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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun September 12, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Canoe)   What do we do with witches? TAX THEM. What do we tax besides witches? MORE WITCHES  (cnews.canoe.ca) (60)
(News.com.au)   Idiot Christian threatens to burn Koran = Mass Media Hysteria. Idiot atheist smokes Bible and Koran = meh  (news.com.au) (550)
(Canoe)   ♫ Gummi bears ♫ Bouncing here and there and everywhere ♫ They're laced with acid that's beyond compare ♫ They are the gummi bears ♫  (cnews.canoe.ca) (123)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this Hong Kong subway  (vincentvanderveken.com) (56)
(Philly)   It's great if you want to put up romantic pictures of you and your fiancee on Facebook. Unless you're 27 and she's 14  (philly.com) (263)
(Herald Tribune)   Not news: City fines woman for keeping her old car in the driveway without a license plate. Fark: The fine is $27,000  (heraldtribune.com) (157)
(Some Guy)   The Web braces for biggest Wikileaks dump to date  (theatlanticwire.com) (117)
(Enfield Weekly Press)   You know what really irks me? When I'm going 10 over the limit and some maniac wants to go 20 over the limit  (enfieldweeklypress.com) (391)
(NPR)   Soldiers with traumatic brain injuries are not getting their Purple Hearts because commanders view the injuries as not deserving of the award  (npr.org) (169)
(Washington Post)   Five myths about prostitutes. "You'll meet one with a heart of gold who looks like Julia Roberts" strangely absent  (washingtonpost.com) (246)
(Boston Globe)   Punctuation, quietly doing its job, rarely arouses the passions of the general public. But when you hear people arguing about the serial comma or the overuse of dashes, they're probably editors or Farkers  (boston.com) (150)
(NYPost)   Mom sues NYC Dept of Education after learning permanent records aren't as permanent as we all have been led to believe  (nypost.com) (64)
(My San Antonio)   "Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus Pedobearus descendum pantorum"  (voices.mysanantonio.com) (67)
(IndyStar)   Nine Purdue students struck while crossing streets in first month of semester. Cops respond by writing no tickets. Students protest the tickets that aren't being written. Solution: Safety Patrol with those nifty white belts  (indystar.com) (169)
(Boston Globe)   Railroad worker discusses difficulty of running trains across streets full of Boston drivers: "They really have lost any fear"  (boston.com) (69)
(The Met)   Photoshop this old-timey horse  (metmuseum.org) (33)
(CBC)   Dear New York: We don't suck. Love, Alberta  (cbc.ca) (119)
(Some Guy)   Bicyclists who act like traffic laws don't exist complain about being ticketed for violating a traffic law that doesn't exist  (blogs.citypages.com) (471)
(Cracked)   You know who else loved Disney?  (cracked.com) (82)
(Uproxx)   Cheers heard from parent's basements across the country as the AP declares blogs legit news source  (uproxx.com) (34)
(SLO Tribune)   Caption this dog enjoying Doggie Day at the community pool  (media.sanluisobispo.com) (53)
(Daily Mail)   Woman has 18-inch towel left in her abdomen for four months after surgery, which explains why she felt so wrung out  (dailymail.co.uk) (60)
(Daily Mail)   Bad: finding out the woman you are in love with is your sister. Worse: conceiving a child with her. Fark: even though it is illegal they plan to get married  (dailymail.co.uk) (186)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man arrested after cops find a Viagra pill in his pocket. He's expected to get a stiff sentence  (nwfdailynews.com) (45)
(CNN)   Not news: Police arrest man for stealing a bike. News: Guy is so poor that cops decide not to prosecute. Fark: And donate a bike to him  (edition.cnn.com) (58)
(Yahoo)   The world's most beautiful college campuses, your crappy community college not listed  (realestate.yahoo.com) (189)
(LA Times)   LA authorities wary of groups feeding the homeless, claim it just encourages them not to go home  (latimes.com) (36)
(Some Farkette)   Six year old facing two year expulsion for broken toy cap gun found in his backpack  (newstrib.com) (115)
(Daily Telegraph)   Sydney nightclubs banning people with attitudes and certain haircuts in a bid to stop alcohol-related violence; however, others suspect the problem is something else  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (42)
(Some Garden)   Photoshop this snipping senior sister  (my-expressions.com) (26)
(Telegraph)   Belgian investigation confirms that literally every church had at least one case of sex abuse that was covered up  (telegraph.co.uk) (66)
(MSNBC)   Sheriff's department warns parents about a disturbing new phenomenon made popular by pedophiles and sexual deviants. Fark: Pedobear  (msnbc.msn.com) (364)
(MSNBC)   Pornographic pictures accidentally shown to high school students during blood donation assembly. Students all rate the presentation A positive  (msnbc.msn.com) (70)

Sat September 11, 2010
(Mother Nature Network)   Presenting the nine best places in America to survive the coming apocalypse  (mnn.com) (199)
(CBC)   Fark-ready headline: Sauerkraut explosion prompts quarantine  (cbc.ca) (38)
(Herald-Leader)   Wife screws up husband's breakfast, six dead  (kentucky.com) (189)
(Some guy with no taste)   Here's a car so ugly, it makes the Subaru Baja look good  (thetruthaboutcars.com) (224)
(Chicago Tribune)   Largest dairy in Illinois responsible for ten mile fish kill. Enivornmentalists will milk this for all it's worth  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (33)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Gay, straight marriages strikingly similar. So it's passive aggressiveness and simmering resentment for everybody, then  (press-citizen.com) (106)
(Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo)   Photoshop this lonely goatherd  (bigpicture.ru) (39)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   If you're going to duct-tape mysterious cylindrical metal objects to light poles next to five schools in your city on the eve of 9-11, you might want to let the schools know their purpose is to take air samples  (suntimes.com) (84)
(MSNBC)   Someone made a pie chart showing how college students spend time and it doesn't include "farking"  (lifeinc.msnbc.msn.com) (60)
(Naval Institute)   A blow by blow account from the Marine who led the rescue of the crew seized by pirates. A great read and a better reminder of the awesomeness of the U.S. Marines  (blog.usni.org) (139)
(Some college website)   Georgetown University offers course called Hallucinating. Subby, who went to school there, thinks he may have taken that course also, but those years are all a blur now  (courses.georgetown.edu) (45)
(Mercury News)   Badminton coach arrested after letting team member play with his shuttlecock  (mercurynews.com) (46)
(AZCentral)   Don't you hate it when you're driving down the highway, minding your own business, and you crash into an airplane?  (azcentral.com) (53)
(Boston Globe)   Finally someone has created a chocolate bar big enough to satisfy the appetite of a normal American  (boston.com) (73)
(Huffington Post)   Students attempt to high-five into the record books. Confused as to how to celebrate  (huffingtonpost.com) (29)
(Some Russian Guy)   Cheer leading team is banned for being too damned HOT. What's wrong with you ruskies? (Bonus: not a slide show)  (englishrussia.com) (252)
(CNN)   I-gor coming. Al Gore warned us  (cnn.com) (89)
(My Fox Dallas)   Woman claims she was cut off by two alien beings in a spaceship shaped like a Ford station wagon -- before it took off surrounded by green, blue and red flames  (myfoxdfw.com) (70)
