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Sun October 03, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(AL.com)   Town passes ordinance to block filming of "Redneck Riviera" reality show in their neck of the Gulf Coast  (blog.al.com) (43)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this tall, cold one  (shorpy.com) (22)
(Gizmodo)   It took 100 years, but Pittsburgh got PUNK'D  (gizmodo.com) (55)
(Telegraph)   Breakthrough bowel cancer test bursts onto the scene with great fanfare and obvious relief  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(CNN)   Awww, geez, not another story about young people quietly rebuilding Detroit... wait... what?  (cnn.com) (59)
(Canoe)   $3,000 pups snatched from backyard, returned to owners a little later. Wait a minute... $3,000? Were they wearing bling-coated bling?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (228)
(9 News)   Liquor store owner finds out he cannot house an alligator in his store, as he was cited for a reptile dysfunction  (9news.com) (11)
(CSMonitor)   The Christian Science Monitor picks the top five banned books no one in their right mind would ever want to read. Shockingly, they're pretty spot-on with their choices, but should've included Twilight  (csmonitor.com) (275)
(CBC)   When you are caught letting prisoners go due to overcrowding, "What? We do this all the time" is not the appropriate response  (cbc.ca) (49)
(CBC)   Ugly-ass building wins architecture prize, defeating buildings even more ugly-ass (ugly-asser?)  (cbc.ca) (70)
(News.com.au)   Teens arrested over taxi theft informed: "Life isn't fare"  (news.com.au) (10)
(Some Guy)   A man got hit on the head / now he has been declared dead / after reading the news / all the jokes I could choose / let's take low-hanging fruit instead  (limerickleader.ie) (28)
(The Newspaper)   Judge says New Orleans' speed cameras are illegal and must be shut down. Appeals Court reverses order because city needs ticket revenue  (thenewspaper.com) (91)
(Gawker)   The most honest employment ad ever  (gawker.com) (46)
(USA Today)   Wonder why Americans are fat? Only about 5% of American adults exercise on any given day  (usatoday.com) (177)
(Yahoo)   Some people went bankrupt through hospital bills. Some got taken by cash-advance store interest rates. And then there are those that spent all their money on phone sex  (finance.yahoo.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   "You're under arrest." "Meow" "Look, buddy you're not fooling anyone"  (kmph.com) (29)
(KREM)   Cyclist arrested for road rage claims he's the victim and he isn't the grinch, or something  (krem.com) (193)
(UPI)   Hearing loss can spell trouble at home. I SAID HEARING LOSS CAN SPELL TR .... oh, what's the use. I HATE YOU AND I WANT A DIVORCE, OKAY?  (upi.com) (37)
(Some Guy)   Happy birthday, Charlie Brown  (theprovince.com) (80)
(Some Guy)   Student suspended for spelling error. Principal must have had a bee in her bonnet  (m.livingstondaily.com) (98)
(MSN)   Photoshop this sculpted sand  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (18)
(UPI)   Grandmother pulled over for DUI offers cop her grilled cheese sandwich. Behold the power of cheese  (upi.com) (28)
(MSN)   We've secretly posted Cosmo's "10 Dating Truths You Can't Ignore" for women on Fark.com. Let's see how wrong they are  (lifestyle.msn.com) (542)
(Boston Herald)   Connecticut man arrested for protecting the sanctity of his lawn by threatening to use his neighbors as fertilizer  (news.bostonherald.com) (13)
(Cracked)   The seven most insane criminal acts carried out by...animals. Seriously. Alcoholic monkeys are on this list  (cracked.com) (33)
(Some Unconcious Objectifier)   In order to cut costs, Finland considers replacing conscription by handing out copies of Call of Duty, camo t-shirts and whatever the hell they call Cheetos over there  (yle.fi) (43)
(Boston Globe)   College finals, 1830-2010. Requiescat in... let me google that last word  (boston.com) (98)
(YouTube)   15 Years ago today, O.J. Simpson was found Not Guilty in his murder trial...Here's a video of that amazing moment of American Justice  (youtube.com) (104)
(ynet)   Druze Muslim WW2 hero who defied Islamic leaders in order to help Holocaust victims in the camps and fight Nazis, dead today, just one week after his story got out  (ynet.co.il) (112)
(Buffalo News)   Police chief called the FBI on one of his own officers after the cop beat up a bar patron under color of authority. Suprisingly some people have a problem with this. Tag is for the chief of police  (buffalonews.com) (111)
(BBC)   Americans told to be 'vigilant' in Europe due to Al Qaeda commando threat. If you see a bunch of terrorists with machine guns shooting at you, this might be a good time to utilize your vigilance  (bbc.co.uk) (115)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   There are many seasonal jobs to be had at this time of year: Apple picking, Raking leaves, Corn cop. Wait...are you threatening me?  (sunjournal.com) (14)
(Metro)   It's a bug clinging to a streetlight  (metro.co.uk) (66)
(WLBZ2.com)   Maine State Police want people to not drive on donuts  (wlbz2.com) (45)
(NYPost)   Couple forced to walk the plank on the Queen Mary 2 after taking offense to an anti-semitic remark  (nypost.com) (123)
(McBarf)   How chicken nuggets are made (Not safe for stomachs)   (early-onset-of-night.tumblr.com) (247)
(Boston Globe)   "The Chinese simply don't like clothes dryers. They don't want them. They don't trust them. They won't buy them. And even when they have them around, they won't use them"  (boston.com) (139)
(Seacoastonline.com)   Live free or die. Just don't smoke on our beaches  (seacoastonline.com) (160)
(NYPost)   Ah, Autumn in New York - the leaves are changing, the air is crispy; the deranged homeless guy is out on a slashing spree  (nypost.com) (21)
(Washington Post)   Iranian intelligence minister thinks they have "complete supervision on cyberspace" Obviously unaware of ceiling cat  (washingtonpost.com) (29)
(MSN)   Photoshop this riot response  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (28)
(swrnn.com)   Marine cargo plane drops refueling hose on house. Angry homeowner evacuated. His attitude now rotten to the corps  (swrnn.com) (53)
(Gizmodo)   Jello shots that would make Martha Stewart quiver with envy  (gizmodo.com) (31)
(Some Guy)   First artist renderings of Ground Zero mosque are unveiled. Subby thinks the artist may be from Krypton  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (122)
(SFGate)   People in San Francisco like to protest so much, they're now protesting a statue of Gandhi and say he's a racist  (sfgate.com) (102)
(Some Guy)   If an 11 ½ feet high tractor-trailer driven by a 40-year-old from College Grove, TN leaves Gary, IN on Thursday at 9:00 a.m., what time will it get stuck under an 11 feet high bridge in Manchester Township, PA? Please show your work  (beatcalls.com) (72)
(News.com.au)   Protip: Before returning that stolen BlackBerry to police, it's probably best to delete those recent pictures of your penis  (news.com.au) (39)
(Telegraph)   British women increasingly dying hair pink in honor of Mrs Slocombe of 'Are You Being Served' fame. "Only the young can get away with it without actually resembling Mrs Slocombe," says fashion expert  (telegraph.co.uk) (143)
(Life.com)   1,580 costumed superheroes in one place. Insert "never been kissed" joke here  (life.com) (73)
(The Sun)   I'm on a McHorse  (thesun.co.uk) (66)
(Yahoo)   The trademark office has refused to trademark the Chippendale's "Cuffs and Collar" costume, because it is too common  (news.yahoo.com) (31)

Sat October 02, 2010
(NYPost)   St. John's university dean used students as slaves, unlike professors who use teaching fellows as slaves, and schools that use athletes like slaves  (nypost.com) (42)
(Daily Inter Lake)   High school football player's suspension for being near marijuana violated his constitutional right to go to college on football scholarship  (dailyinterlake.com) (53)
(CONTEMPORIST)   Photoshop these über-trendy birdhouses  (contemporist.com) (26)
(SFGate)   It's one thing to take all the light bulbs out of your foreclosed home. It's another thing to stain the carpet, smash stones off the facade, steal a garage door, and throw uprooted trees into the swimming pool  (sfgate.com) (114)
(UPI)   Toxic chemicals multiply after Gulf leak, could possibly give rise to another "FernGully" movie  (upi.com) (48)
