)
(Mother Nature Network)   Remember in sixth grade when you drew those cartoons about a kick-boxing velciraptor that hunted on the grounds of Dracula's Castle? It was more real than you could have ever imagined  (mnn.com) (56)
(Metro)   Hey, Fark whisky lovers, would you like a wee dram?  (metro.co.uk) (45)
(Milford Daily News)   The greatest news story ever told  (milforddailynews.com) (107)
(National Post)   Most interesting article about lesbian prison sex with a giant Mounties logo at the top you'll see all day  (nationalpost.com) (77)
(SFGate)   Deathrow Inmate Wins Appeal. Celebrates by hanging self  (sfgate.com) (78)
(AP)   Trying to rob a restaurant by entering through the grease vent is always a recipe for disaster  (hosted.ap.org) (17)
(KFSM)   University of Arkansas is first in the USA to lower penalties for marijuana misdemeanors to be the same as those for alcohol misdemeanors. Enrollment, sales of Cheetos to soar  (kfsm.com) (51)
(CNN)   Elderly Russian douses himself with gasoline, lights himself on fire, killing eight others. Family looks for a little sympathy. Crimea river  (cnn.com) (33)
(3 News New Zealand)   Oh god, not the bees  (3news.co.nz) (48)
(The Sun)   See, I thought something was wrong with how cheap it is to park in the short term char lot....DAMMIT  (thesun.co.uk) (24)
(Quad City Times)   D.A.R.E. officer and member of the County Drug Task Force arrested for possession of cocaine  (qctimes.com) (84)
(MSNBC)   Lawyer: The soldier was on a strict diet when he shot his supervisor six times. Well, that explains everything  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(AP)   During a trial, does a juror: A) take careful notes, B) watch all evidence, or C) write on Facebook that it's "gonna be fun to tell the defendant they're guilty"  (hosted.ap.org) (70)
(Time)   Swiss government creates Sex-Box. Achievement Unlocked  (newsfeed.time.com) (48)
(USA Today)   If you're flying soon, you'll be glad to know that programming glitches in flight simulators mean highly-trained, professional pilots can do exactly the wrong thing in an emergency  (usatoday.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this drive through  (seriouswheels.com) (23)
(ABC News)   Old and Busted: Salmonella in your eggs. New Hotness: Typhoid in your fruit bar  (abcnews.go.com) (41)
(CNN)   Teachers tell how to fix schools. Apparently this involves bald bearded men, teenage hotties, a chemistry lab, and expulsion of fat chicks. Sign me up  (cnn.com) (127)
(Some Guy)   The Tea Party? in Canada, you say? Pity  (edmontonsun.com) (141)
(Some Guy)   Latest round of worst meals ever. Bonus: IHOP chocolate chip pancakes is the sane alternative to one of these babies  (health.yahoo.net) (143)

Mon August 30, 2010
(WLSAM)   Two men arrested after being taken off a Chicago-Amsterdam flight, after refusing to put their tray tables up and stow their cell phones taped to Pepto Bismol bottles  (wlsam.com) (149)
(Guardian.com)   In an effort to save on defense spending, UK and France will start sharing aircraft carriers. Admiral Lord Nelson's mummy seen doing facepalm  (guardian.co.uk) (103)
(io9)   New survey determines that genetics determine whether or not you'll take a survey  (io9.com) (37)
(CNN)   After being down for a week for improvements, Chatroulette hasn't changed. "As far as content goes, well, suffice to say that it took four full minutes of refreshing to get a screenshot without a penis in it"  (cnn.com) (152)
(Daily Mail)   Schoolgirl and father barred from Ryanair flight because they hadn't bought extra seat for her violin. You'd think in this situation someone could've pulled some strings  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these primitive travelers  (rootsweb.ancestry.com) (29)
(WRAL)   Woman dies in helicopter parent crash  T-Shirt  (wral.com) (103)
(AZCentral)   While 'Calvin and Hobbes,' 'The Far Side,' and 'Bloom County' become fading memories with each passing day, the creator of Beetle Bailey vows to keep inking a daily strip until the day he dies  (azcentral.com) (322)
(Some Guy)   "Am employee of Food-4-Less reported receiving a letter addressed to the manager that looked suspicious. It was determined to be a thank you letter for an employee"   (sloblogs.thetribunenews.com) (29)
(The Consumerist)   ObamaCare costing California's senior citizens thousands  (consumerist.com) (132)
(Telegraph)   Obama could kill dependenth on oil overnight with a nuclear thwitch to thorium  (telegraph.co.uk) (325)
(Some Guy)   Woman convicted in sperm donation fraud. Subby fell for that scam three times last week  (wavy.com) (48)
(CNN)   How to tell if your children are bipolar: They're acting like children  (cnn.com) (107)
(Denver Post)   Focus on the Family claims anti-bullying initiatives are being used to push gay-advocacy group agendas "under the guise of diversity"  (denverpost.com) (158)
(ABC News)   Police sergeant during the day, crime fighting vigilante at night. Sorry, did I say 'crime fighting vigilante'? I mean 'serial rapist'  (abcnews.go.com) (91)
(Discover)   Another tornado made of fire. Tornadoes of locusts, blood, seen tapping feet impatiently and checking watches  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (68)
(SLTrib)   Straight from the Unclear On The Concept department: Man caught selling marijuana to pay for police academy  (sltrib.com) (44)
(azfamily.com)   If you're going to excavate a homemade amethyst mine so deep you need dynamite to help blast it out, you should probably bring a carbon monoxide detector with you  (azfamily.com) (70)
(The Consumerist)   Wendy's employee fired and arrested for pulling a knife on a coworker because he served bacon that dropped on the floor to a customer. Aside from the knife thing, good for him  (consumerist.com) (84)
(Some Guy)   Looking at teenage girls from a block away...that's an arrestin'  (wmur.com) (379)