(News.com.au)   Woman, 21, owes $32,000 in parking fines, says immediate plans include finding a husband with which to share everything  (news.com.au) (88)
(ABC 4)   The University of Utah is happy to let handicapped football fans park in the lot immediately adjacent to the stadium. As long as they pay $2500 a year. Otherwise they get to park a mile away  (abc4.com) (190)
(Boston Herald)   Yesterday the driver who got into an accident with Tom Brady was a menace to society with a six page driving record who should never have been allowed on the road. Today, not so much  (bostonherald.com) (65)
(AZCentral)   People living next to businesses with smoking bans are upset because now their streets are littered with discarded butts and ashes. "Maybe your kids want to play in the front yard but you have these people strolling back and forth"  (azcentral.com) (268)
(Some Guy)   911 operator sends ambulance to the wrong address and causes woman to die is fired, proves to be a true American by suing the county for $10.5 million because she shouldn't have had the job to begin with  (wsbtv.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Congratulations, America. You've just sentenced a Canadian to five years in prison for selling pot seeds. The free world will sleep safer tonight  (vancouversun.com) (566)
(Guardian.com)   Vegan studies actual facts about food production, recants and says eating meat is ethical, provided it is naturally fed bacon  (guardian.co.uk) (161)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this construction site's mysterious machine  (denverinfill.com) (18)
(Boston Globe)   Dinosaur with a hump discovered in Spain. Scientists consider calling it an Igorasaurus. That's 'eye-gorasaurus'  (boston.com) (82)
(DFW Star-Telegram)   After being shamed on the national media, NISD administrators apologize to mourning student that was suspended for having red eyes  (star-telegram.com) (206)
(AZCentral)   Maybe you didn't know West Nile Virus has a pattern of alternating bad years and moderate years. It's a bad year. You know the drill  (azcentral.com) (26)
(VOA)   Good news: The media has finally reached that stage in the Koran-burning story where they focus on whether or not they obsessed over it too much. YA THINK?  (voanews.com) (55)
(MaineToday.com)   If you store your marijuana in an unlit storage facility that has no alarms, don't be surprised if someone breaks in and steals it, officer  (onlinesentinel.com) (44)
(CNN)   Nine years after his son's death, man discovers last picture of his firefighter son running through a Brooklyn tunnel to get to the WTC. Hero tag has a little sad tag in its eye  (cnn.com) (242)
(Some Guy)   Reminder Halifax Fark Party Saturday Sept 11 @ 6 pm @ the Q. Wear red so we can find each other  (qmeats.ca) (125)
(Some Guy)   Toot, a seven year old male tabby, was reunited with his owners after being stuck for 2 days in a sewage drain pipe (with "put down the damn camera and get me out of here before Caturday" pics)  (scottishspca.org) (778)
(The Onion)   All of The Onion's September 11th articles on one page. Some of them were even funny  (theonion.com) (112)
(My Fox Dallas)   School: Your eyes are red and watery. You're high. That's a suspension. Student: It's called crying; my dad was just brutally murdered  (myfoxdfw.com) (181)
(McSweeney's)   John Hodgman's essay about the events of September 11th, 2001 is still one of the most poignant things ever written. "To convert this experience into metaphor, into symbolic gesture, feels almost offensive"  (mcsweeneys.net) (101)
(MSN)   So we've come to this, eh America? Articles highlighting "the leading expert in lip print interpretation" on the msn main page? Alrighty then  (glo.msn.com) (17)
(Yahoo)   Medal of Honor, Balls of Steel Edition  (news.yahoo.com) (137)
(Google)   Swiss deploy 100 police complete with swat teams, dogs, and helicopters to stop an old man who has acquired a new strange technology the Swiss are unfamiliar with called a gun  (google.com) (76)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicagoans share their pet peeves about going to the gym, something they collectively have to do in 26 minutes  (chicagotribune.com) (37)
(CNN)   Two Muslims travel around America and expose it for what it really is  (cnn.com) (124)
(CTV)   Pastor Terry Jones flying to New York so he can attention whore within mere blocks of Ground Zero  (ctvbc.ctv.ca) (124)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this posing priest  (s.wsj.net) (24)
(Daily Mail)   Vacationer takes picture of a waterfall and sees an image of Jesu... wait it's a Nazgul  (dailymail.co.uk) (69)
(UPI)   Train engineer felt rundown until he met a doctor with a disarming personality  (upi.com) (26)
(Chicago Tribune)   Zee 10 sexiest accents from around dee vorld. Y'all better believe American made the bloody list. Crikey  (chicagotribune.com) (290)
(Houston Chronicle)   EPA: I'm in your state, regulating your carb0n emissi0ns. Wyoming Governor: Oh snap, ever read the 10th Amendment?  (chron.com) (199)
(WFSB)   Connecticut requests aid from FEMA after tornados caused more than $3 million in damages in June. FEMA to Connecticut: Suck it you rich bastards and fix it yourself  (wfsb.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Almost 90 high school students shave their heads as a sign of support for student undergoing chemo. Subby has something in his eye  (wlwt.com) (89)

Fri September 10, 2010
(Sky Guy)   I work for the Department Of Transportation and my speciality is filming roads and bridges and men in the shower  (wvgazette.com) (14)
(Some Guy)   Now THIS is how you respond to a troll  (27bslash6.com) (252)
(The Smoking Gun)   Hear ye, hear ye, the Mugshot Roundup is here  (thesmokinggun.com) (169)
(My Fox NY)   Another JetBlue flight, another person making a dash for the exit. This time it's a Playmate with her own floatation device  (myfoxny.com) (79)
(NPR)   Scientists finally think they know where all of the oil from the BP spill went: the ocean floor. And it will takes years to figure out if this is a bad, good or neutral thing  (npr.org) (68)
(Telegraph)   I guess it's only natural that Putin would compare himself to past Russian leaders, like FDR. Wait, what?  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (21)
(The Raw Story)   Fox News uses a map of 9/11 body parts to fight the "ground-zero mosque"  (rawstory.com) (639)
(Some Guy)   Castro claims he was misquoted. What he really said was that Cuban model, Daisy Fuentes no longer works for Cuba  (apnews.myway.com) (29)
(Some Guy)   Girl says a school policy that bans facial piercings shouldn't apply to her because her church encourages facial piercings. "It's a spiritual thing. I feel hole"  (charlotteobserver.com) (141)
(Yahoo)   Locals warned Boulder fire may roll into city (bumped for info sharing)  (news.yahoo.com) (87)
(BBC)   Not news: Bras used to support big juicy melons. Fark: Bras used to support big juicy melons  (bbc.co.uk) (225)
(AOL News)   Hearing about last night's explosion, local news affiliate leaps into action with photos of the fires burning in San Bruno and, for some unknown reason, the Dharma van from LOST  (aolnews.com) (67)
(YouTube)   After 10 years of silence, autistic girl suddenly starts to communicate and explains what it's like to be trapped in her body. Damn, who's peeling onions in here?  (youtube.com) (313)
(ThisOldHouse.com)   Home Inspection Nightmares XXIII: I call an indoor gutter a garage roof leak management system  (thisoldhouse.com) (80)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this Salt Lake soaker  (online.wsj.com) (29)