(WHAS11)   Kentucky Supreme Court gives Louisville the go-ahead to ruin strip clubs  (whas11.com) (76)
(Jalopnik)   Good news; Only lesbians and people from Maine will survive the upcoming zombiecopalypse  (jalopnik.com) (70)
(CNN)   Genetically altered trees to stop global warming? What could go wrong?  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (72)
(Nauseous Mike Hannemann)   Cops being cops quote of the day: "The excessive availability of marijuana on the street is just nauseating." If only there were some drug you could take to combat nausea  (whittierdailynews.com) (121)
(LA Times)   Great news: we may never again have to suffer the pain of having our teeth drilled to fill cavities. Instead, we will have acid poured in our mouths. Thank you science?  (latimes.com) (41)
(Ocala.com)   No busts yet in Victoria's Secret bra thefts  (ocala.com) (43)
(The New York Times)   Cool: D-Day glider pilot goes in for open-heart surgery, tells the doctors it's no big thing because he made it through Normandy. Fark: Just like the guy in the next bed over waiting for the same surgery. (Both are recovering nicely)  (nytimes.com) (63)
(New Scientist)   Group intelligence depends less on how smart individuals are and more on their social sensitivity, claims idiot who's good with people  (newscientist.com) (46)
(Chambersburg Public Opinion)   If you're a cop who gets his ass kicked by a drunk guy at 2 a.m. in a convenience store parking lot maybe there's a more appropriate line of work out there for you  (publicopiniononline.com) (54)
(SacBee)   The Governator decriminalizes marijuana ahead of the November elections. So California has that going for them. Which is nice. Spiffy tag fills in for non-existent Spliffy tag  (blogs.sacbee.com) (174)
(WMAL.com)   San Francisco planning to ban those toys that accompany Happy Meals, unless they add fruits  (wmal.com) (107)
(SeattlePI)   In national survey, 30 percent of beer consumed in Portland is microbrew, with Seattle at 24 percent and San Francisco topping 20 percent. The rest of America we like to call "swillers"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (125)
(CSMonitor)   After 235 years the US Army gives up on pointy objects on the end of rifles. Don't ask, don't poke  (csmonitor.com) (226)
(Spiegel)   Researchers crack the Ptolemy Code. Dan Brown seen slathering in anticipation  (spiegel.de) (30)
(Mother Nature Network)   Admiral Ackbar's baby photo finally found (link not a trap)  (mnn.com) (54)
(AP)   ♫ Zacchaeus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he ♫ He climbed up in a sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see ♫ Now Jericho says "Tourists, come on down" ♫ "We want your money today"  (kcci.com) (19)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Man arrested for having sex with a fourteen year-old girl when he was nineteen. And judging by his hipstery mugshot, it's pretty obvious why he was dating a high school freshman  (press-citizen.com) (172)
(UPI)   'Tongue patch' may help in weight loss, talking like pirate  (upi.com) (37)
(CNN)   Rescuers use robot in search for missing balloonists, Sarah Connor  (cnn.com) (22)
(UPI)   Study says children's food full of empty calories, prizes  (upi.com) (52)
(SLTrib)   Utah gives up, makes plans to get rid of algebra and geometry classes in high school  (sltrib.com) (152)
(WLSAM)   Bill Gates wants to pay more taxes and presumably doesn't understand that what the goverment says he owes is a minimum, not a maximum  (wlsam.com) (159)
(Some Lucky Guy)   Photoshop this guy reunited with his wallet  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (26)
(Politico)   EEOC sues Fox News for retailating against female reporter for complaining of sex, age discrimination. Clearly, this is a "politically motivated lawsuit"  (politico.com) (76)
(KiroTV.com)   Youth pastor and football coach blitzes a 17-year-old girl, takes the bench for the rest of the game after pass interference from his wife  (kirotv.com) (61)
(BBC)   Male infertility hereditary. How the gene manages to get passed on a mystery  T-Shirt  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(CNN)   AFL-CIO gets unemployed to join a union. This is not an article from The Onion  (cnn.com) (109)
(MSNBC)   The religion that brought you Stonehenge is now tax-exempt  (msnbc.msn.com) (84)
(The Consumerist)   ♫ Stand in the plane when you fly/now face north/think about direction wonder why ♫  (consumerist.com) (37)
(Boston Herald)   Middlesex cop that took a whiz in a front yard and pulled his gun on the home owner forgot to make them erase their surveillance video  (bostonherald.com) (93)
(AOL News)   AOL News does a Fark quiz. Do they: C) the answer isn't always C  (aolnews.com) (14)
(Washington Post)   That strange container at the end of your driveway that seems to fill up every few days with credit card offers, crappy store fliers, and other paper junk may be a little less full soon  (washingtonpost.com) (110)
(BBC)   Lithuanian company trying to set up special blonde-only resort island in the Maldives, once they can figure out how to drive there  (bbc.co.uk) (78)
(Peninsula Daily News)   That's no street light  (peninsuladailynews.com) (61)
(Toronto Sun)   Biker denies domination fantasy, applying to NASA (with big bad biker pic)  (torontosun.com) (32)
(WLBZ2.com)   A 10 year old gas powered mower does more polluting in one hour than a brand new car running all year long. But hey, the lawn sure looks nice  (wlbz2.com) (198)
(Mother Nature Network)   13 real-life, blood-sucking, life-slurping, soul-curdling vampire animals. Surprisingly your brother-in-law and his family didn't make the list  (mnn.com) (37)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this padlock peddler  (online.wsj.com) (16)
(The New York Times)   "It was not possible 20 years ago. In 20 or 30 years, it will be a natural thing." Gay marriage in the US? No, Pork Cookbook in Israel  (nytimes.com) (50)
(Reuters)   ...because the French already smell bad enough?  (reuters.com) (49)
(north forty news.com)   Actual news headline: Cats communicate their moods with body language. Caturday translation: Meow = feed me. Head bump = feed me. Yowl = feed me. Purring = Okay, you finally fed me, now how about some treats before you feed me again?  (northfortynews.com) (759)
(News.com.au)   "Did you hear? 37 people were injured after a train derailed east of Oslo." "NORWAY." "YES WAY"  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (33)
(Daily Mail)   Geniuses make a boat out of ice. Guess how this turned out  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(News.com.au)   Ten year old grandson of WW2 Medal of Honor winner refused entry at White House. FARK: For wearing shorts. ULTRA FARK: And a T-shirt with his grandfather's picture  (news.com.au) (218)
(NewsOK)   New hip-hop curriculum that refers to the founding fathers as "old dead white men" has some school administrators concerned  (newsok.com) (122)
(Wall Street Journal)   Want  (blogs.wsj.com) (103)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this meal with mom  (animalpicture.ru) (14)
(The Smoking Gun)   Jesus, we have some hellishly daffy tattoos in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (142)

Fri October 01, 2010
(YouTube)   The worst live performance on a morning show in the entire history of ever  (youtube.com) (255)
(Daily Mail)   Man who ran over two people declared incompetent to stand trial - on the grounds he had been drinking too much coffee  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Daily Mail)   In the latest issue of Who Didn't See This Coming?, Britain enacts law allowing ANYONE to sue for ANYTHING that offends them  (dailymail.co.uk) (125)
(Some Guy)   Your local thrift store appreciates gently used donations, but NOT 106 mm shells designed to kill tanks  (ksl.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   Ah, free markets. What happens when you live in a Tennessee town that decides that unless you pay $75/year for fire service and you don't and your house catches on fire?  (wpsdlocal6.com) (609)
(Politico)   "Rick Sanchez is no longer with the company." In English, that means CNN fired him  (politico.com) (413)
(Some Guy)   One would think that a lack of rotting fermented cabbage would be a good thing  (theaustralian.com.au) (65)