(NPR)   Thinking about skipping that 9:00 lecture class? Better be sure your university isn't electronically monitoring your attendance first  (npr.org) (173)
(Some Guy)   In Murfreesboro, "Christians" protest a new mosque and torch construction equipment. In Memphis, Christians lend their building to local Muslims while their mosque is under construction  (commercialappeal.com) (351)
(The Consumerist)   Ten cities that are doing better economically than the rest of the country. Don't get too excited; two of them are in Iowa  (consumerist.com) (136)
(CNN)   Dyeing dogs the hottest trend in China, and for once, they aren't ending up in your fried rice  (edition.cnn.com) (53)
(PennLive)   Elderly woman lights clothes, backyard on fire while playing with children's magnifying glass  (pennlive.com) (45)
(FARK)   Reminder: Colorado Fark party this Saturday, September 4. Meetup is at Patrick Carroll's Pub in Denver  (fark.com) (84)
(610WIOD)   Weight Watchers won't hire Weight Gainers  (610wiod.com) (187)
(Yahoo)   Iran media call French first lady 'prostitute'. Wait till they find out about your Mom  (news.yahoo.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   If the only way you can convince your girlfriend to have sex with you is by telling her drug dealers will kill her if she does't, maybe you should just find a new girlfriend  (grandforksherald.com) (99)
(UPI)   Quick testing developed for Down syndrome, political affiliation  (upi.com) (143)
(Some Guy)   Yard sales can be a bloody-knuckled, down and dirty, cut throat business. Especially when customers get their hands on the cornbread pan  (modbee.com) (39)
(Yahoo)   REJOICE. Study finds that heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers. Tag is for the science  (news.yahoo.com) (168)
(Some Guy)   Store clerk refuses to give robber cigarettes unless he removes his mask. Kwik Fill has a zero-tolerance policy on ID for cigarettes  (syracuse.com) (42)
(Yahoo)   Forget Kansas, what the hell is wrong with Illinois that they can't elect a governor of either party who doesn't end up in jail after their term?  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this lone plant in the desert  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (29)
(Salon)   Even though you're above watching award shows, here are the ten most memorable moments from last night's Emmys  (salon.com) (112)
(Daily Mail)   Britain's cloud map looks more like a suicidal panda next to a seahorse hiding something behind his back  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(FARK)   Ask Fark: submitter's last day of work is this Friday. What are some fun things to do around the office to commemorate their leaving? Bonus points if you actually did it yourself  (fark.com) (426)
(LA Times)   Teachers unions attack LA Times for reporting effectiveness of its members  (latimes.com) (166)
(Yahoo)   Fark ready headline - (reasonably hot) sideline reporter "more prepared for flying balls this week"  (sports.yahoo.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   If you're a grown man who "just wants to play football", do you A) call up some friends for a game at the park, B) play some Madden or C) fake your birth certificate, enroll in Middle School and pretend to be 14?  (wsvn.com) (82)
(AOL News)   The Flintstones go uptown with a proposed $2 million lava rock car  (aolnews.com) (48)
(Yahoo)   Reverend Jeremiah Wright is very upset that people think Obama is a Muslim, when everybody should know that Obama was a member of his hate-whitey CHRISTIAN church for nearly 20 years  (news.yahoo.com) (171)
(Yahoo)   The Farmer's Almanac says that this winter will be milder than recent winters. So no iguanas falling out of trees this year  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(Guardian.com)   The one thing that the American Right excels in is the creation of snappy but misleading nicknames  (guardian.co.uk) (392)
(Guardian.com)   Class of 2010 warned of record 70 applicants for every job, told to flip burgers to build skills  (guardian.co.uk) (233)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Elderly couple drives to marina to watch pretty boats, go fishing in their Mercury Marquis instead  (tampabay.com) (59)
(Metro)   British store learns that issuing a loyalty card to "Dr Suicide Bomber" can blow up in your face  (metro.co.uk) (40)
(Some Guy)   Not news: People go on mushroom hunt. News: 18 people die on mushroom hunt. Fark: Their deaths had nothing to do with mistakenly eating poisonous mushrooms  (couriermail.com.au) (68)
(Guardian.com)   Some of the ballsiest chefs in Serbia come together for the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship. Would you have the cojones to eat kangaroo bollocks? Cause that's just plain nuts  (guardian.co.uk) (45)
(ABC-30 Fresno, CA)   Pawn takes Bishop  (abclocal.go.com) (102)
(WBAL-TV)   News: Skateboarder-harassing cop caught on film is suspended. Not news: Police trial board throws out most serious charges. Fark: Police Commissioner overturns decision and fires him. Post-Fark: He was one year away from full pension. Dude  (wbaltv.com) (395)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this banana seater  (funnyhot.net) (24)
(Daily Mail)   Psycho squirrel on the loose. With a picture of what a psycho squirrel might look like  (dailymail.co.uk) (77)
(The Sun)   The Sun is there to bring your punkass down  (thesun.co.uk) (77)
(The Week)   Seven of the worst examples of how HOAs are wretched hives of tin-pot fascist asshattery  (theweek.com) (272)
(USA Today)   Egg industry says it's your own stupid fault if you got salmonella poisoning from undercooking your eggs  (usatoday.com) (235)
(Seattle Times)   Twelve-year-old girl is fined $124 for littering. Bonus: She was distributing health department stickers around town  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (74)

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