(UPI)   Deep-fried margaritas. Because America hadn't already mastered getting fat and drunk at the same time  (upi.com) (57)
(Gaston Gazette)   Fake pastor puts the bite on a funeral director who's also a reserve sheriff, now has a prison ministry  (gastongazette.com) (26)
(ABC 4)   Meet Duke, the wonder dog that can smell toxic black mold in your walls/mom  (abc4.com) (39)
(Yahoo)   It's seven miles to Carbondale, I got half a package of gummi bears and a razor scooter, it's dark outside, and I'm wearing spiderman pajamas. Hit it  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(Life.com)   Amazing photos from the San Bruno gasline explosion and fire (slide show in effect)  (life.com) (158)
(Some BrunelloBabe)   One-week reminder: Farktoberfest Zinzinnati is Sept 18  (oktoberfestzinzinnati.com) (41)
(USA Today)   Florida pastor Terry Jones and Rush Limbaugh were high school classmates. Coincidence? (with pics)  (content.usatoday.com) (176)
(PennLive)   Assistant principal Pennepacker carries a ruler and checks dress length by measuring the exposed skin above the knee to prevent teacher arousal  (pennlive.com) (272)
(Guardian.com)   The BBC believed that the Stig wanted to kill Dr. Who. So he had to go  (guardian.co.uk) (120)
(Google)   Precious snowflakes need rails on their bunkbeds so they don't fall out and die. Fark: 19 year-old college snowflakes  (google.com) (132)
(BBC)   Naturist gardener gives council a dressing down  (bbc.co.uk) (37)
(Yahoo)   Gainesville Pastor: I agreed to call off the Koran burning because the "Ground Zero Mosque" Imam met with me and promised to move the project. Imam: I met with who? and did what now?  (news.yahoo.com) (549)
(The Consumerist)   Publisher of the New York Times says the print edition will eventually fade out. Submitted via BlackBerry from T-Mobile  (consumerist.com) (46)
(Yahoo)   A copy of the "most expensive book in the world" Audubon's "Birds of North America" to be auctioned off this week. Unclear if it's the expurgated version or not  (news.yahoo.com) (112)
(Concord Monitor)   Prosecutor drops charges after what police called a "powerful pipe bomb" turned out to be just a pipe  (concordmonitor.com) (69)
(Yahoo)   Mysterious billboards popping up in North Korea promising an event that "will make the country's history shine forever", which means either Kim is about to announce his sucessor or they're gonna nuke something  (news.yahoo.com) (163)
(940WINZ)   Dragging a student out of the cafa-gym-atorium? That's child abuse  (940winz.com) (62)
(Daily Mail)   Attention models and actresses: the people who sign welfare checks watch porn channels, too  (dailymail.co.uk) (126)
(Fox News)   Accident victims are glad to know that the fire department accepts all major credit cards at the crash scene  (foxnews.com) (134)
(Some Guy)   Man leads police on a car chase, rams a cruiser and refuses to get out of his car until he's finished smoking his crack pipe. The Aristocrats  (lohud.com) (21)
(CTV)   Protesters confront premier, angry that wind turbines causing illness and blowing off tinfoil hats  (toronto.ctv.ca) (135)
(Stuff)   Tiny little vicious furry thing loose in Prague. But enough about the Czechs, one of the zoo's honey badgers has escaped  (stuff.co.nz) (47)
(Guardian.com)   Things you'd want to see in your $150 sandwich: bread, cheese, vinegar, egg, mustard and gold  (swns.com) (75)
(MSNBC)   Flight 93 memorial: "Is this all there is?" Let's roll  (redtape.msnbc.com) (340)
(News.com.au)   Research into females which grow penises on their heads shows that they may be unable to reproduce  (news.com.au) (36)
(Some Guy)   For the ladies, here's a handy list of things to avoid doing at work if you don't want to sabotage your career, courtesy of Citibank  (dealbreaker.com) (464)
(Some Photo Ink)   Photoshop these delicate drops  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(Pat's Papers)   What could make coach even less comfortable? How about sitting in a saddle? Italian firm says 23-inch cowboy seat could create new airline class  (patspapers.com) (106)
(BBC)   Japan is 23,000,000 years younger than previously thought  (bbc.co.uk) (72)
(My San Antonio)   ISP pulls Florida church's website before they can press the delete Quran key  (mysanantonio.com) (516)
(MLive.com)   People living on the former site of two chemical plants and a tannery can't figure out why their cancer rates are so high. Probably the same reason their IQs are so low  (mlive.com) (41)
(Fox 5 Atlanta)   Couple siphons gas from a Salvation Army vehicle, get a mouthful of karma when they both suddenly catch fire  (myfoxatlanta.com) (43)
(KLTV)   Texans brace for immigration of blacks  (kltv.com) (79)
(Hartford Courant)   Man gets hard time for his accidental discharge while watching a movie  (courant.com) (51)
(Daily Mail)   Woman wakes up to three crocodiles walking around in her house. But it's ok, they're her pets and she telepathically talks to them  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Sun Sentinel)   Pedophile surprised to discover that his "my cat is the one that downloaded the kiddie porn collection" defense didn't work out as well as he expected  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (64)
(Seacoastonline.com)   You're covered in blood and the cops knock on the door? Might as well invite them in to see your pot plants  (seacoastonline.com) (18)
(My Fox DC)   I'm sorry ma'am, but your bra seems to be setting off our metal detectors. You'll have to remove it  (myfoxdc.com) (79)
(The Consumerist)   Consumerist article about Ikea letting 100 cats loose inside store. Outraged follow-up article when IKEA managers ask cats to see their receipts when they leave coming soon  (consumerist.com) (120)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You're driving around with an open container of malt liquor between your legs and a crack pipe on the dashboard. Do you C) Flag down a police officer to ask for directions?  (nwfdailynews.com) (33)
(morning sun)   Man uses fertilizer to spell "Will U Marry Me" into his lawn, hoping it will mowtivate his girlfriend  (themorningsun.com) (76)
(KTLA)   Two teens killed after railroad thoughtlessly fails to post signs warning people not to sleep on the tracks  (ktla.com) (96)
(Yahoo)   Thousands of dirty, filthy, smelly Christians threaten the Sistine Chapel. SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   World's largest breast implants removed, earth finally tilts correctly on its axis  (myfoxhouston.com) (166)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this man and his missile  (vernk.com) (30)
(The Sun)   Drunk driving pirates get a hole-in-one. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (20)
(KTNV)   DA busted for DUI after resident calls 911 to report suspicious car. Bonus: It's his second DUI and he's also been arrested for embezzlement. Fark: Resident who called cops has prior DUI arrest. Double Fark: She's Heidi Fleiss  (ktnv.com) (44)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Reasons why a cop might think you're drinking and driving: 1) Your flip-flops don't match. 2) You hand over the sales contract for the car instead of the vehicle registration. 3) You brag about having Sex on the Beach twice in one night  (nwfdailynews.com) (15)
(News.com.au)   Old and busted: using a gun to rob a store. The new hotness: using a makeshift flamethrower to rob a store  (news.com.au) (22)
(AJC)   The Fox theater in Atlanta says "no" to Jihad. Yea, that's a lawsuit  (ajc.com) (150)
(Wired)   America's next big threat: Photographers in hoodies  (wired.com) (86)