(Charleston Daily Mail)   Suspicious man jumps in manhole by federal courthouse, then runs away. EVERYBODY PAN ... "Just dropped my cellphone. Sorry"  (dailymail.com) (10)
(CNN)   J. K. Rowling may write more Harry Potter books, saying she felt "$omething of a £oss" after finishing the series  (cnn.com) (165)
(Law.com)   Bad: Your son dies in a car accident. Fark: After the autopsy, classmates of your daughter find his brain in a mortuary jar labeled with his name on it  (law.com) (78)
(Globe and Mail)   Today is World Vegetarian Day so celebrate by eating bacon crusted pork chops  (theglobeandmail.com) (85)
(NJ.com)   Family burns candles after their electricity is cut off, resulting in three tenants who no longer have to pay rent  (nj.com) (39)
(Huffington Post)   Texas school district protects its precious snowflakes by banning books before they are even written. That's [censored]  (huffingtonpost.com) (78)
(WLSAM)   You can now let your wife have her Victoria's Secret catalogue back  (wlsam.com) (48)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Tea Party candidate accused of wanting a different kind of "party"  (blog.cleveland.com) (65)
(Some Thief)   Photoshop this lunch looter  (animalpicture.ru) (27)
(Telegraph)   Arsonist burns down 53 ft. traveling dinosaur  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(Gawker)   Meet Cobra McJingleballs, billioinaire  (gawker.com) (58)
(LA Times)   Thanks to science, you can now offer an extremely offensive suggestion to someone who tells you she has breast cancer  (latimes.com) (25)
(Boing Boing)   Two-legged pig learns to walk, can make it on his own  (boingboing.net) (74)
(St. Petersburg Times)   In Subby's home it's called 'Tuesday night,' but in Florida it's called a crime when your girlfriend arms herself with bananas and jams them in your ears  (tampabay.com) (36)
(Denver Post)   Touring art exhibit includes a 12-panel lithograph of Jesus involved in a sex act. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (denverpost.com) (100)
(CBC)   Turtle rescued on Dartmouth street  (cbc.ca) (54)
(AL.com)   Not to alarm everyone living inland, but sharks are becoming more tolerant of fresh water than ever  (blog.al.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   U.S. marriage rates have sunk to an all-time low. Your baby daddy unavailable for comment  (wiod.com) (164)
(NPR)   What an itemized receipt for your taxes might look like  (npr.org) (139)
(Some Doctor of Journalism)   Hunter S. Thompson's brutally honest 1958 application letter to the Vancouver Sun newspaper. We'll never know how awesome "Fear and Loathing in Salmon Arm" could have been  (timescolonist.com) (120)
(Mediaite)   Rick Sanchez calls Jon Stewart a "bigot," then suggests his employer is controlled by The Jews  (mediaite.com) (532)
(Washington Post)   Bad: Having to go to the DMV. Worse: Failing your eye test. Worst: Failing your HIV test  (washingtonpost.com) (56)
(ABC 4)   In July a story posted to Fark about a man willing to do the rational thing and burn his car in order to save his home. The sane and perfectly logical man saved his home and actually went through with the sacrifice to the mortgage gods  (abc4.com) (54)
(The Morning Call)   Split Rock Lodge split, rocked by explosion  (mcall.com) (30)
(Halifax Herald)   Train okay after being hit by man  (thechronicleherald.ca) (36)
(Mother Nature Network)   Much like the Jets and the Sharks and Bristol Palin, bees hold dance-offs when it comes time to make a decision  (mnn.com) (20)
(The Smoking Gun)   Was it the old dude with the electric skillet committing aggravated assault? It's TSG Friday Photo Fun. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (17)
(FARK)   FINAL REMINDER: Chicago Fark Party In Honor of the NasKar - Tomorrow, October 2, 2010 8-11pm at the Lincoln Tap Room  (fark.com) (194)
(WRAL)   No Carl, I want you to kill all the GOPHERS on the course  T-Shirt  (wral.com) (102)
(Hartford Courant)   Man crashes truck into house, blames non-existent dogs for accident, while wearing perfect shirt for the occasion  (courant.com) (40)
(AOL News)   The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside quiet waters. He blasts the unbelievers from his holy spaceship PEW PEW PEW  (aolnews.com) (89)
(IFC)   Meet the two men who will set back US relations with England for a long, long time. Starting tonight (Sponsored Link)  (ifc.com) (49)
(MSNBC)   Hey Guatemala, sorry we gave you VD. Sincerely, USA  (msnbc.msn.com) (82)
(Yahoo)   GOP lawmakers from western states introduce bill to amend the Endangered Species Act to cover every species, EXCEPT wolves, because it's not like they were ever in danger of going extinct  (news.yahoo.com) (315)
(Some Guy)   "That cocaine in my buttocks? Oh that's not mine"  (940winz.com) (51)
(Cracked)   The five most ridiculous assassination plots ever attempted  (cracked.com) (44)
(Examiner)   Ex-maid of California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman inadvertantly becomes ringtone sensation: 'I don't know you. You don't know me'  (examiner.com) (217)
(C|Net)   Sure, you may think your bicycle is pretty cool. But, does it have options like an anti-theft ejector seat, flame throwers, or more? Didn't think so  (news.cnet.com) (50)
(CNN)   Bin Laden back from the dead to campaign for the republicans. Just kidding. He just wants to wish everyone a happy holiday and something about clean water  (cnn.com) (55)
(Washington Post)   "After U.S. helicopters 'engaged through cannon fire' with the post, the soldiers fired warning shots with their rifles. The helicopters responded with two missiles that destroyed the post" Warning shots, how do they work?  (washingtonpost.com) (79)
(CNN)   Recovery summer rapidly turning to winter of discontent as a quarter million jobs "created or saved" pick an awkward moment to expire  (money.cnn.com) (52)
(Some Colbert)   Colbert warns America about the REAL threats: Record breaking gays, and koalas with chlamydia  (colbertnation.com) (87)
(Boston Globe)   Boston subway system gets live maps telling you that yes, the next train is a long way away and no, there's nothing you can do about it  (boston.com) (44)
(BBC)   Nigeria marks 50 years of freedom. Presumably not from poverty, violence, corruption, hunger, poor-housing, ethnic conflict, industrial pollution, a poor air-safety record and traffic-lights that don't work  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Tappa tappa tappa)   Brain injuried woman who cannot speak will be allowed to testify in a trial by tapping her foot. No word on the width of her stance  (thechronicleherald.ca) (36)
(Bloomberg)   Walmart prices rise to the highest in almost two years. Luckily, only the rich shop there so the average American will be unaffected  (bloomberg.com) (141)
(Telegraph)   In these difficult economic times, government departments everywhere are having to find new ways of managing their finances. For example, the British police are starting to sell off their used panties  (telegraph.co.uk) (13)
(The Local (Sweden))   5,000 Swedish women have illegal boobs. Presumably 10,000 of them  (thelocal.se) (40)
(wtsp.com)   Strip club in Cocoa busted for giving away a little somethin somethin after 'sex spills out into the parking lot.' With some hittable and some not so hittable stripper-hooker mug shot goodness  (wtsp.com) (114)
(Celebslam)   Tiger Woods couldn't get enough of the lush scenery at the Ryder Cup opening ceremony (pic)  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (131)
(MSNBC)   Would you eat a 1,500 calorie grilled cheese? As if we needed to ask  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(Reuters)   Like a broken record, Treasury Secretary claims all the economy needs is more stimulus  (reuters.com) (165)
(Some Guy)   What a lovely sunset it is tonight HOLY FARK who's that coming out of the sky?  (swns.com) (105)
(KITV)   Everyone should get a flu vaccine, says Hawaii's lieutenant governor, before admitting that he's basically never gotten any vaccine  (kitv.com) (53)
(Some Guy)   Ah the good old days when tobacco cured drowning and rum was good for spider bites: ancient British naval records released  (themercury.com.au) (35)
(MSN)   Photoshop this soaring sugar glider  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (40)
(My Fox DC)   As professors ponder the political implications after North Korea released its first photo of the heir apparent, South Korea had just one overriding question -- how did Kim Jong Il's youngest son get so fat when his country is starving?  (myfoxdc.com) (107)
(Yahoo)   Teens expected to start having sex for the first time in over a decade, as the federal government funds sex-ed programs that consist of more than just the words "Don't do it"  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(Gawker)   Nebraska mother answers the age old question of what color duct tape to use when taping your toddler to the wall  (gawker.com) (109)
(Washington Post)   Your Wedding Day. So, memorable...particularly when the brother of the bride pushes the future Mother-in-Law to the ground, fights with the groom and then takes a swing at the pregnant bride with a wrench. I think I have something in my eye  (washingtonpost.com) (52)
(Some Guy)   2006: Black woman has sex with members of Duke Lacrosse team, files rape charges. 2010: White woman has sex with Duke Lacrosse members, makes a PowerPoint about it. Duke sucks  (jezebel.com) (479)
(The Register)   Thieves escape from Kuala Lumpur airport with over 10,000 Western Digital hard drives. Surprisingly enough, they didn't crash  T-Shirt  (channelregister.co.uk) (48)
(Guardian.com)   You knew this was coming: Bat fellatio wins Ig Nobel prize  (guardian.co.uk) (66)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette)   Oregon woman arrested for failing to register as sex offender. Article includes the best mugshot ever  (thegazette.com) (466)
(Yahoo)   A scientific study finds evidence that--SQUIRREL!  (news.yahoo.com) (176)
(Daily Mail)   Scientists now say T-Rex joints were much bigger than first assumed, which would make them a lot easier to reach with those tiny arms  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(herald sun)   When using the bathrooms at Magistrate's court, kindly remember to: 1. put the seat down 2. not use too much paper 3. flush all unused bullets  (heraldsun.com.au) (10)
(Seacoastonline.com)   You just won $100,000 in the lottery; what are you going to do? I'm going to Oxycontin-land  (seacoastonline.com) (61)
(Free Press)   Still doubting whether Michigan is messed up? Well, 9 of the top 10 stolen vehicles in the state are Chryslers. TotalFark: 5 of those are minivans  (freep.com) (61)
(MSN)   Photoshop these kids making cement  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (34)
(Toronto Star)   Lottery office flooded with callers trying to claim stolen lottery ticket. Subby's pretty sure it's his  (thestar.com) (37)
(Some Guy)   Woman armed with a gun drives from Missouri to Iowa to confront a man who made derogatory comments about her on the internet. Let this be a warning to us all  (heartlandconnection.com) (198)

Thu September 30, 2010
(MSNBC)   Don't look now, but the stock market just had its best September in 71 years  (msnbc.msn.com) (256)
(FARK)   Octomom's giant hiding place, spontaneously combusting bankers, and Emma Watson's Boobies-Potter role: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/19 - 9/25  (fark.com) (31)
(MSN)   Photoshop this laser beam guide for an adaptive-optics system  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (66)
(Ars Technica)   In a move that all political sides can agree on, Congress is finally going to make those super loud TV commercials to SHUT THE FARK UP  (arstechnica.com) (395)
(Sun Sentinel)   Pro tip: When burning photos of your ex, don't take the whole apartment building with you. Just sayin'  (sun-sentinel.com) (32)
(Orlando Sentinel)   You know the times, they are a-changin' when AARP conventions start to resemble Woodstock  (orlandosentinel.com) (76)
(Yahoo)   Prosecutors: Ma'am you're charged with murdering your husband. Coroner: Here's my autopsy report. seems the guy died of natural causes, not suprising as he was 415lbs, alcoholic and had diabetes. Prosecutors: never mind  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(News4Jax)   Top five mistakes parents make with their kids. And no, having kids in the first place not among them  (news4jax.com) (240)
(The Sun)   Using good manners will be the death of you  (thesun.co.uk) (62)
(Wall Street Journal)   Oktoberfest purists protest sexy designer dirndls. With a pretty lame slideshow of what sexy dirndls look like  (online.wsj.com) (186)
(Reason Magazine)   House Democrats jettison their last vestiges of farker support, as they move to pass a bill limiting commerce in alcohol  (reason.com) (158)
(Some Guy)   The Top 10 Questions that uncultured buffoons ask about wine  (snooth.com) (247)
(Taunton Gazette)   Town residents fight to keep a 180 foot tall Muslim mosque from being built. Wait, it's a Buddhist temple? Not a single person objects to the construction, even though it will be the largest in the world outside of Thailand  (tauntongazette.com) (295)
(Some Guy)   Man riding bike near kids flees when questioned by cops; strips, hides under a canoe. He was wearing his ankle monitor  (1035superx.com) (19)
(Toronto Star)   Government pulls out of prostitution law change, takes shower  (thestar.com) (45)
(The Raw Story)   Fred Phelps gets his opportunity to attention whore to an audience of nine  (rawstory.com) (265)
(Gallup)   Republicans very enthusiastic. Over what? No one seems to know or care. Suck it libs  (2010central.gallup.com) (208)
(The New York Times)   Who wrote the computer virus infecting Iranian systems? No one knows, but it's written in Hebrew  (nytimes.com) (208)
(National Post)   The best cartoon you'll see today about prostitution laws being overturned in Ontario  (news.nationalpost.com) (40)
(Talking Points Memo)   Arizona sheriff demonstrates how to take a made up story about smugglers shooting a cop -- and make it even more fun   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (30)
(Breitbart.com)   Having completed its job in Iran, the Stuxnet computer worm has moved on to China  (breitbart.com) (96)
(The Smoking Gun)   That Intercourse, Pennsylvania judge who handed out condom-stuffed acorns to unsuspecting women? Well, here's a photo of his nuts  (thesmokinggun.com) (53)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   The prize in the new boxes of Ochocinco cereal is the phone number for a sex line  (news.cincinnati.com) (61)
(This Day)   Airport screeners in Nigeria discover teh nekkid with hi-tech scanners. That's the joke  (odili.net) (40)
(AJC)   The NTSB has determined there was nothing wrong with the plane that landed on I-85 in Georgia during rush hour traffic last week. Somebody's got some splainin' to do  (ajc.com) (37)
(Salon)   America's "most depressing hot dog stand" found in Chicago, coming in just ahead of Wrigley Field  T-Shirt  (salon.com) (155)
(Chicago Tribune)   Never bring a brick to a gunfight; 68-year-old woman finally shoots 12-year-old who had been harrassing her for more than a year  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (347)
(Washington Post)   The UN endorses report declaring that Israel executed aid workers on board that Turkish aid flotilla. This should end well  (washingtonpost.com) (98)
(Yahoo)   Indian High court rules that disputed holy site claimed by Hindus and Muslims, which has been the subject of bloody riots in the past, should be evenly split between the two groups. Everyone expected to be completely happy with this  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(Bitten and Bound)   Facebook group trying to draft John Mellencamp for US Senate even though he's never expressed interest in running. Hey, not like he has anything else to do  (bittenandbound.com) (51)
(Yahoo)   The good news is that the hundreds of Backscatter X-ray vans the Feds deploying to randomly scan cars on highways, will make us safer than ever from terrorists. The bad news is we're all going to get cancer instead  (news.yahoo.com) (56)
(Cracked)   Seven priceless works of art ruined by complete idiots. Not even Inspector Clouseau could top these  (cracked.com) (46)
(Ars Technica)   Dynamic taint analysis may reveal that your android has been very very naughty  (arstechnica.com) (26)
(BBC)   Dolphins alter their language to be easier understood when they encounter another species of dolphin. This behavior to be dubbed the "Taco Bell Drive-thru" effect  (news.bbc.co.uk) (42)
(WLSAM)   And all this time, subby thought it was the crack that gave crack addicts a bad name  (wlsam.com) (12)
(News.com.au)   Suicide bomber on the outskirts of Jakarta kills one. Obviously  (news.com.au) (35)