(News4Jax)   5th grader refused entry into gifted program because she's too rich  (news4jax.com) (325)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Hey guys, hate to break it to you but finally fitting into a 36 waist might just mean you're still a fatass  (suntimes.com) (164)

Thu September 09, 2010
(Yahoo)   Village People can finally officially be in the navy  (news.yahoo.com) (285)
(CBS Philadelphia)   Rules for sex offenders include not living near schools, registering with police, notifying them if you move, and not punching the lady who's distributing fliers about you to neighbors  (cbs3.com) (79)
(ABC 7 News) NewsFlash Neighborhood in San Bruno, California, near San Francisco International Airport, just blew up. Here's live video  (abclocal.go.com) (1201)
(CNN)   Woman's lost pinky grows back. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (132)
(Some Factory Shooter)   MAC-10 and Cheese  (abclocal.go.com) (127)
(News.com.au)   Man suspected of supermarket robbery jumps into creek to flee police. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that the creek didn't lead to a country without extradition laws  (news.com.au) (16)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this short warm-up  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Washington Post)   YES WE CAN...hope that Capitol Hill staffers owe less than $9 million and change in back in taxes  (washingtonpost.com) (60)
(The Frisky)   Old & busted: Back scooping. New hotness: Gap-toothing  (thefrisky.com) (130)
(TwinCities.com)   The bank robber is described as 5' 5" to 5' 9" and wearing a good Samaritan on his back  (twincities.com) (28)
(Seattle Times)   Ever get that feeling that you left the keys in your police cruiser? Or that you left that burglar unattended in the back seat? At least you remembered to close the rear seat divider... right?  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (24)
(CNN) NewsFlash Barbeque cancelled due to inclement political weather  (edition.cnn.com) (652)
(MSNBC)   Oceanographers at the site of the RMS Titanic wreckage are scarred, even traumatized for life after what they found there (includes a pic of the horror, so use caution before clicking the link)  (msnbc.msn.com) (207)
(LA Times)   President Obama, having no other pressing things on his agenda, endorses Rahm Emanuel for Chicago Mayor  (latimes.com) (91)
(WBIR)   Forget about burning the Quran. This guy shot a Bible. In self-defense  (wbir.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   You do not approve of a gathering of friends your wife has over to the house. Do you? C: Fill her mouth and eyes full of pepper spray after she falls asleep  (fox59.com) (65)
(Surrey Police)   Do you recognise burglar who stole the bacon?  (surrey.police.uk) (65)
(News.com.au)   Man who crashed his car and pulled a toy gun on witnesses claims low blood sugar made him a sourpuss  (news.com.au) (31)
(MSNBC)   Two men arrested for wrestling with their python in a McDonald's parking lot, and no, that's not an euphemism  (msnbc.msn.com) (31)
(Some Guy)   Actual headline: "Sex toy study creates a buzz"  (dailytarheel.com) (65)
(Kansas.com)   Westboro Baptist Church annoyed by Florida church's Quran burning plans because they burned one in 2008 and nobody cared  (kansas.com) (241)
(Some Guy)   It was really nice of employees at the Jiffy Lube to let bank robber use their phone to call a getaway cab  (myfoxphoenix.com) (19)
(USA Today)   Got $10 million lying around? Purchase this Italian fixer-upper and become the Count of Carbonana. And there's a dungeon, too. Giggity  (usatoday.com) (78)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Obvious: Man, wrongly imprisoned 24 years for rape, arrested having sex with prostitute in his car. Fark: Calls wife to come pick up his car  (tampabay.com) (50)
(News14)   Law enforcement want access to your medical records, citizen  (charlotte.news14.com) (86)
(SF Weekly)   For the three of you who didn't already know this, the people behind Farmville are a real bunch of scumbags  (sfweekly.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   White House unveils www.challenge.gov - a site that aggregates X Prize-like contests you have no chance of winning  (govtech.com) (38)
(Washington Post)   The term "Not Helping" defined: When you are running for Mayor of Washington DC and Marion Barry picks your "Restoring Public Trust in Government rally" to show up at uninvited to introduce and endorse you  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (62)
(The Consumerist)   Man suing whole foods and Starbucks because he doesn't care for their new exploding bottles of green tea  (consumerist.com) (81)
(AL.com)   Beneficiaries of the BP compensation fund include shrimpers, fishermen, hotels, restaurants, and realtors. Oh, and Motley Crue  (blog.al.com) (48)
(News.com.au)   Russian airline pilot makes an amazing crash landing after getting his Bering Strait  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (55)
(Wired)   This day in 1926: the mind-control begins  (wired.com) (42)
(Bloomberg)   GM makes 30 billion dollars appear out of thin air  (bloomberg.com) (116)
(WMAL.com)   Ground Zero Mosque problem may be solved, by the almighty dollar  (wmal.com) (250)
(Some Tarheel)   Duke's College Republicans lose their charter over accusations of homophobia, leaving Duke free to suck at will  (dailytarheel.com) (72)
(Some Guy)   Now you don't have to worry about going blind if you don't stop doing that  (apnews.myway.com) (26)
(MSNBC)   While you slept, U.S. Marines freed a cargo ship held by pirates off Somalia. Without firing a shot  (msnbc.msn.com) (129)
(Beacon News)   Nude cellphone cutie hit with disorderly conduct charge  (suburbanchicagonews.com) (180)
(MLive.com)   Animal Control workers to be put down in three weeks  (mlive.com) (24)
(USA Today)   Despite all our texting, talking, drinking, watching movies, GPS programming, and general piss-poor driving skills, American highway deaths are at their lowest level in 60 years  (usatoday.com) (133)
(News.com.au)   Chess nuts toasting at an open bar  (news.com.au) (31)
(SMH)   Rest in Fleece  (news.smh.com.au) (20)
(FARK)   Photoshop a business card for a fictional business (LGT to inspiring Fark thread)  (fark.com) (92)
(Some Gal)   Snowflake realizes that spending $40k a year on gender studies was a mistake  (thefrisky.com) (489)
(Washington Post)   US worldwide competitiveness has dropped, again. Hopefully we'll still get a trophy, though  (washingtonpost.com) (161)
(Some Guy)   When it comes to actually teaching facts, here's the world's five worst textbooks. Good news, Texas, you're still not as bad as Saudi Arabia. Worse than Russia, though  (foreignpolicy.com) (382)
(Kansas City)   64-year old woman drags naked neighbor out of her house by beard (w/ pic)  (kansascity.com) (84)
(CNN)   Ars gratia artis... JESUS CHRIST, IT'S THE MGM LION, GET IN THE CAR  (cnn.com) (119)
(SFGate)   Farmer claims global warming is causing his corn to pop on the stalk  (sfgate.com) (65)
(Yahoo)   Sex offenders are flocking to Puerto Rico because its laws restricting what sex offenders can do are not as strict as they are in the rest of the U.S  (news.yahoo.com) (230)
(SFGate)   It's never a good sign when the prison they send you to has its own condom vending machines  (sfgate.com) (83)
(Washington Post)   High school students create group to fight peer pressure. You should join. Come on, everyone's doing it. It'll make you feel good. What are you, chicken?  T-Shirt  (washingtonpost.com) (33)
(AP)   Inmates caught sneaking back into jail. You're doing it wrong  (hosted.ap.org) (22)