(Washington Post)   Net Neutrality dead. FCC called upon to do its job in protecting consumers and promoting a level market playing field, which it has not done in over 30 years as an industry advocacy group  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (192)
(Some Guy)   Hulk Hogan settles cereal lawsuit. Wait, what?  (1035superx.com) (53)
(CNN)   Fisher Price recalls 10 million toys. TOYS OF DEATH  (cnn.com) (52)
(Boston Herald)   Zombie shot while chasing Colorado man turns out to be a cop  (bostonherald.com) (45)
(The Local (Sweden))   "Rear-ended cyclist fined for veering off path." There's really only one tag suitable for this story  (thelocal.se) (264)
(USA Today)   Our newest weapon on the War on Obesity: Non-Invasive Fat Blasters. No word yet on Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters  (usatoday.com) (85)
(mydesert.com)   "The Cathedral City officer unbuckled his gun belt, unbuttoned his shirt, dropped his pants and underwear and jumped into the pool"  (mydesert.com) (36)
(USA Today)   CRY HAVOC and let's ship the dogs of war to Afghanistan  (usatoday.com) (75)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this clothes dryer  (inapcache.boston.com) (27)
(Daily Mail)   School kids now being taught the difference between rape, rape-rape, and WOOHOO  (dailymail.co.uk) (223)
(Some Guy)   In case you still had some blood moving unimpeded through your arteries, Carl's Jr. introduces the foot-long burger  (popfi.com) (86)
(Some Guy)   A man who said last year that his wife tried to smother him to death with a pillow - and who said she had killed her own mother in 2005 - now wants to see his wife again. Dude, you're doing it wrong  (wtkr.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Man attempts suicide. News: Man fails suicide attempt despite crashing into shopping mall at 160km/h. Fark: Mall issues suicidal man with $300,000 lawsuit  (swns.com) (42)
(The Vine)   The world's top ten iconic bikinis. Yes, that one's on there  (thevine.com.au) (350)
(AOL News)   Fifty-five years ago today James Dean *mumble mumble mumble*  (aolnews.com) (53)
(Telegraph)   To crash your boat once is unfortunate, to manage it thirteen times could be a big hint that you're not cut out for the sailing life  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(Some Guy)   The Domino's breakfast pizza. Words fail me  (popfi.com) (148)
(Abc.net.au)   Soy milk not such a healthy alternative when loaded with seven times the safe level of iodine  (abc.net.au) (89)
(News.com.au)   Clown robbers botch up home invasion, take off before getting in. Resident inside told police they acted funny  (news.com.au) (26)
(ABC News)   75 drunken adults brawl at a 3-year old's birthday party. 15 injured, the rest given time out  (abcnews.go.com) (62)
(Las Cruces Sun-News)   Fark-ready rhyming headline: "Man gets probation in wrong-car defecation"  (lcsun-news.com) (34)
(Metro)   Man dies after drinking vodka pint in four seconds. Pfft, amateur  (metro.co.uk) (94)
(Some Guy)   Fifty young bucks renting out an Elks Lodge lock antlers. Oh deer  (kitsapsun.com) (9)
(Denver Channel)   25-year employee of Radio Shack sues for age discrimination after being fired. In other news, Radio Shack is still open  (thedenverchannel.com) (89)
(Some Guy)   Horse track that stages all-female bikini races vows to stay open despite the criticism. Expected to get plenty of support  (couriermail.com.au) (28)
(The Consumerist)   WOW, *THAT'S* THE WORST COMMERCIAL IN AMERICA. (I *KNOW.*)  (consumerist.com) (476)
(yomiuri.co.jp)   Mountain girls start new trend of hiking tall peaks while wearing latest Tokyo fashions. "One of the pleasures of mountaineering is that I can wear brightly colored clothes that are difficult for me to wear in town"  (yomiuri.co.jp) (71)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this pedaled personal watercraft  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (23)
(Yahoo)   Nanny State scores another victory over Common Sense U as the Consumer Product Safety Commission says kids' science kits are too dangerous for kids -- because they include deadly items such as paper clips and rulers  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(Spike)   What do Kevin James, Rahm Emanuel and Dr. Ruth Westheimer have in common? They could all kick your ass  (spike.com) (97)
(Some Guy)   One of the perks of being a holy man is that sometimes you get to pray over the naked bodies of other men's wives  (couriermail.com.au) (58)
(Wired)   Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the apex of the food pyramid, Bacorn dogs  (wired.com) (55)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 282: "Just Desserts." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (153)

Wed September 29, 2010
(Yahoo)   If you ever needed an excuse to crack open a beer, apparently World War I ends on Sunday  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (93)
(SFGate)   Woman driver in SUV talking on cell phone. Guess the rest  (sfgate.com) (101)
(Some Guy)   COOL: being 21 and getting your own $400K Ferrari Scuderia. DUMBASS: racing it along city streets at 200 kmh. FAIL: having car seized under street racing law one day after getting it  (timescolonist.com) (167)
(Charlotte Observer)   Cheerwine inducted into Beverage Hall of Fame. In other news: There apparently is a Beverage Hall of Fame  (charlotteobserver.com) (99)
(Daily Mail)   Hotel zaps lawyer with death ray  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(New York Daily News)   Adults are using something called "Jelly Bandz" to flirt with one another at bars. Apparently, these Jelly Bandz are marketed to grade schoolers so of course people are getting pretty pissy  (nydailynews.com) (125)
(Brockton Enterprise)   This is the best or worst use of taxpayer dollars subby has heard of today  (enterprisenews.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Mother invites 7- and 3-year-old daughters into room during birth, guaranteeing a future without grandchildren  (jezebel.com) (101)
(Daily Mail)   IRL zombie  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)
(The Sartorialist)   Photoshop this Euro-zone hipster  (thesartorialist.com) (65)
(Fox News)   Don't panic, those brown recluse spiders are here to eat the bedbugs  (foxnews.com) (192)
(Some Guy)   You know that student at Rutgers whose secretly-taped sex video ended up on the Internet? Well, he committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington bridge  (wpix.com) (413)
(Fox News)   Prominent college law professor posts online that he's struggling to get by on $400Gs a year, promptly making himself the target of an "online lynch mob"  (foxnews.com) (295)
(Washington Post)   Where don't know exactly where Al-Qaeda's latest plot is directed, or how they'll strike, or even precisely who's involved, but that's not gonna stop the CIA from bombing the ever-lovin' snot out of Pakistan to stop it  (washingtonpost.com) (59)
(Chicago Tribune)   "Rogue" employee at Mayo Clinic secretly replaces thousands of doses of powerful painkiller with Hep C tainted saline. Let's see if anyone's lawyer notices  (chicagotribune.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Police called to meat market on reports of a gunshot victim dumped outside and find 400 pound bear  (ktvu.com) (13)
(St. Petersburg Times)   After an anonymous poster makes a snarky and insensitive online comment about a man killed by a hit and run driver, newspaper runs a story about how great of a guy the victim really was  (tampabay.com) (162)
(TMZ) NewsFlash Greg Giraldo is so dead, Lisa Lampanelli confused him for one of Andy Dick's 'escorts'  (tmz.com) (422)
(Gawker)   Today in unlikely potential business partners: Snoop Dogg and Mark Zuckerberg  (gawker.com) (18)
(WFTV)   84 year old man who had his neck broken by police won't be charged for doing nothing wrong  (wftv.com) (80)
(Detroit News)   "Son, you have cancer. I'll shave your eyebrows and hair and we'll hold some fundraisers 'cause cancer's expensive, honey. Here, have some applesauce"  (detnews.com) (51)
(The Smoking Gun)   Judge arrested for giving women his nuts. Specifically, the acorns he hollowed out and stuffed with condoms  (thesmokinggun.com) (79)
(Houston Chronicle)   Man dies mysteriously in porn booth. Police unsure whether he was whacked  T-Shirt  (chron.com) (74)
(Washington Post)   That sleep positioning device you're using to keep your baby from dying in his sleep has a really good chance of killing your baby in his sleep  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (156)
(Some Guy)   Canada may have found an endless source of fuel, eh?  (winnipegfreepress.com) (57)
(Washington Post)   A closer look at the broken system responsible for taking back that house you couldn't afford in the first place but bought because a broken system gave you the money anyway  (washingtonpost.com) (150)
(NBC Action News)   Parents in uproar over kids' haunted house, pumpkin patch located next to strip club, "promising fun for all ages"  (nbcactionnews.com) (84)
(CNN)   Fake pimp from ACORN videos tries to seduce CNN reporter with "condom jar, dildos, posters and paintings of naked women, fuzzy handcuffs". Poor fool, if only if it was that easy  (cnn.com) (341)
(Yahoo)   Just months after he won $1 million in the lottery, man wins $2 million in the lottery. In other news a man who won a million dollars apparently still felt the need to play the lottery  (news.yahoo.com) (102)
(Some Guy)   The good news is we can cure your Hepatitis and malaria, the bad news is you're going to die from the bleach we give you  (swns.com) (31)
(USA Today)   How to protect yourself in case your dog attacks. "Don't buy pit bulls, you asshat," surprisingly absent  (usatoday.com) (425)
(NPR)   Ever transfered money between accounts? The Treasury Department wants to know, because you might be a terrorist  (npr.org) (87)
(WPXI)   You know times are tough when the Police Dog is laid off  (wpxi.com) (36)
(Some Guy)   Chief Information Security Officers from around the nation would like you to know that if their budgets get cut, the terrorists will kill you  (federalnewsradio.com) (59)
(Canada.com)   Good news: Free diesel. Bad news: In the St. Lawrence River  (canada.com) (31)
(Washington Post)   Former spokesman blows the whistle on an influential but dysfunctional organization run by an autocratic leader who resists transparency and disclosure: Wikileaks  (washingtonpost.com) (143)
(Boing Boing)   The good people of small town of Sidney, NY are afraid that the graves of muslims in their town will scare their children and threaten their freedom, or something  (boingboing.net) (246)
(Daily Mail)   From homeless child of druggie parents to Harvard grad: "We ate ice cubes because it felt like eating. We split a tube of toothpaste between us for dinner"  (dailymail.co.uk) (145)
(MSN)   Photoshop this anemic attendance  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (44)
(Spiegel)   German insurance company burned by Koran  (spiegel.de) (62)
(NewsOK)   News: Mayor charged with felony computer crime. Fark: For using city computer and email to apply for a grant  (newsok.com) (64)
(Some Guy)   Lord Jesus Christ banned from library, "being targeted ... because of who he is"  (masslive.com) (108)
(India Vision)   Study finds that the one thing that makes women irresistible to men is a great pair of really long arms  (indiavision.com) (305)
(AJC)   In a bid to help keep students healthy, Marietta schools will no longer be serving meals made with expired food  (ajc.com) (44)
(I Feel Safer)   Toothpaste? Not a chance, grandma. Bottle of water? Forget it. 200,000 volt stun-gun? Have a nice flight  (ozarksfirst.com) (87)
(CNN)   Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox wants to make something crystal clear: ADA Andrew Shirvell is totally gay for U of M's Student Body President  (ac360.blogs.cnn.com) (235)
(Free Press)   There's poor and then there's "white people moving to Detroit" poor  (freep.com) (281)
(WTOP)   The recession may be overtaking gays as the biggest threat to marriage in America  (wtop.com) (98)
(My Fox DC)   DC gangs go "green", hold shooting during funeral to conserve resources  (myfoxdc.com) (57)
(USA Today)   Swine flu, which was going to kill us all, is no longer a threat. At least until some pharmaceutical company has more new drugs to sell, I mean  (usatoday.com) (99)
(Some Guy)   ProTip: if you drive your truck into someone's house and drive away, make sure to take your cellphone with you when you leave  (big1059.com) (12)
(WLSAM)   If you are drunk and hallucinating, the police station parking lot is not the best place for you and your drunken hallucinations  (wlsam.com) (21)
(AOL News)   Not news: Audit finds that politician visited pornographic websites. News: Over 200,000 times. Fark: By "pornographic websites", they mean mainstream news websites  (aolnews.com) (59)
(Fox 4 KC)   Nice: Taking a bicycle ride on your birthday. Sucks: Get hit by a car. FARK: The guys checking on you steal your bike. Bonus: They are caught on police dash cam  (fox4kc.com) (201)
(CBC)   Ontario's anti-prostitution laws deemed unconstitutional. With a picture of what an Oompa Loompa transvestite might look like  (cbc.ca) (91)
(AOL News)   Six degrees of real bacon  (aolnews.com) (63)
(News.com.au)   New study says if you're 35, lonely, unhappy in your relationships, hate your job and not getting enough sex, you've got LOTS of company. So cheer up  (news.com.au) (311)
(Mother Nature Network)   There's been enough bad news lately, so here's something upbeat: Scientists are on the verge of perfecting a beer that can withstand the pressure of zero gravity so it can be served to future space tourists  (mnn.com) (54)
(WWSB ABC 7)   You accidentally pump unleaded into your diesel car...what do you do? C) Drain the gas into the nearest wetland  (mysuncoast.com) (97)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these beginner beekeepers  (online.wsj.com) (20)
(Flickr)   Living art imitates art. Some images Not safe for work  (flickr.com) (67)
(LA Times)   Lo$ Angele$ audit find$ that red-light camera$ don't increa$e $afety. $o what are they good for?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (111)
(NJ.com)   Two Rutgers students discover that using a hidden camera to webcast a dormmate having sex is a tad more serious than depicted in American Pie  (nj.com) (156)
(The Sun)   Body taken to funeral parlor springs back to life, promptly says: "Send... more... paramedics"  (thesun.co.uk) (87)

Tue September 28, 2010
(Canoe)   Remember how Cap'n Crunch accidentally put nothing but Crunchberries in cereal boxes and called it 'OOPS, All Berries Cereal'? Well, the same thing almost happened to a commercial jet, only with landmines instead of Crunchberries  (cnews.canoe.ca) (98)
(Daily Mail)   One third of the world's extinct animals have returned from the dead. If you had any BRAAAIINSSS, you'd run like hell  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(Billings Gazette)   "I find you guilty on all counts, and hereby take away Christmas for five years"  (billingsgazette.com) (31)
(BBC)   Apparently it's illegal to have sex with someone for six years while pretending to be a sex you're not. Who knew?  (bbc.co.uk) (166)
(Wall Street Journal)   Why so many people can't make decisions. Here comes the science. Should this go under Interesting, Obvious, or Misc.? Business, Politics or Geek? Someone help me out here  (online.wsj.com) (99)
(Fox59)   Baker refuses to make rainbow cupcakes for student gay rights group, citing morals and ignoring the inherent gayness of cupcakes  (fox59.com) (226)
(TBD.com)   Townsfolk fear new sex shop will bring out city's perverts in a way the Church never could  (tbd.com) (65)
(Talking Points Memo)   Sharia law expert witness at Murfreesboro, TN, mosque trial: "I don't hold myself out as an expert on Sharia Law"   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (223)
(My Fox NY)   Sometimes a macho guy just wants to feel pretty  (myfoxny.com) (61)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this man with a shark on his shoulders  (online.wsj.com) (38)
(Discovery)   New Apollo 11 footage discovered in Australia soundstage  (news.discovery.com) (94)
(Fox 4 KC)   How to pwn a pawn shop: a) visit pawn shop and tear tag off their merchandise b) resell merchandise to said pawn shop c) profit  (caller.com) (32)
(Heartland News)   Woman accused of having sex with, providing alcohol to underage boys. Mugshot indicates it was not in that order  (kfvs12.com) (101)
(CNN)   Here are a few scary symptoms you should not worry about...except if you have any of these symptoms. Then you should probably go see a doctor  (cnn.com) (100)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   85 jobs counselors will now get to use their skill at finding jobs to find a job  (startribune.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   Air conditioner falls six stories out of NYC apartment window, onto man below. Also not cool  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (66)