(WTOP)   Pilots facing more danger from lasers, airborne sharks  (wtopnews.com) (56)
(Some Guy)   It might be time to call in some landscapers if the tree in your yard can be seen from space  (couriermail.com.au) (89)
(Guardian.com)   US troops in Afghanistan, winning hearts and minds, collecting fingers  (guardian.co.uk) (144)
(Globe and Mail)   If you've had to choose between going to yoga class and getting stoned, new "Ganja Yoga" classes are for you  (theglobeandmail.com) (32)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this axe man  (cache.boston.com) (22)
(wlbt.com)   Baby squirrel adopted by cat, ends up learning how to purr and despise mankind  (wlbt.com) (68)
(WGAL 8)   When breaking the news that a fire station will be shut down and workers laid off, you might want to say something other than, "The city's not going to, going to, burn up if we shut down one fire station and lay off a few people"  (wgal.com) (25)
(NPR)   So how much do we really pay in taxes? Even the left's heavyweight can't spin this one  (npr.org) (712)
(CBS Sacramento)   City to spray water at homeless people to keep them from camping in parks. If that doesn't work they will issue firm, but gentle corrections with the command "Tsst" and always show the homeless who the alpha figure is  (cbs13.com) (60)
(The Sun)   Eleven - count 'em - ELEVEN doctors miss telltale signs of patient's cancer. Still no cure for incompetence  (thesun.co.uk) (169)
(Miami Herald)   66 year-old man wants to talk to school bus driver about driving too fast down the road decides the best way to go about it is to throw a heavy metal object through the windshield  (miamiherald.com) (26)
(Google)   Dalai Lama gives $50K to support brain research. So they got that goin' for them  (google.com) (35)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 279: "The Camera Made Me Do It." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (264)

Wed September 08, 2010
(Canoe)   Mental illness costs Canadian economy $51 billion. That's crazy  (money.canoe.ca) (55)
(The New York Times)   I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again... No, seriously, no one knows I'm being taken, if I'll return, or if I'll be tortured, but the courts are cool with it  (nytimes.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   Chicago suburb considering a dress code for cabbies, includes stipulation that sandles can only be worn with socks. Seniors welcome more job opportunities, trips through farmers markets  (triblocal.com) (23)
(ksbw.com)   Inmates upset over soap rules, refuse to drop the issue  (ksbw.com) (32)
(ksl.com)   Sprinkler system blamed in fire. IT'S LIKE RAI-EEEEEEE-AIIIIIIIIIIIN  T-Shirt  (ksl.com) (86)
(New Zealand Herald)   Despite the claims in his CV, New Zealand's top defence scientist was not, in fact, a chaffeur, seamstress, or curator of large mammals  (nzherald.co.nz) (49)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this crab clutcher  (insig.ht) (35)
(Some Guy)   70% of 2009 US federal spending reports don't add up. Scary tag is out getting the calculator  (sunlightfoundation.com) (77)
(www.wwj.com)   Not News: A Detroit school bus is 30 minutes late on the first day of school. Fark: Guess who decided to ride the bus that day?  (wwj.cbslocal.com) (133)
(Komo)   Not news: Massive Seattle construction project draws major government officials for groundbreaking. Fark: the city's own traffic department says the project will not help anything  (komonews.com) (160)
(wthr.com)   In a crime you can almost understand, woman requires six beers to transport around her seven kids  (wthr.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   There is a growing movement of women taking on "Birth Rape"  (newser.com) (395)
(Some Gnome)   Nature has dozens of efficient killing machines. Sharks. Piranhas. Pit Vipers. And yes, the deadly Garden Gnome (Sponsored link)   (howtosurviveagardengnomeattack.com) (44)
(Spiegel)   Islamophobe pastor Terry Jones ran a church in Germany...until they kicked him out. You know you're doing something wrong if even the Germans don't want to burn books with you  (spiegel.de) (389)
(UPI)   Porcupines may lose their protection in Pennsylvania, prompting state residents to go on a quilling spree  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (44)
(CNN)   Mob of angry villagers trashes and burns animal sanctuary because: c) a local psychic told them missing kids were being fed to the animals there  (cnn.com) (141)
(Journal Times)   Crazy white supremacist continues plan to damage jail during each visit in hopes they'll stop taking him there  (journaltimes.com) (104)
(Free Press)   Detroiter with fire-damaged house told power company a few days before: 'I hope you're taping this conversation, because if my house burns down, you're going to have to pay for it.' Tag is for power company  (freep.com) (125)
(Talking Points Memo)   It turns out that nearly $300 billion of the Stimulus hasn't even hit the economy yet   (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (176)
(The Atlantic)   "If they really want to support their troops," a soldier and sexual Tyrannosaurus told me, "folks should quit it with all the other stuff and just send more dip"  (theatlantic.com) (90)
(NYPost)   No matter the strategy behind it, it must hurt when you're in court and your lawyer refers to you as "a little Mongoloid"  (nypost.com) (98)
(Yahoo)   She was the goddamn Batman  (news.yahoo.com) (170)
(NPR)   Lipton's "tea is perfect and has antixodiants and can lower your cholesterol" health campaign has the FDA ready to declare tea a controlled drug  (npr.org) (160)
(CNN)   BP releases official report detailing findings on the cause of the Transocean/Halliburton oil spill  (cnn.com) (63)
(NPR)   New Muslim liberal arts college pre-emptively voted dead last in the "2011 Top Party Schools" list  (npr.org) (114)
(Some Guy)   Canada getting less literate. Told you are Health care was better then yous  (winnipegsun.com) (59)
(WBGG)   The best images of a boat captain taking a wake at full speed and throwing himself out of the wheelhouse you'll see, well, ever (warning: slideshow)  (pnyr.big1059.com) (148)
(Washington Post)   1 in 5 US adults remain cool, sophisticated, maybe even a little... dangerous  (washingtonpost.com) (306)
(Yahoo)   New book describes Austrian woman's eight and a half year ordeal at the hands of her kidnapper, including beatings, humiliation, starvation, and worst of all, the constant threat of being eaten by dingoes  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these pledging people  (insig.ht) (27)
(Some Guy)   "Woman hit by falling cat sues 200 people" with cool animation of what a falling cat might look like  (weirdasianews.com) (91)
(CBS News)   Long Island man arrested for defending his home, his property and his family  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (600)
(Yahoo)   Since nobody else seems to be using it for anything, "urban gardeners" planning to use downtown Detroit to grow crops  (news.yahoo.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   New study shows walking makes you smarter. Stephen Hawking unavailable for comment  (y100.com) (58)
(WLBZ2.com)   Students at a New Hampshire middle school got to study yellow jackets up close and personal. Some of them up to 25 times  (wlbz2.com) (65)
(My Fox DC)   You know you're in trouble when you're being " targeted by someone in the bird-keeping community"  (myfoxdc.com) (23)
(The New York Times)   If you go through this scanner, you'll get cancer. If you don't go through, we'll have you arrested. Have a nice flight  (travel.nytimes.com) (189)
(Gizmodo)   The greatest atomic bomb controversy you've never heard of  (gizmodo.com) (138)
(Metro)   You can no longer regurgitate fish in Australia. Vegemite still okay  (metro.co.uk) (22)
(The Local (Sweden))   The smartest people in Sweden come from the north of the country. So that's at least one thing they have in common with the USA  (thelocal.se) (346)
(Some Guy)   Former CIA officer is now a training contractor teaching interrogators the finer points of power tool usage  (www2.ljworld.com) (131)
(Brisbane Times)   ♫ ♪ The panties on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, the panties on the bus go up and down, all day long ♫ ♪  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (155)
(Some Guy)   Man found defecating, vomiting in street after spilling load of computer printers. Guess his buffer was full  (krdo.com) (60)
(SMH)   ♫ ♪ I sued the sheriff, because i'm still only a deputy ♫ ♪  (smh.com.au) (10)
(Yahoo)   Xbox Live suspends gamer for living in Fort Gay, West Virginia. Soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey are totally screwed  (news.yahoo.com) (180)
(My Fox DC)   Mom, Snoop Dogg is at your door and wants to know if you want to buy a cartoon-like Doberman  (myfoxdc.com) (33)
(Daily Mail)   Parasailing: more fun than you can stake a chick at  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(Stuff)   "During the mostly no-comment interview, Willis consented to police taking photos of his penis"  (stuff.co.nz) (32)
(Some Guy)   Restaurant owner puts up sign stating, "Screaming children will not be tolerated." Some people have a problem with this. Tag is for the restaurant owner  (wect.com) (825)
(Some small town editor)   Man charged with battery after power outage near airport  (romenews-tribune.com) (14)
(CNN)   Shooting in Honduran shoe factory claims 18 soles  (cnn.com) (29)
(Stuff)   Berlin's toilet tours growing in popularity, quickly becoming the number two tourist attraction in the city  (stuff.co.nz) (26)
(Free Press)   News: Two dozen fires rage through Detroit, destroying hundreds of homes. Fark: Who knew there were hundreds of homes left in Detroit?  (freep.com) (70)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Your wife may be crazy if she tries to to burn your boat, go-kart and Jacuzzi because she didn't like you watching a Jennifer Lopez movie (w/ "yep, penis went there" mugshot)  (nwfdailynews.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these men in a propelling career  (news.bbcimg.co.uk) (7)
(Wall Street Journal)   New Jersey Transit unveils "quiet cars" on trains, where self-monitoring commuters can do work without being disturbed by loud cellphone jabberers, leaky iPods, or guidos  (blogs.wsj.com) (68)
(The Newspaper)   Attention admins, mods, and other queue-meddlers: I am a sovereign of Farkistan. Your red lights do not apply to me. You have no jurisdiction to deny this submission  (thenewspaper.com) (121)
(France24)   Egyptian Presidential candidate blames rivals for hacking daughter's Facebook page, publishing photos of her drinking alcohol, wearing bikini. George Bush nods in sympathy  (france24.com) (38)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Woman gets ultimate revenge against boss who fired her from her job: She marries him  (tampabay.com) (39)
(Florida Today)   Two asteroids just discovered last Sunday will pass Earth inside Moon's orbit tomorrow. Everybody still has time to panic  (space.flatoday.net) (177)

Tue September 07, 2010
(Telegraph)   British fail to understand the Tea Party. This is not a repeat from 1773  T-Shirt  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (468)
(The Smoking Gun)   Secret Service arrests fraud suspect, discovers $1540 tied to his scrotum with a shoelace. And how big are your balls?  (thesmokinggun.com) (39)
(The New York Times)   Your study habits are wrong  (nytimes.com) (42)
(Daily Mail)   Two legs, two arms, severed torso found inside shark's belly. So far, no one has had the guts to claim them  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(People Magazine)   The school that missing eight-year-old Kyron Horman attends is "saving a desk for him" in hopes he will be returned safely to those that care about him. Man, I really need to dust my apartment  (people.com) (94)
(Time)   Quit even trying to blend in while on vacation - Europeans can always spot a fat, loud American  (newsfeed.time.com) (502)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this unstable statue  (online.wsj.com) (17)
(I'm not a Cracker)   Can't decide whose turn it is to walk the dog? Do you (c) stab your father  (wtsp.com) (12)
(Jalopnik)   Airline pilot discusses how he saved a 747 with a stuck rudder from plunging into the Pacific, fondness for gladiator movies  (jalopnik.com) (126)
(Sun Sentinel)   Pro Tip: Don't call 911 three times to report that someone stole your booze. That's a jailin'  (sun-sentinel.com) (15)
(CBC)   Things Canada beats the U.S. on: hockey, health care, quality of life, and kids who don't go to school  (cbc.ca) (86)
(Some Guy)   Cool: Artist photographs the same McDonald's hamburger and fries every day for 137 days. Fark: There is basically no change  (good.is) (131)
(Fox News)   Not even warnings from General Petraeus can deter Pastor from commemorating 9/11 Anniversary by burning Korans. This should end well  (foxnews.com) (512)
(CNN)   John Lennon's killer denied parole for the sixth time. Well, it was worth a shot  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (126)
(Orlando Sentinel)   OMG, Pwnies  (orlandosentinel.com) (117)
(SeattlePI)   Although she looks nothing like Robin Williams or the cross-dressing character he plays in the movie, cops insist on calling a female bank robber, "Mrs. Doubtfire Robber"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Lawyer tells client that she is channeling the spirit of his dead wife and the dead wife wants them to have sex. Somewhere Lionel Hutz is taking notes  (law.com) (58)
(SFGate)   Washington Post attacks Jack Kimble (R) of the 54th District in California. Despite the fact that he nor his district exists seems to matter  (sfgate.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   80 year old Army vet arrested for talking to his plants and even giving them names. Who calls an eight foot tall pot plant "Don" anyway?  (tokeofthetown.com) (63)
(3 News New Zealand)   "They were then held against their will and forced to dance until police arrived"  (3news.co.nz) (66)
(New York Daily News)   Rodney King engaged to one of the jurors who awarded him $3.8 million. Is that how it works nowadays?  (nydailynews.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   Florida's finest manages to shoot himself with taser during arrest  (clickorlando.com) (36)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Early 20th century beer tunnel found. Hopes are high for a bacon cave to be found nearby  (news.cincinnati.com) (23)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago's mayor Daley will not run for re-election. Voters will have to vote for someone else three times  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (124)
(Some Guy)   Jehovah's Witnesses seek protection from outspoken views of "the new atheists." Relax guys, it's not like they're knocking on your door trying to hand out "learn to be godless" pamphlets  (blog.newhumanist.org.uk) (537)
(APP.com)   HOA removes 150-year-old headstones from local graveyard because they didn't conform to standards. To be replaced by white placards flush to the ground, killer clown dolls, and child-abducting TV sets  (app.com) (243)