(Fox News)   Venezuela developing nuclear pr-BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ   (foxnews.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   The coolest pictures of living root bridges in India you will see all week  (nmvsite.com) (27)
(Students For Liberty)   Concealed carry on campus supporter John Lott Jr, author of "More Guns, Less Crime" will be speaking at the UT-Austin campus tonight. Not sure if this is ironic or fail, so followup tag fills in  (studentsforliberty.org) (421)
(Pat's Papers)   Advocates of proposed gun range next to Denver airport don't know why everyone is up in arms. Is it the "inexperienced hunters shooting at planes" thing? Or the "automatic weapons are okay" thing?  (patspapers.com) (153)
(MSNBC)   Texting while driving bans are ineffective, mainly because people stupid enough to text and drive don't listen to them  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (131)
(UPI)   Little Debbie truck stolen, abandoned. Despite thorough police search, no snack cakes were recovered  (upi.com) (70)
(Daily Mail)   Alcohol was not a factor in sightings of the pink-o-pottamus  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Metro)   Bank rejected your loan application? Why not brick up their doorway?  (metro.co.uk) (59)
(STV.tv)   Note to delivery drivers - try not to destroy the priceless 16th century monument on the way in  (news.stv.tv) (42)
(Washington Post)   I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the model of their Mercedes  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(USA Today)   Yes, your honor, I did go on a Disney cruise and lie about being a security officer to lure the girl to the back of the ship and rape her. But I thought she was 17, not 13, so I don't see why you're making such a big deal  (travel.usatoday.com) (168)
(Telegraph)   Japanese model suffers sudden attack of falling off leg syndrome  (telegraph.co.uk) (87)
(News.com.au)   Judge suggests schools aren't doing enough to make it clear that student/teacher sex is illegal. Perhaps some motivational posters in the teacher's lounge would help  (news.com.au) (71)
(WPXI)   Twelve minutes after parents made 911 call, officer arrives to investigate himself for shooting raccoon at youth football practice field  (wpxi.com) (126)
(Some Guy)   Man who fell into manure pit upgraded to good condition, still feels like crap though  (readingeagle.com) (54)
(CNN)   News: 1000 feared dead in Mexico. Fark: It had nothing to do with drug cartels  (edition.cnn.com) (97)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop the Spirit of Detroit  (svsu.edu) (32)
(Washington Post)   Hey, did you know that the liberal group One Nation is hosting a massive assembly of like-minded Americans on the national mall this weekend? No? Yeah, me neither. OK, carry on, then  (washingtonpost.com) (178)
(News.com.au)   "Emergency Services, there's a cat in my kitchen; I don't know how to deal with him"  (news.com.au) (77)
(AOL News)   "The primate police is being increased to 38 and the elite force of langurs will take care of the Games venues and other important areas"  (aolnews.com) (34)
(Denver Channel)   Drunk mother abandons child on forest service road... tells sherrif's department "It's okay, I suck"  (thedenverchannel.com) (100)
(Cracked)   Six real world Da Vinci codes that aren't full of crap  (cracked.com) (87)
(Yahoo)   Company unveils new look helicopter. It flies, it lands, it slices and dices, it may even make julienne fries  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(News.com.au)   If your boss tells you that he's sending you on something called the "New Warrior Training Adventure", which involves frequent nudity and wooden penises, you might want to reconsider your career choice. w/Not safe for work pic  (news.com.au) (68)
(CBC)   Before shooting the intruder in your home, consider either sobering up or making sure it isn't your cat  (cbc.ca) (56)
(WTOP)   Are we raising a generation of nincompoops?  (wtop.com) (330)
(Yahoo)   President Obama's (D-owner) call for a longer school day and year could "strip teachers of a time-honored perk of their profession, and irk officials." Mmmm, stripped teachers  (news.yahoo.com) (319)
(Beaumont Enterprise)   Deaf man imprisoned for sexual assault of a child is exonerated. (w/ pic of him demostrating what he was accused of)  (beaumontenterprise.com) (133)
(The Local (Sweden))   Coolest hotel ever slammed for offering guests complimentary sex toys. Heh, slammed  (thelocal.se) (83)
(News.com.au)   Airline pilot with circumcision fetish will not be sacked. He can continue to fly, cannot accept tips and there will be a strict cut off point  (news.com.au) (41)
(My Fox DC)   Judge says you can now post video of yourself being pulled over by cops on YouTube. FARK: But you may want to edit out the parts of you weaving in and out of traffic so you don't get busted for reckless driving  (myfoxdc.com) (63)
(Boing Boing)   Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear mBOOOOM  (boingboing.net) (25)
(Austin News KXAN) NewsFlash Gunman loose on University of Texas campus. This is not a repeat from 1966  (kxan.com) (361)
(Dallas News)   High school turns away several girls from homecoming dance for dressing like whores  (dallasnews.com) (362)
(Anderson Independent)   Inmate sentenced to death attempts suicide on the day of his execution. Authorities rush him to the hospital, save his life, then execute him a week later  (independentmail.com) (175)
(The Daily Mail (NY))   I am your Lord and Savior and verily may tailgate your patrol car with my Most Holy Mom's SUV, O pharisee sheriff  (thedailymail.net) (27)
(WFTV)   If your job interview includes going to the Ramada Inn and getting drunk to show the boss you aren't mean, well....welcome to Florida  (wftv.com) (28)
(Toronto Sun)   Mayor of Moscow has been pre-diagnosed with helicopter accident  (torontosun.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Disney allows an intern to wear a hijab scarf at work. Wonder if she'll be typecast as Jasmine, the Sultan's daughter who isn't allowed to drive, go to school, or be outside the palace without an escort by her male family members  (ocresort.ocregister.com) (316)
(NPR)   Forget the recession and unemployment for a moment; it's boom time for the top 20% of Americans  (npr.org) (326)
(News.com.au)   If your hands shake when you're nervous, perhaps the Brooklyn bridge isn't the best place to propose to your girlfriend  (news.com.au) (27)
(Some Guy)   Woman says she loves her husband so much, she preemptively set his penis on fire to stop him from cheating in the future  (couriermail.com.au) (81)
(www.cbs8.com)   Today's Father of the Year candidate visits his son in prison and attempts to pass him a wad of black tar heroin via a mouth-to-mouth kiss. Bonus: Dad smuggled the heroin past the guards by placing it in his rectum  (cbs8.com) (88)
(My Fox DC)   Our bread is made with 100% whole grains, vitamins, antioxidants and whatever this dead mouse had for lunch  (myfoxdc.com) (27)
(SMH)   Gay waiter at one of London's most prestigious restaurants sues saying a customer tweaked his nipple. Obviously he's trying to milk it for all it's worth  (smh.com.au) (47)
(New York Daily News)   Chef Gordon Ramsay to Kitchen Nightmares restauranteur in 2007: "Your business is about to swim down the Hudson." 2010: Restauranteur's body found drifting down the Hudson  (nydailynews.com) (198)
(Some Designer)   Photoshop this... umm.. well... stuff?  (contemporist.com) (34)
(Daily Mail)   Sweeping up fallen leaves from the road and putting them in the yard clippings trash bin is not allowed. The leaves have street germs and might contaminate the clippings. Penalty for leaf infraction: £1,000  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Some Chick)   20 year-old mom arrested after claiming her two year-old daughter wouldn't leave the grocery store with her so she just left her and drove home alone  (southbendtribune.com) (78)
(NJ.com)   "Breaking into a movie theater to masturbate in the stairway? This is MADNESS." "Madness? THIS... IS... SPARTAAAA"  (nj.com) (38)
(LA Times)   Atheists and agnostics are most knowledgeable about religion. Thank God for the ironic tag  (latimes.com) (∞)
(BBC)   The FBI motto is Fidelity, Bravery, and... *psst* hey, what's the "I" stand for?  (bbc.co.uk) (84)
(Telegraph)   Man invents entirely new method of wood chipper decapitation  (telegraph.co.uk) (74)
(KLTV)   Not news: Community fundraiser for family of drowned baby. What the Fark: With dunking booths  (kltv.com) (45)
(WOOD)   High school lets its transgender teen wear tux, male graduation robes. But all Hell breaks loose when he's voted homecoming king  (woodtv.com) (333)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this red man running  (spiegel.de) (30)

Mon September 27, 2010
(Daily Mail)   Writer just now realizes that instead of using it as tool to keep in touch, most people use Facebook to brag about how awesome they are. "I once posted a photo of myself in a bikini because I knew I actually looked decent"  (dailymail.co.uk) (176)
(CBC)   Celiac disease cases are piling up  (cbc.ca) (151)
(Courier Mail)   They're off - girls in bikinis to replace horses in races at turf club. Subby been dreaming of this furlong time  (couriermail.com.au) (137)
(ktvb.com)   News: Man arrested for taking upskirt pictures. Fark: At WalMart  (ktvb.com) (115)
(Some Guy)   How to survive a falling elevator, step 2: fire the idiots at the front desk who don't believe it happened  (vindy.com) (60)
(Mercury News)   While leaving a suitcase unattended at any airport will cause evacuations and bomb squads to over react, two heavily armed men dressed in black hanging around doesn't raise an eyebrow  (mercurynews.com) (82)
(Comics Alliance)   Calvin & Hobbes....& Batman & Darth Vader  (comicsalliance.com) (159)
(WGAL 8)   In a rapid decompression you only have about 15 seconds to get your oxygen mask on. Oh, and don't wear pantyhose the next time you fly, because if there's a fire, those nylons could melt to your legs. Anyway, have a great day  (wgal.com) (101)
(CBC)   Arbeit macht tree  (cbc.ca) (30)
(Time)   And to think that for all these years, cars hadn't been able to grow facial hair  (newsfeed.time.com) (42)
(Reuters)   Stop me if you've heard this one before: Hugo Chavez loses national vote, still wins  (reuters.com) (138)
(Examiner)   Japanese highway accident caused by deadly combination of spilled mayonnaise and "Yakety Sax"  (examiner.com) (34)
(Daily Mail)   "I have done fat transfers, but never on this scale - these bottoms are huge"  (dailymail.co.uk) (94)
(Some Guy)   Two men accused of stealing 12 air conditioners. Not cool  (wiod.com) (29)
(SFGate)   Unemployed Americans are too good for farm work, deserve better jobs like CEO or something  (sfgate.com) (233)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this bailing bear  (inapcache.boston.com) (45)
(Guardian.com)   This is a Fark posting about a self-referential newspaper column  (guardian.co.uk) (178)
(Some Guy With Wind)   To prove he really does like corporate America, Obama is going to start selling naming rights for hurricanes. I think we all will know who is responsible when Hurricane Duke Sucks blows in on Florida  (crystalair.com) (87)
(The Smoking Gun)   The single worst forehead tattoo you'll see today  (thesmokinggun.com) (166)
(ABC News)   Malls starting to ban teens from the mall unless they have a parental escort. The 80s are officially over  (abcnews.go.com) (296)
(NPR)   Survival tip #2938: How to survive in a falling elevator. Hint: Don't bother jumping up  (npr.org) (144)
(Mother Nature Network)   If given the option, members of Generation Y would rather text a friend than drive to meet them in person  (mnn.com) (148)
(Chicago Tribune)   Listerine cures jock-itch, says man who refuses to describe how he and his wife figured this out  T-Shirt  (chicagotribune.com) (77)
(Telegraph)   Bilderberg group agenda: Pakistan, Afghanistan, World Food Problem, Global Cooling, Social Networking... Wait, what?  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (122)
(The Morning Call)   Just in time for Halloween, chocolate covered pumpkin Peeps  (articles.mcall.com) (72)
(USA Today)   Good news, everybody. The Canned Pumpkin Shortage is over. I repeat, the Canned Pumpkin Shortage is over. In related news, there was a Canned Pumpkin Shortage  (usatoday.com) (96)
(CNN)   Megachurch pastor says he's going to beat off sex charges  (cnn.com) (156)
(CBS 46 Atlanta)   If your home catches fire and firefighters are held at bay by a sinkhole, you may want to ask yourself which god you pissed off  (cbsatlanta.com) (48)
(NPR)   Meet the man who sneaked into Auschwitz, stayed for two and a half years and then escaped  (npr.org) (154)
(Metro)   Fark ready headline of the morning: "Urinating clubber short-circuits club"  (metro.co.uk) (41)
(Think Progress)   Your handy guide to all the bullsh*t Christine O'Donnell has said. The crazy goes up to 11  (thinkprogress.org) (1049)
(Yahoo)   US Government says it made "an honest mistake" and wasn't trying to drop a subtle hint, when it hung the Phillippine Flag backwards-a signal the country is at war- during a recent meeting with Obama  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(WMAL.com)   Georgia, Florida, Virginia, Texas, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, California and Arizona take a bow, you are the gun sellingest states in the country  (wmal.com) (224)
(Tufts University)   Wanted: atheist chaplain. Must not believe in God and... whatever else it is that an atheist chaplain does  (tuftsdaily.com) (754)
(Yahoo)   Egyptian pope apologizes to Muslims for the comments of one of his bishops who disputed the legitimacy of some Koranic verses. In other news, there is, apparently, an Egyptian pope  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(Yahoo)   Would four extra months of life be worth $93,000 to you? Your insurance company is deciding if it feels the same way. Here come the death panels  (news.yahoo.com) (363)
(sgvtribune.com)   Teacher commits suicide. The obvious story here is how his students scored on standardized tests  (sgvtribune.com) (89)
(Palm Beach Post)   Florida takes two Congressional seats from New York, making the politics tab more fun than ever  (palmbeachpost.com) (103)
(NYPost)   NYC art teacher admits she is also qualified to teach sex ed and classes for female business entrepreneurs  (nypost.com) (140)
(KPTV)   Car stolen at gunpoint at strip club. DNA successfully lifted from the parking lot, but crime lab techicians admit it will take time to catalogue all 63,481 suspects  T-Shirt  (kptv.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this romantic razorback  (sportpicture.ru) (23)
(The Local (Sweden))   Bullet embeds with Swedish filmmaker in Afghanistan  (thelocal.se) (30)
(BBC)   No sects please, we're British  (news.bbc.co.uk) (134)
(Mother Nature Network)   As you wake up this Monday morning bracing for a new week, you might ask yourself, "How could a tropical storm in the Caribbean possibly have any impact in my life?" And then you realize you're almost out of coffee beans  (mnn.com) (48)
(Daily Mail)   Segway company owner dead at 62. Now if they could only get the coffin to stay horizontal  (dailymail.co.uk) (225)
(The Sun)   The cat matches the drapes  (thesun.co.uk) (84)
(Paste Magazine)   Ray Charles Memorial Library opens in Los Angeles. EPIC BRAILLE  (pastemagazine.com) (39)
(The Sun)   Zimbabwean president and all-around asshole Robert Mugabe stops by a NYC lipstick stand. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (55)
(News.com.au)   Greatest. Robber. EVER.  (news.com.au) (68)
(Google)   Georgia county has 550 street signs stolen every year because their names aren't boring enough  (google.com) (53)
(Chicago Tribune)   Methodist church in Chicago offers people a place to worship AND free HIV tests  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (30)
(3 News New Zealand)   Man denies using rabbit as a weapon  (3news.co.nz) (45)
(News.com.au)   Twelve people die after Polish tourist bus crashes. You never sausage devastation  (news.com.au) (57)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this break for tea  (online.wsj.com) (30)
(SacBee)   Man celebrating birthday bets $50 that he could swim across canal. Because you're reading this on Fark and looking at a Florida tag, you can safely assume that he won't be using that money at Best Buy any time soon  (sacbee.com) (87)

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The Increasingly Bad Decisions of Todd Margaret