(Boston Globe)   Woman stung 500 times by wasps, mostly by insulting her shoes, lack of Ivy League education  T-Shirt  (boston.com) (51)
(Time)   Q: What's with Google's homepage today? A: We don't know. That's fine reportin' there, Lou  (newsfeed.time.com) (120)
(9 News)   Non-word "refudiate" gets perfectly cromulent number of online searches  (9news.com) (59)
(Some Guy)   Just so you know, bathing in the restroom of a Five Guys is now a capital offense  (chronicle.augusta.com) (37)
(Some Canuck)   Vancouver to install 3D speed bumps that look like children. Somehow they think that'll make people drive SLOWER  (good.is) (96)
(Straits Times)   Politician's son demands apology from in-flight magazine that called him a murderer, since all he did was order the murder of that judge  (straitstimes.com) (20)
(SLO Tribune)   Texting your ex-wife while hiding in a cardboard box in her closet is apparently a violation of your four restraining orders  (sanluisobispo.com) (36)
(CBS Philadelphia)   Man tries to put out his burning house with a garden hose to save his reptiles. Do police A) help him put out the fire, B) call the fire department, or C) tase him  (cbs3.com) (105)
(WBTV)   News: Woman breaks husband's nose. Strange: follows up assault with breaking-and-entering a middle school. Fark: Naked (with do-not-want pic)  (wbtv.com) (41)
(Toronto Sun)   NO CAPES  (torontosun.com) (79)
(FARK)   Helicopter parent crashes, jailbreaking DNA, and the fit has hit the Shan: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 8/29 - 9/4  (fark.com) (14)
(wavy.com)   Marathon runner reaches the finish line  (wavy.com) (107)
(Yahoo)   As the recession deepens, more and more Americans are embracing Depression-era values like frugality- and we're willing to shell out big bucks for any piece of plastic crap that promises to help us do it  (news.yahoo.com) (198)
(Marketwatch)   The Earth doesn't care if you're a locavore, drive a hybrid, or have a negative carbon footprint. Humanity will go extinct because of our inherent tendencies for fecundity, greed, and willful ignorance  (marketwatch.com) (217)
(Japan Times)   Who is to blame for Engrish? "After more than two decades' experience in the industry, I posit that language teaching in Japan suffers from a severe case of group psychosis"  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (102)
(cfnews13.com)   Gator aided out of storm drain  (cfnews13.com) (40)
(Telegraph)   The coolest picture of an F-22 you'll see all week  (telegraph.co.uk) (234)
(Pat's Papers)   If your dog is stupid enough to swallow a golf ball, it'll cost you $1844 to have it removed  (patspapers.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   One of nature's phenomenons, having withstood the test of time for millenia, is destroyed by some bored teenagers with a crow-bar  (sanluisobispo.com) (237)
(Some Guy)   WikiLeaks: "Our 'insurance' file is hosted by The Pirate Bay and is therefore safe." US: "We're forcing the EU to raid every Pirate Bay and WikiLeaks office in Europe"  (thinq.co.uk) (176)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this small scale model  (online.wsj.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Smart people are boring. Here comes the science  (610wiod.com) (57)
(wtsp.com)   If you bought an exotic pet at a shopping mall kiosk, the BBB has a little advice for you  (wtsp.com) (121)
(AZCentral)   Protip: Don't try to steal a keg at a party in Arizona. "People in Arizona carry guns"  (azcentral.com) (250)
(Denver Post)   Boulder County, CO is on fire. Residents as far away as Denver reportedly getting a contact high  (denverpost.com) (82)
(The Sun)   Just because you call a confidential government hotline about the sex toy stuck up your butt doesn't mean your problem is going to stay confidential  (thesun.co.uk) (32)
(Some Red Head Loving Guy)   There is such a thing as Redhead Day and you missed it. But don't fret, here are the pics  (totallycoolpix.com) (371)
(Some Guy)   Boy calls 9-1-1 after father passes out behind the wheel. "I saw daddy crush a pill and suck it into his nose with a straw"  (wiod.com) (64)
(The Sun)   Obese man fired as a preventative step just in case he fell on a co-worker and crushed them  (thesun.co.uk) (101)
(News.com.au)   Russian teen suffers police beating so severe doctors may not be able to save his genitals - except in a bottle  (news.com.au) (86)
(katu.com)   Smoking hot Pussycats Club closes Canyon Road in Beaverton  (koinlocal6.com) (59)
(Washington Times)   Two-thirds of you Americans believe that one magical person out there, somewhere, is your soul mate. The rest of you already gave up and are married  T-Shirt  (washingtontimes.com) (295)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Drunken guy sees how long he can hang from a 5th floor balcony. Answer: not long  (mirror.co.uk) (44)
(CNN)   At age 60, Erin Gray is now a celebrity handler at events such as Dragon*Con. (w/ yes you would like an angry fist of god pic)  (cnn.com) (365)
(CNN)   Having nothing else to do, NASA passes the time by helping with the Chilean miner rescue effort  (cnn.com) (54)
(SMH)   Miss Australia donates her body to good causes. BRB, registering as a charity  (smh.com.au) (24)
(SMH)   Hot redhead on top down under, again  (smh.com.au) (113)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   You know things have gotten primitive in Cincy when the gangbangers start using a bow and arrow for drivebys  (news.cincinnati.com) (88)
(USA Today)   Steel columns salvaged from the WTC site are being installed at the entrance of the 9/11 museum. Hope they cleared off any remaining thermite  (usatoday.com) (82)
(My Fox DC)   Doctor will stop at nothing to ensure his patient's health even if it means he has to suck her nipple during a breast exam. Wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com) (96)
(Gawker)   Shocking new research reveals that one third of young Britons drink to get drunk. Presumably the rest drink to stay drunk  (gawker.com) (31)
(Craigslist)   "Bring your cat to the gangbang" day turned out badly for this girl  (i.imgur.com) (206)
(Some Guy)   "Eccentrically dressed in open-necked shirts, gold chains and tight trousers, the swarthy, afro-haired kamakis formed a class of their own"  (couriermail.com.au) (26)
(Some Guy)   Things you're not allowed to keep in your home: grenades, missiles, rocket launchers, cannons. That sort of thing  (swns.com) (53)
(Washington Post)   Who loses when fiscal austerity sweeps a continent? Scientists  (washingtonpost.com) (151)
(Breitbart.com)   Nevada considers a unique way to earn income: for just $25, you can speed all you want for 24 hours. Yeah...this will end well  (breitbart.com) (106)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this fish being refastened  (online.wsj.com) (21)
(Huffington Post)   The new "Three R's of School": Reading, wRiting, and Rape  (huffingtonpost.com) (203)
(Lincoln Journal-Star)   Prison inmate visits the facility doctor, who finds the man had a shard of glass lodged in his arm for 16 years due to him smashing in a window. So, the prisoner is suing the hospital and doctor that originally treated him  (journalstar.com) (48)
(Telegraph)   Scientists find reason why not cleaning your teeth caries risks for heart attacks  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(BBC)   People with a severe mental illness are no more likely to be violent than anyone else. My girlfriend's ring marks on my face come from sleeping on her hands  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(New Zealand Herald)   Amidst the devastation of the New Zealand earthquake lies an intolerable silent horror: beer shortage  (nzherald.co.nz) (24)
(Daily Mail)   American version of Joseph Fritzl arrested in Ohio, and you thought farked up shiat like that only happened in Australia  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(Yahoo)   Rare color footage of London blitz found on eve of 70th anniversary  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(CNN)   Old and busted: Medical Marijuana. New Hotness: Medical 'Shrooms  (cnn.com) (143)
(CNN)   General Petraeus says burning the Quran could betray us  (cnn.com) (593)
(Bloomberg)   Best Korea bowling game based on The Dude. This aggression will not stand, man  (bloomberg.com) (41)
(BusinessWeek)   $75,000 a year. That's is the exact income amount you need for money to buy you happiness. Everybody below that? Bunch of angry assholes  (businessweek.com) (179)
(Pressconnects)   Mayor of a city gets a speeding ticket. Being a model citizen for everyone, he decides to plead guilty and pay the fine. Just kidding, he decides to fight the ticket because he believes the police were influenced by politics  (pressconnects.com) (44)

Mon September 06, 2010
(newson6.com)   ♫ Let's all go to the lobby ♫ Let's all go to the lobby ♫ Let's all go to the lobby ♫ And extinguish that blaze ♫  (newson6.com) (38)
(LA Times)   L.A. school named after Al Gore to highlight awareness of envionmental issues, bloated windbags  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (71)
(Telegraph)   Iran gets past crucial nuclear threshold, third level of Battletoads  (telegraph.co.uk) (129)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these surfing Oktoberfest revelers  (spiegel.de) (20)
(The Consumerist)   18% of people think that the economy is just fine, that "Duke Nukem Forever" will come out in 2011  (consumerist.com) (67)
(LiveLeak) Video Two photographers fighting at a wedding. Bride wonders if someday her prints will come  (liveleak.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   The coolest photos of the aftermath of the New Zealand earthquake you will see all week  (crashbang.co.nz) (153)
(Lancashire Evening Post)   A group of British women will paint ceramics with their nipples to raise funds, penises, for breast cancer research  (lep.co.uk) (83)
(The New York Times)   The coolest interactive graph of what soldiers eat you will see today  (nytimes.com) (253)
(Some Guy)   "Dispatch- this is Engine One, we're gonna need two tons of butter and 4,000 lobster bibs"  (bangordailynews.com) (42)
(Boston Globe)   Woman never even bothers to open boxes of great-great-granduncle's things stored in attic. Nephew inherits it all. Auction expected to fetch in the millions  (boston.com) (89)
(Telegraph)   French police are fining British drivers over their lack of proper fashion sense  (telegraph.co.uk) (61)
(BBC)   Bad things to bring in to show and tell: The pipe bomb you just found in the playground  (bbc.co.uk) (42)
(Herald Sun)   Teacher receives achievement award one day after female student performs oral sex on him. Now THAT one's going up on the mantle  (heraldsun.com.au) (154)
(Some Sunset)   Photoshop this body in motion  (bigpicture.ru) (34)
(Some Guy)   Just like with the Wall Street bankers, Obama decides to favor a handful of Americans over everyone else  (theadvertiser.com) (327)
(Telegraph)   Meet Edward Hernandez, a 24-year-old man stuck in a body the size of a 2-year-old. Clearly somebody has never heard of lube  (telegraph.co.uk) (93)
(Baytown Sun)   Ticket camera company sues to block referendum on ticket cameras, saying that letting voters decide is a violation of those voters' rights  (baytownsun.com) (202)
(USA Today)   Just because you hooked up with some slut for a one-night stand doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful long-term relationship with her down her the road  (usatoday.com) (126)
(BBC) Video For no discernible reason at all other than "why not?", Englishman invents a dinner table capable of doing 100mph  (bbc.co.uk) (44)
(Some Inventor)   When 81 years you reach, be as cool as this guy you will not  (chronicle.augusta.com) (31)
(Washington Post)   Schools are now posting caloric information in their cafeterias to help students make intelligent choices between "mystery loaf," "cardboard pizza," and "meat surprise"  (washingtonpost.com) (77)
(Daily Mail)   As close to a perfect Daily Mail headline as you're ever likely to see  (dailymail.co.uk) (129)
(Daily Mail)   If Buzz Lightyear was a guido  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(My Fox Orlando)   Any man that ever fumbled to remove a woman's bra in the past is really going to be fighting a losing battle now  (myfoxorlando.com) (71)
(Boston Herald)   Boston transit lost and found contains cell phones, limbs, breast milk, and lots and lots of bibles abandoned by riders convinced they were already in hell  (bostonherald.com) (50)
(Fox News)   WHO is already working on a follow-up album to last year's "Swine Flu Pandemic" flop, tentatively titled "Mass Hysteria 24/7: The Cable News Ratings War Solution"  (foxnews.com) (84)
(Times Herald Record)   You know all those sappy stories about how everybody comes together to set up the wedding for the woman who's dying of leukemia? Here's what happens when it turns out she was full of shiat  (recordonline.com) (127)
(Telegraph)   13-year-old boy finally beginning to master the use of his bionic hand. In unrelated news, medical researchers are developing innovative new ways to treat severe chafing injuries  (telegraph.co.uk) (68)
(SFGate)   Homeless in SF believe McDonald's is conspiring against them--by eliminating the Dollar Menu. Board of Supervisors calling for company to pay their "fair share", demanding new Equal Justice Menu  (sfgate.com) (318)
(Some Guy)   Things you find in your back garden: tools, sheds, prisoner of war camps  (swns.com) (18)
(YouTube)   The coolest video about a wildlife reserve for cats you will see today  (youtube.com) (65)
(Telegraph)   Some residents trying to change the name of their street. Apparently they don't want to live on Butt Hole Road  (telegraph.co.uk) (75)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these linemen  (bigpicture.ru) (29)
(Some Guy)   You may be addicted to Twitter if you post a Tweet while you're having a heart attack and keep giving updates while doctors try to save your life  (couriermail.com.au) (68)
(Huffington Post)   While you are telling your summer guests to finally go home, here are 11 facts about Labor Day which you probably didn't know  (huffingtonpost.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Bad: you crash your car. Worse: your car flips over. Fark: you are cited for failing to keep the wreck in one lane  (romenews-tribune.com) (35)
(CBS Chicago)   Seriously slow day over at CBS: Popping pimples is bad for your face. It's not new zits Fark  T-Shirt  (cbs2chicago.com) (80)
(The Consumerist)   If you're dumb enough to put your junk mail on top of your Blackberry and your mom throws it all away and someone fishes it out of the trash, don't biatch and moan when Verizon expects you to shell out $6,000 for all the overage charges  (consumerist.com) (113)
(WIVB)   You know what they say -- people who live with glass front doors shouldn't throw swords at their wives. Or something like that  (wivb.com) (12)
(Boston Globe)   Police surprised to find multiple people willing to take credit for the five-foot marijuana plant growing in the backyard  (boston.com) (37)
(WIVB)   "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting gunfire." "Interrup-" *BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*  (wivb.com) (38)

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The Increasingly Bad Decisions of Todd Margaret